#his mind is truly. so unique... that sounds like an insult but i swear it isn't

[horsemeatluvr23]

zedaph!!! coloured pencil n fineliner :D ngl i rly struggled w getting a photo of this one .. i ended up scanning it but i think it washed out a lot of the pencil detail n ended up looking like i deep fried it lmao. u will all just have to trust me when i say this looks better irl

[charming-2d-boys]

Hey there Love 💕 can I request a HC / Oneshot (whatever you feel like^^ ) with Hisoka in which he’s your bf and you always hide the fact you have a bf from your family and one a family get together they try to set you up with the son of a friend of theirs and then hisoka randomly appears?

Take your time and be save love& already thank you 💕

Hello! I'll choose a oneshot for this and thank you for requesting! 🙇

I hope you're taking care of yourself as well and are safe, as well as those you care about!

Enjoy and here’s the second part! 😄

Not an embarrassment - Hisoka x Reader

   Your relationship with Hisoka could only be described as peculiar by 99% of those who knew or had met Hisoka. Hell, even you thought that at one point!

   But, the more time you to spent together as an actual couple and the more things you discovered about each other, the... easier it seemed for you two to get along and find ways to make things work out. I mean, yes, you still had arguments (mostly you, Hisoka would either grin or tease you as if you were throwing a temper tantrum), but for the most part, you two just lived your lives, together, and tried to make it work.

   Unfortunately, you couldn’t really tell your parents that you were seeing someone, much less someone as eccentric and... unique as Hisoka. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed to be with him - not at all. But you knew what your family was like and what they expected of you when it came to who you dated. It definitely wasn’t someone like Hisoka. Plus, despite how confident and unbothered he tried to appear, you knew how hurt Hisoka would be if he found out what your family thought of him and that they’d never allow someone like him to even be near you.

   So, when you got a call from your parents about a family dinner with pretty much any friends and relatives you had, you were stuck on what to do. You couldn’t tell them anything about Hisoka, that was a given, but what were you going to tell him?

   You just told him that you had to go for a family emergency. Simple as that. And Hisoka only smiled.

   “Oh, I hope everything’s fine~ ♠️” He said calmly and you just assured him that it’s probably nothing. You hated having to lie to him, but you just weren’t ready for the backlash you would both get and what would follow after revealing your relationship - but you knew you had to do it. You just need a bit more time. And you hoped Hisoka would forgive you if he ever found out about this.

   On the day of your departure, Hisoka was also ready to leave, having told you the night before that he had to leave for some business and that he might be back before you. You told him to take care and kissed his cheek, saying that you love him, as you always did when you had to leave. He only smiled and hummed, squeezing your waist affectionately before you got into your car and left for your parents’ place and your childhood home. During the drive, you dreaded the questions that would be on everyone’s lips as soon as you entered the house, from your parents to the most distant relatives to barely someone you’d consider an acquaintance: how’s your love life going? Anyone special in your life right now? And those winks and nudges... they were going to drive you insane.

   Only that... it didn’t really go like that. It was even worse.

   “Oh, honey, you’re going to love him! The new neighbours’ son is a surgeon, apparently, and he’s very handsome. Oooh, and you should see how much he wins per year! His car is brand new and he bought his parents a beach house!” Your mother whispered excitedly as soon as you left your shoes at the entrance.

   “I already told him about you and he said that you seem really nice and he’d like to meet you! He’s single, you know? Each one of your cousins has been eyeing him ever since he arrived, but I pretty much told them that he’s off limits.” She was rambling so much that your brain couldn’t even catch up with what she said until you were practically shoved in front of a guy around your age who smiled in a friendly manner at you and introduced himself. Your mother left, but you could feel her hovering and watching your interaction like a hawk, ready to intervene at any given moment.

   He was nice and respectful and when you bent over to whisper that you already had someone, because you felt as if you were cheating on Hisoka somehow, he seemed to sigh in relief.

   “Good, so do I. We’ve been together since last summer, but I couldn’t find the courage to tell my parents yet. They’d never be okay with me being with a man.” Your eyes widened a bit, but you smiled happily and told him that your lips were sealed as long as he did the same. To outsiders, it looked like you two were two seconds away from announcing that you'd go on a date - at least that's what your parents hoped. Hisoka didn't really feel like celebrating, though.

You sensed his bloodlust before you saw him and you turned around just in time to see him eyeing your new friend with a creepy smile. People were starting to feel scared from the new and almost overpowering sensation and you quickly left towards Hisoka, grabbing him by his hand and dragging him outside with you for some privacy, though you had a feeling everyone was going to gather around you as if they were watching a live performance.

"Hisoka! What are you doing here?" Your voice sounded frantic, despite your best efforts to keep calm. Hisoka could only stare at you; he truly loved you and if what he saw was what he thought it was... then he could only hope that you'd said your last prayers because he was never going to let anyone trample on his heart like that.

"I don't like being lied to, lovely~ You know that. ♦️" His voice sounded teasing, but you knew better. He was hurt and suspicious and you knew what it must've looked like. Asking him what he was doing there would have to come later. Right now, you had to make sure everyone would leave your parents' house alive.

"Please, hear me out? I swear that it's not what it looks like. Please, Hisoka!" You could already feel everyone's eyes on you two and you almost gave into the temptation of casting them a glance, but you could only stare into Hisoka's eyes, hoping he'd listen.

"Okay~ ♥️️" He hoped. He really, really hoped that you had a good explanation as to why he had to follow you all the way there and why you lied to him about your so-called family emergency.

"My parents don't know that we're together and they never would be okay with us dating because I know how they are. I was just... waiting for the right time to tell them and get ready for the onslaught of negative reactions." You were trying to keep your heart from bursting. You didn't think this kind of a confrontation would take place, and so soon, too.

"Are you embarrassed to be with me? ♣" Hisoka asked without a smile, just a cold look in his eyes, mixed with love and hurt.

"No! I'd never be! I... didn't want you to feel hurt by them. They never liked any of my past dates and they never would unless they were the ones choosing. Please, believe me, Hisoka. I was just scared of what they'd say about you and all the threats and insults if I didn't leave you." You felt so close to crying because he looked as if he didn't believe you and you feared the worst. The crowd of onlookers stood still at the windows and the open doors, none saying a thing.

It was so silent and the tension could be cut with a knife. You didn't expect your mother to break it.

"(Y/N)? Who is this... person? How did he get in?" Despite the bloodlust, her voice held steady, but you could see how rigid her posture was from fear.

You couldn't do this anymore. You'd have to explain sooner or later, you knew that. And you were dreading the moment. But you were not ready to lose your relationship and everything you ever loved about Hisoka because of some prejudices and your parents' narrow-minded views. You were the one in a relationship with him, not them. If they didn't like your choice, it wasn't your problem.

So, you grabbed Hisoka's hand and smiled at him lovingly. He stared at you for a fraction of a second before his shoulders slumped slightly and you saw that little twinkle in his eyes return.

"This is my boyfriend, Hisoka." You announced proudly. Was it your imagination or did you hear a glass break?

"B-b-boyfriend? B-but..."

"We've been together for, what? Two years already?" You looked at Hisoka who was brimming with happiness and pride for you standing up to your parents, for him, nonetheless. You were definitely the right one for him.

"Yes~ And we're going to celebrate even more when we get home. ♥" Now you felt a bit embarrassed. But, oh well. This was your boyfriend, alright. You knew what a rollercoaster your relationship with him would be.

Your mother could only stare at the two of you in disbelief.

"Well, if that will be all, we're going home. See ya!" You said cheerfully as you and Hisoka turned around.

"Bye-bye~ ♦" Hisoka said, raising his hand and turning his head halfway. You smiled and waved at your new friend, shooting him a thumbs-up, to which he smiled and did the same.

"We should do this more often. ♠️" Hisoka said nonchalantly as you two got into your car and left, leaving behind probably anyone you've ever known and the sunset.

"What? Scaring everyone? You don't need me for that."

"You're very funny today, aren't you, lovely? ♥" He teased, putting a hand on your thigh and squeezing affectionately.

"Only for you, you know that." Another squeeze and a loving kiss at the red stoplight left you both grinning as you couldn't wait to see what would happen next.

BONUS

"By the way, who was that guy who-"

"He's gay, Hisoka. No need to worry about him. Put your cards back or you're going in the backseat."

"Okay~ ♦"

[chaoticallysapphic]

the great divide part three

summary:  Who knew that eight words would be your undoing. If you had known then what you know now you wouldn't have signed up for Suyin's dance troupe, you probably would have left Zaofu just to be safe. But you didn't and fate had branded you with a path that chained you to someone who would break your heart. 

a/n: sooo there will probably be one or two more parts, I’m feeling one. I was hesitant to release this because my insecurities regarding my writing have kicked in and so I think this is good? But at the same time I’m unsure and so yeah. As always, thank you to @medeliadracon​ for beta reading this.

word count: 8K

He didn't make it. 

Baatar found Bolin with Varrick and Zhu Li in the woods and they almost beat him, but he used Varrick to get Zhu Li and Bolin to stop fighting. Your heart cracks as Baatar walks in with that same smug attitude with all three of them in cuffs behind him. Two soldiers push them inside until they are all in front of Kuvira. 

“Don’t torture us” Bolin begs. Kuvira stands from her chair, leaning against the desk as she glares at them. “Send these three away on the next train. Bolin and Zhu Li will be going to the reeducation camp for our most severe dissenters.” You whip your head around to stare at her, silently pleading for her to stop. 

She ignores you, which you shouldn’t be surprised by, as she rounds the desk and walks over to Varrick. “And you will continue to work on the spirit energy project under close, armed supervision.” She emphasizes the word ‘armed’ before swiftly turning around and walking back towards her desk. “I want it weaponized immediately.” 

Zhu Li does something unexpected though, and flings herself onto the floor by Kuvira’s feet, she pleads for mercy, swears her loyalty, and insults Varrick all in what seems like one breath. Your brows pinch together, in the three years you’ve known her she’s never seemed discontented with her life nor job. If anything you had thought she was secretly fond of the eccentric billionaire. 

Kuvira believes her though and sends Bolin along with Varrick away. Zhu Li is sent away to do…  well, you don’t know. Once everyone leaves it’s just the two of you and Kuvira is seething. Once everyone is out of earshot she goes over to her table of maps and sweeps her arms across them, effectively knocking everything to the floor. 

You jump in surprise before slowly walking over to her like you would an injured animal. She slams her hands onto the metal and practically growls with rage. “Did you know?” she spits out. 

She keeps her back to you and you stop midstep, lying has always been a bit so-so for you. You wouldn’t brag about it but I mean you’ve gotten away with secretly being with Kuvira, which involved a lot of lying, throughout the last three years and no one suspected a thing. “No, I knew he was unhappy with how we left Zaofu but I would have never imagined that he’d turn against us.” 

You come up behind her and cautiously slide a hand over her shoulder and wrap your other arm around her waist. One of her hands comes to rest on the arm wrapped around her as she tries to control her breathing. “Breathe, Vira,” you say calmly and kiss her back, she makes some kind of choked sound and you pull her tighter against you. 

“You won’t ever betray me… right?” she chokes out. Your heart cracks and with some effort, you turn her around to face you. You cup her face and pull her closer until your foreheads are resting on another. “Never, I would never betray family.” 

You know about her childhood, she had slowly opened up to you about it over the years and you knew that the effects of being left behind by her parents would never truly vanish. You knew you had to stop this before it got too far, but you’d do it to keep her and your future together safe. She has tears racing down her face and you're sure she’s imaging worst-case scenarios right now. “I’m staying by your side until the end of time,” you murmur and she lets out a weak chuckle at your melodramatic words. 

You don’t know how long you stand there comforting her but you certainly don’t mind spending your day with her in your arms. When the sun is starting to go down she checks for any sign of her breakdown in the mirror and fixes a few stray strands of hair from her bun. 

The stress of this fight along with being so close to home was starting to get to her, you realized. It’s probably why she’s been so affectionate, she’s losing her grip on her cool-headed facade. “I have some things to do, you don’t need to wait up for me tonight.” 

Your heart drops at her words, “Vira did I do something wrong?” From your knowledge Baatar isn’t even staying in the camp tonight, she ordered him to be the one to escort Bolin to the reeducation camp and watch over Varrick. 

“You did nothing wrong, I just have something that needs to be done so I won’t be going to bed until late. I don’t want you losing sleep while you wait for me,” she walks over to you, she doesn’t touch you but the look she sends your way reassures you that it’s going to be okay, at least for tonight. “I left a present for you in the tent, I hope you like it.” 

You send her a confused look, she never really gave you gifts before. She was too busy uniting the earth empire to shop or make personal items which you understood, you’d seen the personal toll it had taken on her.  

She leaves you to go discuss some plans for tomorrow if all things go well and you rush off to your tent. You pass some of the communal sleeping tents for soldiers and an infirmary before you finally open the flap to your small tent. Inside are two decent sized cots on either side of the tent with a small chest for clothes and such. 

On the left cot is something rather large wrapped up in leather. You unwrap the gift and what greets your eyes is metal, there’s a note atop the metal though and you hesitantly pick it up. Inside is Kuvira’s elegant penmanship and says “To keep you safe.” 

You carefully place the note down, you think you’ll keep it for sentimental reasons. When you pick up the metal you realize it’s armor. You bend it on and smile, it’s lightweight but is made from one of the toughest metals you can bend, there’s armor for your legs and arms that you bend on. It’s comfortable and there are sections on the tops of it that can be bent off like the metal that accent Kuvira’s uniform. 

You run your fingers down the smooth metal, and flush. This is unique and meant only for you, it wasn’t all that romantic per se but you loved it and would cherish it for the rest of your life. You bend it off and carefully place it in the chest before heading to the mess hall for dinner. With Bolin and Varrick gone you don’t know whom to sit with until your eyes land on Zhu Li who is eating at the far end of one of the long metal tables lining the marquee. You grab your plate of food and march over to her, once you're in front of her she looks up from her plate and her eyes widen a bit as you sit down across from her. 

“Bolin told us that you want to stop her too” she whispers, scared of others hearing.  

“I want to stop this, but I won’t hurt her” you reply, a group of young soldiers walks by with their helmets off, obnoxiously laughing about who knows what. You pick up your fork and take a bite of your food, “Unless Korra can work something out with Suyin she will take Zaofu, I thought I got through to her but I know her conversation with the Avatar has caused her to throw away my suggestion.” 

“I don’t know what to do,” Zhu Li replies. “If I can weasel myself into being a lab assistant I can try to sabotage the weapon but no one has given me any orders yet.” You set your fork down as you try to think up some kind of plan, honestly, you’d only been thinking about Zaofu but now you're wondering what else she has planned if she wants that weapon built. 

Two higher-ranked soldiers stop behind Zhu Li, the taller of the two clears his throat whilst the shorter one says “Kuvira wishes to see Zhu Li.” 

You both stand but they stop you when you begin to get out of your seat, “just Zhu Li.” Your brows pinch together as they take her away, leaving her meal behind you try to keep your distance as you follow after them. Thankfully neither seem to notice you as they lead Zhu Li to Kuvira’s tent. It’s two hours later, the sun has long since gone down, that Kuvira and her guards exit the tent but Zhu Li doesn’t. 

Your heart pounds at the possibilities that race through your mind, you take a step toward the tent when a hand wraps around your forearm. You whip your head around and meet the stare of one of Kuvira’s most trusted generals. “Kuvira asked me to make sure you get into your tent safely.” 

“What do you mean?” You yank your arm out of his grasp and frown. 

