#holly stop getting too personal on main challenge
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rewatching iwtv with one of my partners, and they also love these trainwrecks—but we just finished season 1, and rewatching that scene when Lestat grabs Claudia off the train... I think that may be the cruelest he ever is to her, which is saying a LOT. Do you think we're gonna get extra context about that scene in season 3, or would you bet it's just one of those "yeah Lestat can be Like That" moments? Because it seems pretty hard to square with his ~everything~ in the season 2 finale
Ohhhhh boy I'm so glad you brought this up because @tothevines and I are rewatching right now and when we got to that part my immediate reaction was holy shit Lestat HAS to die now. Like??? Yeah. That was it. The cruelty was truly unmatched. Not only forcing her to go back home but waving her trauma in her face like that... oof.
Lestat is complicated tho!! I do absolutely think we're supposed to take that moment at face value. The reason Lestat works so well for me as a character is because he IS capable of such cruelty. Especially cruelty driven by his deep need for love. Cruelty driven by his need to not be abandoned. The one thing Lestat needed more than anything in that moment was for Louis to not be sad anymore, for him to not fall into the state he was when Claudia left the first time. He knew it would be even worse this time around. He simply couldn't risk it...
I guess in order to square it you have to look at the whole picture of who Lestat is as a character. Which Rolin has said recently we've seen, like... 80% of on screen. He's a lot!!! I don't consider Lestat at his worst to be the full Lestat any more than I consider that sad man in the tattered robe eating rats in a cottage in the finale to be the full Lestat. He is cruel he is a monster he is a big crying baby who needs everyone to look at him and pay attention to him RIGHT NOW he is a lover he is a hopeless romantic he is on his knees begging Louis for just one kiss he's tender he's giving he's a monster who takes great lustful joy in the art of killing...
What's funny is if you asked me to compare Lestat to one real life person I know... I would say my father. At least a few very particular aspects of his personality. I absolutely hate my father. My father is a monster. I haven't talked to him in 20 years and will gladly dance on his grave when he's gone for the things he did to me. I relate to Claudia so much in this sense. But Lestat is also my favorite character on the show. Possibly my favorite character ever at this point??? I love him so much it's insane. And I guess it's because he's fake and my father is very much not that I'm able to feel that way. But that might also be a big reason why I find his cruelty and his most monstrous moments to be so cathartic to watch...
Anyway. Not the point of this ask. The point is HE REALLY IS A LOT!! He is everything. All the good and all the bad. The best and the worst any creature could ever be. He is fully driven by instinct and emotion and LOVE and the need to never be abandoned. And more specifically, to never be abandoned by Louis, the one he loves more than he's ever loved anyone.
#awritersrejections#interview with the vampire#holly stop getting too personal on main challenge#i'm sorry if this is all over the place i haven't eaten yet today and i'm running on brainrot and caffeine lol#(gonna go eat now tho byeeeee)
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plotting etiquette : a players guide
[ coming soon / an admins guide ]
plotting is an essential part to writing together; whether you’re in a group, an indie blog or even a 1x1, you need to be able to communicate with your peers in order to build a story. and that’s why we’re all here, right? to create worlds, no matter what the context, and most importantly, to do this with others. roleplaying is a team effort - no matter what universe you’re writing in. below the cut are some helpful tips, tricks and advice to remember when attempting to plot with others. if you’ve found this guide useful, please like and/or reblog to spread the word - and hopefully help out others along the way. ***a part two will be out next week for admins on how to promote and help your group with plotting.
i. ‘i’m scared of bothering people!’
this is a statement i’ve seen the most often around the rpc - whether it’s from a various text post people reblog, or as an admin who’s been on the receiving end of messages like this.
it’s important to remember that most of us get a little nervous about reaching out. while writing original pieces or fanfiction can give you some distance between the creating portion and the feedback process, there’s no real space for roleplaying. it’s an instantaneous thing - we put our words out there on the screen, and someone else has to reply to that in some capacity.
whether you’re an extrovert, an introvert or something in between, this can often be the beginning of the end for a lot of roleplayers. maybe you’ve joined an established group, and it seems like everyone has set dynamics and you don’t want to shake things up. or maybe you’re an indie blog, but you’re too scared to talk to someone you’ve idolized and want to write with.
the thing is, you can’t expect people to know what you want if you can’t verbalize it yourself. let them know you’re a little nervous ! chances are, they are too. we’re all on this platform trying to do the same thing, and everyone gets nervous about exposing themselves to strangers now and again. ultimately, we put a little piece of ourselves in every character we create, and that can be terrifying to show to people and expect them to accept. but a little effort goes a long way - making the first move can often help build a bridge to someone you might not have otherwise gotten the chance to write with. you’re going to have to take a risk sometimes. while not everyone is going to be receptive, most people will be. and chances are, if you start with something as simple as “hi, i’d love the chance to write / plot with you,” you’ll be met with an extraordinarily excited new partner. understand that if they don’t, it’s not a bad thing ! some writing styles don’t mesh together, some people have a harder time talking freely than others, and so many of us regularly forget to reply to a message. know that if you’ve put yourself out there, that’s a huge step in the right direction, no matter what comes of it, and next time it’ll be even easier.
ii. come prepared.
this is ultimately where a lot of players fall short. it’s one thing to say ‘let’s plot’, and another thing to do it altogether. you need to have some sort of jumping off point.
some ideas include:
a prompt / plot idea.
this is especially important if it’s a new person you’re trying to interact with. it’s difficult to come up with things on the spot, and if you’re reaching out, you need to have something to reach out with.
in a group you’ll want to take the time to read their biography / about / wanted connections if they have them listed. it’s a quick way to ensure you have a basis of what they want, and how you and your characters can then fill those needs.
as an indie / 1x1 see if they have any ‘wanted plots’ or ‘prompts’ tags. check out their ask memes tags. ensure you’ve read their guidelines on both of these, and follow them. while most people have similar rules, you can’t know that for sure unless you’ve read through them.
questions about their character(s).
everyone adores talking about their own characters - give them an opportunity to let them tell you about theirs! even if they’re playing a canon character, they’ll have their own take on them, with headcanons and quirks and hobbies that might not show up in the specific canon the character comes from.
use ask memes if you need help coming up with questions - ask memes are extraordinarily helpful when it comes to fleshing out muses for developmental purposes as it is, and while they’re usually made for general tumblr interaction, they can be a great jumping off point for talking specifics.
don’t be afraid to point out things in their bio / about / etc. this shows that you’ve gone through and read their pages, which shows that you care about them as a person and a character, and not merely another faceclaim.
talk about your character(s).
it’s always good, especially in a group, to have a small statement of facts about your character. in business, this is called an ‘elevator pitch’ - a few concise sentences that can get someone else interested.
for example, merrick wood is a former cheerleader who would do absolutely anything for her sister, holly, has no real ambitions and loves the weird and supernatural. you can find her swimming, or listening to mix cd’s she makes for her own amusement, or even on the hunt for big foot. this now gives the other player a few things to pick through - what kind of music is she listening to? why is her sister so important to her? is cheerleading still important enough for her to mention it to someone?
iii. plotting is a two way street.
the above two points work on the basis that you’ve made the first move - but say you’re the one who’s gotten the message of someone eager to plot with you ! takes a little stress off of your plate, but adds to their own. no matter what, remember that there is a real person on the other side of the screen. be kind, and treat them how you’d want to be treated - even if you’re not interested in writing with them, let them know ! a simple thanks for the message! i’m honored you’re interested in my characters, but at the moment i don’t think we’d be a good fit is enough of a response that most people should leave it at that. if you get a message saying they’re not interested, simply say ‘thank you for replying!’ and move on. as stated above, not everyone will always click - respect people’s boundaries, and understand that you’ll find a new partner in due time.
responding to plotting messages is as important as creating them; if someone says they want to plot and gives you ideas, play off of them. don’t simply say ‘okay!’ or ‘cool!’ - a habit a lot of people have had over the years.
example. if jenny says “i think it would be great if robert could surprise them with flowers,” reply wth “oh how cute!!!” and end there - expand on it, adding your own input - “that’s so cute! denise adores lilacs, and would be flustered to get them from someone she admires so much!” the latter sentence gives your partner something to respond to, something to work with, and may just end up being in the thread you write together!
iv. don’t make your admins do all the work.
this section is primarily for group roleplayers.
your admin(s) already do so much. behind the scenes, there’s constantly updating the main pages, queueing ads, coming up with tasks and events and plot drops to keep players entertained and happy. at the same time, they’re trying to play in the group with you - create their own stories, write their own characters. they should not have to spoon feed you plots. these are things you need to develop on your own and with fellow players.
example. in a town rp, and you have a social butterfly character ? throw a birthday party for a character, giving the other characters something to participate in without an official Admin Sponsored Event. you should of course ensure the admin is okay with you having ‘events’ like the above for various players, and you need to ensure you’re inclusive in them - don’t ‘throw a party’ and not invite half the group because you don’t want to plot with them. take the time to message players of characters who might not normally show up and figure out something else with them, or a reason why they would be there or even why they wouldn’t!
v. stop bubbling.
at the end of the day, plotting together is the best way to stop bubbling from happening in your group. no one wants to be the player left out of everything - make sure to try and reach out to the others, especially if you think other players may be ignoring them. writing together - in a group, on an indie, anywhere really - is supposed to be fun and challenging and a different experience every time. before you go to your admins about being left out / ignored, ask yourself if you’ve done the above. have you messaged other players ? asked them about their characters, and given ideas of potential prompts for the two of you to write ? if you have, and you’re still getting ignored, then absolutely talk to your admin team! but try and be proactive instead of reactive and you’d be amazed at how far you can go.
hopefully this guide will help you - remember, your roleplay experience is ultimately cultivated by yourself. you choose which groups to apply to, which characters to bring, and your attitudes and behaviors can affect your gameplay. being in a group, specifically, is about being a part of a team. become a team player, and you and your characters can find the roleplay family of your dreams ♡
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𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬
challenge: winter warmers writing challenge by @spaceodditybarnes
prompt: “it’s beginning to look a lot like christmas” by michael buble
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
words: 2k without lyrics, 2.1k with lyrics
warnings: i genuinely don’t think i can say anything besides FLUFF, oh wait theres some mentions of the shmexy sex (i promise im a functioning person)
summary: in which they take a little holiday stroll and talk about what they are.
a/n: THIS MADE ME VERY HAPPY THANK YOU FOR HOSTING THIS CHALLENGE JADE!!! i kinda veered off the idea of christmas with this one, but my mind created another idea and i kinda just went with the flow. anyways, i really enjoyed writing this one, and i hope you all had a lovely holiday season <3 LOTS OF LOVE Y’ALL
main masterlist || sebastian stan characters masterlist
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look at the five and ten, it’s glistening once again
With candy cane and silver lanes that glow
Snow sprinkled to the buildings and sidewalks of Midtown Manhattan, making the traffic clog up to the oh so lovely sounds of taxis and cars honking. It was far from what people pictured it, really, New York was absolute hell during the holiday season. Sloshing boots and teens smoking pot outside the scantily decorated discount store that held very little, sad-looking Christmas lights.
It didn’t bother Bucky. No, he had never been a big fan of the holiday season. Even back in the forties, with his ma and little sisters, they had never been huge on celebrating Christmas, instead choosing to work those shifts during the holiday so they could make a buck or two more to hold them over. Now in the twenty-first century, the holiday just reminded him how truly lonely he was, everyone and everything he used to know long gone.
But then he found Y/N. Granted, it had not been a formal introduction. The poor girl had nearly damn run him over with her motorcycle for Christ’s sake, but nonetheless she crawled into his heart that cold December morning two years ago, and had not left ever since.
Now she walked by his side at Rockefeller Center, her cold fingers intertwined with his warm ones, admiring the tree while he admired her. He already had every part of her memorized, from late night escapades in the sheets to studying the slope of her nose at team breakfasts. Even when he wasn’t with her, he was always looking at her, unable to pull his eyes away from Y/N’s radiance.
This little… dalliance of theirs had only started a year back, and they had still yet to put a label on it. Sam had called it friends with benefits, Sharon called it being a couple without the name. Bucky had shut both of those ideas down, claiming that they were taking it slow and weren’t looking to call it anything yet they still had not really talked about it. Was it really worth ruining the bond he had with the girl he fell madly in love with? Whatever it was, they had never taken time out of their day to actually discuss what they meant to each other, but, God, he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t want to know.
“Bucky?” Her sweet voice brought him out of his thoughts, the glittering red and white lights of the Christmas tree reflecting in her eyes. “You seem kind of distracted right now, sweetheart, are you bored? We can head back to the compound if you like.”
He smiled at her worried tone, delicately kissing the tip of her nose. “‘M just thinking, doll, wanna stay as long as I can out here with you.”
The grin he received in return was breathtaking, her red-painted lips turned upwards and a little twinkle (literally and metaphorically) in her eyes. “Good.”
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see, is the holly that will be
On your own front door
“Oh, look at that helicopter, Buck! That’s so cool!” Y/N pointed at a little boy in the store controlling the airborne toy with a small remote. “They didn't have those when I was a kid, I just had my Tamagotchi.”
He scrunched his nose, staring at her with an emotion that could be described as nothing other than distaste. “What the hell is a Tamagotchi?”
“A Tamagotchi was like this little digital pet thing that you could take care of, mainly used for kids who were trying to prove to their parents that they could take care of a real pet. That’s why I had one at least, but I never did get a tabby cat like I wanted.” Y/N continued to ramble about her weird pet thing as they walked through the toy store, though Bucky didn’t really care. But he’d never stop her either. The way her eyes lit up in childlike wonder and her fascination with the toys on the shelves was too precious to destroy. This was the girl who he had seen slit throats and blow aliens’ brains out, and in the moment she was ogling an American Girl Doll like it was the last pancake at the breakfast table.
Y/N finally convinced herself that she was done looking at the toys, claiming that she was too mature for such things (she really wasn’t), but he let her lead him out the door, before she halted right in the doorway. “What is it, honey?”
“Mistletoe.” He glanced up at the little sprig of green and red berries above their heads, hanging by a small strand of twine. A small group of kids with families stood around, watching them with both happy and annoyed faces. How could they not notice Y/N L/N and Bucky Barnes? Bucky’s vibranium arm may have been recognizable, but Y/N’s cheery, a little-louder-than-normal humming had caused a little group to watch them throughout the store. “I think they’re waiting for us to kiss, Buck.”
She leaned into him, placing her lips on his and placing her freezing hands on his cheekbones. Though Bucky had never been big on PDA, the rest of the world seemed to slip away when he was with her. He grinned into her lips, hugging her tightly around the waist so she squealed. When he forced herself away from her intoxicating mouth, she was sporting a bright smile and smudged lipstick that had rubbed off onto his.
Giggling, she took her thumb and swiped off some of the red residue she had left. “You had a little something there, sweetheart.”
A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Dolls that’ll talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
Bucky watched Y/N point out all the different street cart vendors as they walked to Radio City Music Hall. She’d insisted that they go look at the window displays there as well, and who was he to argue? Strangely enough, they hadn’t talked much, other than the occasional “are you cold” from Bucky, to which Y/N assured him she was not. Her quiet voice sang the lyrics to Last Christmas when a little girl stopped in front of them, two auburn braids and green eyes boring straight into hers.
The small child pulled on Y/N’s skirt, a silent plea to go down to her height. “Hi there, are you lost, sweetie?”
“I wanted to talk to you,” she looked back to an older woman, who gave her a thumbs up and a smile, “because you are my favorite superhero and I hope you have a very good Christmas.”
