#hm... If i make this an actual au I probably just just make a straight up new post explaining it and post it

[elysian-chaos]

i didn't know what it felt like to have my heart stolen - suguru getō

summary: you just like being cuddled up in suguru's arms

word count: 1.2k

contents: suguru get x gn!reader, established relationship, could be read as no curses au (college au) but if you don't want to read it like that it's probably canon divergent (in the sense that suguru doesn't defect), this is just pining, straight up pining, fluff, reader somewhat pines over gojo, satoru pines over geto in reader's memory, potential for satosugu x reader, petnames loads of 'em (included but not limited to: pretty, baby, lovie, my love), reader mentions a memory about a magician to themself and i did actually see it on tv once and was traumatised, reader is whipped (whipped is too less of a word) devoted to suguru, soft sugu

author's notes: i have not written in four years please be nice to me, i beg. this thing has no semblance of a plot, the idea came to me before an exam when i was delirious from climbing ten stories worth of stairs (don't ask) other than that, thank you @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat and @cowboyhatetcetc for reading this for me, you are my life savers. also @literaila because if it weren't for you and your suguru obsession, angel, i never would have gotten into jjk so this is for you. oh also, forgot to mention, banner made by yours truly (it took me an hour to make T.T)

𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟

“sugu?” 

your voice, however soft and quiet, had broken the undisturbed silence of suguru’s dorm room.

the two of you had been laying on his bed, smushed together on the narrow mattress with his upper arm under your neck while his hand stroked through your hair. you were laying on your back, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars you and satoru had pasted on his ceiling on a dare. the stars were glowing softly, pale green with not nearly enough luminosity to light up the room but the pattern of the false constellations was clear. 

suguru hummed in reply, signalling his attention as he turned his head slightly in your direction, waiting for you to continue.

“it’s a stupid question.”

“you know i don’t mind baby,” his hand stopped at the edge of your jaw, brushing the skin softly with his thumb, “what’s your pretty little head thought up of now, hm?”

your body moves along the mattress, turning to him to grace your eyes with the sight that is suguru’s profile. suguru is a picture of beauty; silky smooth hair tied in a ponytail spread over the pillow his head lays on, eyes half open while the long, dark lashes on the corner of them stick together. soft light filtering in from the dark blinds in his room light up the highs of his face along with the little baby hair and flyaways, giving him a fuzzy glow. an angel just for your eyes.

you lift up your hand, almost cautiously circling the gauge plug in his earlobe, “does stretching out your piercings hurt?” 

your voice is quiet, barely above a whisper but suguru hears you loud and clear as if you are talking loudly like you do when you’re with your friends; goofing out with gojo and haibara or gossiping with shoko and nanami, howling with laughter as the three of you would discuss the latest piece of gossip that had come your way.

“it’s called ear gauging, pretty,” he offers, “and yeah, somewhat. it’s more uncomfortable than painful for me but that depends person to person.”

and it hits you again. why you love geto. how sweet he is, just endlessly kind. there’s never a hint of malice in his tone (except when he talks of the higher ups but all of you speak of them with varying amounts of discontentment). always so happy to help, not even a hint of condescension while he offers it; whether it be correcting satoru about a topic he is brashly ignorant or explaining a new concept to one of the juniors. your boyfriend is almost a saint, an angel incarnated as human, you are sure of it.

nevertheless you hide your thoughts in exchange for the way your eyes widen because the thought of you gauging your piercings, that are currently occupied with dainty dangling pearl earrings, sends shivers of dread up your spine. it sounds painful and to hear him say it isn’t seems unrealistic to you. 

so you question his statement, “it really doesn’t hurt?”

“just a little, lovie. do you remember when you told me about the time you bought a pair of earrings and the post was thicker than your original ones and it made your piercings sore?” he continues once you nod in confirmation, “well it’s sort of like that. you just need to be very very careful because it can hurt a lot if you do it wrong.”

your lips part slightly, forming a soft ‘o’ shape as a whispered exhale tumbles out from between them, causing him to nod slightly and let out a quiet “yep” in response to your reaction. 

you bounce back from the silence which takes over as you digest the new information with another quick question, “will you ever wear those ring gauge thingies? i think they’re called tunnel gauges? i’ve never seen you wear any even though you have so many of them.”

the picture of tunnel gauges forming in your brain pulls you into a memory from your childhood. you recall a pleasant evening from the eyes of your seven or eight year old self, watching tv with both your parents; a show about a magician whose name you have long forgotten. through the hazey, nostalgic filter of your mind you remember the magician linking together the ears of two people with tunnel gauges as if they were pieces of chain and he a metal worker before walking away from the scene. the memory makes you wonder if that was the reason you never even considered gauging your ears but you brush it off in favour of looking up at suguru as you wait for his answer. 

he lets out a little huff of a chuckle, wording the answer in his head before speaking, “i don’t really think they’re my style, honestly. i discussed them with satoru once—bad choice, i know. the next day he bought enough of them to make a small mountain. i kept a few but i made him return the rest.”

“enough to make a small mountain?”

“it’s an exaggeration, pretty,” he rolls his eyes at you, nothing but fondness on his face as he watches you echo his words with wide eyes, unbelieving of the quantity of jewelry that was bought for him. 

you fix your eyes at him with a half-hearted but pointed stare, “i know that. it is still a lot. maybe not in gojo terms, but for normal people? i can only imagine.”

the anxiousness in your brain had made you analyse and overanalyse satoru in the early days of knowing him. you could not for the life of you figure out the seemingly bubbly, white haired boy. he had been so very reserved when it came to you but a stark contrast with the rest of your little group and even closer with suguru. as it had turned out, growing up as he had, he had built up sky high walls when interacting with new people but he seemed to melt around the people he cared about; often expressing his love in the form of uber expensive gifts because he didn’t know the right words or perhaps the right feelings. you had been on the receiving end of such gifts over the course of your friendship; always so anxious and hesitant to accept them but not wanting to hurt his feelings but you had grown since then, a lot less anxious and skittish and fawnlike, so had he. he had learnt to express his emotions in words instead of gifts (not that the gifts had stopped, they were just more... personal now than before) and it wasn’t uncommon to hear the blue-eyed boy murmur declarations of love in soft moments albeit hesitantly.

“anyone up there?” 

suguru’s words pulled you out of your thoughts with a jolt, his lips hovering over your forehead as he looked down at you through his lashes. “yeah, i’m fine,” the words escape you with a sharp exhale, neck jerking once as you snap back into the real world. 

“do you just wanna stay like this for a while?” he questions softly (and the words pop up in your head again ‘endlessly sweet, endlessly kind’). you nod in response and he kisses your forehead after he whispers, “whatever you want, my love.” leaning his neck to plant a soft kiss to your lips and then just below where your hairline starts. 

the stars are still glowing a pale green and you wish on the shooting star stuck to his ceiling for more moments like the one you are in, etching the feeling of his embrace in your mind for the rest of your life.

𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟 𓆝 𓆞 𓆟

[demonzoro]

none of this is proofread but here's my ideal modern au for the goth fam. wall of text incoming, sky is blue, etc.

mihawk: World's Most Reluctant College Professor. history/archaeology. reluctantly employed because his place of residence (half-wrecked castle) is owned by the university and one of the terms for him to live there for free is to teach classes. initially hired as a publicity stunt that petered out. actual respected swordsman in the modern age but the reality is "swordsman" is... not very lucrative. really important to me that he is forcibly employed while having gigantic unemployed energy.

his ass is not showing up to a lecture hall unless under extreme duress (shanks showing up to his place unannounced again����). fully aware his papers are only taken as a credit filler (robin lectures the papers that are more practically applicable). almost exclusively "teaches" by emailing out reading lists and assignments. actively trying to get his students to drop his paper so he can do fuck-all for the rest of the year.

zoro: phys ed major. he's so serious about his main courses as well as mihawk's stupidly niche paper. probably the first person the "Dracule Mihawk Teaches Here!" publicity stunt has worked on in years. has trouble with the heavy focus of book-smarts this paper requires but powers through it best he can until mihawk sets some indecipherable tome as part of a reading list and zoro is like. okay. you leave me no choice.

he fully shows up on mihawk's doorstep at 9:44PM on a tuesday night brandishing this tome. mihawk answers the door because he is two bottles into his wine.

zoro, furious that this piece of shit tome has no audiobook alternative: this. YOU. explain. NOW. mihawk: a student. at my doorstep. did shanks blab to you. zoro: your address is publicly listed as a minor tourist attraction. mihawk (<- didn't know that): hm. come in.

zoro is treated to a full drunk history session and the supermarket gift wine mihawk has been avoiding but accidentally opened. he wakes up the next morning and zoro is still there in one of the guest rooms. he's like what are you doing here and zoro is like. i don't have a whole day to waste getting back to my dorm i need to do your assignment.

mihawk, fully aware the dorms should only be a max twenty minute walk away: interesting. get out.

safe to say, zoro thinks visiting mihawk's home is easier than emailing him. which is true in some ways since mihawk takes small joys in putting unread emails straight into trash.

perona: fashion major OBVIOUSLY. really interested finding vintage/archival sewing patterns/designs and modernising them. LOVES using essays as outlets for her rants. blase on everything else in life but takes her course so seriously. HATES zoro ever since he almost made her fail an assignment because he had checked out a book she needed and held it for fucking aaages.

similarly zoro hates perona bc she almost made him fail an assignment by hogging the only lightbox on this side of the campus that makes it possible to read some of the archival material mihawk puts on his impossible reading lists.

zoro gets lost in mihawk's castle and meets perona in-person for the first time outside of a name on a booking sheet and they have a huge stupid argument. zoro storms off and accidentally finds mihawk again this way and he's doubly mad because he can't believe mihawk has been chasing him away all this time while letting another student just live in the east wing.

mihawk (<- didn't know that): there's a what.

turns out perona just said "umm dorm fees? rent? in this economy? there's a wrecked castle 20mins away from campus it's free real estate". and she's right. she also finds out mihawk has staff access to archival materials not readily open to students and she immediately whips out a wishlist.

anyways i imagine perona graduates and becomes a fashion designer. zoro decides booksmarts is not for him and drops out to focus fully on a professional athlete career or make his way as a stuntman. models for perona on occasion. mihawk fully quits his job after those two leave bc they were the only ones in years that made it interesting. retires but robin recommends him as a consultant to the museum society and he does some work there. ALWAYS calls zoro or perona if he's restoring smthng cool he thinks they would love.

jfc are you still here. i kiss you on the lips

[marlsswrites]

A footballer and a figure skater

Ice skating AU, part 4!!

August 4th - words: 733

First part Previous part

James’ mum usually laughed at his new found habit, you see, ever since he found Regulus in the bookstore, he’d made a deal to always meet his mother at the ice rink. And he just so happened to catch Regulus skating, he would deny that that was his intention, but that was a lie. He longed to see the roaring, icy, flame that was Regulus.

He wanted to talk to the boy, he really did, but he always seemed to disappear right out of James’ lustful eyesight as soon as he managed to get close enough to see those dark grey eyes. Those same eyes that held up to crashing waves and stormy clouds right inside them, flowing and piercing into James like a bloody, sharpened, shining dagger to his heart.

Until one very long day, he debated giving up. He walked into the building after football practice, the field was only a two minute walk away yet he was still sweating from his previous game. Lifting his shirt up to his face, he wiped the clearly forming beads of sweat from his forehead and huffed as he dropped the shirt back down to cover his toned, tan chest.

He would make an excuse every single time he came here, telling him mum that he’d take her for a meal (he’s going to go broke if this carries on) or that he was simply just bored out of his mind.

But his only true excuse was seeing that thin waist and cheekbones sharp and straight as freshly cut stone.

That day he was running slightly late, he was exhausted and if he hadn’t promised his mum he’d meet her there before she finished, he probably would’ve just gone home.

But oh he is so glad he didn’t.

“Mum?” He called round the corner when he noticed the footsteps he heard were, in fact, not his mother’s.

As he turned the corner he crashed face first into a smaller figure with a grunt. The other person stumbled backwards, steadying themselves on their feet quickly. They looked at James with an utterly disgusted expression before it morphed into something far more confused.

“Are you fucking stalking me or something?” He spat.

As James looked at his face, that was only when he realised it was the one person he’d been looking for.

Some might say it’s fate, others might say that it’s James’ severe stubbornness, because when he wants something - god he can be convincing.

At least he hopes so.

“No- no!” He gasped out. “My mum works here, I was meeting her here.” The confused expression shifted to one of recognition, a crease forming between his eyebrows on the pale skin of Regulus’ face. “I didn’t even know she coached you.” James lied, hoping the tremor of his voice didn’t give his nerves away.

“Oh.” James watched as the other boy caught his bottom lip between his teeth, James only now noticing the glint of a silver ball on his tongue.

God.

“You’re Effie’s son.” He deadpanned.

“The one and only!” James grinned.

The other boy gave a snort, it was short and probably sarcastic, yet it was still there. James always wanted to make him laugh, he’s never really seen the man smile, but he’s sure one would look absolutely beautiful on his already perfected face.

“Now don’t flatter yourself.” He scoffed.

James only grinned, looking the man before him up and down rather slowly, no shame present at all. He was still dressed in all black, the outfit - like he said - was skintight and certainly not helping James while he tried to form actual words and not make himself look like an idiot.

“You’re staring.” Regulus pointed out, a sly smirk present on his lips.

“Hm?” James stared into those grey irises and gave a faux innocent shrug, messing his hair around on his head with a small shake before looking back up to only see a raised eyebrow. “My friend liked the book.”

“Nice topic change.”

James laughed. “I take what I can get.”

“I’m glad.” He paused. “About the book.” The raven haired boy gave a shake of his head, his curls moving softly around his face as he did so. “I’ve got to go, bye James.” He offered a nod, and then he was gone. Only leaving James to stare after him with a strange ache in his chest.

Next part

[pocketramblr]

AU where Hisashi calls Izuku regularly while he works overseas and one day Hisashi tells Izuku about his new boyfriend who is very sweet to him and unfortunately got into a bad accident many years ago that left him disabled so Hisashi helps care for him.Izuku later finds out this boyfriend is AFO.

why would you leave inko for afo. 'hold on yeah i think i'll leave this priceless bahia emerald and skip town and then i found a broken piece of chalk instead.' my guy. you deserve all might stealing your son.

1- ok so. Hisashi is an accountant who moves to new york to make more money. He and inko officially divorce, which means Izuku takes the Midoriya name and Inko has sole custody, but while Hisashi does not have to pay child support or alimony, he does opt to send them some support and tries to stay in contact because i guess his taste in men was so bad that he and inko just work better as friends. good for them ig.

2- actually Hisashi is just straight up color-blind: he can't see any red flags. Its not just his personal tastes. this man has worked for four separate blatant money laundering schemes since he went abroad. he has no clue. this is how he ends up coming into contact with AfO, but AfO's job offering is too indirect and vague, and Hisashi is like 'are you... flirting with me?' instead, but AfO can work with that. And while Hisashi certainly isn't a genius with people or warning signs, i will give him (and inko) this: he's a great lay.

3- He's also a very caring boyfriend, which was part of the problem with inko, they ended up really inciting each other's anxieties, but AfO likes being pampered so he decides to keep Hisashi around even if he isn't a employee. even better really, that he doesn't have to pay, bribe, quirkify, dequirkify, or threaten him. Hisashi, as a bit of a doting boyfriend, also has a lot to say about the man to others, so Izuku ends up hearing a lot of gushing over the phone as he's training with weights and is a bit too out of breath to change the topic. plus, he doesn't want to bring up going to UA until its a sure thing, his dad will definitely freak out about it not being safe. finally he tells his dad he got in, and hisashi is like 'oh yeah, cuz they changed the rules, which track?' and izuku goes 'oh uh hero track and alsoihaveaquirknowitscalledsuperpower oh look at that moms calling me for dinner sorry bye.'

4. Dazed, Hisashi gushes about his son to his boyfriend later, dropping that izuku's going to become a hero at ua, what a surprise- but, well, he supposes his son has always loved to watch heroes...

AfO is like 'hm. being a hero isn't very safe...' ('i know...') 'why don't you try to push him to visit you? keep him safe. maybe in a safe. don't you just wanna keep a hold of him?' ("i do, but that'll only drive him away. he's growing up... besides, if i was busy only keeping watch over him, who'd take care of you?") 'mm, good point. keep prioritizing me, i will neither put a hit on the kid as competition nor do anything to keep him safer.'

5. Reveal... uh yeah so Hisashi does mention to Izuku when his boyfriend goes missing, sometimes he gets called to work suddenly but he's never been gone this long, he's worried, is he restocking his meds, where is he? oh yeah, he vanished around Kamino. unfortunate, but not incriminating on its own. What IS incriminating is rewound!AfO, looking at Izuku with a tilted head. "I can see bits of Hisashi in you, hm. Just the worst bits, luckily." Izuku starts realizing what this means. Bakugo distracts him and blasts him to the Shigaraki fight, because he also started to realize what it meant and simply did not want to deal with hearing anymore of that. Over at the ShigarAfO fight, AfO tries to keep throwing Izuku (and tomura) off their game by wondering if Hisashi will find this new, younger body nice as well- probably, its not like the man had the highest standards. Izuku and Tomura are united in such abosolute done-ness with AfO that he's immediately snuffed out of Tomura's head and nothing remains behind. Tomura is like 'uh, do you want a day's break and then a rematch because i need to bleach my brain' but izuku is like 'oh no i need to punch someone through a mountain rn, lets keep going while i reform you with the power of friendship and incredible violence.' (By unspoken agreement, neither Izuku, Bakugo, or Tomura ever breathe a word about it to anyone, much less to Hisashi.)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Once Upon a Time 1

Warnings: non/dubcon and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Andy Barber

Part of the Bookstore AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You don’t mind working evenings during the week. In the hour before closing time, it’s pretty slow. There isn’t much for you to do much follow the tune of the instrumental jazz and lean on the counter behind your till. Management is hidden in the back office so you don’t even need to pretend to work.

So it is that you’re startled at the unexpected figure strutting around the table of stationary and novelties across from the checkout. You stand straight as you smile at the man, not letting it falter as you recognise him. You brace yourself and swallow as your mouth runs dry. He’s been here almost every day this week; at least, when you’ve been in.

“Oh, uh,” you don’t notice anything in his hands aside from his cell phone, “Mr. Pine isn’t here, sir. I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t reply until he’s at the counter. His blue eyes bore into you as he rests his hand against the edge, gripping his phone tight. A small furrow scrunches between his brows.

“I didn’t ask,” he smiles.

“Well, er, sorry, I thought…” you chew your lip nervously. Each time he’s been in, he’s asked for the store owner. You assume he knows him. And he’s of the demographic who likes to make a fuss when he doesn’t get what he wants. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he agrees, still grinning.

You squirm and run your fingertips over the keyboard. “Well, is there anything I can help you find? We’re closing up soon–”

“You’re trying to get me to leave?” He challenges.

“Not at all,” you croak. “Sorry, sir.”

“Andy,” he pulls his hand away, instead crossing his arms and leaning his elbows on the counter. He reads your name tag, “it’s fine. I was just looking around. Figure a book might help keep me busy.” 

He has a very intense way of watching you. Very on the point. He speaks directly to you, but you’re more the type to focus above someone or past them.

“Do you have a favourite genre?” You prompt. It’s easiest to talk about work and you have a dozen suggestions.

“Not really. You know, I work a lot and I never really had a chance to read much outside of deposition records,” he shrugs and raises his eyebrows, “don’t make my mistakes. Don’t waste your life working overtime. Enjoy the small things. Like books, you’re never gonna find a fairytale in real life.”

You feel a bit bad for him but try not to show it. You don’t want to insult it and he seems to pendulum between amiable and unapproachable. You nod and put on your customer service smile.

“Oh, thanks, I guess you’re probably right,” you eke out, “do you like thrillers? They’re pretty popular and we’re having a special.”

“Hm, I suppose that’s somewhere to start,” he rubs his beard, the hand clutching his phone against the counter as he leans on the same elbow, “what do you read?”

You give your usual answer, vague and not entirely false, “fantasy, mostly.”

“Like The Hobbit or whatever?” He wonders.

“Sure, I’ve read that,” you say.

“My wife– ex, now, she was a Tolkien fan,” his lips slant, “twenty years, no kids. Got nothing to show for it.” He pushes himself straight, “I’m sorry, you caught me on a bad night. I, whatever you suggest, I’ll take it. I need something to get my mind off of… everything.”

“Oh, sure, well, we have our best sellers down here,” you point over the counter and the racks between each till, “Conrad’s always a good choice.”

He hums and backs up. He peruses the books silently as you twiddle your fingers impatiently. You’ve had awkward encounters with customers before, almost daily, but something about him is a bit too cringe for you. You hate to even think like that. You feel mean. He’s just going through some things. And who isn't?

He plucks up a book and comes back to your till. He lays it down and slides his phone into his pants pocket, then reaches under his jacket. He takes out his wallet and pauses as he unfolds it, “wait, do you get commission? I could grab a few more.”

“Um, no,” you login and scan the barcode on the book, “but there’s a survey on you receipt. If you fill that out, I get credit for that.”

“Oh, sure, a survey,” he agrees as he slides out a card.

“And did you have our rewards card?” You ask.

He shakes his head, “what’s that?”

Great. You peek at the time in the corner of the till screen. It’s getting close to closing.

“So, for purchases you collect points. Kinda like air miles. When you buy items that are part of a promotion, you receive double, and for prestige members, there are triple point days. You can collect points to earn store credit.”

He nods and considers it. He tilts his head as his cheek dimples, “so, that costs money?”

“Yes, twenty-five dollars for paperback level and forty for prestige.”

He weighs the options. You expect the amounts to deter him like most customers. He taps his card on the counter, “you know what, I’ll do the forty. I’m looking to get into reading so I’ll be back for sure.”

“Oh, uh, right, okay,” you say with surprise, “I’ll just get you registered.”

You reach past the till and grab one of the cards displayed behind it. You scan it and go through the whole routine; name, phone number, email. You get all his info in and offer him a bag before you turn the debit machine towards him. He taps his card and the approval chirps loudly.

“Great, so, if you wanna do the survey,” you say as his receipt prints out, “you can scan this QR code and it will direct you straight to the survey.” You tear off the receipt and circle at the bottom, “my employee number is here, you’ll have to enter that and the transaction ID.”

You fold the receipt and hand it over. He takes it and looks it over with a squint. He raises his chin and gives a half-smile, “um, this QR thing? How do I… I’m sorry, I’m a bit slow. Could you show me?”

You want to say no. You want to point to the clock and tell him to have a good day but he’s actually going to do the survey. You need a good review.

“Sure, um, I’ll show you. Just on your phone,” you step closer as he digs his hand in his pants pocket, “let me see the receipt.”

“Thank you so much,” he says, “you’re so patient with me.”

[sweetbillwriting]

In The Dead of Night

SIX

Characters: AU Eric played by Bill Skarsgård from The Crow (2024)

Setting: This story is set in A WHOLE OTHER WORLD than the movie. Shelley isn't a part of this story. Eric will be different from the movie, especially because I haven't seen the movie.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

Notes: Happy Birthday Bill! ♥️

Eric and I decided we would meet at Jackie's that night. He would skip The Pulse and go there straight from his job because I had Odin. My sister didn't have any patience with dogs, so I couldn't leave him with them; I was obligated to have him by my side all the time. 

Eric didn't feel comfortable with me strolling around his block waiting for him so I would go to Jackie. It felt like the best option, even if Jackie could be a bit special, but something told me he would never make a pass at me again now that I was in some sort of companionship with Eric. 

When I arrived at Jackies’, he stood pressed up against the doorframe to the living room and didn't let Odin go with his eyes. He, in return, jumped even more because there was a soul giving him attention. He barked twice when I didn't release the leash off his collar fast enough; when he was free, he jumped around and on Jackie's legs in a wild dance. 

