#his lack of social skills will never not be hilarious

[decaffeinatedcandycane]

Random COD headcanons - AU

Ghost likes to mess with the thermostat. He keeps the room warm and watch as the recruits squirm in their seats. He wonders if someone will ever ask him to change the tempreture?

Price blames whoever is near the thermostat for the change in tempreture and "threatens" them.

Soap started food fight and when caught, blamed it on a banana peel.

Kyle steals confiscated products and return them back to the owners for favors.

One time Soap fell in the showers and the boys made prison jokes for a week.

Rorke used to work in the same summer camp where Graves spend his vacations. If Rorke was younger, they would have met.

Kyle misses a toe from a firework accident, when he was a teen. Told his mom an enemy soldier ripped it off.

Captain Price and Ghost met when they were sergents. They were briefly in the same base and bonded after Ghost fought of a dude and the captain covered for him.

Keegan and Ghost in the same room is hilarious. They have a bet who can make the most people unsettled in a month.

Roach talks to the stars whenever is alone in nature. He recites them poetry.

König clothes are handmade. He refuses to go to a store and try on different clothes, because of his size, small dressing rooms and the lack of choices.

Nikto hates cheese, so he lies to people he is lactose intolerant and have to use their bathroom, whenever they make fun of him for it. They never do again.

Roach eats cookies and chocolate milk before bed. He also watches cartoons with Soap and Gaz.

Captain Mactavish leaves his door unlocked, when he feels touch starved, in case, someone wants to snuggle with him. Mostly Ghost and Roach.

Roach will give you kiss goodnight, if you do not lock your door.

Sergent Soap is a dog for cleavage. Captain Mactavish prefers ass. Show them both and they will follow you around like puppies.

Price sends himself flowers and pretends a secret admirer did. The boys poked fun at him, so he scared the shit out them by writing "from Makarov" onto the card.

Nikolai eats only homemade food and makes his own alcohol. He has excellent survival skills and can Nara Smith his way in every situation. He shops in expensive stores, but tests the products on others before purchase.

Kyle has a PhD and can be an elementary school teacher.

Rorke hates every exotic fruit and fragrance that he comes across. He complains when something is not authentic and backs up his claims with a highly traumatic personal experience from his slavery.

Captain Mactavish smokes the rival brand cigars to Captain Price. They often glare at each other whenever one of them is smoking.

König often forgets and bites his food through his mask. Then, he rips a hole where his mouth is because he is amongst people and his pride refuses to accept defeat.

Horangi listens to people conversations and uses some stories as his own, to get out of stuff.

Simon can't read well. He had a stutter when he was young, was made fun off, so he went mute for few years. Never liked reading books anyway. Learned to say the entire alphabet in order in his late 17s.

Price faked a heart attack to get out of an important social event. Laswell caught him, so he bribed doctors to tell he has anxiety.

Soap is the messiest, not dirty except if he plays outside, bastard ever. Unless he is stressed. Then he is the mom with the coasters.

Soap has a pink apron and wears it while he does laundry, to cover up. Yes, he is fully naked. Captain Mactavish does the same thing.

Both Mactavish soldiers are close and give each other advice. They accept themselves as the same person.

Alejandro talks nonsense with Spanish sounding when he gets bored. Says they are special Spanish words.

Rudy is obsessed with pasta. If he is in a room with pasta, he will take continuous glances at it and take a plate as soon as he can. This is how Alejandro sucks up to him when he fucks up - with food.

[mini-jiminie]

I can’t even believe I’m writing this out but, apparently a lot of people lack critical thinking skills. Jungkook feigning lunging at jm is not evidence of him having ‘violent’ or ‘aggressive’ tendencies. This is mf Jeon Jungkook we’re talking about.

This is the way people behave with their friends - especially close friends. Dare I say, even couples can joke around with eachother the same way. It’s ridiculous how many posts I’ve seen reiterating that jk was never actually gonna hurt jm. Apparently some insecure people can’t operate the singular braincell that’s floating around in their empty heads.

The entire situation was actually such a gag because socially and culturally speaking, jm has the upper hand in their relationship. He’s the older one. Culturally, it’s pretty unheard of for the younger person to even think of doing what jk did to their elder. But, he can and he did because those two see eachother as equals. Rarely will we see them play into that age hierarchy. Jm occasionally likes to let jk think he has the power. We’ve also seen him assert being the older one if he wants to.

Also, jk’s reaction to Tae’s argument was pretty mild. He disagreed but, wasn’t disgruntled. As soon as jm also disagreed, he seemingly had a problem because:

how dare they not be on the same frequency?

The fact that Tae started the discourse but jm got the brunt of jk’s reaction is hilarious because again, jk feels comfortable enough to joke around to that extent with him. They’re equals in his eyes.

Let’s also point out that Jm took it in stride, playing along with that dramatic ass reaction. If he actually was hurt or the situation was serious (which 🙄) why would the editors keep that scene in the show?? It’s clear that some people only see jk’s value in what he can bring to their ship. If his behaviour doesn’t align with their fantasies, he gets slandered and accused of being a horrible person.

Finally - and I feel like this isn’t brought up enough - but, can we please emphasis that the topic of the convo was spam or pink sausage😭😭

[potatothots]

Tea Culture

Genre: Drama 

Rating: Teen

Pairings: Bi-Han x Reader

Warnings: stalking behavior, background death, sassy reader

Summary: Bi-Han sees everything you do. 

I got the idea for the reader from tea.culture4 on tiktok. She’s hilarious. Watch her!! I put a link in the story to the specific video I was thinking about. 

Note - I'm not your guardian. You read what you want. I can't stop you. If you don't heed the warnings, too bad for you, not me.

He watches you. It unnerves you to no end. Whenever he and his brothers come to Madam Bo’s, you feel his eyes on you. Bi-Han, the Lin Kuei’s Grandmaster, has a staring problem. You have a problem with him. Yet the more you’re mean to him, the more he seems to enjoy it. At least, it seems like it. He hasn’t killed you yet for the tea you purposely spilled on him, or the forgetting to serve him his portion of dinner. No, he enjoys it. His brothers laugh about it. Madam Bo has stopped scolding you about it. His big tips say everything he won’t. 

But, your problem with him runs deeper than his staring problem or his lack of social skills. It started when you flaunted having a date after your shift. You were excited - Jin was beautiful. He was well-spoken, nice, and had a great ass. You checked it out every time you saw him bend over. Your date had gone well, too. Jin took you to an Italian-style place. It was a city over. You’d never had anything like it before. His smile lit up your whole room as he watched you enjoy the layered noodle and tomato sauce dish. He promised to take you to more exotic food places. Maybe, even out of the country. 

You rewarded his generosity with your talented mouth. 

A note had been left in your bag the next day: “I see everything you do.” A few nights later Jin was found dead in the river next to your small town. 

You had the idea it was Bi-Han, especially when no one mentioned Jin again. It was almost as if he’d been erased from the town. 

Your second boyfriend possibly met the same fate - you couldn’t be sure. He had spoken about leaving the country for a medical degree. He was gone and had left you a simple note of goodbye, however you were suspicious. Why didn’t he tell you in person? Why had he hinted at a life with you when he left? 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you glared over at Bi-Han and his brothers. They were at Madam Bo’s for dinner. They’d also asked for one of your famous tea shows. You loved tea and enjoyed showing your skills off. Just not for the Lin Kuei’s Grandmaster. You were pushed out of your thoughts when Madam Bo thrust your tea tray into your hands. 

“Go, girl. The sooner you perform, the sooner they will leave.”

You snorted at her words. Madam Bo liked them and always questioned you on your behavior. She didn’t understand. You couldn’t make her. With a deep huff, you plastered a huge, fake smile on your face and walked to the Grandmaster’s table. He sat at a large table, his brothers on either side. It was on a loft above the main floor. You purposely kept quiet when Kuai Liang and Tomas greeted you happily. 

Sitting down across from them, you set the tray down. The porcelain rattled. Each cup you took off to display made a clink with the force of your movements. (https://www.tiktok.com/@tea.culture4/video/7317142997303315754?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7261002111268783659) You did your set, but as messily as you could. There was tea and water all over the table by the time you were done. The lid to the teapot was on the floor. You’d eaten more of the rice cakes than they had. Giving them a sassy smile, you got up and left. You hadn’t even served Bi-Han tea. You drank it from the cup yourself. 

Avoiding the table for the rest of the night, you left the clean-up to another waiter. Sitting in the kitchen munching on some rice and reading a very worn copy of your favorite book after the restaurant closed, you looked up when you heard a shuffle of feet. It was Bi-Han. The fact he made noise meant he wanted you to know he was there. Suddenly, you realized no one else was in the kitchen. For the first time, you felt fear around him. Your eyes trailed over his hulking frame. He held a package in his hand. Silently, he set it on the table and pushed it towards you. Swallowing your feelings, you reached for the perfectly wrapped…gift? The item was wrapped in a blue silk scarf with what looked like pink flowers stitched in. Your name was beautifully written across a label. With shaking hands, you untied the scarf. 

It was a book. Not just any book, but the sequel to the one you were reading. You hadn’t even known there was more to the story. Your fingers traced the title with reverence. You wondered if there was more after this one. 

Looking back up at Bi-Han, you frowned. “Why did you give me this?”

“So you can see the rest of the story.” He answered, face and tone as neutral as ever. 

You looked between him and the book a few times. “Do you expect me to thank you? You might get killed.” You rolled your eyes, throwing the fact you knew what he’d been up to with your two boyfriends. 

The Grandmaster shrugged. “I expect nothing. Simply that you enjoy yourself. When you’re finished, there’s a third one.”

“I don’t want any more gifts from you.” You scowled at him. 

His eyes narrowed. The fear you felt earlier was back. 

“That’s not for you to decide.” He said. There was a pause as he tapped his fingers against the table. “We enjoyed your performance tonight. I’d like to see another tomorrow. Good night, Petal.”

You said nothing and watched him leave. As soon as he was out of your sight you wrapped the book back in the scarf and put it in your bag. You hated him, his stupid nickname for you, and the fact he watched you enough to care about what you read. Having your suspicions confirmed, you finally let it sink in he had his sights on you. The best you could hope for was he’d find someone more interesting and forget about you. Until then, you’d make sure to keep giving him the worst attitude possible. 

He seemed to like it. A small part of you loved that fact.

[jouliejihan]

𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑶𝑵 𝑨𝑰𝑹! - hueningkai × fem reader

𝑺𝒀𝑵𝑶𝑷𝑺𝑰𝑺: When Y/N and her eccentric friends decide to host the 'Love On Air' podcast, they think they can heal the heartaches of all HYBE Uni students.  But when love begins to bubble up behind the scenes, Y/N finds herself at the center of a messed up love triangle. While she tries to save broken hearts, a shy student, Hueningkai, does everything to win her heart. With clumsy dating advice, accidental encounters and a chaotic podcast, will love triumph or end up in a hilarious mess?

