#his mind had other things to think about he's not falling for that trap!

[ashton-ryder]

🩵 LIGHT BLUE HEART — what do you fantasize about the most often (generally/sexually/etc)? are there any people that are significant to or that you can see in this fantasy and why?

IN CHARACTER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS .

"I don't fantasize sexually, but there are times where I do fantasize and think it'd be nice to just.. settle down, drop all the ambitions, find someone that I love, and live a quiet life with them. My parents were so happy with so little, just each other, a son, a home and food on the table. Ambition brought the highest of highs in my life but also the lowest of lows, and I'm not sure if the pain is worth it anymore sometimes. So.. it's a nice, picturesque thought. But nice try, you're not getting a who out of me though. That's all it is - just a thought."

[risuola]

I — NOT YET // When a guy in the club tries to assault you, you ask a random stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend. Little that you know that out of all people, you chose a mob boss.

contents: smut, mafia!au, briefly mentioned assault and tiny bit of violence, Sukuna (yeah, I consider him a warning), reader discretion is advised — 2,7k words

a/n: mada... mada mada~ the very second I heard this menace toying with Panda, Kusakabe and the rest in Shibuya, not allowing them to move unless he say so - my head went straight to the idea of him playing the same game in bed.

ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟʏ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ | masterlist

Sukuna never had to get used to being interrupted. Never. Anytime it happened in the past, all he had to do was to glance at the person and it usually got the message across. His gaze has enough power in it to quickly inform the intruder why invading his personal space or cutting him half-sentence is a damn bad idea. One look from him usually was enough to make anyone reconsider if they really want some problems. Sukuna had his eyes trained to be sharp and cold, his body strong and intimidating and his aura dangerous. He spent years building his reputation, earning a position in his world that now guaranteed him calm.

Now everyone and their mothers know that he’s not the one to cross paths with. He’s a VIP, he’s allowed everywhere and he has no qualms about killing someone. Ryomen Sukuna is a brand, he’s a threat, he’s untouchable, invincible. No one in the right mind would ever try to start anything with him at this point. That’s why, when he tried to relax in one of many clubs that he owns in Tokyo, he couldn’t believe someone had the guts to push onto him at the bar.

“Hey, sorry, can you please pretend to be my boyfriend for a second?”, he heard near his ear and following the sound and the soft tug on his elbow, he turned his head towards you. Lucky girl, he thought while quickly assessing the view. You were too god damn pretty to be killed, looking at him with those pleading eyes that glistened in the harsh artificial lights. You were visibly scared of something, or someone, and oddly enough it wasn’t him who brought you to the verge of tears.

“Your boyfriend, huh?”, he mused, allowing his eyes to trail down your figure. The dress you had on left little to imagination and yet he wished to tear it off to see more of you. It hugged the shapes of your body perfectly and the silky fabric betrayed the lack of bra underneath. You were attractive, but clearly not smart enough to think twice before approaching a stranger.

“Please, I beg you, this guy—“, you tried to explain, squeezing your perfectly manicured fingers around his veiny forearm, but your sentence was cut in half when a man grabbed you by the waist, pulling you away just a little and harshly pressing your back against the bar. Sukuna watched as you winced when your spine hit the edge of the wooden countertop, he watched for a moment how you tried to push the guy away. With no effect, you weren’t strong enough to stand against him, you were trapped between the unwanted body and the furniture behind you, fighting the hungry hands that were groping your figure.

“Naoya, get off of me—” you tried, pushing his face away from where he was trying to suck a spot onto your neck.

“Oh, shut up woman, I know you want it,” the blonde-ish idiot grinned, twisting your arm enough to make a space for himself. He wasn’t bothered in the least with the fact he was trying to get between your legs in the very center of a club. Sukuna’s club.

Ryomen zeroed the whisky in his glass and got up from the chair. Usually, he would ignore situations like this. Other people’s problems were none of his business and he had enough his own things to take care of, to bother himself with anything else, but you. You were a problem he was willing to explore.

“Zenin, huh?”, he asked, connecting the name he heard falling from your lips with the wannabe gangster he heard about many times before. There was a certain reputation tied to Naoya’s name, mostly regarding his treatment of women but as long as he wasn’t touching his women, Sukuna couldn’t care less about this trash of a man. You definitely were not his woman. Yet.

“The fuck you want, I’m busy,” Zenin groaned, pulling his nasty mouth away from your shoulder for just a moment, only to shot a glare to the club owner.

“I can tell that you’re busy,” Ryomen grabbed one of Naoya’s wrists. It wasn’t looking like a hard grip, but the face of the blonde betrayed the sharp, bone-breaking pain he felt.

You felt some kind of relief when the stranger you just met stepped between you and your unwanted date. The large body of him towered above you completely, he was bigger than you thought when you approached his sitting form, but you couldn’t think about it for too long when he dealt with Naoya so easily. Once the blonde was gone, he turned to you.

Your heart skipped few beats once you took the image in. The man was huge, way taller than you and built like a greek god. The sharp outlines of his muscled torso beautifully showed through the dark graphite dress shirt. Looking up, you could finally see his face clearly. His features were attractive, dangerous with the black tattooed lines around them. He could easily be a gangster or something.

“T-thank you,” you spoke finally, snapping out from the initial impression of him. He was a red flag, you knew that. If not for the circumstance, you’d probably be the first to run away from him. He was hot. An absolute smokeshow, but he was certainly bad news.

“Was he your date?”, he asked, pulling a chair that he was sitting on previously and twisting it to position, before his large hands landed on your hips. There was no effort whatsoever when he lifted you and sat you down on the seat. He opted to stand next to you.

“No… I came here with a friend, but she left earlier. I was just about to leave as well, but this guy stopped me,” you sighed. “He wouldn’t let me go, I was afraid that he’ll just walk after me to my home. I’m sorry I interrupted you.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. The gesture in itself was soft, but you shivered underneath his touch nonetheless. You couldn’t quite tell what made him so… scary. Was it his overwhelming frame? Or maybe the calm, distant demeanor? He had authority, he was expecting submission and when he was looking at you, you felt like a prey of him. Strangely, you were quite fine with that. You had no wish of doing anything with Naoya, but this man… he was different, he was interesting, he made you cross your legs just to feel any kind of pressure between your thighs. “Your name?”

“Y/n,” you replied.

“Y/n. Nice,” he gave it a soft nod and ordered two drinks. “Ryomen is my name. Sukuna Ryomen. Memorize it.”

“Sure…”

At this moment, you had no guts to ask why was it important to imprint the name he told you into your brain, but it all became clear just barely two hours later. You couldn’t exactly recall the moment Sukuna led you out of the club and into his car. There was something so enticing about his entire aura that made you lose your ability to think. He made you break every rule you ever had for yourself – to not talk with strangers, not go with them anywhere. Before that night you were doing exceptionally good in avoiding danger, you somehow slipped through your life up until that point without any major problems, but once you faced the problem, it was a big one.

The talk was good, it flowed easily and the menacing aura that Ryomen had all around him kept you interested. You had no idea that you’re attracted to bad boys, and maybe you were not exactly into school hooligans. Turned out, you’re aroused by the much worse kind – the kind that keeps a gun behind his belt, drinks pure whisky and makes people run away just by shooting them a glance. Yeah, that seems to be the kind of men you are into, because if there was any common sense left in you, you’d be out the door and running towards the safety of your dormitory. If there was any self-preservation instinct in you, you’d be probably anywhere else, rather than in here.

In the most luxurious house you’ve ever seen, not to mention been inside of; somewhere in the outskirts of Tokyo where you were not even sure how you can get back to your home from there. If you were just a little smarter, you’d for sure be in your own bed right now and not on the dark leather couch, with your silky dress scrunched up around your waist and your underwear torn to pieces and laying on the floor. If you had more braincells, maybe you wouldn’t be bouncing on that stranger’s dick right now, gripping onto his muscular shoulders as one of his large hands kept your hip in a dead grip, leading your moves up and down his girthy length and the other one tightly squeezed around the back of your neck, from where he was keeping his head close so he could kiss you so hungrily it took your breath away. But that’s just where you were. And you wouldn’t change a thing.

He felt so goddamn good, filling your tight hole to the very brim, stretching you to the point of delirium and he wasn’t even fully in yet. His moves were aggressive and yet sensual; he made you feel small even if it was you who was on top of him. You had no control, he made it clear with the way he was holding you and every time you tried to dominate him in any way, he quickly showed you your place back. Maybe later, he’ll let you have your way with him, but now, he was in charge.

“Think you can take all of me?” He asked against the delicate skin of your neck, now painted in red and purple marks he nibbed onto it. You could feel him grinning at the way you squeezed your little hands on his clothed biceps. He got you all exposed and yet he only allowed you to free his dick; his shirt was still buttoned up, his pants were still on his legs. There was a certain dominance shown in the way he got you all naked on top of his suit.

“N-no,” you breathed out, “too big.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can.” Sukuna doesn’t exactly accept no as an answer and he for sure gave you enough time to accommodate to his size. “You’ll take it and thank me for it, yeah?”

“Yes,” was all you could mumble, before both of his large hands landed on your hips. The iron grip, you were sure, was going to bruise you but now, it felt grounding in a way.

“Good girl,” he praised, his purr vibrated against your skin as he sucked yet another mark along your collarbone. It distracted you for a moment before he pushed your pelvis even lower, fully bottoming into you. Your clit made a contact with his lower belly, the harsh brush of his skin against the swollen bud making you moan louder than you were meaning to. You felt like all of your organs were moved out of the way just to make more space for his dick and Sukuna couldn’t be more satisfied by the way you took him in. “See? As if you were made to take this cock.”

Something incoherent left your mouth, a tear stained your cheek and the man was happy to lick it away, tasting the saltiness before he bucked his hips up, keeping yours in place. He took full control, thrusting into you with all the power he had in his muscular body and you held onto his shoulders with your little hands. The filthy, wet sounds were filling the interiors, bouncing off the walls and mixing with all of the whines and whimpers that were leaving your lips. Some grunts added to the melody, but you barely heard any of it, too consumed by the exploding pleasure between your legs.

Sukuna’s name was leaving your mouth like a prayer, you felt so close, you felt like falling and you had no intention to stop. The man grinned, licking a long stroke along your throat, his tongue curling upwards as it reached the tip of your chin. The taste of your skin felt intoxicating to him, he wanted to devour you whole, to keep all for himself.

“You wanna cum, huh?” His voice was taunting. “You’re clenching around me so fucking hard, you’re gonna milk me as well.”

“Yes, yes, please,” you near damn begged, chasing the bliss that you could almost taste on your tongue right now. It filled all of your body cells, rushed through your veins in ecstatic waves of lust.

“Not yet,” he ordered and it felt almost painful to force yourself back from the state of climax. You could tell he was playing with you, toying with his dominance, reminding you that it’s him who pulls the strings in here. And yet, he was still rutting into you, his movements completely different to what he was saying, he was fucking you like he wanted you to cum in that very moment. “Still not yet,” he teased, feeling your little fingers digging onto his shoulders, your manicured nails nearly making holes in his shirt as your eyes fell shut.

“Oh god, Ryomen, please,” you whined. Your thighs were shaking, your spine arching and the incredible tension below your stomach threatened to burst any second now.

“Now,” he ordered and just like that, all inside of you snapped. You came all over his dick, and you came hard. It felt like nothing you’ve ever experienced, like you were suddenly shot into another dimension and if not for the way he sped up his movements, you’d probably just get lost in the lustful feeling. Ryomen came just few moments after you, wrapping his arms around your waist and painting your walls white. You felt him throbbing, spasming inside of you, the hot seed gushed out of you as he was pumping it in, staining your thighs and the bottom of his black shirt. Then he pushed you down, fully onto his cock, plugging the way out for his cum.

You found his lips, swallowing his quickened breath as you kissed him with desire and he gave in, quickly dominating the kiss. You were tired, the muscles in your legs were burning from the intense exercise, but you couldn’t shake off the feeling of still wanting more. He made you hungry, he made you unsatiated and you were sure, you won’t be able to recognize yourself after you’re done with him. You were never such a greedy lover but frankly, you never had a chance to feel that good with anyone. The boys you’ve been with had no skills and if not for the orgasms you gave yourself with your fingers, no one else ever brought you over the edge like Sukuna.

“Can you undress?” You asked him, your lips brushing against his as you mouthed the question and he chased your kiss with his head, grabbing your lower lip between his teeth. There was a certain expression painted all over his dangerously handsome features, the menacing aura amplified as he took his sweet time before replying.

“I can undress,” he began, yet there was a but hanging in the air. He had conditions and you were open to hear them. “I’ll give you two options, little kitten. Wanna hear ‘em?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t undress. You can pull yourself together and I can drive you back to your home now. But I can also take the suit off, carry you to my bed. Then you’ll stay with me till morning, but don’t have any hopes for a calm sleep, no. The night will be as filthy as it can get. You’ll be sore tomorrow, most likely exhausted.”

You blinked hearing the options. It was clear as day, stop there or continue? You knew the answer already, your body decided for you even before he came up with an offer.

“Will you drive me home as well if I pick the second option?”

“Of course.”

“Then let’s get you naked.”

[sleepymarimo]

𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕣!

summary: the first time you make their heart skip a beat, w/ monster trio + law! pairing(s): luffy x gn!reader, zoro x gn!reader, sanji x gn!reader, law x gn!reader cw: none! an: ahhhh idk how to feel about this one but i hope you enjoy :') 👐

luffy

there are a lot of things that get luffy's heart racing.

a good meal. a cool looking fish. a killer party. all of it makes this captain happy, because he revels in the adventure. he lives for the moment. he feels deeply and strongly, a trait that acts as a double edged sword.

like now, as a torrent of anger and worry swirl in his chest and weigh him down. he's running through some dense woods, bursting through trees and falling down hills, a look of determination on his face.

an enemy had managed to sneak up on the crew.

what's worse? they ran off. with you.

luffy doesn't think twice. he pushes through anything in his way for the sake of finding you before things got too rough. as he runs, he finds the enemy's actions cowardly. someone using you to draw him out makes him irritate. he doesn't care if he's falling into some trap; he'd deal with whatever was put in front of him so long as he could rescue you.

he's worried for your well being, of course he is. even though he can't see you, he can feel you. his observation haki lets him know how frightened you are, a fact that makes him all the more angry.

then finally, in the distance, he catches sight of you.

you're in a clearing, the enemy looming over you. they're raising a weapon in your direction, much too close.

luffy feels his blood boil. he grabs ahold of some trees, running backwards and preparing to launch himself in your direction as fast as he can. his rubber arms grow taut as he stretches, his mind set on rescuing you.

an annoyed huff leaves him when he hears the enemy taunting you, threatening your life and mocking your ambitions. it has luffy's anger rising, because there was no way he'd let your dreams get made fun of. by anyone.

his thoughts become hazy, his strong feelings taking hold of his actions.

then, luffy hears it. it's like a melody, absolute music to his ears.

your laugh.

ba-dum! ba-dum!

his head clears.

he can feel a big smile curling at his lips. his grin is all teeth, his eyes shining with equal parts pride and mischief. it's like a fire has been lit in his soul, like he's a toy that's just been wound up to the max.

even in your current predicament, even when you're utterly terrified, you have faith in yourself. in him.

if you can laugh, then so can he.

finally, he yells out his signature move, launching himself at the enemy and landing a punch so hard that it makes the air itself tremble.

"luffy!" you call with some tears prickling in your eyes, your limbs still shaky from the adrenaline. your smile falters at the edges, relief flooding your body. "you made it!"

your captain comes to life upon seeing your smile up close, his heart beating like a drum. his rubber arms wrap around you and he squeezes you to his chest, his laughter ringing in your ears.

"of course i did!" he grins, grabbing you by the hand and urging you to run with him to the ship. his grip on you is tight and secure. glancing back at you, he can't help but feel grateful to have you with him on this journey.

he snickers, letting emotion run through him without restriction. "you made my heart feel funny!"

zoro

after another victory, the straw hat pirates found themselves reveling in drinks, food and company.

for a while, the swordsman finds himself amidst the other heavy drinkers. he grins and knocks back bottle after bottle, content with listening to the animated conversations around him and observing the party.

eventually though, he craves some solitude. and so, he heads off towards a less occupied area where he can drink in peace.

he basks in isolation, until you manage to find your way to him. a big grin is on your face and he can't help but reciprocate with a small smirk when he notices your inebriated state. unceremoniously, you plop down next to him at a respectable distance.

“hey zo', gimme some!” you nod towards the large bottle he holds, completely immersed in the light, upbeat atmosphere. one of your hands even reaches out, making a sort of grabbing motion.

he possessively tightens his grip on the bottle, his expression hardening slightly as his brows furrowed. "hah? this is mine, go grab your own bottle."

"i don't wanna full drink, jus' need a little more and i'll be good." you answer, well aware of your limits. your tone becomes pleading as you look up at him with puppy dog eyes. "one sip. please?"

with a groan, he relents. he grumbles something about you being lucky that he's in such a good mood, before extending the bottle in your direction.

yet, it appears that you have some more tricks up your sleeve.

instead of grabbing the bottle, you simply tilt your head back and let your mouth hang open. you make an 'ah' sound, waiting for him to bestow you with the gift of alcohol.

he's a little taken aback at first. seriously? you wanted him to pour it for you? ugh, fine...

he rolls his eye and uses his free hand to firmly hold your jaw steady and open, bringing the bottle up and pouring the sake into your mouth.

your hand rests on his, your fingers absentmindedly tracing over his knuckles.

it's all fine at first, until his eyes lock with yours. in that moment, he seems to acknowledge the intimacy of the act, something primal stirring in his gut as he looked down at you. his cheeks redden.

ba-dum! ba-dum!

his muscles tense and he goes almost still. he gets so distracted that his hand moves upwards, effectively drowning your face with sake. your head snaps back into its natural position and you start to cough, the alcohol burning your nostrils.

you give the swordsman an incredulous look, wiping the excess sake from your face. “what the hell was that for?”

“you’re the one that moved!” he sharply replies, even though he knows damn well that you were sitting good and still for him.

focusing inward, he seems pleased to feel that his heart is once again thumping steadily. unwavering. what an odd feeling it was, to have his strong heart skip a beat.

i'll deal with that later. he thinks, not at all wanting to open that can of worms.

so, he takes another swig from the bottle and uses one of his large hands to pat you on the back as you continued to cough up sake.

“oi, don’t waste good booze.”

sanji

the cook wasn't used to being spoiled. he's always been a giver, someone who provides and never takes.

he basked in the smiles that formed on the faces of his crew mates, his family, whenever he made them a good meal or protected them. he never asks for anything in return. however, that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t be shown appreciation every now and then.

currently, he's on night watch.

a thick blanket is wrapped around his shoulders, the cold wind nipping at his cheeks and painting them a reddish color. a cigarette hangs from his lips, his breaths coming out as white puffs against the dark sky.

out of the corner of his eye, he can see light pouring out from the kitchen window. how long has that been on? his brows furrow in suspicion as he makes his way over, half-expecting to see luffy attempting to crack open the pantry.

yet when he opens the door, his posture immediately relaxes and he practically melts as he sees you. you're in your pajamas, hunched over the stove with a focused expression. he takes note of the cookbook laid out on the counter, guiding you as you prepared a dish.

he calls your name, his limbs turning to mush as he approached you. "what are you doing here so late? if you're hungry, i'll make you some-"

his nose twitches as he catches the scent of what you're making.

he knows it well because it happens to be one of his favorite dishes. coincidentally, it was one of your least favorites, the scent of it rather unbearable to you.

"you're... you're making..." his cigarette threatens to tumble out of his lips as he gives you a bewildered expression.

he can see your nose briefly scrunch up before you give him a smile, one of your hands holding a wooden spoon and mixing up ingredients on a pan. "yeah. i hope i'm making it right. i mean, it won't be as good as yours anyway, but still."

"mon amour, you shouldn't. i know how much you can't stand the smell of it." he tries to usher you away, placing a hand on yours and insisting that he didn't want you to be queasy. "why're you making this, mon amour? did someone ask you to?"

you shrug and keep a firm hold on the wooden spoon, replying like the answer was obvious. "because i thought it'd make you happy."

ba-dum! ba-dum!

his cigarette does fall to the floor. the hand that's over yours tightens, perhaps his way of grounding himself. he's speechless for a moment, something shaking him down to his very center.

he could almost cry.

"sanji?" you ask, a little concerned for the chef as his eyes seemed to glaze over.

the blond snaps out of it, giving you a smile that's so warm it makes you wonder if the sun had just come up. there's none of that surface level attraction or lust in his gaze, only an authentic appreciation.

thank you. he thinks, feeling light. thank you for caring.

his eyes close as he once again takes in the scent of the dish you're preparing. "it smells great, mon amour. better than anything i've ever made, i’m sure of it."

"i doubt that." you laugh, downplaying his compliment. with a nod, you resume cooking. "it'll be finished by the time you're done with your watch. i can handle it."

sanji thanks you once more, his heart feeling full. returning to his post, he allows you to do something kind for him. he allows himself to take, without worrying about having to repay you.

he quells any lingering thoughts of insecurity and self-doubt, focusing instead on the meal that's sure to be waiting for him in the morning.

law

it was a couple weeks ago that law made the decision to educate the crew a bit more on medical practices.

the surgeon knew that he couldn’t always be around to provide assistance to the crew, so it was only logical that he trained everyone in basic first aid, including you. day after day, he trained everyone, one at a time.

was it a lot? yes. however, law liked to be prepared and felt comfort in being thorough with his teachings, regardless of how tedious it was.

so, finally it was your day to be trained under his watchful eye.

you could tell how passionate he was about his work, how knowledgeable. if you had any questions or wanted to know more about a topic, he took the time to explain it to you properly.

he was quite patient, something you were thankful for since you knew he could sometimes grow frustrated.

when it's all said and done, he quizzes you. he sits atop the exam table, his expression apathetic.

"i'm a patient suffering from shortness of breath, chest pain and dizziness." he flatly says, watching your every move. "what comes to mind? what do you check first?"

you bite at your lip, your head scrambling to come up with any ideas of what your 'patient' could be suffering from. "arrhythmia?" you answer, uncertain. he gives you a pressing look, urging you to continue. "and i... check your heartbeat?"

"good." with a nod of his head, he gestures towards the stethoscope. "go ahead, then. check it and let's see if you get the reading right."

pushing past your initial hesitance, you grab the stethoscope and put it on, gently holding the bell in your hand. placing it on his clothed chest, your expression turns frustrated as you struggle to hear a beat.

he rolls his eyes and calls your name lightly. "you can't place it over fabric. it needs to go directly on the skin."

oh yeah, you needed to place it directly on his chest.

you click your tongue, embarrassed by your slight error. "yeah, yeah, i got it."

with that, your hand slips under the hem of his shirt.

however, instead of holding up his shirt and and placing the stethoscope directly over his heart, your hand slides upward from his abdomen and all the way to his chest.

your fingers inadvertently graze along his skin, tracing a warm path from his navel to his heart.

you're too focused on your task to notice his widening eyes and how his breath hitches.

a content smile forms on your face when you catch the sound of his heartbeat.

ba-dum! ba-dum!

you look up at him, slightly concerned. “i think there's something weird-"

"you're hearing things." he's quick to say, placing a hand over yours and promptly removing it from his person. standing from the exam table, he adjusts his shirt and takes a step back to put some much needed distance between the two of you. "good job today, you did well."

he turns in the opposite direction, not wanting to let his cracked composure show. steeling himself, he takes a deep breath and shakes off any residual feelings of unease.

it was just a fluke. he's quick to think, wanting to be rational.

in the end, he looks over his shoulder and gives you a nod before heading to his study.