“I'm sorry, are you afraid of dogs?” I asked while taking Odin by the collar and pulled him away from the terrified Jackie. 

“Nah, no. He's just bigger than I thought.” 

I smiled a little and let Odin go again so he could check around in Jackie's small apartment. It seemed like he was looking for someone, but that could also have been my own feelings talking. 

I sat down on Jackie's couch a bit awkwardly. He had a series on I couldn't place, but it looked like some sort of fantasy. Jackie himself still stood and watched Odin run around his apartment, and I feel a bit stupid for being there with him if he was scared. Eric had said it was okay, and that was the only thing I had been able to go on. 

“I had a question for you,” said Jackie suddenly but had a hard time letting Odin go with his eyes. 

“Okay?” I said curiously and sat up a bit. I had no idea what he would ask and wondered if he maybe hadn't understood Eric and I were more than friends. 

Jackie sat down next to me on the couch while messing with his phone, then he turned it towards me. 

“Is this you?” 

It was our conversation on Snapchat, where I asked for Eric's contact information. I wanted to deny that it was me, but I knew it was too obvious that it was me, and the lie would not look good if he told Eric. 

“Yeah, it's weird, but you're not the person I thought I wrote to,” I laughed and shrugged my shoulders. 

“I can't actually remember your face from that night at all?” 

Jack looked at me confused, then smirked a little.

“Maybe we both were really drunk then. Or high.” 

I laughed and made a face like he probably was right. I had some luck; Jackie wasn't the brightest. 

“Was Eric at that party?” 

“No. To be honest, I've just seen him around, like out and…” I swallowed. I didn't get this story to work at all and felt my mouth get dry as cotton. Jack’s smile fell, and I believed he had been able to see through my lie, but Jackie had other priorities in life than protecting his friend from stalkers. 

“Is it because of the abs?” 

“Hm?” The question was so off topic I couldn't understand it. 

“You mean you just saw Eric and then you wanted him that bad? I mean… It's the abs, right? You know, he just looks that muscular because he's just skin and bones. I would also look like that if I didn't allow myself a pizza. Maybe he's like anorexic or something?” 

You could hear Jackie's envy clearly in how he spoke, and I couldn't stop myself from smirking, not only of the pettiness but also because he had ignored my incoherent story so fast. 

“Or is it the height? So you know, I'm bigger than him. It's not like height tells something about that. I'm much bigger than him.” 

I nodded a little to please him so he wouldn't be upset and wish me any harm. I needed him on my side. 

Jackie smiled a little, then he dragged his thick but short fingers over my arm. I didn't say anything; I just let him believe he had a chance until my phone lit up with Eric's number. 

“Hey,” I answered fast with an excited giggle.

“Hey,” he said happily but with a nervous sound after. 

“Hey,” I said again, and then he did the same with a chuckle. 

“Are you on your way?” I asked when I realized we couldn't just say “hey” to each other. 

“Yeah, I’ll probably be there in like, twenty minutes?” 

“Maybe I can meet you?” 

Eric was quiet for a moment then made an amused exhalation.

“Is it Jackie? Is he weird?” 

“Yes,” I said with a silly voice. I didn't say more than that so Jackie wouldn't understand we talked about him. 

“He's weird sometimes, but he's just… Slow,” said Eric, like slow was a better word than what he actually wanted to say. I giggled at him but then continued our conversation. 

“Can I meet you?” 

“If you really want to meet me, you can go straight forward outside of the door and wait by the light pole with the anarchist symbol. You will see it if you just continue going right forward.” 

“Is it you who made the symbol?" I teased while I stood up from the couch. Eric laughed, and it made me laugh too. 

“Could have been! But Delilah, take Odin with you; I don't want—” 

“Leave Odin here?” I looked towards Jackie to try him, and he looked up at me with panicked eyes. “I don't think Jackie has time for him.” Jackie nodded relieved and looked towards Odin, who was lying on the ragged carpet with one of his socks. 

"Oh, okay, but yeah, take him with you, these neighborhoods aren't the best.”

It was hard to miss Eric when he was so tall and broad shouldered. He walked with purpose, and I saw him put his headphones in their case when he noticed me. It looked like he was dressed completely in black, just like me, but I was dressed in jeans and a black tube top under my black fur jacket. Something told me he wasn't as dressed up. When he walked under a streetlamp that lit up his chiseled facial features, Odin started to pull on the leash and bark. I took hold of him and hushed him, but he continued to dance around in excitement. He acted like he knew the man walking towards us even if they had never really met.

When Eric came up to us, he did something so smoothly I couldn't follow his motion. After letting Odin sniff his hand, he patted his cheek smoothly but then back over his chest which made him stand slick to his side. Odin looked up at him, and Eric looked back before telling him, with a firm voice, to sit. Odin did what he said and wagged his tail when he got a stroke on his cheek and neck as an encouragement. I looked at them with my mouth slightly open. It was insane seeing how easy it was for Eric but also so sexy. He wore dark blue work pants and a black hoodie and didn't look like a man I would have wanted to meet under a streetlamp before I got to know him. He looked up at me and smiled sweetly. 

“Hey.” His way of smiling was so cute and kind, but I could understand how some would miss it being too distracted by the facial tattoos and those mysterious eyes.

“Hi.” A sound of infatuation left my lips and I felt my cheeks warm from embarrassment. It caused an awkward silence between us because none of us knew how we would continue. I wanted to kiss him but didn't dare, and he seemed to use Odin as a reason to avoid a weird hello, but instead it became even weirder. I was used to guys taking the lead, but Eric didn't act like them at all and didn't seem to be in a hurry to get further in our relationship. 

“Ehm,” he said after a while and looked towards Jackie’s building. “Should we..?” 

I could feel the cringe in my body. He acted like the boys I dated in my teens, and I could feel how I started to act like my fifteen-year-old self when I nodded with an unsure smile. We walked in silence next to each other, Odin close to Eric, in his rhythm and Eric with his hands deep in the front pocket of his hoodie. I needed to kill the silence, even if it would be even more awkward. 

“How was work?” 

Eric gave me a quick glance and then started to dig in his pockets. He pulled out a cigarette package from a pocket on his thigh and lit a cigarette with a cobalt blue Bic lighter.

“Eehh… good,” he said shortly, but after two drags he seemed to relax and understand he must say more than that to keep a conversation going. 

“An elevator had gotten stuck with nine drunk guys that weren't even in the right building. It was too heavy.” 

“Nine? That's just stupid… Ehm, do you have some sort of education in this?” 

Eric was quiet, and for a moment I thought I said something stupid. 

“I'm a welder… But I got fired from my first job and… Yeah, I didn't feel like doing it again.” 

I looked at him with big eyes and just waited for him to tell me more. I could almost guess why he lost the job, and I hoped he would share it now with me, but he didn't; instead, he smiled at me and changed the subject. 

“So Jackie is a pain in the ass?” 

I laughed, but there was a hint of disappointment in it. I wanted the subject to be deeper than that. 

“Yeah… He says you're anorexic?” 

Eric laughed and shook his head. 

“Because of my abs?” 

I laughed more sincerely now and nodded. 

“How did you know?” 

“He has said it before. That I'm just a skinny dude, and you can see my muscles better because of it.” 

“Is that true?” 

Eric smirked and looked at me. 

“You can investigate that later.” 

The flirty comment came unexpectedly, and I made an amused but surprised sound. His body he seemed to not be insecure about. Eric laughed embarrassed, like he wanted to take back what he had said, but the laugh also seemed to relax him, and I could see it in his face and posture. 

“I'm happy you came, ehm… It's too bad we work like we do?” 

“You mean that I work during the weeks, while you work nights on the weekends?” I said with a warm but a bit disappointed smile. 

“Yeah! My job sucks in so many ways.” 

“What would you like to work with?” 

Eric stomped out his cigarette and started to play with the lighter in his hand. 

“I don't know. I don't think I can get something better anyway. I'm glad I have a job.” 

“But if?” 

I looked at him interested, and he looked a bit awkward in the spotlight. 

“I like to draw, but that's not a job?” 

“You do?” I thought about what he had said in my dreams—that he drew when he was younger. 

“Mm. I had a long pause for several years, but I've started again. A few months ago. I guess a creative job like yours would be amazing.” 

“We could have a business together; I do people’s hair and you tattoo them,” I joked, but there was some seriousness in it too. Eric chuckled lowly. 

“I have a machine, but I’ve just done really ugly tattoos on myself and friends. It's another craft. I like the drawing pad.” 

I just nodded a little as an answer because we had arrived at Jackie's entrance door. 

I was disappointed we had arrived just when he had started to open up, but I had hoped we wouldn't stay with Jackie that long. Maybe he could just smoke with him, then we could walk to his place instead. 

At Jackie's, two other guys had joined. One had a similar look as Eric, with a short, uneven haircut and small, silly tattoos spread over his arms in an irregular pattern; the other one didn't have any tattoos at all and looked surprisingly basic. The tattooed one they called Granny for some reason they didn't tell me, while the other they just called Karl. But they didn't call Eric, Eric, instead, they called him Crow. I looked at him and wondered if it was because of his black hair, the eyeliner he seemed to use sometimes, but I started to realize I wouldn't be able to guess. Eric sat leaned back on the couch with Odin laying half way up in his lap while I sat on his other side with my feet up on the couch. I had felt Eric's hand graze my shin a couple of times; otherwise, he just treated me like a new friend in their group. 

“Why do they call you Crow?” I asked with a low voice, just to him. Eric looked at me and smiled a little embarrassed. He was on his way to answer, but Karl interrupted him. 

“He has his own Crow.” 

I looked between Karl and Eric a bit confusingly. 

“The first time we were at his place, a crow landed on the roof outside of his window, and he let it in like it was the most natural thing. And he called it Crow, so we gave him the same name. It was cute.” Karl smirked towards Eric, who still looked a bit embarrassed. I looked at him, then down at my dog, being more pleased than he had ever been. 

“I guess I'm just good with animals?” Eric said with a shoulder shrug and caressed Odin behind his ear calmly. The dog just made a pleased sound. 

“Yeah… I can see that. Odin is the worst otherwise.” 

Eric smiled a little and just shrugged his shoulders again. He was the modest type. When he finally looked up at me, our eyes met, and my heart started to beat hard in my chest. I didn't know if the others looked at us because in that moment it was just us, like in my dreams. We leaned closer together, and our lips met in a hungry kiss. He tasted like weed, and I probably tasted like the cheap beer Jackie had given me. We kissed a couple more times, and I stood up on my knees to reach him better. Eric dragged his long fingers over my waist and let a soft finger tip crawl in under the edge of my top to feel my naked skin. I giggled a little into his mouth because it tickled, and I could feel him smile. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it, you're horny, but you don't need to do that here!” Said Jackie, upset with a bitter undertone. Eric released my lips, but I sat down in his lap, to both Jackie's and Odin's irritation. 

“Isn't it hot in here?” Said Eric and looked at me, then at Jackie. I knew at once what it was about. "Yeah, it's hot in here?” He said with a smirk.

“Yeah, it's hot in here.” I giggled, agreeing with him.

Eric signaled to me to move a bit from him so he could pull off his white t-shirt. Granny and Karl didn't react to his naked skin, but I looked at Jackie and saw him look at him with irritation. I couldn't really understand their friendship because Jackie clearly felt a grudge towards Eric. 

However I didn't look at Eric with irritation; I just looked at his body greedily. He wasn't just a thin guy. His arms were strong and big. I could see every muscle flex in his upper body in a way they hadn't if he had just been skinny. He was in perfect shape. 

“That's some ugly tattoo, man,” said Karl and pointed towards a face by Eric's nipple, or the nipple actually was an eye. It was ugly, like many of his tattoos. 

“Yeah, that one was a bad idea.” Eric shook his head while I changed my position, straddling his lap. Karl lost Eric's attention at once when I started to drag my finger over the horsehead on his side. Eric looked at me with big eyes, so big he almost looked animated. 

"Can't we go to your place?” I said lowly and moved down closer to his crotch. Eric dragged his hands over my thighs and licked his lips. 

“Do you want that?” 

It was such a stupid question after mine, but by looking at him, I understood he was serious. 

“Yes.” 

He nodded a little. 

“Yeah, okay then.” 

××× 

“It feels like you have so many sides to explore, but you are so shy,” I said with a little giggle speaking to Eric while we walked to his home. I let him hold the leash because Odin just wanted to be by his side anyway. Eric gave me a glance and shrugged his shoulders. 

“Not really. If you think about the crow, it's the only fun thing I can tell.” He smiled a little, but it didn't feel completely relaxed. “Why did you get a dog? Have you always wanted a dog?” 

I shook my head and looked at Odin. 

“I share him with a friend who loves dogs, but he didn't feel he had time for one by himself, and I was restless, so… Yeah, a dog felt like a good idea, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not that good at it, and my friend believes he is, but I think he gives Odin too little love.” 

Eric gave me a crooked smile. 

“That says a lot about you, I think.” 

“Hm?” 

“You're more for love than discipline… I like that.” He smiled warmly at me, and I felt my cheeks get warm. “Some look down on people being sweet to their pets, but I just think it shows me it's a person I want to be around. That tries to get respect with love. Not being a pushover or like that, but just… choosing love.” 

I felt it tickle all over my body when he talked so sweetly, and as a reflex, I took his arm and pressed my cheek against his bicep. He looked down at me, and I wondered if I had taken it too far, but he just moved his arm to lay around my shoulders instead. 

We talked more about our jobs, music, and our friends. I even talked about Robin, but never by name. Eric just found out I had a guy friend I worked with, had a dog with, and that he knew the most things about me. He never asked for his name. 

We continued to talk even up in his apartment, but then I became reminded of what happened the last time I was there. The couch cushion didn't have a cover, instead, it was covered with a plaid blanket. It made the whole couch look cheaper and older than it had before, and I laid my hands over my face while Odin tipped around, looking and sniffing at everything. 

“A new cover is on its way. Just IKEA that is slow,” he said with a kind smile and just like the last time he opened the fridge. 

“I've… I have other stuff other than eggs at home if you want something?” I walked up to him and looked in the fridge, and bread was lying on the counter. 

“Have you shopped for me?” I said with a giggle and hugged his waist. 

Eric looked down at me and scratched his neck, embarrassed. 

“I just… I wanted to have something else to offer you.” 

“You're so sweet!” I said it with an extra cute voice and stood up on my toes so I could kiss his cheek. Eric smirked a little, and with heavy eyes he leaned down for a real kiss instead. We kissed a couple of times, just soft and sweet, but it didn't stop both my heart and sex from beating so hard I wondered if he could see it on the outside of my body. 

××× 

Eric opened a beer for each of us, and then we sat down on the couch, me on the plaid blanket. I decided that myself because it didn't feel more than right. The couch felt too small for us both; not that I complained about sitting close to him, but neither one of us seemed to sit comfortably. 

“I should really get a bigger couch, but I haven't had money for it,” he said, a bit embarrassed. “I'm mostly in bed when I relax; you know, stretch out.” It almost sounded like an invitation, and for a moment I was the one getting nervous, and I locked myself in, in his bathroom. 

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and fixed my mascara that had crumbled into pieces under my eyes. I didn't feel hot enough for Eric, and I wondered if it was that which stopped him from making a serious move towards me, or did he? In awkward ways, like saying he likes spending time in his bed? I walked out of the bathroom when it felt like I'd been there a little bit too long. 

“I can't just sleep with her… It doesn't feel right.” I heard Eric say with a low voice, and I understood quickly he was speaking on the phone. "It's not what she wants, I think. And I… The one night stand thing doesn't give me much. But I can't date. You know that too. And she's a good girl… Eh, fuck, it feels like I'm fooling her.” 

I walked closer to the living room to hear what he said, but that made Odin look towards the hallway, and Eric reacted at once at his movement. Stupid dog. 

“I must hang up. Thank you, Nick.” 

I tried to walk out like I hadn't heard anything, but Eric dragged his hands over his thighs and smiled at me apologetic.

“I guess you heard that,” he said and continued to drag his hands over his thighs. I shrugged my shoulders. 

“A bit.” Eric nodded and looked towards the TV even if it was off, and the most interesting thing he could see was his mirrored self. I sat down next to him, and he looked at me with big, sad eyes. It was that gaze I had seen in all the photos of him, like he was close to giving up. 

“I have a lot in life right now… Or, or rather, I've always had a lot in life and…” It was obvious he had a hard time finding the words, but I knew what he wanted to say. He said it the first time we met too, but I clearly needed a reminder because I had started to think about him as a potential boyfriend. 

“I can't date, and I know I'm not the sort of person you want to date. I’m constantly a source for disappointment…” 

I didn't like hearing him talk about himself like that, but I still wanted him to tell me with his own words about his addiction. 

“What do you mean?” I asked and sat down closer to him so I could drag soft fingertips through his hair. 

“I'm sorry if you feel I fooled you. I just get caught up in it? I really think you're special, but…” He looked out in the air and didn't say anything more; he just sucked his lips. 

“Why are you a disappointment?” I asked again. At that moment, I didn't care that he tried to push me away. I wanted him to talk about his addiction, and I would be with him even if he felt like he wasn't worthy of me. 

“I just… Never succeed with anything. I hurt people. I use people. To be honest, I'm a fucking asshole,” he said with an unamused laugh. 

"No, you're not.” I played with the longer hair by his neck and looked at him sincerely; it was just that Eric gave me the same kind of look back. 

"Yes, I am. I will break every promise I give you; I will stand you up; I will take your money; I will cheat. That's the man I am.” 

He leaned forward on his forearms against his knees and dropped his head so I couldn't see his face. 

“That's not you, Eric.” 

I said it even if I wasn't sure. He was such a sweet, humble guy, but I had no idea if he was that person all the time, and he said the same words both Robin and Simone had said. 

Eric covered his face with his big tattooed hands. I wondered if he was crying and if he wanted me to comfort him. When he looked up again, he looked at me with resignation. 

“I think about drugs every other minute. I can't even be present in reality because I just want a fix.” 

I felt my eyes tear up because I really thought he was over it. I thought the drugs were a part of his past.

“That's not true,” I said again because I didn't want to believe his words. 

“That's why I work out so much. Because without it, I would do anything to get a syringe of morphine just pushed into my veins.” 

It felt like he said it that way to give a shock effect, but it was just as awful to hear it anyway, and silently I started to cry. 

“That's not true…” 

Eric didn't say anything, and it made me just sob louder. It was probably a bit much that I sat and cried like that for a guy I've met twice, but I had known him for a much longer time than he understood. After a few seconds, he took me in his arms so I could cry against his chest. He hugged me close and warmly, and he probably saw it as some sort of ending for my belief in him as a boyfriend. He let me go slowly when I had calmed down, and he dragged his hands over my upper arms comfortingly. 

“Do you want me to call you a cab? I understand if you feel that you don't want to stay here with me.” 

The irony was that he looked hurt even if he was the one pushing me away. I looked into his sad eyes and then patted his high cheekbone. 

“I want to be with you…” 

He licked his lips and pulled me up in his lap. 

“I have warned you now. I will disappoint you.” His eyes wore a shine that made them glitter like emeralds. 

“I don't care.” 

My voice was determined, and my move to take his cheeks in my hand to kiss him with passion was just as determined. Eric kissed back and took a hard grip in the back of my neck and let his tongue wrestle with mine. Making love with mine. 

××× 

It was me who started to take off his clothes, but it was he who carried me to his bed. I had always felt self-conscious when guys tried to lift me. I felt heavy when they didn't succeed in carrying me comfortably, but Eric lifted me so easily I felt weightless. He threw me up, straddling his waist, and I didn't even need to hold myself there with my thighs because his strong hands holding my ass did the work. I giggled into the kisses when he carried me to bed while hugging my ass. He laid me down on the bed smoothly while our kisses started to just be our tongues licking each other. I dragged my hands down his muscular back, and I touched the small marks where I could feel his tattoos being tattooed too deep. Eric pulled away, standing on his knees. His eyes were dark and excited, and I took the moment to pull off my top and bra and then also my jeans. He helped me take them off, then stood up to kick off his own pants. I looked at him with big eyes where he stood just dressed in blood red Armani boxers. His perfect muscular body, covered in tattoos with various qualities and artistry. I could see the imprint of a long, thick line in the boxers, and I was quite sure Jackie had lied earlier. Eric even looked bigger than in my dreamworld. 

I sat up in bed, moved to the edge of the bed, and dragged him by the hips towards me. His cock was just in front of me, and I could feel his big eyes on me when I dragged my tongue over the fabric of the underwear, tracing the thick line laying up against his hip. I kissed the tip through the fabric and nuzzled it with my nose until it twitched in its tight restraint. Eric breathed out heavily. 

“I want to sleep,” he said with a strained voice. I looked up at him with my cheek pressed against his erection. “I want to sleep,” he said again, then moved away so he could lay down in bed. I looked at him in shock while he crawled down under the cover, acting like he suddenly was super tired. He closed his eyes hard, probably to make it seem like he fell asleep at once.

××× 

When I woke up, the radio was on, and a commercial about a new Mazda was the first thing my newly awakened brain took in. I woke up at the same place I had fallen asleep, next to Eric in midnight blue satin sheets. He laid on his belly with his face towards me. I looked at him sadly. I wanted him so much, but he was the most difficult guy I've ever met, even if he also, probably, was the kindest one. I looked at his facial features, the high forehead, the oval face shape, and the perfect mix of male and female attributes. He was pretty as a doll. I had memorized some of the pictures from his childhood and could see the little boy in his face, even if he had fine lines around his eyes.

I looked at the tattoos and sighed, just they could tell me he wasn't as easy as Dante or anyone else of my exes. 

The pain in my chest spread slowly out in my body and made me almost feel sick, so I felt forced to leave Eric alone in bed; instead, I looked around in his studio apartment. In a corner he had training equipment, and I could just say what half of it was. The training had been attractive in my eyes, but now, after his confession, it felt dirty. It was just a coping strategy. His kitchen was quite empty but looked cleaned. It didn't look like he used it so much. On one wall he had a big painting of a samurai. Next to the couch was a big window with a broad window sill. It could have been a cozy place to sit, but Eric had mostly books in it, like a shelf. I looked through the titles. Much was about Asia, martial arts, but also art. It was several horror books by Poe and Lovecraft, but also others. A few about bands like Sex Pistols and The Cure. One book about Vivienne Westwood but also sketchbooks. I couldn't stop myself from pulling them out. They were marked with a year, and I looked in one from that year. He was really good. Really, really good. He painted in a mix of classic Japanese art, anime, and his own personal style with a black marker pen. Mostly he painted animals, fighting guys and naked women. I looked with big eyes at a woman spreading her legs while a Chinese dragon pushed his way out of her sex. There were erotic pictures, even the one I couldn't stop staring at. It was painted like a comic, with several squares. It was a woman, dancing in a fountain, topless. Her hair was similar to mine, and she had flared jeans. You couldn't see her face really, but there were several drawings of her breast, wet, her own hands playing with the nipples, or a man's big, tattooed hands hugging them in his wide palms. It felt stupid to think about, but that was my breasts. I could see it was mine, and I could see it was his hands. In the last picture, you could see a woman's lips sucking the man's tattooed fingers. You didn't see her face, just lips and hollowed cheeks. That was me. I was certain it was me. 