"Tune in with us guys, cause Love is On Air!"

TAGLIST (open, send ask or comment to be added) @full-sunnies @unh0ly-dr3am3r @enhacolor @mackjestic @beabeanice @beoms-sugar

masterlist • next

0 - the 1st heartbeating tune

[____ sets the camera on his tripod and turns it on]

Hey guys! Welcome to our first episode of "Love On Air"! I am ______, your loving hostess. I'm here alone in my room, venting about my second week as a freshman at HYBE Uni. And, let's be honest, it hasn't been a bed of roses. College is awesome, but my love life? Zero, nothing, null, nil!

[Pause to ______ adjust her microphone]

I thought studying at HYBE University of Media, Technology and Arts would be like fulfilling my life's dream but, ugh, it's not always like that. - she sighed. First, let me tell you about this group dance class, where I was trying to keep up with Choi Yeonjun's fancy but very complicated steps from the Modern Dance class. I thought I was slaying, but when he took a leap, I tripped and landed on my face! It was a complete disaster, everyone laughed at me and I left the room with my face redder than a bell pepper, but in my defense, my coordination skills are still developing, it's impossible for someone to become so good in the day for the night, but hey, at least I brought some cheer to the class, right?

[Pause while _____ chuckles to herself]

Now, let's get to the gossip! You won't believe the dramas that are taking place among our university colleagues. I have hot information here!

Do you know Eunchae? She was seen sharing a kiss with Lee Chaemin, the freshman of Performing Arts in the cafeteria. Not much is known about their relationship, but unfortunately some assholes took pictures of the two's intimate moment, posted them on Twitter and Eunchae was brutally canceled, with hashtag and hate messages and everything, poor her!

But let's be honest here, Chaemin is handsome, gentlemanly and Eunchae is one the sweetest girls in the campus! Whether they are actually dating or just getting to know each other is none of your business! If she's into a freshman 4 years older than her, good for her! Go for it girl, you have my full support!

But wait, there's more! Taesan, the Film class' little angel, is in love with the beautiful Minji of the Music class. But he never had the courage to declare himself because... well, he has an amazing talent for wrapping his own words. Who knew, right?

And last but definitely not least, we have the campus diva, Huh Yunjin. She has an army of admirers, but rumor has it that a mysterious secret admirer is spoiling her with the same cup of decaf coffee, but with cute messages of love! Oh my Eros, who is this anonymous romantic?

Now, let's talk about my own love snafus...or lack thereof. (laughs) As a freshman, my schedule is packed with classes, studies, and social events. There's not much time left for romance. But, hey, I'm here to help you with your love problems! So send in your questions and dilemmas, and I promise I'll do my best to advise you.

[Momentary silence]

Anyway, here I am, immersed in a sea of ​​gossip and love stories. And I couldn't be more excited to help my colleagues at HYBE Uni navigate their emotional turmoil. So, if you have any love problems, be it romantic, friendship or even with your mother picking on you, send me your questions and vents on our twitter @/loveonair or right here on Tumblr! I'll be here to listen and give the best advice I can!

That's it for today, guys. Stay tuned for more episodes of "Love On Air" where love is in the air and chaos is just part of the package!

[she waves to the camera and ends the broadcast]

_______ was sitting in her room, snuggled in her chair while frantically editing the first episode of "Love On Air". She wanted to make sure everything was perfect for the launch. With headphones on, she would adjust audio levels, cut out unnecessary pauses, and add subtle sound effects to give the episode a funny mood to listen.

While the audio was in progress, _____ was also working on editing the video for YouTube. She tweaked the colors, added funny captions, and cut out some embarrassing scenes. She knew that visual appearance was important, so she wanted every detail to reflect the fun, upbeat vibe of "Love On Air".

After a few hours of dedicated work, she was finally satisfied with the result. She saved the audio and exported the video, ready to upload them to streaming platforms. Breathing in relief, she stretched and looked at her watch. It was late at night, 12:10 A.M. to be exact.

Deciding it was time to relax a little, she decided to dedicate some time to his favorite hobby: creative writing. She grabbed her notebook and her favorite pen and settled into her soft bed. Seventeen's Same Dream, Same Mind, Same Night started playing on her cphone as she began to scribble ideas and develop imaginary stories, humming the soft melody.

With her head full of ideas, she let herself be carried away by the music and the words that flowed in her notebook. Harmonious chords and comforting lyrics brought a sense of peace as she immersed herself fully in the art of writing.

As she wrote, she occasionally glanced at the Seventeen poster hanging on her bedroom wall. She smiled as she admired her idols, feeling inspired by their dedication and talent. The music continued to play, gently amuzing her.

In the end, the exhaustion of that busy day began to take its toll on _____. Her eyes blinked, her body was limp and she yawned all the time, so she put her notebook aside and lay down on the bed, still listening to the soothing music. Her gaze took one last look at the Seventeen poster before her eyes slowly closed.

As sleep enveloped her, ______ smiled, feeling grateful for the opportunity to follow her passion and do what she loved. With her mind full of dreams and her heart full of hope, she fell asleep, ready to face new adventures the next day.

And so, her room was peaceful, filled only by the soft melody of Seventeen's songs and the promise of a new dawn full of surprises.

A/N: A carat and a thinker? MOM, I LOVE HER! + keep this song in mind, it'll be important!

[meownotgood]

boyfriend!aki and ex-boyfriend!gojo

gojo takes aki shopping for clothes because he's personally offended by aki's lack of style. gojo has to literally drag aki away from the clearance section and insist he shop for something actually nice.

aki doesn't understand a single thing about social media, so gojo helps him. gojo goes on aki's phone and posts pictures of you and aki with the most ridiculous captions and emojis that are so obviously his doing and not aki's. "me and my smokin hot GF, obsessed with her! 🥰❤️😍😫 she's mine so don't even try 😏😏😏😏😌"

gojo invites you and aki out to movie night, come to find out gojo booked the tickets so that he is sitting directly in the middle between you and aki. he thinks it's hilarious.

you and gojo will laugh your asses off at something stupid meanwhile aki is just standing there like, "I don't get it"

aki is frequently yelling at gojo for showing up at your house and stealing all your snacks / baked goods and then promptly leaving. he also gets annoyed when gojo asks aki to bake extra for him (but aki always does it anyways).

gojo whines when aki makes him sit in the backseat when he's driving the three of you. also aki literally never lets gojo drive because he says the man's driving skills are horrendous.

gojo asks aki extremely intrusive questions about you and aki's sex life just to tease aki and make him flustered.

@f1gments

[hotsuqueen]

Yamato Hotsuin, for the ask game! 💕💕💕💕 (yes I do in fact love hearing this rant every time lol)

YAAAAA YOU GET ME

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | depends on how you play I guess? | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 

I love Yamato Hotsuin so much I chose my username in his honor, so there's that.

I don't think there's any aspect of his character that I don't like. I absolutely love his design. I love his lavender hair and his cockatiel fluff and his Matrix jacket and his military boots and his stupid tie that's like 4 feet long. I love that he looks like a mean, scary badass, but he's actually a weird little drama queen who thinks Hibiki is hilarious and criticizes other people for their lack of social skills.

I love that he's so unapproachable that he has no friends, but it takes him less than 24 hours to be on a first name basis with Hibiki. I love that his attachment to Hibiki is so strong that he only has takoyaki with him one single time before he decides that it's not only his favorite food in the world, it's also the first food he ever taught himself how to make. I love him threatening to slit everyone's throat when he thinks they've poisoned the only friend he's ever had against him.

I love that the Triangulum Arc's Golden End is Yamato's route, and a perfect culmination of the immense character development he goes through over the course of the whole game. I've probably played through Record Breaker a good 8 times, and I never, ever get tired of him. Yamato Hotsuin is my forever girl and I'll wax poetic about him at the drop of the hat. He deserves the world!

[silver-wield]

Kotaku is an outlet banned by square enix right? That's what I've seen back in april at least. Im asking because there's a clerith on twitter defending aerith from her questionable attitude with barret. Then they post a clearly biased translation by kotaku of the scenes on which the video is explaining the "right" translation. Perhaps their translation is right but is the interpretation correct? I never heard aerith to be equated to having a high EQ, if she did she wouldn't be willfully making the people around her feel uncomfortable like with cloud and tifa in OG and/or in remake. She's an insult to people with high EQ, high EQ people are sensitive, careful, and wise. A side note as well, they really do love to hold onto cait sith for confirmation huh? Even if this sham directly says that cloud is madly in love with aerith, should that really hold any value at all? He doesn't even know what's up with anyone really, And for someone to be called as "to loose someone so precious" cloud went idgaf afterwards her death. He was honestly really chill, he even went snowboarding chill (lol). It even took him 2 years and a sickness to remember, "oh yeah I have survivor's guilt". So precious that he couldn't even visit her grave and decided to pop his cherry with his true love under the highwind. Whatever, the mistranslation isn't even a big to begin with, I still don't think it's good what she did and Tifa has the right to call what she did as harsh, does this girl ever know how to read people properly? She just likes to assume that she made the right choice with barret, just like how wrong she is when she thought she can save the world on her own. Aerith, people forget that she lacked so much social skills and human interaction, if she didn't, why doesn't she have any friends then? Either way these cleriths are hilarious for accusing clotis of jerking off to mistranslations, projection much?

Ps. Im so stupid to look at the comment section on that yt vid. But seeing someone say jp translation is super pro clerith just because kotaku says so is hardcore peek cope. What is it with cleriths and missing critical thinking. Cait sith, mcdo, lego, kotaku, other unofficial platforms or sources are their only confirmations? My man, that's PATHETIC af.

That's the weird clerith dude who screams "I LOVE HER!!!" every time Aerith appears right? He didn't even bother to translate the entire game, despite saying he would. He only went up to Aerith's death and acted like the rest of the game is an afterthought where nothing happens. He's also very insulting to Tifa.

His translation may be useful for those small sections where he isn't a rabid garbage bag trashing Tifa and Zack and lying about Cloud's feelings, but in general it's total shit.

And yeah, the Cait Sith thing is just lame. Who takes Reeve's robot as a valid source over Cloud literally telling Tifa she's his reason for everything? And let's not forget they fucked, live together and have kids.

