#his loyalty lies in his friends and bc he feels a little alienated by them in my fic poe gifting him a brooch would be...

[irritablepoe]

*burst through the door* poe getting ranpo a brooch for his birthday

[fistsoflightning]

unending character meme // zaya qestir

RULES: repost, don’t reblog! tag, and good luck!

TAGGED BY: tagged in spirit by @to-the-voiceless

TAGGING: any and all who want to do it but haven’t actually been tagged by anyone!

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Zaya Qestir

NICKNAME: none, really.

AGE: 29 by the end of Stormblood. 30-ish by the end of SHB? Haven’t figured out the time distortion thing.

BIRTHDAY: 17th of the 4th Umbral Moon (8/17)

ETHNIC GROUP: Au’ra; Xaelan

NATIONALITY: Nomad? From the Azim Steppe’s Reunion, if that helps.

LANGUAGE / S: Eorzean Sign Language, Xaelan (crude/unpracticed); understands most languages through use of the Echo

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demiromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: dating Thancred Waters??? unsure of status during post-SHB but getting there.

HOME  TOWN /AREA: Reunion, Azim Steppe

CURRENT HOME: A shared room in the Rising Stones or a shared house in the Mist; depends on where they are at the time of night.

PROFESSION: jeweler, weaver, gladiator of the coliseum, bard teacher (appointed reluctantly by Sanson after many a problem with Guydelot’s schedule), adventurer and warrior of light

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Straight and somewhat below shoulder length. Most of their hair is black, but slowly changes to blue and white at the tips.

EYES: Dark blue; navy color? Light blue limbal rings that glow in the dark, too.

FACE: Sharp jawline accented by their scales, often covered with some royal blue facepaint similar to Arenvald’s own.

LIPS: Often chapped, but otherwise normal.

COMPLEXION: Ashen brown? Hard to describe bc of weird lighting everywhere they go.

BLEMISHES: None

SCARS: There’s a lot, and I might make a scar map at some point??? Major ones happen to be their legs and their left arm; the legs from Ifrit and the arm from Elidibus in Zenos’s body in 4.5

TATTOOS: None, no matter how much people think the facepaint is one.

HEIGHT: Taller than the average Au’ra, about 5’4

WEIGHT: about 135 pounds

BUILD: Muscular, especially due to their main fighting style requiring muscle literally everywhere. Fistfighting for money is no small feat.

FEATURES: Their scales are an odd color (think black and blue borealis dice, but as scales), and their horns definitely look a bit… ragged. Watching them fight will give the odd realization that lightning sparks in cobalt blue come off of them sometimes.

ALLERGIES: Some undetermined fish allergy. Higiri fed them some assorted sushi once and never did again, so the Scions (and themselves) have no clue what fish they need to avoid.

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: Tied into a loose ponytail at the back. Sanson often comments how they share a hairstyle, but it’s simply from need of clear vision when moving around for monk skills and attacks.

USUAL  FACE  LOOK: Stoic as all hell. Not used to making full-on facial expressions outside of conversation, so normally looks bored.

USUAL  CLOTHING: Tabards, cyclas, or generally something with flowy fabric that doesn’t restrain movement all that much. Metal boots and gauntlets/knuckles are also common, but not always.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S: being the last one standing, change, losing their younger siblings/younger friends, spiders, breaking a promise with their mother.

ASPIRATION / S:  To have a proper adventure, and to inspire others to live their fullest lives.

POSITIVE  TRAITS: Devoted, comforting, slightly protective, carefree

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Easily angered, impulsive, emotional, stubborn

MBTI: ISFP-T (Adventurer)

ZODIAC: Leo, apparently? Sort of fits, if you look at it closely.

TEMPERAMENT: Some crazy blend between phlegmatic and choleric? Generally carefree and easygoing with friends and willing to spend a lot of patience on them, but unrelenting and downright frightening in serious situations, especially when involving Garlemald.

SOUL  TYPE / S: Server/Caregiver

ANIMALS: Birds and dogs.

VICE HABIT / S: Drinking, although the Echo does prevent it from having any effect whatsoever, so its more of a taste thing? Tends to sleep a lot when stressed, and often spends their leftover money on gemstones for their shared collection.

