#hmm maybe it’s bc you don’t believe they’ll be canon

[elriells]

i refuse to ever really involve myself in fighting the elriel antis because the truth is that i know i’m right and it’s just a waiting game at this point so why would i waste my time fighting with people online who just want to pick a fight because they’re bitter.

[ambitionsource]

001 for Maggie!! About Rucas!

werk werk werk lets go lets go lets gooooo!

Riley & Lucas James

When I started shipping it if I did: okay so like… technically I cannot answer this question because I… like… made the show so fkdsjhgkjdfgd BUT. interestingly enough i’ve actually said before that if I were a viewer of AAA and not the creator, i would be very cautious about RL. like i think it would take me a while to warm up to the possibility of them (as well as lucas, bc i think the “seemingly broody snarker with a heart of gold and is secretly soft” can be HORRIBLY done), but i think around 103 i would start to change my opinion about lucas (and then would be definitive about him after 105 from the way he is with isa), and then i think i’d really lock into RL at the end of 107 with their convo in the aud where she’s like “maybe you don’t have to do everything alone” and hes like “… no maybe not.” that’s my genuine honest feeling on how i’d approach it as a viewer

My thoughts: many thoughts… many thoughts head empty… i guess like the entire show are my thoughts FJDSKLGFDG but i will say i’m very excited for the rest of S2 for them, as well as going into the next season. it’s gonna be really fun to see y’alls reactions and hopefully we’ll come out on the other side together ✊🏻

What makes me happy about them: oh so much… how riley is so skilled at catching lucas off guard and seeing through his defenses from like day 1 (and evidenced early on i.e. the way she just plops down at their lunch table and he literally stops eating gkfdhgkjdsfh), how deeply they respect one another and see the other for what they are capable of rather than how they view themselves with all these imperfections and limitations, how lucas encourages riley to stand up for herself and be empowered and not downplay herself, and conversely how riley is slowly but surely changing lucas’s perspective on the world and what he deserves from it and that romance can be real, touch can be soft and non-threatening, love isn’t inherently a weakness to be taken advantage of but something delicate and lovely and a source of power (i.e., i think that lucas’s growth and interactions with riley also influence how he reevaluates his friendships with like dasher and stuff like that – something you’ll definitely see evidence of in 209)… could go on probably

What makes me sad about them: oh well like. how self-destructive lucas is at this point and how he literally cannot fathom that people care about him – let alone romantically that’s like a whole other ballpark. how their own insecurities allowed external opinions to detour their dynamic, although understandable. the trickiness that exists currently where riley, just being a generally forgiving and optimistic person, is constantly being told that she needs to give up on lucas and that there is a sort of question she and probably us as viewers start to wonder of like… is it even worth it? whether lucas deserves riley’s devotion is certainly up for debate, and it’ll be interesting to see if he addresses the mess of the last few months moving forward… but then it’s tricky too, because much like the position dylan was put in, i think in some ways riley does need to still have faith in lucas, because if she doesn’t then who will, and it’s kind of like… very complex. very messy, much to analyze and pick apart and perhaps account for at the end of the day… but that’s the kind of complexity i love in relationships (provided steps are taken to amend them to the best of their ability and respect always remains intact), so it’s no surprise they have all this fkdshkfjdhgkjdfshdh. 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: well obvious fanfic doesn’t really exist, but i’ve been in fandom long enough to be able to say EXACTLY what would happen if ambition were a huge fandom like tw, glee, etc. the first thing that would annoy me the most would be an exaggeration of rl’s worst traits to make them like a pairing that they aren’t – key being making lucas more aggressive, dominant, and like genuinely disrespectful, and then making riley like an innocent wallflower pure goody two shoes or whatever. like that kind of characterization really strips down their complexity as characters (and is also like just wrong FDJSKFDSLG like one thing i’m excited for in S3 is the chance to really explore what they’re actually LIKE when like… depression isn’t warping their personalities FJDSKFLDSGJ and also how they bring out certain traits in one another). i also feel like any sort of like… overt tooth-rotting romanticism would feel really ooc for them; they are quite romantic in how they treat one another and see one another, but both of their personalities in a relationship together i think create a romance built more on realism and appreciation and a sort of grounded display of love than anything even remotely Cheesy. that’s one thing that really changes about riley from The Former Source Material to AAA is that she’s far more grounded given how her parents have… spun out let’s say

