#holy fucking smokes I'm so gay

[no-way-appa]

Guys what if I told you I'm a fictionkin of 5 (maybe 6) characters

[chainmail-butch]

Year 3

I stand in a dojo with 5 men. I'd forgotten to shave this morning. Sweat is dripping down from my face to the floor. The instructor, a man I have been working with for 3 years, gestures me forward.

"This!" He says, "Is how you break a man's fingers!" I know this move, and grab his wrist to begin the demonstration. I do not correct him.

"You first establish the bridge by seizing his wrist!" I do not correct him. "You rotate his fingers-"

"She." I interrupt.

The lesson stops cold.

"Of course, Comrade." He says kindly, "My apologies."

"You rotate the comrade's fingers-"

-

I am drunk in a gay bar. It's two in the morning and a beautiful woman has seized me on the dance floor. Behind me, the DJ cheers as her tongue enters my mouth.

Her hands are ravenous. They seek every inch of me as she presses me backward into a wall.

She freezes when her hand squeezes my cock.

Her body is rigid. Her tongue is flaccid in my mouth. She pulls away ashamed and apologetic. She stumbles a few words as the house lights come up and the DJ announces the last call.

-

I am on the phone with a scammer. I have not yet realized its a scam.

"And can I speak to Sophia?" He asks politely.

"I am Sophia, I know that my voice is confusing I-" He does not let me finish.

"Oh!" He says. "That's cool. That's so so cool. I'm cool with that. I'm so cool with that." Something tells me he's lying to me. But, anyway, if I'm ready to send him a deposit I can lock in a wonderful house at well below market rate.

-

I am outside the bar again. Savoring a rare cigarette as I lean against a railing. It's too hot for me to wear my leather inside.

A beautiful man weaves into my vision. His abs glisten with sweat beneath his crop top. His lips are full and red.

"Aren't you just so butch!" He purrs. His hand has found its way onto my arm and he's close enough for me to smell the alcohol on his breath. He and his boyfriend had just broken up and I looked awfully yummy. He knows a quiet little alley down the street if I feel like giving him a taste.

"I'm a dyke" I rumble, voice full of gravel and cigarette smoke.

-

I'm out on the streets, safe behind my sunglasses. My boots make a satisfying thunk and my carabiner jingles reassuringly with every step I take.

"The encampment is just over there!" I call. Under my direction a swarm of volunteers shifts into motion.

As lines of boxes and bottles pass me, one of the security detail steps up and says, "Holy hell, man! You look scary as fuck!"

"Yeah."

I grunt as I hoist a case of bottled water onto my shoulder.

"I know."

[ad-astrah]

Finally Watched Cinderella's Castle Digital Ticket (Twice) and I Gotta Get My Feelings Out Somewhere, Somehow (Part I)

Feel free to light up my DMs to chat about it!

And now, for my personal highlights/live reactions:

immediately I'm drawn in by Nick Lang's silly narrator voice and the way he warns us of what's coming. Especially the "muRrrDder!"

Jeff Blim cut his hair. JEFF BLIM CUT HIS HAIR. Not that I didn't like the long locks, but something about his Aladdin Era short hair gets me, man.

Jeff Blim literally getting to own the stage like the man was born to

Jeff Blim's slutty bard getup with the artfully messy hair and the heavy guyliner. That sinful bastard.

"Let's go." I'll follow you anyway, slutty bard.

Okay 80s rock jam! Hell yes.

idk why but I just love the line "There are tales in those walls, are they true or are they tall?"

THIS SET, THO. 80s vibes. Muppets vibes. Princess Bride vibes. Spooky, ethereal fairytale vibes. I love it! Props to the team who designed and built it.

prance, slutty bard boy, prance around that stage.

Jesus Fuck, I've only seen Joey's puppet but I'm already SOLD. Nick and Matt Lang and whoever else had a hand in making these puppets fucking OUTDID themselves! Did they use the Black Book and resurrect Jim Henson?

Throughout the show, the muppet vibes just absolutely amaze and delight me. Makes me feel like a little kid, spellbound by this fairytale. Except it's much darker, more gruesome, way more explicit, and extremely horny.

Oh look, it's Joey's Jingle/Jangle (whichever elf he was) voice from Black Friday.

Love me some o' dat non-binary representation from Ragweed. Starkid once again screaming GAY RIGHTS bitches.

I'm getting some of Jeff's Aragog from AVPS in this Narrator. Anyone else?

Stupid STUPID butcher!

Jon Matteson's accent. *giggles madly*

Angela IMMEDIATELY having to pause for applause before she finishes her first freaking line. The queen deserves it all, though.

The foreshadowing of the Stepmother cutting off Ella's feet. O_O

"It's furryyyyy and fouuuuul and full o' maGOTTTSSaaaaaggghhhh!"

Angela doing the little spinny finger thing in a guy's face to fluster them just like Max did to her character in Nerdy Prudes. I love these physical running gags. My fave being the Smoke Club, though.

OIIIINK oinkoinkoinkoinkoinkoink

Sir Preston asking for help from the audience. His "ELLAaaaaa....nooooo....."

The lighting in this entire show is SO COOL.

Again, Jeff just louging like a whore about the set like its his bitch. I live for it.

James' COSTUME. He looks SO FUCKING GOOD. Props to the costume folks...and to James' rockin' genes.

"But nothing compares to the juice and the hairs..." Oh no. Ohhhhh no I see where this is going. Don't say it, James, don't-- omg he said it.

er ee er ee er ee *window rolling down*

I thought the Prince drawing bewbies on the frosty window was funny already, and then he goes WAH WAH WAH and pretends to pinch them and I fucking lost it.

The Prince checkin' out DAT AZZZZZZ XD

"I'd wager she's wetter now than when I first found her bobbing in the river." OH MY GOD. PRINCE. THAT'S HER NOT-MOM.

If his highness has had every STD and beaten it, that's so fucked up but also damn, that boy's immune system is killin' it. Literally.

"Poor mad EllaAH"

"This is one thirsty FUCKING house." For real, omg.

"The offer stands firm. Come calling if you are!" *screams*

Jeff miming being crew and pulling the ropes for the curtains.

*audience member sneezes* "Bless you."

Angela's diction is next fucking level. PUNY. PINK. KIND.

The epic troll reveal! The puppets are SO GOOD.

THE FROG FUCKING TURNING AWAY AS SHE ASKED FOR IT TO DO SO SHE COULD KILL IT. CHRIST.

This bayou boogie song of Ella's is an absolute KILLER BOP. Holy shit. And it's SO perfect for Bryce's funky, sassy voice.

Speaking of which, BRYCE'S VOCALS. I'm gonna scream about them for forever and ever and ever. I love her voice SO FUCKING MUCH. I could listen to nothing else for the rest of my days and die a happy little gay.

"ohhhh woah woah waohhh" *flips the bird* She's such a queen for that.

"It needs oregano" WORK BITCH

Bryce's stage presence is fucking INSANE. I dunno how she's not on Broadway, but thank goodness we got her!

SIRE MANY TADPOLES!

GOD I love this absolutely depraved, horny little bastard of a prince.

It's amazing Tadeus hasn't murdered the prince yet. The man deserves a medal for the literal shit he's put up with.

Bugette?! I thought you choked on shit died and were consumed by the Hive Queen?

Rancilda being a typical troll and loving lurking under bridges and telling riddles.

Schuyler Sister vibes from the song with Justine and Lucy. So cute.

Justine and Lucy are SUCH real ones for IMMEDIATELY believing Ella about her family being trolls and for saying "fuck the ball, we're leaving NOW."

Shake dat ass, Mariah!

Lauren's physical comedy as Rancilda is NEXT LEVEL. I'm wheezing over here!

iSNn'tT it A BiiIItTcH?!

I LOOK GOOD IN THIS. What an absolute fucking BANGER. This song is gonna play in my head on repeat for the next decade. What a next level villain song.

Also this gives me some strongass Joan Jett vibes. "I love wearin' the skin of dead girls rock 'n' roll!"

and I hEEeaARr yoU'Re RiiiCCHhH

Seriously, is this the next Top Chart breakup revenge song? It should be.

"I really LIKE that song!" XD Putrice. I love how much of an absolute BIMBO she is.

Rancilda singing the song again. "SHUT UP STUPID BITCH, THE SONG'S OVER." "Okaaaaiiii"

Matt Dahan's ability to riff off the main songs and create motifs is otherworldly.

General MacNamara? Is that you?! Oh wait, nope. Still my slutty, slutty bard.

I LOOOOOOOVE this badass electric guitar intro, holy shit.

Kim Whalen, the queen, getting the bitchin' entrance she deserves.

Starkid is so, so good at their sound design to help immerse you in a scene without blowing a big budget or doing anything elaborate.

...Kim. My girl. Your arms must be tired.

She's just standing there, but Kim's stage presence is still so strong.

I can't get over how Jon's Sir Hops-A-Lot's voice is just a small...ahem. Hop, skip, and a jump away from Wiggly's.

JOEY. THAT ACCENT. You ABSOLUTE genius idiot. I love you for this stupidass voice.

Joey's bowl cut makes me giggle like mad.

I love these two puppets SO much.

GIT IT, KIM.

The call and response bit with Ella and the Goddess reminds me of Hamilton when Washington is dictating his Farewell Address. I know it's gotta be in other musicals, too, but that's the clearest comparison for this nerd at the moment.

Jeff sneaking in the "castle on a hill" song reference in this song.

Kim and Bryce dueting together is just Power incarnate. Holy cow. It's so good.

"You shall be as radiant and terrible as I." Ooooooh. Yes. Gimme.

The Narrator sneaking out from amidst the ensemble to finish off the song was really neat.

That fading spotlight before curtain for intermission with just Ella's face in view is so beautiful and haunting. What an epic close to Act I.

Also, it seems like this was also a strategic way to imply Ella's outfit being transformed there on stage during the song without actually having to do the tricky costume designing quick-change theater miracles of an ACTUAL outfit transformation. Which is really brilliant. Leave the audience to wonder until post-intermission about what Ella's starlight dress will look like.

[nozunhinged]

My Top 5 BL Kisses of Jan (& Feb) 24 + why

Okay, okayyyyy I'm doing this, no backing out. I offically accept that analyzing kisses takes up so much of my brainspace that I can write about it — so here it goes. I'M NOT HIDING ANYMORE BUT OWNING UP TO IT! (lol, chill)

Last year I complained that I didn't get a single perfect kiss since I started watching BL TV shows (until PhayaTharn turned up) and now we're not even a quarter into the new year and I already got FIVE I'm absolutely in AWE about!! FIVE!!

I don't know if it's the actors, directors or coaches who upped their game (probably all of them) but hot damn, all of these are beautiful.

And don't ask me why I'm into kiss-acting so much I have no fucking clue, my first guess is that it's an artform in itself to make this amazing, wonderful, intimate form of touching look as beautiful as it feels — bc let's be honest here, irl kissing rarely looks pretty no matter how great it is! So I think it's just dope when you can see this beauty translated on screen.

So I guess this is peak romance genre for me and with that being said, enough talking, lets get to the kissykissies!

5. TenPrem - Cooking Crush EP. 11

I have to be honest with you, I was a bit confused by the kissing in this show. The tippytoe kiss was cute as heck but we all saw how Off AND Gun awkwardly blinked because they probably had to stay like that for a looooong time. It took the whole magic out of the whole first-kiss-moment. Same with the forced in, reshot makeout-scenes. But the kiss in the kitchen? Looks like they FINALLY got to show what they got.

Ten gently pulling Prem closer, them smoothly moving against each other, Ten closing in even more, the slightly open-mouthed kiss with their lips perfectly caressing each other, Ten with a bit more force, Prem with a bit more heat resulting in the perfect mix...Loved it, mwah.

4. PromNont - Playboyy EP. 12

They are my one Playboyy-couple where I'm like "if they don't end up married and running Playboyy together, starting the revolution of well-payed, insured and safe sex workers I'm gonna riot" even though I know this show will not end nicely for ANYONE.