FAITH: Polytheistic; the Twelve and Nhaama are gods they generally believe in.

GHOSTS?: Yes, mainly because they’ve seen one.

AFTERLIFE?: Yes.

REINCARNATION?: Probably, with how they’re sure they’ve seen someone who was supposed to be dead before

ALIENS?: before becoming Warrior of Light, it would be no, but with the revelation of Elidibus on the moon and Midgardsormr and OMEGA‌‌ (ALIEN‌ ROBOT????) they aren’t so sure anymore.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Does not care enough even though they are staunch friends with Nanamo. Didn’t care enough to try and challenge Oktai for the seat of Qestiri Khatun, certainly doesn’t care enough to take a political stance in Eorzea.

EDUCATION LEVEL: Barely any; just enough to read letters written in Eorzean and faintly Ishgardian (courtesy of Alphinaud and Haurchefant).

FAMILY.

FATHER: there was one, once, but he’d rather he be forgotten in pursuit of a happier future. Zaya remembers him as Baatar, but they don’t remember if that was actually his name.

MOTHERS: Erhi, Odgerel.

SIBLINGS: Oktai (older brother), Taban (older sister), Sarnai (sister), Delger and Tuya (fraternal twins)

EXTENDED FAMILY: any of the Scions (former or current) or their fellow Warriors of Light, if we’re talking found family. House Fortemps, Aymeric, Estinien, Sanson, Guydelot, Sidurgu, Rielle, and all of the Qestiri tribe are up there too, but you know, that’s kind of a lot of gifts to be sending around during Starlight. (zaya totally sends them all gifts anyways.)

NAME MEANING /S: Zaya means fate in Mongolian, which all of the other Xaelan names seem to be based on. Their previous name, Dzoldzaya, meant light of fate.

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: Recorded history on the Azim Steppe is easily lost, but if asking around the different tribes, one could learn about a rather prominent Qestiri warrior whose image is painted in some of the caverns nearby where much of important, unforgettable Xaelan history is recorded by the Gharl, swathed in blue cloth. In the days of Amaurot, there was one standout Amaurotine who shared a love for lightning and birds…

FAVORITES.

BOOK: They don’t know enough Eorzean to read a full book, not even a children’s book. The Echo doesn’t help with reading. Urianger has read a book of myths and legends that turned out to be true to them, however, and that has been their favorite for a while. They’ve been considering asking him to read more for them, but that’s been placed on hold after the events of the First and following Mt. Gulg.

DEITY: Nhaama, or Rhalgr, if talking to someone who thinks ‘what’s a Nhaama’ when they mention her.

HOLIDAY: Starlight Celebration. Something about the festive mood always makes them happy.

MONTH: August (4th Umbral Moon)

SEASON: Summer

PLACE: On the Source, Reunion in the Azim Steppe just because interacting with other tribes is rather fun. On the First, Il Mheg all the way!

WEATHER: Clear nights where they can trace the constellations, but it isn’t too cold to need a blanket.

SOUND / S: Excited chatter, harp, singing, small hammers clinking against metal.

SCENT /S: Rain, fresh wood, the air in Gridania, light perfume, Syhrwyda’s food.

TASTE /S: Snurbleberry, honey, most Doman seafood, buuz.

FEEL /S: Soft and smooth fabrics, cold metal, the grip of someone’s hand around theirs, wind blowing through their hair on a warm day.

ANIMAL /S: Yol, chocobo (birds!).

NUMBER: 17, for their nameday and the first year they spent in Eorzea

COLORS: Cobalt blue and indigo, pale gold, soot black.

EXTRA.

TALENTS: Extremely good when working with cloth or metal; even more so when tinkering little trinkets. Interestingly enough, very good at playing flute and harp without much practice. Expert at pulling a person’s true emotions out with simply body language.

BAD AT: Sneaking around/stealth. Do not, under any circumstance, give them a job involving secrecy or stealth unless you want it to fail. Speaking/reading is also pretty horrible, due to how they were raised. Also bad at taking change or lies well.