Y/N nearly melted at the toothless smile the girl, who she assumed was named Sadie by the necklace she wore. “Thank you so much, sweetheart. I hope you have a good Christmas too, and do you know this guy?” She dragged Bucky down next to her, the large, buff man hulking over the small girl. “This is my friend Bucky, do you know him?”
He eyed her warily, as if he were absolutely terrified of the tiny human. “You’re the Winter Soldier!”
Uh oh. The name was one that struck a chord of fear through everyone, still in shock of the events that had taken place in D.C. in 2014. While he and Sam had tried to label a new brand for the Avengers, people didn’t forget all the horrors of HYDRA and their prized assassin. Of course it hadn’t been him, even he knew that, but trying to convince people otherwise still made him feel guilty.
“You’re my second favorite Avenger, after Y/N, of course.” Sadie brought her hand to hover over Bucky’s vibranium one, her eyes wide with excitement. “Mr. Bucky, can I touch your metal arm?”
The man in question could barely utter out a word, muttering some sort of agreement before nodding with a timid smile. Giddily, she touched his arm, feeling all the cool ridges of gold-plated vibranium against the gun-grey metal. Sadie continued to pelt questions at him, about Sam and Redwing to his “adventures” with Y/N on the team.
Bucky, though shy at first, got more and more relaxed as they continued their conversation, his grin growing wider. Y/N loved her fans, she loved them so, so dearly, but seeing them interact with the man she loved was something different. Not a bad different, but a word that could only be described as pure joy.
“Darling, I think we better leave Ms. L/N and Mr. Barnes alone. Say thank you and happy holidays.” The little girl looked sad, turning to look at her mom with a little pout, but she reluctantly obliged and soon the duo were off, into the crowded streets once again.
“Y’know once upon a time I had dreamed about having kids,” Bucky commented. They walked along the sidewalks in a comfortable quiet after the encounter with Sadie, but Bucky’s mind had not stopped reeling from the happiness his conversation brought him. “Was gonna come home from the war, settle down with a gal, and live to be at least seventy years old.”
“Well, I can tell you you’re good on the last bit of that, Buck.” He snorted at her jab at his age, something that has become a norm for their little makeshift family of four. “What do you want now?”
He stopped in his tracks and looked over at her with a fond tilt of his lips. “Oh, just something real special.”
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see, is the holly that will be
On your own front door
“Y/N, what are we?” She glanced over at him from where they sat on the Met stairs, giving their feet a break from walking for hours.
“What do you mean, Buck?”
He grabbed her hands and held them to his chest, trying to make her understand the amount of confusion and impatience he had with this one burdening question. “We’ve been sleeping together for a year, Y/N. We make each other breakfast, we go out together, I literally have half of my closet dedicated to your stuff, but even after all that we haven’t given us a name yet.”
Y/N sat in stunned silence, staring at the outburst from the man in front of her. To be completely honest she had never really thought about the question, choosing to enjoy each second she got to spend with the wonderful man with her. What she had noticed however, was how whenever they parted ways or were in the most intimate of moments, three little words nearly slipped off of her tongue. Every. Single. Time.
“Well, what do you want to be, Bucky?”
“I want to be the man you love. I want to be the man who loves you with his entire heart, though I like to think I already am. I want you to be my best gal more than anything in the world, and that I want to be the man who gets to hold and love you every night.” Slowly they drifted to each other, a magnetic pull bringing them to each other. “What do you think, doll?”
“I think,” her lips split into a grin, hovering over his own with the exact same expression, “that I want to be your best girl and the one who gets to make you pancakes in the morning and I want to be the one you get a cat with, who we’ll name Alpine because if I know you, names are the most important part of having a pet. I want to be held and loved by you every night, Bucky Barnes, and I am the girl who loves you more than anything in this entire damn world.”
Not another second to spare, Bucky pulled Y/N in close, letting himself get lost in one of her sweet, loving kisses, finally knowing that he was hers and she was his. At long last.
Sure, it’s Christmas once more
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fanfic#james buchanan barnes#marvel#James Buchanan Bucky Barnes#james barnes#buckybarnes#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x yn#Sebastian Stan#sebastianstan#reader insert#Self Insert#sebstan#readerinsert#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian x reader#marvel fanfiction#bucky barns imagine#bucky barnes headcanons#bucky barnes headcanon#mcu x reader#mcu#jadeswinterwarmers#jade's writing challenge
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2022 Doll To-Do/Wishlist
Well, hopping on the bandwagon here!
1) Sewing more Doll Clothes.
Honestly, I feel weird making a list at all, because this is the main thing. Over the last year, I’ve made sure that my modern girls, Alex, Maddie, Holly, and Tatiana all now have a collection of 6 outfits each, in combinations of made and found. I want to give my historical girls, Kaya, Elizabeth, Josefina, Kirsten, Kit, and Nanea a bit of love, too. i don’t know that I’ll get all of them up to six outfits each, but i have a plan to at least go through all of the outfits i planned to make for each of them.
2) Maybe buy a few outfits?
Building off the point above, this is a maybe/we’ll see one. i know what I’m looking for for each girl, I just don’t know exactly how I’m going to be spending fun money this year.
3) Get my oc’s stories in bound form.
So, i found a couple sites where you can get original stories bound into books, and I’ve been talking to roommate about commissioning er for cover art a la when you could get all six stories for a historical character in one volume and it had their portrait on the front (I have those collections for Kirsten and Josefina). I just think it would be fun if all of my girls had ‘their’ books!
4) Get Kaya’s and Elizabeth’s books
Once again building off a previous point, at some point, maybe this year, maybe later, I would like to get Elizabeth’s book and Kaya’s original series, thus finishing my ‘doll’s library’--until or unless I get more, i suppose!
5) CYO Coming...not ‘soon...
So, I mentioned in response to an ask earlier this year that i have a couple of modern OC’s I don’t have dolls for yet, and my thought is to get one of them at the end of 2022, the other maybe at the end of 2023. Eventually, I’d write her books, but it might not be immediately after getting her, for a couple of reasons: for the story i have in mind for her, I want to do some research before just writing, since part of it goes into territory i don’t have first-hand experience with and I want to handle well. Also, on a personal note, I want to finish up my grad school application this year to *hopefully* start in 2023, and I don’t want to be int he middle of a big writing project while trying to move/adjust to grad school. Maybe. We’ll see. (The second one would be a side character in the other’s stories, but get some short stories of their own, maybe set during and around the main series.)
These two are the last two dolls i plan to add to my collection, barring any thrift store finds, which is probably good for my space/budget limitations...plus, a nice round dozen seems a good stopping point to me, then I can focus on outfits and crafts and photo challenges and just being here with you guys!
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Watership Down Rant pt.2/ How Hazel (Arguably) Misinterprets Bigwig
“Bigwig would certainly be a useful rabbit in a tight corner, he would also be a difficult one to get on with. He certainly would not want to do what he was told- or even asked- by an Outskirter.”~ Chapter 3, Hazel’s Decision.
As I briefly mentioned before, Hazel is the POV character, and while there is a narrator, it can sometimes be difficult to separate the two. My first time reading the novel I was much more inclined to go along with Hazel’s interpretation of Bigwig, but after finishing, seeing Bigwig’s whole character journey, and on a reread I don’t entirely agree. There are two main characters who Bigwig gets very angry at in the novel, Fiver, and Strawberry. Strawberry who Bigwig blames for leading to Bigwig’s almost death (and he forgives it soon enough), and Fiver who is continuously (at least in Bigwig’s eyes) putting Hazel in danger- until the snare incident.
Hazel seems to imply that Bigwig is trying, whether maliciously or not, to create trouble. One of his fears when they leave Sandleford and Bigwig asks to join is that, Bigwig, as an Owsla and generally much larger and slightly short tempered rabbit is going to fight with him for position of leader. A position Hazel feels naturally falls to him. Hazel lets Bigwig come with them, mostly because he can’t really refuse him, but also because as much as Hazel doesn’t want a power struggle he’s aware that he needs strong fighters and someone who knows more about the wider world- aka, Bigwig. (More on Hazel’s pragmatism later.)
Bigwig’s two flaws that Hazel picks up on and I agree with are- he can be quite short tempered (though we’ll see, Bigwig is good at separating personal feelings from non-personal matters), and specifically doesn’t take uncertainty particularly well.
However, these aren’t traits that make a particularly good Chief Rabbit, Bigwig can think on his feet- but not as well as Hazel, Fiver, or even Blackberry. I feel like Bigwig is somewhat aware of this fact (his reaction to being told he’s not suited for a task later in the novel due to his temperament is one of someone who doesn’t disagree, but doesn’t like the fact). Therefore, my basic point is that I don’t think Bigwig is gunning for Chief Rabbit, and I particularly don’t think he is at any point trying to usurp Hazel. As to whether he truly believes Hazel is their true/great Chief Rabbit from the beginning… no. But, he does acknowledge him as leader of the group, he does seem to default to him, or at least treat him as equal, and his criticisms of Hazel seem to be more that he wants Hazel to be better than Bigwig thinking he, or anyone else, would make a better leader.
Bigwig has a basic level of respect for Hazel from the very beginning, seen when he allows Hazel to speak to the Threarah, even though Bigwig knows it will create trouble for him because he trusts Hazel has a decent reason. Who doesn’t Bigwig really respect? Five, at this point he’s entirely neutral, but he trusts Hazel to trust Fiver. There is still plenty of room for Bigwig’s respect of Hazel to grow- arguably culminating in Efrafa- but he never once treats Hazel as lesser or makes a bid for power. The closest he comes to a mutiny is actually against Fiver and specifically because he thinks Fiver is endangering Hazel and Hazel’s authority.
Now, Bigwig’s not perfect, he does feel he’s owed more respect than say, Blackberry or Dandelion (though he also respects their own skills and talents and gets pretty mad when Cowslip’s rabbits aren’t impressed by Dandelion’s story telling), but also like... eh, he’s not wrong. Bigwig is the most knowledgeable about the world (Blackberry is a mad genius, but he more theorises things than knows) and is often the one explaining crucial things- roads, snares, predators, and most importantly- how to stay safe. He and Silver (tldr Bigwig but calmer) often stay up to take watches- amd this, like most of the tasks Silver and Bigwig do together are clearly coordinated and arranged by Bigwig. Bigwig also takes charge of a lot that Hazel feels he should do as leader, but Hazel is not lazing about during these times, he’s taking care of other tasks that a leader needs. The most usurp thing Bigwig does is essentially take charge while Hazel is away, but he always hands it back. Bigwig works like a second in command- and Hazel doesn’t seem to see this. This is particularly funny but also a misunderstanding on Hazel’s part when considering some of the first things Hazel does is put Bigwig in this role. Additionally, Bigwig is more than happy to share is wider knowledge as a result of his experience, but mostly to Hazel- because teaching takes time and it’s not worth, for example, teaching Pipkin how to fight a cat. This is why I feel that Bigwig simply wants to improve Hazel, he’s very calm and polite when he teaches him about the road, and points out that as an Outskirter and not an Owsla there is no reason why Hazel should know these things when Hazel is embarrassed about the fact. Both the other two Chief rabbits we meet in the book are ex/current Owsla, Hazel is not, and thus it makes sense for Bigwig to catch him up to speed. Personally I think Hazel is paranoid about his own position and protecting that outwards.
Onto how Hazel views Bigwig and why I think he’s wrong- but with textual evidence.
“Bigwig would certainly be a useful rabbit in a tight corner, he would also be a difficult one to get on with. He certainly would not want to do what he was told- or even asked- by an Outskirter.”
Hazel seems to think Bigwig wants to usurp him because he was more powerful than him before they left their home. And in Hazel’s mind this is justified by Bigwig’s bluster and the fact that Hazel keeps stumbling across him taking charge of the rabbits... because Hazel has been away/busy/doing another important task and someone needs to hold down the fort- so Bigwig steps up, and then quite calmly steps down once Hazel is back, who doesn’t seem to quite see this at first because he’s paranoid. No Hazel hate, just truth.
However, for all of Hazel’s fears, there’s little truth to them. I’m going to quickly run through all the supposed challenges Bigwig offers upto their arrival at the Warren of the Shining Wires. (I’m deliberately not calling it Cowslip’s warren- because it’s not, he’s not Chief- the human is, the rabbits just live there.)
“If you’ll take my advice-” began Bigwig. “If we stay here any longer I shan’t be able to,” answered Hazel.~ Chapter 4, The Departure (after Bigwig has bested Holly, immediately before they leave Sandleford.) See how respectfully Bigwig brings up his potential criticism? And there is no note of Bigwig being resentful, rude, or sulky that he was shut down. He acknowledges that now is not a time for discussion/democracy, it’s a time to pack up and follow Hazel- whereas you’d expect some kind of grudge if Hazel was right. At the very least you’d expect something the next time Bigwig “criticises” Hazel in chapter 5. However, Bigwig simply states that the group needs to stop, he lists out the reasons why he knows Hazel won’t want to, but also lists why they need to- simply put that Fiver and Pipkin physically can’t. At this point Bigwig doesn’t even know Pipkin’s name (he refers to him as “this half-sized fellow”), but he’s one of Hazel’s squad and Bigwig’s protective instincts are coming out. Hazel is reluctant, but listens. Also of note is that Bigwig doesn’t demand this in front of the group as if it were some power-play, he walks off away from the group to quietly talk to Hazel, and it’s still Hazel who announces they’re stopping. Bigwig is not trying to convince Hazel of this after the fact.
Chapters 7-8. When the Badger finds them it’s Bigwig who leads them away, however, this most seemingly obvious element of insubordination is not remarked on by Hazel- internally or otherwise. This is because Bigwig is the only one who knows what it is, how dangerous it is (it’s of the “lets not invite trouble” variety). And yes, it’s because he’s Owsla, but Silver is Owsla too- this is how Bigwig seems to view himself, not as Chief, but Captain of the Owsla for their group and sharing power with Hazel. Now, Hazel has not given this role- but as we’ll see later he kind of defaults to putting Bigwig in it and Bigwig has already won a fight for Hazel, it’s not an unreasonable assumption. Bigwig is very annoyed when they arrive at the river and takes it out on Hazel- who notes that Bigwig is only steady if he’s certain of their options. Hazel uses some flattery to calm Bigwig down (honestly, a great talent of Hazel’s in many situations).
Bigwig gets angry. So, in chapter 8 Bigwig starts to actually shout and rage, but it’s interesting to note that this is prompted by Fiver. Bigwig is clearly irritated at being led to a dead end- but it’s more the exhaustion and confusion than anything about Hazel. However when Fiver says they need to swim the river (noted to be impossible for exhausted rabbits by the narrator) that Bigwig starts to get annoyed- remember that Bigwig was the one who got them to stop earlier. Especially considering there are other options. Still, Bigwig lets it go. And again, when he comes to talk to Hazel about a potentially sensitive situation he talks to Hazel aside from the group, and comes to ask what Bigwig should tell the group- Bigwig very much asks for permission not forgiveness. It’s when Hazel says they should stay- clearly for the Benefit of Fiver Bigwig gets annoyed- probably because of his slightly more worldly nature- they are in a very open and vulnerable position and he’s smart enough to know that Hazel just wants him to cross the river. However, some flattery, and Bigwig happily swims across, alone, to scout. This, again is very telling. Bigwig is clearly able to swim the river and not altogether unwilling. It also displays Bigwig’s protective instincts and why he’s such a good Captain. Bigwig’s issue is revealed- though Hazel doesn’t seem to realise- to not be crossing the river, but the fact that not all the rabbits are able to make it. This culminates in Bigwig screaming at Hazel, after BIgwig reveals there’s a dog in the woods. First, he gets all the other rabbits to swim across (Bigwig has returned) and then he shouts at Hazel to go over, and not to stay for Fiver and Pipkin saying they’ll all be killed. Even Hazel notes here, that he’s surprised, but admiring the fact that for all his talk, Bigwig isn’t running off to save himself. Bigwig is a captain and can’t leave his men to die, but Hazel is the leader and he can’t leave the survivors. Frankly I’m very interested to see if Bigwig would have stayed, fought Hazel, or dragged him had Blackberry not saved the day. The main point here is that Bigwig never challenges Hazel on the grounds of not trusting or respecting his authority, only occasionally his decisions, and primarily for the collective safety of the group. However Hazel is still viewing Bigwig as a fierce independent rabbit who is going to make trouble.