Things I look for in fanfic: i do think often about how nice it would be to just go on ao3 and scroll the ambition tags… find a good rl zc or da fic to peruse… oh there’d be garbage undoubtedly but the good fics… i would like to see it 😔anyway lmao i think if i were looking for rl fics in aaa i would look for ones that a) retain their core character traits and b) strike that perfect balance of grounded yet uniquely soft in the way rl are with each other that they aren’t with anyone else – i wouldn’t want to see their integrity thrown for the sake of being uber fluffy. but that’s like just a complete personal pref.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: hmm… obviously this is all conjecture, but in terms of CANON, i cannot see lucas ending up with anyone else. like i just do not think it’s on his radar at all – it wasn’t before riley showed up, and if she floated away, he’d go back to just forgoing it entirely (it’s not entirely a joke when we joke around that lucas is rileysexual fkjdhsgk). riley i think like, zay would treat her nicely if they were ever to go past best friends. fanon wise just going by dynamics and personalities, i have a really special place in my heart for lucas x charlie (oh, and how fun it will be to share that dynamic with y’all in the future bc reading that rn i’m sure y’all are like HUH JFGDKLJGFLKSJHKLDSJHLJFDHL valid!!). could also probably enjoy a riley x isa fic or two. i also love digging into the relationship between lucas and asher (especially given that asher was lucas’s first crush… he he he) but as for them actually being a relationship i couldn’t because i’m 10000% sure they’d kill each other. even dylucasher wouldn’t work romantically, because as nice as it all is if lucasher didn’t kill each other, dylan would end up killing them both after mentally Snapping from playing mediator one heckin time too many. so. yes. fDSJKGLDFKLHFKLDH

My happily ever after for them: i can’t really say specifically because spoilies!! but i just want them to feel… settled. they’re constantly in worlds of turbulence right now, and i can’t wait for the day that they can just be together and get away from the city (because i firmly believe lucas hates living in the city) and just. start a life on their terms. that will be so beautiful :’)

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: i’m inclined to say lucas is the big spoon, but i don’t think it’s set in stone at all. like you know, if there’s a particularly rough day and lucas really needs that Comfort, then riley will by all means be the big spoon and hug him real tight. it’s what they both deserve!!

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: i love that this question specifies non-sexual specifically FDJSKFDKLSGJFLDKH like are there couples who truly enjoy sex with one another above all else…………. but i will say i think one thing that is nice about RL is the most important thing to them is just being together. like i think they’ll happily spend hours in the booth together not like, actively doing anything and focused on their own things (homework, production work, what have you) but just the other person’s presence there with them is comforting. you kind of see this in 109 when riley takes refuge in the booth, and i think this is core to their relationship. they don’t need to be talking or actively doing much – just maybe like, riley is tapping her foot against his knee absentmindedly or has her feet up in his lap. if they’re sitting closer, lucas is rubbing her knee with his thumb. you know what i mean? presence and the knowledge that they’re together is more important than any sort of sense of Action if that makes sense. but some others to list would be getting out of the city and going exploring in the Fresh Air away from… everything and everyone else lmao, and going to the animal shelter!!

send some winter hiatus asks !! :)

[madrut16]

July Fanfic Challenge Day 3: Closure - Part 1

Author’s Note: Another new pairing! I finished playing this book back in October for Halloween and ILB (which I haven’t really played bc I want a good ending and I cannot afford the diamonds to get it) and I loved it! This is the first book where I haven’t really been drawn to any of the canon LIs so, of course, I had to come up with this! I can’t wait to write more with them and explore these characters post It Lives. 

Pairing/Book: ILITW (Dan x MC)

Rating: PG-13

Summary: There’s one last thing Raina needs to do before she and some of the gang leave for the start of a new chapter of their lives in Seattle. 

The doorbell rang as I scrambled to finish packing my suitcase, and I cursed out loud when I checked the time on my phone. I knew I should’ve gotten up an hour earlier but I was never a morning person and it took forever to go to sleep last night. Sighing, I stared at the two plastic bins left in my room before running downstairs to the front door.

