#hmm there's no thesis here. Just rambles

[orphiclovers]

Thinking about Underground Killer by Lee Sookyung again.

The most obvious place to start is at it's compariosn to Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Now I haven't read it and I'm not yet crazy enough to read a book just to be able to write a better orv meta (I mean I could. it's 22k words it isn't that long) but I DID read the sparknotes summary so I can make surface level comparison... but take everything I say about NFTU with a grain of salt as I'll be interpreting it creatively to fit ORV's narrative LOL

NFTU is split in two parts. The first part is a collection of notes from a lonely, misanthropic 40 something man full of self hate who feels paralyzed by inaction, overcome by inertia, unable to make a single decision about his own life. He is totally alienated from society and figuratively "underground"

I can see a fucked up inversion of Lee Sookyung's story here. Women in abusive marriages often struggle to leave for years and even decades, paralyzed by fear and learned helpnessness into not making a single decision. Underground Killer could be about her marriage to Dokja’s father and her life during that period, struggling with the desire to escape and her own fear. NFTU critises russian society - UK must have criticized the korean society that allows women to be abused this way.

But unlike the narrator of NFTU she DID make a decision in the end, she did something that required tremendous willpower- she killed her husband. Well, that's what she wrote in the book anyway.

I think Underground Killer must have been a story of how an intelligent woman could be driven to murder (providing an in depth motive so no one suspects she didn't, I suppose) and clearly it felt real. As this candid look into domestic violence's toll shook the country enough to inspire positive change in legislation. How did that happen? I assume it sparked some manner of protests and outrage and became a symbol of the feminist movement (since in no reality would it be the MEN pushing for a change in law to protect women's rights. be so fr).

It must have been a polarizing and controversial topic where everyone had their own take. I'm thinking what the reactions were.

Like I said, the women were mostly on Sookyung's side as they probably saw her actions as brave and inspirational. I'm thinking men absolutely hated it due to it's criticism of patriarchy and the feminist themes. Media at large was enchanted by the spectacle of it all and milked it for all it's worth. Kim Dokja’s peers were too young to care about the Adult thing everyone is talking about on TV at the time it came out.

Later, in high school it was the most fucked up version of "your mom" jokes possible and "don't look at kim dokja too long, or he's gonna snap and kill everyone haha"

At Minosoft it was "Kim Dokja...? Wait that Kim Dokja from that thing on TV a while ago? The son of that woman?" Just gossip.

People like Sagah who don't listen to gossip but read are vaugely familiar with it as a famous book a while ago

Then the apocalypse happens and it is irrelevant to anyone who isn't kim dokja

[deathbyoctopi]

You've written so many cool stories! Would you mind answering - which one are you most proud of and why? 🙂

Oh? What a nice ask! Welcome, and thanks a lot for liking my stories! ^-^

Hmm... what a difficult question! Hahaha, how is a parent supposed to chose among their children? (Naah, there's always favourites, true. But still, I have so many favourites... XD )

Since it's a matter of being proud, then I can narrow down because there are some fics that presented special challenges to me, or which became important landmarks. I never thought I could write omegaverse until I wrote Shards, the attention to detail with mdzs/cql differences in Disgusting villain is extremely important, Incensed nights was an insane endeavour of one-day-one-fic for a whole month, and as a new-ish writer I could never imagine writing such filthy smut or such cruel themes, but here we are >w<

Now... All this said, I want to address the fic that I miiiight be the proudest of. And again, there are many reasons to feel proud (the ones above are for several of those) but this one, I think is the one that took more planning because of the intricate way the story evolves.

A Comedy of Yi City Errors

This fic was like a puzzle, it filled a few pages of my trusty notebook just to make sure I wouldn't mess up and write myself into a corner.

The premise is that the Yi City trio go to a night hunt to a city where Song Lan just happened to be visiting, and they keep missing each other in a perfectly timed... Xiao Xingchen is blind so he won't see a familiar figure walking in the distance; Song Lan is aloof, so won't turn to watch a young girl bickering with her supposed brother; Xue Yang uses a different voice, so he won't get recognized only by sound... And so on, and so forth.

It was wonderful to write, following all the little restrictions and still making them come insanely close to discovering the truth, if only they had turned at the right time, if only it hadn't been pouring rain, if only a chicken hadn't escaped at the worse moment...

And it has one of the funniest scenes I think I've written, with Song Lan actually walking in on Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen but still can't recognize them!!! -To be fair, he closed the door in shame almost instantly, XXC's torso was hidden by a paper screen and XY's head was firmly buried between his legs. XD- I have to thank @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior for putting this idea in my head <3

There! I hope this wasn't too long a ramble, ask any author about their fics and they'll be ready to turn in a whole thesis and 3 hour Ted Talk >w<

Thanks again for your support, and I hope you keep enjoying mdzs fancontent for a long time.