TURN-ONS: Loyalty, bravery despite all odds, kindness and love even when it would be easier to be otherwise, being able to understand other beliefs, and a love of freedom or new experiences

TURN OFFS: Lying to their face knowingly, extreme greed, lack of self-worth, anger for no good reason

HOBBIES: making music with Guydelot and Sanson, attempting to keep a journal, idle tinkering, dancing, gardening

TROPES: Good is Not Soft, Hope Bringer, Magnetic Hero, Omniglot, The Power of Friendship, The Quiet One, Silent Snarker, Dark is Not Evil, Five Stages of Grief, Horrifying Hero, Magic Music, Warrior Poet, Dance Battler, Warrior Monk, Determinator, Pintsized Powerhouse, Pragmatic Hero (don’t let me stay on TV‌tropes pls)

QUOTES: have a snippet of some writing?

Scrawled onto a piece of paper underneath his arm in Thancred’s handwriting and marked with Zaya’s name reads, “Your words, no matter how I react, do not change how I love you all.”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: If you could write your character your way in their own movie,  what would it be called,  what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?          

A1: Honestly, I think there would be two movies that could include Zaya; some comedy musical revolving around Zaya’s bard lifestyle while placing their active lifestyle in the background (called “A Bard Knock Life” bc i think puns are cool) or an action drama framed around Zaya and the Scions living some sort of high fantasy/DND type adventure bc I love that stuff called “The Unbroken Thread”. (THAT‌ QUEST‌ NAME STILL GETS‌ ME)

Q2: What would their soundtrack/score sound like?          

A2: Something featuring a flute, probably. I got attached to Zaya playing the flute being a former flute player myself. (I only wish the oboe performance sound bank clicked with me a little more…)

Q3: Why did you start writing this character?          

A3: Originally, Zaya wasn’t meant to exist. I was literally planning on just creating A’dewah, Syhrwyda, and maybe Lumelle and Elwin in different roles. Then the Au’ra came out; I‌ used my free Fantasia from the sub rewards just to be an Au’ra (I was a miqo’te before; shh, i was still babu who liked cats) and suddenly Zaya started being formed as Menphina Jewel. Before I knew it, that Menphina Jewel grew a whole backstory and a new name and new friends (Azim Steppe arc of Stormblood MSQ? Final nail in the coffin.) that slowly took over the previous two Warriors as the focus of my attention. I wasn’t even supposed to keep playing FFXIV‌ past HW, dude. I had like a million other things to be doing at the time, but here I am, lying in my grave 3 years later still attached.

Q4: What first attracted you to this character?          

A4: They’re (mostly) mute. I really wanted to explore what it’s like to not be able to talk and only converse in body language, but then I discovered that might be a problem, so my interest in sign language collided with Zaya’s backstory. It also helps me work out a personality without them sounding/looking too much like what I think is Basic Story ProtagTM like I tend to do on accident (see A’dewah and Valdis’s dialogue sometimes.)

Q5: Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

A5: They can’t really speak. Funny how the thing I like most is also the thing I hate most. It’s very frustrating when I want them to convey something and then they can’t without using actual words and a voice because I haven’t got a clue on how to convey that through body language. How in the world do you convey ‘I feel like I’m doing arcanist calculations when you speak’ in nonverbal language??? I have no damn idea and every attempt looks like I meant something else.

Q6: What do you have in common with your muse?          

A6: The snark, man. I have friends constantly commenting on how I’ve made a burn without me realizing I’ve done so, and it’s hilarious. The love for music also carried over big time, especially after discovering how fun the bard NPCs were to write and how they’d fit into Zaya’s relationship web. (they’re totally the more comedic side, but I love Guydelot and Sanson anyways.)

Q7: How does your muse feel about you?          

A7: No clue, dude. Maybe thinks I’m boring? I don’t tend to want to drastically change things or look for new adventures; the biggest leap I’ve taken in two years is probably changing to a reed instrument from flute, and even then I don’t have to change key when‌ I read music, so it’s not that big a deal.

Q8: What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?        

A8: Urianger and Lyse, maybe? I like the exploration of repairing relationships after something that might have ended another, weaker bond. It’s also kinda fun trying to see how Zaya would react; they’re a lot more rash than I am in real life, and that’s honestly saying something. Alisaie and Alphinaud, however, are the most fun just because I know what I’m doing when I write them, and it’s funny to see how Zaya reacts (or has a lack of reaction) to their dynamic. Guydelot and Sanson fall into another category of ‘dear god I simultaneously love and hate these two’, while Thancred, Y’shtola, Urianger, Syhrwyda, Duscha, and Ryne fall into some sort of strong found family vibes that just get me everytime I think about it

Q9: What gives you inspiration to write your muse?        