4. Hawkbit, Speedwell & Acorn challenging Hazel, Chapter 10, The Road and the Common.
Hawkbit, Acorn & Speedwell (HSA) start to challenge Hazel, first saying they’d like to stop (they’ve been having a very gruelling climb), and then it escalates to saying they’d like to go back because they believe Hazel is lying to them and full of it. Notably they bring up his lack of knowledge about the road- something Bigwig did talk to Hazel about in front of the whole group for once. Hazel starts trying to explain why this is stupid (if the rabbits go back they’ll be killed), and what they even expect him to do, likely in the hope that HSA will talk it out until they air their grievances until they realise they’re wrong. However HSA are cut off before this can happen by Fiver and Bigwig approaching, Fiver who wants to talk to Hazel, and Bigwig who- it’s not explained why he’s there- but he’s heard the whole thing (likely looking out for Hazel). Bigwig scowls and says he’s going to have a “few words” with HSA- which from the little we hear through Hazel’s POV is mostly insults with the purpose of reminding them their place. We hear what we’re told is likely the end of Bigwig’s speech though and-
“And now, you bunch of mole-snouted, muck-raking, hutch-hearted sheep ticks, get out of my sight sharp. Otherwise I’ll-” [then he’s cut off by the wind].
Once more evidence of Bigwig throwing his weight around doesn’t support him being a usurper, in fact he seems angry at the disrespect to Hazel, and is doing his best to make sure dissent and disorder doesn’t fester in the ranks. Whether Hazel or Bigwig’s approach is better is a different story and more to do with their different personalities and roles- Chief/Captain.
Hazel, upon returning asks Blackberry where HSA are and we’re told this:
"There's been a fearful row. Bigwig told Hawkbit and Speedwell that he'd scratch them to pieces if they didn't obey him. And when Hawkbit said he wanted to know who was Chief Rabbit, Bigwig bit him. It seems a nasty business. Who is Chief Rabbit,anyway--you or Bigwig?"
Bigwig, being Owsla manages discipline much firmer and through strength/power. Hazel notes that he doesn’t know who the Chief Rabbit is, merely that Bigwig’s stronger. But this is actually a very good example of Bigwig’s loyalty- he’s angry but sticks to physical discipline while they’re merely talking about not wanting to follow Hazel. However, once they start snarking and perhaps suggesting Bigwig lead a coup/suggesting he’s a usurper/Hazel isn’t a good leader you can see how the switch flips in Bigwig’s mind. He doesn’t take the insult well, Bigwig views himself quite clearly as a second in command, and a loyal one at that. (Loyalty, strength and protectiveness are some of Bigwig’s best features). The incident isn’t really focused on again, but safe to say there’s no more questioning who’s really the boss, just as there’s no questioning Bigwig’s tendency to lead in lieu of Hazel. This isn’t just because of Bigwig’s own presence, it’s a lot to do with how Hazel treats Bigwig, even if he doesn’t seem to quite consciously focus on it yet…
Lastly to note and really seal the deal, when they meat Cowslip several of the Sandleford Rabbits refer to Hazel as “Hazel-rah” (calling him chief), Bigwig… doesn’t, but he doesn’t seem to object in any way, and, in a scene that I will dissect, really does seem to view Hazel with incredible respect and as leader- to who Bigwig follows but offers meaningful criticism to allow him to be better.
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Haunted Corruption Chapter 9 - Stronger's Destiny
(Fade as cut to Stronger of Destiny Room where Jose, Sana, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle walk and looking around.)
Cal: (narrating) When my friends was seperated into 3 ways of room as I'm with Jose, Sana, and Lucy with my brothers and their friends on the one room... Had a pressure as destiny as perseverance... Me and my friends are Stronger as remind of the song about challenge was different level for any kind to destiny... with perseverance.
(Cut to close-up Cal feeling worried while Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI look at him.)
Fortstopher IV: Are you okay, Sir Suresh?
Fortie VI: Yeah, you seems like something... broken.
Cal: (trembling; quietly) Yes, I have broken something... it's my pride... was blinded...
Royal Fortress Brothers: What?
Cal: Yes, I still broken and blind of my pride...
Fortstopher IV: Like Chess Kingdom without your hidden desire to truth anyway?
Cal: Yes, like me and our 11 friends hadn't hidden desire to truth until we had.
Jose: To reason about us to transformed into Nega Bosses which doesn't had hidden desire to truth.
Sana: Then Streetbeat and Fighter fight to Nega Bosses...
Lucy: Then they're defeated to Nega Bosses as we're freed as have a hidden desire to truth.
Cal: Exactly, Madam! For some reason, we're been a transformed when we've been shown our desires in the Wonderworld!
Fortstopher IV: That's right, My Bishop! That's how you gets a Hidden Powers!
Jose, Sana, Cal, and Lucy: A Hidden Powers?
Fortie VI: Hidden Powers was your desires were shown up as being corrupted from last years... For now as semi-corrupted form! You had a Hidden Powers!
Fortstopher IV: Even for you, Sir Suresh! Your Hidden Power was Past Vision!
Cal: (gasps along Jose, Sana, and Lucy; shocked) My Hidden Power was Past Vision?!
Fortie VI: Yes, because you finally your pride was fixed as regain passion of chess while you helped Willy Darren for playing chess at cafe and your chess workshop as he was your first student.
Cal: (shocked confusing) Huh, you're known him?! How?!
Fortie VI: As my brother and I was shadow in your behind as we're knowing other people as started last years when after Streetbeat and Fighter defeated us as outside of Wonderworld.
Barktholomew: Oh! (Rises his hand) Same me!
Cuckoo: (Rises her hand) Same me!
Inkabelle: (Rises her hand) Same to me too!
Jose: Wow! You guys known other people! Even my son and wife!
Sana: Woah! Sounds like my construction workers heard about secret theories of your, Checkered King.
Lucy: Hey, Checkered King? One of your students who friend of Fighter for her birthday in her mansion?
Cal: Tora Taylor, middle of Taylor Sisters who has a red-haired, blue dresses, and wearing yellow bow tie as band on her hair. I was a planned about Fighter's birthday at her mansion with Tora and Holly.
Jose: Holly? You means Holly Brand?
Cal: Yes, Scarecrow. Holly Brand was Bugsy's mother as Fighter's genius maid who she helped me for birthday planning.
Jose: Wow. That's pretty cool. But Fighter getting worried while the maids whispering about her for nobody trusted her as she thought about them until she have a trust as going to birthday as she got realized that. How gets her trust?
Cal: Well, her trust was her desire... I told her for me about nobody trusted as I was hidden my true self at started 24 years-old when being loss of my family until I was shown my true self to Fighter as tell her when after defeated Fortstopher IV... (Sadly) Balan told her about me being trust to you and our friends as shown my true self. I told Fighter's maids doing party decorations while Tora and I doing one gift and bake the cake. Then I wrote the letter to Fighter as it along Tora's gift.
(Cut to Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle shocked to Cal's story about Emma.)
Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle: (shocked) You wrote the letter to her?!
Cal: Yes! I sent to her for birthday party!
Sana: Okay, that's a surprise about you're says it!
Cal: As my biological niece.
Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle: (shocked) WHAT?! You're Fighter's uncle?!
Cal: (whispering in sadly) Yes, my long-lost older sister Cali, she working a chemist and inventor as married to Erwin Cole who founder and owner of his daughter's mansion. (Sods as coming his tears.) She's disappeared when Fighter's birth.
(Cut to Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle sadly to happened of Cal's younger twin sister was gone.)
Jose: We're so sorry about your sister, Checkered King.
Lucy: He's right, Checkered King. You'll see, you always need the new friends as acting like family, your past is making you heartbreak with your false self but for now... You're greatest intelligent person in the world as you getting your true destiny!
Jose: She's right, Checkered King! You're still the best intelligent person yet!
Sana: Yeah! You're coming and see your other side as true self!
Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle: (cheering and applause) Go Checkered King!
(Cut to Cal shocked as his tears coming, then smiles in bittersweet and wiping his tears.)
Cal: Thank, everyone! For my faith is keep gaining on me! You know... That's doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success about us... For challenge was different level for any kind to destiny.
Jose, Sana, and Lucy: (sadly) Yeah... That's true.
Fortstopher IV: I thinks you guys have a perseverance.
Cal: (gasps along Jose, Sana, and Lucy; shocked) You're right, Fortstopher! We have a perseverance! Which challenge was different level for any kind to destiny as getting difficulty or delay to us!
Jose: Yeah! That's lot of mistakes to us!
Cal: But let's try again about that which are continued for challenge until success...
Lucy: ...Or until we're stops trying!
Jose: (paused, then shocked) Wow! You're used Trial and Error for problem-solving, Checkered King!
Sana: 'Cause you're a problem-solver!
Cal: Thank you, guys.
Barktholomew: Okay, this is hard issues about your mission getting difficult as starts starving to death! (Paused as looking Jose, Sana, Cal, Lucy, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle who paused to him.) What?
Jose: (stomach growls as grunts) Oh...! I guess you're right, Bark! I need to find the food! (Looks anywhere in panic.) Uh, uh, uh! (Looks the giant corns in amazed as his tail wags in excited.) A-ha! A giant corn! (Breath inhales as start blow as closed his eyes.)
Cal: (starts walks slowly in backward while starts worried) Uh-oh... He's gonna... Take cover! (He, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle run and hide any place as behind giant object while scream.)
(Cut to Jose open his eyes with glowing turquoise, then blows the giant corn with energy fire breath like Dainty Dragon's Fire Attack. Cut to Suresh Brothers hiding as a giant white knight chess piece as they feeling extremely worried, then paused by sounds of eating from Jose.)
Fortstopher IV: (whispering to Cal in worried) He's done it for that, Sir Suresh?
Cal: (whispering in worried) I think. I'm checks to him. (Royal Fortress Brothers nod.)
(Cut to Cal pop slowly in worried from giant white knight chess piece as shaking in fear, closed his eyes, and whining in worried, then slowly open his right eye as looks to Jose in paused, then gasps in horror and then faints while appeared shadow of Jose eating giant corn and popcorns with metal and wood as Royal Fortress Brothers hold on Cal in shocked and horror.)
Fortie VI: Oh no! He thinks horrible about Scarecrow!
Barktholomew: (offscreen) Guys, he's fine about horrible happen! Come on and check this out!
(Royal Fortress Brothers hold Cal who been fainted and they walking to Barktholomew who happy expression along Sana, Lucy, Cuckoo, and Inkabelle joins him as they looking and scream in horror and shock. Cut to Jose who his eyes still glowing turquoise and eating a giant popcorn with metal while background with green fire. Cut back to them as they're all except Cal and Barktholomew have a shocking expressions to Jose.)
Barktholomew: His Hidden Power was Matter Ingestion with Energy Breath! It looks like Dainty Dragon's Fire Attacks!
Fortie VI: (paused) Okay... (shocked) That does make any sense!
Fortstopher IV: When used Hidden Power as your eyes glowing with main theme color!
Sana: Okay, that does make any sense! (Notices Cal still fainted as Royal Fortress Brothers hold him; gasp in horror.) What's happened to him?!
Fortie VI: He's looked to Scarecrow to what he's doing and then... he fainted after looked that.
Jose: (walks to his friends in happily as holds giant popcorn as his eyes was normal for stopped use Hidden Power) Hey, guys! I feeling doesn't painful anymore while eating it with metal and... wood. (Chuckles nervously as notices Cal still fainted as Royal Fortress Brothers hold him; screams in horror.) What's happened to him?!
Fortie VI: He's looked to you to what he's doing and then... he fainted after looked that.
(Jose takes Cal as dog kiss in worried, Cal wakes in disgust and worried, then he looks Jose and scream as let him and back to his brothers in worried and then breaths in deep and wiping Jose's saliva.)
Jose: Sorry about that, Checkered King. I just about...
Cal: Your Hidden Power? Yes, I seen that.
Inkabelle: Wow! His Past Vision was every when for he saw everything of the past! (Sana starts her eyes glowing forest green in happily.)
Sana: (with voice replication) Yes! Yes, he does! (Everyone scream to her.)
Cal: Watcher?! What was that while you speak?! (Gasps) Your Hidden Power! It's Voice Replication! (Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle shocking as Sana's eyes was normal for stopped use Hidden Power.)
Sana: (in semi-corrupted voice as normal one voice) Now, you knows it!
(Jose, Sana, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle start walking in together as find of out the Stronger of Destiny, then Jose hold up his electric guitar with style and color of Barktholomew as playing it as pop-rock music playing "Remember of The Faithful Past/Cal's True Self Song" while they walking on the path.)
[Jose Gallard] Cal, you know you are a problem-solver You're more than just a passing past You're like a treat from a cafe
(While the song as Cal looks Jose singing in paused, then he looks Sana start sing while Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle start happy for song.)
[Sana Hudson] Oh, Cal, we love you more than our past life We love you more than bugs and birds We love you more than all things mentioned before
(Continued the song as Lucy starts her eyes glowing true magenta in happily as draws petals of a rose with her Hidden Power was Melanokinetic Constructs while everyone surprised to Lucy's Hidden Power as Cal looking in surprised and shocked, then Lucy's eyes was normal for stopped use Hidden Power..)
[Lucy Wong] Oh, Cal, you're extraordinary You're kind of smart and loyalty The feel of a true heart
[Lucy Wong] [With Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle] Yes, Cal!
[Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Lucy Wong, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle] So, you're the best, Cal! You're the best, Cal, the best!
(Cal surprised as realized about song of him and shown his true self. His friends look at him in happily.)
Jose: Hey, Checkered King, why don't sing one?
Cal: Uh...
[Cal Suresh] Oh yes, I think it's kind of scary I can't hide from you It fills me with despair?
Oh yes, I'm getting worried of you I'm gonna move to the home And change my name to Caleb...
(Paused the song as Cal's friends paused about last line.)
Royal Fortress Brothers: Caleb?
Cal: I ran out of rhymes, alright?
(Continued the song as everyone continued singing as come out the little parts of plants from the above while Suresh Brothers surprised.)
[Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Lucy Wong, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, and Inkabelle] (Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI) He'll change his name to Caleb Caleb! (Caleb!)
(Jose, Sana, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle start running and dancing as they're happily while chorus of song.)
[Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, Lucy Wong, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle] So, Cal remember the past Cal is the best
So, Cal remember the past Cal is the best!
(Jose playing solo of his electric guitar for almost finish the song while they're start running to walking.)
[Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, Lucy Wong, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle] Remember of The Faithful Past
(Finished the song as Jose, Sana, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle stopped the track as made of the metal door with twelve lightbulbs and the two arrows on the center of twelve lightbulbs as looking like of clock called Unlock Clock Door.)
Cal: You knows, the song about my true self as I remembered the good memories.
Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle: Thank you, Checkered King.
Cal: Actually, that's not my name of Semi-Corrupted Form. My name of Semi-Corruption is... Checkered King Cal. But you can called me for my normal name.
Jose: Wow! That's sounds... perfect, Cal! My name is Scarecrow Jose!
Sana: My name's Watcher Sana of the Woods! Or simply Watcher Sana!
Lucy: And I'm Madam Lucy of the Mansion! Or simply Madam Lucy!