[dhampiravidi]

"Here. Give this a try and tell me what you think." (Cass to Jayn, either cooking or baking together, maybe for the boys or maybe just for themselves ❤️)

Jayn was trying not to snicker. Cass, one of the three loves of her life (yes, count them, three, and they were all happily married) was five months pregnant. Cue her already-beautiful girlfriend gaining some gorgeous curves and new clothes to mimic the ones she couldn't fit with a baby in the way. Of course, the four adults loved each other, so the bigger Cassia got, the more serious they were about never leaving her home alone. (It was Caleb's idea/initial concern, but Jayn and Pogue quickly agreed.) So it was the two women, alone in Danvers Manor until Evelyn returned home from visiting her cousins a few states over.

Cass wasn't a sweets person, and yet, she baked more the closer she got to delivery day. Jayn had been typing up a paper she intended to publish on her laptop, since the portable computer allowed her to sit in the kitchen with her wife. But she'd long since gotten distracted, because 1) Cassia in her element was both extremely entertaining and attractive, and 2) Cassia refused to tell her what she was baking. So while the shorter of the two stood pouring the measured ingredients into the mixing bowl and then stirring them all together, Jayn clung to her, head resting on her shoulder and hands coming 'round on both sides to feel their baby. The little one squirmed every now and then, but it kept its kicks for the evening, when the four were together and things got louder.

"No, I did the antediluvian prediction part, but next I want to compare the deities that were being worshipped around that time. I just don't know if I should be comparing specifically the ones associated with water, or just the major ones--" As usual, Jayn was rambling and ranting about historical stuff, and her love let her do so, occasionally asking questions. They'd learned that the back-and-forth helped Jayn write more interesting papers.

"Well, what helps your thesis?"

"Hmm...that's a good question..." Jayn nuzzled into Cass's neck, and the other woman laughed. "Are you gonna tell me what you're making or do I have to keep guessing?"

"Here. Give this a try and tell me what you think," Cass replied, offering Jayn a spoonful of pastry batter. Jayn sighed. She'd watched her add the ingredients together, and yet the historian had absolutely no idea what the mystery dessert could be. She allowed Cassia to feed her, humming at the sugary taste.

"Mmm, 's good...but I still don't know what it's for, and that makes me MAD." Jayn gently tickled Cassia's sides, making her tremble and giggle. "You're unfairly cute, you know that? Fuck, of course you know that. C'mere, cutie pie--" Cass laughed out loud, right before Jayn kissed her. She carefully set the spoon in the bowl and let herself be loved all over...until she had to get back to mixing again.

Jayn was never going to guess the dessert, because Yorkshire Curd Tart was a uniquely Northern English thing.

[beazt]

hmm. something I’ve kinda noticed but never really brought into the processing part of my brain for any significant amount of time is this: (long post about education ahead)

as a tutor, and a first generation college student who generally interacts with a lot of other students… a Lot of students, maybe not the majority but Many, get really really hung up on things with preconceived notions that aren’t explained away

it’s impossible to explain this without some specific examples. the most frequent one I see is that of the “thesis statement” in written assignments. if you’re at all familiar with writing college-level essays, you probably know the thesis sentence is… not really a beast. it can have its challenges, and of course everyone is different. but if you know the topics addressed in your paper, you can create a sufficient thesis statement following some pretty simple formulas.

note that im using “sufficient” here because 1) for a lot of the students who this applies to, sufficient (or even just “completed”) is the end goal of the paper as a whole, not perfection; and 2) a sufficient thesis statement can be revised as needed, into a higher quality one

but… I have seen so many students hung up on thesis statements because of the name. Mainly first generation college students (my people!). I work with a lot of other tutors who are Not first gen graduates, and sometimes struggle to pick up on this: when the only time you’ve ever heard the word “thesis” is in reference to a large, many-month or years-long project, yeah, a “thesis” statement sounds incredibly daunting.

this mental block takes careful explanation and patience to overcome because the level of daunting it is triggers different responses, but common ones include fear, self-doubt, and a pre-emptive sense of defeat/failure— I have seen all of these multiple times and in different combinations.

and I watch as other tutors say things like “no no the thesis statement isn’t so bad! you just gotta believe me and work with me on this!” and it tugs at my heart a bit, because I know that a 5 minute conversation is usually enough to resolve the fear of thesis statements— and sometimes this “follow my lead” approach I see used leads to a mindset in the student of “I don’t understand what I just did, I still don’t know what a thesis statement really is, and I needed so much help to do it, I’ll never be able to do it on my own” (not always to this extreme but do you see where im going?)

and of course, many students struggle with it and never even interact with a tutor.

a simple solution would be in those lowest level college writing courses, having a segment on what thesis statements are, not just showing examples of them (and some instructors don’t even really do that) but also explaining why they’re called thesis statements. I had an amazing writing prof and she included this, but since everyone saw her as a harsh grader, people avoided her for the last few years before she retired.