“I’m coming!” I shouted as I reached the entryway. 

I took a second to smooth down the stray hairs that had appeared in the reflection of the old grandfather clock attached to the wall. It was a silly thing to do since he wouldn’t care what I looked like this early in the morning. But, then again years old crushes made you do a lot of trivial things. 

With a satisfied nod, I finally opened the door. “Hey! Come in.”

“Took you long enough,” Dan commented as I let him inside. 

I gave him one of my signature eye rolls. “Sorry, I was packing.”

“Still?”

“I know, usually I’m much more organized but, I’ve been doing most of this by myself so it’s taken a while,” I explained as I led him back up the stairs. “I swear I’m almost done though, it’s mainly just my suitcase for the road trip I have left.”

Catching my gaze, his lips turned up into a smile. “Good, cause the others are gonna be here in about 15 minutes.”

“I could use some help then,” I replied as we reached my room where I quickly added, “And don’t worry, my underwear is already in there so you don’t have to touch any of that.”

This caused him to chuckle, although I thought I saw his cheeks turn a little red. Or maybe it was just all my imagination, hoping it was true. “Wasn’t even concerned about it. I’m happy to help if it means we actually get to leave on time for a pit stop for coffee and donuts.”

“At Diane’s?” 

“Of course, is there really any other option?” He answered with a smirk. 

After waking up from the coma and dealing with all of the repressed trauma from Mr. Red and Jane and Noah, it made me happy to see him finally starting to return to his normal self over the past several months. 

Packing the pile of sweaters I folded late last night, I responded, “Not in Westchester there isn’t. We’ll have to find someplace like it in Seattle.”

“Oh, I’m sure it won’t be that hard, it’s practically dripping in coffee shops,” he said, handing me the last stack of clothes on my bed. “What are we doing with those?” he asked, gesturing to the closet behind me. 

“Already have that covered,” I disclosed, walking over and opening the door to reveal several hangers wrapped in trash bags. 

Looking over my handiwork, an impressed expression appeared. “You...really planned this out.”

“Actually this time it was my mom’s idea. Once I get to the apartment, I can just hang them back up and take the bags off. Easy peasy.” I started collecting them from the closet and setting them in the one bin that was left unfilled. 

There was a brief pause and I could tell he was deep in thought, almost as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure if he should. He always got quiet when he did this but, so did I. That’s how I knew he had slipped into his own head. Well, that and the fact that we’ve been best friends off and on for over a decade now. 

“Dan?”

“Hmm?” he snapped out of his reflective daze. 

“Penny for your thoughts? You got quiet there for a minute.”

Meeting my gaze, he shrugged. “Nothing, I just...it must be hard, not having your parents with you to help move in.”

A small wave of sadness came over me. For almost four years now it’s been like this, them having to miss important milestones and events of my life. They barely made it back in time for my graduation over a year ago. 

“My Nana’s...health problems definitely don’t have a convenient schedule,” I sighed. “Especially now that they’re getting worse. Who knows how long they’ll have to be over there this time. They are helping pay my portion of the rent so...I can’t really complain. They're doing the best they can and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah.”

I managed another smile, not wanting to think about it any longer. “Plus, your family will be over there this weekend before classes start, and they’re always there for me when mine can’t be,” I added. 

“They do adore you,” Dan agreed with a laugh. 

As we finished up the last of my packing, we continued our normal banter until it was complete. Right after that my phone chimed and I saw a new message from Andy in the group chat. 

Andy: I’m here with Ava.

Ava: Can confirm. 

Stacy: I’m on my way, be there shortly. 

Smiling, I sent a thumbs up back. 

“Well, we timed that perfectly,” I told Dan who was reading the messages on his phone. 

This earned me a boyish grin, and I bit my lip as it stirred up a wave of butterflies. “What can I say? We make a great team. Almost perfect even.”

Was he flirting? God, I scrutinized everything between us these days. 

“We really do, don’t we?” I raised an eyebrow teasingly as we headed back downstairs, bringing the bins and my suitcase with us. We set them with the others in the kitchen before letting our friends inside. 