SE doesn't endorse anything that kotaku idiot says. They have their own sources and those all support everything clotis say because we don't fuck up the plot. We don't need to 🤷

[nemmet]

4 for Fred for the comfort character ask?

comfort character ask meme

4 - what about their personality i like

i've mentioned this before, but fred and the evolution of his character/personality over the course of the franchise is sort of a special-interest-within-a-special-interest for me, and i'm always so happy to get to talk about it!!

i love the fact that, essentially, he's been made more and more distinct and enjoyable over the years by the writers just dialing up his enthusiasm to eleven. he's the leader of mystery inc for a reason, and that reason is he has the intense focus, planning skills and gung-ho attitude to land himself and his friends in a new mystery every week!! that and just how much he cares and believes in his friends' abilities, even when sometimes his control issues get the better of him. i love how, in the be cool episode gremlin on a plane, he realises that sometimes being in control means knowing when to hand the reins over to a member of his team more experienced in a particular skill. those little moments of growth for him are really cool to see!

continuing the point on enthusiasm, it's hilarious and so charming to see the writers' ability to take his enthusiasm and apply it to so many different things, especially in the movies. traps! summer camp! the circus! space! cheerleading! the list goes on!!! it never feels forced, it's more like you routinely meet up with your neurodivergent friend for coffee and they have a completely new hyperfixation every time that they're dying to tell you about. not having a consistent thing became his consistent thing, and i am so here for that kind of chaotic characterisation!!

aside from that, it's whole a bunch of little things that i like! how he's crazy talented with his interest in traps/mystery solving but sometimes lacks common sense and social skills. how he seems well put together but can be so very unhinged (/affectionate). how he hyperfocuses and fails to take care of himself (very relatable). how genuine and dorky and undeniably autistic he is overall. truly no one is doing it like frederick herman jones

[kitkatwinchester]

THIS PACK I SWEAR! XD <3

There were so many hilarious and adorable and wonderful small little moments in there, and because I'm me, I'm gonna overanalyze every single one. You're welcome. XD

Okay we're gonna do this in groupings instead of in order of events, and we're gonna break them up with gifs, because this is what happens when I let it play for too long without stopping (maybe I should still be watching this show on Hulu--the ad breaks ensure I do my reactions in a timely manner XD), but it was just SO GOOD, OKAY?!

Lydia and Malia:

Okay for starters, why does Malia have chemistry with LITERALLY EVERYONE?! Like...what? Is that the work of the actress? The director?? The whole cast and crew??? I don't even know, but bruh, I ship her with EVERYONE. Stiles, Kira, and now Lydia (Scalia will come I'm sure--we just haven't gotten a lot of moments with just the two of them yet lol)--I mean, DUDE. Literally when she was leaning over Lydia's shoulder, even though she was hovering, I was watching and I was like "can they kiss?" XD XD

I swear, Malia is secretly in love with everyone in the pack, and I seriously get the feeling that everyone in the pack is just a LITTLE bit in love with her.

Sorry not sorry, but I do not make the rules.

ANYWAYS.

I loved those little moments between her and Lydia. The care and affection, but also the clear sass between the two of them was so great, but I also feel so bad for Lydia. Like, I appreciate that, as pushy as Malia is being, she's still trying to be helpful and supportive as much as she can, and the way her face changes when Lydia gets upset about how hard it is for her to control her powers and turn it on and off...it was just really sweet and also kind of heartbreaking and I just appreciate that, given how busy everyone else is, Malia wasn't letting Lydia go through it alone, and was trying her best to be supportive and helpful even with her lack of social skills.

So yeah anyways I also ship Malydia now. XD <3

(I MEAN LOOK AT THEM! <3 <3 <3)

Scott and Derek and Liam:

OMG stop. All things considered, this scene was literally so sweet and wholesome.

Like, obviously the whole Derek making Liam mad thing was an oof, but it was planned, and everything that came out of it was so sweet.

The way that Scott literally so softly said "Liam" and Liam just, like, immediately calmed down, but never stopped glaring at Derek. And it's so funny, because his glare is so intense, but he's so smol, so it's literally like an angry puppy I can't. XD <3

The way that he said "Get to class, Liam" and Liam just shot that last little glare at Derek and then at Scott (because moody teen), but obliged. Scott is seriously such a parent/big brother to this kid in their Alpha-Beta relationship and I love it so much. <3

The way that Derek just smiled at Scott after Liam walked away with the "You're gonna be good at this" and Scott just looked at him flabbergasted, but couldn't help smiling.

The way that everything about Derek and Scott's interactions in this scene was just so soft, with Scott doubting himself and worrying about all of the problems they have to deal with while he's still trying to be a student, but Derek remaining supportive and helpful and loyal as ever I just...

Ahhhh that scene was so wholesome and adorable in so many ways. I loved it. <3 <3

Sciles and Everyone Else:

Oh come on now. You HAD to know that most of the post was gonna be dedicated to Sciles. When is it not? XD <3

Okay, just Sciles first, when Stiles figures out that the assassin is a lacrosse player.

First of all, we freaking love Stiles, and we love his relationship with Coach. "Stilinski, if I could grade you on how profoundly you disturb me, you'd be an A+ student." "...thanks Coach." XD XD

Second of all, the fact that my boy FIGURED IT OUT! Let's go!! I love you, bud! (Also the way he was just holding the stick and would not let go no matter how many times Coach tugged because he was putting the pieces together we love this man.)

Third of all, and here's the crux of the matter, the way that Scott is watching the whole interaction and IMMEDIATELY turns to Stiles expectantly, because he knows his best friend, and he knows that he's onto something, and they just immediately lock eyes as they process the gravity of what Stiles has discovered like...I just love them and their bond.

And then we move into the scene with Kira (also really random quick aside, the way it transitioned into the scene with Garrett and Violet after this with the "who knows what else they have" and then "wolfsbane" was just freaking awesome anyways).

I just love everything about the banter in this scene, with Scott's insistence that the game should go on so they can catch him in the act (bonus points for Scira with the "I'm not afraid." "Neither am I." and the little smiles they give each other <3) and Stiles's insistence that they should cancel the game and be f*cking terrified, because (I love my boy XD <3), "these are professional killers, it's their profession". XD XD

I just love the back and forth between the two of them, because even when they're disagreeing about the best way to approach something, they're still thinking together and planning together and having each other's backs and acknowledging each other's concerns, and it's what makes them such a good team.

And SPEAKING OF BEING SUCH A GOOD TEAM!

EVERYTHING WITH LIAM I CANNOT I LOVE THESE TWO AND THEIR CHILD! XD <3

The way that Scott is watching Liam so closely as he storms over to Brett.

The way that Scott whispers what, according to the subtitles, is an "oh shit" and then just grabs for Stiles and they both book it.

The way they go with their classic brains and brawn team-up with Scott pulling Liam away and Stiles being the distraction as the charismatic and hilarious little charmer that he is.

The way that Scott and Stiles just drag Liam to the locker room (Stiles's little "go" after they turn away from Brett and crew XD) and shove him against the shower together repeatedly until he finally calms down.

The way that Scott is the softer, chiller, concerned, supportive "you're not in trouble, just tell us what happened" parent while Stiles is the harder, harsher, annoyed, disciplining "I will ground you regardless" parent during this whole conversation, and their facial expressions match that perfectly.

The way that Stiles is still bantering with Scott and is unafraid to express his exasperation with this “I cannot believe what you got us into" at this whole situation while Scott is just metaphorically rolling his eyes with this "I'm working on it and you're not helping".

The way that Stiles backs off to let Scott make the final judgement call, but also nods his approval at said judgement call.

The way that Scott softens up even more at the "especially if you're there" and Stiles runs a hand down his face because he knows that means they're probably gonna let him play.

The way that Liam is already willing to out his friend, no preamble required, because he already trusts Sciles's judgement and analyses, and if his friend's a threat, he wants them to know.

The way that these three just have the best bonding and best dynamic I just...

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

SO EXCITED THAT I GET SO MUCH OF THIS!!!

SCILES AND LIAM FOR THE WIN!!!

SCILES AS PARENTS IS LITERALLY THE BEST!!!

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

(This was the only gif I could find, but it works. XD <3 <3)

Anyways…

That post took forever. I really need to get better at that. XD

BUT I LOVE SCILES AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE THEM WITH LIAM AND I JUST LOVE ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS SHOW AHHHHH!!!

ANYWAYS.

Shall we continue? XD <3

(I don't think I've used this gif yet and it's my little trio so...using it! XD <3)

Update: Okay so I officially love Mason. XD <3 "I think you can take him. And then give him to me." XD <3 Also not enough of a reaction to do a whole separate post but DEREK IS LOSING HIS POWER?! F*CK that. Someone go get Kate NOW please and thank you.

[madnesslovelymy]

My favorite moments  (and some lines) from Inside Job Part 1

- Robotus saying “Did you say Brett? I love that guy”.

- Brett saying “Man, Reagan. Your robot is so sick!” while Robotus (now Alpha Beta) is punching him.

- Akira reference.

- Reagan says to Alpha Beta that Netflix paid millions for Friends.

- Mr. Mothman counting Regan’s HR violations.

- Rand swearing to tell the truth on a Godzilla 2000 DVD.

- Rand and Reagan trying to hug each other, but they felt uncomfortable. In Episode 9, they do a distance hug.

- Reagan telling her mother she is single by choice because she has a job doing very important things. Next scene is something not so important for her.

- THE DRONE THRONE!

- Bear-O starting to work at Cognito Inc. and everybody just accept it.

- “Power is attracted to me, honey”.

- Reagan calling an extraction team in her third date at the movies. The person behind them saw everything and says nothing.

- Brian’s first message to Reagan was a meme and a bad pun.

- Animorph reference (I never read the books, tho).

- “Do you have any idea how dangerous I’d be if I had zero self-doubt?”

- Brett and Reagan being confused watching J.R’s Sex-Deck history.

- “Brett’s got a point...”. Brett smiles. “...for the first time ever” . Brett’s face changes.

- Reagan not knowing any media or references from the 80′s.

- “Brett, I’d lie to you, but I just don’t respect you enough”.

- Myc falling from the plane, expecting his pants would work like parachutes but doesn’t work and screams.

- “We can’t let a whole town get killed on our watch. We’ll get fired. Or promoted? I can never remember how evil we are”.

- When the teacher said is okay to abuse the students physically because is “socially acceptable” in the 80′s.

- The interaction between Reagan and the Blockbuster guy. I don’t know why, but I really like that minor character.

- The Remakes song.

- The whole episode about the flat-earthers.

- Myc doing spoilers about the ending of Breaking Bad and Andre using his memory erasers to (re)watch the ending. As a person who didn’t see Breaking Bad, I kinda saw it coming.

- Reagan being confused about Rafe bringing a bear rug just to make a pun.

- Reagan “being direct” to Steve, but in reality was being mean or rude (maybe for her that means “being direct”, let’s remember Reagan lacks social skills). Then, she’s trying to break up with Rafe in the nicest way possible (character development), but Rafe is being so dramatic and behave like a victim and the people around her see her as the bad person.