I’m coming at this from a frame of reference dealing mainly with community colleges, but that’s where a lot of first gen students go, too. I feel that part is important to mention before I say the next controversial part:

this is often tied to the schism between arts and sciences, in my opinion. when people become fully dedicated to one and don’t strengthen the other, it leads to scientists without ethics or communication skills and scholars (in the sense of academics focused in humanities etc) who don’t value rigid, fundamental explanations of why things are the way they are.

MAJOR CAVEAT that this does not apply to Everyone in either field by any means, I wouldn’t even promise you that it applies to the majority. and this is not as much of a problem (though still present) in big universities because a lot of the faculty in them are involved in some form of research or data processing as part of their job description, which is inherently rather interdisciplinary

this is an unrevised rambling of this so give me some grace if I worded things a bit poorly. Honestly if I was given the time, energy, and resources, I would prepare a 3 hour training or workshop or Ted talk about the importance of an interdisciplinary approach to nearly any subject

[consumedkings-archive]

3, 10, 20

😌😌

raven u know i love u to the ends of the earth and back!! (✿˶◕‿◕˶人◕ᴗ◕✿) under the cut for potential AN/WH spoilers!

meta author asks ♥

10 answered here!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

answered this here but i’ll include another one for funsies! i really really really wanted to write more interaction with kian and ase, because they were so grossly in love with each other that it was like repulsive. it just didn’t work in the pacing of ancient names and it would have been one more little thread i needed to tie up so one day--one day i might..........write them together in a perfect world where neither of them dies, maybe pre-ancient names or smth because i just. hm. love those psychos. (✿ ♥‿♥)

20. tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

another one that’s been answered (here) but i have so much more in my brain to share!!! hmm ok ok ok....okk. one thing that i really loved sprinkling in was the lore about the deity that the other cult, the family, worships. there’s going to be sooooooo much more of it in WH (yes yes yes!!!) BUT, i tried really hard to draw parallels between this big scary forest deity and joseph. as we all know, elliot has an unrelenting hatred of joseph--he literally can do nothing to repair her opinion of him, and the fact that the family refers to It/the Skinwalker/the Deity as “the father” is not an accident. it’s a direct parallel to eden’s gate and the fact that joseph is considered the father, and that in both instances, the skinwalker/deity is a creature that tries to steal the skin of its target, to make it more palatable--it has to know things about you, has to practice being you, and elliot gets the same feelings from It as she does from joseph. for example:

---

“Elliot,” Joseph murmured, squeezing her shoulders, “you might be able to convince yourself that you’re fine, but I see you.”

Ase’s glassy eyes, her fingers twisted in Elliot’s. Sisters. Do you see?

“Aren’t you tired?” His voice, sliding under her skin, trying her on. He was the monster in the dark of the woods, humming as he lifted the edges of her skin and peeled them back. “Aren’t you so tired, Elliot, of all of this running? All of this anger?”

---

anyway i could write a thesis on why joseph is the monster under elliot’s bed but i’ll stop myself before this turns into a novel skjhdkasjhd

[angelbabiesss]

Lay With Me - S.M.

Summary: A nice little short fluff piece bc that’s all I seem to be capable of writing.

Warnings: nada

A/N: my queens I’m back with another trash fic that I wrote. I had this idea already bc i’m a soft gorl but it was really confirmed I was writing this when I saw this. i’m always open to criticism especially now that i’m taking a creative writing class in the fall and I haven’t taken an english class in about 4 years haha yeah so let me know what you think pretty please with a cherry on top

Having a true day off was very rare for me. Between classes, my internship, and my part time job at a local secondhand book store, me time was basically nonexistent. Especially because I lived with my long term boyfriend Shawn. But today, on this glorious day, I was off from both my internship and job, while my class got cancelled for the day. A true day off is a blessing. It was nice to shut my mind off and not worry about my thesis that really isn’t writing itself or deal with rude customers who really can’t read signs.

My day started out with Shawn waking me up around 7:30 with a sweet kiss and telling me he was leaving early for a promo day. I got to sleep in a little bit more after that and finally woke back up around 10:30 to finally start my day. It was very different having to not be in a complete rush in the morning and actually enjoy everything about being up in the morning. I even thought about going to workout with all the time I have and ruled that out very quickly. Instead I decided to actually make myself breakfast instead of just popping a poptart into the toaster and calling it a day.

I decided to make myself french toast. Since it was my favorite breakfast food and I didn’t really get to have it that often, I decided to indulge myself. Turning on one of my many spotify playlists, I prepared my breakfast and turned on a pot of coffee to drink while my french toast is in the pan.

While I was enjoying my breakfast at our island in the kitchen, my phone started ringing. Answering the call without looking at the caller ID and a mouth full of french toast I finally said “Hello.”

“Hi baby, just wanted to call and check in on you.” my boyfriend said finally revealing who called.

