#his non-humanness is an allegory for everything he hates about himself

[tunababyyyy]

I'M THINKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING POST AGAINNN MY GODDDDDD. ROLAN DEEP HATES BEING GAY MORE THAN HE HATES NOT BEING HUMAN. GOD.

rolan hates being gay more than he hates being a mimic of a man dead and I just think we should talk about it more. by the way.

[erkauberscream]

"sir, there's a christianity in your murdergame" - on religious motifs in End Transmission -part 1/2-

- a christianity? just one?

- just one.

- a singular christianity. a singularity, if you will.

Okay so I finally decided to write down my thoughts on the biblical motifs found in the End Transmission chapter. They mainly come from the Book of Genesis, but you'll have to forgive me for not quoting specific verses, especially since I've no idea which version to use. For context, I grew up Catholic, and thus most of this stuff feels fairly obvious to me. None of this should go into any sort of deep Bible lore, in any case.

I promise it'll all make sense in the end. Huge thanks to my bae @whispy-witch, who brainstormed this thing with me and is currently translating it, my co-player @triopse who's responsible for my obsession with this silly murdergame, and @blue-jacket-blues, who prompted me to finally write baby's first meta.

With that out of the way, let's start with the thing that tipped me off.

1. The Fruit

That's probably the most obvious one - Gabe's first memory in "Existence", the part where he asks if he can eat a fruit he found on Dvarka.

(is2g immediately clear the guy is an engineer and not a biologist. Gabe is like a fucking cat, this clone is gonna land on a new planet, see a fruit, ask "can I eat it?" and not wait for an answer. he probably chews on foil too.) The answer is obviusly no. The fruit is forbidden... at least for now. In the Book of Genesis, first people were allowed to eat everything in the Garden but the fruit of one specific tree and were told eating it would cause their death. The reasoning Gabe receives is similar:

2. The Garden of Eden

Not much to say about this one. The Garden was supposed to be an ideal place for humankind... and boy, the way Dvarka is described sure sounds like a paradise, eh?

(let's all agree to ignore the way Toba Landing map looks in-game. maybe the Entity fucked it up, bc this shithole is far from how I'd imagine heaven on Earth)

3. The "Eve"

tldr Eve was tempted to eat forbidden fruit, which resulted in humankind knowing right from wrong, good from evil, and being banished from the Garden - to the dangerous outside world.

Guess which little freak gets to be Dvarka's Eve...

Hux gaining sentience can be easily interpreted as an Eve allegory - though in this case it happens by accident, by him touching an alien crystal in ancient temple. (The fact that was specifically a temple feels meaningful as well.)

He gains knowledge about the meaning of death and, what's more important, he's able to judge his own actions, describing them as "clearing - no, destroying" the remnants of ancient civilization.

This may be a reach but my qpr (who hates horror and know all the dbd stuff only from me by proxy, the poor thing) pointed out the fact that the first thing Adam and Eve did after consuming the fruit of knowledge was to cover their naked bodies...

...similar to Hux' whole quest of creating himself a new body.

What also feels important to notice is that Eve was created to serve Adam - much like co-bots were constructed to serve humans.

And talking about Mr First Dude...

4. The "Adam"

So with all this in mind, you may ask: where's Adam in this methaphor? And I think I may have an answer.

Eve shares the fruit of knowledge with her husband. Only one person beside Hux had a contact with the alien crystal... and it was through Hux's data.

This person was Gabriel.

(btw it's funny that to this point Gabe was only trying to stop Hux through non-violent means, even after seeing him holding Sarah's fucking head. All it takes is one look at some alien code and our boy Soma is fighting for his life while also trying to kill the murderbot with fire. That's growth, baby!)

Anyway that's all for now. I decided to leave the last bonus point for the next time, as it's not connected that much to the Book of Genesis. I'll probably write part 2 in a few days or so.

[nightcoremoon]

quantic dream is a weird case because like the games should be amazing but they're NOT

looks good, sounds good, feels good, great voice acting (fuckin willem dafoe and elliot page and clancy brown are all excellent VAs), replayable, and the writing in all the side bits are honestly great, and everyone did a great job with them as far as digital entertainment

like until dawn and the walking dead season 1 and life is strange, it's not really "traditional" controls, there is no real game over, each game runs from beginning to end regardless of the choices you make, QTEs and exploration and puzzles and moral choices are the extent of the gameplay.

but the difference is that UD & TWD & LIS had good writers and david cage is a complete hack (and kind of a misogynist and kiiiind of a racist)

I could go into the flaws of heavy rain, omikron, indigo prophecy, beyond two souls, but I think I'd rather go into detroit becoming human.

so like. "it's not a racial allegory", right? except literally at the start of the game you're a white cop and a black servant and a female servant. the black guy is treated badly by a crowd of white people, then he gets on the segregated back of the bus where he is forced to stand up, then he's on the run from the police (and dies), then he either a) runs a pacifist resistance and sacrificing himself or b) sets fire to everything, "we have a dream" and ✊🏾 are literal choices he can make, there is a million man march, you literally have the magical ability to Press X To Liberate (where he forces the robots to go from blindly following the orders of their masters to, uh, blindly following the orders of a new master oh no yikes), and hey at least it evaded tokens because there's another black guy and... oh no he's a 'magical negro' stereotype who can and will be fridged at any moment to give Pain to the white girl. oh and the underground railroad lady LMAO. and all this blatant black civil rights activism allegory is happening to... sigh. robots.

now look, I am really heavily into the philosophy of theoretical transhumanism. star trek, mass effect, deus ex, even bethesda fallout [much as I fucking hate many aspects of fallout 3/4, I do really like the synths angle as it adds layers of intrigue and grey morality to an otherwise quite absurdly black and white system] are some of my favorite universes partly because of that. data/doctor/7of9, legion & EDI, adam jensen, nick valentine, they're all some of my favorite characters in those series. it's probably partly because as an autistic person I understand and empathize with them much more than I do the non-robot characters (and so much more than the "autistic" characters written by allistics :/ ). protag!connor is a cinnamon roll (because he says fuck the police in the third act, since the only good cop is a dead former cop... but also because I do like his character and the way he was portrayed by the actor and his contrast to hank who is the best character voiced by an actor I love, and connorXhank is the only part of DBH that I like as far as the writing goes). I should have loved detroit as much as I love the movie I, Robot. [btw if you like detroit watch it]

and yet

the problem is that it should have tried to just stay in its own lane and deal purely with the transhumanism angle, and not tried to also be racially woke. it is tasteless and blatantly racist for white people (especially the, ugh, french) to directly compare any nonblack protected class to black people in a work of fiction. my fellow autistics, my fellow queers, jews probably but I'm not even gonna touch that, and androids. all of the experiences are wildly different from the black experience especially in the US and it is not our place to compare ANY demographic in such an on-the-nose fashion. oh and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the goddamn HOLOCAUST IMAGERY AT THE ENDING. OH YEAH THE ROBOTS ARE GETTING PUT INTO CONCENTRATION CAMPS AND THEN INTO AN INCINERATOR, THAT'S TOTALLY NOT JUST AN ANALOGUE TO JEWS OR ANYTHING HA HA FUCK YOU DAVID CAGE alright that's enough.

oh and kara's story is a completely useless and tacked-on experience that depends wholly on the effects of the other characters and a plot twist that kinda renders her entire story... just. completely fucking pointless. and also because david cage loves short haired girls in perilous distress of a sexual nature.

and the cherry on top of the shit sundae is that the entire android deviants aspect is a planned obsolescence ploy by the corporations. it was programmed for the androids to have free will so it makes the old models go all murderhappy and incentivizes the people to trade in their old malfunctioning iphones for brand new sleek & shiny new ones. it was just social commentary on apple's shady business practices that also disguised itself as social commentary on post-slavery america that disguised itself as social commentary on transhumanism. and that's all his fucking games are is several layers of social commentary stacked together in a trench coat like bojack's vincent adultman pretending to be a cohesive story.

& you know how I know it's social commentary?

BECAUSE THE FUCKING GAME IS ALSO ABOUT DRUG ADDICTION

oh did you forget about that part? yeah, it's because it was handled poorly and it didn't matter and only served to get woke points.

D:BH is just a mess from a purely conceptual standpoint, and that's why it's fucking horrible.

but

but

but

if you like it then that's fine because quantic dream are a fantastic studio that produce just *chef's kiss* sublime work, given what they were working with. I put it on the same level that I put the twilight and harry potter films, because they took steaming piles of shit and made them sparkle.

...g... get it? because... because the vampires... they sparkle. that's the joke ignore me

I'm not gonna treat you badly if you like the game because I like parts of it but please please acknowledge that it's a downright mess

[mattbrothersscriptwriter]

My Top 20 Films of 2019 - Part Two

I don’t think I’ve had a year where my top ten jostled and shifted as much as this one did - these really are the best of the best and my personal favourites of 2019.

10. Toy Story 4

I think we can all agree that Toy Story 3 was a pretty much perfect conclusion to a perfect trilogy right? About as close as is likely to get, I’m sure. I shared the same trepidation when part four was announced, especially after some underwhelming sequels like Finding Dory and Cars 3 (though I do have a lot of time for Monsters University and Incredibles 2). So maybe it’s because the odds were so stacked against this being good but I thought it was wonderful. A truly existential nightmare of an epilogue that does away with Andy (and mostly kids altogether) to focus on the dreams and desires of the toys themselves - separate from their ‘duties’ as playthings to biological Gods. What is their purpose in life without an owner? Can they be their own person and carve their own path? In the case of breakout new character Forky (Tony Hale), what IS life? Big big questions for a cash grab kids films huh?

The animation is somehow yet another huge leap forward (that opening rainstorm!), Bo Peep’s return is excellently pitched and the series tradition of being unnervingly horrifying is back as well thanks to those creepy ventriloquist dolls! Keanu Reeves continues his ‘Keanuassaince‘ as the hilarious Duke Caboom and this time, hopefully, the ending at least feels finite. This series means so much to me: I think the first movie is possibly the tightest, most perfect script ever written, the third is one of my favourites of the decade and growing up with the franchise (I was 9 when the first came out, 13 for part two, 24 for part three and now 32 for this one), these characters are like old friends so of course it was great to see them again. All this film had to do was be good enough to justify its existence and while there are certainly those out there that don’t believe this one managed it, I think the fact that it went as far as it did showed that Pixar are still capable of pushing boundaries and exploring infinity and beyond when they really put their minds to it.

9. The Nightingale

Hoo boy. Already controversial with talk of mass walkouts (I witnessed a few when this screened at Sundance London), it’s not hard to see why but easy to understand. Jennifer Kent (The Babadook) is a truly fearless filmmaker following up her acclaimed suburban horror movie come grief allegory with a period revenge tale set in the Tasmanian wilderness during British colonial rule in the early 1800s. It’s rare to see the British depicted with the monstrous brutality for which they were known in the distant colonies and this unflinching drama sorely needed an Australian voice behind the camera to do it justice.

The film is front loaded with some genuinely upsetting, nasty scenes of cruel violence but its uncensored brutality and the almost casual nature of its depiction is entirely the point - this was normalised behaviour over there and by treating it so matter of factly, it doesn’t slip into gratuitous ‘movie violence’. It is what it is. And what it is is hard to watch. If anything, as Kent has often stated, it’s still toned down from the actual atrocities that occurred so it’s a delicate balance that I think Kent more than understands. Quoting from an excellent Vanity Fair interview she did about how she directs, Kent said “I think audiences have become very anaesthetised to violence on screen and it’s something I find disturbing... People say ‘these scenes are so shocking and disturbing’. Of course they are. We need to feel that. When we become so removed from violence on screen, this is a very irresponsible thing. So I wanted to put us right within the frame with that person experiencing the loss of everything they hold dear”. 

Aisling Franciosi is next level here as a woman who has her whole life torn from her, leaving her as nothing but a raging husk out for vengeance. It would be so easy to fall into odd couple tropes once she teams up with reluctant native tracker Billy (an equally impressive newcomer, Baykali Ganambarr) but the film continues to stay true to the harsh racism of the era, unafraid to depict our heroine - our point of sympathy - as horrendously racist towards her own ally. Their partnership is not easily solidified but that makes it all the stronger when they star to trust each other. Sam Claflin is also career best here, weaponizing his usual charm into dangerous menace and even after cementing himself as the year’s most evil villain, he can still draw out the humanity in such a broken and corrupt man.

Gorgeously shot in the Academy ratio, the forest landscape here is oppressive and claustrophobic. Kent also steps back into her horror roots with some mesmerising, skin crawling dream scenes that amplify the woozy nightmarish tone and overbearing sense of dread. Once seen, never forgotten, this is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea (and that’s fine) but when cinema can affect you on such a visceral level and be this powerful, reflective and honest about our own past, it’s hard to ignore. Stunning.

8. The Irishman

Aka Martin Scorsese’s magnum opus, I did manage to see this one in a cinema before the Netflix drop and absolutely loved it. I’ve watched 85 minute long movies that felt longer than this - Marty’s mastery of pace, energy and knowing when to let things play out in agonising detail is second to none. This epic tale of  the life of Frank Sheeran (Robert De Niro) really is the cinematic equivalent of having your cake and eating it too, allowing Scorsese to run through a greatest hits victory lap of mobster set pieces, alpha male arguments, a decades spanning life story and one (last?) truly great Joe Pesci performance before simply letting the story... continue... to a natural, depressing and tragic ending, reflecting the emptiness of a life built on violence and crime.

For a film this long, it’s impressive how much the smallest details make the biggest impacts. A stammering phone call from a man emotionally incapable of offering any sort of condolence. The cold refusal of forgiveness from a once loving daughter. A simple mirroring of a bowl of cereal or a door left slightly ajar. These are the parts of life that haunt us all and it’s what we notice the most in a deliberately lengthy biopic that shows how much these things matter when everything else is said and done. The violence explodes in sudden, sharp bursts, often capping off unbearably tense sequences filled with the everyday (a car ride, a conversation about fish, ice cream...) and this contrast between the whizz bang of classic Scorsese and the contemplative nature of Silence era Scorsese is what makes this film feel like such an accomplishment. De Niro is FINALLY back but it’s the memorably against type role for Pesci and an invigorated Al Pacino who steals this one, along with a roll call of fantastic cameos, with perhaps the most screentime given to the wonderfully petty Stephen Graham as Tony Pro, not to mention Anna Paquin’s near silent performance which says more than possibly anyone else. 