- When Rafe texts Reagan “Wouldn’t it be so funny if we had kids? Just kidding! Unless...” and Reagan throws his phone and says “Fuck it” and proceeds to fake her death.

- Rafe and Skullfinger being gay to each other.

- “Goddamn it, can’t even enjoy my death in peace”.

- Reagan being far away from Rand and doesn’t care if she dies in the moon because “she’s already dead inside”. 

- Brett and Reagan sharing their daddy issues.

- At the end of the Episode 8, Myc explaining that the moon landing was real, so the real Buzz Aldrin doesn’t sue Shion Takeuchi and the whole crew is funny. Also, the “Don’t sues us, Buzz Aldrin” having the same style font of “The more you know” is hilarious.

- Glenn dab.

- Brett saying a reference about an episode of South Park (Insheeption, S14E10). As a person who like South Park, I like that and I get the reference.

- Bear-O not targeting Brett because he knows he’s a good influence for Reagan. But Bear-O targets Rand, the person who built it.

- The disgusted face of Brett when her parents doesn’t care that Reagan is going to the dance with a stranger in their thirties.

- “I’m gonna tell you what I told Leonardo DiCaprio when he begged me to rig the Oscars. If you were the best, ya woulda won”.

- Andre destroying the Wi-Fi, so Alpha Beta doesn’t discovers what are furries. Even though, I think he knows what are furries, since Reagan connect him to the Internet in the first episode (specifically Facebook).

- “They [Furries] are a valid community. It’s not always a sexual thing, but usually”.

- Myc being sarcastic, in general.

- Brett and Reagan being best friends, of course! Thanks to Brett, Reagan is able to hug, improve her social skills and talk about her feelings. And thanks to Reagan, Brett doesn’t have to please or like everyone and is more assertive.

[sweetmage]

For the flowery oc asks 🌹

Celestine - Rose, Lily, and Wisteria!

Hi! :D Thank you sooo much for the question(s) 🥺💖

For Celestine:

Rose - What is your OC's favourite form of self-care?

Well, for starters, she is certainly the “I’m just going to lock myself in my room for the next three weeks because my face hurts from fake smiling and I’m one nobleman’s ~hilarious~ tale away from committing a homicide” type. She isn’t shy per se, but she is easily overwhelmed by social interactions and does not enjoy the rigid guidelines of noble society so she likes to stay in her room, the parlor, or in the garden a lot. She also enjoys reading as well as lazing around in her smallclothes (sometimes lying on the rug by the window to bask in the sun like a cat).

I could also see her taking occasional trips to the seaside for her physical health as well as to enjoy the solitude, simple living, and lack of responsibilities for a short while. Come to think of it, I believe there’s a dialogue line where Sebastian says he hasn’t been to the sea and only knows the Minanter River (which, iirc, he implies is not that impressive). So it would be nice for them to go together on occasion. (kinda wanting to write a little fic about this now 😌)

Lily - What is your OC's love language?

Hmm, I think it depends on the time period. As far as giving goes, much of her and Seb’s early relationship was founded on her straightening him out and training him into being at least a serviceable leader. Of course this was only out of a sense of obligation at first, but over time she developed a personal investment in his success and watching him heal. So at that time I would say the primary one for giving was acts of service.

When things stabilized, however, I think she trended more towards quality time (which is also the way she receives love). She is incredibly introverted and tires easily from socializing, but she has a very small group of people (primarily her husband and a cousin that she is very close to) who actually have a recharging effect on her. It is my personal HC that her and Seb both have quality time as a love language so they mesh well in that regard!

Wisteria - Does your OC have a skill they'd like to learn? What is stopping them?

I think she’d quite enjoy fencing. She is relatively familiar with the bow, but only because she was trained in archery since childhood, though she has never used it practically in any way. If she could go back and get into fencing instead, I think she would. Since none of her loved ones know a thing about it, however, the idea of interacting frequently with an instructor she doesn’t know is a pretty big barrier.

She spends a lot of time in the garden or staring out the window so I think she might have a passive interest in gardening. However, he doesn’t actually know a thing about it other than watching the professionals tend to it from afar so she’d be hesitant to meddle with it and risk damaging the aesthetic arrangements, killing plants, or introducing something invasive. Perhaps she could start indoors with a nice house plant though 🤔

[cinema-hallucinations]

Prompt: Create a sequel for Monster Mediation where Max and Lily are asked by the Monster Council to locate an AWOL monster. The monster, it turns out, left because the monster assigned to the child's mom never left, serving as a sort of comfort to mother AND child due to the abuse from the father. The missing monster has been hiding in the neighbours' pet's doghouse.

Monster Mediation: The One Who Left

Tagline: Double, double toil and trouble

Logline: Monster mediators Max and Lily scramble to track down a missing monster, only to discover the truth is more complicated – the child's real monster problem lies not with the missing one, but with the one who never left. In the midst of this tangled mess, Dusty and Sparky add their own brand of chaotic "help."

Synopsis:

Max and Lily are basking in the success of Monster Mediation when the Monster Council summons them for an emergency. Bartholomew, a fearsome Boggart, has vanished from his post - young Timmy's room. Timmy's escalating nightmares point to a missing monster, but Max and Lily get more than they bargained for when they enlist the "help" of their resident monster companions – Dusty, the grumpy dust bunny, and Sparky, the flamboyant sock imp.

Dusty, ever the pessimist, grumbles about the whole affair, preferring the comfort of staying under Max's bed. Sparky, on the other hand, sees this as an opportunity for an epic monster-hunting adventure, his flamboyant antics constantly getting in the way of Max and Lily's investigation.

Following Bartholomew's trail, they discover him hiding (rather poorly) in the neighbor's doghouse, attempting to befriend a particularly fluffy poodle. Confused, they delve deeper, and with Dusty's surprisingly keen sense of smell and Sparky's (unintentional) eavesdropping skills, they uncover the shocking truth.

The source of Timmy's nightmares isn't the lack of a monster; it's the ever-present Growler assigned to his mother, Agnes. Agnes lives in constant fear of her abusive husband, and the Growler's constant rumbling has become a source of comfort for both her and Timmy, a silent guardian against the real monster in their lives.

Challenges:

Max and Lily must navigate the emotional complexities of the situation, with Dusty's negativity and Sparky's impulsiveness adding another layer of difficulty.

Agnes, fearful and distrustful of outsiders, is hesitant to reveal the abuse. Max and Lily need to gain her trust while keeping Dusty's constant muttering and Sparky's flamboyant presence under control.

Confronting the abusive husband directly could be dangerous. Max and Lily, along with their "unconventional" assistants, need to find a creative solution to ensure Agnes and Timmy's safety.

Comedy:

The film retains its comedic elements through the interactions between Max, Lily, Dusty, and Sparky. Dusty's constant complaints about Sparky's mess-making and Sparky's attempts to turn monster-hunting into a dramatic performance create an amusing dynamic. Their presence also leads to some hilarious situations as they try (and often fail) to blend in with the human world.

Resolution:

Max and Lily, along with a surprisingly insightful suggestion from Dusty (who, it turns out, has a soft spot for children in need), decide on a multi-pronged approach. Sparky, with his surprising knack for distractions, creates a diversion to get the abusive husband out of the house. Meanwhile, Max and Lily anonymously report the abuse to social services, ensuring Agnes and Timmy receive the support they need.

Secondly, with Dusty's surprisingly persuasive grumbling (it seems the Monster Council finds his negativity oddly endearing), they negotiate with the Council. They argue that the Growler's presence serves a unique purpose in this case. The Council, impressed by Max and Lily's resourcefulness and compassion, agrees to a temporary exception, allowing the Growler to remain with Agnes on the condition that the situation is continuously monitored.

Themes:

Importance of family: The film emphasizes the lengths parents will go to protect their children, even if it means unconventional solutions.

Breaking the cycle of abuse: By addressing the root cause of the problem, the film offers a message of hope for breaking free from abusive situations.

Monsters aren't always scary: The film challenges the stereotypical portrayal of monsters, highlighting their capacity for empathy and compassion, even for the grumpy dust bunnies and flamboyant sock imps.

Ending:

The film ends with Agnes and Timmy safe in a new home, the Growler rumbling contentedly by their side. Max and Lily, with a surprisingly helpful Dusty and a slightly less chaotic Sparky by their side, receive a call from the Monster Council about another "disgruntled" monster – hinting at further adventures in monster mediation, filled with laughter, tears, and the occasional dust bunny hairball.

Comment: I learned that I could probably gotten something much better for the first poster by simply referring to dusty as a "dustbunny monster"...

[lunarscaled]

⛓

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

-> Lyric thinks that this is, by far, the stupidest stunt either of them have pulled to complete a job. Not that Lyric and Cassian had worked together much in the time between when Lyric met him for the first time when they were in the care of the circus and now, but since he got a tadpole lodged into his brain there had been a lot of questionable decisions. Namely: anything involving his imminent survival and voyage to Baldur's Gate, his flirtatious nature, and their constant needling of each other ( if you asked Lyric. ) But this was beyond even that!---breaking into a socialite party in the Upper City, while a potentially hilarious party crashing scenario, was not the risk they needed right now. They should be focused on seeking out the last of the tadpoles, the details of the Absolute, or finding more strength to face it. They should be preparing. Lyric says as much, their mouth a downward frown that doesn't seem to reach anyone ( and Karlach is enthralled by the idea, ever a joyous woman wanting to experience all she can in the last moments of her life. Astarion is all too prepared to tell her details about the sordid lies and dealings of criminals mingling with snobs, and Gale knows too much history and not enough social skills. Lyric knows they've lost the argument for a bit of fun before it even started, but still they persist. ) They know it's important to take their wins where they can get them, and that overindulging on pretty drinks and too tiny foods might be amusing for a time while they look for more information on city inner dealings, but Lyric can't stand the idea. They won't, even.

-> That's what they said. But who would be stupid enough to let all of them go unsupervised, into certain social death? Not Lyric, begrudgingly. Forging some kind of invitation or finding an excuse is easy enough for most of their posse, but Lyric is the only member lacking any kind of history to their name and social credit; Cassian, ever ready to find new ways to make them grind their teeth, presents an easy and idiotic solution: no one would question his betrothed at such a party as this. The risk would be too great! To dare question someone's love, for money or otherwise, in front of dozens of peers---even when the bridge of their nose pinches with an incoming headache, Shadowheart agrees ( though Lyric can't be sure she isn't just interested in seeing the suffering of Lyric in too stuffy clothing, for laughs. ) And that was how they ended up here: dressed in a ballgown colored like the evening sky, some knock off glass "diamonds" wrapped around their bare throat, their heavy fur-trim cloak brightened and colored with a bit of illusory magic to fit it in. Lyric's arms were wrapped around Cassian's elbow in the way they had seen other young debutants do with their partners all evening, and they try to keep an expression other than explicit discomfort every time someone comes a little too close or talks a little too long. The corners of their eyes pinch when they smile a little too hard, nails biting into Cassian's broad bicep when they catch him casing a woman whose jewelry hung a little loose on her exposed wrists like a temptation for snagging.