“Oh hi honey! I didn’t check the caller ID before answering. But I’m great. My class got cancelled today, so I will just be relaxing today.” I say while stuffing another piece of french toast in my mouth.

“That’s great baby, I’m going to try and get through promo quickly but I can’t make any promises on what time i’m gonna get home.”

“No, yeah I understand. Just another day of the job so don’t stress honey i’ll be alright.”

“Okay I have to go now because we’re pulling up to the location. Love you i’ll see you when I get home.”

“Okay, love you too.” I said hanging up and continuing to eat my breakfast. Shawn has been pretty busy lately doing a bunch of promo and interviews for the new singles he’s been dropping. We barely see each other because of it. The most contact we’ve been getting recently is sleeping in the same bed at night. Most nights I’m crawling into bed late because of my thesis or shawn is crawling into bed late because he’s just got done with promo and appearances, but at some point in the night I wake up entangled in his limbs and everything is okay in the world again.

Finishing up breakfast, I decided I��d do laundry and catch up on some of the shows I was currently watching on netflix. A true lazy day was needed and that’s exactly what I was getting out of today.

                                    ✯✯✯✯

Shawn got home fairly early for it being a promo day. I was in our shared bedroom reading when he made his way into the apartment. He stumbled into our room to get out of his clothes from the day. Sitting down on our bed to take his boots off, I started to ask about his day.

“How was promo today?” Wrapping my arms around the tops of his shoulders and letting my hands wander into the front of his shirt.

“It wasn’t too bad today, I’m just tired.” He said with a tired gruff getting up to get some sweats out of the dresser.

“Did you get something to eat on your way home? Or do you want me to make something or we can postmates something if you want.” I started to ramble because I knew he sometimes forgot to eat during promo because it got hectic.

“No, haven’t eaten yet but I can wait. Just wanna lay here with my girl for a bit.”

Looking sweetly at my tired boyfriend who just wanted to lay with his equally as tired girlfriend and i couldn’t deny him that, so my next words were not a surprise. “Come here my sweet boy.” Pulling down the covers so he could get under them, I scooted up to sit with my back against the headboard so he could comfortably lay between my legs and rest his head on my stomach so I could play with his hair.

Shawn was finished changing and started to crawl into bed. Extending my hands out to him to cup his face, I leaned in for a quick kiss before he settled down.

“Mmm, hi.” he said between pecks before finally laying down. “I missed you”.

“I missed you too.” I said, running my hand down his tense back. “Feel like we’ve just been boats passing in the night, recently.”

“Yeah both of our schedules have been pretty hectic, at least we have now.” he said looking up at me with a tired smile, while I placed a small kiss to his forehead.

“Mmhm” I hummed “I like when you sit still for one second and let me play with your hair” I say finally starting to scratch at his scalp since he laid his head down on my chest.

“Me too baby.” his voice getting sleepy.

“Do you wanna tell me about your day?” I asked knowing that if he rattled off all he did today he’d start to fall asleep quicker and get the rest that he desperately needed.

“Hmm? No, no, wanna hear about your day. My day is the same thing every time I do promo.”

“Are you sure? I didn’t really do anything today.”

“Yes honey I’m sure.” His voice was getting filled with sleep just waiting to finally drift off to sleep.

“I finally caught up with The Flash and that show has like zero reason to be that good season after season. I also started to do laundry but we both know what happens when I start laundry so I immediately cancelled that.” He let out a little chuckle at that. “Then I started a new book that’s basically me in high school and my heart soared. It’s so nostalgic and light I love it so much.”

While I was squealing about the plot of my current book, soft snores started to filter through my words causing me to stop talking. “Oh my sweet boy, get your rest.”

[carewyncromwell]

Jacob, if you founded a magic school what would it be like? Where would it be? What courses would you teach? What sort of protections would be put in place, both for protecting tge school itself and for making sure the students don't come to harm (like no casting curses on other students unless you're dueling with an adult present sort of thing) Anything else?

[Ooooh, Jacob’s gaze is drifting off toward the ceiling at this question! He loves topics that make him think!! <3]

“(absently) ...My own school...Merlin, would that be a sight!”

After being expelled from Hogwarts -- after having my whole future upended, all of my dreams thrown away --

[As Jacob starts to ramble, his hands move animatedly in front of his chest -- a sure sign that the topic has gotten him excited.]

“...I think first and foremost, I’d want my school to encourage higher learning -- like a university, but for younger children too! Magic is so multifaceted...but the Wizarding World is so backwards when it comes to adapting it or expanding its boundaries. You’ll see new magics developed sometimes when it comes to selling products, like broomsticks, but you almost never see magics being pushed further like Muggles are constantly pushing the boundaries of science. Hell, most witches and wizards don’t even seem to care about investigating how to apply Muggle technology and sciences to our own magic! The only real, somewhat-recent case was the Ministry developing the Hogwarts Express back in the 1850′s, and all the mummies and daddies threw such a bloody fit about that...”