“She thinks it’s unsafe out here at night. Let’s get you back to your tent.” You hesitantly follow after him and glance around to see if anything strange is happening elsewhere but it all looks perfectly normal. Once at the entrance of your tent you give him a curt nod goodnight before heading inside. When you turn around you see the outline of his body as he stays outside your tent, standing guard. 

Your heart drops. You could earth bend out but that’s loud and he’ll hear you, then you’ll have to explain to Kuvira why you felt the need to leave which she won’t be happy with. You just want to make sure Zhu Li is okay. You sit on your bed for an hour as you try to come up with a plan to leave when the alarms begin to blare. 

Your stomach drops and you quickly exit the tent, the general tries to stop you from leaving so you bend off two pieces of metal from a nearby weapons crate to cuff his hands and bend the earth at his feet so he can’t run after you. 

You race between the tents and crates of supplies as you head towards all the commotion, floodlights are shining at a specific spot, Kuvira’s tent. Panic bubbles up your throat at the thought of something happening to her but the sight before you has you skidding to a halt. 

At least a dozen mecha suits are surrounding Suyin along with Wing and Wei whilst Kuvira walks away from the scene, your eyes land on Zhu Li who is laying in the bed behind them, shielding her eyes as the mecha suits shoot the three Beifongs with an electrical shock. No. 

Why would Suyin do this, she had to know it wouldn’t end well. The general you had trapped from earlier comes bounding down the path behind you and grabs a hold of your arm. “I am not going to get demoted because of your ass,” he spits out and drags you away, you don’t fight him as you look over your shoulder and see the unconscious Beifongs get dragged away.

When you get back to your tent the general all but tosses you inside and takes post once more in front of the entrance. Feeling defeated, you change into your pajamas. As you're pulling your tank top over your bare chest you hear the general talking to someone outside of the tent, it’s silent for a moment before a seething Kuvira enters, you see his shadow disappear, leaving the two of you alone. 

“Why would you leave?” She demands, taking a step closer to you. 

“I heard the sirens and was worried something happened to you!” You reply, your chest heaving as you glare at her. “I don’t care if a dozen guards are posted outside. If I feel that you may be in danger I am going to come running to aid you.” 

She blanches at your confession and takes a step back. Her fury visibly dissipates so you take a step forward and cup her face in your hands. She looks down at you with a look of confusion. It breaks your heart anytime she gets confused by your love for her. “What are you going to do with them?” 

Kuvira pulls away from your grasp and looks at the ground, it must hurt, they once considered her family. “I’ll have to use them to get Zaofu.” 

You glare at her, “you said you’d consider my option, did you even think it over?!” 

“With them, in our custody, we can take over Zaofu with minimal force, your family will be fine” she retorts, a look of frustration settling on her features. “It’s a good thing we have them or else taking it over could have turned into a bloodbath.” 

“Vira… We can never go back to Zaofu if you do this, please.” 

“If you want to stay in their good graces then leave!” You take a step back, your eyes widening. 

“I won’t leave you but by doing this I will resent you, this city was our home! I wanted us to move back here one day and introduce you to my parents, maybe buy a house in the main dome, and attend dance lessons again. We can’t have that future if you invade it.” 

Kuvira snarls, “I don’t have to listen to this.” She goes to leave and your heart drops, Baatar isn’t here but the idea of waking up without her insight sends you into a panic. All those mornings full of tears take over and you grab her wrist before she can. 

“Wait, just stay. Don’t just… run away while we’re fighting because you don’t like the subject,” your eyes brim with tears. “I’m deeply upset with you and I’m hoping that maybe you’ll change your mind, for me, please. But don’t go sleep somewhere else, you can stay on the extra cot just… just stay here.” 

Kuvira pulls her wrist out of your grip and nods, you go lay down on your cot and you watch as she changes into her pajamas before getting in the one across the way, her back facing you. 

You frown but will take whatever you can get at this point and turn the knob of the oil lamp until the flame is snuffed out. 

You wake up to the sound of the chest between the beds snapping shut and when you open your eyes you're greeted with Kuvira fastening her metal shoulder pads into place. You sit up, causing Kuvira’s eyes to snap up and look into your own. 

“I’m going through with it,” she responds. Your shoulders slump as you try to fight back your tears. 

“I won’t have any part of it” you spit out before laying back down and turning your back to her. You hear her groan out in frustration before storming out of the tent, leaving you to your thoughts. There has to be a way to stop this. You know if you just outright walk up and fight her not only will you lose but she’ll never forgive you.

 It has to be planned and calculated but there isn’t enough time to keep Zaofu from being invaded, maybe last night you could have done something, tied her up, and driven far away with her, but she’s probably already getting her troops into position. 

An hour or two later you convince yourself to get out of bed and get dressed, you stare at your armor with anger gnawing at your heart before you bend it on and storm out of the camp. It’s completely deserted as everyone is most likely taking over Zaofu right about now, as you turn towards Kuvira’s tent you slam into someone and stumble backward. 

Zhu Li falls to the ground with a thud and you let out a slew of curses as you bend down to help her back up. “I’m so sorry,” you immediately apologize. 

“It’s okay, I didn’t get hurt or anything.” 

You look around to see if perhaps there’s a straggler or two, but again it’s a ghost town. “Have you seen anyone, most specifically near Kuvira’s tent?” Zhu Li shakes her head and you grab her wrist before pulling her after you. “I can’t stop her from taking over Zaofu but I can try to bring this whole thing down.” 

Once you enter the empty tent you and Varrick's former assistant immediately sift through her piles of paperwork and plans to try and find something useful. So far it seems to be stuff you knew or had a hunch about, there were some blueprints for a couple of reeducation camps, you want to rip them to sheds and light this whole place on fire but you know you can’t leave any evidence of your snooping so you put them back and move behind her desk. 

Inside her drawers are more pointless papers, copies of contracts she’s made people sign, and an in detail map of the earth kingdom. You know you must be missing something, this can’t be everything. 

Curiously, you get onto your knees and look under her desk, there you spot a metal compartment that must be bent to open. You bend it open and out falls at least a dozen of folded-up papers. 

“Zhu Li'' you quietly call out and she immediately walks over to you, you place the papers on the desk, her eyes widen in relief as she picks up the first piece of paper and unfolds it. You grab another and read through the contents, it’s plans for after she wins, none of which look promising. You place it back down and pick up another, inside is some kind of blueprint for a massive mecha suit, you narrow your eyes as you try to make sense of all the many notes and numbers but you've never even seen an engineering blueprint before. 

"Zhu Li do you know how to read blueprints?" You ask, she rounds the desk and looks over your shoulder. "Yes, I've helped Varrick draw up quite a few." 

You hand the paper to her and watch as her eyes dart from one side of the paper to the next. Her eyes widened in horror. "This is a massive mecha suit, they plan to make it out of platinum…" 

Why would Kuvira need such a thing, Zaofu is the last place she has on her map. You sift through the other papers when your eyes land on a specific one. You unfold it and spread it across the table, you think you might be sick. 

Its battle plans, an intricate strategy on how to take over Republic City. "She never told me about this…" As you stand in shock Zhu Li zips into action, she lays the blueprint onto the table and finds a blank sheet of paper and some charcoal, placing the paper over the blueprints she starts to trace the plans for the mecha suit. "We can't stay here for too long, Kuvira might send someone to check on us." 

“We need to get this to the Avatar.” You grab another blank sheet of paper and a pen before writing down as much as you can about her planned attack. Kuvira always made it sound like after Zaofu it would all be over, every time she reassured you she’d always say “once we get to Zaofu we can drop this facade.” But with all these blueprints for different types of weapons that you know Baatar is most likely building, you realize she was lying. 

“How do we do that? It’s not like it’s easy to sneak out of this place.” Zhu Li pockets her copy of the plans and carefully folds the original before placing it back in the pile. You fold your paper that is covered, front to back, in vital information. You place all the documents back inside the hidden compartment before bending it shut once more. 

Truthfully you don’t know how you’ll do it, the only way you can think of is breaking out the Beifongs which has your heart racing. You’ve never done something like this, how do you break someone out whilst not blowing your cover? You both leave her tent and head to the back of the encampment, far away from anyone who might still be around. 

“I need to break out the Beifongs, you’ll go with them back to republic city to help Asami figure out a way to stop this mecha suit from causing any destruction while I stay here and try to do the best I can to weaken our force.” 

Zhu Li takes the paper you give her, she looks down at the folded document, trying to figure out what to say. “Bolin told Varrick and me when he broke us out of the lab.” Your eyes widen and it feels like ice has been poured all over you. You know Zhu Li won’t tell Kuvira what she knows but the years of keeping it a secret have programmed you to feel dread at her words. “It’s brave, what you're doing.” 

You gulp, “do you think, what with the deeper bond and all, someone can forgive their soulmate if they betray them?” It’s been on your mind since this morning when you decided that you weren’t going to sit on your hands anymore. Suggestions didn’t work, you had to stop this with force. 

“I hope so.” Zhu Li’s grip on the paper tightens just a bit and you realize you never asked her if she’s ever met her soulmate. 

“Tonight is our best bet, Kuvira will most likely move them to a more secure location in the morning. We should meet here at midnight tonight. Bring a backpack with some supplies for yourself, okay?” She places the paper in her pocket with the blueprints and nods. 

“You’re doing the right thing y/n,” she says in an attempt to comfort you. It doesn’t work. 

“The leftover mecha suits that are here, is there a way to discreetly sabotage them?” You ask, Zhu Li grins. 

“I made those with Varrick, that’ll be a piece of cake.” 

“We need to work on those immediately while this place is still empty…” You pinch your brows together as you think of another way to help. “Do you… can you make yourself one of those electrical gloves, I read the equalists used them and you might need one tonight?” 

“I don’t know where I would get the materials for that but I know what it takes to make one.” 

You both begin to jog over to the row of mecha suits left behind, Kuvira will probably have some of her weaker soldiers take these. Zhu Li grabs a wrench from a nearby work table and gets to work on disabling them, you stand guard. When she’s on her third one you hear a buzzing sound from behind you, you whip around and see the train fast approaching. Baatar shouldn’t be back so soon. 

You grab Zhu Li’s arm and pull her behind a crate as the train whizzes past, that nosy little shit has just made your plans ten times more difficult. “Is there some kind of faster way to dismantle them all at once?” 

Zhu Li shakes her head. “Not without it being obvious that they are damaged.”  

“We should keep working on these, I’ll try to scope out where Baatar is going so I know if we need to stop.” Zhu Li nods and gets back to work as you run towards the train platform. If you have to, you are okay with knocking Baatar out and locking him up somewhere until this is all over, but you know that’ll just make things more difficult. 

When you get close enough to the platform you hide behind a jeep and watch as Baatar and a few men get off, strangely enough, Varrick isn’t among them. Looking beyond the platform you see that Kuvira’s troops are gone, but some tracks lead to Zaofu… she went through with it. 

“Get me a jeep, I need to tell Kuvira what happened,” Baatar’s nasal voice breaks you out of your thoughts. One of his soldiers starts to head towards your jeep, fuck. You slowly back up and dive behind a crate to keep yourself from being seen. 

The engine revs to life, the jeep leaves a cloud of dust in its wake as the soldier drives over the platform to pick up everyone. Good, you're still alone. You hesitate, waiting to make sure they don’t turn back to the encampment and don’t move until the car is a mere speck in the distance. 

When you return Zhu Li is on the third to last one. Thank the spirits, you look around the area to make sure there isn’t any evidence of her work, no fallen screws or dented panels, but everything looks perfectly normal. Never in your life did you think you’d be doing something like this, going against your soulmate and attempting to sabotage a militaries forces

Your heart still pounds as you try to keep watch, with every little noise Zhu Li makes as she works, fear squeezes tighter at your heart. “I’m done,” she calls from behind you. 

You jump in surprise and place a hand over your heart, “sorry I-”

“I know” she gives you a reassuring look before she puts the wrench back where she found it. 

You're on your way to the mess hall with Zhu Li when you pass the weapons tent. Stopping in your tracks as an idea pops into your head you grab Zhu Li by the arm and tug her inside. “What are we doing here?” 

“If we can’t get you one of those shocker thingies then you need to pick out a weapon from here, it should be something small and easy to conceal.” Zhu Li nods and slowly walks over to a shelf lined with weapons. Her eyes drift between the weapons hanging up, then down to the ones left laying on a table.

You don’t want to rush her but it’s been a few hours and people might start coming back soon. After the most agonizing ten minutes of your life, she picks up some kind of gun with a thick, clear cylinder. “What is that?” 

“A tranquilizer. We can use this on any guards that we come across tonight.” She grabs a couple of refills and tucks them, along with the now emptied gun, into her jacket for safekeeping. You both leave after that and keep walking to your destination. 

As you reach it, you notice the first group of soldiers return. Both of you sit down and try to idly chat about things like where did you grow up? Or what made you become an assistant? So that anyone who passes doesn’t think anything suspicious of you two. 

As the sun starts to go down, more and more people have returned and the mess hall is filled to the brim with hungry men and women who seem to be celebrating their easy victory. 

You got up at some point and grabbed some food for Zhu Li and yourself, both of you seem to struggle with forcing the food down as everyone around you is laughing at the fall of the once-great Zaofu. It sickens you when you hear someone from behind talk about the defeat of the once great Beifongs. It’s only later, as you're walking back to your tent, that you encounter a complication. 

That same general from last night is standing outside your tent, waiting for you. “What do you want?” 

“Kuvira asked me to help you transfer your things into Zaofu,” he eyes you as he speaks. You scoff. 

“You can run back to Kuvira and tell her I am not setting foot in Zaofu.” You try to push past him but he grabs your forearm, his grip is so tight it causes you to hiss out. 

“I mean what I said about me not getting demoted because of some bratty friend of Kuvira’s who can’t follow orders,” he snarls as he leans down to get in your face. You heart pounds, he’s so much taller than you, so much bigger. You try to yank your arm out of his grasp but he pulls you closer. “Get your things so I can take you to Zaofu.” 

He pushes you into the tent and stands guard at the entrance, preventing you from leaving. You know if you told Kuvira what he just did he’d not only be demoted but fired altogether, but that requires walking into Zaofu and you can’t look at what she’s done to it. 

General Yin is high up, he’s one of Kuvira’s most trusted Generals. He’d probably know exactly where the Beifongs are being kept… 

You pack up everything into the trunk but keep your armor on and exit the tent. “I’m not leaving without my friend,” you say defiantly and stick your chin up, settling your glare on his face. He rolls his eyes in annoyance and says “then take me to them.” 

You walk over to where Zhu Li says she’d be sleeping and once in front of you and call out, “uh, Zhu Li?” 

She peaks her head out and pinches her brows together in confusion at the sight of you with the General close behind. “We’re going to Zaofu, make sure to get all of your things.” She nods and ducks back inside. A couple of minutes pass before she emerges with a backpack and an overcoat on. General Yin doesn’t think anything suspicious of it as he leads you to a jeep where you place your trunk in the back. 

Both you and Zhu Li sit in the back and he speeds off towards Zaofu, you don’t know what to do, you didn’t think about how you’d get him to talk, just that you would. Halfway through the drive, you shout over the whistling of the wind “I have to pee!” 

“Hold it!” 

“I can’t! I think I’m about to wet myself, just pull over and I’ll go behind a tree.” He pulls over towards the forest and puts the car into park. When you get out so does he and he even follows you to the tree that you pick. “Uhm… Some privacy would be nice.” 

He swiftly turns his back to you but remains close, you pull at the zipper of your pants so he can hear it, your heart is pounding so fast you can hear it in your ears and feel it in your fingertips. You’ve never attacked someone before. 