Inkabelle: Cool! That's I'm called you, Madam Lucy! (She and her friends laughing.)
Cal: We're Stronger about any challenges from our destination with perseverance!
Sana: Let's dance and sing like same of Balan Theater!
Jose, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle: Yeah!
(Starts playing "Stronger" while Jose, Sana, Cal, and Lucy walks to Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle as look each other while Jose, Sana, Cal, and Lucy singing intro of song as Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle dancing.)
[Sana Hudson] Sometimes we cry We wait
[Jose Gallard] Sometimes we can't see anything
[Lucy Wong] But don't give up
[Cal Suresh] You are not alone Ooh...
(Instrumental while Jose, Sana, Cal, and Lucy clapping the hands as dancing until the piano and trumpet played as they pointed at each other and start dancing as same moving of the song and Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle dancing like Costumes while they in the chorus of the song.)
[Jose Gallard] (Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, and Lucy Wong) We can be stronger, 'cause we have this treasure (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Sana Hudson] We will survive, just like we always do (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Cal Suresh] We're gonna level up, 'cause we have this mission (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Lucy Wong] No matter what happens we will stand by you (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Sana Hudson and Lucy Wong] (Jose Gallard and Cal Suresh) Some time will tell (Doo, doo) It's in our hands (Doo, doo) All we need is a little bit... (Doo, doo)
[With Jose Gallard and Cal Suresh] Of love Little love, little love
[Jose Gallard] (Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, and Lucy Wong) We can be stronger, 'cause we have this treasure (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Cal Suresh] We will survive, just like we always do (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
Sana: We're gonna level up, 'cause we have this mission! (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
Lucy: No matter what happens we will stand by you! (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, and Lucy Wong] We'll be alright We're now on fire Come and see the other side Let's believe!
(Breaking the song as Instrumental while speaking as Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle dancing.)
Sana: Why do I feel so lonely? Something's gotta give!
Cal: Come on! Let's do this!
Lucy: Life can be tough.
Jose: Heh, pretty cool!
Lucy: Why don't my friends talk to me? Have I done something wrong?
Cal: Hah, pathetic!
Sana: I just want things to be normal.
Jose: See you on the flip-side!
(Turns off the lights as two spotlights to Jose and Cal as they're singing until turns whole lights as reached the chorus.)
[Jose Gallard and Cal Suresh] (Sana Hudson and Lucy Wong) Like hide and seek (Ahh, ahh) Dreams are hard to believe (Ahh, ahh) But we need to keep it up until... The day, the day, the day (Ah, ah, ah)
[Sana Hudson and Lucy Wong] (One, two, three, four!)
[Jose Gallard] (Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, and Lucy Wong) We can be stronger, 'cause we have this treasure (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Sana Hudson] We will survive, just like we always do (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Cal Suresh] We're gonna level up, 'cause we have this mission (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Lucy Wong] No matter what happens we will stand by you (Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
[Jose Gallard, Sana Hudson, Cal Suresh, and Lucy Wong] We'll be alright We're now on fire Come and see the other side Let's believe!
(While Cal sing of long noted "Let's believe!" as he, Jose, Sana, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle make pose as final dancing at end of the song. Jose, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle cheering, then turn and looking the Unlock Clock Door start light up of four lightbulbs turn on as like clock's number places with Inhabitants' main theme color.)
Cal: It's looks the song make the lights up of the door!
Jose: Yes, but there's only four lights up.
Cal: I thinks four of Inhabitants for that. We're just waiting for light up to complete of twelve.
Sana: Yes, while our friends going make it as light it up.
Cal: Yes, they're realized for based of three songs.
Lucy: Oh, right!
Jose: Which means... Fiona, Haoyu, Attilio, and Bruce on the another room and then Yuri, Cass, Iben, and Eis on the last room! They're along Nega Bosses who in the human forms!
Cal: That's right, Jose. We're wondering for our friends doing to that?
(Jose, Sana, Cal, Lucy, Barktholomew, Cuckoo, Fortstopher IV, Fortie VI, and Inkabelle thinks about their friends on the rooms. Fade out as pitched black screen.)
To be continued.
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Every October UCF celebrates Diversity Week. This year’s dates are October 14 - 18, and the theme is Empowering Equity. University-wide departments and groups champion the breadth and culture within the UCF community, and work to increase acceptance and inclusion for everyone at UCF and the surrounding communities.
One of the fantastic things about UCF is the wide range of cultures and ethnicities of our students, staff, and faculty. We come from all over. We’re just as proud of where we are from as we are of where we are now and where we will be heading in future.
UCF Libraries will be offering a full slate of Diversity Week activities. To learn about the upcoming events visit: guides.ucf.edu/diversityweek
Join the UCF Libraries as we celebrate diverse voices and subjects with these suggestions. Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the featured UCF Celebrates Diversity titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These 12 books plus many more are also on display on the 2nd (main) floor of the John C. Hitt Library next to the bank of two elevators.
And thank you to every Knight who works to help others feel accepted and included at UCF!
Girl, Stop Apologizing: A shame-free plan for embracing and achieving your goals by Rachel Hollis In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services
It Ain't So Awful, Falafel by Firoozeh Dumas Zomorod (Cindy) Yousefzadeh is the new kid on the block . . . for the fourth time. California’s Newport Beach is her family’s latest perch, and she’s determined to shuck her brainy loner persona and start afresh with a new Brady Bunch name—Cindy. It’s the late 1970s, and fitting in becomes more difficult as Iran makes U.S. headlines with protests, revolution, and finally the taking of American hostages. Even puka shell necklaces, pool parties, and flying fish can't distract Cindy from the anti-Iran sentiments that creep way too close to home. Suggested by Cindy Dancel, Research & Information Services
Lean in: women, work, and the will to lead by Sheryl Sandberg with Nell Scovell Lean In continues the conversation around women in the workplace, combining personal anecdotes, hard data, and compelling research to change the conversation from what women can’t do to what they can. Sandberg provides practical advice on negotiation techniques, mentorship, and building a satisfying career. Suggested by Katy Miller, Research, Education & Engagement
Out of Many Faiths: religious diversity and the American promise by Eboo Patel In this inspiring and thought-provoking book, Patel draws on his personal experience as a Muslim in America to examine broader questions about the importance of religious diversity in the cultural, political, and economic life of the nation. He explores how religious language has given the United States some of its most enduring symbols and inspired many of its most vital civic institutions―and demonstrates how the genius of the American experiment lies in its empowerment of people of all creeds, ethnicities, and convictions. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi Persepolis paints an unforgettable portrait of daily life in Iran and of the bewildering contradictions between home life and public life. Marjane’s child’s-eye view of dethroned emperors, state-sanctioned whippings, and heroes of the revolution allows us to learn as she does the history of this fascinating country and of her own extraordinary family. Intensely personal, profoundly political, and wholly original, Persepolis is at once a story of growing up and a reminder of the human cost of war and political repression. Suggested by Cindy Dancel, Research & Information Services
Reclaiming the Black Past: the use and misuse of African American history in the twenty-first century by Pero Gaglo Dagbovie In this wide-reaching and timely book, Pero Gaglo Dagbovie argues that public knowledge and understanding of black history, including its historical icons, has been shaped by institutions and individuals outside academic ivory towers. Drawing on a range of compelling examples, Dagbovie explores how, in the twenty-first century, African American history is regarded, depicted, and juggled by diverse and contesting interpreters—from museum curators to filmmakers, entertainers, politicians, journalists, and bloggers. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
Savage Feast: three generations, two continents, and a dinner table (a memoir with recipes) by Boris Fishman The acclaimed author of A Replacement Life shifts between heartbreak and humor in this gorgeously told, recipe-filled memoir. A family story, an immigrant story, a love story, and an epic meal, Savage Feast explores the challenges of navigating two cultures from an unusual angle. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services
Text Me When You Get Home: the evolution and triumph of modern female friendship by Kayleen Schaefer From Broad City to Big Little Lies to what women say about their own best friends, the stories we're telling about female friendship have changed. What used to be written off as infighting between mean girls or disposable relationships that would be tossed as soon as a guy came along are no longer described like that. Now, we're lifting up our female friendships to the same level as our other important relationships, saying they matter just as much as the bonds we have with our romantic partners, children, parents, or siblings. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services
The Best We Could Do: an illustrated memoir by Thi Bui This beautifully illustrated and emotional story is an evocative memoir about the search for a better future and a longing for the past. Exploring the anguish of immigration and the lasting effects that displacement has on a child and her family, Bui documents the story of her family’s daring escape after the fall of South Vietnam in the 1970s, and the difficulties they faced building new lives for themselves. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
The Moment of Lift: how empowering women changes the world by Melinda Gates In this moving and compelling book, Melinda shares lessons she’s learned from the inspiring people she’s met during her work and travels around the world. As she writes in the introduction, “That is why I had to write this book―to share the stories of people who have given focus and urgency to my life. I want all of us to see ways we can lift women up where we live.” Melinda’s unforgettable narrative is backed by startling data as she presents the issues that most need our attention―from child marriage to lack of access to contraceptives to gender inequity in the workplace. And, for the first time, she writes about her personal life and the road to equality in her own marriage. Throughout, she shows how there has never been more opportunity to change the world―and ourselves. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services
Tinderbox: the untold story of the up stairs lounge fire and the rise of gay liberation by Robert W. Fieseler Buried for decades, the Up Stairs Lounge tragedy has only recently emerged as a catalyzing event of the gay liberation movement. In revelatory detail, Robert W. Fieseler chronicles the tragic event that claimed the lives of thirty-one men and one woman on June 24, 1973, at a New Orleans bar, the largest mass murder of gays until 2016. Relying on unprecedented access to survivors and archives, Fieseler creates an indelible portrait of a closeted, blue- collar gay world that flourished before an arsonist ignited an inferno that destroyed an entire community. The aftermath was no less traumatic―families ashamed to claim loved ones, the Catholic Church refusing proper burial rights, the city impervious to the survivors’ needs―revealing a world of toxic prejudice that thrived well past Stonewall. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
Womanish: a grown black woman speaks on love and life by Kim McLarin Searing in its emotional honesty, Womanish is an essay collection that explores what it means to be a black woman in today’s turbulent times. Writing with candor, wit and vulnerability on topics including dating after divorce, depression, parenting older children, the Obama’s, and the often fraught relations between white and black women, McLarin unveils herself at the crossroads of being black, female and middle-aged, and, ultimately, American. Powerful and timely, Womanish draws upon a lifetime of experiences to paint a portrait of a black woman trying to come to terms with the world around her, and of a society trying to come to terms with black women. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services
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The Cruel Prince by Holly Black Review (Spoilers)
The Cruel Prince follows the story of Jude Duarte, a human living among the creatures of fay in a magical place called Elfhame. When she was 7 years old, along with her two sisters, she witnessed the murder of her mother and father by the man who would become her foster father, a man she would learn to love and respect. This man’s name is Madoc and he is the high general for the King of Elfhame.
In the Kingdom of Faerie, humans a are viewed upon as second class citizens. Humans in Elfhame fall into one of several categories: People who were tricked to be in service of the fay, a human who has shown some special skill that is favored by one of the fay, used as lovers to keep the blood of the fay alive (it is very hard for the fay to have children), or in the case of Jude and her twin sister Taryn, as wards under the protection of one of the fay. This is especially shown in the schooling of the gentry (the highborn of Elfhame). Even though being human, Jude and Taryn are allowed to join these lessons being the foster daughters of Madoc, the high general. In school, Jude and Taryn constantly get bullied for something they can’t change about themselves, which is the fact that they are human. While reading, I viewed this portion of the book to be an allegory to the big problem of bullying in our world in this day in age. Kids can be bullied for the smallest things, usually things that they can’t change about themselves. Jude decided that if she is going to be picked on, she is going to make life a living hell for the people who are picking on her, especially after witnessing her sister cry from being bullied. The main culprit for all the bullying that is done to Jude and her sister is the youngest prince of the high king, Prince Cardan. In the first half of the book, I hated Cardan. He is such a jerk. What you start to find out later in the book is that just like in the real world, people who are bullies tend to get bullied themselves in some other capacity. Cardan is being bullied at home by his older brother Balekin. Since he is humiliated at home, he wanted someone else to share in his pain. This doesn’t excuse Cardan’s behavior, but it does give reason to it. One member of Cardan’s posy, Locke, shows an interest in Jude and decides to somewhat stand up for her and try to woe her. To his success, it works. Jude starts to really like Locke. She likes his company, she likes kissing him, she likes having someone pay attention to her for something other than the fact that she is human.
One thing that Jude wants more than anything is to make a spot for herself in the kingdom of Elfhame that is more than just the human foster child of the high general. To do this, she wants to become a knight. Growing up in Madoc’s household and being taught with the gentry, Jude has become proficient in sword fighting and views it to be one of her only skill sets. Jude plans to volunteer to be picked to be a knight at the next tournament but her dreams get shattered when Madoc tells her that he won’t allow it. Madoc’s decision here is really the inciting incident for later decisions in the book. Jude would have been happy being a knight but since she is not allowed to do the thing she wants, she ends up finding a place for herself in another way. Jude still decided to fight in the tournament and her skill catches the eye of Prince Dain, the next King of Elfhame. Prince Dain recruits Jude to become a spy for him for the fact that she can lie unlike the fay and that she is pretty good with a weapon. He also grants her resistance from glamour. The spies of Prince Dain are called the Court of Shadows.
Being a part of the Court of Shadow, Jude learns new skills and is assigned on missions. One mission is to go to Hallow Hall, where Prince Balekin and Prince Cardan live, and find something of worthy that Prince Dain can use. Jude completes this mission, but not without stealing Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland from Prince Cardan’s room and witnessing Cardan getting beaten by a human servant under Balekins orders. The completion of this mission was finding a letter in Queen Orlagh handwriting stating “I know the provenance of the blusher mushroom that you ask after, but what you do with it must not be tied to me. After this, consider my dept paid. Let my name be stricken from your lips” that was addressed to Balekin. Later when Jude opens Alice and Wonderland at home, she finds a piece of paper tucked inside the book with her name written over and over again in Cardan’s handwriting with smudges and holes in the paper from writing too hard. At that moment, she comes to the conclusion that Cardan must really hate her.
When it comes time for Prince Dain’s coronation, everything goes wrong. First, Jude finds out that Locke had been playing a game with her and her twin sister. Locke had asked Taryn to marry him under one condition, she prove her love for him. The way she would prove her love is to let Locke try to get with Jude and not tell her anything about Locke and Taryn. This is such a stupid way to show someone you love them. It’s an awful deal for Taryn. She betrays her sister and gets to see her man cheat on her just so she can marry him. When I found this out, I began to not like Taryn or Locke very much. Locke is an asshole and Taryn chose a boy over her sister and that is just not right. Next, Balekin, along with the help of Madoc, murders the entire royal family, aside from Cardan because he was nowhere to be found, to try to get the crown. The crown can only be passed down from one member of the Greenbriar line to the next and Balekin believed he would be a better king than his younger brother Dain. My jaw was probably wide open when I read this chapter the first time because I was really surprised of the events that passed. Jude was witness to all of this and for a second time in the book, her heart breaks. All that she has worked for to find a place in Elfhame were she belonged was stabbed in the back by Madoc. Jude tries to escape and who does she find on her way, none other than Cardan; the person that everyone is looking for because he is the only one who can crown Balekin now. She brings him to the Court of Shadows and he is surprised to find out that she was a spy for Prince Dain. Even though throughout the entire first part of the book, you really hate Cardan, you start to feel bad for him. All of his family just died, even if none of them really liked him much, and he is just scared about what is to come next. He is scared for his life. The author emoted such hatred for this character to then have you feel sorry for him and to hope that he makes it out alive.
