#hmm the angst of being in soup time for years

[brekitten]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Danny Phantom, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Danny Fenton Additional Tags: Crossover Angst Week 2024, Fenton Thermos (Danny Phantom), Danny Fenton Needs A Hug, Ambiguous/Open Ending, how do i freaking tag why is it so hard Series: Part 4 of Bre's Crossover Angst Week 2024 Summary:

Peter wouldn't ever admit it (though he's pretty sure that Tony already knows and just hasn't said anything yet), but he was a dumpster diver. At this point, he may even be a professional. He did it fairly regularly, always searching for anything that could be useful.

Of course, he wasn't really sure if the thermos could be considered useful, but there had been tech added to it at some point in time - and that was what made it interesting.

So, he took it with him to his lab day with Tony. Getting it to work could be a fun little side project for them.

  Trapped in the thermos for months or years

Day four! Got about half of it done last night, then finished it today. So... 2 and a half fics done yesterday? Does that count? XD

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57329905

[twenty-orange-balloons]

I'd love to know more about LZWWTAU, WWXLZLXTT and MYIWWXM 😅

Oooh three! Okay, let's see....

1.

LZWWTAU = Lan Zhàn Wei Wuxian....I actually forgot what the T stands for but I'm pretty sure the AU is just Alternate Universe lol

It's a "different first meeting" fic about Lan Wangji waking up in a cave in the burial mounds after getting injured in a night hunt, to see Wei Wuxian sitting by him. I haven't written past the first scene of them greeting each other after Lan Wangji wakes up but I do know, in this fic, the wen remnants somehow also live with Wei Wuxian.

Snippet:

( “I am Lan Zhan, courtesy name Wangji, from Gusu Lan.”

“Gusu Lan? Ah! The second young master Lan? Lan Wangji? The Hanguang-Jun?”

Lan Wangji inclines his head in agreement.

“Hmm, wow! I got to say I didn’t expect to ever meet you!” He smiled again, “It’s an honor Hanguang-jun!”

“Mmh.”

There was a silence then Wei Ying huffed a laugh, “They weren’t kidding when they said you were quiet.”

Lan Wangji felt the urge to defend himself to show this stranger he just met that he wasn’t as bad as people said he was. He wanted this stranger to like him. But before he could even think of how to do that, Wei Ying lifted up the bowl again.

“Here, it’s soup, I made it myself! And I didn’t add any spices! Though I don’t get why people hate it when I do.” Wei Ying pouted. )

--

2. WWXLZLXTT = Wei Wuxian Lan Zhàn Lan Xichen Time Travel

Just as it states above, it's a fic about the jades and WWX time traveling back to the past. (It's actually a WangXianXi fic because I had just read a really good fic about Wei Wuxian helping Lan Xichen through his seclusion and it made me enjoy the way the pairing can be written lol) I haven't touched it since I wrote the first few paragraphs tbh

Snippet:

( “I don’t want to mess up.”

Lan Zhan carded a hand through his husband’s hair, tugging lightly, “Then breathe. And focus.”

He glanced up at the two Lan’s meeting their soft gazes and breathed in and out, shooting them a weak smile, “Mn.”

He turned back to Lan Xichen, his finger continued brushing blood in an array that Wei Wuxian created himself, He had already done Lan Zhan and himself. The array was small, the size of a token on their hip, if this was done right, it would be marked into their skin forever. A constant reminder of what they had done. )

---

3. MYIWWXM = Madam Yu Is Wei Wuxian's Mom

I've seen so many fics where Jiang Fengmian is secretly Wei Wuxian's father but I haven't really seen it with Madam Yu.

It's an angst fic of course, it starts off with Madam Yu remembering how before she had Jiang Cheng, she was assaulted by someone and got pregnant with Wei Wuxian, she then gave him up to Cangse Sanren and Wei Changzi, unable to look at the child with anything other than shame and anger.

Of course, he ends up back in Lotus Pier, constantly reminding her of the worst night of her life and the way she wasn't able to protect herself despite being a powerful woman.

Wei Wuxian does know she is his mother, having found out via a letter (either he found it while exploring Lotus Pier on accident or his mother left the letter to him).

She makes it firmly known to him, that she will never consider him her son and that he must never let anyone know. He agrees.

She decides to teach him the Yu style of fighting as it technically is his "birthright" but mostly so he would be better prepared to protect her "real" kids.

Snippet:

( Somehow they end up having tea. Wei Wuxian is ten and has been with them for nearly two years already. He sits in front of her with a wary expression, an unfolded piece of paper laid in between them.

She holds herself stiffly and doesn't let any emotion show on her face. She won’t let him see how much this was affecting her. She flicks her wrist, forcing the trembling back, grabbing her tea.

“This does not change anything. You are Cangse SanRen’s son.”

Wei Wuxian nods, though his eyes lowered, voice soft as he says, “I know. It says in the letter you didn’t want-”

She cuts him off firmly, “I do not expect you to understand. Never bring this up again.”

Wei Wuxian looks at her for a long moment then bows in agreement “Of course, Madam Yu.” )

Thank you for the ask! ^^

----

WIP Title Game

[the12thnightproject]

Even if Tempest

A semi-spoiler gush/mini review about a game that no one else seems to be playing. Which is kind of the story of my life. Either I find something long after people have stopped regularly playing... or before anyone else has picked it up. Or nobody else likes?

Basically the overall plot of EiT is that the MC (Anastasia, but as per usual you can change that) has spent the last eight years of her life held prisoner in the attic due to her wicked stepmother and evil stepsister and abusive father. Cue the entry of a handsome prince who rescues her, proposes... and then everything goes horribly wrong and she ends up being burned as a witch (none of this is a real spoiler - it's part of the game description/trailer).

Then MC is given the power of the "Fatal Rewind" which allows her to go back to whatever point she chooses in her life and re-do things. Her goal is to get revenge on those who have wronged her but also her mission (given to her by a cute being who also gives her the rewind power) is to locate the "Witch of Ruin" who happens to be causing havoc in the country.

When MC reboots herself the first time, she returns to the point before she was imprisoned in the attic, and her little 10 year old self runs away from home, and joins up as a cadet to become part of the Winged corps (basically knights who ride giant birds called Garudas). Over the next eight years, she trains in archery and fighting, and she is a total badass and I love her. MC is amazing.

So, that's more or less where the routes begin.

Structure:

The structure of the game is unusual in that you are only able to play the routes in a prescribed order: Crius or Tyril (you do get a choice which to play first of those two, but I think Crius's route is a better intro into the world), then Zenn, then Lucien. None of the endings of these routes (except for the last one) are happy.

Prepare for angst.

And sad.

Big sad sometimes.

Because in between routes (and sometimes within routes) MC plays her "fatal rewind" card, and tries again to get her revenge and also defeat the witch. Or save the life of someone who dies within the route. Once you successfully finish all four routes (without getting a dead, bad, or tragic end), you then get to play through the happy endings, and then there's a summary epilogue.

Additional game play:

Within each of these routes, there is a trial of sorts, which depending on the route, MC is either a suspect, an inquisitor, or the murderer. ... it... will make more sense when you play it. Well. By the second time you get to a trial, it will make more sense. You get a chance to investigate the suspects pre-tiral, but you've only got a certain amount of time to do that, and there are more suspects than time, so you will have to choose carefully.

Save your data often.

Emotional Arc:

Did I mention the MC is awesome? She grows and learns lessons throughout the story, both philosophical lessons, and life lessons. There are musings on "whose responsibility is your happiness?" "Is it better to live for yourself or for others?" "What is the cost of revenge?" And the all important, "Yes, it totally is appropriate to ask for help."

Oh, and the insanity:

This game throws pretty much everything into the soup ... there's the aforementioned witch; a killer clown; a handsome prince; an evil prince; the stepmother; giant birds; a terrible illness; murders; death; rebirth; an isekai'd basketball player (or maybe it was rugby... the game was not clear), priests who have committed abuse; stalkers; a mysterious lost tribe; a ninja; an assassin ... and yet even though some of this stuff was never really answered (the killer clown... what? who? why?), it still was totally compelling.

Maya!:

MC has a best friend, faithful maid named Maya who is there for her through everything ... which means that Maya gets put through the same kind of hell that MC does (and sometimes worse). Maya is great. I wish Maya got a LI too. Maya deserves .... hmm.... fanfic. (Must ponder that - especially since Maya and one of the LI's, Tyril, are a hoot together.)

Oh and of course... the LIs... all of whom were great, three of whom I fell for in different ways... and the fourth... is a good guy too.

Crius Castlerock:

Crius is the commander of the winged forces, so he's a little older than MC. He's got a reputation as a flirt, is always there to try to help everyone else's problems, and will sacrifice himself for others. (Basically, a Shingen Takeda type).

Tyril Lister:

Tyril is an inquisitor, has an unlikely friendship with Crius (and Zenn), is harsh, sarcastic, has a ton of secrets, definitely a tsundere, and is a fan of torture devices. The dialogue in the Tyril/MC route is nicely quippy, and once MC gets to know Tyril, she realizes he's got a soft, sweet, gooey center.

It's... um deep down.

Zenn:

Zenn is a bit standoffish at first, he hangs back, and he's got really good reasons for at first distrusting MC. But once he's in, he's all in. He's always got her back, and appears to have brother zoned her (for... reasons). Oh and he's built. Look at the six pack in the above CG. He looks like Motonari, behaves a little like Hideyoshi, and has Mitsuhide's VA (I found it kind of surreal, because I was rereading Mitsuhide's route at the same time as Zenn's). Zenn's route is definitely a ride.

Lucien:

Prince Lucien is the childhood friend of MC. When she disappeared, he was devastated and has never stopped trying to find her. He's a sweetheart, definitely a cinnamon roll (a running gag is that he'll often tear up, but then exclaim it's just because he has weak tear ducts). Lucien is a sweetheart, but the childhood friends to lovers trope just isn't one of my favorites. But you get to know Lucien a lot better than the other LIs, partially because when you get to his route, the first half is in his POV (for ... plot reasons).

Warnings:

This game is pretty bloody and dark. When the Witch appears in the town, he picks one person and gives them the ability to kill whoever they want, without fear and remorse. It's interesting and terrifying to have routes where characters you know and love are freed from moral restraint. In some routes there are also additional murders /death threats.

The deaths happen off camera, more or less (your screen will suddenly turn red), but they are described, and additionally, you will encounter characters with blood on their hands and faces. I didn't think it was especially gory (it's no Red Wedding) but there are certainly descriptions of violence.

The inter-route endings are sad. Not all of the LIs, or friends of MC survive (but you'll have the knowledge that MC is going to rewind time to prevent it next time).

It's angsty. MC goes through a lot.

In spite of that, I found the game extremely compelling. The crazysauce plot, and emotional arc, and the fun dialogue are all plusses in my mind, and made up for the violence and angst.

[sparrowsworkshop]

“Watched” by OneWingedSparrow; Chapter 1

Last Chapter >>> Fic Summary: Despite Colin's worry for his safety, Link ventures to the barn at night to check on the goats, unaware of the events transpiring behind his back. Main Tags: Twilight Princess, pre-canon, Link & Rusl & Uli & Colin, TP Link & the Hero’s Shade, Ghosts, Suspense, Assassination Attempt, Angst with a Happy Ending, Found Family Read on AO3 Reblogs are appreciated! ~ Ordon Village didn’t see storms often, but when they came, they were something. Harvest season always brought more rain and wind than was typical. Fretting over Link’s safety in the newly built treehouse he had recently moved into, Uli always insisted that Link come over during heavy windstorms. While Link felt confident in the stability of his home under any weather conditions, he never protested the invitation, since visiting Rusl and Uli’s meant quality time with his adoptive family and an opportunity to chow down on Uli’s famous pumpkin and carrot soup. “Have some more,” Uli encouraged, and ladeled another helping into his bowl without asking for permission. “This season always leaves you hungrier than any other.” Link swallowed a bite of warm sourdough bread before replying. “I'd be happy to," he said with a grin. "Thanks, Uli." Seated beside Link at the table, Colin stirred his spoon through his soup over and over again, watching the herbs swirl around. “I want more, Mama, but I’m getting stuffed.” Uli raised an eyebrow at the empty plate before him, which was littered with crumbs. "Maybe someone had too much bread tonight, hmm?" "But the bread is good!" Colin exclaimed. "Right, Link?" Busy blowing on his soup, Link flashed him a thumbs-up. The outside door burst open then, shooing cold air and a very drenched Rusl into the house. “Mighty strong shower out there,” he commented, kicking his boots off. “Good thing Fado brought the goats in early tonight.” "Oh!" At the reminder, Link set down his spoon. “I should check on them. It’s my week for night patrol.” “But it’s dark out there,” Colin said worriedly. A particularly big gust of wind passed over the house, causing the roof to rattle. “I taught him how to use a sword, I think he’ll be all right,” Rusl said, taking a seat at the table. Uli shook the ladel at him. “No, you don’t, mister. Wash those grubby hands first!” With a sheepish grin, Rusl rose and headed for the washbasin. Colin glanced anxiously towards the window, though it was obscured by the curtains. Link slipped on his boots and shrugged on his parka. “I’ll be all right, Colin. I’m not afraid of the dark.” *        *        * A pleasantly steady shower drenched him before he’d even finished crossing the creek. The village was dark, the rainclouds having blocked out the moon and all stars, but Link knew his way over the muddy path well enough he could have confidently traversed it blind. Despite the water resistance of his parka, Link felt bogged down by the downpour, and was all too glad for the cozy shelter of the barn. Steady rain thrummed on the roof, but the goats were strangely silent. Usually they bleated a chorus of welcomes, or at the very least, shuffled around in their stalls, scuffing straw. "You're awful quiet," Link called out, slipping his hood off and shaking out his hair. There was no response, save for a gust blowing a spray through the open door. Link heaved it shut and bolted it. As the bolt clacked into place, his numb fingers froze over the grainy wood. Prickles crept up his neck.

His many years spent hunting with Rusl had trained him to recognize this feeling. The feeling of being watched. Uneasy jitters that could transform the hunter into the hunted, and convince even the most footloose wanderer that they were unlawfully trespassing. That dreadful awareness of being alone, with no one around to come to your aid. He was alone...but he wasn’t, because the goats were there. Forcefully, Link shook his head. He was safe. There was no danger. Nothing was wrong. No sense letting childish worries hinder his work. Whistling to himself, he made rounds, tending to each of the goats in turn. This wasn’t strictly part of his and Fado’s patrol—usually they checked the troughs for refilling and the stalls for mucking, and made sure the goats were settling down—but a certain unease drifted in the air, and he wanted to be certain the entire herd was fine. “Easy there, missus,” Link soothed the old nanny Dot as his fingers quickly carded a mat in the tangled wool on her back. “You’re trembling something awful.” Dot’s knobby legs didn’t stop shaking. Maybe she was cold. “Why so tense, Juniper?” he asked as he refilled a trough from a bulging burlap sack. “It’s just a good ole rain from Ordona, makin’ your grass nice and green again.” Juniper only stretched her big eyes wider, locked in a staring contest with nothing that he could see. “Silent treatment, huh?” Link raised an eyebrow at Bogo’s rump, which was turned his direction. “What’d me and Fado ever do to you today that you’re huffing about it?” The old goat faced the wall stubbornly, as if he couldn’t bear to look at Link. Link investigated every member of the herd, but found no clue as to what was causing them to act so strangely. Though dutiful and methodical, he neglected to look behind him. He did not see what passed straight through the old barn door, translucent as a cloud. A pale blue lantern floated through the air, teetering violently back and forth, slinking nearer to the boy like the gleaming eyes of a stalking predator. ~ Last Chapter >>>

[sooibian]

The Daisy Oracle

Pairing: Baekhyun x fem!Reader

Genre / Themes: Fluff, soft angst, a hint of spice, established relationship

Description: In the days leading up to Baekhyun’s enlistment, you find yourself dissecting every word of his and he’s been saying...all the wrong things.

A/N: To accommodate this anon request, the story does not take the “BBH public service worker” route. Dear anon who requested this, i sincerely hope this fic gives you the comfort that you seek. even though i tried to publish this as soon as i could, i hope it doesn’t feel rushed! :)

Word count: ~ 2k

You always had a hard time keeping up with Byun Baekhyun.

On a typical Thursday evening, when you, everyone you knew, and their families, zombified by the obstinate demands of the week, trudged towards the promise of an invigorating weekend, Baekhyun looked and acted like one of those puppies in one of those picture perfect 'family is everything' movies. Always eager. Always happy.

That is not to say that the weight of living eluded him. He'd have his moments where everything seemed rather dull and tedious but Baekhyun always bounced back quicker than most.

In the month leading up to his enlistment, when you'd hoped for your own sake and his, that he'd mellow under the soul crushing burden of an impending temporary separation, his puppy quotient shot through the roof instead. But you didn't have the heart to utter a single word that bore the abominable might to dull his sparkle.

Instead, you revved up your own. Or at least...tried.

He booped your nose and said to you over dinner one evening, "You don't have to pretend, you know?" causing you to flip the switch on him, "What would you rather have me do? Cry?"

Truth be told, you were mad!

Mad at the world. Mad at the laws of conscription, most of all. How could they take this...this...stupidly adorable, angelic, happiness shaped man with a divine voice, endearingly droopy eyes, jelly lips, plump cheeks, and the most delectable nose away from you for such an agonizingly long stretch of time?

"It would be nice," he quipped, looking into the distance as if lost in a deep thought, the faintly heavy texture of his tone nudging you out of your rueful reverie.

Head tilted to the side, you blinked at him, mouthing a confused, "What?"

"Hello! Earth to --! I said, If you cried a little...every now and then….it would make me feel - it would make you feel - "

These callous utterances of his would not only exasperate you endlessly but also shove you back into the despairing hurricane of emotions you’d been trying to quash for his sake and yours.

So you glowered at him in response and he quietly went back to his soup, leaving you to your musings.

Blinkering your attention to the sumptuous spread before you, you wondered why you struggled to push something that appetizing down your throat. Everything tasted either a little too bland, or a little too spicy, a little...unusual and not quite right. Which was strange considering the only reason you loved this restaurant was because they hadn’t changed their menu nor their recipes in decades.

You craved the comfort of the known especially on days like these when the world felt bizarre - inside and out.

“This fillet is too dry,” you whined, washing down your last bite of the salmon with cider.

Brows furrowed, Baekhyun drew his “No ~” out in a question.

“And overly seasoned,” you winced, persistent in your complaining while pushing your food around.

“Here, try the Gyeran Mari,” said Baekhyun, lovingly placing two neat rolls of your favourite banchan into your rice bowl.

Eyes locked with his, a smile teasing the corners of your mouth, you quipped nonchalantly, "You know what? I cannot cry even if I wanted to."

"Really? Why's that?" He inquired with a quirked brow, cheeks puffed with silken tofu.

Waving your phone at him, you replied, "All these airpod head comments online - "

"Yah yah yah!!!" Breaking into a fit of roaring laughter, he lunged at you and pinned you to the floor. Cupping your face in his hands, he kissed every inch of the exposed skin of your face and neck, making your giggles fizzle into a soft moan the moment his lips met yours.

.

.

.

"Leave the laundry to me. Go get your things in order for next week," you said to a dumbstruck Baekhyun as he felt the jute laundry basket that you'd picked out together over two years ago, swiftly changing hands from his to yours.

When you heard neither a word tumble out of his mouth, nor the sound of his feet padding down the hallway, you stopped dead in your tracks, turned around to face him and spluttered a mortified, "What?"

"No, no, it’s nothing," he mumbled, lips forming a toothsome pout.

Resting the laundry basket against your hip, you groused, "Just say it."

Soft baby pink lips stretched into a wide, gremlin-like grin, he teased, "If I knew enlistment would make your lazy ass pick up some of my chores, I would've enlisted a lot earlier!"

Feigning annoyance, you rolled your eyes in response and turned on your heel to rush to the washer dryer.

In a week’s worth pile of unwashed clothes, stood out a beige t-shirt that he’d worn for not more than an hour last week. It was relatively clean and needed a wash simply because he had no use for it in the following months. You buried your face in the velvety smooth fabric of the oversized garment, yielding to Baekhyun’s lingering saccharine yet woody scent. The dam of your pent up emotions broke loose at the last four words that had recklessly rolled off his tongue. You bit down on your lower lip to suppress it's quiver but the tears in your eyes gave it all away when you turned around to find him standing by the door.

You accepted his unspoken apology with an understanding nod as he nestled you up to his familiar, comforting warmth. And while he gently cradled you in his strong and steady arms, you poured your heart out into the crook of his neck.

.

.

.

Dressed in cozy black and grey sweats, Baekhyun stood before you, lips pursed, eyes wide, anxiously wringing his hands while swaying from side to side.

"So?" His brows shot up in anticipation of your reaction while you chewed on the insides of your cheeks to keep yourself from breaking into an insensitive fit of laughter.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you managed a feeble, "Looks alright,", feigning your best businesslike demeanour.

A confused Baekhyun’s gaze flew up to his forehead as he gingerly ran a hand over his head. Features contorted in a frown, he remarked, "Prickly."

Then you could hold it in no more.

Instantly convulsed with laughter, you crashed into bed while Baekhyun simply stood there, hands on hips, patiently waiting for you to -

“Let it all out!” He exclaimed loudly while you continued your antics, fully cognizant that the discomfiture in his tone was merely for effect. Baekhyun continued, “I don’t get what’s so funny.”

You threw your hands up and apologized, panting, “Okay, okay...I’m done,” only to break into another fit of giggles immediately after.

.

.

.

The room was bathed in a subtle gold haze from the bedside lamp as you lay resting your head on Baekhyun's chest, the rhythm of his heart calming the storm within yours. He brought your hand up to his rosebud mouth and trailed gentle kisses along the tips of your fingers before lacing them with his.

"It's not that bad...it's...it's kinda cute, actually. Makes your ears stick out," you whispered against his taut and smooth skin.

"I don't know, I feel a little...different. I've never been bald," he uttered the last word hesitantly as if it were some sort of a deathly curse.

"Being born with hair and all - ,” you remarked casually, cuddling even closer and Baekhyun instinctively strengthened his grip on you.  

The looming presence of the words left unsaid magnified by the second and you prayed a futile prayer... wishing fervently for the time to stop.

“I wonder what our kids will look like. Do you think they’ll be born with hair on their wee little heads and have huge ears like I do?” asked Baekhyun before you could lapse into another silent reverie.

Your heart threatened to leap out of your chest at the incessant carelessness on his part and you only managed a dispirited “I...don’t know" in response.

“Come on! Humour me for a second -”

“Alright," you said with a deep sigh, deciding to indulge him but not without first bracing your heart against these beguiling castles in the air, "hmm.. I...I don't know but I want them to have your eyes."

"No!” Baekhyun protested, “I want them to have your eyes!"

"We're not having this argument again..not today." You tried to subtly release yourself from his firm grasp to fill your lungs with the air he’d snatched with promises so enticing that they made you tremble with fear to even wish for their realization but the more you tried to pull away, he drew you even closer....your darling quicksand.

He laughed, blatantly ignoring the embarrassment flashing across your features having been caught off guard by this unnecessary pop quiz. Eyes welling up with tears, you wondered whether this turmoil was some wicked sorcery of your own heart...or did Baekhyun, in fact, not care at all.

"But don't you think this house is a biiiit too cozy for a big family?"

"We won't have to worry about any of that for a while I believe," you muttered before lambasting him, "Okay Byun Baekhyun that's enough! Stop acting like you won't come visit every few weeks! And- and stop looking at me like that!"

Your expression softened the moment his eyes locked with yours.

Baekhyun sat up with a start. Brows furrowed in confusion, he guffawed, "I'm just wondering how someone this intelligent can be so thick in the head sometimes!"

Immediately sitting up to face him, you nearly squealed, "What do you mean?”

Shaking his head, he let out a deep exhale. Mumbling incoherently, he drew a key from underneath his pillow and lightly flicked your forehead with it. Chuckling at the very apparent bewilderment on your face, he grabbed your wrist and thrust the key into your hand.

Puzzled, you merely blinked at him, unable to form words.

"I bought the place that you liked,” he stated matter-of-factly but an unmistakable spark of excitement danced in his eyes.

