#hm i drown from swamp water and finally am in peace because i cant fucking stand everyonè
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#hm i drown from swamp water and finally am in peace because i cant fucking stand everyonè#i keep thinking about how i should be in a higher year than i already am because i was smart but i wasnt well in speaking english so i didnt#im going to make all my relationships crash and burn irl or not im going to barf all my secrets up and everyone will hate me#ive cried 3 times in a row these days im so pathetic the other two times were because of my mom i almost cried yesterday in the middle of th#is guy giving a speech i want either be younger or grow so old im 3 minutes away from death i wish i could just go live in a swamp with no1#bothering me im sorry im only 14 im sorry i dont care anymore and my punishment is to live until im 80 i was super big friends with my irl#friends years ago but now were atill friends but therea no click anymore i want to be closer friends but i domt deserve them im sorry about#so many things im sorry for lying about my age so much i cant take it any more im sorrey for being my age im sorry for being so idiotic even#though my parents think im smart i camt excell in anything the onlythimg im good at is art and even then i want nothing to do with it#my body is too chunky i have no interest in sports or going out and it shows im a fucking pathetic waste hfj#i give up im probably not going interact with anyrhing and be a ghost on tumblr i have no passion#im so glad my parents arent home im crying on the couch and i cant pay attention to my math which should be fucking easy for me but i cant#concentrate im listening to russian new wave from the 80s why couldnt i have been a different nationality im ukrainian my entire family is u#ukrainoan but i feel so isolated i was born in canada ive lived in canada my entire life and im so bad at speakimg ukrainian i feel like#a dumbass i cant even fucking make up any more insults to myself i cant talk with my extended family and yet even my parents cant get alomg#with eachother i hate being sl pissy everyoke else have actual reasons but i just cry for smallsmall reasons i cry over spilled milk i cry#over dropping the milk carton i cry over making a dent in the carton i cry because theres a hole and milk is spilling out everywhere i hate#going to piano but i cant quit its my only pastimes if i didnt go to piano anymore i would rot on this couch#the first ever time i tried to kill myself was at age 11/12 in 2015 it was at my aunts skyscraper in ukraine it was nighttime i kept raising#thighs to sit on the counter infront of thr window i kept pulling back and i was to fucking scared to jump i left the room and went back to#the room i was sharing with my mom and i slipped back into bed as if nothing ever happened and i almost didd#months later i told my mom and while we did have a cry fest my mom still probably doesnt think i have depression its just my hormones im#self d.xed in everyrhing and i feel fake when my other friends talk about being autistic i have nothing to my name i have to cling on other#titles i probably dont have i dont have a real personality im so fuckkng depressing that i wrote this much im#im not going to kill myself anytime soon im forcing myself to my 80s i deserve to rot
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