A9:…Doing job quests or side story quests or even MSQ I haven’t caught up on yet. Watch as I slowly rewrite as many MSQ‌ and job quest scenes as I can in any of my Warrior of Light’s viewpoints. (currently chiseling away at some backstory/before they were Warriors stories after reading too deep into the race/subrace text and lore keep an eye out LOL-)

Q10: How long did this take you to complete?          

A10: A day or two; don’t remember when I began. It was probably when I was procrastinating on homework, though. I didn’t post it until a week later whoops.

[ifridiot]

History

It's a quarter to six in the morning and i wrote this bc i hurt too much to sleep. Naia and Wade chilling and talking about bullshit after Nate got murderized by Bable. Warning for drug use, sex talk, and swears.

“The main difference between Nate and Daddy Scott,” Wade said, reclining into the sad, decrepit couch that took up the majority of his living room floor space, “other than, you know,” here he paused, making a soft sort of explosion sound and gesturing with both hands as if to vaguely encompass something large, “is that Nate fucks, and Cyke has literally never gotten his dick wet.”

Naia gives Wade a Look. Even with their eyes still covered by the mask, the look translates -- they can tell by the smile curling Wade’s mouth, the brightness of those wide white eyes. “I mean. Obviously if Cyclops is his dad, he’s fucked at least once.”

If you told Naia a year ago they’d be sitting in Deadpool’s apartment, with their mask rolled up and two of their hands working on packing a rather nice bowl with some expensive (or so Wade claimed) weed, talking about the sex life of a very famous X-Man in an effort to help Wade get over his ex’s (?) recent murder (suicide?), they would have rolled their eyes and asked for some of whatever you’d been smoking.

Now, as it’s occurring, it feels entirely natural. Fucking weird, no doubt, but natural the way it was natural to have mildly disgusting but ultimately light hearted conversations with a close friend.

“Yeah, they want you to think that,” Wade says, and pauses for Naia ask the obvious.

It takes them a second to realize that they’re supposed to actually supply the question. Wade often does the talking for both of them, but sometimes, usually when he’s feeling particularly lonely, he wants them to hold up their end. “Who wants me to think Cyclops has fucked, Wade?”

“Very important comma there, huh. Not that I’d say no to joining the ‘Has Fucked That Nerd’ club, but, you know, my loyalty is to Nate or whatever.”

Wade’s voice starts to go a little rough towards the end there, the way it does when he’s irritated or upset. Naia huffs and swats him across the shoulder.

“The writers, obviously,” Wade says, back on track. “They want you to think Cyke got busy a whole bunch, god bless their efforts.”

Naia makes a considering noise, feeling around for their lighter. When that’s not enough, they look at Wade again. “So who’s Cable’s real dad then?”

“Well biologically it’s still Scott, obviously, I mean that’s clear the second you see the eyes.”

Wade grins when Naia snorts at that. They may never have met Scott Summers in person, but they got the joke. You’d have to be dense not to, or at least hiding under a rock.

“But Scott’s just a sperm donor. Maddie took his spunk with telekinesis and made a baby that was so overpowered he had to be immediately nerfed with an alien virus that wanted to turn him into a fun sexy tentacle hentai monster. The metal kind.”

There’s the lighter, dear God, thank you. Naia grabs it, fumbles, catches it in another hand, and finally gets a hit, drawing deep before passing everything off to Wade. “Well,” they say on the exhale, “that’s disgusting. And definitely not what happened, except possibly in your fanfiction.”

“Hey, speaking of, did you subscribe to my AO3?”

“Dear god, no,” Naia lied, shuddering in a way that was only partially burlesque. “I do not need any more nightmare bullshit than what my own brain produces.”

Wade laughs at that, a genuine laugh, without the weird ache underneath it, and when he leans against Naia, pipe drawn up so he can take another hit, they let him shift so they can wrap both arms on that side around him, holding him.

