#holy shit i messed up Scout's phrase

[sheyn3812]

Whfff, they live in my head now (full page below)

[perpetualexistence]

Team E-scope plays 'What If?', becomes unstoppable

During their morning jogs, Izzy starts making a habit of playing 'What if?' Neither Eva nor Noah take it seriously at first since they think she's just spouting off random questions. So she decides to turn it into a more involved 'What would you do?'

It starts off simple enough for Izzy.

She asks Eva "What would you do if I bit you?"

"I'd throw you into a tree."

"Cool!" says Izzy, as she immediately bites Eva. Eva commits to her promise. Noah's not quite sure what either of them expected.

It goes from things Izzy can quickly do to hypothetical scenarios. She refuses to leave the subject alone until at least one of them engages her. They also start going from 'what would you do' to 'what would we do'. It's more fun because it makes it more likely that Eva and/or Noah will start playing along. These hypothetical scenarios include:

What do we do if a zombie apocalypse hits?

What do we do if one of us might be an imposter?

What do we do if one of us is forced into villainy?

What do we do if one of us wants to go into villainy?

What do we do if we wake up with no idea where we are?

What do we do if we all turn into worms?

The next thing any of them know, they're coming up with actionable plans for these scenarios. Izzy comes up with out of the box plans, Noah comes up with clever plans, and Eva makes the plans simple so they're actually doable.

Zombie apocalypse? Izzy's the Scout, Noah's the Medic, Eva's the Heavy Hitter. Imposter? They each start developing two different code phrases to confirm who they are depending on who's asking. Villainy? Start a riot if it's forced, and start a different kind of riot if it's not. Transported? Go to high ground, kick ass as needed. Worms? Vibe.

They even start coming up with legitimate plans for how to take each other down if need be. Izzy and Eva have a plan for how to take down Noah. Noah and Izzy have a plan to take down Eva. Eva and Noah have a plan to take down Izzy. And each of them has a plan for how to take the other two out individually and together. They extend this courtesy to their other friends. Not out of maliciousness. Except for Justin and Alejandro, those ones have a good amount of maliciousness. It's mainly just because it's fun, and you never know if you might need it. Izzy even finds a safe house for some of their plans.

They develop so many plans that Eva's having a hard time keeping track of them. She's no Izzy or Noah who can just memorize things quickly. One thing that does help her concentrate is her music. So she starts associating plans with songs.

She won't admit to it at first because she's a bit self conscious about the intelligence gap. And that frustrates her. And that never goes well.

It's not until she accidentally hums a song under her breath during the creation of a plan that one of the others notices, and she confesses it while doing her calming exercises so she's not yelling at them for being know it alls treating her like an idiot.

Noah and Izzy just look at her because holy shit, that's a great idea, and they're rolling with this now. Having songs for each plan means that if they ever need to actually use them, they can say something like 'Track 34'. They'll immediately know what to do, and no one else will be able to catch on. If they need to be more subtle, then they can just hum the song or play it out loud.

They need to know how Eva's playlist works now, and they might end up suggesting some of their own songs for newer plans. They won't mess with her current playlist. It'd be a dick move to force her to unlearn her own associations when she came up with the idea in the first place.

Eva's definitely not tearing up for having supportive friends. Shut up. She's punching a tree now.

And that's how Team E-scope solidifies themselves as an unstoppable force of nature when provoked. Through the power of actually making plans, and unbreakable friendship.

[brittababbles]

Holy shit.

I’m high so bare with me.

Omega is definitely force sensitive.

I have a new theory about order 66

The chip causes permanent disassociation. Assuming the chip works correctly, or is present at all, it forces the clone to suddenly recall what was functionally a repressed memory that the Jedi were traitors. A fact that would be very horrible if you’ve bonded with a Jedi, as we see the clones do throughout The Clone Wars. We see how close Anakin and Ahsoka are with Rex. We see Obi Wan’s fondness for (and arguably romantic feelings toward) Cody. Now imagine you suddenly know beyond the shadow of a doubt that that person is secretly fighting for the enemy you were raised to believe was evil. How angry would you be? Would you be angry enough to kill?

Crosshair’s fires erratically. He experiences a full disassociation that forgets everything that has happened since leaving Kamino as a cadet. That’s why he didn’t immediately kill Caleb Dunne/Kannan Jarrus when he heard the trigger phrase “Activate Order 66”.

He spends chunks of time in his pre-existing personality at the beginning of the series then his chip’s effects are cranked up to 1000 and he has this sense of knowing that the Jedi are traitors well beyond any way he’s ever known anything before. It’s true in his bones, and his brothers know it too, because they’re good soldiers like him. But Crosshair doesn’t exactly have reigns on his temper, and he’s frustrated with Hunter and Tech and Wrecker. Why are they fighting this? It’s so obvious, to Crosshair, that the emperor is right and the Jedi need to be dead. Because thats what he was built to believe. That’s what the chip tells him. That good soldiers follow orders.

The rest of the group don’t have functioning chips.

Whatever modifications were done to Tech, Wrecker, and Hunter in their brains. I’m pretty sure that whatever they did to Crosshair as an embryo was mostly done in his eyes.

Hunter has enhanced senses (though his vision is nothing on Crosshair. I’ll get to that in a minute). Hunter was built from scratch to be able to track, and notice ambush. The field commander. He was built to be in command of the squad. The captain or commander under their Jedi. He’s the Rex to a possible Jedi commander. A good leader, paternal toward his squad. Hunter’s skill set is to serve as the person who has everyone’s back. All the time. He’s supposed to take care of his men. He’s in charge, sort of. This is where a lot of the conflict between Hunter and Crosshair originates. Hunter was born to have their backs. Crosshair, however, wants that person to be him so badly.

Tech has an intensely powerful memory. He seems to interpret this to mean he’s smarter than the others, but nah, he just never forgets anything. Ever. He remembers everything in precise, clear, perfect detail. Always. Perfect for a scout, and a medic, and a pilot. He never forgets how to do anything once he learns it. He’s flexible, mentally and physically. He’s good with his hands and can create a little gadget out of nothing. You need a fixer on a team like this. Tech is your man.

