#hoh magnifying glass

[luckycloverfield]

i hate them with a passion

[100yearoldcomics]

March 26, 1922 The Captain and the Kids by Rudolph Dirks

TOP PANEL [ID: Der Captain lies, tucked into bed under a checkered quilt, musically snoring. He dreams of five Inspectors standing in a line, all smoking cigars and pointing at him. /end]

MAIN COMIC [ID: Der Captain, in his policeman's uniform, speaks with the police chief in his office. The Kids watch, amused, from an open doorway. It's the middle of the night. /end] Chief: Yep, the Wimmen's League is complainin' about the pinochle 'n poker games agoin' on in the village an' I'd like yew to investigate a bit!! Captain: Sure, Chief! I get me a disguise outfit und you bet I make a pinch mit der svindlers!

[ID: Der Captain walks home with a suitcase labelled "Disguises." Der Inspector walks happily past him, his long white beard trailing behind him as he struts down the road. He has an unlit cigar in his mouth and a cane in his right hand. In the background, the Kids can be seen pulling a couple of der Inspector's outfits out of an open window. /end] Inspector: Hello, Cap. Looks like a large efening if der cards don't lie! Captain: Ha! Right away, I bet me d'ere goes a gamester! Hans: Keep a eye on der old gay dog, my boy! Fritz: Lucky der Inspector got a double heafy wardrobe!

[ID: The Kids run off with their Inspector disguises in their arms as der Captain, unaware, puts his disguise on behind a tree. /end] Fritz: Vill a pair of deuces beat choker high, darlink? Hans: Not if der choker is vild, luff! Captain: Tee-hee! You bet I follow after und giff dot sharker der surprise of a lifetime!

[ID: Der Captain stands in front of the house in a cheap disguise. He has a Sherlock Holmes-style deerstalker cap on, a tight-fitting brown overcoat and a fake white beard that appears to be made of cotton balls. He holds a magnifying glass in his hand. /end] Captain: Ho-hoh! Such a make-over I vouldn't belief, ding svoggle my scuppers! I vonder if Mamma vouldn't efen fall for der imitation?

[ID: Inside a nearby shop, der Inspector places a call in a telephone booth. The Kids put on their disguises beside the booth. Outside the open front doorway, der Captain listens in. /end] Hans: Iss dot a lady's woice by der door, Fritz? Fritz: Don't you know a falsetto ven you hear vun? Inspector: ♫ Tee-hee. ♫ Sure I'm coming, only don't tell der Captain vot iss in der cards! Captain: Ha! Didn't I know dere vos a dod-rotted pinochler in der vood-pile?

[ID: Der Inspector walks out of the phone booth, happily lighting a cigar. Der Captain waits outside for him, his arms crossed and back turned. The Kids watch from inside the building. /end] Inspector: ...if runs it in kinks on such a night, bevare! Und if toins it up queens, ooy! Der fortune iss ge-fixed!! Captain: Tee-hee! Der shrimper ain't vise who iss it!

[ID: As der Inspector walks up the road in the distance, one of the Kids walks out of the building in an Inspector disguise. Der Captain does a startled double-take. /end] Hans: Do your stuff, old dear! Fritz: Vell, vell, is dot you Captain, or chust a mistake? Captain: HUH?

[ID: As Fritz walks up the street, Hans walks out of the building, confusing der Captain further. /end] Hans: Bless my soul, if ain't it der old Captain in disgust!! Fritz: Tee hee! Captain: Dunder und Blitzen! Vot iss mit der peep-lights?

[ID: Der Captain sprints into a doctor's office. The doctor stands at the far end of a large room, watching der Captain with a handheld telescope. /end] Captain: Speak, Doctor, speak! Did you seen vot I seen, und you know who am I? Doctor: As I live, it's the Captain! Why the make-up, old dear? Trying to spoof yourself? I know, heh, heh!!

[ID: The doctor sits der Captain down in a chair and hands him a mixture in a mortar and pestle. The nurse stands beside him, laughing. /end] Doctor: Here, drink this, Captain, and take my advise. Resign from the force, it's a bit out of your line! Nurse: Hee hee! Captain: Foist d'ere vos vun doctor, den two, den tribbles!

[ID: As der Captain walks down the street, away from the doctor's, he finds der Inspector, getting his fortune told by a tarot reader in a tent by the side of the road. The Kids stand by the tent, amused. /end] Captain: ? Inspector: Vell, I'll be chiggered. If it ain't der Captain! Vhy all der phoney scenery, sport? Tarot Reader: An' as I say, meester. Beware ze dark woman, she ees wot you call heem, ze vamp! Fritz: Haw!