Without a second thought you bend the earth until it’s up to his waist, he lets out a shout of surprise and as he raises his hands to bend back you hit him right in chi on the side of his neck. When he tries, nothing happens. He lets out a panicked “what did you do to me?!” 

Zhu Li jumps out of the jeep as you zip your pants back up before walking around to look him in the eyes. “Where are the Beifongs being held?” 

“Like I’d tell you!” He squirms and continues to try to bend, he’s terrified. Perhaps in different circumstances, you’d feel bad for doing this to someone but he did grip you so hard you can already feel a bruise coming. This will teach him to be nicer to others.

You tighten the rocks around his waist causing him to let out a shocked groan of pain. “Tell us where they are and the damage I do to you will be minimal.” 

“Aren’t you Kuvira’s little pet?” He spits out. Your eyes widen at his implication and squeeze tighter. 

“I have a lot of pent up rage and I am not afraid of hurting you!” You shoot up two more pieces of earth that grab onto his hands and bend him back. He cries out in pain and you hear Zhu Li gasp behind you. “Now, where are the Beifongs?” 

When a minute goes by and he doesn’t respond, you bend him back further. “Fine! Okay fine just please stop” he shouts. You let go of his hands and he slumps in the piece of earth holding his lower half tightly. “They’re being held in some wooden cage outside of the city, Kuvira has them on one of those special trucks for transport.” 

Special trucks… Those are platinum. “How many guards?” 

“I-I don’t know” he looks between the two of you, “I really don’t know please don’t bend my arms back again.” 

“Give me an estimate, you’re one of Kuvira’s top men. How many do you think she’d station around that truck?” 

“Probably five or six, they're important.” 

Zhu Li sighs and steps forward. “You're gonna take us to the truck and if you make one wrong move I won’t stop y/n from doing whatever she wants to you.” Your eyes widen a fraction, you’ve never heard her talk like that before. 

He vigorously nods and you bend the rock that keeps his body held firmly away. Before he can even think about attacking you, you bend two of the extra pieces of your armor to cuff his hands. “Zhu Li, you should keep your gun out,” you say to her, she nods and pulls it out of her jacket. General Yin's eyes widen as she points it at him. “Well, we don’t have all night.” 

He stumbles through the darkness of the woods as he leads you uphill. Zhu Li keeps her finger on the trigger of her tranquilizer as you keep your hands at the ready, every step you take you feel the earth around you to keep yourself prepared in case he tries to run. 

When you see lights up ahead you wrap a piece of metal around his mouth and put your hand on his shoulder to keep him in place. Between the trees, you can see it’s one of those massive trucks with a roof over the bed, the back is facing you which offers you a glimpse of Huan, you think his name is. He has his face pressed against the side of the wooden cage as he stares off into space. 

There are six guards like General Yin predicted. “We should knock him out,” you whisper to Zhu Li. She nods and points the gun at his back before pulling the trigger, a dart shoots out of the barrel and you hear him let out a muffled groan before he slumps over. You wrap your arms around him to keep him from falling onto the floor, she wraps her arms around him to help gently place him on the floor. For good measure, you bend the earth beneath him until only his head is sticking out. 

You and Zhu Li crouch behind a large boulder as you peek around to check out the scene. “How do we do this?” 

“They can’t see me, we already have to figure out what to do with General Yin…” You reply. 

“Can you bend from behind this rock? You could make some kind of distraction and I can try to take them out with the tranquilizer.” It’s the best option and only idea that either of you can think of, so you nod. 

You peek around the rock again to get a sense of the layout before whipping back behind and letting out a deep, shaky breath. You can’t fuck this up, this is not the time to run off crying or be weak. This is for her, for Kuvira, you remind yourself. This is for your future and happiness. 

When you lean forward you have half your face hidden behind the rock and you're knelt low to the ground to try and offer you coverage. 

“Do you know when our shift is over?” One guy asks. You pause to listen in. 

“I think like an hour or two,” another says as he kicks a rock. “This is so boring.” 

“I know right, everyone is celebrating right now and we’re stuck on guard duty.” You roll your eyes at the one guy's complaint before taking a deep, steady breath. You got this. 

Placing a palm on the ground, you slowly clench your fist causing a large crack to go right underneath the center of the truck. 

“What the fuck?!” With both of your hands, you push with all your strength and the crack widens. Zhu Li takes the opportunity and shoots one of the guards in the very back of the neck, he falls with a thud and the guard closest to him turns around. He opens his mouth to shout, so you bend off a piece of metal from your armor and shoot it towards him. It wraps around his mouth right as Zhu Li points her gun towards him and pulls the trigger. 

Two down, three to go. 

“Show yourself!” One shouts. One of them starts to bend bushes out of the way to try and find where you're hiding, you tap Zhu Li’s shoulder and point to him, she seems to get the message because she takes him out next. The only problem is the other two men saw exactly where the dart came from. Fuck. 

There’s a medium-sized rock next to one of the two, so you bend it and fling it towards him. He narrowly jumps out of the way, doing that distracts the other guard which gives Zhu Li the chance to shoot at him next. “I don’t have any darts left,” she says in a panicked voice, you’ll have to take this guy out the old fashioned way. “Well I guess we’ll have two guys to worry about,” you say before revealing yourself. 

The guard pauses, his eyes widen as he sees you take a step towards him. “But…” 

You charge, shooting a piece of the earth into the air, you twirl with the grace of a dancer and fling it at him, with the force of your throw it speeds towards him. He shoots up a small wall made of rock to protect him, your rock hits. Due to the impact, parts of his wall crumbles. You can see him because of that crumble, see him running towards the driver’s seat of the truck. 

Every car has a radio… You race forward and bend a wall up that blocks the door to the driver's side of the car, whilst he breaks it down you advance behind him and grab his arm. He whirls around to stare at you in horror. He pushes against you, effectively making you stumble back. You think of Bolin, of how he did that once and you fell onto your back with a groan. You think of the days spent learning how to take down someone with your fists, but most importantly you remember what he said one day. 

“You might hate fighting, but one day you’ll need to think about what's for the best and throw a punch.” Taking down this greasy asshole is what's best, you tell yourself as you punch him in the nose. 

“Fuck!” He stumbles back and clutches his nose, whilst he’s distracted you bend the earth underneath to effectively trap his body from the collarbone down. There’s blood trickling out of his nose, you’ve never made someone bleed before. This is for the best. 

You bring your hand down in the same spot you did General Yin, rendering the guard of his bending so you don’t have to worry about him escaping. You turn around and see Zhu Li look at you with this look of surprise. “Who knew you could throw a punch,” she says, breaking the silence. 

You both head to the opening of the truck. “Y/n?” You hear Suyin say, she grips the wood and looks at the both of you with wide eyes, “Zhu Li?” 

“Is there a door to this thing?” You point at the cage and Suyin looks up. “It’s above us but it’s locked.” You nod and look over at Zhu Li. 

“One of these guards probably has a key or something we can use to break it open.” You both search the guards but come up empty, even the guy you punched doesn’t have them, which when you bend some of the earth away to check his pockets but still keep his feet and hands encased, he curses you out. 

“Kuvira will find out about this, she’ll kill you in an instant” he spits out in rage. You look up and into his, part of you wonders if she will. You don’t think so, but you’ve seen her slipping these past few days and it seems she left a piece of herself at each stop you guys made during the tour. 

“That requires someone telling her,” you say as you bend the earth back up to his collarbone. No key… You walk over to the truck entrance and sigh. “Zhu Li, can I see your gun?” 

She gives it to you, sending a quizzical look your way. You ignore it as you climb inside and then climb to the top of the wooden cage. You grab the gun so the handle is facing downward, your hands gripping the barrel.

Before you begin, you look into the openings of the wooden cage and make eye contact with Suyin. “I have terms,” you say, everyone looks shocked. “If I let you out, Kuvira won’t be imprisoned, instead sh-” 

“Y/n, she has to face the punishme-” 

“She will be put on house arrest in a city of my choosing. If you try to imprison her then I expect the same treatment for your son.” Silence follows so you continue. “You won’t try to kill her again and you will take Zhu Li, along with these two guards, with you to Republic City where you will give the Avatar vital information we found.” 

“Y/n she’s a monster, nothing can be done to fix the damage she’s cau-” You squeeze your eyes shut. You are so done of being talked over and interrupted, of being silenced. 

“She did what she thought was best, if you had put your pride aside and helped the earth kingdom when asked we wouldn’t be put in this mess. Her intentions were pure when this started, but trying to bring order when you're just some nobody isn’t easy. Sacrifices were made and she’s lost herself but she’s still in there, I know it. I will leave you in here and turn my back on you, on this, if you don’t agree to my terms.” 

Your palms feel sweaty and you have to cling tighter to the gun to keep it from slipping. Neither of you breaks eye contact, you glare into her green eyes as you await a response. Suyin’s eyes widen and a look of… recognition? Settles on her features. 

“She’s your soulmate, isn’t she?” Very slowly, you nod. “I knew Junior wasn’t it.” Suyin clenches her fists as she sighs. “Fine, I agree to your terms.” 

“If you break your promise, I’ll destroy everything.” You whisper the last word but she hears you loud and clear. Suyin gulps and nods in understanding. As you exhale you smash it down onto the lock, it rattles. You do it again, as hard as you can and this time there’s the smallest of cracks. You keep doing it, your arms ache but you have to get them out and quickly. 

Soon your chi block might wear off on that one dude or the guards for the next shift might show up. It feels like all your dreams come true when it finally snaps open. You toss the gun to Zhu Li who catches it. You fling open the latch and climb down. 

Suyin and Baatar Sr. give their kids a boost so they can climb out. After all three are out, Baatar Sr. helps Suyin out, once she’s out she lays flat on her stomach and grips onto him, helping pull him out. 

You climb out of the truck and sigh. “You need to take General Yin and that-” you point at the guard behind you, the one still awake “one as well.” You bend the earth away from the guard, Wing and Wei pick him up and carry him over to the bed of the truck. You lead Suyin over to Yin, who is thankfully still passed out. You both bend the earth back into the ground and each takes aside as you lug him over as well. 

“What are you going to say?” Zhu Li asks, you pinch your brows together and look down at your feet. 

“I…” You begin. You look around at the scene before you, General Yin and that guard can bend earth, there are obvious works of a bender at the scene. “You and General Yin teamed up together to break out the Beifongs, Yin was working with the guard as well…” 

“She won’t believe it” Suyin pipes up. “You're squeaky clean and he’s one of her top generals.” 

Suddenly the image of her on the verge of a panic attack flashes to life.

“Did you know?” she spits out. 

She’s already suspected you once in the last two days, Suyin's right. “You should come with us,” Zhu Li says. You shake your head and purse your lips. 

“Maybe if I’m a bit messed she’ll believe me.” 

“What do you mean?” Baatar Sr. inquires. 

“I need one of you guys to uh… hit me in the face.” You look at everyone and they all look at each other in contemplation. It’s Wei who steps up as he pushes his sleeves up for dramatic effect. 

“I’m pretty angry at you and Kuvira so I’ll do it.” You let out a weak laugh and square your shoulders, Suyin places a hand on Wei’s shoulder and looks into your eyes. “You don’t need to do this.” 

“Yes I do, we need to make this believable,” you look over at Wei. “Leave my eyes alone, you need to leave a mark though.” 

Wei lets out a deep sigh as he gets into a fighting stance, you squeeze your eyes as you wait for impact. A minute stretches by and you're about to tell him to just do it when his fist collides with your cheekbone on the right side of your face. Intense pain encases your face as you stumble back. Before you can fall someone catches you as you cradle your face in pain. 

That is going to leave a mark. Zhu Li places you back on your feet, you faintly hear Suyin scolding Wei. “I need…” you groan as more pain shoots into your cheekbone from moving your mouth. “I need Yin’s empty dart.” 

Zhu Li looks through her jacket pockets before pulling it out and handing it to you. “Can you get back to the jeep by yourself?” 

“I’ll be fine, you guys need to hurry though. A guard switch should be happening soon.” The three Beifong children pile into the trunk of the car along with Zhu Li as Baatar Sr. heads to the driver's seat, Suyin stays behind for a minute as she gives you a quick once over.

“I… I promise to stick to my terms.” You nod, scared of the pain that will most likely happen if you smile, she slowly walks over to the passenger seat and climbs in. The engine roars to life and soon they are speeding down the dirt road that leads to a tunnel. Your walk back to the jeep is agonizing, it’s almost pitch blackout and every twig that snaps has you spinning around to see if someone’s following you. 

When the jeep finally comes into sight you let out a breath of relief. You probably look a little too polished so begrudgingly you cup some dirt in your hands and smear some on your good cheek, neck, and a little bit on your clothes for good measure. It has to look like you were knocked out and put up a fight. 

You set the dart onto the passenger seat and let your hair down from your updo, Kuvira makes sure all the women in her command have their hair out of their face to keep distractions to a minimum. Running your fingers through it a few times to mess it up you look in the rearview mirror of the car and sigh, this is the best you're gonna get. 

Putting the keys into the ignition, you drive towards the place you once called home.

[nadziejastar]

@Disney and SQ: Make LeaIsa canon u cowards. They had so much chemistry and history it would be make sense.

Saïx and Axel’s Fascinating, Complex, Beautiful and Extremely Well-Written Relationship

Write more about LeaIsa? Don’t mind if I do. YES! It’s such an underrated relationship, probably because of how poorly it was treated in canon. I would pay so much money to see it actually done justice in canon. And I rarely get invested in fictional ships to this degree. You’re right about their history together. It’s another reason I like LeaIsa so much. It’s the only Lea ship that I saw any evidence for. Axel’s relationship with Saïx is so unlike any other relationship in the series. I just found it so complex, unique, compelling, and mature in the way it was written. Seriously, it’s one of the most touching fictional relationships I’ve ever seen. And it’s written with such subtlety.

The writers force you to read between the lines, instead of spelling everything out for you. That made it even better, since it never once felt cheesy or forced. But with almost everyone I’ve talked to outside of Tumblr, the importance of Saïx and Axel’s relationship went right over their head. One person I talked to even said that the introduction of their past friendship felt pointless; simply an excuse to give Axel more “drama” in Days. Which was sad for me to hear.

It’s why I am so bitter that this relationship got shafted by the story as badly as it did. It’s such an insult to everything the writers accomplished. Unfortunately, I know many people in real life who would…not react well if they found out that Axel loved another male.

I can’t help but think that was a factor in why their relationship was handled so poorly, even platonically. It’s just so stupid to me, though. What a waste. It’s such a shame that stuff like this happens when creators try to step outside the box with their characters. There’s a real lack of healthy male/male intimacy in fiction, especially when it’s handled with actual maturity. It’s why I loved the KH2 ending with Sora and Riku so much. But hey, I still give gotta them credit for trying and almost succeeding.

As much as I loved the Roxas/Axel/Xion friendship, it was clear that Axel was the “dad” of the group. He was only half-joking about babysitting them. I feel even more strongly about this now than I did when I first played these games. It’s been 10 years since I first played Days and now I’m a bit closer to Axel in age than Roxas, lol. I don’t think Lea’s story could have ended truly happily unless he had another adult around him that he was close to.

Lea: In memories, you live forever, you know?

Isa: Well, you may be a really small part of my memories, but at least you’ll never disappear.

Lea: I’m SO flattered.

Isa: You’re such a pain.