“No, I don’t get it.”

“All that house hunting wasn't for Baekbeom." Baekhyun used air-quotes when he said house hunting and gave you a sly smile. Despite the telltale exhilaration in his tone...you were still pretty confused. Baekhyun and you had spent almost all of your weekends this year property hunting with his brother and sister-in-law. They’d said they were looking for a bigger place since the Byun family was to “expand”.

“But - I thought they were talking about themselves! I-”

“You what?”

“I can’t believe I fell for -”

“You walked right into it, Ma’am!”

“But you all made it sound so convincing!”

He coolly quipped, “A quality I would like all four of our future children to possess.”

Baekhyun’s grand gesture knocked the wind out of your lungs and you were suddenly flat on your back. Lying down next to you, he took your hand in his and sneakily slipped a ring onto your finger. A silent tear rolled down your cheek as all of the emotions that had been simmering inside you clawed at your throat rendering you speechless and breathless. Despite that, you managed the courage to meet his eyes only to find them brimming with tears. With his hand on your cheek, Baekhyun closed the distance between you and whispered, "I love you," against your lips before pulling you in for a deep kiss.

"I love you, too," you responded, nestling into his cozy frame.

"Yah! Don't get all emotional with me!" Baekhyun teased while gently stroking your hair. Voice down to a whisper, he continued, "I'm just getting everything in order...like you’d asked me to," before placing a chaste kiss on the top of your head.

You always had a hard time keeping up with Byun Baekhyun.

[deploythegayrrison]

Relief | Kirishima Eijirou x Reader (self indulgent fluff)

Here is my submission for the BNHArem server collab. This month we were challenged to take a break and spend time with our favourite BNHA character(s).

Look at the BNHArem SnapShot masterlist [here] to see everyone’s wonderful submissions!

❤️ Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

❤️ Word Count: 1,487

❤️ Warnings: Talk about chronic pain/illness, very slight angst, self-doubt, doubting partner

❤️ Kirishima is aged-up and a pro-hero in this fic

Reader is having a bad pain day and Kirishima takes care of them like the wonderful boyfriend he is.

-

“Hey babe, I’m home” you hear Kirishima call from the front door of your apartment. The two of you had been living together for a few months now, and you had no complaints on your end. He was the perfect boyfriend and the perfect housemate. The only thing you found difficult was that after so long of living alone, you had gotten used to being able to hide away on particularly bad pain days without worrying about making anyone else, well, worry. Luckily you hadn’t had many really bad days since living together so hiding it was pretty easy.

Kirishima knew about your chronic pain, and he never made you feel ashamed of your needing to be extra careful with yourself; and he was always particularly gentle with you anyways too. You had known that the day would come where he would see you curled in on yourself, face covered in dried tears, and staring at the wall in the dark confines of your shared room, but you had hoped to have been able to avoid it for a bit longer.  You knew that there was no way he would judge you for your ragged appearance, and he certainly wouldn’t think you were weak, but you were embarrassed all the same. So you said nothing and hoped he would assume you were napping and pass the bedroom by.

“Babe? What are you doing just laying in the dark?” His voice is soft as he walks in and kneels beside you on the bed. Ah. No such luck.

You glance into his eyes and are met with worry. You think about outright lying; telling him that you’d just laid down to have a nap since it was your day off. You opted to just say “I’m just feeling a bit off today, Kiri, nothing to worry about” with a forced smile. His face showed that he knew there was more to it than that but didn’t want to pry. It was when he placed a hand on your arm with a little too much force causing you to wince that it clicked what was wrong.

“Oh babe I’m sorry! It’s a bad pain day, isn’t it?” He asks with concern in his voice and you nod into your pillow; face hot with shame at him seeing you like this.

He hummed softly, noticing you were still in pyjamas from last night meaning you likely hadn’t been out of bed much if at all. It didn’t even look like you’d changed positions since he’d left for work that morning. You felt the bed shift as he stood up and made his way out of the bedroom without a word. Tears pin pricked at your eyes; was he ashamed of you for having stayed in bed all day? Was he mad that you hadn’t been up to wash the plates from last nights dinner that you’d both agreed could wait until the next day since you had both been exhausted? Did he think you were weak? On another day you would have shot those thoughts down before they even surfaced; Kirishima was the last person you could imagine thinking those things. You’d never felt more loved and appreciated in your life than you did with him. But right now your mind was so tired from trying to drown out the constant throbbing pain and ignore the sharp feel of lightening jolting through your neck when you least expect it to be able to squash what you knew were unreasonable thoughts.

Just as you were about to spiral into a whirlwind of what-if’s you hear the steady thud of Kirishimas feet padding back into the room, sounding slightly unbalanced. When you glance up you see him smiling down at you, arms filled with barely balanced armful of heating pads,a soft ice pack,  a glass of water in one han, his pinky and ring finger curled in on what you assumed was painkillers of some sort. The other hand was holding a bowl of soup, and two jello cups were nestled in the crook of hos elbow. He looked, frankly, comical, trying to juggle so many things on his own. It really did look like he was about to drop something, but as soon as you moved to get up and help him he immediately insisted that you stay put. Bending down slowly, he managed to place the soup, water, and jello cups on the bedside table before placing down the ice pack and heating pads on the edge of the bed. You couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle.

“Babe… What is all of this?” You ask and he grins widely.

“Well, I figured you hadn’t been able to eat today and you so you probably haven’t had any painkillers or water either. But I didn’t know if you wanted more of a meal or just a snack so I brought both. I also didn’t know if you would prefer heating pads or ice packs, so I also just brought both of those too! Now let’s get you sat up so I can take care of you.” He put his arm behind your back for support as you slowly made your way into a seated position.You open your mouth to talk but he’s got painkillers and water in your hands before you have a chance; ushering you to take them.You do and then reach over to grab the bowl of soup. He was right, you hadn’t eaten today, and while you hadn’t realized before now, you really were hungry. Kirishima beamed as you took slow spoonfuls into your mouth, blowing on each bite. Beside you he starts to plug in the heating pad for you, but your voice stops him.

“Actually, Kiri… the heating pad sounds nice and all, but maybe you could just lay with me instead?” He was basically a blast furnace himself and nothing sounded more comforting to you than his warm embrace. Pausing from his kneeling position, he looked up at you and blinked confusedly for a moment before his face lit up and he pushed all of the hot and cold pads off of the bed.

“Of course I can, babe! You finish up that soup and I’ll get into my pyjamas too.”

You watch him quickly shed his hero uniform until he’s down to his briefs, admiring his toned back littered with scars from years of hero work. He is so handsome, you think as you swallow the last spoonful of soup and place the bowl beside you next to the jello containers. The bed dips as Kirishima crawls in beside you. He lays on his side, arms open and welcoming—waiting for you to crawl into them. And you do. You slowly slot yourself into his arms,face buried in his chest and one arm wrapped around his torso to pull him as close to you as possible. Being surrounded by his warmth instantly made your body go limp, your muscles finally giving you a moment of peace. Of course the pain killers and food probably contributed to the slow dulling of pain, but your boyfriends embrace felt the most soothing of all. A stray tear made its way out of your eye and you snuggled your face further into his chest, hoping he wouldn’t notice, but you feel his grip tighten slightly and he runs his fingers through your hair.

“Hey, Kiri…”

“Hmm?” You feel him hum in response.

“Thank you for everything… I love you so much.”

He presses a kiss into your head and replies “I love you more.”

You felt so blessed, and a little ashamed that you had doubted him earlier. The love you felt for him was more than you could put into words. He really was the perfect boyfriend.

[creambunnie]

Crush😳

E'LAST WonHyuk X Y/N , fluff slight angst

Enjoy~

From : Seungyeop ^~^

-goodluck on your quiz today! see you later for dinner~

you smiled at your childhood friend's message and replied him happily. even though Seungyeop was 4 years older than you, you have always felt like he was your bestfriend. in fact, you had more than bestfriend feelings for him.

you were too focused on your phone, you didn't notice the person in front of you and accidentally bumped into his back.

the two of you gasped in shock. you rubbed your forehead and looked up. the boy had turned around to look at you. you quickly bowed and apologised before rushing into the university.

Wonhyuk stayed frozen on his spot even after you went inside. he blinked, trying to process what had just happened. his whole face and neck turned red when he realised that he had just 'interacted' with you.

"Wonjun.... y/n just talked to me!"

Wonhyuk shook his friend's shoulders. Wonjun who was stuffing his cheeks with a butter bun almost choked.

"what? didn't y/n just apologised for bumping into you?". Wonhyuk ignored his remark and continued shaking his shoulders.

"this is a sign! a sign that i should stop crushing on y/n in secret and start trying to get closer!"

Wonjun swallowed his breakfast and gave a thumbs up. "i'll support you!". Wonhyuk ruffled Wonjun's hair excitedly and went to his first class.

you were revising for your morning quiz before class starts when a tall shadow loomed beside you. you looked up and saw a rather goodlooking boy smiling at you. you scooted to the side a bit to give him more space.

"you don't remember me?" the boy suddenly asked in a soft voice. you raised an eyebrow, kind of annoyed that your revision time was interrupted.

"i'm the person you just bumped into earlier."

you bowed your head again. "i'm sorry again, uhh?"

"Wonhyuk!"

"i'm sorry again, Wonhyuk."

you gave him a small sorry smile and turned back to your book. you didn't know a person could be so petty and hold a grudge against you for bumping into him. he wasn't even hurt.

Wonhyuk sat beside you and took out his books. you glanced him from your side-eye. "you take this class too?" you couldn't help but ask.

Wonhyuk smiled and nodded like a cute puppy. "i see, goodluck for the quiz!". Wonhyuk thanked you and started reading his book.

in actual fact, he buried his face inside his book because he didn't want you to see his red face after talking to you. he was extremely happy when you called his name.

he covered his mouth from smiling too widely and tried his best to school his expression and focus on his revision.

after the first class, you had some time before your next one. as usual, you went to the cafeteria to get some early lunch. you bought a hamburger with french fries as the side and sat at an empty table.

you had friends in the university but they either have classes during this timing, or they are just getting ready for their first class in the afternoon.

you took a picture of your meal, wanting to send it to Seungyeop. a familiar looking boy suddenly stopped beside your table.

"can i sit here with you?" Wonhyuk asked as he carried a bowl of hot noodle soup. you were a bit surprised but nodded anyways.

Wonhyuk thanked you and placed his bowl before blowing on his fingers which were almost scalded from the hot bowl.

you put your phone aside and slowly unwrapped your burger as you scanned Wonhyuk's expression. he really looked like a puppy trying to stay calm.

you misunderstood him. you bit your lips and collected your courage to ask him.

"uhmm, are you perhaps still angry at me for bumping into you earlier?".

Wonhyuk who was happily eating his noodles looked up at you. he quickly bit the long noodles so that he wouldn't choke on it.

"hmm? nope. it was just a soft bump, no worries!"

you frowned and searched for any signs of lying but he was indeed being sincere with his words.

"then why are you suddenly... always where i am?"

Wonhyuk blinked at you question and scratched his cheek awkwardly.

"i wanted to be your friend." you were surprised at his reply.

"why?" you saw Wonhyuk's shoulders slumped down sadly. "i.... can't?".

if he was a puppy, his ears would be drooped. his little pout poked your heart.

"of course you can! here we are friends already!". you said and pushed your french fries closer to him.

when Wonhyuk smiled again, you sighed in relief and bit on your burger. you hummed in delight at the savoury taste.

Wonhyuk chuckled when he saw your face.

"you got some sauce here." he said as he passed a napkin to you. you laughed and took the napkin before thanking him.

"this is the right way to eat delicious food!" you said and took another big bite of your burger before wiping the smeared sauce again.

Wonhyuk refrained himself from squealing. he found you really cute. he really has a big big crush on you.

you quickly rushed out of your class, excited to meet Seungyeop for your planned dinner. the restaurant was near your university so you could walk there and reach in about 10 minutes.

when you arrived, Seungyeop was already in front of the restaurant, waiting for you patiently. you smiled at his handsome presence and quickly approached him.

"Seungyeop Oppa!"

Seungyeop looked up at the direction of your voice and flashed a cute smile.

"have you been waiting long?" you asked as the two of you sat on a table by the window.

"nope, i just arrived too. i was actually worried i would be late." Seungyeop replied and passed you the menu.

"order whatever you want, it's my treat!" you raised an eyebrow and chuckled before ordering anyway.

Seungyeop's eye widened when you ordered more than usual.

"you didn't have lunch?".

you pursed your lips and frowned. "i did, didn't i send you the picture of my meal just now?".

"hmm? did you? i don't think i received it.".

you checked your phone and saw that the picture did not send. you finally remembered that you were interrupted by Wonhyuk earlier. you facepalmed mentally.

"i ordered a lot because it looks to me like you have not been eating well."

Seungyeop blinked and rubbed his nape embarrassedly.

"you caught me. i'm just in the middle of a new project, so i don't really have time to eat lunch properly. but don't worry, i still eat. you know the cafe opposite of my workplace? the owner is kind and would always give me extra pastries."

you sighed and shook your head. "i really don't want to nag you, but you should have proper meals to have energy to do your work, right?". Seungyeop was saved when the waiter came with your food.

"let's eat!"

Seungyeop changed the topic and asked about your school life. you told him things were as usual, but you made a new friend. he was glad to know that another extrovert kid adopted the introverted you. you rolled your eyes at his statement and pouted.

"hey, i'm not that little girl who can't speak up anymore, okay. i just don't feel like talking when it's unnecessary."

Seungyeop laughed out loud and stretched his arm to pat your head.

"you are always my little girl!" your face warmed up when he said that but you were a bit upset. he still considered you as a little sister. you hmped and ate your food quietly.

it's been almost 2 weeks since you got closer with Wonhyuk. he started sitting next to you whenever you had the same classes. sometimes his bestfriend, Wonjun, would join too. he was a cute friend. you would always poke his cheek when he spaced out.

Wonhyuk would laugh when Wonjun looked at you in a daze after you poked him and pull him into a bear hug.

"i know, he is just so cute, right?". you nodded at Wonhyuk's words.

Wonjun playfully pushed Wonhyuk's arms and pouted. "hey Hyuk, i'm not only cute, okay?" Wonhyuk chuckled and pinched Wonjun's cheek. Wonjun looked at you, asking for help. but you pinched his other cheek instead. "tofu.."

"ah right, y/n! how did you do for the biweekly quiz? i bombed it.." indeed you almost scored fullmarks. Wonhyuk was amazed and begged you to tutor him.

"please please, i can't fail this module. i don't want to repeat such a dry subject!!"

you had to refrain a laugh at his words. you agreed to help him, you couldn't reject him even if you want to. he had been a good friend to you, so you wanted to help him.

the weekend you planned to tutor Wonhyuk finally came. you didn't really think of what to wear and dressed as usual.

Wonhyuk on the other hand wrecked his closet. he ended up wearing a beige shirt with a pair of white pants. he looked pure and clean, presentable for his first 'date' with you.

Wonhyuk jogged to you when he saw you in front of the place you set. "ah thank you for waiting for me!".

you glanced up at the familiar voice and unconciously took in his whole look. you raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. "you look good today, going somewhere after this?"

Wonhyuk's voice got stuck into his throat at your sudden compliment. he felt his ears warm up.

"uhh i uhh i, thank you, i'm just meeting you today". you didnt ask further and went to an empty table.

the both of you ordered some food to accompany your tutoring session. you started with going through the topics that were tested in the previous quiz.

after Wonhyuk understood the questions he did wrong, the two of you revised the newer topics that were going to be tested next together.

"wahh i feel so productive today. and i think i understand better after you explained! you are my life savior, y/n!!"

you chuckled and patted his head lightly, not wanting to ruin is cutely curled hair. "you can always ask me if you have any difficulties!".

Wonhyuk's body turned stiff at the contact. his eyes widened, not blinking even once. he gulped and finally snapped out of his daze when you started packing up your things.

"are you going somewhere else?" Wonhyuk asked sadly. you zipped your bag close and turned to him.

"hmm? nope, i was actually planning to walk around the town for a bit. if you don't have anything after this, do you want to join me? i actually get lost easily hahaha".

Wonhyuk's eyes brightened at your invite and quickly nodded. "i never get lost, you can rely on me!!".

you didn't have anything to buy in mind, you just liked window shopping. you walked side by side with Wonhyuk and had small conversations in between. it was mostly Wonhyuk who asked questions or commented on the things around you. it was very lively hanging out with Wonhyuk like this.

"do you have anything that you like ? i wanna repay you for helping me study."

you chuckled and shook your head. "didn't you pay for the food just now? and i help you not to get something back, it's just me helping my friend out."

Wonhyuk ignored your words as he scanned the area. "ah do you like plushies?". you nodded. Wonhyuk smiled and naturally grabbed your wrist and pulled you to a claw machine.

"which one do you want?". you scanned the plushies and a cute orange fox one caught your attention. "that one!".

Wonhyuk inserted a coin and the background music grew louder, attracting some passer-bys. he stuck his tongue out as he focused on winning you the fox.

he was skillful and lucky, Wonhyuk passed you the fox plushie with only 1 try. "woww you make it look so easy!". Wonhyuk patted his own shoulder and winked playfully. his gaze went behind you for a second before he inserted another coin.

"you are getting one for you too?". Wonhyuk only hummed in response. this time he won a pink rabbit. Wonhyuk then walked past you and squatted in front of a little girl.

apparently the girl had been staring at the plushies since earlier with a sad face. "hey little miss, i won an extra plushie. it's for you." the little girl was maybe about 5 years old. her eyes sparkled as she looked at the plushie.

"can i really have it?" she asked carefully. Wonhyuk nodded and shook the rabbit plushie. "if you are unsure, you can go ask your parents first!"

the little girl thought for a while and went into the convenience store nearby, bringing her dad to the both of you. the girl's dad thanked Wonhyuk and accepted the gift. he wanted his daughter to be happy.

he offered to pay for the plushie but Wonhyuk rejected, saying it was really a gift for the girl. the father and daughter thanked him again before leaving.

"oh! you are really a good older brother huhh!" you teased Wonhyuk and gently carressed the back of his head as if you were consoling a little kid even though he was way taller than you.

Wonhyuk gulped and grabbed your wrist. "please stop.. or else i won't be able to control myself". you blinked in confusion at Wonhyuk's sudden serious expression.

"ah??"

Wonhyuk quickly let your hand go and gave you his usual smile as he sighed in his heart. "nothing, i just didn't want you to ruin my hair". you chuckled.

"ahh i thought you were angry at me for teasing you. i'm sorry. you were just so charming being good with kids." Wonhyuk once again felt his whole body warm up at your words.

*please... i am so weak for your compliments*

you were happily texting Seungyeop when Wonhyuk suddenly ran to you with a huge smile.

"y/n! y/n! i did wayy better for this quiz thanks to you!!" he exclaimed and almost pounced on you like a big puppy. you put your phone aside and clapped your hands as you congratulated him. "i just helped a bit, you were the one who did a very good job!".

Wonhyuk grinned and tapped his chin. "can we go eat together later? to celebrate my improvement!"

you checked your schedule and you had free time. you agreed to Wonhyuk's request and planned to meet each other in front of the school entrance after your last class.

even though the two of you were celebrating Wonhyuk's achievement, you ate alot more than him. you were starving because your class ended late.

you were enjoying your food when you felt Wonhyuk's gaze on you. you looked up in confusion and saw Wonhyuk propping his chin on his palm as he looked at you with a soft smile on his handsome face.

"w--why aren't you eating too?" you stammered as you felt your face grew warm at the affectionate gaze.

Wonhyuk sat up straight and pursed his lips as he thought of his decision.

"i like you, y/n. can i be your boyfriend?".

you blinked. once. twice. you almost choked on your food and coughed loudly. Wonhyuk quickly passed you a glass of water. he sighed in relief when you had calmed down.

"i... i'm sorry Wonhyuk." Wonhyuk bit his lips and gulped down his disappointment.

"is it because i'm too loud? or i'm too tall? or i'm annoying? or because i am a year younger than you?"

before he could continue, you frowned and held a hand up to stop him. "you're younger than me??".

it was Wonhyuk's turn to be confused.

"huh? don't tell me you didn't know i'm a first year?".

you shook your head. "i know you are not a 2nd year, i thought  you were my age and just entered late. you speak so casually to me, so i assumed we were the same age."

Wonhyuk massaged his temples. "i thought you knew my age and was okay with me being casual. let me ask you something, do you remember when was the first time we met each other?".

"when we bumped into each other?".

Wonhyuk sighed. he knew it. you really didn't remember him.

the first time the two of you met each other was during Wonhyuk's university orientation. you were the senior assigned to be his group's facilitator. well he didn't blame you for not remembering him specifically because there were around 10 other juniors too.

Wonhyuk fell for you at first sight. it started as a cute crush, but as he got closer to you, he began having deeper feelings.

you finally remembered about the orientation. the original facilitator was down with fever so your friend begged (dragged) you to be the substitute. you were sure you wouldn't forget such a cute and handsome boy, but again, you liked Seungyeop so you weren't really interested in other boys.

"i'm sorry, Hyuk. it's not because of you. it's just that i already have someone that i like."

Wonhyuk licked his lips and bit them after hearing your reason. he would rather have you reject him because of his shortcomings, that way he could at least change himself. but your heart already had someone else.

"can't you, create a small space for me too?". Wonhyuk asked softly with a sad smile.

you didn't know how to respond so you just kept your head down and poked on your food. Wonhyuk sighed and chuckled.

"alright, i get you. so let's forget what i just said and enjoy our food!".

he was smiling widely but you knew he was hurting. you knew that feeling well. very well. you didn't want to hurt him further so you really acted like nothing happened.

the next few days, Wonhyuk treated you as usual. nothing felt awkward at all. you even wondered if what happened the other day was just a dream you had.

if it was not for Wonhyuk always dragging Wonjun along, you would really think that the confession didn't happen. Wonhyuk would avoid being with you alone. maybe that way, he could hide his pain better.

the three of you were doing your assignments together at the study corner. Wonhyuk almost dozed off and decided to buy some drinks to keep him awake. after asking you and Wonjun your drink choices, he left the two of you together.

"ah cutie Wonjun likes chocolate milk?" you teased and poked his arm. Wonjun's frowned and clapped his hands firmly as if asking students to pay attention.

"y/n, listen. i know i'm cute, but that doesn't mean i like being cute". you looked at him with a sad pout. "sorry for making you annoyed."

Wonjun panicked and quickly waved his hands. "no no, oh gosh no i wasn't annoyed. uhmm ok ok you can call me a cutie!".

you blinked at his reaction and chuckled before nodding your head. *i'm dead if i make y/n feel bad.* Wonjun thought as his gaze turned towards Wonhyuk who already came back from his 'errand'.

Wonhyuk raised an eyebrow when he saw your smile for Wonjun. it was actually a sisterly smile but Wonhyuk had never seen that expression on your face when you were with him, so he felt a bit jealous.

he placed the drinks on the table abit too hard, startling you and Wonjun. he gave a smile that wasn't a smile and chugged on his bottle of cold drink. Wonhyuk calmed his heart down but he had a sudden 'realisation'.

he poked your arm and directed you to come closer to him. you felt your scalp tingle when Wonhyuk leaned close to your ear to whisper. his warm breath against your skin made your whole body warm too.

"y/n, is the person you like Wonjun?". you blinked in confusion. "huh??". Wonhyuk leaned away and sighed in relief. he chuckled at your reaction. "i guess not."

you read the message Seungyeop sent. he wanted to meet up with you at the cafe opposite of his workplace. you've been to his workplace once, but you still had a hard time going there. your lack of sense of direction was really not helping.

you opened the map of your phone and tried to navigate your way there. halfway through, you stopped on your tracks and scratched your head in confusion. you've been walking for almost 20 minutes but you have not reached yet. perhaps you walked the wrong way?

you were thinking of what to do when a hand gently patted your shoulder.

"i uhm saw you being lost, where are you going?" you were instantly relieved when you heard Wonhyuk's soft voice.

"i'm going to X cafe but i don't know if i'm going the right way". Wonhyuk who initially had an earpiece in his ear while the other was dangling against his chest took out both and kept it in his pocket.