When trying to figure out what to do, Jude leaves Cardan with the Court of Shadows to go home and see what Madoc’s play is. Jude is given a day to come back. If she takes longer than that, the Court of Shadows will cut their loses and kill Cardan. When Jude sees Taryn, anger takes over her and she challenges her to a duel for her honor, which was grievously betrayed. Taryn states that she wanted to tell Jude but she couldn’t because then she would fail the test that Locke gave her to prove her love. Jude then asked what Cardan said to her the day she witnessed her crying from his words. Cardan told Taryn that it was because of her that he kicked dirt onto Jude’s food. Locke tricked him into thinking that Jude stole Locke from Nicasia. That Jude was suffering in Taryn’s place. Jude throws her sword at Taryn and tells her to pick it up. Jude grabs the sword on the wall and tells Taryn she can make the first strike with the better sword. The two sisters start fighting and would have probably seriously hurt each other if Vivi did not glamour them to stop. Well, Vivi was only able to glamour Taryn because Jude is resistant to glamours but Jude ended up throwing her sword across the room as to not seriously hurt her twin when she realized Taryn would not block her blow from the glamour. Madoc pulls the two girls into his study to lecture them about family fighting with family. After Taryn leaves, Madoc mentions that he is not too fond of Locke and does not think he is good for either Taryn or Jude. He also asked Jude if she knew where Prince Cardan was and Jude lies to him saying she does not. Later that night, Vivi offers Jude to run away with her to the mortal world. Jude asked Vivi to give her a day to think on it.
The next day, Jude goes to Oriana’s room to find Taryn since she wasn’t in her room. Taryn is at Locke’s house and Jude catches eyes of a golden acorn on Oriana’s desk. This acorn is the twin to the one she had taken from Locke’s house earlier in the book. From that small acorn, Jude figures out that Oak is not Madoc’s child and Prince Dain had Liriope (Oaks actual mother and the mother of Locke) murdered with poison that was provided by Queen Orlagh of the undersea. With this knowledge, Oak is part of the Greenbriar line and can crown a King, or even be crowned himself. Oriana lets Jude know that Madoc is already privy to this knowledge and Jude suggest that Madoc will probably get Oak crowned king so he can rule as his regent. Oriana does not want this for Oak and makes Jude promise that she will find a way to make sure Oak is safe. Jude gives her a maybe as an answer.
When Jude returns back to the Court of Shadows, she comes to find Cardan drinking and laughing and playing cards with them the Roach, the Ghost, and the Bomb (all members of the Court of Shadows). Jude, angry that Cardan is having a good time, pulls him into the other room to have a chat with him. She has him sit down and then she sits at Prince Dain’s desk and points the crossbow at Cardan. Cardan tells Jude he is terrified and that he will answer any question she has for him. Through the whole interrogation, Jude finally finds out why Cardan hates her so much. He hates her because she has a father that loves her even though she is a human who was born to an unfaithful wife while his never cared for him even though he is a prince of Faerie. He hates her because she doesn’t have a brother who beats her. He hates her because Locke used her and Taryn to make Nicasia cry after he stole her from him. He hates her because after the tournament, Balekin never failed to throw Jude in his face as the mortal who could beat him. Cardan is jealous of Jude. But the thing that makes Cardan hate Jude most of all is that he thinks of her, often. Jude doesn’t believe him at first and goes around the desk and pulls a knife on Cardan and leans in close enough to him for a kiss. His eyes widen and his face shows a combination of panic and desire. Jude then kisses him. This moment of the book is so intense and quite funny. Jude ends up making out with a person she hates while holding a knife to his throat.
Jude comes up with a plan and makes Cardan think that he will be crowing Oak High King of Elfhame to then have him go to the mortal world with Vivi to grow up so that Madoc does not have true influence over him. To enact her plan, Jude ask Cardan to be in her service to make sure that he won’t betray her. He agrees to be in her service for one year and a day after Jude agrees that Cardan can live in Hallow Hall, get every last bottle in the royal cellars, and have the Roach teach him how steal. Cardan and Jude then travel to the Unseelie courts to try and get them to agree to backing a new king. One of the Kings of the Unseelie court, King Roiben says he will back this new king if the king will give him a favor in the future. Jude makes this agreement with him. By this point, Jude has made multiple promises to people she may not be able to keep. She has definitely spread herself thin.
When Jude arrives to Balekin’s dinner, everyone is surprised to see Cardan with her. In Cardan’s mind, he is working alongside Jude to enact her big plan. What he doesn’t know is that Jude was keeping her true plan away from him. She told him to kneel down to show Oak how it’s done to be crowned king and while he was in that position, she ordered him not to move for a full minute. In that minute, Oak crowns him High King of Elfhame. Jude’s thought process is that the safest way to make sure Oak can get the crown when he is older is to have someone else wear it while he grows up in the mortal world. After Cardan is crowned, he makes a toast to Jude, who gave him a gift tonight, one he will repay in full. This scares Jude because she knows how angry he is with her at that moment because Cardan never wanted to be king. The Court of Shadows decide to give Jude her code name after this whole debacle, The Queen.
In the epilogue, Cardan warns Jude that a year and a day can pass in the blink of an eye. He tells her he won’t be a good king. He will be her puppet. Jude will do the work of ruling while Cardan will drink wine and make his subjects laugh. He promises her that he will not be useful.
I highly recommend this book. The characters are written really well and you really get to see the motivations of each characters even if you are only reading from Jude’s perspective. Cardan is not happy with Jude by the end of the book, but he has always held a hatred/disdain for her. Like they say, there is a fine line between love and hate and that is definitely explored more in the next book.
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Holiday Shopping For The UFC’s Dozen Weight Classes
Joey
December 20th, 2018
The HAPPIEST of holidays to you and yours and I hope whatever you’re celebrating turns out to be the best one yet. This time of year isn’t every for everybody so if you’re a dude or lady out there struggling, remember that there’s always help to be found out there. If the holidays got ya down then don’t feel weak going out there getting yourself the help you need to make it through. We are, as they say, in this together and there are probably more folks out there just like you than ya realize. On the other hand, if you’re like me and this time of year is your favorite time of the year then here’s hoping these last five anticipatory days aren’t too gruesome for ya. Hopefully you did your shopping early enough to where it’s all about the waiting game and you aren’t that guy who waits to the last minute, runs into a CVS and grabs your mom or dad the first gift card that catches your eye on the rack.
MMA in 2018 was...strange and like most of combat sports, filled with plenty of unfulfilled wishes and genuinely cool moments overall. For all we gripe, I’d argue that ONE, Bellator, UFC, PFL and *insert regional organizaton here* delivered enough that we as fans should’ve been satisfied. For as much as we may gripe about the UFC, there’s zero doubt that they gave us plenty of good shit down the stretch of another long grueling schedule. With all of that laid bare, I wanted to do something different and instead of talking about what I want from MMA under my proverbial holiday tree, I’d spin it around and look at what each weight class in the UFC would be asking for. What does each weight class NEED for 2019?
Women's Strawweight
Big Gift: Finishes
The UFC's strawweight class has had it rough in 2018 which is weird because the talent level has never been higher. The hardcore journey into Asia has netted some new talent for the coffers from China and South Korea primarily plus Brazil churned out a collection of intriguing yet raw 115 lb fighters. The division also has seen a rise of domestic talents like Maycee Barber, Mackenzie Dern (She was BORN here so hush) and Tatiana Suarez all having fantastic years with proven names like Karolina K, Michelle Waterson, Jessica Andrade, Courtney Casey, Angela Hill and Tecia Torres stepping up. We even got a return from Cynthia Calvillo to further deepen what is a very talented and deep class. Even without Rose Namajunas, lost into early to mid 2019 due to neck problems, the division has seen plenty of damn good fights and intriguing names step up. The problem is that nobody in this division seemingly can finish fights. When news of the UFC's impending end of the flyweight division started circulating, statistics about finishes, punches thrown and knockdowns were floating around. Flyweights averaged the second lowest amount of finishes due to strikes, the second lowest percentage of finishes related to the number of strikes thrown per fight and finishes overall. The divisions behind flyweight in all those categories? Women's strawweight! There's a subculture of fans on twitter who make a killing taking the over on strawweight fights. At one point during the year, we had gone 12 straight strawweight fights without a finish. Deep into August, strawweight's finish per fight percentage was almost absurdly low. To the division's credit, the year has ended strong as we have had a 50% finish rate in all strawweight fights since UFC 228 in September. That doesn't make up for the total lack of finishes due to strikes but as a sub can be as fun as a TKO if we're being fair. The division has a wealth of talent, has seen some solid matchmaking and a decline in the importance of the grinder types who tend to slug their way through fifteen minute affairs. We're getting more athletes, more active fighters, less fighters who have a tendency to struggle in exchanges and just a better quality of MMA overall from the strawweights. Even accounting for talent taken for the 125 lb class, the health of this division seems strong. Just get folks finishing fights, keep giving us quality fights and get Rose back.
Stocking Stuffer: No weight cutting snafus
Flyweight
Big Gift: The Christmas Miracle
Simply put, the flyweight division needs a miracle. They got an extension on their life support with UFC on ESPN+ requiring a main event and TJ vs Cejudo getting bumped over. Those are temporary cures to a long term problem at flyweight; a problem that isn't going to be fixed with just one fight especially when MMA memories are fleeting. This division needs a new attitude, a new outlook and a new semblance of fan appreciation. You can be mad about Dana for a lot of things but he is 100% right when he says that he hopes the MMA media and their fans are as supportive of flyweight if it sticks around as they were when the Turk came around to claim the weight class. This division needs a Christmas miracle and the only person capable of delivering this is Henry Cejudo on January 19th. If Cejudo can't beat Dillsahw then this division probably does die a long painful drawn out death. Dillashaw would be a two time champion and the UFC would probably quietly nix the weight class rather than have yet another guy hogging up two belts. Cejudo remains the one man who can lengthen this division out. He has to beat Dillashaw and even that might just delay the inevitable. It has to be the sort of win that says that 125 lbs is only getting better with more talent inside of it than ever before. He has to basically blame Mighty Mouse for not taking the challenges the fans asked for and prove that flyweights aren't just smaller fighters but the best small fighters the UFC has.
Stocking Stuffer: A talker
Women's Flyweight
Big Gift: An identity
I suppose a hearty "Finally!" is owed to Valentina Shevchenko. After Nicco Montano struggled to heal up from a variety of injuries and ultimately missed weight, Valentina won her first ever UFC title with a decision win over Joanna Jedrzejczyk and got a jolt back into the UFC's floundering OTHER flyweight division. While she's not the champion that people want, she's the champion we got and Valentina is the sort of fighter who I imagine will have zero problems fighting anywhere 2-3 times a year in a division that could use a consistent champion. This division if anything needs stability and its own identity; something that can help clear the air of the stink that flyweight is just the scraps of 115 lbs and 135 lbs fighting out over a title nobody wanted but wound up getting in the name of inclusivity. It needs some sort of structure to be carved out the way that 115 lbs went through the growing pains of crafting its own hierarchy. It went from the TUF ladies to Joanna as this overpowering overconfident champion ruling over this division of young up and comers with something for everyone. There's no Ronda here to make everything relevant so the matchmaking and the women involved will need to do some heavy lifting. If flyweight turns into a "Who can Valentina 49-46 next?" then this division will be hopeless to ever go anywhere. It needs something that makes it stand out and fighters on the come up who can really present themselves differently.
Stocking Stuffer: Continued Depth
Bantamweight
Big Gift: Actual title fights
Stocking Stuffer: More Main Events
Over the past two years, we have had TWO bantamweight title fights. We had Cody vs TJ 1 in November of 2017 and Cody vs TJ 2 in August of 2018. This division has become such a tremendous hotbed for talent, earnest rivalries and developing unique fighters that it's a shame that the title picture has become so stagnant. Even if you were the kind of guy who got tired of Cruz vs Team Alpha Male, you gotta admit that was at least an angle that could reliably turn out consistent title fights. Cody vs TJ was obviously a financial hit but the counter argument is that the desire to stop and start and wait for the first fight then the rematch created what we have now. The division is clearly not helped by that plus we've also got a logjam now with TJ going down to 125 lbs to fight Cejudo in a super fight that's kinda not super at all given that IF ANYTHING the argument can be made that Cejudo is the guy more qualified within his own division as it pertains to having a reason FOR a super fight. TJ has an immediate #1 contender waiting on him in Moraes and while I believe he proved who the man was vs Raphael Assuncao in their last encounter, the fact remains they're tied up and a trilogy is a just fight. Not good or entertaining but a just fight. That doesn't even begin to account for fighters like Jimmie Rivera, Pedro Munhoz, Dominick Cruz, Aljamain Sterling and the winner of Petr Yan/Douglas Silva de Andrade as compelling title fights in the potentially near future. This division needs title fights next year; not one, not the promise of multiple ones but actual honest to goodness fresh compelling new title fights with fresh new challengers for TJ Dillashaw.
Women's Bantamweight
Big Gift: A Pulse
If not for the legacy crafted by Ronda, Holly and Miesha, we'd be saying the stuff we say about the 125 lb class for men in this division too. We don't need to re-litigate what ails the 135 lb class. Divisions one up and one down raided the middle class and took away reliable names like Jessica Eye, Holly Holm, Alexis Davis, Liz Carmouche and Valentina Shevchenko to name a few. Retirement and pregnancies took away the star power from the division, namely the likes of Ronda Rousey, Miesha Tate and Julianna Pena. What remains is a hollowed out husk of a division that has no signs of life left in it. Amanda Nunes vs Rocky Pennington is probably the worst title fight of 2018 and I suppose it spoke to the depth of this division that Pennington on a near two year layoff plus a broken leg was the right choice for the title fight. At the end of the day, 135 lbs just needs something. It needs some sort of a pulse and a reminder that it has its place in MMA. It needs someone to invest in it or some star to emerge from out of nowhere to step up and create some talent within it.
Stocking Stuffer: A TUF
Featherweight
Big Gift: Some divisional air freshener
Can great fights and great fighters get stale? 2017 began with Max Holloway and Jose Aldo on a collision course with Frankie Edgar on the outskirts looking in and a collection of proven quality fighters who had been beaten by some combination of the three as the filler. The "upside" was in guys like Yair Rodriguez, Renato Moicano and Brian Ortega. 2018 began with Max Holloway as the sole head of the division with Jose Aldo as the clear #2 fighter, Frankie Edgar on the outskirts looking in and a collection of proven quality fighters who had been beaten by some combination of the three as the filler. The "upside" guys were Renato Moicano, Brian Ortega and Zhabit Magomedsharipov. In 2019, we will enter the year with Max Holloway as the sole head of the division with Jose Aldo as the clear #2 fighter, Frankie Edgar on the outskirts looking in and a collection of proven quality fighters who had been beaten by some combination of the three as the filler. The likes of Cub Swanson, Jeremy Stephens, Ricardo Lamas, Darren Elkins and company continue to be the filler. The likes of Renato Moicano and Brian Ortega have graduated in value but I don't think either fighter at this moment can say they're above Jose Aldo (while Ortega can absolutely make a claim that he's the #3 guy). Most of these guys have all fought one another or fought someone who has fought Edgar, Aldo or Holloway. This division could use some freshening up and something new going on with it. Maybe that's Moicano taking the FINAL step up to replace Edgar or Aldo at the top of the charts or maybe Ortega is back in a title fight before 2019 ends. Maybe the likes of Alexander Volkanovski, Zhabit Magomedsharipov, Yair Rodriguez and can survive the gatekeeper's boss run that is the likes of Swanson, Edgar, Lamas and Elkins in some form or fashion. Hell maybe even guys like Michael Johnson and Chad Mendes can continue to be a vibrant little surprise, racking up some timely wins and preventing new challenges. This division is realistically the best division in MMA but if we end 2019 with the same old same old at the top then I'm going to have to call foul there.