I agree that they had a LOT of chemistry during their interactions. What I liked about Isa was that he was an equal to Lea. Someone his own age. He gave us an opportunity to see how Lea would interact with someone he could relate to as a peer, instead of as a mentor. Plus Isa was said to be very smart and mature for his age, which is probably why he didn’t seem to have many friends. And Lea was definitely much more on the intellectual/philosophical side compared to someone like Roxas or Sora.

He was a 15-year-old who talked about wanting to live forever in people’s memory, after all. I think that’s why Isa liked him so much. He was outgoing, very friendly, and smart, to boot. He’s the whole package. I used the Japanese translation for that scene since it made them seem even more flirtatious. I found way Lea joked with Isa to be so…cute. He just never smiled or acted that way with anyone else.

And I felt the same way when Isa smiled during that scene. I could tell he admired Lea’s outlook on life. He likes how he wants to make every interaction with others meaningful. He probably feels the same way, though he has a harder time showing it. Isa obviously does not have many people that he feels comfortable opening up to. I always got the feeling that Lea was very special to him. I don’t have trouble believing that Isa was intended to sacrifice himself for Lea. Not at all.

Roxas: I found out about love on today’s mission–that it’s something powerful.

Axel: That’s true. It is. But I’ll never get to experience it.

Besides, you don’t just give a character dialogue like this, and then NOT have them find true love. I mean, come on now.

Riku: Heh, I sometimes envy how simple your world is.

Sora: Is…that a compliment?

Riku: I envy whatever makes you think it could be.

Sora: Gee, thanks.

Isa and Lea had a somewhat similar dynamic to Riku and Sora. One was an introvert and the other was way more extroverted. I loved seeing the effect Sora had on Riku. It was very sweet. But no offense to Sora…Lea and Isa gave me the impression that they were much more intellectual equals, compared to him and Riku. I doubt you would ever see conversations like this between them, for instance. So for me, they struck a perfect balance. They were opposites, but still very similar.

It was such a sincere question that Axel barely swallowed a laugh. The evidence was right there; Roxas wouldn’t be thinking of anything else.

“’Cos you’re relatively simple,” Axel replied. “Well, most Nobodies are.”

Despite being the “cheerful” one, Lea’s world was anything but simple. He’s not unfailingly optimistic and he has a very prominent dark side. He might make friends very easily, but I could tell that he had a strong desire to form very deep emotional connections that are rare and don’t come easily. So Lea and Isa complemented each other very well.

“It’s just… I’ve always wondered why we’re here, on this island. If there are other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one?”

Now I think it was because we had to be there to meet each other. And if this really is the end of all the worlds, I don’t mind fading out here.

“If the world is made of light and darkness…we can be the darkness.”

Beside him, Sora looked at the sea and idly stretched his legs. “Yeah. The other side, the realm of light…it’s safe now. Kairi and the king and the others are there.”

Even without us, the worlds will be okay, he thought as he gazed at the horizon. I don’t mind becoming part of the darkness, if I’m with Riku.

I still love Sora, though. No matter how many Disney worlds he went to, he never forgot Riku. I’m sure Isa was envious at times of Lea’s ability to instantly make friends with everyone. Isa only came out of his shell around Lea. He doesn’t get close to people easily. I’m sure he had as many insecurities as Riku had, if not more. He probably was clingy, even. But I doubt Lea would mind. I’m sure that he felt like no matter how many friends he made, he could have deeper conversations with a shy introvert like Isa than he could with anyone else.

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

To me, Axel always came across as extremely intelligent, with a lot of inner depth and complexity. But he always kept his true feelings bottled up inside.

Roxas grinned. “Who are you, and what have you done with Axel?”

“Hey! I tried, okay?” All that effort to cheer them up, and they just turned it into a punch line. Chagrined, he looked away.

Xion burst into giggles, and then, as if it was contagious, Roxas started laughing, too.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not that funny!” Axel scolded.

They paused, looked at each other, and giggled again.

“I don’t know why I put up with this…”

In the novel, he actually was pretty hurt and embarrassed during that scene, because he was being 100% serious.

Pence: Do you guys think we’ll always be together like this?

Olette: I sure hope so.

Hayner: Huh? Where did that come from?

Pence: Oh, well, you know. Just thinking out loud.

Hayner: Well, I doubt we can be together forever. But isn’t that what growing up’s all about? What’s important isn’t how often we see each other, but how often we think about each other. Right?

Pence: Get that off a fortune cookie?

Hayner: That’s it, no more ice cream for you!

Of course, I found it interesting how Roxas was later put in such a similar position to Axel. All these things happening to him that he can’t talk about with his friends. Being told he was never supposed to existand entering an existential crisis. The time when he would relate to Axel the most is when he doesn’t even remember him.

But to address the main topic of this post, I must say: Axel and Saïx’s whole relationship in the novels is just so excellent. I always liked it in the games, but the novels made me appreciate it on a whole new level. I was reading them for the first time a while ago, and I swear, I couldn’t help but pick up VERY strong romantic vibes between Axel and his memories of Isa. It’s not that I was looking for it, either. I wasn’t. It just really, really jumped out at me.

“Well, I think you can be inseparable, even if you’re apart,” said Axel.

Roxas and Xion shared a look.

“…Even if you’re apart,” Roxas murmured.

They trailed off, and this time Axel finished his ice cream. So he started talking again. “It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.”

Followed by…

“Love is what happens when there’s something really special between people.”

“More special than friends? Like…if they’re best friends? Inseparable?”

“Well, you can care about your friends, but that’s not exactly it…” Axel paused, groping for words that might make sense to Roxas.

“So it’s a step above best friends?”

“No—it’s not about steps.”

The wording was just so…intentional. Axel was obviously thinking about Isa when he was talking about best friends being inseparable, even when they’re apart. And he was obviously thinking about Isa when he said that as long as he has memories, he’d never have to be apart from anyone. Then Roxas uses the exact same words when he asks him about love. There was no way it was just a coincidence.

I was like, “Am I crazy, or are the writers trying to imply that Lea was in love with Isa?” Then I read the rest of the novel, and I’m like, “Damn, I guess they really are”. I swear, the novels are what totally convinced me that the writers genuinely viewed them as a romantic pairing. And then when I looked at the 358/2 Days weapons, I was like, “Okay, I guess I’m not crazy after all.”

I am working on a meta about the symbolism of Luxord’s Tarot cards. It’s just…incredible how the Fool’s Journey that’s depicted in those cards, follows Axel and Saïx’s character arcs so perfectly. There was so much care put into that relationship. I’m sure that the Tarot cards had meaning for everyone’s else’s weapons and character arcs, as well. But since we never actually get to learn that much about the other Organization members, it’s harder to interpret whatever meaning they have. There was more than enough with Saïx and Axel to read between the lines and see a whole arc. But Marluxia and Vexen? Eh, not so much.

“You mean I can’t talk to you unless I want something?”

“I didn’t mean that, but it’s—” a hassle. But if I say that, it looks like she’ll make it even more of a hassle. Axel shut his mouth. “Why are you talking to me? There are heaps of other people to talk to.”

“I don’t want to talk to rough old men,” Larxene clearly intoned.

“If that’s so—there’s Demyx, or Marluxia, who joined just before you did. And then there’s Zexion. There’s also Saïx, in a way—”

I found it interesting how Axel related to women. He talks about how you can’t push the wrong buttons with girls. Larxene touches his face in Re:CoM and his reaction is so annoyed. And then there’s the way he reacts when she flirts with him in the novel. Yeah, I know Larxene is a bitch and that really doesn’t prove anything. But those scenes felt like they were meant to show how Axel just isn’t interested in women that way. Also I like how he says, “in a way” when he refers to Saïx. Well, I guess he is young at least. However, while we’re on that subject…

Demyx: Who’s ready for a vacation? I’m ready for a vacation.

Axel: Saïx only gives days off when he’s in a good mood. Which is never.

…I found Axel’s dynamic with Saïx so fascinating due to their shared history. Saïx always has the most dead, lifeless expressions on his face. I think it hurt Axel deeply to see how miserable he was all the time. Axel must have assumed his condition was the result of the trauma caused by the experiments and losing his heart. After all, Nobodies typically have the same basic personality they had as humans. And Isa was not cold and robotic.

Indeed, Axel is all too aware of Saïx’s total emotional emptiness and he’s rather introspective about the whole issue. He reflects on it rather frequently in the novels.

“Shouldn’t you already be out on your mission, Axel?” Saïx interrupted.

Mission? Saïx hadn’t given him his assignment yet. Axel blinked up at him, and Saïx stared back.

Oh. Axel felt a little bit sorry for Saïx and his inability to lie.

Saïx can’t even fake emotion enough to tell convincing lies. At least Axel can do that much. He genuinely feels sorry for him.

In a way, Saïx put more effort than any of them into pretending he had a heart, Axel thought. And yet, he was more lacking than any of them.

Here too. Saïx is more lacking than any of them. He’s the only one who was turned into a vessel against his will, so he can’t just nurture a new heart like everyone else.

After watching them go, Axel stretched and turned to Saïx, expecting to see a scowl. But the expression had left Saïx’s face, leaving him as dispassionate as usual.

Of course, he had been faking it in the first place. Nobodies had no hearts; they only imitated what emotions they remembered. The very proof of their emptiness showed how desperately they each longed for a heart.

Axel probably did the same thing himself without noticing, and yet, for some reason, when Saïx did it—or actually, any of the others—it seemed so out of place.

None of the others in the Organization were that bad, though. They all had personalities and didn’t have to try so hard to fake one. And we know that they could grow hearts.

Saïx had no time for all these deliberately oblique remarks from Xigbar. “Nonsense. I see no problem whatsoever.”

Xigbar only laughed louder. “Pa-ha-ha! No, apparently you don’t!”

“Something you find amusing?”

“Oh, the things you hear from a guy with no heart,” Xigbar said through his hilarity.

None of us have hearts, Saïx was about to remind him, when Xemnas spoke again.

All except Saïx. No, he was unique, even among Nobodies.

He’d never deluded himself that tracking down Riku would be easy, and neither had Saïx. It was just that if he went back and reported that he couldn’t find anything, he would have to deal with those attempts at “personality”—the sneers, the snide remarks, the only trappings of human emotion that Saïx ever showed.

He tries so hard to have a “personality” that it’s actually very unsettling for Axel to witness. Yet, it was the only human emotions he ever showed. Because he’s nothing but an extension of Xehanort, with no heart of his own. He literally can’t connect with anyone or experience any emotion other than flat, numb, dispassionate misery.

“Don’t let us down now, kiddo. Shouldn’t be too much trouble without a heart,” Xigbar told Saïx.

Saix was a very tragic character. He became the way he is when he was just a kid, too. This is thrown in our face time and time again, so I was extremely surprised at the direction they took with his character in KH3. It made absolutely NO sense whatsoever.

In a room made of white marble, a large mirror reflected Demyx as he prepared to leave for the mission. He took particular care with his hairstyle, painstakingly manipulating the brown strands with a comb to make them stand straight up.

Saïx observed him from behind with what appeared to be distaste. In stark contrast to Demyx, Saïx left his long blue hair unstyled. The X-shaped scar on his forehead was all the style he needed.

“What d’you want? I’m kinda busy.” Irritated, Demyx turned around.

Instead of responding, the other man simply disappeared.

“Excuse me?!” Demyx shouted at the space where Saïx had been standing.

I doubt Saïx had any clue how uncomfortable he made Demyx. He just didn’t have the emotional capacity to pick up on things like that.

“No… Kingdom Hearts…” He opened his arms, bathed in the moonlight. “Where is my heart…?”

He dissolved into dark mist and faded from existence.

I don’t think Saïx was really Isa, and I think his and Axel’s relationship was very unhealthy, obviously. BUT. Axel thought Saïx was Isa and tried to relate to him as such. And that tells you a few things. Axel clearly thought of Saïx as someone who could understand his pain in a way nobody else could. And Saïx was a pretty miserable character. Even Sora couldn’t help but feel sorry for him when he called out for his heart. And back then, Sora thought Nobodies weren’t even capable of feeling anything. Yet, other than Axel, Saïx was the only Organization member whose disappearance left him genuinely sad.

All of it disgusted him. Saïx looked up at the skyscrapers, tracking Axel’s presence. He wanted a heart more than anything. But what could he do to get one? Here he was, yearning for a heart so badly, while Axel had managed to gain one without doing anything at all.

The blue-haired man had been the very first to join the organization after the founding members. He should have been special. The way number 13—Roxas, wielder of the Keyblade—was special. Axel was not. And yet…He remembered what the witch Naminé had said.

Axel seemed lonely. The man himself had denied it, but she was absolutely right. Axel was lonely. He’d lost Roxas.

Lonely. Didn’t that mean he had a heart? How had he gained one? Why only him? Was it an effect of his contact with the boy, or was there something else at work? He had no idea…

Saïx was jealous of Axel…but not quite in the way KH3 depicted. He was jealous of his ability to grow a heart. He was jealous that Axel even had the capacity to feel the loneliness of losing a friend. Saïx yearned for a heart more than anything. I can’t think of a single reason he would willingly join the Organization after being re-completed. It’s not even possible to describe how out-of-character that was.

Saïx collapsed to his knees. “Ngh— How much longer…?” He groaned through clenched teeth. “Kingdom Hearts… Will your strength never be mine?”

I think Roxas felt sorry for him too, after his defeat. He had the perfect opportunity to take him out, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. There’s no way Roxas was capable of taking out someone so utterly pitiable. Roxas just stares at him for a few seconds, dismisses his Keyblade, and moves on in silence.

“I feel bad for you, too,” she told him.

“What are you talking about?” Saïx towered over Naminé.

“You haven’t even noticed yet…that you have a heart.”

Several Nobodies emerged from a rift out of the corridors.

“A heart? I have a heart? No one wants your nonsense!” Saïx raised his sword over Naminé—but Riku was there with Soul Eater to intercept the blow.

“Hmph. I don’t have time for these games.” Darkness welled from a rift behind Saïx. “Run along and help your dear hero.”

With that, he disappeared.

“Are you all right?” Riku helped Naminé to her feet.

“Now I understand…,” she murmured.

“Naminé…? You understand what?”

She was silent for a moment and quietly shook her head as she stood. “It’s nothing. We have to find Kairi.”

Naminé felt sorry for him, too. Of course, she seemed to realize that his situation was unique and even worse than the other Nobodies. His heart was in Xehanort’s clutches. Saïx was genuinely anguished by what she said, though.

Maybe she had been sent away somewhere on a long-term mission, like Axel at Castle Oblivion.

But…asking about Axel seemed to put Saïx in such a foul mood, Roxas couldn’t bring himself to inquire after Xion.

I think Saïx was still subconsciously influenced by Isa’s captured heart, making him feel even more hollow and empty. I think that’s what forgetting his “true purpose” was all about.

“You made it back in one piece, didn’t you?”

Were you worried I wouldn’t? Axel almost said, but he didn’t want to deal with putting him in an even fouler mood. Disgust and rage seemed to linger closest to the surface of Saïx’s memories.

But ultimately, what we saw in 358/2 Days is this: Axel always empathized with Saïx, no matter how unlikable he was. Especially in the novels, he always exhibits profound empathy, patience, and understanding towards him. Their relationship is nothing like how it was portrayed in KH3. It was honestly so sad to see how badly Axel wanted to connect with him—to have things be like they were before. He was desperate to find any evidence that Saïx still cared about him.

He didn’t look at Saïx, but he did have one thing to say.

“Keep your mouth shut.”

Roxas had never heard him speak so coldly to anyone before.

Saïx made no reply.