×

[jinkoh]

rat in the trap

haknyeon x fem!reader

summary: you knew haknyeon wasn’t coming to the bar for you. it was just for his job, to investigate. and yet, when he gave you that sweet smile of his, you couldn’t stop yourself from hoping for something more, for something real...

tags: undercover!haknyeon, suggestive, making out, angst, manipulation, mafia au type themes; warnings: alcohol, gun violence (non graphic), blood

wc: 10.6k

a/n: this was actually inspired by the convoyz episodes, specifically something sunwoo said (you'll see~), but the plot strayed very far from that. anyway i hope you'll enjoy this--it's been in my WIPs since february so i'm glad to finally have it done hehe

masterlist

You were pretty convinced your boss was entangled in something messy. For one he was paying you in cash—not exactly a common thing at a respectable business. Then again, by itself it wouldn't be strange enough to be alerted. The other thing though were the men with their black suits and slicked back hair that came in once or twice a month. There were usually two of them, younger than you'd think and definitely younger than your boss. They'd come right after closing time when you'd already be wiping down the counters. Most of the time they’d just head straight for the little office your boss had in one of the backrooms and leave just as quickly again. But once in a while they sat down in the corner booth, ordering a whiskey on ice and waiting for your boss to sit with them. You didn't know much about them, aside from their drinking preferences and their names that you'd overheard before. Your boss seemed to purposely keep you away from their talks, telling you to leave the closing up to him even though he usually pushed as much work as possible onto you. Not that you'd complain—closing up was annoying and it seemed to be better for your personal safety to not get involved anyway. Most importantly though, you received a generous tip on days like these. He'd give it to you under the claim that business had been good that day, but you knew there was more to it; a bribe to keep your mouth shut about something you didn’t even know anything about. And you weren’t going to try and find out—curiosity killed the cat and satisfaction wouldn't pay your rent if you lost this job.

With all of this in mind, you had your suspicions when Haknyeon came in for the first time. He probably thought he was doing a really good job staying undiscovered, but you'd worked at the bar long enough to know who belonged to your usual clientele and who didn’t. And Haknyeon—well, he was just a tad bit too clean. Even if he undid the topmost button of his perfectly ironed white shirt—he was still wearing a perfectly ironed white shirt. He looked like a salary man or a lawyer, or, if your gut feeling was right, a cop in disguise. 

Rather than one of the tables, he sat down at the bar with a little sigh.

"Rough day at work?" you asked with your sweetest smile. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer and all that. Though, frankly, you weren’t sure what he'd turn out to be. If it came down to it, you’d choose your personal safety above the law anyday. Still, a sweet smile couldn’t hurt. Especially not if it was returned this brightly.

"Not particularly," he admitted easily. "I'm just a little bored, a little tired."

"Bored, hm?" You tilted your head. "This isn’t exactly an exciting place though. Most people that come here just want to silently drown their sorrows in a glass of whiskey. There isn’t a lot here that could help with boredom."

"You're here, though."

For a second you just stared at him, taken off guard by the comment. You hadn't intended to flirt with him. Mostly you'd just tried to casually let him know that you knew the place well—making yourself look valuable seemed like a good idea. But his remark had actually made your heart stutter for a second there.

"Sorry," he chuckled awkwardly, his eyes cast down. "It was a bit much, wasn't it? I just meant to say that you seem to be an interesting person."

You found your smile again. “Likewise.”

“I’m Haknyeon, by the way.”

“So, Haknyeon, what can I get for you?”

“You’re not going to tell me your name?”

You shrugged, a challenging grin on your face. “Do I have to?”

With a laugh, Haknyeon looked up at you through his lashes. You liked the spark in his eyes. “I’ll have a beer then,” he said instead of pressing further. You liked that too.

Haknyeon kept coming after that, sitting at the counter every single time. He made casual conversation, telling you silly stories about his colleagues from his boring office job (which you were more or less certain were really colleagues from his police job) and he also asked about you, your likes and dislikes, your life, your work at the bar, the bar itself. It seemed to confirm your suspicions—why else would he want to know so much about you? And yet a small little hope started to bloom in your chest, that maybe you’d been wrong, that maybe he was coming for you after all. There was just something about him that made you feel attached. Perhaps it was the way he’d slowly repeated your name after you finally told him, nodding as if to say that it suited you. Or perhaps it was his laughter or the way he’d smile fondly whenever he’d been the one to make you laugh. Whatever it was, you found yourself falling quickly, against your better knowledge.

“I think you should go out with me,” Haknyeon said out of nowhere one day, before he’d even gotten his drink.

“What?”

“I’ve thought about it and it would only make sense.”

You laughed. “How so?”

“Well, I think we’ve gotten to know each other as well as we can in this context. So if I want to get to know you better, I have no choice but to take you on a date.” 

He was taking it too far, you thought. If this was really all just about his undercover investigation, he shouldn’t do this, he shouldn’t ask you out. He shouldn’t toy with your feelings in this way if his only objective was to get information on your boss. Naturally, you should have declined. You were already too invested in this, in him and seeing him outside surely wouldn’t help. 

But that silly spark of hope, lingering somewhere in the back of your mind like a persistent  little virus made you act a fool.

“Okay then,” you replied. “So, in which context do you want to get to know me instead?”

“We could go bowling. Or how about go-karts?”

“You want to go karting? For a first date? How well can you get to know me if we’re sitting in separate karts, unable to actually talk?”

He shrugged. “Well, I’d be able to see how dirty you’re willing to play to win. I think that says a lot about someone’s personality.”

“Oh?” You chuckled. “So I take it you’re a goody-two-shoes that likes to play fair?”

He grinned. “Of course.”

It turned out that Haknyeon was, in fact, not a goody-two-shoes at all. He played to win and he’d find a way to get there. Surprising, for a cop, you thought. Then again, maybe you had to be a little cunning if you wanted to excel at undercover work. (But how excellent could he be, if you had him exposed the second he’d walked in?)

“Wanna go again?” Haknyeon asked with a laugh as he slipped his helmet off after another round of mercilessly beating you.

“You really want to destroy all my confidence, huh?”

“Sorry,” he gave you an apologetic smile. “I’ll let you win this time?”

“Oh, don’t you dare, I don’t want your pity.”

He stepped a little closer, helmet under his arm. “Wanna call it a day then and have some drinks instead? My treat.”

You weren’t one to say no to a free drink, even less so when he let you choose the location. So, a little later you found yourself sitting next to him at a table in your favorite café. It felt so much like a regular date, that you almost forgot your whole undercover cop theory. He didn’t talk about the bar or your boss—he seemed to really be there for you, intrigued by the person you were outside of your job. With every second you spent together, the hope that this was something real grew stronger until it was all you could think about. He asked if he could see you home later that evening and you didn’t stop to consider whether it was smart or not to let him know where you lived, because you were too focused on the prospect of being with him for just a little longer, another minute, another hour, maybe even the night. If he’d asked, you would have invited him in for a coffee or a snack or a movie or any other excuse he could have possibly come up with. But he didn’t ask. He gave you a bright smile when he said goodbye, telling you that he’d been happy to spend the day with you. His hands briefly brushed against yours. They felt warm. You wanted to hold on but neither of you did. You pulled away to fumble for your keys. Haknyeon waited until you’d unlocked the door and got inside before leaving. You tried not to feel disappointed as you watched him walk down the street from the window in your apartment.

“We’re going to close up,” you said as you were already wiping down the counter, while Haknyeon was still sitting right there, watching you.

“Yeah, I’ll wait,” he said simply. It wouldn’t be the first time that he’d stayed until your shift was over to walk you home. But today was different. You’d seen the little red cross in your boss’ calendar. They would come today. And while you understood that it was probably the kind of opportunity Haknyeon was waiting for and maybe even the only reason he always stayed behind and saw you home, you also knew that you’d get in trouble if you didn’t manage to kick him out on time. 

“Don’t worry, you can go home first.”

He tilted his head. “You know that I don’t mind waiting for you.”

“No,” you insisted with a little more force this time. “Not today.”

He seemed to understand, to some extent, that him sticking around would cause problems for you. “I’ll wait outside then, around the corner?” He proposed. “Is that okay?”

You contemplated for a second but then you nodded. Even if it wasn’t anything to him, you liked walking home together. He gave you a happy smile and then left. Soon after, the door opened again, the little bell above it ringing into the silence of the bar. The two men had shown up just the way you’d known they would.

“Whiskey on ice,” the one who you thought was called Sunwoo said instead of a greeting, his expression cold and intimidating. 

“Of course,” you nodded and got the bottle out, while the other of the two—Jacob?—nudged him in the side.

“No need to be so grim to someone who has nothing to do with this, hm?” He said, almost teasingly, before turning to you with an apologetic smile. “Make that two.”

It didn’t take long for your boss to come out and you were excused as soon as you’d gotten their drinks. You almost felt a little guilty as you made your way down the street to the corner where Haknyeon was waiting. He greeted you with a smile and a wave as if nothing happened.

“So, who are they?” He asked, probably thinking he was sounding all casual. 

“Hm?” you feigned ignorance. “Who?”

“The two men that came in.”

“You saw them?”

“Well, they basically came in the second I was out. Why weren’t they asked to go?”

You didn’t know what to tell him. You didn’t know any details, but it also wasn’t like you knew nothing. There were their names, and the black briefcase they brought. But what if the moment you told Haknyeon he would drop you like a hot potato? What if the moment you’d give him the information you had you would lose all value to him? And then you’d be left with nothing. 

“Just old friends of my boss,” you replied vaguely. The generous tip you’d received before leaving felt impossibly heavy in your pocket. 

“Hm,” Haknyeon nodded slowly, thoughtfully, as if he didn’t quite believe that that was all. But then his sweet, sweet smile was back. “I see.”

It got quiet between the two of you, and with the silence your fear of losing him got impossibly louder. It didn’t matter that you never even had him in the first place. 

The back of his hand brushed against yours, a faint accidental touch. “Sorry,” he said with a light chuckle. But you weren’t a coward this time, though maybe rather than bravery it was desperation that made you act. You grabbed his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. His skin felt chapped around his knuckles, but it was as warm as you remembered it to be.

“It’s okay,” you replied and your voice came out weaker than anticipated, afraid that he would pull away. But instead he squeezed your hand with a happy little hum, before slipping your intertwined fingers into the pocket of his coat. He held on tightly, his thumb drawing slow patterns onto your skin.

When the two of you reached your apartment, you lingered for a moment. Neither of you said anything and yet neither of you showed any intention to let go either. Somehow it felt so scary to part, as if this fragile thing you hoped existed between the two of you would break if you said goodbye for the night. So you didn’t.

“You can come up,” you said without meeting his gaze. “If you want.”

He hesitated for a second, searching for eye contact. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Another beat passed and you thought this would be it, he would draw the line and leave.

“Okay,” he whispered. 

He followed you upstairs and waited patiently until you’d unlocked the door to your apartment. Then, for a moment, you both stood in silence in your dark hallway. You didn’t turn on the light. You just looked at him through the darkness, the faint light coming in from the windows reflecting in his eyes. You moved a little closer, your gaze dropping to his lips before coming up again. Your heart was racing in your chest, nervous about his next move, anxious he would back out. He stepped in too, until his breath was tangible on your skin but he didn’t close the remaining distance just yet. There was a tension in his jaw as he examined your face, as if he was holding himself back.

“Are you sure?” he asked again.

“I’m sure,” your voice was soaked with impatience, sounding almost forceful.

He looked at you for another long second. But then his hand came up to lift your chin and he finally kissed you, crushing into you as if he’d been hungry for this, for you. When he pulled away you were breathless, shaky hands clinging to the fabric of his shirt.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a while,” he mumbled into your lips.

“Me too. And I still want to do it more.”

He chuckled and there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that you found unbearably attractive. “Not satisfied yet, huh?” He licked his lips. “I like that.”

“Fuck,” you hissed without even meaning to, and it just drew another little laugh from him.

You stumbled backwards through the hallway, one of your hands feeling for the handle of your bedroom door while the other one was still holding onto Haknyeon, pulling him along with you. As soon as you’d managed to press down the handle, Haknyeon reached up above you and pushed the door open, too impatient to wait for you to open the door. You almost tripped over backwards with the door suddenly moving behind you, but his arm quickly came around your waist to steady you and pull you against him. 

“Careful there,” he whispered before his lips captured yours again. His fingers sneaked underneath the hem of your shirt, a tight grip on soft skin. “Can’t have you getting hurt.”

He walked you backwards until your legs hit your bed and then he carefully lowered you onto the mattress, hands on your lower back keeping you from falling. The moment your back hit the soft mattress he followed suit, hovering above you, his arms propped up on either side of your head. Neither of you made a move, just taking a moment to really look at each other. His eyes were dark and pretty and his lips looked plush and so very kissable.

“You’re beautiful,” you whispered without thinking, only realizing that maybe he would have preferred handsome after the words were already out. 

But Haknyeon just smiled, crinkles forming in the corners of his eyes. “Funny, I was going to say the same thing.” 

He brushed a strand of hair out of your face and then he kissed you again and again, lips slowly wandering down to your neck. His hands wandered back to your hips, pushing up your shirt and you automatically raised your arms to help him slip it off. He made quick work of your bra after that, and you would have thought you’d feel exposed, but his warm hands made you feel safe instead. You realized then, that you were in too deep. The way he touched you and the way he looked at you made your chest feel so full and there was no doubt in your heart that you were in love with him, even if it was all just a game on his part.

“Hak?”

“Mhm?” He looked up at you with curious eyes.

“You won’t leave me behind, will you?” you whispered, knowing all too well that there was no way you could trust his answer. After all, you couldn’t even trust that the name you called him was really his. Still, even if it all meant nothing, at least for tonight you wanted to indulge in the delusions that this was something real. “You won’t let go, right?”

His grip on you tightened, as if to prove that he wouldn’t. “Never,” he replied and his eyes looked so genuine that you almost believed him. “I won’t.”

The delusions didn’t last you very long—in fact, they left with the first rays of the morning sun. 

“I'm—maybe I'm not who you think I am,” Haknyeon started tentatively, mumbling the words into the back of your neck as if he didn’t have the bravery to say them to your face. You’d hoped this conversation wouldn’t come this early. Maybe he felt guilty, now that he’d slept with you. Maybe he’d realized he’d taken it too far and wanted to call it off. His arm stayed wrapped around you though, and you tried to find some reassurance in that.

“It's okay, Hak,” you whispered.

He paused, seemingly unsure what to make of your response. “What do you mean?”

A lump was in your throat and it felt hard to speak. You were scared, you realized. “I had my suspicions from the moment you walked in,” you pressed out, trying to make it sound light and casual as if it wasn’t a big deal, as if you weren’t anxious he’d throw you away after using you. “Did you really think you were being subtle? You can't come to a place like that looking so proper."

“Oh.” He huffed a laugh. "Didn't play my role that well, did I?"

“No. I don’t think my boss has any suspicions though.”

“I mean, that’s good to hear. But I’m not really worried about your boss right now, to be honest.”

“What are you worried about then?”

He shifted behind you, propping himself up on his other arm, to be able to look at you.

“You.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

He almost seemed offended, you could think that. “I didn’t think you were.” 

 “Then what?” You frowned.

“I’m worried about what you’re thinking now. About me, about the situation.”

“It’s not like I can change it,” you replied, unable to meet his gaze. “And it’s my fault too. I knew you were just getting close to me for the information, but I still let you in.”

“I didn’t just—It’s more complicated than that,” he protested.

“How so?”

“Because—,” he hesitated for a second, his eyes searching your face for something, but then he still continued despite not finding it. “Because I actually like you, y/n. I’m serious about you and about all the things I said yesterday."

You just stared at him wide eyed, unable to register his words.

“I know it’s hard to trust me under these circumstances. And I—I can’t tell you everything, not even now. But I can tell you the most important truth: I like you.”

“For real?” You’d been hoping for this kind of outcome the whole time, but now that it seemed to be true it felt hard to grasp. “Even without everything that’s been going on?”

He smiled. “Especially without everything that’s been going on. And definitely still after it’s all resolved.” 

“Let’s resolve it quickly, then,” you said with your voice trembling, before you turned to wrap your arms around him and snuggle into his chest. “I want it to be over quickly.”

He let himself fall back into the pillows and pulled you on top of him. “Yeah, me too.”

“Hak?” you mumbled a few days later, all cuddled up on your couch together.

“Mhm?” he hummed, the low sound vibrating in his chest.

“It’s not your real name, is it? Haknyeon I mean—it’s fake, right?”

“Why are you asking? You want to call me by my real name?”

“Is that so weird?” 

“No, it’s not weird at all. But I like it when you call me Hak.”

You propped yourself up to look at him. “Do you?”

“I do.” He smiled, his hand coming up to brush a strand of hair out of your forehead. “It feels special because you’re the only one who calls me like that. It feels like a nickname just between us.”

You felt like melting at his words, but there was also this odd feeling that maybe he was just saying this because he didn't want to tell you the truth. “So, you won’t tell me?”

“No, I can,” he whispered, lifting his head to leave a peck on your lips. “I can easily tell you.” He kissed you again.

“So?”

“It’s He Nian.”

“That’s pretty.”

“Mhm,” he hummed, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. “My dad chose it for me.”

He said it casually, as if it wasn’t anything special, but to you it felt big. It was the first time he’d mentioned his family at all and it made your chest fill with warmth. Surely, this once again proved that he trusted you, right? That he was opening up to you.

Since Haknyeon had decided to trust you with his identity, you decided to trust him too. He wouldn’t leave you, even when he no longer needed you to get to your boss, so there was no real reason anymore not to spill everything. You told him what you knew, and even though the information was rather limited, it seemed to be helpful. And more than that, there seemed to be other ways in which you could be helpful to the operation.

“We need his books,” Haknyeon admitted to you, when you were sitting on your couch together, cuddled up and wrapped in a fuzzy blanket.

“His books?”

“Yeah. We can easily get the official ones, but there has to be more, there have to be books with the actual money transfers.”

“And that’s where I come in?”

He seemed uncomfortable with the blunt question. “To be honest, I would prefer to keep you out of it. But we’re out of options. Once we get a warrant his connections are sure to tell him. He would know beforehand and get rid of all traces. But without those books it will be very hard to catch him.”

“So now…you want me to steal it?”

“Not exactly—rather than that it’d be making sure they don’t disappear?”

“I—I don’t know,” you admitted. You wanted to help but you had no clue how you could possibly make that work out.

“It’s okay,” Haknyeon quickly reassured. “Don’t feel pressured. If you want, you can also meet up with the team first, hear the plan, and decide then?”

You nodded slowly, trying to think about it realistically. Maybe that was a good idea. You could still back out if it seemed too dangerous.

Meeting his team was intimidating. Somehow it all felt so serious and of course you knew it was, you’d known it from the first time you’d seen Jacob and Sunwoo set foot into the bar. But now that you really saw that special agents and all that were involved, now that you had proof that Haknyeon had indeed come to the bar to investigate, it felt a lot more scary. He seemed to feel your nerves as you stood in front of the door to the meeting room.

“You’re not the criminal here, you know that right?” He said with an encouraging grin, gently squeezing your hand.

“Sorry, I know, it’s just—I was never involved with the police before, it’s scary.”

“Well, we’re not exactly the police—”

“That’s not helping!” You playfully boxed him into the shoulder and he yelped dramatically, acting as if it had actually hurt.

“I wasn’t aware it was bring-your-lover-to-work-day,” someone suddenly commented and your head snapped around to the tall man standing behind you with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t be like that, Hyunjae,” Haknyeon complained but there didn’t seem to be any bad blood between them.

“I mean, I don’t care, but maybe tone it down a little once we’re inside. I don’t think everyone will like it if you involve personal matters.”

The words did nothing to make you feel better about the situation, but Haknyeon didn’t seem all that worried about it. 

“Yes, yes,” he easily agreed as if the comment went in one ear and out the other. “Let’s just go in for now, I don’t want to get a penalty for being late.”

When you stepped inside there were already a bunch of agents there, but when a guy called Eric complained about you being late, Haknyeon simply brushed it off, saying it hadn’t even been 5 minutes yet.

“He’s right,” one of them agreed, before adding with a grin, “and Joe and Younghoon aren’t here yet anyway, so they’ll have to pay the penalty.” You didn’t need to be introduced to realize that the guy speaking must have been the boss among these guys; there was just a certain aura to him that made it very clear. He introduced himself anyway, the firm handshake and the title senior agent before his name—Lee Sangyeon—proving your suspicions to be right.

Despite not everyone being there, you all sat down and he gave a brief overview of the plan, leaving out enough details in case you decided to back out but telling you enough so you could understand what was asked of you. Honestly, the way he explained it didn’t make it sound all that hard. All you were supposed to do was keep an eye on the safe in your boss’ back office shortly before the raid and give a signal should he try to get rid of any evidence. It  seemed doable and also not that risky, since someone would come to get you out the second you gave a sign.

“You don’t have to agree this easily,” Haknyeon assured when you shared your thoughts on it, “you can take your time to think it through.”

“No, it’s fine. If this helps resolve everything more quickly I’m willing to do it.”

Sangyeon smiled satisfiedly. “Perfect. We’ll fill you in on more details shortly before the raid—the less you know for now the better for both of us.”

Just then the door to the meeting room opened and a tall man came in, briefly apologizing for being late. After him followed another one and the second his gaze met yours you felt the blood freezing in your veins. Instinctively you reached for Haknyeon’s hand under the table, trying to find some sense of security in it. The guy who’d stepped in looked very different now, put together and upright in his ironed white shirt, but there was no mistaking it—he was one of the guys from the bar: Sunwoo.

Your stomach felt sick with fear but no one else seemed to share the sentiment, casually welcoming him in.

“You’ll never learn to be on time, will you, Joe?” Hyunjae asked with a small laugh and Sunwoo—Joe—just shrugged and plopped into one of the chairs.

Your grip on Haknyeon’s hand tightened and he threw you a small worried glance before clearing his throat.

“Since the basics are all clear now, I think it’s time for y/n to leave—can’t have her be late to work and get fired this close to D-Day, right?”

“Oh, sure,” Sangyeon dismissed you easily and only a few seconds later you were in the hallway, almost running down to the elevator.

“What’s gotten into you?” Haknyeon asked, trying to keep up.

You only replied once the elevator door had shut behind the two of you, safe from any nosy ears.

“Joe,” you pressed out, “He’s not—I’ve seen him before. He’s been at the bar.”

He seemed confused. “And?”

“No, Hak, he’s been at the bar.” Why didn’t he get it? “He isn’t who you think he is.”

Things finally seemed to click into place, but instead of sharing your panic, Hakyneon just smiled. “Ah, got it. You mean he’s Sunwoo.”

You stared at your boyfriend in horror. “You know?”

“Of course, I know. Y/n, he’s undercover.”

“Like you?” Something didn’t seem to add up but you couldn’t place it.

“Like me. But don’t tell anyone, not everyone here is in the know. Can’t ever be too careful with whom to trust, right?”

You tried to push the uneasy feeling in your guts aside. “But I can trust you, right?” You looked him straight in the eyes, trying to find a hint of something, anything in them. He didn’t shy away from your gaze.

“Of course.” He squeezed your hand. “I’m on your side.”

Only two weeks later you were back at their office, getting a run down of all the details you needed to know about the operation. The raid was supposed to take place a few days from now, but they suspected that your boss would probably get a tip before that and try to rid himself of any evidence. And that’s where you came in—you were supposed to keep your eyes open during work hours and report back if there was anything suspicious. They had some men tailing him too, but with how your boss was on high alert these days it would be too risky to have someone shadow him from inside the bar. Even Haknyeon wasn’t drinking at the counter anymore these days, only coming by to pick you up after work and see you home like the doting boyfriend he was. The whole plan seemed to be easy enough though and you didn’t feel too worried knowing that Haknyeon’s team would be ready to come in the second you gave a sign. 

Since your boyfriend was on duty to check equipment after the meeting, Younghoon was supposed to drive you home instead. Haknyeon didn’t seem exactly pleased about it and you were reminded of what he’d said last time, can’t ever be too careful with whom to trust, right? Younghoon, you supposed, was not among those he trusted. Sangyeon decided on it though, and Haknyeon didn’t refute him. 

You were already on your way to the parking garage, when you realized you’d forgotten your scarf back in the meeting room. Younghoon waited by the elevator while you rushed back. Surprisingly, the door was slightly ajar. Just when you were about to push it open, you heard voices from inside and instinctively moved aside so you wouldn’t be seen. 