He goes very still, just for a second, all the mirth gone out of him, and then he exhales, sagging against Naia as though all the weight and gravity of the world is on him, so he can’t possibly support himself. They press their hands against his side, his back, and hold him close.

Told a month ago that they’d be the person who’s shoulder Wade was most comfortable crying on, Naia would have laughed. Wade didn’t cry on shoulders, Wade laughed everything off, or else got mad and killed, maimed, or broke whatever had hurt him. He didn’t need a shoulder.

Now, as it’s occurring, Naia finds this to be as simple, as easy, as everything seems to be with Wade. He doesn’t sob, so much, more just sort of leaks snot and tears against their side. The coveralls need a wash anyway, and they’ve had worse on them than a little mucus.

“Thanks for puttin’ up with this shit,” Wade says when the wave of emotion finally subsides, so Naia almost chokes on their draw off the pipe. ‘Genuine’ is almost as foreign from Wade as ‘gratitude’, and that sounded like both.

“Course.”

“He’s gonna come back. Getting worked up is dumb. He’d laugh if he…”

“Nah. You call yourself a fic writer? Nate saw your nasty ass weeping bitter tears over his grave, he’d go full Ghost -- you know, the movie, Patrick Swayze, Hold Me Close, that bullshit -- with you.”

“I dig that you see me as Demi Moore.”

“With that voice?”

[glatisants]

Albion: The Legend of Arthur (Closing Thoughts)

I’m gonna start with some really general, spoiler-free notes on what I liked, what did and didn’t work, the characterization choices, and that kind of thing. Further down will a more specific discussion of the story and writing decisions and such, and that will get into more spoilery territory.

also before I get into my subjective opinions about the series, I want to say that this should be taken with a tremendous grain of salt, given that

I am probably not the best person to ask for lit recs in general, given that my favorite piece of Arthurian lit is unironically, wholeheartedly The Dream of Rhonabwy;

My standards for audio media are probably lower than most people’s—I used to listen to 1940s radio for fun and that has absolutely numbed my palate;

I’m a little biased, in that I think Owain/Ywain is sort of underrepresented in Arthurian media, and as such I get irrationally excited whenever he’s included as a character in anything, however loose that characterization may be (my caveat, though, is that I strongly dislike the real historical Owain mab Urien; I want a cool Owain/Ywain who is also very obviously fictional).

***

All in all, I liked it, but I’m not sure I liked it as an Arthurian adaptation. Something like this is kind of a departure for me—honestly, I’m not usually a fan of Arthurian adaptations that do away with the Round Table and make Arthur a 5th century warlord. Legendry, and particularly Arthurian legends, can be this very odd thing, in that it lies in this liminal space between pure mythology and, like, history fanfiction, and honestly that makes me very uncomfortable.

I get the sense that the writers’ main sources were mainly “chronicle”-type things and Welsh bardic poetry—things like Nennius, Aneirin, Taliesin, Geoffrey of Monmouth, maybe Layamon’s Brut, and possibly the Welsh Triads and the Mabinogion. When certain familiar narrative elements are stripped away—no Round Table, no Grail, no courtly love—it can be difficult to reconcile that with more traditional takes on Arthuriana. Still, it’s not like I’m an expert on adaptational integrity, and I know modern authors do weirder takes all the time. And some things—such as the sword in the stone, and the idea of a Round Table—are hinted at in a way that are tailored to the more “grounded” nature of the story, while still capturing the ideas that live behind the symbols. And magic and fantasy do enter the story, in a deeply satisfying way, even as the story is largely focused on politics and warfare.

The gritty, “realistic” setting of Dark Ages Wales can be a dealbreaker for some people; honestly, I’ve felt that way before. I did appreciate it wasn’t overly violent, and there wasn’t any rape/sexual assault—there is one scene where a character is implicitly threatened by a group of Picts (but to put it mildly, things turn out well for her), and in the final episode one character is almost forced into an unwanted political marriage, but those are the only moments I can think of. And the series as a whole ended up being more optimistic than I thought it would be. The main themes are that hope is a beacon that lights the way into the future, and that stories are powerful and immortal (a bit cheesy, perhaps, but I love that sort of thing).

