#hmmmm sometimes u drink A Lot Of Gin

[equalseleventhirds]

i am thinking about, right, like a fairy tale land, where things operate on fairy tale rules. you know the ones. everyone in this fairy tale land knows them too, and Expects Things.

and there’s a young man--youngest of seven brothers, actually, who were themselves the offspring of a seventh son. we all know what that means. he knows what that means. his parents, when a seventh son was born in their humble farmhouse, sure did know what that meant (and perhaps, shortly after he was born, neighbors and townsfolk and gentry and wizards and perhaps-royalty-in-disguise visited, and gave them gifts, until their farmhouse was not so humble, because it’s always good to get on the good side of someone you know is going far).

so the boy was special, and everyone knew he was special. and his brothers were not wicked, of course, but they knew he was different, knew he would be great. knew what that meant for them.

the oldest knew that the prosperity of their farm was because of his youngest brother, and he was grateful, but, well, just a bit resentful. his youngest brother would be great, would be the greatest among them, but what did that leave for the oldest? waiting until his brother completed whatever task he had, then living on his good will? no, that would not do, for he was independent and proud--he had been, until quite recently, an Oldest Brother. when there were only three our four or five or six brothers, that meant quite a bit, responsibility and experience and so on. he was not yet ready to let that go.

so! he decided, the youngest would be greatest, but that did not mean the oldest could not still be great! and off he went, seeking his fortune, knowing he could not aim too high or he would fail, but perhaps something smaller. perhaps just, apprenticing at a well-to-do smithy in town, and learning a new trade, and learning it well, and eventually marrying his teacher’s daughter, who was just as able a smith as he, and partnering with her, and taking over the smithy, and expanding the business.

the oldest brother was not too ambitious, and so, as fairy tales allow, he was successful enough.

well! the second oldest, of course, could not simply stay at home after that. there are rules to these things, after all--the seventh will be greatest, but the oldest cannot be the next greatest. there is a pattern to be kept. so although the second oldest son rather enjoyed the work on their no-longer-quite-so-humble farm--although he enjoyed rising at dawn each day to milk the cows, although he enjoyed working the fields in the sunshine--he knew he had to go and be just a little greater than his older brother. if not, things might just come around and ruin someone’s life, and he didn’t want it to be him, and he didn’t want it to be his older brother.

so! he decided, if he loved the farm so much, perhaps he could be a great farmer? so he went around to other farms, signing on as a farmhand for a while, making contacts, learning other methods besides what his family had always used. and one day he went to a very large farm, owned by a wealthy landowner, who owned several such farms. and he met the landowner’s son, who was impressed by his knowledge and his skill and his strong, sturdy arms, and soon enough they were wed as well, and the second son found his place of small greatness.

the second son was not ambitious at all, but carefully curated his aspirations to be just slightly more than his brother’s, and so, as fairy tales allow, he was successful as well.

and so it continued--the third son found his place as a scholar and taught at university with his spouse; the fourth son joined a trade caravan and soon enough wed the caravan leader; the fifth son became a mayor with his wise wife beside him; the sixth son found himself surprisingly adept at magic, and wed a noble sorcerer, advisor to a king. each was just a bit greater than the last, but careful never to try to be too great, of course.

at last the seventh son was the only one who had not yet found his fortune, and, being now an adult, set out to seek it.

‘oh, my son,’ said his mother, preparing him for his journey, ‘all six of your brothers have been so successful, each one more than the last. surely you, seventh son of a seventh son, will achieve the greatest destiny of all of them. why, i would not be terribly surprised if you were to save a princess, or a prince, and gain their hand in marriage and half a kingdom.’ (these things are, as we know, quite standard destinies for the seventh son of a seventh son.)

‘yes, mother’, said the young man, who was not in fact entirely certain he wanted to save and marry any sort of royalty. not that he would leave a prince or princess in distress to their terrible fate, of course, for he was a kind-hearted young man, but he was not sure about this ‘marrying someone because you saved them’ business. and ruling over half a kingdom sounded like an awful lot of responsibility; he couldn’t even tell their hen what to do when she was in a cross mood, which was often.

still, he knew the rules of the world just as well as any. if his brothers had all done so well in their lives, he would find even more success, whether he wanted to or not.

so! he packed his bags, and kissed his mother on the cheek, and went, uncertain, to seek his fortune.

he had not been traveling for very long (although, of course, long enough to meet several creatures in need, who he helped and who promised to help him in his time of need, as is the way of these things) when he found a palace, where weeping and wailing filled the air.