[allllium]

Just an Accident

~ Jason todd x reader who was accidentally hurt

~ Fluff, Jason being dramatic, WC:

~ Inspired by @mostly-imagines

[Thank you guys for being so patient while I finished this and thank you for all likes 💓💓 I really wasn't expecting anything till this was finished. Hope this meets your expectations <3]

Jason tried really hard to keep his secret secret from you but let's be honest, he's very obvious about it. Especially once you meet his family.

After he finally came clean to you about everything, he became even more protective. More protective than you ever thought possible.

He would freak out anytime he didn't know where you were or if you got hurt in any way.

"I'm so so sorry." Bruce says, following you through the mansion repeating his apology.

"It's okay, Bruce, it was an accident." You reply, "I should've known."

Honestly there was no way you could've known that Bruce was creating some elaborate booby trap on the kitchen counter that would fail and smack you in the face when you walked into the kitchen.

It didn't hurt too bad, luckily Bruce was testing things with plastic and not the real materials.

From the look of it though, you'll definitely have a mark on your nose and possibly a bruise under your eye.

"I had no idea it was gonna do that." He continues defending, knowing how Jason will react.

"It's fine, I swear. I know you wouldn't do that on purpose." You walk into the living room and sit down on the couch. Bruce sits next to you.

"Can I get you anything?" He asks. Obviously freaking out.

"No, it's alright. It really doesn't hurt."

"Oh shit." You hear Dick gasp. Coming in through the front door with Tim.

"Oh, what did you do!?" Tim asks, "Jason is gonna kill you."

"It was an accident, everything is fine." You try to calm everyone down.

Seeing that you're okay, Dick can't hold back his laugh.

"Wow, Jason is never gonna trust you again Bruce." Tim hits Dick on the arm and rolls his eyes. To the side of you, Bruce leans forward to hold his head in his hands.

"I think you guys are being a little dramatic. Jason isn't gonna kill him."

"No you seriously underestimate how Jason will react to this." Tim tells you.

"Yeah, remember he almost killed me for making jokes about you when you first got together."

"What?" You turn to Dick in confusion, "I don't remember that."

"Not important," he waves it off, "The point is, we need a plan."

"A plan for what?"

"A plan to hide this from Jason" He tells you, in a tone that screams obvious.

"How would I do that, Dick? I live with him."

"I don't know yet, that's why we need a plan!" He exclaims, pacing in front of the couch.

You roll your eyes, "You're being dramatic."

"No he's not." Bruce says. You fall back into the couch and cross your arms over chest.

"Bruce please. I need at least one of other person here to be an adult."

You can hear Tim laughing as he sits in the chair next to the couch.

"Well, he's right. Jason's gonna be pissed." Bruce shakes his head at you. He stands from the couch and starts pacing with Dick.

"They're gonna make me lose my mind." You mumble under your breath. You run your hands over your face, this childish behavior you're watching isn't what you were expecting from Batman and Nightwing.

Okay to be honest you were definitely expecting this from Dick.

Tim leans over to whisper to you, "You should make a break for it, they're too busy plotting to notice you leave."

"Let me guess," you whisper back, "you've had to make a break for it a couple times?"

"More than you know." He shakes him head and has a serious look on his face.

"Well, have fun with that." You laugh and walk out the front door. Tim was right, both the guys were so busy trying to figure out how to hide you from Jason, they totally forgot to hide you.

You rush home to meet Jason. You were supposed to meet for dinner but obviously you got a little distracted.

"Hey baby." You sigh when you walk through the door. Jason is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Whatever he chose to make, made the whole room smell amazing.

"Hey. What took you so long?"

"I stopped by the mansion to borrow that thing from Alfred but he wasn't there." You tell him, referencing some cooking tool you wanted to make desert for after dinner.

"Where did he go?" You want into the kitchen to see him while you talk.

"I have no idea. I got distracted by something Bruce was doing." You walk over and take a piece of food that he's cutting.

Without looking, he softly smacks your hand away.

"Rude." You laugh.

"This is my sacred space." He puts the knife down and gestures over the whole counter.

"You're ridiculous." You laugh again and kiss him on the cheek.

"How dare you." He puts his hand on his chest in fake offense. Only then does he turn to actually look at you. "What happened?" He immediately asks.

"Oh it's fine, just got smacked with some plastic " Which is apparently not the answer he wanted.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He grabs your face gently and examines the marks on your face.

"It means I got hit with some plastic. But it doesn't hurt." You quickly explain, but he doesn't let go of your face or stop freaking out.

"What plastic?"

"Bruce was experimenting with something and it didn't work."

"He did this?" He lets go off your face to run his hands over his own.

"It was accident. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose and you know that."

"I don't care if it was an accident, you're hurt."

"Jason." You say firmly. He's obviously surprised considering you never use his name to address him. "An accident is an accident and you're not gonna hold this against Bruce. He already apologized and clearly felt bad."

"But you're hurt" He pouts.

You step forward and wrap your arms over his shoulders. "It doesn't hurt. It was just some plastic."

"It left a mark."

"I promise I'm okay. And I want you to promise you won't hurt Bruce for this." You look right into his eyes and do your best to give him a puppy dog look. Which isn't necessary because he can't say no to you anyway.

"Fine I promise I won't hurt him." He presses his forehead to yours, "I'd rather leave him to stew in fear anyway."

You chuckle at his words. "As long as no real harm comes to him I won't stop you from having fun."

"Good." He kisses you once and heads back to make dinner. You have no doubt Jason would ever actually hurt Bruce over something so small but you'd rather be safe than sorry.

Hopefully this'll stop Dick and Bruce acting like absolutely children in the future.

Yeah that'll never happen.

Not even 10 minutes after finishing dinner you get a call from Dick.

"How dare you?" He asks the moment you answer the phone. "You're a traitor."

"Again with the dramatics Dick. You can't stop me from going home."

"Let me guess Jason's on his way here to get some revenge right now." He says in a very childish and fearful tone.

"No! I was right, you guys are way more dramatic than you should be and he has no intention of killing anyone." Jason looks at you as you talk to his brother. Clearly wondering what he has to do with this situation.

"I don't believe you. You've shown where your loyalty lies."

"Why are you talking like I'm an enemy or something?"

"Maybe you are! How should I know?"

"Okay you're right." You decide to play along, "I couldn't stop him from wanting to kill Bruce, he's on his way there right now."

Jason furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"I knew it! Mark my words one day-"

His voice cuts off when you hang up.

"There is something severely wrong with your entire family." You tell Jason with a blank face.

"Yeah I know." He puts his arm over your shoulder and pulls you into him.

Hmm you wonder how long it takes till Dick realizes you lied.

[foolinafable]

family matters

Five Hargreeves x Fem!Reader Synopsis: You and Five return after seven years away in a different timeline- but you don’t return alone Word Count: 1.8k Tags: Fluff, No Lila and Five, Pregnancy, Children, Season 4 fix it (kinda) Note: Got so much love on the last one I wrote this! Try to ignore spelling mistakes it's currently 3am.

Stuck with only your irritable CIA colleague Five Hargreeves was anything but a good time. You both got lost at the godforsaken subway station he mistakenly teleported you both to. Travelling for a year by his side certainly mellowed you out. His personality slowly making you feel comforted as you both explored multiple timelines together trying to find your way home.

Surprisingly, the idea he possessed powers was the easiest thing for you to come to terms with, probably due to your job at the CIA making it seem plausible to you that the government does hide a lot- they’re even hiding the whole science of separate timelines.  After around a year of trying and failing to find your way home, you and Five decided to ease off the vigorous schedule you unwittingly created, finding a timeline safe enough to stay in for a while allowing you both to rest and brainstorm ideas of how you could both find a way home to your families. 

You both made a mistake. Falling to know how long a while would be you find yourselves still in the timeline you chose as your ‘temporary’ home six years later. Finding each other a lot less frustrating than at the start of this. You suppose that’s an understatement as you watched Five play with your child, a girl who possessed brown hair and green eyes not too dissimilar to her father’s. It almost wasn’t fair how much her features favoured his. But, seeing his beauty reflected upon her features could never be something you would complain about. 

“Maybe if we get lucky the next one will resemble you more,” you remember his words from a few days earlier when you started to show a hand placed under your abdomen smiling as if this was the greatest gift he could ever receive. But you don’t think it would matter if this one ended up looking like their older sibling and their father. If anything you would prefer it- not that you would ever admit it.

Picking another fresh strawberry from the greenhouse of the abandoned home you now called your own. You placed it into the basket plans to make jam and jelly already filling your mind when you felt yourself begin to flush from the sweltering heat of the sun beating down upon the glass. Your skin heating up to a point of large discomfort, sweat beginning to gather at your temples. You sighed knowing that you couldn't continue to harvest anything else unless you wanted to face Five’s rath over you overheating again. 

“Mom!” Maxine ran towards you eagerly hands encircling your legs as she got close enough for a welcoming hug. She quickly looked up towards you big green eyes staring at you prettily 

“Hiya munchkin” You stroked the top of her hair as she smiled up at you with glee

“What doing?” the three-year-old questioned head titling as she waited for your response 

“Strawberries” was all you replied grabbing the basket to show her 

“Have one?” she asked pointing at the basket, batting her eyes to try to sway your decision. You simply plucked one out of the basket and gave it to her relishing in the delighted smile she sent your way before biting into the sweet fruit. You smiled at her before looking up to meet the other pair of green eyes that had made their way into the greenhouse. Five watched the interaction of his favourite girls softly only moving closer once you looked at him.

“Everything alright mumma?” he questioned noticing your flustered expression from the moment he and Maxine stepped foot in the conservatory

“A bit hot” you admitted with a shrug of your shoulders as he drew closer, trapping Maxine in between the two of you as the back of his hand touched your forehead he hummed in agreement with your words

“Let’s get you inside the house, don’t need you getting heatstroke” You forced down the urge to roll your eyes at his dramatics and simply nodded in agreement

“Some cold water and a sit down would be nice.”

He grabbed one of your hands and Maxine’s with the other leading you both back towards the house. After placing the basket of strawberries in the kitchen you quickly sat down on the couch feeling a slight ache in your feet while Five grabbed you a glass of water with more icecubes than you could even count, you smiled in thanks as he passed it to you while Maxine sat next to you, a small children book in hands that she was determined to read to you and her younger sibling as she wanted them to be just as smart as her. 

You could hear Five pattering around the house, tidying up before you could even think about it. Maxine had quickly given up on trying to read, getting bored after two pages and was instead sitting playing with some wooden blocks by your feet. You furrowed your eyebrows when you couldn’t hear Five moving around anymore a stark silence surrounding you now.

“Everything alright?” you shouted trying to figure out where he had gotten to, heart fluttering when there was no reply. Setting your glass down on the table in front of you as you rose from your rather comfortable spot on the couch, you walked into the other room where your lover was his body was stick straight, eyes not daring to leave the notebook in his hand. “What?” you questioned softly walking towards him, eyeing the words on the book as you got close enough.

“This” he began astounded “Is our way home, it’s written by me but I didn’t write this. Another me did.” you simply nodded before smiling  

“Looks like we’re going home.”

── ✧

You and Five found yourselves outside of what he assured you was his brother Diego’s house. Maxine who was resting her head on his shoulder, legs wrapped around his middle looked astounded by the snow while nerves filled you- the last time you saw any of his family was when you were put on the case that got you lost in the timelines to begin with and even then you barely saw his brothers and sister-in-law as they were quickly taken to hq for a show round to get them out of the way. You didn’t even want to think how you would explain this to them let alone to your own family but you guess this is the easier of the two as they all had powers and also been to multiple different timelines. Five set Maxine down next to you as he rapped on the door you quickly grabbed her hand before she could run off into the snow when the door opened 

“You back!” the man, Diego you assumed, smiled as he looked at Five 

“I am” he stared at his brother almost in shock that he had seen him for the first time for him in seven years

“Good” the man confirmed “We were all starting to get worried.” his eyes then turned towards you and the brunette-haired little girl who was trying to hide behind you “And you are?” he questioned and you quickly gave him your name his eyes sparking in recognition for some reason as he crouched to the ground to greet your daughter “And who is this little princess?” he asked quietly as Maxine started at him 

“This is Maxine” is all you said feeling Five’s eyes on you knowing he wanted to wait until you got inside to drop the bomb you could see Diego begin to connect the dots as he introduced himself to you but he was clearly confused because he would know if Five had a child in the last three years in this timeline at least.

“I will explain everything once we get inside- can’t let the missus get cold” is all he said to Diego as the man allowed you into his home. 

He quickly led you to the living room where to sat on the sofa, Maxine being picked up by Five and placed on his lap when she tried to climb onto yours, you turned towards him to complain but quickly stopped when you met his glower instead choosing to put a comforting hand on your tummy a habit you kept from your first pregnancy. Diego called for his wife Lila to come to sit with him when the door opened revealing more of Five’s family he whispered their names to you as they walked in all choosing to sit down when Diego told them that Five was going to explain where he’s been and why his colleague, a word you hadn’t been referred to as in a long time, was here. With most of his family here excluding Ben and Viktor, he cleared his throat to get their attention

“As you all know the marigold has made our powers a little different to what we are used to” They all made sounds of agreement “My blinking takes only to a tube station where each stop is a new timeline and we” gesturing to you “got stuck, unable to find our way back until now. We were away for seven years but for you has only been a few hours” he took their silence as a sign to continue “This is my wife” he spoke your name “And our daughter Maxine.” you sat in silence for a moment.

“Wait! This is the colleague he was always telling us about?” Luther asked excitedly you turned to the larger man confused when Klaus and Allison quickly agreed with him

“I thought he was joking when he said there was a cute girl who he worked cases with” Claire, Alison’s daughter, announced making her mother and uncles laugh

“I can’t believe you have a child” Lila spoke eyes wide

“Well he is going to have another one in a couple of months,” you told the already shocked woman who quickly smiled at the revelation while the others called out congratulations to their brother 

“How far along are you?” Allison asked as she came up to you silently questioning if she could touch the small bump you simply nodded “We think around thirteen weeks” looking to Five who simply nodded

“She only started showing a few days ago”

“I can’t believe it” Luther called out while pulling funny faces making Maxine laugh as she got a little less shy around her family.

You smiled as you watched Maxine get up and walk towards Lilas’ children playing with them as Five’s hand found its way to yours stroking your knuckles. You never thought you could ever get home let alone come back home happier than you had left it. You suppose a thanks was due to your rather irritable husband and his wacky powers.

[dottyistired]

The missing Journal 3 pages in TBOB are so interesting to me in further contextualizing Ford's mindset of shame regarding Bill. We'd gotten a snippet of it in the original J3 release:

But Bill shows us the less pragmatic motivations behind his actions, the mushy feely stuff he was too embarrassed to properly journal, putting certain series events into new context. Particularly this scene where after a whole episode of dancing around it, he finally opens up to Dipper about the nature of their relationship:

"Bill wasn't always my enemy, Dipper. I used to think he was my friend, long long ago..."

But does he really tell the full truth here? The cat's out of the bag, Dipper knows they had a deal, there's no reason not to tell everything. But Ford proceeds to explain his reasoning for summoning Bill as a purely practical, scientifically-driven one.

"I had hit a roadblock on my investigation of Gravity Falls. Until I found some mysterious writing in a cave. Ancient incantations about a being with answers. It warned me not to read them, but I was desperate."

Desperate...for what? Ford would have us believe it was for the sake of knowledge. Yet TBOB shows us that this is the entry immediately preceding his and Bill's first meeting.

Ford isn't some unfeeling robot powered solely by knowledge, he has human needs. He was lonely, lonely enough to summon a demon for companionship. A companionship so intimate, he describes his meeting Bill as the best day of his life, and laments the periods of absence from him.

That desire for intimacy is ultimately what drove him, and even with all his dirty laundry laid out he can't admit that part to Dipper. Maybe he doesn't even realize it himself, at least not until the post-Weirdmaggedon sections of TBOB:

Under the shame of unleashing Bill Cipher's destruction on the world, there's a much deeper shame: that Stanford Pines is not a lone-wolf, unfeeling sci-fi hero, but a fallible human being, capable of illogical sentimentality and longing for approval and (in)human connection. The exact nature of this sentimentality and longing is left to interpretation, but the efforts he goes to to conceal it make me lean towards something beyond platonic. Alex Hirsch's own words might support this:

"I think he is deeply, deeply hiding from his real feelings about things, because at some point early on, he decided that he could run from hurt by achievement and by creation, and has dug that hole so deep that he has no relationships. He doesn't have friendships, he doesn't have romantic relationships, he is someone trapped in a tower of his own mind and estranged. Ford shows none of that. He has sublimated himself romantically so, so deeply. (…) I really thought of Ford kind of like Tesla in that realm.”

TL;DR Ford is up in his feelings about Bill and repressing hard. This is also eerily reminiscent of the self-blame abuse survivors engage in, the hesitance to tell others, and shame over persisting feelings for their abuser.

[i-cant-sing]

Okay but I need yall to help me figure out the character(s) for the following scenario:

Imagine a romantic yandere falling for reader, and ofc reader isn't in love with yandere for obvious reasons like red flags. Maybe they did try dating, Yandere is a charmer, comes from a rich family, he's smart and hardworking and oh so head over heels in love with you. He's always taking you out on best dates, HAS to get you the largest fucking bouquets (excellent taste in flowers) and buys you expensive but well thought out gifts.

But for whatever reason, things dont work out and you break things off hastily and most likely over the phone before leaving the country. And yandere just- breaksdown. I mean my man does not have a good mental health as is, but you leaving, actually leaving him just breaks him down and he has a full blown panic attack.

I'm talking about yandere falling to his knees, clutching his chest and gasping for air, tears streaming down his face as he screams your name like a mad man. His family, they love him, they adore their son/brother/grandchild sm, it pains them to see him in such a miserable state. Yandere man is so delirious that he has to be sedated, tranquillised by medical professionals because he's just losing his fucking mind, babbling your name over and over again like a mad man. His condition only worsens as time passes, and so his family decides to take drastic measures because they can't see their beloved son/brother/grandkid so fucking dead and depressed and a shell of a once bright man. They love him so much, they only want ti see him happy, so they use their money and influence to track you down and try to convince you to return and take yandere back. When you refuse, they take the high way and force you to come with them, dragging you kicking and screaming to their private jet and fly all the way home, where yandere is.

You're in a dishevelled state, tears running down your cheeks as you struggle to free yourself from their grasps as they take you to yandere. And when yandere sees you... for the first time in months, his family sees the light return in his eyes as the yandere reaches out for you, scared that you're just his mind playing tricks. When he finally touches you, he is immeadiately pulling you into a hug, arms tightening around your body like a gilded cage as he cries into your shoulder and thanks his family for bringing you back. His family only smiles with tears in their eyes as they lock the door behind them when they leave, so that you don't go running away. Meanwhile, yandere has pulled you into his lap and he's looking at you with such sad eyes, staring at each feature of yours over and over again as if to memorise it all again. He can't help the tears that continue to slip out of his eyes, maybe he's crying that you're finally here, or maybe he's crying for all the time that's been lost when you weren't here. You fall asleep soon due to exhaustion, but yandere doesn't sleep a wink that night because he continues to stare at you and play with your hair very gently, finally closing his eyes when morning comes and he wraps his arms around you and traps your legs with his.

By now, you guys realise that the yandere's family is not only yandere for their son/brother/grandson but also for you. They are yandede for you too, but they're not allowing you to leave them or their son or even make him unhappy ever again. Some members are willing to let all you "tantrums" slide, while others are not so kind. BUT one thing is for sure, you're ALWAYS safe with yandere s/o, no matter what.

Now, for the characters I've had in kind for this scenario are:

Halim Mehmet Shah and the Shah Family (my ocs)

Dabi/Shotou and Todoroki clan (I am the OG creator of Yandere Todoroki Clan)

I wanna say Naoya or Toji but the Zenin clan hates them both....

Dick Grayson/Jason Todd and Batfam

What do you guys think?

Mood board for this scenario^^^(I love Pinterest)

[rafecameronsslut4ever]

CASUAL pt.2— lando norris (angst)

pairing; fem!reader x lando norris summary: it took lando too long to realise it wasn't just 'casual'. warnings: a LOT of angst, toxic relationship, sexual implication, not proofread a/n: casual part 2 was not really a part of the plan but the audience had demands 🦧also i think this was too long lmao. AND IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG DELAY OMG

part 1 - casual

miami grand prix: the biggest pr nightmare for every driver—especially lando norris.

the media had been all over him that weekend, going to the lengths of literally calling him 'the hottest catch on the single market'. hollywood stars and instagram models were so desperate to marry him and have his kids that they didn't catch on the fact that he was a 23-year-old racing driver who couldn't give a fuck about them.

because he was stuck on you.

for weeks, he'd waited—hoping you’d reach out, or at the very least, watch his instagram stories. he posted shirtless photos, sun-kissed photos—hell, he even threw out a thirst trap just for you. But you didn’t take the bait. you didn't take the fucking bait.

you hadn't texted him or spoken to him since the moment you walked out of that hotel room weeks ago, so he didn't try to reach out either. "would've been a blow to my ego," he'd told sainz.

but now, he didn't give a shit about his ego. he was tired of waiting.

his eyes darted across the packed club, friends and guests scattered all around. he couldn't wait to get out of there.

he hadn't been drinking. didn't really feel like it. truth be told, he hadn’t been feeling much of anything at all.

pool parties, clubs, yachts, champagne and girls.

he was tired of the glitz and glam of his life, and you were the only escape from it.

but you were gone.

his mind wandered to that morning, when you had kissed him and the two of you had ordered room service. when he had held you for the last time.

he hated how the only thing on his mind was you. how it was the only thing on his mind all through the celebrations, as hookers danced around him and people tried to pour drinks into his mouth.

for fuck's sake, he had won a grand prix for the first time in his life, and yet he was unhappy.

how did he get here?

he looked up, eyes falling on a group of men in the VIP section, the lights illuminating their faces.

everyone could tell something was off with lando. he didn't want to do any of this.

all he wanted was you. you, you, you.

the girl who had left without an explanation.

why had you left, anyway? no calls, no texts. your friends avoided him, and you avoided his friends. it was like the two of you were nothing.

lando norris was many things, but he was not a fool. he could recognise when something was wrong, or when a situation had escalated beyond his control.

he knew that there was a reason why you left, but the reason never clicked in that thick brain of his. what had he done wrong? where had he gone wrong?

"i'm not feeling too well, mate." he muttered, handing the beer bottle back to the guy standing next to him.

okay, maybe not admitting his feelings for you had fucked things up. but, what could you expect? he didn't have the time to give you what you deserved.

not right now, at least.

lando norris had the world on his fingertips. he could have any girl he wanted. anyone, really.

"what are you waiting for, then?" the other man asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"what?"

"just call her, bro. i know it's about a girl because there's no way any sane man would say no to expensive beers and a million hot hookers."

did lando even know this man? probably not.

"i can't call her. she doesn't want to talk to me. trust me, i've tried."

"have you?"

he didn't know how to deal with rejection. not like this, not with you. you weren't supposed to leave.