[Insert eye roll here.]

“But yeah, to address both security and location...I think I’d want a location that -- like the Portrait Vault -- one can only access by Portkey. It could be an underground location -- one that could be made Unplottable without causing a lot of disruption to the Muggles. ...Perhaps I could modify the old catacombs under London -- those things are plenty spooky that you’d only need the most basic of Muggle-warding enchantments to keep away any unwanted visitors. Using Portkeys would also make it so that it wouldn’t matter where the student lived -- wouldn’t have any Scottish tots having to travel all the way to London just to take a train back to Scotland, you dig it? It’d also be a good way to teach Muggle-born kids about Portkeys -- I mean, they’re so common in the Wizarding World: learning how to use them early would be cool. You could then use different Portkeys to travel to other areas too for more hands-on classes, like Care of Magical Creatures or Flying...or even to travel home on the weekends, if the students so chose.”

I would’ve loved that option while I was at school...then I could’ve been able to check up on Pip and Mum more often...

“Hmm...I reckon one thing you could do to keep the kids from fighting would be keeping your class sizes small -- you know, make it so that the teachers know absolutely everyone. And I reckon having a formal dueling class could help too...the dueling club at Hogwarts is great, but it’s optional -- and you kind of get free reign to do whatever you want. A supervised and structured class that happens several times a week could give students plenty of chance to blow off some steam...and since it’d be a class, dueling wouldn’t probably seem so...well, like forbidden fruit, you dig? If everyone’s able and expected to do it, then it won’t be so exciting to break the rules just to do it.

“As for classes...well, obviously the core classes like Charms, Potions, Herbology, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Dark Arts would be a must. But besides that, Muggle Studies would be another core subject -- not just teaching students about aspects of the Muggle World, but helping them explore how they can use those same Muggle aspects in conjunction with what they’ve learned from their other classes! Applying their History of Magic lessons to Muggle history, comparing and contrasting the two. Applying their knowledge to Astronomy to the study of the planets and astrophysics. And the more advanced students could complete their own thesis investigating something related to one of their core studies...something that, if done well, could be published for the whole of the Wizarding World to see and be used as a kick-off point for them or their professors in further research on the subject!

[This thought process is so unbelievably exciting to Jacob, his face is practically consumed by a massive grin.

His eyes then soften slightly upon the ceiling.]

“...I dunno exactly what I’d call it...but I think I’d want Mum’s name in it somehow. 'Lane,’ I mean -- not ‘Cromwell.’”

Her name deserves to be remembered -- not theirs.

Talk to Jacob Cromwell!

[homumaki]

I---I’m so tired.. TwT

Just wanna ramble here... I know there are many of my sweet friends here who won’t judge me on rambling like this lol...

I have to work as a lecturer at the same time to working on my thesis... and time is rush... and piles of both works are killing me...

and as I have some mental disease, to be specific, it’s depression, it makes me not just be depressed but soooooooo tired from contacting to surrounding world. To specific, I think tiredness level is about 200 times than normal.

For examples, (1) shopping groceries can make me get a fever from tiredness, since it’s very hard for me to look around the shelves and choose what I want. Commodity labels, packages, colors, sounds in the shop, too much lights, all pressure me that I will definitely knocked on my bed for at least 3 hours after an hour of shopping. (2) Talking with people requires all of my strength. since I have to catch their eyes, smile, talk, nod, express A LOT LOT LOTTTT expressions to make the conversation goes smoothly for them. I’m not saying that I don’t want to smile at them or like that, but showing expression drains all my energy. Therefore I love talking via the Internet, since I can show my love or my care without deliver it directly right from my face into their eyes.

Lecturing requires a lot of movements, gestures, eyes contacts, etc etc etc.. I’m so exhausted T_T Also, I moved back to my hometown, where (for sure) my family is. Hmm.... so I also have to deal with emotion expression for my family, too. I never feel rest at all. I wanna cry T_T

I have no energy left even for reading manga. I did some pencil doodles, but I can’t create anything, I just draw them imitating styles of some animes. Actually I don’t even want to draw, but I might go to my bad stage if I don’t create some space to free myself from the pressure. (I mean pressure from contacting to the world, not that any one pressures me)... well I don’t know now what I’m saying TwT~ sighs

People with depression feels like they’re in a dark, sticky pond and that they’re being sucked into that dark matter all the time. Just standing still is so exhausted since we’re at the same time trying to swim to the surface of it.

When you’re at your bad stage, you lose to the dark matter. You can only sit there, cannot move at all. When I was at mine, I lay down on my bed all day all night, I was hungry but I couldn’t even sit up. I wanted and wanted to be out of the bed but all my power I tried to build up dissolved into the air. If I crawled to the toilet, I would sit there for half an hour, after finishing my pee.My memory was incredibly lame. I can IMMEDIATELY forget what I was thinking 0.02 second ago. Things popped in my head and disappeared. I could do nothing but lay there like a rotten jelly chunk.