“Hey, Raina, Dan,” Andy said, the morning not hurting his energy one bit.

“Hey, guys!” I exclaimed giving him a hug. 

I attempted to do the same with Ava but she dodged me and I settled for a hive five instead. “Nice try Raina but, it’s not happening.”

“Oh, I’ll get you to let me one of these days.”

She scoffed in response. “Hah, doubtful. It is fun to see you try though.”

I rolled my eyes as Stacy walked through the door. 

“Sorry, I didn’t knock,” she panted out of breath. “But the door was open so I assumed it was fine.”

“Of course it is Stace,” I told her before taking in her haphazard appearance. “Running late?”

She nodded. “I couldn’t decide what to bring! It took me an hour to finally sort everything out. Plus, my mother was delaying me. I don’t think she wants to be by herself.” She frowned momentarily.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Dan chimed in, trying to reassure her. At this point, it was almost second nature. “She just needs some time to adjust.”

“Yeah, I know,” she replied, exhaling the pent up stress she carried. “Doesn’t make it easier. At least Conner is there so, she’ll have some peace of mind.” She rubbed her forehead before painting on a smile. 

Andy cleared his throat to relieve the sudden tension in the room. Everyone knew why Mrs. Green was paranoid. 

“Ready to leave?” he asked, the keys dangling from his hand. 

“I think so,” Dan replied, his analytical gaze wandering around the first floor. “Right Raina?”

I’m about to reply when I remember something. There was one last goodbye I needed to say. However, it meant letting them in on the secret that I’ve been keeping from them. But, I wasn’t one to break a promise and I wasn’t going to do it now. 

“Actually, there is one thing that I need to do,” I responded, a nervous knot forming in my stomach. “It should take ten minutes, fifteen at most.”

I was met with four confused stares. 

“What do you mean?” Dan asked me. 

My gaze drifted to the window where the woods could be seen outside. “I need to visit...Noah.”

The name lingered, slowly sinking into each of my friends’ minds. 

“Wait...you’ve been...seeing him?!” Stacy exclaimed first. 

I had told them about what had happened between us and what he’d become right after that night but not much else. 

I reluctantly nodded. I was tired, exhausted of carrying this burden on my own. 

“For several months now. I know, he’s not exactly my favorite person either, and I definitely think him taking Jane’s place was the right thing to do,” I started to explain. “But, I don’t know, I guess he still deserves some mercy, some compassion still. I don’t want to leave him alone out there. So, I sometimes visit him every week or two, just so he has company.”

They all looked at each other and I closed my eyes, bracing for a confrontation. Yet, that’s not what I received.”

“We’re not mad,” Andy said after a minute. “Well, at least I’m not. I will admit that I’m not really that pissed at the guy anymore. And I’m the one whose leg got busted.”

Stacy and Ava still looked hesitant and I couldn’t blame them. Dan was quiet and deep in thought again but other than that, I had no idea how he felt and that scared me to death. 

“I’m not completely over him trying to kill us...but I will admit I am tired of holding a grudge,” Ava mumbled, her arms folded tightly across her chest. 

After a beat, Stacy sighed reluctantly, a guilt-ridden expression on her face. “Ugh, I can���t believe I’m saying this but...me too. That whole mess brought us back together when we never should’ve separated in the first place.”

That left one person. The person I needed to hear from the most. I willed myself to look at him. 

“Dan? Say something,” I begged. 

Please. 

He shrugged a smile appearing. “You were actually worried Raina?” he commented, and I released the air I had been holding in. 

“A little,” I admitted sheepishly. I should’ve known that he’d be the one I’d have to convince the least. 

“I never really faulted the guy,” he said. “I mean yeah he betrayed us, but it was for a good reason. He wanted Jane back, his twin. And he mistakenly thought that was the only way he could do it. So, I’m definitely fine with you doing this. I just wish you would’ve felt like you could tell us. Me.”

I physically felt the weight lift off my shoulders. “Thank you, for not hating me. I just...we weren’t there for Jane when she was like this and look what happened. I don’t want the same thing to happen with Noah. I promised I’d say goodbye before we left.”

“Then let’s do it,” he replied. 

I was taken a bit back as the others nodded in agreement. “You guys don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Just because this is what I need to find peace doesn’t mean it’s what you do.”