"judging by your sulkiness, i doubt you're going to find a girl like her again. and you'll never have her if you're here."

lando didn't have a heart of stone, as much as his social media persona might suggest. he didn't care for any of this. the women, the money, the fame.

he wanted to hold you again. kiss you, tell you he loves you. he wanted to hold your hand. he wanted to be near you, and only you.

so, when his feet hit the floor and he found himself walking towards the exit, he wasn't surprised.

yeah, it was foolish of him to leave a party full of women who were celebrating him (literally) for a girl who had ghosted him, but the need was stronger than his pride.

out of the yacht, he was dialling the only number he'd ever memorised. the phone rang, and then it rang again.

would she be wearing his clothes, or would she have gotten rid of everything related to him?

maybe she'd found another man, finally realising that lando was a bad investment.

as the phone rang, you were hidden in your apartment with blankets wrapped around you and a youtube video playing in the background.

it had been months since you'd heard the word 'casual' leave his mouth. months since you had fled london and monaco to move to miami.

at first, his words had echoed in your mind constantly, and you'd cried yourself to sleep a few times more than you'd like to admit.

but just like every heartbroken poet in history, the hurt faded and the pain slowly morphed into hatred. and anger.

you wanted to slam your head against a wall. scratch that, you wanted to slam his head against a wall.

it was so stupid, and you hated yourself for believing he'd been genuine.

it was just sex. that's all it ever was. it truly was just casual.

the phone was still ringing. your finger hesitated over the answer button. you weren't going to answer it.

it wasn't worth it. you didn't want to hear his voice. didn't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing that his words had hurt you. you didn't want to know if he was sleeping around, if his girlfriends were prettier than you.

so the line went dead.

lando stood by the harbour, watching as yachts and ships sailed past him. the air was humid and his t-shirt clung to his body, the heat almost unbearable. the sound of waves, the distant laughter and music, and the sound of his ragged breaths.

he ran his fingers through his hair, looking around. where was his car?

he had to find his way back to his hotel. he was a mess, and his clothes were sticking to his skin. he needed to fix his appearance, buy a bouquet a flowers.

he checked the time on his watch, and cursed as he saw the numbers. it was almost 3 am. he wouldn't find flowers anywhere at 3 am.

"fuck it." he said, running over to his car. the drive was quiet, save for the low hum of music and his occasional swearing when someone drove a little bit slower than he'd like.

lando norris had the world on his fingertips. he could have any girl he wanted. anyone, really. but he only wanted you. he was a hopeless romantic, and you were his muse.

when he pulled up outside the apartment, his nerves were going haywire. he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before getting out of the car.

he knocked twice on the door and when it opened, his eyes lit up.

you stared back at him, sleepiness in your eyes and confusion etched on your face.

and god, did you look gorgeous.

he loved you, he realised. he had to cross his hands behind his back to stop them from reaching out and holding you close.

"lando?" you breathed out.

he had grown a slight stubble since you last saw him. his hair were still the same, except a little bit longer. his blue eyes were wide as he looked at you.

"hey," his voice was shaky.

"what the fuck are you doing here?"

he wanted to say so many things. ask you why you left, where it went wrong, why you moved to miami. he wanted to declare his love for you, press his lips to yours, hold you by the waist. he wanted to hear you say that you loved him too.

he was so in love with you, and you had no idea.

"lando? why are you here?" you asked again.

he was at a loss of words. what could he say? he couldn't exactly just stand there and say nothing.

"because," his voice cracked, "i miss you."

your throat went dry. he could not just say that.

it had been weeks. weeks of him not contacting you, weeks of you not speaking to him. the phone calls had stopped, the text messages had stopped, the late night chats had stopped. everything was just gone.

and now, he missed you?

tears welled up in your eyes, a lump forming in your throat. you shook your head, pushing back the tears, "go away."

"what? no, wait. wait. don't do this." he pleaded, his voice fragile and desperate, like a child trying to avoid bedtime.

"lando-"

he interrupted you, voice louder than before. "can we please talk about this?"

"what is there to talk about?" you were raising your voice. you hated him. how could he act like this after all that happened?

"everything. just—please, can i come in?" he sounded so pathetic. he felt so pathetic. his hands were slightly hovering over the door, ready to push it open and walk in.

the request took you by surprise. "i-no."

you missed him. there was no denying that.

you wanted him to tell you it was okay. wanted to go back to that night in his mclaren, the night he told you he liked you. wanted the weekends spent in london with his family. you wanted him, all of him.

his curly hair wrapped around your fingers, blue eyes staring at you, soft lips kissing you. his cold hands grabbing yours, and his voice saying your name. you wanted it to not be casual.

"i just want to talk to you."

he was drunk. there was no other way he would've showed up here, let alone begged to talk to you. the fact that he needed to be drunk to have this conversation made your blood boil.

"do you still have my jacket?"

of course, you still had his stupid jacket. the one that had his smell embedded into the fabric. it was an exclusive print mclaren had given him, and he had swung it around your shoulders after the night you had first made love to each other.

but he didn't care about the jacket, and neither did you. it was just a reminder.

you were silent for a while, taking in the sight of each other. it was his breath mingling with yours.

"i love you." he whispered.

your breath hitched in your throat, the tears finally falling out of your eyes as you sighed.

"i love you," he repeated to himself. "yes, i do. and i've known that since the day i met you."

you choked back sobs as you shook your head, "you're drunk, lando."

"i'm not," he chuckled, "maybe a little, but not enough."

then, he added, "i mean it. i love you." his voice was steady. he truly meant every word. but he didn't know what would happen now.

"what do you want me to say, lando?"

he sighed, "anything."

you laughed bitterly. anything, he said.

anything would've been better than what had happened.

"i don't think i can do this, lando."

"we can take it slow."

"you've never done slow."

he fell silent again because you were right. he'd never done slow. he didn't know how to take things slow. he was a fucking formula 1 driver, after all. slow wasn't something he did. he'd always lived life like it was the last day. and that's how he had lost you.

"i'm sorry," he began, his voice breaking. "i should've been a better person. i'm sorry for everything i did. i should've given you more, i-i should've loved you more, because you deserve so much more. i'm so, so, sorry."

"lando," you whispered, "it's not—"

"don't make excuses for me, please. i love you, i realy do. and if i have to spend the rest of my life proving that, i will." and he meant every word. "i just want you back."

your mind was racing, a million thoughts running through it. it was like a movie. his blue eyes, his voice, the desperation in his tone, the way he stood before you.

"okay," you muttered.

"wait, okay? does that mean—"

"you're gonna have to work for this," you said.

"i know, and i will. i promise."

you sighed, rubbing your temple. this wasn't a good idea. "get in."

lando's face lit up, and before you could change your mind, he had walked into the apartment. he hadn't really been here before, considering you moved here after the two of you had stopped talking. but the apartment was lovely, homely. everything you.

you closed the door behind him, watching him look around the living room.

"how'd you know where i live?"

he chuckled, turning to face you. "i'm a famous driver. i have my sources."

"i'm sure." a tense silence followed, neither of you knowing what to say.

"i'm not letting this happen again," he blurted, "i'm not. i don't know how, but i won't."

"i don't believe you." you scoffed.

"fuck, baby, what do i have to do for you to believe me?" he stepped towards you, closing the distance.

"stop calling me that."

"you are my baby." he tried to joke.

"lando, i'm not joking."

"i'm serious too," his voice was sincere, "i love you, and i'll do whatever it takes for you to believe me."

you had been through a lot together. the highs, the lows. you had seen him at his best, and at his worst. the good and the bad.

he moved closer, reaching a hand out to hold yours. you didn't know why, but the moment his hand touched yours, it was like a switch had flipped inside of you.

you let his hand wander over yours like a ghost, his calloused fingertips tracing over your knuckles. he intertwined your fingers together, eyes casted down.

"i've never cared about anyone the way i care about you." he admitted in a soft voice.

and then he pressed his lips to yours. his other hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

and god, did he taste the same. lando had a way with his lips. it was a talent. he kissed you like he needed your lips to survive. he was desperate for your touch as if he had been starving without it.

you were so lost in the feeling that you hadn't realised how far you had pushed him until the back of his knees hit the couch, and he fell on top of it.

his eyes were wide, mouth hanging open. his shirt was halfway unbuttoned, exposing his chest and toned abs.

the two of you stared at each other, eyes searching the other's.

"i love you." he murmured for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.

maybe it was the way his blue eyes bore into yours, or the way his lips quivered, or maybe it was the fact that he had driven across the city to say this.

but for the first time that night, you believed him. suddenly, the anger was gone. it was all gone.

"i love you, too." you whispered.

it was the only thing the two of you needed. the confirmation, the reassurance. the love.

you leaned down and connected your lips once more, hand reaching up to his curls and tugging lightly. he moaned into the kiss, pulling you on top of him.

your tongue entered his mouth, the taste of him making you lightheaded. his hands roamed over your body, the feeling of his skin against yours.

"baby," he whispered between kisses, "i want you so bad. i've waited so long."

his lips trailed along your jaw and down your neck, sucking marks into the sensitive skin.

"i want you," he murmured against the crook of your neck, "so fucking bad."

but he pulled away, flipping the two of you over so he was on top of you. he took off his shirt, and rested his head on your chest. he cleared his throat, "i should've asked this question earlier, but are you single?"

"yeah." you chuckled, running a hand through his curls.

"so, can i be your boyfriend?"

"lando norris," you hummed, "did you finally get the guts to ask me out?"

"yes," he smiled, lifting his head up to look at you, "yes, i did. will you be my girlfriend?"

"you're a dork."

"that's not an answer."

"yes," you laughed, "yes, i'll be your girlfriend."

lando grinned, and you grinned back.

it wasn't casual anymore.

(u guys im so sorry if i've tagged someone who doesnt want to be tagged i just had no idea how to let non-followers know part 2 is out bcs tumblr is not letting me reply to comments😭if anyone wants their tag removed, feel free to dm me!! i hope u liked this) @oscarpiassrri @meglouise00 @f1fantasys @technicallypleasanttree @ggaslyp1 @obxstiles @nataliambc @prudyhoo @idkwtdwml123 @ushygushybaby @emilyroxy @yootvi @fishingarden @pillowprincess4him @herexpertcollector

[deputyrook]

In Her Absence: Lucanis/Rook/Spite.

A03 link! Female Crow Rook x Lucanis. Lucanis POV.

Takes place when Rook is in the fade prison, because 1) I love angst and am a big softie; and 2) I wanted to try to work out the logistics of what the team did in Rook's absence, and how they managed to reach her.

---

In the four days that Rook’s been gone, the Veilguard has devolved completely into infighting.

Taash wants to know why they can’t just “break into the fade and pull her out.” And no one really wants to hear Emmrich’s overly technical explanation as to why that’s not feasible, least of all Taash, who’s grieving and angry. Davrin keeps saying that it should have been him instead, which isn’t helping, and no one even wants to think about what’s happening to Bellara right now. 

Harding is dead. Bellara is kidnapped by Elgar’nan and Maker knows where. They’re a mess as a group, angry and hurting. And Rook...

Rook’s gone.

Neve is the only person who remotely has their shit still together, and for that at least, Lucanis is thankful. 

Because he absolutely does not have his shit together. Maybe the others can’t tell, since he’s not arguing or yelling or breaking down, but his thoughts are spiralling so badly that he’s barely said a word in three days. All he can think about is Rook.

He loves her. He loves her. And she’s lost somewhere, trapped and alone, and they have no plan whatsoever on how they’re going to get her back. 

He never told her. It’s tearing him up inside. The thought that he might never hear her voice again. Never hear her make some stupid pun, or hear her teasing, or hear her give them all one of her legendary pep talks. Never hear her laugh again-

“Lucanis,” Neve’s voice is firm, dragging him out of his despondency, “You need to focus.” 

How can he possibly focus? “You’re right,” he says instead, voice tight, because Neve is right. Standing around brooding isn’t getting them any closer to getting Rook back. What he needs to do is act- but how?

Solas is a God, and even he couldn’t break out of that prison. This isn’t the kind of problem Lucanis can solve with a dagger. He can’t stab at the prison walls until they crumble away- but Maker knows if that could work, he would stab until his daggers shattered and his body collapsed. 

What is he supposed to do? What can he do? How can he help them, when all he knows how to do is kill things?

No. Spite says to his left, his voice hard and determined, No! We will find Rook. Won’t leave them there. 

Neve puts a hand on his shoulder, and gives it a squeeze. 

“When has Rook ever been content to sit and wait to be rescued?” Neve says, and he lets out a long, even exhale, because it’s exactly what he needs to hear. “I’m worried too. But Rook would chew off her own leg to escape a trap. If there’s a way to get out, she’ll find it. Have some faith in her. In all of us- and in yourself.”

“Thank you,” he murmurs, voice quiet. After a moment, he adds, “…Someone should let Viago and Teia know.”

That, at least, is a burden he can bear. 

But the days stretch into weeks. Elgar’nan seizes control of an already broken Minrathous, and even Neve has a hard time keeping herself together after that one. 

Lucanis is in no place to offer comfort. Without Rook’s leadership and steadfast optimism, the lighthouse has gone dark, leaving them all ships to smash into a rocky coast. He won’t soon forget the way Viago’s eyes widened when he told him what had happened to Rook, nor the look of horror that flashed across his face before his expression settled into stony devastation. 

Strangely, it’s Spite that keeps him from falling apart completely. He refuses to accept that Rook is gone. Every time that Lucanis’ mind whispers to him that this happened because he wasn’t good enough, and that he’ll never see Rook smile at him again- Spite cuts him off with an angry, defiant hiss of NO. 

Rook is strong. Rook is smart! Rook will not allow herself to die in a prison. She would not let you die in prison, either. We will not let her. We will find her. We will find her!

He repeats the words in his own head, holding onto them like a buoy. Right, yeah. She’s good at prison breaks. It’s enough to make it through the day.

Sometimes- although Lucanis would never admit it to the others- he realizes that Spite is the one who has been moving his body,  keeping him working while he’s been stuck in his mind, ruminating and aching with missing her. It’s been Spite that’s forcing him to eat, to bathe, to sleep. Spite is keeping him alive. 

Will not let you do this to us. Rook needs us.

It’s that thought that ultimately gets Lucanis to snap out of his despair. 

It’s not over yet. He agrees, finally. Rook needs us. 

Finally! Spite snaps back.

---

First, they try to make a copy of the dagger. Something that will be able to slice through the fade prison, so that they can cut Rook out of it. That’s how Solas left, after all- by tricking her, and stealing the dagger to cut himself free. 

But a dagger of pure lyrium isn’t exactly easy to replicate. Brilliant as they are, Emmrich and Neve can only do so much. So after days of meticulous work, they end up with a dagger that looks identical to the real thing, but doesn’t actually work. Great.

Next, Emmrich hypothesizes that in order to get to Rook in the fade, they’ll not only need to figure out how to access the fade prison, but also to figure out where the prison actually is, physically within the fade.

It is, apparently, not as simple as yelling out “ROOK? CAN YOU HEAR US?” from the top of the Lighthouse, which has been Taash’s strategy. Spite, too, is ready to start just travelling through the fade, for as long and as far as he needs to until he finds her. Lucanis is doing what he can to support the group, cooking the meals and making sure Emmrich and Neve are able to stay on their feet.

Word gets to them that Solas is in Minrathous, keeping the rebellion alive. The news poisons Lucanis so thoroughly with hate that he nearly can’t stomach it. Spite has been so determined to save Rook that Lucanis almost forgot how it felt when he was really, truly spiteful. 

Hearing Solas is pretending to be a hero in Tevinter, after consigning Rook to take his place in a prison? Yeah. That’ll do it. The things he’d wanted to do to Illario after his betrayal had left him conflicted. He is not remotely conflicted about what he wants to do about Solas.

What they want to do. Spite agrees with him on this one. He hurt our Rook.

Finally, Emmrich and Neve work out a real plan, with the help of the Veil Jumpers. It’s based largely on luck, but it’s something. It’s a sliver of hope. It’s enough to keep them all going.

First, they need to find a spot where the veil is particularly thin, where the fade peaks through the seams of reality. Then, they need to use an artifact of the Veil Jumper’s to do… magical, fade, location-y… stuff. Emmrich actually uses a bit of Rook’s blood for this part, located on some stained clothes that Assan had dug out in her room. 

Blood magic. Ordinarily, Lucanis would be opposed. But no one says a word against it. They are all desperate for this to work. 

The first day they try it, it doesn’t work. They make some adjustments, and try again.

The second day, it doesn’t work. They make some more adjustments, and they try again.

On the fifth day, Spite says it in his ear, voice sharp with excitement.

I can smell her- I can smell Rook!

Lucanis’ heart feels like it’s about to burst from his chest. He’s yelling, “Rook?” into the rift before he can stop himself, but the team’s caught on already that this isn't like the other times they’ve failed to make their plan work. The rift is spitting and spasming sparks of magic, and they can see through it in a way they’d never been able to before. They can see a light in the rift.

Emmrich seems to throw caution entirely to the wind, rolling up his sleeve and plunging his arm into the rift. The energy is wild, unrestrained, and they’re all calling out to Rook, reaching and trying to get to her.

“I’ve- I’ve got her!” Emmrich yells out, and Lucanis swears he can see Rook’s wavy form on the other side of the rift. Like looking through a fishbowl, or the walls of the Ossuary.

He reaches in too and grabs her hand with Emmrich, and they yank. Rook stumbles out, collapsing onto the ground.

“Varric’s dead,” she says, voice hollow and wobbly.

Neve shoots Lucanis a confused, concerned look, but he’s too relieved to care. He’s grabbing at her shoulders, pulling her into a tight embrace, and his throat feels like it’s closing up on him. Tears prick at his vision. She’s safe. She’s alive, she’s free, and she’s safe. She’s back with them.

They all want to hug her, and make sure she’s actually, really okay. But Lucanis gets to first.

Told you. Told you, told you! Spite repeats, ecstatic, She’s back!

“Are you okay?” He murmurs, pulling back and looking her over critically, trying to see if she’s been hurt or if anything has changed. But no. It’s just her. Like not a day has passed.

Rook nods slowly, and Lucanis smooths a hand down her hair, before cupping her cheek in his hand. All he wants to do is hold her, but he can’t be that selfish and drag her away from the others. Not yet, anyway. 

Pulling back, the others take the moment to rush in, making similar careful assessments and doting over Rook. The last few weeks have been almost unbearably difficult. There’s been little to celebrate. But this is joy again. Hope. With Rook back, not everything is completely fucked.

Davrin pulls her into a crushing hug, and Taash joins in, and they’re all hugging and crying a little. The trip back to the Lighthouse is a blur, with Rook thanking the Veil Jumpers and swearing to them she’ll get Bellara back.

How she can already be so determined, so ready to act, Lucanis will never know. He is, as he has so often found himself, in awe of her ability to forge forward, the light cutting through the swathes of dark that seem to surround them.

Spite is just about ready to try to crawl out of their skin in impatience, but they have work to do first. They all brief Rook on what has happened in her absence, and learn- horrifically- that she’s somehow been brainwashed into believing Varric has been alive, for months, by Solas.

Not for the first time, Lucanis feels anger and spite bubbling in his veins and vows to himself that he will not let Solas get away with hurting Rook. God or not. He finds it hard to fathom why he would mess with her head like that, if he wanted her to succeed in at least stopping Ghilan’nain. It reminds him too much of the mind games that his captors would play on him when he was in the Ossuary, tormenting and confusing him for no other reason than to break him down. Was that what Solas had tried to do to Rook, too? To break her down mentally, so she’d be easier to manipulate and trick?

It seems to take forever, but finally, Lucanis gets to see her alone. She’s lying down when he enters her quarters, her eyes closed, but the words spill out of him before he can even consider leaving her to rest.

“I cannot believe we found you,” he says, voice soft. All of the fear he’s felt for weeks, the doubt and the despair that Spite had helped him just barely keep at bay… the relief, now, is making him lightheaded. 

“I’m a little surprised too, honestly.” It’s a testament to the gravity of the situation that she’s not trying to make light of things. The words aren’t meant as a joke. 

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he admits.

“And I didn’t think I’d ever get out of there,” Rook tells him in turn. It leaves him cold, to think of her there, alone and believing she might never be found. “How do I know if I really did? This could be... more of the fade.”

Lucanis realizes then, that he’s never seen her vulnerable like this before. Emotional, yes, but lost? Frightened? Rook has always been the solid centre of the group. Unmoving, unyielding, steady. Utterly dependable. 

It’s almost surprising that she’s not actually invincible. She’s so consistently been their guiding light. But more than shock, more than anything else-

He wants to protect her. He wants to hold her until her worries melt away, to chase away the horrible memories of the last several weeks and see her smile at him. He wants her to know that he won’t let anything hurt her. He wants to kiss her until she feels safe and warm again. 

So he does. Kneeling down in front of her, holding her hands in his own, Lucanis reassures her she is real. There’s so much he wants to tell her, that he’s been praying he’ll get the chance to say. But now that Rook’s in front of him again, he can’t seem to find the words for everything he’s been feeling.

So he kisses her. So, so gently. And when he keeps kissing her, pressing her back against the chaise as she wraps her arms around his neck? It seems Spite is right there with him, because the wings unfurl right in that moment, curling around them both protectively, like he wants to help shield them from anyone in the world who might try to hurt them.

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Ever Since We Met

Spoiler: Jason dies in the warehouse. ~1.5k words

Jason Todd is six years old and snot nosed when he falls in love with his best friend. Sure, he doesn't exactly know what love is, but he makes sure he's standing next to you when the class lines up so he can hold your hand.

He gets a weird feeling in his stomach (he’s not completely convinced that it’s jealousy, despite what the teacher tries to explain) when you follow other kids around the playground instead of him.

But, he does recognize the excitement he feels when you seek him out to be coloring partners during class instead of the girl sitting next to you.

He loves you as much as a six year old can. Especially when he gets to sleep over at your house and you turn your bed into a fortress of blankets and pillows for you both to sleep in. Those nights are his favorite, and you both drift off to whispered stories and hushed giggles.

Jason Todd is ten years old and getting used to growing pains when he develops a crush on his best friend. At least, he thinks it’s a crush. It feels different than being in love, even if he hasn’t quite grasped the fact that he is in love.

He's more hyper aware of what he does now, how he treats you. Sometimes, the way you smile makes him stumble over his words, and his face go hot. He distracts himself and you from it by asking about homework or that one TV show you that you watch on Saturday mornings.

Jason decides he likes that you’ll press to his side when you’re reading, lost in your own worlds together without a need to fill the silence, crush or not.

He likes that you’ll trade half of your sandwich for his and sneak him doodles and notes during class. (He won’t admit it, but he keeps them in a box under his bed. Sometimes they’re the only reason he doesn’t run away from it all)

He doesn’t bother to mask his obvious preference for you, even when the other kids try to tease him for his crush.

You’re always quick to threaten anyone who tries to put him down, anyway, and he’s more than happy to do the same for you. And when you offer him a high five for scaring off some of the older kids, He decides it doesn’t matter if it’s a crush or not, as long as you stay his best friend.

Jason Todd is twelve when he becomes Robin. It’s hard, well, not being Robin, that’s a magic entirely its own, but being away from you.

He lives in a manor that's bigger than the entire floor of the apartment building he used to live in. He's learned how to do a backflip while throwing a punch in midair. He has more at his fingertips now than he's ever had in the entire first eleven years of his life.

But he misses you. Sometimes, it feels like a phantom limb. Something he's always reaching for, but never quite grasping. It helps that you've gotten a scholarship to his new school, but it's still not enough.

He can't explain it, but he gets greedy for your time. You don't seem to mind the sporadic hangouts, or how often he has to cancel or leave. He kind of wishes you would, just to show that you care as much as he does.

He redoubles his efforts to be a good Robin when you tell him about the dealer that moved into the apartment next to yours. He resolves to be a better friend when you tell him the fancy suits he has to wear to galas look good on him.

His feelings don't change once, even if he hasn't quite found a balance between vigilante and civilian, he knows you're the one thing he can't let go of.

Jason is fifteen years old and about to die when he realizes the person he wants to see most is you. He's always known it, in the back of his mind, but as the blaring red numbers tick lower and lower, he just wishes he could hear your voice one more time.

It's you. Always been. And he's never said it. Never let you know.

His body aches. His leg is twisted the wrong way. His breathing is shallow and raspy. His vision is blurring, and he wants to live. But his mom is still trapped in this warehouse with him, and he's Robin. Robin helps, and that's what he'll do.

Jason drags himself to his mother's side to help, moves despite the gnawing, indescribable pain with every movement.

He's still trying to help, trying to sheild her from harm, as the numbers drop to zero. Zero. Zero. Zero.

What happens next doesn't hurt more than anything else did. And he has enough time to picture the color of your eyes before it all goes to black.

Jason Todd is eighteen when he dons the name Red Hood and becomes Gotham's biggest crime lord in a matter of months.