Yes, the CG de-aging is misguided at best, distracting at worst (I never really knew how old anyone was meant to be at any given time... which is kinda a problem) but like how you get used to it really quickly when it’s used well, here I kinda got past it being bad in an equally fast amount of time and just went with it. Would it have been a different beast had they cast younger actors to play them in the past? Undoubtedly. But if this gives us over three hours of Hollywood’s finest giving it their all for the last real time together, then that’s a compromise I can live with.

7. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Wow. I was in love with this film from the moving first trailer but then the film itself surpassed all expectations. This is a true indie film success story, with lead actor Jimmie Fails developing the idea with director Joe Talbot for years before Kickstarting a proof of concept and eventually getting into Sundance with short film American Paradise, which led to the backing of this debut feature through Plan B and A24. The deeply personal and poetic drama follows a fictionalised version of Jimmie, trying to buy back an old Victorian town house he claims was built by his grandfather, in an act of rebellion against the increasingly gentrified San Francisco that both he and director Talbot call home.

The film is many things - a story of male friendship, of solidarity within our community, of how our cities can change right from underneath us - it moves to the beat of it’s own drum, with painterly cinematography full of gorgeous autumnal colours and my favourite score of the year from Emile Mosseri. The performances, mostly by newcomers or locals outside of brilliant turns from Jonathan Majors, Danny Glover and Thora Birch, are wonderful and the whole thing is such a beautiful love letter to the city that it makes you ache for a strong sense of place in your own home, even if your relationship with it is fractured or strained. As Jimmie says, “you’re not allowed to hate it unless you love it”.

For me, last year’s Blindspotting (my favourite film of the year) tackled gentrification within California more succinctly but this much more lyrical piece of work ebbs and flows through a number of themes like identity, family, memory and time. It’s a big film living inside a small, personal one and it is not to be overlooked.

6. Little Women

I had neither read the book nor seen any prior adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s 1868 novel so to me, this is by default the definitive telling of this story. If from what I hear, the non linear structure is Greta Gerwig’s addition, then it’s a total slam dunk. It works so well in breaking up the narrative and by jumping from past to present, her screenplay highlights certain moments and decisions with a palpable sense of irony, emotional weight or knowing wink. Getting to see a statement made with sincere conviction and then paid off within seconds, can be both a joy and a surefire recipe for tears. Whether it’s the devastating contrast between scenes centred around Beth’s illness or the juxtaposition of character’s attitudes to one another, it’s a massive triumph. Watching Amy angrily tell Laurie how she’s been in love with him all her life and then cutting back to her childishly making a plaster cast of her foot for him (’to remind him how small her feet are’) is so funny. 

Gerwig and her impeccable cast bring an electric energy to the period setting, capturing the big, messy realities of family life with a mix of overwhelming cross-chatter and the smallest of intimate gestures. It’s a testament to the film that every sister feels fully serviced and represented, from Beth’s quiet strength to Amy’s unforgivable sibling rivalry. Chris Cooper’s turn as a stoic man suffering almost imperceptible grief is a personal heartbreaking favourite. 

The book’s (I’m assuming) most sweeping romantic statements are wonderfully delivered, full of urgent passion and relatable heartache, from Marmie’s (Laura Dern) “I’m angry nearly every day of my life” moment to Jo’s (Saoirse Ronan) painful defiance of feminine attributes not being enough to cure her loneliness. The sheer amount of heart and warmth in this is just remarkable and I can easily see it being a film I return to again and again.

5. Booksmart

2019 has been a banner year for female directors, making their exclusion from some of the early awards conversations all the more damning. From this list alone, we have Lulu Wang, Jennifer Kent and Greta Gerwig. Not to mention Lorene Scafaria (Hustlers), Melina Matsoukas (Queen & Slim), Jocelyn DeBoer & Dawn Luebbe (Greener Grass), Sophie Hyde (Animals) and Rose Glass (Saint Maud - watch out for THIS one in 2020, it’s brilliant). Perhaps the most natural transition from in front of to behind the camera has been made by Olivia Wilde, who has created a borderline perfect teen comedy that can make you laugh till you cry, cry till you laugh and everything in-between.

Subverting the (usually male focused) ‘one last party before college’ tropes that fuel the likes of Superbad and it’s many inferior imitators, Booksmart follows two overachievers who, rather than go on a coming of age journey to get some booze or get laid, simply want to indulge in an insane night of teenage freedom after realising that all of the ‘cool kids’ who they assumed were dropouts, also managed to get a place in all of the big universities. It’s a subtly clever remix of an old favourite from the get go but the committed performances from Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein put you firmly in their shoes for the whole ride. 

It’s a genuine blast, with big laughs and a bigger heart, portraying a supportive female friendship that doesn’t rely on hokey contrivances to tear them apart, meaning that when certain repressed feelings do come to the surface, the fallout is heartbreaking. As I stated in a twitter rave after first seeing it back in May, every single character, no matter how much they might appear to be simply representing a stock role or genre trope, gets their moment to be humanised. This is an impeccably cast ensemble of young unknowns who constantly surprise and the script is a marvel - a watertight structure without a beat out of place, callbacks and payoffs to throwaway gags circle back to be hugely important and most of all, the approach taken to sexuality and representation feels so natural. I really think it is destined to be looked back on and represent 2019 the way Heathers does ‘88, Clueless ‘95 or Easy A 2010. A new high benchmark for crowd pleasing, indie comedy - teen or otherwise.

4. Ad Astra

Brad Pitt is one of my favourite actors and one who, despite still being a huge A-lister even after 30 years in the game, never seems to get enough credit for the choices he makes, the movies he stars in and also the range of stories he helps produce through his company, Plan B. 2019 was something of a comeback year for Pitt as an actor with the insanely measured and controlled lead performance seen here in Ad Astra and the more charismatic and chaotic supporting role in Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood.

I love space movies, especially those that are more about broken people blasting themselves into the unknown to search for answers within themselves... which manages to sum up a lot of recent output in this weirdly specific sub-genre. First Man was a devastating look at grief characterised by a man who would rather go to a desolate rock than have to confront what he lost, all while being packaged as a heroic biopic with a stunning score. Gravity and The Martian both find their protagonists forced to rely on their own cunning and ingenuity to survive and Interstellar looked at the lengths we go to for those we love left behind. Smaller, arty character studies like High Life or Moon are also astounding. All of this is to say that Ad Astra takes these concepts and runs with them, challenging Pitt to cross the solar system to talk some sense into his long thought dead father (Tommy Lee Jones). But within all the ‘sad dad’ stuff, there’s another film in here just daring you to try and second guess it - one that kicks things off with a terrifying free fall from space, gives us a Mad Max style buggy chase on the moon and sidesteps into horror for one particular set-piece involving a rabid baboon in zero G! It manages to feel so completely nuts, so episodic in structure, that I understand why a lot of people were turned off - feeling that the overall film was too scattershot to land the drama or too pondering to have any fun with. I get the criticisms but for me, both elements worked in tandem, propelling Pitt on this (assumed) one way journey at a crazy pace whilst sitting back and languishing in the ‘bigger themes’ more associated with a Malik or Kubrick film. Something that Pitt can sell me on in his sleep by this point.

I loved the visuals from cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar), loved the imagination and flair of the script from director James Gray and Ethan Gross and loved the score by Max Richter (with Lorne Balfe and Nils Frahm) but most of all, loved Pitt, proving that sometimes a lot less, is a lot more. The sting of hearing the one thing he surely knew (but hoped he wouldn’t) be destined to hear from his absent father, acted almost entirely in his eyes during a third act confrontation, summed up the movie’s brilliance for me - so much so that I can forgive some of the more outlandish ‘Mr Hyde’ moments of this thing’s alter ego... like, say, riding a piece of damaged hull like a surfboard through a meteor debris field! 

3. Avengers: Endgame

It’s no secret that I think Marvel, the MCU in particular, have been going from strength to strength in recent years, slowly but surely taking bigger risks with filmmakers (the bonkers Taika Waititi, the indie darlings of Ryan Coogler, Cate Shortland and Chloe Zhao) whilst also carefully crafting an entertaining, interconnected universe of characters and stories. But what is the point of building up any movie ‘universe’ if you’re not going to pay it off and Endgame is perhaps the strongest conclusion to eleven years of movie sequels that fans could have possibly hoped for.

Going into this thing, the hype was off the charts (and for good reason, with it now being the highest grossing film of all time) but I remember souring on the first entry of this two-parter, Infinity War, during the time between initial release and Endgame’s premiere. That film had a game-changing climax, killing off half the heroes (and indeed the universe’s population) and letting the credits role on the villain having achieved his ultimate goal. It was daring, especially for a mammoth summer blockbuster but obviously, we all knew the deaths would never be permanent, especially with so many already-announced sequels for now ‘dusted’ characters. However, it wasn’t just the feeling that everything would inevitably be alright in the end. For me, the characters themselves felt hugely under-serviced, with arguably the franchise’s main goody two shoes Captain America being little more than a beardy bloke who showed up to fight a little bit. Basically what I’m getting at is that I felt Endgame, perhaps emboldened by the giant runtime, managed to not only address these character slights but ALSO managed to deliver the most action packed, comic booky, ‘bashing your toys together’ final fight as well.

It’s a film of three parts, each pretty much broken up into one hour sections. There’s the genuinely new and interesting initial section following our heroes dealing with the fact that they lost... and it stuck. Thor angrily kills Thanos within the first fifteen minutes but it’s a meaningless action by this point - empty revenge. Cutting to five years later, we get to see how defeat has affected them, for better or worse, trying to come to terms with grief and acceptance. Cap tries to help the everyman, Black Widow is out leading an intergalactic mop up squad and Thor is wallowing in a depressive black hole. It’s a shocking and vibrantly compelling deconstruction of the whole superhero thing and it gives the actors some real meat to chew on, especially Robert Downy Jr here who goes from being utterly broken to fighting within himself to do the right thing despite now having a daughter he doesn’t want to lose too. Part two is the trip down memory lane, fan service-y time heist which is possibly the most fun section of any of these movies, paying tribute to the franchise’s past whilst teetering on a knife’s edge trying to pull off a genuine ‘mission impossible’. And then it explodes into the extended finale which pays everyone off, demonstrates some brilliantly imaginative action and sticks the landing better than it had any right to. In a year which saw the ending of a handful of massive geek properties, from Game of Thrones to Star Wars, it’s a miracle even one of them got it right at all. That Endgame managed to get it SO right is an extraordinary accomplishment and if anything, I think Marvel may have shot themselves in the foot as it’s hard to imagine anything they can give us in the future having the intense emotional weight and momentum of this huge finale.

2. Knives Out

Rian Johnson has been having a ball leaping into genre sandpits and stirring shit up, from his teen spin on noir in Brick to his quirky con man caper with The Brothers Bloom, his time travel thriller Looper and even his approach to the Star Wars mythos in The Last Jedi. Turning his attention to the relatively dead ‘whodunnit’ genre, Knives Out is a perfect example of how to celebrate everything that excites you about a genre whilst weaponizing it’s tropes against your audience’s baggage and preconceptions.

An impeccable cast have the time of their lives here, revelling in playing self obsessed narcissists who scramble to punt the blame around when the family’s patriarch, a successful crime novelist (Christopher Plummer), winds up dead. Of course there’s something fishy going on so Daniel Craig’s brilliantly dry southern detective Benoit Blanc is called in to investigate.There are plenty of standouts here, from Don Johnson’s ignorant alpha wannabe Richard to Michael Shannon’s ferocious eldest son Walt to Chris Evan’s sweater wearing jock Ransom, full of unchecked, white privilege swagger. But the surprise was the wholly sympathetic, meek, vomit prone Marta, played brilliantly by Ana de Armas, cast against her usual type of sultry bombshell (Knock Knock, Blade Runner 2049), to spearhead the biggest shake up of the genre conventions. To go into more detail would begin to tread into spoiler territory but by flipping the audience’s engagement with the detective, we’re suddenly on the receiving end of the scrutiny and the tension derived from this switcheroo is genius and opens up the second act of the story immensely.

The whole thing is so lovingly crafted and the script is one of the tightest I’ve seen in years. The amount of setup and payoff here is staggering and never not hugely satisfying, especially as it heads into it’s final stretch. It really gives you some hope that you could have such a dense, plotty, character driven idea for a story and that it could survive the transition from page to screen intact and for the finished product to work as well as it does. I really hope Johnson returns to tell another Benoit Blanc mystery and judging by the roaring box office success (currently over $200 million worldwide for a non IP original), I certainly believe he will.

1. Eighth Grade

My film of the year is another example of the power of cinema to put us in other people’s shoes and to discover the traits, fears, joys and insecurities that we all share irregardless. It may shock you to learn this but I have never been a 13 year old teenage girl trying to get by in the modern world of social media peer pressure and ‘influencer’ culture whilst crippled with personal anxiety. My school days almost literally could not have looked more different than this (less Instagram, more POGs) and yet, this is a film about struggling with oneself, with loneliness, with wanting more but not knowing how to get it without changing yourself and the careless way we treat those with our best interests at heart in our selfish attempt to impress peers and fit in. That is understandable. That is universal. And as I’m sure I’ve said a bunch of times in this list, movies that present the most specific worldview whilst tapping into universal themes are the ones that inevitably resonate the most.

Youtuber and comedian Bo Burnham has crafted an impeccable debut feature, somehow portraying a generation of teens at least a couple of generations below his own, with such laser focused insight and intimate detail. It’s no accident that this film has often been called a sort of social-horror, with cringe levels off the charts and recognisable trappings of anxiety and depression in every frame. The film’s style services this feeling at every turn, from it’s long takes and nauseous handheld camerawork to the sensory overload in it’s score (take a bow Anna Meredith) and the naturalistic performances from all involved. Burnham struck gold when he found Elsie Fisher, delivering the most painful and effortlessly real portrayal of a tweenager in crisis as Kayla. The way she glances around skittishly, the way she is completely lost in her phone, the way she talks, even the way she breathes all feeds into the illusion - the film is oftentimes less a studio style teen comedy and more a fly on the wall documentary. 