“This will all work out, right?” Eric asked. So even he got nervous, it seemed. Then again, their part in all of this was surely a lot more nerve wracking than yours.

“What are you so worried for?” It was your boyfriend’s voice. “Didn’t we already win?”

“Exactly,” a low chuckle, “After all we have Haknyeon on our side. He plays the nastiest of all.” 

“Sunwoo knows what’s up.” When you risked a glance through the crack of the door, Haknyeon was grinning self-satisfied and there was a slyness in his expression that you’d only ever seen faint traces of. It made a shudder run down your spine, but inexplicably, you also found yourself being attracted to this version of him. You lingered for another second, spotting your scarf right there over the back of the chair you’d sat in, but you couldn’t bring yourself to go in. It felt like you’d heard something you weren’t supposed to hear. Something wasn’t quite right. You rushed back down the hallway to where Younghoon was waiting, confused when you showed up without your scarf. Once you were in the car, you pulled out your phone to find a message from Haknyeon. It was a picture of him, holding up your scarf into the camera. He looked so lovely and innocent and it made you want to forget all about the weird feelings from before.

guess what you forgot~ i’ll bring it over tonight<3

You were able to distract yourself from the conversation you'd overheard just fine during work, all your focus on your boss’ behavior, looking out for anything suspicious (there wasn’t anything, unless his awful aloha shirt counted as suspicious). But once your work shift was over and you saw Haknyeon waiting for you outside, your mind automatically wandered back to it. He greeted you by looping your scarf around your neck and pulling you into a kiss and it was so sweet and so romantic, and yet you couldn’t relax into it at all.

“Hey,” he said with a smile, not letting you go just yet.

“Hey,” you replied, unable to meet his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just tired, let’s get going?”

He didn’t seem convinced, but he reluctantly agreed, leaving a peck on your nose before taking you to his car and driving the two of you back to your place. As always, you realized, because not once had he offered to go to his place. When you'd asked about it before he'd said it was too dangerous and it would have to wait until things were over. You'd believed it then, but now you were feeling uneasy.

When you still hadn’t gotten more talkative even by the time you were cleaning up after dinner, Haknyeon tried asking about it again. “Something is wrong, isn’t it?” 

You contemplated for a second, watched him take off the rubber gloves and drain the sink after doing the dishes, but then you decided to just be honest. “I heard you.”

“Hm?” He tilted his head in confusion.

“Earlier at the office, I was going to grab my scarf, but you were talking.”

“Why didn’t you come in?” A small grin appeared on his lips. “Or did you perhaps want me to get the scarf for you? Like Cinderella’s slipper?” 

Either he really didn’t think of the conversation as something worth hiding, or he was damn good at pretending. You hoped for the former.

“It didn’t feel like I should. You—you said Joe’s undercover, right?”

“Right.”

“Like you?”

A small crinkle appeared between his eyebrows. “What are you getting at?”

“You called him Sunwoo earlier. And he called you Haknyeon—isn’t that weird?”

His features softened. “It’s not weird at all, y/n. We prepared our identities together for months, and sometimes it messes with your head a bit. It’s nothing to worry about, it’s just names.”

“Then why did you ask me who the two men were that night at the bar? You already knew one of them was Joe, so why did you ask me?”

Haknyeon drew in a sharp breath and scrunched up his face. He looked apologetic, but still not like he’d been caught doing something bad. “Promise you won’t be mad?”

“Tell me first, I’ll make up my mind after.”

“I know it’s not good, but I had to find out how much you knew. I couldn’t be sure yet to what extent your boss was telling you things and to what extent you might even be involved. I just had to make sure.”

You stared at him for a second. “You thought I was involved in his schemes?”

“Listen, there’s many reasons to get into shady business. I wouldn’t judge. But I needed to know.”

“Was that what you were hoping for when you got close to me? That I’d be involved? That I’d be a big fish?” Your voice sounded bitter and your features were harsh, but Haknyeon stepped a little closer, smoothing out your frown with soft hands.

“Don’t be silly, love. I wouldn’t care either way. It was never about catching a big fish. I just wanted to know how far I’d have to go to protect you.”

“Are you saying you would have gotten rid of evidence for me if I had been involved?”

“Yes. I would have. I'd keep you safe no matter what.” There wasn’t even a second of hesitation and his eyes on you were so open and honest, it was hard to hold his gaze. He was willing to go to such lengths for you, risk it all for you, and yet you’d doubted him over a silly little conversation you’d overheard. You leaned up to kiss him then, because what were you supposed to say to that other than I love you, but that seemed to be a little too much, even now. 

“Better not tell your team leader, though,” you teased, getting a chuckle out of him.

“Oh, I’m sure Sangyeon would understand.”

When you leaned in again you felt Haknyeon smiling into the kiss and into every kiss that followed that night.

It wasn’t until the day of the raid that your boss started acting weird. He seemed nervous, sweating heavily and telling you to close up and leave early even though it was barely evening. You were certain he’d been warned. 

“Are you sure I can go?” you asked, just a guise to peek your head into his office and see what he was up to. You’d already alerted Sangyeon and you knew it was only a matter of minutes until they’d be here, but you wanted to do your job right and ensure the safety of the books until they arrived.

Your boss’ head shot up at your words, as if he’d been caught doing something forbidden. And from the look of it he was; a folder of papers in one and a lighter in the other hand. You knew it had to be the information Haknyeon and his team were after. Without thinking you rushed in, grabbing the papers, and your boss, perplexed as he was, let you take them.

“What the fuck, y/n?” He hissed, angry veins pulsing on his forehead.

“You were about to cause a fire, Sir,” you pressed out. A weak excuse.

“And that is none of your business. Now, give those back, will you?”

You took a step back, your knuckles turning white from how tightly you held on.

“Y/n,” he opened a drawer in his desk and you had a feeling what he was going to pull out, “don’t make me repeat myself.”

You’d never stared into the barrel of a gun before, and you felt that it was an experience you would have rather missed. Still, you didn’t let go. If you did, it would have all been for nothing, right? And surely the others would be here any second—

“Y/n,” your boss repeated and the tone in his voice made your blood freeze. He walked around the  desk in your direction and you stumbled back, wondering if you were really going to die like this. It didn’t feel like the right way to go, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t even your mess to begin with. You squeezed your eyes shut as he stepped closer, trying to come up with a prayer to recite, but you’d never been religious and you didn’t know what to tell god now at the brink of death, except for I don’t want to die.

Suddenly, you heard the front door of the bar flying open and just a second later someone was behind you, pulling you aside before pushing past you, gun raised. Haknyeon.

“You mind putting that down?” He said with that cocky tone of his but your boss didn’t seem particularly impressed. He aimed at Haknyeon now, and you wanted to jump in to protect him but someone was holding you back. You closed your eyes and covered your ears, but you still heard the shot echoing through the bar. Tears were already brimming at your eyes when you blinked them open again, just to find Haknyeon standing above your boss, who was pressing his hands onto a bleeding wound on his thigh, gun somewhere on the floor, out of reach.

“Listen,” Haknyeon said with disdain, “I told you to put that away. But you wouldn’t listen and now we have this whole mess here and even have to call an ambulance for you. Couldn’t you have made things a little easier for us?”

“Fuck you,” your boss spat.

“Very articulate.” Haknyeon put his gun back into the holster strapped around his chest, Joe pointing his weapon at him instead while Hyunjae got his handcuffs out to arrest him. The arms holding onto you eased up too since you weren’t in danger of jumping in front of a bullet anymore, and only now you realized they’d belonged to Eric. He held up his hands in surrender when Haknyeon came back over to you, almost as if to say I didn’t touch her. But your boyfriend didn’t really have any eyes for him.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, cupping your face to look at you. When he’d made sure there wasn’t a single scratch on you he pulled you into his chest. “You did so well,” he whispered into your hair. “It’s all over now.”

Eventually he had to let go again to do his job and secure the evidence from the office together with Joe, and you were left to stand at the side like a lost puppy. Your boss had already been dragged out and was currently receiving first aid from the medics that had arrived by now. You were still holding onto his papers, almost as if they’d become one with your fingers at this point.

“You can give these to me,” Younghoon commented, holding out his hand. You hesitated, unsure if you could trust him with this. It was important evidence after all, and if Haknyeon didn’t have faith in him, how could you?

“Don’t worry, I’ll take it from here,” Sangyeon suddenly interrupted, taking the papers from you instead. You knew there wasn’t any room for discussion since he was the team leader, so you let go.

It didn’t take much longer for things to wrap up after that. The most important evidence was secured and your boss had been escorted to the police station or the hospital or wherever else by Eric. The rest of Haknyeon’s team seemed to be getting ready to go, leaving the bar to some other officers and the crime scene cleaners. You were lost to wonder if you were allowed to just go home after everything that happened. You didn’t have to ponder for long though because suddenly Younghoon was nodding over to you as he spoke to one of his colleagues.

“Take her too, Changmin, I’m sure she can still help with the one or the other information on all of this.”

The guy, Changmin, walked over to you, handcuffs dangling from his belt. You knew they were the good guys, but you felt your guts churning with fear. It sounded like they were suspecting you, even after you’d put yourself in danger to support them. Instinctively, you glanced over to Haknyeon, maybe for help or maybe just for assurance that nothing was going to happen. He met your gaze with a nod, a small sign not to worry. 

“I’ll take her,” he said, stepping in front of you before Changmin could reach you. You let out a sigh of relief.

Younghoon looked at Haknyeon with a frown, clearly not very fond of that plan. You could understand that—surely everyone was aware of the relationship Haknyeon and you had gotten into and of course that would impact Haknyeon’s impartiality. Just when Younghoon opened his mouth to object, Sangyeon put a hand on the tall man’s shoulder. 

“It’s fine,” he said. “Let him take her. I’m sure she’ll be more willing to talk to us if she isn’t frightened on the whole ride.”

No one seemed to dare to disagree so Haknyeon led you to his car, his hand at the small of your back. He nodded when the two of you walked past his boss, whispering a quick “Thanks, Sang.” It was just a small interaction, but there was no doubt in your mind that these two must’ve been close. There was this sense of absolute trust between them, that Haknyeon didn’t seem to share with too many of his colleagues. 

He opened the passenger door of his black company car for you and even went as far as to buckle you up, before he did the same for himself and started the motor, following behind two other cars that Younghoon, Changmin, Hyunjae and some other of their colleagues had gotten into. As you stared through the windshield, all you could think of was what would happen once you’d arrived. Landing in some dark interrogation room and being bombarded with a zillion questions you didn’t know the answer to was a frightening concept. Of course Haknyeon was with you now, but surely, as your boyfriend, he wouldn't be allowed  to stick around for questioning. 

Haknyeon seemed to notice that you were feeling tense, glancing over to you with an encouraging smile. “You have nothing to worry about. I won’t leave you alone,” he said, taking one of his hands off the steering wheel to find your thigh, giving it a light squeeze. The touch felt intimate and warm and it helped in making you feel a little more grounded; at least until you realized that you weren’t following the cars ahead anymore. Instead Haknyeon took the exit to the freeway, speeding up the moment you’d left the smaller road behind. 

“Hak, where are we going?”

“Don’t worry,” he said instead of answering your question. “Do you want to listen to some music? We can turn on the radio.”

“Hak,” you repeated with more force. “Where the fuck are we going?” 

Through the side mirror, you spotted Sangyeon’s black car behind you, Joe in the passenger seat. But the cars that had been ahead of you, were now nowhere to be seen.

“It’s all good, I promise. Just trust me.”

“If all is good then why aren’t you telling me?” 

He sighed, a frown on his face as he stared out the windshield and contemplated what to tell you. “You know how I said that I couldn’t tell you the whole truth?”

You swallowed around the lump in your throat. “I remember.”

“Maybe I wasn’t exactly undercover in the way you thought I was.”

You thought you’d already come to that conclusion, somewhere in the back of your mind. “So, you’re not a cop.” It wasn’t a question. 

“No.”

“What are you then? Who are you?”

“You know Jacob? He–uh–he’s my boss?”

“Oh fuck,” you breathed out, not because you were surprised, but because hearing it out loud made it so much worse, and really, what else was there to say except fuck? You’d always known Haknyeon was hiding things, but you’d wanted to believe it was because of his duty as a special agent, not because he was affiliated with some mafia type bullshit. You’d slept with him, thinking he was a good person. Even worse, you’d fallen in love with him. And now you weren’t sure if any of that still mattered, if any of the things between him and you held any meaning.

“Can you pull over?” You sounded like you were going to cry. You probably were.

“Not yet. We need to be sure first.”

“Sure of what?”

“That they aren’t tracking us down.”

“Oh, god.”

"I know, I know. But I can't let them have you."

"Hak, you do realize they are the good guys and I didn't do anything wrong, right? Well, not until now, I guess."

"Good guys? Yeah, sure, I guess so."

"What do you mean?"

"They aren’t your friendly neighborhood cops, y/n, though I'm sure there is enough to be said about those too. Anyway the point is they are willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want. The end justifies the means and all that."

"Oh, you mean they are like you?"

"Sure, if you want to draw that comparison. But I would never hurt you."

You couldn’t help but scoff at that. "You already did."

"Y/n, I—"

But you didn’t want to hear what excuse he was going to make. "So, what do they want?"

"After today? Probably us; me, you, Sangyeon, Sunwoo. And Youngjae, once he's done with your boss." You didn’t bother asking who Youngjae was.

"So all of this was just a plot to get him?"

"Look, he's been a real pain in the ass for a while now. And he had some crucial information that we couldn’t just let anyone have. It was also a good chance to get rid of some other data they’ve collected on us."

“Was that all that ever mattered through all of this? Getting my boss, getting the information…” You didn’t like how frail your voice sounded. “Was everything bullshit on your part? Was I just a game to you?”

“No!” His head snapped around to you. “It was never a game. I swear my job was the only detail that I lied about.”

“That’s hardly just a detail, Haknyeon,” you scoffed. Your gaze fell onto the side mirror once more, watching the car behind you to keep your eyes from wandering to the man beside you. “What about them? So they are the same?”

“Sangyeon and Sunwoo? Yeah.”

“Of course,” you let out a huff, “there was no way his name was actually Joe. I fucking knew it.”

Haknyeon chuckled. “He doesn’t look like a Joe.”

“Don’t laugh. This is not a funny situation. I’m watching my life crumble before my eyes right now. You lied to me about everything. I don’t even know—What about your name? Haknyeon, He Nian—was that all bullshit too? Is either of them even your real name?”

The little smile on his face looked soft, unfitting for the reality you were finding yourselves in. “Both of them are, in a way. I didn’t want you calling me by a name that wasn’t mine.” 

“So, I guess you were at least honest about one thing, huh?” You sounded bitter.

“I was honest about most things, you just keep pointing out the other bits.”

“Because those are the ones that matter.” You didn’t know what to believe anymore. There was a feeling of unbearable hurt and anger bubbling inside of you, the betrayal stabbing you like a knife, and yet a part of you wanted to hold on, cling onto the little hope that despite everything you could have faith in him. “You said I can trust you. That you’re on my side.”

“I am on your side.”

“How can you say that? I’m a rat in your trap and you expect me to trust you of all people to get me out?”

“It’s not like that—”

“Haknyeon, for all I know we’re running from the cops right now!”

He forced a laugh. “Yeah, that looks pretty bad.”

“Pretty bad?!”

“But, in my defense, I did say that I couldn’t tell you the whole truth yet.”

“Well, I didn’t think the truth was this.”

“I—,” he started, but his voice broke, cutting him off. You knew he was a good liar, but when you glanced over and saw tears brimming in his eyes you didn’t think this was merely an act. “You made me promise not to let you go,” he pressed out, “so was I just supposed to break that promise then?”

“How can that still count—I didn’t even know anything. If I had known I wouldn’t have—” You didn’t finish the sentence, unsure if you meant what you were going to say.

Haknyeon stared at the road ahead, a bitter smile on his lips. “Maybe I should have asked you instead, if you were going to leave me behind.”

He sounded so genuinely hurt and it just felt unfair, because clearly all of this was his fault. You shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of mess. “Don’t do this,” you choked out, your voice quivering. “Don’t push the guilt onto me.”

His grip around the steering wheel tightened, turning his knuckles white. It was clear that he hated all of this as much as you did, even if he was to blame. Maybe because he was to blame. 

“I know,” he said, “I know that it’s my fault, I know it was selfish to get close to you. I shouldn’t have approached you in the first place. It’s just—I hoped it wouldn’t matter.”

“How could it not? How could you think I’d be okay with any of this, how could you be so delusional?”

“Because I love you,” He briefly glanced at you, eyes oh, so desperate, before turning back to the road, “I love you and I hoped you feel the same. But maybe I—”

“Stop it,” you interrupted, your voice weak and tired, “I can’t talk about this anymore. Just let me breathe for a moment.”

He pressed his lips shut and he didn’t try to say anything else for the rest of the ride. You didn’t say anything either. Instead, you just watched the scenery pass by in silence, too scared to look at him, too scared to feel empathy for him when all you wanted to feel was anger. 

You weren’t sure for how long you drove and you didn’t care either, but by the time Haknyeon pulled into a driveway it was the middle of the night. He stopped the motor, and with the headlights off it was pitch black outside, only a brief flash of light crossing Haknyeon’s features when the other car pulled into the lot as well. Sangyeon and Sunwoo got out and Haknyeon gestured for them to go on ahead when they passed his window.

“We’re here,” he said without looking at you.

You wanted to tell him that you didn’t know what here meant, but you also couldn’t find it in you to bother.

“So, what now?”

“We’ll find you a place to sleep,” he said, “and then as soon as we have the confirmation that it’s safe, you can go home.”

“I can go home?” You looked at him in surprise. Obviously that was good news, but in your head you’d already accepted the dire fate of never being able to go back again—though, you weren’t sure how dire it really was, since there wasn’t anything or anyone waiting for you anyway.

“I made sure you’d be able to. I’ve changed the name and address in the data they had on you, and since your boss wasn’t doing any proper book keeping and never signed a proper contract with you, it was easy to erase your traces from the bar. So, as soon as we made sure they don’t have anything else leading them back to you, you can go.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“I know you don’t think very highly of me anymore, and I can’t blame you. But I meant it when I said I’d keep you safe no matter what. I would never put you in danger. Even if you don’t want me.”

You felt yourself choke up, overwhelmed with everything that had been said and done today, and unable to really grasp the heaviness of the situation. “Okay,” you pressed out again, trying your best not to cry.

Haknyeon led you into the building. It was mostly dark, but you still heard voices everywhere. Twice you ran into some guys dressed all in black and despite the friendly nod they gave Haknyeon, you found their appearances frightening. You instinctively inched closer to him and when he noticed he put his arm around your shoulders, a small gesture to make you feel safe.

After a while he stopped at a door and pushed it open. You didn’t know what you'd expected but it wasn’t a simple bedroom.

"You can stay here for the night. We'll have to talk to Jacob sometime but it can wait until tomorrow. Just rest first."

You nodded slowly, your eyes wandering through the small bedroom. It didn't look shabby but there wasn’t much aside from a twin size bed, a nightstand and a small table.

"What about you?"

"Me?" He looked surprised. "I have a place upstairs. You can text me if something is the matter, I'll be here in a minute. You can also lock the door if you want." He gestured towards the key that was stuck in the door from the inside. You nodded again and it got quiet, both of you unsure what else to say. The thought of staying here alone frightened you. There were too many people here that you didn’t know and after everything that had happened to you today you felt anxious and restless.

"So, I'll take my leave then?" Haknyeon sounded a little helpless, unable to tell if he should leave you alone or not. Clearly you were tense. But you'd been so angry with him, rightfully so, and he wasn’t sure if his presence could do anything to ease you.

"Sure," you pressed out with a hoarse voice. But when he turned to the door you found yourself holding onto the fabric of his black shirt that was tucked into his pants. "Can I go?" 

"I'll get you home as soon as possible but—"

"To your room."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Huh?"

"Can I go upstairs with you?"

"Are you sure?"

"I—I don't really know if I can trust you, but I do believe you when you promise you won’t ever hurt me and that's more than I can say for anyone else in this building." Your grip around the fabric of his shirt tightened. "So can you just make me feel safe tonight?"

His expression visibly softened. "Of course."

Haknyeon had a tiny one room apartment upstairs and even though it was kept rather simple as well you immediately felt a little more relaxed there. Maybe because it smelled like him or because there was one of his hoodies draped over the back of a chair. It was just a bit more homely.

He got out a loose shirt for you to sleep in and you went to the bathroom to change. It was a little silly, he'd long seen everything there was to see, but things were different now. You felt more vulnerable.

"I don't have a couch, though," he mumbled with a small gaze to the bed when you came back out.

"I didn't think there was going to be one."

"Okay," he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. He seemed a lot shyer now than you'd ever seen him. "You can go to bed first, I'll wash up real quick."

You slipped under the blankets the moment he disappeared in the bathroom. Even after everything, the scent of him made you feel at ease. You must have slipped into a light sleep eventually, because when you opened your eyes again Haknyeon was sitting on the mattress, hair still a little wet from his shower.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" He whispered. You shook your head.

"Aren’t you going to lay down?" You asked when he still didn’t move from his spot after a few more seconds.

"No, no, I am. Just—You know I mean it when I say I'm really sorry, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I know that but—"

"It's okay," he interrupted. "You don't have to forgive me. It's fine as long as you know." 

"Hak—," you started but you didn’t know what to say. 

"It's okay," he whispered again as he slipped under the blankets, keeping a small distance between you. It was just a few centimeters, but it felt impossibly far away. You didn’t like it. You were craving his warmth and the feeling of his arms around you.

Of course you hated what he'd done, the secrets, the lies, the manipulation. He'd destroyed the idea you'd had of the two of you and your future together. But did that really mean you couldn’t have him in your future at all? What if you still wanted him to be part of your life despite everything?

“I do love you,” you pressed out without thinking, continuing the conversation you had on the drive here. “I did."

There was a strangled noise coming from him at the correction, but you didn’t dare to meet his gaze to see if he was crying. You were already tearing up, even without looking at him.

"It just feels a little hard to talk about love if I don’t even know you.”

“But you do know me. You know me better than most," he said, "and if there's any chance that you still want me and if my word is still worth anything, I promise I won’t keep secrets from here on out."

"I don't know," you started, your voice breaking and tears spilling out. 

The second he saw you crying he pulled you into his arms, and you let him, crumbling into his tight embrace. "It's all your fault," you sobbed into his chest.

"Yeah, I know," he whispered against the crown of your head, his own voice trembling "I'm sorry."

"You destroyed everything."

"I'm sorry."

"But I still want you, even now, I still want to be with you."

His arms around you tightened and you felt the way he let out a shaky breath, as if he'd been choking this whole time and only now finally got some air into his lungs again. "I'll make it up to you. And I won't lie again."

"You better keep your word," you replied, your hands clinging to his back.

"I will." He kissed the crown of your head. "I promise I will."

masterlist

[the-forbidden-pookie]

Little blunder

College AU

Tw: SFW, can be read as gender neutral tho written with a fem reader in mind, fluff.

Pairing: Dan Heng x Reader.

--------------------------------------------------

You pull up in front of the apartment complex and slowly get off your bike. You take out your phone, swipe past the 99+ notifications from every group chat you're in and go straight to Dan Heng's contact.

The last messages there were "Hey, I think I have a crush on someone and need advice" and his reply, "wanna talk about it after tutoring tomorrow?"

You type "Here", then quickly make your way up the stairs. With any luck, he's just woken up -today was his day off- and still hasn't seen any messages about this morning's... fiasco.

You reach his apartment door just as he unlocks it, probably after he heard you approach, and give him a quick greeting, closing the door behind you as you enter.