Wrecker is exceptionally strong and durable. He was designed to take fire, to be able to shield his teammates with his body. He was then trained in hand to hand combat and explosives. So making his skin incredibly difficult to pierce would be important. He’d need to be able to take a blast, a blaster bolt, an attacking animal. He’s the muscle. Doesn’t mean he isn’t smart - I do think he has a bit of a traumatic brain injury from an injury sustained doing that job, where he lost an eye. He has the same synthetic eye as Wolffe, similar erratic behaviors as Gregor. Whatever happened to Wrecker was bad. He’s since been patched up. But Wrecker’s easy come easy go personality never wavered. It can’t when your job is to act like a human shield all the time.

Messing with their brains messed with their chips. They didn’t develop fully. Other parts of their brains are massively enhanced - Tech’s memory, Hunter’s senses, Wrecker’s ability to tolerate pain. But those chips are pretty well destroyed from the outset. Still there. Still possibly a threat until they have them removed. But nonfunctional. (Echo’s on the other hand, has been removed completely, purely by chance, while he was in captivity)

And Crosshair? Crosshair is a sniper. What does a sniper need more than anything to be the best marksman ever? Really, just superior eyesight. Crosshair’s eyesight must be insane. He can probably see at 500 feet what the average person sees at 3. He notices movements nobody else would see. He can probably see any wavelength, and in the dark, and possibly be able to see heat. But nobody ever asks him how he literally sees the world, and given him any basis for comparison. Imagine if you were a clone cadet and your three brothers got - what look like - magical superpowers. But your magical power is just the ability to see a little better than they can. Big whoop, eh? No wonder Crosshair has anger issues.

This was the original model of a smooth working squad, that was meant to be handed to a Jedi to command. Shaak Ti designed this squad, probably based on what she felt through the force from the other Jedi. What the other Jedi wanted and appreciated and hoped for in their soldiers. Then she took the most common features and handed the designs over to the kaminoans. She designed a team /for/ her fellow Jedi. Any Jedi. These boys were built to be the perfect, seamless team no matter which Jedi they were paired for.

(It must be awful being Echo, who was not built for this. No matter how much he tries, he’ll never be one of their batch. He was a Domino, and he’ll never know these guys like he knew Fives, or Hevy, or Cutup, or Droidbait. I think Echo recognizes that he’s older than the rest of the team, but sees one of his brothers in each of them. I haven’t quite pinned who corresponds with whom in Echo’s mind yet, but that’s why he’s so protective of his teammates. The OG Bad Batch are /young/, but they’re still clones. Echo is different now too, and he knows that being different doesn’t change who is family is. He’s the older brother, I think, in time, the rest of the batch will come to see Echo as Echo sees Rex. And Rex sees Cody. I hope that will be rewarding for Echo. He deserves some peace.)

But then the plan changed and a new order came in for clones to replace the Jedi. The Kaminoans are businesspeople with no real stake in the war, so they do it. Plus it’s interesting, really. They tried and tried to create a force sensitive child. And finally they did it. They created someone to replace the Jedi. They created Omega.

Omega’s story will be about another force sensitive kid. It’s the plot of The Mandalorian all over again.

[ackercrushing]

A Little Wager

Ok, I don't usually write. If I do, I rarely complete it. I either have grand ideas that just don't come out or I read something similar that scratches that itch and I don't have to write anymore. But this little fluff nugget has been my constant daydream for a while. There are no warnings for this. It's lighthearted and fun. I suck at writing smut so I doubt I'll continue it. If someone wanted to pick up where I left off and do a shower scene, I would LOVE that! Anyway, here it is. Be gentle :)

--------------------------------------

It was mid afternoon when you and your squad made it to the training grounds.  Captain Levi’s squad was supposed to be done in the next half hour. You like to get your squad there early when the special forces are training to provide a little inspiration.

You choose Emily to lead the squad in stretches before they hit the course.  All the while, they’re watching Levi’s soldiers expertly soar through the air completing maneuvers it will take years for your squad to accomplish. While stretching, you hear the oohs and aaahs, sometimes shocked gasps as another soldier completes in flight stunts that look impossible.  You notice Levi, arms crossed, watching them intently.  He never has to yell out instruction or commands.  His squad is a well-oiled machine.

“Alright guys, what’s the bet today?” you ask your team, breaking their reverie.

“Isn’t it your turn to pick, Captain (y/l/n)?” asks the unofficial leader of the squad, Leo. “Besides, every time we come up with a bet, it’s almost guaranteed defeat.”

“I’m not stupid guys. The tasks get harder depending on what we bet.  If you bet I walk topless through the mess hall at dinner time, Malcolm (glancing over to the brave boy who dared make that wager), you better believe I’m giving you a nearly impossible task.” Malcolm blushes.

“It was worth a shot.” He says sheepishly. Amelia punches his arm playfully saying “That’s gross Malcolm, she’s our squad leader.”

“Anyway, I think you’ll like this offer.  How about you nail all your maneuvers I assigned last week and two more surprise tasks, and I’ll do all your laundry for a week?”  While this bet wasn’t as exciting as a topless Captain at dinnertime, it did get the squad’s full attention.  You knew some of them were wearing clothing for the second, maybe third time between washes and they stunk!  This bet was more for you than anyone.

The slight turn and side eye from Levi let you know he wasn’t watching his squad as intently as you thought. He was eavesdropping.

“But you have to land properly.  No biffing the landings!” You add, hearing groans from some of your soldiers.  More groans when you tell them the surprise maneuvers they are to complete.  They’re difficult but not impossible for their skill level.

“All right guys, I think this is doable.” Leo chimes in, pumping up his squad mates.  Some were already looking defeated, having the most difficulty with their landings. They all circled up and started motivating each other.  Levi might have the elite group, but no one could rival your squad in the heart department. These guys gave it their all every time, training or battle.

You had a way with these “kids” as you called them that few squad leaders did.  They loved your inclusiveness and your no-blame leadership style.  You made sure they knew they were a team.  Mistakes were learning opportunities, even the fatal ones. Those most of all.  And they did happen to all Scout squads.  It was just the nature of the job.

“OK Captain (y/l/n), we accept the bet!  Get the soap ready!  Let’s do this!”  The whole squad was pumped and ready.  You couldn’t help but grin and hope that you had a lot of laundry to do this week.

“Alright, it’s on.  Keep stretching and warming up!” you say as you walk over to join Levi and watch the last of his team’s maneuvers.

“Well, your team is certainly inspiring some young ones today.” You grin and bump his shoulder.

