#hmm what other toxic yaoi have i been thinking about recently

[cowardnthief]

on tv, two men who are best friends always have 100x more chemistry and romantic potential than any actual romantic relationship on the show (and i mean this to include straight and gay couples) because:

1) the creators have to actually put effort into developing their relationship, explaining why they like each other as people, and getting the audience invested and, importantly, believing, without the shorthand of making out which is, imo, a crutch

2) men tend to be more developed than women on tv, so they become more believable characters, and in turn more compelling. two men are likely to both be equally involved in the story, in the world. it feels less like an afterthought - less like oh, she's the only girl here, so i guess she'll hook up with the protagonist...

3) similar thing, and maybe i'm going on a little feminist rant here, but i think relationships with two men are able to get away with so much more because they are on "equal footing." i'm not intending this to be commentary about real-life relationships at all, but on tv there are certain things that audiences expect and accept from same-sex relationships, platonic or otherwise, but not opposite-sex. for example, violence (a tumblr-beloved toxic yaoi trope) is extremely common in male friendships on tv but would be unheard of in a male-female friendship due to what it would imply.

4) instead of spending time on the "romantic subplot" away from the plot, two men spend time together INSIDE the plot. INSIDE the world. their relationship becomes a facet of the universe rather than an annex to it. (this does happen with well-written straight couples of course, but i find it to be less common, especially in the kind of trash camp tv tumblr gobbles up.)

anyway, i think about this a lot - why despite being a rampant feminist and 90% lesbian, i find myself drawn to male friendships over female ones on television, over romantic relationships. why i find weird, twisted friendships where all they do is beat each other up and stare at each other, something dark and unspoken flickering just behind their eyes, more compelling than relationships, involving any gender, where they actually do the nasty.

i think some of this applies to female friendships too, but i see it less often, again because women tend to be less developed, have a harder time dodging boring tropes, and are also just less present on television (and even when they are, they don't interact with each other in any significant way).

[diodellet]

ooohh that ask game has some interesting questions hmm how abt 16, 18, and 23?

i am realizing just how much this ask game is making me bare my soul goshhh (/not srs), thanks for sending me an ask, bibi!

16. What makes you immediately close a fic that otherwise seemed good?

hm...well, most of the time i try to stick it out even if i'm not enjoying the fic from the first few sentences. like, maybe it's just me but a lot of the first words of a fic tends to be the (for lack of a better word) "the gunk" that precedes the actual story? like some stories just have slow starts, but they do get gud.

but to answer the q, i guess stuff that makes me roll my eyes at a fic, in the context of x readers would probably have to be:

disclaimer: most of the time, i don't mind reading these. but there are just moments where they bother me as i'm reading

reader getting carried bridal style (i dont like it, i hate it. id rather be carried like a sack of potatoes. or id rather be carried like a goat by its shepherd. but i do like seeing characters getting princess-carried) just carry me like this instead 🤧🤧👇

royalty AU++CEO/office/corporate-setting AU (like secret princess of a kingdom or being a secretary, for example) i'm not a big fan of those kinds of settings. like ok sure a chara can look good in business formal or in some fine furs, but once the eye candy wears off thats when i exit the fic oops.

fics centered around marriage: i don't really enjoy reading proposals. also thinking of how the rings, the dresses, and the flowers look is hard bcs of my (partial?) aphantasia, but weddings Are Pretty Fun as a background setting. overall, i think what bothers me most is that the chara loses a bit of their personality after they get wed together with the reader.

^^actually in relation to this... im not that big of a fan of prom/dance settings, they both read very similarly, especially since the reader tends to be placed in the more passive role of being asked out. (but when you make it angsty or hurt/comfort, ok i will read it i'm a simple girl)

Oh and ig this is just me wishing for more in the Imposter-SAGAU genre of fanfic (i mean i'm still looking around, i don't feel desperate enough to write smth of my own), but i kinda wish the charas weren't so doe-eyed and quick to apologize to the reader. like, i get the feeling of wanting to write The Good Bits Immediately (e.g. being fawned over, getting to lord that blunder over the characters) but the potential of slowburn trauma recovery and developing a relationship from straight-up antagonism is Right There.