"So," he starts, "should we focus on History or Chinese literature today?" He asks, still under the impression you're here for your regular tuesday afternoon tutoring sessions. Then... He doesn't know yet. Ok, that's good.

"Actually..." You start slowly, gathering your courage to just be done with it. Come on, I can do this! You think, attempting to pump yourself up. "I'm here to borrow something" You lie instead... Hm. Maaaaybe I can't do this ...

"Of course you are," An eye roll. "what do you need this time? A dictionary? A calculator? Or am I a living dictionary, calculator, and thesaurus all in one?" Had things been normal you would've probably laughed.

"Well you see..." You glance around his apartment nervously, and say the first thing that comes to mind. "I kinda need your dish washer?" You try, and proceed to mentally facepalm. Really?! His dishwasher?!

He narrows his eyes in clear confusion. "You need... my dish washer?" He repeats. "What do you want a dish washer for? You don't even cook?" He sighs.

"If you're planning on borrowing stuff that's mine, then just ask. No need to make stupid excuses like needing my dish washer, of all things. I am your friend, you know that, right?"

"Ahahaha the school population might disagree at the moment." You reply nervously.

"..." He gives you another confused look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

You take a deep breath. "Soooo you know how I've been volunteering to help out the broadcasting club? With equipment maintenance and such?"

He nodded, though now he just looks more confused.

"Right um, about a month ago, I found a club member crying alone after a bad breakup... To comfort him I told him he was a great guy, that anybody would be lucky to-"

"Didn't you already tell me all that?" He interrupted quickly, probably sensing you were still stalling.

"Right, right, just making sure you remember." You answer smoothly enough.

"So anyways, that guy may or may not have asked me out for the school dance?" You pause, gauging his reaction, but he turned his usual pokerface back on, and it gives away nothing.

"Uh? Congratulations?" Realizing he won't say anything more, you move on for now. "No, no. I didn't agree or anything," you say quickly. "Instead I uh, may have rejected him by saying I have a boyfriend, and when he insisted I was lying, I maaaaayyyyyy havesaiditwasyou?" You rush through the last part as your nerves get the best of you.

"..." There's silence in the room as Dan Heng stares at you, processing what you'd just said. He swallows and takes a deep breath. "You. Did. What?" His words are measured.

"I panicked? I'm sorry!"

"Panic led you to name-drop me as your non-existent boyfriend?" He asks with a hint of irritation.

"Well that's because I was thinking about you-" You say before you could think better of it, and by the time your hand slaps your mouth shut it was already too late.

A small smile spreads across his face. The first unguarded reaction you'd seen him make since the beginning of this conversation. "Really?" He asks. "Did you... did I happen to cross your mind as you rejected that person?" He looks at you, his eyes narrowed in amusement.

You blush. HARD. "Well- I- I mean! Yes! of course because-" You think of a quick lie "-because I needed to return your..." You slide your hand into your pocket, pull out the first thing you find, a chewing gum packet he'd given you the day before and say "The- This...?" You end Lamely.

He shakes his head, smiling. "Nice try," he says, "but there's something else on your mind. You're bad at lying." He puts his hands on his waist and smirks.

"Now, tell me the truth. Why did you name me?"

You sigh, utterly defeated... As expected of Dan Heng "Well, I guess I wanted to ask you out to the school dance? I- I've been meaning to finally tell you today but then that guy came out of nowhere and asked me to go with him and I just- welp." You shrug.

He raises a brow "Wait... am I... your crush?" He asks, not believing the question. "It's me, isn't it? Huh." He tilts his head, a bit confused and amused.

"But... why? Why would you be into me? I'm literally the definition of a nerd," he says while glancing over to his desk, cluttered with books and his gaming build.

You jump at the opportunity to tease him "What's this Dan Heng? Are you fishing for compliments?" You ask slyly, hoping to make him blush so it wouldn't be just you.

His ears immediately turn red. "No, I'm serious," he says, "Why me?" He looks at you with a puzzled look, then says, "I mean, I'm flattered, but I don't get it. Out of all the boys in class, why me? Not that I'm complaining, mind you," he chuckles.

A small win for me! He went blushy blushy! You giggle to yourself. "Well what's there not to like? You're always there for me, be it calling me first thing in the morning to make sure I'm awake for classes or tutoring me so I understand the material, you even cook extra portions of food for me because I am not um... adept in the kitchen. Like how thoughtful is that? Honestly how could I possibly not fall for you?" By now you've completely run out of breath.

Dan Heng's cheeks are flushed pink. I can die happy now "Y-You... you're actually serious?" He asks, feeling a wave of relief and joy wash over him. "Because I... I feel the same about you. You're so... you're the sweetest, kindest, most considerate person I've ever met, (Y/N). You're always helping people, even in things completely unrelated to your own life... I mean, broadcasting equipment maintenance? You had to learn a completely new skill just to help them with that."

He took a deep breath, seemingly steadying himself, then continued.

"And... I just have this feeling whenever I'm with you, my heartbeat quickens and my stomach turns in a flutter. Do you... do you feel the same?" This was probably the most honest and vulnerable he's ever been with you.

You smile brightly. "Yes! And I'm ecstatic you do too!!!"

He smiles as well and nods. "When's the dance, again?" He asks. "And how should we tell our friends that we're dating, now that I've said yes to your... confession?"

"If it even is called a confession?" He mumbles in amusement.

"Ah yeah about that..." You smile sheepishly, debating how to break this one to him.

"What... what is it, (Y/N)?" He tilts his head in curiosity. "Tell me. I don't bite," he teases.

"Sooo, remember how this whole thing started in the broadcasting room? Remember how March uhhh... Sometimes forgets the mic open?"

Dan Heng's eyes widen. "No way."

"Hahah... Yeahhhh." You fish your phone out of your back pack, unlock it and pick a random group chat. Sure enough, the chosen conversation topic is still the "Broadcasted failure of a confession LMAO!!" You hand him your phone, let him scroll through the messages, knowing he probably doesn't bother to even join most of these group chats.

"Huh," he starts, "aren't they being a bit... Harsh on this gu- wait." His eyes narrowed. "What does Jing Yuan mean by 'he was being a total creep??'" he asks alarmed, now looking at you.

"Ehh that might be an exaggeration? He probably means how the guy wouldn't take no for an answer, it's kinda why I had to lie in the first place, I mean I was being considerate at first but he really wouldn't let up... Huh now that I think about it, maybe Jing Yuan's right. "

Dan Heng didn't seem to like that one bit.

"You know what? I'm actually fine with the broadcast thing," He replied coolly. "If more people knew about my feelings for you, then that's great. As long as they know you're dating me now."

"So. Are you going to be my date for the dance?" He asks.

You grin. "I'd be honored to!"

"Great." Dan Heng smiles and reaches out to hug you. "So then... that means we're officially a couple?" He grins slyly. "And does that mean you'll call me honey now?" Oh he's trying to make you blush.

You smile back, every bit as mischievous "I was actually thinking of calling you: Darling, love of my life, light of my days, and saviour of my grades! But sure whatever you like." You say innocently. He laughs.

"I think I like that last one," he says, reaching out to brush a stray hair away from your face. "But I want you to call me Dan Heng, alright? If I ever heard someone refer to me as "Darling" or "Love", I'd probably turn into a ripe strawberry." He seems to consider something for a moment then says: "And when we see each other at the dance, will I be able to give you a kiss?" He asks cheekily.

"...!" When they go bold I go BOLDER! " You can kiss me right now." You say, summoning every last bit of confidence within you.

He leans in and gently presses his lips onto yours, holding it for a moment before breaking apart. "Will that suffice?" he asks with a grin.

"Now, come on. We better hurry up. All our friends are probably waiting for us at the cafe," he says and offers to take your hand.

"They're gonna be thrilled. Imagine how happy March will be, learning her little blunder for once caused something great." he adds with a bright smile.

--------------------------------------------------

Author's note:

Alhaitham: I'm just a feeble scholar.

Dan Heng: I'm literally the definition of a nerd.

Kaveh & I : \(O-o)/

[slytherinshua]

EROS & PSYCHE

genre. fluff. greek god au. warnings. although it is an eros and psyche au i don't follow the actual story of psyche and eros. kissing. not proofread. pairing. eros!youngjae x psyche!fem!reader. wc. 593. request. requested by anon for #32: "one more kiss". a/n. idk why i made this a greek mythology au i just like aus okay SO I HOPE IT SLAYS. also for those of you who don't know, eros is the greek equivalent of cupid and psyche has butterfly wings sdjksd anyway.

When you heard the snap of a twig beneath your feet, you knew you were screwed. You silently cursed in your head, whipping your head up to see if he had heard the noise. Of course, he had.

He had his bow drawn straight at you, the gleaming golden arrow that he regularly drew replaced with a blunt lead one, serving the opposite purpose. Instead of making people fall in love, it would erase any desire for love and instil fear instead. The boy used it mostly to keep people from pestering him.

When he saw that it was you, though, his face brightened and he loosened his grip on the bow. Jumping down from the hill he had climbed, he jogged over to you, a boyish smile on his face.

“You need to stop sneaking away from home, Eros. Your mother keeps sending me to find you.” You hit him lightly on the shoulder, teasing him by calling him by his god name.

“Everyone tries to bribe me to make their love come true at home. I feel like I’m being used.” Youngjae shuddered, securing his bow on his hip and freeing his hands of all sharp objects. He practically bounded into your arms once he was free to do so, nearly knocking you off balance.

“I missed you, Psyche.” His words were earnest. A few days of not seeing you felt far too long for the boy more in love than even his arrows could replicate. He grinned as he pulled back, his nose scrunching slightly. His eyes wandered over your face, admiring your unmatched beauty. Your hair blew slightly in the breeze, and your butterfly wings swayed gently.

“I saved 4 marriages and got 15 new couples together in 3 days. Pretty impressive, right?” He fished for compliments, his eyes searching your face eagerly. 

“Your aim has definitely gotten better.” You smiled.

The boy scoffed, “My aim was always good. What do you mean?” You laughed, a sound that Youngjae would probably never get tired of.

“Weren’t you the same one who missed me by half a mile with an arrow?” You teased, leaning a little closer to him, eyelashes fluttering. His cheeks blossomed with pink tones from the close contact, but he was still able to think of a suitable response even in his nervous state.

“You’re in love with me now regardless. I don’t think my arrows would’ve done much when you’re already obsessed.” His words wrung true, as even in the moment you couldn’t take your eyes off his face. He was the most stunning boy you had ever seen, face suitable for that of the son of the Aphrodite. Your gaze faltered to his lips, your stare too obvious for him to miss. He smirked slightly, the satisfaction of knowing you were entirely charmed by him greater than any remarkable feat he pulled off with his arrows.

He pulled you into an ardent kiss, holding you with a gentle but firm hand on your waist. There was something more natural about his kisses than anything else. His entire purpose was to love— it was intuitive to his nature. Each kiss, each glance, each smile, had you falling ever deeper into the drunken feeling of adoration for him. And the kiss had the same effect. 

He pulled apart only to hold you comfortably in his arms again, hearts racing in sync. You caught your breath, hands finding his, lacing together with his warm fingers. 

He lifted your chin up with his other hand, “One more kiss, hm?” 

↳ tws taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @eternalgyu,, @seunghancore,, @sobun1est,, @talkingsaxy,, @talking-saxy,,

@50-husbands,, @hursheys,, @imyuna-06,, @kristianities,, @stannwjnss

[berryunho]

THE ANSWER: XXV

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

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You had half expected for the entire farm to be torn apart by the time you woke up, but your morning proceeds exactly as it has for however long its been since you got here. Of course, you’re also extremely on edge the entire time, you can’t swallow a single bite of your breakfast (no matter how many times San offers you a bite of his), you convince yourself that Hongjoong is staring at you harder than normal, and the lights seem too bright and the people too loud. 

You just… keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely they’ve realized that Haseul is gone by now, so why is no one acting like it? Realistically, its probably to keep people from panicking. If they sounded the alarms and started a manhunt, that wouldn’t look too good, especially when the cops show up.

There has never been a time in your life where you've been excited at the prospect of cops. Until you found yourself in this goddamned situation. Nothing could possibly be more satisfying to you than watching Hongjoong and Seonghwa get arrested, nothing better than testifying against them in a trial and watching them get put away for the rest of their earthly lives. 

There is the chance that San would be arrested too, though. Which would… be completely justified, but suck all the same. San has definitely been an accessory to murder, and at least willfully has covered up various murders and kidnappings… which is not cool. 

But how can you not look past those things when he’s pouting at you for not eating a single thing at breakfast? It’s not his fault that he’s here, right? That he was brainwashed and coerced into his role? You can’t blame him for acting for his survival. 

“You can’t just stop eating because you’re worried,” he nudges you once you’re back in your apartment. “You’ll wither away in this place.” 

You brush off his comment, knowing that this new state of yours won’t last for very long, “It’s just one breakfast.” 

San blinks at you, crossing his arms over his chest, “And what do they say about breakfast? Hm? The most important meal of the day?”

You roll your eyes, flopping down onto the couch. “What time is it?” 

He flicks his wrist up, looking down at his watch, “eight forty-seven.” 

Ugh. Not nearly close to time for book club. You have to wonder whether or not the cops will arrive before or after you’re forced to have one last chat with Hongjoong.

… Not that ‘forced’ is exactly the right word, here. No, you’re actually looking forward to this last meeting of yours. There are quite a few things that you would like to hear straight from the horse's mouth, rather than the police or the news or the lawyers or anyone else that might become involved. Plus, there are questions that probably could never be answered by anyone else. And you sure as hell don’t plan on visiting Hongjoong in prison. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

When that time of day finally rolls around, you’re practically flinging yourself out the door, tugging San along with you to make the short walk to Hongjoong’s door. 

He barely gets his slippers on, stumbling behind you into the hallway, “Is there a reason you’re so eager today?” 

“I have questions that I want answered.” You pull on his hand, poor San so confused that you can sense it in the hesitance of his steps.

When you arrive, you knock on the door, San stopping at your side as you wait for Hongjoong to answer, “But are you sure you feel up to this? We could say that you’re si—”

San’s proposal is cut off by Hongjoong answering the door. “Hello, you two.” 

San mutters a hello back, but you’re too caught off guard by his appearance to give a proper greeting. “Why the hell are you dressed like that?” 

Hongjoong frowns, looking down at his outfit. “Like what?” 

“Like, like,” you look him up and down. He’s wearing all black, but not like the last time you had seen him not looking like a farmer. The day of your Choosing ceremony seems like so long ago, but you can still remember those freaky matching outfits quite well. No, he doesn’t wear any accessories and these clothes are less… industrial. The boots might be the same. Otherwise, the pants he wears now are nicer and his shirt a plain t with a long, black, silky… robe (?) over top. The sign of the answer is on his arm, sewn into the bicep. For a moment, you wonder who it is that does that embroidery; it’s quite nice. “Like a priest?” It’s not an exact comparison, but its the word your mind comes up with. 

San nudges your side as Hongjoong rolls his eyes, “You really don’t pay attention during service, do you?” 

“Not really.” San nudges you more urgently this time, giving you a bit of a pleading look when you glance over at him. 

Hongjoong only sighs, stepping aside and opening the door wider to invite you in. You bid goodbye to San as you step inside, brushing past Hongjoong.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood, today?” Hongjoong shuts the door behind you, following you into his apartment.

“I have a lot I want to talk with you about,” you say, settling onto his couch. It’s true, there is a lot that you want to clear up. Haseul must have made it to town by now, and she must have sent the police already. There are some things that you need to hear from Hongjoong before its all over.

Hongjoong sits in his usual chair, looking at you with a bit of apprehension, “Is that so?”

“Yep,” you rest your elbow on the arm of the couch, leaning into your hand. “You never answered my question.”

“About the clothes?” He shakes his head, “Again, you would know if you paid attention.” 

“Maybe I would be better able to focus on service if not for you conjuring up other things for me to worry about.” 

Hongjoong frowns, “What are you worried about?” 

You drop your chin, looking at him through your eyelashes, “Really?” 

He crosses his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. “I’ll admit that I might’ve lost my temper yesterday, but Haseul is perfectly fine, (Y/n).” 

A giggle tries to escape you, but you manage to keep it in. You can’t decide if you’d rather Hongjoong know that you know the truth or not. On one hand, if you cut the bullshit, you might be able to have a better conversation. To get more answers to your questions. But… it could be possible that he has no idea the involvement that you or San played in her disappearance. That seems highly unlikely, but… You’re just not sure if you should risk it. 

“You don’t believe me?” He asks, apparently impatient with your lack of response, “Do you want to see her?” 

… That throws you for a bit of a loop. Why would he ask if he couldn’t back it up? Obviously he must know that you would say yes, that you would want to see her. So why would he offer something that he can’t provide? 

Is it… is it possible that San lied? That he didn’t get her out? That he didn’t even try?

You stare at Hongjoong, trying to see if this is another one of his games. He stares right back at you, not a hint of emotion on his face. Yeah. That’s it. 

“Can we cut the bullshit?” You ask, lowering your voice. 

The corners of his lips twitch upward, only a little, “I don’t know what you mean, (Y/n). Do you want to see her or not?” 

“We both know that Haseul isn’t here,” you blink, waiting for him to contradict you.

Contradict you, he does. “But she is,” he smiles, then, one of his knowing little smiles that already tells you what he’s thinking. He’s about to say something to hurt you. You know it. “It was a cute attempt, (Y/n), I must admit. Getting San to help you and all. I didn’t know he was so…” Hongjoong bites his lip, looking for the right word, “Enamored with you.” 

You try your hardest to not betray the complete and utter sinking desperation you feel. 

“That’ll be dealt with in its own time. Haseul is safe and sound in her room, with Mingi for company.” He smiles again, “You didn’t really think it would be so easy, did you?” 

You want to scream. Why can’t anything work? Why can’t anything go your way? “I want to see her,” you whisper, attempting to keep your voice steady.

Hongjoong hums, “I think not, actually. Consider it your punishment for trying to get her out. I’ll let you off easy, since I knew that you would try something. Next time, I won’t be as gracious.” 

There’s a million questions bouncing through your head now, having lost your advantage. You had been so confident coming into this apartment, so sure that things were going your way. Why didn’t you even… consider that she could’ve been caught? How foolish can you be?

You can practically feel the spark that you had fleeting out of you. It happened so fast. In less than two minutes, all of your hopes coming into this conversation were crushed. How can tha—

“But this leads us to another topic, (Y/n).” Hongjoong uncrosses his arms, leaning forward in his chair. “What’s going on with you and San? Hm?” 

You take a sharp inhale, again trying to contain any hint of emotion. You would rather Hongjoong didn’t know how off guard he just caught you, and you would also rather that he not know about the… extent of your relationship with San. Which seems to be precisely where this conversation is about to head. 

“Well, Hongjoong, we spend about every waking second together, thanks to you. So we’re close.”

Hongjoong frowns sarcastically, tilting his head, “Close enough that he would risk his neck to do you a favor? When he knows that he’s on thin ice with me?” He drops the expression, returning to his stony neutrality. “I’m giving you a chance to be honest, (Y/n). Maybe I’ll be nicer if I hear it from you instead of him.” 

You blink at him, unsure of what to say. You honestly hadn’t really even… thought about how you would classify your relationship with him. Obviously you care about him, and he cares about you. And you get each other off occasionally, but, like… its not like he’s your boyfriend or something. You don’t feel like you should tell Hongjoong the truth… but you don’t want to make things worse for San, either. 

“What, precisely, are you asking me, Hongjoong?” You probably sound more defensive than you should let on, but you can’t help it. 

“Have you slept together?” 

“No.” 

Hongjoong shrugs, “Be that way, (Y/n), but what I can’t take out on you, I will take out on him.”

You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to think of a response, “But— Hongjoong, that’s the truth.” 

He holds a hand up, shushing your stuttering attempts at defending yourself, “You’re really only going to make things worse for him if you keep talking. Which I’m sure would just break your little heart, hm?” 

“Hongjoong, I’m being honest, I swear to Go—”

“Swear to God?” He smiles, “I thought you didn’t believe in me?” 

If you weren’t so preoccupied with trying to prove San’s innocence, you would roll your eyes. Hongjoong and his fucking ego. 

He cuts you off when you start to plead your case again, “I don’t believe you, do you know why?” His eyes are wide with curiosity as he blinks at you, a knowing smile on his face. 

You don’t know why he’s so sure, but you don’t really want to know, either. Anyways, it is the God honest truth that you and San haven’t had sex, so you have no idea what he even thinks he knows. Unless he’s some sort of… Mormon or something, last time you checked, oral is generally not referred to as ‘sleeping together.’ Like, Christ, can you have no peace here? 

You don’t respond, so Hongjoong continues, “Remember your next door neighbor, Seonghwa?” 

Your face actually goes slack this time, a frown curling over your lips. “Seriously? Seonghwa is your source?” 

“He’s rather trustworthy, in my experience.” 

“Seonghwa. The man that hates me so much he wants me. You don’t see how he could, I don’t know, lie to get San in trouble to, I don’t know, get him out of his way?”

Hongjoong laughs, then, the sound echoing around his apartment. “No, I don’t see him doing that,” he says once he regains his breath, though it takes a few seconds. “He’s not so petty.”

You do scoff, then. Seonghwa has to be one of the pettiest people that you’ve ever met in your life. Like, seriously, no fucking way does Hongjoong believe him to not be petty. 

That being said… you do find it a little hard to believe that Seonghwa would lie about this. He was the one that told you that San is not in the best situation with Hongjoong, and he seemed… sympathetic is the wrong word, but, like, he warned you about it. Would someone that was going to set you up give you such a head’s up? Plus, he did remind you of the fact that you were neighbors, which, like… yeah, okay. He could’ve heard something, but something doesn’t mean sex. People must masturbate here. What else is there to do? Could it not have been so simple in his mind’s eye? 

No, you don’t think that Seonghwa would jump to the fantastical conclusion that you’re sleeping with San. Nor do you think that he would be so jealous as to risk putting Hongjoong’s ire on San. While he doesn’t seem to be the biggest fan of the guy, you didn’t get the vibe that he wants him dead or anything. So… yeah. The pieces aren’t adding up. 

Might as well lean into it a bit, if there’s no convincing Hongjoong otherwise. “What would happen if I told you that San and I were together?” 

Hongjoong’s smile goes tense, as if he wasn’t expecting you to ask such a thing. For the first time, the thought that he could be bluffing crosses your mind… maybe a moment too late. Hongjoong pauses, looking between you and the books on his coffee table. 

“I,” He stops, tilting his head to the side as he keeps his eyes off of you, “honestly hadn’t truly considered it a possibility. Surely he cares for you, that’s to be expected, but…” 

So he was just trying to taunt you, then. Part of you feels like you’ve triumphed by managing to take him off guard with something, but that something is… not something that he should actually think is true. 

“Well, like I’ve been saying, Hongjoong, nothing has happened between us.” 

He looks back up at you and you’re shocked to see his eyes shining wet in the light, “No?” 

Your heart speeds up at the sight, reminded of the previous times that you’ve seen Hongjoong vulnerable. You don’t trust your voice to not shake, so you simply shake your head in agreement. 

“You know that I don’t want to hurt San, right?” He asks, frowning, “But there has to be punishments for breaking the rules. I’m only trying to keep peace.” 

You have no idea how Hongjoong feels about San. All you know is that this is making you extremely uncomfortable. Seeing Hongjoong cry is just, just so, ugh! You can’t control the way your heart squeezes in your chest, nor the guilt that broils in your stomach for being the cause of his distress. But… this is Hongjoong! He doesn’t deserve your empathy, but… 

“I know, Hongjoong,” you whisper, moreso trying to get him to stop rather than actually express the sentiment. 

He wipes his eyes, then, clearing his throat, “I suppose I can trust you, for now.” His gaze gets harder with each passing millisecond. “But I’m sure you can guess what will happen if I find out that you’re lying to me.” 