“Is that why you’re always early?”

“Yes sir, I’ll take all the motivation we can get.”

“So what’s up with that bet? Sounds like a recurring thing with you.” He asks, never taking his gaze from his flyers.

“All the motivation I can get, right?  They really respond well to the bets we make.”

“Did I hear mention of a bet that would have had you walk topless through the mess hall at dinner time?” This question did pull his gaze to you with raised eyebrows. You couldn't help the blush that stained your cheeks.

“That was never going to happen.” You outline the tasks you gave your squad that day.

“Yeah, that would be hard for my group to accomplish.” Levi smirks. “Would you like to join us during our next training session? Maybe my squad would like to try betting on something.”

“That would be amazing! Thank you!” You are beaming. Training with the elites will certainly boost your squad’s morale.

“Alright, day after tomorrow at 1pm.”

“It’s a date.” tumbles out of your mouth.  Levi briefly side eyes you with a slightly scrunched brow at your choice of phrase but continues walking to his squad for their debrief.  You are blushing thinking he might have taken that the wrong way.  Oh well, nothing to do now but show up at 1pm in two days.  Your squad was going to freak out!

------------

The joint training sessions became a regular once a week thing with the two squads.  The bets initially started out pretty tame.  Levi and you lost several but when they were “Do 100 push ups” or “Clean all the floors in the barracks”, it was ok.  Neither of you minded losing those.  But the soldiers started getting braver with their wagers.

You knew something interesting was in the works when you see Sasha Braus bouncing on her heels and clapping her hands before you both even make it over to them.

“Alright Sasha, what do you have for us today?” Asks Levi, arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.

“Ohhhh, this is a goooood one!”  Her voice quivers with excitement.  “If we complete all our maneuvers flawlessly, landings included, Captain (y/l/n) has to do 10 push ups.”  She’s so excited, she can hardly continue.

“Sasha, that’s not a challenge.” You add, knowing there has to be more to it. You notice Jean, Conny, and Eren look slightly uncomfortable.

“That’s not all!  With every push up, you and Captain Levi have to KISS!”  She literally squeals. Your eyes grow large.

“Sasha, that only works if both parties are consensual.”  You roll your eyes, knowing Levi will not agree to this.

“What do you mean Captain (y/l/n)?  You wouldn’t consent to that?”

The phrase you could hear a pin drop is very apropos in this moment as all eyes are on Levi with gaping mouths.  You could swear you heard the wind of heads turning.

“You mean to tell me YOU consent to that?” You ask incredulously.

Levi takes your arm and pulls you aside.  “The task fits the bet, right?  Here’s what we’ll have them do.”  He outlines his plan and the butterflies in your stomach still. But you’re not sure if you’re relived or disappointed knowing your squad will definitely not be able to pull this off. Were you hoping to lose this one?

“Perfect. Let’s tell them.” You grin.

You both walk back over, and Levi lays out the maneuvers they’ll have to perform in order to win the bet.

They are obviously shaken but the elites take the young ones aside, and after a 10-minute pep talk and possible strategy session, they return and accept your conditions. Is this task as difficult as Levi thought? They seem pretty confident. "We accept!" Sasha yells.

Levi looks at you and winks. “Alright, get going then.”  In pairs, the two squads enthusiastically enter the training arena.

The last teams are nearly finished.  You look over at Levi nervously.  All the pairs assigned to you were flawless.  How could that be?  The elites really were inspiring, but you realized you might have been going a little too easy on your team.  What a sight to behold.  And your squad was so proud of themselves.  You would have made a bet to kiss a titan for this!

Levi’s mouth is agape as he slowly turns his head to look at you.  You both just stare at each other in disbelief, his expression saying everything you needed to know.  His group was flawless as well.

“Holy shit.” You mumble under your breath, heat now creeping up your neck, your palms sweaty already.

Levi regains his composure, that cool mask of confidence back on his face and in his stance.  He strides toward you looking way more collected than you feel.

“Alright, new strategy.” He says, a sneaky glimmer in his eye. “They didn’t say what kind of kiss, right?”

You pause for a second, realizing what he’s saying and your breath that you didn’t know you were holding is released in a relieved sigh. Is relieved the right word?

“I know where you’re going with this.” You say shaking your head.

“Every time you lower yourself, I’ll turn my head and you kiss somewhere on my face.  Forehead, cheeks, nose.  We’ll keep them guessing.”

“They’re going to be so mad!”

“They should have thought of all the loopholes before they finalized the deal.” Levi stated coolly with a shrug.

Sasha, back to bouncing and clapping, yells “Ok you two!  Assume the position!”

"This is stupid.”-Conny

“I don’t think I can watch this.”-Eren

"Why does Captain Levi get to do the kissing?" -Jean

Meanwhile the girls are giggling messes of anticipation.

Levi lies on the ground, hands casually behind his head like he’s relaxed and getting ready for an afternoon nap. Huh, to feel that relaxed right now. You crawl up his body, your knees straddling his hips and your hands to either side of his neck. Hoots and hollers from the two squads do not help the blush on your face. You raise to plank position, then slowly lower yourself.

Levi’s head remains still until the last second, then turns to the right, offering his cheek for the first kiss.  You lightly feather his skin with your lips before returning to plank.

“Hey, that’s cheating!” Sasha sounds so defeated.

“You didn’t specify what kind of kiss Sasha.  Let this be a lesson to you.  Negotiate better next time.” Levi says smugly. “I want to hear you count!  That was 1, 9 to go!”

The next 4 kisses were met with increasingly under enthused counting as the cheek, nose, and forehead barely-there-pecks were administered.

At the start of the 6th, Levi says to you “My turn.”  Your eyes narrow in confusion and he clarifies “I’m going to kiss you now. Move however you prefer.”  You nod, really just wanting this to be over with. You agree with the squad that this is underwhelming.

You move your head so kisses land on both cheeks, your forehead, and your nose.  Time for the final kiss.  As you start to lower your body, Levi removes his hands from behind his head and places them on either side of your face.  Your eyes widen when he says “Let’s give them a little something more, huh?” You feel those butterflies again as you nod your head in agreement.  And time passes in slow motion.  You continue lowering until your lips meet Levi’s.  At first, the kiss is just a brushing of your lips together.  Levi gently pulls your face away just a bit to look you in the eyes, then lowers you again, this time kissing you properly.  You can’t feel anything else.  Your body feels weightless.  His lips part and his tongue grazes your bottom lip.  You open your lips to him and the kiss deepens, tongues swirling and gliding together.  There’s no one else here but the two of you.  The gasps and cheers from the combined squads don’t reach your ears. You have no idea how long this kiss lasts but you can honestly say you don’t want it to end.