"Dear."

-> The nickname, sickly in their mouth, is a near hiss as the ruffled edges of their skirt brush against his side. They won't deny he's handsome dressed up with Astarion and Wyll's guidance, but looking nice won't make their feet hurt less.

"Don't even think about it. If you leave me alone to this pack of wolves for even a second I'll never let you hear the end of it."

[rxtualistic]

Liam had never been good with people. Before the incident-that-must-not-be-named, he used to make people uncomfortable on purpose. Now… well, now Liam was pretty sure all he had to do was show up to evoke that unpleasant feeling in others. He had yet to test it, but his gut told him that if he were to show up at the university or childhood home, an air of uneasiness and tension would fill every room. It would probably play out like a scene from a movie, the crowd suddenly going quiet as all eyes fell on the same point. Maybe he did have to try it at some point. Most of the time, it was not a fact that disturbed him. People didn't like him, but Liam shared the same sentiment. However, in instances like the one occupying him right then, when he was trying to actually form a bond with a person he liked, the lack of social skills played against him. Yvette, bless her, seemed to have more patience in her little finger than most people managed to develop in a lifetime — Liam himself included. He made a mental note to ask where it came from at some point.

Ah, so that explained why he had never seen her around despite weekly visits to the market being part of his weekend routine. He gave a little nod now and then, a simple way to participate in the conversation without interrupting her. It was odd. Liam had always loved the sound of his own voice more than anything in the world. But he was willing to give the spotlight to Yvette. She seemed different when she talked. More free. Younger. Or perhaps her age. Liam wasn't sure. But he liked her voice, and he liked the energy that radiated off her as she filled silence with interesting things. "It's a great farm market," he conceded, showing her a smile that bared all teeth. "So that means you don't have elsewhere to be? We could… eh… grab a coffee? I heard somewhere there is an entire show dedicated to how friends do that." Her next question made it falter for a second. He was pretty sure social norms dictated that here was where he lied — where he said everything was fine despite it not being that well. But he was also certain that went against the foundation of friendship. "Ah, well, thanks. I'm trying a new skincare routine. It's called fighting your demons with lack of sleep." In the end, he chose the third option, deflecting. "The horrors persist but so do I." He had read the phrase somewhere on the wide expanse of the intenet and found it hilarious.

She could see despite her words, Liam was still continuing to try and explain his reasoning for stepping in the way he had. Her brows knit together softly as she could see how in his head he was about the whole interaction and in truth, she couldn't help but be a little endeared by it. Still, not wanting him to continue to stress himself out over it, Yvette reached out and touched his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze as she threw him another sincere look. "Hey - it's okay really. I promise, I don't think anything bad of you for stepping in to help."

She gave him a warm smile as she pulled her hand back almost just as quickly as she had reached out. In truth, she didn't want to overstep too much, seeing as they hadn't even seen or spoken to one another since the day of his release. For all she knew, he didn't like her and wanted nothing to do with her. Or at least, that's what she had let herself come to the conclusion of when she'd not heard from him afterwards. That was until he was calling her a friend and Yvette felt her heart skip with joy at the notion. She could hardly contain the large smile that swept across her lips, lighting up her features. "Exactly - friends are there for one another. It's what they do." She said as she tried to meet his gaze.

She had put the ball in his court, leaving the decision up to Liam whether he really did want to talk to her, and to Yvette's relief he went on to mirror her words. Another spark of excitement and happiness warmed her insides at the smile he shot her which the brunette thought made him far more handsome than he already was. "I'm doing good. I had a day off from work and the kids for once so I came to finally check this market out that I kept hearing about." She said with a small chuckle. "But how are you doing? You look good - like you're doing well." she said sincerely as she looked him over for a brief second, meeting his eyes again with a warm smile. | @wutheringdevotion

[bastard-thot]

iconic, can’t wait for this to be animated

[jungk0oksthighs]

happy birthday loser; jjk x reader; 18+

summary: after three years of simping over your roommate, you give him one hell of a birthday celebration. idiots to lovers pwp oneshot. literally zero plot

warnings: explicit smut, mutual thirsting, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, squirting, loud filthy (unprotected) sex. wrap before u tap

a/n: happy birthday jungkook! this is my first oneshot in 4+ years so be gentle w me please, usually i prefer to write series but i wanted to challenge myself and ofc write something special for everybody's favourite maknae's birthday. enjoy!

word count: 8k

On Thursdays you cook burgers for dinner.

But today isn’t just a regular Thursday.

It’s your roommates birthday, his twenty-fifth to be exact, so when you ventured to the grocery store last night you were sure to pick up the ingredients for his favourite meal in preparation for tonight. Samgyeopsal.

Pork belly is his favourite meat, you’ve been subjected to many a conversation about how tasty he finds it, how it’s the right balance of protein and fat, how it goes with anything, how he likes to wrap the succulent meat in lettuce leaves before submerging it into sauce and shoving it into his mouth.

It’s his favourite food without a shadow of a doubt. And so you’ve taken it upon yourself to cook it for him on his birthday. He is your favourite person after all, without a shadow of a doubt.

Jungkook moved in with you three years ago, at a very dark time in your life when you were wallowing in your post-breakup blues. You initially met the triple threat of tall, dark and handsome Jungkook at an open mic night when he struck up a conversation with you at the local bar.

As if being gorgeous isn’t enough, he’s a very talented singer and guitarist too, he and his grungy rock band like to play at bars and clubs on weekends. When he’s not busy at his nine to five as a software engineer, where he’s due to be leaving any minute now.

The more you got to know him you quickly realised he’s somewhat of a loser. Not a loser in the sense of having no friends and nothing significantly interesting about him – not in the slightest. Jungkook is a loser in the sense that he’s extremely introverted, painfully so, and lacks social skills.

He prefers to stay home after a gig, he doesn’t care for parties or girls or even much alcohol. He loves the quiet life, spending most evenings glued to his laptop to play videogames or sat beside you on the sofa binging something on Netflix. When he's not running his expert fingers over the nooks and crannies of his guitar.

Truthfully you’ve been kind of infatuated with him for a while now, he’s just so endearing and rib-shatteringly hilarious without even trying. It’s hard not to fall for him. His smile is earth-shatteringly perfect, his touch more so. You are but a woman after all, and a woman has needs and desires just like everybody else.

Jungkook being what you both need and desire daily.

At the time you met him a relationship was the last thing on your mind. Him moving into your spare bedroom was just a way to make up the rent and bill money your ex-boyfriend used to pay. But now you’re three years single save for the very occasional one night stand and Jungkook has never looked more appealing.

Maybe it’s the way he helps you reach snacks on the highest shelf when your tiptoes fail you. Perhaps it has a little something to do with the sweet melodies that flow from his pierced lips, flooding the apartment whenever he showers. It could be the fact he likes to ‘air-dry’ and parades around the place wearing nothing but a damp towel after said showers. Or it might have something to do with the way the supple skin beneath his big brown doe-eyes crinkles when he smiles.

But maybe, maybe, it’s because he’s everything you never realised you were looking for – until it quite literally showed up on your doorstep and moved in.

Okay so maybe you’re down bad for your roommate, but who in their right mind wouldn’t be? If you had to pick one word to describe Jungkook it would be… Perfect, handsome, funny, sweet, sentimental, ripped, gorgeous, talented. Any of those work just fine, it would be an insult to simply pick just one.

One of the many perks about living with Jungkook is that you’re both organised messy people, sure there’s some clutter here and there throughout the apartment but you both know damn sure what junk is where. Your personalities match, you don’t make the rules, they just do. All your friends say it, as do his friends. You'd be a show-stopping couple for sure.

It’s just that well… The man is somewhat emotionally constipated, can’t smell what’s right under his nose no matter how many hints you’ve given. Like a nose-blind lion on the prowl, there's a willing zebra right here, but he hasn't seemed to notice.

Wearing low-cut shirts at dinner, skirts that are a little too short, always making sure your makeup is clean and dewy looking even when wearing sweats. The innocent flirting that’s nowhere near innocent on your end. You shower him with compliments on the daily, being sure you don't appear too indifferent or nonchalant about it. You mean every compliment you've ever given him.

You like him, but you didn’t realise how frustrating that would prove to be giving his obliviousness.

But that all ends tonight.

You’re wearing a simple black slip dress, the smooth fabric ending just below the curve of your ass and the straps are so dainty that he’s bound to notice your exposed cleavage. Maybe even the lace trim of your sheer bra too, complete with a matching thong of course.

It’s not uncommon for you to get dressed up randomly, even before Jungkook moved in, you’ve always liked making an effort and looking pretty. It makes you feel good, confident even. You even went as far as to shave today, ensuring you're extra smooth, yknow just in case.

It's been a whole eleven months since you invited a guy back here, and the outcome was less than satisfying. Much like all your sexual endeavours, he got his and all you got was the ick. You haven’t seen the guy since.

It’s been a hot minute since Jungkook invited a girl back here too, maybe even over a year now. The way your roommate likes to saunter around half-dressed with long, messy brunette hair and a wicked smile has always affected you, made your mouth dry and your panties damp. Truthfully you don’t understand how a guy like that is single, well maybe it's because he doesn’t appear to have a radar for women, but you’re grateful nonetheless.

Black helium balloons fill your lounge, the big ‘25’ being the most obvious. You’ve spent the day mentally preparing for this, you want to show him how much you appreciate everything he does for you and celebrate his birthday properly. From him always prepping extra breakfast in the mornings just to make sure you’ve eaten, to his inked fingertips giving you back massages when you’ve hit the gym a little too hard. He’s usually the one to cook dinner most nights, so tonight you want to return the favour with a smile.

You’re just about to start prepping dinner when the unmistakable sound of his key in the door sends a rush of excitement through you. He’s home.

“Hey loser.” Jungkook’s voice is casual when he slips into the apartment, you’re too busy reapplying lip gloss to get a good look at him just yet.

“Good evening.” You chuckle, clamping the handheld mirror shut and sliding it into a kitchen draw.

You don’t know when it started, nor who started it. But the two of you like to use the term loser as a term of… almost endearment. It’s an inside joke between you both, friends and family members often gasp at the nickname you have for each other but for you? The word loser started to make your heart flutter and squeeze a long time ago. Finally you peer to the doorway and acknowledge him with a kind smile, one he’s reciprocating already.

“Happy birthday loser.”