Anyways, this kiss. Holy smokes they had so many good scenes but this one took the cake. Not just the sheer length of it (but still with perfect timing and breaks).

The slightest suck on Nonts upper lip, Prem literally making Nont sway, Nonts hidden desperation for Prom surfacing from his lips, them slowly but surely turning up the heat and last but not least, Prom grabbing Nonts face just to lean against him...UGH THEM!

(I made those)

3. Myungha & Yeowoon - Love for Love's Sake EP 8

I know I'm not alone in how this show swept me off my feet and hit me right in the feels. But I've gotta say, this kiss hit completely different. Again they kissed for so long but not a single moment felt wasted. It felt like their whole story put in a single kiss. And — I mean that in the most loving and positive way possible — they kissed so amazingly gay. Do you know what I mean?!

There's just this level of love, care and happiness that only queer couples can convey. Sprinkled with a hint of tongue (I saw that Yeowoon 👀) — they absolutely nailed it.

2. AlanJeff - Pit Babe EP. 11

The kiss that made me consider doing this post in the first place. I saw them and shouted THIS IS PERFECT just to realize that I did this a few weeks ago already and it made me spiral a little. In the best way possible because I felt truly blessed once again to have discovered the genre of BL in their golden era!

Because this right here is how you nail an open mouthed kiss my friends. Take notes BL producers. Put this in your textbooks! They both go at the same rythm (slow, careful but so, so loving JUST LIKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP UGH) and same level of touch so their lips caress each other perfectly. Furthermore, Alan knows exactly how to meet Jeff which is also a PERFECT EXTENSION OF HIS CHARACTER! Alan leads, Jeff follows but they meet perfectly and equally. TEN OUT OF TEN NO NOTES!

1. PhayaTharn - The Sign EP. 9

I don't understand the meaning of the "Roman Empire"-thing but I think if I say they are mine, I am correct because they will be the end of me and that's what that means right? I may be biased AF but objectively speaking, this is just an insanely well acted-out scene, PERIOD! And we all know it's thanks to Billybabes out-of-this-world-chemistry!

Phayas desperation translated into this gorgeous lip-clash, so much yearning but softness at the same time but what really got to me was how Tharn immediately melted after their lips touched, how he immediately opened up to him and got completely overwhelmed by Phayas feelings. Chapeau to Babe for showing so much range in a single second. My favorite kiss of the whole series ❤️

I also just realized all these kisses have one thing in common....hands on faces lol.

Well that was fun peeps, thanks if you made it until the end!

[drdemonprince]

I went to visit my friend from high school for spring break in college one year. I'd had a crush on him in hs, it was not reciprocated but we remained close. I was also a late bloomer sexuality wise so it wasn't until college that I even would have been up for anything physical. ANYWAY. Decided to visit, figured this was my shot to try and act on that crush again. On the drive from the airport he came out to me as gay so, I figured, that's that. Explains why he wasn't into me in hs and why he didnt really have a reason back then.

I'm determined to hook up w someone on this trip though, so that's always simmering. We hang out with his local friend who is having a will-they-wont-they thing with a guy in their grad program. She is desperate to hook up but he's hot and cold.

We concot a plan to bait him with a possible threesome, spend an evening texting and sending him pics of us making out in a pool. (It's Miami, it just seemed like the thing to do lol) This guy is into it but he's busy that night and nothing comes of it.

A few days pass then it's my last day in Miami, my flight leaves at 6 am the next morning. She calls my friend after dinner like, holy shit it worked, he's coming over now, can you guys get here?

I'm like, fuck it, let's go. I'll bring my luggage and you can just drop me at the airport at 4 am or whatever. Forgot to mention, my friend from hs also has a crush on this other guy, so he's been down to help however he can haha

We arrive, the other guy isn't there yet, the three of us are drinking that whipped cream vodka that was popular at the time while we wait. Dude finally shows up AND HE BROUGHT A FRIEND. Unclear if he warned her ahead of time. Friend is... less cute but whatever, they brought weed. We smoke and dance some bachata and flirt etc...

Tbh my memory gets a little hazy here but somehow she ended up taking grad school guy and his buddy up to her bedroom, and I'm alone w my hs friend, we are smasheddd. I ask him, hey I know you're into guys but do you wanna fool around anyway? And we ended up making out in the bathroom, I tried going down on him but he was too drunk to keep it up so we petered off, then decided to go check on the others bc we realized we left this girl alone w two dude we barely knew.

Well they we having a merry little threesome upstairs and when we came to the door they invited us to join in!

That is how I ended up with my ass in the air getting railed by two strangers while I ate this girl out like a starving person. Grad school guy actually did us a solid w his friend bc that guys cock was huge. My only regret is I didn't get a chance to suck that guy off ;(

Eventually, they headed home and my hs friend and his friend stayed up w me until 3 am when I called a cab to the airport (idk why I ever thought we'd be sober enough to drive). Again, this was Miami but I'm fairly sure I won skankiest person in the supershuttle, which the exhibitionist in me loved. Slept it off on the plane home!

No regrets, best spring break of my life, opened my eyes to group sex and I still got to hook up w my hs crush :) and we stayed great friends!

ANON this is the most late 2000's story fucking ever. pinnacle whipped cream vodka. messily negotiated threesomes. people showing up to the sex party with surprise extra guests. gay guys fucking women. everybody being notionally bi but also not really. near drunk driving. i've been at parties exactly like these. my first apartment in college in 2007 had a pool and we were skanking it up in there miami style all the time. cheers dude

[earwigconsumer]

helloo first of all i just wanna say ur art is rly cool !! anyways could you maybe say some stuff you know abt kennith since its pretty hard to find accurate information?

Holy fuck I really appreciate that dude. Thank you a lot 🙏🙏🙏

And also I'm not too good with non specific stuff, so I'm just gonna spit out everything I can think of about Kennith

His birthday is October 12th 1968

He is 5'4

Kennith would drink the fuck out of kool-aid

Kennith cannot cook, he would probably burn the house down and he wouldn't care if he burned down with it

He gives himself burns on purpose anyway

Kennith likes rats and cats

He also really likes cats who look like they've gone through shit, like him

He and Stephanie shared makeup

Kennith pissed on a church's bush one time and declared it as his sinful territory

(A lot more under the cut)

Kennith just, breaks into Stephanie's house sometimes through her window. Sometimes to steal milk, borrow shit, or do what ever

Stephanie is fine with that

Kennith is homosexual and aromantic

Kennith and Stephanie got bullied for being friends with each other

He lives in Calumet, Michigan

When drunk Kennith gets extra gay and laughs at everything. Eventually getting really sleepy and incoherent

Kennith is that guy who would wear shorts all year, even in the winter

Kennith normally just throws on tanktops and shorts, switching to pull overs and jeans in the winter. Anything comfy really. Sometimes he dresses really good though, like 20% of the time

80% of the time it's gym shorts, tank tops, and t-shirts

Kennith can swim

Kennith sometimes just breaks into a country accent sometimes

Kennith likes candy

His favorite tastes are smoke, blood, rootbeer, alcohol of any kind, sour candies, and dick I MEAN WHO SAID THAT? WHO SAID THAT??

Kennith doesn't like being touched, unless it's in bed

How ever if he was hugging with genuine love and care he would get really emotional or all flustered have to go be alone for a while and be emotional later

Kennith paints his nails

If kennith were to go to a school dance (he didn't he spend them in his basement with Stephanie)

He would just kinda stand by the punch bowl with his little cup drink it, fill it, drink it, fill it, drink it, fill it, drink it, fill it, drink it again, and fill it

Kennith likes 60s garage rock and psychedelic rock

Kennith has BPD and depression

He steals a lot

He's also really sexual, he into bdsm and guro. Ghost has called him a kinky little shit

He thinks he'd trip in a ball gown

He doesn't have a schedule, he just does shit when he feels like

He'd get annoyed with clueless people and like if he has to repeat himself it pisses him off. He also doesn't like explaining when you're not on the same page as him immediately, he's tolerant with Stephanie doing that though

His favorite color is coral

He has a super unstable sleep schedule

Stephanie apprently carried around Kennith sometimes

He would have a gore and an nsfw blog on tumblr if he were alive now

If being gender-fluid was more known in the 80s he would have been gender-fluid. If he were alive now he would be gender-fluid. Cuz it's the 80s though, he just assumes he's a dude who feels more feminine sometimes

Kennith would refuse therapy because he "doesn't need that shit like that"

Kennith would like beanie babies if he were alive now

He twirls his hair

Sometimes when he didn't wanna be bothered about it, he'd cover up his sh with foundation to make it less noticeable. Most of the time he was too lazy

Kennith has abandonment issues

Kennith shaves

He LOVES milk

He would wear thigh highs

He doesn't know what job he'd have, he'd probably continue with repairing electronics though

Kennith drinks and smokes weed

Kennith's favorite alcoholic thing is champagne

Kennith would have a pet rat

Kennith can scream really loud

He makes self deprecating jokes quite a bit

Kennith would wear a skirt if he wouldn't have gotten the living shit bullied out of him. They would also be flashy and revealing

For Halloween Kennith would dress in all white and say he's sperm

He swears excessively

Kennith is that guy with the magnifying glass and burns ants to death

He's the type to draw dicks on the school white boards/chalk boards

Kennith would like throwing knives

Kennith likes to mess with people for fun (in a silly way)

He also likes joking around with and pranking his friends

Kennith would have loved being a model

Kennith is around 100lbs

His voice claim is YoppyVU, any statement about it not, is a lie. Ghost does that a lot, did you know that?

He doesn't spend a lot of time at home, his parents piss him off. He usually hangs around the gas station Greg works at, Stephanie's house, or the park or something

He'd be the type to die his hair with kool-aid, it would look like shit

Kennith attempted before

Kennith forgets to eat alot. He starves himself but not to a life threatening point, he doesn't focus on it at all. He literally just forgets and doesn't feel like eating

He would have been a theater kid if he didn't think the world hated him

He'd be a bad singer

He's broadcast was in the garage he worked in

Ghost said if you looked up "curly pixie cut" you'd be able to find references for his hair

And also he is cold and reserved to people he is not friends with. He takes a bit to warm up to people

That's not all I know, but I don't wanna write anymore. It's 4 am. I can cite my sources for all of these, btw. And also ignore but don't that jab about Ghost lying a lot

[according2thelore]

LITERALLY that "dad I'm gay and stronger than you" post had me like ..! my friend and I have been screaming for A Week Straight about the concept of Actual Child Monarch boykingofhell!Sam manifesting his powers early on and just. he and Dean figuring this is probably just another one of those Things We Don't Tell Dad. like, Sam who always knows where the radar traps will be on the interstate, and Sam jedi-whammying the motel clerk into forgetting their overdue payments... John flipping his absolute shit when he finds out; Sam being like "you can't stop me" and John being like "... You're /twelve/, yes, I can" and Sam being like "uh. you're just a guy, dad. I have all of hell at my disposal. do your worst, I guess???" John figuring that if he can't exorcize the hell outta Sam, he can at least make sure Sam can't get out of hell; telling Dean that he really tried but that the demonic forces killed Sam before John could save him; smash cut to early-20s Dean in his first year of solo hunting encountering a crossroads case, where the vics freak out anytime they're alone with him because "can't [he] see that massive fucking hellhound trailing after [him]?!" and the crossroads demon who can't believe who they're looking at when he finally gets them cornered. crossroads demon who smokes out under exorcism, but not before telling Dean "your brother wants to see you"

...anon...holy shit anon...

you are so correct!!

i think that in this situation (growing up with (to his knowledge) a dead sam, and a dad that "let" him die) dean would be more than passively suicidal. he doesn't care about himself, he failed. sam is dead. dean gets reckless, but he just barely avoids dying more than once, just a hairsbreadth.