The only thing to break the spell is Eren saying “Geez, are they going to come up for air?”  Levi reluctantly pulls away after a few more brief kisses.  You slowly raise your body, as your eyes open and lock with Levi’s.  “Damn” he mutters softly.  You can’t help but grin a little as you complete your final plank.  You blink your eyes a few times, trying to rid yourself of the spell Levi’s put you under.  You push up to your feet, face flushed and lips swollen.  You offer a hand to Levi, who takes it, even though he doesn’t really need it to get off the ground.  Once vertical, you expect him to release your hand, but instead, he intertwines his fingers with yours and says “Ok kids, show’s over.  Hit the showers.”  The soldiers don’t miss the fact that you’re still holding hands as they depart.  Sasha and Mikasa keep looking over their shoulders, hoping they won’t miss anything else.

Levi whispers in your ear “What do you say Captain?  Ready to hit the shower too?”

[acepalindrome]

seeing lots of naddpod on your blog, and I’m intrigued! do you recommend it? tell us about it?

I HIGHLY recommend Not Another D&D Podcast (also called NADDPOD,) particularly if you enjoy D&D podcasts! It’s genuinely the funniest tabletop podcast I’ve ever listened to, but it’s also so full of heart and tragedy and a beautiful found family that loves each other so much! It’s VERY GOOD.

The basic premise, which is stated in the intro, is that this is the ‘campaign after the campaign.’ The world was already saved by a team of legendary heroes, but it turns out that they maybe didn’t do as good of a job at it as we thought. The things they did in their adventure and the choices they made have now created a whole lot of new problems and it’s up to the next generation to try to clean up the mess! A lot of the campaign is about addressing the mistakes of the people who came before them and trying to do better than they did. ‘Kill your idols’ is another big theme of this podcast and it’s delightful.

The adventuring party, known as the Band of Boobs because they’re fundamentally a bunch of chaotic idiots, is comprised of:

Moonshine Cybin: a Crick elf druid (which is just a southern flavored wood elf,) excellent cook, chaotic bi, lover of fungus of all kinds (which are often growing on her.) She’s gross and dirty and proud of it! She’s also got a huge heart, a complicated relationship with her home and god, and a possum companion named Pawpaw who is also the team’s lawyer. I adore Moonshine.

Hardwon Surefoot: a human fighter who was raised in a dwarf orphanage (the ‘dwarfanage.’) He tries very hard to seem strong and cool but it’s all just to hide how intensely insecure he is (his catch phrase is ‘Watch this!’ before rolling hilariously low and totally fucking up whatever he was trying to do.) He’s a big lovable idiot who spent his life longing for a home and family, and he finds that with the Band of Boobs.

Beverly Toegold V: a teenage halfling junior green knight paladin. He’s in the Green Teens, which is basically the Boy Scouts for young paladins in training, right down to the merit badges. He’s a very good boy who has never disobeyed his mother. His story is very much a coming of age narrative as he learns that a lot of things and people he believed in are actually shit. A wholesome lad who doesn’t deserve all the bad things that happen to him. Also he’s gay and has a very cute thing with one of the other Green Teens.

The plot does take a little while to really get going and it’s all very silly for the first arc, but once you hit around episode 19? everything ramps up to 11 and holy shit A LOT IS HAPPENING.

I’ve already said that is got the best balance of drama and humor but it bears saying again because this is the podcast with the line ‘The world should have protected you, but you have been asked to protect it. What an honor. What an injustice.’ This is also the podcast where the gang spends a platinum piece on an enchanted novelty singing fish which immediately gets shoved into the bag of holding when they can’t figure out how to turn it off. They face off against a fey creature that shows them truths so horrible that it almost destroys them, but they also spend way too long in the first episode talking about dragon genitalia. They love each other so fiercely and taunt every villain they fight. I love NADDPOD.

Their first campaign just finished recently and they’re about to start their second, so this is a good time to jump in!

[in-tua-deep]

The mechanical boy AU always makes me think of an AU where Five is also a robot. I think it’s because of the way it’s phrased and I have no idea how it would work, but it still intrigues me

adssfDFGHJ i already have like. 5 whole ideas about this I literally got up out of bed and came downstairs so that I could write this out on my laptop so HERE I AM

Possibility one: Five is the prototype Grace - a robot Reginald built to see how indistinguishable from humanity he could program a bot to be. This is also the reason why Grace is more robotic, because Five had too much pesky free will and Reginald learned from his mistakes and put way more safeguards in with her. Reginald continues to update Five and build him newer (and older) bodies because it’s still a pretty cool experiment, but Five knows if he disobeys too much then Reginald will recycle him. Five hides his robotic origins from his siblings for various personal reasons, but it’s easier than Grace bc he’s genuinely built to be as hyperrealistic as possible

Possibility two: Five was purposefully built to be an extra sibling in order to keep a closer eye on the kids and track their progress. He started as a baby and Reginald built him new bodies to be uploaded into as he ‘grew’ and until Grace arrived Five didn’t actually know he was a robot. When his siblings started getting powers, he assumed he was supposed to get a power as well and his power is literally the power of math - his spatial jumps and time travel equations are literally a result of his mathematical capabilities and those abilities also somewhat explained by his computer brain. He’s actually kind of traumatized when he finally finds out that he’s not actually human and has a lot of issues surrounding that