"ah you are lucky today! i'm going there too, for my part-time job. and don't worry, you were in the right direction". your eyes brightened at his words.

you walked beside Wonhyuk quietly. he also didn't talk much, he was really just leading you to the cafe. when the two of you arrived, Wonhyuk opened the door for you before following behind.

"oh Seungyeop hyung!" "Seungyeop oppa!"

you and Wonhyuk paused as you looked at each other. "yo--you know Seungyeop oppa?". Wonhyuk grinned and nodded happily.

"Seungyeop hyung is a regular here! whenever he finished work early, he would come here and wait for Yubi noona and walk her home! oh right, Yubi noona, why are you sitting here?"

there was a beautiful petite lady sitting next to Seungyeop. you sat opposite of Seungyeop while Wonhyuk remained standing beside you.

Seungyeop gave a small smile as he reached out for Yubi's hand and interwined their fingers.

"the reason i wanted to meet you today is to introduce you to my girlfriend. we've known each other for almost a year now, and i want you, my little sister, to be the first one to know about our relationship!"

you felt your heart drop to your stomach. you gulped and gulped until your mouth turned dry. huh? what is happening? why is this so.. sudden?

"so, she is the kind cafe owner?" Seungyeop nodded shyly and tightened his grip around Yubi's hand. you slowly nodded and forced a smile.

"ahh congrats on your relationship" you managed to say in a calm tone. Seungyeop and Yubi thanked you.

Wonhyuk was also happy for his boss. "congratulations!! i hope your love last forever! y/n, next time when you meet Seungyeop hyung, you can hang out here!"

you didn't hear a single thing he said. your mind was still blank. Wonhyuk noticed your shaking fists under the table. his eyes widened and looked at your face.

even though you were smiling, the corner of your lips were slightly trembling. Wonhyuk finally understood. he slapped his mouth mentally and thought of a way to help you out.

Wonhyuk acted like he just received a message from someone.

"oh no noona, i don't think i can't work today. my professor just texted, he wants to meet me and y/n for our project now!!".

"now? it's late and the two of you haven't eaten anything yet." Seungyeop frowned slightly in confusion.

Wonhyuk only gave a sorry smile and tapped your shoulders softly. "let's go, y/n!"

you were in a daze when you followed Wonhyuk out.

"they kind of look good together." Yubi whispered at Seungyeop. Seungyeop chuckled and looked at your backs. he was a bit sad if his little sister were to have a boyfriend already.

you walked behind Wonhyuk silently. he didn't ask you any questions and let you sort out your thoughts. after a few minutes, the two of you reached a nearby park. Wonhyuk led you to a bench.

"you rejected me because you like Seungyeop hyung?" he finally asked. you chuckled, mocking yourself.

"i knew it was impossible. he treats me as his little sister. but i had a bit of hope. but that hope is gone." it hurt Wonhyuk seeing you heartbroken like this. he sat beside you and pursed his lips.

"you don't have to hold back your feelings". your heart clenched so hard when he said that. one tear. two tears. tears kept flowing down your cheeks non-stop.

you covered your face with your palms to muffle your sobs. your whole body shook hard. Wonhyuk really wanted to cry when he heard your cries, but if he also cried, then there will be no one to comfort you.

he hesitated before pulling you into his chest. he carressed your back gently. "it's okay. just let it all out." you sniffed and took a deep breath before pulling yourself away slowly.

"i rejected you when you confessed to me. why are you still so kind to me?". Wonhyuk looked at your tear-stained face. the corners of your eyes were red from crying. he smiled and took out his handkerchief before wiping your face.

"i like you." Wonhyuk only said these 3 words.

you took the handkerchief from him and wiped your own face. "i'm sorry for hurting your feelings, Hyuk."

"why don't you be my girlfriend, then?".

you blinked and stared at him. you frowned and shook your head. "i don't want you to be a rebound. you deserve better than me." Wonhyuk carefully reached for your hand and held it tightly.

"you are the best. there is no one better for me. i like you. it's fine if i start as your rebound guy. i can always make you fall for me when we are together".

you sighed and looked up at Wonhyuk.

"will you give me more time?"

Wonhyuk smiled and nodded. "i will always be waiting for you". "thank you"

"wait so, you are guys are together now?"

Wonjun asked Wonhyuk with wide eyes. Wonhyuk hushed his bestfriend and looked around them.

"i said almost!" Wonjun whistled.

"that's just as good as already!".

Wonhyuk slumped in his seat. "do you really think y/n will accept me ?".

Wonjun raised an eyebrow. "why not? you are amazing!"

Wonhyuk chuckled and patted his friend's back. "thanks bro".

Wonjun quickly nudged Wonhyuk to sit up. Wonhyuk was confused but soon understood when he saw you walking towards their table.

"Hyuk, can i speak to you alone?". Wonjun quickly stood up and pulled you to sit on his own seat.

"take your time~" he teased and walked away.

Wonhyuk chuckled at Wonjun before focusing on you. you were still embarrassed at his affectionate gaze and looked away for a second.

you took a deep breath before facing Wonhyuk again. "i think i am ready to uhm try out being in a relationship with you."

Wonhyuk's smile widened at your words. "really?" you nodded shyly as you looked down. "but i'm not sure if things will go smoothly.."

Wonhyuk hummed and shook his head. "it's fine, i'm here. i never get lost so i could always lead you. don't worry". you smiled and thanked him again.

"i will try my best to have the same feelings as you."

Wonhyuk took your hands into his and carressed them with his thumb. "thank you."

.

.

"happy graduation, my love!" Wonhyuk congratulated you and enveloped you into a bear hug. you giggled against his chest and hugged him back.

"yup, you look good together~" Yubi chirped from the side. Seungyeop stood with her with a small pout.

you pulled away from Wonhyuk and accepted flowers from Yubi. "we do, we do!" Wonhyuk replied.

he grabbed your shoulders and pulled you away from the crowd. "we are going to excuse ourselves for a while, meet us at the entrance!"

you were confused but followed Wonhyuk anyways. he took the two of you to somewhere with lesser people. he took your flowers and set them down before hugging you again.

"i wanted to hold you longer. let's stay like this for a while" he carressed your head lovingly as you wrapped your arms around him.

"i'm going to catch up to you and graduate next year." you chuckled and patted his back.

"Hyuk, thank you for being my pillar these past few years. without you, i'd sure be in a slump all by myself after my first heartbreak. i really really like you so much".

Wonhyuk pulled away to look at your face. he smiled and pecked your forehead.

"i knew i could charm you".

you laughed at his words and rolled your eyes.

"yes, indeed you are very charming".

Wonhyuk chuckled and nuzzled his face against your neck like a puppy.

"i like you very very much too, y/n".

.

.

.

a/n : my first ever E'LAST imagine! i hope yall enjoyed it! (i need elring friends 🥲)

[defectiveconantoy]

Memories (ShinRan)

Fandom: Detective Conan

Pairing: ShinRan

Rating: T

Genres: Angst, Comfort

Words: 1,535

Author’s Notes: Remember my old WIP? I changed the title and finished drafting it right before @shinranweek was announced. 😅 The story is angst-ish mixed with confort. Enjoy!

“What a gloomy day!” Ran stares at the living room window with a frown on her face before returning to the couch. Shinichi, on the other hand, is fine with staying at home. He calmly stares at the television screen and says, “I wouldn’t worry. There’s always tomorrow. We can go to the park again, like we did yesterday. And remember, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay. We have time.” That reassured Ran.

The Kudo mansion is quiet this Saturday afternoon, except for the rain lightly tapping on the windows and the sound of soup boiling in the background. Its smell of broth and fresh green onions linger around the living room and near the couch where she and Shinichi were located. Ran constantly switches her attention between the living room and kitchen while Shinichi sits and absentmindedly watches television.

Ran is spending the weekend over at Shinichi’s house. His parents are away for the week, and her father, Kogoro, left town for a case. During her visits, Ran’s favorite activity is to cook warm, homemade meals for an eager and hungry Shinichi, a tradition that first started during his Conan days. Today’s dish is miso soup, the perfect fix for the rainy weather. Good thing the meal sounds good because mothing good is on television right now. Bored, Shinichi daydreams, drifting to flashbacks of the past year’s chaos.

Calling it all chaos is an understatement. Might as well call it having your body and spirit stretched, compressed, stomped on, and slapped around. Being Conan was not easy. It was like one’s soul was screaming but nothing came out because its lips were sealed shut. He wished to tell Ran everything, to run free and stop living a double life and pretending he was not really Kudo Shinichi. The dangerous situation was an imaginary brick wall between him and Ran. He looked forward to finally breaking it and no longer seeing her hurting and waiting.

The Black Organization’s attack on him was a flash of lightning that ruined years of work achieved during his lifetime. Never will he forget the humiliation endured from being knocked down, bloodied, pulled by the hair, and forced to swallow that wretched pill. The poison’s few minutes of piercing, bone melting pain were followed by missed opportunities. Being Conan was a unique experience, but he can’t deny how his new life caused him to temporarily sacrifice his old one. To this day, he struggles to adjust but still manages to move on, in spite of slipping the occasional ah le le and Ran-neechan.

He next thinks about the moment he received the permanent APTX 4869 antidote. Days after receiving the pill, he recalls lying on a couch near Haibara Ai, who observed and documented his reaction to the drug. “Good news, Kudo-kun! Looks like the antidote is working as expected. Your vitals look fine. No heart problems or side effects. Everything looks great. Come back to visit me one week from now.” “Tch! You’d see me anyway. I live right next door,” Shinichi joked back.

At first, he was scared the drug was a fluke and would turn him back into Conan. Luckily, it ended well because he experienced the heart pounding and drastic bone growth without the shrinking afterwards. The worst after-effect was becoming Haibara’s test subject for a few days before her trying the antidote on herself. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. After all, the first step in facing the Organization and gaining power over them was becoming himself again.

Back to reality. Shinichi shifts his attention back to the television screen and sighs. “Commercials are currently on. Still nothing good! How stupid!” The rain briefly stopped, but the clouds remain present. The house is a bit dark during these daytime hours. Ran is now in the kitchen stirring the soup.

Ran. Shinichi now blushes after he remembers telling her the truth a few weeks ago. He returned to the Mouri residence to pick up Conan’s (or his) belongings. They spoke alone in her bedroom, with her doing most of the talking. And boy, did he feel guilty! The memories hurt. He feels embarassed now while deep in his thoughts as he did then. He lied to her about his identity and used that front to stay at her home, take a bath with her, and unintentionally tune in on secrets she would never tell him as Shinichi.

Their conversation was actually quite a relief. Ran was more upset by him frequently running away to solve cases than over his massive lie. Shinichi felt grateful for her not breaking up with him, though their argument was settled under one condition: she keeps a very close eye on him. At least he finally gets to spend more time with her as himself this time.

He also owes Ran his life after the Black Organization’s defeat. Shinichi initially refused to get her involved. She instead was persistent and unwilling to listen. Never will she make the mistake of letting him run into danger alone again. His fast reflexes and her karate skills helped them escape a deadly kidnapping.

All this thinking makes Shinichi dose off and take a nap. In his sleep, he envisions Ran and himself strapped together, roped by their arms and waists and their backs turned away from one another. Ran lets out a soft cry, “Shinichi. I don’t want to die.” “Don’t say that,” he whispers. “Look, I have a plan. What we will do is —ah!” Gin appears out of nowhere, interrupting his speech before point a gun to his chest and forcing the poison on him again. He shoots and runs away before Shinichi could fight for Ran and himself. His vision is now blurred, and Ran is nowhere to be felt. He whimpers, and right when he becomes concerned about his body shrinking again, he wakes up sweating and screaming.

“Shinichi!” Concerned, Ran immediately darts towards the living room and sits on the edge of the couch. Shinichi’s eyes widened. He jitters, pants, and looks around in all directions before throwing himself at Ran with a tight embrace. She silently smiles and begins stroking his back. “Shhh! There! It’s okay. It’s okay,” Ran whispers before kissing his hair. He moves up and rests his face against her left shoulder. She eventually presses his back as a cue to change positions. “Hmm...please don’t leave,” Shinichi whispers. Ran responds, “Of course not! I just want to adjust myself.” “Oh!”

They settle down. Shinichi turns the TV off and begins talking: “Ran, I just had a nightmare about us. The Black Organization kidnapped us. Gin shot me and left me for dead once more. I couldn’t hear you, and I swore I was going to turn into Conan again. My first encounter with the Organization left me scared for my life. Scared for you too. Scared they would hurt you. I’m sorry again for everything. If I could take back this past year, I would. I betrayed you. I’d stop myself from leaving you behind back in Tropical Land. Back when I was Conan-kun, I wished you knew everything, but it would hurt you. I was also told not to tell you. Agasa-hakase and Haibara —”

“Ai-chan?”

“Yeah, her,” Shinichi continued. She even aimed a gun at me at the hospital after you donated blood to treat my gunshot wound. Or so I thought. It was a fake gun concealing a small bouquet of flowers. She scared me into not telling you about the Organization or Conan-kun’s true identity. I don’t blame her. That girl was really scared. She would panic any time she sensed their presence. Honestly, I was scared too, only better at hiding it. I didn’t want you to ever see me suffering and turning into Conan or get suspicious, discover everything on your own, and get yourself into deep trouble. Sorry again for getting you into this mess.”

“Don’t apologize,” Ran started. “I trust you. I knew you were hurting but couldn’t tell me for some some reason. I waited for the day you’d return and tell me everything face-to-face. When you first left, I’d sometimes think you were out fooling around with other women. But that’s not you. You were pretty close to me before that incident. You, the Deduction Freak, always talking to me about Holmes or the case of the day. Still, you changed since leaving. I sensed it though our phone calls and in Conan-kun.”

He remarked, “Conan was a new experience. I think it provided opportunities. I met the Shonen Tantei-dan, Hattori, Haibara, Akai-san, and so on. I also gained the courage to confess my feelings to you. Anyway, it’s nice to be back. I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I’m glad you’re back. Well, the miso soup is almost ready. Want to help me prepare the table?”

Shinichi replies with a grin, “Sure, Ran-neechan!”

“Here we go again! You can’t get away with your Conan-kun act this time.”

“Haha! I kid, I kid,” Shinichi joked. He smiled in Ran’s direction. “Let’s do this. I’m hungry!”

[mindofharry]

deja vu

in which harry gets a new girlfriend and it’s giving him major deja vu.

angst ! fluff ! all of the above ! feedback is welcome as always <3 based off of the wonderful song, deja vu by olivia rodrigo!!

“Well, maybe we should end it”

Harry suggested and Y/N froze. end it? why is that even something that came into his mind. It was a small, petty fight about a girl. A nice girl that Y/N is apparently jealous of, she’s not by the way. The girl just is the a little too close to her boyfriend, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek when she thinks Y/N isn’t watching them. And harry just sits there, let’s her do that while Y/N his girlfriend of three years is sitting right in front of them. Never did he bitch about her or complain, just compliments for the nice girl at the party.

“W...What?” Y/N stuttered sitting on the hood of the car. The car they bought together. They both worked at an ice cream place down in town, so with the little money they both had and a little support from their parents, they both this beauty. Of course, harry was the only one able to drive it for a whole year because poor Y/N didn’t have her drivers license yet.

“I think we should end it, this” Harry said pointing between himself and Y/N. Her eyes began to fill with tears and the guilt hit him quickly.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But i just can’t do this back and forth thing anymore. We’re not in middle school” Harry said and sniffled a bit. Y/N nodded, she had sort of know someone like harry wouldn’t stay with someone like her for that long anyways. It’s just apart of life, right?

Right?

“You can keep the car. I’ll find some other way to get into work” Harry mumbled handing Y/N the keys to their shared car. Her eyes widen and anger surged through her veins.

“How dare you” Y/N yelled, a sob coming out of her mouth. “You’re dumping me? you’re fucking dumping me?” she yelled out and that attracted some stares. They were in their place, their special place in Malibu under the stars and near the beach. That’s all theirs.

“You flirt with this girl for a year of our relationship. you do it right infront of me, harry! and you can’t handle it anymore?” Y/N exclaimed and harry sighed, looking slightly embarrassed as more people started to watch them. “Fine, fuck go be with her! i don’t care” Y/N said wiping the tears off of her cheeks and getting into the car.

“Goodbye, harry”

And a couple of weeks later, harry was with that nice girl. That pretty girl, who was a carbon copy of you - harry figured that out pretty quickly, when they got to know each other more.

They were watching reruns of glee when he got this moment of deja vu. Like he had done this before.

Because he had. With Y/N.

“I love this show” Y/N giggled, her hand in harrys hair. Harry nodded agreeing as they watched the new directions so a performance again, this time tina and mercedes were leading the group.

“Y’know you don’t have to pretend to like it, we can change the channel if you want?” Y/N offered and Harry shook his head quickly and blushed. “No, i like it. Could make a good band name, no? New direction, one direction?” Harry teased and you giggled.

“Huh. You’re more of gleek than i am”

“i hate this show” The nice girl said changing the channel, before harry could speak up. Instead of disagreeing with her, he just nodded and kissed the side of her head. He liked glee.

Other times of this deja vu stuff, it was really honest mistakes. Like, nearly calling her Y/N’s name. You were just on his mind, it was nothing serious. He missed the car, that’s all. He also missed the strawberry ice cream and the late night chats under the malibu sky. So he took her there. He put billy joels, ‘uptown girl’ on the radio and grinned when she sang to it. She wasn’t as care free as Y/N though. Y/N had her own shrine of billy joel, her dad is absolutely obsessed with the man and passed that on to Y/N.

Of course, harry had heard of billy joel but had only listened to his most famous songs. Y/N introduced to him to the real billy joel, it was their thing. Listening to billy joel in Y/N’s basement after a long shift, harry would lay his head on her stomach as Y/N sang to vienna or sometimes harry would pull her up and dance around to piano man. He missed that so much.

The chorus of ‘uptown girl’ came on and harry looked over at the nice girl, he now calls his own.

“I love you” He said and she stopped singing and placed a hand on his knee.

Y/N did that. Had her hands all over him.

“I love you too” The nice girl hummed and Harry sighed, now getting another sense of deja vu.

“Did you see Harry and that girl together, Y/N?” Sarah, her new shift buddy asked. Y/N had seen them together, the nice girl that harrys with likes to post everything on social media. Y/N sees the traded jackets, the billy joel, the i love you’s in malibu, the strawberry ice cream. Y/N wondered if the girl laughed at harry because of how annoying he was during glee, or when he puts a jacket on way too small for him, or when they sing in the car. Does he steal Y/N jokes, like he stole everything else?

“Yeah, i did. Seem like a nice couple” Y/N said with a smile. Sarah, only knowing her a couple days, thought nothing of it. Y/N was breaking inside, she literally felt her heart break in two everytime she thought of the two.

How could harry just replace Y/N like that?

“I’d like to be an actress” The nice girl said licking her strawberry ice cream. Harrys eyes widened, deja vu. Y/N had told him, just before they started dating that she was going to be the next meryl streep - why she chose meryl streep, he’ll never know. Y/N has always wanted to be an actress. She had done a few jobs here and there, and always got the main part in plays and musicals. Being an actress is Y/N’s things.

“That’s great” Harry said supporting a forced grin. The nice girl didn’t think anything of it. Y/N wouldn’t known something was wrong.

A different girl, but nothings new.

Harry had to get away. Away from the nice girl who had ruined Y/N and Harrys relationship. So he went to the ice cream parlour. He knew Y/N was working with sarah, mitch is one of his closest friends and he’s dating sarah — so after some digging and prodding, he got the info he needed and set off to town. Without her. Harry dropped her off at her apartment, made up some lame excuse of not feeling well and needed to rest. Y/N would’ve offered soup, the nice girl just said get well soon and closed the apartment door in his face. It was too easy. It shouldn’t be that easy to lie to her, it was never like that with Y/N. Harry couldn’t lie to Y/N for the life of him, even around birthdays or christmas. He sucked at keeping secrets and telling fibs.

“Welcome to All things nice, how may i help you!” Y/N’s voice rang out as she was cleaning out the sink. The bell had notified her, that a customer was in the shop. She just didn’t know that customer was her ex boyfriend.

“Are we able to talk?” Harry asked wringing his hands. Y/N quickly turned around, almost bashing her head into the shelf. Her eyes were wide and her heart broke, again. She could barley handle the instagram posts. She can’t handle harry in real life. Not after what he did. Maybe if it was a mutual break up - but it really was not a mutual break up.

“I’m sorry, we don’t serve that” Y/N snapped pushing the spoons into a drawer. Harry flinched and nodded placing his hands in his back pockets. “Ok, i deserved that” he mumbled. He just needed to explain, just five minutes.

“Please, Y/N. i just need to explain” Harry pleaded, sounding proper desperate. Y/N couldn’t help but feel anger and sadness as she listened to harry beg for her time. She just couldn’t believe he was back so quick, so early in his new relationship.

“What do you possibly need to explain” Y/N asked dropping the spoons and looking at harry over the ice cream. It was rather cliche, really.

“You dumped me, because i pointed out that a girl - by the way, i was right - was coming onto you. I just needed reassurance, harry. That you wouldn’t cheat, that you wouldn’t leave me!” you exclaimed and harry nodded. “I just needed that. and i’m really glad that you dumped me. because we obviously weren’t meant for each other” Y/N said continuing her clean up.

“We are meant to be” Harry said. “We’re Y/N and harry” he said, his voice breaking. Y/N almost felt bad.

“No. You’re in a relationship. You say i love you, to her. You sing billy joel and swap jackets. You eat strawberry ice cream with her for fuck sakes harry” Y/N yelled, pulling at her hair. Harry sniffled and nodded. “I know, I know” he mumbled.

“Do you get deja vu?” Y/N asked “hmm?” she asked again when she didn’t get an answer.

“Thought so”

[sky-scribbles]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing (very accurate, since I should really be working on either the Aeor Fic or my dissertation right now). Tagged by @essektheylyss and @saturdaysky - tysm, this is very fun! <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

28! I only really started posting regularly on AO3 after I got into writing for CR, so there’s a modest amount there right now.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~126000; probably going to be a lot more by the time the Aeor Fic is finished!.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only three on AO3 - Critrole, obviously, plus some from my Star Wars: The Old Republic days and a single lonely Dragon Age fic. I’ve written for some other fandoms in the past (Elder Scrolls, mainly).

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Show me where my skin begins: Shadowgast; a study of Essek’s touch starvation and the important of touch between him and Caleb as their relationship develops.

My reasons for defying reason: Oneshot looking at Essek’s friendships with each of the Nein in turn, and the Nein’s different love languages.

I shine only with the light you gave me: The wizards slow dance at a fancy Dynasty ball, and Essek negotiates Den dynamics.

I’ll use you as a focal point: Essek summons a familiar, and as he adjusts to life with her, she helps him speedrun his character arc.

How to struggle gracefully: The Mighty Nein and Essek have dinner with Deirta Thelyss, as told through Veth’s perspective. Feat. Veth unpacking some of her own issues and her relationship with Essek

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Not as much as I’d like to anymore; my current health issues mean I have trouble writing at all, let alone replying to comments... but when I’m functioning better, I do try to reply to as many as I can! I absolutely love seeing people’s insights and hearing their thoughts; you guys make every second of writer’s block worth it! <3

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, I really don’t know! I’m generally an angst with a happy ending person, so I tend to round things off hopefully. I’d say that The scars that silence carved on me maybe qualifies, because from Essek’s perspective, it ends somewhat ambiguously - but the reader obviously knows that he’s about to get tackle-hugged by a little blue tiefling the moment after the fic ends.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. My Inquisitor!Essek AU is about the closest I’ve got, but I’m not sure I’d ever write anything or it.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not since I was about fourteen, thankfully! I’ve had the odd ‘I hate [x character/fandom] but I love this story’ comment here and there.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Not really. I’ve occasionally strayed into very vaguely nsfw stuff, but I don’t think I’d enjoy writing real smut, nor do I have any confidence that I’d do so halfway decently!

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I did once, many years ago back when I was writing Elder Scrolls stuff.

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I’m definitely not opposed to the idea!