The one time Axel loses his patience and confronts Saïx in anger, it hurt him more than it hurt Saïx. Axel couldn’t even look at him. But Saïx never acts hurt or offended after this scene. He’s just angry that Axel won’t listen to him. He couldn’t care less if Axel insults him, as long as he’s compliant and their plans remain unchanged.

But his voice was still oddly low. Running into Saïx had brought out a different side of him—and that side was a little scary.

Something just felt wrong about it—Axel was putting distance between himself and Saïx. Just like Xion did with him.

Axel was certainly deeply affected, though. Even Roxas, who hated Saïx, felt something was wrong about them drifting apart. He actually compared them to Xion and himself.

I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

He thinks like this even after he told Saïx to keep hid mouth shut. Even after that, he was still motivated by…well, not Saïx, actually. It was “Isa” who he mentioned. It’s the only time he used his real name as a Nobody, whether spoken or in his own thoughts. He talks about Saïx a lot. But when he thinks about his hopes for the future, it’s not Saïx’s name that comes to mind.

It’s Isa’s name. That’s how much of a distinction he makes between Saïx and Isa. The past and the present. It seemed like he desperately hoped that once Kingdom Hearts was completed, maybe Saïx would go back to being Isa again. And he clung to that hope for dear life. I couldn’t tell who wanted Saïx to get his heart back more—Saïx himself or Axel.

When he woke up after being re-completed, it was like he forgot all about their past conflict. He just wanted his friend back finally. This scene where he used Isa’s real name really stood out to me. It was the clincher. I knew there was no way that Lea did not love Isa with all his heart, when he had one. And after he started to grow a heart again, those feelings never left. Axel still loved him.

“Things are finally right again,” Saïx went on. “Of course, we’re better off this way.”

Axel had no retort for that. Maybe because he didn’t want to alienate Saïx anymore.

“Xemnas is exasperated from all the ‘fixing’ we’ve had to do. We have to set things right. There is too much on the line…Lea.”

Hearing his old name, Axel glanced up to see Saïx watching him intently. He remembered being human. Memories surged inside him, crowding the space in his chest. For Nobodies, memory had all the weight of a heart.

I remember. I won’t forget. But those sunsets with Roxas and Xion were part of his memory. Axel broke away again from Saïx’s gaze, looking down at nothing.

You can tell how conflicted he is when Saïx also uses his real name a little while later. He desperately wants to think Saïx still cares about him as well, but he’s starting to realize that he’s deluding himself. 

“I trust you.”

Axel let out a low chuckle. “Yeah? Because your heart tells you to?”

“Just the memory of it. But if you continue to interfere, I’ll have to overwrite that memory with everything I’ve learned as a Nobody.”

“…Should I take that as a threat?”

“More or less. Keep it in mind.” Finished with the conversation, Saïx walked away.

Axel didn’t move for a while.

This is the first time that Saïx actually threatened to do more to Axel than just end their friendship. He actually threatened to kill him, and he is totally in shock over it. He can’t even move. I found it so telling that Saïx always spoke about his memories in a way that made them sound so foreign to him. His memories of Isa tell him that Lea was once really important to him. But they are so at odds with his personality as a Nobody, that all he ever does is use those memories as a weapon to manipulate and punish Axel.

“We don’t need them both. Just one. And pretending won’t change it.”

We, who? Axel wanted to ask, but he held it in, along with a bitter laugh. He wasn’t sure if that “we” meant Organization XIII or just Saïx and himself.

“Think about that.”

Oh, I am. And I’m sick of it. I’m even desperate enough to ask you if there’s another way.

The words nearly escaped him, but Saïx was already walking toward the Grey Area. The set of his shoulders told him plainly what the answer would be.

Axel realized how great the rift was between how he remembered their past and what he saw now.

Why am I even here? I don’t know anymore. What am I trying to do?

But Axel forgave Saïx over and over and over again. He risked his life constantly whenever Saïx needed someone to do his dirty work. He cared SO much about Isa. But he’s starting to question everything now. What good are their plans if Saïx doesn’t even care about him anymore? If there’s no hope that their relationship can be like it was in the past?

KH3 says that Saïx felt forgotten by Axel, but I just didn’t see that at all. How could he have possibly felt abandoned by Axel of all people? All Axel did was pine for him the whole game. Axel would have been overjoyed if Saïx so much as asked him about how his mission went, or what he ate for breakfast that day. As long as it was something other than the Chamber of Waking. Of course, Saïx knew Axel didn’t forget about him. It’s why he knew calling him “Lea” would be such an effective tactic for his compliance.

“That’s enough.” Saix turned his head, giving Axel a sidelong look over his shoulder. “Traitor.”

Axel scowled darkly.

“I’m going. You know, don’t you, that you won’t stop me except by force? And even if you tried, you would fail.” Saïx went on his way. Memories informed him that he hated this kind of thing.

Here we go again. Saïx is still serious about his threat, and Axel is still deeply hurt. His memories tell him that threatening Axel should make him feel awful, too. In the past, he would be devastated with this situation. But, he isn’t. I really think Saïx simply had access to Isa’s memories, thanks to Ansem’s experiments on the heart. Just like how Xemns had access to Terra’s memories while he was talking to Aqua’s armor and calling it a “friend”. But he was never really Isa.

He had been using the Organization for his own ends from the start. The only thing that had changed in the meantime was who it was all for. Maybe Saïx would call that a betrayal. But his world had changed.

It took until this moment at the very end of the book, for Axel to finally change his mind on who he was doing everything for.

The Roxas that I know is long gone. Fine, I see how it is…

This is the moment where Axel has to finally accept the harsh truth. The truth that he’s known for a long time, deep down, but didn’t want to admit. The Isa he knew is long gone. Which was just so sad to me. Their relationship was SO messed up—it was incredibly damaging to Axel. How could KH3 make Lea and Isa just get over their past so easily? It was ridiculous.

There’s no way that Saïx was planned to be Isa all along. That would be so unfair and insulting to both of their characters. “Yeah, sorry Lea. Your best friend really DID want to kill you all along. So much for healing your pain…Here, have some ice cream.”  

“I sent dusks in before you in numbers. Think of failure as leading to immediate erasure.”

“Certainly, sir,” said Axel, and he bowed exaggeratedly.

“Was that supposed to be a joke, Axel?”

“That’s not too far is it?”

“…It’s not at all funny.” Saïx resumed typing on the keyboard.

Maybe, this is the last time I’ll see Saïx, too.

Thinking, Axel looked at the seated Saïx’s back.

“We’ve known each other for a pretty long time, haven’t we?”

Ignoring Axel’s words, Saïx continued typing on the keyboard.

This is during the time of KH2, when Axel is going to infiltrate the data Twilight Town. There was something incredibly moving about the way Axel related to Saïx. It resonated with me on a deeply personal level, in a way few stories ever have. It was so powerful, without being the slightest bit cheesy or forced. In fact, it flies right under the radar unless you really pay attention.

Axel displayed true unconditional love. He just kept trying and trying and trying—even when his efforts got him absolutely nothing in return. He was totally undeterred. He’d just wait longer, and try even harder, until the day finally comes when his friend wakes up and comes to his senses. He was incredibly hurt by Saïx’s indifference towards him…but he never stopped loving Isa. Even when he lost all hope that he’d ever see him again…he never wanted to forget the pain of losing him. 

Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear… But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

Regardless of how bad things got, even when Saïx followed through with his threat and tried to kill him…Axel STILL loved him, even if only because of how he remembered Isa. Fighting Saïx killed him inside. I like to think that during that scene, on some level, Lea could sense Isa’s true heart inside of Saïx. And that Isa still loves him, too. After all, they are supposed to be inseparable, even when they’re apart.

I truly believe that in the original idea for the story, Lea refused to take off his Organization cloak because he couldn’t bring himself to be “free” until Isa was. I also think that was why he was always staring off at the sunset, looking wistful. There’s a certain type of bonding people experience during shared trauma, that is unlike any other.

Lea and Isa joined the Organization together. They both lost their innocence and their youth to the Organization. There was no way Lea could be free until he knew Isa was, too. He would never, ever be able to move on from the past. And when Isa was rescued, he and Lea would always have that shared history as test subjects. I think their pain was always going to be something they understood better than anyone else.

Terra: I just– When I really need you, Ven, I know you’ll be there.

Aqua: Ven, I’m sorry…I might not make it back as soon as I thought. But Ipromise I’ll be there, one day, to wake you up.

To me, these quotes felt like foreshadowing. Ven is promising the audience that he’ll use the power of waking on Terra, and Aqua assures us that she will be the one to use it on Ven.

Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!

There’s not a doubt in my mind that Lea was going to use these exact words while trying to use the power of waking on Isa. I think Isa would have been so traumatized that his soul fragments would initially refuse to go back to reality. It would not be easy to convince him to come back. Even Riku needed to pass a “test” to revive Sora.

The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering.

If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed.

A phantom sun.

Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

First of all, Tomoco Kanemaki’s writing is so beautiful. Secondly, why do I get the feeling that it was Isa who made an off-hand remark one day, informing Lea why the sun sets red? 

Axel is lost in thought, staring at the red sunset, before Roxas and Xion arrive. This is just before he talks about how they’ll never have to be apart as long as they have the memories of each other. Which is so similar to what he told Isa all those years ago. “If I can live forever inside people’s memories, then at least Isa can live forever inside mine.” That’s what I believe Axel was thinking that day.

You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.

The red phantom sun. It burns into your eyes, staying visible even when you close them.

Pandora opened a jar containing sickness, death and many other unspecified evils which were then released into the world. Though she hastened to close the container, only one thing was left behind–hope.  

Axel’s Pandora Gear is called Prominence. Solar prominences are large, bright red-glowing loops of plasma extending outward from the Sun’s surface. They can measure many times larger than Earth’s diameter and last for weeks or even months. Saïx’s Pandora Gear is Crocea Mors, or Yellow Death; the one that looks just like his Berserk state Claymore.

Prominence is shaped like a swastika, or manji. It’s a symbol used to represent the harmonious interplay between opposites beyond the limits of time and space. In Hinduism, the arms pointing clockwise (卐) symbolizes surya (‘Sun’), prosperity, and good luck.

I wholeheartedly wish that Lea got to reunite with Isa—the real Isa. Not the watered-down Xehanort clone masquerading as him in KH3. There’s NO way the real Isa could have EVER inspired the type of devotion we saw from Lea, if he was ANYTHING like Saïx.

[texanredrose]

Did You Know?

-Today, 0317- (214) 13-170-9: Did you know that "hamburger" is two words combined, but it's not "ham" and "burger", but "hamburg" and "er"? No idea what "er" means, though. Or “Hamburg” really. English is weird. You: Who are you and how did you get this number? (214) 13-170-9: Shit, is this not Blake? You: No. I am not Blake. (214) 13-170-9: Ah fuck, sorry, must've fat fingered the number! You: It's four in the morning here. (214) 13-170-9: Oh, cool, same timezone. Still, sorry about that. You: It's fine. You: And, for the record, -er is an Atlesian suffix that roughly means "from" and Hamburg is a city in Atlas. "Hamburger" means, quite literally, "from Hamburg". You: I grew up not too far from there. (214) 13-170-9: Oh, that's so cool! My name's Yang! You: Noted. Now, may I return to slumber or do you have any other useless trivia to impart upon me? (214) 13-170-9: Right, sorry! Again! (214) 13-170-9: Night! Sweet dreams!

-Today, 1034- You: Now that it’s a somewhat respectable hour, I’d like to apologize for being curt last night.  (214) 13-170-9: Hey, I get it! I’d be a little cranky if someone woke me up, too. (214) 13-170-9: Really, no harm, no foul. (214) 13-170-9: But if you’re ever in need of useless trivia, I’m here! You: That was... harsh of me. (214) 13-170-9: I mean, you’re not exactly wrong. Most of this stuff isn’t really that useful. But it can be food for thought or even a little funny! Like, did you know the electric chair was invented by a dentist? Sounds weirdly appropriate, doesn’t it? (214) 13-170-9: Guess he got his patients confused with chickens; THOSE are the ones where you pull out all the white things and THEN fry ‘em. You: That was dark. You: I’ll admit it made me laugh out loud, but still dark. (214) 13-170-9: Okay, look, I work with what material’s available to me, and that was the first one that popped into my head. (214) 13-170-9: Also, did you really type out ‘laugh out loud’? lol, really? You: What do you have against properly spelling out words? (214) 13-170-9: Okay, you know what, in hindsight, you’re right. It just caught me off guard. Most people use abbreviations. (214) 13-170-9: Or emojis. You: I honestly hate the sight of that stupid word. You: Also, I spend all day trapped in an alphabet soup hell. I don’t need more abbreviations, thank you. (214) 13-170-9: But they make things so much quicker! btw, ofc I could spell it all out, but rn I’m using one hand, other’s occupied. (214) 13-170-9: I swear that’s not as dirty as it sounds. You: At EOD, I meet with my POC for a SITREP, then CM to the DFAC. (214) 13-170-9: I respectfully withdraw my argument, have a good day.

-Today, 1425- (214) 13-170-9: Um. I might be overstepping here and maybe you’re busy but either way I hope I didn’t upset you or insult you earlier. You: You said “have a good day”; I assumed that was the end of the conversation. (214) 13-170-9: Do you even meme?! You: I realize I implied and now am outright stating that English isn’t my primary language but you don’t have to make up words. (214) 13-170-9: Oml have you never seen a meme before? Hold on. (214) 13-170-9: [MyHairIsABird.jpeg][open][save] You: What.The. Fuck. (214) 13-170-9: You’ve never seen that before? You: I have and am now wondering why I allowed myself to be teleported back a decade. You: At least. It’s probably closer to two at this point. (214) 13-170-9: That’s a meme. It’s short for mimetic mutation I think? Where a joke gets so far removed from the source that it loses all connection but it’s still somehow funny? You: No. (214) 13-170-9: Look, I’ve never had to explain a meme before! You: I’m not saying “no” to your explanation; I’m saying “no” to that meme, as you call it. (214) 13-170-9: That’s what it’s called! You: Of course it is. (214) 13-170-9: Okay, fine, how about this one? (214) 13-170-9: [loss.jpeg][open][save] You: Now you’re tormenting me. You: Wait. I recognize this format. You: This is the stupid joke the idiots I call my subordinates are giggling about like school children? You: It’s not even a joke. This is a serious matter. (214) 13-170-9: I mean, I agree, I’m not sure how it became a joke but it did? (214) 13-170-9: I swear I’m not as dark as I’ve been sounding. (214) 13-170-9: Like, this whole conversation is kinda atypical for me, I swear. You: You’re putting in a lot of effort to convince a stranger that you’re not exactly as you’ve been acting. (214) 13-170-9: Well, you got me there. Sorry.