he drinks until he can't walk straight, gets in the car, and wakes up in the motel parking lot. he goes half-cocked into a werewolf hunt, and he's sure that there's a werewolf behind him about to take him out (and isn't going to stop it, not really), but when he finally gets his finger around the trigger and turns around, the werewolf's ten feet away looking blank and confused. he puts a nominal effort into stitching up a bullet hole, doesn't even bother digging the slug out, and passes out in a random motel. next morning, the bullet's on the nightstand, and the stitches are even and tight. it's not enough to be completely concerned--hell, dean's borderline black-out drunk at any given moment, can't remember the last time he was completely sober--but it's...weird.

animals suddenly hate his fucking guts. dean used to tease sammy about it, about the fact that animals seemed to love dean and hate sammy. they would cringe away from sam's touch, skitter out from under his feet. birds would land on the impala if dean was driving, deer would poke their heads out of the woods if he walked past. but now...dean can't remember the last time he even saw a dog.

they just...flee. even at witnesses' houses, dean sees food bowls and chew toys and hears nails clacking on wood upstairs, but they tuck tail and run as soon as he knocks on the door.

after that first case, that first crossroads case where they name the thing, a Hell Hound...dean thinks it's bullshit. he's heard of black dogs, but this is new. it's weird.

he names it hooch. he and sam had seen that movie at a drive-in one summer, and he figures he's kind of fighting crime, right? he jokingly orders an extra patty on his burger and leaves it out for his imaginary dog, and the next morning it's gone. on the next hunt, the vampire doesn't even come within fifteen feet of dean before something rips its leg off at the knee.

when he calls the demon, it keeps looking down at dean's feet warily, back and forth, like something is pacing between them, something low. the demon keeps giving vague non-answers, distracted, and dean slaps his thigh, calls, 'hooch. down, boy.' and the demon...stops.

then those words...your brother wants to see you your brother wants to see you yourbrotherwantstoseeyou YourBrotherWantsToSeeYou.

dean is apoplectic. he finds the colt, finds the gate, heads into hell without a second thought, muttering to hooch the whole way (you better fucking rip some demons up you lazy son of a bitch).

sam's eyes are yellow, all the way through. bright yellow. he's huge. grown. beautiful. it's everything dean never thought he'd get to see. he dreamed about sam being this old, about sam having hands that dwarf a machete handle, of shoulders that blot out the stars.

sam doesn't react at first, knows that dad sent dean on a solo hunt before it all went down, but doesn't know how much dean knew about it, about dad locking him down here. dean doesn't even question why he's on a throne, why demons flank him on either side, heads bowed, why no demons even tried to stop dean from getting here, why they flinched away from him like something would swoop out of the dark and steal them if they brushed his shoulders.

"sammy," dean says--begs, really--for the first time in years, sam's smile falters. his eyes are hazel again, and his bottom lip trembles, and dean begs, "come with me, come home. please."

maybe it works, and they leave, and dean pulls sam into a hug so vicious that they both cry. maybe sam works from afar, and they relearn each other. their first hunt is ripping john winchester's head from his shoulders and trading kisses in his blood.

or maybe it doesn't. maybe dean stays, because they won't be separated like this, not again. the world's got other hunters, and dean has sam, and the rest of it can go fuck itself.

and sam has the life he's always wanted: power. respect. love. dean. (those last two are the same, really). and a dog, that keeps stealing dean's shoes.

anyway anon...much to think about...i love this...and you, coincidentally, mwah.

you and your friend galaxy-brained this one i fear.

-lizzy

[orionsangel86]

I'm sorry but why do you ship them so hard? They just have 1 episode together.. I watched the sandman expecting destiel and it was literally almost nothing there. 1 episode. Idk how you guys got so much ship content out of that.

Ah nonny, I'm sorry but if you go into anything expecting Destiel you are gonna be dissappointed. Destiel is a behemouth of 12 years worth of gradually escalating gay subtext, queer coding, and romantic tropes. Destiel is the ship that people go into expecting that Tumblr exaggerated only to be blown away by how ridiculously gay it is even when it tries so hard not to be.

But remember, once upon a time people shipped Destiel after only a few moments of interaction. The first Destiel fic was written 30 minutes after Lazarus Rising aired...everything has its time.

When I joked that Dreamling was the "Destiel of Sandman fandom" I meant in terms of popularity compared to everything else about the show. The ships share some similar traits when compared on a grand scale - think ancient cosmic entity that has very strict rules slowly changes and starts to become more "human" thanks to their friendship with one dude who just so happens to be a hedonistic stubborn ass who refuses to die - but are otherwise very different.

But if you are wondering why people ship Dream and Hob so hard, well, this post goes some ways to explaining it.

But basically, look this may only be a half hour of television, but it doesn't equate in universe to half an hour of interaction. This half hour of television spans the course of 6 centuries for these two characters. There is a totally untapped potential hidden in the gaps between centuries to explore, and on top of that, the final meeting is left completely up to the imagination of the audience. Its a sandbox ship. Its a dozen fanfiction gaps laid on top of each other. It's at least 20 different prompts for fans to sink their teeth into. Its the potential. It's the what if.

Then on top of that, if you follow the comics, you know that the future Dream x Hob meetings also have a hell of a lot of potential to turn romantic. Dream going out of his way to hunt down a specific bottle of wine that doesn't exist on Earth anymore to gift it to Hob in his dreams, the very fact that he visits Hob in his dreams (hello common Destiel trope right there). They don't meet too many more times in the comics, but each time the tension is palpable. The meeting in the Kindly Ones is heartbreaking, because you can tell desperately how much they need each other at that moment, but they are both too distracted or consumed by grief and depression to truly reach out to one another. The comics never reveal why Dream sought Hob out at that point, but given everything happening to him at the time, its not hard to assume that Dream was seeking comfort from his friend - the only person he could really turn to for comfort at that point.

Then we have Hob's dream. One of the final stories in The Sandman original comic run. After everything else has happened, after the climax and all that takes place, after the smoke has cleared and you think everyone else has moved on and you are certain the ending is set in stone, you get to Hob's dream, and your mind is once again blown, and suddenly you have a thousand more questions. So many fans hopes and dreams rely on Hob's dream right now I can't even begin to express how important that particular comic issue is to me.

It's all about the potential. There is so much potential.

Plus the 30 minute scene we got was loaded full of subtext, romantic tropes, and queer coding. I dunno if you picked up on it, but I have an extremely long meta essay still in the works that goes through everything that 30 minute sequence gives us in terms of shipping fodder (I really need to finish that). Its not just the romantic tropes, the break up and make up, its the acting choices, the eye fucking, the freaking song choices in 1989 holy fuck could they be more on the nose.

Also, consider this thought experiment: Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens are a hugely popular ship, where their creator Neil Gaiman has confirmed that theirs is a love story. Whatever else you may believe about Crowley and Aziraphale, their story is a love story. Creator confirmed love story.

Now, Crowley and Aziraphale are the leads of Good Omens and interact throughout the entire 6 episode show. But consider the first half of episode 3. Imagine a version of Good Omens where Crowley and Aziraphale don't really interact outside of that 30 minute opening sequence. That the story was much more focused on the Them, the Horsemen, and the other characters. Imagine then seeing that 30 minute sequence which shows Crowley and Aziraphale slowly warming to each other and becoming friends over the centuries, shows them getting to know each other, do each other favours, come to each others defence, get into fights and break up with each other, only to make up later...

Would you still ship them? Even if that 30 minute sequence was all you got? I guarantee if I asked any Ineffable Husbands fan that question they would say yes. Because THAT 30 minute sequence is what solidifies the importance of their relationship and its what MAKES IT a love story.

Guess where Neil Gaiman got the idea for that 30 minute sequence in Good Omens from? Ah Neil, plagiarising his own work all these years later!

If Neil Gaiman thought that Men of Good Fortune would work well for a canonical love story in Good Omens, I wonder what he was thinking when he then adapted Men of Good Fortune for television?

THE POTENTIAL.

I ship Dreamling that hard because it has more potential than any other ship I have come across. It has 6 centuries and all the future of the Sandman show for me to explore, to tweak, to play with. Besides they just suit each other ya know? Like Dream is notoriously bad at relationships, but Hob is literally perfect for him. The more my mind dwells on how perfect Hob is for Dream the more I want to scream about it. Give the sad wet cat man a boyfriend who is literally his opposite in every way. Dream is a character looking for a reason to keep living, and Hob is a character who refuses to die. Dream is a pessimist, Hob is an optimist. Dream is afraid of change, Hob literally changes constantly with the times. Dream is desperate for love and someone to stay by his side, Hob just wants to love someone he doesn't have to eventually leave.

Let them meet in the middle.

[bengiyo]

Wandee Goodday Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

Last week, everything went to shit. Dee's dumb ass went to Ter's apartment in his kink outfit when he was expecting to have a romantic dinner with Yak for whatever reason. Kao showed up and didn't kick Ter's ass, but Dee got mad at Yak for introducing Ter to the school of Talk Shit, Get Hit. Yak ended up taking his necklace back and then blowing his next fight, clearly causing more money problems for Oyei. Ter passed out drunk on Dee when they were in Japan, and I am over that man. Dee and Yak finally kissed, but it was not emotionally rewarding in the least.

What the fuck?? Why is he giving the necklace back already?? Nothing is fixed!!!

I know they're into sex play, but I see we're letting Dee blow smoke up Yak's ass now. Ter is a doctor so he can't get his ass beat? Fuck him and fuck that. Why won't Dee let him kiss still??

So the dad isn't in the picture? We need to dig into why they need to be world champions after their shitty dad.

I am going to need to revisit Yak's school angst in light of him asking Oyei to help him become a world champion. I had presumed he was pushed into doing this.

Hold on, what is going on with this trip at the gym??

As interesting as a mental health plotline might be...can we NOT have Kao treat Yak, too??

Not the devil trying to ask Dee to the not-prom.

Why does Yak have to go because of Ter? I thought we were done with the make him jealous shit. Worse, are we using it to push Yak to do something again?

I know we not pretending we give a shit about the neighbors when they were playing that guitar at 3:30 in the morning before.

Dee still thinks they're being fuck buddies and fake boyfriends? Please be serious.

Well, the money issues are back.

I'm glad Golf got to direct the first episode of a show acknowledging the marriage bill passing.

This proposal got me. He needs to put a proper ring on this man after we solve this money crisis.

I don't like Taem getting jealous now. She's rebuffed this man for most of the show.

Well, this is turning dark. Been a while since we had to hate an AJ character.

Why would Yak not just say Taem is in danger?? He understands emergencies!

Why would Dee make sure everyone knows he's alone?

So, Team is right that she probably didn't lead this dude on. He deserves to get what's coming to him. I'm just confused about why we're doing this now because the primary purpose of this scene is to separate gays.

Let's be clear: The Devil said he wasn't into men. Why is he here now? Why is he determined now? The mirroring of the vanilla line is just not landing for me, because I just don't get why Dee is still caught up in proving something with The Devil at this stage.

Kwan did not deserve this, holy shit.

Clothes perfectly clean after a fight and a run? I'm impressed.

Did the devil really go looking for Kwan?? Hell to the no!

I like Yoryak saying he loves Dee plainly, but like last week, I didn't like how we got here.

This show baffles me. I want to like it, but it's just not coming together into something I can really enjoy. It's a real bummer for me.

[chipthekeeper]

Ranking Velcinta moments by how insane they make me feel, a(n overly) comprehensive list

As promised, here's my way too detailed ranking of all 18-ish of their moments. This (predictably) got obnoxiously long toward the end, so venture under the cut if you actually care and/or don't mind a lot of scrolling.

18. Valley One (Ep. 6)

I'm relatively sane about this. Except when I think about how they probably slept in that little hut the night before. Also when I think about how this is one of the very few shots in which they're both visible and (relatively) in focus.

17. "No farewells tonight." (Ep. 5)

Mostly was insane about this when the episode first came out and I was SO. FUCKING. WORRIED. that they were gonna die in the next one.

16. "What are they doing?" (Ep. 5)

Girlfriends who scowl together stay together (please Tony Gilroy I'm begging you).

15. Feeding the dray (Ep. 5)

The fact that Cinta is smiling here is what makes me most crazy. Also I just adore this flash of simple domesticity with them. Ahh, what could have been....