His response was immediate. “We’re a team, Raina. All of us. We got into this mess together so we should end it that way too. I think this could be good for all fo us. Well besides Lucas and Lily who aren’t here.”

“They can come with us when we’re here in December if they want to,” Andy said. 

A touched smile appeared on my face. I was so grateful to have them so entrenched in my life again. 

“Then let’s go into the woods.”

[wandering-bitch]

Annotations on Falling in Love with Love (Again)

FiLwL(A) is my 3zun cinderella which is actually just about the importance of qin su and also reuniting with your exes. Here’s my behind the scenes/notes/lore for chapters 9-11. 

ch 9: nie mingjue being hot

i wrote this before i’d even written the Murder in ch 6;;;;; i just love nie mingjue

i so deeply believe in nie mingjue being smart and able to see through meng yao because he’s straightforward and strategic. 

“hmm” i said to myself. “how do i write the bois getting together??” after much thought i decided on “by stabbing one of them a bunch”

bits of this are still funny to me. rip meng yao sometimes you gotta be up close and personal with a hot dude’s bare sweaty chest 

also my version of “romantic and sensual” is just “doing math and deciding yeah, against your better judgement, you’re gonna smooch” because i love an overthinking murder twink

“on the bright side, the late-night guest was not jin guangshan’s type. unfortunately he was exactly meng yao’s type: nie mingjue” i can’t believe i let myself write this, bc it feels way too modern, but also the tone of this fic is just sarcastic enough that modern grouchy shit works 

ever since i discovered that camel was a delicacy in tang china i became OBSESSED with it. i nearly included it in ‘i have always loved the door’ and it makes an appearance in ‘blood in the cut’

the guan reappears!! or at least is mentioned.in case u forgot it from chapter 1 it is Definitely Not A Glass Slipper Or Anything

“i love ruining a twink’s life” i said in the author’s notes. i was not lying. my hobbies are making nie mingjue look cool and making jin guangyao suffer.

“xichen was disappointed when he didn’t see you there” “and you of course, weren’t” “on the contrary i was happy to see you” is one of the exchanges that was like. core to this fic. similar to “i met someone” “i don’t know what you want me to say to that” “neither do i”

when outlining fics i tend to include some key dialogue/exchanges that strike me as the Mood TM and half the time these exchanges go through incredible rewrites or just get deleted, but it’s always nice to see them survive

the xiangqi was so much fun to write, not bc i have played the game a bunch (i haven’t) but bc it gave me a fun way to talk about the conversation without talking about the conversation.

“a controlled leak qould have been very useful” makes me so happy it’s such a MOOD and nie mingjue immediately going heart-eyes over it is complete wish fulfillment. when will a hot sword lesbian be enamored over my ruthless scheming???? im taking sword lesbian gf applications over in my ask box

“But it hadn’t been easy” this paragraph originally included “Nie Mingjue had broadened his moral compass, and Meng Yao had learned to trust” or something but i couldn’t  really figure out how meng yao would describe his own personal growth since he left qinghe. like he DID grow he DID learn that he can trust the people he loves to trust him and that it’s worth bringing people in on your schemes and plans.... but he’s too dumb to describe this. 

the xiyao troll’s comment on this was “LMFAO that oocness from both meng yao and nmj where nmj is suddenly JGY levels of cunning and JGY is dumb enough to make mistakes XD”

this has stuck with me so hard

how do you read Falling in Love with Love and only discover after 16k words that i think meng yao makes mistakes?????

how do u consume any adaptation of mdzs and think that nmj isn’t smart enough to go “huh that cunning twink who is absolutely mooning over me and xichen and also plays weiqi like my old buddy seems REAL FUCKING FAMILIAR” nmj canonically sees thru jgy machinations all the time

anyway i love nmj and the xiyao troll

did you know there’s an exchange to celebrate the troll’s works??? i discovered it after signups closed but im going to enjoy reading all of them

ch 10: and with very little trouble

this took me like a month to write oops but that’s just because a lot has to happen

the opening where meng yao is being mean to qin su was so hard to write. meng yao getting overworked?? fine. meng yao getting abused??? cool. meng yao being slightly short with his sister, who is in no way hurt by this bc she can tell it’s not about her??? HORRIBLE!!!