As always he looks good enough to eat. His chiselled yet soft features, tanned skin, the little beauty mark nestled just beneath those very inviting lips of his. The muscles that threaten to tear through the fabric of his clothes. The tattoos that peak out from his sleeve cuffs. The piercings, his long dark hair that parts in the middle and frames those very handsome, genetic lottery winning features of his. You fight a teenage-like sigh, just looking at him is enough to make your heart race.

“What’s all this..?” His eyes scan the room as he shimmies out of his blazer, leaving him in a black shirt tucked into slacks of the same colour. His favourite colour is black, almost everything he owns is black, hence the fitting colour of the birthday decorations. “Are you making pork?” His angled chin tips in your direction, lazy footsteps bringing him closer.

“Mhm.” You nod, suppressing a grin, “You like pork belly, right? I thought it was your favourite.”

He’s nodding along to the sound of your voice, still smiling, “No I do, it is. It’s just we usually have burgers on a Thursday.”

“Ahh, but today isn’t just Thursday,” You remind him with a mischievous wink, “It’s your birthday, Thursday the 1st of September.”

“Congratulations you know how to read my drivers license.” Jungkook snorts when he props himself onto the kitchen countertop, next to your little workstation, “You look nice.”

“Thank you.”

“You didn’t have to do all this yknow.”

“I wanted to.” You hum, turning on the stove.

“But what if I already have plans to celebrate my birthday?” His pierced brow quirks, the silver barbel glimmering beneath the harsh kitchen lighting.

You tut, fighting the urge to roll your eyes when you glare at him and see his nose is already scrunched playfully, “Do you have plans?”

“Looks like I do now!” He claps, taking a beat before cocking his head to one side, his features softening upon watching you cook, “Thank you Y/N.”

Looking him dead in the eye you offer a genuine smile, “Anytime.”

“Would you be offended if I showered before we ate? The AC at work broke and this shirt feels sticky.” He sighs, cracking his neck.

“Why would I be offended?” A light puff of air rips from your nostrils when he fails to respond, his features blanketed with uncertainty and confusion. He really is emotionally constipated.

“No, I wouldn’t be offended loser. Go shower.” You’re giggling, shaking your head in disbelief, “It’ll be ready by the time you’re finished.”

“You’re the best!” He hops off the counter, making sure to spank your ass before skipping into the bathroom. “Happy birthday to me indeed.” He chuckles, winking in your direction before he closes the door behind him.

It’s always like this, the playful flirts and touches, but you crave something more. You want him to shove his tongue so far down your throat he could eat you out at the same time. You want to feel his tattooed hands to explore every square inch of your body while he fucks you into oblivion. The thought alone is enough to frustrate you.

Maybe you should just hop on top of him one night in front of the TV. Sometimes you do sit on his thighs, his ridiculously strong thighs, if there’s a lack of seating. You sigh dramatically, mentally debating whether the large sofa would fit through the window. If there’s nowhere to sit you’d have to sit on him. Problem solved. All you have to do is throw the fucking sofa out the window and pray he takes the hint. Easy enough.

The sizzling meat in the pan is interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening, revealing a cloud of steam and a shirtless Jungkook, tattoos and muscles displayed in all their glory. He’s wearing nothing but Calvin Klein boxer shorts, grey ones, that leave fuck all to the imagination.

“Forgot my towel.” He chuckles awkwardly, briefly heading into his bedroom to retrieve said towel. That damn white towel. What would he do if there were no towel? Walk around bare-ass with his dick on show? Maybe you could throw the towel out the window instead, it would be much easier than the sofa.

“You okay?” Jungkook’s presence startles you, he’s right next to you with furrowed brows and his stupidly muscular arms crossed over his chest, towel draped on his shoulder. “You zoned out again, thinking about anything good?” He’s laughing, wetting his lips between smiles.

Your gaze flickers to the bumps of his toned abdomen before settling on his face, he’s smiling brightly at you, seemingly unaware of the carnal desire you have to pin him to the kitchen floor and mount him right now.

“I’m fine, go get your shower.” You act indifferent, prompting a quiet, unconvinced ‘oookay’ from your roommate before he’s gone again.

You’re genuinely entertaining the idea of throwing out, no wait burning that sofa now, Jungkook’s thighs have always been way comfier anyway.

Interestingly enough the timing of his shower is perfect, you’re plating up dinner on the coffee table when he’s finished. Making sure to grab a bottle of soju from the cupboard, he’s not much of a drinker but you figure it is his birthday after all. Dragging two plump cushions from the sofa you’ve suddenly grown a strong hatred toward, you sit on one, leaving the other free for the birthday boy himself.

“Oh my god this smells great,” Jungkook comically inhales until his chest, his bare chest, is full of air. “Have you watched those 365 days movies? Someone at work recommended them to me earlier.” He says nonchalantly while sitting next to you, only wearing that damn white towel over his hips. The scent of his coconut bodywash clings to his beefy frame and floods your senses.

“The sex movies?” You laugh, handing him chopsticks all while trying to keep your gaze on his face. Somewhat a difficult challenge considering he's half naked. Again. “I’ve heard they’re really graphic with basically no plot, just steamy sex scenes, bad accents and a hot guy with tattoos.”

“Ah, you do like a man with tattoos.” He sniffs, fingertips lingering on yours while he grips the utensils, “Well since it’s my birthday I say we watch them. Seokjin at work said they're pretty good.”

“Okay,” You shrug, “But since when do you know about what kind of man I like?”

At this Jungkook grins, finding the remote and switching on Netflix, “You’ve only ever brought two guys back here since I moved in, both had tattoos. It’s a reasonable assumption to make.”

“Valid.” You’re nodding, beginning to tuck into the food, “I guess I do like men with tattoos, yeah.”

“Yeah?” He asks, gently elbowing your side. When you glance at him he’s smiling, wiggling his thick eyebrows animatedly while gesturing to his dark sleeve tattoo. “I’m a man with tattoos.”

“That you are.” You wink, praying to every higher power that one of these days he's going to acknowledge you're a woman. A woman with a vagina. A vagina that needs stuffing immediately.

“Shit Y/N this is amazing,” Jungkook’s frowning while he chews, a crystal clear sign that he’s enjoying the food you’ve made, “You should cook this more often, so much better than burgers. Fuck,” He moans, dark lashes dusting his face when he squeezes his eyes shut, “So good. So fucking good. Best birthday meal ever.”

This is how most of your nights together are spent, sat witching TV on the floor while eating dinner and enjoying each other’s company. You’re coming to the end of your meal when the first sex scene in the movie starts playing, well, okay not really. The characters aren’t having sex but she’s tied up to the bed watching someone else suck off the sexy guy with tattoos. Your brows are hiked up your forehead, eyes wide, this is not where you thought the plot was going.

“Would you ever do anything like that?” Your roommate asks with his last mouthful of food, watching the TV while running a hand through his damp long hair, “Maybe not the kidnapping part but would you ever wanna watch someone have sex?”

“Nah,” You shake your head, “Not for me. What about you?”

“For sure.” He affirms with a nod, still staring at the screen, “But I’d rather be watched than be the one watching. Especially if I was into the girl, I’m way too jealous for shit like that.”

Ignoring the way his response sends a shiver down your spine you swallow your food, “Aren’t you a little socially awkward to put yourself in that kind of situation? No offence.”

“None taken, I am an awkward guy,” He snorts, “But I don’t know, the idea of someone seeing me absolutely destroy someone kinda gets me going… I like the idea of being watched. Don’t you have anything like that?”

You gulp, “Like what?”

“Any kinks or fantasies.”

“I guess so… Doesn’t everybody?”

At this Jungkook takes it upon himself to pause the movie, giving you his full, undivided attention, “Tell me some.”

“Jungkook…” Your sigh shifts into an awkward giggle, truthfully he is your fantasy. And that towel doesn’t leave much to your imagination, if anything at all. But it doesn’t take you long to crumble, “Okay fine, what do you wanna know?”

“Where would you most like to have sex?” He’s smirking, hooded eyes boring into the depths of your soul, “Anywhere in the world, go.”

“Hmm… I don’t know actually, I’ve never thought about it. What about you?”

“My bed.”

You deadpan, a single brow quirked, “Your bed?”

“It’s comfy, it smells nice, and I can go to sleep after without worrying about getting home since I’m already here. Of course my bed is the number one choice.” He’s looking at you as though you’re stupid, as though his answer is obvious when he scoffs.

“Okay… that’s fair enough.”

Jungkook’s watching you closely, and you swear you see his vision drop to your chest for a millisecond before settling back on your eyes, “What would your ideal guy do to you in bed?”

Sucking in a breath of air you’re already nodding, “Easy. The ideal guy isn’t selfish and knows how to make me come, maybe even squirt. No guys ever made me do either. Your turn.”

“None of the guys you’ve slept with have made you come? What the fuck! Um-, okay…” He licks his teeth before making noises akin to car turning lights, emphasising his thoughts, “The ideal woman is bossy, not dominant but knows what she wants and tells me how to do it. I like vocal women, women who aren’t scared of their own voice. Plus the ideal can actually ride me, the amount of women that give up after four bounces is kinda disappointing.”

Suddenly your mouth feels very dry, prompting you to swallow nothing. Thankfully you’ve never heard Jungkook having sex, there’s been a couple of times you’ve heard heavy breathing and little whimpers from his bedroom but it’s always when he’s alone in there. Guys masturbate, it would be unreasonable to expect him not to do it when you’re home. Plus you’ve definitely gotten yourself off while he’s slept in the next room, you have zero room to talk.

“Really? Four bounces?” Your voice betrays you slightly, wavering with curiosity.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind doing all the work, it’s just annoying when they talk a big game and put in minimal effort. Just be upfront about wanting me to be in charge, you know? I like being in charge it’s no big deal.”

You’re shaking your head, frowning with an uncertain smile, “Then what are you complaining about?”

At this the birthday boy sighs exasperatedly, as though you’re missing the point, “It’s just annoying isn’t it? When you think somethings gonna go a certain way and then it doesn’t…”

“Tell me about it.” You snort, pouring two shots of peach soju.

“Okay,” Jungkook takes the shot of soju, snapping his fingers excitedly, seemingly unphased by the bitter taste of alcohol, “Who do you wanna sleep with more than anyone in the world? Who’s your number one?”

Slinging back the soju, you bite the bullet with an devilish smirk.

“Hmmm… You.”

Stone cold regret washes over you when he looks through you, the same way he looks at people he’s not comfortable with yet. The exact same expression he gives strangers when he doesn’t understand why he’s been roped into their conversations. His pierced lips purse, the Adam’s apple in his throat bobbing from a thick swallow. Eyes animatedly round, shocked and astonished.

“Uhh…” He wets his lips before his eyes narrow, brows pinching, “I’m being serious Y/N…”

You nod, “Me too but never mind.” You sigh dramatically, pouring more shots.