This is a film that could have coasted on being a distant, social media based cousin to more standard fare like Sex Drive or Superbad or even Easy A but it goes much deeper, unafraid to let you lower your guard and suddenly hit you with the most terrifying scene of casually attempted sexual aggression or let you watch this pure, kindhearted girl falter and question herself in ways she shouldn’t even have to worry about. And at it’s core, there is another beautiful father/daughter relationship, with Josh Hamilton stuck on the outside looking in, desperate to help Kayla with every fibre of his being but knowing there are certain things she has to figure out for herself. It absolutely had me and their scene around a backyard campfire is one of the year’s most touching.

This is a truly remarkable film that I think everyone should seek out but I’m especially excited for all the actual teenage girls who will get to watch this and feel seen. This isn’t about the popular kid, it isn’t about the dork who hangs out with his or her own band of misfits. This is about the true loner, that person trying everything to get noticed and still ending up invisible, that person trying to connect through the most disconnected means there is - the internet - and everything that comes with it. Learning that the version of yourself you ‘portray’ on a Youtube channel may act like they have all the answers but if you’re kidding yourself then how do you grow? 

When I saw this in the cinema, I watched a mother take her seat with her two daughters, aged probably at around nine and twelve. Possibly a touch young for this, I thought, and I admit I cringed a bit on their behalf during some very adult trailers but in the end, I’m glad their mum decided they were mature enough to see this because a) they had a total blast and b) life simply IS R rated for the most part, especially during our school years, and those girls being able to see someone like Kayla have her story told on the big screen felt like a huge win. I honestly can’t wait to see what Burnham or Fisher decide to do next. 2019 has absolutely been their year... and it’s been a hell of a year.

[lia-nikiforov]

Winter 2018 Anime Final Review

Why yes, pretty much all the Spring premieres are done (don’t even remind me haha I’m so far behind) and this is horribly late, I had a busy couple of weeks ;---; and am still struggling to catch up, but here’s my final rundown of this long slow winter! Worst to best, as always.

Dropped

Basilisk Ouka Ninpou Chou: Although I’d said I’d keep watching for the Nobunaga twist, given the onslaught of new stuff for Spring, it’s unsustainable to keep watching something so mediocre I don’t even find anything to say about it. Also Nobunaga hasn’t been mentioned in three episodes.

DUMPSTER FIRE

Darling in the Franxx: So we’re halfway through the show and still feels nothing of importance has happened, except we learned “lesbians are not viable, what a relief” and also KOKORO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE BABIES. The whole Kokoro business is very unsavory because on the one hand the writing is a dick to Walking Fat Joke Futoshi, but on the other hand Futoshi is an entitled Nice Guy who acts like Kokoro has some obligation to return his feelings, so basically everyone sucks lmao. Btw, does anyone know what happened with episode 13? I went to watch it but what I got instead was a Deadman Wonderland episode, complete with the story of Palurdo meeting Lab Experiment-turned-Beast Waifu as children and making a promise that would subsequently be forgotten until they meet again in their teenage years. Jesus, does Womenz are Beastz: The Anime have a single original idea?

How am I supposed to measure my own disinterest and contempt

This basically means I didn’t care for these shows. I don’t hate them but I was aggressively unengaged in them and I can’t really rank them from worst to best because that would imply me having any measurable emotional reaction to them

Violet Evergarden: I don’t think I have much to add about this one that I haven’t said before. Tryhard Sad Anime Girl stories rehashing old clichés with little novelty to them,  with a bonus of a super poorly explained and thought out child super soldier tragic backstory that still has me ?????? The final episode has the addendum of trying to redeem That One Asshole in a “he treats her bad because he’s sad about his brother dying sob sob sob he’s totally not a jerk” and i was very annoyed by that.

Koi wa Ameagari no You ni: It’s complicated to talk about this show. I really liked the first episode, hated the 4-6, then was mostly bored by the rest of it. The whole romance angle was completely dropped in the latter half, but I’m not even sure if that’s a good thing given how tastelessly it was being handled in some moments, or a bad one given how bland everything else was. It felt like Akira’s crush on Kondo turned out to be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It also felt like Akira was profoundly underdeveloped, and it bothered me because Kondo was developed properly. His character felt more fully realized than hers. Like idk, I just cared so little for the last few episodes and it didn’t feel like Akira’s emotional progression was very connected with the first half of the show. 

Fate/Extra Last Encore: I don’t even have a screenshot. Apparently the reason the show started so late into the season is that it took a long time to produce, and apparently there are two more episodes that will be released at some point in July. But really, what matters is that I have no idea of what this show was trying to accomplish. The characters were a bunch of pieces of cardboard spouting pseudo nihilistic philosophical nonsense and I don’t even know how to describe the plot. It was generic in its Boss of the Week approach but the execution was often very flat. Definitely none of the fun from Apocrypha’s cool characters was to be had in this iteration of the franchise.

Too much iyashikei

This season we had too much iyashikei and I’m burned out. Here are the ones I didn’t hate but also wasn’t super in love with.

Miira no Kaikata: I think this show would’ve worked better as 3-minute vignettes. 20 minutes of it was a bit too much and I struggled to pay attention. I also felt the dragon and MukuMuku had very tangential roles. I don’t have a whole lot to say. It’s cute, if cute is your jam this show is for you. Connie is best smol monster.

Hakumei to Mikochi: Another cute show that gains extra points for its somewhat unique setting, beautiful color palette and picture book aesthetic and because the two main girls are great characters. I particularly liked the first and last episodes. It’s a relaxing, fun little show

Sanrio Danshi: The harbinger of feminism made into a toy commercial, while not quite iyashikei, is still a slice of life that just occassionally indulged in too much melodrama. It was nonetheless a fun little thing that managed to turn cynical consumerism into a positive message for boys: it’s okay to like non-traditionally-masculine things. One of the details I liked most was that none of the boys had to give up on their previous groups of friends even after “coming out”, Kouta’s friends and Shuu’s team were supportive of them and even participated in their dumbass musical play. Some may even read this show as a not-so-subtle allegory on homosexuality and while I don’t think this was Sanrio’s intent (their intent is to broaden their market, plain and simple) the fact that it works so well with that reading is honestly great. I had very minimal expectations for this show and I’m happy it turned out better than those.

Classicaloid 2: Classicaloid isn’t quite iyashikei either but it fits in the “didn’t love it, didn’t hate it” category. I’m a huge fan of season one, but unfortunately a big part of S2 failed to capture the magic. I think most of it was restored in the second cour, specially with brilliant episodes such as the one where Dovo-chan becomes a super-realistic painting of himself, and the last three episodes really captured what made Classicaloid great. I’ve really come to love this cast, so I wouldn’t complain if we got more seasons (please do Vivaldi!!!)

Shonen is a Good Genre, Actually

Shonen as a genre/demographic is much reviled for its repetitive clichés and childish stories, but I think we live at a time in which we can have well-executed shonen anime that, although falling for the same old clichés, have enough heart and sincerity that makes them enjoyable. This part also isn’t necessarily ranked, since my favorite one will change depending on which day you ask me

Nanatsu no Taizai: Imashime no Fukkatsu: As I have mentioned before, this second season seems to be the polar opposite of the first one’s rapid pace. It’s been a while since I read the manga, but I feel like it took a lot less to get to the mid-season cutoff point there than this anime would lead you to believe, especially the training part felt excruciatingly long. NanaTai has other various flaws including its 1000% not funny harrassment jokes and the dumb introduction of quantified “power levels” (why Suzuki), but characters like Diane, King and Ban give the show a unique flavor. And I’m not even gonna pretend to be unbiased, I just love everything involving Ban, even the weird and questionable choice of bringing Elaine back. I’m excited that we’re finally approaching Escanor’s arrival.

Yowapeda Glory Road: I also forgot to grab a screenshot lmao. Yowapeda is a very particular beast, and with its episode count already in the hundreds, it’s not something I’d reccommend unless you’re super into dragged out ridiculous sports anime. This second season of Onoda’s second year has not been without its flaws either, starting with the, imho absurd persistence in making Sohoku look like underdogs even though they’re reigning champions. It’s made a lot of the first two days of the Interhigh feel a lot grimmer than this cheerful show ought to. Kaburagi is still an insufferable character, and the fact that he drags the team down doesn’t help him either, and I just wish the writers would let Best Boy Teshima win anything. I hope the second day ends on a lighter note, because the gloom and doom is making this a less enjoyable watch than it should be

Mahoutsukai no Yome: I feel a little better about this one knowing the final was anime-original, but at the same time I’m beyond livid with how it was wrapped up. I loved the second half of the series because of how well-written and emotional Chise’s growth was, and everything up to her embracing of Cartaphilus’s curse was a beautiful display of her strength and will to live. What I’m not here for is that asspull wedding whatever that makes no sense in the context of the previous events, especially because after the fact, Elias’s attempt to kill Stella is swept under the rug. This could’ve been my favorite show of the season without that bullshit ending and while I don’t regret watching it, it leaves me with a sad feeling of what could have been

Best of the season

Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens: It had a slow start, but with its endearing cast and well-developed character relationships, HTR won me over, especially the last quarter. The animation was veeery barebones, but Lin and Bamba’s charisma and their organically developed relationship carried the show to be one of the most enjoyable of the season. I also really appreciate the fact that the series includes a gay couple with an adopted daughter and that Lin’s crossdressing is never used as a joke or treated as a character flaw or a “phase”. I love stories about found families and I’d love to see more of this gang fighting crime and doing shady business in their city of assassins.

Garo: Vanishing Line: This iteration of Garo had a somewhat slow start, but boy did it pick up steam in the second half. The action was great -the final fight against King had some incredible stylistic choices, the characters’ journeys felt complete and very human and the story was interesting and different enough from other Garo to not feel repetitive, yet with enough Garoisms that made it feel connected to everything else. Like I said, I love stories about found families, so the way Sophie found a home with Gina, Luke and Sword by the end was very touching. Watching Sophie’s journey has been a treat, and I’m immensely happy that this wasn’t a Guren no Tsuki disaster, but was more in line with the excellence of Honoo no Kokuin.

Gakuen Babysitters: This was the huge surprise of the season for me, I almost expected it to be pretty dull. Instead it turned out to be super cute and extremely heartwarming. It had a couple of duds here and there, mostly the not-actually-a-pedophile joke character and the early love triangle skits, but the former disappeared and the latter was vastly improved in the second half of the show. I wish Ryuichi’s grief had been dealt with a bit more, but I think what they did show was very well executed and empathetic. And the portrayal of the kids felt very realistic, including both children’s most adorable and most obnoxious behaviors. KIRIN IS BEST GIRL

Card Captor Sakura Clear Card arc: I have expressed some complaints and dissatisfactions with this sequel all through the season. Mostly in regards to the new cards and how the old ones seem to have been forgotten (also the lazy designs of the new cards). In spite of that, Sakura hasn’t lost any of its heart in these 20 years, the characters are still the kids we grew up with. It is an overwhelmingly cheerful and positive show, from Sakura and Syaoran’s shyly developing relationship, to the hopefulness of Sakura’s magic and just the simple day to day life of Sakura and her friends. In spite of all its flaws, Sakura is still my favorite show of the season and I’m happy we get to spend one more season with these characters. Just please give me more Yue??? 

Ooooof, finally I’m done with this! PLEASE LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THE 20+ SHOWS I’M SAMPLING FOR SPRING AHAHAHAHA. There’s too much anime. Anime must be stopped, immediately. Don’t hesitate to send me your thoughts about the winter season, even if it seems I’m losing my mind a little Dx TOO MUCH ANIME

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing Apr 1st - Apr 7th

Another week, another roundup! Special thanks to all who submitted works, both for themselves and others. 

As a gentle reminder, we’re here to highlight any new content from the previous week. If we missed a submission, we’ll be happy to update our post or carry it over to the next week, but if we tried to include everything beyond a week, we’d never get a post finished!

Thank you so much!

--Mod Rem

Fanfiction:

A Little Piece of Gundam Wing

The archive is being ported to AO3! Check it out!

AerisEithne

The Snow Queen 

Days after the incident that nearly sparked a new war, Relena returns to the Sanc Kingdom to contemplate her future. She can’t help but wonder which path the perfect soldier will choose… and whether their destinies will continue to collide.

Pairings: 1xR

Warnings: Gundam Wing: Frozen Teardrop, Preventers (Gundam Wing)

 @the-indomitable-bhg, Morbidbirdy

Animus

A ghost of Heero's past takes possession of his life, relationships and his identity.

Pairings: 1x3, 2xH

Warnings: Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Post-Canon, Psychological Torture, Blood and Violence, Explicit Sexual Content

@claraxbarton , @kangofu-cb

Bad Company 

"The only hell and the only paradise are the ones we build ourselves." - Unknown

Years after the wars, Preventers has decided to tackle one of the most powerful and oldest of all the Terran crime syndicates. Embedded dangerously deep in an undercover operation targeting the violent and bloodthirsty Sinaloa Cartel, Trowa Barton is pushed beyond even his flexible morals - and when his new "partner" arrives in the very unexpected and unwelcome form of Duo Maxwell, the one person he'd been trying to protect at all costs, both men must deal with the realization that preserving peace for humanity is turning into a bloodsport.

What follows is race against time to uncover the evidence they need to bring Sinaloa, and its beautiful but deadly leaders, down - all while keeping each other alive in the process

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: Violence, Post-Canon, Undercover Missions, Undercover as a Couple, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Human Trafficking, Gang Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, Moral Dilemmas

CosmicAether

Untitled GW Resistance AU 

When their communicator breaks down, Duo and Trowa must survive the night before attempting to rendezvous to their extraction point. Duo confronts Trowa about their relationship that night and vow to be more honest with each other, they need only to make it home first.

Pairings: 2x3

DarkDanc3r

April Writes Playlist Challenge 

30 days, 30 songs from a Spotify playlist. Characters and pairings will be at the start of each chapter.