[ID: Der Captain bends over a wooden trestle of some kind - I'm sure this has a name that I can't place. He's in prime spanking position on the front lawn. Behind him, Hans aims a plank of wood and Fritz runs up with a wooden club twice his size. Der Captain's disguise hangs up on the front of the house. /end] Captain: Go ahead, boys, shoot! As a detectifer, I'm no cop! Hans: Mit pleasure, sport!! Fritz: Vait, Hans, make it a chob vhile ve're at it!

[televinita]

Zoo 3.12

Preview: Sam can go DIAF with Abigail, Interrupting Dariela is the worst and the writers need to stop using her to squee-block me, Mitch/Jamie is my everything and I need Jackson to come back into the fold with them, and how the hell did I come up with so many words for an episode that was mostly plot advancement and only had like five standout scenes.

Mitch/Jamie 1. Looks like at least part of my headcanon last week about Mitch letting Jamie out can't be jossed! I'm so glad we got this scene in a sneak peek, because I replayed Jackson's indignation and Mitch's cheerfully dismissive response to it about 80 times. 2. Would it be irresponsible of me to assume that they spent last night together? Because part of me is still wondering if they've even touched in the wake of everything, but I would really like to believe they drowned their sorrows in each other. I don’t know how to reconcile the easy banter of the next number or the fact that they don’t touch in this episode. 3. I love the glee Mitch takes in pestering Jamie about her apparent fear of babies, all geared up to tease her mercilessly -- this must be the most fun he's had in days -- and how fast the truth wipes the smug smirk off his face. It's beautiful and terrible and I hope it socked him right in the gut to see the extent of the damage his words did. If he didn't introduce the thought into her head, he sure cemented whatever doubts she already had. 3.5. And kudos to Kristen Connolly for being able to sell those lines with a straight face, because on paper it looks hella dramatic to be like "I'm so awful that I will physically curse a baby if I touch it" 4. I am little embarrassed that my headcanon gets shot down when Mitch not only doesn't take back the darkness line, he doubles down to include himself in it -- but I also really, really like him admitting he would have killed Abigail himself?  "I've been thinking" is a fic prompt and I would love a little character study of Mitch coming to this realization, but either way, I’m intrigued by Dark!Mitch. I want the antidote in hand, I need to be able to believe they will eventually run away and find the light at the end of tunnel, but right now I could be very into a Dark & Twisty OTP of Pain and Feelings. 5. "She kept me away from everything and everyone I ever cared about. Everyone I love." Said with bold and unflinching eye contact and I am 6% frustrated that this is about the third time he's confessed his feelings and Jamie is still batting a hundred on insufficient reactions to them, but 94% overjoyed that the L word is out there to more than just some thugs in a bar. Sometimes there are more exciting ways to hear it than the standard 3-word way. (not that I would turn that down) 6. Now I just need to know who is responsible for Interrupting Dariela arriving on TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS instead of extending either "darkness" convo scene literally ten or twelve more seconds for some kind of proper resolution before a scene change. Tell me he wasn’t about to reach for her hand in the first one. (Also. It takes a magnifying glass and freeze framing, but I'm pretty sure in the split second before they get interrupted the second time, it looks like their hands were or about to be in contact and are drawing apart as the shot goes wide?) A Series Of Live Viewing Reactions To Clem's Baby Daddy 1. Awwww @ Sam hoping (in vain) that Mitch will accept him as a real member of the family. 2. WHAT THE SHIT, SAM. I TRIED TO BE NICE TO YOU. 3. All right, abort that whole plan from last week about letting him be HOH, Sam can fuck off and die and I hope Mitch takes such full ownership of the baby* that he takes to introducing him to people as "my kid, once removed." I'm not Jackson and I don't care who was raised by a madwoman. If Abe's voice + everyone's love for Clementine didn't convince you you're on the wrong team, you are beyond help and I’ll put you down.