-Today, 1832- You: You’ve gone quiet. I suppose both of your hands were required? (214) 13-170-9: I just figured you probably had a point and I should just stop digging a bigger hole for myself. You: You don’t have any more trivia? (214) 13-170-9: Did you know a shark’s top speed is 96 km/h? You: Which species? (214) 13-170-9: Uh, Mako shark, I think. You: You are correct. I have a certain affinity for sharks.  You: They aren’t as terrible as people make them out to be, you know. Yang: Actually, more people die from being struck on the head with a coconut than from shark attacks every year. They’re mostly fine if you leave them alone. Unprovoked attacks aren’t as common as people think, I mean. It’s mostly just one species responsible for them, too, but people lump all sharks together. You: They do. Sharks are dangerous, yes, but most creatures are. Sharks just get a bad reputation for essentially no reason. Yang: Actually, the movie Jaws spawned a lot of the social stigma around sharks. Yang: Do you have a favorite shark? You: The catshark. There’s several species all over Remnant; they’re deep sea creatures, living below what most people fish at, but they’re occasionally spotted by research vessels. They have beautiful skins with wonderful patterns but very little is known about them, and each subspecies is unique in its own way. You: They’re truly fascinating creatures. Yang: They sound really cool! You: I have a question for you. Yang: Shoot. You: You’ve given me your name yet you haven’t ask me mine. Why? Yang: Well, let’s start from the top. Yang: I messaged you in the middle of the night on accident, which you weren’t very happy about. Then when you apologized, I made a bad joke and you took it literally. THEN, I apologized again, and we talked about memes, and that entire discussion didn’t go anywhere good, I think we’re on the same page on that one. Yang: So, from my perspective, I really don’t have any right to ask your name. I gave you mine so you’d know who to specifically curse if you’re religiously inclined. Yang: Or, like, you just want the satisfaction of specifically cursing me, because like, mood. You: How thoughtful. You: It’s Winter. Yang: I’m pretty sure it’s spring? You: You boob. My name is Winter. Yang: OH Yang: IT’S A GOOD NAME You: ... really? Yang: Absolutely! It’s a beautiful name! You: That wasn’t me looking for reassurance; that was me being... surprised by your response. Yang: It makes me think of Atlas, kinda, cause it’s so cold up there. Yang: Oh. Yang: I am just a series of “open mouth, insert foot” examples today. You: Are you on something? Alcohol? Weed? Nicotine? Yang: NO! You: Admittedly, that last one wouldn’t lead to such a lapse in judgement as you’ve currently displayed. You: Are you lying to me? Yang: FUCKING NO, I’M NOT ON ANYTHING! Yang: I just haven’t been sleeping well recently and my head’s a little fuzzy. That’s all. You: That would explain the middle-of-the-night trivia session. Yang: I said I was sorry about that. You: I believe you but I also believe that a good night’s rest in fundamentally important. You: Tonight, you’re going to sleep at a reasonable hour. Yang: You can’t just command me to go to sleep! You: I just did. Yang: Wait a minute, the acronyms, the orders, “subordinates”- you’re military, aren’t you? You: Yes. Yang: That’s awesome! I’m just a mechanic. I like working on engines. You: Riveting, truly, but those are topics for tomorrow. Tonight, you sleep. Yang: lmao, nice pun! You: I didn’t make a pun. Yang: I said I’m a mechanic, you said “riveting”, how was that not a pun? You: You’re deflecting. Yang: My shields are up. You: I’m not engaging in a pun war when you should be going to bed. Yang: I’m not going to bed, so I guess we’re at a stalemate. You: Fine. Here’s the deal. Make me a promise. Yang: Wow, we’re hardly on first name basis and now we’re making promises? You move fast. You: Promise me you’ll text me whatever piece of trivia comes to mind whenever you’re having trouble sleeping. Yang: I don’t get it. I’d be waking you up at all hours. You: Exactly. You seem like the sort of person to care very much about others so I doubt you’d compromise my sleep intentionally. Now that you have a clear purpose of going to sleep to help someone else sleep, you’ll have an easier time accomplishing the task. Yang: What are you, some kinda quack psychologist? Yang: You’re playing dirty. You: I’m military. What did you honestly expect? Yang: Touche. Yang: Fine. I’ll try to sleep tonight. But just know! I have a whole bunch of factoids for ya! Get ready cause neither of us is sleeping tonight! You: Usually, I’d insist someone buy me dinner first. Yang: Now you’re flirting. You: I’m merely stating fact. You: How about one more “factoid” before bed? Yang: Did you know a shark’s teeth are literally hard as steel? You: Playing to my interests, I see. Yang: I have my moments of brilliance. You: Indeed you do. Now, good night, Yang. Get some sleep. Yang: Good night Winter. Sweet dreams. You: And to you the same.

-Today, 0947- Yang: I hate you. You: Care to elaborate? Yang: Somehow, it worked, and I just woke up from the sleep of the dead. My body feels like mush sloshing around a hollow lead cylinder. You: What you’re feeling is the side effects of your body getting both too little and too much rest at the same time. If you establish a better sleep schedule, you’ll avoid this feeling in the future. Yang: Thank you, Doctor Winter. Do I get a lollipop? You: Continue being this cheeky; I assure you it’s doing nothing but improving my perception of you. Yang: Harsh. You: That was teasing. Yang: Oh. You really should add, like, an lol or something when you're joking. I'm not awake enough to find context clues. You: Aside from the lethargy, how are you feeling? Yang: Hungry. I finally dragged myself out of bed to cook breakfast and it turns out my sister already made me some. I’ve taught her well. You: Older or younger? Yang: I’m older by two years. Sometimes, it feels longer than that, though; I practically raised her. You: Interesting. I’m glad she made some food for you. Yang: Yeah. Now that I think about it, probably worried her pretty bad the last few weeks. You: Is that how long you’ve been having trouble sleeping?” Yang: About that. Yang: These pancakes taste fucking delicious btw. Yang: Did you know that, for most people, their right lung takes in more air than their left? You: We need to have a talk about priorities because I highly doubt you’ve inhaled your food that quickly. Yang: Sorry, my sis had to leave, so it’s a quiet breakfast over here. You: I don’t see that as something that needs to be corrected. You: However, I find myself wondering if you know the reason behind the lung trivia. Yang: I do! It’s because, for most people, your heart is just to the left of the center of your chest. So, since the heart takes up space, there’s only two sacs in your left lung, as opposed to three in your right. Yang: *sacks? Idek You: Idek? Yang: I Don’t Even Know- not sure what the difference between “sacs” and “sacks” is. You: This is why acronyms and abbreviations are more trouble than they’re worth. Yang: Okay, so basically, a sac is biological and a sack is manufactured. Like, sacs are things naturally occurring that fill with air or liquid, either in the body or outside it. Sacks are made for carrying things like groceries. Yang: Meanwhile, “sack” as a verb means either getting hit or getting laid off. Or maybe both, I guess, depending on your job. You: You went and looked it up? Yang: What, you think I was born with all these random things preprogrammed? Yang: I have a really good retention rate and I'm curious a lot. Yang: Google is my friend. You: Obviously. I suppose the appropriate follow-up question would be: you kept highlighting “most people”. Why? Yang: Well, there are a lot of medical reasons that makes it not applicable to everyone. Dextrocardia, for instance, in its mildest form causes the heart to face the opposite way, so the lungs usually fill differently because of that. More severe cases mean that more visceral organs are mirrored, too. You: Okay, so, language, sharks, the electric chair, and now medical trivia. The breadth of your subjects of interest is impressive. Yang: Thanks! Yang: Did you know that the cracking sound made by a whip is caused by the tip breaking the sound barrier? Yang: I’m pretty sure this counts as physics. You: I’ll add physics to the list. You: Now finish your breakfast and do something small. Take a nap in a few hours or whenever you feel tired. Yang: Do you have any siblings? Yang: You don't have to answer right away! Yang: Or at all. Yang: Guess you're busy? Eating breakfast maybe?

-Today, 1036- You: Actually, I was in formation. It's usually at 0930 but there were... complications this morning, so they pushed it back half an hour. Yang: Huh. For some reason, I always thought the military would be, like, SUPER punctual. You: And I have a younger sister and a younger brother, in that order. You: I'm going to tell you a secret: the military is always late. We just never admit it. Yang: So, you're like a bunch of cats? You: Given what constitutes my workday, yes, I would say that's accurate. "Herding cats" is the most accurate description of my job title. Yang: lmao, that's wild. Your siblings here in Vale too? Or back home in Atlas? You: My sister is here; she moved here to study at Beacon and then decided to stay. I suspect her girlfriend might factor into that decision but she's remaining tight lipped about it. My brother is at home, in Atlas. You: Now explain “lmao”. Yang: Laughing My As Off Yang: You really don’t know any chat abbreviations? You: Has it occurred to you that abbreviations is a very long word to describe the shortening of words and is, in itself, evidence that it’s all very silly? Yang: I know this is going to sound very grade school but you’re kinda cute when you’re annoyed. You: You’re right; that does sound very grade school. You: And you only say that because you can’t see me. Yang: Oh, so you don’t go all broody, kinda constipated, pursed lips when you’re annoyed by something? You: I understand those words individually but, combined, I’m lost. What would that even look like? Yang: Here. Yang: [photo][open][save] You: First, I want to assure you that you’re a very beautiful individual. You: Next, you look absolutely ridiculous. Yang: Hey, that’s how I think you look when you’re annoyed! You: I do not. Yang: Okay, I’ll take your word for it! You: [photo][open][save] Yang: Oh Yang: Wow You: That is what I look like when annoyed. You: And, not to wound your ego, but that annoyance isn’t inspired by you. A subordinate just asked me for fucking grid squares. You: At this point, one would think that joke’s too tired to work, but one would be wrong. Yang: Did you know that the winter of 392 was so cold, all of Beacon Falls froze over? You: Back to trivia? Yang: It’s my default response when higher brain function shuts down. You: I’ll admit, this is the first time in a long while I’ve felt flattery to be entirely sincere. Yang: This isn’t flattery; this is cold, hard facts. You: I see. Yang: Hey, I, uh, just realized the time, I gotta get to work. Yang: See if I still have a job, at any rate. You: I understand. Good luck. Yang: Thanks! Hope your work day gets better!

-Today, 1236- You: I assume the radio silence to be a good sign.

-Today, 1428- Yang: Yeah! Turns out, the shop kept a spot for me. My boss is being really understanding. Yang: Kinda... babying me, too, but... I’m getting used to it. Yang: At least he fired the idiot that started this whole mess. You: Am I permitted to inquire as to what happened? Yang: I don’t wanna go into details. You: That’s understandable. You: I’m glad they kept a spot for you. Are you going to return to work full time or ease into it? Yang: Give me a minute. You: Very well.

-Today, 1513- Yang: A few months ago, there was an accident at the shop. We do body work too and this guy tried using a machine he had no business using. Freaked out, caused a scene, I tried going over to help, ended up with my right arm caught in the damn thing. Mangled it pretty bad. So bad the docs had to take it. I got fitted for a prosthetic and I’m just trying to find normal again. Yang: I know I said I didn’t wanna go into the details but I’m actually shit at lying. Yang: Except in, like, weirdly specific circumstances. You: Thank you. Yang: Ok. Gotta admit. Not the response I expected. You: It must be very difficult to discuss and think about the accident. You didn’t have to go into it, yet you did, and I thank you for trusting me with that. You: That being said, is this a contributing factor to your insomnia? Yang: It’s not insomnia. I’m just not sleeping well. Yang: But yeah, idk, maybe it’s related. I liked sleeping on my right side and I can’t anymore. Anchor digs into my ribs. You: Establishing a new routine can be tricky at first. Everything is just a painful reminder of the incident. Yang: Sounds like you have experience with this. You: A bit. A superior of mine whom I respect greatly lost most of his body a few years back. He speaks very frankly about the challenges he faced when returning to the line. Yang: Wait, you mean General Ironwood? You: You know him? Yang: Who in Remnant doesn’t? He’s basically a celebrity. I mean, not just for the prosthetic body thing; he’s also the youngest commanding General of the Atlesian military. Yang: Which... tbh, is kinda weird. Isn’t he pushing fifty? You: Age takes on a whole new concept in the military. Yang: I’d say. Yang: They talked about him when I started my physical therapy. Supposed to inspire me, I guess. You: For what it’s worth, he actually dislikes when people do that. He says that each individual case is a war all unto itself. Comparisons are detrimental to the individual’s recovery. Yang: I like him better already. I’ve been over here trying to just “suck it up” I mean, not like I lost anything more than an arm, what do I have to complain about? You: Hold that thought. Yang: Okay?

-Today, 1558- You: Miss Yang? This is General Ironwood. Yang: Look, I’m all for practical jokes, but this isn’t a good one. You: [photo][open][save] Yang: This is not a joke. You: No, it is not.  You: Miss Yang, I’d like to extend my deepest, sincerest sympathies to you for your loss. Having your life upended in such a way can be extremely disorienting. However, the measure of your strength does not come from what you can or can’t do in comparison to before. It comes from your desire to continue fighting, to find a new balance to your life. Asymmetry is a measure of beauty, strength, and courage in its own right. Yang: Thank you, sir. Yang: *Sir. You: I’d like to extend an invitation to a support group I host. It’s mostly military members from all over Remnant but, if you don’t mind a bit of morbidly crass humor- a habit I’m attempting to break the lot of them from, with limited results- we’d be honored with your presence. Yang: No offense, but I doubt a bunch of soldiers would be “honored” by a mechanic. You: The first thing I teach is to see similarities instead of differences. You saw something dangerous and, rather than run away, you ran towards it. All of us share that experience. You: Except Carl. Yang: What happened to him? You: I apologize; it’s a military specific meme. Winter mentioned you’re rather fond of memes. Yang: Oh, so you know what a meme is, but she doesn’t? You: Don’t tell her I said so- she’s a very good soldier- but she’s always had a stick up her ass. She could use more memes in her life. Yang: Should I take that as an order? You: Absolutely. Yang: Can do. And, uh, sure. About the support group. You: Excellent! I’ll give Winter the details so she can pass them onto you. It was wonderful taking to you, Miss Yang. Yang: Yeah, you too, Sir. You: It’s Winter again. I hope that helped. Yang: Did you literally walk into the office of the commanding General of Atlas’ military, just to hand him your scroll and say ‘talk to this bitch’? You: I didn’t use those words; I told him I had a friend who recently attended physical therapy post amputation and I thought some words of encouragement from him would be a good idea. You: Wait, did he literally say I have a stick up my ass? Yang: WOOOW, meme savvy he might be, but apparently he doesn’t know how to delete a text message. You: I can’t believe he’d say that. You: I most certainly do not have a stick lodged in my posterior, figurative or otherwise. Yang: I’d offer to check but that’s a bit too fast too soon, so I’ll just say you seem alright to me. You: Thank you, Yang. Yang: Cranky when I wake you up at the asscrack of dawn, though. That might be when ass and stick are firm friends. You: Do not make me take it back. Yang: I’m just kidding! Yang: Seriously, though, thanks. You didn’t have to do that. You: You’re welcome.

-Today, 0233- Yang: Did you know it takes the average person seven minutes to fall asleep? You: I sincerely thought you’d be asleep by now. Yang: I did. Woke up. Yang: Sorry. You: Do you know what a contact truck is? Yang: Uh, no, no idea. You: It’s the military vehicle utilized by mechanics, outfitted with tools, so they can drive out and repair other vehicles. Do you know why it’s called that? Yang: Hit me with it. You: That was an actual question. Yang: Huh? You: I’ve been asking for as long as I’ve been in. Not even General Ironwood knows why it’s called that. It just is. Yang: omg that’s hilarious You: It’s that, too. Also incredibly vexing. You: I just want to know why it’s called that. Yang: Heh. If I find out, I’ll let you know. You: Go back to sleep, Yang. Yang: I’ll try. Night. You: And sweet dream. Yang: lol, same to you.

[siconetribal]

One Step Closer

Rating: NC-17 (due to subject matter)

Pairing: Yoosung Kim/Kira (I named the MC for ease of writing, you can change the name in your head since it is just MC)

Warning: Past Trauma, Implication of Past Forced Relations, Insecurities, Past Verbal Abuse

It had all started like any other day, Yoosung was heading off to the clinic and she was going to work from home. She gave him one last hug before letting him leave, smiling and waving brightly until the door was shut. The smile crumbled and her hand fell heavy to her side. She knew she should probably talk to him, open up to him but she just was not able to even think about it today. It had been on her mind for some time now, though they had been married maybe a little over a month. How she had managed to land an adoring and sweet partner like Yoosung Kim was an enigma to her.