Warnings: Tumblr Prompt, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Fix-It of Sorts, Damnit Prowl Lives

GlassAlice

The Pictures He Drew 

Hiatus is over! Last chapter will be up in two weeks. Re-write of a fic posted to 1x2 yahoo groups I wrote forever ago and lost. Only the bare bones of this fic have anything to do with the first one. Hopefully this one is a bit better. Originally posted under name Duos_hallelujah. Simple get together fic with Duo being an artist.

Pairings: 1xR, 1x2

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Song Fic Kinda, Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, these boys are messed up, they need therapy, after war, the pilots trying to live their lives, 1x2, 2x1 - Freeform, 1x2x1, 1xR non con, 1x2 end game, we're back from hiatus, boys just trying to figure shit out, relena is kind of the bad guy, Sorry Not Sorry, i'm anti relena, so expect her to be treated badly, bullied duo, attempted suicide, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, language trigger warnings, a bit dark, Angst

Lithle

Like Oxygen 

Five years after the war, Wufei seeks Duo out for one more mission. But Duo has his reasons for wanting to be left alone. As Wufei and Duo grow closer, so do Duo's memories of the war, and with them, the old scars and dangerous thought patterns that make even breathing seem difficult.

--Note: Originally published on FF.net, this is my 'Editor's Choice' edition. It's been edited and slightly rewritten for flow and cohesion.

Pairings: 2x5

Warnings: Unhealthy Relationships, Post War Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, no EW, Post-War, Post-Canon, POV Duo Maxwell, Explicit Language, Sex, Duo is Broken, Wufei is Pretty Broken Too, Gritty, Get Together

Luvsanime02

Just One Day 

Relena gets a surprise on her birthday.

Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Light Angst, Family Issues, Cocktail Friday

Maldoror

The Source of All Things

Center, a planet where magic and technology blend. Or more accurately, fight tooth and nail. A planet of Sources, holes in our boring dimension letting through arcane power, chaos and pseudo-deities. In this hot-house of myths and very real dangers, Trowa and Quatre find a mysterious man at the end of a shamanic voyage. Portents suggest this Heero Yuy is crucial to Center’s survival. He’s important enough to have some interesting enemies after him, at any rate: a devious killer and thief called ‘Shinigami’, and a very irate Dragon. Beyond them looms an even greater threat. Indeed, the greatest of them all.

Pairings: 3x4, 2x5, eventual 1x2x5

Warnings: Violence, alternative universe, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Plot Twists, fairly graphic depiction of sex, Mild description of self-harm, Mathematical Magic, weird science, crones - Freeform, Magic and Technology brawling and eventually screwing, Eventual Threesome, Kinda, Insanity of arcane origin, The universe is a pile of marbles and other dubious allegories

Two Halves

The two kingdoms of Sanq and Lin were at war for years; a conflagration involving magic, armies and political murder. The conflict left both nations devastated and strewn with refugees. The king of Sanq finds his infant son, lost at birth, among the death and the ruin, a miracle he barely dared to hope for. But there isn’t just one boy, there are two, clinging together like two halves of a whole that cannot be separated. Decades later, the truth behind that second child’s existence will put a hole in the world, or possibly save it.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Fantasy AU, medieval setting with magic, starts with our heroes as children, Cousin Incest, sort of, eventually, being royalty this is in fact the norm and rather expected of them, Canon-Typical Violence

Margaret_Armstrong

Queen’s Rook 

Rook; definition:

1. a gregarious Eurasian crow with black plumage and a bare face, nesting in colonies in treetops.

2. a chess piece, typically with its top in the shape of a battlement, that can move in any direction along a rank or file on which it stands.

Queen's Rook; definition:

(chess) A rook on the queen’s side of the board at the start of the game.

Truly, a female bodyguard is just what the Vice Foreign Minister needs. There are dangers about.

Pairings: Canon Relationships, 3x4, 2xH, 1xR

Warnings: Violence, Women Being Awesome, brothers in arms, everyone protects Quatre except Quatre, L2 forever!, The Past Never Stays Buried

 @noelleian

The Pact 

After seducing Quatre, the other four ex-pilots brave the uncharted waters of their new abilities and learn to cope with the unintentional gifts they were given. But as always, power requires responsibility and the humbling acknowledgement of humanity's weaknesses. The struggle to stay true to themselves becomes a dangerous and terrifying endeavor as they skirt the boundary where conscience bleeds into chaos and the dark abyss of temptation.

Pairings: 1x2x3x4x5, 3x4, 1x4, 2x4, 4x5

Warnings: Smut, Porn With Plot, OT5, Fluff, Humor, Fivesome - M/M/M/M/M, Angst, Newtypes, Possessive Behavior, Alternate Universe - Dark, Non-Graphic Violence, Alpha/Omega, Omega Verse

Green Olive

Duo's had a rough day and needs to unwind, but this time he's in the mood for some company.

Warnings: Friendship, Bromance, Underage Drinking

@noirangetrois

Cocktail Friday

This will be a collection of my Cocktail Friday snippets.

Pairings: Various

Warnings: Cocktail Friday, Alcohol

The Story of Wrong 

Duo recounts his experiences during the war in order to explain... well, why he was wrong.

Pairings: 1x2

Warnings: Violence, Major Character Death, Duo POV, Angst, Drama, Tragedy, slight AU, Spoilers, very dark, Heero and Duo don't die, I promise, Yaoi, slowburn, Mental Instability, Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, If those are in any way an issue for you then go ahead and skip this, Eventual Smut, VERY eventual, this is mostly canon-compliant but I've changed a couple things here and there

Outrightmight

MCU One Shot Series: After Colony 195 

"It took Bucky a split second to get his bearings. The portal had spit them out into an aircraft hanger. The make and model of the one and only small jet was unfamiliar. He would have said it was of Soviet make, but the 50-foot robot idly standing in the middle of the hanger was making him second-guess himself."

Warnings: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Duo Maxwell, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Heero Yuy, Canon-Typical Violence, One Shot

@remsyk-blog

Souls for the Bayou 

For Trowa Barton, exploring the bayou is the ultimate adventure. Drawn to its borders since before he could walk, he spent his childhood learning its paths and uncovering its secrets.

But a chance encounter sets him on a path that spans across time, challenging everything he thought he knew, plunging him deeper into its mysteries than he ever thought possible.

Pairings: 2x3

Warnings: Supernatural - Freeform, Fae & Fairies, Fae Magic, Bayou, Cajun, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Mystery, Slow Burn, Technically Speaking, Young Love, Use of accents, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, I don't want to give it all away at once, Fandom Trumps Hate, Time Jump, Suspense, Quatre is a great friend, Mentions of Children Disappearing

Shenanigans

A Collection of my shitposts from Tumblr.

Enter looking for a good time. Expect the tags to change as more installments are added

Warnings: chat fic, shitpost, Professor!Trowa, Cooking, Pinterest, Pancakes, Exercising, Tumblr Prompt, Originally Posted on Tumblr, In depth analysis of riding dick, New Year’s Eve, Jenga, Stupid Dares, Just Heero Things

ShenLong

Bound, Bonded and Betrayed 

Heero is the eldest son of the King of Colonia. His 21st birthday is approaching and as tradition dictates his betrothed is soon to arrive. However he is also bound by tradition to select his own personal slave. The events that unfold lead him down a path that not only tests his sanity but his humanity and love as well.

Pairings: 1x2, 1xR, 3x4, 13x11

Warnings: sap, Angst, Bondage, Slavery, Yaoi, Lemon, Lime, Het, Violence, Fluff, AU, OOC. - Freeform

@softnocturne

P.S. I Miss You

Quatre is missing Trowa who is off on a month-long mission.

Pairings: 3x4

Warnings: Fluff, Angst

StarLove18

Believe in Yourself

Children will live what they learn. Pain is costly, until one incident sparks a new flame of hope and a promise to persevere.

Pairings: 1&2&3&4&5

Warnings: Original Character(s), Bullying, Comfort/Angst, School, Minor Violence, Loss of Parent(s), Alternate Universe, AO3 FB Challenge

Thai_tea_addict

Abyss

Duo's not in a good situation when he falls in love with the man next door, and it goes downhill from there.

Pairings: 1x2, 2x3x4

Warnings: Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-con, Alternate Universe - Dark, Dark Character, Abuse, Stalking, Murder, Sadism, Infidelity

Warnings: DARK – please don't read if you think any of the following subject matter could hurt you: depictions of abuse, sexual assault, stalking, murder, sadism (not the fun kind).

Whenpigsfly84

Doormat Babe

A mysterious child is left with Duo one morning. As he seeks for answers he'll have to face his past and prepare for a haunting future he'd never expected. Will he be able to reconnect with old friends or will he lose all those he loves?

Pairings: 1x2, 2&H, 1x2x5, 3x4

Warnings: Violence, Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Swearing

White_fox

Life is a Highway 

On an impulsive plan to travel from California to New York City to propose to his longtime girlfriend, Heero Yuy did not plan to pick up a hitchhiker in nowhere Texas. Faced with some setbacks and a growing attraction to his passenger, Heero goes through more challenges than he planned on facing.

Pairings: 1x2, 1xR

Warnings: light slash, Fluff, Road Trips, Dubious Morality

Snippets:

@lifeaftermeteor

Duo’s Apartment

@noirangetrois

Ladies Night

@weiclown

WIP  

Headcanons / Meta / Discussions:

@remsyk-blog

Gundam Wing on Ao3 - Breakdown of Fanfiction stats 

 @terrablaze514

Ladies of Gundam Wing 

Secret Magic Heero Yuy 

Four Months after Mariemaia 

Fanart:

@noelleian

Zero Three Zero Four

Hipster Quatre 

@remsyk-blog

Duo Maxwell Hip Hop

 @showtime-eric

Trowa and Quatre, Sandrock and Heavyarms

 Crackposts:

@the-indomitable-bhg

BDSM 

Calendar Events:

Cocktail Friday

https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/

A new prompt every Monday!

Submissions should be posted Fridays between 3 and 5pm EST, and tagged with @gwcocktailfriday

Interview with a Creator by @remsyk-blog @interview-with-a-creator

Remsyk has created an online interview for fandom creators to fill out and then she features one each week so that everyone in the fandom can learn a bit about each other.

This week features @scacao

If you haven’t filled out her interview, go! do! now!

[fallen029]

Hard to Do

Laxus loved his demon.

Honest.

He loved being around her, loved hanging out with her, loved taking her out, loved showing her off.

Hell, he liked it when the woman just said his name.

Or called him her dragon. And rubbed his stomach. While listing all his accomplishments. Complimenting him on having so many accomplishments.

But, that being said, Laxus also liked his solitude.

He always had. Going out on long jobs, away from the guild, his grandfather, the Thunder Legion; it was just something that he needed. Both his parents had been rather unsocial themselves and it had been something he'd picked up.

Being with Mirajane Strauss, however, 'alone' was a rather foreign, yet welcome, commodity. It was something he was treated to that day as, the night before, the demon had opted out of coming over to his place for the night (they usually stayed together) remarking that she was too tired and really wanted some good sleep.

By herself sleep.

"You just snore so much-"

"I don't snore."

"Okay, dragon."

"I don't."

"I said okay."

But he wasn't too put out, as it meant he awoke alone and Mirajane wasn't around to inform him of when the two would be spending time together that day, which left him with the excuse of ignorance, when she would inevitably complain at him later, showing up at the guild hall only near closing, rather than early in the day, as she'd no doubt prefer.

Yep. Laxus would have a him day.

A lazy day.

A great day.

Which started with sleeping in, continued into a long, steamy shower, and led right into lunch alone in a cafe on the opposite side of town from the guild hall, alone in a corner with only a good book to keep him company.

"All is not well in the kingdom."

He'd smelled her, before she came in, but still breathed heavily through his nostrils at the sound of Evergreen's voice, hardly even glancing over from the top of his book as he spoke.

"I," he grumbled out to the woman, "do not have a kingdom."

"Sorry to say this, Laxus-"

"Then don't say it."

"-but you kinda do. And it's about to be thrown into chaos."

"Go away, Evergreen," he grumbled as the woman took a seat across from him. "I'm reading, listening to music, and eating. Three things you don't interrupt another human from doing."

"Who reads anymore?"

"Ever-"

"I'm trying to save you."

"From what? Huh? Let the stupid guild go through whatever it wants. For the next few hours I am unavail-"

"The kingdom's not the entire guildhall, Laxus. It's the...us."

He did drop the book then, to raise an eyebrow over at the other woman. "What exactly do you consider us? Because-"

"I meant us as in...you know. The Strauss morons and, well, us. Me, Freed, Bickslow, and you."

It was on command, from spending so much time with Mirajane, but Laxus hated what slipped through his lips.

"Thunder Strauss Tribe."

Both he and Ever blinked at one another. Then he glared and she looked off with a cough into her hand.

"Anyways," he grumbled after his verbal vomit (Mira affected him so horribly sometimes). "What was it that you were getting at, Ever?"

"Just, uh..." She was thrown a bit by the ease he said this moniker that most everyone other than Mira rejected. Sometimes to see how far he'd fallen (for the woman) was quite disheartening. Shaking her head as if to clear it, the woman of stone tried again. "I was saying-"

"And do it quickly." Now flustered, Laxus wanted her gone. More so than he had when she was just interrupting his dragon time. "If it's not about Mira-"

"It's about Lisanna."

Oh.

Laxus shifted a bit, in his seat, still not fully setting his book down, but lowering it mostly to the table then.

Lisanna.

He liked Lisanna.

A lot.

And Laxus didn't like many people.

It just something about her. A lot of things about her, actually.

He'd been a teenager, when she'd… And it affected him, horribly so, for some reason. Not anything he'd let anyone know, but… It was kinda weird, really. He didn't like the Strauss kids (or any other kids, really), but there was just something so scary about knowing that all those warnings his grandfather always gave him, when he was off on jobs, about how dangerous they were…

Mira had been an S-Class mage. The highest of the high. And still managed to get someone else killed. What if Laxus did that? He couldn't handle that. He didn't know how Mira handled it.