“Stop fucking around with me!” He playfully pushes your shoulder, earning embarrassed laughter to bubble in the depths of your throat, “You can’t just say that to me out of nowhere!”

“Out of nowhere?” You repeat, frustrated, “Jungkook I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tried hitting on you and it just seems to go straight over your head.” You whine, lips forming a cute pout that he can’t stop staring at, “Anyway… Like I said, never mind. Forget I said anything. Who’s your number one?”

But Jungkook is too stunned to speak. He’s looking down at you as though you’ve just told him you want to marry him and have his babies. Surprised doesn’t cut it, nor does confused. It’s a deadly cocktail of the two mixed with a little nervousness tugging his usually sharp features up and wide.

“I-, what?” He blinks away his daydream, “Are you being serious? You actually wanna fuck me? I can’t tell. You know I’m bad with stuff like this. Spell it out for me loser.”

At this you shake your head, feeling deflated, “It doesn’t matter, honestly just forget I said anything, you don’t find me attractive so it’s not like it’s ever gonna—”

“Now you’re putting words in my mouth.”

An agitated exhale leaves you, your roommate still staring at you expectantly with a single brow quirked, “You don’t have to say it out loud Kook, it’s obvious.”

“Wow, you really don’t know me at all, do you?” His white teeth are bared in a dazzling panty-dropping grin, “Why do you think I’m sitting here in a towel Y/N? Just out of curiosity.”

“Cause you like to ‘air-dry’.” You mimic air quotes with a mocking tone, slugging back another shot of soju. He does the same.

Jungkook’s voice drops into something akin to seductive, biting the inside of his cheek to suppress a huge smile, “Actually, I thought that maybe if I walk round the place half naked all the time you’d take the hint eventually. You think when I moved in friendship was the only thing on my mind?” He’s laughing now, shaking his head in disbelief, baffled, tongue darting over his lips to wet them. “You think when I came up to you at the bar all I wanted was to be your friend?”

“W-what are you saying? That you are attracted to me?” Your heart races away in your chest, a lick of heat wetting your spine when your roommate tilts his head to one side, smirking.

“Ask me who my number one is.”

“Okay… I’ll humour you. Who’s your number one?” You’re blushing, unable to wipe the smile from your features when he sucks in a harsh breath of air, watching you closely.

His inked hand finds the nape of your neck, tugging your face closer, close enough that your noses bang together and you both giggle. “You are, loser.”

The next thing you know he’s kissing you, and you’re kissing him back.

Where most make out sessions begin soft and slow, gentle and uncertain while both parties attempt to figure out what the other likes – that’s far from what’s happening here. It’s heated, it’s messy and fuelled by years of pent up frustration and longing. His grip moves to your jaw where he pries it open, slipping his tongue into your mouth at that exact moment.

“Oh… Jungkook…” You mewl, smiling triumphantly against his mouth.

Fucking finally.

“You have,” He pulls back, lips kiss-swollen and stained with lip gloss, “No idea,” His hands sneakily find your hips, guiding your body until you’re straddling his towel-clad thighs, “How long,” He’s smirking, palming the fat of your ass when his lips find your in a hurry, “I’ve wanted to fuck you.”

“Well why didn’t you say anything then?!” You frown, sighing in bliss when your dress is being pushed up, pooling your abdomen that’s full of pork belly and butterflies. Giving enough leeway for Jungkook’s fingertips to slip into the waistband of your underwear.

He chuckles into the kiss, averting his mouth to pepper your jawline with lots more dainty little kisses, whispering, “The same reason you didn’t, I didn’t know you were into me like that.”

“Except I tried, multiple times…” You hum, bottom lip tucked between your teeth. Palms explore Jungkook’s muscular back, every lump, bump, every inch of tanned bare flesh that you’ve seen simultaneously way too many times and not enough at all. “All the slutty outfits… The compliments, I’ve been pretty vocal about finding you attractive actually.” You’re grinning, fingertips toying with the long brunette hairs at the nape of his neck.

At this Jungkook sighs, lulling his head back to get a better look at your face. His eyes are blown dark with lust, his gaze hooded and intense. But it’s the breath-taking smile he wears that sends a rush of heat straight between your legs.

“I do like a woman who’s vocal about what she wants.” He winks, crushing his lips to yours once more, “So tell me what you want loser.”

“Want you.” You pout, elbows resting atop his broad shoulders when you brush the hair away from his face, physically incapable from breaking the string of messy kisses. He tastes like peaches and sin. “Want you to make me come.”

“Yeah?” He chuckles, ridding your body of the skimpy little dress that didn’t leave much to his imagination. “Wish you told me all this sooner, could’ve been blowing your back out daily by now.”

“Not my fault you can’t take a hint.” You snort, blood rushing to your cheeks when you see his hungry stare fixed to your almost bare body atop of his thighs.

He rolls his eyes, “You’re one to talk. Why do you think I put your snacks on the top shelf?”

“So you can help me reach them…?” You scoff, biting down on your lip, “So you look like a strong alpha man helping his poor defenceless vertically challenged roommate?”

“Nah,” He admits with throaty laughter, large palms exploring your curves and reaching round your back, until they’re unclasping your bra in one swift movement, “Like seeing your ass peek out the tiny little dresses you wear when you get on your tiptoes.”

Your mouth falls open in genuine shock, brows raised expectantly, “Jeon Jungkook!” You gasp, gripping his chin and angling it towards your lips, “Who knew you were such a fucking pervert?”

The man’s in a total daze, lost in your eyes with a bright smile, “You think that's perverted? You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Maybe this is a bad idea. Having wild, carnal, fringing-on-illegal sweaty hot passionate sex with your roommate. Maybe. But when your bare back hits his soft mattress with a ‘ooomf’ and he rids himself of that damn towel, you struggle to see past this moment right here, right now. Jungkook is naked, and it’s a glorious sight.

You’re grinning when he crawls up the bed, but to your surprise, no, rather to your excitement, he stops when his profile is faced with your underwear. Hooking his fingertips beneath your thong he smirks, gaze briefly meeting yours until he’s dragging your underwear beneath your ass and down your legs.

Being naked in front of Jungkook is something you’ve often thought about, it was the motivation behind your tactical shave earlier today, secretly praying this would happen. But now that you’re here, in his monochrome bedroom that smells of vanilla, on full display for the man you’ve been crushing on for so long. It all gets a little overwhelming.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles, thick brows pinched when you sheepishly shut your legs and stop him from seeing the whole show.

“I-, uh…” You swallow, clearing your throat, “It’s been a while…”

“And?”

“And I’m nervous.” You giggle, throwing your head back into his pillows.

At this he makes his way up to your face, knocking your legs apart with his knees to settle his weight between them. His strong arms hold his body in place, planted either side of your face. The way he’s peering down at you should be illegal, so smug yet there’s a glimmer of concern behind his sparkly eyes. It’s when he releases a breath of air against your face that his features soften into a faint smile, awestricken.

“I think you’re gorgeous Y/N, you don’t need to be nervous.”

“I haven’t had sex in almost a year…” You whisper, avoiding his gaze.

“And?” He repeats, chuckling mostly to himself, “Neither have I. And it didn’t stop you from using that noisy ass vibrator of yours the other night, did it?” Your eyes snap to his in a panic, he’s fully laughing now, the sound equal parts mischievous and salacious. “Walls are very thin…” He sniffs, tilting his chin to the wall his headboard rests on, backing onto your bedroom.

It’s after you sigh, beyond mortified that he heard such obscenities, that he sinks his lips to a sweet spot on your neck, sucking the flesh harsh enough to leave sensual bruises, “Let me make you feel good baby, I promise I’ll make you feel good… Don’t be nervous.” He murmurs, and you’re left breathless.

The pet name sends a rush of something strange over your body, you’re not used to him calling you anything other than loser. Maybe your name, but definitely not baby. You like it. While he’s working on making a total mess of your neck the familiar heat and lust comes back, stronger, deeper, and more determined.

“Jungkook… Please… W-want you to make me feel good.” You whisper, already in a daze.

It’s then that you feel him smirk against your skin, planting one final coy kiss to your lips before making his way down your body with one continuous lick that has your body aflame. His tongue never leaves you, travelling to your collarbones, your breasts. The flat wet muscle glides over your nipple and you gasp, brows furrowed in concentration.

“You’re so sensitive…” He hums, lapping up your nipple, taking it between his teeth and playfully sucking. Tiny whimpers and moans peep from your lips, along with the occasional gasp that has your roommate losing his goddamn mind. His tongue soon finds the other nipple, winning himself more of the same noises that are making his cock throb with anticipation already.

“So nobody’s ever made you come, huh?” He mumbles, “But you’re so fucking sensitive baby… Aren’t you?”

“Mhm…” You bite your lip, hands greedily smoothing over his bare shoulders. You want to feel his body, his entire body. You want it on top of you, next to you, underneath you, inside you. Perhaps it’s due to all the pent up frustration harboured toward him, but there’s a dull beat between your legs that you so desperately want him to listen to.

And then it hits you, Jungkook likes vocal women.

“Make me come please… Want you to make me come…” You moan, writhing around beneath him at the new found tingles all over your body. The cool air kisses your core when he spreads your thighs, sinking down the bed until he’s eye level with your bare pussy.

“Oh my god.”

His words win you to tug yourself up onto your elbows, a little curious. That’s when you find him staring at your vagina with pure astonishment. Lips ajar, brows hiked so far up his forehead that it’s wrinkled, a small surprised scoff hot against your flesh.

“What?” You frown, suddenly self-conscious, “What are you looking at?”

“What am I looking at?” He parrots, sighing with puffed out cheeks, “The prettiest pussy I’ve ever fucking seen, that’s what I’m looking at.”

“Oh.” You giggle, not knowing what to say.

You didn’t expect him to be so confident in the bedroom, so outspoken and complimentary. It’s no secret that he’s a very socially awkward man in the streets. Apparently a very different story to the personality he has between the sheets.

“You have the cutest little beauty mark…” He whispers, sinking his lips to your folds, “Right here.” He kisses you gently, and you feel like squealing. “Fuck, you’re addicting baby. Losing my mind down here.” He chuckles right before digging in.

He places a languid, drawn-out lick from your entrance to your clit, one so mind-numbingly slow that your toes curl against the sheets. He repeats this, once, twice, three, four, five times until he’s dipping his tongue between your folds with a whispered moan. It feels nice, feels good, but it's not enough.

“You plan on making me come any time soon, loser?” You playfully kick his shoulder, winning hot laughter against your centre.

It’s then that his arms hook under your thighs and he drags you closer to his waiting face, until his full lower-profile is smothered in your cunt. His chin, his multitalented lips, the soft bend of his nose, all of it. He playfully slaps your thighs and you take the hint, throwing your legs over those obnoxiously broad shoulders of his.