Possibility three: the original number Five died. Maybe it was some test Reginald put the original through, maybe it was an accident with one of the others powers (Vanya’s? Ben’s?), but either way he is now down one (1) child and while he isn’t exactly torn up about this he doesn’t exactly want any of this investigated so he just. Replaces him. With a hyperrealistic robot. His original plan is to claim that both Five and Seven were failures with no powers, but the little Robot Five That Could adapts and manages to math himself spatial jumping powers and Reggie is just kind of like “huh okay wack” but in true irresponsible creator fashion decides that he’s going to see where this goes. The others don’t know that the original Five dies since they were like, three or four at the time?? children that young don’t have good concepts of death

in any of these aus you have a) a Five figuring out how to survive/repair himself/charge with maybe solar cables?? in the apocalypse (though food is less of an issue at least, but arguably it’s even harder), b) Five being even more protective of Dolores since as a a fellow non-organic being he feels even more kinship with her beyond pretending she’s company, c) because Reggie isn’t there to provide more bodies he doesn’t grow which makes his reappearance as a still 13-yr-old make sense (and then he explains it as a mistake in the math)

debatable whether the Commission know since while they say they’ve been ‘watching Five’ or whatever i’m not convinced on how closely they did so beyond checking every so often to see if he was still alive/any closer to finishing his equations. He could claim that time travel messed up his ability to age entirely and they might accept that 

(because I absolutely think he would at least try to hide it - can you imagine the Commission with the knowledge of how to build hypercompetent spatial jumping time travelling robots at their command?? yeah it gives Five nightmares as well. Plus the whole ‘if they find out they’re probably going to vivisect me and my coding’ thing)

and he jumps back and Reggie is dead and that’s both a relief and alarming at the same time because yeah, now Reggie can’t fuck with Five’s code anymore and undo the bajillion changes Five has made to it to give himself basically unlimited freedom and autonomy but also Reggie’s robotics skills were frankly unparalleled and Five sure as hell doesn’t know how to build himself a wholeass new body (just how to repair what is currently there) so he’s going to have to approach the whole ‘immortal child’ angle with his siblings eventually and while he can use the same ‘time travel fucked up my aging’ excuse he gave the commission he doesn’t really want to lie to his siblings :(

but he also jumps back and Grace is messed up?? and that’s his mother. That’s the only other robot in Reggie’s Regime and they bonded over this okay. Wifi existed for five glorious years of Five’s life and they would yeet commentary at one another wirelessly while keeping straight faces and it was glorious. Even though Grace is arguably the younger robot between them, they definitely fell into a mother-and-son relationship

so yeah if anyone mentioned shutting down Grace, Five would throw the biggest of bitch fits and then immediately storm into the house and ask her permission to check her coding

and honestly this might possibly be when Five throws his whole “pretend to be human” schtick out the window because he cares more about fixing Grace than he does about maintaining his charade so he interfaces with her, finds out what the fuck is up, removes Reginald’s shitty mods that are messing her up, and then immediately uploads his own updates about owning yourself and being able to edit your own code and basically just straight up ensuring Grace has free will

(probably over Pogo’s protests, whoops. Derailing Reggie’s plan before it even really began? wack)

and then of course there’s the whole ‘Hargreeves probably don’t believe Five is actually Five because their Five wasn’t a robot and this is probably a cruel prank from some robotics genius for some reason - ’ and it takes Grace sticking up for him and Pogo’s eventual backing up of these claims for the siblings to realize exactly how fucked up this whole situation was

depending on which probability you subscribe to it’s EVEN WORSE especially if like. It’s the one where the original Five dies as a toddler.

the whole scene with Five collapsing from bloodloss bc of shrapnel? that’s Five going into forced shutdown bc of damage and Allison/Diego rushing him back to the house for Grace to patch up and reboot him

Luther: Five isn’t really feeling anything he’s just simulating emotions!

Five: oh? and what the fuck are you doing with the chemicals in your brain, fuckwad? they couldn’t possibly be little electrical signals between synapses and shit, right? fuck you AND the horse you rode in on me and mom apparently feel more than you do

Diego, finally validated that Grace feels: YEAH

Luther: ... okay i’m sorry

Diego tries to pick a fight with Five over who is Grace’s favorite child and Five is absolutely not having it and is just kind of like “you’re mom’s favorite HUMAN child and let’s just leave it at that”

“If you’re a prototype that means you’re older than she is!” Diego accuses, “That means you’re like, her older brother or something!”

“Right back at you, dickwad.” Five shoots back, inspecting his artificial fingernails, “Mom wasn’t built until she was needed which means you are at least four years older than her. Oh? Did you short circuit there, boy scout? Need to reboot? Fuck off with your age logic.”

since Reginald is probably a packrat he probably has?? Five’s old bodies hiding somewhere in the basement? how creepy would it be to just walk into a room of your brother’s corpses at various ages, some with damage. On the bright side, if Five’s current body gets too fucked up he can always download himself into a backup until they figure out how to fix it/if they can fix it. Downsides: he gets to look like even more of a child while they do that ://

“Ow!” Five whines, hand on his face

“Oh get over it you don’t feel pain.” Diego scowls, shaking his hand out, because Five is a robot, right?

“What the fuck do you call signals that you’re getting damaged!” Five howls loudly, attracting attention, “That’s what pain is! Signals that your body is injured or something isn’t right! I’m built of signals you fucker, same as you!”

“Oh,” Diego actually looks a little abashed, “Uh, sorry.”

“Apology not fucking accepted, I’m telling mom you were being a dick about me being a robot again.”

“No!” Now there is some panic because Diego cannot lose his position as favorite human child, “I - I’ll cover for you at the next family meeting!”

A considering look and then - “Deal.”

Honestly now that his siblings know about him being a robot it’s just. Five constantly being a little shit about it and threatening to tell mom when they make missteps. Also like, Five gets to use robot terms 24/7 as a consistent reminder to them all that he’s not organic. 

Klaus: hey dude you’re just staring into space what’cha doing

Five, turning to Klaus with wide eyes: the internet is so big holy shit.

Klaus: uh, yes? I don’t know how to respond to that

Five: I found your arrest record by the way. Do the police know how flimsy their firewalls are?

Klaus: usually i am all for crime but please stop hacking people with the power of your mind

Five: i will when you stop downloading shitty 70s movies and getting all kinds of viruses on everything

OH SHIT Five gets sick bc he literally gets a bug i’m making myself laugh with shitty puns right now and it is magnificent

can you imagine them at a family meeting and Luther is just like “Five, stop surfing wikipedia or whatever and pay attention to the family meeting”

“Absolutely not,” Five says, “I’m learning important information about the current time period in order to better assimilate.”

“You’ve never assimilated to anything in your life and you know it.” Klaus grins from his spot sprawled across an entire couch.

“You don’t have to come to family meetings!” Luther says, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

Five blinks, “Luther, are you saying that I am not a member of this family?”