It was something that shouldn't have happened. No way non-qualified people should be going out on S-Class jobs. That's what he'd decided. Weak people like Lisanna and freaking Elfman, who couldn't even control his damn magic, shouldn't be in a guild in the first place. They were children.

Had it been up to him, Lisanna would have been no where near Fairy Tail and therefore not died.

Definitely not the exact moment young Laxus came to terms with the fact that Gramps was just too stupid to run the place, and he was far more adequate, but certainly one of the defining moments that pushed him into his insanity about gaining control of it.

She was more than just a bitter memory to Laxus though.

She was also a symbol of what magic offered. The good and the bad. It had killed and saved her. All in one fell swoop. What better allegory for what its power truly stood for. Good and evil. Nothing and everything. All dependent on how it was wielded and interpreted.

Magic was cold and unforgiving, yet could lead to some of the most exculpatory actions most would ever see.

Like being saved by a random passing mass of magical energy after foolishly attempting to stop an overpowering magic with merely the illusion of love conquering all.

Now, this wasn't to say that this was all Lisanna was to Laxus. Not by a long shot. Before Mirajane, fine, maybe, but those days? Lisanna was the closest thing Laxus had to a sibling.

She was constantly hanging around him and off him and begging him to do things for her. Like, "Please, Laxus, won't you go fight Natsu and say I sent you? He's super down and I want him to feel better...and seem like a super good friend for doing it," or, "Laxus, I have to go, like, four whole towns over, on foot, because Mirajane won't loan me money and that's not fair and I think you should just, like, hug me, right? And then use your Lightning Body magic to, like, zoom us there or whatever. That's how it works, right, Laxus?"

It wasn't like Laxus, a well respected mage (though more or less a dick), didn't get requests all the time to do things for people. Head out on jobs with them. Hang around them. Train them.

Because he did.

And snorted at every single one.

But the second Mira claimed him (he felt pretty claimed), Lisanna just became...different, from everyone else.

Fine, sure, he had to be nice to her because, hey, no Mira without catering to her siblings, but he still could loath Elfman. Not Lisanna though. Or her wacky ways. It was annoying, when Natsu was being loud and rowdy in the hall with his stupid blue cat and blonde bimbo, but you let Lisanna be hanging around the three of them as well, then hell, he could suffer. Just turn his music up a bit. Need some jewels because Mira was totally, like, a horrible dictator who thought that you had to actually put in work for what you had? Yeah, alright, just don't tell the demon and gah! Don't ask him again (though he knew she would and she knew he wouldn't mind).

He didn't mind, when Mira was working, hanging around the Strauss house with her younger sister. She wasn't bad company at all. Good company. For him. Kinda like her sister in that she would lead the conversations (he wasn't much for them), but different in that they usually weren't complete garbage like what Mirajane typically spewed.

Plus, and this was a big one, she was kinda dating Bickslow.

Now, it should be mentioned that, in no way, was Laxus thrilled when he first learned of this torrid affair (number one, gross, number two, that left Freed as the only one without a Strauss, and finally, you don't fuck with Laxus' relationship; and if one of his boys fucking Mira's younger sister didn't fuck with his relationship, then he didn't know what did), but he slowly came around.

Very slowly.

Probably the last one in their quickly becoming tight knit group (ahem, Thunder Strauss Tribe), actually.

Eventually though, he was able to see just how...well matched the pair were together. Lisanna was silly and stupid and so completely intent on living her second chance at life to the fullest while Bickslow had morphed from a very resentful teenager to something that might resemble an adult in childish attire, who could go from very serious to a complete and utter moron for no reason other than he was clearly imbalanced.

Considering Natsu was her best friend and she adored Mirajane, Laxus figured Lisanna adored imbalanced.

They annoyed him at times, as most things and people did, with their banter and inside jokes that they seemed to get a kick out of, when occurred in the presence of the others. And he didn't always like the way that Bickslow treated Lisanna when he was in one of his 'moods', leaving her a crying mess over the fact that she was a child, he was not, and therefore she did not understand things like he did.

Laxus liked Bickslow. Loved the guy. But the man was nearly as deep nor mature was he liked to imagine himself. He was no knight. Light, dark, or in between.

He was just a man in a visor with dolls that had lived a challenged life and was damn lucky to be dating Laxus' little sister!

Err…

They were good for one another though. Or so he'd decided in their year of dating. Lisanna made Bickslow happy and kept him out of all their hair while he did the same with her. For as annoying as they could be together, they seemed to like it, being annoying together.

And Laxus might not be the nicest guy around, but he did care about Bickslow. His happiness might not have any affect on Laxus' own, but it did make him feel a bit lighter, knowing that the other guy was in a good, productive relationship.

"She," Evergreen began as Laxus contemplated some more of the things he liked about Lisanna (she could make the stupid Salamander shut the hell up, knew how to stop Mira from crying when he was too mean, could trick Elfman to get out of the house when he and the demon needed some alone time; the list went on), "left Bickslow."

"Left him where?" he grumbled. "If this is some sort of scam, again, for me to shell out jewels for those morons to get home, forget it! They can walk. I'm not buying train tick-"

"Left him, Laxus. Like… Broke up with him or whatever."

He'd actually been ready to yell at Evergreen for cutting him off (no one cut him off unless their name was Mirajane Strauss and even then, she better have a damn good reason for doing so), but her words were catching up with his brain about the same time.

"What?"

Nodding, she said, "And it's a whole ordeal, for Elfman, because he thought that I would be all upset or whatever. You know, about Lisanna and the other guy."

"Wait, what other guy?" Laxus couldn't believe he cared, but much like the moniker for their apparently splintering group, it just slipped out. "Lisanna was-"

"She met someone."

"Oh, lord," he grumbled before shoving back from the table. "I gotta get out of here."

"The restaurant? You might as well finish eating. I don't know what good you could possibly-"

"No. This town." Laxus shook his head. "The demon is going to be all over this and I do not want to have to deal with it."

"But Laxus, you have to do something."

"Why?"

Evergreen gave him a shocked face. "For Bickslow. That little...slut has broken his heart."

"Bickslow and Lisanna break up all the time," he reasoned. "Or at least fight. This will blow over, with me in another town, and I will come back when-"

"I just told you there's another guy-"

"We're all young; there's a thousand other guys and chicks and everything in between, for all of us."

"...What?"

"There's always going to be someone else," he informed her. "There's other guys that you're interested in besides Elfman, aren't there?"

"I don't understand why we have to talk about-"

"And I see plenty of women I'd like to plow!"

"That you'd like to what?"

"But it all works out eventually. And Lisanna and Bickslow will figure their shit out." Pulling out his wallet, he was just snatching out some jewels when, with a groan, he saw Freed rushing through the doors of the cafe, bypassing the worker that rose to seat him and coming right over to the pair.

"Good, you're both here," he said with a bow of his head. "Bickslow is-"

"Nope. Na-ah. I'm not." Laxus even shook his head as the man sat down. "I'm not involved in this stupid drama. Not this time. I was that time you kicked Elfman out, Ever, that time Bickslow and Lisanna fought for a week straight over a damn bet they made that she wouldn't honor, hell, I even listened to you and Mirajane bicker, Freed, over whether or not she or you would make a better guild master-"

"Why do you have to bring up Elfman?"

"And I still stand by my assessments."

"-but this? This isn't my fight, this isn't interesting to me, and I will not be a part of- "

"Bickslow is very upset," Freed tried to insist. "I do not think that Evergreen has explained to you the situation very well."

"I don't care about the situation. I-"

"Lisanna wished to speak with him," Freed carried on regardless and arg! Was Mirajane filling their heads with lies about how they were just allowed to interrupt him? Huh? That sneak little...sexy...amazing...gah it would suck to leave her until this all blew over, demon. "Privately, she said, to him, at the hall, and I was seated with him. They went outside the hall and, when they returned- Or, well, he returned, without her, and was quite upset. He claims that Lisanna informed him that, a few month prior, she met another man, a non-guild man- You know, perhaps even one that is not even proficient in magic. Imagine that."

"Freed," Laxus grumbled, though he wasn't sure why, as he didn't care one bit about the entire thing. At all. But… "Just get to the point."

Bowing his head a bit, the man went on, "Upon his return, Bickslow informed me that Lisanna had taken him off to the side of the building and explained that she'd be leaving town for a bit."

"Lucky her," the slayer muttered.

"And she couldn't be in contact with him during it, effectively ending their relationship. Which is quite sudden, in my opinion and-"

"Oh, I told it way better." Evergreen rolled her eyes heavily, shaking her head a bit as well. "Freed. You're leaving out the biggest part."

"I-" Freed tried, but it was finally Laxus' turn to cut someone off as Elfman freaking Strauss walked through the door and arg!

He hated them.

All of them.

"Oh, good, you're all here."

"No, not good," Laxus grumbled as he came to the table, the waiter only rolling her eyes as the slayer was joined once more. "What are you-"

"I had to make sure that things are still okay. Between us."

"They're not," Laxus grumbled.

"They're rather normal," Freed said.

"I'm not talking to either of you!"

"Watch who you're yellin' at, Elfboy." Rolling his eyes, Laxus said, "And we're in public. What do you want? To talk to Ever? Do it on your own time."

"Or perhaps talk to your sister about not-"

"Being a tramp."

"I was going to say heart breaker, Ever," sighed Freed, "but sure."

"Lisanna's a man!" Elfman growled.

"Which, actually, would make this story down a far different path," Freed said with a nod of his head.

Laxus, however, only continued to glare at his girlfriend's brother. "Why do you exist?"

"L-Laxus," Evergreen gasped, mouth hanging agape. "Don't-"

"I'm here-"

"I didn't say here. I said exist, Elfboy, and I know you heard me."

"-because," the man continued regardless, "I wanted to be sure that everything is still fine between us, Evergreen. Considering..."

"Things were never good between us, so-"

"He didn't say good. He said fine, Ever," Laxus remarked as he pulled out some jewels to toss on the table, "and I know you heard him."

Sighing, Freed shook his head a bit as he said, "Laxus, I fear that only you, at this point, can help Bickslow."

"Me?"

"Of course. There is no one that he respects more."

"And you can probably dupe that tramp into getting back with him," Evergreen offered as Elfman's eyes flared.

"Lisanna is not a tramp! She's a man."

"She's a cheater. And is cheating manly, Elfman? Hmmm?" Ever wasn't looking at him though. Just at her idol. To him, she said, "Bickslow respects you, Laxus. And he's going through a lot right now."

"It's been a few hours, right? Sheesh. What do you want me to do? You gotta let a man mourn."

"Then after he mourns?" Freed was quite concerned as well, it seemed. "You will go and-"

"And what? Huh? He's the one that decided to get with Lisanna. A fucking kid, practically. Barely legal, I feel. How many of you are still with the first person you slept with?"

"What are you talking about?" Elfman frowned. "Slept with? Lisanna hasn't… Lisanna… What are you talking about?"

"How many times do I have to inform him that I'm not talking to him before he gets the point?" Laxus made a face. "It's been three years now of me saying this and he seems to still be unaware of this fact."

"Three years since what?" Elfman grumbled as the slayer still refused to look at him.

"Three years," Ever sighed as, once more, the typically sleepy cafe's doors opened to reveal none other than Mirajane Strauss, "since that."

It was quite visible, the way that Laxus went from barking at the others to sitting up straight, silently watching his girlfriend come over to him. He did gesture to Freed, however, when she was close enough and, without a word, got to his feet, offering his seat to the woman.

"Demon." Laxus cleared his throat. "Come sit down. What are you doing-"

"We have an issue that we need to take care of."

The other three's eyes widened as, without missing a beat, Laxus nodded his head saying, "Yeah, that's why I got these chumps here to fill me in on everything. I'll take care of things."

"Bickslow's crushed and Lisanna's run off and I just-"

"Just getting all filled in, demon," he continued as Evergreen's eyes turned to glares, from behind her glasses, as she had not been met with nearly as welcoming a response that Mirajane was currently getting. "Already taking care of it."

"Really?"

"Yep. Just, uh, talking your brother here, you know, and listening to him. I listen to him a lot. Elfman. You know. I-"

"What are you doing about it, Laxus?" Mirajane hadn't sat down and neither was Freed once more, fearful of rebuking by his leader, which should have made Evergreen feel awkward, being the only one other than Laxus being seated, but quite honestly, she was too busy glaring at Elfman.

She wasn't really mad at him.

Or at Lisanna.

Nor Bickslow.

Shit happened. No one stayed together forever. It was poor timing, fine, but perhaps it would finally get Mirajane to quit insisting that all of them, as a big group, should go out together or spend exuberant amounts of time around one another, which would mean that Laxus wouldn't be forced into forcing them to listen to the woman's suggestions.

Evergreen liked Bickslow. And Lisanna was… She wasn't Erza, at least. Seeing them breakup and the fallout that was no doubt going to occur from it would be the furthest thing from fun around, but ultimately, what could you do?

Honestly?

Something, apparently, if you were Laxus and lying to your girlfriend while shifting most your thoughts to plans of just how to get out of what you were promising.

"I'm," he said slowly as he stared at his girlfriend, "going...to...talk to...Bick-"

"Both of them? With me? Soon? And fix this? Because they cannot breakup, Laxus. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you, but-"

"Because we cannot let this," she said, gesturing around to Freed, ever faithfully standing at attention, Elfman, still trying to figure out in his head just what Laxus meant by 'sleep together' because his little sister did not 'sleep' with anyone, damn it, and Evergreen, who was resisting the jealous urges to turn Mirajane to stone, only to break her, in retaliation for getting that damn Laxus attention she herself so craved, "die."

"This?" Laxus repeated though he knew what was coming next.

"The Thunder Strauss Tribe."

"I do not think," Freed offered softly, "that should the two of them decide to not be together that it would change-"

"I'm not part of that stupid group anyways." Ever was beyond peeved and it was beginning to show. Toying with her glasses (as well as the idea of spreading the broken pieces of Statue Mirajane around a dog park, where they'd get properly pissed on), the woman said, "So I really don't-"

"Shut up, Ever." Laxus hated pouting more than he hated the fact he was totally getting up then to go following along with Mirajane and meddle in something that, while he might give one shit about, he certainly didn't give two. "Look, Mirajane, has your dragon ever high and dry? Huh?"