he made his way to the palace courtyard, where a crowd of nobles and royalty stood, crying and commiserating. upon asking a servant (for even a seventh son of a seventh son, unproved as he was, could not directly ask the king and queen), he was told that the princess of the land had been stolen away by bandits, and none of the knights or lords or heroes sent after her had been able to save her, but had returned in disgrace, too ashamed to even tell of their attempts. the king and queen had even offered half their kingdom and the princess’ hand in marriage to anyone who would bring her safely home, but none had succeeded.

well! the young man knew destiny when it shook his hand, even if he rather wished he’d had more time to explore the world before meeting Expectations. still, he was not about to leave a princess and her kingdom suffering. so he politely asked where the bandits might be found and, shouldering his pack, set off once more to meet his destiny.

the bandit camp was outside the city, past the forest, in the hills on the edge of a desert. the young man met several obstacles on his way, but with his own wit, and kindness, and strength, and the help of some of the creatures he had saved, he made it there safely. right outside the cave the bandits camped in, a young woman with flame-red hair sat in a rickety chair, sharpening a wicked-looking sword.

‘who are you?’ she called out sharply.

‘i’m here to rescue the princess,’ he told her, polite as ever. ‘it would be best for you to surrender her, for i am the seventh son of a seventh son, and you know how these things always go. people like me are quite good at saving princesses, i’m afraid.’

the young woman scoffed and tossed her head, her hair shining in the setting sun. ‘i rather think not! for you would not be rescuing a princess, but kidnapping her, and removing her to a cruel and unjust fate. i am that princess; i ran away to join these bandits, for i can better serve my people here than in that palace of wealth, glutted on the work of the poor.’

the young man thought about this, and remembered the hollow faces and hungry stares of the peasants he had passed in this kingdom, so different from the people near his own no-longer-humble farm at home. still, he was clever, and thought it best to check. ‘and how do i know you are the princess, as you say?’

‘simple! my face is upon half the coins you see in this land--coins i have here, which we recently stole from a wicked, wealthy nobleman.’

and indeed, after some examination, and a few more questions, the young man conceded she was indeed the princess, and here by her own choice, in fact, he was quite relieved at this, and said so.

‘i am quite relieved,’ he told her earnestly, ‘since this means you do not need rescuing, and so i will not have to marry you. no offense meant to you, but we have only just met.’

at this, the bandit princess laughed, loud and sudden. ‘none taken! and i will not beat you as i did the last few heroes to come here.’

‘and i’m very grateful for it!’

‘but it’s getting very late,’ she continued, ‘and as you are peaceful towards us, i suppose you might stay the night. it is nearly supper time.’

now, the young man knew how these things tend to work, and knew there was a chance of the princess falling in love with him now. but he was also very tired, and very hungry, and knew better than to turn down a kindness, and so he accepted.

luckily, it quickly became clear that the bandit princess was much more concerned with her second-in-command--a peasant woman turned bandit, with lovely dark eyes that followed her princess’s every move in turn--than with the seventh son. reassured, he went to help the bandits’ cook, as he had been a help in the kitchen at home when he was young.

the cook was round and strong and amiable, and soon enough the young man had shared the story of his journey, and all the interesting things that had happened so far: the people he’d met, the sights he’d seen, the mysterious creatures he had helped and been helped by in return.

‘and then i heard about the princess, and i came here,’ he concluded, ‘using up several of my favors on the way. i will have to collect more, i suppose, to be used when i find a royal heir who does need rescuing, although i hope that is a long way off.’

‘why do you hope that?’ the cook asked, handing him a basket of flat bread. ‘do you not enjoy helping people?’

‘oh i do!’ the young man said. ‘i truly do! and these adventures are so interesting, too! which is why i hope i don’t rescue any princes or princesses for a while, for then my journey will have to end, as i will have a royal spouse to wed and half a kingdom to rule.’

‘can’t you just save them and leave without marrying them?’

‘oh, no! i have to marry them and rule half the kingdom. that is my glorious destiny, as the seventh son of a seventh son.’

‘for someone with such a glorious destiny, you don’t seem too excited by it.’

the young man sighed, despondent. ‘no, i suppose not. but what can i do? each of my six brothers has had such great success, and married such a wonderful spouse, that surely my destiny must be even greater success, and a great spouse, whatever else i may want. that is the way the world works, you know.’

the cook turned sharp, clever eyes on him, lifting a spoonful of stew for him to taste. ‘is it? how interesting. and the world has always worked this way?’

‘oh yes! i’m afraid so.’

‘and no one has been great enough to change it?’

‘oh no, i’m afraid not.’

‘well! then it rather sounds like the world has been rather trapped in this way for too long. i wonder if someone with a glorious destiny might rescue it, and change things a bit.’