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

My fic history says Shadowgast, for sure, and I can see them being a love of mine for a very long time.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Nothing that’s posted, thankfully, but I’d truly love to finish the one that currently sits under the working title of ‘the Essek and soup fic’. I’m very fond of it, but just don’t seem to be able to make work beyond its first scene. (Maybe I’ll post that as a standalone someday.)

15) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I’ve got a good sense for prose rhythm? When I’m proofreading, I can generally count on a voice in my head to be saying ‘this sentence needs to be x length’, or ‘this sentence needs another adjective in it to carry the right emotional weight’, and to tell me when something just feels right and flows nicely.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I have a bit of a tendency to want to include everything - every interesting thought and bit of character exploration that I come up with in the planning process. Also, plotting! The reason I’ve generally stuck to oneshots is because I find writing lengthier plots really, really hard; sooner or later I just get stumped, thinking ‘ok, but what happens now?’ There’s a reason planning the Aeor fic has taken several months!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s not something I’d do myself, mostly because I really wouldn’t want to mess up another language in a fic - but I’ve seen it really suit certain stories before.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

It is... really hard to remember that far back, but probably either Skyrim or Torchwood. I did not do so well, but I did it :’D

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Show me where my skin begins has a special place in my heart for being such huge fun to write and for being a truly feelgood fic. Familiar (like my mirror years ago) will always be important to me just for being my first CR fic and my entry point, as it were, to the CR fandom.

... but I really do hve a soft spot for The scars that silence carved on me, a study of Essek’s growth between 99 and 124. It’ll never be one of my most popular fics - the Nein don’t even appear in it - but I just loved taking Essek through all of these little changes, bridging the gap between the negotations and his reunion with his friends. And there are some scenes and lines in here I’m really proud of.

I think just about everyone I’d love to tag for this has already been tagged, so consider this an open tag for anyone who’d like to do this!

[sly-merlin]

killing me - 10 |n.y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au , smut

warnings of this chapter : cursing, explanatory mention of a pistol! 

words :: 5.3k

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or              

                   “  curiousity got the cat hitched”

taglist :: @kpop-choco​​​ @moon-yuta​​​ @kawaiiayasan​​​ @btm-taeyong​​​ @exfolitae​​​ @lanadreamie​​​ @cheersskznct​​​ @hyuckiesgf​​​ @theworld-accordingtocasey​​​  @yiyi4657​​ @sorrywonwoo​​ @sillywinnergladiator​​​ @suhweo​​​ @minejungwoo​​ @leesalts​​  @mal-nakamoto23​​ @ro2424​​

@kafenetwork​​​​​ @neowritingsnet​​​​​

K.M masterlist

k.m9    next

Previous night

“What the fuck were you spitting out there hmm! Have you lost your mind? Why aren’t you answering me you shit!”

jaehyun avoided prying when mark and yuta were arguing but he couldn’t keep it in anymore. mark shifted the gears to park the car in the middle of nowhere, tense silence hugging all of them. jaemin was annoyed with jaehyun’s endless remarks at mark but it was hyuck who was most confused as he was unable to form any kind of judgement.

“why did you stop the car now? Its midnight-

“can you stop drunk talking hyung. I can’t drive like this!”

“I’m very sober. Its you whose brain is dead mark. Did you even notice yuta’s face when you-

“just stop hyung. I’m not ashamed of what I said there. I stand by each and every word! Now can we go back home or do you have anything else?

“you can’t be real! He has done so much for you all these years and this is how you repa-

“yes exactly! He has made so many sacrifices for me all these years, that’s why its my responsibility to show him the right way that he is clearly not following at all and you all are partly responsible for it! You are feeding his selfish ego by showing him hollow sympathy but that’s gonna bite him in the ass at end.”

“woah woah tiger. So what you gonna do? Instruct him how to live his life. Are you making him realise that he doesn’t hate y/n when he clearly cant stand her presence for even a minute and by some miracle, even if you end up pacifying yuta, then what about that cold hearted queen! She’s just here t-

“she is not here on her own! And I am not going to repeat myself, so fix it in your head hyung. She is not here to replace anyone!! Yuta hyung just hates the thought of her coerced and fortuitous presence in his life and I’m not trying to create a miracle here. I just want our lives back to normal and I’ll go to every extent to make it possible!” his chest heaved up and down as the anger subsided a bit, his heart feeling at ease after getting his thoughts out. Jaehyun only scoffed at him.

“you are too naïve markie. This is not how emotions work.”

“this is the only way emotions work hyung!” with that said, he shifted the gear, driving on the road with the same silence lurking again but he felt better. much better.

“who do you think is right?” hyuck whispered in jaemin’s ear, in the hope that he would solve his dilemma.

“I don’t know but I’d love if she stays forever. We are missing one member anyway” he whispered back earning a small tight lip smile from donghyuck who fell into a deep slumber right after that.

Slowly he moved himself to the other side, bruised elbow secured in his hand, grunts exiting him. You knew you were fucked up as soon as his cold eyes fell upon you.

“I guess it’s my time to call taeyong.” He glared, the strong eye contact not lasting for too long as he tried to lift himself up from the floor.

Meanwhile you kept observing him, biting your left thumb, feet glued to the ground. your eyes followed his hobbled travel from the kitchen to the couches from where you heard his long sigh of relief as he placed his leg on the table while stroking his knee. his head fell on the couches and suddenly your conscience kicked in while watching his painful expressions. You found yourself sluggishly walking out of the kitchen with careful steps to avoid the spill, sleepiness fading away.

Yuta’s scraped elbow was in the vision as you neared him. He was still nursing his knee, elbow forgotten by now. Maybe it was the momentary pain! you deliberated about asking him first but then remembered that you don’t have to communicate with him to show that you were still human! So you quietly went to bathroom to find your first aid kit that you placed somewhere the day you settled your stuff. It was not easy to locate it with the lack of cooperation of your hands and mind in the current state, but still you tried your best.

With same motion you went back. Yuta’s hand was still cupping the knee but his features seemed to be much more peaceful than before. But you still approached hesitantly and placed the box on the table, near his foot.

“have a seat please. We have some unfinished business here beautiful!” he sneered, signalling you to sit beside him.

“no thanks. I have work to do.” You tiredly replied, moving away.

“I.Said.Sit.Here! I also wanna experience the thrill of whinning like a baby!

“oh please , I have nothing to fear! Just call him already. I’ve work to do!” you told him in stern voice while circling the table to sit far away from him.

Yuta smirked a little at your show of bravery when anyone could see right through you at the moment. Your eyes were half shut, shoulders slumped down but still upright when it came to fighting him. But yuta clearly knew he had the upper hand this time.

Or he thought!

Your heartbeat sped up with each ring. Very dramatically , yuta had put the phone on speaker to prove his point.

After 5 rings, tayeong picked up and so did your pulse.

“who it is?” a yawn filled voice was heard from the other side.

“are you still sleeping bitch?” yuta inquired with annoyance.

“ye-yes. We cleared the month last night so everyone is sleeping. What el-

“just wake up! I’ve something important to tell!”

“later. I’m bus-

“its about your precious y/n!”

“is she gone?” it sounded like he was suddenly awake!

“tsk tsk. The fuck is your problem? Do you even care about my wellbeing or should I find a new father!” yuta growled at him, his voice pierced through your ears.

“I’ll call her myself!”

“like she would tell you about her plan to lay my 6 feet under the ground!”

Yuta heard a deep sigh from the other side.

“this story better be good coz I don’t wanna lose my sleep ov-

“this is not a story. She spilled water to make me slip and –

“and kill you. what kind of man dies after a little slipping! Huh!”

“have you adopted her or something taeyong! Your attitude is fucking me up. Can you hear me for once or do you-

“what do you wanna say exactly! That you slipped and broke your legs and arms. Make it believable yuta. She might be a bit bitchy but can’t be that evil.”

“so I am a bitch!” your sleepy and cold voice interrupted.

“no no , I meant-

“It was unintentional. i didn’t even know he was home. And it was him who decided to barge in when I was finding food. He was not even invited into the kitchen in the first place!”

“but I got hurt and it was because-

“hurt? you mean as in injured! Oh god. You can’t come back then. take leave for a few days if you are hurt badly and call jun , he’ll be there with medicines and bandages. Consider this an extension of the suspension but you aren’t leaving the hous-

“fuck you taeyong! I hope you die in your sleep!!”

Slamming the phone on the table, he pulled at his roots, lidded eyes boring into you.

“you’ll pay for this.” his finger threateningly pointed towards you.

You let out a yawn before getting up to leave the space to him,

“whatever just don’t finish the spray bottle. Its new”

After that you didn’t hear anything from yuta or anyone.

And it just went like that for 2 more weeks!

“why don’t you shift to the dorms for two months! You can hang out with minjun while he complete his reports.”

“so you want me to lose my sleep and baby your baby?” you snickered, slurping the soup a bit louder this time.

“I’m not a baby!” minjun whined.

“oh you are!” a collective response resounded through the room and your reached out to pet minjun’s hair but he swatted your hand away in annoyance.

“no seriously shortie. You’d be alone for a whole month. Even chelin is going home this time. you can spend some time with junie and he’d treat you to homemade food Is it tempting enough?” jungkook suggested.

“not that I’m any interested in the offer but I can teach you the Japanese you were talking about earlier.” At minjun’s comment, everyone raised their brows, silently questioning your new interest.

“what? You all are so nosy. My new roommate is always dissing me in Japanese and I can’t answer that fucker coz I don’t understand anything he spits out at me.”

“HE?” another group chant resonated.

“why is your roommate a man?” yugyeom added.

“because he was born a man!”

“haha very funny y/n l/n. what’s his name and is he from our university?”

“his name is nakamoto yuta and no, he’s not a student. And before you enquire, he’s home only for like few hours so you don’t need to worry him being a pervert or anything.”

“where is your new residence anyway?” you almost choked at yugyeom’s sudden interruption but it confirmed your suspicion that jungkook hadn’t revealed anything yet.

“instead of me, shouldn’t you love birds be worried about the unbearable separation that’d last for a whole month. How are you gonna cope with it gyeom? Especially when yeong is going to be in Incheon and you in busan, stuck with the sweaty sports team and jungkook, who’d be slapping with you with kisses every now and then, thinking you are min-

A shove of dumpling into your mouth caused you to inhale back all the words that were supposed to leave.

“if you don’t wanna meet, then atleast call him daily after your moon internship and he can also accompany you to busan if you want.”

The colour of the air faded at the mention. Slowly, you swallowed the piece in your mouth , instantly finding a distraction to lighten the mood.

“why are these so delicious?”

Rummaging through the empty boxes, jungkook found the pamphlet and shoved it in your face which you curled into a ball and threw towards minjun, hitting him right in the face.

“yaa jun. keep it safe. We’ll order while watching movies and take keys of this house from your boyfriend,” you ordered, pointing to jungkook, “and his Netflix password and his wallet and if he allows, his car ke-

“shut your mouth love-hater!” jungkook exclaimed while stuffing your mouth with two dumplings. And everyone else just laughed at your troubled state, silently agreeing with jungkook’s statement.

What a good day to be a foodie!

Three days!

Taeil had granted you three days to de-stress yourself before you’d be joining your so called trainer for a self defence training program of two months. You wondered who could it be but it was definitely not the person you wished for! Johnny had been in france since two weeks, right from the day your exams started. He left his phone at home but he did contact you through a payphone to wish luck for exams. Since then, it’d been complete silence from the other end. You didn’t even know whether you really missed his presence or just the thought of being with someone who really showed some care for you.  

eat, tv, sleep repeat seemed to be a very reasonable routine! your happiness had elevated when you saw a notification of chois about a job opening. Though you wanted to start from an internship in the main office but a moderate salary job as an assistant researcher of a junior lawyer wasn’t so bad as well!

no. actually it was awful seeing how much over-qualified you were for this job but with all the diminishing digits in your wallet, there was some significant scope for the bargain in your situation. But you still had to wait for 2 weeks for the acceptance of your application that would take you a step closer to your dream. Just two more weeks!

Is he still alive, you thought before leaving the kitchen, ready to finish the homemade meal.

High on a happy chemical , you cooked yourself ramyeon and eggs and completed your fancy dinner with a bottle of coke.

While slipping out of the kitchen , your eyes fell on the clean sink reminding you of the presence that you hadn’t felt since the last week.

“I’ll accompany jeno. We’ll be done in two minutes” yuta proposed with a lopsided grin.

The place was more livelier with yuta’s return. Not that he wasn’t already present, but the day he returned to his usual routine was when everyone got their sunshine back. He acted like nothing has changed but still noone could ignore his overcautiousness. He was engaging too much as if to make up for the lost time and not that anyone objected for they were happy to see the old yuta with old ways. Just something was odd!

While most of them were oblivious, others understood what he was hiding behind that façade. They had noticed how he took late night activities just to avoid being sent home or how he took jaehyun and mark with him to avoid any interaction with you.

But the most irksome was how day by day,he was drifting apart from taeyong.

“do you wanna take him home?” taeil snapped his fingers in front of your eyes as you registered his words. You were looking or shamelessly staring at the face of the man. He was dangerously tall as compared to you but his face was shining brighter than the sun itself. Your head snapped towards him again as taeil went on,

“don’t stare like you are gonna eat him y/n.” jungwoo eyes were dancing in the whole room as he avoided your curious ones. You didn’t mean to be creepy but you were having a hard time believing that the man sitting in front of you was a street fight champ and a former drug lord’s son. He seemed too….human.

“who’s staring?” you feigned innocence, looking at taeil.

“way to go advocate!” he said before continuing , “as I told you, jungwoo is a trained fighter, assassin and has a strong grip on pistols. Seeing what you can carry, a pistol is best for you. and jungwoo is a softie here so he won’t even give you a scratch during the training. But you have to actually listen to him or I’ll assign someone that won’t go easy on you.

“like?”

“like ten or jeno, they both don’t have any control over where they are hitting once they start so either you can cooperate with jungwoo or be ready to break some of your limbs.”

“how subtle taeil. but I can work with him.” you smiled at jungwoo which was returned with a shy one.

“okay then. Take care of each other and if you need anything then I’m not home.” Ad with a wave , he was gone.

“what do you wanna start with?” jungwoo asked in a small voice.

“you are teacher so whatever you say.”

“okay them. we’ll start with grip practice.” He got up, signalling you to follow him.

You ended up in a small part of the basement. It was divided into two sections with a glass used as the separation. Raw grass kind hard padding was attached to the walls on the both sides. On the other side of the wall were pasted two targets looking like giant sized dart boards that you suppose were for the practice.

While you were glancing around, jungwoo came back with a small metal box. He opened it to reveal a matt black pistol that looked even smaller when he held it.

“you can’t start with a semi-auto one just yet so for basics this is good for you. though I’m here but please don’t drop it. it belongs to taeyong hyung and he doesn’t know it’s here so please don’t mention it either.” He pleaded in a soft voice to which you found yourself nodding, copying his motion.

“so , you don’t need to memorise every part of a pistol but remember the few terms so if you ever held a new gun or pistol, someone can instruct you as to the handling of it.” you kept nodded as he went on,

“this is the exposed barrel, slide stop, safety lever , trigger and trigger guard and the most important magazine, if its empty ,your body would become the home of enemy bullets. Try clicking the safety lever!”

You did as he instructed. For about thirty minutes, he taught about pulling the barrel that drained your wrists of all the strength they had. He let you go only when he was sure you won’t forget the basics, atleast not until tomorrow.

You hadn’t felt this exhausted in your life as much as you did in the last week. If Thesis research and jungwoo’s lessons were not enough then minjun’s new found love of photography was surely doing its work on your body. Who knew holding flowers and leaves for aesthetic photos was so much draining! And the time you were alone at home was spent sleeping and that too only if yuta and his gang were not screeching out their lungs, fighting with someone online with no regard for the well-being of others in the house. You knew he was aware of his actions but with zero communication, even you didn’t bother pointing him out.

But when had avoidance created peace!

12:30 p.m

As you flipped the glossy leaves of the photo album, the three humans behind that transparent film seemed to come alive, albeit in your memories. Pausing at every page, you tried to live those moments once again ,just like every year. Though you and that photo album were bound by a thread of sadness, the memories it contained made you feel immense joy that was incomparable for you.

The small album was the only memory that reminded you of the family you had once! and today was the day you’ll go to meet them again.

Busan was not that far away but the location of the graveyard added a whole hour to the already 3 hour long journey. You were supposed to meet your orphan warden at the station directly and like every year she'd be accompanying you to Busan so you could meet them. Even though you were a grown-up now , she didn't had the heart to let you go alone. So it had became a tradition.

After memorizing every picture, you got up to get ready for the long journey. Taeil had excused you for this weekend so there were no worries from his side. you rotated the doorknob to open but it didn’t budge.

You shoved your body against the door but nothing happned! Though you didn't want to rely , there was only one option left!

"yuta!" You shouted in a hope that his lazy ass would respond but silence replied instead.

"yuta! Can you hear me. I'm locked!" You tried again, both shouting and trying the knob, banged the door but none worked in your favour.

Then realisation dawned on you! Why won't he hear anything when he was right outside the room! because he didn't want to!

"yuta I swear I'm gonna kill you! let me out!"

Raking your hands through your hair, you decided to find your phone but it looked like the whole universe was conspiring against you as the phone was not in the room. you had probably left it on the kitchen counter earlier. The only communication you had was with yuta and he was not listening to you , delibrately!

Your fist met the door with all the power you could muster but only the echo was heard which fainted within few seconds.

"fuck you yuta" you mumbled dejectedly before throwing yourself on the mattress. Contempt filled your heart as you watched the fan moving endlessly and your mind grasped the reality that maybe you won't be visiting them. Not if he didn't open the door. But he couldn't lock you for years!

And whenever that door opens , you'll make sure to close it forever.

"eat slugs , haechan!" Yuta exclaimed into the microphone, killing another of haechan's Avatar in the game. He winced as haechan groaned loudly, trying to get some pity out of yuta.

Calling it a day, he teared the headphones away , the sudden silence bringing peace to his ears. Stretching his limbs, he got up but as he trudged for the kitchen, he heard a knock that didn't come from the front door.

He stopped abruptly as if to check if his mind was playing games on him but he heard it again, this time a fainted one.

His stopped in front of your room and slapped his hand against the door , checking his suspicious. Another fast and hard bang came in response and he rotated the knob to open but nothing happened. Forcing his body against the door, a metal dropping sound reached him before the door opened. Without even glancing at you, he leaned and picked up the screws that were stuck in the door hinges. But before he could show you those, you pushed him backward, releasing all the anger at once.

"what the fuck is wrong with you!" Not paying any attention to any of his words, you searched for your phone that you found on the counter and shot your warden an apologetic message. The orphan was near the station so you were sure she won't have waited for more than thirty minutes but you knew she'd have been worried for you.

Quickly working , you called taeyong while running for the main door, a confused yuta following you.

"you are home taeyong?" You asked him while wearing your shoes and exited , ignoring yuta's perplexed questions.

Yuta stood in the doorway, contemplating what the heck he had witnessed!

18:30

Taeyong jerked forward on his chair as you slammed open the door of his office and marched in. When you called earlier , he thought you were going to complain about something that yuta did but the heat of the anger radiating through your body was enough to burn his senses from a distance.

"sit and calm-

"I'm not here to witness your hospitality Lee taeyong. Relieve me of the agreement here and now. my way or your way! I don't wanna live under the same roof wi-

"why are you shouting so much?" Jaehyun interrupted ,entering the room in a swift motion. Following him were few others who might have been awakened by your outburst.

"shut up jaehyun! For once do something with your worthless life" you spit out, eyes boring into jaehyun's.

"can you atleast tell me what has happened!"

To answer taeyong , you moved forward, resting your hands on the head of a chair continued,

"yuta locked me today. My phone was outside in the kitchen. I shouted , pleaded but he didn't open the door for 5 hours. I was supposed to go to Busan but that motherfucker don't ha-

"Busan? Your hometown?" Taeyong disrupted your speech,

"f-for my parents' death anniversary! I was suppose to visit their graves like every year.b-but he chose today of all days to play his little revenge games on me." With broken voice and tears threatening to spill, you managed to proceed,

"i don't wanna live with him anymore. I didn't sign up for this torture. Kill me for all you want but don't try to convince me into staying with that bastard!" Your nails holed into the leather chair, creating small crescents on the surface.

Uncomfortable silence fell over the whole room . As you turned around to leave, you were met with yuta's figure. His hand motioned to reach you but you closed the distance before he could.

"i hope you enjoyed it today!" With venom laced words, you finalised your proposition by flinging the ring straight into his face, his face scrunching at the hit , before walking past him.

"hyun-

Before taeyong could complete, taeil was already was on your heels.

"why do you have to be an asshole yuta?"

" i didn't do anything!" He started as he picked up the ring from the floor, “the door was ja-

“you shouldn’t have stooped so low nakamoto yuta!” tayeong growled with eyes glistening with fire.

“what now?” yuta’s jaw clenched at jaehyun’s nonchalant words. Pocketing his annoyance for him, he opened his mouth to explain himself,

“nothing now ok! I did nothing.i didn’t lock her and certainly didn’t try to forbid from going anywhere. She wa- the door was jammed due to some loose screws. I had to push it so it’d open. I-i-I wasn’t even aware of her plans. Heck, you can ask hyuck. I was playing with him for 6 hours straight. I had headphones in my ears all that time and you know how much hyuck yells. Even if she was stuck, there was not a sound that reached me taeyong. I was as oblivious to all this as much as you all were till now and knowingly, I won’t ever do anything so harsh. You know me very well! don’t you?” he ended with a hopeful question glancing at everyone in the room. With each passing second, his anxiousness elevated at the silent and calculating faces of everyone.

“you don’t believe me, do you?” his broken voice resembled the one they just heard few minutes ago.

“no yuta.i-its not like that . message taeil hyung about all this so he can calm her down.” Taeyong muttered with eyes searching up yuta’s for any malice he might be planning but found nothing. he was innocent.

But yuta panicked at his words, “why? I can explain by myself. It’s not that difficult. I can handle her taeyong.” he turned for the door but taeyong’s words stopped him in his tracks.

“you think so! You should be glad you are alive yuta”

“then release us taeyong. I’m begging you, LET HER GO!” the shout that echoed was enough to send shivers through every living being in the vicinity.

“I will. If taeil hyung say so. Message him yuta and you should know I don’t repeat my words without expense!”

He did as told, head hung low to avoid the pity looks that were thrown his way!

“don’t follow me taeil!”

“I’ll stop if you’ll stop!” taeil politely replied, tracking your steps on the sidewalk. He tried to obstruct your way but ended up following you instead. 15 minutes had passed since you both left the house but your anger was not simmering down and you were stunned at his patience.

“you can’t walk till university.” You deadpanned.

“neither can you.”

Stopping abruptly, you faced him, “you can’t stop me taeil.”

“I won’t. but the bus driver would. Even pretty girls don’t get a free ride home.” You groaned at his unnecessarily true words. He was right, you had nothing on you except for the phone.

He silently observed your slumping body, before walking a step closer to check the waters. When you didn’t push him away, he lightly took your hand in his, tugging you to come along.

“I don’t wanna go with you.” your hushed voice gave him some courage to proceed further,

“we aren’t going home. Lets just sit”

He dragged you to the park you had passed just five minutes ago. Sitting on the bench , he asked you to explain everything that had happened in the last 6 hours. You recited the whole story till the end where you threw the ring at yuta. Taeil only hummed in response when he heard a buzz from his phone.

Reading yuta’s message , he suddenly knew where to start!

“read this y/n.” he said before giving you the phone.

You absorbed each and every word written. It made sense. But did it?

“he’s lying.” You scoffed , returning the phone.

“he’s not.”

“ofcourse you’ll take his side.”

“and why would I do that?”

“he’s your brother”

“and you are my sister”

“no I’m not. I never would be.” You retorted, hiding the effect his words had on you.

“I might not be your brother but you can’t stop me from calling you my sister and I’d prefer you over yuta anyday.”

“but you still think I’m lying and he’s right”

Taeil massaged the back of his neck, clearly getting annoyed by your snapping.

“when did I say you are lying? I just said he’s not lying.”

“isn’t it the same thing?”

“no its clearly not. You just don’t wanna admit that you misunderstood!”