Characterization Notes

Gwenhwyvar—I absolutely loved this take on Gwen; something about the way she was written just hit perfectly for me. She was incredibly clever, perceptive, and protective of her people above all else; she was serious, astute and pragmatic, but also kind and gracious. She commanded an army, and yet always approached conflicts with the priority of peace.

I’m not usually a fan of Warrior Princess Gwen because it can remove a lot of the subtlety of her character, but that problem didn’t come up here; they make a point of showing how she’s underestimated by her peers and uses this fact to her advantage in order to wield her power discreetly. But when she met for political negotiations with councils of men, they always spoke as equals, with nothing but respect for her.

Arthur—Honestly, he fell flat for me compared to the other characters, and I felt like I couldn’t get a good sense of him. Arthur can be a tricky character to write, because there’s this inherent need to make him stand out as a heroic figure, and that usually entails either seeing him eye to eye or elevating him to great heights; either he’s written as someone someone people can emotionally connect to and see in a personable way, or he is extraordinarily capable and thus untouchable. Here, I think that the pathos was largely found in characters like Anna and Owain, and that untouchable capability in Gwenhwyvar, and it seemed perfectly natural that the focus would move away from Arthur and towards them as the series progressed.

Honestly this might have been intentional—one of the points we’re left with by the end is the idea that Arthur grew to be far more than he ever could have realistically been, and that the hope he inspired was the reason he lived on in the stories, rather than who he might have been as a person.

Medraut—I found him a bit underdeveloped, and that was a shame—I really wish we’d gotten to see more of him. There were some mentions of his past friendship with Arthur, but that tension was hardly felt until they finally met in battle; I think there could have been a lot of potential there, and besides, he was a fun character. He was charismatic and affable, manipulative and petty, stuck on nursing old grudges; but he was also without friends, family or country, completely alienated and digging himself into a deeper ditch with every move he made. 

Owain—Genuinely uncertain how I feel about this characterization! He was intelligent, good-hearted, courageous, caring, and thoughtful; he was extremely likable, and I found that…a bit odd, honestly. I can’t really articulate my thoughts further than that. 

Others: Myrddin—this is the only take on Merlin I’ve ever genuinely liked. He’s such a nuisance and just beautifully weird. Aergol—I found him really interesting, and I was actually a little surprised by how much he grew on me by the end. Cynon—I found him such a tragic, miserable character, equal parts contemptible and heartbreaking. 

Room For Improvement

The pacing mostly fine, but a little bit odd in places—I felt like the final act could have used a bit more buildup.

Audio coherence could’ve been better during some of the action scenes—there were definitely a few parts where I was not totally sure what was supposed to be happening. Most of the time it didn’t bother me, but when it’s something like Arthur facing off against Medraut, that should be a dramatic high point, and I want focus and clarity; otherwise, whatever is trying to be conveyed will inevitably come across as anticlimactic.

I might’ve liked to see music used in more interesting ways, bc it can be really integral to effective sound design. There were a couple scenes where it was used really well (the leadup to the Battle of Badon, for instance), and I would’ve loved more of that.

I don’t know if this was supposed to be an intentional choice, but I could not take the Saxon characters seriously at all—they were performed in such an over-the-top way that they made me laugh more than anything else. The other characters were portrayed very well, I found the voice acting quite strong, so the sheer oddness of the Saxons stood out to me.

***

Okay spoilers below

I was all about Anna’s storyline and I think it was one of the strongest parts of the series. I loved the idea of this woman, killed unjustly for fiercely clinging to her ideals in spite of tremendous pressure, finding strength in her fallen ancestors and rising again as a powerful enchantress determined to seek revenge. It felt right for her, totally cathartic, and I was glad that she was treated so sympathetically.

I tried not to think about it too deeply, but I think I saw her as sort of a Morgan/Morgause composite; obviously the name Anna is associated with Morgause, and she’s linked with Lewdwn (aka Lot) of Gododdin, but her transformation to enchantress led her to call herself Morgan.