14. "Have you heard from Cinta?" (Ep. 7)

Vel not being able to look Kleya in the eye when she asks about Cinta makes me crazy mostly for the whole "Vel/Kleya exes" plot but of course this whole part had me jumping out of my seat on first watch.

13. "The rebellion comes first. We take what's left." (Ep. 9)

VEL FINDING STRENGTH IN CINTA'S WORDS AND USING THEM TO HELP MON WITH HER DOUBTS TOO I'M !!!!!

(went all-caps way before I thought I would, maybe this one should be higher....)

12. Into the smoke (Ep. 12)

She looks so worried when Cinta isn't where she's supposed to be and then she sprints INTO the melee while everyone else is running AWAY. I'M NOT FINE!!!!

11. At the campfire (Ep. 4)

I swear to y'all that the first time I watched this episode and saw them sitting so close I was like "oh. hey" fully intending to ship them even if that was literally all we got. And then holy fucking shit we got everything I was too afraid to ask for. So this moment always has a special place in my heart.

10. "What's she doing?" (Ep. 4)

It. Makes. Me. CRAZY. That the first time they share a scene together, they're literally always in the same frame.

CRAZY.

Like....they've been connected from the VERY beginning, even if the show revealed them being together rather slowly. Also it's everything to me that the first time we see Cinta it's Taramyn asking her what Vel is up to bringing a new guy in. Because if anyone would know, it would be her.

9. "Stay focused, Clem." (Ep. 5)

All of the territorial Vel stuff is great to me but I especially love this moment. First of all Cinta's little smirk. And also it's just so....idk it's a quiet moment of contemplation and probably anxiety but we can't not take a second to tell Clem to back off.

I'm combining this with the "you can dress yourself" bit too because that moment just makes me laugh with how Vel's always in the background watching and then immediately jumps up to give Clem the business and use his scuffle with Skeen as an excuse to mark her territory.

8. "Closet?" "Empty." (Ep. 12)

That bit of dialogue made my gay little self so happy and then they went and did the whole "that's blood" "it's not mine" thing and I'll never recover. Vel being so concerned that she won't even let Cinta keep packing, but then at the very end she's a little impressed/turned on??? 10/10 no notes. (okay I have one note and that's "you're really just going to leave me hanging like that for two years?????" but that's a different post)

7. "Get down!" (Ep. 6)

Truly one of my favorite scenes in the whole show is when Vel almost loses her shit at the top of the dam. The tension is insane, her fear is PALPABLE, and I absolutely love that it's Cinta just calling her out for stalling and then yelling at her that breaks her out of it.

But the thing that makes me feel most crazy about this scene is this:

Someone please explain to me WHY Cinta makes the jump while looking directly at Vel. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. Or else I will just continue to believe it's because part of her is scared up there too and looking at Vel is what helps her take the leap. That is a crazy thought -- I'm pretty sure she's fine -- but if it's not that then I don't get why she's even facing that way??

6. This (Ep. 8)

THE MUSIC. THE FADE. THE SORROW. I like literally can't even talk about this one. But it does make me feel a lot how obvious it is that Vel's thoughts are soooooooooo far from the fight here:

While at the same time there's not a thought in Cinta's head about her:

Breaks my fucking heart.

5. "No. She didn't tell me." (Ep. 5)

Whew. This moment. For a while I was mostly happy about this moment because it was just one more piece of evidence that they were together before that was fully confirmed.

But then my headcanon brain took over while I was writing my multichapter fic and it has been fucking me up ever since. Because I'm always going to wonder if all their drama was always going to happen the way it did or if Vel betraying Cinta's trust as a partner was some kind of breaking point.

Is that probably just me? Yes. Does it matter? Not to this ranking.

4. "She's already sharin' a blanket if that's what you're wonderin'." (Ep. 5)

I was!!! I was wonderin'!!!!! And I will forever use this phrase as a euphemism for being a lesbian.

What I would not give........to experience this line and this shot for the first time again. Or at least know what I sounded like giving a joyous shout.

3. "Tell me you'll be alright." (Ep. 6)

This is the one that I would probably sound the most insane trying to talk about out loud. It would be a lot of me like verbally keysmashing and somehow going "!!!!!!" out loud.

The hand-hold that saved my life? The EMOTION in their eyes when they look at each other??? Vel starting to go in for the goodbye kiss right in front of the hostages' salad but then just not????????

Fuck.

FUCK!!!!!!!

2. "Come away from the window." (Ep. 12)

I have to start by talking about Vel's cute little sad grin in this scene when she's like "nice to see you too" and Cinta like glares back at her. That made me feel crazy enough but then this whole scene that I want to say I can't even put into words even though I have in fact already done it.

The desperation on Vel's part is what kills me. Not that she's desperate for attention or love or whatever people always try to pin on her here (and of course it is that to some degree) but that she's desperate to keep Cinta from losing herself. She's so desperate but all she can do is ask. All she can do is hope Cinta will turn around and take a break. And she does.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS AFTER THAT TONY GILROY?!

I have never screamed so loud about a scene just ending.

Whatever, it gave me something to write and I enjoyed doing that.

1. "You love me because I show you what you need to see." (Ep. 8)

And here we are. The scene that has taken up space in my brain more than any other single thing since I saw it. I've been over it so many times. Watching and taking notes, staring at the gifs, studying the screencaps, trying to wrap my head around every little line and gesture and movement and emotion. I've spent hours on it, and I still find myself coming back to think about it and wondering if I've truly understood it all.

Just getting them reunited after Aldhani was such a relief (even though it was jarring at first to just see Cinta and be like "how the fuck did you get here?"). But then the conversation just knocked me on my ass.

"Haven't we been apart long enough?" YES YOU HAVE!!

"We take what's left." NOOOO TAKE IT ALL

"That's cold...even for you." Stabbing me in the face would be less painful.

And then...hearing the words "you love me" from one woman to another woman in a Star Wars show....not a book, not a comic...a show. Truly meant everything to me. I was so fucking happy to hear those words that I couldn't even process how goddamn sad the rest of it was until later. Once I did I had a stomachache for an entire week. I have one again right now.

And then it ends with the most fucking beautiful hand-hold and yet another tiny look that makes me feel crazy in and of itself (which I've done a whole post on by itself), and despite my broken heart I have hope.

If I am ever able to watch this scene and not feel seventeen emotions at once, it's over for me.

Easy number one.

[shutupandplayasong]

Ok ok ok time to talk about the show!!!!

(Warning this going to be beyond hectic I'm quite literally shaking with excitement and also it's 1 am)

Justin's floofy little hyena mohawk gives me LIFE it looks so good

Instead of the ukulele being tossed onto stage by someone below, the funeral director guy tosses it to Beej

After the sad puppet show BJ screams out "I'm burning! I'm burning! I thought this only happened to books that make kids gay!" And I literally gasped. I don't know if that was written into the script or if it was improv but holy shit

During TWBDT Part 2, when BJ tries to spell his name a second time, he pulls his sleeve back to read a little cheatsheet to spell it correctly. My illiterate little himbo ❤

Instead of "Sadness is like kale salad, no one likes it, throw it out" Delia says "Sadness is like a third nipple, it's a part of you but no one wants to see it"

During Charles and Lydia's dead mom argument, Delia is just waggling her triangle around and slow motion dancing. No thoughts, just vibes

When Charles and Delia are making out on the table, Charles is full on sniffing her foot and rubbing his face against it like a cat..... Chuck has a foot fetish confirmed.

Someone already posted about the guacamole story and jesus fucking christ man

When Barb gives her "best primal screams" she gives a very half hearted "blehhh" and then hits a fucking opera note on her second attempt?? I'm love ??

BJ'S MIC IS BEDAZZLED

It's also small enough to fit up his sleeve. Big spooky demon with this dinky tiny glittery microphone. I love it.

I swear to god in Charles' room there's this big ass sculpture that looks like a giant butt plug. I did an actual double take. I couldn't focus on anything else during that scene.

Except the fact that Delia had a juul pod im pretty sure?

After Say My Name, when the curtain drops, Adam is all like "We should bring the sheets" "No" "Well we should bring the sheets just in case" "Adam, no, come on!" "Ok I won't bring the sheets :("

After Beej is pushed off the roof a little puff of smoke is blown onto the stage like a cartoon

When Beej crawls out of the table when Lydia calls him there's this god awful squelching sound

After That Beautiful Sound, when BJ is explaining his plan to his clones, one of the women is stood there wiggling her fingers and popping her hips out and she's so cute!!

I never really cared about Otho but the man who played is a whole ass Shane Madej caricature and I kind of love him now

We unfortunately do not get red Beetlejuice, but for a split second the lights give him a similar effect and while it's not the same, I will take it. It's better than nothing I suppose

I love the yellow and blue suit on Justin he's so hampsome 🥺💞😭🥺💘😢💖💗😭

To fill in the awkward silence after the "we both have dead moms" joke, BJ fucking bounces on Juno's severed leg like a pogo stick????? It literally sucked the air out of my body and I had to force myself to breath so I didn't start wheezing and disrupting the whole auditorium

We got confetti'd after the curtain call and I grabbed 3 handfuls :) That's not really a note on the show, I just felt like sharing

Ok on to my feelings about the cast:

Justin:

Listen, no one can ever top Alex, but I'll be damned if Justin isn't a close second.

Just constantly screaming and doing his little dancy dance, even if it's during normal dialogue that does not call for screaming or dancy dancing.

Not much in the feral behavior department, but he sticks his tongue out so. much. A lot of sarcastic gasping too like sir close your mouth before bugs start crawling inside

He takes his sweet time finishing dialogue. There were several times where there would be a good 30 seconds of dead air, and every time the laughter died down it would start up and fill the silence again. I don't know what spell he cast to make the audience do that but it was a good one.

I'll be honest I wasn't so sure about him when the casting was announced but god damn it he just has so much charisma I want to get on all fours and bark for him

Im not taking that back btw you're gonna have to live with me saying that

Isabella:

My favorite Lydia hands down.

Her Lydia has so much attitude she's almost a bit of a bully. There's so much sarcasm and angst and anger in her delivery. She plays the moody teenage girl character well.

Not really an acting not but Isabella has such big, expressive eyes. Granted, I had pretty close seats, but you can still see her eye rolls and quirked eyebrows from the stage it's amazing.

Overall she's a fantastic Lydia and again, my absolute favorite. No shade to Sophie, but I feel like her Lydia was... a bit whiny and immature. Isabella is truly grieving her mother and you can see how much of a toll all these changes are having on her. I absolutely love the edge and the bite she brings to Lydia.

Britney and Will:

These two.

These two are out of fucking control for real.

Take the goof factor from the original Maitlands and crank that shit up to 11.

Gonna have to agree with Beetlejuice though, Will's Adam is quite sexy...

"Adam... You're boring. But! You're sexy. You should own that." *cue Will doing a full body roll*

I dont know if it's his height or voice or line delivery but he just seems a lot less... idk pathetic? than the original Adam. It's a nice change of pace. I always wished they did more to develop his character.

Britney brings a lot of spunk to Barbara. Like Barbara has always been the slightly more adventurous one in the relationship but Britney really makes her shine.

OG Barbara is a bit more subdued but Britney's body language is so big? I guess is the right word? So many big gestures and so much movement. Im always a big fan of when actors use their whole bodies to deliver their lines instead of just standing pin straight and talking.

Kate:

I've noticed a lot of people don't really like her Delia and while she isn't my number one favorite either, I still think she does a good job

OG Delia, I feel, is out of touch with the times and trying to be "hip" while still being old school. Kate's Delia is very much aware of "kids these days" and is an obnoxious try hard. I kind of like her take on the character in that sense.

Delia has absolutely no concept of personal space. She stands wayyyy to close to Lydia and whenever Lydia gets fed up, she gets in Delia's face to give her a taste of her own medicine. I LOVE the dynamic between them.