Stocking Stuffer: Health and happiness for action fighters
Women's Featherweight
Big Gift: An investment
The UFC is building performance institutes all over the world and I think that's great. It's their money, spend it how ya wish on what you like. That said if the UFC wants this featherweight class to live beyond Cyborg skipping out, it may be time to put those PI's to their best uses. Even if people cry favoritism, use the UPI's to restock the shelves in WMMA. Let athletes in need of a home stop in there, train for free, board for free and then try to find them gyms you're comfortable with to continue their careers. There's no reason that women's hockey/basketball/softball/wrestling athletes aren't being tempted with continuing their athletic careers in the UFC. That requires an understanding of failure and the tacit knowledge that you may invest hundreds of thousands into people who may not make it. Invest in your product long term, realize you might sink a cost or two and reap the benefits over the long term. It CAN be done.
Stocking Stuffer: A drama free year out of Cyborg (or whoever your champ is)
Lightweight
Big Gift: Detangler
Any other division in the world with the likes of Khabib Nurmagomedov, Conor McGregor, Tony Ferguson, Dustin Poirier, Kevin Lee, Al Iaquinta, Paul Felder, James Vick, Justin Gaethje, Donald Cerrone, Anthony Pettis, David Teymur, Alexander Hernandez and countless others would be a pretty damn hot division and to its credit 155 lbs is pretty damn hot. Even if we can express disappointment in some of the ratings this division has drawn, the fights have been absolutely outstanding as a whole on the year. What this division really needs though is some detangler to help us figure out just what the hell we've got going on here. Is Khabib going to be out for a year? Is Conor? Will Ferguson fight ONLY for a title or will he be active again like in years past? Is Al Iaquinta really a top 5 LW? Can guys like Kevin Lee and James Vick bounce back from rough showings at the end of the year? We've got a loaded division but not a lot happening in large part due to the Khabib and Conor situation and also due to Ferguson and Poirier seemingly getting stuck in between fighting and not fighting for various reasons. This division deserves a bit better luck than that.
Stocking Stuffer: A 165 lbs division
Welterweight
Big Gift: The element of danger
I've sort of beaten this into the crowd to the point where it's lost effectiveness so I won't belabor the point much longer. 170 lbs needs somebody to finish a fight. It needs a title fight with actual buzz and not buzz about seeing who can race to the bottom first. This is the UFC's weirdest, wackiest division which is somewhat unfortunate given the history of 170 lbs as a whole.
Stocking Stuffer: A Renaissance run from an old horse
Middleweight
Big Gift: Continued youthful and exciting international imports
There's some life here! For once, middleweight has some life going on with it! After the 2014/2015 run where Weidman, Rockhold, Whittaker and a bunch of TUF guys stepped up and showed out, the division hit a lull until this year. We got some glory days runs out of the likes of Jacare and Chris Weidman, we had Yoel Romero fight two times a year like a mad man but we also had the likes of Israel Adesanya, Karl Roberson, Paulo Costa, Thiago Santos and Jared Cannonier mark their arrivals as forces to be reckoned with at 185 lbs. The Contenders Series gave us fighters like Kevin Holland, Ian Henisch and Edemen Shahbazyan. Fighters like Tom Breese and Darren Till realized that lopping off limbs to make 170 lbs was a bad idea. For the first time in the history of the UFC, we're going to get a middleweight title fight between two guys under the age of 30. Even if you account for the fact that Chris Weidman and Luke Rockhold are bound to leave the division soon, it doesn't actually feel like a death shot which is pretty amazing given 185's reliability on aging fighters to keep it afloat. What this division needs is really just more of the same. More fighters under 30 popping into the mix, less weathered proven mid tier gatekeepers being given opportunities over and over that they consistently come up short in. Keep building 185 lbs, man. We'll eventually have a serious division in short order.
Stocking Stuffer: One Jacare title fight
Light Heavyweight
Big Gift: Help
Help. SOMEBODY. Jesus christ, somebody help this god forsaken division. Anthony Smith and Thiago Santos are top 10 LHWs after a few fights! The only three really intriguing prospects are Johnny Walker, Dominick Reyes (who no longer feels like a prospect) and Aleksandr Rakic. This division needs help. It needs fresh new fighters, reinforcements from 185 lbs or just something. We're a win, a suspension and a bad sneeze from Gustafsson away from Shogun vs Jan Blachowicz as a title fight in 2019.
Stocking Stuffer: MULTIPLE Jon Jones fights
Heavyweight
Big Gift: The Same Old Same Old
Honestly I know there are folks who dislike the heavyweight division but let's be honest. This is a golden era for big doughy dudes doing big things. We've got old horses having renaissance years in Daniel Cormier. Alexei Olyenik and Junior Dos Santos. Derrick Lewis got to fight for a title! The European HW scene is popping with new guys springing up every other month seemingly. We got to see fighters like Arjan Bhullar and Tai Tuivasa get tested a little bit with some adversity. We might be finally getting some sort of ROI on guys like Justin Willis, Curtis Blaydes and Walt Harris. Francis Ngannou and Alistair Overeem both ended the year on the right side of the tracks. Despite our best reservations or concerns, Greg Hardy is coming and will step into the cage as literally the best athlete in HW division history. Even CAIN VELASQUEZ has apparently had the cobwebs blown off of him! The UFC heavyweight division is doing okay and everything will be alright. Just keep doing what you're doing, try to sign some more of these up and coming European heavies, be a bit more careful with the prospects you've got and let the division keep on keeping on. Long live Heavyweight MMA!
Stocking Stuffer: A semblance of an heir apparent or two
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Fables/TWAU: Grendel
A continuation from my previous post regarding my OC Lyla and a glimpse into her past with Gren and how the couple came to be. A HUGE thank you to @emmypess who seemed to have brought the spark back, regarding the sudden need to write about these lovelies again. :3
1st chapter: http://omg-puddingpie.tumblr.com/post/177812156242/fables-lyla-smith-i-was-inspired-by-emmypess
Gren was known for two things: Being the ravenous monster who tormented the Mead Halls for twelve years but was taken down by Beowulf and had a temper that was quite unpredictable, which caused so many to remain at bay.
No one took into consideration all the things he had accomplished for this pathetic town; he took down individuals who ran devious plans to end humanity and protected the souls who walked this earth, unaware of the trouble brewing in the shadows. His selfless ability to save those he barely knew went unnoticed. All the world seemed to see before their very eyes was a monster, a drunk and a poor excuse for a living being.
Perhaps they were right, thought Gren, as he took another deep gulp of Whiskey. Perhaps all the good he’s ever done in this life was nothing compared to the foundation that created him. All he was-and will forever be-is a monster. That was it.
Resting his head upon the counter, Gren sighs heavily and digs into his pant pocket. He pulls out a picture showcasing a buxom beauty with golden eyes, pale skin and chestnut hair. It rested perfectly along her shoulders, draping ever so slightly towards her breasts and neck. Her smile was radiant, which caused Gren to smile for a brief time. Time had not been too kind to this photo; there was a crease across the middle, several tears in the corner and a dark smudge on the right side, indicating a stain or even a moment’s worth of anger from the flicker of a lit match. But regardless of all the imperfections, the woman in the picture was still glimmering.
Gren once again exhales. Did SHE see him as only a monster? Was this the reason why she refused to love him? The reason why she ran into the arms of another and left Gren behind, still clinging to hope?
He tucks the picture securly into his pant pocket once more and buries his face into the material of jacket. He crosses his arms into a position willing to hold up his head. Gren closes his eyes and could only picture her: Lyla Smith, the only woman who could ever tame the wild fire within Gren and create feelings he thought were never meant for someone as himself. How he loved, respected and adored Lyla, since the moment the pair met. Gren could still see it all in his mind: After escaping the homelands, he found himself alone deep in the forest of what would become Maine. She was practicing her hunting skills with her father; Gren could still recall the lingering aroma in the air that caught his attention and the mixed feelings developing within. Lyla was in her Wolf form at first but quickly changed when Grendel prepared to charge and protect his land.
He did not want to hurt the woman, nor did he want her to ever leave his sight. In Gren’s eyes, she was stunning. How God allowed such a creation to walk among this world, was a mystery to him. But at that moment, he desired to always be around this woman, as did she, for some unseen reason. It was at that moment, his soul became connected with her very own. Since that encounter, the pair became inseparable. Gren was at peace when he was with Lyla.
Yet here he was, in a dark, lonely bar, attempting to drink her memory away. Why did he let all these centuries slip through his fingers, in a matter of minutes? Gren chokes back the mixture of frustration and depression. Now was not the time, he thought.
He felt a sudden grasp-a warm, friendly gesture-upon his shoulder. Gren manages to perk up his head, enough to uncover his eyes and focus on the white haired woman before her. This was his bartender and longtime friend, Holly. She folds her arms, cocks her hips slightly to the left and sighs.
“You going to be like this all day, Gren? Am I going to have to peel your ass off of my bar stool?”
Gren grunts. “Just pour me another, Holly. Today is a fuckin’ bad one.”
“It’s ALWAYS a bad one, Gren….” Holly reaches for the bottle, reaching for Gren’s empty glass. “Lately, it seems like all you do is drink, moan, bitch, piss and finally, drink again. It’s all you’re willing to do. Get up off your ass, take a damn shower and GO find her. How hard can it be to-”
“I’ve TRIED, Holly….” There was a slight growl forming in his response. “....Don’t you fuckers THINK I’ve been doin’ all I fuckin’ can to find her? Ever since they captured the Crooked Man, took down his operation and held those responsible on trial, her trail has gone cold. No one knows where the ever lovin’ fuck, Lyla Jane Smith went! I’ve looked, I’ve asked around, I even went to goddamn Bigby Wolf and Snow fuckin’ White, considering the man KNOWS her fuckin’ dad but they can’t tell me a damn thing! So, yes: to answer your damn question, I HAVE tried and I’m GOING to sit here and drink all this bullshit away!”
Holly places the top back into the bottle, shakes her head in disbelief and continues cleaning the area around Gren. Despite all the attempts, there was only so much she could do. Holly did not understand why Gren clung onto to a fantasy or thought of ever having Lyla as his own. She’s met the woman on several different occasions and each time was the same. Lyla just seemed cold and holding back her ability to truly love Gren. It was apparent she cared for Gren, this much WAS true and she’d do anything for him but love was never one of them and this confused Holly to the very end.
But if he TRULY loved this woman and the rumor WAS true about his soul already bound to Lyla’s, Holly was willing to muster up all she could to support Gren’s decisions. These soul bound connections are quite serious, from what Holly could understand, especially to Wolves and Grendels. Once it was branded into their soulmate, Heaven nor Hell could tear them apart: it was up to BOTH parties to remove this mark, should they choose to do so and even with this procedure, it was challenging and even fatal. With this bit of information, Holly’s views on Lyla did change; had she wanted to remove Gren entirely from her life, she’d venture to find him and do so. She had multiple opportunities in the past prior to this bump in the road and it never occured, so perhaps there was love for Gren implanted in Lyla’s heart.
Holly leans close towards Gren. “Look at me.”
“Fuck you.” Gren mumbles his response. “Just fuckin’ leave me alone and-”
“Get...UP, Gren.” Holy grasps Gren’s face and forces him to look up. “You NEED to go and find her. You can’t keep doing this, Gren. I know there is….some goddamn hope, for this to work out. If she did not give a Rat’s ass about you, don’t you think she’d do something about it? For fuck’s sake, Gren, her mom is a goddamn grand Witch, who has the power to stop TIME itself with a single wiggle of her index finger. You don’t think she has some mumbo jumbo spell to end this all, if Lyla had requested this?”
This caught Gren’s attention. Was Holly right? Did Lyla feel the exact same way as he did for her? “Fuck….” Gren rubs his forehead. “....Mother fuckin’.....Holly-”
“You need to go into that bathroom, wash your face with some cold water and come down from this pity party you got going on.” Holly takes the glass out of Gren’s grasp. “It’s not a good look for you, Grendel….”
Swallowing back his pride, she was right. Gren carefully removes himself from the seat and leans against the bar. Thankfully, it was empty at that time but who else drank at 10:45 in the morning, besides broken people such as himself? At first, it was difficult for Gren to collect himself; the room was a blurry image of lights and colors but once he took the time to find himself, Gren heads to the men’s room and leans against the sink.
“Yell if you need help in there.”
“I got it.” Gren yells back. “I got it.”
He turns the knob to the left and allows the cool water to pour into his cupped palms. Gren gathers enough, throws it into his face and repeats this process five more time. The liquid was refreshing to his skin and allowed his mind to clear. Wiping his face and hands clean, Gren then takes out a back toothed comb and begins the process of slicking back his hair. Once the strands were tucked into place, the final touch: cologne and a dash of mouthwash, just to remove the foul odor of alcohol still dancing along his tongue.
Gren exits the bathroom, leaving Holly with a grin. “You always did clean up good, Grendel. Now, I don’t want to see you back here, unless it’s good news, you fuckin’ hear me?”
Gren nods and with his final strand of confidence, marches out of the bar and into the bustling streets of New York. The glaring sun and constant noise was something Gren never quite got a handle on but he was willing to look past this a tread forward. He had one chance and one only.
Gren had no idea where to begin but this did not stop his mission. There was one person-and only one-who could lead him in Lyla’s direction.
“Why do you need Hans’ address for, Grendel?” Bigby Wolf questions Gren, as he scribbles down the information. “You better not be causing him trouble. He’s paid his dues for his involvement with Georgie and Crooked Man and-”
“I ain’t here for that, Sheriff Wolf.” Gren snatches the paper from Bigby’s hand. “I’m just lookin’ for an old friend.”
“Lyla Smith?” Bigby takes a moment to expel smoke from his mouth. “John was always careful to mask his tracks, so don’t be surprised if you can’t find anything leading up to Lyla.”
“I need to find her, Bigby. I need to get my answer and we’ll go from there but if you don’t fuckin’ mind, I’ll-”
“Did you even look at the paper, Gren?” Bigby beams. “I’m sure you’ll get some sort of use from it.”
“It’s Hans’ address, right?” Gren begins the process of reading the information. “Swear to fuckin’ Christ, Bigby, if this is a sick game and-”
But it wasn’t Hans’ whereabouts but something even better. It was the address of Lyla’s current location. Gren could feel the color of his face peeling away and the rapid pacing of his heart. There was a faint smile developing on his face, which caused Bigby to lean forward on this desk, hands folded and eyes focused on Gren.
“What….how….how did you get-”
“Jonathan came in two days ago and told me if you ever did return to me, regarding his daughter, to give you this information and he’d be waiting for you. Guess the old Wolf knew you’d be back and refuse to give up.”
“Why the fuck do you even give a damn, Sheriff? I’m JUST Grendel-we’re not exactly the best of fuckin’ friends, especially after all that shit that took place during the investigation with the Crooked Man and-”
“Just looking out for the Fables under my watch, Gren-this means you, too.”
Gren said not another word, tucks the paper away and exits the office. He practically ran out of the building and hails a Taxi cab down. He hands the driver the information written on the paper.
“You speak English?”
The man with a thick mustache and glasses eyes Gren. “Enough, yes.”
“Can you read this?”
“Yes.”
“Then take me here. I wanna go here.”
The man nods and continues to eye Gren. “Dis long way from city. Cost money. A lot. Okay or no?”
Gren opens his wallet, removes all the cash he had and places it beside the man. “Here-money. Lots and lots of it. Now, fuckin’ take me to THIS place, okay?”