Uncrossing your legs, you faced him, “ because I am not in the wrong here. he is ! he did it so he can have the house all to himself while I’m locked. The truth is he hates my guts. He wont ever pass an opportunity against me!”

“and like you love his guts! Your hatred for him is the reason that you don’t wanna believe he’s innocent. Your heart wants to believe that everything that had unfolded after that night is yuta’s fault. You don’t wanna believe because you just don’t want to! You are rejecting his reason because your mind says its the perfect chance to break taeyong! your anger and emotions are playing games with you and you are letting them! and this is exactly what yuta had been doing from the very first day! He’s no different than you. No matter how much you discard it, the truth won’t change! Impulsive actions lead you nowhere!” His polite yet authoritative voice was providing inputs that you didn’t want to believe. Not yet.

“I just wanted to go to busan taeil. If he hadn’t been home the-

“if he hadn’t been home , then you would not have even made it out! And I’m sure you have heard him playing games. He’s a loudspeaker and believe me haechan is yuta part two. I’m sure he didn’t hear you.”

“but why would anyone even care! I’m the one at loss here.”

“what loss. Just because you missed it today doesn’t mean you can’t go tomorrow and If you want i can take you there. we can go right now! But y/n , loved ones live in your heart!. You don’t need a day to show them your respect and love. They know you and they watch over you. don’t crumble under the weight of customs and rituals. We’ll go tomorrow morning. Be ready by 8 a.m !” his soothing voice managed to calm the storm but you weren’t going to budge from your first condition.

“I don’t wanna go back with him.”

He sighed heavily before pressing his phone to his ear,

“taeyong. replace yuta in france. For two months and I don’t want any further discussion.”

You sniffled, finally letting out the tears that were in the waiting since the morning.

“I can drop you to the dorm for tonight until he packs his stuff and you can go back home tomorrow. Sounds right?” he described his plan , petting your hair.

You weakly nodded, letting him ease your worries with sympathetic words that you didn’t even know you needed!

next morning 

Uncomfortable silence welcomed you as you entered the house. You were told that he was gone and it sounded about right with the present atmosphere.

After finding the fruits, you made you way to the room but stopped in your tracks as you spotted something on the counter.

Three moulded screws were placed on a paper along with the ring that you thought would never be seen by you again. you breath quickened as you read the words on the plain paper

I’m sorry!

What were you supposed to do with it now?

**********************

thank you for reading ! feedback is always appreciated \(￣︶￣*\))

🎈

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[reincarnated70sbaby]

star crossed

-chapter four-

*disclaimer: this work is entirely fiction, all scenes with real life people presented in this work are entirely fictitious.*

word count : 2.4k

warnings : angst! (af!) swearing ?  charlie watts being unbothered as ever, did i mention angst?

<<previous chapter

next chapter>>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a couple drinks in, the conversation of recording a track started up. Jimmy was actually quite excited, a Rolling Stones and Jimmy Page track was bound to happen sometime. Sure, Jimmy had played with them in his session days, but not anything to the extent of actually being featured and credited for the track. They decided to come back tomorrow to Bill’s home studio to record a track that might feature on the upcoming Goats Head Soup album. Two nights previous, he finished up the English leg of the 72/73 tour. In a couple weeks, Led Zeppelin would be embarking on their biggest tour yet - the 73 North American tour. There was plans to record a concert film and album, and Jimmy was really hopeful everything would work out.

“Lads I’m about to fucking pass out here, I’m out, see you all tomorrow yeah?”

“All right Jim, see y’a tomorrow, not to early mate right?”

After agreeing to come in the early afternoon with Bill , he bid goodnight to the rest of crew there, Charlie and the pianist for the album, Nicky. Sure, they weren’t as wild as the Toxic Twins, but they were still good company - better than getting drunk in his hotel room alone.

Walking back to his hotel room, the walk felt much longer than 10 minutes. Even though it was the beginning of February, and therefore the start of spring, he had to wrap his arms around himself to preserve body heat.

Reaching the hotel lobby, he was met with the warm air of the large room. Red carpets and gold accents adorned the room. It was quite late in the night - or early in the morning, so he decided to skip going to the bar in hopes of picking up a partner and instead, head straight to his room. On his way into the elevator, he passed two women, both wearing sunglasses. He thought that peculiar, and even more peculiar, he thought he recognised the woman with short brunette hair. After attempting to place the woman, he concluded he was in no state of mind to try.

Laying down on his bed, his thoughts wondered to Alice. He hadn’t heard anything about her since they were last together. He wasn’t even sure if she was still in the music business. He wondered would he ever see her again. He hoped he would, but a feeling in his gut told him it would happen eventually. Sooner, or later, he thought.

Waking up slightly hungover, he showered and prepared for the day of recording ahead. It wasn’t to be a serious session, more of a jam of sorts and hopefully produce a track in the process.

Strolling casually into Bill’s recording studio, he noticed that, as per usual, everybody was there expect Mick. On second look he noticed that Mick Taylor was not there either.

“Where are the Mick’s?”

“I think Jagger is just late, but oh, theres Taylor there now!”

Just as Keith finished speaking, Mick Taylor walked in, guitar case in hand. This would be the first time Jimmy and Mick played together, and he hoped they would get on well.

“Jimmy, great to see you again, ready to play?”

“Nice to see you too, lets get down to it shall we boys?”

Mick Jagger had finally arrived, so he and Keith were working on lyrics, while Charlie and Bill were working on rhythms and riffs, leaving Jimmy and Mick Taylor to work out the main guitar melody. They worked really well together, as they both had the same blues origins and both loved incorporating it into new material.

“So who's the sound tech here anyway” Jimmy asked, while in the process of tuning his guitar down.

“Allie, she's been with us for the album, she's great, have you met her before?”

“Hmm, the name doesn't sound familiar I don't think”

“Well she had an appointment, so she’ll probably be here within the next hour” Mick commented, a shy smile coming onto his face when mentioning her.

After around half an hour of messing around, the boys were finally ready to start the recording tapes. All that stopped then was the missing sound tech.

“Good afternoon boys, I, being your guardian angel have brought lunch for all of us” Alice said cheerily, bursting through the door with a bright smile.

Jimmy’s head shot up at the sound of her voice, suddenly connecting all the dots. The feeling in his gut about meeting her, the woman in the hotel, and the ‘Allie’ nickname.

“Oh thank you Alice, forgot to mention we invited a special guest to join our entourage, last night at Bill’s after you and Taylor left” spoke Mick Jagger with his usual eloquence.

“Alice!”

“Jimmy” Alice replied curtly, a hint of sourness in her blank expression. Jimmy was now in front of Alice, greeting her.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, its been what, nearly four years! I didn’t even know if you were still an audio tech” Jimmy said warmly, excited to see her again

“I would say it’s a pleasure to see you too, but its not, so I wont” Alice casually said, blanking him, and moving further into the room. She set the bags of fresh food on the table, in the back of the recording section of the large hall. Jimmy watched her walk away casually, totally taken off guard by her coldness. The rest of the Stones all caught this too, extremely confused, but a little entertained by their encounter.

“Wait, you guys know each other?” Keith asked, a small smirk on his lips, pointing between the two.

“I would say used to know, I was on of the engineers on Zeppelin II in 69”

“Hold on, I didn’t know you worked Zeppelin II? That means you must have been a teenager when you worked on it. Blimey” Mick, asked, all of this coming news to him, as well to the others. 

“I suppose you wouldn’t, after all I wasn’t even credited, nor my boss Tom” Alice said coolly, still not turning away from setting up the various soups and sandwiches. 

Obviously, the teenage Alice that Jimmy once knew was long gone. 

“God, Allie you look so old, what are you now? Twenty four, twenty five” Jimmy asked, sampling the new nickname, trying to break the stifling awkwardness that now infected the room.

“Still getting my age wrong I see, Jimmy. Im surprised you still know my name, after all the stunts you pulled over the last four years” Alice replied, walking directly towards Jimmy, accompanied with razor sharp glare. She now stood directly on front of him, slightly invading his personal space. She has grown taller and her face matured, loosing the slight roundness to her cheeks she once possessed. She apparently had cut off her long wavy crimson locks, in favour of a modern, dark brown bob.

“Uh, what’re you talking about?” Jimmy asked chuckling nervously as he scratched his head, hoping she wouldn’t notice his feigned innocence.

“Oh I’m sure you know, as does everyone else in this room. I don't really have the energy to continue this irrelevant conversation, or frankly, any conversation in general with you at this point. Also, it’s Alice to you” Alice stated sternly with a finger pointed to his chest. Jimmy could practically see the ice swirling in her cool blue eyes, the eyes he had come to miss over the years. He had never had encountered her true, red headed temperament. Now that he was on the receiving end, he desperately wanted to stay away from it.

“I’m not really hungry anyway, so I’ll be in the mod room if you guys need me” Alice said, directing her words to everyone but Jimmy, before leaving and entering the conjoining mod room. Mick Taylor quickly set his down his burnt orange Les Paul, then followed Alice out of the room.

“Woah, I haven’t seen drama like this since the last time Mick and Bowie had an arguement - which was last week, I think hmm” Keith remarked with a sarcastic finger on his chin, before moving to serve himself some soup.

“Actually Keef, I think this charade is a lot more entertaining than David’s and I’s little tiffs, as this is bit more of a lovers quarrel”

“Better not let Taylor hear that, or he’ll have to have a word with you Pagey” Bill commented, wide grin now on his face.

Jimmy was now the confused one. He turned to Charlie, silently asking him about Alice and Mick with the point of his finger. Charlie simply shrugged his shrugged his shoulders in response before going back to drumming a riff with the hi-hats and snare drums.

After everybody had ate or, cooled off, recording was finally underway. After a couple of takes, Alice interrupted to give some pointers.

“Look boys, I’m gonna be candid with you all. It sounds shit” Alice said into the mic. Ever since she had gotten more experience under belt, she became renowned for her no bullshit opinions. In turn, people valued her honestly and knew what she said was, more often than not, right.

“Yeah, boys let’s not sugarcoat it, we’re not exactly gelling as one” Keith commented, starting to become fed up with having to balance not only Mick Jaggers usual dramatics, but another egotistical lead guitarist in the mix.

“Okay, what do you think love?” Mick Taylor asked softly, trying to keep the peace before something erupted. He wasn’t wrong, the Stones, along with a quarter of Led Zeppelin, and a hot headed tech was a bit of a lethal cocktail. Fights often combusted quickly between the Stones and Alice, as all members were just as stubborn as each other.

“Well it sounds like there’s 5 Stones, and 25% Led Zeppelin playing. What I want, and what fans want to hear is The Stones featuring Jimmy Page. You five need to change your usual routine of recording for once and mix it up. And you” she looked to Jimmy “need to stop pretending you’re with the other boys. You both need to work with each others strengths and quit overcompensating. Stop pretending you’re something you’re not”

Everybody in the entire house probably could pick up that the last sentence was a direct jab to Jimmy. Another awkward silence passed, ultimately stemming from a staring contest between Alice and the famed guitarist.

“Oh my fucking god, kill me now” Mick muttered, pinching his nose, while Charlie just rolled his eyes and started drumming the start of the song. Eventually Keith started the riff with Mick Taylor,along with Bill and Charlie carrying the bass and percussion, and Mick Jagger singing the lyrics. Only when they reached the solo part, did Jimmy break eye contact with Alice and begin playing.

Finishing up recording, the boys all started to leave. Mick and Jimmy were the last to pack up their stuff, and an uncomfortable air fell over them. Obviously they both either had history, or were making history with Alice. Eventually Mick realised he should probably let the pair talk it out, so, as Jimmy toward the mod room door, Mick moved toward the hallway door.

“Alice, can we talk? Obviously things have become a bit strained between us, and I don’t want it to stay like this” Jimmy started softly. It was probably his choice of words that set Alice off, as immediately after his finished she whipped around from the sound board and kicked off.

“ 'Strained' Jimmy, are you serious?! Strained?! First of all, you didn’t even tell me you weren’t mixing the album with us, and then you just left after our night together. Then- don’t try to interrupt me James. Then, you barely even credit Tom for his songwriting tips on the album. You didn’t even mention me once, even whenever anyone brings up that Theremin part in ‘Whole Lotta Love’! You blush and go on to explain how it was your own fantastic brain that thought of it. The you had the audacity to diss Mystic studios in the papers! What was it you said again? Oh yeah, 'Mystic Studios was far from mystical and closer to meagre, and as a result, the workers were too.” Alice snarled, stream practically blowing out her ears.

“Okay, I agree that comment about Mystics’s capabilities was definitely wrong, I was extremely out of it in that interview- hell I even jibed Atlantic Records!” Jimmy was now getting frustrated too. Normally, no one put him in his place, or gave out to him.

“And then how cold you were about Tom!”

“Wait what happened with Tom?” Jimmy inquired, now serious.

“Oh my fucking god Jimmy” Alice shouted at him “you don’t even remember to you?” She said with a laugh. She searched his face, but all she saw was confusion in his light grey eyes.

“Tom had a fucking stroke last year. Peter told you, and don’t you dare deny it, as he told me he informed you all when I spoke to him on the phone. For Christ’s sake even Bonzo rang to see how he was doing! He didn’t even have my number, but he found it anyway! Robert and John joined the call after he finished speaking. When I asked for you, they said you were in a closet fucking a groupie!”

“Look Alice, I’m sorry, I don’t know what to sa-”

“I’m not surprised Jimmy, it’s a marvel you can play guitar at all, with having no fucking sense in your thick head”

“Stop being so fucking rude to me, you’re not perfect either! Don’t act so high and mighty! I know what went on in Geffen records! I’m mates with David Geffen” Jimmy was no shouting too. At the mention of David Geffen, Alice’s face immediately switched from red to a pale white.

“You do not know what happened between myself and David, if you did, you wouldn’t speak to him ever again” Alice spoke low and slowly, her face now white as a sheet.

Unbeknownst to the pair, all of the Stones were listening outside. When they heard Jimmy shouting about Geffen, Mick Taylor had enough and burst in. The rest of the boys tried to stop him, but he broke free.

“Jimmy, stop it. You don’t know anything about the Geffen incident. You don’t know Alice anymore. I suggest you leave her alone before I step in more. Al, let’s go, our driver is outside.” Mick stretched his hand out to Alice, her eyes now watery, trying to bite down her quivering lip.

Alice immediately joined Mick, and left without a second look to Jimmy.

Jimmy, now alone in the mod room, felt his gut twist with guilt. Had something bad happened with David Geffen and Alice? His mind wondered to Mick’s choice of words -‘incident’. He had heard rumours that were more damaging on David’s behalf, but being friendly with him, he thought he knew him better than all the tabloids and industry gossip.

Jimmy realised that both he and Alice had changed drastically in the last four years, how could he have expected everything to go back to how it was in the summer of ‘69? Now, they were even more distant than ever before.

Maybe they had missed their chance at eternity. Maybe the stars had uncrossed.

His heart nearly broke at the revelation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok so chapter four !!!

I wanna write angst more often it’s my guilty pleasure

anyway, I think this is my favourite piece I’ve written 😌

navigation

star crossed masterlist

tag list : @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @princesspagey @dreamersdrowse

[kim-seungmine]

dream the night away

title: dream the night away

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids

genre: slice-of-life, romance, angst, best friends to lovers au, idol au, idol!hyunjin, hyunjin centric, inspired by 3racha’s cloud 9 but not really?

warnings: minor character death, sometimes heavy, slow burn (aka i wanted it to be but i wasn’t patient enough), i tried to proofread, i gave up trying to format text convo on tumblr, i think they kiss a lot.

word count: 11.6k i’m so sorry

synopsis: one night, hyunjin wonders how he long can stay floating on cloud 9 before he loses his balance and falls all the way down to the pits of hell. After that, nothing feels right.

disclaimer: this is idol!hyunjin so i just wanna say that this is not how hyunjin is in real life and im not trying to convince you that he feels the things in the story. some parts are inspired by the things they’ve said but everything that happens here is pure fiction... which actually goes without saying since this is a fanfic, but i just feel the need to say it. for my personal long ass author’s note, you can read it below.

Hyunjin is met with darkness when he steps into the dorm. It used to be more packed, it used to be messier, and it used to be really loud. Now he only shares the dorm with the 00z who are surprisingly quiet if you think about it. Seungmin sleeps early, Felix has his headphones stuck to his ears and plays games until the sun rises, and Jisung is snugged somewhere watching movies. On busier days, Seungmin and Felix are at the company for lessons and Jisung spends the night at the studio with Chan and Changbin. Hyunjin, meanwhile, usually has some photoshoots.

However, tonight feels unnaturally quiet, especially since Hyunjin has just won his first Bonsang as a solo artist. He switches the lights on, and his friends are soundlessly huddled together by the fridge, Jisung holding a small cake.

“Surprise!” Seungmin exclaims rather flatly as Hyunjin drops to the floor out of shock, shouting profanities. Felix proceeds to grab some candles from the kitchen counter and lights them up. “Come on, blow the candles."

Hyunjin lets out an amused sigh, rising to his feet before blowing all the candles out. “Please tell me these aren’t those candles that stay lit n—what the hell.”

He continues blowing, his friends giggling while Seungmin groans. “Why did you have to curse? I was about to post that on Instagram Story!”

“Why are we doing this anyways? We’re not 18 anymore,” Hyunjin protests half-heartedly. He can’t really remember the last time they gave each other a proper surprise. It feels like ages ago. Jisung scoffs, searching for a knife inside one of the kitchen drawers. Slicing the cake, he retorts, “Your dramatic ass loves surprises, stop denying it.”

“Anyone has anything to do tonight? The hyungs want to come over,” Felix informs while typing on his phone. Hyunjin’s vibrates after a few seconds; everyone on the Stray Kids group chat must be congratulating him.

Seungmin opens the chat, frowning. “Where’s Jeongin?”

“He hasn’t been replying since hours ago. That brat probably fell asleep. Just ask his bro if he’s home,” Hyunjin suggests, about to reply to Chan’s message when another message pops up.

y/n: sorry i couldnt watch the show

y/n: but i saw the news! congratulations!!

y/n: so proud of you, as always!

Hyunjin’s eyes light up at your messages. It’s been months since he saw you; he’s been busy with his solo debut and you’ve been busy with school. When both of you were children, you often pictured how life would be. Hyunjin would be a famous soccer player for Manchester United and the captain of South Korea national team. You would be studying to become a doctor.

He finds it funny that you’re doing the exact same thing while he’s doing something he never even imagined before. Hyunjin is always amazed at how well you planned your whole life and executed every single plan, albeit not always instantly.

After all these years, though, he dares to say that both of you turned out okay. Amazing, even.

“Order whatever you want. I’m eating outside but I’ll be back soon,” Hyunjin tells his friends, bombarding you with messages before you turn your phone off, the thing you always do when you’re about to cram.

Seungmin arches an eyebrow. “Y/N?”

“Yeah. I asked whether she wants to eat gopchang with me.”

“You should really be careful.”

“Everyone knows we’re best friends. No one will make a weird rumor or anything.”

Jisung clicks his tongue. “Well, do you?”

Whenever someone talks about you, it always leads to this very conversation. Hyunjin decides to let Jisung’s question (sarcasm) hang in the air, but he knows the answer. Yes, he knows you and him are just best friends. Does he like it that way?

Hyunjin knows the answer to that too. He only pretends that he doesn’t.

You’re already slurping your soup when Hyunjin says hi to the restaurant owners, Mr and Mrs. Jang. “Oh Hyunjinnie, I just watched you on TV. You won something, right?” he asks. His wife ushers him to sit down, putting extra servings of kimchi on the table.

“Why didn’t I get extra kimchi?” You pout, shooting a jealous glare at Hyunjin who’s busy explaining what a Bonsang is to the owners.

“You did a good job, then,” Mrs. Jang coos. “You don’t need to pay today. It’s on us!”

You quickly put your spoon down. “What about me? I barely sleep thesedays, and I’m not as rich as Hyunjin!”

“Aigoo, you started eating before your friend came then demand for free food. You’re lucky we love you as much as we love Hyunjin.”

The couple laugh at your reaction, jokingly scolding you for being whinier than Hyunjin when it used to be the other way around. He smiles, remembering all the times he forced you to eat his eggplants for him and the times when he begged you to help him study because he needed to beat all of his friends.

“Eat,” you scowl. “You only have half an hour to brag. I have a night shift.”

Out of the times you’re being petty towards him, you were only seriously petty once: when he beat your English score in ninth grade although you were the one teaching him. He had to bribe you with a week’s worth of Haribo jellies before you stopped ignoring him.

Hyunjin giggles. “When’s your exam? Tomorrow?”

“Next week,” you whine. “But I have so many things to do! And I think someone stole my notes, I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Do you even understand half the pain I’m going through right now? All I need is one solid hour of sleep.”

“Hmm,” he hums. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

You widen your eyes, eyeing Hyunjin from head to toe. “Sometimes I forget you’re Stray Kids’ Hyunjin.”

He pretends to stab himself on the chest. “That h-hurts,” he fake-groans. “Then who do you think I am?”

“My neighbor,” you answer. “—who doesn’t even live at home anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re practically holed in hospital now.”

“Yeah but I go home every two weeks? You go home twice a year.”

“Excuse me?! I went home on your birthday… in the middle of a tour! I could’ve been sleeping or practicing, but I came home!”

He always “argues” with you until both of you are out of breath, clutching your chests because it somehow feels hilarious. You drink the last few drops of the soup right from your bowl, setting it back on the table and empty your glass in one go.

“I don’t have enough energy for this,” you sigh dreamily, prepping your head on your arm. “Tell me about everything. Your first Bonsang.”

Hyunjin can still hear his fans’ voices chanting his name and cheering for him as he delivered his speech while sobbing (this is what he hates from solo promotions, nobody else is there to stop him from crying or taking over the mic from him so he could calm himself down). He remembers every single word he said and the proud faces of his fellow artists. The thrill, the triumph, the satisfaction, the love… it’s making him emotional all over again.

He grabs a tissue to blow his nose. “I was surprised when the company said that I was invited. Our group hasn’t made a comeback this year, and although my song did chart quite well, I never expected they would even invite me.”

“They gave me a 5-minute stage! I was so happy, I sent you my rehearsal videos, right?”

You nod, imitating one of the moves in his dance break.

“Everything was even more amazing on stage, with Stays watching me. I think I was possessed during the performance… I was goddamn nervous though.”

“Yeah, I watched it on the way here. You kept licking your lip, I don’t care if your fans think that’s hot. To me you’re just a nervous mess…”

Hyunjin has started to pout when you add, “… who did a very great job nevertheless! It’s just that I’ve known you so long. You can’t hide anything from me.”

He notices how you’re holding your breath, waiting for him to respond. After years, Hyunjin thought he would take negative comments much less seriously, but apparently it didn’t become easier. It became harder, so hard that he had to take a 3-month hiatus last year.

With you, everything is different. You can tell him that he sucks big time and he’ll take it seriously, but he never gets offended. There are a lot of times when people treat him like he’s made of glass (or a snowflake, Seungmin once said), but you treat him the way you’ve always treated him and he loves it. None of his other friends understands, but your honesty is priceless. It’s what keeps him going; he knows you’ll never cherish him less no matter what you say about the way he dances and raps, or the way he looks and behaves. And he’s sure that his honesty also means the world to you. You are each other’s toughest critic, but it will never change anything.

“Hyunjin.” You place your hand over his, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth.”

He chuckles, flipping his palm to squeeze your hand. “You idiot. You just stated the facts.”

You squeeze his hand back before pulling away. “I’m looking at Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids who sold over 100.000 copies of his first solo album, who won Bonsang for the first time, who gets worshiped by everyone he locks eyes with—except for me of course. I’m a very proud friend.”

“Stop it.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but unable to hide his smile once he sees you grinning like a happy child. “How much time do we have left?”

You glance at your phone, sighing when a reminder for you to study pops up. “5 minutes. I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Can you even study during your shift?”

“I have to,” you mumble. “Anyways, thanks for dragging me out. I did miss you after all.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin says, probably too quick for his own good but he doesn’t regret it.

“I’ll be going now.” You stretch your limbs, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Any last words before I go to war?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“Oh, right.”