You can definitely put the pieces together yourself. So you nod your head in agreement, hoping that he believes you in this case. 

Hongjoong clears his throat again, fanning his face a couple times, “Was there anything else, then?” 

“Oh, uhm,” in truth, there was a lot more that you wanted to ask him about. He never answered your question about his clothes, you want to know more about this girl that came before you, and more about what the fuck The Answer says about you. But it feels strange to ask about any of that, after… yeah. Whatever that just was. 

… But you don’t actually care that much. So you decide to jump into the topic that he’ll probably like discussing with you the most. 

“I had some questions about the Answer, actually…” 

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows, a smile growing across his face, “Have you finally read ahead?” 

Well… yes and no, but you’re not going to tell him that Wooyoung told you the gist of it, “Maybe a little bit.” 

He claps once, genuine glee showing through his expression. He even giggles, and not in the creepy way that he sometimes does. “This is wonderful, (Y/n)!” 

You give him an awkward smile, waiting for him to stop acting like a kid in a candy store. 

“So? You have questions?” He leads, “I might have answers.” 

Might. Isn’t that just the greatest word in existence. He definitely has all of the answers, considering all of this shit came from his own head; but he can pick and choose what he wants to withhold from you at any time. Because that’s Hongjoong. Always leaving an escape for himself. 

“Well, I’m just curious about a few things…” You start, trying to figure out how to word your questions so that they’re as… inconspicuous as possible. “First, do you know how I’m supposed to… uhm, ‘bring about the Sign?’” 

Hongjoong’s smile somehow grows even wider when you finish your question, “I’m proud of you, (Y/n). This is a huge step in your journey.” 

You don’t like that. Nope. Not the way he just said ‘journey.’ 

But Hongjoong tilts his head to the side, letting his smile go, “But I’m not sure I can answer your question. I’ve yet to have the concrete vision.” He shrugs, “I honestly think that the vision will come to you rather than me.” 

Oh Jesus Christ. Hongjoong has said some crazy bullshit to you before, but that is an entire new level. If he genuinely thinks that you’re going to believe that you are going to start having prophetic dreams because you’re supposedly some major figure in this goddamned cult lore, he has an entirely new thing coming for him. 

But you doubt that he thinks you’ll believe him. You haven’t before, why would you now? 

Your skepticism must show on your face, because Hongjoong continues. “It’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re linked, somehow, in the grand scheme of things, (Y/n). It’s you that was foretold.” 

You blink, trying to not start screaming. Before you can really think too hard about it, you’re asking your next question. 

“But how do you know that it’s me, Hongjoong? There was a girl before me, wasn’t there?” 

The silence that follows is nearly as scary as Hongjoong’s reaction to your question.

His smile drops faster than you’ve ever seen. 

“San told you this?” Hongjoong asks, his tone hard. 

“Who told me isn’t important, I just want to talk about he—”

“It really is. Like I said, we have rules for a reason,” he tilts his head, folding his hands in his lap. “If you don’t tell me who it was, I will assume that it was San and he’ll be punished severely.” 

Well fuck. There’s not really a way to say that it was someone else without incriminating (a) San, for leaving you with someone else, (b) yourself, and (c) Wooyoung. But you can’t very well say that it was San, given the earlier subject matter.

But you really don’t want to throw Wooyoung under the bus, either, considering all that he just confided in you. He’s been long tortured by this man already, and he already part-way resents you for it. If you told him… 

There’s really only one other option.

“Seonghwa told me.” The words come out before you can really think about them. Seonghwa should be a good choice. He might hate your guts, but at least he has something of a soft (hard?) spot for you. If he gets in trouble, it should be okay. And, anyways, its not like Hongjoong would do anything to really punish Seonghwa, right? Surely not with whatever arrangement they have going on. Plus, fuck that guy for apparently ratting you out to Hongjoong. He lied to Hongjoong about you, you’ll lie to Hongjoong about him. Easy. 

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows. “Seonghwa,” he doesn’t ask, simply restating his name. “Seonghwa told you.” 

You shrug, “Is it so hard to believe?” 

His face crinkles with confusion, “Yes, it is. See, Seonghwa is probably the last person I would expect you to hear that from, considering his loyalty to me and the disgust he felt over that entire situation.” He ponders for a second, “No, Seonghwa would be the second to last person; but the point still stands.” 

‘Considering his loyalty’ to Hongjoong and his ‘disgust’ over that entire situation… Interesting details. Obviously, you know that Seonghwa is loyal to Hongjoong and wouldn’t ordinarily give you information that Hongjoong clearly doesn’t want you to know about. But his disgust? What does that mean? 

Anyhow, you figure that, if you’re already throwing Seonghwa under the bus, it couldn’t hurt to make it just a little bit worse, right?

“I thought you would know the kind of pillow talk Seonghwa engages in.” 

Hongjoong takes the longest blink you’ve ever seen, his eyes going wide as he stares at you. “Excuse me?” 

You shrug your shoulders, trying your best to keep this facade up. Seonghwa is going to be so fucking pissed. And so is Hongjoong. But this has to be better than Wooyoung or San getting punished, right? You can deal with some anger. They’d probably fare much worse. 

“I’m sorry, just, can you repeat yourself? It sounds like you’re telling me that you and Seonghwa…” he trails off, flapping his hands in front of himself as if he can’t even bring himself to speak the words. “I thought I made myself quite clear about my feelings on this matter.”

For once, you wish that you could just appreciate a moment where you’re able to be the one throwing Hongjoong off of his guard. But, no, you have to keep spinning your bullshit, because, of course, only a lie can leave him so astounded. 

“That’s really not what’s important here, Hongjoong, pleas—”

“Should I get Seonghwa? Do we need to have this conversation right now?” 

He goes to stand and you’re immediately holding your hands out to him, ushering him to sit back down, “no, no, no. Hongjoong, this is not what is important right now.” 

He looks at you like you’re insane, “Yes it is. You don’t need to know anything about Haneul.” 

Haneul. 

What a coincidence, no? 

“Hongjoong, please, just, can we talk abou—”

He tries to stand again, but you do the unthinkable. You touch him first, grabbing onto his arm to pull him back to his chair. “There’s nothing to know about her. She was fake, she wasn’t real. You shouldn’t worry yourself about her. She was inconsequential, unworthy of taking up any space in your pretty little head.” 

The way he speaks about her makes your stomach roll over. What in the fuck? She’s dead, and he’s talking about her like this? You shouldn’t be surprised, but it still makes you sick.

“But, Hongjoong, don’t you think it would help me understand my purpose, if you can explain why she couldn’t?” 

The panicked look on his face evaporates as if he’s suddenly remembered something important. He looks into your eyes, a small smile starting to tug across his face, “you really want to know?” 

The way he asks almost makes you want to take it back, to disagree with him. You just know that whatever it is that he just thought of is something that he’s going to use to scare you with, and the prospect isn’t too thrilling. But… any information is good information, right? 

“I do, Hongjoong.” 

He looks down at his hands, then, squeezing them together in his lap. You still have your hand on his arm, despite the level of uncomfort you’re experiencing, hoping that your touch is grounding him somehow.

When he looks back up, his smile is wider, his eyes more crazed, “there were a few reasons that Haneul couldn’t be the bearer. The first reason being her relationship with Jongho.”

What? Jongho? Is this why he has it out for you? Because Hongjoong replaced his girlfriend with you? Like, shit, he has every right to be pissed, but to be pissed with you is a bit… misplaced. 

“The second reason being her attitude. As you read, the bearer of the Answer is to be hesitant and abrasive. She should deny her role before fully becoming it. Little Haneul was obedient from the moment she arrived.” 

… You can’t fact check that one just yet, but yeah, sure, whatever. Hongjoong’s fucking insane. Any reason of his that comes from The Answer is not a legitimate reason for anything. 

“And then, of course, I decided that I liked you more.” 

You can’t stand it anymore. You let go of him, putting more distance between your bodies than you even do normally. Literally, genuinely, absolutely, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? What the fuck does he mean? How could he have possibly killed someone for you before even knowing you? 

So you blink at him and ask, “how the fuck did you decide that before meeting me?” 

“I don’t know why you keep insisting that we never met before you came here, (Y/n). Am I so memorable that you think you would remember even a fleeting interaction?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’m honored,” Hongjoong flashes a teasing smile, though there’s an impatience growing in his tone, “But I’ve known you far longer than you realize.” 

The way he says this sends an actual chill down your spine, making you feel more vulnerable than just moments prior. “Can you at least tell me where we supposedly met? Or how long you’ve known me?” 

“Are you sure it won’t scare you?” Hongjoong smirks, “I think it would. All you need to know, (Y/n), is that I am positive that you are the one. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is you.” 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

After that, Hongjoong had decided enough was enough and made you start your lesson. In your opinion, that whole conversation about The Answer should’ve been enough to cover your lesson, but that’s just not how your life goes. 

But, for being such a good listener today, Hongjoong had given you a reward. The privilege of walking back to your apartment, unaccompanied. How lovely.

Of course, it would’ve been smartest to just go back to your apartment. You, in fact, definitely should’ve just done that. 

But you have more questions. And, really, how likely is it that he’s going to find out that you made a little detour? He didn’t say go straight back or anything.

So you find yourself outside, approaching the big barns. It’s strange to be alone. But not in a bad way. You peer down the road as you pass it, staring down its infinite stretch of gravel and corn. Surely the harvest is coming. Surely. 

You hadn’t brought a coat with you, but, thankfully, its rather nice outside. A bit chilly, in your long sleeve, but not unbearable. If anything, the chill makes you feel more grounded.

Maybe it’s a bad idea to try and talk to Jongho. No, scratch that, it’s definitely a bad idea to try and talk to Jongho. You’re full of them today. But, if there’s even the slightest chance that he can give you more information… you’re going to take it. 

You’re finding that you have almost an insatiable curiosity growing within you with each passing day. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism. Maybe you’re losing it. Whatever it is, you simply have to know. Everything. 

Plus, you’re a bit incensed that your plan to help Haseul escape failed so completely and utterly. You had been in such a good mood this morning, despite the tension you had been feeling. Now, you’re just angry. You hadn’t even been this angry when you, yourself, had failed to escape. This failure feels like a reflection of your efforts, and that pisses you off. Had you made a mistake, asking for San’s help? Is it possible that he… sabotaged the escape so as to save his own ass? Could you really blame him if he did? It was unfair, asking him what you did. But it was your only option at the time, and you know that. 

Either way, you’re just upset that you failed. Haseul is still here, locked up in a room somewhere and you’re not even allowed to see her. She’s probably scared out of her mind, confused and angry. She must have been lured here using you, right? Someone used your phone to get her here. San claims that it wasn’t him… but who else would it have been? Any of the elites probably could have, but… who? Not Wooyoung, not after what he told you. Seonghwa? Maybe, but could he mimic you well enough to convince Haseul? That’s really the question, you realize. Who knows you well enough that they could’ve gotten your best friend to believe they were you? 

There’s really only one option, and he had insisted that it wasn’t him. 

God, this is pissing you off even more. You don’t want to believe that it was San. Like he’s said, you don’t want to think that he would willingly hurt you, especially not now, with how close you are. It would be… very unsettling, to say the least. 

But, still, how had the escape failed? Who tipped Hongjoong off? Who was it that caught up to her? Had she ever even left in the first place? Was she hurt in the capture? Hongjoong had said that she was safe and sound… but, knowing that guy, that could mean any number of things. 

It really makes you wonder. Who was in on it? Was it just a random follower that saw her and reported it? Was it an elaborate plan that ended just how Hongjoong wanted it to? Clearly, Hongjoong must have been expecting you to try something. Maybe you had played right into his plan, maybe it was a setup from the get go. 

If it was, though, why the hell hadn’t you considered it? It pisses you off, truly, the hindsight. You were stupid, trying something so fast. It was stupid to involve San, and stupid to think that you would actually be able to pull off an escape. Fuck.

You emerge from your thoughts as you approach the barn, sticking your head in through the open door. “Jongho?” You call out, wondering if he would even respond to you if he heard you. You’d wager not, but you step further inside, anyhow. 

Peering around the corner, you’re not surprised to see him heaving… something into the pig troughs. Looks like food scraps, kind of. He turns at the sound of your voice, a rather disrespectful look of disgust landing on his face once he realizes that it’s you he’s talking to. 

“What.” It’s not a question, rather a statement. He doesn’t stop his work, grabbing another bucket to tip into the feeder. “Where’s your babysitter?” 

Ignoring the actual question, you walk deeper inside, stopping when you’re a few feet from Jongho. The pigs squeak happily as he dumps the new bucket, nudging each other aside in an attempt to be the first to eat. You take a closer look at the trough, the slop making your stomach roll despite how pleased the pigs seem. 

Pulling your eyes away from the scene, you start, “Can we talk?” 

Jongho turns away from you, and for a second you’re sure that he’s going to up and leave. But, no, he simply grabs the last bucket that had been in the row, tipping it into a different trough in the pen. “About what?” 

“Uhm,” is there a delicate enough way to put this? Are you supposed to be like, hey, sorry about your dead girlfriend? You probably should’ve put a little more thought into this before immediately storming off to talk to him, but, ugh! This is Hongjoong’s fault. Everything always is. 

Jongho claps his hands together, dirt flying off of his gloves and into the air. He tugs them off, deliberately pulling at each finger before taking them all the way off, shoving them into a back pocket of his dirtied cargo pants. He sighs, folding his arms over his chest, “You’re wasting my time.” 

Swallowing, you squeeze your hands in front of you, trying to keep yourself steady, “About, uhm, ah,” you clear your throat, but her name still comes out rather meekly, “Haneul?”

He blinks. Once. Twice. And then he’s on you.

He’s able to close the distance you had left between you in seconds, his hands clamping onto your upper arms so hard that you yelp. He doesn’t seem to notice, shaking you as more emotion crosses his face in these few seconds than you’ve seen him display the entire time you’ve known him. 

“Listen very carefully, (Y/n),” he tugs you closer, his hands squeezing tighter, “I’m only going to say this once. If I ever hear her name leave your lips again, I’ll kill you. It’ll be so fast that you won’t even realize you’re dead until you’re squalling as you emerge into your next life. Do you understand?” Jongho’s voice rattles with so much emotion that you have no choice but to believe his threat, nodding your head quickly in response. 

His grip loosens, but he doesn’t fully let you go, “Whatever you wanted to say, keep it to yourself. Don’t think about her, don’t ask other people about her, go back to pretending as if she never existed.” 

“I was just going to—”

“To? To what?”

“To apologize.” You glare up at him, cutting him off before he can start bitching again, “For what happened. Hongjoong is insane. And I’m sorry that someone you cared about was hurt because of him.” 

Jongho scoffs, staring down at you like you just said the most loathsome sentence he’s ever heard (really, he’s just thinking about last night) (how badly he wants to tell you your friend is dead, her body rotting two feet away from where you stand) (how she cried out for you, screamed your name when he grabbed her, capturing her last breath) (how, in his eyes, you deserve a worse punishment than that). 

“I don’t want your pity,” he whispers, his voice still hard, “Get out of here before I tell Hongjoong you’re running around by yourself.” 

He pushes you away from him, sending you stumbling backwards. Your arms pulsate where he had been squeezing you, your arteries working to compensate for the restriction they had been under. 

So much for mending that relationship. Or getting any answers. You probably should’ve anticipated the hostility, but… you are a bit of an optimist. Most of the time. 

You spare one more glance toward the pigs, watching as they continue to devour the scraps. The noises they make alone are enough to make your stomach churn once more, this time with nausea rather than anger or guilt. 

Jongho waits for you to get back to the doors before taking his eyes off of you, needing to know that you’re out of his space before he can relax again. 

Only, right as you step out of the threshold of the barn, you run into a tall frame that you really had not been expecting. 

You look up, already knowing that it will be Mingi’s face staring down at you. 

He doesn’t give you the chance to slip away, latching a hand onto your wrist to pull you back into the barn you had just left. You’re once again stumbling as he leads you back inside, immediately turning a corner into a more secluded part of the barn. 

“What is happening between you and San?”

Oh. So that’s where this is going. For a second there, you had the tiniest scrap of hope that you would be able to have a genuine conversation with him. That, maybe, he would want to apologize to you for, you don’t know, ignoring you for weeks after basically blaming you for not being a mind reader. 

You might be less annoyed if you hadn’t just had this exact conversation with Hongjoong. But to be reminded of the topic so soon has your blood running hot, anger flaring in your chest once more. To defend yourself from Hongjoong is one thing, but Mingi. 

You’ll never get used to it. 

“Really? That’s the first thing you have to say to me after, what, weeks of not speaking?” You scoff, trying to tug your wrist out of his hold to no avail. 

Mingi rolls his eyes. “Just answer the question.” 

“What’s going on between you and Hongjoong?” You ask, looking up at him and hoping you don’t look as small as you feel. “I thought you were scared of him, and now what? You’re doing his dirty work? Detaining our friend?” 

“Haseul is gone. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mingi blinks, his jaw set hard. “Hongjoong is my leader, my guide. He’s my friend, (Y/n). What are you and San? Friends?” He spits this final word, leaning down toward your face.

Had you not been so angry, you might’ve caught the first part. But you want to actually spit on him. How could he think that this is an okay way to talk to you? “I’m not answering that question, Mingi. You don’t get to, to question my relationships with people!” 

Mingi smiles a horrible smile. One that you have never seen. It’s almost a sneer. “You were my friend before his, you remember?”

You yank on your hand again, finally succeeding in getting it free of his grasp. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” You stumble backwards, tripping over some loose hay on the floor. “Mingi, please, this isn’t—”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” Mingi steps toward you. “If anything, there’s something wrong with you, (Y/n).” 

You shake your head, continuing to back away from him. You’ve never seen Mingi like this. You’ve never known him to act like this. This simply isn’t him. It doesn’t make any sense, you have no idea where this is coming from or why he decided now was the time to reignite the feud between you two. 

“You used to tell me all of your guy problems, remember?” He pouts, reaching a hand out to you. “It can be like old times, (Y/n). Just tell me the truth.” His voice has gone noticeably softer, his tone less serious. You don’t know if he’s manipulating you or not. 

Your back finally hits a wall, the uninsulated metal of the barn freezing cold on your skin. It seeps through your shirt, chilling you to the bone. “Mingi, please listen to me,” you put a hand out, trying to get him to stop advancing on you. “You’re scaring me. You are scaring the shit out of me. Back off, now.” 

Mingi chuckles, stopping in place. He holds his hands up in front of himself, showing off his stop. “I’m sorry, sorry,” he huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “But… Do you think I would hurt you? Really?” 

You want the answer to be no. Desperately. This is fucking Mingi that you’re talking about. You don’t get a chance to respond. 

“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes, “you clearly don’t give a shit about us anymore, anyways. Otherwise, you’d just fucking tell me the truth.” 

You stay pressed flat against the wall behind you, shaking your head at him. How did this happen? How could this happen? Your best friend, the person you came here for, is accusing you of not caring about him, not caring about your relationship. How blind could he be? 

It’s not Mingi talking, you know that. It’s fucking Hongjoong. Hongjoong feeding him bullshit in an attempt to get him to turn on you. And, lucky for him, its working. Perfectly. Your words can’t stand on their own against Hongjoong’s anymore. And he knows that. 

“Do you really want to know, Mingi?” Your voice cracks when you say his name, tears springing into your eyes, “What would it accomplish? Please, tell me why you want to know, and I’ll tell you the truth.” 

He hesitates at that, looking up toward the ceiling of the barn.

“Exactly. You don’t want to know,” you shake your head at him, watching as he kicks at some loose hay by his feet. “Can’t you see what’s happening here?”

Mingi looks back down, frowning. 

“He’s doing this on purpose, Mingi. Hongjoong wants us to hate each other. He wants to take away any semblance of support that we have. He’s trying to tear us apart, and you’re letting him!”

He squints as if he’s confused, looking down at his feet, then. He kicks around some loose hay, not responding. You take the moment to gather yourself, trying to calm your heart. Mingi has never acted so hostile toward you before, you can hardly even believe that this is the same man. 

“I just,” he starts, not looking toward you, “I don’t see why he would do that.” 

You close your eyes, trying to not scream. Has Mingi always been so naive?

No, he hasn’t. This is Hongjoong at work. Gaslighting him into questioning every action taken toward him. Making him confused and hurting him and turning him against you. It honestly makes you want to scream in frustration, the mind games that Hongjoong plays with people.

How could he do this? To innocent people? Play with their minds, turn them into dependent mush? It’s clear that Hongjoong is a monster, a psychopath, someone that gets off on the way that he can manipulate and control people. But seeing it so clearly… in someone you once considered your best friend… 

It makes you hate him more, a thousand times so. You would kill him if you could. 

If— no, when— you get Mingi out of here, will he ever be the same? Will he ever go back to being the Mingi that you once knew? Or will Hongjoong be with him for the rest of his life, manipulating and twisting his thoughts into everything that they’re not? 

Could any amount of therapy turn back time? Any amount of counseling? Medication? 

The sinking feeling in your chest tells you that, no, things will never be the same. 

For the rest of his life, Mingi will have a piece of Hongjoong embedded into his personality. And you’ll have to live with that fact.

When you get out of here, when Hongjoong is in prison or dead or whatever, when he’s out of your life… he won’t be. 

Is that fair? Abusers stick with their victims for their entire lives, but the opposite is rarely ever true. Would Hongjoong spare Mingi a second thought in thirty years, when he’s rotting in a jail cell? You doubt it. But Mingi… there won’t be a day of his life where he doesn’t think about what happened here. About what he suffered. 

“Did I,” he looks up at you after the prolonged silence, “did I really scare you?”

You blink at him, not wanting to tell him the truth.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, (Y/n).” His voice cracks when he says your name, turning away from you. “Everything is my fault. All of it. You’re here, and now Haseul, and, and,” with each word, his voice gets heavier with emotion. You don’t have to see his face to know that he’s crying. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry. For bringing you here, for yelling, for being mad, for scaring you, for everything.” 

You push yourself off of the wall, taking a couple steps to reach out to him. You grab his bicep, gently pulling him to face you. You’re not very successful, only managing to turn him a few centimeters. He still doesn’t look at you.

“You know that I don’t blame you for any of this, Mingi,” the complete opposite is true, in fact. “None of it is your fault.” 

“But it—” Mingi freezes in the middle of his sentence, and you have to peer around him to figure out why. 

San clears his throat when you meet his gaze, awkwardly averting his eyes to the ground. 

Mingi turns back toward you, then, aggressively wiping his cheeks with his palm, as if ashamed for San to see him so. 

“(Y/n), I’ve,” San looks up, biting his lip, “been looking for you everywhere.” 

You don’t know what to say, so you don’t say anything. You probably shouldn’t have run off without permission, but you had to take the chance. Still, there is a bit of guilt swimming in you for apparently making San worry. You hadn’t considered…

Mingi’s tears have dried up by the time he turns back toward the other man, “Leave.” 

Your eyes widen with this command, squeezing Mingi’s arm a bit in response. He can’t just… tell San to leave, can he? 

San looks as taken aback as you feel, confusion evident on his face, “Excuse me?” 

“I think you heard me the first time.” 

“Mingi, pleas—”

San cuts you off, “No, no, let him speak.” He holds his hand up to silence you, something that you would never have ever expected him to do to you, “Do you have something you need to say to me, Mingi?” 

“No, he doesn’t. Right, Mingi?” You answer for him, squeezing his arm again in an attempt to keep him grounded. Whatever the fuck San thinks he’s doing right now, you’re not appreciating it. Especially not when Mingi just about yelled at you because of San. There are definitely some choice words that these two could share, but you don’t want to be privy to them. 

Mingi ignores you, a tense smile on his face, “I have a lot of things I could say to you, San. Do you want to start with the way that you’re manipulating (Y/n), or your involvement in what happened yesterday?” 