Also Kate's Delia is lowkey kind of bullied by Lydia? Like Lydia is actually pretty mean to her. Again, I love how Kate and Isabella interact with each other. There's a lot more turmoil and strain between these two that I feel was lacking in the original production (at least from what I've seen in the bootlegs I've watched).

Jesse:

Not as imposing or strict as OG Charles, but I like it. I don't prefer it, but I like it.

I feel like Jesse's Charles wears his heart on his sleeve? You can really hear how tired and lost and confused he is when he's struggling to communicate with Lydia.

I never cried while watching bootlegs but damn it, their performance of Home almost made me cry...

Also if anyone would like to drop me off at the theater tomorrow so I can snag those remaining $30 single seat tickets my address is-

[shh-daddys-sleeping]

The Burying (Barnroe) Linda called it an unfortunate incident. Becky claimed a direct attack on one of her teammates as a revenge for a lesbian love triangle. Nonetheless, they are now forced to share detention for two months. How long can it take until somebody ends up dead? Metaphorically speaking, of course. Prompts: Gay Awakening, Near Death Experience, Opposites. (And High School AU) TW for topics that deal with homophobia and domestic abuse later on, so take care of yourselves.

I was supposed to upload this on AO3 and during the proper day, but I'm kind of going crazy with work and don't wanna forget. I'll probably do it properly later, but I wanted to share something at least!

Chapter 1: These violent delights

Becky 

“Now, you two, split up!” 

Linda and I were both covered in blood as the teacher gave this shout and interfered between us. She jolted while trying to avoid our attempts to still reach one another to do something like rip our hair off, but even then an elbow -she couldn’t determine of which one of us and of course we didn’t want to assume responsibility on it neither- hit her nose, inadvertently throwing her to the floor as well. 

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Ten minutes later, miss Guiterrez, the gym teacher, was placing an ice pack on her face. Her expression was way too calmed for it to be nothing but severely contained anger. I’ve seen it on way too many people in my lifetime by now to know that.  

My face was mildly stiff because of the dry blood, and by one quick glance at Linda I was able to tell that hers was too. We were both silently looking down to the floor and the teacher was not having it.  

We got startled by the sound of the ice pack being thrown to the table of her office.  

“I want someone to start answering me now.” 

“Professor, we’re sorry.” 

I practically didn’t notice the way my jaw dropped as I turned my head to my right to look at her. Was Linda Murray actually apologizing?  

“It’s never going to happen again.” She continued, “We promise.”  

The teacher seemed to balance the outcomes in her head to know how much trouble this was going to cost her in the future, but there was a final sigh of resignation as she placed the ice on her nose again.  

“What about you, Barnes?”  

I blinked. “Oh, of course, professor. We… promise.”  

The teacher rolled her eyes. “Get out of here and go wash your faces, for God’s sake.”  

I couldn’t believe that we got out of that situation that easily, and I wondered if these would be the benefits of associating myself with Linda Murray, even if it just was in this particularly strange and circumstantial period in time.  

Linda Murray. There is a certain rhythm in the pronunciation and calligraphy of that name that I cannot believe I’m allowing myself to notice. A certain aura, if you will. Being around her is like being surrounded by some holy smoke you can’t describe and least catch in a bottle. Then you wake up and you realize you were but in a fever dream.  

Except this isn’t a fever dream, but I am actually and purposely feeding these thoughts about Linda.  

Did I just call her Linda and not Linda Murray? 

Fuck.  

But I tried to remind myself, at times like these, that we were spending way too much time together against our will. Was it really that surprising we ended up having a physical fight in the detention room? Can’t blame a cat for walking on fours and meowing.  

Still, I tried to reach for Linda while we were getting out of the teacher’s office. But she was fast and determined to avoid me. 

“Hey, I—” I stepped backwards while sensing the door of the bathroom being shut on my face.  

The sound of the drain reached my ears while I waited, resting my shoulder on the wall.  

Linda stared at me when she opened the door to get out of the toilet. That look seemed eternal, and I couldn’t determine one single thing behind her dead rock expression.  Then she started to wash the blood out of her face and hands in the lavatory.  

I walked to her, “So you’re not speaking to me?”   

She looked at me and shrugged with a gesture that said, what does it seem? 

The anger settled for a while in my chest before gathering the courage to let it out, and she was already by the door, on her way out, when I did it: 

“Fuck you!”  

She turned around almost in slow motion after hearing it. For a moment I feared that — oh God this girl could actually fucking kill me, but when she talked her voice sounded even gentle:  

“You know what, Becks? This is the best for both you and me and you know it. Let’s stop trying to pretend this Breakfast Club meets Grease or whatever the fuck we were doing, and just ignore each other until this nightmare is over.”  

“What if I don’t want to?” I asked. I was unsure if I had decided to give that step towards her or if it was some strange gravitational phenomenon suddenly affecting us.  

She breathed deeply once before saying something. Her eyes were dancing around before laying on mine.  

“We can’t always get what we want.” It upset me that she sounded so upset — redundancy needed. But before I could reply, she looked down for a sec and added, “You got some of my blood on your shirt, I think.” 

I clang to the look of her long after she was gone of the room. And I couldn’t really process her words and start to wash myself until minutes later. Did I just really say that? What if I don’t want to? 

What did I precisely not want? 

And what did I want?  

Of course, this was only the beginning of a realization I wasn’t even remotely close to admit yet, and it was that I was falling in love with Linda Murray. And that she was falling in love with me.  

But Linda was smarter than me and she realized this before I could find the words to express it, and as anyone can imagine out of such a situation, violent delights can only have violent ends. But there is something beautiful in not being able to look away from a car crash, isn’t it?  

And who am I to defy love?  

[boyswanna-be-her]

publishing gay romance novels really unreasonably often for so many years completely warped my view of like... what is fun and funny and hot. like i am decent at writing a life-affirming, largely unproblematic romance that won't get me hate reviews and that's valid. and i think that's a pretty reasonable reaction, as a creator, to the bizarre takes on my fiction that i've dealt with (I'm sure everyone in my field deals with it) and vitriol that exists on the internet and goodreads and whatever platform for anyone who dares to present gay stories that aren't stock standard, ready to be produced by the hallmark channel and distributed to a chikfila audience.

but like. hm. to be writing that MESSY shit again. incredible. give me those goblins making bad choices. i cannot wait to ponder over how to write their setpiece Incidents in the most exquisitely uncomfortable ways. i love to watch them chew the scenery in my imagination. cannot say the same for my sweet, sweet lovingly rendered mass-appeal characters whose most compelling aspirations are to get me lots of nice reviews where nobody is calling me a [redacted lol] writing a "guide for [REDACTED FOR LEGAL REAONS WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS SHIT HOLY FUCK!!!!!]" i was really shaken by some of the horrific shit that people put out about my absurd books and it's taken me a long time to understand how to ignore it and--even harder--digest what i had already internalized and believed about myself as a human being based on book reviews. reading reviews is NOT the same as having an editor, and hater input was poison to my confidence in a way that i wasn't actually secure enough to acknowledge until the last few years.

im having a lot of emotions around writing again. im having a lot of emotions around most aspects of my life presently, and that of course channels nicely into creating some thinly-veiled fiction.

i'm glad i was allowed the luxury of taking some years off from publishing. i had completely stopped thinking of myself as a writer, despite the fact that i have 17 titles under my belt including a dozen hugely overlong novels written just by me. the last five years have been a pretty consistent ego death--not that i'm complaining, the vibe is now immaculate--but it is of course a lot to deal with. At the same time, the past DECADE of... trauma and growth and death and growth and total fuck ups and growth... has also casually wrought a sort of ingrained queer fury and strength in me that won't be quenched until my body kicks the bucket. I'm finally as old as I've always felt and I've got nothing to lose in writing some incredibly indulgent and polarizing fiction

anyway i don't really know how to blog anymore. i stopped sharing for so long, edited my sharing, overshared, undershared, begged for input, ignored all input. i'm making all of this shit up as i go along at this point. i'm excited about the way that my life experience is currently guiding my fiction. i think that's the essence here. but also 420 smoke weed every day jesse pinkman was right all along

[ilovecupcakesandtea]

Pairing: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson  Rating: NSFW 18+  Summary: Revelations and deep conversations a plenty....buckle up its about to get heavy. Word Count: 5,958  Warnings: Alcohol consumption. Commentary: Fun fact less than 18 hours ago this had no title and hadn't been proofread despite having been finished for almost a week....and yet chapter 5 is already done ready for next week! Thank you to @slipperygiraff for being amazing <3

Part One   Part two   Part three   Part five   Part six

"So of all the tattoo studios in Indy, Harrington happens to walk into yours at the one point you're there on your own?" Gareth asks standing in front of the open window, taking a cigarette from Eddie. 

"Yeah, just strolls right in. Luckily I had no appointments booked after so I could close up straight after I'd finished his ink." Eddie replied, smoking his own cigarette standing by the window next to Gareth. 

"And how was seeing him again? Can't have been easy, surely?" The younger guy asked cautiously. 

"It was weird man, he looks totally different, all punked out. He looks so good Gare, his hair is pink! Sides of it shaved, ripped black jeans, piercings. He got a fricking tattoo of a bat with nails in it, so metal." Eddie sighed remembering how good Steve had looked casually lying there being tattooed. 

"Calm down before you pop a boner in front of me, not done that since you we're like 13." Gareth laughed. "So did he ask why you left and did you tell him about J?" he asked softer. 

"Yeah he asked, I explained. Told him I needed out. Yeah he knows about J, they brought us over a couple drinks just after he told me he isn't straight" 

"I'm sorry what?!" Gareth coughed a lung full of smoke out in surprise. "Steve Harrington, THE Steve Harrington, ladies man Steve Harrington, King Steve. is gay?"

"He never out right said gay, just said he was far from straight is all." Eddie shrugged. 

"Man what are you going to do?" Gareth asked after a few minutes of silence. 

"No idea" Eddie whispered as he dragged a hand down his face and stumped his cigarette out.

There was a banging on Steve's door, just having made it downstairs when the banging began. He walked over and opened the door to find Robin, still in her PJs, who pushed past him as soon as the door was open enough. 

"You gonna tell me what was soooo important you couldn't tell me over the phone?" Robin demanded as she started looking through his fridge. 

"I got us food already. Let's take it to the coffee table and I promise to tell you everything." He said as he started handing her some of the junk food he had picked up on his way home the night before. 

Once all the food was laid out, they sat on the couch, legs crossed, facing each other. 

"Well go on then!" Robin demanded, mouth full of cheese puffs. 

"Well when I was walking to the show the other night I passed a tattoo shop so I went in late the next afternoon and you'll never…" he was interrupted by Robin grabbing his left hand, pulling it close to inspect his tattoo. 

"You got a tattoo!" She screamed so loud he was sure the neighbors could have heard her. "Wait, is that a robin on your bat? It's even got a little Scoops hat! Aw, Steve!" Robin beamed, pulling him in close for a hug and probably getting cheese dust all over the back of his shirt. 

"You'll never guess who it was that did it."

"It's too early for this and you didn't even make us coffee. You know I came over as soon as I woke up. Please don't actually make me guess." She sighed, shoving another cheese puff in her mouth. 

"It was Eddie." He watched as Robin's face slowly turned to shock and her mouth fell open, half chewed cheese puff visible. "Robs, gross. Come on. I get it but I don't really wanna see that ok?" He commented, reaching out a hand to her jaw and pushing it closed. 

"You're fucking joking right now! Holy shit! Ok and? Did you tell him how you feel? Is that why you got home so late?" Steve was very thankful that she had at least finished her food before speaking this time. 

"No Robin I didn't. I just couldn't. He did offer to explain over drinks. As much as him leaving hurt, I can't say I blame him. He wouldn't have had much of a life here besides us."

"That may be true but he still could have said something or left a note. Anything."

"I know. He apologized though. It sucks but I can forgive him."

"And you didn't tell him how you feel about him, why?"

"Because he's got someone now." He confessed, looking away from her to grab his bag of twizzlers. 