And many more. I still have these when I’m tired. (I think when I’m tired, my brain used up all the medicine so the symptoms come back). I’m far far away from getting rid of it, I plan to take medicine till the very end, though.

Omg why is it very long lol XD I just wanna cry out a bit to whoever kindly spend their time on it but it turned out as a post abt depression O_o? Welp, I can write abt depression forever lol better stop already. Thank you so much form my heart if you’re reading this :3 I’ll become a normal me very soon after I graduate (I hope so...well actually idk lol)

[ushihina]

Hey! I hope this isn't too personal, but can you talk a little more about your major and just like why language? Truth is I'm having a pretty hard time in college since I was gracelessly shoved into a STEM major. And reading that one post from before got me really excited because like, I'm good at and enjoy languages and just, I'd really love to hear more about it. I get it if you don't want to talk about it here, I just thought I'd ask.

nerding out under the cut

FIRST OFF………!!!! thank you so much for coming to me, like i’ve said i absolutely love lingos and it’s just. MY ENTHUSIASM!!! is poured into it, so i’ll do my best to be on topic and answer ur questions :)

can you talk a little more about your major and just like why language?

ok first, why languages. one of my earliest memories is this book, kinda like an encyclopedia, i used to have with all of the countries that existed in the late 90s and i WORE THAT BOOK OUT, i still have it too! it had everything–pictures, stats, brief history, culture tidbits, everything u could possibly want. i was like five when i became briefly obsessed with china (i still remember a picture that was of school children playing mandolins) from the food to the people and to the language itself–i think i even learned a couple of characters!i should also mention that i do live and always have lived in the deep south, my dad is fond of saying “elena you’ve got one foot in the trailer park just by being in this family”–it’s the same tobacco field-friday night high school football-white dudes in neon and camo bs everywhere i went, my parents being pretty conservative didn’t help, so this book was like, my glimpse into realizing hey! there’s a whole world out there? they don’t speak english?! THEY WEAR WESTERN CLOTHES??! god i still love that encyclopedia

hmm, fast forward a few years and i get into anime and like all good weebs i became obsessed with japan but i was a good girl and got really into the dress and bushido and everything so that was another foreign exposure i got.then in high school i took a social studies class that was really in depth and i had to do a report on cold war communist states and found some really interesting stuff from (now ex) yugoslavia and romania and BAM!!! i was HOOKED!!!!! language is an extremely big part of an area’s culture so it kinda came with the territory–it turned me on to languages as a big part of my HS curriculum and then…. i turned to spanish! i became part of the honors society and placed in the 98th percentile in a national exam nwn hehehe

so now we come to my major–i already had a decent understanding of how different politics, history, terrain, culture etc etc impacts areas so i guess the transition to a language that is extremely prevalent in american society was the next natural step, and it was a GREAT choice because when you’re a language major you HAVE to take classes on culture of the language, and that includes all areas. i’ve studied latin american history from 1492 to 18?? (idr) and spanish history, both tie in together very well and, well, mexico IS our neighbor! there’s already enough misunderstandings in this country about mexico and i just. feel better knowing how things played out there and thinking about “alright, what could have happened differently? did x or y influence this?” this field requires MAJOR abstract thinking, so, ok i’m trying to stay on track…basically i believe in the power of communication, i am a firm believer in this. open modes of communication between people of different places and lifestyles helps to shape a healthy worldview. if there is one thing i can’t FUCKING STAND on this site it’s the. god. the AMERICA CENTRISM. yeah i also thought in terms of “why can’t people just act like this” at one time–that’s egocentrism, and it is counterproductive in almost every aspect if not all. one of my possible thesis topics is how social media has affected latin american culture (vernacular and the future society of the area) and communication socio-politically.

Truth is I’m having a pretty hard time in college since I was gracelessly shoved into a STEM major.

there are a LOT of people in my classes who are also stem majors and take a language as a minor–while you don’t get the full blown deal, you still get enough to have you take on decent conversations and HONESTLY you learn a lot about the world around you. i just. i can’t explain how magical it feels to me whenever i’m at work and im able to talk to people in spanish and they just light up (at my gringa ass trying to roll those r’s and my bastard accent of american and the spanish lisp lmao) and it feels amazing to be like hey! there are tons of people out there who have these ways of life and they have terms in their language that we can’t even begin to translate into english and i!!! i just love learning this stuff so much! i love learning from natives! i love learning neat and weird words! i’m still very shy about asking for help (i had someone a few years ago get mad at me every time i asked for spanish help and i’m still really shaken over it) but whether it be korean or japanese or spanish or romanian or WHATEVER i just HAVE to show my total appreciation

And reading that one post from before got me really excited because like, I’m good at and enjoy languages and just, I’d really love to hear more about it.

