#hoipe this makes ANY sense at all..

[nyaskitten]

Lloyd vs. Avatar Harumi has done irreparable damage to me !!!

[black-john-lennon-archive]

Fic: Cooper the Human Disaster

Summary: Blaine visits Cooper in LA and finds his lifestyle a bit ridiculous.Takes place over the summer between Goodbye and The New Rachel.

A/N: Dedicated to the @todaydreambelievers podcast, @spaceorphan18 @ckerouac and @47mel47 I hoipe you guys like this fic a normal amount. Thanks @adampascalfan for being my beta.

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As much as Blaine hates to leave Kurt in Lima after his rejection from NYADA, he can't pass up an opportunity to visit Cooper. They're trying to work on their relationship, and when Cooper mentioned the idea of Blaine spending a week or so in LA, well,  Mom cried. Originally, Blaine  figured it would be a good way to pass the time while waiting for Kurt's imminent departure. He offered to ask Cooper if Kurt could come to, but Kurt declined saying Blaine needed the time with his brother. So with a kiss and the promise to text everyday, Blaine boarded the flight to LA using their father's seemingly endless number of frequent flyer miles. When Cooper picks Blaine up, Blaine expects to see Cooper pull up in an obnoxiously huge gas guzzling SUV, an upgrade from the station wagon Blaine inherited.  Instead, Cooper hands Blaine a handful of quarters. 

"Blainey, I'm working on some real character stuff, going method for this audition I'm doing in a week." "So you pay for everything in change?" Blaine asks skeptically. "Nope. We're taking the bus. Don't worry, it's only one bus to my apartment. Come on Blainey, you've grown up in a bundle of suburban privilege. This will get you closer to the people. Real salt of the earth types." Blaine ignores it, assuming it's Cooper's normal Cooperness and follows him as they board the bus. "You know when I go to New York I probably won't be taking a car? I'm okay with public transportation." Cooper ignores him, "So kiddo, how's Kurt? I see he didn't pick out your outfit today." Blaine ignores that, "So where are you living these days? Still in West Hollywood?" "God no. WeHo is passe. I've moved to Playa Vista , real up and coming neighborhood. Rumor has it that there's a Whole Foods opening in the summer of 2015." "Oh, they finally put a Whole Foods in Lima, can you believe it?" Blaine says. "Wow, Lima's finally catching up? Anyway, it's gonna be a real swanky neighborhood when it's done. But some actor buddies and I were able to get a real deal on a condo in the area. Not far from the Marina, there's a Target about a mile away. Nice stuff." When they get off the bus, Cooper walks them through a neighborhood completely under construction. "So speaking of West Hollywood, my roommate works at a bar and they're having a little show tonight, he said he can get you in if you have a fake ID. We'll have to go to Downtown to get you one." "Coop, I have one. Kurt and I went to Scandals." "That place in the West Lima crack district? Mom let you go? She wouldn't let me near that neighborhood." "Mom may not have known. But it's not that bad. I walked home and only one guy offered me a hit off his crack pipe." "What? Little brother you lied to Mom?" Cooper teases, ruffling Blaine's hair as he lets them into his building. He waves at the doorman. When they get to the door, Blaine's jaw drops as he takes in luxurious and spacious floor plan. "Coop, how much is your rent here?" "My portion? About $700. That's my room, lets put your stuff away." He leads Blaine into his bedroom. He opens the door and sees 3 Ikea twin bunk beds. "Uh Coop?" "What's up Squirt?" "Am I sleeping on the couch?" "Couch is taken", Cooper says, taking Blaine's bag and sitting it on the floor. Blaine opens the other bathroom door and sees three more bunk beds. "So... where am I sleeping exactly?" "It'll be just like old times when you'd have a nightmare and you'd curl up next to your big brother." "Oh no no no no no. Nope. Absolutely not." "Like you've never shared a bed with a guy-" Blaine holds his hand up shaking his head. "Cooper, exactly how many people live here?" "Counting the guy renting the couch? 7." "Cooper? You guys have one bathroom!" "We have a strict bathroom schedule. I shower and poop at the gym." "Coop, what?" Blaine pinches his nose and sighs. "Cooper, why were you on the bus, really?" "I told you little brother-" "The real reason." "My car ran out of gas, so I just left it where it was parked. And it was street cleaning and so it got towed. I don't have the cash to get it out of impound." "Does Mom or Dad know any of this?" "You know how your father is." "Oh he's my Father now?" "Biologically yes." "Don't change the subject. Why can't you get a normal apartment?" "Because it's all about the zip code. When I was in the 90034 zip code I was not getting the auditions I deserve. Now? I'm getting everything. I'm gonna be on Modern Family! I auditioned for a top secret CW project. I could be a superhero!" "And you think your zip code is the reason? This is ridiculous, even for you!" Blaine says pulling out his phone. "Blaine, what are you doing?" "I'm calling Mom to talk some sense into you and to get permission to use my emergency credit card to get a hotel room and for her to send you money to either get your car out of impound or renew your AAA so that you can get a rental. Jesus Cooper, this is a nightmare. So many people cramped into one apartment! What if you bring a girl home, what do you even do?" "I only date girls who live alone." Blaine starts to speak but thinks otherwise, finally pressing the call button. "Mom, yes I made it in safely. I need to talk to you... yes about Cooper... we're getting along fine... I mean we were... Mom you would not believe..." After a long skype session with their Mom, Cooper and Blaine take a cab back towards LAX to pick up a rental and get their hotel room. "I can't believe you told on me." Cooper says later that night as they lie in their pajamas in their individual full size hotel beds. "I can't believe you're on food stamps. And all so you can live in a cramped apartment with 6 other guys." "New York's not cheap Blainey, you're not going to find the perfect walk up in Chelsea for you and Kurt that will be perfectly affordable. You may have to make the same sacrifice." Blaine sighs. "I don't know. Maybe we'll be dorm mates, since Kurt's waiting for me to go to New York, we'll be in the same year of college. Maybe we'll get lucky." "Kurt's waiting for you? In Lima?" Cooper asks, skeptical look on his face. "I told you he's going to take his GE's at Lima Community College and transfer to NYADA after I graduate. It's better this way. He won't be alone in NY and I won't be alone in Lima." "Blainey, I am saying this from a place of brotherly love because I know more than you. Kurt will not stay in Lima any longer than he has to. And you shouldn't let him. That place will suck the talent right out of you. It will kill his soul." Blaine nods. "Like that? That's how I talked the guys out of giving up their three bedroom in Mar Vista to get the place in Playa. It's convincing right? I didn't even have to point." Blaine throws a pillow at him.