"I'm sorry." Robin whispered, putting her hand on his and giving a comforting squeeze. 

"It's alright. I shouldn't have waited to try and talk to him but he seems happy so that's good enough for me. I did get to meet them while we were at the bar. They were really nice. That's what he deserves, someone that treats him right."

"They?" Robin asked.

"Yes!" Steve could feel himself perking up a bit with the conversation heading in that direction. "I didn't know that was a possibility. Apparently people use they them as gender neutral pronouns. J was also telling me about how they're genderqueer, said sometimes they feel like a woman, sometimes a man, and sometimes neither. I didn't even know that was a possibility, Robin!"

"Hmm, no, I didn't either." She mumbled around the cookie she'd grabbed, giving him a look that told him she was reading beyond what he was saying. Robin was good at that, knowing things that were in the back of his mind before he even acknowledged them. She just continued eating the cookies, choosing to let him get there on his own this time. 

Steve was not having an easy time processing everything that happened. Seeing Eddie again had just set him back. He'd started getting to a better place,really, but well now it was right back to square one. As if that wasn't enough, he had to go and find out about people being genderqueer, which was currently making him question so much about himself. Could life just go easy on him for once? One crisis at a time would be nice but of course that could never be his luck.   

Talking to Robin helped a little but there was only so much she could help. So Steve had decided to go for a little piercing therapy, getting the middle of his lip and nipples done. Robin had just rolled her eyes at him. She couldn't really be too mad at him, at least he'd taken her advice and gone to a professional instead of trying to do it himself again. 

The new piercings had helped for a bit, Steve was at least able to push Eddie far enough back in his mind to at least focus on the other crisis at hand. Could genderqueer fit some of the things he'd been feeling? Could he be? So many thoughts about things he was starting to look back on and notice. He really needed to talk to someone about this. For once Robin wasn't the answer but he knew who was. 

"Hello, J speaking, if you're trying to sell me something just hang up now" J answered the ringing phone with a sigh.

"Hey, it's Steve. I'm not bothering you at a bad time am I?"

"Hey you!! No not at all! I'm completely free. How can I help? Everything ok?" A cheery tone now in J's voice.

"Alright as it can be. I've been thinking a lot about the last time we talked. I know you said I could call but it's ok if you changed your mind or don't want to talk about it anymore." Steve couldn't help but be a little nervous. He'd really needed someone to talk to and sure J had said he could call but that didn't mean he didn't feel like he was bothering them. 

"Oh love, not at all. How is it I can help?" J asked, getting comfortable on the couch.

"I was wondering if you'd be willing to tell me how you figured it out? What helped you?" What if he was asking questions that were too personal? He'd only just met J and they hadn't talked much. 

"How I figured out I was genderqueer you mean? Well I never thought I fitted the standard mold of a female, even from a young age. Dolls and barbies were never my thing all the time, but sometimes they really were. Sometimes pretty flowing dresses felt right and other times I'd rather have clawed my own skin off than wear one. But I also never really fit the mold of male either. Some days jeans and a t-shirt were what felt right and doing 'boy things' was amazing and other days that didn't feel right either. I spoke to an older friend a few years ago about it, tried one of their binders on and sat and cried in the mirror. Everything started to fit into place at that point." It took Steve a minute to process all J had said, thinking about how some of that fit his own feelings. 

"That uh… that makes a lot of sense actually. I just have been going through a lot lately and never knew to think about it that way. Guess I've just been really thinking about if maybe that could fit me too. I was so different in high school and I've been trying to work on myself, just be a better person and find myself outside of trying to make others like me. Getting there little by little, more so these last couple of months. It seems the more I work on the more things I find hidden underneath. Trying to find my own style, without my parents' input, did make a big difference but something still feels missing.”

“My best friend Robin has been helping a bit. Helping me accept that there are days that I just want to feel pretty. I didn't really know what to do with that or what to think about it until I met you. Looking back on my life and after what you've said I've noticed some things. Made me think about how easily I fit in with a group of girl friends, and liked it. How easily I also got on with a group of guy friends and how sometimes one would feel more right than the other. I remembered being confused as to why toys were gendered, I just wanted to play with them all.”

“I've noticed how on days that I just want to feel pretty, being referred to as a man just doesn't feel right. It felt so good when Robin helped me with my hair and told me how pretty I looked. I guess it's just that days where I'm ok with being referred to as a man make me doubt those other days where I'm not. It's been a lot to try and process and shit, it's confusing." Steve took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that had started to fall down his cheeks. Robin must be rubbing off on him for him to ramble that much. How it was so easy to just open up like that to someone who was practically a stranger he wasn't sure but fuck if it didn't feel good to have someone to open up to.

"First of all I'm so proud of you for working on yourself, that shit takes guts. Secondly you absolutely do not need to figure it all out at once, fuck, if you ever get it all figured out give me the key! I'm still trying to figure it out years later. I can talk to you about this all day everyday, I could introduce you to a load of people that are also genderqueer or just don't care what section of the shop they buy their clothes from, but it's different for everyone. I remember convincing myself I was lying the first day I wanted to wear a dress once I'd become comfortable enough to be who you see now. I woke up that morning and wanted to wear a dress and wear makeup and heels but I'd spent so many days previously feeling more masc or neither that I felt so ashamed of myself for wanting to wear a dress, I phoned a good friend and they reminded me that more fem days we're just part of the spectrum of my gender. That I wasn't lying to myself or anyone."    

"That's really helpful. I'll have to try to remember that. I'm sure if I explained it all to Robin she'd gladly give me a good slap to set me straight when needed. I think maybe that might fit me, genderqueer. I'm just not sure how I can, I guess kinda test that theory."

"If you think Robin can help then it might be worth looping them in. As for testing things, does Robin maybe have something you could borrow when you feel like, as you describe it, want to feel pretty? See how it feels when you wear something pretty and feminine when you feel like doing so? Maybe try a little bit of makeup on one of those days as well, some lipgloss and some mascara if you don't want to go all the way at first. Something else you can do to test it, is to ask those you're ok with knowing to refer to you as they or them all the time. Or trying asking to be referred to by whichever pronoun fits your day and see if that feels better or worse than they them. I personally change based on the day so she her on a fem day, he him on a masc day and they them on a neither day, but I have a friend that always uses they them. Do what you're comfortable with and tell who you want to tell and what you want them to know."

"I'll give that a shot. Thank you so much. You have no idea how helpful this has already been. So many thoughts and feelings I didn't know what to do with but now I do. I appreciate this!"

"No need to thank me, I'm here for as many of these chats as is needed, or just any chat if that's what you'd like. You're also always welcome in Indy at the bar or at any of the clubs we go to. That reminds me! We're off to a gig in a few weeks! You and Robin should come, you'll love it. I can't remember the details off hand but I'll make sure you get them really soon!" J rushed excitedly. 

"I'd love to! I'll have to ask Robin later but I'm sure I can convince her. Just give me a call with the details when you've got them. I'm sure we'll be able to make it work. Oh shit, speaking of work I have a shift to go get ready for. Thanks again, really."

"Yeah same here. Have a good shift love, speak soon." J says cheerily hanging up the phone.

A hand was waving in front of his, no their face. A voice was coming from nearby too but they couldn't quite make out what it was saying. Steve shook their head to try and bring themselves out of it. They hadn't realized how long he'd been, shit no, they'd been zoning out again. 

"Earth to Steve! Hello! Stevie!" Robin was slowly raising her voice with every word. They were supposed to be putting returns away but had apparently frozen in place, tape raised half way to where it belonged. 

"Fuck. Sorry Robs. I just have a lot on my mind lately. Did you need something?" They asked, giving Robin an apologetic smile.

"No, you just froze. You can't do that man!" Steve must have made a face with the way Robin was looking at them, eyebrows raised in confusion. They weren't very good at hiding their emotions from their face. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Alright then, spill it. What's going on in that head of yours? Is it Eddie again?"

"No, not at all actually. Look, we're supposed to lock the doors in ten minutes. What Keith doesn't know won't hurt him. You go ahead and lock up while I put the last of these returns away and then I promise to tell you all about it."

"Fine. You better be quick with those then!" Robin yelled over her shoulder as she made her way towards the door. 

"Remember me telling you about J?" Steve asked, pushing the return cart back to the counter so they wouldn't have to look at her. This wasn't going to be as easy as the conversation with J had been. Explaining something like this to someone who didn't already have some knowledge when they were just figuring it out themselves was going to be difficult. 

"Do we need to sit down? Steal some of the candy from the counter? It seems like we should get comfortable for this. But yes, I remember you telling me about them." She replied as she hopped up to sit on the counter, Steve doing the same and grabbing a bag of M&Ms for each of them. 

"Well I had a long chat with them on the phone a couple of days ago."

"Steve, why are you calling your crush's current partner? I know you said they seemed nice and all but doesn't that feel a little weird for you?" 

"I know how it sounds but it's got nothing to do with Eddie. I've never met anyone like them before so I didn't really have anyone else that I could have called. Remember me telling you about them being genderqueer?" They asked, not looking at Robin again. They couldn't look at her. Didn't want her to read them before they said anything like she always did. 

"I remember. Hey Stevie, look at me." Robin said softly while placing a hand on Steve's shoulder, waiting for them to look before she continued. "Whatever it is you can tell me. I can tell this is difficult for you but I promise that whatever it is I'm still going to be here for you. You can't get rid of me that easy."

"Well what if I told you that I think I might be like that too? Since I met them I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Wondering if maybe I was like them. I've dug out some things I shoved to the back of my mind and looking at it that way, well it's all starting to make sense." He, fuck not again. This was going to take some getting used to but they had to admit that they were liking the sound of it. They were struggling to still look at Robin. Crying on the phone, even a little, with J had been enough. They were going to try not to cry again now but that wouldn’t be so easy while looking at Robin. 

“Steve, of course that’s not even a problem.” Robin reassured as she pulled them into a crushing hug.

“Really?” Steve asked, already sniffling. Their goal of not crying already long gone. After a reassuring squeeze from Robin, they did their best to give her a summarized version of the conversation they had with J. Robin occasionally interrupting to ask questions.

“I’m really just glad that you’ve found something that’s giving you a better understanding of yourself. You said J gave you some suggestions for things that might help. Is there anything I can do?” She asked. How had they gotten so lucky that this was their best friend? Steve hadn’t even needed to ask for her help, she was just offering it willingly. Deep down they knew that this is how Robin would react but there was still that doubt that had lingered, trying to convince them otherwise. 

“Um, could you maybe try using they them pronouns for me? It might be helpful to hear someone else use them instead of just in my own head.” 

“Are you just picking the easier option?” There Robin goes again, reading Steve so easily. She knew they would pick whatever felt like it’d be easier for others instead of what they really wanted. “If you’d prefer different ones depending on how you’re feeling all you have to do is ask. I don’t mind, even if I have to ask you every day.”

Now Steve was really crying hard, awful noises and all. “Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

“You quit that shit right now. I’ll do whatever you tell me you prefer. None of that people pleasing nonsense alright? This isn’t about others. This is about you. What makes you happy. What makes you comfortable.” 

“I’d really like that Robs. Thank you.” They admitted, taking a tissue from the box on the counter and wiping their face. There was still so much more they wanted to do to help them know if it truly fit but this was the first and most difficult step. They knew that as long as they had Robin, the rest would be easy.

Robin had been an even bigger help than ever imagined. She had brought over a couple clothing pieces that felt a little more feminine than something Steve would normally wear, trying to ease into it. Just like she promised, she checked in first thing every time she saw Steve to see what pronouns to use for the day. There had been a few times she’d been over to their house, makeup bag in hand, convincing Steve to at least try a little eyeliner too. 

Even though Steve hadn’t been brave enough to wear any of it out of the house, besides the earrings Robin had given them, they had to admit that it was all really helpful. It was making them more confident. They no longer thought they might be genderqueer, they knew it now. Robin using different pronouns for them had been the biggest help so far. She’d taken to calling them Stevie on days that they’d felt more feminine and alternating between Steve and Stevie and days where they’d just felt more like they were somewhere in between. 