It was pretty clear that Owain had feelings for Arthur, but I sort of wish it was a little less implicit (fyi for people who haven’t read the other recaps, they’re the same age and not related in this). Like, I guess they were involved in a major plot point that was a pretty clear allusion to Achilles and Patroclus, and other characters kept mentioning rumors about them, but the most direct reference we got was Arthur confessing to Gwen that they had been together briefly when they were kids, and while Arthur never loved him, he had never thought to ask Owain how he felt. By the end, you kind of get the sense that Owain’s main motivation all along has been this love/loyalty, but it’s done in such a subtle way it leaves a lot of room for interpretation, and the fact that there was so much in their dynamic that went unspoken just exacerbates that.

I wasn’t sure how to read the ending and especially the final line. What I’m going with—just my personal interpretation—is that both Anna and Owain are stuck somewhere between life and death, possibly in a literal way as well as a figurative one. One of the recurring themes is, like, legendry as a means of resurrection and even immortality; legends are a place between life and death, where the dead are made immortal to walk among the living. So by the end, both of them have come to see firsthand how legends are made, and have become people tied to the liminal space of legendry, and thus belong to neither world.

I say this could be in a literal way as well as a figurative one bc Anna was given new life both through a physical transformation and the stories people would tell about her, and possibly some combination of both. And I think this could apply to Owain as well—maybe when he chose to take on the mantle of Arthur, he and his bronze sword somehow joined that part of the Otherworld with Anna and Merlin, and he became the proverbial King Asleep in the Mountain. But that might be a bit of a stretch. 

***

That’s all I have to say about this. I think the combined word count of all these posts could be a full-fledged novella, so thank you for your patience and for reading!

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 4: PLEASE JUST GIVE US A SWAP-CHLOE

Why am I still here???

me when i read the challenge: omg i love flash games and states and sporcle, this is gonna be a delight!!! me after actually playing the fucking game: https://youtu.be/FveF-we6lcE

*later* 

love hozier so much. he’s the only thing keeping me alive rn. whilst i waste away. HEY AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE ALL THE FUCKIN STATES ARE RIGHT!!!!

Sooooo we finally get flash games. Of course I was asleep when they were being handed out so I ended up with fucking winterbells. Yeehaw I guess time to go let a million bunnies fall to their death.

okurrrrr. Incase we did some kind of swap I talked to Amanda and RTP about like becoming a trio and who they like so I can make sure I like them so we can all work together better in the future. According to both of them we all like the same people? Being Linus and Seamus. RTP suggested being a trio, maybe making a chat, and then also making a chat with the 5 of us in it which Amanda liked too. We'd probably have to wait until actual tribal to put it into motion. Also Dane suggested to wage 3 points on me cause he knows I'm good at flash games and I hate that he knows me cause I would've suggested the same thing If I was awake for that deadline. It's driving me crazy his dumb bitch ass is here cause I keep missing him.

also fuck this flash game i hate trex i don't wanna go to work i hope this score holds up.

I'm done. I literally just want to give up. I'm just sat here crying because it all feels so pointless. We're gonna swap, I'll get swapfucked and then that's that I guess. Won't have proved that I'm not a shit player lolllll guess that's maybe true. I've been doing terrible in challenges. I'm tired. I want to quit. This is all so fucking dumb.

wow i just told dane about how much i hate myself and he told me i was smart and pretty and amazing...i feel loved for the first time in my godforsaken life!!!! i hope he does not betray me bc i love him. hes my new best friend. dane if u r reading this i love u.

Shout out to all the other royals for DRAGGING MY ASS THROUGH THAT CHALLENGE, my score was humiliating compared to Raffy’s... I’m trying not to call attention to it, LOL. That is karma for me acting like him for that video challenge I’m sure 😳 Sorry my confessions are pretty boring these days... nothing new to report.