*I don't think I can fully convey to you the amount I love Mike Baxter's relationship with Boyd on Last Man Standing, mostly because I'm not sure how many people know this show exists. 4. ...ABIGAIL R U SERIOUS. (Guys, I'm sorry if I previously claimed to be off the sympathy-for-the-devil train; those were lies but I am sure as hell off it now with her baby-snatching reveal and subsequent taunting. That's not even emotional torture porn, that is just cruelty for its own sake.) 5. Welp, I think you know what this means, Mitch and Jackson bonding over shooting straight from raising a baby to parenting a 20-year-old Y/Y?? 6. But seriously, I am so upset at not even considering this theory before today. He's the right age! He's a conveniently random orphan! This show is all, "People love twists!" I kept assuming the father of the Miracle Baby had to be someone super significant! The biggest kicker of all is that I've assumed from the get-go that Jackson's late wife was black (which I hope is not somehow racist to assume?), and Sam is right there looking plausibly biracial as heck, and somehow not once did those two threads of thought ever cross. Come On Guys, Be Bros When I made this tongue-in-cheek request last year re: Mitch and Jackson, I could not in my wildest dreams have imagined them to one day share a grandchild, so while I honestly don't care how Jackson's being-a-daddy issues will play out, I care VERY MUCH what it means that he and Mitch are now on the same family tree, starting with how he now has an ironclad excuse to bond with Clementine and never be out of her life again. (I guess he can bond with his actual kid too. if he must.)

But that short chat on the upper level, just listening to them talk about their respective families is like catnip to my ears. I don't know how I'm supposed to read Mitch's expression after Jackson walks off in his "you worry about your family, let me worry about mine" huff, so I've elected to interpret it as "You're my family too, dumbass." (hush and let me have my dream) (Also I would kind of like to know why Jackson is still as willing to talk rationally with Mitch as he is given that Mitch is on Team Jamie, or as Jackson prefers to call it, She Devil Incarnate. I mean, it boils down to Jackson being a sexist jerk, but I still want to have All The Thinky Thoughts about how Mitch functions as a go between.) Beta Ship 2.0 MY SHIP RADAR IS BACK ON AND FULLY FUNCTIONING. I don't want to scare it away by being too excited about it. Just know that my heart burst into bloom when they got their reunion hug*, crescendoed for the kiss, and by the time they were fawning over the baby together it was pretty well at a tea kettle pitch. *Abe and Dariela take over as the center of the frame immediately, but am I looking at it or listening to them at all? No. I'm trying to shove them out of the way and peering at the edge of the screen where my new faves are nearly out of the frame, persistently tracking Jackson's hands on Tessa as they examine her cut and cup the back of her head and asdlkasjdfasd time to go dig up the 3x01 Time Capsule O' Sweetness. Various and Sundry -I enjoyed the writers finally acknowledging how awfully prone to hacking / general failure this plane is. -This was going to be its own category, but it's late, so suffice to say that Mitch + Not Being A Mess Of Emotions About His Dead Father was very nicely dovetailed with concern for Clem and a cute debate about baby names, and I'm just happy they addressed it all, if still annoyed that the impact of Max's death on Jamie was not. -Jackson takes up Mitch's vacated seat next to Clementine when the plane starts falling and has his hand bracing the baby's head and yes hello I am dying. -Clem is so excited to offer her baby to Jamie for holding, even eager to reassure her "you won't hurt him," and yes hello I am dying again. -"I know I'm right. Want to be more specific?" = thank u for this small slice of "sass that totally happens in the Normal World AU of Domesticity" (also, the pushing up his glasses bit here? ridiculously cute)

-"I don't need you to tell me what needs to be done [about Abigail]." OK Jackson, but like...you kinda do.   

-I told you before I had 18 heart attacks watching this episode live, so I don't think it's unreasonable to mention dying again re: the part where Jamie has the baby foisted upon her before she can protest, and Baby immediately stops crying*... Wait, no, this is the opposite of dying. This moment is Life.

-*nice insufficient reaction to noticing her finally holding the baby, Mitch. Who is directing this episode, because they are Bad at it. -I literally could not be more neutral about Logan's face or potential longevity. I am a 0 on the PH scale of feelings. -Everything about Jackson's final face off with Abigail and her stupid endless villain gloating was the wooorst. -I am a little concerned that reaching the barrier is supposed to qualify as our traditional episode 12 "get off now if you want this series to have a happy ending" exit, both because it's not that satisfying and because there is way too much left unresolved. I can only hope this means that we'll get it near the end of the real finale, with only a tiny twist at the end to set up a hypothetical season 4 that can be easily pinched off and forgotten if need be. Up Next: I'm not sure if I can watch the finale live. I have to have all my work done 6 hours earlier than usual, and then I'm taking off to go dog-sit all day, and if I watch it live I am gonna be useless from the time it starts airing until I drop from emotional exhaustion around 3 AM. If I can get enough work done by 9 PM, I probably will, but I also kind of want to savor it in case this is the last new one I ever get.

[luckycloverfield]

[luckycloverfield]

hooray