She had been sitting on the couch in a skirt and top that Robin had picked up from a thrift store for her, having been talked into eyeliner too, when there was an obnoxious knocking at her door. They had just been talking about Stevie coming out to the kids. After nervously staring at each other, Robin had gotten up to answer the door. Of course it had been none other than the kids, like somehow they knew they were being talked about. 

Robin had been trying to convince them to just leave when Stevie decided to yell to just let them in. Might as well have gone for it then and get it over with. Robin threatened the group that if they had been anything but kind and accepting then they could forget all their rides to the arcade, access to Stevie’s pool, and reminding them that she knew where they all slept at night before letting them in.

There were lots of questions as anticipated but after it was all said and done, the kids had been accepting. Forgetting the reason they’d all shown up in the first place, they ended up watching movies and ordering pizza. 

“Come on Robin let’s go!” Stevie yelled from the front of Family Video. Robin had gone in the back for something she had forgotten. 

“I can’t find it!” Robin yelled back as she left the back room.

“Can’t find what?”

“My bag with my change of clothes!” She sighed, throwing her arms up in the air.

“Robin, it’s in my car. Remember when I picked you up earlier you decided to leave it in the car so you wouldn’t forget it since we plan on getting ready at Eddie’s instead of here?” Stevie sighed, palm smacking her forehead. 

“That’s right! Now let’s go!” Robin grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the door and to the car. 

"Robin play nice ok?" Stevie asked as they got out of the car. 

"I'm not making any promises." She answered, shrugging her shoulders.

"Come on! Please can we just try and have a good time?"

"We'll have a good time but I can't promise the same for him."

"Ugh, don't make me regret this." She said as she knocked on the door. 

"Hey!! Come in come in!" J said cheerily when they answered the door. "You must be Robin, Steve's told me so much about you" 

"Hi, it's nice to meet you. Stevie here has told me a good bit about you too." 

"Let's go and get ready! This way!" J exclaimed, walking away.

After following J into another room, they started getting ready. Robin convinced Stevie to let her do her eyeliner but of course she wasn't done there. With a mischievous look on her face, Robin handed her a leather jacket. 

"Hey, erm, Stevie." J said, uncharacteristically timid, "I've got you a little present. It's just a little something that I really found helps me and I thought they might help you too." J opened the drawer they were standing next to and handed Stevie a little paper package. Hesitantly opening the package, she found three bracelets, pink, purple, and blue. 

"I have similar ones, I use them to tell those who know what kind of day I'm having." J explained showing Stevie and Robin their wrist to show a pink band. "It's subtle enough that it's not obvious if people don't know but it saves everyone asking if you prefer gender specific pronouns depending on the day. I also keep them with me in case I need to change it"

"These are perfect! We've been trying to think of something for that but never thought of this. Thank you!" Stevie exclaimed, throwing herself at J for a teary eyed hug. 

"Sorry I didn't get you anything Robin but I wasn't sure what would be appropriate" J smiled sheepishly. 

"You've obviously been a big help Stevie in a way I never could be. That's more than enough."

"I was hardly going to let her struggle with this without some guidance, but thank you, means a lot coming from her platonic soulmate as you're called" J beamed at Robin. 

Eddie opened his front door and was immediately met with the sound of laughter. He stood and listened for a few seconds before gently closing the door and slipping his jacket and shoes off. Rushing into his bedroom he grabbed everything he needed for a shower and to get ready. 

He was sitting in the living room 30 minutes later waiting for everyone to be ready so they could go. The guest bedroom door opened and J stepped out wearing a pair of really short shorts, a mesh top over a small tight vest top. 

"Holy shit baby, you look amazing. Get over here I've missed you" Eddie said, making grabby hands in J's direction. "So beautiful" he whispered before bending down and meeting her lips in a kiss. 

"Munson" Robin said from behind J causing Eddie to look up and look in her direction. 

Standing next to Robin was Steve. Wearing a see through black blouse, with nipple piercings on show, that was something that Eddie couldn't think about too hard right now. Steve also wore a pair of red tartan pants with combat boots underneath, and a leather jacket, no no scrap that he was wearing Eddie's leather jacket. Did Steve know it was Eddies? He had too, right? Steve had chosen to wear a jacket that belonged to Eddie. 

Eddie cleared his throat and dragged his eyes away from Steve "Buckley, Harrington. Good to see you both." he said, looking at Robin who looked far too amused for Eddie's liking. 

"Hey J, could I talk to you for a second?" Robin asks, nodding her head to the side to hint at a private conversation.

"Yeah cause you can! What's up?!" J asked, leaning in close to the other girl.

"I just wanted to thank you for helping Stevie. I wouldn't have been able to help her with this so I'm glad she had someone to go to."

"I remember how difficult it was at first to figure it all out. You've been amazing and supportive as well, she's lucky to have you too" J replied hugging Robin. 

"I'm just so proud of her. Making little steps forward. Look at her! She even let me do her eyeliner and she's never let me do that before when we're going somewhere." 

"Erm I'm sorry, 'she'?" Eddie asked, surprised. 

"Um, yeah about." Stevie says, rubbing the back of her neck and looking down.  

"Look it's cool if you don't want to say" Eddie smiles.

"No. It's fine. It's just not a lot of people know right now so it's a little difficult still."

"Take your time, tell me whatever you want and leave out the bits you don't." Eddie encouraged.

"Well, I do kind of have you to thank for it. I never would have met J otherwise and without meeting them and their willingness to help, I don't think I ever really would have figured it out"

"She is pretty amazing," Eddie says, pulling J against himself. 

"Well I uh, shit. This is harder than I thought it'd be."

"It's ok, you've got this" J smiles at Stevie encouragingly. 

"Thanks to some advice from J and help from Robin, I've figured out that…" Stevie hesitates, trying to gather some courage. 

Eddie notices Stevie's bracelet. "Oohhh! I think I get it. Steve, are you trying to tell me that you're genderqueer?" Eddie asks. 

"Yeah. I am." Stevie whispers, not yet willing to really look at Eddie. 

"Okay. Thank you for telling me. Is it okay to ask about your pronouns?" the metalhead questions softly. 

"Yeah of course. Going with the day seems to be best. Which is why…" Stevie says, wiggling her wrist with the pink bracelet on towards Eddie. 

"That's a great idea! I'll try my best to keep an eye on the bracelet and go with that. Is it they/them on a neither day? Just want to check." Eddie asks. 

"Thank you. Yeah it is." Stevie finally looks at Eddie with a smile. 

"Shall we head out then ladies? I'm a lucky man tonight! 3 beautiful ladies on my arm. Let's go!" Eddie exclaims, grabbing J's hand and heading towards the door. 

The bar was already crowded when Eddie, J, Stevie and Robin walked in. They made their way to the bar and picked up a round of drinks before heading to the dance floor to watch the warm up band. They spent hours dancing with each other, laughing, joking and really enjoying the live music, getting slightly more drunk as the night went on. 

"You want a drink sweetheart?" Eddie shouted, as to be heard, in Stevie's ear, causing her to turn. They were face to face, nose to nose pretty much and suddenly there was no one around. The crowded, loud, club that was filled with people dancing and music blasting was suddenly empty if you asked Eddie. He couldn't handle it. The proximity was too close. His hand on Stevie's waist felt like it was burning. The air was suffocating. He needed to get away from there as quickly as he could. So he did what, if you ask Eddie, he does best, he ran. Left his glass on the bar and ran outside and round the corner. 

"Hey baby, you ok? Heard you ran out of there quickly," came the voice of J beside him. "everything ok?" She sounded worried. She shouldn't be worried. How does he explain the crisis he's having right now over someone he may possibly be in love with when his partner is right there. Eddie couldn't stomach it any longer, he turned away from J and threw up. All over the disgusting alleyway they stood in and broke down in tears. 

"I'm going to head back in really quickly and let Robin and Stevie know we're heading back. I'll leave my key with Stevie so they can let themselves in when they're done." J said as she ran soothing circles down his back. 

20 minutes later Eddie was tucked up in bed with a glass of water on his bedside table, pain killers next to it and an old washing up bowl on the floor. Looking at these things made everything so much worse. He did not deserve the person currently getting ready for bed in his bathroom. He lay awake for hours, long after J had fallen asleep next to him, her soft breathing normally soothing him but doing anything but tonight. Long after Robin and Stevie returned home and made far too much noise getting ready for bed, giggling and shushing each other. Long after he sobered up and the headache had started, he didn't take the painkillers next to him, he deserved the pain. He had no idea what to do. J was amazing, they got on so well and whilst they currently weren't serious, Eddie had a feeling it could definitely head that way.

Finally just after 8am Eddie got out of bed and threw on his comfiest clothes heading to the kitchen and to make coffee. 

He was 2 cups in when J joined him in the living room. 

"Wanna talk about it?" J asked, sitting next to Eddie on the couch. 

"I don't know what you mean, I just couldn't sleep. Maybe too much sugar in my mixers, I don't know, I'm ok, go back to bed. We'll all head out to breakfast when everyone is up again." He replied, trying his best to smile. 

"Eddie, I'm not stupid, please don't treat me as such." came the reply. 

"Sorry, you're right." He whispered, slipping his arm around J and pulling her into him, kissing her temple. 

"Does your weird behaviour recently, and especially last night, have anything to do with that hunk of a brunette sleeping in the guest room?" J asked, slipping their arm around him and kissing his cheek. 

"Yeah," Eddie confessed. 

 "Thank you for telling me. Steve is amazing. They'll be lucky to have you." 

"What?!" Eddie questioned, shocked. 

"Eddie, I've already reminded you once I'm not stupid. I've seen the way Stevie looks at you and I've seen the way you look at them. You were stripping them with your eyes last night when they stepped out of the guest room ready to go out. Stevie’s eyes followed you all around the gig last night, and they'll probably kill me if you say anything but I'm almost certain I saw them sniff your jacket when they put it on. You two have a connection. I don't know what happend before you left Hawkins but it connected you two." J replied, smiling up at Eddie. 

"What are you saying?" Eddie asked. Both not wanting the answer but really wanting to know at the same time. 

"I'm saying you need to go and get your person. Eddie, me and you were meant to be, but not meant to last. I will always cherish our time together and you're absolutely never getting rid of me but that shit" J said gesturing between Eddie and the guest room. "is true love." 

"I love you J. So fucking much" Eddie replied wetly wiping his tears away.

"I know" J responded before the door down the hall opened and a very sleepy looking Robin emerged.  

[trailerparkbard]

Dancin' in the Dark [Part One] (A Gay Bar/Eddie Bartender AU)

shoutout to Bruce Springsteen a master of queer feelings ✌️

Pairing: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington & Robin Buckley (Steve Harrington/OMC, Robing Buckley/OFC -- it's a gay bar au in the 80s friends, I'm sorry.)

Fandom: Stranger Things

Rating: T for right now but u know how it goes.

Content Notes: ehhh light feminization (nicknames)

The basement bar is loud and warm and crowded with bodies. Smoke from dozens of cigarettes fills the room, makes it feel shrouded like a dream. It is a dream in some ways. That this place exists at all is unbelievable. That it exists in the periphery of Hawkins is a fucking miracle.

The metal door slams shut behind them and they startle, shake out of the trance of ‘holy shit it’s real’ and move forward to become part of the tableau not just spectators. It feels like his first swim meet. Stepping up to the water with everyone’s eyes on him. Their expectations and his own, heavy around his neck as he slides in, proves he deserves to be here.

“Drinks first?” Robin asks and he ignores the slight shake in her voice and nods, eyes wide to match her own.

They move to the bar as one. Skin and hair, denim and flannel and leather and cotton and glass graze them, test them as they slowly make their way to wooden bar. Steve swears he felt a hand on his ass but doesn’t look back, doesn’t check, just blushes and keeps moving. He’s not used to this role. New meat, the pursued, young, unmoored and electrified.