He stays far away from you, even if your memory has haunted him since the moment he woke up in that cursed pit. (and if he tries to remember, the moment since he first woke up in his own grave)

He's eighteen still, when his empire crumbles and he's left without a path, a purpose. He carries the weight of his years with the league, sags under the strain of not knowing who he is anymore.

He stays far away from you, sticks to the cracks and shadows of Gotham until his name is no longer whispered in fear. Then, and only then, is he brave enough to take off his helmet in front of you.

It's a relief and a terror all at once to finally see the color of your eyes from something other than a memory, and when his heartbeat starts to stutter, he knows he's never really grown out of being in love with you.

You've gotten older. (He shouldn't be surprised, he has too. He just always pictured you growing old together)

Your eyes still light up like he's your favorite person in the room. (He thinks he's allowed to be surprised about that)

But it's when you breathe out that he's home, that he figures out you've been waiting for him. Neither of you seem to know what to say after that, but you don't run for the hills in terror. And for the moment, that's enough.

Jason is twenty-one and passing the first (legally) acquired bottle of alcohol you've ever bought. You laugh about how it still tastes the same, and his heart nearly leaps out of his chest at the sound.

He loves you. It sings in his blood, settles on his tongue, he just doesn't know how to say it. He shows it, or at least he tries, but sometimes he's still waiting for this all to be a dream. It should have been impossible, how easily he slipped back into your life.

It was easy. So easy. Everything was easy with you. That's probably why he spills his guts.

He doesn't quite say it the right way, doesn't manage to get the word 'love' out. But he says enough to get his feelings out.

It's not poetic, not grand as you deserve, but somehow he manages to articulate the way butterflies create a hurricane in his stomach when you're around, how his gaze is always drawn to you, how he can't help but lean into the sound of your voice, the warmth of your touch.

Maybe he says a little too much about how he's been head over heels since the day you've met, because you just stare at him.

He's almost ready to run, to blame it all on the one measly shot he's had. This is, until you kiss him. And oh, it's everything he never dared to dream it would be.

It's a little messy, sure, the angle a little strange as you crane across the couch to tangle your fingers in his hair. But it's perfect, it's you, and Jason falls in love all over again.

Jason Todd is twenty-three and still learning how to say I love you. It's not that he loves you any less, if anything, he loves you now more than ever. It's just still something he's getting used to.

Love is something you've given to him so freely, something he's happy to return. But it scares him, sometimes. He worries that if he says it out loud too much, the universe will realize how great of a gift he's been given, and rip it away.

It might be irrational, but he holds the word love close to his heart anyway, unwilling to test fate anymore than he already does by putting on that red helmet.

He whispers it to you in the dead of night instead, says it with touch instead of sound, shows it with soft, shine of his eye. He squeezes your hand when you say it to him, does his best to make it clear he feels the same, even if he can't get the words out.

He'll get it eventually, figure out how to get it off his tongue. He has to.

Especially if he wants to show you the pretty little band of shining, precious metal he has tucked away in a velvet box.

[pennyblossom-meta]

Analysis of the romance in Death Note's Spiraling Trap game.

EDIT 02/03/2024: minor edits and fixes, added a few imgs and extra content.

A huge thank you to the folks over at agtteam who translated L - the ProLogue to Death Note: Spiraling Trap into English! Now we can all date L become FBI agents after hours.

I've been playing the game recently and one of the features I love the most is the L Communicator, which allows the main character (referred to as MC henceforth) to take a break from adventuring and listen to L talk about whatever is on his mind.

There's around one hundred different lines available as the MC develops a relationship with L and they paint him as such a sweet, attentive and thoroughly unique individual that I was surprised by how detailed it was. If you're thinking about playing, then this part is definitely worth putting effort into.

The mechanics of the dating sim are relatively simple: during the adventure, you'll pick up a number of recipes hidden among traps and tools. Then, Watari will provide the ingredients and you can give L whatever sweets he specifically craves. These recipes and cravings depend on the time of day and can be season specific.

Character analysis

As stated in-game, giving L sweets causes his appreciation for the MC to grow. However, L being L, means that he craves different sweets throughout the day. He's definitely very specific about what he likes and what he wants for his sugar fix.

However, if you give L something he isn't craving at that specific moment, he will sulk. The way he expresses his displeasure varies according to the depth of the budding relationship he has with the MC.

L: To tell you the truth, there are many other things I would have preferred. L: [F/N], I hate to say this, but I really would have preferred something else. L: F/N], you must know that I was hoping for something else, right? L: [F/N]… It’s not my favorite but, it made me really happy.

Note: Given that the books in the expanded universe (Another Note and L: Change the WorLd) came out before this game, I think some of the quotes further ahead might be a subtle nod to how L is perceived by the police forces as the "creepy murder detective". However, references about his piece of mind lead me to believe that L craves some respite from the burdens he carries on his shoulders — burdens so strong that they managed to curve his spine.

Note: I'm unsure how the system here works, as the MC also gets points for gaining L's trust in the actual adventure when they a) agree with his observations and b) find key objects hidden in unsuspecting places. It might affect the available lines through the L Communicator.

L: Today is going to be a better day… Let’s think positive. L: I wonder what kind of morning this will be. L: It seems the air outside is crisp this morning.

L: I want to finish what I need to get done before night falls. L: It’s nearly sunset. Time for children to go back home. L: If you just stare into space, night will be here before you know it.

L: It’s already evening… Time keeps passing me by. L: There’s something different about the air at night. L: Night-time, dusk… It’s the witching hour.

As a naturally introspective individual, L observes the world around him and draws conclusions. To my surprise, the game actually managed to capture how observant L is about small, unsuspecting details of daily life and give him a slightly poetic side laced with a hint of wistfulness that suits his character well.

This is a side of L in his private life that I personally wish we had been able to glimpse during the Kira investigation. Though, at the time, L was busy trying to prove that Light was, indeed, Kira. It left him little to no time to enjoy the world around him. During the brief time that L could have had a semblance of rest right before the Yotsuba arc, he was depressed that his deductions were "wrong" — though I could see him musing about some of the above, equal parts whimsy and sulking.

L: If I start to lose my touch… I guess I’ll retire. L: Another day, another mystery… L: I have a lot of thinking to do. L: I feel like doing some capoeira… L: I haven't played tennis for a while. L: The weather today is… Well, it matters not. L: I, um… No, ignore me. L: Am I reading too much into it…?

As a thinker, L has a lot of unfinished thoughts he says out loud. Some border on cliché, others are musings about things he'd like to do or that he's missing.

I wonder if some of his thoughts end up trailing off because, suddenly, he catches himself and believes they're not important? Or that he doesn't think the MC would be interested in what he has to say beyond work matters?

L: “In spring one sleeps a sleep that knows no dawn.” Though, too much sleep isn’t good for anyone. L: If you think about things persistently, noticing all the sides to them will come naturally. L: Strawberries… Despite the name, they aren’t actually berries. How berry disappointing. L: The one who has thought it through wins. It’s true for chess, and for deduction. But in the case of love… I don't know.

He's also a philosopher at heart, always thinking about the human condition. In these we can also witness his dry humour, silly puns along with a subtle desire to share his thoughts on the world and give helpful advice.

As for love, L is cautious but willing to learn. It's a topic where he's out of his depth.

L: Um, Watari is… L: I wonder if Watari’s asleep? L: What could Watari be up to? L: Today is Thanksgiving Day. I am truly grateful to Watari for his diligence.

I found it interesting how L's thoughts eventually go back to Watari and what he's doing. He's the one person that L relies on and whom he interacts with the most. Other people are passing acquaintances at best, who show little interest in L beyond work.

Notice how he mentions diligence? Although it is a utilitarian consideration, it also reveals a thankfulness for the comforts of familiarity and the peace of mind that trusting someone close brings. This is a topic we'll explore better at a later stage, i.e., how trust and acts of service work as a relationship builder.

Romance

Neutral stage

One of the first things I've noticed is that, during the early stages of the relationship, L is still very formal and quite a bit dismissive — even borderline rude. As his sugar fix gets sated by the MC's keen suggestions (Watari provides the ingredients, of course), L grows gradually more fond of them and wants to include the MC in his life with an enthusiasm I can only define as endearing.

L: Aren’t you bored? You don’t have to check in on me. L: Don’t you have stuff to do?

At the beginning, L is still wary of the MC on a personal level as they have absolutely no rapport beyond a partnership of circumstance and usefulness in the name of justice. He's quick to get bored and doesn't take it very well when he's given sweets he isn't craving. A bit childish, one could say, the way he sulks when the MC errs by not reading his mind.

L: Did I enjoy it? Let me just say “no comment”. (about sweets that weren't quite to his taste)

It's also very in-character for L to feel both annoyed at someone who is randomly calling him and be suspicious of their motives.

Growing interest

L: Spending the afternoon with you isn’t so bad. L: Even though it’s late, you’re not going to bed, huh? L: You must be a night owl, [F/N]. L: I’m a little curious about you, [F/N]. L: Are you having a good time? I’m just curious. L: You’re kind of�� Ah, no, forget I said anything.

He starts addressing the MC by their first name as he becomes more enamoured. It's very sweet. I was pleasantly surprised at how attentive L becomes as he gradually comes to the conclusion that this is a person who understands him.

Mind, due to game mechanics the MC gains approval by giving L sweets, but from a narrative perspective what's really happening is that L not only feels seen and understood, but also accepted. And when that happens, he starts lowering his walls and relaxing.

As a plot device, I would say these are defining moments within L's thought process here; he's curious about the MC, finds them interesting enough to want to know more them and pursues that curiosity to see what they might have in common. It seems he's both a little baffled and content about this development.

L: [F/N], what do you think of when you see a sunset? L: What are you doing this afternoon? Oh, should I not have asked? L: Are you a night owl? Oh, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want.

It should also be noted that L is very mindful of boundaries. There's a tentative, almost shy attempt to connect. He's determined to indulge in his curiosity since the MC's attentiveness towards him shows an opening for closeness he's unused to (but is happy about) and to tend to his more immediate needs (i.e., food cravings), which in turn shows a genuine concern for him. Aside from Watari, I doubt anyone ever extended L similar kindness.

And it is in this determination to get to know the MC that I also find Mello's words (AA: LABB Murder Cases) that L is actually a very active, aggressive individual with absolutely no interest in social conventions perfectly represent him this game, as he navigates a growing fondness with expectation, curiosity and caution — on his own terms, while minding that he doesn't overstep.

L: Staying up late talking to you… It makes me feel calm.

I find it particularly heartbreaking how this confession of L unknowingly makes it more transparent how burdened he is. The spine curved by burdens unseen, the addiction to mind games and sweets; all of these point to stress factors which isolate him further, increasing the loneliness and lack of affection in his life.

That L feels the need to mention the MC makes him feel calm seems telling.

L: We’re both late workers, huh? That makes me happy. L: [F/N]… You’re pretty formidable. L: It’s reassuring to have a partner like you. You’re someone I can trust. L: Your feelings have been received. (Valentine's Day) L: The fact we’ve become so close was an unexpected development on my part.

And here it is, the acknowledgement just as L enters the highest stages of approval, where he expresses admiration and happiness at the close bond he developed with the MC.

"An unexpected development on my part" is quite the turn of phrase. One can only wonder, but I'd make an educated guess that L didn't see this coming because:

a) no one showed feelings towards him before. In his line of work, hidden behind a screen there is no time to indulge or get attached to anyone (he would mistrust their intentions anyway) and so L keeps everyone at arms length, sharing little more than a professional side of himself and fostering utilitarian relationships that help him win "games". L ultimately carries various burdens the average civilian would never be able to understand, all due to the pressure of his job. When failing at the "game of cat and mouse" means being responsible for the likely deaths of dozens, perhaps even hundreds or thousands, the stakes are up in unimaginable ways. What started as a thrill chase can have catastrophic consequences should L fail. That in itself alienates him from society at large. It's a game that L plays well and absolutely profits from, but it is also an indicative of two major flaws: his addictive personality and how he suppresses his emotions to carry on. Coincidentally, it's the expanded universe, in particular Another Note: LA BB Murder Case and L: Change the WorLd, that give us the best insight into this. This isn't too dissimilar to the struggles policemen face in high risk jobs or technicians who have to flag and delete sensitive content from online platforms. These people end up changed from what they see — and some carry traumas for the rest of their lives. That's not to say that L doesn't feel for others. He respects people whom he considers good or morally upstanding (Soichiro Yagami), who are competent in their line of work (Naomi Misora, Mogi), worthy of a second chance (Aiber and Wedy), who speak their minds, unafraid (Aizawa) or who are reliable, loyal to him as a person and not just his cause, in whom he can place his trust and feel secure won't betray him (Watari). The MC seems to fall mostly in the last category, though the relationship is rather precocious — and there seems to be a fair amount of wishful thinking and even projecting on L's part, since communication happens over a device connecting two people remotely. He falls both for the idea of the individual and their attentiveness towards him. When L mentions that they make him feel calm, I'd argue it comes both as a surprise to him and a confession of a closeness and safety he intimately craved — though I personally view L as someone who feels lonely and wanting healthy human contact, even if his social skills might not be the best (worsened by his distrust of people as a whole). Someone who ultimately is willing to adapt to him but whom he can adapt to, as well. Someone who sees him as a person and not an unfeeling robot. It's a POV that certainly challenges certain aspects of DN: Vol 13. I would further argue that L's portrayal has evolved significantly beyond the manga, and that his subsequent humanising is partially a result of the creative liberties the English translations took, as well as a more empathetic view of the character and hidden struggles. Each medium displays a separate iteration of L, with common variables.

b) L fosters distant relationships with others as a safety measure. Aside from Watari, L's contact with other people had always been distant, work-focused, perhaps even tainted by notions of his supposed creepiness as a kinky detective "who relished bizarre murders" (L:CtW). He's useful to the police because he achieves favourable results, though L is still viewed as "a human computer, capable only of measuring mass murders in terms of cold numbers, a reclusive sociopath" (L:CtW). He isn't necessarily liked; in fact, I would argue he rubs people the wrong way most of the time — as we can see during his interactions with the Task Force, during the events of Death Note. L is tolerated, a useful asset who is both mysterious and a pain to deal with. However, he's also put on a pedestal due to his status (i.e., Relight, the children at Wammy's). For the latter, he purposely shatters their idea of L as this unbeatable, paragon of justice by defining himself as a monster (anime), a dishonest cheating human being who hates losing (manga). I do share in lux-mea-lex's perspective on L doubting his own humanity and how it fuels a certain self-hatred for distrusting everyone around him. As lux mentions, "love comes with trust" and L is an excellent detective precisely because he questions everything and everyone — but it comes at a cost: his own loneliness. To draw a parallel, L's ultimate flaw — and that which makes him great at his job — is not unlike what we see during the moments of extreme anguish that Veronica Mars goes through in her personal relationships and which draw people away from her when she oversteps boundaries to prove she's not being lied to. That mistrust comes from experience, for people burdened with having seen too much and it's not unlike a kind of paranoia acquired when one has to deal with the worst of humanity on a daily basis.

Full reciprocity

L: [F/N] you’re the light that illuminates the dark night. That’s an exaggeration of course, but… L: What I need to live is glucose… and to talk to you. Nourishment for my brain and heart. L: When we’re together, I feel like there’s no problem we can’t solve. L: The afternoons I get to spend with you are precious to me.

When the MC achieves the stage of full reciprocity with L, he's very open to showing vulnerability and lowering his emotional defenses. I found this to be particularly sweet, as L is such a secretive man with so many hidden layers that him being willing to show such honesty with that one person he holds dear is incredible character development.

Beyond the game, I would say that achieving this stage with L would be much more difficult and, naturally, would involve going beyond picking the best sweets for him.

Something important to keep in mind is that L seems to value acts of service, as the people who interact with him more closely have some utility value and aid his work. However, L's life revolves around his work; he lives and breathes his detective work, which is why having a partner who brings him peace would be so important.

L: The time I spend with you is as important to me as the sweets. L: Good morning. It makes me really happy to see you here. L: For your sake… I’d think of a way to get through anything. We share a bond. L: When you have time, I’d like to take you to a shop that makes the best sweets. L: When you’re free, how about we play tennis together? I will have Watari reserve a court. L: If something were to happen to me… I want you, as the person I hold dearest, to carry on the L moniker. L: When my thoughts hit a dead end late at night, I feel like I’m stuck in a maze. But, having you here makes me feel reassured.

I also found it very sweet how L takes the initiative to plan for activities to do together with the MC. And how their presence, their reassuring words make him feel at ease. It seems that a loving relationship would give L a goal in life beyond his work.

Carrying on the L moniker... this quote might be the result of L's trust in the MC growing during the events of the game, or a sentiment L nurtures due to the MC being attentive enough to understand his specific cravings. But being able to read L and having the mental dexterity to become him are different things, as the latter involves a lifestyle that few would want and a complete focus on work. Even FBI agents have lives beyond work.

L: I learned from you that sweets are the bond that brings people together. L: You give me true peace of mind. No one could ever replace you. L: The way I am now, I… I can’t think straight when you’re not around. L: Being able to share this sunset with you, I couldn’t ask for anything more. L: You understand, don’t you [F/N]? What my heart so strongly desires is something more… L: When I talk to you, I feel like my senses are sharpened. Thanks to that, my radar has become more sensitive.

What a sweet guy. I love how L focuses on the little things and just wants to spend time together with the person he holds dearest. It's almost as if he daydreams a close, loving relationship — a trait that clashes with L's logical side.

This game and the expanded universe of Death Note have convinced me that there are many more layers to L than what we can see in the main story.

As Fu Takahashi, who plays L in the 2020 Japanese version of the musical, said:

“(...) A common thing about L among these versions is that, despite his superficial image as a smart guy who hates losing, he actually feels lonely and needs affection, I imagine. Perhaps he is an orphan – his character suggests so. He tries to control his emotions, like the feelings towards his parents, or romantic feelings; that’s why he is sort of dependent on games or battles of the mind. So I want to play L while thinking about the foundations on which his personality has been formed.”

I think this quote and the game are actually very telling of L's core personality and how it moves beyond that cold, calculating persona that defines him in the manga. It's also more in line with the characterisation that we see in the anime and the books, which help humanise L.

As I mentioned elsewhere, learning how to trust and be comfortable around someone else would do L wonders. Though that person would have to accept him for who he is and help him learn how to navigate a healthy relationship.

Perhaps the true test of love, for L, would even be for him to be confronted with someone who knows who he really is and, is not only kind to him, but also sees the best in him — regardless of his flaws. I think that we've had a glimpse of it in this game and it's a breath of fresh air.

[peachyhalstead]

married man | j. halstead

request:Can you do a Jay Halstead x Reader. They are both married and have a child together. The child just started pre-k or kindergarten and since the reader is heavily pregnant Jay has been dropping off and picking up their kid. And maybe like the single moms are flirting with Jay since they think he might be a single dad but they get surprised when the reader picks the kid one day after giving birth.

pairing: established (married) fem!reader x jay halstead

word count: 1.75k

warnings: none??

a/n: dad!jay dad!jay dad!jay !!!!! they have a little boy (his name is dylan) and a newborn girlie (what should her name be)

------

Grumbling as the alarm went off, you blindly reached over and whacked Jay on the chest. “Why’s it have to be so loud?”

Jay chuckled, silencing his phone’s alarm. “It’s not even that loud, babe.”

You glared at him through narrow eyes. “If I wasn’t about to pop right now I’d give you a piece of my mind.”

Letting out a hearty laugh, Jay got out of bed and folded his portion of the comforter back up, trapping the heat for you. “Only a few more weeks, babe. Then you’ll be able to move without having to pee every two seconds.”

You slowly followed Jay, yawning and rubbing the nine-month bump as you headed into the kitchen to package your son’s lunch.

He had recently started kindergarten, and loved telling you and Jay about all his escapades with his classmates as he learned different things.

“I could’ve done that, you didn’t have to get up.” Jay said, popping a capsule into the coffee machine and starting it.

Shrugging, you zipped the lunchbox closed and set it next to the matching blue backpack, one hand going to rub at the sore spot on your back. “I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall back to sleep.”

Jay noticed, and his hands slowly made their way to the exact spot that bothered you in your first pregnancy. “Who do you thinks going to ask me out today, hm?”

Laughing softly, you clicked your tongue at Jay. “You really enjoy that, don’t you? Miss getting hit on?”

Jay shook his head. “Don’t miss it one bit. Just enjoy seeing those soccer moms think their whispers are quiet.”

A few weeks ago Jay had mentioned that some of the moms at drop-off had been talking about Jay, commenting on his lack of wedding band and no significant other ever at drop off or pick up.

“Momma, when will you go to school with me?” Dylan asked, your son finally making his appearance in his pajamas.

“Soon, little bug. Once Little Sister is here, I’ll drop you off with Daddy some days.”

Dylan frowned. “Can Sissy come now?”

You huffed, wanting nothing more than to deliver the weight that seemed to be constantly on your bladder. “I wish, but I think she needs a few more weeks.”

Jay smiled into his coffee cup, phone chiming with a text from Hailey. “Come on, Dyl. Let’s get dressed so you can show your friends your new shoes.”

Dylan beamed at the thought, and followed Jay back to his room, leaving you alone in the warm kitchen. The aroma of coffee lingered as you found a chair to rest in, hand absently tracing circles over your distended belly.

A sigh of contentment escaped you; this was your world, and despite the groggy mornings and occasional aggravations - like trying to convince Dylan to brush his teeth properly - you wouldn’t change it for anything else. That was the beauty of family - it wasn’t always perfect, but it was yours. And that made all the imperfections precious in their own odd way.

The sound of Jay's voice pulled you from your thoughts as he asked Dylan to choose between two shirts. You smiled, knowing how seriously your little boy took these morning decisions. Sipping on some water and slowly standing up, you decided to start breakfast.

The scent of eggs and bacon soon filled the room, joining the still lingering coffee aroma. Dylan would be excited; he loved his simple morning breakfasts. As you were flipping an egg, Jay returned with Dylan in tow. Their matching grins caught your eye.

“What are you two up to?” You questioned playfully, adjusting your hold on your bump.

“Nothing,” they both chimed in unison, their grins growing even wider.

“Okay,” you drew out the first syllable, grabbing a plate and moving the eggs for Dylan to eat, blowing on them as you cut them into pieces.

“Eat, then Daddy will bring you to school.” You smiled, cracking a few more eggs and grabbing a tortilla and the toppings you knew Jay liked, quickly making a breakfast wrap for him.

Wrapping it in foil, you smiled to yourself as you heard Jay helping Dylan put on his sneakers.

“Ok, we gotta go, Little Man! Go give Momma a kiss.”

Dylan skipped over to you, wrapping his little arms around your legs, promising you he’d come home with a drawing to put in the nursery.

Thanking him, you smiled at Jay as he grabbed the wrap and his badge, stopping to press a kiss to your forehead. “Take it easy today, babe.”

“I will. Go break hearts and catch perps, Jay.”

——

Jay hid his eye roll as he followed Dylan to the drop off location, ignoring the looks from the few single mothers nearby.

“I mean, who in their right mind wouldn’t grab that ass? He’s such a good dad, too.”

Jay overheard one of the mothers and shook his head, stifling a laugh. He still found it amusing and somewhat flattering to know that he was the topic of their little gossip circle. But he also knew firmly where his heart lay - at home with you and Dylan, and soon, your new little girl.

As Dylan scampered off towards his classroom, he turned to Jay with a big grin. "Daddy, do you think I can tell Mrs. Johnson about Sissy coming soon?"

Jay bent down to his level, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Of course, buddy. I'm sure she will be thrilled to hear it."

At that moment, a pair of giggling women walked by, shooting him suggestive glances over their shoulders. He merely smiled politely before turning away.

Arriving back at the car, Jay pulled out his phone and saw a text from you: Feeling better now that the house is empty. How did drop off go?