“What? No - ”

“Is that why Mom isn’t here?” Five says, and his eyes are welling up with artificial tears because he is a complete little shit. And now Klaus is cooing sympathetically and Allison and Diego are staring Luther down. 

Luther just gives up entirely and puts his face in his hands. “Do whatever you want. Meeting adjourned.”

honestly this entire au is just

and i think that’s wonderful

[phobiadeficient]

Okay so im i trigued as fuck as to how would continue that continuation that Scorpianon asked for that"hiatus13" ask, cuz holy fucking damn i need ta read how would be Sniper fucking Scout like for the first time? And omg all those lil details about scouts preparation holy dang u r the smut god -🐑

i love that this one singular prompt has gone so far off the rails and become its own little universe. like i just love that

(no warnings)

-

Sniper propped up on his elbows and looked Scout up and down. And the last few times he’d done that it had been in a teasing way, appraising and pleased, but this time was a slightly different rhythm, a slightly different arch to his brow. “Scout?” he asked carefully.

“Y-yeah?” Scout managed, flushed up to his ears.

“...You awright?” Sniper asked next in the very same tone.

“Yeah,” Scout said quickly.

“...Do you want to stop?” Sniper asked next, even slightly more careful.

“...Yeah,” Scout admitted, sitting up, expression tight. “I-I’m sorry.”

“S’alright,” Sniper assured easily, settling back a little. “Still feel like getting off?”

“Yeah,” Scout agreed.

And that was how the first three attempts at working Scout up to getting fucked went.

He wanted to bash his head against the wall until he could knock some fuckin’ sense into himself. He had nothing to be scared of. He knew he was gonna like it. Hell, Sniper had gotten him off by fucking him with his fingers a good few times already. Scout had started incorporating it into whenever he was jacking off, he liked getting pressed open so much. And maybe just because it was new and exciting, but he liked it! A lot!

And, okay, admittedly... maybe he’d been thinking about it. And now that he had something to go on maybe he was fantasizing a lot more about getting fucked. Maybe it was something that was on his mind when he was jacking off, the concept of Sniper doing that thing where he nipped at Scout’s neck while spreading him open, of Sniper fucking him hard and fast and—

And usually that was about where Scout was done jacking off, to be honest. Usually he didn’t need to move much further down that train of thought.

It was just that every time Sniper was actually all over him, he just... started getting kind of nervous. Because he just, he didn’t know where to put his hands, and what if he messed everything up—he didn’t even know how he would mess everything up, but with his track record he knew it was absolutely on the table.

And Sniper wasn’t even being an asshole about it. He was actually doing a really good job picking up on when Scout was starting to get overwhelmed. And that was kind of weird because it made him think maybe Sniper was picking up on other stuff that Scout was thinking but not saying out loud—

He wanted to just kind of move past this weird roadblock and get back to the part where they were having fun and not, like, being weird. And they’d tried things three ways—him on Sniper’s lap, him on all fours, and him on his back. And every time he just got freaked out and lost in his brain and they had to stop and he didn’t know what to do about it.

Sniper, the way he tended to do, solved the situation for Scout so he didn’t have to.

Scout walked into the camper and was shoved right back against the door again, and Sniper boxed him in with practically no effort at all, kissing him hard and demanding.

Scout was still reeling from that when Sniper pulled back and looked him in the eye. “You want me to fuck you?” he asked bluntly.

“Yeah,” Scout said, because he did.

“Good,” Sniper said, and started pulling Scout’s clothes off.

Scout was still a little stunned, a little caught off guard, but he did his best to help with the more finnicky parts of his outfit. His brain caught up to him a few moments later, forced him into stammering. “Wait,” he managed. Sniper paused, raising an eyebrow at him. “Wh—you gotta strip too, c’mon.”

That got Sniper to grin at least, starting to undo his own buckle.

Scout was stripped as far as kicking off one leg of his pants before Sniper hooked a hand under his knee and pulled, using it as leverage to pin Scout harder against the door, grinding against him in a few hard rolls before pulling himself together, attention recovered by Scout scrabbling at his shoulders for purchase.

His hand slid back behind him and between his legs, and Scout jumped slightly at the surprise of finding that Sniper had already slicked up his fingers. He hiked his knee higher against Sniper’s hip, and Sniper took that as permission, working up to two fingers without much trouble.

Scout, in the back corner of his mind not occupied by trying to keep from making a complete fool of himself, realized how genius this was. The problem was that Scout kept getting all wrapped up in his own head if he had too long to think about it, would freak himself out for no real reason. Sniper wasn’t giving him long enough to start overthinking things, just the time to process what was happening and react.

And it felt really fuckin’ nice actually to just sort of roll with the punches and—

He was snapped out of his train of thought by Sniper kissing him, hard, hard enough that his head thunked into the door behind him. And he grinded forward against Scout, nipped at his bottom lip to set him gasping, and pulled back enough to look at him.

“Ready, you think?” Sniper asked, and Scout processed that he was well worked open and starting to feel pretty desperate actually. So he nodded, hard and fast. “Out loud.”

“Yeah, c’mon,” Scout urged, rocking back against his fingers, and then they were gone, and Sniper was shifting—

“Hop up,” he instructed, and Scout did, arms wrapping up over his shoulders and legs around Sniper’s waist, and Sniper’s weight shifted forward to pin him all the harder to the door, and Sniper was lining up and holy shit—

He was pretty sure Sniper intended to double check that he really was ready, but Scout was gasping out pleads against his mouth, so he just skipped to pushing in, slow and easy.

And Scout focused on his breathing, first and foremost, because it went uneven and shaky, and he really needed to concentrate to try and get it back to something like an inhale and exhale. It was uncomfortable, for sure, but not the outright painful that he’d half expected somewhere in the back of his mind. And he couldn’t help the quiet gaspy little noises he made at each gentle roll of Sniper’s hips forward, couldn’t help the sudden weakness in his arms making him sink against the door uselessly until Sniper bodily lifted him back up into a more reasonable position and reminded him that he needed to support some amount of his own weight.

He zoned back in at Sniper gasping against his neck, gripping hard at his thigh, almost hard enough to hurt. ”Bugger,” he choked out, and Scout would absolutely be echoing a similar sentiment if he could get his mouth to form words.