They both cling to the sticky surface of the bar like it’s a sanctuary. Elbows and forearms anchoring them against the swell of bodies and desire. Steve looks sideways at Robin, pushing his hair back. Playing it off. Playing it cool. She sends him a grin in return, sees him. Before he can huff and tell her to shut up a pale hand covered in chunky jewelry knocks the wooden space between them. They both jump and turn their attention to the bartender. He smiles at their surprise, at seeing the same expression on two separate faces, all thick lips, sharp teeth and laugh lines.

He flips a stained bar towel over his shoulder and leans in to say “Welcome my little gay club virgins.” He lowers his lashes and takes his time strolling up Steve’s visible body from chest to hair like it’s nothing. ”What can I do you for?” and it is truly the worst line that has ever been uttered so seriously to Steve Harrington. But it hits its mark because he feels himself turning red, losing his focus. He forgets to scoff and roll his eyes. Just stands there with his mouth parted for a beat too long.

Robin laughs in his face, breaks the moment. “Dude. Does that ever work?” The bartender cackles and winks at her, at Steve. “Nah. But you can’t blame a guy for trying.” His smile is radiant. Joyful. Steve wants to feel that — to flirt without concern at anyone who catches his eye and not worry about anything — no fists or threats or his own corniness.

The guy pulls back, his his curly hair moving around him like it’s alive, acting on his manic energy. He slaps his palms on the bar rhythmically and raises his eyebrows, waiting.

“Two Miller Lights?” Steve orders — asks, like an idiot. He hums, leans forward again, invades Steve’s personal space. “I don’t know man. You sure you’re legal?” His eyes are deep brown and sparkling and Steve feels himself getting lost in the gaze. Opens his mouth to say something witty and sharp.

“Eddie!” Snaps someone else behind the bar and Eddie jerks away like he’s been smacked. “Stop flirting and get to work. We have a line, kid.” Eddie pouts and it’s theatrical. Steve wants to bite his lower lip, is shocked by that desire. “You’re so mean, Wayne,” he whines but obediently pulls out two bottles and pops the tops off. He leans back over, one beer in each hand and looks from one to the other, assessing. He’s serious now, voice lower. Something shifted. “If anyone gives you trouble come find me.” His eyes are on Steve. He waits for a nod before he releases the glass and moves back. Winks and twirls to the next customer. Leaving Steve and Robin alone to look at each other and laugh, yelling “What the hell?” with their eyebrows.

They turn their back to the bar and, protective beers in hand, scan the crowd. It's 11:30 on a Friday night and Steve and Robin breathe into the world of possibility around them.

By beer number three they're dancing together, wild and free. Loose-limbed and laughing in a way they haven't in a while -- and never around others. All the anxiety from earlier vanishing under a varnish of sweat.

Steve feels giddy when strong hands circle his waist, pull him close. He leans back into the hard chest of the man who's made his move, silently screaming "oh my god, oh my god" at Robin like he is an actual virgin. Robin is grinning and trying to tell Steve without words how hot he is, how he should go for it. He shores himself up and spins around, hands already reaching up to loop around a stranger's neck before he even knows what he looks like.

It's a thrill when this man tugs him close, lets Steve feel his dick's attention through his jeans. He's got a mustache. It's not Steve's favorite look but he's into it tonight. He's into it now. The guy grips his ass and Steve feels like he's on fire. They make out right there on the dance floor surrounded by other couples doing the exact same thing. It's messy, wet, a little too much and just enough. Steve loves it.

He pulls away when the song changes, realizes he Robin isn't next to him anymore. He looks around and finds her swaying in time with a girl. Robin's fingers are tugging a little wayward curl from her perm as she leans close. Steve allows himself a moment of internal applause for her moves, the student learning from the master. He relaxes into feeling safe and sways his way back to the bar for another round.

It takes Eddie a moment to notice him in the row of bodies vying for his attention and access to liquor. He slides over, ignoring the folks waiting, gives Steve a warm smile with a little wickedness tucked into the corner.

"Can I get--" Eddie puts up one finger and presses it against the lips of the guy who tried to jump into the silence to order. "Shhh, wait your turn. Princess comes first." He exaggerates his attention, drapes himself over the bar, curls a hand under his chin and blinks (big, beautiful) eyes at Steve. "Having fun, princess?" he asks like there's not a crowd around them trying to get a drink. Steve frowns at the nickname but it doesn't last. He feels too good, this guy is ridiculous and he likes it. "'M not a princess but yeah, Eddie, I'm having fun." Eddie's face lights up like this is the best news he's received all evening. He clutches his chest. "Aww! princess! You learned my name!"

"It's Steve," says Steve with a huff. Eddie laughs, pop's the top to his next bottle and passes it over.

"Oh sweetheart, I know what your name is," Eddie purrs. Steve feels heat prickle and rush all over his body -- can't form a response before Eddie is already gone, moved on to the next person trying to find get some social lubrication.

Steve dances the rest of the night away. Kisses three more men and is completely hard by the time the lights flick on. It's the best night he's ever had.

He finds Robin curled in a booth with the same girl as before. They're kissing and Robin has her hand on her neck and she has her hand on the side of Robin's boob. Steve slides into the seat across form them. "Hello ladies," he sings. He shakes his head when they don't even pause. He knocks the table and Robin jumps, presses her lips together and looks wildly around until she narrows her eyes at Steve. He grins, unbridled joy. "Hey Robs! Good to see you!" She rolls her eyes. Steve gestures around the bar, the lights the change in mood, everyone moving towards leaving. "Figured I should check on you crazy kids. Don't want you to get locked in when they close for the night." Robin wrinkles her nose, laughs sarcastically him and turns back to her date, eyes soft. She tilts her head at him. "Sorry about this guy, but um yeah. This was fun. Like really fun and uh." The girl laughs, slips some space between them. "Yeah, it was," her voice is quiet and her cheeks are red. She looks up at Robin, hopeful when she says "maybe we could do it again sometime."

The girls make their plans. It's a simple as a "Next week?" "Next week." and Steve saying, loud, annoying "of course I'll drive you next week, Robin, you don't even have to ask."

Steve can't wait.

---

pieces of part 2

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 058: Somebody is Killing Them All! (SSM 44-45, SSM Ann 2)

MASTERPOST

With a cover like that, you can only do one thing: keep reading.

(Plus, there's gorgeous art in there!)

And here's our awesome first page as well:

Wow. Just... wow. The lighting, the shading, the view... Incredible. Maybe needs more cars but come on, that's a detail. *reads the text* Oh...

The pages are very dense. Basically, the mob has had... issues recently (I wonder if Silvermane's part of it, like last time) and a guy wants his men to find some items for his uncle.

It's the New Year for Chinatown! One of the men, Dolenz, tries to steal the jade there, but he gets gunned down.

MEANWHILE.

I'm pregnant! But also, great colors in the second panel. And the third one. And I'm pregnant!

Look at his cute little outfit!!!!!!!! I love that red sweater, holy fuck!

Holy fuck. The food is good. The food is delicious.

So one of Peter's pictures features the aforementioned murder. Time to investigate!

It's Alfred's turn to die mysteriously. Not yet though, Spidey's still investigating!

First off, that joke is funny. Secondly, that cake in the last panel???!?! Yes but?!?! Maybe a bit too much hahaha.

Turns out Alfred doesn't die, on the contrary, his attackers die! What a chad.

The art is all over the place in this issue, but the line art is so good I don't even mind. Love how it all looks. And I feel like there's a lot of ambition too!

See what I mean?

Anyway, Spidey finds out that Malachai Toomes owns the building he was led to... Toomes, as in, the Vulture. He's a relative, nice!

What the fuck did the artists smoke for this issue, because they made excellent art, I love this!

Spidey fights goons, finds Toomes, who informs him that Alfred is the culprit, then tries to kill him with deadly gas coming out of his carnation. It's not the green, but it's still very gay.

Spidey wakes up chained in a coffin on a conveyor belt. And next to him...

Fucking hell, how the fuck is this issue so gorgeous like that?! Bravo to the whole team because goddamnit.

On *that* website, the commenters really don't like the art, but it's a scan and not digital, which I think does sublimate how it looked. Damn, I loved it.

What the fuuuuuck.

So Malachai is the Vulture's nephew, nice.

Everyone thinks Spidey's dead, so they have a celebration. Good for them!

The Vulture isn't fooled by Alfred's plans though. It was actually his intention all along to let Alfred get rid of his rivals to weed out the weak. Smart!

The furnace explodes or whatever, and Spidey gets everyone out of the burning mansion (but not before showcasing his perfect butt).

Elsewhere...

Damn, I liked that creepy little bald guy, I'll miss him.

The Vulture gets angry and starts pummeling Alfred, but then Spidey arrives, they fight, the Vulture flees, Alfred asks the cops to take him in to get protected from the Vulture.

Spidey and Vulture crash in Grand Central Station, it makes for a nice environment! Loving this. Eventually, the Vulture crashes in a glass window.

Peter... doesn't feel so good.

What a great set of issues. What a solid ending. Loved the art.

And now it's time for the King-Size Annual! I'm hoping for more of Peter's life, but somehow, I doubt it.

Sure!

Our story starts as Spidey and Rapier fight together against some low-level goons, before Rapier takes off. Alright, I'm up for a... team up.

They're staying mostly consistent with his apartment, that's nice! And while I appreciate our pretty hero, these pajamas look a bit weird. Also, it feels weird to see May!

The next day, Peter and Ned go to the docks to do some investigating.

Oh Ned, that outfit... *sigh*

The goons steal Peter's press card, and our heroes leave the area. However, when Peter goes to the Bugle (I have no idea why he would go to the Bugle but not matter) and is about to become gay for pay.

Oh, his "bulge ain't a billfold?" Huh-huh.

Just as I predicted previously, Silvermane's back, right in Jonah's office! He's unhappy about Jonah's inquiries about the mob, and the same goes for Peter's photographies. Silvermane himself gives the card back to Peter, nicely threatening him and taking his camera. Peter quickly gets an advance from Jonah though.

Hahaha.

They have a fight, and Spidey tells off Silvermane.

Silvermane's not amused.

We get a scene at the Rapier's home, where he says he must kill Silvermane and his girlfriend pleads for him to stop his vigilante activites. Standard stuff.

More importantly, Peter Parker is a slut (good for him).

So Jonah's idea is to make people so angry they rile up and the authorities are forced to act. Alright, not bad!

Glory informs Peter that Jonah's behavior is due to Robbie being recently attacked and sent to the hospital. Makes sense.

At a church turned into a museum or something, Silvermane has an appointment with Rapier. This is a great excuse to show great art.

Oh they're sooooo exes. They fucked, they absolutely fucked!

I'm afraid, because now that we got this character's backstory (they were partners, Silvermane left him for dead, Rapier's future girlfriend saved him, there you go) and now he can very well die. Silvermane is going to be alright, he's a villain, they always come back, but Rapier is (kind of) a nice guy now, and that's why I'm scared for him.

Spider-Man arrives right on time to stop Rapier from killing Silvermane, and Rapier's so angry he challenges Spidey to a sword fight. Hell yeah!

TOO MUCH TEXT CALM DOWN STAN LEE

Spider-Man gets rid of Rapier's sword, but then--Clarissa, Rapier's girlfriend, throws it at Spidey to make him confused! Nononono she's gonna die is she? Oh, I know she's gonna die. Come oooooooon.

Rapier feels betrayed by Clarissa's intervention, and decides to start ALL OF THIS ALL OVER AGAAAAAIN because he has PRINCIPLES. JESUS. OKAY.

So what must happen... happens.

Ugh. Alright, that's not a bad ending.

Except he's not dead! He flees the scene. Hm.

Ok, not sure I'm a fan of this Rapier guy. Feels too much like Punisher, but a bit more quirky. Maybe if he gets some development... Who knows!

We'll have to talk about this one commenter at some point because they have... opinions. They are very opiniated. And we're reading issues almost synchronized? This is funny. Dramaaaaaa. Lengthy comments every issue! Fascinating.

Next time: A lot of ASM! Like, a lot! We'll see how that goes.