#hmmm. maybe the fact that i had to save three people from killing themselves repeatedly when i was in middle/high school
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#hmmm. maybe the fact that i had to save three people from killing themselves repeatedly when i was in middle/high school#fucked up how i deal with conflicts nowadays. my advice feels so bad and im so quick to back down and also be aggressive and mean and rude#the fact that one of them explicitly blamed me for her beginning to self harm when i was like. 14#and another just told me repeatedly about how many suicide attempts shed made and how it felt to self harm#when she knew i was also suicidal and self harming#i feel. so fucking responsible. for everything. all the time#and i cant even be mad at them because i feel so shitty even thinking about people who i know could be dead from suicide by now#im too scared to check online because. what if i fucked it up so badly that someone died#i was FOURTEEN and they had no one else. we were in a RICH kids school where the fuck were all the adults#oh i need to go consume some happy media immediately before i start spiralling#prin posts#prin preaches#vent post#if i have ever fucked up giving you advice on anything even slightly important i am so sorry#suicide mention tw#self harm tw#my whole life before like a year ago is a foggy blur but these incidents fucking stick out to me man#i could be responsible for three people being dead and im too much of a fucking coward to go check
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