the detective scene happened. there’s not a lot to say about it, i don’t think, except to note that han meilin did try to stand up for qin su

ch 11: impossible things are happening every day

cinderella time mother fuckers!!! this is another one that took time!!

ch 10 took time bc i wasn’t 100% sure how it would play out

this took time bc even though i knew exactly what would happen and how, it has to be Real Good, y’know? it’s tying up the entire fic. if these 2k words don’t work, then the rest of the fic will feel less good and ppl won’t come back to it

(please everyone come back to this over and over if only to laugh at my obvious qin su agenda)

qin su and meng yao fighting over who gets to take the fall for their joint murder. i love them.

i wasn’t planning for this fic to start the sunshot campaign but here we are. in the war. 

How did this version of the sunshot campaign go? Well. not good. because someone has no reason to invent necromancy. But not as poorly as you’d think. Jiang Sect isn’t destroyed, and the Cloud Recesses are functional (although not at full capacity), so they have more strength on hand. Plus, Meng Yao encouraged Koi Tower to funnel money and resources into the Qin Sect, specifically so if the war started before he expected it to (whoops!!! it did!!!!), those resources would be somewhere he could encourage to fight. 

on the one hand, the sunshot campaign’s territory is divided in half by the wens. on the other hand, that means the wens are fighting on both the northern and southern border (since, again, jiang sect is still alive)

anyway i’d say it’s a more steady war, as opposed to my recollection of canon where like. everyone’s fucking miserable until our sexy goth boi comes out with his corpses and wrecks shop. 

then han meilin and qin su look at their families and say “if you do not let us marry right now in a way that combines our sects equally...... we will just do it anyway.” 

(meng yao in the background, holding a thin knife: fucking try me. try me. i want you to be mean to my sister just so i can stab you with my knives.)

anyway it’s time for the epilogue where meng yao is vice general and there is no more wen sect

(have i thought about the dafan wens in this ‘verse? no. i probably should not, either, as wwx would be less ride-or-die for them and that means maybe wen qing and wen ning would die in a war camp)

never mind!!! happy thoughts only!!!! like how qin su and meng yao are getting ready to kill again bc they are the bi crime sibling club!!!! 

jin zixuan is invited to family brunch but he’s never invited to bi crime sibling club because qin su and meng yao refuse to let him lose his innocence. 

“ge, jie, i’m married with children, i don’t have any innocence to lose--” “oh didi, precious baby, our infant brother, shining beacon of our heart...”

mo xuanyu is also forbidden from joining bi crime club. he’s too baby. 

they do discover other jin bastards and invite them to lunch and sure, there might eventually be another bi criminal.

3zun visits each other in 2 month chunks, with one to two month breaks as needed. so the epilogue is the beginning of 2 months hanging out in meng yao’s house, and then later in the year they’ll hang out in the cloud recesses or whatever

qin su and meng yao both have secret lists of places to acquire babies for each other. han meilin knows about both of these lists and laughs every time she sees the same orphanages on both lists.

the final comment from the xiyao troll on this was: “Interesting choice to write a bland ooc AU, but I guess this is all you can manage with your writing skill. ;) This way you don't have to worry about JGY lying to Xichen for years, murdering NMJ, attempting to murder Xichen's family in the second siege, stealing secrets from the Lan sect, corrupting a healing song Xichen trusted him with, and fully betraying LXC's and NMJ's trust.”

like. yeah. of course i sidestepped the bad things. that’s what a fix-it au is for. it’s where i say “here’s an alternate universe, where certain bad things do not happen.” it’s where i say “if meng yao had always had qin su around to counteract the messaging his mother gave him, he might not have gone so far in his quest for power”. duh. 

also like kiddo, troll, friend. the pitch for this fic is “cinderella except with murder and qin su rights”. i’ve been clear from the top that this is an Indulgent Fic with No Pretenses of Quality. im proud of some sentences and passages, but this ain’t Blood In The Cut where im tryna Say something or either of my jiang cheng-centric fics where im focusing on good characterization. 

it’s a cozy murder where qin su gets to live and have a cool wife