Now, before this moment, you wouldn’t have said that San is a person inclined to violence. But within seconds he’s ripping Mingi out of your grasp via the front of his shirt, tugging him toward him until their chests are almost touching. “I’m doing no such thing,” the words come out in more of a snarl than anything else, “and I have no idea what you mean by ‘my involvement,’ but I’ll go ahead and tell you to shut your mouth about it, anyways.”

“San!” Your hands are back on both of them before he even finishes his sentence, one on each man. “What the fuck is wro—”

Mingi smirks down at San, once again completely ignoring you, even cutting you off. “Is that so? Why is she so quick to defend your relationship? Why is she keeping secrets from me? How could she possibly like you when you’re the one that lured her here?”

San’s eye literally twitches. “I know you’re in love with her, but this is just pathetic. Aren’t you embarrassed? To be the outsider, here? To know that she never fell for you, but for me despite the mistakes that I’ve made? Despite the ways I’ve wronged her? Does that just crush you? So much so that you have to make up blind accusations against me in an attempt to turn her away?” 

Mingi shakes his arm out of your grasp in the next second, using both of his hands to shove San away from him. San actually falls, landing on his ass in front of Mingi. 

You gasp as Mingi starts yelling, “You don’t know anything about our relationship! Anything that you do know you found out from stalking us! I couldn’t give two shits about her being into you, I care about you hurting her and acting innocent about it!” 

San frowns, and you’re surprised to see his lip quivering. He turns his attention to you, “You know that’s not true, (Y/n). You know that I care about you, that I’d never hurt you.” 

Mingi scoffs, smiling up toward the ceiling of the barn. “You say that you’re not manipulating her, but what’s this? Some crocodile tears and you think she’ll fawn right over you?” He looks down at you, still standing shocked by his side. “You’re not falling for this, are you?”

You look back and forth between San on the ground and Mingi beside you. In all honesty, you’re pissed at both of them equally. This fucking behavior is just childish; the last thing that you need is two people that you care about making you choose sides. 

“(Y/n)?” San’s voice breaks from the floor when you stay quiet. 

“I am not taking sides right now,” you whisper, glaring between the two of them. “You’re both being brats. Have either of you considered that I might value both of you? Or that I am an adult who can make her own decisions?” 

They stay silent, San finally picking himself up off of the ground. 

“You’re both pissing me off equally. I’d appreciate it if you could find it in yourselves to grow up and stop fighting over someone that doesn’t need or want to be fought over.” 

They at least have the decency to look a little ashamed of themselves, both of them looking anywhere but at you or each other. 

“Mingi,” he turns when you say his name, looking hopeful despite what you just said, “I would be happy to hear your genuine concerns about my wellbeing; however, I don’t want the hostility that you’ve shown me today. When you’re calmer, we can talk.” 

Mingi nods his head, “I’m sorry, again.” 

You reach out to touch his arm again, providing what you hope is enough comfort. Even though you’re pissed, Mingi was still in the middle of being vulnerable with you. You’re sorry that you weren’t able to finish that conversation with him. 

Dropping your hand, you take a couple steps to be closer to San, though you fold your arms over your chest as you tip your head toward the entrance of the barn, “Let’s go.” 

You don’t wait for him, opting to just start walking. He catches up quickly enough, though keeping a good two steps behind you. 

There is literally nothing that you can think to say to him. Your thoughts run wild with what just happened.

First, Mingi acting like that toward you? What the fuck was that? Did Hongjoong put him up to it, like you suggested he might’ve? Mingi had never treated you like that before, never… scared you like that before. There’s no way that was… all him. You refuse to believe it.

Having him stand up for you… that’s a whole separate thing. Obviously, Mingi has used his size to intimidate freaks that were bothering you before. He’s stood up for you more times than you can count, letting you use him as a defense mechanism for your entire friendship. He had put his hands on people for you before… but those were complete strangers. Seeing him get physical with San is a different story, not something that you would’ve expected from him. Even if he does genuinely believe that San is manipulating you or whatever, you would’ve thought that he would’ve at least stayed civil, considering your relationship. 

So it’s a surprise that he responded in turn when San engaged. Which in and of itself was shocking to you. 

San is not someone that you would ever peg for physical violence. So seeing him get on Mingi like that… it honestly does freak you out a bit. If San could hide his capacity for that from you, what else could he be capable of without you knowing?

Clearly, he’s an important member of the cult. He’s important to Hongjoong (arguably, considering he apparently wants him dead) and has a rather… disturbing position. San is clearly able to do a lot of things you would consider morally reprehensible with ease… as little as you enjoy that. 

But, seriously, physical violence? That’s so different from what you’ve seen from him in the past.

And, thinking back to what was said… what did Mingi mean about San’s involvement yesterday? He can’t blame San for helping you, can he? For helping Haseul? That’s a good thing that San did, even, if, ultimately, it failed. Haseul may still be locked up in a room, but that’s better than her being dead. It’s better than knowing that you did nothing to try and save her. Mingi must see that, too, right? Unless he genuinely thinks that it is a good thing for another one of your friends to be locked up here, which, you suppose, is a possibility. 

And, Christ, the way San was speaking to Mingi? You’ve never heard such, such awful things from him. There was malice in everything that he said, like he knew just the right things to say to push Mingi’s buttons. Using his feelings for you was low, and calling him pathetic… God, it’s just so weird to hear your San say things like that. Everyone has a mean side to them, a defensive one, but seeing San’s is just so shocking. 

He’s so vulnerable with you, so gentle and so kind. To know that he has the exact opposite persona lurking inside of him as well… 

It’s not exactly comforting.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

When you reach your apartment, you move to head toward the bedroom right away, but San catches you before you can get far, his hand gently grabbing your wrist. “Can I apologize? Or, or explain? Please?” 

You pause, letting him keep his hand on you. As petty as you feel, and as much as you’d like to just ignore him until he learns his lesson… that’s not how adults do things. Especially not adults that live together. 

Sighing, you turn back towards him, nodding slowly.

He also sighs, though in relief, gently guiding you toward the couch. You both sit down, and San takes his hand away from you rather than keeping a hold. 

You wait for him to start, given that he’s the one that wants to explain. 

It takes a few minutes, but he finally does. “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, that’s what this boils down to.” 

You blink, waiting for more.

“There isn’t an excuse for, for what I did. I shouldn’t have touched him, but, (Y/n), the way he was speaking to you? Talking about us? Accusing me of terrible, horrible things? I couldn’t just take that. I can forget my own pride, but I couldn’t let him hurt you.”

Yeah, you’re sure that pride has absolutely nothing to do with this. 

“Say something, please?” His eyes sparkle, and you can’t believe that he’s about to be the third man to cry in front of you today. 

You would, but you honestly have no idea what to say. What is there to say when your cult-sponsored fake-boyfriend gets into a physical fight with your lost best friend who also happens to be in love with you? Like, that’s not really something that happens very often. 

“I guess I can understand where you’re coming from,” is what you settle on, crossing your arms over your chest as you lean back into the couch, “but I still think you acted completely inappropriately, San. When someone is accusing you of being a bad person, its pretty bold to go ahead and prove them right while trying to prove them wrong.” 

San looks down at his hands, his voice cracking, “you think I’m a bad person?” 

Deep breaths, (Y/n). Deep breaths. 

“That’s not what I meant, San.” 

He starts shaking, and oh, God, you’ve done it now. You do feel bad as he starts whimpering, his hands coming up to shield his face from you. 

“But I am, (Y/n), I am a bad person,” he sobs, “Mingi was right, you’re right, you shouldn’t like me. I’m the reason you’re here, and I’m the reason you’re going through all of this, and I did stalk you guys, and last night and, and—”

Your heart does, perhaps, shatter a little bit upon hearing this. You had wanted to stay strong (angry), but how can you do that when San is weeping in front of you like this? 

Reaching out to him, you wrap an arm around his shoulders to pull him into you. He rests his face in the crook of your neck, quickly folding his arms around you and squeezing you tight to him. 

“San, I’m not angry with you for what you did before you met me, you have to know that.” You curl a hand into his hair, playing with the longer strands at the back of his neck. “And what happened last night— it really isn’t your fault.”

“You really don’t blame me? For any of it?” He whines, and you can envision the pout on his face without needing to see it. "You're too good to me, I don’t deserve your kindness.” 

He might have you with that one, honestly. But you're not going to agree with him, not when he's like this. Maybe if you were a little bit more pissed off. 

Instead, you try to keep comforting him, "I'm the one that doesn't deserve you, San. The things you've done for me since we've gotten to know each other… I can never thank you enough." He sighs as you continue running your fingers through his hair. "Even if you've done wrong, that doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes; it's what we do in the present that matters." 

A few minutes go by in silence, but you don't mind. San calms himself down, though you're sure that you're helping, too. He doesn't move from his spot in your arms, though, keeping his own firmly around you as well. 

"I should apologize to Mingi, shouldn't I?"

You chuckle, thinking it over. "Probably. But not when I'm there.” 

“Probably not,” he mumbles into your neck, pressing a kiss where his lips happen to land. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。. 

San is positively delighted that you suggested he apologize to Mingi without you present. 

A conversation between the two of them is long overdue, and he doesn’t need you to know everything that he has to say to Mingi. 

So, he takes his opportunity during dinner, leaving you with Seonghwa (no matter how wide your eyes get or how betrayed you look) to go off and find Mingi. 

He’s still opting to take his meals in his room, which San finds very convenient. It’s possible that Yunho will be there when he arrives, which would make things a little bit more complicated, but he’s still resolved to have this conversation. 

San knocks on Mingi’s door, and, when he opens it, his shock is evident on his face, “can I help you?” 

San nods, peeking past him into his room, “are you alone? Can I keep you company?” 

Mingi blinks down at him, scoffing. “Do you think I’m stupid?” 

He shrugs, “a bit.” San shoves past Mingi to get into his room, not even flinching when Mingi slams the door shut behind himself. “Do me a favor and tell (Y/n) I apologized to you.”

Mingi crosses his arms over his chest, “why the hell would I lie for you?” 

“I’m sorry.” San smiles, “there, not a lie.” 

“San, just tell me why you’re really here so that I can go back to eating my soup in peace.” Mingi points at the still steaming bowl of soup sitting on his desk. Ugh, San is so glad that he doesn’t live in one of these tiny rooms anymore. He’d go crazy. 

San clenches his jaw, giving Mingi a once over. He hadn’t planned exactly what he was going to say, which probably would’ve made this a lot easier. But maybe it’ll be more fun like this. 

“I just want to make sure that you’re not going to keep trying to give (Y/n) the wrong idea about me.”

Mingi scoffs, “if anything, I’m giving her the right idea about you. You really are a manipulative bastard, you know that, right?” 

He shrugs his shoulders in response, “you’re free to think that way. But it’s not the truth. I genuinely care about her, you know.” 

Mingi rolls his eyes, a single laugh leaving him, “well I feel the same way. And I’m not going to let you hurt her.” 

“Why would I want to hurt her, Mingi? What could I possibly gain from that?” 

“I don’t know what game you’re playing, San.” Mingi uncrosses his arms, clenching his fists at his sides, “but I don’t want you dragging her into it.” 

San laughs, gesturing around Mingi’s room, “she’s already in it! You made sure of that, might I remind you?” 

Mingi looks perplexed, “excuse me? You are the one that brought her here, not me.” 

“You don’t feel bad? That she came looking for you?” 

“As if Hongjoong wouldn’t have found a way for you to get her, anyways.” Mingi frowns, “I’m not stupid. I know that she was the one he was after when he Chose me, that I was the bait for her. She was always going to end up here.” 

San tilts his head, “wow, maybe you are smarter than you look.”

Before Mingi can get another word in, though, San is starting again. “Since you’re so smart, Mingi, I should only have to say this once. Leave (Y/n) alone, especially when it comes to the matter of my relationship with her. Truly, it’s none of your business, and it makes her upset to have to choose between the two of us.” 

Mingi stares blankly back at San.

“And another thing, about Haseul— you should know to not bring that situation up in front of her. I’ll let it go this time, but if I hear about it again, I’ll report it to Hongjoong.” 

He scoffs, “scared that she’ll find out what you did?” 

“I didn’t do anything to Haseul,” San shrugs again, “you’re the one that handed her over to me, anyways. Don’t you think that you’re in the same position as me?” 

“I wouldn’t have given her to you if Hongjoong hadn’t told me to,”

“And I wouldn’t have taken her if he hadn’t told me the same.” San smiles sarcastically, “it seems we’re in agreement, then.” 

Mingi would beg to differ, but he’s really not in the mood for another argument. And his soup is getting cold. “I won’t mention Haseul to her again, and I’ll try to believe that you genuinely care for her. But I won’t trust you implicitly. And, if she ever comes to me, crying because of you, I will kill you.” 

San sticks his hand out, “promise?” 

Mingi takes it, shaking his hand, “promise.” 

← previous || next → || masterlist

[callmehere-iwillappear]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

this has been sitting in my drafts for probably months and i actually don't remember who tagged me at this point sorry </3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

168,724

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently just rise but i've had some other fandoms i've written for in the past

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

call me here (i will appear) Use Only For Intended Purpose The Idiot's Guide to Blindfold Chess new phone who dis because i fear i'm lost (and i cannot be found again) wow big surprise(/s) all of these are rise al;jfldksjfkd

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to but uh </3 i am not very good at it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm. probably waiting for answers, wasting time bc even if u know the comfort and healing comes there very much isn't any in the fic itself so whoops </3 i am not good at hurt/no comfort so i don't. have a lot of fics that would really qualify

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uuhhhhh ig fibonacci? most of my fics have relatively happy endings and. this is the one with the least angst overall so

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do not alfjdlkjfkdls

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

imma keep it real with you chief most of the crossovers that i've written are with other people's aus and idk if that counts

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of fingers crossed

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeesssss? sorta? it's not like, on ao3 but i've done some collab crossover stuff with friends (see aforementioned crossover question)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

god idk. i don't do a lot of shipping these days sorry </3 i have some ships i think are cute but i'm not like, into them enough to say they really qualify

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i want to finish idiot's guide and cmh very very badly and i refuse to jinx it. idk abt npwd solely because of like the type of fic it is, idk if it'll ever be finished finished yk. like there'll always be more little scenes i can do

16. What are your writing strengths?

um. i've been told i'm good at character voice

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

sweats nervously

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it? i probably wouldn't unless it was like, just a couple words - i don't mind too much when other ppl do it bc i have a translation extension on my laptop but i don't have many options when i'm on my phone

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who........ i was like. god idek. fifteen? maybe younger i straight up don't remember <- also none of this is on ao3 this was like, back in my ff.net days and i don't think i even remember my login lmao

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmm hm hm. okay. probably because i fear i'm lost. just bc like... idk i'm proud of how it turned out and i'm really . idk. happy with the reception it got. i'm happy it reached people who can relate to it. and it's short enough that there's not like, enough space for there to be parts where i just have to force myself to write stuff i'm not 100% happy with to fill in the gaps. if that makes sense

tagging: You

[cafulur]

(Boyf riends) First Meet/College AU

I have been writing up this au for a while and decided to finally share a few bits, please let me know if you’d like to hear more!! ♡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- Jeremy and Michael have never met before and are attending the same university for their freshman year.

- Michael had come to terms with his queer sexuality during high school, but Jeremy hasn’t thought too hard about it, always considering himself mostly straight with the occasional fictional male crush.

- Jeremy didn’t deal with the SQUIP situation in high school, but he definitely had a massive falling out drama with all the popular theatre kids. Christine has been a constant best friend for him through it all. He’s had his ups and downs, but came out of the drama more comfortable with himself and the world around him. He doesn’t know anyone at this university but is excited to maybe make some new friends.

- Jeremy gets invited to a house party by his roommate who is friendly, so friendly, wants everyone to join in and shotgun a beer together, like a Rich energy. Omg. Rich is Jeremy’s roommate. 😭💛

- They go to this party and there’s probably 12-13 people there, one of which includes Michael who got dragged along by his roommate— WAIT what if Rich is Michael’s roommate instead and Jake is Jeremy’s?

- After some serious contemplation, Rich is Michael’s roommate and Jake is Jeremy’s. Jeremy doesn’t need much convincing to go to a party, so Jake energy is enough. Michael needs the convincing. All the convincing. He needs Rich for these additional friendships to thrive lmao.

- Jake ends up introducing all of them while hanging in the kitchen with Rich. Michael thinks Jeremy is cute but Jeremy at first isn’t quite sure what he feels for Michael. He just knows he’s super cool and finds himself strangely thinking about him even after they part.

- Maybe the week after the party while in class or something Michael’s face or laugh pops up in Jeremy’s head, and he just thinks man I’d wanna be near that dude again and maybe be actual friends. Casually mentions to Jake that he had fun and they should do a smaller, more casual get together. It’s really sweet, they all get takeout/fast food and watch some fucked up underfunded film. Michael and Jeremy sit side by side, and while Jer is engrossed, Michael finds himself sneaking glances throughout the movie to catch Jeremy’s expressive reaction.

- Rich, Jake, Jeremy and Michael stop by a 7/11 for gas and snacks one night. On the way out, Michael holds the door open for Jeremy who lagged behind the group while trying to open a blind box he just bought. Michael asks him what figure he got and revels in Jeremy’s excitement when he shows him a tiny frog with a bicycle helmet on.

- { Prior to their little moment, an attentive Michael waves Rich on ahead, simply saying “Jeremy’s still in line.” as his reason for staying behind. Rich watches from the gas pump he parked next to as Michael leans against a faded poster covered glass window and waits for Jeremy. He watches him proceed to hold the door open for a completely oblivious Jeremy, far too absorbed in the secrets he’s about to unfold with his blind box. Rich thinks hm. Hm. interesting. }

- Jeremy gushes about his prize later at the table of the Waffle House: “I got a skater frog!”

Rich squints, skeptical. “Where’s his skateboard?”

Jeremy looks around the table for a worthy substitution, going for a spoon from the silverware pile and perching the figure on top. “Currently M.I.A. but he’s got a helmet on so I assume some skating is happening.”

Rich laughs as Jeremy scoots the little amphibian across the table atop his silly new ship. “Skaters don’t wear helmets bro, he’s probably a cyclist or something.”

Jeremy protests, making the frog do a sick spoon flip. “Nah you don’t get it, he’s just a skater that cares about his life!”

Rich supports his cheek with his fist and sips his milkshake, watching Jeremy scoot the little dude across the table. “Laaaame!”

… Michael falls a little.

[keikakudom]

Lemme try and make sense of Vox's mindset, and correct me if I get anything wrong?

I think Vox in RR!au hardly actually thinks about suicide. He's too much of a busy man to do that, after all! Thinking about death is for people with too much time on their hands, who don't have to deal with a billion problems on the daily. And sure, maybe it wouldn't be a terrible accident if he was locked out on extermination day one year (not that there's exterminations anymore), but he'll never bother to actively seek it -- why would he? He has things to do. Empires to run/build. Deals to make. Resorts to run, residents to settle, princesses to talk to.

Really, everything would be just fine and dandy, as long as progress is being made, nothing goes wrong at the resort, heaven doesn't come down for no good reason, and that deer freak manage to not bother him for a single day. All dandy!

So what if he's been going through business ventures like someone going through Doritos at the back of the car? It's difficult to stay on top, in Hell, and he can't rely on tech or media forever, not when they cycle faster and faster(and he would know, of course, his whole body is made of it). He's doing what it takes, and if it's risky, what business isn't?

And re: Alastor, vox may have once had feelings for him, but now it's probably soured into maybe wishing that Alastor would just fuck off somewhere where he'll never be heard from again. I think Vox knows very well from years of companionship that Alastor considers him a source of amusement and entertainment rather than an equal, and that hasn't truly changed even after he left, and in a way that has to bite? That Alastor cannot leave it alone, has to make his opinions and disdain clear to all of hell every single day, and also make it clear that vox cannot do anything to stop him (that tv still runs on radiowaves fundamentally, that he can't get rid of Alastor's influence).

Like the way I interpret canon!vox's feelings re:alastor has a lot more insecurity and the desire to show he's stronger now, he's over it, he doesn't need him, than just being rejected romantically, and in contrast RR!vox grinned and bore it longer without letting on, and then at some point just gave up, by which time his feelings have soured so far past insecurity and bitterness into straight up nihilism. (Doomed yaoi my fav)

Ok I'm just rambling now but yeah I think vox in RR!au is really really interesting? Bc he's y'know not in the best place but also he's fine. He's not, probably never, going to actively do anything, left to his own devices he's just going to keep at his daily routine and eventually self-destruct on his own hubris by taking on far more than he is capable of (people pleasing tendencies, hm?). But otherwise he's fine.

*drops my glass of milk* yea, this all. Checks out.

(that tv still runs on radiowaves fundamentally, that he can't get rid of Alastor's influence)

I think RR!Alastor is also chasing RR!Vox because he knows something is really wrong when Vox wants to cut something *fundamental to his functions* out from his life... If Alastor had any heat to his words, he could do some serious damage to Vox.

But Alastor was not able to reciprocate back then(or in general) the way Vox ever wanted him to. Alastor might think, "What's so wrong about being amusing to me? What's so wrong in being cared for that way?" But we know that Vox, even in canon, is pretty damn emotional. A confession was bound to happen, but since RR!Vox never did, he opt'd to shut them off. It started off with distractions, and those worked too well. Eventually he gave up trying to figure out his emotions and took the "easy" way out, nihilism--but like everything Vox dips his foot into, it's never enough. Only this time it's not only power(like I interpret canon!Vox to seek) that's growing/he's greedy for, it's this all-encompassing void.

Another interesting characterization to tack onto RR!AU Vox is his strong lack of self-preservation, I did mention it here when I had some thoughts on canon!Vox, but rather than "confidence", he does not care. And on occasion, he can go irrationally, batshit crazy for the same reason.

Let's set the stage in hmm, 1980s? He starts not to care about smaller allies, the people he stomps on, eating them up to become an overlord. Recruits Valentino, doesn't care that Val is immoral. At first it's "not his business", but it starts spreading. What is it that he's looking for? Power? Love? Entertainment? People to accept him?

Which is why RR!Vox decided to jump the gun a little bit and shoot for becoming a form of "GOD", aka the original reason for all his anguish in Hell(his religious roots as a human). It's kind of...an endpoint? It's not the most sane, or sensical route-- but he doesn't care that much. He's functioning on this tired/desensitized, pseudo-robotic, logical reasoning with a combo of "oh god I'm running out of interest"(in existing/running himself to the ground). So....hm, "fine" is a tragic word, indeed.

He's not, probably never, going to actively do anything, left to his own devices he's just going to keep at his daily routine and eventually self-destruct on his own hubris by taking on far more than he is capable of (people pleasing tendencies, hm?). But otherwise he's fine.

Welllll, he did always want to go out with a bang. If he did. I don't know, something really big. Like becoming God! Yeah.....That'd do it.

IMO, the premise of RR!AU isn't in stasis-- the reason Vox picked up this project in particular is an aggressive move. He's no longer distributing the same amount of work to the other Vees either anymore, so there is....some urgency, is what I like to think....

[auspicioustidings]

Hohoho open to tea shop au ideas i see

What abt my favorite trope that I forgot to ask abt before….

Carried over someone’s shoulder with their hand on ur thigh or ass, and then going abt their day in front of others w u just there

😏

Brat

Words: 800

You knew you were probably playing with fire here, but it wasn't like your ankle was that bad. Just a little sprain was all, you could still do your job just fine! And you wanted to, you couldn't stand the thought of closing up shop for the day on a Sunday.

You loved Sundays more than anything. It had been half a year since you had opened and Sundays had become such a wonderfully busy yet cosy day for you. The old book club was always in gossiping away at their table. They had actually brought their own tea set and it now lived on the shelf only to be used when they were in. It's neighbour was the Japanese teaset that the D&D group that came in on Sundays used (they eagerly explained at length how it fit with their setting and how your tea blends and mochi just really fit the vibes). The father and daughter who always came in just after lunch didn't have a tea set but you had overheard that he liked pink and she liked orange so you always used the little kitschy peachy and orange fruit patterned tea set for them.