"Well-"

"No," the slayer answered for her. "He hasn't."

"He also has a problem with talking in the third person," Elfman grumbled.

"Then you'll go with me?" Mirajane's bright blues were on her boyfriend. "You'll come talk to Bickslow with me?"

"Of course, Mira."

"And the rest of you too?"

"Come again?" Freed asked.

"I'll be a man and go talk to him man on man," Elfman agreed. "But not if he and Lisanna have been… Mira, does Lisanna..."

"I'm going nowhere," Evergreen finished.

"Mira," Laxus began, "do we really need them to-"

"Yes," she interrupted him and his blood barely boiled because it was his demon and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted. "We do."

So Laxus tipped the place handsomely, even though he hadn't finished his meal, knowing that he'd annoyed the sleepy cafe by bringing his crazy cohorts to it.

"How did you all even know where I was?" he asked after they left, his arm around Mirajane's shoulders as the others walked behind them. "Huh?"

"When aren't you there?" Ever remarked.

"When he's eating at Mira's," Freed finished.

"You know-" Laxus about snapped, but then, once more, the only thing that could ever stop him decided to speak.

"We need to focus," she informed all of them. "I bet that Bickslow is at the apartment, sulking, and I've been looking for Lisanna, but I can't find her, so it's best if we just go deal with him first. But what are we going to say to him? I've never…cheated on a guy before."

"Right," Evergreen agreed. "Because you're not a tramp."

"Stop calling my sister a tramp!" Elfman was starting to lose it and it was obvious. "I know what you're implying."

"I'm not implying anything." Ever even huffed a bit. "I flat out called Lisanna one back at the-"

"You-"

"No." Laxus glared back at the pair as Freed, who was between the two couples, lowered his head a bit. "We are on Bickslow and Lisanna's ill fated...whatever. We're not dealing with the two of you as well. If you can't say anything nice, shut the fuck up."

"Language, dragon."

He only continued to glare back at the others, Freed still looking away, Ever blushing, and Elfman glaring right back at the man, while saying to his girlfriend, "They should just respect you more, is all I'm saying."

"So should you, with your language."

Heh.

Ever and Elfman bickered under their breaths and Laxus and Freed shared many sighs, but for the most part, it was silent on their walk across town and to the man's apartment.

When they arrived, however, Mirajane made a request.

"Maybe," she said, taking in the long faces of Elfman and Evergreen as well as the way Freed wouldn't even look at her and coming to the realization that there was a good chance they would worsen more than they would better, "you guys should, uh, you know… Look around for Lisanna some? And Lax and I will take this one? And when you find her, contact Bickslow's lacrima back here. We'll be waiting."

No one would have listened to Mirajane (other than her big brother who really wanted to find Lisanna anyways as they had a few things to discuss), had Laxus not given them harsh glares and grumbled out to get on with it.

"And we'll be here," he finished as the three jetted off, leaving him with his demon (the absolute last person he'd been planning on spending his alone day with; sigh). "Dealing with Bickslow."

Even though Bickslow was supposed to be his and Lisanna hers, Laxus felt like Mira was far more equipped to dealing with the seith than he was. Quite honestly, Laxus and Lisanna synced pretty well. He'd scold her for cheating, try to get her back with Bickslow, see if that fell through, if so go intimidate the new guy, get them to break up, and then ban her from Bickslow too because Lisanna didn't need to date.

She just didn't.

At least not the losers she was attracted too…

"I could see her with Freed," Laxus would frequently tell Mirajane.

"Laxus, Freed's not attracted to women."

Exactly.

Still, the slayer was ultimately more loyal to Bickslow, deep down, maybe, kind of sort of- Or at the very least, he felt something in the pit of his stomach as they approached the man's door that might have been construed as guilt and sympathy.

Laxus decided, however, to consider it hunger pains. Since, you know, he wasn't freaking allowed to finish his damn meal…

"This is his apartment," Laxus muttered to Mirajane when they found themselves inside the building and before the door. Raising his hand to knock, he called out, "Bickslow? Buddy? You in there?"

There was the sound of some stuff tumbling over before, "Don't come in! I'm killing myself!"

"What?" Mirajane shoved poor Laxus out of the way then, moving to try the knob (the moron never locked his place). Throwing the door open, she yelled out, "Bickslow, are you serious? What-"

"Metaphorically, Mrs. Boss."

Laxus could have killed them then though as they found the man in his boxers, stretched out in his filthy living room (Bickslow was more of a move in, junk up the place, and move out without even asking about your poor security deposit), his dolls crying in what sounded like agony as they flew around, ramming into things. He wasn't so certain, however, Laxus wasn't, that the dolls weren't doing this more for fun than they actually knew Lisanna was gone.

"What?" Mirajane clutched at her chest as she stared at him. "Why would you say that? What is wrong with you?"

"I'm a poetically wounded knight! I've been slayed!" His head lulled to the side and Laxus was worried the cigarette dangling from his lips would snag the carpet and set it ablaze. "And to think, everyone assumed I'd be the one to hurt Lisanna. I am no more! I am-"

"Drunk." Laxus went to kick one of the many beer bottles littered around, narrowly missing hitting Bickslow in the head with it (and he'd certainly been trying). "You're drunk."

"Oi, boss," He blinked up at Mirajane as she came to stare down at him. "I'm that too."

"Bickslow, what happened?" Mirajane seemed about to get on her knees, next to the man, on that disgusting floor, but no way was Laxus letting her ruin her dress (or risk catching something) because his dickhead follower. Grabbing her arm, he shook his head at her, forcing her to stay standing. Still, Mira only asked, "With Lisanna?"

"Why do you care?" The seith sniffled before staring blankly up at the ceiling once more, sucking on his cig. "You didn't care about me before Lisanna."

"That's not true."

"Is so."

"I cared about all of you. Ever, Freed, and you. Even when you were jokes."

"Liar?"

"Then how come you think I didn't kill all of you with my demon powers for turning me to stone? If I didn't even care a little."

"Because," Bickslow said after a puff, "you don't have a dark soul like I do."

For a second, Mirajane was silent. Then, "I don't have a dark soul?"

"Not like me."

"I have a demon inside of me."

"Satan," Laxus reiterated. "She has Satan inside of-"

"Dragon, we have gone over this." Mira made a face up at him then. "It's just a nickname. I do not have the legitimate-"

"Well, I don't feel like it's as obvious as you make it out to be."

"I've told you, though, so-"

"I just threatened to kill myself," Bickslow grumbled, "and this is what you people focus on?"

"Metaphorically," Mira reminded softly as the seith only muttered under his breath.

"And why are you in your boxers anyways?" Laxus asked, poking at the man's side with the tip of his boot. Mira elbowed him for it, but the slayer only continued to glare. "It's the middle of the day. Heck, you were even at the hall earlier, they all said! Did you just strip down to mope?"

"I'm heartbroken, boss!"

"You can't be heartbroken with pants on?"

"Did you come here just to bother me?"

Mira didn't just elbow Laxus then; she literally shoved him again. When he glared at him,, she pointed to the kitchen.

"Go and get him a drink of water," she ordered with a frown. "Now."

Grumbling himself then, Laxus made his way carefully through the littered floor, making a face when his nice clean boots got all mucked up. He stepped in a freaking bowl of pudding. Bowl. Of. Pudding. Left on the floor. Crusty and nasty, left out for who knew how long pudding.

He hated Bickslow's apartment.

He very well might hate Bickslow.

Honestly, he'd never considered.

But, as he searched the equally as dirty kitchen for a rag or something to wipe his boots off with (and got all worked up that Lisanna might actually have low enough self-esteem that she stuck around in that place; Bickslow, eh he was pretty sure the poor guy did, but Lisanna?), he started to consider it.

Heavily.

"Bickslow, didn't Lisanna show signs?" Laxus heard Mirajane ask out in the living room. "Of...cheating? Or whatever it is that she was doing?"

"No." He sniffled. "Just yesterday we were smoking out in the park and hanging out. And last week! Last week we'd just screwed-"

"What?"

"Bickslow," Laxus growled from the kitchen.

"I'm just tellin' the truth. We did. And afterwards, as we're lying there, and I'm talkin', it suddenly hit me." Bickslow paused and Laxus figured it was to blow smoke. "Lissy and I? We're pretty much forever."

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes, Mirajane."

"You smothered her."

"Ha! Smothered? She loved it. She ate it up. And I ate her up!"

"Laxus-"

"Bickslow, stop talking about Lisanna that way," the slayer growled as he walked back out there. "Now!"

"Stop yelling at me! Both of you! I'm tittering on the edge!"

"The edge of what?"

"Of losin' it, boss." He sat up then, crawling away from the still standing Mirajane (thankfully; Laxus might have had to break up with Mirajane, if she caught anything from that place; no telling what sorta dangers she might transfer to him if he didn't) and over to his tiny coffee table, where his overflowing ashtray sat. Stabbing out the smoked to the filter cigarette in it, he said over his shoulder, "It's only been an hour or two and I already feel like my life is over. What did I do before Lisanna? What will I do after? What was I even doing durin'? I'mma be forever alone."

"Now that's not true." Mirajane made a face as Laxus only shrugged a bit because, well… "And you know it."

"It is though, Mrs. Boss."

"Not at all."

"Lissy was the only one for me. I's gonna knock her up and buy us a nice house that I actually didn't fuck up and we were gonna be together forever." After snuffing out his cigarette, he only fell back onto the floor once ore, this tie on his stomach, face buried in a couch pillow that had been resting down there. "Who else would ever wanna be with me?"

"Plenty of people."

"Mira, don't get his hopes that far up."

"I mean, objectively," the woman clarified as Bickslow only moaned against his pillow. At the sound, his dolls stopped their ramming of things to come circle around him and moan as well. Quite annoyingly, Laxus might add. "The normal pool of women who would usually be attracted to a man who plays with wooden dolls and walks around in a costume will still be attracted to you."

"Yeah." Laxus even nodded his head. "All the typical freaks."

"Dragon!"

"What? He knows he's a freak."

"You just insulted my baby sister."

Oh.

Scratching at the back of his neck, Laxus said slowly, "Well… It's not like I'm wrong-"

"Dragon-"

"I've had it all before, boss, Mrs. Boss," Bickslow lamented loudly, lifting his head a bit as he did so in order for them to hear him clearly. Even in the depths of despair, the seith was nothing if he wasn't a showman. "The women, the late nights. The endless mix of illegal drugs and equally as lawless sex!"

"Laxus-"

"Bickslow, I'm about to kick you again."

"Boss, I was just about to get to the part where you'd let me have all your leftovers! And then we'd talk about- You can't punt a man when he's down! And mask-less, no less!"

Mirajane, however, only put her hands on her hips as Laxus stood over Bickslow, kicking at him as the other man continued to try and roll away. "You guys...shared women, Laxus?"

"No." He paused his assault to look back at her. "I don't share anything. If the little freak slunk into the beds of previous conquests-"

"Previous what?"

Damn it. Laxus turned away from Mirajane then, to stomp on Bickslow some more (it was his fault he was fucking things up with the demon), but frowned when he found the man had crawled off, behind the couch, his little dolls having followed.

"Bickslow," he growled to which he got a loud burp before the sound of a beer can tab was popped. "Come back here."

"No! I'm gonna drink my sorrow to death. And neither of you are invited to the funeral! So get out."

"What did you just say to me, you little-"

"Bickslow, we came to help you," Mira interceded. "We want you to feel better. And to know that, you know, nothing's changed."

"Everything's changed!"

"Well, with you and my sister, fine, but I meant as a unit."

"A unit of what?" He sounded like he sniffled a bit. "Huh?"

"Like...like a family."

For a moment, they were all silent. Even the babies. Then, softly, ,Bickslow said, "What family? If me and Lissy are broken up, the family is dead."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. Just like if you and boss broke up, why would I ever care about you that way anymore?"

That time the silence was different. Because it was Mirajane's turn to speak and she just wasn't. And Mira was never at a loss for words. Literally every. Short of gagging her (which Laxus had tried to work into the bedroom and, hopefully, eventually finagle into full time because, shit, his woman talked too much), the woman always had something to say.

Always.

"Demon," Laxus sighed, glancing over at her. "Don't start- Damn it, Bickslow, now she's crying."

"I'm crying too," the seith carped as Laxus wen to comfort the woman. "Why are you guys acting like this is all just a game?"

"Us? What about you? Huh?"

"I'm not actin' like it's a game! I'm hurt too. But did you come here to check on me? No! Your stupid girlfriend had to drag you here. Didn't she? So that you could 'deal' with me and let me down 'easy' that you guys are choosing Lisanna over me!"

"No one's fucking doing that, you stupid-"

"Lisanna was wrong, Bickslow, wherever she is, if she cheated on you," Mira said through tears. "And-"

"If? If? She definitely did! She took me outside and basically told me just that."

"Yeah, well-"

"Basically?" Laxus was standing with his demon then, awkwardly patting at her back as he tried to stop her tears (he was never good at that sorta thing), but his eyes went back over to the couch Bickslow was still hiding behind. "What does basically mean?"

"It means she did it! And don't you dare try to excuse her! I know you like her more than me, boss."

"I do not."

"Do so."

"No."

"You like Mira more than me at least."

"Fuck duh, you moron. Do you suck my dick?"

"Laxus!" Mira wasn't crying anymore. She was elbowing him. "Don't-"

"Wait, does she?" Suddenly, Bickslow peeked his head from over the backside of the couch. Wagging his eyebrows at them, he said, "I pictured you guys, you know, being real stringent about sex. Just you on top, boss, really givin' it to Mirajane, yeah? And-"

"Don't think about us having sex! Shut up!"

"Really givin' it to her."

Mirajane took to shoving Laxus away again (he felt like he was being pretty abused that day for, you know, giving up his whole free damn time to deal with something Mirajane forced upon him) though that time it was only to say, "Bickslow, do you not think that we're friends? Me and you? At least?"

He sunk back down behind the couch then, hiding himself once more. Mumbling then, he said, "I dunno. I guess. By necessity."