He quickly typed back: Smooth as always. He's telling all his teachers about his soon-to-be little sister.

Satisfied, he started the vehicle and headed towards the precinct. His phone chimed again with your response: That's my boy! Take care at work, Jay.

He chuckled as he imagined you grinning at your phone, feet kicked up on the coffee table even though you often chided him for doing the same thing.

——

The routine didn’t shift for the next few weeks, but the gossiping mothers were surprised when Dylan was dropped off by Will one day, Jay at the hospital where you were currently resting with the newest addition to the family.

“Uncle Will, can we see Momma and Sissy after school?” Dylan asked, tugging on his uncle’s hand.

"Of course, buddy," Will replied with a soft smile, watching as Dylan's face lit up with joy. "I bet they can't wait to see you."

Once Dylan scampered off towards his classroom, Will indulged in a moment of silence. He was used to the emergency room's relentless noise and bustle, so the unfamiliar hush of the school yard in the early morning was a welcome respite. A group of mothers were huddled together, shooting glances his way. Perhaps he was becoming part of their gossip routine now too - he silently hoped otherwise.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Jay could barely tear his gaze away from you sleeping peacefully, the tiny bundle in his arms a testament to your strength and love. His heart swelled in his chest at the sight; you looked more beautiful than ever, your face radiating an exhausted but blissful glow as your daughter, their daughter, clung onto his finger with her small hand.

Just then, she stirred awake and let out a soft whimper which turned into a loud wail. He quickly got up and started to gently rock her, not wanting her cries to disturb your much-needed rest.

“Hey there, little princess,” he cooed softly as he bounced her gently in his arms. “Let’s not wake Mommy up now.”

After a few minutes of gentle rocking and hushed lullabies - Jay trying his best to remember the ones you sung to Dylan when he was an infant, the baby quieted down, blue eyes peering up at her father.

“Hi, munchkin. You already have half of Chicago’s first responders wrapped around your finger.” He whispered, soft smile at his lips as he thought back to the replies from his team when he sent the photo of the baby in the group chat.

"The other half is itching to meet you. Just wait until Uncle Will gets a hold of you. You're going to be spoiled rotten." He laughed softly, mindlessly tracing a finger over his daughter's tiny forehead.

His phone buzzed where he had left it on the bedside table. It was a message from Will letting him know that Dylan had been dropped off at school and asking if they could come by after school to see the baby.

Jay's heart swelled, even more, knowing his son was equally excited about his little sister's arrival. Jay quickly typed a response, assuring Will they would be more than happy to have visitors later in the day.

——

The day passed in a flurry of nurses checking vitals and bringing meals, phone calls from family and friends, and quiet moments spent marveling over their newest addition. Dylan was bursting with energy when Will brought him by after school, his wide eyes taking in everything with an infectious excitement that had everyone in the room smiling.

"Momma, Sissy is really small!" Dylan whispered in awe as he approached the bed, carefully peering over the edge of the bassinet.

You chuckled at his innocent observation as Jay helped him climb up onto the bed to get a better look. "Yes, she is," you agreed with a fond smile. "You were that small, too, Little Man!”

Dylan looked at you with wide eyes, shaking his head. “Nuh-uh!”

“Mhmm!” You replied, fixing his shirt as he squirmed to get another look at his sister.

“When can you and Sissy come to school?” He asked, looking at you.

Jay laughed quietly, and you looked at your husband. “Soon, Dyl.”

——

Two weeks later, you consoled the crying baby as Jay helped Dylan put his backpack on. “Can Sissy come meet Mrs. Johnson?”

Shaking your head, you carefully strapped the little girl into her carrier, softly rubbing her cheek. “Not yet. Maybe during the spring concert, but she’s still too little.”

Jay stood up and grabbed his keys. “She can help Momma and Daddy drop you off, though. That sound good?”

Dylan’s face lit up at the thought. “Yeah! Everyone will get to see her!” He jumped excitedly before Jay guided him out the door.

Satisfied with your successful early morning, you carried the baby carrier to the car and buckled it in securely at the back seat. Moving around was still a little tough for you but you were slowly getting the hang of things. You climbed into the passenger side, glancing back at Dylan who was squirming in his seat with anticipation.

The drive to the school was filled with Dylan's non-stop chatter about what he was going to show his little sister. Jay had a soft smile on his face as he listened to his son, occasionally glancing at you in admiration and shared joy.

Once they arrived in front of the school, Dylan unbuckled himself and carefully opened your car door for you. “Be careful, Momma!” He cautioned, making Jay chuckle as he followed behind with his son’s backpack.

You smiled, letting Jay go ahead with Dylan so he wasn’t late, working to unstrap your daughter’s carrier so Dylan could see her one last time before he was in school.

“Jay, haven’t seen you the last few days. Is everything okay?” One of the mothers who had tried to hit on Jay asked, faux worry on her face.

Jay wore a smile as he turned to the woman, Dylan's hand tucked safely in his own as they made their way toward the school entrance. "Yeah, everything’s great, actually. My wife just gave birth to our second child," he responded casually, nodding his head towards the car where you were carefully lifting the baby carrier.

The woman blinked in surprise before offering a tight-lipped smile, "Oh, I didn’t know... congratulations."

"Thanks," Jay replied with a nod before turning his attention back to Dylan whose bundle of excitement was barely contained. As Jay opened the door for him to enter he looked into the bright eyes of his son and smiled reassuringly, "You ready?"

Dylan nodded eagerly, already tugging on his father's hand to drag him inside. Jay followed docilely, striding up the hallway towards Dylan's classroom.

Meanwhile, you were still out by the car, struggling slightly with the baby carrier that seemed to weigh even more than your now two-week-old daughter. A few mothers noticed and stepped forward to help you, their faces lighting up at the sight of the infant bundled up against the cold.

"Oh she's absolutely adorable!" One woman cooed, and you recognized her from when Jay was telling you how one of them started to wear low-cut tops after he started doing drop off duty.

You walked with them to the doors, smile brightening when you saw Jay and Dylan at the door, the young boy wanting to say goodbye to his sister.

“Bye, Sissy! Bye, Momma!” Dylan smiled, giving his sister a kiss and hugging your legs, unaware that his farewells caused the mothers who had walked with you to gasp lightly.

Jay’s smile widened at Dylan's display of affection, ruffling his son's hair gently, "Alright, champ. We’ll pick you up later. Have a great day at school."

Dylan nodded eagerly before disappearing into the bustling school building with his teacher. The remaining mothers turned to you, their surprised expressions replaced by warm, slender smiles as they admired your little girl.

Back in the car, you laughed as Jay started the ignition. “Think I felt the daggers from some of the moms when they found out you’re married.”

Jay snorted, turning back to the road to your house. “Well, that or when they found out we have great sex. Either way, watch your back, babe.”

You gawked at Jay’s remark, hitting him in the chest. “Jay! Your daughter is listening!”

“Oh, she’ll hear worse when Ruz babysits her." ------ a/n: send requests if you wanna!!

[mostlymarvelsstuff]

Reader recives Buckys nudes accidentally

Authors note: The one MCU man I'd be with (Well, and Nomad Steve)

Word count: 710

Marvel Masterlist How They React To Masterlist

   Bucky couldn't help but be a bit proud of himself. He'd just returned from a hanging out with Sam, and the man had helped him finally figure out how to take a selfie. So now, even though it had taken a while and some help, he was able to take a decent picture of himself that he actually liked. And having been successful with technology once tonight, he decides that he's going to push his luck at furthering this understanding and enjoyment of it, by attempting to figure out how to send it to you.

   You're always so kind to him, have been since day one really, and you're always excited when he takes steps towards getting caught up by learning new things. He's very appreciative of it, and you. It makes him feel good and like his accomplishments, no matter how small, do matter. 

  However, that earlier feeling of accomplishment he had quickly goes away when he reviews the outgoing message that had just sent. Now all he feels is dread and embarrassment, because he had sent you the entirely wrong picture. Instead of getting his smirking face, you’ll be getting an admittedly blurry picture of his boxer clad legs with his hardened dick poking out the fly as his flesh hand wraps around it.

   “That…that is not the one I sent. I didn't…oh fuck”

   What's he supposed to do here? What's he supposed to say? He certainly didn’t want you to feel disrespected by this mistake, he wasn’t some asshole that wanted to boost his ego by gaining attention over his dick. But he certainly felt like he would come off that way. Even if he explained himself, he feared you would think he wasn't being truthful. 

   His scowl deepens and he flexes his vibranium fingers out of nervousness as he contemplates the situation. Maybe Steve was right, maybe he should have just gotten a flip phone. Surely then he wouldn't be in this predicament. But no, he had to listen to Sam and Tony and get a ‘smart phone’. What was so damn smart about it if it couldn’t even send the right picture?

   Over in the gym, you had just finished your workout and were standing by your locker to gather your change of clothes so you could shower when your phone buzzed on the bench. You finish wiping off your forehead with the towel before picking up your phone to see what was up. You smile when you see the notification from Bucky, as it always warmed your heart to see the man getting to rediscover life and the new aspects of it, and unlock your screen to see what he’d sent.

   Your eyes nearly pop out of your head when you see the picture and you quickly exit your messages to glance around and make sure no one else is close enough to see what you'd been sent. Satisfied with everyone's distance you re open the picture, and despite its blurriness you can tell the man is very well endowed.  And though you really do like what you see, there is no doubt in your mind that you were not meant to receive this. Bucky never even caught on to your subtle flirting, so there was no way he’d be bold enough for this.

   This wasn’t meant for me, was it?

   He stares at the text for an unknown amount of time, it felt like a trap. If he said yes, but you hadn’t liked it or him, it would ruin your friendship. But if he said no, and you were interested in him, he’d be blowing his shot with you. 

   Bucky?

   He falls back against his mattress with a sigh, he might as well be truthful, This wasn’t what I meant to send, no. But I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t thinking about you when I took it.

   Your face heats up and butterflies erupt in your belly, Well, I just happen to have some free time. Maybe you can elaborate on what other feelings you have when you think of me

   Only if you promise me that Sam never hears about how bad I screwed up or how mushy I can be

 You chuckle, I wouldn’t tell a soul

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen comfort their s/o after a nightmare

requested by anon !

masterlist

seungcheol

one moment, all the terror is consuming you and you feel like you're trapped in all of your worst fears and the next, you're being jolted awake and you find yourself sobbing into a warm chest, seungcheol having grabbed you and hugged you so suddenly that it literally woke you out of your nightmare. knows you better than you know yourself. holds you in his arms even after you drift off once more

jeonghan

“what's wrong, baby? shh, don't worry, it was just a nightmare, it didn't actually happen, i'm here.” very good at verbally reasoning with you through your hazy panic, even as he's stroking your hair and hugging you tight. helps your tears go away in a matter of minutes, and holds you and talks to you about everything and nothing to help you fall asleep again

joshua

instantly comforts you by constantly reassuring you of his presence. is all “i'm right here sweetheart, don't worry, i'm not going anywhere, i'm here for you” and just holds you, rocking you from side to side as you cry and tremble in his arms before the aftershocks die down and the warmth of his comforting presence helps you finally relax

junhui

makes the most distressed sounds in response to your distress. might very well end up crying with you, but he gives rlly good hugs so you help each other calm down too. you eat ice cream out of the tub together after, talking about nonsensical things bc you don't want to think about the contents of your nightmare. but that's okay, bc junhui will be there by your side always

hoshi

“you're crying? are you crying? oh, baby, why are you crying, don't cry, it's okay.” he's all big, genuine comfort, wiping at your eyes with his hands even though you scared him by waking him up whilst sobbing your eyes out. he jumps into helping you instantly, holding you until the trembling subsides and you feel like yourself again

wonwoo

scoops you up into his arms without a second thought. he's so worried for you, because you've been rendered incoherent by the nightmare, but he'll hold you without a question until your heart stops beating so fast that he can feel it vibrating in your chest, keeping you protected in his arms. 

woozi

like some sort of sixth sense, he always wakes up whilst you're contemplating whether it's silly to wake him up after you've had a nightmare. doesn't even have to say anything, just looks at you, takes your hand and drags you out of bed to make a snack in the middle of the night, taking ur mind off the nightmare and staying by your side until you feel better. 

minghao

“you're okay, you're okay, shhh it's okay, you're okay. i'm here with you, everything's okay.” biggest focus is reassuring you that you're safe, that you're with him and nothing can hurt you here. he might address why exactly you had that particular nightmare later, but right now, his biggest priority is keeping you safe. 

mingyu

wakes up to the sound of you crying and does not even think before sitting upright in an instant, making his head feel all achy but that doesn't matter because he needs to help you, right now, needs to make whatever is hitting you go away in an instant. it's almost instinctive, the urge to protect you. makes you instant ramen afterwards to get rid of the post-nightmare shivers

dokyeom

he's a light sleeper, so the moment he hears any sound of distress from you he's blinking awake, blindly reaching for you and trying to pull you closer into his chest, even if you haven't woken up yet. makes soothing noises to you until you relax. if you didn't wake, then he'll just hold you til he falls asleep again, but if you did, then he'll tell you he loves you again and again until you believe it

seungkwan

when he wakes up to you tapping his shoulder hesitantly, breathing still a little shaky, he knows that you've had a nightmare. can tell instantly whether you wanna talk about it or not, and when you don't, he simply shifts a little so you can hug him in bed, listening to the sound of his heartbeat until you fall asleep again, safe. 

vernon

shakes you out of your nightmare with the most concerned tone in his voice, and he's all groggy with sleep but he cares so much and the relief that you feel from seeing his bleary face in the darkness makes you cry out of love, overwhelmed. he doesn't question it, just lets you cry into his shirt until you feel better

chan

he is, unfortunately, a rather heavy sleeper, so you wake yourself up by crying before he's able to wake up to comfort you. it's okay tho, because even if he's a heavy sleeper, he's also, like, a telepath, so the moment you're awake he's also blinking his eyes open too, reaching for you before he's even woken up fully, doing everything within his power to make your hurt and your pain go away. 

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[hmusunoo]

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 - 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆

desc. │ ʟᴇᴇ ʜᴇᴇꜱᴇᴜɴɢ ᴡᴀꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴛ. ʜɪꜱ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ɢᴏ ʙʏ ɪɴ ᴀ ʙʟᴜʀ, ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ, ʀᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟᴛɪᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴅᴏᴍ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ʙᴀʀʀᴇʟɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ ꜱᴍᴀʟʟ ʙᴏᴏᴋꜱᴛᴏʀᴇ ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ʙᴏᴏᴋꜱᴛᴏʀᴇ ᴇᴍᴘʟᴏʏᴇᴇ ᴡʜᴏꜱᴇ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ꜱᴍɪʟᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʜɪᴍ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ

warnings. │ ᴀɴɢꜱᴛ, ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ, ᴅᴀʀᴋ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ, ᴛᴏxɪᴄ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ, ꜱᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ, ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛ, ꜱᴜʙꜱᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀʙᴜꜱᴇ, ᴘʜʏꜱɪᴄᴀʟ ᴀʙᴜꜱᴇ. 12.6ᴋ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ

The air in this god forsaken building was suffocating. Heeseung struggled to right his mind as he drowned out the sounds of his manager going on and on about tour business, something he admittedly should be listening to but instead his mind wandered to unforeseen places. He thought of everything other than what his manager was saying. The clock on the wall ticked by in a constant, the rhythm helping to soothe Heeseung's racing thoughts. His eyes began to feel heavy, the extreme boredom getting to him. Heeseung couldn't allow himself to fall asleep. The repercussions would be dire, these are things he should be paying attention to. This is for engene after all, he needs to get it together. Telling himself all of that still didn't seem to help.

Every time he thought he could start listening or maybe contribute in some way his mind continued to wander. The most random of things popped into his head: what should he have for dinner? Did he turn off his bedroom light when he left the dorm today? Are his pillowcases done drying? All of these things swam around his subconscious like a never ending cycle.

A single kick to his leg brought Heeseung out of his never ending turmoil. Looking over to see Jungwon had kicked him titling his head towards the manager who was still speaking about the up coming tour schedules. He felt a sense of relief that his manager had not yet noticed that he was spacing out. He nodded at Jungwon, an affirmation that he would be listening from here on out.

"The U.S tour will be lengthy so get all your affairs in order before then.." His manager drowned on. The meeting would go on like that for the whole of another three hours. Heeseung's head felt heavy when The manager had finally left the room, leaving the seven Enhypen members alone to dwell on what was to come in this upcoming tour.

"Hee, man are you good? you spaced out for awhile there" Jake said, crossing his hands behind his head in a relaxed pose. Heeseung envied Jake's inability to let idol life stress him out. He had spent far too long letting the boulder sized ball of anxiety take over his life that he couldn't even imagine for a second what it felt like to let everything go, to not stress about getting choreography right, or not messing his lines up. The weight of his own expectations of himself crushing him every waking moment. "Yeah sorry guys, didn't sleep well last night " Which wasn't a total lie, Heeseung really hadn't slept well. The only thing he didn't mention is that not sleeping well was a nightly occurrence, it was the normal in Heeseung's life. His fellow members did not need to know that though. They didn't need to know that their Hyung was falling apart at the seems. That sometimes he felt like giving up idol life and moving across country to live a quiet life alone.

He couldn't tell them that, he didn't want them to worry about him. Even more he didn't want them to think him ungrateful. This opportunity that he had was special, it was something to call home about. He should be proud, he should be happy. Instead he felt trapped, how dare he? There he sat in a conference room, in HYBE. one of the most sought after labels in all of Korea and here he was wishing for a normal life, with no fame, no fortune, no Engene. He felt guilty, he felt sick to his stomach. He didn't deserve what he had here.

That was a hard pill to swallow, a hard realization that he had to face. It was way too embarrassing to admit to his fellow members. He couldn't let them down by being ungrateful for his blessings, no he wouldn't do that to them. So, he was forced to choke down these feelings and continue to sing, dance his way through life even if getting up on most days was the hardest thing he had to do.

"We're going to all get dinner then head back to the dorm's you down?" Jay asked, breaking Heeseungs endless thoughts on how much of a screw up he was. Heeseing shook his head, fixing his hair under his hat. "I think I'm going to take a walk, clear my head. You guys go ahead I'll pick up something for myself on the way back. I'm not sure how long I'll be" They all nodded, rising fromm their seats, whisking out of the room not before leaving a pat on Heeseungs back as a goodbye.

Once the room was cleared Heeseung released a sigh, his head falling to hang between his legs. Heeseung allowed himself a total of three minutes to wallow in his self pity before he too left the room in a blur.

LATER

Heeseung roamed the streets of seoul, the wind blistering his face as he continued to walk along the semi-crowded sidewalk. His face-mask was pulled high over his mouth and nose. The hood to his sweater pulled over his beanie covered head. He felt secluded enough not to be seen. He had just wanted to take a walk like a normal person with no chance of getting recognized and heckled on the street. He had been walking for about forty-five minutes now undisturbed. He felt confident that no one had seemed to know he was Heeseung from Enhypen. He was grateful for that short time of normalcy. It was uncommon nowadays. He only had a small amount of privacy everyday, in small spaces like the bathroom at the dorm or when he was alone in a conference room he would sneak into briefly when at the HYBE building for meetings. When times like this presented itself Heeseung allowed himself to appreciate it.

Of course, in true Heeseung's life fashion his small sense of normalcy had to be disturbed. It came in a hushed whisper at first, Heeseung's ears perking up as soon as he heard, "Is that Heeseung from Enhypen?" He scolded himself for being too stupid to think one of his engene wouldn't recognize him. Even in an outfit he thought was stealthy enough to get him through the crowded streets of Seoul unnoticed. It progressed in a few giggles then steady footsteps following behind him. He cursed himself for leaving without security or not telling anyone where exactly he was going. "Excuse me?" A girlish voice said behind him, followed by a few giggles. "Are you Lee Heeseung?" he ignored the question, his footsteps growing quicker hopefully signaling to the group of teenage girls that he wanted to be left alone. That of course didn't work. The quicker his footsteps became the quicker the girls did. Soon he felt himself sprinting towards a random path. Trying to find anyway to get away from the forming crowd of girls and their fan-girling.

Heeseung made his way around a corner, the sound of the rushed footsteps behind him being his only driving fuel to get away. He continued down the street, spotting a small alleyway not too far in the distance. He was far enough away that he could split down the alley and hopefully lose the crowd of giggling girls behind him. His blood pumped to his chest as he continued on down, not sprinting down the alley until the very last second. He found the door of a small unknown business wide open, it looked empty void of any customers or any person that could possibly recognize him. Good, he could hide in here until the crowd of girls died down and he was safe enough to make a run for the HYBE building.

He entered the small store quickly making his way behind a huge section of bookshelves lined with rows and rows of books that would make him invisible to the outside looking in. This was perfect he could hide in here while the crowd outside dispersed. He held onto the bookshelf his breath coming out in small pants. Heeseung rested his head against a row of books finally able to level out his breathing enough to calm his rapidly beating heart. When his heart had finally settled down he took a peak around the shelf to look outside of the ajar bookstore door.

Voices still echoed outside in the alley. Distant shouts of "Have you seen him?' "Where did he go" still being heard from outside. Heeseung took the time to turn, sitting himself on the floor leaning against the huge shelf. He brought his knees to his chest, his head spinning from finally settling down. He couldn't believe how stupid he was, to even think for a second that he could go for a walk outside to clear his head like any other person. Nothing was ever that simple and to the outside world he wasn't just a person. He was the king's jester so to speak. He was entertainment to all of the people around him, his privacy meant nothing to them. He was here only to give them pieces of himself. Days like this made him hate idol life. Something he used to cherish more than anything else.

Heeseung looked around at his surroundings. He had already gathered that he was in a bookstore but finally he was able to really look around. It was a small cozy shop that he definitely has never seen before. He wasn't much of a reader so things like bookstores weren't really on his radar when looking for things to do and places to go during his off days. The bookstore was cute. it had its normal rows and rows of bookshelves filled with books of all different genres. It had an old smell, it didn't smell bad just old. This bookstore felt loved.

Heeseung turned slightly to see a smaller sized grand piano in the corner of the tiny shop. It had taken up a big portion of the small shop. The piano was beautiful. The black paint was chipped on it. The black on the keys semi faded, someone had loved it, took care of it, used it often. Heeseing smiled softly at the thought of someone sitting here day and night playing the piano softly as people browsed the store looking for the most perfect book to indulge in.

The thought brought Heeseung a sense of peace. Peace that quickly transformed itself into envy. He bet that whoever ran this shop enjoyed the small things in life. They didn't have to run from groups of teenage girls on the street, they didn't have to work six days a week preparing shows and exhausting themselves all for the pleasure of someone else. No, this person definitely played piano, read and talked about perfect stories all day, enjoying their perfect life. Heeseungs mood turned even sour at the thought. He rose from his spot on the floor peaking over the shelf one more time to see if he could spot anyone still lingering near by.

He wasn't able to look for long before the sound of a soft voice broke him from any concentration he had. "Sir, do you need any help?" He jumped in his skin. Turning around quickly, coming face to face with a girl. Her head was titled, a perplexed looked on her face. "Are you...hiding?" Heeseung assumed that she had not yet pieced together who it was she was talking to. He wished for just a second he could pause time, not wanting to have to face this girl who will in no time recognize who he is, ruining all the hiding he just did. She'll alert the girls that still lingered in the alley and they'll run here in an instant.