Chan is the only one awake by the time Hyunjin gets back home. He huffs in regret, knowing that the hyungs decided to stay over to celebrate his Bonsang win. The leader greets him with a bear hug, carefully avoiding Felix and Minho who are fast asleep on the floor. “We’re so happy for you!” he whisper-yells. “How was Y/N?”

Hyunjin returns his hug with an even tighter one. “Thanks hyung. You composed the song after all! And sorry I came back too late.”

Chan shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. At some point we forgot why we were here and just started playing mafia.”

“Y/N is fine, anyways, just tired.”

“She’s always tired, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. It turns out that medical students are probably more tired than us.”

Hyunjin leads Chan to his bedroom. Each of the 00z has their own bedroom now. It’s much more convenient and they can arrange their stuff however they want to (they avoid entering Jisung’s room as much as possible), but Hyunjin misses the mess at times. The old dorm was cramped, either too hot or too cold, and way too noisy, but it was home for quite a long time.

Chan seems to be having the same thought. “We miss you kiddos sometimes,” he laughs. “But we fixed that sliding door. It closes properly now.”

“As long as Changbin hyung keeps opening it with too much force it will be broken again in no time. Trust me.”

Both of them are lying on Hyunjin’s king size bed, staring at the sideboard table he dedicates for his music show—and now, music award—trophies. “The kids don’t really say it but they’re all so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I raised you well, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you kinda did.”

“Kinda?!”

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “You raised all of us. We raised Jeongin. And we raised each other.”

“3racha are almost finished choosing the final songs, you have 2 weeks to relax then we’ll start production right away. Our next tour won’t start until May, so we have plenty of time to prepare everything.”

“Ohhhhh I can feel my bones breaking already. We’re getting old,” Hyunjin whines.

Chan pats his thighs, cracking his knuckles before jumping out of bed. “You’re getting old,” he teases.

“I’m glad, though. Everything finally works out the way we wanted to. I guess we can say that we’re doing well now, right?”

Chan doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to answer and leaves the room right away. The latter ponders the rhetorical question for a while, recalling the goals they have reached for the past few years. Entering the Melon chart (and staying on Top 20 for a week), having one of the most successful world tour, winning prestigious awards at prestigious music awards, 3racha getting acknowledged as the industry’s top composers, 00z winning music shows for their unit debut last year, Jeongin getting drama roles, and last but not least, Hyunjin’s successful solo debut.

Feeling nostalgic, he scrolls through his phone, looking at old photos and silly videos. Looking at the lyrics he wrote on his note app. Then he goes through @realstraykids’ posts on Instagram, from when Jeongin still had braces until tonight. The latest selcas on his own official account are still getting likes, the fans showering him with praises.

Hyunjin has ticked off everything from his wish list. He has reached every goal he set a few years ago. They are doing well. He’s doing well.

He looks at his surroundings, immersing himself in the space and peace of his room that he once craved desperately. He’s supposed to be at peace now, but his mind won’t stop buzzing, asking himself what to do next.

For the very first time, Hyunjin realizes that he’s now floating on Cloud 9. Everything is perfect, he’s living his dream life. But at the back of his head, he can hear the clock ticking, ready to push him over the edge the moment he loses his balance, watching him fall all the way to the pits of hell.

Everything is perfect, but why does his heart feel so empty?

Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he tries to catch some comments the fans are posting. When he was a rookie he couldn’t get used to how fast the comments come in, and it’s something that doesn’t quite change. Probably he got used to it at some point, but they kept gaining fans that the comment section is always extremely active.

“Hyunjin oppa,” he pronounces the words slowly. ”Spo-spoiler please!”

He lifts his head to give the viewers a secretive smile. “Nope.” He wiggles his forefinger. “You have to wait for the teasers!”

“Ohhh the comments! You guys are so excited I can’t keep up!”

More comments flood in, and Hyunjin has to press his phone screen in order to read the one comment he’s been trying to read. “Recommend me a song, please!”

“Uhhh—” He takes some time to think of the songs he’s been listening to, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table while the comments keep coming in, but this time he spots words that stab him right on his gut. With trembling hands, he lifts his phone, clicking the report button as subtle as possible. His vision grows blurry as he reports every single comment that has the word “fuck you”, “die” or “talentless” in it.

The pause has become too long and too awkward, so he stops himself from reporting more and stares at the lens. “Ah, song recommendation!” he exclaims. “I have quite a lot but thesedays I’ve been listening to 00z songs a lot. We had so much fun promoting together.”

Hyunjin feels his other phone vibrating in his pocket, probably his mother checking in. It gives him a boost of energy, and he tells his fans he’ll stay with them for 10 more minutes. “When we’re just talking like this, I’m always reminded that we’ve come so far,” Hyunjin says, a smile on his face. “It feels good to know that all of you are making time for us, for me, after your busy day. And no, I’m not sleepy. Don’t worry, everyone!”

He reads some more comments, mostly cheesy pickup lines to cheer himself up as his brain is still trying to get all the hurtful words out of his system. “Ah, I think I have to go now,” Hyunjin announces lowly. “I have to go back to practice, if not Chan hyung will barge in and drag me back to the practice room.”

“What? You want me to get scolded by Chan hyung? Why are you so mean?!”

Hyunjin ends up staying for 20 more minutes before finally ending the broadcast. Conversation with his fans is something he values a lot; it gives him strength and makes him laugh. It makes him feel loved and he wants his fans to feel the same.

But it’s equally tiring. He has to brace himself for some less-than-nice comments, sometimes they are way too severe for him to handle that the company sues all the commenters. You’ve told him over and over again that those people aren’t his fans.

Everything could���ve been worse. Hyunjin still considers himself very lucky that he has much more fans than haters. Still, he often imagines how it will feel if he has no hater at all, since he does have some friends who seem to only hear pretty words.

Hyunjin stays inside the room for a few more minutes, replying to Seungmin’s messages and assures him that he’ll be back soon. He idly plays one of their songs he hasn’t heard for years, the song that was always included in their setlist before being replaced by some other songs. Hyunjin initially thought he wouldn’t need that song anymore, but tonight, he needs it. Maybe he needs it more now than before.

After making a mental note to ask the other boys to add the song back to the concert’s setlist, Hyunjin leaves, cursing himself for taking too much time to regain his composure.

Should I stop or not? Should I give up or not?

“Hwang Hyunjin, stop coming into my room without my permission! You literally trespassed into someone else’s property!”

Hyunjin groans into his pillow, instantly regretting his decision to pick up your call at midnight. “I didn’t!”

“Don’t lie to me. You took Gureum with you!”

He takes a quick glance at the rabbit plushie he placed on top of his pillow. Last night, he did go home because Kkami (everyone calls him old man now) got a little sick. “I miiiiight have made a quick detour next door when I was about to leave.”

“You’re pathetic. You got soooooo many plushies and toys and cute headbands from fansigns and you stole my Gureum.”

“Stop guilt tripping me! I missed Gureum, okay? Why didn’t you take him to your dorm?”

Hyunjin senses your hesitation as you clear your throat. “Well, sometimes seeing Gureum only makes me miss everyone more, so I just left him at home.”

Now he feels guilty. Your parents are currently staying overseas to take care of your sick little sister. He pictures you coming to an empty home every two weeks, exhausted and not having anyone to welcome you.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Our superstar isn’t busy?”

“I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice my precious time for my best friend.”

You scoff over the phone, but telling him to hurry up before ending the call. Hyunjin packs his clothes and toiletries, along with Gureum—his birthday present for your 11th birthday. You almost never sleep without it, yet the plushie still looks brand new.

Unable to hide his smitten smile, Hyunjin grabs his keys.

The apartment complex where Hyunjin lives has changed a lot over the years. The soccer field he used to play at is now a playground. The little bookstore you loved so much is now a bakery. Now there’s a big shopping mall right across the building. After saving up for a while, Hyunjin asked his parents whether they wanted to move to a bigger place. He kind of hoped that they wouldn’t want it because he wanted to stay close to you (although coming home is a real challenge for him). Luckily, his parents said no.

He enters your door password leisurely, recalling the time when your parents told him to take care of you.

So far, you’ve been the one taking care of him.

Hyunjin heads straight to your bedroom, opening the door and sees you curling on your bed. The mattress he sleeps on whenever he stays over is already laid on the floor.

“Gureum!” you yell when he throws the squishy rabbit to you. Hyunjin drops his bag and settles himself on the mattress, staring up at you.

“How’s your sis?”

You scoot towards the end of the bed, showing him a photo on your phone. Your sister is smiling; she looks much better than before, but still very pale and thin. “I haven’t called her,” Hyunjin admits. “But she got the albums I sent to her. Sent the ones signed by the others too. That kid loves Jisung, do you know that?”

“I got her into Jisung.”

He sits up, looking almost offended. “Your bias is Han Jisung?”

“This world doesn’t revolve around you, superstar.” You flash him a cheeky grin. “I wanted to ask you to let me go to the backstage again last tour, but I restrained myself. As your kind best friend, I shouldn’t abuse my privilege.”

“You know that he never cleans his room, right?”

You hum, “Nobody’s perfect, Jinnie.”

“Oh come on!” Hyunjin protests. “If it’s Jeongin I understand although he also never cleans his room. But Jisung? And you’re calling yourself my best friend!”

“He’s funny!” you argue. ”He has a nice voice—it’s really sexy when he raps, he dances well, he wrote all my favorite Stray Kids songs, and he actually had the balls to fight you. A real champ.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, making a gesture to snatch Gureum away from you. “And at the end of the day, you love him,” you add. “He makes you laugh too.”

Well, it’s a fact he can’t refute. You ask, “Do you think I should hit on him or something? Will people call me out? Does he have someone?”

“We are not having this conversation Y/N. I don’t care if both of you are my best friends, you’re not dating Han Jisung. What happened to that ‘hot senior’ Jung Jaehyun? The last time we called, you were so in love with him.”

The mention of Jaehyun’s name causes you to slump into your bed, covering yourself with your thick blanket. “I sort of blew it up,” you mumble. “He asked me on a real date and I said no.”

You seem to hit realization that’s way too late, and now you’re hollering, “I said no to Jung Jaehyun! Oh my God Hyunjin… I’m such an idiot!”

Hyunjin can’t contain his giggles. Relief washes over him; you and Jaehyun seemed rather serious and while he wished you well, the thought of you being with someone else always pains him. He knows he’s not allowed to feel that way just because you’re best friends.

Most of the times, he can’t help it.

“He’s a real gentleman and he said he was into me. ME. Everyone would throw themselves at him but he came up to me and I flat out rejected him. What the hell is wrong with me?!”

You’re rolling on your bed, whining and kicking at the air. “I tried not to think about it but… it was just a date? Even if I didn’t end up dating him at least I could tell my grandchildren that I went on a date with Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is he really that great?” Hyunjin asks, out of curiosity but laced with jealousy he hopes you can’t see. His words sound distant to his own ears, triggering his fear of losing you.

“Yeah, I guess?”

You nudge his legs when he doesn’t respond. “How about you? Everything’s fine? You don’t look happy thesedays.”

Hyunjin never lies to you. You have a full access to his heart; he lets you in on his happiest days when life feels like the shiniest summer. He also lets you in even after the messiest thunderstorm when he feels that everything is fucked up. This time, he wants to lock you out. There’s nothing to see, there’s nothing to fix.

His heart is empty—he is empty, and he wants to protect you from the bleakness of it.

“I’m fine, just been arguing with Felix and Minho hyung over the song we’ll perform. It feels too monotone for me, but they think it’s perfect,” he explains, not completely lying. “I don’t know if I’m being selfish but somehow I just can’t let it go.”

“Have you tried explaining to them? Not how you feel, but how the song is. You can always go technical, you don’t need to worry just because Minho is more experienced.”

Hyunjin sighs. “I did, but probably it’s just me.”

“Do you wanna talk things out?” You yawn, squishing Gureum into your chest. “Or do you want to just sleep?”

He glances at the clock. “We both need sleep. It’s almost 3A.M.”

“Alright. Good night—I mean good morning!”

Hyunjin stretches his neck to look at you, your eyes are already closed. He relaxes his body and tries to sleep, but his jumbled mind keeps him awake. Hyunjin waits until you’re fast asleep before scooting closer, softly taking your hand in his before closing his eyes once again. He did it a lot when he was younger, holding your hand until he fell asleep. You nagged at him because it woke you up, but you never told him to stop doing it.

Tonight is no different.

“Hyunjin?”

“Sorry.”

You turn to him, “It’s okay.”

He mumbles a thank you, ready to go to sleep when you move to the mattress. Hyunjin gulps at the close proximity, it’s been too long since you slept on the same bed as him.

“Hyunjin, I missed you.”

Hyunjin heard a theory somewhere: 3.A.M-conversations are the most honest. It’s a little over 3A.M now, and he doesn’t how much of that theory is true, but your words fuel something deep within him. The feeling so strong he has to tear his gaze away from you. Hyunjin slowly pulls you into his arms, patting your back in rhythm with the clock.

He grazes his lips on your shoulder, mouthing his reply quietly, “I missed you too.”

You nod against his chest, pulling your hand out of his grasp so you could circle your arms around his torso.

Hyunjin falls asleep almost immediately, succumbing to the warmth and comfort you radiate.

He’s going to be alright.

“Do you think I’ll ever debut?”

Hyunjin takes off his SOPA jacket, plopping onto the bed while you’re munching on a pack of jelly. “Let me sleep for 10 minutes. I have to go to the company after this.”

You slap his thigh. “Why do you always sleep in my room? If I got a dollar everytime you sabotage my bed I’d be really rich now. Get out, you have practice!”

He reaches for your knee, using it as a pillow. Hyunjin feels you soften as you card your hand through his hair. “Is it hard? Are those mean hyungs still bothering you?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Changbin hyung told those motherfuckers to mind their own business.”

“Stop cursing!” you hiss. “It’s not cool, and what if you accidentally curse on broadcast later? You have so much to learn…”

Hyunjin opens his eyes and smiles when he meets your gaze. “Do you think I’ll ever debut?” he repeats his question.

“Have you seen yourself dancing? You’re better than most of the trainees I saw at the open showcase. Plus you have so many girls screaming your name. No offense, but that is definitely a plus point.”

You give his head a little smack when you notice doubt flashing through his orbs. “I believe in you, Hyunjin. Don’t doubt yourself,” you tell him softly. “And if you need someone to give those ‘motherfuckers’ a lesson, just call me. I know some people who can shut them up.”

He lets out an obnoxious gasp. “Are you a gangster now?! Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. Looks like you have to say goodbye to medical school now…”

You sigh, now it’s your turn to look at Hyunjin with doubt in your eyes. “I’ll get in, right? What if I flunk my results later?”

“This is why I hate smart people,” he bemoans. “You rank first in the whole school, stop saying nonsense.”

Both of you a few more minutes lying in silence. When he waves you goodbye, Hyunjin feels like he can soar.

He’s safe with you, and you’re safe with him.

“Hwang Hyunjin, get off me!”

Hyunjin wakes up to you trying to untangle your legs from his. He catches your flailing legs, removing his before examining your face. “It’s almost noon. Aren’t you running late?” you pester, pointing at the clock.

“Lunch?” he asks.

This is supposed to be awkward. Hyunjin can’t recall what happened a few hours ago before blushing—he’s never been that intimate with you before. You two have had a fair share of platonic cuddle sessions, but last night felt different.

“Not yet,” you mutter. “I just woke up. Oh God my back hurts.”

He wants to know whether you feel the same, but you’ve made your way to the bathroom before he could ask anything. “What do you want to eat?” you yell, almost incoherently due to the toothpaste in your mouth.

“You’re not going to shower?” Hyunjin playfully shrieks.

“It’s my day off!”

“My mom must’ve cooked something. Gimme 10 minutes.”

Although he’s done this at least a hundred times, it’s still hard for Hyunjin to leave home. Seeing his he’s never able to stop his heart getting heavier at the sight of bidding his family goodbye until God knows when.

“Please come home more Y/N,” his mother asks you, raising her eyebrow. “Hyunjin seems to randomly pop up whenever you’re here, so please, come home more.”

You smack his back loudly, causing him to let out a choked groan. “I’ll teach him a lesson, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin gives his mother a sheepish smile, knowing all too well what she meant. He pulls you out before she starts grilling him for information, yelling one last goodbye before closing the door. You search for something inside your bag, stopping him from pressing the elevator button.

“You left something?”

“My dorm key,” you answer, walking back to your own unit. “You should just go,” you say. “It’s in the middle of the day anyways, we shouldn’t be seen together.”

Hyunjin follows you inside, watching you rummage through one of the buffet drawers. He notices how your shoulders are slumped and the way your eyebrows furrow. As his mind wanders to last night once again, you jab at his stomach lightly. “Hey, you’re spacing out.”

“Oh,” is all Hyunjin can say. He takes a good look of you, something he always does before he parts ways with you. Before he can stop himself, Hyunjin has wrapped his arms around you, letting you hear his erratic heartbeat. He still misses you, even after spending the whole night together.

Eventually, you pull away. “I’ll go first.” You ruffle his head. “See you when I see you?”

“See you soon,” he corrects you.

You smile, taking your bag from the floor and when he blinks, you’re gone.

Hyunjin still misses you now, even when you were just in his embrace a few minutes ago, burying your head into the crook of his neck. The empty space in his heart seems to expand whenever he thinks about you.

It hurts.

Minho ends the dance practice and everyone collapses on the floor the moment the music stops playing. Hyunjin immediately restarts the discussion they had before practice started.

“We used to sing both Grow Up and You Can Stay, why do we have to choose one now?” he demands while all of them are sprawled on the floor. “Our fans miss it too, I think it’s the perfect chance to bring it back.”

Chan takes a deep breath, nodding at Hyunjin. “I can’t see why not,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t even remember why we abandoned it in the first place.”

Hyunjin does, and he knows Chan does too. It was simple, really. The song that once gave them comfort turned into this big monster made out of their worst nightmares. Each member had cried to the song during some of their concerts, and now performing it in front of everyone always brings back the painful memories.

“Yeah, we should sing it again,” Felix adds, kicking Jisung’s leg so the latter would sit up and voice out his opinion. “Well.” Jisung scratches the back of his head, “I’m cool with it.”

The rest of the group mumbles similar answers and Chan claps, giving Hyunjin a thumbs up. “Hyunjinnie is all grown up,” he praises before gathering his things and leaves. Hyunjin snorts at the leader’s compliment, but his sparkly eyes can’t fool anyone.

He pulls out his phone to relay the happy news to you, but the sparks in his eyes quickly fade when his messages from hours ago are still unread.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asks.

Seungmin checks his phone. “5A.M.”

Hyunjin wipes his sweat, chugging his water. Their American tour starts in a few days, and while he’s ecstatic because they’ll be performing at LA Staples Center for the first time, he also feels uneasy.

He takes out his phone, opening his contacts and stops when he sees your name. He stares at the number he remembers by heart.

“You okay?” Seungmin asks. “If you’re worried about District 9’s formation change, don’t. You nailed it today.”

“District 9…” Hyunjin trails off. “We’re getting too old for District 9.”

Jeongin grunts in agreement. “Whenever we finish my head always spins for like a minute. It’s been too long.”

“Yah,” Seungmin scolds him. “You need to get it checked. What if there’s something wrong with your head?”

The youngest does an exaggerated head banging, earning a kick from the puppy-like boy. Hyunjin chuckles at the two’s antics; some things never really change, and he’s grateful that this is one of those things.

Seungmin throws a playful punch at Jeongin’s stomach one last time before focusing his gaze back on Hyunjin. “Seriously though, did something happen?”

Hyunjin’s brain has a lot of template answers to questions like this, but the cliché words on tip of his tongue feel burning. His friends wait patiently as he fumbles for words, blinking his tears away when he fails to find the right words.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything,” he finally concludes. “It’s just—ever since Bonsang, it’s been hard. It’s been… nothing. Empty.”

Seungmin and Jeongin only nod, as if they understand how he feels. They probably do, Hyunjin thinks. Maybe he’s not the only one. Maybe all of his members have experienced it at some point, although at different times. Hyunjin feels slightly relieved at the thought. I’m not insane.

When he was a trainee, he thought everything would be fine once he debuted. It was, to some extent. But he was young and naïve, and when things beyond his control happened, Hyunjin barely managed to stay afloat. People told him how to handle stress, how to voice out his concerns, how to manage his body, mind and soul. He knew how to survive, theoretically.

No one actually taught him nor the other boys, and for an 18 year-old boy, feelings got intense quickly. After some trials and errors, everyone figured that it was best not to bottle up their feelings. Once again, it sounded easy in theory. In reality, with so many things happening at once, most of them eventually created a space in their own heads to seal everything in. They endured.

Jeongin looks at him with hesitation, rubbing his hands together. “It happens,” he reassures him. “It’s okay to worry about it, hyung. But worry about it with me, please!” Jeongin raises his tone. “You can barge into my room anytime. You can annoy the hell out of me, but stop suffering alone, will you?!”

Seungmin can’t miss the chance to tease the maknae. “Says the one who cried alone all night long in the bathtub after losing his voice.”

“If I hadn’t found you, you would’ve passed out,” Hyunjin adds. Jeongin lifts his hands in defeat. “Whatever. But I meant what I said.”

“Our Jeongin is so dependable,” Hyunjin coos.

“You say that all the time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes. “And then still baby me.”

Seungmin takes Hyunjin’s phone from the floor, passing it to the owner. “Call Y/N.”

Hyunjin panics a little. “Why?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Better days start after meeting the person you want to see the most!”

“Speaking of you and Y/N,” Jeongin quips. “You guys aren’t in high school anymore, stop flirting with each other and date already.”

Hyunjin gets a surge of bravery and dials your number, but immediately regrets his decision with each passing minute. He almost ends the call when you finally answer. “Hyunjin?”

“H-hi,” he stammers. “Busy?”

“Kind of... What? What happened?”

“Can we meet? I only need a couple of minutes. You’re in Seoul, right?”

“I am. Hyunjin, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

It’s scaring me too.

“I want to tell you in person. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

Hyunjin isn’t sure when the lines between best friends and something more started to get blurry. The worse thing is, he realized it way too late and things got complicated before he could do anything about it.

“It’s too late to back out,” he mouths to himself while opening the stairwell door in the hospital you’re currently at. You’re sitting on one of the steps, dozing off as your head hits the wall every now and then.

Hyunjin runs his hand through his hair, guilt consuming him. He sits beside you, pulling your head to his right shoulder. The two of you always attended the same school until high school, when he decided to enroll in SOPA instead of a regular school. Since then, he never really knows what’s going on in your life. You told him about your close friends, the small fights, medical students’ inside jokes, the good looking boys, all the knowledge and experiences you’re grateful for despite the never-ending suffering and constant lack of sleep. You told him everything, but he’s never actually seen you in your world.

You’ve seen enough of his world—you’ve gone to his concerts, awards shows, even fansigns (as a prank because you wanted to see him getting all flustered while pretending not to know you). Hyunjin never has the time or makes an effort to do the same, and while it’s completely understandable due to the nature of his job, he feels like he’s going to lose you.

As he brushes your hair out of your face, Hyunjin asks himself whether he’s good enough for you.

“Whoa,” you suddenly whisper, straightening your body. “Did I fall asleep?”

Hyunjin stops you from getting up. “You must be tired.”

“So are you.” You remove his hand from your head. “So tell me. What’s going on?”

You’re here, sitting beside him, only wanting truth to come out of his mouth. Hyunjin bites his lip, the urge to just let go is eating him up, his soul begging him to get some answers. The familiar hollowness is back, and tears start to roll down his cheeks.

This isn’t the first time he cries in front of you, so you just pat his head, waiting for the tears to stop. “I’m sorry,” he groans. “I’m so sorry Y/N.”

You lift his head, eyes looking straight into his. “What for?” you mutter. “Hyunjin, please tell me.”

Hyunjin makes a silent plead at himself to toughen up, but it’s hard when you’re staring at him like this, wide eyes filled with raw concern and sincerity that never fail to touch the deepest part of his heart. “Hmm?” you prompt, still patting his head ever so softly.