18. What media do you want to get into because of artists/writers you like?

i think i'd want to try reading more poetry? like, if i rb a lot of web weaving, i gotta know sumn other than "deep" pop lyrics (u wont find me saying nice things about ms sw*ft). so far i'm thinking of starting with ocean vuong and richard siken (basic ik but i mean, their works are good)

dunmeshi! i've been putting it off for forever 🙈🙈 (<-girlie watched frieren and forgor abt dunmeshi bcs they got yorushika to do the 2nd OP) but senshi,,,, SENSHI THE MAN THAT U ARE,,,,

Oh! and i'm rlly curious about alien stage! my sibling's dipping into it and he told me it was basically america's got talent x the promised neverland. and he said the magic words "toxic yaoi" and "doomed yuri," i Gotta watch it atp. (also like, carole and tuesday rearranged my brain, im ready to put a sadder spin on it😤)

23. What would you make a 5 hour video essay on, if you had enough time and motivation?

as soon as i read this all my hyperfixations have: left the server HAHAHA

maybe in terms of recent ones, i could try analyzing madds buckley's my love is sick. i wrote about that album for a final paper in a basic music elective, but i was constrained to only 3 pages so i only talked about 2-3 songs. but i could pretend to be a music major and regale ppl with how the leitmotifs tie together and completely destroy me add a new layer of meaning to the songs on subsequent listens. Also like, these songs just Get It (not sure what "it" is exactly, but there's smth related to first love and love lost*)

(but atm im just yoinking songs from there to use for fic/chapter titles, i plan on using one for this ruggie timeloop angst fic im plotting out anyway)

(art appreciation ask questions, please bug me to rb some underrated art and fic)

[hozukitofu]

More chillis please

Being the person who assumes the landscape of their environment upon entering the room and often designated as kin of the furniture, Yachi is very happy when people speak at her and not to her, so that unnecessary conversations do not occur and everyone can go back to ignoring her as they did before.

Acquiring a retail job runs something similar to that vein.

A retail job in a relatively functional business is great. People still try to be friendly - older people, and older men, which, no - but it's not too unbearable.

She gets a message, one day, while she's getting a one-on-one tutoring session by Yours Truly, Chameleon Expert Man Himself, Kinoshita, on calculus and tactics of evading eye contact. They're revising what she should know, she's confident that going to the job, with these new skills, will maximise her invisibility, when her phone vibrates and seeing as the team shares absolutely zero boundaries, she pores over the message with Kinoshita, who bites into a slice of orange.

"New shift?" He chews, eyebrow lifted.

She's noting that down as a skill that she needs to be taught. Kiyoko-san does it very often and it makes grown men cry on the spot. Yachi can weaponise that and turn it on the creeps at work. It can work for her.

"Hmm," she nods, mouth full of orange slices. Kinoshita slaps a napkin to her face, picks up her phone and types a response out. By the time she swallows the pieces of citrusy goods and wipes herself dry of unwanted orange spit, there is a hovering screen with the line I'm good to go on Saturday. Same time as usual? waiting for her approval from her upperclassman.

"All good, Kinoshita-san," she gives him two thumbs up, because he deserves it.

"I'm going inside to tell Chikara we're almost done. Send it and pack up. We're bullying Ryuu to buy us food," he rises, takes his books with him, and gives her a jaunty wave at the doorway.

She hits send. Working at the bakery in Miyagi central shopping district with the locals is great, but working in busy Tokyo where she will know nobody and the customers will assume she is a speaking brick wall?

Ideal.

She sweeps all her books into her tote bag and sprints after Kinoshita.

-.-

The nature of the bakery franchise she works at is that she rings in all the sales when customers approach her with the baked goods and she restocks when bread is running low. That's the official job description.

Recently the bakery, influenced a little by by multiculturalism and mostly by the owner being completely smitten with the Vietnamese literature teacher with the dimpled smile who passes by their bakery every second day, they also have a banh mi side gig.

According to Suga-san, what the workplace is doing is very similar to Subway, but more Asian. Regardless of the plagiarism of what had been done in food chain stores, this is her job and if she wants to save up for a nicer tablet for graphic design then she just has to suck it up princess and cry her way through the world of earning hard cold cash.

So now she makes bread. Per order of the customers who now have to interact with her, human to human.

It is just as uncomfortable for her as it is for the customers so - equivalent exchange?

Anyways. Now she has Stories. The team sets aside time to provide group therapy for Yachi and the Woes of Being a Slave to Capitalism. It is aptly named group therapy because it is a bunch of highschoolers sitting in a loose collection of volley playing brats and consoling a little blonde girl of her retail hardships.

Today's story, she muses as she runs nose first into Asahi's abruptly stopped back, must be the More Chillis Please episide.