I cannot believe we lost again. I'm so over being on this tribe at this point. I just want a swap to happen, but that just means I'll be at the bottom with people I don't know. It's such a double-edged sword. At this point, I'll take whatever comes my way as long as I don't go to tribal for the rest of pre-merge. For this tribal, I think that Trace is the vote sadly. I really like him a lot, but he is outside all the alliances that were made. By voting Trace, I don't betray anyone and keep my hands clean with two different 5 person alliances. Also, Trace must feel like an outsider at this point so if there is a swap, would he be willing to vote with Rebels? I'm not too sure. I guess this is just the hand I was dealt, so I have to deal with it.

tribal number 4 ! woo ! love when i’m probably gonna get thrown under the bus for the vote when i had basically no say in my role in the challenge <3 honestly sick as fuck of raffy dictating everything but i’m not petty enough to vote him for it. dan might be but he’s too emotional for his own good i think. raffy is loyal to me. he’ll sink himself by being so loud later. if i swap with him, chances are the numbers won’t be on my side, and he’s someone that would alienate people much faster than i would. i’d be able to flip on raffy no problem. but in the meantime, he stays in my pocket and dan will have to suck it up ig! i’ve already lied to trace, he’s most likely voted against dan, he and i have no loyalty to each other, and he’s more likely to skate by utr in a swap scenario so he needs to go. i’m not worried about an idol play, obviously, but i can see there being something else. an extra vote or a vote steal or smth. i think i have enough of the numbers that it won’t matter but. definitely something to keep in mind.

So like.... a swap HAS to be coming up soon.. The royals won their 4TH immunity in a row and I'm extremely happy because i truly believe that the first time I don't have immunity, I will leave. HOWEVER, now I have very strong arguments if the swap is happening. There is a VERY tight 6 in the rebels tribe which i clocked since the second tribal that consists of Dan, Asya, Raffy, Chloe, Lachlan, and John. They have all consistently left Trace out of votes and they continue to vote as a 6 (even with a large majority as well. They aren't splitting votes and I'm more convinced that one of those 6 have an idol already due to them putting all their votes onto one person). These 6 do NOT plan on splitting up. I think my best chance would convincing the royals to just stick together for a little bit longer, possibly just to split up a couple duos in there. Just based off of the tribal council, Raffy and Chloe seem to be really close. Raffy is that annoying gay and Chloe is that white girl who think gays are an accessory so he's just YAS SLAYING HER LIFE OKUR! The other duo I think is Asya and Dan, those 2 have been known in the BB community to be relatively close so I wouldn't be surprised if they are working together this game. The only issue with splitting up Asya and Dan is that Amanda (a royal) is also friends with those 2 rebels. So my best bet is sadly teaming up with the two Ryans who have a very obvious F2 to get out Dan, and I know Ryan would be more than happy to get out Dan since Ryan M plays these games very personally and like Dan called him fat or whatever. However I told Ryan M to kill himself before so I might be his prime target before Dan.... so who knows !!!

This whole situation sucks. I really don’t want Trace to go home but there is literally nothing I can do about it. I floated Raffy’s name by Asya because I trust her the most and she just wasn’t into it. It would 100% be a crackhead move but I do trust Trace a lot.... and he’s just nice to chat with (and look at). Trace wants to do Chloe and honestly I trust her a lot too so I’m not willing to roll the dice and lose other allies if the Chloe vote doesn’t pan out. What will really shock me is if I’m booted tonight. That would be fucking hilarious. I feel weird in this game because we constantly have to go to tribal and vote someone out. Come swap time, we’re gonna be fucked no matter what. It’s all such a mess haha

Trace throwing my name to people as if they're actually gonna get on board with that. Lol ok sis you do you I guess. He's in my DMs like ooooh no I think I'm going home, but I fully know he's been messaging Raffy, John, Asya and Dan asking them to vote me and he thinks that he has the numbers for it skskks. Idk what the craic is, part of me is saying he's gonna be messy and pull an idol and I'm going to go home tonight even though he will have majority votes against him. Guess I'll be getting 17th all over again, how fun xoxo

*a little bit later*

I am for the life of me BEGGING that we have a swap next. Please please please can we have a swap. PLEASE JUST GIVE US A SWAP. I would like a SHOT at being immune for once.

*Chloe sitting on a rock as the camera man zooms in*

This round has fully caused me so so many emotions. Last night I just had a whole ass breakdown and wanted to quit because I just feel this is entirely pointless and no matter what happens I'm going to get swap fucked and I probably wont make it to merge. I still feel this way I'm not going to lie. I've entirely lost all hope, I could quit but I also feel like that in itself is pointless. I came here to fight and prove that I am in fact not a shit player, so, here's hoping I can manoeuvre my way through this somehow and come out the other end into merge at least, that would be nice.