“It’s been hard,” Hyunjin sniffles. “It’s hard to look forward to the future. I feel restless all the time. I have nothing to fight for. It’s…,” He makes gestures with his hand in attempt to explain it better. “… empty.”

You wipe his tears with the sleeve of your white coat. “Do you know why you feel that way?”

Hyunjin nods. “We’re doing well, we really are… and that’s probably why. Everything is going too well I don’t know what thrills me anymore. I thought I’d feel content once I reached all of my dreams, but that’s not the case.”

He examines your face, rehearsing the next lines in his head again and again. You cock an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. And the last bit of Hyunjin’s defense crumbles with every blink of your pretty eyes.

“And you… I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right here with me, I still miss you. I have to hold back whenever I’m with you because I don’t want you to run away from me. I love you, Y/N. I don’t know when it all started but maybe I’ve always loved you and it hurts me not being able to tell you that. The emptiness… it gets worse whenever you tell me we shouldn’t be seen together or that you have to go or when you have other boys like Jaehyun who are clearly better for you than I am because they can be there for you. I love you so bad you don’t know how hard it is to go through days without you, without kissing you good night, without hearing you laugh for me. I keep thinking, ‘what if you’re suddenly gone?’ Maybe you’ll leave me someday, maybe you’ll tell me that you can’t be my friend anymore, but I need you, Y/N. I love you and I need you here with me to keep going. I—”

Hyunjin watches you slowly—very slowly—retract your hand from his head as words fail him, and he feels as if his guts are being hammered to pieces. He can’t read your eyes, can’t even try to define what your gaze means.

You eventually stand up, pulling him up with you. “I’m not the answer, Hyunjin,” you mutter. “You can’t expect that you’ll never feel empty again once I say that I accept your feelings. It’s just—it’s not fair. This isn’t just about us not being together.”

“But—”

“I know,” you cut him off, your body start shaking due to all the tension. “I know. That’s how you feel, and I can’t dictate you what to feel and not to feel. Think about it like this…”

You pause to check if he’s still listening to you. He nods, weakly.

“… you spent years working your ass off to get recognition from everyone, and you did it. Don’t ever forget that, I’m begging you. So all of your dreams have come true and you feel lost now… it’s okay. You have a lot of time, Hyunjin. You can always have a new dream, you can have a thousand more. Don’t make me the answer to everything just because you haven’t found any other answer.”

You wait for him to respond, but Hyunjin is frozen to his spot. His world is now upside down, and he doesn’t know how long it will take to fix everything.

Your phone rings, snapping him out of his trance. You look at him apologetically. “I have to go.” Those damn words again. “Ask Seungmin to help you ice your face, you don’t want to show up at the airport with swollen eyes, do you? Call me before you take off, okay? Hyunjin?”

He can only nod, trying his best to give you the most reassuring smile. He feels everything all at once: shock, shame, sadness… but mostly regret because you’re right.

You always are.

“Have fun on tour! Send me all the photos you take!”

Now it’s turn for Hyunjin’s phone to ring as you make your way out, leaving him alone. He’s about to press the green button when the door opens once again. Hyunjin lets his phone ring, watching you fidget with your hands.

He’s still pretty much tongue-tied, but forces himself to ask, “Did you ever… love me? As more than friends?”

To his surprise, you take quick steps towards him, tiptoeing to press your lips on his. Your eyes are closed, your hands are tied to your sides and it takes Hyunjin his whole willpower to refrain himself from pulling your body closer, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the life out of you. He closes his eyes and just stands there, accepting whatever you’re willing to give him because there’s nothing he yearns more than your love and trust.

Hyunjin almost whines when you pull away with red cheeks and teary eyes. “Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you. Only you.”

It’s Hyunjin’s 10th (or 11th? He can’t really remember) visit to New York, but he’s still as excited as a kid with his lollipop. After years of traveling from country to country, Hyunjin realizes that he just doesn’t get bored, ever. Each place holds a special memory he keeps close to his heart, something sentimental that motivates him to go back every chance he gets.

“Stand there,” he motions at Seungmin—the only one who’s willing to accompany him walking around the Empire State Building for the nth time—to stand at the spot he points at. Seungmin follows his instruction, smiling when Hyunjin starts counting. They examine the result and Seungmin shoves his leg. “I guess you finally learned something.”

Hyunjin feigns hurt, setting his camera’s focus on a group of kids, holding his breath before pressing the shutter. “As if you taught me anything.”

He glances at his bandmate who’s busy taking photos with his own camera. Photo hunting with Seungmin is always in Hyunjin’s “limited free time” itinerary. They’ve strolled around so many cities together, sometimes it takes the whole day if time allows them. Strangely, Seungmin never gets bored of it either and although it’s no surprise since he loves photography more than anything else, Hyunjin is grateful.

“You never say no whenever I ask you to take photos with me,” Hyunjin states. “Why?”

Seungmin frowns. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just wondering,” Hyunjin mumbles. “We do pretty much the same thing everytime. Sometimes I force you to go to the places we’ve been to… don’t you get bored?”

“It’s always different everytime, I thought that’s why sometimes you take photos at the same place? It’s never exactly the same, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin goes through the photos he took in New York last year, smiling at some of them as he recalls the funny anecdotes behind them. When he slips his phone back into his jeans pocket and lets his eyes wander… yes, nothing is exactly the same.

“You truly are a photographer. When’s your next exhibition, Photographer Kim?”

Seungmin snaps his finger. “Ah! Exhibition! I forgot to ask you, why don’t we held a joint exhibition this time?”

“You want to show your photos along with my photos?”

“Why not? Yours are amazing too! And you’re my best friend, it’ll be fun.”

Hyunjin imagines having his photo framed on the wall. Small placards pinned underneath, containing the words he constructs to explain each of them. The fans will come to feel how it feels like to be here behind the lens. Maybe people who don’t even know him will come too, and get a chance to actually know him.

He reaches his phone to relay the idea to you, smiling to himself when he finds messages from you instead.

y/n: [sends a picture]

y/n: ahreum finally woke up today! isnt she pretty?

me: everyone is prettier than you

me: you must be happy!!

y/n: ??????

y/n: oh. she asked me to recommend boygroup songs

y/n: i made her listen to every single skz song

y/n: and your solo songs!!!!

me: awwwwwww

me: and you cant be doing this for free right?

“Is that your best friend slash girlfriend?” Seungmin is suddenly standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. “You guys are so cute it’s making me feel sick.”

Hyunjin sighs, gazing at the busy street upon him. “We’re not dating. At least not yet.”

“What happened? Just realized that I never really asked.”

“She asked me to come to her when I’m ready.”

Seungmin looks at him quizzically, but decides not to press him further. “Are you ready now?”

They’re flying back to Seoul next week, and while he thought he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the tour, he truly did. He thinks of all the good things that have happened: the sold out shows, the happy tears, his improvement, the upcoming exhibition with Seungmin, and lastly, you—the one who’s patiently waiting for him.

There have been a lot of times when Hyunjin feels like he’s everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It sounds scary, but now he realizes that he only needs to admit that he’s indeed everywhere, but never nowhere.

“Almost.”

The instrumental of Grow Up starts to play and all the boys rush back to their designated positions. The atmosphere turns a bit more sentimental as the bridge approaches, they’re just looking at each other while Minho is singing his part. In the past, they often teased each other during this very part, afraid that they would break down if they let their emotions overtake them. Hyunjin averts his gaze to the audience, watching the beautiful color of their lightsticks light up the huge stadium. As he gestures at some of the fans to stop crying, Hyunjin thanks himself for convincing the others to add the song back to their setlist.

The song comes to an end, and Chan gathers everyone to make a circle. Hyunjin feels pats on his head and back, Chan’s voice drowned by the fans who are still singing. He can’t resist the urge to turn around, so he does just that, and what he won’t trade what he sees for anything.

Their fans are standing there, eyes focused on everyone on stage as they sing each syllable perfectly. Changbin follows his gaze, and soon all of them are facing the audience again, listening to every wish, every hope, and every message relayed through the lyrics of the song.

Hyunjin lifts his mic, eyes darting to Chan who gives him a nod of approval. “Thank you,” he begins. “This is our last stop for this tour, and I can’t be any prouder and thankful to all of you.”

He lets the translator translate his speech before continuing, “I had a lot of worries before the tour started. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to go through everything.”

“You made our dreams come true,” Hyunjin continues. “You made my dreams come true and I naively thought that was the end of everything. But I learned a lot during this tour, and once again, you made this happen. All the pretty words you told us, they mean a lot. They always will. I realized that this will always be my dream, no matter how many times this has come true. I want to make you, who stay with us throughout everything, happy. I want to be here for a very long time. I want to be with you, to be with the members and our family, for a very long time.”

He stops when he feels he can’t continue anymore, letting the others take the spotlight. He gives each of his bandmates with a loving gaze, stopping at Minho who lets tears roll down his cheeks this time. Jeongin is giggling beside him, walking over to wrap the tsundere hyung in a firm hug.

Hyunjin thinks they’ve really come a long way.

Being back home usually gives Hyunjin a peace of mind, but when he sees no notification on his phone, he feels weird. He dials his mother’s number, his heart grows even more anxious when she picks up.

“Oh Hyunjin-ah, did you just land?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come over here? Or do you have an important schedule?”

“No, we get 2 days off. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s sister passed away. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, we didn’t want you to panic.”

“Eomma! How could you?”

“I’m sorry. This is Y/N’s request as well. She’s been here for 2 days and no one can make her eat anything. Can you take her home?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re going to live in Germany! You’re such a lucky kid!”

The little girl smiles bashfully as you pout at her. “The luckiest girl on Earth,” you add, fixing her messy hair.

“If you’re so jealous of me, why don’t you come along?”

“Are you kidding?” you exclaim. “I’m on my way to be the greatest doctor in this country. You can’t change my mind.”

“Alright, it’s time to go,” your father interrupts, giving you one last hug before whispering things into your ear. Hyunjin steps back to allow you say goodbye to your family, tearing up at the painful sight. Your father, a doctor, accepts an offer to work in a hospital in Germany and takes the whole family with him since your sick little sister needs more intensive treatment.

But you’re staying to become a great doctor like your father, hoping you’ll get a chance to cure your sister later.

“Please take care of her, Hyunjin. We trust you,” your mother tells him. Hyunjin nods, enveloping your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here monitoring her every move and drag her back home whenever she spends too much time at the academy.”

Your sister laughs, bowing to Hyunjin. “I also want a boyfriend like Hyunjinoppa! Please take care of our unnie.”

You yank your hand away from him. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Hyunjin seems unbothered by your statement, bowing to your family to annoy you more. “Our family will take care of her, you can trust us.”

Your sister’s smiling face greets Hyunjin as he enters the funeral home. He stares at the photo then closes his eyes to pray, whispering strings of apologies that’s always too late. I’m sorry I never visited you. I’m sorry I failed to take care of your sister. I’m sorry I didn’t call you enough.

He bows to your family, the first bow since years ago, and he wishes he could turn back time. Hyunjin turns to you, gazing into your tired eyes. Your mother pulls him towards you. “She hasn’t eaten at all. Can you please bring her home, Hyunjin? I hope you’re not too busy. I’m sorry that we meet like this.”

“Hyunjin just landed in Seoul. How could you force him to come here?” you snap, returning his gaze. “Go home. I’ll call you later.”

Hyunjin almost yells in frustration, but swallows everything before dragging you out, only tightening his grip on your wrist when you try to pry his hand off of you. You keep shouting at him, yelling at him to stop, but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. He drags you all the way to his car, opening the passenger door for you.

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

Without waiting for you to move, he lifts your body and sits you down, fastening your seatbelt. “Please don’t push me away,” he pleads. “Why do you always tell me go home, go back to practice, to leave… why?! I promised your parents to take care of you. I promised your sister, why aren’t you letting me do that?!”

“I never asked you to do that,” you mutter through gritted teeth, causing Hyunjin to grip your shoulders.

“You only said that to hurt me,” he replies. “Even now you’re still trying to push me away. I want to be here Y/N. Don’t you want me here?”

You avoid his eyes, keeping your gaze on your clasped hands. “Tell me,” Hyunjin challenges. “Tell me that you don’t want me to stay with you, and I’ll leave.”

He waits for you to respond, letting out a relieved sigh he doesn’t bother hiding when you shake your head. “Want you here. Thank you.”

“Have you cried?”

After your sister was born, you were told not to shed tears in front of her. Your parents always scolded you if you started crying when you saw her in pain, and after some time, it became a habit. A habit that Hyunjin absolutely despises since it makes you suppress your feelings, as if punishing you for having feelings.

“I don’t know… maybe I haven’t.”

“You lost your sister, you can cry. Your parents cried a lot too, it’s fine.”

You nod, resting your head in the crook of his neck when tears start to well up. Hyunjin presses a kiss on your temple, finding himself tearing up the moment you start sobbing, something he has never witnessed although he’s known you for almost his whole life.

“Is this your Armani suit?” you manage to voice in the middle of sobs and snorts. He takes you into his embrace, chuckling, “Yes, but you can ruin it however you want. Another privilege as my best friend.”

“Can I abuse this privilege?”

“Ruining my expensive suits?”

“No,” you laugh airily. “Crying when you’re with me.”

Hyunjin cups your wet cheeks, gently pushing your hands away when you want to wipe your tears away. “Anytime. You can cry, laugh, curse, get angry, get drunk… you can do anything when you’re with me.”

And that’s all it takes before you start sobbing into his suit again. Hyunjin is standing there for the longest time, sandwiched by the passenger seat and door of his car with you in his arms. He doesn’t care, he will do it all over again, and he will do much more. For you, and only you.

“Where are you? It’s past midnight already!”

“Hwang Hyunjin, you’re lucky I’m willing to go home when I have a morning shift tomorrow,” you scold him over the phone.

“It’s my birthday! Wait, it isn’t even my birthday anymore!” he whines in an obnoxious tone that never fails to upset you. He giggles when he hears you huff, the sound of the elevator signaling that you’ve already arrived.

“You asked me to buy you a cake right before I left,” you hiss. “Now open the door, I’m outside.”

The call ends and Hyunjin rushes to the door. You’re carrying the red velvet cake he requested, the candles already lit and Hyunjin tries not to melt at the way you look at him. He did ask you to buy him a cake and “surprise” him at your apartment, but he is nowhere near ready to see you like this: all smiley and cheery for him despite sounding annoyed over the phone.

“Happy birthday,” you sing song, your smile growing wider as he blows the candle. Hyunjin returns your smile before taking the cake from you, pulling you towards your room. “Go get changed, I’ll slice the cake for you.”

A few minutes later, both of you are seated on your couch, talking about every little thing while enjoying the cake. Hyunjin tells you about Stray Kids’ upcoming comeback, a very special one since Minho choreographed the title track. You tell him about various cases that happened in the hospital while wondering if you’ll ever finish medical school and actually be a doctor.

Everything feels the way Hyunjin expects it to be, until you put your empty plate on the table and look at him straight in the eyes. “Hyunjin…”

He quickly swallows and places his plate on the table as well, never breaking eye contact with you. “What?”

You gulp. “Do you remember when I asked you to come find me when you’re ready?”

“Feels like yesterday.”

“Well,” you murmur. “I’m just wondering if you’re… ready.”

Fire lights up in his stomach, and before you can continue, Hyunjin is already trapping you between his body and the couch. “I am,” he says. “Are you?”

You brush his fringe with your fingers. “You were waiting for me?”

“You told me to start dreaming again, so I did,” Hyunjin recalls. “And I realized that all of my dreams are right in front of me—you, my family, the hyungs, Jeongin, the fans… keeping you guys with me is something I’ll always dream of although all of you are already here.”

You pout at him, but Hyunjin doesn’t miss the proud gleam in your eyes. “Then what’s taking you so long?”

He pinches your nose. “I waited for you to be ready, as you said before, it wasn’t just about us being together. I don’t want you to choose me only because you feel like you need me. I want you to… want me… to love me with a clear head. Just like what you wanted me to do. I want to give you the world, but only if you allow me to.”

You circle your arms around his neck, sighing happily, “You gave me the world, Hyunjin. You listen to me, you console me, you give me a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only one I’ve ever waited for, and I’m so glad that you came back to me.”

Hyunjin is sure that his whole system has stopped working, the words you just uttered feel like the strongest, yet the sweetest liquor he’s ever tasted. He is drunk on the love you offer; he’s drunk on your touch, your smile and everything you want to give him. You’re driving him nuts, completely nuts, but it’s the only thing he wants to feel. You are the only one he yearns to feel.

You seem to sense his burning gaze and start nibbling on your bottom lip. “So this is the part where you kiss me…”

“This is the part where I kiss you…”

You shake your head. “This feels weird. You’re my best friend.”

“You kissed me,” Hyunjin reminds you. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before.”

“No, but—” You pause to let yourself breathe. “I kissed you. This is different, I’m not going to survive you kissing me.”

“For the love of God Y/N, just—”

You point at your lips. “And I still have my lipgloss on!”

Hyunjin is caressing your reddening cheek now, trying to destroy the last bit of your defense. “And what’s wrong with that?” he asks softly.

“It’s sticky! Our lips will get stuck and it won’t be romantic.”

“So what do you want to do? Go into your room and wipe it off with a cotton pad or something?”

“Yeah, let’s do—”

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish as he finally dives in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that set both of you on fire. He hums when he feels your body relax in his hold, allowing him to savor you with so much longing and want. Hyunjin lets his heart take the lead, kissing you harder whenever you tug the ends of his hair and making him putty under your touch. It never feels enough, it feels like he only gets hungrier everytime you return his kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against his almost destroys him.

Nothing is stopping him now, he came back to you and you welcomed him with open arms. Hyunjin leaves one more open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling away with a loud pop, taking in the sight of you trying to breathe. You slowly meet his eyes with flushed cheeks, eyes mirroring his own and Hyunjin tries to remember every single detail. “God I love you so much,” he hears himself whisper.

You smile, lifting your hand to trace his face delicately. “I love you.”

“Are you mine now?” Hyunjin knows this is childish, but he wants to hear it. He longs to hear it.

Thankfully, you’re willing to play his game tonight. “Only yours.”

“No more mourning over Jung Jaehyun?”

“Jesus Christ, do you need to stoop that low.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin pecks your nose. “He doesn’t listen to K-pop, right? Introduce him to me.”

You roll your eyes. “I love you, why the hell are we talking about Jaehyun now?”

“Then what should we talk about?”

“Since we’re on a competition to ruin the mood, lemme burst your bubble: my parents are moving back in next week so we need another place to do... this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin answers. “What are we gonna do now?”

You wrap your legs around his torso, making him gasp. “I don’t know, kiss me again? I’m gonna tell you this just once, but I, along with thousands of other people, have always wanted to kiss you. It made me feel pathetic, but it is what it is.”

Hyunjin blushes, but refuses to lose to you. “You tried to make me not kiss you a few minutes ago and now you’re desperate to kiss me. Was I that good?”

“Hmmm I guess so,” you hum.

He swiftly lifts your body, grinning when you tighten your hold around his neck. “Well, I’m yours to kiss now,” he teases, trying to walk into room without knocking into things. You leave soft kisses all over his face, prompting Hyunjin to walk faster so he could just kiss you already.

When your back hit your bed, Hyunjin stops to admire your face. “I kissed you a long time ago, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes widen. “You? Kissed me? With those plush lips? When?!”

“You don’t remember? But it was our first kiss!”

You spend the next few minutes racking your brain before nodding. “Ah, it did happen a long time ago.”

“It’s okay, maybe you wanted to forget that moment. It was your darkest time, and I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Shaking your head, you run your thumb along his lip. “Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Hyunjin closes the gap between you once again, hoping to chase away all the sorrow inside your soul. You pull him closer, making him practically lying on top of you, feeling your chest rise with each touch of his lips on your skin. “Thank you,” a kiss on each of your eye, “for,” a kiss on the tip of your nose, “making me,” a kiss on your lips—this time he lets it linger, “dream,” a kiss on your chin, “again,” and a kiss on your neck.

It took Hyunjin so long to understand the world, and now he still hasn’t understood even half of it. But in the middle of his journey, he met you. He learned to dream, he learned to love you.

And he learned to love himself.

The door opens with a bang, revealing an incredibly panicked Hyunjin. He just finished training when he received a call from you, who said nothing but, “I won’t let you walk home alone.” You wouldn’t end the call throughout his way home, but refused to say anything else and almost making Hyunjin dash to the police station.

Hyunjin sees your shadow, letting out a small scream when he spots you lying on the floor in the dark. He runs to you, about to carry you back into your room when you stop him. “I feel like crying,” you rasp, choking on your saliva. “I can’t stop it.”

It’s been a month since your family left, and while you’re trying your best to be a big girl and live the way you always do, it’s not easy. Hyunjin lies beside you, eyes locked on the tears rolling down your cheeks. You never cry loudly. You never sob nor wail. You just cry silently, mostly in the dark so you can’t see yourself crying.

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, hovering over you before tracing your tears with his lips as if it can stop them. He pecks every wet spot, slowly getting to your lips. He leaves a chaste, barely-there kiss before wrapping his arms around you, whispering comforting things until you start falling asleep on the hard floor.

Hyunjin hopes you’ll allow yourself to cry however you wish to someday.

a/n: i was so happy writing this that i almost cried when i finished because i know i’m going to miss writing this one. this story feels so sentimental, happy and sad at the same time and probably that’s why i feel so attached to it. ive wanted to write this since last year, even before “give my heart a chance”. i always wondered what would happen after we reach our dreams and i hope you’ll feel a little better after reading this (especially if you’re experiencing the same thing). this story is a long journey, but i hope you’ll enjoy it. 

[scoopsgf]

93 for the angst/fluff pleeeeeease ?

93. “You’ve been quiet.”

“Something’s wrong with you.”

It takes Peter a minute to even look up from the textbook he’s been reading, which is sign B. Sign A was the complete and utter lack of talking from ten in the evening to now.

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been quiet.”

“I haven’t been quiet,” Peter argues. “I’ve been reading.”

“Quietly,” Tony tacks on. “That’s as weird as the Earth orbiting backward, Underoos. Where are the funny accents? Where’s the commentary on how even advanced high school education isn’t up to scratch? Where’s my running typo count?”

Peter snorts. He has the string of his hoodie between his teeth, which Tony had always seen other kids do and thought it was disgusting, but now it’s sort of... adorable?

God, what the hell is happening to him.

“Fifteen.”

“Huh?”

“For the typo count,” Peter tells him, before returning to his book.

Tony blinks. It’s not that he doesn’t think homework is important. He knows the kid needs to get it done. He’s been rambling on and on all week about the test he has for physics tomorrow and how if he fails he’ll yeet himself into another dimension, Mr Stark, seriously. Not only that, but May’s been on his ass lately about making sure the kid studies for at least an hour before they start ‘tinkering or whatever’.

Only this time, Peter had walked into the lab and he’d gone straight for the couch. No how was your day, Mr Stark, no what’s on the agenda today, Mr Stark. Just a grunt for a greeting and barely a nod in DUM-E’s direction.

So it’s worrying, to say the least.

Tony rolls his chair over to where Peter is sitting. The kid leans away in the same instant, pressing himself into the back of the coffee-stained couch. “Um.”

Tony squints at him. “Something is the matter.”

“Nothing’s the matter,” Peter says, all too quickly.

“No, it is.” Tony studies him more intensely. “You’re stressed? Bad day at school? Is someone picking on you?”

Peter leans back even more, looking more and more incredulous. “Who are you supposed to be, the Long Island Medium?”

Tony snaps his fingers. “Ah-ha! So it’s a bully! Is it that Flash twerp?”

“Oh my god, Mr Stark, no one has said the word ‘twerp’ unironically since, like, nineteen fifty-three.”

“You’re skirting.”

“You’re pushing.”

“I’m gently prodding,” Tony corrects, poking Peter’s shoulder just to prove it. “With care.”

Something in Peter’s expression changes. He seems to relax. “It’s not a bully,” he says. “Really, it’s nothing.”

“I beg to differ. You’ve barely said a word to me. What happened to my chatterbox?”

Just like he’d hoped (somewhere, without really realising it), that look morphs, grows. Peter’s lips quirk up into a half smile and his nose wrinkles. It’s ridiculous, really, the way Tony feels himself ease up with it. It’s enough of an assurance that no matter what’s up, whatever damage has been inflicted isn’t irreparable.