"What does that mean?"

"You have to like me. Or you did. Since I was with Lissy. But now..."

"I liked you before you were with Lisanna."

"Whatever."

"I did," Mira insisted, sniffling herself then. Wiping at her eyes, she said, "It's like I was trying to tell you before. I always thought that you were nice."

"Yeah," Laxus remarked dryly. "That's what he is. Nice."

"Weird," Mira agreed, glancing at her boyfriend before back at the couch. "But nice. And I'm always gonna think that. I had it all planned out, you know? You and Lisanna and me and Laxus and our kids would play together-"

"What kids?" Laxus grumbled. "I'm not having kids. We've gone over this. Did you see that piss poor job I just did of trying to get you to stop crying? And I've had years to practice that."

"And I still think we can have that." Mira, as always, ignored Laxus' complaints about the subject. She'd weasel a baby out of him eventually. No need to fret. "Because I don't… Until I talk to Lisanna, I don't believe it, Bickslow. If she did, fine, she's horrible and that sucks and it's not your fault, but right now… You guys can get passed this. If Laxus cheated on me, do you think I'd just let him break up with me?"

The slayer made a face down at the woman then before saying, "What do you mean? I'm not a dog. If I found another woman and was leaving you-"

"You wouldn't."

"If I wanted to-"

"I wouldn't let you."

"You sure do sound abusive today."

"Oh? And you'd just let me go?"

"If you cheated one me, Mira?" Laxus couldn't help it. He snorted. "I don't care if you were going off with the other guy or not; you'd be gone even if you wanted to stay."

"Are you serious?"

"Are you?"

"I would forgive you," Mira said as she turned to fully face him. "If you cheated."

"Careful what you say, woman," he warned as he held his head higher. "Because it sounds a lot like we're edging towards an open relationship."

"Gross. No, we're not."

"How is that gross? If we're just forgiving one another for cheating anyways?"

"I didn't say I would if you, like, were a chronic cheater. I-"

"Great, it's already started," they heard Bickslow gripe from his side of the couch, still hidden from them. "You guys are actually in my apartment, with me feeling so down, and don't even care. Would you just get out already? So I can start my new life, all alone?" When his babies began to whine, he corrected this wife, "Alone with my children? The only children I'll ever have now?"

Mira and Laxus, who had been glaring at one another, both looked back then, at the empty couch. Mira started to finally go walk over there, around it, but Laxus held up a hand.

Bickslow was an idiot. The biggest idiot. But he was Laxus big idiot; and he wanted to make sure he was okay. Truly okay.

Besides, he could argue with Mirajane any time.

Believe him they argued at any time. Morning, noon, night, or any combination of the three.

Walking carefully then (because if he got something on his boots again, depressed o not, the slayer was making the seith clean them), Laxus went around to the other side of the couch, where Bickslow was sitting with his back up against it, sniffling down at his beer can.

"Hey." Bending down (but not letting any part of himself touch the ground because gross), the slayer stared heavily at the seith as he said, "You're gonna be okay, Bickslow."

"How do you know? Me and the kid? We were great together! Great! Greater than great! We were the greatest. And even we didn't work out. Even she got tired of me. Why does everyone always get tired of me?"

Tentatively reaching out, Laxus patted the other man on the shoulder before saying, "I haven't given up on you."

That got Bickslow to lift his eyes, slowly, them finding his idol's then. Softly, he asked, "Really, boss?"

"Really." Laxus even nodded. "And Freed hasn't either. Now Evergreen- Yeah, you can give up on her, but me and Freed? We got your back, buddy. You over Lisanna every time. Bros before h-"

"Laxus!"

He about bit his tongue then, at the sound of Mira's sharp rebuke, before saying, "Well, you get it, anyways, Bickslow."

Nodding a bit, the man glanced away before saying, "I know it's stupid, boss, and that this is all just fresh and all and that's how come I'm feelin' so down, but..."

"You know, Bickslow," Laxus began slowly, leaving his hand there, on the other man's shoulder, "there was once, a long time ago, before me and Mirajane, when I was stupid and thought I was in love with this other chick too."

"No shit, boss?"

Ignoring the silence of Mirajane (which was never good), Laxus only nodded his head a bit at the other man. "Yeah. And she left me too. For this other guy. This other mage. Really tore me apart."

"Do I know-"

"No." Laxus said that part quickly. "You don't. No one does. Another town and all. You know? And it really broke me up for a bit."

"Is it what made you into the cold, callus man you are today?"

"What?"

"Err, never mind, boss, just continue."

Making a face as he removed his hand finally, Laxus only said, "My point is this; where would I be right now if it wasn't for her breaking up with me? Leaving me? Huh? For someone else? Not with Mirajane, probably. And that's not a future I want to contemplate. At all."

That time around, the silence was comfortable. Until, of course, Bickslow saw fit to ruin it.

"Because she sucks ya off, boss?"

"Alright." Shoving the man's head rather hard, Laxus got back to his feet. "We're done here."

"Just bein' conversational."

"Yeah well, knock it off. Before I-"

"The communication lacrima!" Suddenly, Mirajane found her voice as the shrill sound of the lacrima's ringer went off. "Bickslow, where is it?"

And boy, that was a hassle within itself to find. Eventually, after drudging it out from underneath the couch, they flicked it on.

"Do you or do you not," they heard as Evergreen's scowling face greeted them, "know how many jewels it costs to place a call on the public lacrimas at the train station?"

"What are you doin' at the station?" Bickslow asked with a frown. "Is that my gift to make me feel better? You're leavin' town? Forever?"

"You know what, Bickslow? I-"

"Ever, did you find Lisanna?" Laxus was tired of being in that apartment and, though the train station wasn't exactly where he had planned on going on his super chill Mira-free day, it was a definite improvement. "Is she there?"

"Lissy?" Sudddenly Bickslow was backing away from the kitchen counter they'd placed the lacrima on. "No. No way. What kinda game is this? I-"

"You don't just get to dissolve a big portion of the family without the family being there to stop it." Mirajane pounded one fist into another before saying, "We'll be there soon, Ever."

"Well, I didn't tell you if she was here yet, but yeah, she is." The other woman rolled her eyes heavily. "And if you're wanting to catch her, guys, I think I'd hurry."

The lacrima went black then and, with a frown, Bickslow said, "Don't I get a say in this?"

"You can say yes, I'm going to go with you guys to fix things," Mirajane informed him. "But short of that-"

"If you don't wanna go, Bickslow, you don't have to."

"L-Laxus-"

"Mirajane, if Lisanna's leaving town with another guy and you wanna get involved, fine, that's Strauss shit." And him shit. Because he was going to definitely be down there to slug the guy one before he took off for who knows where with his...whatever Lisanna was. "But if it's only gonna...hurt Bickslow then… And sometimes, things take time. And I know I told you that I would talk to them, and I will, you know, talk to Lisanna, but why does it all have to be at once? And, you know, this was kind of what we all eventually expected to happen, right? I mean, no one thinks Elfman and Evergreen are gonna be a thing forever? Do they?"

"Well, I mean, I bank on it, but-"

"Demon-"

"Bickslow," she sighed as she looked at the man once more, "if it's only going to hurt you, don't come. But I have to go talk to Lisanna before she leaves. So-"

"Actually? You know what? She blindsided me before."

"Blindsided," his dolls shrieked as Laxus contemplated striking them with some lightning, before they left, so he didn't have to put up with them on the way to the station. "Blindsided!"

"And now, I'm gonna say my peace!" Bickslow slammed the fist not cradling his beer into his chest, tongue tumbling from his mouth. "I'll tell her off real good!"

"W-Well, I don't know about telling her off-"

"You wanted them to see one another, demon," Laxus reminded. "Remember?"

Well, she wanted them to get together, realize they belonged together, and let her get back to her big happy family fantasy, but sure.

"And get dressed," Laxus grumbled when Bickslow started to head to the front door. "How do you walk around this place without shoes on anyways? I don't even like letting my woman breath this air!"

"Oi, boss. Shouldn't judge another man's way of living, yeah?"

"I'll judge whatever I want. And hurry up. Taking up my whole damn day for this mess."

As Bickslow and his dolls disappeared into his bedroom, Mirajane only went to rub at Laxus' arm, getting his attention.

"Hey," she said as he stared down at her. "You never mentioned this...woman that you were so in love with. And we've talked about all your exes."

They had.

It was a thing.

Seriously, it was.

Or at least, it was a Mirajane being nosy as hell thing.

"Because she's not real, silly." Laxus snorted, looking off. "Ain't a woman alive worth being all broken up over."

"Hey."

"You're not just a woman, Mirajane. You're my demon. If something happened to us? End of the world."

"That's cute."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I meant I would end the world. The entire thing. As retribution. Grade A level villain."

Mira made a face and looked about ready to rebuke him, but Bickslow was coming back then, helmet on, but not his usual getup.

"Where's your costume?" Mira asked politely.

"It's not a costume! It's a statement." Then, coughing into his hand, he said, "And the reason I really, uh, took it off had less to do with writhing in my pain and more to do with spilling beer all over it."

Mira and Laxus shared a look before, finally, they set off.

Freed met them before they made it to the station, out in the street, where he'd seemed to be waiting for them.

"So," he said slowly after an awkward moment where Bickslow hugged him, because he was all emotional, and Freed just kind of stood there and took it, looking to Laxus for help as Mirajane joined in, but the slayer only shook his head. He'd already done his good deed for the day. Freed could save himself. "There's been a development."

"With Lissy?" Bickslow asked as they continued on to the station.

"Well...with a Strauss but-"

"Evergreen and Elfman bailed, didn't they?" Laxus asked dryly.

"It was for the better," Freed agreed. "We did not want to tip Lisanna off that we were there and they were fighting because Evergreen kept...insinuating things about Lisanna and-"

"It will be easier wtihout-"

"Laxus, we need everyone though." Mirajane looked about ready to pout. After all he'd done that day, Laxus wasn't having it.

"Demon, I'm putting back together this one and Lisanna right now. If you want me to deal with Elfman and Ever, it's gonna have to wait until tomorrow."

"But-"

"There's no putting back together." Bickslow pushed his visor up and glanced back at the pair before at Freed, who was walking beside him. "I'm going to tell her off! Big time! Make me look like a moron?"

"You mean a bigger one?" Laxus asked. "Or-"

"Can we all, please, just remember that we are in public?" Freed asked. "Just this once?"

"Bah!" Bickslow let his visor fall. "Do we ever?"

"That is why I added that part about just this once, but-"

"Never! The public should be so lucky as to see this!"

"Um… Dragon?" Mirajane grabbed Laxus' arm, pulling him to a stop as his two followers continued on. "I...I think I might have...made a mistake? Um… Maybe we shouldn't have forced them both together again? So soon? And maybe I should have spoken to Lisanna before-"

"Demon, it's too late now." Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Laxus made her continue on. "The worst that can happen now is that they never get back together. Which is fine. I'm still pushing towards Lisanna just never dating anyone at all ever. Or Freed."

"Laxus-"

"They'd be happy together. They both like to read. And… They both like magic. And I'm both their favorite person ever, I'm nearly certain. Endless topics."

Mirajane only moaned though. "I have a really bad feeling, dragon."

"I won't let 'em kill one another, baby. In this sorta situation, what more can you hope for, huh?"

No tears.

That's all Laxus wanted.

Yelling, fighting, bloodshed; whatever. But tears? No thanks.

The train station was packed, but Freed led them right to where he'd last seen Lisanna. She was sitting on a bench, a bag on her back, and a very tall, way too old for her, and not nearly as goofy looking to be with his little...whatever, man was sitting beside her.

Laxus was sizing him up while Bickslow only glared at their backs.

"So now what?" Freed asked slowly as they all four stood there. "Do we approach them? Or do we all decide that this is better handled in private and, now that Laxus has, I hope, allowed Bickslow to feel a bit better, let him continue to heal on his own like good friends would be?"

"We're not friends, Freed," Mirajane reminded softly. "We're family. So...Bickslow, did you wanna-"

"How could you?"

This suddenly came out of the seith as they were standing there, a bit back from where Lisanna was, on that bench, before the platform. It got a few people to turn and look at him, but the place was so noisy that Lisanna, of course, didn't hear him.

"I mean," he went on as he still only stood there with Mirajane and his two friends. They all watched him silently as he spoke aloud, but seemingly not to anyone in particular. "I thought what we had was so good and great and...and...and to leave me for some other guy… What about our babies? And all the things that we used to do together? And what am I supposed to do all by myself now? You're my best friend. I'm just supposed to turn that off now? So that you can go out on some big adventure with some other guy? And what? Sit around and hope and wait for you? Huh? How that's fair? It's not! And I'm not going to. I'm… If you don't want me, fine. Then I don't… Then I don't want you either."

Just standing there, the four of them, the station seemed still, even though it was bustling around them. Laxus glanced down at Bickslow, who was hiding quite effectively behind his visor before to Freed who was nodding his head. Had it just been the three of them, how it should have been, that would have been the end of it.

Too bad the whole thing was Mirajane's brainchild and therefore she was right there with them.

"Mira, what are you doing?" Laxus had been ready to clap Bickslow on the back, give him and Freed some jewels to go out and get wasted on (sans him) and go back to his great day alone. Instead, he was having to reach out to grab his girlfriend's arm. "Stop it. Don't go over there. Bickslow got it all out. And-"

"No." She shoved Laxus off and, finished with that portion of things from her for the day, he only glared. "Lisanna just doesn't get to ride off into the sunset. Come on, Bickslow."

"M-Mrs. Boss-"

"She doesn't get to do this to you without hearing about it from me," Mira told him over her shoulder.

"If you are only planning on scolding her like a sister," Freed cautioned, "perhaps the three of us should-"

"I'm not doing it as her sister." Mira had her serious voice on and Laxus only looked off, knowing then that stopping her would be futile. "I'm doing this because Bickslow's hurt and she caused it."

"Mrs. Boss, you're not gonna-"

"I am."

"But no! Lissy's strong enough for that."

"Then she better get ready."