And it's not like any of your more protective customers had been there yesterday when you twisted your ankle. None of them had been in today either (you sometimes went weeks without seeing any of them which was to be expected) so you were probably safe from getting a right talking to about being on your feet. Not that the book club hadn't fussed about it, they very much had, but you were pretty good at hiding how painful it was so they didn't push.

If only John Price wasn't the most observant man on the planet when it came to you. Him and his boys had just gotten off of a mission and of course after cleaning up and debriefing they wanted to come visit their girl. You hadn't noticed them come in, too busy chatting away and pouring more tea for the group who seemed like they were scolding a set of dice.

The first hint something was off was Herzogin. She was always rubbing right up against him, Simon and Gaz while being a mean little thing to Soap. But this time she didn't so much rub against his legs as dart nervously over and paw at him.

The second larger hint was his arch nemesis, that awful cow Agnes who just wouldn't die even though she had to be about 102, looking at him with her beady little eyes and then gesturing with her head over to you. She was telling him he needed to pay attention to you, telling him something was up.

It took him all of 3 seconds to see how you favoured your right foot. All of 5 to conclude that you absolutely should not be putting weight on your left ankle at all. 10 to get to your side. Simon was right there with him, understanding the mission without words as always as he took the teapot right out of you hands so Price could heft you over his shoulder, chest to his back and legs dangling over his torso as he secured you with a strong grip to your thigh.

Your smile had barely had time to reach full wattage at seeing them before you were in the air with a little screech.

“J-John! Put me down!”

“I’ll get you another pot, any more snacks?”

“Oh actually could I get one of the strawberry mochi please? Hm? Right yeah make it 3 then.”

“‘Course.”

“Simon!” you yelled, in disbelief that he was just doing your job and your customers were straight up letting him.

Price jostled you on his shoulder to heft you to a better position for him and then walked over with you to the table where Soap and Gaz were now sat.

“What’re we thinking then lads?”

“Ye have any of that smoky tea in hen?”

“Lapsang souchong and yes, I have it in” you answered on instinct, hands pushing against Price's back so you could raise your torso and twist to look at Soap and Gaz who were very much not acting like this was strange at all.

“Aye, we’ll take that.”

Price turned with you then to make his way to the kitchen and you started to kick your legs to be put down. The smack to your ass was both mortifying and maybe a little bit exciting.

“Behave yourself luv or I'll need to tame the brat right out of you.”

Well, at least you could just bury your head in his back to try and maintain some level of dignity at how you had reacted to that.

[yellowocaballero]

Anyway.

How many works do you have on AO3? 54. Hm. I don't remember writing 54 fics. That's weird. But I've been posting since 2017 so when you THINK about it 54 fics over 7 years isn't weird at all.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 2.4 million. What's your point.

What fandoms do you write for? A fuckton. I write both things I'm hyperfixated on and for random shit that comes in my head. I was into TMA for like two years so I have the most TMA fic (16), but most of my fandoms are 3-5 fics maximum. There's also a lot of random-ass fics for random-ass fandoms that just jumped in my head. Artemis Fowl, Beetlejuice, Animorphs...demons that overtook me for two weeks or so and never bothered me again.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? The Great Gender Heist (Artemis Fowl, no surprise there.), stay out of trouble (Detroit: Become Human, I reliably forget that one exists and I'm still mystefied as to why so many people read it), meek shall inherit (I'm constantly attempting to forget the Be More Chill phase ever happened), someone will remember us (Batman, fic's not great, am still very fond of that au) and dead or alive (DBH, mediocre). Why the hell are the two Detroit: Become Human fics so popular? I hate DBH so much. I was so angry while writing those.

Do you respond to comments? I am absolutely terrible about responding to comments. I am sorry. I do read and appreciate all of them. It's because I always need to give a dialectical so comments take ages to write. If you do want to hear my thoughts on something, my inbox is your best bet for a way too lengthy response.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hope, Etc for certain. I try really hard to write bittersweet at worst endings, and even the sad endings in my fics have hope in them. Hope, Etc definitely ends in a better place than where it began. But it's still very sad. I was thinking about a lot of lost loved ones while writing it. Fishhooks and reel to reel also have downer endings but that is because they are LITERALLY Star Wars.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhhh. The ending of Solitaire (and the MLM/WLW hostility series in general) is very sweet. It's meaningful because it demonstrates so much growth from everybody with very little cost. I almost said Go Straight At The Cul De Sac, because it showcases a happier world where horrible historical events were averted, but the ending will always be a little bittersweet because we understand how much Protag sacrificed to create that better world.

Do you get hate on fics? Sometimes people are kind of weird. The worst of it is usually just useless comments, though. I had somebody get pedantic about how briefly mentioning an SUV would be historically inaccurate, and how I should have mentioned a minivan instead - like, did you read that fic and think I was from the suburbs? Do I look like I know what a minivan is? Lol? If I've received any actual more severe stuff I have no idea, since I delete the comment and delete it from my memory. I've never gotten anything too bad. I've been called ablest like three times, which is objectively hilarious.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? If I could write smut I'd be making bank on Kindle Unlimited right now.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Probably the FE3H/BNHA one I'm writing right now that will never see the light of day. Just kidding. I don't actually think I've posted any real crossovers - I DO write them, I just kind of feel like they're cringe so I never post them. I write a lot of cringe shit that never sees the light of day.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not nearly popular enough for that.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Several people have mentioned wanting to do that, but nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not technically. But I do want to give due honors to all of the friends who are SO instrumental in the building of the AUs, stories, characters, etc, that they've had a huge impact on the story itself. I try to recognize them by name in the fics themselves but my stories would look completely different if it wasn't for my friends. Definitely much worse.

What’s your all time favorite ship? I'll differentiate favorite ships and favorite fictional romances. For ships, it's much less about the ship and more about the role in the story. I tend not to pay a lot of attention to that while writing, but sometimes I get lost in my own sauce and I drive myself a bit nuts. I am very fond of Hanyookim, especially in my own ORV story. For romances? My top ten list of fictional romances is as follows: number one: naturally, Sasunaru -

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? If it's up on AO3, it's done (with one or two very small exceptions - The Ending of Han Sooyoung epilogue I'll get to you I PROMISE). There's plenty of unfinished docs on my drive that I'll never finish, but that's because I decided that they weren't worth finishing.

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and characterization. That's always been the case. I'm also pretty funny.

What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting. Action. Having stories that are not entirely dialogue. Where things happen and it's more than just people walking around talking. You know. Real stories -

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Always valid. I remember reading one Hispanic author talking about how he doesn't like italicizing the Spanish in his stories because it's otherizing, and I agreed enough with him that I don't tend to italicize other languages either. Sometimes I do. I try to do it purposefully, and to convey something that can only be conveyed through the extra language. I'll also only do it if I can have a friend who speaks that language write it out for me, since gtranslate sucks and I want to ask the friend how such a thing would actually be said and colloquialize it. I like using ASL in fics, and I am just in general begging people to a) write it like any other language, and b) understand that it's different from other languages and can't be written exactly the same. If your Star Wars fanfiction has so much gratuitous Mando'a that I can't understand anything the clones or Mandos are saying I hate you.

First fandom you wrote for? Batman Beyond. Yes, I have a FFN account somewhere. Yes, I was eleven. Yes, it was Batman Beyond.

Favorite fic you’ve written? The best thing I've written is Twilight on Owl Creek Bridge. Favorite is New Wave. That sucker took two years to write (INSANELY long for me) and it is exactly the story I wanted to write. Stephanie's a character I've been writing since I was 15, and the feeling of writing Stephanie and NAILING her for the very first time was so satisfying.

Tagging @usaigi and uh any other writer mutuals you all know who you are.

[rosemariad]

Supernatural season 14

Oh boy!

So Alt-Michael has taken over Dean’s body and absconded to parts unknown - what an unprecedented plot twist who could’ve possibly seen this coming, certainly not Dean, the one guy who doesn’t trust angels and has a history of being short-sighted & making shitty deals.

Since this is season 14, and there’s only 1 more season after this, I presume Dean will never grow out of these bad qualities 🤦🏾‍♀️, so…moving on.

Check you out Sam, leading your new band of hunters, like some sort of Hunters Incorporated©️. I’m glad Sam gets to spend more time with his mom, but he won’t let her take care of him 😔😭

Was it me or did that Michael & Anael scene feel like Jensen x Danneel role play 🤣 - at least when he caressed her face. Like really bro? I don’t think the scene would’ve played out that way if the actors weren’t actual husband and wife 🤣

Shoutout to Supernatural for keeping Mark Pellegrino employed lol 😂😂 cuz I don’t see Why the fuck he’s still around if the devil is supposedly dead - wasn’t Mark P. also doing 13 reasons why around this time?? Anywho, Nick, luci’s longtime vessel, isn’t dead???? What does Nick have that jimmy novak didn’t (or literally any other angel vessel for that matter) — plot convenience? That must be it 🤣🤣🤣

Cas honey, why are you letting these demons beat you up? Cuz Dean is gone on your watch? cuz im sorry there’s no way im believing Cas was weaker than all them demons. That’s also plot convenience IDGAF!

After yet another demon-hunter showdown, Mary and Bobby are spotted sharing a beer & flirting…I wish John were around to see this AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh Jack, poor guy feels worthless for having no power. He should’ve been like ‘Castiel what’s it like being worthless?’ since that was Castiel’s arc for a minute too, which again fuck Supernatural for. Cas had like 1 badass moment last season when he fried Donatello’s brains but that’s it. Meanwhile Nick totally called Cas out, bringing up Jimmy again and driving that guilt straight into Castiel.

Alt-Michael is recruiting?? Brief Dean cameo in 14x02, you give him like 2 lines, wow 😒. Even Sam got more screen time in 5x22 swan song…but Dean suddenly comes back at the end of the episode???? Nah, bullshit!

Also lol karma for Dean in 14x02 when Jack is like, ‘Dean doesn’t matter’, Michael has to be stopped. Ahahahahahahaha. He was the so called pragmatist when it came to Jack, now it’s Jack’s turn. Castiel’s face when jack said it tho…

Dean got stabbed by AU Kaia? What?? Oh look yet another instance of Dean running away from his problems and pain and being a dick to Kaia (though she's technically a different person) again! Good for you tho AU Kaia for giving Dean a taste of his own medicine and telling him off.

Bobby leave Sam alone, I’m here for his captain my captain era. The lovable giant is doing his best!

So some necromancer gets away from Jack & Dean but we’re not gonna see her again, right??? There’s just a little over 30 episodes left in the show at this point. They probably didn’t know that at the time though.

Shoutout to the devil for basically condemning his child to die from a lack of grace :/ while Cas was able to survive (cuz plot convenience most likely) Jack as a nephilim was unable to do so. Gabe’s spare angel grace couldn’t help (I wonder if he were still alive in canon, if it would’ve made a difference. Oh well).

So this is where Cas made the deal with the empty (yes I know about it, how doesn’t everyone that shit went viral the very night it originally aired amidst the infamous nail-biting 2020 election week), tumblr is still serving the memes to this day.

Cas doesn’t want the Winchesters to know cuz Dean 😭 idc, if I was Jack I would NOT keep that secret. Dean would know IMMEDIATELY.

I think more angels died, but heaven hasn’t fallen yet…right? They keep coming back to that. Hm…

Nick’s arc is…bleh. Pretty sure in his desperation he just brought Luci back from the empty…welp. I guess when you’re an archangel who was predestined by God to fight in a fateful epic battle against your big bro, you just get certain perks in the afterlife 😒

Sam doesn’t want Alt-Charlie to go when its like bro! She. Is. Not. Charlie!!! For fuck sake guys SMH, let her live her fucking life! God forbid she want to run away to fucking safety and not die bloody like her counterpart 🤬

Bobby and Mary run off to a cabin for weeks on end 😏😂 to recuperate, sure Mary 🤣

Garth is back! Working as a spy for the Winchesters, oh dear Lord no. I know he makes it to season 15 but maaaan I don't like this….

The nerve of Dean to challenge Alt-Kaia to either hand over the weapon or kill her. What if she just killed him? Also, can't they just replicate the weapon for their own uses? All they would need to do is ensure they're using the same materials Kaia did when she forged the weapon in her own world.

How many hits to the head is Sam supposed to fuckin' take? I feel like it's happened more in this season alone than the entire show so far? He should probably be dead at this point 🤣

Jack got taken, oh no! why didn't Michael kill him? To take him as a ward? Seriously? Whatever.

And it turns out the past episode was a long con to get Dean right where Alt-Michael wanted him. I know there was a catch to him letting Dean go in 14x02.

So Alt-Michael chose to trap Dean in…contentment? With Pamela Barnes? And they weren't even a couple, just friends. She called him out on something.

Why not have him be with a real girlfriend of his, like Lisa or even Cassie? I’m supposed to believe Dean's dream is an unsuccessful bar living out his days with a platonic lady friend??? Really??? Bullshit!

John returns for the final time to go back to 2003? Okay. His hair is cut and grayish. Lol so I’m gonna see that as John gained some weight (from food/drink or muscle training idc) and dyes his hair black but the root are grey and come out every so often 🤣 but yay JDM I wish you had been in more episodes! Oh well.

So no one’s gonna talk about:

a) Adam’s existence

b) Bobby X Mary or how Bobby essentially replaced john as the father/husband by getting involved with Mary AND being a surrogate father to Sam & Dean (with a clear preference to Dean but whatever)

I’d care more about Sam & John’s convo if we had more time with them together on screen. But it was nice to see them squash their beef.

Dean & John’s convo was faaaar too brief. But insightful to their relationship. John wanted dean to have a family, echoing his wishes for his eldest in season 1 in his convo w/ Sam.

But Dean was like I have a family 🥺 my emotions!

Back to the Michael bullshit – a fight with a gorgon fucked up his containment so he literally broke out of Dean's body and killed all the hunters who were conveniently at the bunker when they brought an unconscious Dean back there. Even poor unfortunate Maggie. For a second I thought Mary would be there since Maggie mentioned she was on her way back but no, he ended up possessing Rowena.

Then they bring the old angel torture device of disabling our heroes' ability to breathe, like in the season 5 premiere, making them blind (that's new) and making them hurt.

Jack gets his chance to take Michael down, and takes his grace??????

Oh Sam bby, it's not your fault. Those people were doomed no matter what. TBH I'm surprised they lasted this long. But cuz he's a Winchester and he was raised by Dean & they've rubbed off each other too much at this point (nobromo), he decides to focus on yet another case even when Dean himself isn't willing since big bro has pointed out they have done 3 cases back to back. They're not the young men they used to be lol.

Cas goes with Sam to a milkshake town and given his legendary levels of awkwardness he's immediately seen and called out for his inherent queerness by the townsfolk (in all senses of the word).

Aw Sam wants to stay, ofc he does. This town is simple and peaceful. He could use some of that. Too bad this place is making people's heads explode.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Ah subtle there Supernatural, making Jack, a Nephilim who's the offspring of the devil himself choose between angel and devil food cake 🤣 Dean why would you put him in that position?

Cas why you gotta be snitching on Sam to your boy bestie like that 🤣 – typical boyfriend tomfoolery

Oftentimes since Jack started in this show, he's felt like an intern and 14x16 is one of those times. They don't wanna bring jack along so they think to leave him alone doing chores. Good Lord.

Oh honey Sam you didn't have to tell the sheriff you're not FBI, just stick to the monster stuff. He knows what's up.

And Jack sweetie pie you don't need to impress those kids. He should be hanging out with kids his own age. Just Jack with a bunch of babies 🤣. So cute! My headcanon is that he can actually talk to them. At least then it wouldn't have ended with a stabbing. Thankfully he cleaned up his mess, even though the local kids are terrified of him. It’s a shame he doesn’t have friends. If only he was allowed to have Claire in his life.

They finally resolved the Nick storyline (I hope) by killing him off via Jack but Mary is not happy. She’s concerned. She’s been concerned about him the whole frickin episode since he sassed her as they tried setting up a game night with Dean.

It’s like these people keep forgetting what Jack is capable of.

He didn’t have to relish the kill though. On the other hand, it felt like Mary’s concern was a bit much — if it were me I would’ve kept my mouth shut as to not upset a powerful fledging being into killing me by accident.

So Mary dies…again.

This is also why we can’t have nice things. I know Dean’s never gonna let this shit go. Sure Cas has fucked up a bunch, but killing a direct blood relative of Dean’s…nope. That’s unforgivable. I know they’re not gonna let Dean kill off a kid but I know he’s NEVER ever gonna forget Jack’s role in Mary’s (second) demise.

Why couldn’t you leave the boy alone Mary?!?!?!!?!

The boys show up, did they not circle back to pick up their mother? Seriously? Goodness Lord. So depressing watching the brothers just assuming their mommy’s coming back 😭

Cas (cuz of course this shit went tits up while Daddy was away) calls Dean to get caught up on what happened the last episode and is concerned that the Winchesters left their mom alone with Jack. Then why did you leave him Cas? You could’ve taken him with you. Like it would’ve been better if one of the brothers was alone with Jack? Badasses they may be, but they would’ve ended up just like Mary let’s be honest. The only difference would’ve been whichever brother got got would’ve come back. Mary will not be getting that special treatment…

Jack is tripping out since he murdered his foster G-maw - ends up flying all over the world (so his soul is definitely gone? But if it were gone, would he even care about killing Mary? everyone’s trying to track him down IDK why he doesn’t just destroy the phone he has. We get flashes of Mary & Jack’s time together and technically I believe she spent the most time with him (at least in season 13)

They’re still giving Mark P work on this show making him the manifestation of Jack’s subconscious cuz the kill is driving Jack insane 😭🥺 He’s reacting so much like a little boy who knows he fucked up it that makes this so much sadder 😭 Jack’s being driven mad with grief.

Oh fuck they’re going to where she died. Oh fuck.

WTF is wrong with these people! He’s a fucking boy! A super power nuke of a boy, but still a fucking boy! Like the Winchesters never made a mistake! What about the nurse who got killed in 4x22 by Sam? All the people Dean slaughtered under the MoC, as a demon! That’s just off the top of my head! No but cuz they’re the fucking protagonists 😡🤬

Samuel Winchester you know manipulating this child Is 5 different kinds of fucked up!

Jack why did you call it an accident! Did you not want to use the words murder? Destroyed? Obliterated?

Dean you piece of shit, why are you lying to this boy!!!!!! You know Jack’s desperate to make peace with you, and you lead him to a grave he’s never supposed to escape?! Poor thing Jack was sooo scared!

Sam, the regret is gonna eat you alive! Sam, for fucks sake, SPEAK THE FUCK UP! You clearly got shit you wanna say, fucking say it!

Dean you’re surprised Jack’s going along with it?! Of course he’s gonna go along with it, he wants to please you, you shady, manipulative BASTARD!

That’s right Castiel stand up for Jack since nobody else is willing to!

Oh boy, the celestial boy is freaking out. Claustrophobia was kicking in, this shit ain’t gonna end well. It’s a dark day when a psychological manifestation of Satan is making sense more than everyone else.

I’m not surprised Jack got out though. That box was made for an archangel and he isn’t that. He’s a nephilim, technically a different entity, right? now, the Winchesters have a pissed off mega-powerful creature on their hands. Great job team 🤣

that’s right Jack, give them a piece of your fucking mind! Fuck ‘em up queen.

Oh shit! I’ve watched this part a dozen times on YouTube, the part where jack makes the whole world tell the truth no matter what! Donald trump is canonically Crowley’s bitch! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

All hail the stapler queen! Iconic!

And God reveals Himself, what grand timing! He says He came for Cas’s prayer (but Cas prayed to Him in season 6 too, no?) but then He states the real reason for His arrival — Jack.

Meanwhile Jack went to see his real G-maw, not a good plan Jackie boy. She’s put 2+2 together that her daughter Kelly is NOT ok and now Jack has to confess the truth. (Where’s the dad? Was the actor unavailable or dead at this point?)

Sam was outed to love Celine Dion (I love her too Sammy it’s ok, her songs are AMAZING! My favorite is it’s all coming back to me now, I crush that shit in karaoke.) Dean follows a mommy blog 🤣 of course he does, probably cuz he identifies with her more & loves that her life is so full of shit (like I said, he identifies with her).

God don’t sanction lying, the real God would never do such a thing. Isn’t it like the 6th commandment, thou shall not lie? Like dude, the fuck?!

And no, writing means telling stories that are often made up but it’s not meant to deceive anybody. But Hollywood on the other hand…yeesh.

Dean breaking Chuck’s guitar 🤣

Chuck saying ‘DON’T!’ Having Dean shook 🤣

Why are you asking them how things are, like you don’t know?! You’re omnipotent!

They canonically made the British queen a lizard? Damn. These old Americans (the writers) are dicks!

Finally Sam is speaking up! Thank God!

Dean stop blaming people, Jesus, it was an accident (Jack you phrased it sooooo poorly though)! shout out to Sam for taking it this so well cuz he’s been through too much this season alone. He lost a whole fucking army, then his mom after he got to know her this time! And the concussions! So many concussions.

Angry Cas is sooooo fucking hot 🥵 when he slammed that truck with his fist 😏

Awww the first thing he does when he sees Jack is hugs him. Jack needed that so bad!

The biggest travesty is we never got to see the SquirrelVerse!

When Sam asks if God is watching them — Sam do you even know what omnipresent means?!

It’s just like I said in season 11. God doesn’t owe anyone anything. But everyone owes Him everything. He gave everyone the freedom to choose, for better or worse. But this iteration of who God is seems to watch what people and creatures decide to do with their lives. He made the weapon to see who among Sam, Dean or Cas would take it and strike Jack down.

So ultimately when Dean tracks Jack down and Jack throws Cas into a tombstone and Sam is running dramatically to stop it, Dean ultimately decides not to kill Jack. But why though? He kept talking shit about how Jack needed to be dealt with, but when the moment comes, he won’t do it?! I mean I’m glad but it doesn’t really make sense?!

Was it the puppy eyes? Did Sam teach Jack that trick? But Jack closed his eyes at the last second???

Oh Dean, you’re such a fucking softie. That’s on you God. You made him softer than Mr. Pillsberry.

If anything, Dean is the step daddy. Cas is Daddy. And then there’s Uncle Sam 🤣

Sam is many things, but stupid is never one of them. Naïve maybe, trusting, desperate. But not stupid. And not crazy, this time 🤣

I will say what makes this story compelling is the fact that the Winchesters find themselves locked in a cycle of violence at the hands of their Creator, and they’re refusing to commit further acts of violence in effort to stop it all and rebel against their cruel, dispassionate maker. But they have no means to back it up…today.

Not the Burger King catchphrase🤣🤣🤣

Not Jack being…smote?

Not Dean being yeeted into another tombstone?

Sam, why did you think that was gonna work on God? He made the weapon. You really think He’d make something that could kill Himself? Nah bruh.

So we’ve approached the ending of the penultimate season. 20 more episodes to go! Ah!!!! I’m excited but also not since the ending is what I know (mildly).

Side note - Sam & Dean still don’t know about Castiel’s bargain with the Empty (kinda seems pointless since God killed Jack anyway…Cas basically fucked himself for nothing 🤦🏾‍♀️ [I know how it ends but yeah still])

It’s not about the destination though, it’s the journey (I keep telling myself that).

God said fuck y’all. Shouldn’t’ve poked the bear…now these poor innocent people gonna die like sheep to the slaughter. Y’all got a lot of cleaning up to do and with so little people to help you.

So did God undo all the killings the Winchesters did? Cuz damn….that’s 10+ years of work undone. In 1 moment.

They’re not getting out of the cycle anytime soon.