and im really really REALLY!!!! GLAD that it made you excited too!! seriously, i hope one day you can attain that dream be it independent study or through school. i changed my major three times before reaching this point, once from a STEM field (HHHGHHHHHHH), so don’t worry, there is ALWAYS time :)

well, i hope this was palatable and that i didn’t ramble too much. i guess, put more concise, when i learn a language, i learn the whole deal. the people, the life, the history of a place goes into the language, it is an important and defining feature of cultures which leads to a better understanding on the whole

hope this gave you a good read! feel free to ask any time, i always tag my nerd O/T posts with #ppppp if you need to find them :)

[pneumasthesia]

Chapter 11

D. The Professor

Second Act – Perception: Part 2

 “It was the Professor himself who brought the gun into this room” I say, much to my own surprise.

“Well, yeah, of course” says the “great detective” beside me.

“What? You knew that this whole time?” exclaims the older man.

“I mean, I saw it in the living room downstairs. That was right before I heard the gunshot with this guy” he says, grabbing ahold of my shoulders tighter than before.

“But why would he bring his own murder weapon to the scene of the crime” contemplates the middle-aged woman.

The older man shudders, the same thought crossing his mind as did mine.

“I highly doubt that he would kill himself. He wouldn’t have written a dying message to incriminate someone if it was a suicide and more importantly …” I hesitate for a moment, “he’s not the type to just give up and die, no matter what.”

Every guest in the room turns their attention to me. I can’t say with certainty that I know the Professor well enough to make those claims, but I need to, for my own sake more than anything. This was someone’s fault. I need to believe that, so I can blame them.

“Well then, let’s put aside the suicide angle for now” the middle-aged woman says with an air of finality, “but if that was not his reason for bringing a gun into his office, then why did he do it?”

Why did he do it? I think I have a pretty good idea of what it was.

But I can’t say it.

I value patient confidentiality, even after the patient has died.

I have to direct the conversation elsewhere. I need to find a new piece of evidence, a new angle of analysis.

What have I not examined yet?

  May 31st, 8:00 pm

 What had I not accounted for?

The transport schedules were all precisely on time. There were no traffic issues or road problems, neither was there an abnormal lack of them. I had calculated everything perfectly.

Yet here I am, half an hour early to my meeting with the Professor.

What a damnable annoyance! I can’t just go right into the Professor’s lovely wooden mansion and sit right down. He’s a busy man and if I come so early, it’ll seem like I’m desperate to see him again. Just imagining the horrifically smug smirk that the good Professor will give me if I come in now, I can hardly bear the thought.

 I suppose I’ll have to wait. That’s fine. I’ve had plenty of experience waiting.

This wait, however, is especially interminable. My mind keeps returning to the thought of where I went wrong with my transportation plan. Quiet down you incorrigible meat sack in my skull! 

My head feels just awful right now. There are too many thoughts filling my mind. I normally have a lot of thoughts, it’s a point of pride for me, even if it can be a liability at times. Right now, however, these thoughts are too much even for myself to withstand. It feels as if a second brain has been forced into my skull and now they are both fighting to think over one another

I should try my hardest to relax for once. Sit down in the shade of a tall tree and wait at the Northernmost outer wall of the mansion for the agreed upon time to come.

What’s that sound? Footsteps? Of course there would be footsteps coming from the mansion. There must be much to do in order to prepare for the coming meeting.

These footsteps are short and sharp, followed by the metallic banging of pots and pans. Strange. Unless he’s changed since I last saw him, I don’t think the Professor was this small, and he definitely wasn’t one for cooking. Oh, but of course, this must be an assistant of his. It figures that he wouldn’t leave civilization like this without someone to take care of him. He really doesn’t change, does he.

These footsteps, I’m sure these are the Professor’s. They have that languid, confident gait that I recognize as my dear Zero’s. However, they sound muffled. I put my ear to the earth. His footsteps are coming from underground, in a basement below his mansion. Is he preparing something for the meeting?

My thoughts are interrupted by a new sound. Coming from easternmost side of the building, the squeaking of an unused doorframe, more specifically the beginning of a squeaking doorframe whose sound is quickly cut off as the person opening the door stops to hide it. A third set of footsteps enter the mansion. They trundle down a staircase and enter right into the basement. They stay there, near the Professor for some time before they cut off. I hear a rumbling as a set of pullies are activated, then the confident stride of the Professor as he strides up the staircase from the basement to the ground floor to the second floor. On the second floor, I hear both the Professor’s footsteps and the third pair, recognizable by its clumsy, heavy footfalls, stay by one another for quite some time.

Then there begins a loud banging sound. It continues for a few minutes. It sounds like two people are fighting. The flimsy wooden walls shake visibly from the impacts.

A door opens on the southernmost side of the mansion, a different and better-oiled door than the first. A soft set of footsteps enter and are greeted by the servant. The banging noise from the second-floor ceases.