Especially with how my first marriage, this is a miracle. She frowned at the thought. It was an arranged marriage, one her father insisted on and pushed for. She argued with him to hold off and give more time, but the verbal battles always went the same: aggressive and insulting. The sharp words flew everywhere, at her and her mother. To keep the peace, she only hoped she was doing the right thing by saying yes. Sadly, that was not the case at all. A year passed and she realized he was not all that interested in getting to know her. He only wanted to have sex, believing that sex was only allowed after marriage. She also had been saving herself until marriage, but she never thought it would have been forced on her so suddenly and in such a twisted way.

She numbly walked to the curtains and pulled them shut to black out the sun that just seemed all to bright right now as she recalled the verbal matches she had with her ex-husband. He had promised they would take time to get to know each other but then he went around spreading lies about her to his mother and her father. He cooked up all sorts of things to feed her father who was enraged by her lack of being a proper wife.

A proper wife, what is that even? She chewed at her lower lip as she started to tidy up the place. She always questioned if she was doing right by Yoosung. She cooked when she could, though he did when he was free and sometimes they cooked together. He took her out on dates and she made sure the house was always clean for him which he always failed to notice but when she knew where something was he would praise her endlessly for being the best person to ever be born on this planet. An angel just for him.

She could not help but wonder, if she was an angel why was she put through such a relationship? She had never even dated a guy before her ex-husband and suddenly she was thrown into a marriage. She knew it would be tough, she knew communication was pivotal, she was working at it alone. Picking at the hem of her shirt, she rolled a little ball of fuzz that came off between her fingers as she recalled all the criticism she was given by her ex-mother-in-law, her own mother who had no idea what was truly going on, and her husband who lied to her face only to turn around and tell her he had said those things and how justified he was until she finally just gave in and had sex with him.

He promised how everything would be better, and yet nothing changed. He demanded more and was angry when she would have her period, as if she had control over that. He was utterly terrible as well. Not that she was anyone with experience, but the had not even kissed and she never felt comfortable with doing anything except letting him put it in her. The thought of it made her stomach coil with disgust and she quickly shook her head and took a few deep breaths.

“I’m sure there’s a movie I can stream...yeah, just do that.” She tried to convince herself and forced the memories to the back of her mind. The room was dark except for the flickering lights of the television. Huddled up on the sofa with a blanket thrown around and empty bags of snack food piled on the floor was Kira. She was looking at the screen, but it was clear she was elsewhere. Gripping the blanket tighter, she leaned over until she was toppled onto the sofa before curling up further into her warmth. Squeezing her eyes shut, she took a few practiced breaths to force the acrid nausea that threatened to take over her. It was nothing new, she was used to this by now.

It’s not like this is the first time I remembered...so why am I like this now? She grit her teeth as his face came to mind. The one person she never wanted to think of when it came to this. Someone she hoped would forever be untainted by her. A cold scoff left her lips. I was always dirty...I just didn’t want to admit it because ignorance is bliss right? He doesn’t know how defiled I am...no one does. She clenched her jaw as she swallowed the bile that threatened to rise up in the back of her throat. Forcing herself off the sofa, she headed to her bathroom. The icky feeling was too much and she needed to clean herself of the grime only she could see.

In no time she was standing in a freezing cold shower, her body shaking from the drops that felt like pelting ice but she was not sure she really felt it at all. She stared at her hands, frowning a little. She was separated from him for one year before she was finally able to gather a divorce. It was like her life had finally taken a turn for the better as she met a group of unique individuals who were so welcoming and warm, the members of the RFA. Among them was her now current husband, which she knew she would forever be grateful for. Of course there were troubles with the unknown hacker but they found their peace finally...that is until her body started to fail on her. Apparently all the stress she had been holding in finally took a toll on her, that was what the doctors had told her to explain the random seizures she woke up with one morning.

It was minor at first, but the frequency increased to the point that she was no longer able to hide it. Jumin had been a great help in finding a good doctor who gave her medicine that has been helping. She just wished they would go away just as quickly as they had come and she could finally start building confidence to take a step further in their relationship. She did not get why he wanted to marry a mess like her and even stay with her after all this. She felt so guilty that she was not able to be with him like a couple should be because of her own insecurities.

“Maybe they were right, maybe I’m just useless.” She mumbled to herself, balling her hands into fists. “I’m such waste.” Squeezing her eyes tight, she took in a few shaky breaths as she imagined the water was purifying her in some way. She was not sure how long she was just in there in a daze, her eyes were not exactly focused on anything when she heard pounding at the bathroom door. She noticed she was sitting in a tub full of water now, the water must have shifted to scalding hot but it was no longer at that temperature. “I few more minutes,” she mumbled, letting her eyes fall close again. Hey, don’t keep shouting my name like that...you’ll make people worry...I’m fine. She thought to the person shouting her name as the door knob rattled until it stopped.

She thought she was just hearing things when the door was suddenly kicked in with a large bang, the force ripping out the top hinge as it clattered and slammed against the wall. She had slipped away just before Yoosung had stepped in. He had ran here to see her, since she was not responding to anyone’s texts. He had a bit of a gap between patients so he hopped into his car and drove back. He was greeted by a dark room with the television on and her phone was lost in the puddle of a blanket. He had laughed off the scene as a cute lazy moment but when he heard a lack of response from him calling her name he began to worry. He looked around, thinking she may be in her room only to hear the exhaust on.

“Kiki?” He knocked on the door. There was no answer. She probably didn’t hear over the exhaust. “Hey, Kiwi! It’s Yoosung, you ok?” He knocked a little louder and raised his voice. “Sweetie?” He rose his voice again and knocked, rattling the knob. There was only silence. He waited a minute, rationalizing that she probably was going to step out any moment now so he paced the room. Still, all he heard was the sound of the exhaust so he tried again, this time slapping his hand on the door with the heel of his palm as he fiddled with the knob. The more silence he got, the more panic had set in. What if she had fallen and hurt herself? What if she had a huge seizure of some kind and was unable to call for help? As the train of thought began, it quickly hurdled into the depths of his worries as he suddenly wondered if she had been unconscious in the bathroom for hours and none of them had known. As his panic rose, so did his efforts. Unable to get a response, he kicked the door in with all his might and quickly rushed in to the overly steamed bathroom only to feel his body run cold with his blood. His wife was lying in the tub with an empty prescription bottle on the floor.

“Kira?!” He shouted her name repeatedly as he quickly fished her out of the tub, not caring about his clothes as he quickly brought her to the bed. “Shit, what do I do? Did she overdose?! No, stop that! You know she wouldn’t...ok, you better not have Kira! I swear I won’t forgive you if you did!” He snapped, trying to shake her awake. “C’mon Kiwi...please.” He pleaded, lightly smacking her cheek to see if he was able to get some reaction from her. Never had he felt so terrible for not becoming a regular doctor instead of a Veterinarian as he did now in this moment. “Shit, c’mon sweetie...let this be some overdone joke of yours! Just tell me Seven put you up to this, anything...just, please!” His voice cracked as he held her tight. “Open your eyes Kira, c’mon. I’m sorry I didn’t notice...I’m such an idiot! I swore I’d be there...dammit, I’m such a failure. Please Kira...don’t leave me.” He tried to coax her, about to lose hope when he noticed her start twitch and flinch. As relief washed over him he suddenly felt boneless as he fell to his knees beside the bed and hung his head as she came to.

“When did I get out here?” She mumbled, slowly sitting up but was suddenly hit by a wave of dizziness and almost fell back down as her elbow buckled under her weight. “Damn...I must’ve sat in the heat for too long.” Her voice came out in a rasp, throat dry when she finally noticed someone was beside her. Not just anyone, a very wet and crying Yoosung? Wait, why is he crying? “Yo-Yoosung?! What are you, h-hey why are you crying?!” She fumbled to sit up when his hands grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a crushing hug.

“Never scare me like that again! I’m so glad you’re safe...thank gawd your safe!” He whispered in to her hair. “Why...why would you do that? If you were having a rough time why didn’t you tell me?!” He scolded her. He knew he should call for medics but right now he was not sure if he ever wanted to let her go. He was afraid she would disappear if he let go.

“Wait, what? Yoosung, what are you...I fell asleep in the tub...that can happen you know.” She frowned, rubbing his back to try and soothe him as she felt him shake in her arms. “I must’ve gotten overheated and didn’t realize.

“What…?” He suddenly pulled her away and stared her right in the eyes. “Don’t lie, I saw the pill bottle. It’s completely empty.”

“Pill bottle…empty...? Oh! No, that’s not-I took the last pill in that not all of them. I have a refill in the cabinet waiting to be cracked open. Yoosung, honey, did you think I overdosed?” She raised a brow at this.

“Can you blame me? I’ve been here for like an hour and no response from you. I had to kick the door in just to get to you and then there was the bottle!” Kira looked over at the bathroom to see the busted door and gaped at the fact.

“I’m really sorry! I had no idea, I just was a lot more tired than I thought!” She fumbled for the right apology but he pressed a finger to her lips as he pulled her into another bone crushing hug. “I guess the drowsiness the medicine sometimes causes plus the heat just knocked me out.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m just glad you’re safe.” He mumbled, holding her tight when she suddenly started to fidget. He looked down to see her cheeks are pretty red and frowned at this. “Are you still feeling a bit overheated?”

“Uh...no, just....uhm...I know you came in to save me and all...but uhm, can I have a towel or something?” She whispered, trying her best to over the essentials of her body. It took a moment for the reality to register, Yoosung’s face burning up almost identical to hers as he quickly grabbed her robe and handed it to her. He forced himself not to stare by turning his back to her and tried to wish away any and all primal reaction that replayed the feel of her soft nude body pressed so tight against his. He muttered an apology, clearing his throat.

“It’s fine, really. You had good intentions...it’s fine.” She laughed off. “I’m all wrapped up now so we’re good. You can turn around again.” She cleared her throat, tightening the belt and holding it closed over her chest. He carefully turned back towards her, kneeling down once more as he grabbed ahold of her hands.

“Even if you didn’t overdose...I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit off. Sweetie, you know you can come to me anytime right? I’m your husband after all. I want to protect you from everything...even from yourself.” He kissed her knuckles and like magic the wall came tumbling down as tears slid down her face. Curling over, she cried as she spilled everything to him. From her terrible past experience to her current lasting insecurities and health. Silently, he listened and just as she imagined she saw the pain in his eyes. She opened her mouth to apologize for the umpteenth time but she silenced her with a kiss and pressed his forehead to hers as he pulled her onto his lap.

“Kira, thank you for telling...thank you for letting me.” He whispered. “Thank you for trusting me and please, don’t ever apologize for something like this. I’m your husband, of course I would want to be there for you...but don’t think I’m just waiting to have sex with you. I mean, yes, I would like for us to...but when you’re ready as well. I don’t mind waiting for you, I told you that on our wedding night and that still stands to this day. I love you for you and we will take the next step when you’re ready...but know this, no matter what you think you like I know you’re beautiful...and so strong. You’ve been so very strong on your own, but you have me now so lean on me more. Just like I have you, you have me. Remember that ok?”

She sniffled softly as she gave a silent smile, letting him pepper kisses randomly on her face until finally kissing her on the lips. Seeing her shy smile back on her lips he felt his heart soar. She was genuinely smiling this time and he knew it. He frowned a little though as he noticed the time. He had to get back to work,

“Wait, Yoosung! You were at work! Don’t you have patients?” She quickly jumped off his lap and dragged him over to the closet as he explained he came since he had time and she was not answering the phone. The two of them change once dried and once again he was out the door, however this time they both were genuinely happy and closer than before

[im-abanana]

“Meant to Belong” [1/3]

Wanted to write a fanfiction about BATIM (Bendy and the Ink Machine), and especially about my new ship Bendalice (Bendy x Alice). I just put it on AO3 too, but whatever, I’ll post it here too! :P 

This first chapter is Angst, but the next two will be Angst, Fluff and Smut, so be careful with the next ones and, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. Said so, I hope you’ll enjoy!

Summary: Hidden very deep inside his soul for many years, there was a shocking emotion that made the little devil realize that the fallen angel wasn't just a simple co-worker, or a friend, or a rival, or a family member to him; but more, so much more. Their peculiar bond was a little more... complex, unique, maybe genuine. In other words, somehow they were meant to be together, drawn and designed to truly belong to each other. But all the pranks, all the fights and all the teasing sometimes made everything difficult, especially after that particular night.

The thick door of Alice's private dressing room slammed loudly behind her back as the fallen angel walked towards the huge mirror on the wall, sitting in front of it and sinking her aching head in her gloved hands, sighing out deeply and trying to calm the raging thoughts that were invading her mind. “Why can't Bendy just understand that he isn't the only one working on this show? Why can't he be friendly, or at least kind to me and Boris? Why can't people and kids realize how much of an arrogant, spoiled brat that demon is? Why do they...” a wheeze escaped the girl's black lips as the last part of the question carved its way inside her brain, forcing her to feel a sort of guilt, even shame, in the core of her chest. “... why do they love him more than me?”.

She shouldn't have been jealous of Bendy, Alice was aware of that, and somehow the realization that she envied her co-worker made her feel sick in the stomach. Yes, that perfect little angel, the character supposed to be a perfect and gentle creature, envied a stupid, mischievous little devil; she envied the joyful sparks of light in the children's tiny eyes when he would walk on stage with that smug grin of his, she envied the praises Joey and the parents would give him after every single set, while she and Boris would just stay silently behind the curtain and compliment each other, she envied the larger quantity of “Bendy Merchandise” the creators sold every month, she envied... everything.

She envied his whole fucking existence and, very deep inside her heart, no matter how much she desired to become a star and shine at least half as bright as him, Alice knew she would have never reached Bendy's popularity. “Especially after tonight... how could I be so careless?”.

Tripping over Bendy's stupid tail, right in front of dozens of yelling kids while she was singing and dancing on stage side by side with the devil in question and the poor naive Boris, had been mortifying enough, definitely... those brats' ruthless laughter still echoed in Alice's offended mind, and the worst thing was that even the previously calm and uninterested parents completely lost it when the angel made that single mistake! And all because of that stupid step, that one slip! Com'on, it wasn't her fault if that idiotic demon cut her off all of the sudden; he always wanted to be the center of attention no matter what, and Joey knew it very well! But despite everything she said or her sincere apologies about her rash actions (“You could have injured Bendy as well!”, they carelessly said.), she was the one who got severely scolded backstage by the whole crew, except the sweet and generous Boris, of course. “And in an hour I'll have to perform once again in front of those people. Just great, fantastic, exactly what I need to feel better... I'm sure that “The Butcher Gang” would entertain those children way more than me, maybe I should ask them to cover for me. Ugh, but Joey would be furious, I have no choice it seems.”.

The only reasonable thing to do was sucking it up and walking tall and proud on that stage, not caring about the stinging criticism or amused gazes. As long as she didn't have to bear Bendy's wiseacre grin, everything would be fine.

At that exact moment, the wooden door behind the angel squeaked, sign that it had been opened by someone, without any warning, and then discreetly closed again with a silent thud. Alice's muscles tensed for an instant, and when she slowly turned around to see the mysterious visitor's face, she had to hold back an irritated groan and a few insults that came to her mind incredibly fast. “Aww! Don't give me that sneer, toots! I came here to check on you!”.