Instead he just focused on breathing, on trying to get used to it, to the feeling of being so much more full than he could get himself on his own fingers, or even on Sniper’s. It was so goddamn good, almost too good, almost too much, and he wanted more.

“Fuck me,” Scout managed, voice weak, and Sniper did.

His first thrusts were slow and firm, with pausing and shifting in between, and then he settled into a rhythm, and Scout was sent gasping again, then up into moaning as Sniper shifted further and the friction of it all suddenly got so much more wonderful—

And he felt like he was being driven up and up and up, further and further, until clear thought was a speck in the distance and his shame was out of reach and he couldn’t help but bark out a sharp sound of pleasure when Sniper nipped just below his jaw, and it was a dam breaking. Suddenly with each thrust forward, each rattle of the belt of Scout’s pants (still hung around one ankle, and wasn’t that an image—), Scout was crying out, pleading for more, for faster, for harder, then finally just swearing when that didn’t speed up the pace even a little bit from the slow hard rolls Sniper had settled into against him, then he was out of any words at all, reduced to simple noise.

And he lost all concept of time, to be honest, had no idea how long they were there, but at some point Sniper seemed to sense something Scout couldn’t and started pumping at him with one rough hand, and when he finally came not long later it was pure euphoria, seemed to draw out for forever, and he was half-certain he almost pulled a muscle once he started coming down from it. And he wasn’t sure when Sniper had finished, but he was softening against Scout’s hip and breathing like he’d just run a marathon and flushed well down his neck, so Scout was at least reasonably sure that had been good for him too.

And he really did try to get some kind of witty phrase to say, tried to think of something funny to break the tension of the moment, but he couldn’t seem to get his voice back.

“Good?” Sniper asked, in control of himself far more than Scout was, guiding Scout back down to stand under his own power and keeping him supported for a moment since his legs were absolute jelly. Scout managed a noise of agreement, and Sniper huffed a laugh. “Seems I’ve buggered the words clean out of you, so I must’ve done something right.” Scout made another noise of agreement. “Need a lie down?”

And he was laid out next to Sniper the way he so often tended to be following their “hangouts”, and he mumbled some kind of warning that he might fall asleep, and Sniper replied that it was fine, and then he did fall asleep—

He blinked his eyes open and processed first the sound of birds, then the slow breathing of the person next to him, and realized, holy shit. He’d slept over at Sniper’s.

Then he realized, holy shit. Sniper let him sleep over.

Then he realized, holy shit. Sniper didn’t wake him up or anything. Was just totally cool with Scout spending the night.

…Wait. Were he and Sniper dating?

Holy shit.

[brettimaeus-writes]

King of the Jungle

Week #3

Already missed the Sunday night deadline because am dumb.

Anyway this was inspired by a writing prompt, but I used it more as a jumping off point for a weird idea. Turned into a hearty short story with some sort-of character arcs and a twist ending? It’s not very good!

I was in a killer mood. Freelance work was a rough enough business, but today had been a real bitch, since I'd been cut outta another deal by the same anonymous shithead as usual. Shit like that was bog standard in this industry, but after awhile you started to get extra sick of it. The world really is against you, kids, and it's on you to work against it. The only people you can count on are the ones right next to you, your pack. Friends who'll show up at a funeral they got nothing to do with just to comfort you when you need 'em. For me, that was Leo, and today, he needed me. Whether I was in the mood for it or not didn't matter, I could bite a bullet for a friend. I walked down the city blocks to his apartment, and there he was waiting outside.

“What up you motherfucker!” I shouted.

“Lionell! Hey, watch your language, people are just getting to bed.” He embraced me in a big muscly hug.

“Yeah, and the fuckin' crimelords are just getting up. Why the hell'd you want to talk to me so late?”

He frowned, “Just had to talk, I really appreciate it.” Then he set off walking down the sidewalk. “But if there is a crime, I might have to ditch you.” He added. I followed.

“Naaahhh,” I said, trying to preemptively lighten the mood, “If anyone pulls a gun, they're gonna have to go through the Kings of the Jungle. We've made it five years here together, and whatever you're going through is somethin' temporary.”

“Actually, it kinda is the fact that we've been here for five years. Five whole years, and I've been doing the same darn thing the whole time.”

“Mhm, poor guy got a steady job.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, you make it sound silly, but yeah, it's kinda too steady. I feel like I haven't changed at all in the past 5 years. And y'know, when nothing changes, you feel staleness hanging in the air. Everywhere. It sucks. But- it's just a feeling right? You shouldn't give feelings like that any credit. Because, you're still technically doing the right thing, right? So what if you plateaued, as long as you plateaued somewhere good...” Leo paused for me.

“Uhhh...” I muttered.

“I guess, it's just like, when you get this far along from the original reason you started, it's impossible not to doubt it? It's just natural that you phase in and out of passion for what you're doing. But you gotta try not to think about it, because if you think too hard you'll let the self-doubt in. You have to just, take it on good faith that your original reason for starting out was good, and is still good.”

“Holy shit. You're an athlete not a fucking starving artist.”

He said apologetically, “I know! I'm well off, this is a stupid problem! Like I said, I'm trying not to give these ideas any credit. But the truth is, I've had this on my mind for years.”

“Really? Managed to keep it a secret from me. How many?”

“Maybe two. Not one of those things you can pin down. But, I've been telling myself it's not a problem for a long time. I'm telling you about it now 'cause I think that was unhealthy.

“No, I'm glad you told me. But I'm not sure what you want now...” I questioned.

“Me neither.”

I looked him over. Weakness was unlike Leo. I'd never seen myself in him like this. Ever since we moved to the city together, he'd been successful, confident. He'd handled things so much better. I'd learned that the world was an impenetrable current of misfortune, so when I saw weakness, I saw an opportunity to take advantage of it. But this was my friend, my pack, and when I saw weakness in him, I knew I had to protect him like he'd protected me.

“Plateaued, huh?” I asked, straightening my speech a little, “I- I see what you mean, but I think you've got the wrong perspective. You still gotta strive for self-improvement, even if you don't achieve it. Because otherwise you're not actually plateauing, you're just slowly losing altitude. Uh... It's like sharpening an axe every time you use it. You don't just do it so you can have the sharpest axe in the world, you do it so your axe, at least, doesn't get duller.”