Several minutes pass with no significant movement, then another set of footsteps enter, again through the well-oiled door on the south wall. The Professor’s footsteps come down the staircase to the first floor, leaving the other resident of the second floor to pace around in circles where he left them.

The mansion is filled with movement as the newest pair of footsteps begins stomping around the entire building. How rude of them to do so before the meeting has even begun.

What time is it? 8:32 pm! I’m late!

I gather up my belongings and walk as quickly as I can to the southern main entrance of the building. I refuse to be the last person to come to this meeting. I mustn’t be rude, nor should I be overly courteous. I just need to be precisely ordinary. Nothing more and nothing less.

 01:17:35

 “Good, good, good. That was a nice and ordinary trip, wasn’t it? Nothing more than we need and nothing less either.”

“How is this going to change anything?”

“The truth will set you free, as they say.”

“You mean to tell me that what I’ve been seeing is the truth?”

“Well, I don’t know what you’re seeing per say.”

“Ah, so you’re allowed to make blind jokes but I’m not?”

“This is the one thing that I can do that sighted people can’t. Don’t take it away from me.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Just answer my question.”

“I can assure you that what I’ve shown you is truer than anything that you remember.”

“So you mean to say that this isn’t the truth of these events.”

“That’s an awfully cynical way to interpret that statement.”

“But is it wrong?”

“Heh, no. But what does it matter? All human observation is based on falsehood.”

“More philosophical ramblings? Save it for your doctoral thesis.”

“Aww, but you seemed to be enjoying our little debate before.”

“I wasn’t in the right mind then.”

“And you are now? I don’t see how an ill temper is more correct than a good temper.”

“Joy is an illogical emotion. It is better, evolutionarily speaking, for animals to be in an ill temper at all times.”

“Hmm, a bold claim from someone who is neither a biologist nor a psychologist. Why do you say that?”

“Joy is when an animal revels in their own success. During this revelry, an animal is prone to lose sight of the material world and ignore potential dangers. When in an ill mood, an animal is more likely to focus on immediate dangers, which keeps them alert and safe.”

“Perhaps, but we are not animals. As humans in a civilized society, we are rarely in immediate danger.”

“Rarely, you say. That means not never. Preserving one’s own life is the utmost concern for a living being, so it follows that even if there is a slim possibility for danger, that creature should always do everything in their power to prevent it.”

“You assumed that the primary goal of a living being is the preservation of their life, but I would argue that a living being’s utmost concern is the pursuit of happiness, and as such choosing to eschew joy for an ill temperament because of pragmatic purposes is actually counterproductive most of the time.”

“What even is joy? What constitutes a positive emotion? That’s a non-specific concept. It will change for every person and in every situation. You cannot base your worldview on the pursuit of an illusion.”

“Ah, so you admit that observation is based on falsehood!”

“!? What! Were you trying to trap me in that conclusion from the start?”

“No. I’m not that smart. I was just enjoying chatting with you and ended up getting to that by accident. Perhaps the pursuit of joy and pragmatism are not mutually exclusive after all.”

“…”

“Well you can mull that thought over in the loser’s corner all you’d like; we have more questions to get through.”

“…”

“Hmm, are you alright? I refuse to let you sulk as long as you did when we began this session.”

“I’m not sulking … I’m just trying to gather my thoughts.”

“Do you want to continue our debate? I’ll let you take as much time as you need to think about your argument before we continue.”

“I don’t need your pity, and I don’t want to talk about useless things anymore.”

“I don’t like that you called my intellectual pursuits ‘useless’, but I’m willing to put that aside. We’ve done quite a few questions by now. Time sure does fly when you’re having fun.”

“It feels like it’s been an eternity since we started.”

“For you, perhaps. But there’s still another eternity left to go. We’re just barely over halfway done now. Well actually I think I miscounted, we’re a fair bit more than halfway done with the list of questions I had prepared. How scatterbrained of me.”

“So what’s the next question?”

“Yes, yes, yes. I’m on it. I will satisfy my favorite pupil’s desire to learn as long as I am able.”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“Ahem, yes. My apologies. So, for this question, how many people were in the Professor’s home at the time of the murder?”

“I don’t know much about what happened at precisely the time of the murder. At least from what you’ve shown me.”

“Yes, you do. If you remember what you’ve witnessed, you know enough about the whereabouts of the house’s guests at the time of the murder to at least answer this question. And you’ve recently come upon some corroborating evidence that if you use together with what you know about how the guests entered the house, you can certainly answer this question.”

“Alright, but this doesn’t seem like it has anything to do with any of the previous questions.”

“You’re right, but determining the truth often requires a lot of detours and when you’re trying to do so by navigating the messy pathways of the human mind, it’ll naturally take all the more. But never mind that, tell me, how many people were in the house when the murder occurred?”

 >Pick one:

A.    4

B.     5

C.    6

D.    7