“Talk to me?”

“Talking hurts.”

Immediately Tony leans forward. “What is that supposed to mean? Are you depressed? Do you need a therapist?”

Peter’s face twists into something bordering on exasperated, which really isn’t fair. “I mean it literally hurts. My throat is sore. Has been all day.”

Tony’s reaction to that would normally be something along the lines of: oh no, germs, gross!

Instead, some other instinct takes over that has him reaching across the space between them to feel Peter’s forehead. “You’re warm.”

Peter sighs through his nose. “I figured.”

“What else hurts?”

A shrug. “Dunno. I just feel achy and run down.”

A year ago, Tony would have balked at the idea of spending more than five seconds in the presence of a snot-nosed teenager, but now, he gently runs his fingers through Peter’s hair. “Why didn’t you tell me, kiddo?”

“I just... I figured if you knew, you’d send me home—but May is covering Elsie’s shift tonight at the hospital so I’d be all by myself which normally is fine but I hate being alone when I’m sick, and I always feel better when I’m with you, so I just thought if I stayed over here and did my homework I wouldn’t have to worry about getting you sick too or—”

“Wow, it really builds up when you don’t speak for a while, huh?”

Peter pauses. Grins a little, but it falls. “Are you mad?”

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

“Because I’m covered in germs and contagious and probably should be under quarantine—”

Tony cuts him off gently. “I don’t like being alone when I’m sick either, kiddo,” he says, and all he can hear in his head is I always feel better when I’m with you, over and over, a continuous loop he hopes never ends.

Peter eyes him warily. “No?”

“No.” He pulls away and claps his hands. “So! A movie? Something good, something classic. Toy Story?”

“I’m not five.”

“Hey, don’t bag on that movie. I still like it and I’m thirty.”

“Thirty plus...?”

“Shush.” Tony pulls Peter’s textbook away, fixes his hoodie, and brushes his curls from his eyes.

“Are you, like, fussing over me right now? Like an anxious mother? Like, I’m not hallucinating this, right?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Don’t be such a Sass Bucket. Come on, get up.”

“But where are we going?”

“Your room,” Tony says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“My—what?”

“Ah, I neglected to mention that, didn’t I? Well, have no fear. It’s huge and covered in posters for all your favorite movies, but if you don’t like anything—”

“I love it,” Peter blurts. Then he blushes. “I mean, I haven’t even seen it yet, but I love the concept of it, and—”

Tony smiles. He gives Peter a light nudge between his shoulder blades. “Little hustle, spider-baby. There’s soup to eat and cheesy Disney movies to watch.”

“Disney is a greedy megaconglomerate that doesn’t deserve anybody’s money—”

“My god, can’t you just hush for two seconds?”

[sunriserose1023]

Merry & Married {5}

SUMMARY: It’s been almost a year since the most humiliating moment of your life. You’ve done your best to move on—by literally moving across the country, starting a new job, and you’re finally starting to feel settled. That, of course, is when your bubblehead cousin sends you the invitation to her wedding—which is exactly one year to the day that you were left at the altar. You have to go, but you don’t have to go alone. Enter Bucky Barnes, the best friend you’ve ever had. You fill him in, and of course he agrees to go home with you. What are friends for? Never mind the fact that he’s desperately in love with you. And if you hadn’t sworn off men forever, you might just find him … attractive. So there you are, surrounded by love, bridesmaid dresses, champagne, and no less than one hundred sprigs of mistletoe. What could possibly go wrong? WORD COUNT: 4265 WARNINGS FOR THE SERIES: Emotional angst, presumably unrequited love, friends to lovers, fluff, happily ever after, written for the @heamarvel​​​​ Holiday Movie Challenge

Masterlist

You glanced over your shoulder when the overhead light came on in the kitchen. Bucky had one eye closed, the other narrowed as he stared at you. 

“What are you doing?” “Why aren’t you asleep?”

He shrugged, yawning as he stepped into the kitchen, the white t-shirt he was wearing riding up as he raised his arms above his head. You quickly looked away when you saw the strip of skin, feeling your cheeks warm as you went back to kneading. Bucky shook his head, rubbing a hand on the back of his head as he shuffled towards you. 

“You okay?”

You shook your head. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” “So you decide to take your aggressions out on this poor dough?”

You gave a laugh. 

“I felt like being productive.” “What are you making?”

You looked down at the dough, the ingredients you had set out on the counter. Bucky followed your gaze, giving a quiet laugh when he picked up the “Everything But the Bagel” seasoning. He blinked, then turned his head to look at you. 

“Are you making bagels?”

You nodded, looking down as you kneaded the dough some more. You felt your cheeks flush again and Bucky stepped closer to you. 

“Y/N.” “Hmm?” “Why are you making bagels?” “Well, we’ve got to have something for breakfast.” “Yeah, but why bagels?”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, feeling like a fish. You lifted your head and met his eyes and his lips curved into a soft smile. His voice was pitched low, and the sound sent shivers up and down your spine. 

“Are you making bagels for me?”

You automatically shook your head, looking away from his cool sapphire eyes. 

“No, I … I usually make something for everybody while I’m here, and I just thought bagels would be something different this year.” “And it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m a born-and-bred New Yorker, the bagel capital of the USA?”

You swallowed, letting go of the dough and turning to look at him. 

“Maybe it had something to do with it.”

You’d barely even whispered the words, but Bucky smiled, stepping closer to you. 

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

You nodded and Bucky stepped closer, smiling when you closed your eyes and moved to rest your forehead against his chest. Your dough-covered hands hung by your sides, and Bucky lifted his hands to gently rub your shoulders. 

“I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.” “What’s got you so anxious?” “The dinner tonight.”

Bucky nodded, still kneading your shoulders. 

“The dinner that’s not the rehearsal dinner?”

You nodded, lifting your head. 

“Nana throws this huge … gala every year. Only the elite get an invite. We did the same thing last year. The big dinner tonight, rehearsal tomorrow, wedding to finish out the week.”

Bucky nodded. 

“And the elite who do get an invite?” “I haven’t seen any of them since my wedding. And some of those women are real bitches.”

Bucky stifled a laugh and you turned back to the bagel dough, punching it as you spoke. 

“‘Oh, Y/N, how lovely to see you. Where have you been?’ ‘The decorations are so lovely this year. Where did you find all these things?’ Knowing damn good and well the decorations are leftovers from my farce of a wedding.” 

You shook your head and Bucky smiled, stepping up behind you and rubbing a hand along your back. Some of the tension left your shoulders at the touch of his hand, and you moved the dough from the flour-covered counter into a bowl. Bucky stood in the same spot as you went to wash your hands, and you held onto the edge of the sink. 

“Peter’s parents will be there.” “Seriously?”

You lifted your head, looking out the small window at the moonlight on the lake. 

“They’ve been friends of the family for years. Nana can’t just not invite them.” “Even though their son is king of the douches?”

You smiled, then sighed. 

“I guess I’m just dreading seeing them.” “What would you say to them, if you could say anything you could?”

You glanced over your shoulder and smiled. 

“That their son is king of the douches.”

Bucky grinned and you sighed, turning to face him, wiping your hands on a dish towel. 

“I’d love to say that wedding and not marrying their son was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I’m just not there yet.” “I get it.”

You met his eyes, smiling as you tossed the towel onto the counter behind you. 

“Of course … if it wasn’t for that disaster of a wedding, I might never have met you.”

Bucky smiled as he stepped closer to you. 

“And my life would be dreadfully boring.” “Oh, please.” “No, it’s true. Who would come over for movie night? Who would cook me soup when I’m sick?”

You rolled your eyes. 

“Yeah, that ‘man cold’ just about took you out this year.” “Hey.”

You snorted, and Bucky took your hand. 

“I, for one, will forever be grateful for your disaster of a wedding. My life wouldn’t be the same without you in it.”

You smiled, gently shoving his shoulder. 

“Don’t go getting all mushy on me, Barnes.” “It’s the truth, whether it’s mushy or not.”

You glanced up, going still when you saw the mistletoe hanging above Bucky’s head. He followed your gaze, blinking a few times before meeting your eyes again. You smiled, shaking your head. 

“You only have to do it when someone’s around to see. The kids keep score.”

Bucky nodded, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. He let go of you, and you felt a weird emptiness in your chest when you glanced up at the mistletoe again. You started to turn away, but Bucky took hold of your arms. You lifted your head, eyes widening when you saw the look on his face. 

“Buck?” “Just … don’t say anything.”

You swallowed, feeling your heart start to pound in your chest when he lifted one hand from your arm to cup your cheek. He slowly inched closer to you, and your eyes slid closed, feeling his breath against your lips. 

A loud crash made the two of you jump apart, and Bucky stepped in front of you, both of you leaning out the kitchen door see a man stand up and hurry towards the back door. 

“Clint?”

He glanced over his shoulder as he pulled his shirt into place, hair sticking up and pants unzipped. He smiled and waved at you, shrugging his shoulders before turning and running out the door. You bit back a laugh and looked up at a confused Bucky. You motioned with your head. 

“Clint is Natasha’s high school sweetheart. Anytime she comes back to town, he comes over so they can … catch up.” “You don’t say.”

Bucky glanced back down the hall and you took a step back from him covering your mouth with a hand. He cleared his throat and you shook your head, turning away from him, going to the bowl you’d set the bagel dough in. 

“Y/N—“ “I’ve got to get these bagels going. Shaped out and stuff. You should go back to bed.” “Y/N.” “We’ve got a big day tomorrow, Buck. Well, today. You need your rest.”

Bucky nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. 

“And what about you?” “I’ll be fine.”

Bucky nodded, and you went still when he moved directly behind you, close enough for you to feel his body heat. You closed your eyes, somehow suppressing a shiver down your spine when he whispered in your ear. 

“If you want to pretend that almost didn’t happen, fine. But know that it wasn’t an accident and I’m as messed up about it as you are.” “Buck—“

He leaned in to kiss your cheek, then turned and walked away. After a few long moments, you lifted your head, staring in the direction he’d gone.

“Earth to Y/N. You in there?”

You nodded in response to Hope’s question, lifting a hand to your mouth as you yawned again. Carol shook her head, pointing at you. 

“That’s like the fourth time you’ve yawned. What gives? How late were you up last night?”

You gave a quiet groan, shifting in your spot on the white couch. Natasha was beside you, and Carol and Hope were in chairs across from the couch, on the other side of the pedestal. You shook your head. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” “Oh, was that the creaking Cassie heard and then came and asked Scott and me about?”

You grinned.

“Nope, that was Natty.”

Hope’s eyes widened as Carol made a slow gasp. 

“I knew I heard the back door open after everyone had gone to bed! Clint came over, didn’t he?” “Fuck you very much, Y/N.”

You laughed and Natasha shifted, straightening out her legs and brushing a hand down her slacks. 

“Yes, he did. No, we’re not talking about it.”

Hope shrugged, resting her arms on her belly. 

“What’s there to talk about? You come to town, Clint comes over, you do the do, and that’s all until the next time you come to town.”

Carol snorted. 

“‘Do the do.’ Does the baby have ears, Hopie? Don’t want him or her to hear you say ‘fuck?’” “I’m trying not to be crude, Carol Anne.” “Don’t even start with the middle names.” “Ladies, ladies.”

You shook your head, yawning again. Natasha tapped her foot against the floor as she side-eyed you. 

“Are you this exhausted because of the bagels we had this morning—“ “Which were delicious, by the way.”

You smiled at Hope and Natasha tapped her foot again. You looked to her and she raised an eyebrow, a sultry smile coming to her face. 

“Spill.” “Darcy should be walking out any minute now.” “But she ain’t here yet, so spill.”

Carol and Hope moved to the edges of their seats and you groaned. 

“There’s nothing to—“ “Don’t lie. You’ve always been shitty at it.”

You glared at Hope, even as your cheeks warmed, and she waved a hand at you. You sighed, looking down at your hands. 

“I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to make bagels. Bucky came down and we talked for a while and ended up under the mistletoe.”

Carol gave a quiet squeal in her throat and you shook your head. 

“Clint tripped over his own feet and interrupted us.” “Damn it, Barton.”

You smiled at Carol’s eye roll, then sighed. 

“I just … he’s my friend. My best friend. He is the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want to mess that up. I can’t mess it up.” “And kissing him would mess it up?”

You looked to Hope, pointedly flicking your eyes to her belly, then back to her face. She rolled her eyes, patting her belly with a hand. 

“This did not happen because Scott and I kissed under the mistletoe. There was a lot—and I mean a lot—that happened before this.”

You looked to Natasha. 

“What about you and Barton?”

She raised one eyebrow. 

“What about me and Barton?” “Why haven’t you ever dated him?” “We dated.” “Holding hands in junior high doesn’t count.”

Natasha flipped Carol off without looking at her, making her laugh. Natasha shrugged. 

“We decided a long time ago that we’d just have fun with each other. Over the years, our definition of ‘fun’ happened to change to sex. We like where we are in our lives, but we like each other, too.”

You shook your head.  

“I don’t think I could do that.” “No, you’re way too monogamous for that.”

You looked to Hope, and she lifted her shoulders, shaking her head. 

“You wouldn’t be able to do a friends with benefits thing. You’d catch feelings at penetration.”

Carol made a gagging noise, holding a hand up to her sister. 

“Do not talk about penetration at the table.” “We’re not at the table. We’re at the wedding dress shop.” “Ever. Do not talk about penetration ever.”

You giggled as Carol shuddered. Natasha tapped your knee with a fingernail and you looked over to her. 

“Let’s say, just for shits and giggles, that Bucky likes you as much as you clearly like him.” “I don’t—“ “Oh honey, don’t even.”

Carol and Hope’s voices overlapped Natasha’s, all three of them shaking their heads and denying your claim. You looked from Natasha’s green eyes to Carol’s brown, landing on Hope’s hazel. She smiled at you, one hand gently rubbing her belly. 

“Everyone can see it, sweetie. You look at him like he hung the moon. And he’s all starry-eyed when he looks at you.”

Carol shook her head. 

“I don’t see what the problem is. You like him, he likes you—“ “And what happens when it ends?”

Carol, Hope and Natasha look over to you, and you shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes. 

“What happens when we get tired of each other? Or when he meets the one he’s supposed to be with? What happens when he asks me to marry him and then decides I’m not what he wants?”

You jerk your head to look at Natasha, who had hold of your hand, her nails digging into your wrist. 

“He’s not Peter. I’m personally offended that you would ever lump Bucky in a category with that human shitstain, because I know for a goddamn fact that Barnes would die before he hurt you.”

She dropped your wrist with a push, making it land in your lap. You stared down at your hands, a tear slipping down your cheek. Carol stood up and walked to the couch, and Natasha left the couch to take Carol’s chair. Carol scooped you into her arms and you shook your head as you moved it to Carol’s shoulder. She gently carded her fingers through your hair, speaking softly. 

“I know you’ve been hurt. I know it was horrible, and I know it’s hard to try to move on. But Y/N … you can't keep living like this. Trust me when I say you don’t have forever. Don’t wait.”

You closed your eyes, missing the way Hope watched Natasha, the way she stared down at her hands, lost in her own thoughts. You sat up and sniffled, wiping your eyes when you heard May’s voice announce that Darcy was coming out. You shook your head, meeting Carol’s eyes. 

“Tell me her dress isn’t a carbon copy of mine.” “Oh, no. This dress is much worse.” “She looks like a cross between a Southern Belle and a cupcake. It’s hideous.”

You laughed at Hope, the four of you standing up and waiting for Darcy to appear.

Bucky held the Scotch in his hand as he looked around the room. You’d been right. Anybody who was anybody in the state of Louisiana was at your family home tonight. You’d introduced Bucky to everyone from the governor and his wife to the local sheriff. You’d stayed by him through most of the beginning of the evening, and Hope had come by to warn him not to let you hide in the kitchen or the bathroom, which you’d been known to do. 

Natasha was working the room the way she worked deals, her sultry laugh filling the air while her throat sparkled with diamonds and the emerald gown she wore seemed to highlight the fire of her hair. Bucky noticed a man always near Natasha, watching her, tugging at his tie or his sleeves like he wasn’t used to his suit. You hung to the edges, never getting too deep in the crowd, breathing a sigh of relief whenever Bucky came near. You were gorgeous in your deep purple gown, hair pulled up, your mother’s jewels in your ears. Hope wore a navy blue dress that hugged her belly, Darcy was a vision in red, and Carol wore black slacks and a white puffy shirt, her hair in cascading curls with sparkling starburst pins near her crown. 

The dinner was exquisite, the drinks flowed like a river, the laughter echoing through the rooms. You were sitting close to Bucky as a band played outside, a few couples creating a makeshift dance floor. The doors were open, so the music drifted in at the perfect volume, and the night was not cold, but not hot, lingering in that comfortable temperature. 

“Want to dance?”

You smiled as you met Bucky’s eyes. You nodded and he offered you a hand. You took it, letting him lead you to the dance floor, laying both your hand and your chin on his shoulder. 

“Is it always like this?”

You smiled and nodded. 

“At least once a year. More, if there’s an election of some kind. Parties have been thrown in this house since before the Civil War.” “Really?”

You nodded. 

“There was talk that it was a whorehouse in the Depression, but Nana will vehemently deny that if asked.”

Bucky laughed, pulling you closer, his hand burning on the small of your back. The two of you moved along the floor in a comfortable silence, until his voice tumbled between you. 

“Hope told me not to let you hide in the kitchen.”

You sighed, nodding your head. 

“When I was younger, I had terrible anxiety whenever it came to talking to people I didn’t know. I’d go in the kitchen and hide, because they were so busy in there they never noticed me. Or I’d lock myself in one of the upstairs bathrooms. Only … one time I didn’t lock the door and Natasha and Clint came into the bathroom and I had to hide in the tub and wish I was dead while they … you know.”

Bucky leaned back to look into your eyes, his own wide and his mouth open. You laughed and nodded. 

“She doesn’t know about that, so keep it between us.” “Your secret’s safe with me, sweetheart.”

You smiled, letting it slide from your face as you moved closer to him, your face hidden from his. You and Bucky danced and talked for the better part of an hour, amid which your uncle Phil and uncle Hank cut in for a dance of their own with you. Bucky danced with your mom and then Nana, and you almost had to fight her to get him back. 

Bucky led you back to a table and you let out an appreciative groan when you sat in a chair. 

“These shoes are so pretty but my feet are killing me. Or, as we say here in the South, my dogs are barking.”

Bucky laughed, patting a hand on his thigh. 

“Want me to rub your feet?” “As tempting as that is, Nana would kill us. We have to look like ladies and gentlemen, even if we aren’t.”

Bucky grinned at you, the two of you turning when you heard your name mispronounced in the sweetest way. A smile spread over your face when a dark haired blur ran your way, and you stood up, bending down and catching the blur in your arms. 

“Hello, sweet girl! Oh, I’ve missed you!”

Bucky stood, noticing that all eyes in the room were on you. A tall, blonde woman appeared in the doorway, sighing when she saw you. She smiled and waved to people in the crowd, laying a hand on your back when she reached you. 

“As soon as Mom mentioned your name, she took off.”

You smiled at the woman, leaning to kiss her cheek. You pointed up and she groaned when she saw the mistletoe. 

“Not again.” “It’s a tradition:”

She shook her head, widening her eyes and rolling them towards her right. You smiled. 

“Pepper, this is Bucky Barnes. Buck, this is my aunt Pepper and this is … psst. Tell him your name.”

The little girl in your arms lifted her head off your shoulder, giving Bucky a once-over before speaking. 

“Morgan Maria Stark.” “Nice to meet you, Morgan.”

Pepper shook Bucky’s hand, then turned to you. 

“Sorry we’re late. The plane was grounded because of snow, and then you know how Tony is, always has to make an entrance.” “Well, when you’re worth a billion or so, you can do that.”

Bucky nodded, and you moved back to the table, sitting down with Morgan in your lap. Pepper patted your shoulder and then started making the rounds. The band started back up and Morgan looked up at you. 

“I missed you.” “I know, pumpkin. I’ve missed you, too.” “Daddy said we can move to New York if we wanted.”

You nodded, tucking her dark hair behind her ear. 

“You could, but who would watch out for Goose?”

Morgan shook her head. 

“Goose stays wif Carol.” “Well, what about Charlie?” “Daddy says Charlie is not our problem. But I love him.”

You smiled, looking over to Bucky. 

“Charlie is Nana’s basset hound. He loves Morgan.”

Bucky smiled and Morgan lifted her hands to your cheeks, making you look at her. 

“Is Bucky your boyfriend?”

Your eyes widened as he laughed, and Bucky shook his head. 

“And I think that’s my cue to go to the bar. Can I get you anything?” “Chardonnay, please.”

Morgan nodded. 

“Apple juice, please.”

Bucky grinned. 

“Coming right up.”

You watched him walk away and you shook your head, leaning in to touch your nose to Morgan’s. 

“You can’t say things like that, Morguna. Not until he’s not around.” “Is he though?”

You sighed. 

“No, he’s not. He’s just my friend.”

Morgan nodded. 

“Daddy says it’s okay for boys to be your friends. But that’s all.”

You shook your head, a smile on your face. 

“Your daddy thinks he knows everything, doesn’t he?”

Morgan nodded.

“He does his best thinking with juice pops and me.” “Oh, he does?”

She nodded again. 

“We make a great team.”

You smiled, resting your head atop hers, hugging her gently. 

“You’re one lucky little girl, Morguna Stark.”

You smiled at Morgan asleep on Tony’s shoulder, his other arm holding Pepper close. Hope and Scott were barely moving, one of his hands on her belly. Darcy and Ian were wrapped up in each other’s arms, cheeks pressed together. Natasha … well, you didn’t know exactly where Natasha was, but you had a hunch. You were sitting at the table again, Cassie asleep in the chair beside you, Bucky leaving Carol on the dance floor as she laughed and he shook his head. He smiled as he arrived at your table, sitting on your other side once he’d seen Cassie. 

“You okay?”

You nodded. 

“The party should be winding down soon. Once the little ones fall asleep, the big ones aren’t too far behind.”

Bucky smiled, turning as chants began rolling up from the dance floor. Cassie sat up, a frown on her face, and you laid a hand on her dark hair. She moved to rest her head in your lap, closing her eyes again. 

“Alright, alright! Fine.”

Cheers rose from the floor as Carol stepped up to the doorway, which was a few steps above the rest of the floor. You took in a breath, a smile on your face. Bucky turned to you, shaking his head. 

“What’s going on?” “Carol’s going to sing.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised and you smiled. 

“She’s really good.”

She started to sing acapella, and just as you’d known would happen, the room became entranced. Carol’s voice brought everyone to a standstill, and you could only smile in pride as you listened to her. She sang two songs, and as the band began to play, she sang one last one. 

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light. From now on, our troubles Will be out of sight.”

You took in a breath, eyes on Carol who was resolutely not looking at you. Natasha, Hope, and Darcy, however, had all glanced back to find you. Bucky saw them looking towards you and you swallowed.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  Make the Yuletide gay. From now on, our troubles Will be miles away.”

You closed your eyes, lowering your head. You blinked your eyes open and stared at the table, and Bucky reached over to take your hand. You grabbed onto his hand and held it tightly, staring at the table as Carol continued to sing. 

“Through the years,  We all will be together, If the fates allow. Hang a shining star Upon the highest bough.  And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.”

You swallowed, lifting a shaky hand to rest it on Cassie’s head. 

“Y/N? Are you—“

You shook your head, lifting tear-filled eyes to Bucky’s. 

“Take her.”

He moved to gently lift Cassie from the chair, holding her as she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He turned and watched as you rushed from the room, not stopping until you were outside. 

You took great, heaving breaths in and out, trying your hardest to stop the tears. There was no explanation for it. You couldn’t hear that song without crying. You hadn’t been that way until your father had died, and for some reason, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” always made you cry. 

You felt somewhat in control of yourself and let out a shaky breath. You ran your hands down the front of your gown and nodded, turning to go back into the house. You stopped when you realized you weren’t alone, all the blood rushing from your limbs and going ice-cold when you saw the man before you. 

“Peter.”

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