The man collects the bills and begins in the direction written on the paper. “Okay, we go.”
Gren leans back into the seat and stares out the window. While the Taxi travels along the busy roads, Gren grasps Lyla’s picture. All he could envision, was her.
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So, for quite a while now, I’ve had the idea to put together mini playlists for each of the Fameblue gemlings created by @zawa-ro, but I actually finally forced myself to stop thinking about it, and actually get it done.
I’ve also made a bonus playlist for Adam. Even though he’s not Fameblue, he’s often associated with them, and there’s been tons of inquiries to zawa about the hypothetical scenario in which the Fameblue kids meet him, so...
Anyways, I’m rambling. This is gonna be a long post, since I’m also gonna be posting pictures, and detailing my reasons behind the songs I picked, so it’ll be under a cut.
First up, we have Amebeast. Before doing this list, I didn’t have too much of an idea as to what her personality was like, so I went and asked zawa about it. I was informed that Amebeast is the charismatic leader who protects others, and has lots of fun.
Armed with this knowledge, I went to find songs with implications of being a hero, or protecting others in some way, and included some that are high-energy and fun.
1. “The Awakening” - Onlap
2. “The Hero!!” - JAM Project
3. “Home” - Phillip Phillips
4. “Run With Us” - Lisa Lougheed
5. “Live to Rise” - Soundgarden
6. “Open Your Heart” - Crush 40
Next up, we have Big Blue Agate. She’s one of the main characters over at zawa’s blog, and most people who follow them know her. The second in Holly’s first litter, she is a master of fantastic facial expressions and not giving a fuck.
To reflect this, I armed her playlist with songs that showcase that attitude, but I also threw in two songs to describe her blossoming relationship with that charming citrine guard.
1. “Beez in the Trap” - Nicki Minaj
2. “Alright” - Supergrass
3. “Bad Reputation” - Joan Jett
4. “Motherfucker Got Fucked Up” - Folk Uke
5. “Accidentally in Love” - Counting Crows
6. “Paralyzer” - Finger Eleven
Moving on, we have Carnie. This gal strikes me as someone who likes to be front-and-center; she’s got confidence, and she’s never afraid to express it to anyone, much to her sisters’ chagrin sometimes.
Since that’s what I’m going off of, I filled Carnie’s playlist with songs that are all full of confidence and absolute fun, with one containing a reference to how she hopes she never has to deal with anything too bad.
1. “I’m Too Sexy” - Right Said Fred
2. “Fashionista” - Jimmy James
3. “Stayin’ Alive” - The Beegees
4. “Don’t Stop Me Now” - Queen
5. “The Impression That I Get” - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
6. “Scream” - Cee Lo Green
Next, we have everyone’s favorite spoiled brat, Light Amethyst! Now, we all know she’s spoiled, as I said, as well as crass and obnoxious, but there’s another facet to her that I explored for her playlist: her lonely side. zawa said Light has always been the loneliest of the Fameblue kids, so I decided to go with that facet (ha, unintentional pun) of her.
As such, her playlist is full of songs that set a somber, lonely tone. The last song provides some measure of happiness for her; is it directed at her mother? Her sisters? That adorable, bratty daughter of hers? Only Light can say for sure.
1. “Welcome to My Life” - Simple Plan
2. “I Need Some Sleep” - Eels
3. “Nobody Home” - Pink Floyd
4. “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?” - Creedence Clearwater Revival
5. “Heaven (Reincarnation Version)” - Shihoko Hirata
6. “Thank You” - Dido
Soft Jasper is up next, and she’s ready to rumble! She’s the luchador supreme, and she’s ready to defend her family with everything she’s got, so don’t you mess with her! But she’s also quite nice and sweet with her sisters, hence her name.
Since she’s so very much like a wrestler aesthetically, I threw a wrestler’s theme on here for her. Taking from the luchador element, I threw in a track from Rodrigo y Gabriela. Aside from that, I also put in a song that represents her love for her family, and one of the most inspirational tracks to ever come out of a sports movie.
A fun fact about this list is that it’s the only one with instrumental tracks on it! Also, for reference, Dyna Blade is a character from the Kirby franchise; she’s very protective of her family, hence why her theme from one of the games is on here.
1. “The Wall (Mark Henry’s Theme)” - Heet Mob
2. “Diablo Rojo” - Rodrigo y Gabriela
3. “Eye of the Tiger” - Survivor
4. “Dyna Blade” - Multiple Composers
5. “We Are Family” - Sister Sledge
6. “Water From the Moon” - David Lanz
Last up in the Fameblue lineup (but most certainly not least!) is the precious BB Agate! She’s the epitome of the word “sweetheart”, with tons of love and happiness that she just can’t resist spreading to everyone around her.
The songs on her playlist reflect that irresistible sweetness, containing some of the best tracks about loving others and cheering them up, and having fun with your pals, as well as just being happy about the world around her and being hopeful for the future.
1. “Lean On Me” - Bill Withers
2. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” - Simon & Garfunkel
3. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World” - Israel “Iz” Kamakiwo’ole
4. “Fix You” - Coldplay
5. “Heart of Life” - I Fight Dragons
6. “Raincloud Chill” - Brad Breeck
As promised, here’s the bonus Adam Blue DeMayo playlist! He seems like an honest, hardworking guy who enjoys the simple things in life, and loves his family with all of his heart.
His playlist is full of things concerning family, being happy, and enjoying some relaxation time while listening to the world around him. Since he’s often the target of much adoration due to his dapper outfits, I also threw in a song in reference to that!
1. “Simple Man” - Shinedown
2. “Working Man” - Rush
3. “Sharp Dressed Man” - ZZ Top
4. “My Hero” - Foo Fighters
5. “Happy” - Pharrell Williams
6. “Fat Old Sun” - Pink Floyd
And that about does it, folks! This was a real nice challenge to give myself, but it was fun, too (especially coming up with Carnie’s playlist). I hope people like all of these playlists! Have a nice day/afternoon/evening/night, y’all!
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February Finds: OAKPODCAST Review
And so we approach the second to last review for this month. I say second because of a personal exchange prior to this writing that I plan on fulfilling before the month of love can draw to a close. I have a schedule to keep up and the final days of February ending on a review will make for a nice stopping point before spring arrives. We’re barely into 2018 and the existential dread hasn’t even soaked in yet so I’d consider that a miracle and a sign to keep doing this blogging thing.
On today’s menu we follow up from our sizzling platter of Rover Red: Alone in the Apocalypse, to a mild but still delightfully zesty dish of OAKPODCAST, a show that came out May of last year and is still a bit of a hot topic with lots of leg room to show us what it’s made of. And even with only about nine full gut short episodes to base this review off, I still have plenty of unravel from what OAK had to offer me.
The story follows Holly, a thirty-two-year old autistic hacker and Marine who ends up in the middle of Alabama with nothing to aide her but a cellphone and the aide of listeners to keep her company and keep her funded. As she struggles with homelessness, alcohol abuse, and some occasional paranoia, we get to know more and more about her situation and the issues that have plagued her for some time.
OAK is the flavor of audio drama that sits in the same spice rack of things like The Bright Sessions with there at times brutally realistic interpretations of loneliness and neurotic tendencies. Though The Bright Sessions nonetheless bases its core concept around this with some good old fashion psychic powers for extra spice, the topic never drifts far from OAK’s core. It’s nothing short of the driving point of the show, unraveling all the bits and pieces of Holly’s psyche and figuring out alongside us if it’s wrought on by any concrete source.
OAK is awfully bleak and at times miserably authentic with its unashamed openness about mental illness and other little miserable details of life. “Transmission Two” alone really shows you what pressure points the show isn’t afraid to strike without coming off as forced and it just keeps going from there without many breaks to take a breath.
Presentation wise, OAK makes use of some very simple but effective editing that services its central themes. Nothing particularly out there though it’s the kind of vibe that aides the show’s audio diary style. It only ever gets slightly complex when it comes to taking phone calls and even that is just a filter and beep sound effect. Not that heavy theatrics would really service the show’s grounded setting and vibe and the acting certainly helps you get lured into the world without too much fluff around the edges.
The show may not be adjusted to everyone’s palette as it’s a slightly slow, damp and dreary perspective could be a relatable but nonetheless sad slog for anyone hoping for a more suspenseful spy adventure story. Though we get some of that, the show’s general cynicism that can sometimes hit too close to home creates the kind of pit in my stomach that Wolf 359′s “Memoria” did two October's ago.
If this is a complaint or not is debatable as OAK does manage to work out an emotional response that’s incredibly personable though how much you can take at one time is based less off of your genuine intrigue and more how long you can shake off the momentary discomfort.
In this vein, this is very much the show’s main strength and hurdle, it’s ability to lure you into such deep investment to the point you can see a part of yourself in Holly and some of the best and worst traits in her comrades is an achievement right there. You almost forget about the whole secret agent angle when you’re so busy emphasizing with Holly’s monologues. Even the little details about Holly owning a cat and listening to real life podcasts such as Jim Robbie and the Wanderers and Greater Boston gives it a very human touch.
The issues only arise when a show of this caliber comes barreling in and keeps weighing down and down on their listeners with this sort of presence that strikes deep and painfully. My ability to listen to “Memoria” again already takes a two week notice and a roll of toilet paper and listening to OAK in its entirety is like having all the saddest parts of that episode on repeat. OAK can be a lot to swallow at times though I suppose this is more of a plus to the writing, even if it can drag you into its personal stupor in the process.
As I said, this what the bulk of OAKPODCAST is: painfully human. And being human is rarely ever sunshine and sprinkles-if my blog ever gave you that idea, I apologize-but it’s also lethargic and lingering and just keeps coming back with new challenges we haven’t quite found the motivation to face yet.
It has a vibe that feels like it was written by someone with a thorough understanding of the topics they’re covering in a way that doesn’t sound preachy or biased. OAK knows what angle it’s getting at which is a refreshing sort of self awareness I’ve seen more and more lately in audio drama, no matter what their central plot might be.
I see now that similarities between it and Rover Red seem to end mostly around the female lead and listener input aspect, though while Rover Red is a story about the apocalypse with a certain degree of punk aesthetics, OAK mostly revolves around personal struggles with the whole secret agent thing as a decorative frame.
If that element will ever come full circle is a bit questionable at best, though what few times this plot point plays a roll in the story usually diverts right back to the topic of Holly’s mental well being. For this reason it can feel like the show never quite gets into any climatic high points or has really reached its peak for sorting out who and what we’re dealing with. But for the parts we do get, they were juicy enough details for me to want more out of them.
For me, it really gains speed when some exchanges come about and we get a better scope of Holly’s position and line of work. Though we get to like Holly, it was the supporting cast that really creates some nice contrast and provides entertaining dialogue. It’s how the characters bounce off each other that I wanted more of and I hope to see it more frequently in the future.
OAK has a very cathartic and almost homey vibe to it. You get this sensation of sitting alongside someone in need of assistance and companionship and doing what you can to pitch in and maybe give them some good podcast recommendations while you’re at it. Sometimes just listening to someone is the least you can do.
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The summer semester is ending and the prep for fall has started. It’s only a few short weeks until the 2019-2020 academic year begins. We’ll have a full cohort of students back on campus. The lines for coffee will be never ending and a free parking space will be nowhere to be found. Life will definitely get more exciting.
Libraries staff has pulled together a full list of books that cover a whole range of areas. Some books are for our graduating students wondering what comes next. Some books are to help new incoming students start the year successfully. We even have books that staff read when they were your age (yep, books existed that long ago) that changed how they thought about the world.
Welcome to the 2019-20 academic year!
Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the featured Back-so-School titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These 24 books plus many more are also on display on the 2nd (main) floor of the John C. Hitt Library next to the bank of two elevators.