As Bickslow and Mirajane set off over to Lisanna, Laxus only said to Freed, "You were hoping not to be embarrassed in public-"

"I will not leave you to die of embarrassment alone."

"I've been with Mira for three years. Dealing with the Strauss siblings for three years." Laxus let out a long breath as, slowly, he and his most loyal friend went after the other two. "Embarrassment is long dead."

"Lisanna!"

Mira's tone was the punishing one and Laxus got a cold sweat just from the memories of their early relationship, where he got rebuked for nearly everything he did. Not a fun time.

The younger Strauss went ridged, anyways, at the sound of her sister's voice and only stared in shock as Mirajane came to stand before her, hands on her hip, anger, not disappointment, etched in her face. Because she would be disappointed later. Much later.

At the moment, it wasn't about Lisanna. It was about Bickslow. And showing him that no matter what, in the last three years with Laxus, not the one year he and her sister had been together, she'd formed a bond with him. More than just a friendship. And certainly nothing out of necessity.

"M-Mira? Wha- Bickslow did you tel her that I was-"

"How could you do this to him? Huh?" Mira was standing in front of the bench and, in shock, the guy beside Lisanna stared at the elder Strauss. "What has Bickslow ever done to you but care about you? And give you someone to listen to you? And love you?"

"What?"

"No one said nothin' 'bout no love, Mrs. Boss," Bickslow muttered from behind the woman as the ferocity in Mirajane's blue eyes out clashed her younger sister's. "Just puttin' that one out there."

"What are you two going on about?" Huffing as she got to her feet, she hissed at them, "And I am on a very important job, so-"

"A job?" Now Laxus was into it. Oh, boy, was he into it. While Mira was standing before her sister, he only went cross his arms and look very imposing towards the other man who was still only sitting there. To him, the slayer grumbled, "Just what kinda 'job' is this? Perv?"

"What?" The man looked to Lisanna who only frowned.

"Laxus, what is wrong with you? What's wrong with all of you? Go away!"

But he wasn't moving. Now that he had it in his head just why Lisanna had left Bickslow so suddenly, he wasn't going anywhere.

Now, he knew how lucrative such...jobs could be, but Lisanna wasn't that hard up for jewels, was she?

"You left Bickslow for this?" Mira frowned. "To...what? What is he paying you for? I mean, I was gonna give you a finger wag for cheating on poor Bickslow, but this… Are you...gonna have sex with him?"

"Oi, is that what this is?" Bickslow took a few steps back. "Lissy… I am appalled! And very...curious as too how this all came about. In fact, yeah,, this is kind of washing away my hurt a bit. Actually, hey! Have you been charging me this whole time? Because I like you, Lisanna, a lot, but after a year, you certainly weren't worth the debt that I'm going to go into paying for- Boss! Why did you hit me?"

Because he couldn't very well hit Lisanna's...john without killing the poor guy. But he could slug Bickslow one good for being creepy as hell.

"Oh dear," Freed sighed as he stood behind the bench, watching it all unfold. "Poor Ever. If she'd know what this would have turned into…"

"Don't say things like that, you dumb ass," Laxus was growling at Bickslow then who somehow managed to stay on his feet, a hand pressed tightly against his jaw. "What's wrong with you?'

"She broke up with me to become a whore, boss! I should be able to say whatever I want!"

"Not around me you can't!"

"What is wrong with you? All of you?" Lisanna was the one yelling then. "I'm not… I'm on a job! Go away! I-"

"You're coming home," Mira decided with a nod as her own shock was washing away. Now the disappointment was coming. Big time. "You… If you needed money, you should have just-"

"I'm not a prostitute!"

And now they had the whole attention of everyone around. It was actually a good thing she said it though, because Laxus was about geared up to hit Bickslow again. And that time, he was certain he'd bring him right down. Because it had to be his fault, he was nearly certain, that Lisanna was… She was wholesome, before Bickslow! Annoying, far too interested in the damn Salamander, but still all bubbles and flowers and…

Ugh.

Just ugh.

"Um, I-I'm not sure, exactly, what's going on here," the man she was with said as, with Laxus facing Bickslow, he was able to get to his feet with ease. Picking up his duffle bag, which had sat between he and Lisanna, the man said, "But I'm sure I can find someone with less...attachment for this job. I took a swing with you, Lisanna, because you told me it would be better to not go through the guild for this-"

"It was! It is! Please, wait! I had everything planned out and-"

"You clearly have a lot going on with...these people here." The man was taking steps away from them then as the others all watched. "This has put a hamper in all of my plans though and I do not think I will be contacting you again, much less a guild you would be associated with. I have heard great things about Blue Pegasus-"

"If you would just-"

"I must be going now." And he was too, at a fast pace, away from them. "Goodbye."

For a long moment, they all stood there. It was Freed, with a long sigh, that broke the silence.

"I have a very good feeling that we are about to find out that, once more, everything was blown out of proportion when dealing with the two of you, Lisanna and Bick-"

"How could you do this to me, Bickslow?"

Oh, and were they about to.

"Me?" The seith frowned at Lisanna. His babies, who'd been quite confused by the entire day, weren't sure what to do, as typically they'd greet Lisanna happily. At the moment, they seemed to just be floating around their father's head, unsure of what the protocol for such a moment was. "How could you do this to me, is the better question?"

"What did I do to you?"

"You left me! For… I'm not even sure anymore!"

"I left you to go on a job."

"Oh, whatever. You broke up with me and you know it."

"What?" Lisanna glanced around at the others who, a bit awkwardly then, were losing some of their tension. "Is that what this is all about? Is that what he told you?"

"W-Well, he came in quite distraught," Freed said slowly as he rested a hand over the hilt of his sword, quite uncomfortable in the moment. Evergreen was lal he could think about and how much she would hate him for allowing her to leave and miss such a drama filled moment. She loved nothing more than watching the Strauss siblings get what she called their comeuppance. Comeuppance which only she deemed them as dastardly enough to deserve, of course. "After the two of you spoke, you recall? Outside the guild hall? And said that you both were breaking-"

"When did I say that? Bickslow? You big..."

"Idiot." Laxus was slowly piecing together what was going on and felt like that was the closest thing to the string of curses he wanted to expel, but couldn't in front of Mirajane, that they could call Bickslow at the moment. "He's a big idiot."

"Na-ah!" He wasn't going down that way. No way. Not him. Bickslow wasn't no idiot! "I didn't misunderstand anything, Lisanna."

"You did so."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"You told me," he griped as he got right up in her face, "that you would be going away fro two weeks with some guy that you met months ago and when I tried to say something, you told me that you didn't want to hear it-"

"I didn't want to hear you talk me out of this job or say that I should tell my siblings or-"

"I'm not really clear," Mira interviewed with a bit of a blush, "on what's going on here, but if we're talking about unsanctioned jobs, Lisanna, then you're gonna be in some trouble, because I'm sure you approached this guy as a member of Fairy Tail and you have to at least report to me or Master about such-"

"Actually," Freed said then, "the rules on this are quite interesting, Mirajane. I don't know if you've read up on all the bylaws, but-"

"Enough." Finally, Laxus was going to be the one doing some interrupting. Shit, he'd been waiting all day to, honestly. Looking around at all of them, he said, "If you schmucks are telling me that I wasted my Mirajane free day playing therapist to two morons who were never even broken up-"

"Your what?"

Laxus coughed as his girlfriend glared at him. Then took a step back. "Never mind. Continue, guys."

Lisanna and Bickslow only kept looking at one another.

"You're telling me," he asked slowly, "that you were never going to break up-"

"Now I am!"

"Lisanna-"

"What is wrong with you? Huh? I say I'm going off and not to bother me for two weeks-"

"That's basically breaking up! I mean, shit, Lisanna, I can hardly even train with Freed and Ever anymore without sneaking off to get on the lacrima and talk to you."

"And here Ever and I were concerned about the length and frequency of your bathroom habits." Freed was a bit put out then too. "We'd been gathering jewels to send you to a doctor."

"I'll take the jewels, of course." Bickslow looked away from Lisanna for that. "I mean-"

"If you thought that I was leaving you, Bickslow," Lisanna said with a frown, "then why, exactly did you not come after me? Why did you need everyone else here? Huh? And why did you wait so long? And my train's here. Great."

"Well, you lost your client anyways," Laxus pointed out as he slowly started to backing away, hoping to make a quick exit. The way Mira had her dark eyes trained on him though, he had a bad feeling he wasn't going to be doing so though. "So-"

"Dragon, what is a day free of me? Exactly?" Mira was done playing with the others, it seemed. Great. "Because you're not escaping that."

"I didn't mean-"

"And Lisanna, why did you do this anyways? Huh? Taking a job under the table? Not to give the guild it's cut? Or something? Because-"

"I wanted to do it on my own!" Lisanna wasn't as tongue tied as Laxus, it seemed. "Elf always makes me go with him or Bickslow or you or… I'm grown too! And how dare you guys just think such horrible things about me for no reason. Do you not know me at all? And that guy was, like, so old. He had to have been thirty, at least."

"There's nothing wrong with being thirty!" Laxus frowned at her. "And if you want to go on jobs on your own, Lisanna, fine, but don't just be picking random people up off the street and traveling around with them. That's stupid. You-"

"I've known him for, like, three months. I met him in Magnolia and I can do whatever I want, anyways, Laxus, so-"

"Oh, we'll just see what you're brother thinks about that."

Because Laxus might not like Elfman, but hell he could definitely see the benefits in him patrolling the, admittedly, grown Lisanna.

"This is the exact reason I went around you guys and-"

"This is just all so confusing." Bickslow shook his head a bit. "So you mean to tell me that I inconvenienced myself at your expense for nothing?"

"Yourself?" Laxus growled. "You-"

"Hush, Laxus. At least he doesn't need days without his girlfriend."

"Mirajane-"

"Why would I ever breakup with you, Bickslow?" Lisanna asked, frowning at him then. "I mean, now I definitely have a reason, but-"

"Lissy, I was all heartbroken and I didn't understand and-"

"Because you never listen to me!"

"I listen all the time! To everything!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What did I just say was the reason I went behind the guild's back to take this job?"

"...Shit, boss, who has days without their girlfriends, huh?" Bickslow was deflecting and he was deflecting quite well. "I mean, a fine woman like Mirajane? Who would ever do something like that? Huh?"

"Bickslow," Lisanna complained while Mirajane only nodded.

"Yes," she agreed, finger just itching to be wagged after the day it had had. "Who would?"

Freed only took a deep breath then before saying, "Well, not that this hasn't been fun, but if you two are both fine-"

"We're not fine." Lisanna crossed her arms. "He cost me a job."

"You about cost me my life, Lisanna. My metaphorical self was going to die without you!"

"Good. Maybe it should die."

"Maybe you should die."

"Maybe you should die first."

"Maybe I should to get away from you."

"Maybe you should."

"Maybe you should come how me with."

"What?"

"What?"

"I'm leaving. Bye, Mira. You deal with this." Laxus turned to head off then. "No longer my problem."

"Oh, we have our own problems to deal with, dragon." After making a face at both Bickslow and Lisanna, she set off after the man, Freed bowing to the pair before trailing after.

"You can run, dragon, but I traded shifts with Kinana until the evening to deal with all this, so I have all the time in the world to follow you around."

"Laxus! Do you wish for me to enact our Mirajane Distraction Protocol?"

"Your what?"

Laxus hated his family. All of them. Even the demon.

Especially stupid Elfman. Getting off without having to deal with all that. Unfair.

Mirajane sentenced Laxus to sitting up at the hall and watching her work duty, which was worsened by the fact that the others all gathered with him to discuss all the confusion that had occurred.

"I met him a few months ago," Lisanna said as they all sat huddled together at a table, Elfman in perhaps and even more sour mood than Laxus. Not only was his baby sister trying to ditch him before, but he and Ever were arguing intensely the entire day. It was horrible. "My client. He was looking for someone to accompany him on a journey to the boarder of Fiore and wouldn't be able to pay a lot, due to travel expenses. I told him he could either go to a major guild and get his jewels sucked dry, a minor guild and risk someone inexperienced, or go with me. Someone from a major guild, but willing to cut him a deal."

"So you were going to escort him," Evergreen clarified as she toyed with her hand fan. She'd missed out on all the fun (Freed keying her in to it all hadn't been enough), so she was going to take her jabs where she could get them. "You were going to be an escort."

"Ever," Elfman complained which only got an aggravated glare from his (sometimes, but not always) girlfriend.

"What? Huh? Why don't you focus on the fact that your own sister hates you and leave me alone?"

"She doesn't hate me! She hates being around me! There's a difference!"

"I don't hate either of those things, Elf." Lisanna made a face at him. "I just needed some space."

"Which is something people say when they break up." Bickslow wasn't letting go of the fact that he was, in no way, for fault in thinking he'd been dumped. "Need space."

"Shut up." She was sitting next to him though, practically in his lap, and it was all just so nauseating to Laxus.

To Freed too, it seemed, as he only said, "You know, next time the two of you go through something such as this, we will consider it crying wolf and do nothing."

"What did you guys do other than embarrass me? And ruin my job?" Lisanna snorted. "I bet you guys influenced Bickslow too. He's so easily persuaded."

"So," Bickslow agreed with a nod, "easily."

"Oh, shut up. All of you." Laxus was glaring across the hall to the bar, where Mirajane was talking softly to Lucy, who was seated there, about something. Probably the insanity that she caused her poor boyfriend's day to be. "You know, you're all lucky that I love Mirajane so much that I was willing to sacrifice my off day to run around playing out some sort of childish drama instead of just striking you all down with lightning and being done with the lot of you."

As Freed bowed his head, Elfman grumbled under his breath, Bickslow instructed his dolls to hide under the table (they were usually the first struck), and Evergreen pouted while toying with her fan, Lisanna only grinned for the first time since they'd ruined her job.

"It's okay, Laxus," she told him. "You can just admit that you love us."

Growling, he only summoned his headphones and latched them on, Mira's rules about not playing them so loud be damned.

Laxus was a man who craved solitude. And when he wasn't craving that, only short bursts of being around others. The only other thing was being around Mirajane. Not...all of them all at once for the entire day.

But…

Fuck.

Being in a family sucked.