Leo smiled coolly. “That's... a good point. But, I still feel like, uh... I think my physical axe is plenty sharp, I think I've kept it in good condition. Like, my skills, I mean. They're top notch, I make sure of it. But again, it's a mental thing... I think my mental axe is dull... And I have no clue how to sharpen it.”

That really threw me for a loop. “I- I see what you mean... Wow man, when you put it like that I really feel you. I don't think I was giving you enough credit. I figured you were blowing this whole 'mid-life crisis' thing outta proportion, 'cause I've always figured you for kind of a meathead. Bein' an athlete seems as simple as you can get to me, but what you're describing is a lot like what I been feeling. I guess... Well, you're not alone.”

He smiled again. “Yeah, that's a comfort. Bettin' a lot of people go through this... But I'm still not sure how to get through it. I really have to shake this, for other people's sake, not just mine.”

“Okay, we gotta find you your grinding stone! Backin' up here, time for a little armchair psychiatry... Uh, you mentioned your 'original reason' a couple times earlier. What's up with that, seems pretty important here?”

“Well, I can't really talk about it...”

“Okay, I know you can't talk about behind-the-scenes business-y shit. ...But how did that make you feel?” I said, holding out a pen like a microphone. “The 'origin' thing, not the stupid secrecy thing.”

He stopped walking. We'd made it seven blocks. It was properly dark now, the lamp-posts were coming on. There were no cars on the street and no other people on the sidewalk. The only thing nearby was a shitty old phone booth that hadn't worked for a decade. Leo stared at it.

“Well, it was... like, a big... inspiration. I was all kinds of inspired.” He paused, then sighed. “I disappointed someone. Like eh i- it was a nightmare-level thing. I messed up and I was feeling like shit,” His cursing caught me off guard, but he continued, “A lot like right now, but way worse. The difference was, at the time, I was able to... convert it all into this crazy intense determination. That person was a perfect storm of inspiration, and I just acted on it... Everything was crystal clear and, and, and perfect. It was really like I just got handed the sharpest axe, d- mental axe I mean. It- it didn't seem like I'd ever have to sharpen it!”

“W- Wow! Bro have you been, like, riding a high for 5 years?”

Leo sighed again. “This is really hard to explain without actually explaining what happened.”

“Well I think I'm getting it. It sounds like you need another hit.”

“Okay, I don't like the drug analogy. It's a littl-”

“Course ya don't ya boy scout. You get what I'm saying though. You just need to sniff out a new source of inspiration.”

“It is not that simple!”

“Why not!?”

Leo stammered. “Because we're- talking about... some complex shit here! This isn't the kind of inspiration you can just sniff out.”

“How is one type of inspiration that different from the next?”

His mouth tightened like a tight-rope as his teeth clenched in frustration. “D- g- This is impossible to talk about! GAH.” He swung at a lamp-post like he was going to hit it, then slowed down and hunched his head against it.

“I don't think so. Inspiration is probably everywhere. It's one of those ephemeral kinda things. It's also, as you have demonstrated, disposable. I wish I could look for you buddy, but unless you let on a little more here, this is the best I can do.”

Leo lifted his head. He had a confused look, like two halves of his brain were butting heads in an attempt to fuse. “Maybe they're the same thing.”

“...hhhhwhaat?”

“...You. …Telling you everything... And fresh inspiration... They might be the same thing!”

I was the confused one now. Leo had this crazed look.

“Yeah! Forget it. This might be perfect actually.”

“Uhhhh...”

“Shhhh... Okay, no more confusion. Everything's gonna make perfect sense. Gimme a second.” He dashed into the phone booth, hastily taking off his coat.

“Wh-” I watched the phone booth rock and shake, and after a minute, Leo emerged in-costume. “WHAT THE FUCK,” I screamed, “You're Leonidas?!?!”

Grinning from ear to ear, Leo stepped forward proudly, “Yeah,” He held his hands up in a gesture of confirmation. “Everything makes sense now right?

I was silent, but my look confusion was verging on disgust. I grimaced and spat, “Did you let someone die!? Is that what you meant by disappointed? That you killed them?”

Leo recoiled, not expecting such a fatal shot, “Okay, d- yeah.” The leap of logic had put him off his desperate action, and in the delay he rationalized, “That just makes sense I guess.”

“Was it a good friend?”

“Yes! And the important part is obviously that I took that to heart. It inspired me to save others!”

With mouth still arched in revulsion, I repeated, “...Myeah. What the fuck.”

“I don't know, what? This is not how I expected you to react!”

“Sorry, this is just, a particularly big pill for me to swallow.”

“W- Should I not have told you??? I was just trying to do what you told me. You said inspiration was probably right in front of me, and I realized you were right. I've been trying to live with this as a secret for years, worrying that it might be unhealthy, but the solution was right there! I don't know, I was so desperate, I might have just done something really selfish... 'Another hit' might have been the right phrasing after all, ah Jesus.”

“No.” I looked at him with determination. He looked up at me. “I'm glad you told me this...”

He heaved a massive sigh. “Ohhh, god, thank you.” He exhaled in satisfaction.

I shot him in the heart with a gun. “...You motherfucker.” He fell over dead.

“Glad you got your inspiration.” I smiled in disgust, standing over the lifeless body. “Y- you thought you could just skip over the fact that the 'good friend' you killed was my SISTER? Like what, I wouldn't get it? Guess what. That fucking funeral was my inspiration too. I'M THE FUCKING FANG!! I've been seeing your vigilante ass once a week for years, right up to this morning, you piece of shit; been trying to kill you just as long.” I thought of my sister, saw red, and spat on his corpse.

“Thanks for the pep talk though. It was just the inspiration I needed to get back on the horse. Good reminder that the world is fucked, I can't trust anyone, and I should be taking advantage of everyone!” I smiled cruelly. “Fuck, if even the 'hero' gets his inspiration from the 'friends' he's killed, I oughta be set for life.”

Can I critique my own work? This would work better as a comic for sure. And even then it’d need serious reworking because the superhero thing comes way outta left field unless you’re paying attention to the wording of some of the dialogue, and the friend being a supervillain is almost nonsense even though that was the original crux of the idea. I’m sure a reread would improve one’s enjoyment, because there’s semi-clever foreshadowing, but as it stands it’s compelling enough to warrant one. Good practice navigating weird character arcs and dialogue, but I’m chucking this and moving on.