"Shh" He said quietly, putting his finger to his face mask just over his lips. "Are you sushin-" The girl started to say, Heeseungs eyes widened. Waving his hands in front of himself "Please don't tell them I'm here!" He rushed the words out. The girl quirked an eyebrow at him, confusion written all over her face. "Who..." She drawled out. She pointed around the empty shop "There is no one here, sir" Heeseung let it register in his mind that this was the second time she had called him Sir. Maybe she didn't have any idea who he was. It was probably wishful thinking but the idea calmed him down just a bit. The panic quickly set in, if she didn't know who he was then he definitely looked like a crazy person to her. "I'm..sorry" he let out. "I was just leaving"

"Are you in need of help?" The girl asked, her voice like honey. Heeseung could tell for sure now that this girl had no idea who he was, he wasn't certain if that was because of his mask, hoodie and hat or if this girl just really didn't pay attention to media, either way he would take either one over the screaming girls he encountered just minutes prior. "No, no I'm alright. Thank you for your time" He quickly bowed, sending her a small smile he knew she couldn't see due to the mask then rushed out of the small secluded bookstore in a hurry.

LATER

Another day, another what seemed like endless meeting. Enhypen's team was in full tour planning mode. Nonstop were they talking about schedules, music, choreography and stops for upcoming shows. It was a loop of responsibilities that didn't have an end. Heeseung felt like a puppet, like an inanimate being, being controlled by a higher power for the entertainment of someone else. Heeseung didn't feel real, everyday he was loosing himself to the void of life. He felt robotic whenever he responded to his team and managements questions.

His day to day life was set to auto and he did only what he was told, said only what he was told. The only thought that belonged to him was the when he was thinking about the bookstore and the girl who worked in it. When did life get so bleak that he started to envy someone who lived such a simple life. He's only ever known wanting what he has In this moment and now here he is, wishing for everything but. Heeseung thought of the old warn out piano that sat in the corner of that run down bookstore, how loved the beautiful instrument was, how he found himself longing to go back, sit on the bench and press the keys one by one.

He was truly taken aback how that girl really didn't recognize who he was. Heeseing wasn't cocky, or self absorbed at all, he just wasn't dumb. He knew how popular Enhypen was, practically every young girl knew who he was, so when he finds a strange girl around his age that doesn't know who he is, while that's rare. It made him want to go back to talk to her. He longed for conversation with someone who didn't want something out of him. Sure he could talk to the other members but it wasn't the same. He wanted to talk to someone who didn't know him, didn't know what he did everyday. He wanted a clean slate. Heeseung debated risking it all and going back to the bookstore, just of a glimpse of that normalcy just once again.

He and the other members would be flying to Japan tomorrow, any chance of going back to the bookstore was shot. Heeseung knew what his priorities needed to be and no matter how much he wished to go back he knew he couldn't. Not yet at least.

"In Japan we need everyone on their A game, no distractions. We have a lot prepared. These shows need to be perfect." The Manager said to the group of seven boys sitting at the conference room table. "There will be a line of interviews ready too. We expect you to use your media training wisely.."

Heeseung found himself once again tuning out the team. Thinking of the bookstore and surprisingly of the girl whose name he didn't even know. He knew once he was back from Japan, the first thing he would do is find out.

IN JAPAN

Heeseung always thought Japan was beautiful, from its bustling businesses to its delicious food and fashionable people roaming the busy streets visiting all the shops Japan had to offer. It used to be one of his favorite things traveling to Japan with the rest of the enhypen members. Today, he didn't feel that way. Today Heeseung felt that finding joy even in such a beautiful country was elusive.

All the members were due to be at in interview in under an hour. Heeseung, of course had a hard time concentrating on business, his mind elsewhere like it was often nowadays. He had to remind himself several times this morning to get it together, to concentrate for at least a few hours and get through these first round of interviews. Heeseung was worried that he would alert the other members of his void of emotion, he had to do some serious acting in order to get them off his back. A task he knew would be difficult since they knew him pretty well. They knew when he wasn't all the way there.

Heeseung was naive, he knew that the members were aware of his quarter life crisis, he just prayed that they would hold off on confronting him. He would get his act together soon right? This over whelming self doubt surely wasn't going to last too much longer. Right? He did his best in reassuring himself.

Heeseung shook the thought away readying himself for the interview he was currently getting his hair and makeup done for. The manager was prepping them on things they might be asked and the proper ways to answer them. Most often then not interviews went smoothly for Enhypen. Personal questions weren't really asked too often. Which Heeseung was incredibly grateful for. The boy didn't feel like talking about himself right now. He was hopeful that most the questions were about the group as a whole and not so much about them individually.

Finally after what felt like forever, The boys were called over to take their places on the stools set up for them. Soon enough after they got comfortable the interview was in full swing.

"The hints for this up coming comeback seem very different then anything else you guys have ever released. Would you say this is definitely a different vibe than what your fans are used to?" The interviewer asked, adjusting his tie Jay cleared his throat and nodded his head "I would say its different, I think this comeback is a lot more personal to who were are as people, its not so much about the vampire concept were all used to." Jungwon nodded along with Jay. "We feel more human in this comeback if that makes sense?" The interviewer chuckled nodding his head along with what Jungwon was saying.

Heeseung looked at the interviewer his eyes narrowing at the cue card he had in his hand, he read the text on the top of it. His mind drifted to a magazine that he had briefly seen at the small bookstore he visited the other day. It had the same print on the cover.

Heeseung assumed it was one of their magazines. He found himself lost in thought of the bookstore once again, would this company publish the magazine with a feature of Enhypen in it? Heeseung hoped not, for some odd reason he liked that bookstore girl had no idea who he was and he wanted to keep it that way. What if he decided to go back and she recognized him? He dreaded that feeling. Although small and rundown, Heeseung was starting to look forward to going back and acting like someone normal. He wanted that tiny bookstore to be his getaway from all the fame and the immense pressures of Idol life.

"Heeseung!" A sharp voice broke him from his thoughts, he glanced at Jungwon who had a furrowed brow quirked in his direction. "I'm sorry, say that again?" Heeseung stuttered out looking around the room at all the eyes now on him. One set of eyes stuck out to him more then the others, His manager looked more angry then he's every seen him before. All chances Heeseung had at hiding what was going on in his raging mind was gone. He'd been caught and he knew for certain there would be hell to pay once leaving the interview.

--

Heeseung was right, there was hell to pay and he was paying it right now. In this small room at the hotel. The room was filled with all seven Enhypen members, Enhypen's management and some of their staff. All eyes were on him as he hung his head low, the embarrassment from today's interviewing consuming his entire body.

"We have dealt with your spacing out for far too long. It's been unnoticed thus far until you went and embarrassed us all with it today. What were you thinking?!" Heeseung had no words, what could he say? He messed up. He let his resolve down. He was failing at covering up his inner turmoil. "Honestly Heeseung are you okay? You haven't been the same for weeks" Sunoo murmured sitting down next to Heeseung resting his arm on the older boys shoulders.

"My head just hurts" Heeseung mumbled trying to find the right words to get them off his back. He wasn't very sure that he could talk his way out of this one though, everyone in this room knew he was lying. It was not a simple headache that made Heeseung mess up today.

"That's an unacceptable response. You need to get your act together or the consequences will be dire. You will do damage control tomorrow with the interview we have first thing in the morning, do I make myself clear?" Heeseung nodded to the manager. "Yes" he said lowly, his head still hanging down in embarrassment. He couldn't bring himself to look at all the people he had let down today.

The staff and Management walked out without another word, leaving all seven boys to deal with the aftermath of the serious conversation that just took place.

"Heeseung.." Sunoo whispered into the quiet, awkward room "Let us help-"

"I'm fine." Heeseung spoke firmly cutting Sunoo off. "I'll get it together ok?" He looked around at the six boys, their worried expressions making his heart sink to his stomach. This is what he wanted to avoid the most. The longing looks of pity from the people closest to him. He couldn't burden them any longer with this.

Heeseung rose from his seat and walked out the door without so much as a single glance at the remaining members in the room.

BACK IN SEOUL

Heeseung did the damage control he needed to do the day after the disastrous interview like he was supposed to do. The rest of the Japan tour went without a hitch. The members and management seemed satisfied with Heeseungs act. The boy felt as if he could breathe after getting everyone off his back and he intended to keep it that way.

All the boys have been back from the Japan tour for a week now and with such a busy schedule Heeseung was unable to return to the bookstore yet. While on break from filming an en oclock episode today Heeseung took it upon himself to search all the bookstores in the area searching for the name of the old bookstore he was trapped in. He found it after a lengthy look on the internet, all the well known bookstores over shadowing the one he was looking for in particular.

When he had finally found it he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at the name. Its simplicity had made Heeseung feel oddly calm. The little bookstore that had been plaguing His mind for the past month had been named "Bound" What a sweet, simple name. He loved it, and today he was determined to visit Bound and find the nameless bookeeper who had equally plagued his mind.

That's exactly what he did as soon as the en o'clock episode had been wrapped for the day. Heeseung suited up in his face mask, beanie and hoodie and made his way to the bookstore as stealthily as he could. Fearsome of getting caught once again Heeseung hurried along. When he had finally reached Bound he was relieved to find the door was closed today and not propped open like it had been the day he had hid in there.

The door made a chime as he entered the small store, the smell of old books greeted him, he was never more happy to smell it before this. He took a look at the magazine rack that he remembered looking at when he was in here for the first time. Luckily the issues hadn't changed, they weren't updated to the ones that Heeseung and the rest of Enhypen were on. His breathe of relief left quickly, his shoulders relaxing slightly.

"You're back" A voice said from behind him. The boy turned to look at the same girl he had been thinking about for the past month. "I am" he said smiling at her. "Anyone following you today or are you stalker free?" The girl teased, grabbing books from a massive cart next to her and adding said books to the shelf in neat rows.

"Yeah sorry about that" Heeseung winced "sometimes I'm a little paranoid." He played it off, not trying to give too much away about his life but also trying not to look like a complete crazy person at the same time.

"No problem" The girl hummed. "Are you here for a specific book today?" She continued to add books to the row, switching some around as needed. She looked completely comfortable. Moving around the shop like she was floating, her movements so effortless as if this life hasn't tainted her at all. She moved like someone who was content, who had loved what she was doing and didn't intend on stopping anytime soon.

The same envy Heeseung had felt looking at the worn out piano the first time he was here was back but instead it was directed at a person he believed had used that same piano. "I'm not sure.." Heeseung trailed off "I'm not much of a reader" he remarked looking around the shop at various books. It was suddenly becoming overwhelming how much reading material there was out there.

"That's ok!" The girl said excitedly "I love helping people find their preferred genre. What are you into?" She jumped a bit in place, the excitement clear on her pretty face. It made Heeseung feel fuzzy, not used to such an energetic person this close to him. It was dizzying looking at her, his mind went blank. What did he like? That was a question he couldn't even answer. He must look so lame to this girl, who was probably just trying to do her job.

"I-i don't know" Heeseung admitted sheepishly "I like playing games?" He said unsure. How stupid was he; games really? What could that possibly have to do with books.

"Okay" She smiled at him "That's a start. There are a lot of books with games or even books that take place in video games. How cool is that?" This girls energy made Heeseung a bit uneasy in a way that wasn't familiar to him. It wasn't a bad uneasy feeling though. He felt drawn to her, like she was a light that he needed in such a bleak and dreary life he had been living recently. He had known this girl for such a short time but the pull he felt to her was as compelling as it was scary. This girl was a mystery wrapped in a big pink bow. So effortlessly bright and shiny. He needed to know her name, he needed to know her.

"What's your name?" he blurted out, completely abandoning the topic of books and taking a leap at formalities right away. Heeseung realized that he could possibly be scaring this girl away, but the overwhelming feeling to get as much information about her was all too consuming that he found himself not caring much.

"Y/n" The girl sheepishly replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yours?" Heeseung felt struck. She really really didn't know who he was. That excited him. "Heeseung" he replied. "It's nice to meet you" She quirked her head to the side, the smile on her face widening a little bit. "Why are you in a bookstore if you don't read?"

The question caught him off guard, he didn't know how to answer it. How could he. He didn't want to tell her he came to talk to her or that he had came because this was the one place he felt normal in. He just shrugged in response "Looking for new hobbies and what not.." He started to walk around her grazing his fingertips against the various books. The shop was small enough that he could walk a little ways away and still be able to talk to her directly. That and the fact that it was completely empty in here save for Y/n and himself.

"oh- I see" She teased nodding her head "You're pretentious."

Heeeseung started to nod "Yes I- wait no" He looked over at her in bewilderment. A grin graced her face stretching her smile wide. She was teasing him and he loved it. "I'm just taking up a new hobby that's all" He continued to walk around, stopping at the piano. He placed his fingers over the keys, slightly running his fingertips over the various keys imagining what notes he would play for what songs. Y/n trailed behind him slightly, Watching him in keen interest.

"Do you play?" she asked setting a book she had in her hand down onto a random shelf. She joined him next to the piano. "A little" Heeseung admitted "Not much" Which wasn't a total lie. He played music for a living he just didn't want to go too far into the details of it.

"Do you?" he asked her. She nodded sitting down at the piano "My mom taught me when I was a little girl, I'm not so good anymore but I love the instrument it's beautiful. Especially this one even though she hasn't been played in awhile" He sat himself next to her on the bench. He made sure to keep his distance not to make her uncomfortable by being too close to her.

He pressed down on a random key, then soon he allowed his fingers to glide over the keys playing a familiar melody. He turned to look over at her, her face held a small smile. The smile struck him, she really was beautiful. He slowed his movements continuing to look at her as she watched him play the old piano beautifully. As soon as he was done playing, he felt a breath leave his lips. The nerves in his body dissipating.

"You call that only playing a little?' Y/n said, looking over at Heeseung in amazement. "That was beautiful" Heeseung bashfully looked away from her. He was slightly embarrassed with how vulnerable he had just been, with someone who was practically a stranger to him. She didn't feel much like a stranger though, and something tells Heeseung that his playing on the piano had made her feel the same way. She was smiling at him still, it rendered Heeseung paralyzed in his seat. When he looked at her a lot of things made sense, but also a lot of things didn't make sense. That didn't bother him though, cause her smile didn't need to make sense. It just needed to exist and he'd do everything he could to make sure it never went away.

This feeling was a scary one. Boy was he in trouble.

--

Over the course of a few weeks Heeseung found himself at Bound almost everyday of the week after work. Him and y/n sat at the piano, playing and talking for hours. Sometimes he would watch her put books onto shelves or organize displays while they talked about random things. He learned that Y/n loved green tea and Tteok-bokki when it was cold. She told him how she would sometimes leave the bookstores door open so the stray cats could wander in and she could feed them. They laughed about the same elderly lady who came in every Sunday night to buy a new erotica novel. He told her things about himself as well, he told her how he loved to play games on his computer late into the night even if he had to work the next morning. He told her how he hated the taste of mint chocolate ice cream but would always look for it at the store because one his best friends loved it. He told her how he loved music and sometimes he would write songs at the park in the middle of the night if he couldn't sleep.

He told her so much yet so little, because even though he wanted Y/n to know everything about him there was one thing he hoped she would never discover. He dreaded her finding out that he was an idol. He loved this thing they had going on, it felt too normal, too good. He didn't want to taint it by telling her about his tours, or his fans or his money. The little world they had built in this small shop was more than enough for him, he wouldn't risk ruining it by letting the real world creep in. So he lied. He told her he worked at a small company further into the city, that that was the reason he mainly came to see her in the evening or why he sometimes would have to go on business trips away.

He loathed lying to her but it was the only way to stay in this perfect bubble they had formed around the two of them.

Heeseung was currently finishing up recording vocals for a new song they were making. He felt antsy he wanted to finish and hurry over to Bound. He had planned to bring Y/n a green tea from a small cafe he really enjoyed that was on the way to the bookstore. Sunghoon, Jungwon, Sunoo, Ni-ki and himself sat in the small space outside of the recording booth while Jay and Jake were in the booth recording lines. His leg bounced in anticipation causing Sunghoon to look over at him.

"What's with you?" Sunghoon asked suddenly, the other boys looked up from their phones to see what Sunghoon was talking about. "What?" Heeseung said "I'm waiting till they’re done, so I can go for a walk"

"a walk?" Jungwon questioned not believing Heeseung's lie at all. "You're going on another walk? you've been on a walk every single day for the past two weeks. How many walks do you need." Heeseung looked down at his feet unable to lie straight to their faces. He couldn't possibly tell them the truth. They would absolutely ream him. They all know how bad a dating rumor would be right now. Especially after the mess Heeseung had caused in Japan. They couldn't afford more bad press. "It helps me clear my head" Heeseung spoke softy still not looking the other members in the eye.

"I hope whatever you're actually doing is worth it Hee." Ni-ki says from his place on the couch across from him "And that you're being careful." The youngest boy looked worriedly at his hyung but didn't pry any further then that.

"I am" Heeseung responded "And it is worth it."

---

Heeseung made his way to Bound, two green teas in both hands. There was a bounce in his step as he made his way to the open door. Before entering Heeseung heard a soft melodic giggle come from inside. A tightness in his chest formed at the sound. It was beautiful, he knew it came from Y/N. He could have sworn he memorized her laugh by now. The softness to it made his insides feel like mush. He walked through the door of the bookstore to be greeted by Y/n bent down petting a small orange cat. The cat was eating out of a tiny dish that looked handmade from clay and painted a pastel pink color. He could easily see the sculpted cat ears that stuck out of the top of the small dish.

The scene before him looked straight out of a rom-com when the male lead sees the cute girl for the first time doing something utterly adorable he couldn’t help but fall in love at first sight. Y/n was humming along to a song Heeseung recognized as a song they played on the piano together a few days ago. It must have been stuck in her head. The thought gave him comfort, has she been thinking about him as much as he’s been thinking about her? He really hoped so.

He laughed a little which seemed to startle the girl who was peacefully petting the cat. She whipped around facing Heeseung with a narrow to her big E/c eyes “Heeseung! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” She rose from the ground dusting off her jeans before sending Heeseung her bright signature smile.

“Is that for me?” She asked coyly pointing to the cup in Heeseungs hand. “Nah, they’re both mine” Heeseung said playfully bringing both cups closer to his body.

“Oh.” Y/n let out, a blush dusting her cheeks at the embarrassment “Sorry i assumed…-“

“I’m joking!” Heeseung laughed thrusting the cup of green tea towards her “Of course it’s for you” Y/n’s eyes widened, the blush spreading further across her face and neck. “Thank you” she whispered sipping the tea slowly. “Green tea, my favorite”

“I know it is” Heeseung boasted. He turned to the cat who was now licking the small food dish clean. “Who’s this little guy here?” He bent down petting the cat behind the ears. The Cat gratefully accepted his petting titling his head and letting out a little pur.

“This is Duck” Y/n said cheerfully “He’s a stray cat that always visits me. I feed him food everytime he stops by” She bent back down joining Heeseung in petting the cat softly. "Why Duck?" Heeseung questioned the goofy name for a cat.

"He waddles a little like a duck when he walks. It's the cutest thing ever" Y/n explained like it was the most normal thing ever. To Y/n it was probably the most normal thing ever. The stray cats were just a normal occurrence in her simple life. The envy crept back into Heeseung's thoughts, he hated himself for it. He decided to push the thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on what he came here to do.

"I can't stay too long tonight" Heeseung uttered "I have an early morning flight tomorrow" Heeseung set his half empty green tea down on the counter where they stood. "Oh" said glumly. "I hope you have a great business trip" She gave Heeseung a tight lipped smile.

The mention of a business trip made Heeseung feel queasy, the lie that hung in the air squeezed at him. He simply couldn't tell her in the truth, he would do anything to keep this serenity going. This was a special friendship he had never had before he couldn't ruin it. No matter how much it pained him to keep it from her, he would keep up the act and make her believe him to be just a normal young man with an equally as normal day job at a boring office in the city and besides was it really a lie? He didn't tell her directly that he was an office worker she simply just assumed it and he didn't correct her.

Heeseung seemed satisfied with that thought, it was not a lie just a small omission of the truth.

"I'm going to the states" He had told her as she began to walk around the store carrying books in hand readying herself to stock the shelves with various books. "Really?" she gasped in excitement "I've never been to the states i've always wanted to go!" She set a stack of books down onto a big empty table. A display in the making Heeseung assumed. "It's beautiful there, maybe one day I can take you" Y/n smiled slightly looking up at Heeseung "I'd like that"

It was simply thing to say, yet it still made Heeseung's heart pound in his chest. She could be doing the most simple things and Heeseung would feel like he couldn't breathe. "I'd like that too" He uttered softly after a while of just staring at her. "Very much" Maybe a little too much.

---

Heeseung was enjoying his day off in LA the day before the concert, the weather was nice, he had just finished a good meal and now he was taking a walk along a street filled with various stores and shops. Most of the boys were roaming around with him, going into different stores snd buying multiple things like clothes, jewelry and anything else that caught their eyes. Heeseung hadn't bought anything yet. Nothing in particular had really interested him. He really enjoyed watching the scenery.

The group continued to walk down the very bust street when suddenly Heeseung was tugged into a huge store with Sunoo. The older boy looked around noticing that the store was a bookstore called Barnes and noble. "I love this store" Sunoo beamed at Heeseung and Jungwon who had followed them.

His thoughts immediately went to bound and then to y/n. She would love this store there was no doubt about it. Heeseung started to walk around looking at the various books all in English. He found a small section in the back filled with romance books, the covers all pastel colored and bright. He noticed a book that he recognized y/n would talk about all the time. It was from an author that she wasn't able to order for the store, she always talked about how she wanted to read their books. Heeseung picked up four different books from the author and took them up to checkout to pay for them.

Jungwon joined Heeseung at checkout looking at the stack of books in confusion. "Why are you buying those?" He asked, picking one of the books up, it had a pastel pick color with various illustrations of different flowers.

"They're for me" Heeseung lied, taking the book from Jungwon's hands "This is for you?" Jungwon didn't look convinced at all. Heeseung knew that Jungwon didn't believe his lie one bit. "Yeah, I want to read...romance novels more often in my spare time" Heeseung cringed a little at the lie, but it was better then telling the truth.

Jungwon gave Heeseung a strange look but decided not to question him further.

A little later after the team had all eaten dinner and it was time to settle down for the night Heeseung opened his phone snapping a picture of the stack of books sending a message to y/n.

Heeseung: found these today I know you've been looking for them so I got a few for you.

Heeseung didn't expect a response it was currently the early morning hours In Korea. To his surprise only five minutes after he sent the message didn't he hear a ring coming from his phone, Y/n was calling him. He answered right away not be able to get a single word in before he heard her groggily say "Heeseung why did you buy me those books? How much were they? I'll pay you back!"

The boy let out a soft chuckle "You're not paying me back" was all he. said, Y/n groaned on the other end "Heeseung, you have to take them back I can't let you do that"

"I wanted to. I'm not taking them back Y/n they're for you, they weren't expensive and I know how badly you wanted them." The line was silent for a brief moment, it made Heeseung nervous. Was y/n angry with him?

"Thank you." Y/n said softly "You didn't have to do that, thank you" Her voice was soft Heeseung felt like mush at the sound of her tired voice. "Don't worry about it." was all he could muster up in response.

"Aren't you tired?" She asked him "is it late there?"

"its not too late here, how was your day yesterday did Duck come and visit again?" Heeseung struck up a conversation not ready to let y/n go just yet. Her voice was soothing him, helping him feel relaxed. "Mrs. Kang came by today to buy the most recently erotica novel we got in, she asked me once again if I had a boyfriend." Y/n laughed "I told her I had my eye on someone but that I was still single, like always"

"Interesting.." Heeseung said jokingly "You've got your eye on someone huh?"

"Maybe.." The girl trailed off "He'll have to meet Duck's friends Maple and Ivy, he needs their approval." Heeseung let out a little laugh "I guess he'll have to arrange that soon."

"very soon if possible."

----

BACK IN SEOUL

Heeseung hadn't been back for even a whole day before he was setting out to see Y/n at Bound. He had his signature face ask, beanie and hoodie on walking along the streets ambiguously, a slight pep in his step at the thought of seeing Y/n after being on tour in the states for nearly a month. Him and Y/n talked everyday but it simply didn't compare to being in the small shop together, playing the piano and enjoying the company of each other. To say Heeseung was excited would be an understatement.