“Get lost, Bendy. I'm not in the mood to put up with you and your childish games.” the young woman replied with pure hatred, staring at the tiny demon standing right in front of her, as usual not scared or intimidated by her enraged expression; the devil's black jacket, the one he was elegantly wearing during their performance, was rapidly tossed away as Bendy made himself comfortable, sitting on a chair and relaxing, as if everything was his private property. And he still had that idiotic, conceited smile on his face... “I said get lost! I did not invite you inside!” Alice repeated with a snarl when she realized she had been completely ignored, getting up and clenching her fists. “Did you hear me, you stupid devil!? This is my dressing room! These are my things! That is my chair! And I want you out of here right now, you understand!?”.

“Woah, calm down Angel Cake, no need to be so snarky! I just came here to congratulate with you... for the perfect landing on the stage, especially on your butt! Seriously sweetie, after tonight the creators should change your slogan in -She sings! She dances! And she falls on her huge ass!-!” Bendy simply replied with a small shrug and then with a coarse laugh, smirking in response and turning in “his” chair, his pitch black eyes blinking joyfully as Alice got even angrier and grayer on her smooth cheeks. Oh, how he loved to tease that angel! “Uhh, someone's mad, toots? Eheh... ehy, com'on Angel Face, put that hairdryer down! I'm just playing aroun-! Alice... please, put that thing down. N-no, don't! Boris, Joey! BORIS AND JOEY, HELP ME! Alice wants to hurt me! AHH!”.

The black haired girl threw at the short demon the hairdryer, a spray can, a shoe, a thick book, a desk lamp and even a small table she found in a corner, managing to predict his erratic movements and scoring at least three perfect hits in the face with the last objects. “Golly toots, calm down! Don't ruffle any feathers, and just sit do-! Umh... ops, right, I'm very sorry! That was way out of line, I admit it! Forget what I just said and... no, stop with that stuff!” Bendy hid behind the nearby couch and bit his pale lower lip as he immediately recalled that Alice, in fact, didn't have wings. Sometimes the spiteful devil would call his graceful co-worker dumb names, like “Angel Cake”, “Angel Face” or “Toots” when he simply wanted to flirt, but the most hated of them all was definitely “No Wings”; being a horned fallen angel, an imperfect creation that represented pride and betrayal by nature, had always made that talented woman feel uncomfortable on stage, almost under constant pressure: after all, that kind and good-hearted angel was supposed to be a perfect and beautiful artist, but it was clear to see that, when all eyes were locked on her, she felt worse or maybe in danger, despite she tried to hide those nasty feelings with sweet smiles and a strong character. “I swear, this time I didn't mean it! I shouldn't have said that and I apologize for that, ok?”.

“Get. The. Living. Hell...” Alice hissed and lifted a pretty big wooden nightstand with both arms, her dark and shiny irises glowing red for a moment as she literally shouted the last part of the phrase and hurled that piece of furniture to him at the same time, not caring about destroying her refined sofa or anything else, really. She just wanted that intolerable cartoon out of her sight, once for all. “OUT! I've heard enough from you, Bendy! Go away!”.

Dodging the violent hit with a nimble leap, the tiny demon raced towards the dressing room's exit at full speed, his pointy tail tightly pressed between his shaking legs in defeat and pure terror. “You got that toots, leaving now, goodbye, see you in one hour, get ready and beautiful and prepared for the big show, babe!!!” Bendy nodded with great vigour, desperately crawling outside and closing the white door behind his narrow shoulders, giving up and choosing to live. Damn, what a jerk, he was just having fun!“Phew... That was too close indeed... jeez, what's wrong with Alice tonight? I was just kiddin', she is too overly-sensitive! Bah girls, I'll never understand them!”.

But that's when Bendy heard a quiet noise, an easily recognisable sound that filled his careful ears and made him freeze in his shady track when he realized what he had just done: his usually joyful and positive co-worker was silently sobbing behind the layer of wood that separated the duo, her slim face buried deeply in her tapered fingers. He, with his unintentionally cruel and selfish words, had made Alice cry and had probably hurt her already damaged spirit. Sadness, nervousness, humiliation, insecurity, fear, incomprehension and rage merged all together, causing a painful weep to escape from the angel's wet lips and a couple of heavy, inky tears to stream down her soft and marked cheeks.

Well, damn crap. Good fucking job, you made Alice cry, you stupid little dancing moron. You... you made your co-worker upset right after an important performance, very well done.

“She never cried before... or did she?” Bendy asked with a gentle huff, mostly to himself, dropping down and pressing the left side of his artificial skull against the thin drywall, guilt and sorrow filling his short limbs and spreading quickly along with an empty hole, consuming the energies of the middle, throbbing spot of his incredibly gaunt chest. “Did I ever... even notice?”.

Of course you didn't notice her feelings or Boris' ones, you idiot. You're just a egotistical little shit, you only care about yourself and your popularity, and no one else. Right?

No, wrong, so wrong. Of course he cared about that kind angel and about Boris, they were his best friends. Well, his only friends, to be fair... and making Alice suffer or breaking her heart was the last thing Bendy wanted to do, despite how much he loved to tease her, underline his own attitude or sometimes fight with her, verbally and physically. That little demon thought that everyone knew that he was just kidding, that all he liked to do was playing around and having fun, not only with the kids, his little beloved fans. But now he evidently took a bad step...“You fucked up Bendy, you hurt one of your own friends.”.

You shouldn't lie to yourself like that, you know?

Yeah, he shouldn't have indeed. Hidden very deep inside his soul for many years, there was a shocking emotion that made the little devil realize that the fallen angel wasn't just a simple co-worker, or a friend, or a rival, or a family member to him; but more, so much more. Their peculiar bond was a little more... complex, unique, maybe genuine. In other words, somehow they were meant to be together, drawn and designed to truly belong to each other.

No matter if they were living and thinking creatures, capable of taking their personal decisions and freely express their temperament, the innate attraction they shared was still there, impossible to remove or ignore. Was it because of his purpose, for the audience, was it just a trait he couldn't erase from his artificial DNA? Or was it because after all, it was a real feeling, spontaneous? “No. She is my rival, that's what we truly are, that's what we both chose to be. Joey might tell me that Alice Angel is my official love interest, but we both know this won't happen. I am the number one, I must be on top of this whole show, I won't give up the place I've earned just for love!”.

So, you're even admitting that you're in love with her, uh? Nice move, you idiot!

That wasn't good, oh no, that wasn't good at all! He had to fix the situation as soon as possible, no matter what, even if the idea of facing her again in a few seconds was rather scary and intimidating, so much that Bendy had to rub his throbbing temples with his white gloves. “Grow a pair Bendy, you're the boss here! Yeah, you're the big star! Now walk into that room and deal with Alice!”.

Damn right he was! And besides, he still needed to get his black jacket back.

[evenstevensranked]

#33: Season 1, Episode 11 - “Secrets and Spies”

To destress from her busy schedule, Ren takes up a secret gig performing ABBA karaoke at local Japanese restaurant. She’s super sneaky about it and Louis is determined to figure out what she's up to.

The opening shot of this episode is Ren in her room rearranging her ridiculous schedule, showing us that she’s absolutely swamped. Eileen comes waltzing in and oddly knocks after the door is already open. I just randomly noticed that. Like, give the girl some privacy. She’s all excited to tell Ren that Councilman Mackenzie (whoever that is) is looking for a new intern and that he’s expecting her call. Ren CLEARLY does not want to do this and even tells Eileen that her schedule is too busy. One look at her calendar cork board would make anybody be like “Guuuurl, you’re only giving yourself an hour and a half each week for relaxation time?! You’re 14!” Instead, Eileen looks at her schedule and says “No, honey. Look! You have Tuesday, 4:30 to 6 available!!” Seriously, Eileen? 

Ren is spending Wednesday at 5pm reading to the blind. Give her a break. 

As soon as Eileen leaves, Ren walks into her closet and screams at the top of her lungs. Except, it’s obviously a stock audio clip of a horror scream. Louis overhears and it’s the first clue to the budding mystery. 

At dinner, Ren is curiously missing. We see that the Stevens are doing some “International Delicacy du Jour” where each family member chooses a meal from a different country to eat or something. I don’t know. Steve cooked a traditional Vietnamese meal, and I swear, the way he pronounces the dishes would never fly today. He’s like, “You already have your pho-taaaaaaiiiiii!” in the most mock Asian sounding accent ever, oh my god. He goes on to say “bon appetit” in Vietnamese, which also sounds terrible. He also cooked sticky rice and there’s a gag where the rice is, well... too sticky. None of them can get it off of their utensils. Ren comes running in late and clearly lies about meeting with the councilman. When asked, she tells them that she got the internship. That is, until Louis notices a yellow feather tucked into Ren’s shirt and makes a scene about it. She immediately deflects from that and brings up some ceramic cat that Louis broke to change the subject. Huummm...

Later that night while walking through the hall, Louis happens to overhear Ren talking on the phone in Japanese. He goes barging in “Hey, Stoolie! Why ya speakin’ in Japanese?” which is honestly so funny. It’s the way Shia says it, omg. He’s officially convinced that Ren is hiding something at this point. He has a meeting with Twitty to try and break down the evidence so far and we get a pretty memorable bit. Twitty’s reasoning is simply “Well, she’s a girl and girls do weird things. HEY! That’s a great song title. *proceeds to sing/play ‘girls do weird things’ on guitar*) This is a great scene so I’m just gonna embed it. There is one issue I’ll mention: there’s an awful overdub here. Listen to when Louis says “little miss perfect.” The audio was so obviously recorded at a different time, his lips don’t match, and he didn’t even bother to speak with an appropriate inflection so it would sound better in context. It makes me wonder what line they had him say originally... 

“Get out... Get out of my house” was always one of my favorite lines lol. 

We move on to the tiniest, most insignificant subplot EVER. Donnie is struggling with Trigonometry, (a subject I literally never studied in high school... is that bad?), so he gets an online tutor named Russell. The guy is a total nerd apparently and wants Donnie to help him out with the ladies. They meet up in person, and the tutor ends up being a little kid. That’s literally it. The plot never goes anywhere else. That’s it. There is a good line here, though. Russell is all “Let’s go meet girls!” and Donnie’s like “Look, kid. The only place I’m taking you is to a moon bounce.” I love this.

The next day at school, some random chick tells Louis to thank Ren for referring her to the Councilman and that she got the internship... not Ren. The plot thickens. We get a montage of Louis spying on Ren all day, even hiding in a darn mailbox, until he follows her all the way to Tokyo Rick’s -- a super random Japanese restaurant. Louis is beyond confused, that is.. until a man comes on stage and says “Up next on the mic, we have the vocal stylings of... Isis.” And we get the big reveal: Ren in a 70s style wig singing “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. 

Can we talk about that fact that Ren’s stage name is freaking ISIS though?! Isis?! Really, Disney? This is honestly Illuminati territory for me. Although, Isis is also an Egyptian goddess, which is probably where they got the name from. But, still. It’s a little disturbing in hindsight to think that Ren’s alias went on to be the name of a terrorist organization. Yikes. Christy is a fine singer, but this is unfortunately not her finest performance. To be fair, she was like.. 15 or 16 here. I definitely look back at my own performances at that age sometimes and.... yeah. Not the greatest. This is another memorable scene though and deserves to be uploaded to YouTube, so... I uploaded it: 

Now that Louis knows her secret, he decides to torture her with his knowledge of the situation. We get another montage of him sneakily posting Tokyo Rick’s karaoke fliers all over school, and Ren subsequently removing them. He also drops yellow feathers on her, and even sends a message for Ren to report to room 109, where he has the school band playing “Dancing Queen” (terribly.) I love this part. This is another thing that counts as music humor for me, which y’all know I’m a giant sucker for. The band is just so bad. It sounds as if every band member is on life support and being forced to perform on the verge of their last breath. They literally sound like they’re dying. Just think of the 20th Century Fox sax, trumpet, and recorder fails for an idea of what it sounds like... and times that by 10. Louis is conducting them and shouts “Javier!! That’s your cue!” which is absolutely hilarious to me. Sometimes, it’s the smallest details of this show that kill me the most. Ren walks in and Louis casually says “Isis!” When Ren asks “What did you call me?!” he responds with “I said ‘Hi, sis!’” Perfect. 

Ren pushes Louis out of the room and into the hallway to scream at him and it quickly turns from a scene I absolutely love to a scene that crushes my soul. Ren gets so fed up and screams “Do you think you’re funny?! I don’t. Nobody does! In fact, we all feel sorry for you because we’re out living busy, productive lives and you have... ugh, I don’t know... NOTHING! So just BACK OFF, Nothing Boy!” - The “nothing boy” remark was always a little cringy to me. Not the greatest insult, but it’s just so sad. She kinda hit Louis everywhere it hurts the most. He’s always struggled with feeling like he has nothing special or unique about him in comparison to everyone else. The one thing he does have is comedy, and she says he sucks at that too. Dang. He just stands there and sadly takes the beating. I’m upset. 

Louis takes ~the gloves are coming off~ approach and suggests that the family should go to Tokyo Rick’s as his pick for the International Delicacy thing to reveal Ren’s secret to their parents. But later on, Ren genuinely apologizes to Louis. She admits to being a little jealous that she can’t seem to relax and have fun the way he does -- so she decided to sing karaoke as a way to let off steam. It’s actually really sweet. I love whenever we get nice sibling moments between them. 

I will say, there’s a funny bit where some random kid is using the water fountain near them -- he’s sort of eavesdropping so Louis BARKS at him to make him go away. Oh my god. It’s one of those out of left field moments that help make this show great. I wonder if this was an ad-lib...? If it was, I love Shia even more and I didn’t think that was possible. 

Is it just me or does the kid look EXACTLY like Coach Tugnut? I’ma bout to ask Jim Wise on Twitter if he’s related to him...

EDIT: I asked. I was right. (tweet)

EDIT EDIT: I was not right. Turns out Jim was pulling my leg??? haha. We cleared this up in our interview with him. So embarrassing. 

Louis accepts Ren’s apology, but it’s too late. Ma and pops are already at the restaurant. Oh, boy. 

Louis obviously feels bad at this point. When he gets to the restaurant, he does everything in his power to distract Steve and Eileen from seeing Ren on stage... but fails. They’re shocked to see her. Ren was singing “Dancing Queen” again btw (is that the only song she knows, orrrr?) and her outfit got an upgrade.  

Ren apologizes again and explains the whole situation to their parents. They’re surprisingly understanding! They agree that everyone should have some crazy fun every once in a while. The episode ends with Steve wearing Ren’s wig and the whole family singing “I’ve Got The Music In Me.” It’s hysterical. And ironic, because none of them have the music in them. Especially Louis. Seeing him dance and sing is truly the 8th wonder of the world. What goes through Shia’s mind while he’s playing this character? I want to know.

How does this kid go on to be a drummer? Explain. 

And that’s it! Like the majority of Season 1 episodes, this one is a little slow paced.. but it works here. It’s part of the charm of the first season. I love it. I originally had this ranked towards the “worst” half of the list, but upon re-watching I found a lot of things to like about it. Between Twitty’s awful hit single, the terrible school band, Ren’s performance and the family sing-a-long.. what’s not to love?! It’s a bit of a rollercoaster between Louis and Ren but ultimately turns out fine, which always feels like a well deserved and happy conclusion. I also like how this episode isn’t necessarily a Ren plot or a Louis plot, it’s blended and I love when they’re able to do that and have it flow so well. Also, if you’ve never seen the episode before.. it’s sort of a genuine mystery leading up to the reveal. It’s actually difficult to figure out what Ren’s been doing. It’s a pretty solid episode, imo. But, not the greatest. 

Thanks for reading! Thoughts? :)

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