That’s when your guttural moan fills the air, when Jungkook starts lapping up your clit so expertly that you question whether the whole ‘shy, socially inept, cute boy’ persona he has going for him is just a façade.

He’s good at this. He’s fucking amazing at this. You’re gasping for air when he suckles on your clit, massaging the muscle with his tongue while it’s still being pulled between his lips. You groan, you hiss, you whimper. It feels indescribably fantastic, and there’s no way he’s not going to be able to get you off doing this.

“Holy shit, Jungkook.” You whine, hips pushing your core impossibly closer to his face. “Mmmph, oh—” Another long moan cuts you off, actually it’s more of a groan. A needy one at that.

His hooded stare flickers up to your face, watching your every move before him. “So sensitive.” He murmurs, sounding disbelieved.

Watching you wriggle and whimper for him only fuels his lust further. He takes it upon himself to push your legs onto your chest with one hand. Until your knees are to your breasts. You don’t complain at the new angle so he carries on, pulling away from your pussy for a second to spit on his fingers. Not that he thinks you’re going to need it, you're already drowning his sheets.

Unceremoniously he plunges two digits into you dripping walls, and you shriek.

“Jungkook, oh god, oh my god Jungkook…” You pant, eyes squeezed shut and mouth hanging open.

It’s a second later when his mouth reattaches to your clit and you’re borderline sobbing. You feel so full, like an elastic band being stretched to it’s limits. You’re going to snap soon, you know it. There’s a heat building in your gut, one that comes in rhythmic waves that match your racing heart.

That’s when something odd swells inside your stomach, something new and exciting and overwhelming. Jungkook’s fingers aren’t fucking in and out of you like you’d expect them to be, they’re consistently inside you, curling upward and pressing against a spot that very few people, yourself included, have ever managed to discover.

“Jungkook seriously what the-, fuck!” You warn him, eyes flying open in utter disbelief.

“Mmm?” He chuckles, his response lost to the sounds of your pornographically wet pussy squelching and sloshing around his fingers.

“I’m-, oh my fucking god…” You’re whining, whimpering, shivering. “Feels so fucking good.”

At this he moans in response, sucking your clit harder, hitting that spot inside you even harder, faster. You inhale sharply, preparing yourself for the earth-shattering ecstasy that’s sure to crash down on your body any second now. But strangely enough it isn’t the hold of your clit between your roommates lips that pushes you over the edge, nor is it the thrilling curl of his finger.

You peer down at him, his brows furrowed deep with concentration, the same way they are when he eats something delicious. His face is spinning and twisting to each and every side to make sure he’s licking and sucking all your nerve endings. And that’s when his heavy eyes flicker up at your mess of a face.

Jungkook winks.

And you squirt everywhere.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god!” You groan, watching the man who you’ve been simping over for years giggle against your skin as though he hasn’t just made a catastrophic mistake.

Because now you’ve experienced this side of him, there’s absolutely no way you can go back to just being roommates.

He doesn’t fold, doesn’t stop, nor does he slow. No. He carries on. Sucking, finger-fucking, licking, moaning, curling those digits and slurping at your pussy until it happens again. And again. And again.

And again.

“P-please…” Your body jumps and jolts on the mattress, convulsing from oversensitivity, your back damp with sweat and heart beating so fast you fear it’s going to implode any second now. “I-, I can’t take another one…” You pant, hands flying to the hairs at his scalp where you try and pry him aware from your core.

He hums in agreement, nodding along with your words all while wearing a big, dumb grin. “Okay.”

You’re fucked. Head spinning, reeling, brain unresponsive. Limbs already aching, you’ve never come this many times in one sitting to date. Not even with that ‘noisy-ass’ vibrator of yours. The distant sound of laughter forces you to come back to reality, finding Jungkook laid next to you with shiny lips and a wicked smirk. His head resting on the bend of his elbow, his pierced brow quirked curiously.

“I’ll give you a minute...” He’s laughing, tongue toying with his silver lip ring. A moment later he shifts on the bed, until he’s laid on his back and his entwined hands are tucked behind his head. A content smile broadens his features, a smug one, one that gives you a devilish idea.

Adrenaline and the need to have his cock inside you courses your veins, along with a hint of arrogance. That’s what leads you to sitting up, mouth falling open when you catch sight of Jungkook’s huge cock, rock hard and waiting. Oh you’re about to give him the best birthday present in the world. He wants a woman that can ride him? Who can last longer than four bounces?

Challenge accepted.

Carefully, you throw your leg over his waist until you’re hovering over his muscular body. He really is huge, by every ridiculous definition of the word. Lazily, he opens his eyes before they grow wide with surprise at your current position.

“Oh?” He chuckles, hungrily exploring your naked body with his stare, as though he hasn’t been ogling it for the past however long you’ve been in here. “I’ll warn you now, if you’re any good at this I’m gonna have to take you on a date.”

“We’re going out on a date regardless.” You snort, gripping the base of his shaft, shit, he’s big, “Since you’re the only guy around here who knows how to make me come.”

“Suits me just fine loser, I'll take you on a date. If you're lucky I'll make you squirt again at the dinner table.” He grins, wetting his lips. “Let me rephrase then, if you ride me like you mean it I’ll take you on the best date of your life this weekend.”

“Deal.” You wink, chest swelling.

You pump his cock a few times before you sink yourself down onto it with a long, shaky moan.

“Holy shit… baby…” He pants, tugging at his own hair with furrowed brows.

Jungkook’s eyes flutter shut but you can just about make out them rolling back into his skull behind his lashes. It’s when you’re fully settled onto his cock that you bite your lip, picking yourself up only to slam down onto him with a loud wet smack. His doe-eyes snap open at lightening speed, a drawn-out grown rumbling his strong chest.

“Fuck!” He gasps, jaw slack and eyes wide.

You grin down at him triumphantly, clearly he didn’t know you were capable of making him feel just as good as he made you feel. You repeat the motion, harder. You do it again, and again, until Jungkook’s hissing and messily gripping your hips in a hurry.

“Y/N… What the fuck?!” He stifles a moan when he bites his lip, mesmerised by the way your pussy squeezes his cock each and every time you pull yourself up and drop back onto it. “Seriously what the fuck are you made of, oh my-, fuck—”

It’s at this moment you brace yourself on his chest with splayed hands, keeping your body steady before you ride him like your existence depends on it. Like there’s no tomorrow. Like you’re the only two people on earth. There’s a hot burn in your thighs but you don’t let up, bouncing on him consistently, pace never faltering.

He’s so big that you fear you’ll split open, but you welcome the underlining sting of being this stuffed. Obscene wet noises along with the sound of the bed squeaking in sync with your movements fill the air. Beneath you Jungkook is a moaning mess, he’s chewing on his lips as though that’ll stop the profanities and groans from escaping him – but it doesn’t.

“Baby… Oh we definitely-, oh shit-,” He hisses, hands snaking round to your ass cheeks where he squeezes them like they’re his favourite stress-balls, “We should’ve done this-, way-, waaaay sooner.” He moans again, head thrown back into his pillow.

You’re slamming down on him with force, so much intent behind your bounces that the crown of his cock hits your cervix each time without fail. The sight before you will be burned into your memory forever. Jeon Jungkook, panting, whimpering, trying his absolute best to keep it together all while you ride him to heaven and hell and back again.

“You like it when I ride this fat cock of yours?” You moan, usually you’re not one for dirty talk but you simply can’t help yourself. He looks… Feral. And it’s only spurring you on even more. “You’re so big Jungkook, fuck, feels so fucking good inside me…”

“You-, you’re…” He can’t get his words out, they’re dying in the back of his throat, lost to the ‘mmmphs’ and ‘ooohhhs’ he delivers every time you drop down on him. “Do I l-like it? Fuck. Best-, mmmph, best fucking pussy... Slow down baby, please.” He whines, the sound has your lower abdomen in utter turmoil, another orgasm threatening to ripple your body.

You do as he says, he is the birthday boy after all. Besides, there’s no way in hell this is going to be the only time you’ll ride him. Your evenings together are going to look a whole lot different from now on, that's for sure.

The speed of your ministrations slows, but the depth and force does not. You’re still fucking yourself on his hard length with so much purpose that you feel his knees buckling, thick thighs twitching beneath you.

“Baby, fuck…” He rasps, “Ohhh fuck! Mmmph…” It’s like he’s mesmerised, mouth hanging open and eyes incapable of looking anywhere but you. He's completely infatuated with the way you feel atop of him.

You feel a hand snake up to the nape of your neck before you’re being pulled toward his face, his lips smashing against yours in another series of messy, desperate kisses. Gritting your teeth when the white hot heat inside your walls threatens to snap, Jungkook feels your sopping walls clench around his girth and groans into your mouth.

“Again? Ohhh...” He hisses, trying his best to sound cocky but it’s less than convincing when he too is a whimpering mess. “You’re a fucking goddess Y/N-, ohhhh.” He pants, finding your hips with tattooed hands where he holds them in place.

It’s a moment later when he plants his feet flat against the mattress, bending his knees, showcasing his strength when he keeps you in one place above him. That’s when he fucks you hard, as though he’s punishing you for something. Thrusting in and out of you so violently that you’re blubbering into the crook of his neck.

“Fuck! Right there, right fucking there!” You cry out, voice almost lost to the brutal clapping noises of you being fucked ten ways to Sunday.

Each rut of his hips has you seeing stars, he feels so fucking good inside you. So deep. His pelvis is knocking against your swollen clit, be it intentional or accidental you'll never know - but it has you spiralling into insanity.

A long, vocal moan tears from your throat when you’re hit with another orgasm. You feel boneless, as though you’ve just discovered the real definition of pleasure. You’re so wet that he’s sliding in and out of you with ease now, the pulsing of you walls throwing him over his own edge until he thrusts into you one final time.

It's deeper, he's holding your hips in place, dragging them impossibly closer to his body when he fills you with his come. Breathless and sweaty.

“Baby… Oh my… god.” He chokes out between ragged breaths, and you can’t help but giggle into his skin.

Moments later you’re rolling off him, too weak to adjust the position you land in but you do throw a leg over his thighs with a smile. Heavy breathing and quiet chuckles bring you back down to earth, forcing you to gaze over at your roommate.

Jungkook’s already looking at you like he’s madly in love, as though you’ve just offered to do this every day with him for the rest of your lives. When you wet your lips and smirk you register his cock twitching against his abdomen, he really is shameless. And by the look on his face, he isn’t even close to being through with you.

"Best. Birthday. Ever." He pants, absolutely befuddled that he's just had sex, mind-blowingly, indescribable sex with his roommate, the same roommate he's been fawning over for a long time now.

You send him a wink before pulling his face to yours, there's no fucking way you're done with him either.

“Happy birthday loser.”

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