As Heeseung was nearing the door to Bound a sound had him stopping in his tracks, the piano was playing softly. It was a song he was sure he's never heard. before. He peaked his. head into the store. being careful to not be heard. Y/n sat with her back to the door, on the bench to the piano. Her fingers glided over the keys effortlessly as she played one of the most beautiful melodies Heeseung has ever. heard before. He watched from afar as she continued, pressing the keys down with such delicacy it made Heeseungs head spin.

She truly was a sight for sore eyes, he was mesmerized. Heeseung decided that this is something he wished to see forever, that this image no matter what happens from this day going forward would be something he would think about for the rest of his life. It was the first time he ever felt a love so deep for someone it was suffocating. He had known y/n only a short time but in that short time she managed to consume his entire being. His days consisted of thinking of her and only her.

The music started to fade out, the song ending. Heeseung didn't want It to end, he wanted her to play forever.

Once the music had ended Heeseung had heard Y/n let out a shaky breathe. She was crying, the small sniffle leaving her being another indication of that. Heeseung rushed her side, sitting down in the seat beside her on the bench. "are you okay?" he rushed out worriedly. Y/n jumped in her seat. Heeseung had scared her, she hurriedly wiped her face trying to rid the tears from her eyes that traveled down her cheeks.

"You scared me!" The girl exclaimed, resting a palm to her chest.

"I'm sorry" Heeseung said apologetically "Why are you crying" He repeated. Y/n just smiled "I wasn't crying" She let out an awkward laugh but Heeseung found nothing funny. He needed to know what was bothering her, he needed to know how he could fix it.

"Y/n." He said sternly "Are you okay?" Y/n looked down unable to meet Heeseungs eyes. "Today is December 12th" Heeseung was confused. He knew it was December 12th he just didn't understand why that would make Y/n so upset. The boy said nothing, hoping the confusion on his face was enough persuasion for Y/n to continue.

"Today is the anniversary of my mother's death" Heeseung felt his heart sink to his toes. Her mother's death anniversary was today. Here she was playing the piano so beautifully thinking of her mother who had taught her how much to love the instrument. Heeseung didn't know how to respond, sitting there frozen.

"I'm sorry" Y/n said quickly getting up from the bench in a hurry "This must be such a let down- ill understand if you want to le-"

"Tell me about her" Heeseung had said, cutting the girl off. "I want to know about her, tell me. If that's okay?" Y/n's fake contorted in shock, a clear indicator that she didn't expect Heeseung to asks about her mom. She found herself appreciating it.

"I don't remember too much about her to be honest" Y/n started looking down at the keys of the piano. "I was nine years old when she passed away. It's weird to describe but I don't remember defined details of her as much as I remember the feeling of her, remember the smell of her." Her words were a soft whisper, but to Heeseung she didn't look uncomfortable with the conversation, so quietly he sat giving her as much time as she needed to continue.

"She left me a letter." The girl said taking a shaky breath. "That was all I had of her after she had passed away, I read it every single night for the next four years..until the night my father found it. He ripped it angrily. The last thing I had of her" Heeseung tried his hardest to keep the surprise but also disgust from presenting itself on his face. "My mother committed suicide. My father was so angry about it that weren't allowed to talk about her, we weren't allowed to have things of her. He wanted to erase her entirely from our lives."

"My mother and father met here, at this exact store. My Mom worked here while she attended college. My father was from America, he was here for college and research projects he had. He loved the culture." Heeseung sat still, listening intently to what the girl was saying. He grasped every single word she said, not wanting to miss a single second.

"They loved each other so much in the beginning, got married quickly, had me ever quicker after that. They were the perfect couple. Until they weren't, I don't know what it was.. It was like a switch. My dad started drinking heavily around the time I turned eight. He became a raging alcoholic in no time. In becoming an alcoholic became the abuse."

"He started to abuse my mom, first verbally then physically. He was horrible to her. I would hide in the bathtub at night with the water running to try and drown out the sounds of him hitting her." A small tear escaped Y/n's eyes cascading down her cheek. Heeseung felt his chest tighten but still he kept perfectly still allowing y/n to take a moment to breathe.

"I guess after a year my mother had enough, she couldn't do it anymore. I went to school, my father to work. She wrote a note out to me, took herself into the bathroom and.." Y/n trailed off more tears escaping her eyes. Heeseung put his hand over hers squeezing lightly so that she knew he was here and for her to take her time as needed.

"I came home after school and found her. The note was the only thing that kept me from going insane. My father didn't cope. His drinking got worse, he got angry if any little thing reminded him of mom. So when he came into my room that night and found me reading the letter I was really ready for him to do the same thing to me that he did to my mom."

"But he didn't, he took the letter from my hands, laughed as I cried for him to give it back then ripped it to shreds in front of me. Sometimes I wish he would have just hit me instead, surely that would have been so much less painful then him taking the one thing I had left of my mom." Heeseung's thumb grazed over Y/n's hand still offering her the comfort of himself.

"I don't think I forgave him for that..Even after he later left. The same way my mom had." Heeseungs breath felt short. "The week of my thirtieth birthday my father woke up one day and gave me the best week of my life. I was too young and foolish, I thought he had changed just like that overnight. I was stupid back then" Y/n let out a little chuckle one that Heeseung could tell was in bitterness and not in amusement.

"You were a child..." Heeseung said "You couldn't have known."

Y/n smiled at him sadly. "He gave me the best week of my life, My thirtieth birthday was the best one I had ever had. I went back to school the following Monday and was pulled out of third period with the news that my dad had also taken his life."

"He gave me the best week of my life then left me. I didn't understand, sometimes I still don't understand. Mrs Choi took me in, my mother had known her when she worked here at bound, Mrs. Choi owns Bound. I've lived in this bookstore ever since. Oddly enough I think this store saved me in a lot of ways."

"How are you not more angry? How do you get up everyday and smile at strangers and hum along to little tunes in your head while organizing books. How do you not dwell on what your life could be like had your parents not done what they?" Heeseung questioned. He truly couldn't understand how she could be so strong.

It was marveling. The boy was also completely embarrassed at the fact that he had judged her so sharply in the beginning, coining her as a girl with a perfect life, with perfect parents. That wasn't the case at all, she was just so strong.

"I've realized you have to take control of your life before it takes control of you. If you dwell too much on the past you'll never grow and growth is the only way to change. I can't be angry at the I can't change, the things that weren't my fault. I can only move on and provide a life for myself that's worth living. and this life here, at this bookstore, well to me, that's a life worth living" The bright smile that Heeseung loved so much was back. He was in awe of her. In awe of her beauty, in her strength, in her innocence. It was unnerving how utterly beautiful she was, sitting here in the dim light of this old musty bookstore on an equally as old bench, playing an out of tune piano that sounded like it was on its last leg.

She was a person he didn't know he needed but now that she was here he couldn't imagine a single second a life where she didn't have this smile, where she didn't radiate such a sunshine that he felt the heat of it in his chest. She was bright and warm, and he was not. She made him want to be.

Heeseung looked in her the eyes a small smile on his lips, a rosy blush covered her cheeks. Y/n looked down sheepishly clearly embarrassed a little. "I'm in awe of you" Heeseung mumbled, watching as Y/n trailed her eyes back up to his. "Can I kiss you?" He whispered so softly she was beginning to wonder if he had even said it at all. Her nod was all the affirmation he needed.

"Please do" His lips captured her in an instant. It was soft yet heated, the perfect balance of him and her. The explosion of him heat she radiated melted away his icy exterior leaving him a puddle of himself. Heeseung wouldn't want it any other way. He reveled in the way his body gave way to hers, how his heart had chipped away at itself only to offer the pieces to y/n on a silver platter.

For the first time in all that he could remember Heeseung was ready to give himself away completely. Her hands had made their way around his neck latching at the nape and twirling the tiny pieces of hair between her fingertips. This was heaven Heeseung chanted in his head over and over. He's died, there was no other way this was happening. The boy felt greedy as he pushed himself into the kiss harder. He needed to cherish this, every last second of it.

When it was over and he needed to catch his breath he detached himself from her, a smile on his face wider then its ever been before. He had her and he wasn't letting her go anytime soon.

---

Heeseung felt giddy as he walked up the steps to the dorm that night. He had stayed another hour with y/n before kissing her goodnight and making his way home. Heeseung felt like he was on cloud nine.

The feeling quickly dissipated when he entered the dorm to find it filled with staff, the other members and his manager. His manager sported a sour expression as all previously mentioned people turned too look at him.

"Where were you?" His manager said getting right to it, wasting no time in questioning Heeseung. Heeseung struggled to think of a quick excuse, one that sounded believable at that.

"Out on a walk.." Heeseung started to say before a crash of paper on table startled him.

"Do not lie to me!" Heeseung looked down at the paper on the table, a very blurry picture of him sitting on the piano bench in the window of Bound on the cover. Y/n sat next to him her face as equally as blurry as his, her features not distinguishable at all.

"That's- That's not me-" He was once again cut off by the stern voice of her manager. "Jesus Christ Heeseung we know that's you." Jay said angrily. A mixture of hurt and frustration on his face. All the members sporting the same expression. He was caught in a lie, one he told them too. They were understandably hurt by it.

"who is this girl?" His Manager said pointing at the blurry picture of Y/n "She works at the bookstore, she was ju-"

"if you're going to lie to me it will be so much worse for you." Heeseung sucked in a breath thinking of a million and one things to say to try and get them off his back.

"She's a random girl I go and see every once in a while ok? She means nothing to me, she doesn't know who I am so I use her to feel normal. it's like a game, a hobby that's it." Heeseing felt disgusting as soon as the sentence left his mouth but it was the only thing her could think of it in such a short time. He was in-between a rock and a hard place here, back into a corner that was starting to suffocate him.

"You will stop seeing this girl, am I heard?' His manager stated giving Heeseung a look that said not to disagree with him. Heeseung meekly nodded watching as the staff and manager left without another word.

After they had all left Heeseung turned to see all members staring at him.

"She's not just nothing to you" Jake said "You like this girl"

"it doesn't matter anyway" Heeseung said shaking his head "not like I can see her again." Jungwon got up from his spot, sitting down next to Heeseung. "Why didn't you tell us?" The oldest boy just shrugged "It wasn't supposed to be anything, it just kind of happened and I didn't know how to stop it after that."

"You can tell us anything Heeseung." Jay said patting Heeseung on the back "You didn't have to hide this from us."

"I'm sorry." Was all Heeseung responded with, he needed to find out how he was going to continue to see Y/n without anyone really finding out.

LATER

It was cold today Y/n thought as she propped open the door to the bookstore. The girl was thinking of texting Heeseung and asking him to bring over some hot green tea when he was inevitably going to come see her tonight.

Y/n was fixing shelves and displays when she heard footsteps behind her, she turned with a smile ready to greet the customer "Hi, welcome to bound! let me know if you need anything, ill be more then happy to help you!"

There person at the door walked to her a hard expression on his face. "Y/n?" The Man said making Y/n furrow her eyebrows in confusion. "That's me...do I know you?"

"No, but I have something for you" The man pulled a small piece of equipment from his jacket, it was almost comical how movie like this man was trying to be. Y/n wanted to laugh but knew now was not the time to laugh at this stranger.

"I'm ordering you to stay away from Lee Heeseung or you'll be hearing from HYBE lawyers" The man said handed her what looked to be a hard drive of some sort.

"you're...ordering me to stay away from Heeseing?" The girl asked, all sense of amusement now gone. Instead it was replaced with pure anger. "You cannot come in here and order me to do anything!" Y/n stated firmly.

The man laughed, laughed! He was amused by this. "I can." He said "Lee Heeseung is bound by HYBE contracts, he as an Idol cannot be caught in dating scandals. Especially not in one with a nobody such as yourself. I hope you understand"

"An idol?" Y/n said bewildered "Are we talking about the same person here Heeseung is not an idol!"

"He is." The man responded simply "I suggest you search up Enhypen and watch that little hard drive I gave you. Now that's all, I'll be going now." The man walked out without another word. Leaving Y/n in a puddle of confusion. She hurriedly made her way to the computer connected to the register.

She opened google typing in "Enhypen" Her gasped was heard all around the small shop as the results popped up onto the screen. Sure enough there Heeseung with six other boys. Enhypen. Heeseung was a famous idol. He had lied to her.

With shaky hands Y/n plugged the hard drive in opening the file as quickly as she could. A video popped up, you could tell the camera had been hidden. The video focused on a group of boys and the man that had just been here. Heeseung sat down his head in his hands as the man questioned him of his whereabouts for the night.

Heeseung tried making his way around the question, trying to lie but it seemed that it wasn't working. The man questioned who the girl was in the piece of paper he was pointing at. A picture Y/n all but assumed was of her. All of this information was shocking, but nothing could have prepared for what was said next.

"She's a random girl I go and see every once in a while ok? She means nothing to me, she doesn't know who I am so I use her to feel normal. it's like a game, a hobby that's it." Heeseung had said in response. Y/n felt her heart contract then shatter in her chest.

Did he call her a....game? A hobby? Y/n was disgusted, she hadn't realized she was crying until she felt the small droplets land onto her shirt.

Lee Heeseung was a liar, a manipulator. He had shattered her heart in a fraction of a second. She was so stupid to believe his lies, to fall for him.

She was so so stupid.

---

Heeseung hadn't heard from Y/n in days. He also hadn't made the walk to the bookstore In the same amount of time. She wasn't answering any of her calls or text messages, Heeseung was starting to get worried. He hadn't figured out how to get to bound without being noticed by the staff and manager. They were watching Heeseung like a hawk.

He had to see her. The risk was starting not to matter him. He added to see y/n make sure she was ok, damn the consequences he had to see her in the flesh.

That's how he found himself outside of bound getting ready to open the door to the shop. For some odd reason his stomach was in absolute knots, something felt wrong. He wrapped his hand around the door knob and pulled.. but it didn't open. Was the store closed? He looked into the window of bound to see it completely empty inside the lights turned off.

Heeseung pulled his phone out sending y/n a quick message asking her if everything was ok and why the store was closed.

No response.

Heeseung made his way back to the dorm completely confused on why y/n hadn't been answering her phone and why the store could be closed for.

Heeseung returned to Bound everyday for six more days after that. Each day the store was locked and closed no person in sight. Finally on the seventh day Heeseung pulled the door to find it unlocked.

Y/n sat on the floor of the store clearing shelves readying herself to put new books on to them. Her hair was in two French braids, blue overalls adored her small frame. Heeseung let out a small at the sight of her. She was so beautiful even doing the most simple of things.

"You're alive" Heeseung teased from behind her. His teasing fell upon deaf ears as she completely ignored him continuing to add books to the shelf in front of her.

"Hey.." Heeseung trailed off lightly grabbing her shoulder to turn her around. Y/n filched, throwing herself back and away from Heeseung's grip. "Don't touch me!" She said angrily.

"Wha-" Heeseung started to say his confusion taking over. Why was she acting like this? He had never seen her so cold. "Get out" She spit out angrily looking at Heeseung with a hatred he didn't think was possible for her.

"wait y/n hold on what's going on?"

"Don't you have music to make? Tours to go on? Huh? Lee Heeseung of Enhypen?!" Her words were like poison to his heart, a single lethal dose rendering him completely still. She knew? How did she know? Of fuck, this was bad. Very bad.

"Let me explain-" Once again Heeseung was cut off by y/n's icy comeback "No. Get out. find a new hobby"

Hobby? She called herself a hobby... The realization suddenly hit Heeseung like a tidal wave. She knew what he had said, she found out in some way what he had said about her at the dorm that day.

"We need to talk, Y/n let me explain please" The boy begged following behind Y/n as she walked towards the door of the bookstore. She yanked the door open. The frost from the cold temperatures rushing in was no match for the pure icy panic that soured through Heeseung's veins at this very moment.

"Get out. I never want to see you again Lee Heeseung" She turned to look away from him, a single tear falling down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away refusing to let him see her in this vulnerable of a state.

"I'll be back" Heeseung said walking out the door, he turned to face the door once again readying himself to beg for forgiveness once again. He wasn't quick enough as he was met with the slam of the door and the daunting sound of of the lock being turned.

---

Heeseung hadn't left his room in days feening sickness. He knew he couldn't go on much longer like this, he had obligations with Enhypen. Soon enough he knew the other members were going to start questioning him. He was beginning to not care though. His manager had somehow found y/n informing her of who Heeseung really was and what horrible things he had said out of pure frustration and determination to get the label off his back. He didn't mean any of it. He just didn't know how to convince y/n of that. She officially hated him and he deserved it.

He had lied to her, about who he was even after she had given a piece of herself to him when she told him about her family. Heeseung felt like scum, he felt undeserving of y/n. She was too pure, too good and he just wasn't. He was man who had it all and wanted none of it.

A knock at his door has Heeseung looking up from under his blankets. "Hey man, how are you feeling?" Jake said entering his room with a cold water bottle in his hand.

"ok" Heeseung said weakly not looking Jake in the eyes.

"You're not sick are you?" Jake observed sitting down next to the heaping pile of blankets that was Heeseung.

"No" Heeseung admitted, sitting himself on his. "what happened when you left to the bookstore the other day?" Jake wasn't dumb he knew that was where Heeseung was going. He just wasn't expecting Heeseung to come home a complete shell of himself.

"Y/n knows what I said about her that night when Manager was questioning me about her. He must have told her." Heeseung looked down at his hands a ball of emotions wadded itself up in his chest.

"I messed up so bad Jake" Heeseung mumbled "I think i've lost her for good"

"You don't just like her" Jake said matter a-factly. Heeseung shook his head finally looking Jake in the eye. "I love her" He confessed, his welling up in tears. "I love her and I lost her because I'm an idiot who lets my management run my life"

"So don't let them" Jake said "Don't let them run your life. Go there and tell her how much you love her"

"She hates me Jake, she won't hear me out"

"Make her. Make it hard for her to refuse you. If you love her this much I can only imagine how much she must love you. That's not something you should give up so easily man. Especially with how many non genuine people we encounter all the time."

Heeseung found himself nodding along to what Jake was saying. He shouldn't give up, not that easily, not that quick. He was going to head over to bound and get to hear him out no matter how long it took.

That's how Heeseung found himself outside of bound once again, this time the knot in his stomach had grown tenfold. He could very walk in here and get pushed out again, and that would destroy him. He added y/n to hear him. She was the one thing in his life that made him feel human. He didn't feel like a robot when he was around her, his life didn't feel void, he lived when he was near her.

He grabbed the door knob and opened the door to the store. The sound of the piano playing rang around the empty shop. Y/n sat at the piano, on the same bench they've sat at so many times before playing the same piano they've played time and time again.

"Please don't kick me out" Heeseung had said in a rush. Y/n jumped turning around with narrowed eyes. "Heeseung you need to g-"

"No." Heeseung said simply. Shock spread over the girls face. "No?" she asked "Did you just say no?"

"I did" Heeseung said simply. "I need you to hear me out. If you still want me to leave afterwards then I will, I'll leave and I'll never come back. Just please" Heeseung said with a sense of desperation "Please let me talk"

"you have five minutes" Y/n stated, still sitting very still on the bench. Heeseung took a second to formulate his thoughts. He didn't think he could get this far in all seriousness. He was expecting to be kicked out right away again.

"Time is ticking" Y/n said rolling her eyes. Heeseung knew it was the entirely wrong to think it but she sure did look adorable when she was annoyed.

"I love you." He said "shit I mean- no like okay." Heeseung stuttered out, his cheeks turning dark pink as he stupidly rambled.

"I do love you, I just- god I'm messing this up." Heeseung sat down next to y/n on the bench. He made sure to leave a space between them so that she didn't feel uncomfortable.

"My name is Lee Heeseung and I'm one of the seven members of a famous k pop group called Enhypen" Heeseung said in earnest. "I didn't tell you when I first met you because I was so relieved that you didn't know. and I know that's not excuse but when I ran in here, I was running from a group of fans that's were following me. you not knowing who I was, was such a relief I couldn't tell you."

"I could have told you after that day, when I kept coming back but the truth is I was scared. For months now I have been feeling nothing but normal. I am so sick of people who trying to know because of what I do and not because they actually want to know me. I was fearful that you would look at me completely different if you found out who I was." Heeseung took a big breath in before he continued.

"As for calling you a hobby, I'm sorry. I panicked. The managers and staff cornered me that night demanding I tell them who you were and what I was doing with you so just blurted out the first bullshit I could think of to get them off my back. I didn't mean any of it. I'm serious when I say I love you y/n, and I'm sorry for lying to you but I promise from this moment forward I'm done lying."

Heeseung watched y/n's face looking for any indication of what she was feeling but he found none at all. She was incredibly hard to read.

"The five minutes are up" She said after a minute of silence. Heeseungs head fell low the only thing he could do was nod. He rose from his seat on the bench making his way to the door.

"Lee Heeseung of Enhypen." Y/n called to him silently. Heeseung turned to look at her.

"I didn't say for you to leave" She smiled a slight tilt to her head. Heeseung's look of confusion must have amused her because she let out of the loudest laugh Heeseung thinks he has ever heard from her.

"I love you too Lee Heeseung of Enhypen"

"You can stop calling me that" Heeseung said walking up to Y/n circling his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him.

"But its fun, plus you love me.. you have to deal with it"

"Yeah" Heeseung sighed heavily "I do love you."

[jarofstyles]

Growing Pains

Hey lovely people 🫶 here is a bit more of the Stacy’s Mom universe. Its a nice mix of angst, smut and fluff. Let me know what else you'd like to see from them if you'd like to see more!

Read Stacy’s Mom here

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WC- 5.9k

Warnings- smut, unprotected sex, age gap relationship, cream pie, bellybulging, praise kink, use of 'mama', angst, not too long tbh, mentions of misogyny, etc

-----

Harry was really good at ignoring what other people thought. 

It had always been one of those personality traits that people said they envied, but his whole life’s philosophy is why care if you’re happy? If he wasn’t hurting anyone, if he was happy and solid in what he was doing, why did it matter what someone else thought? 

He knew there would be inevitable pushback against him being in a serious relationship with Y/N. And it was serious, as he had made abundantly clear. It wasn’t at all conventional and in their small, gossip ridden town, it wasn’t a shock in the slightest that the rumor mill began buzzing as soon as they stepped out into town together for the first time, Harry taking her to dinner at a decent place of her choosing. 

Their dates had been majority in the towns over just so they could enjoy their little bubble of happiness. Y/N spent time at his place when Stacy was home for the first few weeks, Harry going to hers when she was away, but he had to assure her that he knew Stacy would be upset and he’d talk to her himself. 

It was a hard thing to navigate considering Y/N utterly adored her daughter. She’d been pushing her mother to go out on dates , get back out there, all of the girl power stuff since the divorce was finalized- but the woman highly doubted she meant with someone in her friend group. 

All things considered, the pros and cons had been weighed and juggled and there had been no reason to keep hiding it after two months in. For a bit, Y/N had been holding on to the secrecy because she was afraid he’d tire of her. That she’d damage her relationship with her daughter and in the town for a fling that the younger man would be bored with after a bit. It was unfair to think that of Harry, she knew that, but considering her ex husband had essentially done that very thing to her? It had lingered in the back of her mind. 

To his credit, Harry had been nothing but understanding and patient with her. He didn’t push too hard to go public, but he didn’t hide his desire for it either. Y/N was his, and he wasn’t ashamed of her in the slightest. He’d go up to bat for her again and again if it meant he got to keep her. The man wasn’t stupid- he knew a lot of the backlash would fall onto her. Something he’d happily take the burden of if he could. It was a conversation they revisited quite a few times, Harry holding her against him as his fingers traced the curves of her face while she expressed her fears. Luckily, it seemed that his feelings for her had proven it a worthy risk after he started talking more about the future. 