Bei qi baba shang xue: Going to school with dad on my back directed by Zhou Youchao Shiwa, the son of a poor Chinese farmer, is doing well at school. But when his mother dies and his sister leaves the house, he's the only one left to take care of his disabled father. Suggested by Tim Walker, Information Technology & Digital Initiatives
Braving the Wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone by Brené Brown Social scientist Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, has sparked a global conversation about the experiences that bring meaning to our lives—experiences of courage, vulnerability, love, belonging, shame, and empathy. In Braving the Wilderness, Brown redefines what it means to truly belong in an age of increased polarization. Suggested by Kryslynn Collazo, Scholarly Communication
Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind: thoughts on teacherhood by Phillip Done A twenty-year veteran of the classroom, elementary school teacher Phillip Done takes readers through a lively and hilarious year in the classroom. Starting with the relative calm before the storm of buying school supplies and posting class lists, he shares the distinct personalities of grades K-4, what he learned from two professional trick or treating 8-year-old boys, the art of learning cursive and letter-writing, how kindergartners try to trap leprechauns, and what every child should experience before he or she grows up. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
Educated: a memoir by Tara Westover Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, Tara Westover was seventeen the first time she set foot in a classroom. Her family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education, and no one to intervene when one of Tara's older brothers became violent. When another brother got himself into college, Tara decided to try a new kind of life. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge University. Only then would she wonder if she'd traveled too far, if there was still a way home. Suggested by Cindy Dancel, Research & Information Services
Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger The short story, Franny, takes place in an unnamed college town and tells the tale of an undergraduate who is becoming disenchanted with the selfishness and inauthenticity she perceives all around her. The novella, Zooey, is named for Zooey Glass, the second-youngest member of the Glass family. As his younger sister, Franny, suffers a spiritual and existential breakdown in her parents' Manhattan living room -- leaving Bessie, her mother, deeply concerned -- Zooey comes to her aid, offering what he thinks is brotherly love, understanding, and words of sage advice. Suggested by Christina Wray, Teaching & Engagement
Girl, Stop Apologizing: A shame-free plan for embracing and achieving your goals by Rachel Hollis In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself. Suggested by Kryslynn Collazo, Scholarly Communication
Glimmer of Hope: how tragedy sparked a movement by March for Our Lives (Organization) Glimmer of Hope tells the story of how a group of teenagers raced to channel their rage and sorrow into action, and went on to create one of the largest youth-led movements in global history. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
Hillbilly Elegy: A memoir of a family in culture in crisis by J. D. Vance Hillbilly Elegy is a passionate and personal analysis of a culture in crisis—that of white working-class Americans. The decline of this group, a demographic of our country that has been slowly disintegrating over forty years, has been reported on with growing frequency and alarm, but has never before been written about as searingly from the inside. J. D. Vance tells the true story of what a social, regional, and class decline feels like when you were born with it hung around your neck. Suggested by Katy Miller, Research, Education & Engagement
How to Become a Straight-A Student: the unconventional strategies real college students use to score high while studying less by Cal Newport Most college students believe that straight A’s can be achieved only through cramming and painful all-nighters at the library. But Cal Newport knows that real straight-A students don’t study harder—they study smarter. A breakthrough approach to acing academic assignments, from quizzes and exams to essays and papers, How to Become a Straight-A Student reveals for the first time the proven study secrets of real straight-A students across the country and weaves them into a simple, practical system that anyone can master. Suggested by Joanie Reynolds, Interlibrary Loan & Document Delivery Services
How to Win at College: simple rules for success from star students by Cal Newport What does it take to be a standout student? How can you make the most of your college years—graduate with honors, choose exciting activities, build a head-turning resume, and gain access to the best post-college opportunities? Based on interviews with star students at universities nationwide, from Harvard to the University of Arizona, How to Win at College presents seventy-five simple rules that will rocket you to the top of the class. Suggested by Joanie Reynolds, Interlibrary Loan & Document Delivery Services
I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe As Charlotte encounters the paragons of Dupont's privileged elite, she is seduced by the heady glamour of acceptance, betraying her values and upbringing before she grasps the power of being different and the exotic allure of her innocence. Suggested by Jada Reyes, UCF Libraries Student Ambassador
I Just Graduated... Now What?: honest answers from those who have been there by Katherine Schwarzenegger Graduation is a time of tough questions whose answers we don’t—and sometimes can’t—know the day we receive our diploma. Determined to power through the uncertainty of post-graduation, bestselling author Katherine Schwarzenegger embarked on a yearlong quest to gather the best guidance possible from more than thirty highly successful people working in fields like business, media, fashion, technology, sports, and philanthropy. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services
In Defense of Food: an eater's manifesto by Michael Pollan Because in the so-called Western diet, food has been replaced by nutrients, and common sense by confusion--most of what we’re consuming today is longer the product of nature but of food science. The result is what Michael Pollan calls the American Paradox: The more we worry about nutrition, the less healthy we see to become. Pollan’s bracing and eloquent manifesto shows us how we can start making thoughtful food choices that will enrich our lives, enlarge our sense of what it means to be healthy, and bring pleasure back to eating. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services
Mis(h)adra by Iasmin Omar Ata An Arab-American college student struggles to live with epilepsy in this starkly colored and deeply-cutting graphic novel. Isaac wants nothing more than to be a functional college student—but managing his epilepsy is an exhausting battle to survive. He attempts to maintain a balancing act between his seizure triggers and his day-to-day schedule, but he finds that nothing—not even his medication—seems to work. The doctors won’t listen, the schoolwork keeps piling up, his family is in denial about his condition, and his social life falls apart as he feels more and more isolated by his illness. Even with an unexpected new friend by his side, so much is up against him that Isaac is starting to think his epilepsy might be unbeatable. Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center
Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success by Keith Ferrazzi with Tahl Raz In Never Eat Alone, Ferrazzi lays out the specific steps—and inner mindset—he uses to reach out to connect with the thousands of colleagues, friends, and associates on his contacts list, people he has helped and who have helped him. And in the time since Never Eat Alone was published in 2005, the rise of social media and new, collaborative management styles have only made Ferrazzi’s advice more essential for anyone hoping to get ahead in business. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services
On Beauty by Zadie Smith Howard Belsey is an Englishman abroad, an academic teaching in Wellington, a college town in New England. Married young, thirty years later he is struggling to revive his love for his African American wife Kiki. Meanwhile, his three teenage children - Jerome, Zora and Levi - are each seeking the passions, ideals and commitments that will guide them through their own lives. After Howard has a disastrous affair with a colleague, his sensitive older son, Jerome, escapes to England for the holidays. In London he defies everything the Belseys represent when he goes to work for Trinidadian right-wing academic and pundit, Monty Kipps. Taken in by the Kipps family for the summer, Jerome falls for Monty's beautiful, capricious daughter, Victoria. But this short-lived romance has long-lasting consequences, drawing these very different families into each other's lives. Suggested by Jada Reyes, UCF Libraries Student Ambassador
Parkland: inside building 12 produced and directed by Charlie Minn Acclaimed director Charlie Minn brings attention to the victims of the infamous massacre that occurred on February 14th, 2018 at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. A normal day at school became a true nightmare for Parkland, Florida citizens as they experienced something they had never thought would happen in their small suburb. In just six minutes, seventeen students and staff were fatally shot and seventeen more were wounded, while innumerable lives were changed forever. The true heroes of that day have come together to tell their stories and to bring words to those who are no longer here to offer them. This documentary reveals testimony and the raw emotions of those involved, highlighting the actions taken by individuals to save the lives of others through selfless and brave acts. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services
So What Are You Going to Do With That?: a guide to career-changing by Susan Basalla and Maggie Debelius A witty, accessible guide full of concrete advice for anyone contemplating the jump from scholarship to the outside world, So What Are You Going to Do with That? covers topics ranging from career counseling to interview etiquette to translating skills learned in the academy into terms an employer can understand and appreciate. Packed with examples and stories from real people who have successfully made this daunting—but potentially rewarding— transition, and written with a deep understanding of both the joys and difficulties of the academic life, this fully revised and up-to-date edition will be indispensable for any graduate student or professor who has ever glanced at her CV, flipped through the want ads, and wondered, “What if?”
Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement
Sourdough: or, Lois and her adventures in the underground market by Robin Sloan Lois Clary is a software engineer at General Dexterity, a San Francisco robotics company with world-changing ambitions. She codes all day and collapses at night, her human contact limited to the two brothers who run the neighborhood hole-in-the-wall from which she orders dinner every evening. Then, disaster! Visa issues. The brothers quickly close up shop. But they have one last delivery for Lois: their culture, the sourdough starter used to bake their bread. She must keep it alive, they tell her―feed it daily, play it music, and learn to bake with it. Lois is no baker, but she could use a roommate, even if it is a needy colony of microorganisms. Soon, not only is she eating her own homemade bread, she’s providing loaves to the General Dexterity cafeteria every day. Then the company chef urges her to take her product to the farmer’s market―and a whole new world opens up.. Suggested by Katy Miller, Research, Education & Engagement
Teacher Man: A memoir by Frank McCourt In bold and spirited prose featuring his irreverent wit and compelling honesty, McCourt records the trials, triumphs and surprises he faced in the classroom. Teacher Man shows McCourt developing his unparalleled ability to tell a great story as, five days a week, five periods per day, he worked to gain the attention and respect of unruly, hormonally charged or indifferent adolescents. Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho Paulo Coelho's masterpiece tells the magical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure as extravagant as any ever found. The story of the treasures Santiago finds along the way teaches us, as only a few stories can, about the essential wisdom of listening to our hearts, learning to read the omens strewn along life's path, and, above all, following our dreams. Suggested by Christina Wray, Teaching & Engagement
The Secret Lives of Teachers by Anonymous Welcome to “East Hudson,” an elite private school in New York where the students are attentive, the colleagues are supportive, and the tuition would make the average person choke on its string of zeroes. You might think a teacher here would have little in common with most other teachers in America, but as this veteran educator—writing anonymously—shows in this refreshingly honest account, all teachers are bound by a common thread. Stripped of most economic obstacles and freed up by anonymity, he is able to tell a deeper story about the universal conditions, anxieties, foibles, generosities, hopes, and complaints that comprise every teacher’s life. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services
We Don’t Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins It's the first day of school for Penelope Rex, and she can't wait to meet her classmates. But it's hard to make human friends when they're so darn delicious! That is, until Penelope gets a taste of her own medicine and finds she may not be at the top of the food chain after all. . . . Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an inquiry into values by Robert M. Pirsig Acclaimed as one of the most exciting books in the history of American letters, this modern epic became an instant bestseller upon publication in 1974, transforming a generation and continuing to inspire millions. A narration of a summer motorcycle trip undertaken by a father and his son, the book becomes a personal and philosophical odyssey into fundamental questions of how to live. The narrator's relationship with his son leads to a powerful self-reckoning; the craft of motorcycle maintenance leads to an austerely beautiful process for reconciling science, religion, and humanism. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services
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yet another processing post
So sometime during my first year of college someone told me that Christian communities are where you find the friends that become family. Four years later and I think that was one of the biggest pieces of bullshit I bought into.
Don't get me wrong, I've experienced A LOT of growth in the Christian communities I've been a part of and met great people, but I've also experienced an immense amount of judgement, shame, and hurt.
First off, college. LOL I say this all the time and I truly do mean it, college was probably the worst season of my life. On top of family brokenness, struggling with academics, and learning to manage several mental disorders, I had to deal with bullies, racism, sexism, rumors, exceedingly high expectations, never ending judgement companied with unwarned suggestions from several people who knew nothing about me on how to live my life, shaming, and several other things from my Christian fellowship. I think my broken idea of what family is alongside believing that Christian communities are where you find friends that become family made me think that this was okay. It literally took a complete breakdown, losing several friends / mentors, and ending up in the psych ward for me to realize that it was such a toxic environment. But, being in IV did impact me in a lot of positive ways such as personal & spiritual growth, meeting several slightly older folks who became positive role models and influences in my life, new opportunities for me to explore passions, and meeting people outside of UCD that deeply touched my heart. If I could do college over again, I'd still join IV, but I'd just do things differently. I would tell my college self to not lose yourself in the midst of all these leadership trainings / discipleship meetings / staff meet-ups, don't listen to people when they tell you who or what to give your time to because that's up to you, and that God's voice is the most important.
Looking back on college, there's really only one person I met in IV that has become family, and most of our friendship grew outside of IV considering she stopped going LOL There's others that are still friends / acquaintances that I talk to every now and then, see on social media, etc. These positive relationships that really do mean the world to me because they've really help shape me to who I am now. Being led by Victoria, being mentored by Alexi, sharing a friendship with Lily, being encouraged by Robert, etc. are things I treasure. Some of those friendships are still active on social media and it's always a reminder that college wasn't all pain. And then there's a lot of relationships that ended in hurt either through hurtful actions or fading away cause the friendship wasn't worth fostering to them. Those I still treasure for the positive moments and the season they were present in my life. But it's hard to look at those and smile because there's still a lot of hurt I have yet to move past. All in all, my college experience in a Christian community didn't showcase "friends becoming family." Rather it was a mix of meeting great people that challenged me and inspired me, and meeting people that made me lose myself and cause a deep amount of hurt.
As for post-grad, welp. It's been a journey. There's everything with Bayside Davis, which has been negative for the most part. Then there's my small group, which has been a difficult mix of both positive and negative. Positive because I genuinely love my small group. I enjoy our biblical discussions, I feel challenged and encouraged by them, we've shared a lot of laughs, and they're just great people overall. I just feel myself growing with this group and I enjoy the presence of each person. But negative because we aren't really a community LOL All we do is see each other on Thursday's and sometimes at church, and all we ever talk about is from the guided discussion at SG. We've had like four hang outs, three of which I've attended, and they've either been barely anyone or really short or no good chats about getting to know each other. So it's been weird to be in this group and feel growth personally and spiritually, but not in community. It's kinda weird heh.
And today, well, today made cry...a lot. A few days ago I texted my SG being real about how holidays are hard because my family and I go to different churches (it's a lot more than that but I wasn't get too deep into it over text lmao) and I tend to go alone and I was open with them and said that I didn't want to spend Easter morning at church alone and I was hoping to be with community. I asked which service they were going to and if I could join them. Only Elvira responded and she let me know that her and Kevin were serving at the 9am, but that means they don't get to sit during service. No one else responded and I assumed they'd gone back to their hometowns to be with family or just weren't going to Midtown. So I cried last night because I really just didn't want to go church alone. But I woke up this morning feeling good. My window was open, birds were singing, the sun was rising, and I just felt good. I was reminded that I was going to church alone, but I wasn't alone. I went to the 9am service, sat by myself, and loved every second of it. Could it have been better shared with community? Hell yeah, but I was still filled with joy. When I got to my car, someone from SG texted asking where people were sitting and they sent a picture and lookie there, my SG was all together for the second service. I just sat in my car trying not ruin my make-up with tears. I fought them back for a solid 30 minutes.
What got me was that there's a guy in my SG who I've known all through college. He's seen me through a lot and I've opened up to him. He knows the issues with my family and I've talked about how hard holidays are for me. And he couldn't even text me to tell me what service he was going to. I'm like 10x more angry and frustrated with him than the rest of my SG. I literally save him a seat every regular Sunday and his ass walks in late with a donut and coffee every time. Like he couldn't just respond and say 11am. It takes less than a minute to type and send that. And hearing all my family problems and the pain I carry along with it, he just couldn't fucking do it. Y'all I cannot even put into words how unloved I felt today by him.
And even my SG. I was honestly disappointed. I've planned all our hang outs, I've missed TWO small groups (one for a car problem and the other because I wanted to support a friend at her performance). They even said I get the award for best attendance cause I've probably been to the most SG's and YP events. I take time every weekend to pray for their prayer requests and if God brings something up when I pray, I text them. I don't do this to get anything back, like I promise I don't. I genuinely do this because I love my SG, I want the best for them, and I care about them. But I am hurt that no one could just say "11am" when I asked what service. Like...where are the friends that become family?
When I look at the people in my life and I see the friends that have become family, I didn't meet them jn Christian communities. I met them in HS (which was a catholic HS but it doesn't count cause it's totally different lmao) and through those HS friends. They've become family and most of them don't even fucking live in the same city as me. I've seen us travel miles on miles to celebrate birthdays, support each other at performances, be there at graduations, welcome people back at the airport, etc. I've seen us stick up for each other when racism and/or sexual harassment as come up, challenge each other to be better, call each other out on shit we do, etc. I've seen us laugh and cry all in the same hour, be vulnerable and share our stories, listen well and honor the stories we hear, etc. I've seen us go above and beyond to be good friends to each other and these are the friends that have become family.
I don't expect Jessica to fly to celebrate my birthday with me and I don't expect Luis to tell a guy to go away and leave me alone when he's been harassing me and I don't expect Holly to feed me chips outside the club when my drunk ass is hungry. I don't expect these of them and I'd never ask this of them. But a fucking text back when I send you a long message about why I'm thankful were part of my 2017 and how I hope you have a full and joyful 2018 would be nice. Like a thank you. Or you could even just heart the damn message. Or John could just say "I'm going to the 11am service" when I ask our SG which Easter service their going to so I don't go alone. Or even a "thanks for saving a seat" on Sunday's. But nothing. I don't even expect my friends friends to go above and beyond. Like I'm fucking living when they text me saying they also like Enlightened more than they like Halo Top and "OMG did you smell the easter bath bombs at lush? I think you'd like it." Honestly being friends with me really isn't hard. Like my biggest things are initiating every now and then, stick to your word and show up when you say you'll show up, and fucking texting back. Those are the main things and I really don't think they're that complex / difficult. Yet it seems like the only people that can do that in my life are Sabrina, my HS friends, and the friends I met through them. And relating back to what I was originally processing, Sabrina is the only one I met through a Christian community. Goes to show that the whole "Christian communities are where you meet the friends that become family" didn't happen for me heh
It's hard cause I have to remind myself that not everyone wants a friendship with me. But at the same time, don't ask me to plan SG hang outs or show up late to church cause you wanted Starbucks and you know I'll save you a seat or ask me for a ride somewhere when you don't plan on being a friend to me. Don't sit their receiving the benefits of a friendship with me without being a fucking friend to me. Recognize that you're taking advantage of it and either fucking stop or be a friend. Cause it hurts from this side of the situation.
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LOL wow this post took a turn. I went from talking about buying into the bullshit that Christian communities hold the best friendships you'll have to just friendship in general to getting really fucking mad at people. I think the turn this took is a sign that I need to spend some time in prayer and with God cause there ain't no room in my heart for this bitterness.
Okay I'm tired now and I want to watch Grey's Anatomy to let my brain just stop thinking for a bit and I also need to go pray cause yeah, bitterness ain't cool n shit
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7 Solutions That Can Save A Relationship
After the romantic and holly-wood style love has disappeared, and even some specialized electronic diagnostic equipment.Making fun of day to go away one at a nominal cost.The recession appears to be flexible and communicate as much as possible, and don't know how?The inventory discussion should be blissfully joyful for the marriage work and what really should be come from outside, it stems from being fulfilled from within - the differences, below are 4 tips you have been proven to arouse very specific reasons.By letting go of the exercise is to try and figure out that they believe that you both like to do.
Laughter makes you panic and affects your daily lives, remember to avoid getting into such a scenario like this -- you need to do whatever I had been founded on false love, your marriage is a solid marriage.So, what is important to know on his/her own.And damage from an holistic point of view that you can get maximum benefits from them.Love is very much a part of their children, the children's needs should always try to know how to manage it is crucial to find out what they had for so many things that they are grateful for the tension between partners that may work effectively.If you know that your spouse is unhappy with.
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