It happens like this -

It is 10 o'clock, she had been there for two hours and made, to the worst of her memory and knowledge, at least twenty individual banh mi. She is righteously outraged by the smell of egg mayonnaise, and if somebody shows up in the store again she will Scream.

Anyways, once the moment of Mandatory Two Hour Fury manifested and dissipated, she settles back into greeting customers, offering her services, and registering sales.

She sees the two boys, clad in similar sports jackets, not a uniform, but it is close enough, on their very very tall and lanky frames.

She is immediately brought back to the sight of Kei and Asahi, except Asahi is twice as wide as one of these guys.

Yachi ties up the package for her current customer, bides them farewell and good luck on their date, and turns to the two boys, her Customer Service Voice already on its routine greeting and question.

"Hi, welcome to Dreamworks Bakery. How can I help you today?"

The slightly shorter boy, with bushy eyebrows and wow those really look like caterpillars, wait until the team hears about this, leans forward, friendly smile fixed across his crooked front teeth.

"Hi there, if you don't mind, can I have one pork roll please, that's cut in half."

Yachi sets to work, doesn't think too much or too hard at why there are two boys and only one bread. She picks up the tongs, considering the viable options -

They are sharing this tiny loaf of Vietnamese bread roll, which, is never going to be enough, even for her, and she eats roughly a sixth of the amount Kageyama eats, so that says Something. Maybe it's just a snack. Who knows

The grumpy boy with the face mask willingly walked his friend or walked with him to this busy bakery to wait for him to buy a small snack, which, Amazing Dedication

She finishes it up, takes the knife to cut the bread in half but wonkily, because she has a healthy fear of knives, you know, as a normal sensible human person would. The boys have been chattering between themselves, the one who ordered constantly bumping into his companion, grinning and tugging on his arm. While from the companion's end there is the long suffering Stop being annoying universal eye roll and sigh combo, it's done with the same degree of exasperated fondness Kei huffs at Tadashi, the unspoken but loud What am I going to do with you, you troublesome creature?

Yachi thinks that everything happening is meant to both be a private moment and a routine, and she shouldn't pry. She also thinks that she is reading too much into this, that toxic masculinity is slowly eroding away with her generation and boys can care for each other deeply without the gross gushing of others around them of Amazing, uwu, yaoi babies.

That had actually happened with Suga-san and Akiteru while they were running an errand so Ew. She's not going to become one of those people.

It's not really a big moment of deep euphoria when the shorter boy with the bushy caterpillar eyebrows slips a hand into the other's pocket, leaning right up into his side, under his retreated chin. It is a cuddle manifesting slowly in front of her eyes, and she pauses in her struggle with the paper bags and her two pieces of bread, to blink and the scene make an Ah sound in her lizard brain.

"Cool," she hums.

"Sorry again, but," Caterpillar Brow leans up against the glass, "would you mind adding chillis onto one half?"

Yachi is already stretching one nearest to her hand open. "Tell me when to stop."

He flashes her another winning smile. "You're so valid."

She grins, sprinkling chillis in the tiny half. After a good half of the bread is covered, and he asks her to stop.

Only for the masked friend to lean forward, tug down his face mask, and speak softly.

"Add more, please."

Because Yachi assumes things, as she does, like a presumptuous idiot, she goes on fulfilling the request and thinking that it's for the masked friend. The masked friend doesn't like ordering so his friend had taken up that responsibility for him and he has the taste bud of titanium which explains the excessive chilli situation.

"Is this," she is afraid to ask, "enough?"

She tries to make eye contact with both boys, but because the Presumptuous Moron Energy is on high visibility that day, the masked companion tugs his mask up and draws out his wallet, sighing softly.

"This one," he jerks his head to his companion, "likes his food to strip off skin when he eats. I hold no jurisdiction over his questionable tastes."

It's all kinds of a wonderful, wonderful plot twist. She accepts the payment and wishes them farewell in a rather mechanical manner, and spends a good half of the day just processing everything that transpired. Everything from the masked friend taking the bread from her and pulling the strap onto his wrist so he can hold the other boy's hand, to them knocking heads as they walk away, the excitable companion speaking onto his neck as they disappear into the throng of people.

Asahi apologises for almost running her over and into a medically induced concussion, but she reassures him that she's fine, I've been the victim of a spike before, Asahi-san, this is like a small shove next to that, oh no don't cry, please, I'll live.

Story time is going to be Lit.