Maybe with anyone else it would be coming on too strong. Hell- it had come on too strong at first, spooking Y/N when he’d asked if she was open to having more kids. If she wanted to get married again. Both things she hadn’t given much thought to before he brought it up. It had sent her spiraling for a few days, worried that perhaps she wouldn’t be able to give him the things he needed. That he’d be throwing away his youth for her instead of exploring, that she would be essentially trapping him. Her worst fear was him resenting her for settling him down. 

It had caused their first fight, one of their only. His jaw had been tight when he showed up to her place after being ignored all day, arms crossed as she opened the door. He’d been dirty and sweaty from work, the sun hadn’t set yet but he had been worried sick when she had stopped replying after their initial good morning messages. 

“Are you alright?” Eyes scanned her all over to observe for sickness, injury, but found nothing. His features twisted as his eye scanned her pocket, jaw ticking when he saw the phone sitting inside of it. “What's the problem?” He asked lowly. “Worried me fuckin’ sick all day, but I see the phone in your pocket. Don’t play those games with me, Y/N. You’re a grown woman and that’s part of why m’so gone for you.” 

She blanched, swallowing the lump in her throat as she dropped her eyes. “I…” a shaky inhale interrupted the chirping crickets. “I don’t want to hold you back, Harry. I don’t want you to wake up one day, thinking about how you wasted the rest of your twenties on me. How… how you jumped in feet first, landing hard and buckling your knees because I’m exciting for a while.” It hurt to even think about, let alone say out loud. “I’m terrified that you’ll hate me for it. I think we’re going too fast.” 

Harry didn’t answer for a moment. All she heard was a sharp exhale, seeing him tip his head back in her peripheral vision. Like he was exhausted, trying to collect himself before speaking. Rolling his neck, he looked back at her. “So you’ve worked yourself up over a situation that hasn’t even happened. That won’t happen, considering I’ve been thinking about having you since we fuckin’ met. Is that right?” He sounded mad because he was. Frustrated, more so, at the situation. He’d been able to feel her pulling away a little bit the last few days but he’d felt that sickness in his stomach the whole day when she had been quiet and not responsive to his messages. 

It wasn't like he was a super clingy guy. He knew that he could be in person, he liked to be touchy, but he rarely expected constant communication. Y/N was her own woman and he liked that about her, but this wasn’t something he was a fan of. 

The tone of his voice made her reel back, eyes snapping up to him at he looked at her with an irritated expression. He never spoke to her like that, let alone looks at her like she was being ridiculous. It wasn’t a nice feeling in the slightest. “Let’s be honest here, Harry.” Her irritation rose. “Yeah, I’ve worked myself up over a situation that could realistically happen. It’s one thing to fuck older women, but it’s another to settle down and be in a committed relationship with one.”

It was the wrong thing to say, simplifying their relationship like that, and she knew it. His nostrils flared as he looked at her with slight disbelief. “S’that all we’ve been doing, Y/N? Fucking?” He scoffed, running a hand through his hair. “Cause I was under the impression that you were my girlfriend and we were figuring it out. Silly fucking me then. Just a little boy, huh?” 

“No- Harry, don’t you do that.” She growled back. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that I could be a lot of fun right now but later on down the line it maybe won’t be. Ill slow down faster than you, I’ll get wrinkles before you, I won’t be able to keep up-“

“And you know what I’ll do then?” He stepped closer to her. “I’ll slow down with you. I’ll get wrinkles too. I could be bald. Are you gonna leave me if my hair starts to thin?” 

“N-no.” She whispered, wind leaving her sails as she replied. 

“Yeah; I know you wouldn’t. Just like you should know I wouldn’t.” There was a pregnant pause, the warm early evening stinging her skin because, fuck. She was just terrified. 

“I wouldn’t. I’m not like him, and I know he… I know there’s that underlying trauma and stuff there. I know and m’so sorry an ass like that ever got his hands on you at all. But please try and see that I’m not him. There is no boredom. If there ever was- which there wouldn’t be- I’d come to you, I’d talk to you. I’d never cheat on you.” Stepping closer to her, his fingers curled around her cheeks, searching her face for something she couldn’t place. Apparently he found it, though, because his shoulders dropped and he nudged her face up in his grip, thumbs rubbing her the apples of her cheeks.

 “I’ve dreamed of you for years, Y/N. If I’d get tired of you, I’d have done it already. But honestly?” Licking over his bottom lip, he pinned his gaze to hers. “I don’t see how that’s even remotely fucking possible. You’ve become everything t’me so quickly it should be scary, but m’not anything but ecstatic. Giddy. Please give me some credit. I’m younger than you, but I’m not stupid. I know exactly what I’m doing. I’ve got the most incredible, intelligent, kind, generous, beautiful woman in my hands. Do you think I didn’t get a little nervous at first?” 

No, actually. No she didn’t. Harry hadn’t even hinted at it, but it grabbed her interest, confusion marring her features. To be truthful, he’d never seemed to waver when it came down to her and this relationship. “I didn’t.” She admitted, feeling a bit of shame for not even considering it. 

“Before I went for it, I was… it was hard to tell if you’d be alright dating someone so much younger than you. If you’d think I could handle you.” He smiled sadly. “There were a few times I was going to try and get you alone t’talk about it but fate was in my hands when you called me that night. I was over the fuckin’ moon, but still nervous. It made me feel better when I could tell you were looking at me, that I wasn’t makin’ it up in my head like I’d originally thought. And then…” his lip curled in a smirk at the memory of taking her against the counter. It was one of his favorite memories of all time. “Then I was pretty settled, but there were still nerves that you’d push me away like this. I thought I was in the clear this far along, that I’d proven how much m’utterly enamored with you but it seems I’ve got work to do.” 

The anger was gone from his body, replaced with a sadness. He didn’t like the thought of her hemming and hawing over if he would get bored of her when he constantly needed to pinch himself over the knowledge that she was his. “I just need to reassure you that since I was a kid, I’ve been set in my ways. I still like the same food as I did as a child, the same shows, the same music. If I really like something? It’s there to stay.” He wasn’t obtuse. Of course relationships had their issues and there was no expectation of perfection 24/7, but he wanted to keep it as peaceful as he could. 

Y/N’s face scrunched, bottom lip trembling as tears glossed over her eyes. It was embarrassing to cry over this, but the words were the reassurance she had desperately needed. “I’m sorry.” The apology was a little whimper before he sighed, pulling her into his body. Large hand running up and down her back, the woman leaned into the comfort of the larger man and relaxed into his form, burying her face in his neck. He still smelled like a bit of oil and sweat but his sweet and fresh soap lingered underneath, giving her the comfort she hadn’t known she needed so badly all day. 

“S’okay, darling. Let’s go inside and sit for a bit, hm? We’ve got t’talk a bit more about what’s bothering you.” 

And they did. They talked for hours that day, Harry holding her legs across his lap as he watched her express the fears she’d been holding back. In all honesty he knew it had needed to happen to make them stronger, and it did. 

It was showing a bit tonight, though. 

“What’s the matter?” His voice was delicate as his palm ran over her hip, curling his fingers into the soft shirt. “Hm? You’re bein’ awfully quiet tonight. Can tell something’s bothering you.” 

Y/N still was shocked at how perceptive the man could be. He seemed to know the slightest shift of her mood and  it had spooked her a bit at first, but now she realized she couldn’t hide much from him. Perhaps it was her own life lesson that she needed to trust someone, but still. 

“It’s silly.” She sighed softly, reaching a hand up to cup his stubbly chin. The comfort of his touch had only gotten stronger since they’d gotten together, the mixture of feeling delicate in his hold but empowered considering she knew he would move the moon if she asked him to. 

“Not silly if you’re thinking about it.” He clicked his tongue. “Off with it then, pretty girl.” 

“It’s… one of those women, the one you slept with from Stacy’s swim club… she was awfully bitter about us being together. Tried to tell me that I was just a phase of yours- which, I see your eyebrows, I know that isn’t true and that isn’t why I’m upset.” She laughed quietly, gently pinching his cheek. “I just couldn’t believe the audacity of her. Trying to tell me how passionate you are in bed, doing all sorts of catty things… I know she’s jealous, I’m rational enough to deduce that she’s just a bit crazy but it irritated me that she talked as if you’re some sort of object. Like you’re… an accessory or something.” 

Y/N had found herself very defensive of the man in the months they’d been together, and while she was aware he had slept with other woman, she hadn’t expected them to be so awful about him. 

“Darling…” Harry chuckled, shaking his head at the thought. “To her, I am an object. I gave her nothing of me besides physicality. And I can assure you, it wasn’t very passionate. It couldn’t hold a candle to you. In all honesty, I haven’t thought about another woman in months. Forgot about her, actually.” Harry had no woman on his radar except her. He was so utterly smitten with the woman in front of him that he knew he would never think of another woman in any sort of way again. 

“Yeah. It is silly, because I know you’re devoted to me-“

“And I am, Mama.” He purred, his hand gently tugging on the ends of her hair to lean it back to where he wanted it. “I’m completely and utterly devoted to you. You’re my goddess, didn’t you know that?” The hushed voice made her swallow thickly, the hand on her hip pushing under her shirt. “There is no one else I think about. They don’t exist to me. The only woman occupying my brain is you.” Lips pressed against her forehead, exhaling slow and heavy through his nose. “I’m obsessed with you. Don’t you know?”

“I-I do.” She stuttered. Somehow, the man years younger than her had a way of completely making her fall back into the shy younger girl she used to be. Giggly and giddy, shy when he would express such sweet things to her. Her ex had never been this verbally kind to her, let alone wax on about how much he adored her. It still shocked her. 

“Mm… good. Because I have no problem reminding you, baby. None at all.” His nose brushed hers, letting their breathing mingle. “I’ll be happy to remind you every single day that you’re the woman of my dreams and the other people I’ve been with don’t exist to me. They’re nothing compared to you. My dream girl.” 

Y/N took the first bite, pulling him down to kiss her. It was a need now, not even just a want. She needed to feel him, to taste him. It was still new to her, how adored he made her feel, and all she could do was hope he knew she felt the same. “H….” She whispered, breaking apart from their kiss as his hand slipped under the waistband of her shorts, wiggling down to cup her ass. 

“Hm?” He chuckled lowly. “Do you need me to remind you, Mama? Want me to show you just how obsessed I am with you?” 

The woman didn’t want to need that reassurance, but she really did enjoy a reminder considering she knew how he was going to give it to her. “I think I could use a refresher, yeah.” She replied, watching his grin grow before he kissed her again, hauling her body up and into his arms. Ignoring the squeal, he brought her into his bedroom, laying her on the sage green comforter and let his thumbs tug at the shorts. 

“I’ll give you as many refreshers as you need, my girl.” He hummed, letting his shirt follow and fall to the ground as Y/N followed suit. His eyes zeroed in to her panties, easily getting on his knees and grabbed her thighs to pull closer to the end of the bed. “S’been too long, hasn’t it? You’ve been mean and kept me away from my pussy.” He shook his head, kissing over the fabric. 

“I was on my period!” She squeaked, watching his fingers curl into the waistband of her panties. 

“And?” He lifted his eyes to her own. “Told you that it doesn't matter t’me. Put down a towel.” He wouldn’t mind in the slightest. Even more so because he knew it would potentially help cramps, but he respected her decision to not want to. 

“Oh god….” Her head fell back as his tongue licked over the sligh through the fabric, wetting it. “Harry… you can’t be serious.”

“As a heart attack.” He assured. “It’s your decision, but M’just saying it doesn’t gross me out and I don’t care. But now you’re off of it, and M’gonna take full advantage of that.”

Y/N gasped as the panties were tugged off in a hurry, so fast she had barely realized they were gone before his face was buried in her pussy. “Oh my g-god, H.” She laughed in shock, though it quickly melted into a moan as he pressed his tongue over her and let his nose brush her clit. 

He had never been anything but thorough when it came to oral sex, and she had the knowledge that he thoroughly enjoyed it too. She would even contemplate if he liked it more than her, but it was hard to confirm that when she had the pleasures of his mouth. 

Harry hummed at the taste of her, slowly peeling her thighs to the side and using a finger to spread her open. “There she is. I missed this pussy, baby.” He mumbled, the sheen of her and his spit on his lips. “How could you think of me with anyone else when I can barely go four days without this, hm? Don’t you know how addicted I am?”

She had some clue. A shaky exhale left her as she watched him purse his lips, a string of spit dribbling over her exposed cunt. Somehow he made it so hot, it had become one of her favorite things. A trigger of sorts. She’d never imagined herself liking any sort of spitting, but there was something so filthy and carnal about the way he did it that she found herself squirming and wanting more each time. 

“I know you like that, baby. My sweet girl, like when m’dirty and spit on this cunt to get it wet.” He crooned, repeating the action. He watched as the spit dribbled down to her asshole, humming in satisfaction. “You don’t need the help, not with how drenched this cunt gets for me but you like it when m’filthy with you.” 

Y/N loved how Harry was in bed. From going to somewhat pleasant missionary to completely and utterly wrecked by a man who wanted nothing more than her pleasure, it had been a complete 180 and quite frankly, rocked her damn world. “I do. I like when you’re dirty and you act like you… act like you can’t get enough.”

“Oh Mama, I can’t.” He cooed. “I can’t get enough of this perfect pussy. Obsessed with it, obsessed with you. You know I think about it all day?” His thumb drew slow, firm circles on her clit, making her buck into him a little bit. He ignored it. “Think about when I get to get to you, how all I want t’do is tear whatever’s covering you up and make you sit on my face. You do love when I do that.” 

Oh, did she fucking ever. The man was relentless with his tongue but he became a whole other beast when she sat on his face. In an area she’d been reluctant to, she had become reliant on.  

“Please… I want to cum.” She pleaded. Days after the cycle she was particularly sensitive and the man knew that far too well. 

“Then cum.” He smiled, licking over her entrance. “M’never going to say no to making my girl orgasm. But you’re gonna just keep cumming and cumming, so remember that.”

Y/N had found herself well acquainted with orgasms after years of being reliant on herself for them, but it never ceased to amaze her how the man could play her body like a violin and almost demand her orgasm. How he knew the right spots, the right tricks. No one had taken the time to get to know the things she liked quite like him, and she knew this was a rarity. Her stomach tightening, toes curling as he played with her body like he was the expert in all things pleasure.

The combination on his thumb rubbing her sensitive clit and his tongue pressing into her hole, she could feel the orgasm wash over her. Hands in his hair, she let out a broken moan, the first of many she assumed he’d give her tonight. And just like she suspected, even after the orgasm had dulled slightly, he kept going. 

“Harry, fuck.” She gasped, feeling fingers inside of her cunt and his mouth switching to circling her clit. One thing she’d learned was that he was relentless, especially when it came to making her cum.

“What baby?” He grinned mischievously. It didn’t matter that his face was filthy with her, he seemed to prefer it that way. “S’not my fault I need this pussy. You’re too perfect.” 

For the first time in her life, she was being doted on. There wasn’t a single question in her mind that Harry really was as obsessed with her as he portrayed because there was no way he could fake it this good. Tongue dipping into her entrance and thumbing her clit, working her through another before she successfully tugged him off to meet her mouth. 

Frantic hands tugged at his belt, yanking hard as he chuckled against her lips. “Eager, aren’t we?” He cooed. “C’mon then, Mama. Take me out so I can fuck you the way your greedy little cunt needs.” 

The filth that came out of his mouth was better than any of the sex she had prior to him. His unashamed nature and insistence on honesty had been intimidating at first but now she had come to crave the crass words that used to make her blush so hard it hurt. “I need it.” She whimpered, her own voice unfamiliar to her as she whined at him to get inside of her. Unbuttoning his trousers and slipping her hand inside, she felt how hot and hard he was on her palm. The tip wetting her skin as she stroked him under the fabric, the other hand trying to push the pants down so he was free of the confines. 

“Impatient little thing. I love it.” He grinned, helping her as he balanced over her with one arm. “Can barely let me undress, need to get your beautiful body filled up with me in every way. That’s exactly how I want you every day.” Desperate for him. His hips rubbed into her hand, breathing getting harder as she swiped her thumb over the tip and made him clench his jaw. Her little outfit had been tossed off easily and there was something so dirty about him fucking her almost clothed and her, practically naked. “Put me in, then. You can do it, baby.” 

There was that added layer of intimacy that had her preening, sticky lips connecting with hers as she felt his hips lower and gave her that little bit of control. Swiping the tip through her slickness, he inhaled sharply through his nose before she placed him at her entrance, lifting her leg around his waist. His patience was thin, not waiting more than a few moments before sinking into her. Swallowing her whine as he slipped his hand under her neck to hold it, licking into her mouth until he was balls deep in her. Filling her up to the brim with him, making her feel that sort of full that only he could provide. 

“God…” Y/N whined, leaning her head back into the bed as Harry pulled out slowly, letting her feel every ridge of his cock before pushing back in hard. “You’re…” it was hard to talk at times when he fucked her. While he could run his mouth, Y/N had her mind scrambled as soon as he slipped into her. His dick made her feel drunk and in love. 

“Mhm, I know.” He soothed, though the smug look on his face made his thoughts clear. He loved that she was cockdrunk and fuzzy from her orgasms, wet and soft for him and welcoming his thickness inside of her. It was made for him. “You don’t even have a clue of how much I thought about this, my girl. Don’t even know the filth I’d think of seeing you in those pretty fucking sundresses- fuck.” He growled, the weakness for them evident. She’d noticed it early on, how he’d been exceptionally handsy when she wore them. Maybe she had five new ones since she’d found out- he would see them eventually. 

“What did you… what did you think about?” Poking the bear wasn’t usually her thing, but his mouth was sex itself. Being fucked slow and deep as he spoke about his fantasies of her was something she couldn’t pass up. 

“Things that are so dirty, it would make you squirm.” He mumbled, grinding himself inside of her. The wet walls around him clenched up as she looked at him with her hazy eyes, fingers tangled in his necklace. “Thought about taking you to his old office and bending you over that desk. Fucking you nice and deep with my hand over your mouth while everyone else was in the pool, go back out with my dick covered in you.” The cunt around him clamped down, alerting him to just how much his girl liked that idea. “You like that? Would you have done it for me, sweet girl? Let me hike up that skirt and make you keep watch at the window to make sure no one was coming inside? Because… I really wouldn’t care if someone heard.” 

Y/N knew it was fucked up to like the idea of being caught by her daughters friends while being fucked by one, but he had  this way of framing it that made her feel it to her bones. His thick cock hitting the right places as he spoke about a fantasy she wouldn’t mind participating in. “I’d probably be shocked and- and I’d probably let you. It had been so long and you’re so gorgeous…” she swallowed. “I knew you’d be able to fuck me good when I had those hints.” 

Those catching glimpses of him eyeing her up, or seeing how he gave her all his attention when she spoke. How he’d always help her out in the kitchen and chat with her while the rest of the group was involved in other things- letting his hand brush her or his body squeeze past her. He’d given signals. 

“Fuck.” His head dropped against hers, pulling out and giving a particularly deep thrust, making her clutch his arm. “Yeah? You’d let me fuck you like that? Filthy little thing, Mama. You amaze me…” the idea of her being fucked in her ex husband’s home office was a delicious fuck you to him and empowerment to her. Let a man who could properly make her cum and multiple times at that, show her how sexy she was to him. 

Y/N connected their lips again as she nudged him, signaling him to let them roll over. Harry was never one to tell her no when she wanted something, let alone when she wanted to ride him. “Would you let me sit in his chair, ride me like this?” Hands grabbed at her plush hips, helping her grind on top of him. “I’d take you anywhere, baby. Make you feel good wherever and however you want. You don’t even know how gone I am for you.” 

In some instances Harry’s honesty had her a bit nervous, but when it came to things like this? She was ever so fucking thankful he was an open book with her. There was no shortage of reassurance, no hiding how he felt. The man was as up front and honest as someone could be and after she got over how overwhelming it could be, she relished in how she never had to guess. Harry never made her wonder how he was feeling, if he was mad, if he liked what she was doing. He let her fucking know, loud and clear, and the anxiety she used to experience in her last relationship in that regard was practically nonexistent. “Me too. I am too, I promise.” She nodded, grinding herself down on his cock. 

Harry’s thighs and balls were going to be sticky and wet by the time this was done but he was craving that. Having her traces all over his skin was something he had come to look forward to, to look at as another part of the erotic package that was his girl. Hands held her hips as he helped guide her, head tipped back to watch the pleasure flash on her face. “It’s deep, isn’t it Mama?” He crooned. “Do you feel it in there? Fuck, I can see it…” His deep groan echoed in her room as he took his hand and placed it right over her belly. Felt each time she moved on him, his mouth falling open as he tugged her hand to feel it. “Right there. That’s how deep I am. My perfect fuckin’ girl, got me tucked in your belly like that…” His voice was wrecked, trying to ignore how tight it made his balls but that was an impossible feat. 

“Oh fuck… Oh fuck, you’re so deep in me.” Y/N sulked, brows furrowing as his hand kept hers on the spot, feeling it each time she sunk back down. “You’re… Harry, please.” Her eyes budding with tears, she rocked hard on his lap and knocked her head against his. “Cum in me, right there. I want it deep, I want it to stay there. Please, please… Please, H.” 

The pleading was so fucking hot that he could have keeled over. This object of his affections getting his dick as deep as possible, pleading with him to cum in her cute little tummy and tightening her cunt over him like the idea of it was the best thing her body had ever fathomed… He was the luckiest sonofabitch that got to live. Feeling the silky, scorching walls of her cunt clenching around him like it was begging for the same thing her mouth was, he couldn’t hold it back. 

The broken groan left the man’s mouth while she hurriedly humped over him, Whimpering against his cheek, her mouth fell open as she felt each and every ribbon of cum heat her up, slicking up her insides with his orgasm. Her hand fell away and covered his as he felt her grinding get sloppy, her clit rubbing against the thatch of hair right above his cock. It was messy, sloppy, unpracticed, but so fucking good she felt like she could pass out. Repeating his name as she came, her nails scratched over his bicep, using his cock like a toy to work herself through the orgasm. 

“There you go, baby. You’re so perfect.” He whispered, pulling her back and licking into her mouth. There was no denying that the man could kiss in any scenario, but when he was balls deep and she was full of his cum, his kisses were some of the hottest she had ever felt. In truth, she hadn’t realized a kiss could be that hot until he’d done it the first time. She whined as he sucked over her tongue, keening into his mouth as her tired body started to slow her grinds and sat with him snug inside of her. Even with a taste of him, she wasn’t properly done with him. “Fuck- stay there. Keep my cock warm.” He muttered, stroking the messy hair from her cheeks with his fingers. His body was sticky with sweat and her arousal, his own mix leaking from her and onto the bed, but there was no rush to go anywhere. 

“God.” Y/N exhaled shakily, resting her head against his neck. Words escaped her as she tried not to get too excited again with the weak twitches of his prick she could feel.

“That’s okay, but I prefer Harry.” The smirk was audible in his voice, but she didn’t have the energy to roll her eyes. The large paw of a hand ran up and down her back, the heartbeat still felt in her ears. “I’ll never get tired of that.” The second sentence was sincere. The man always did seem in awe after they finished having sex, like he couldn’t believe he’d gotten to this point. 

“Me either.” She muttered, keeping her eyes closed as she cuddled into him. He still had the scent of coffee on him, maybe a hint of cigarettes, but the comforting one outweighed the rest of them. Y/N hadn’t had a man like him before but she knew now that he was exactly what she’d been missing. Even if he had grease on his tee shirts, sometimes smelled like oil, and had a bit of a grumpy attitude- he’d always put her first. He’d work with his hands to build up the world for her instead of buying it. He had the skill and follow through to do so. “I wanna do it again.” 

“Christ, woman. I’ve made a monster out of you, haven’t I?” His tired chuckle made her grin against his throat, pecking over the hollow of it. “You’re gonna regret that later, but m’not gonna say no.” Flipping her over to lay on her back, her eyes met his again as he smiled down at her. “C’mon, Mama. Tell me what you want me to do next.”