#his inner monologue is always ‘this is beneath me’ facial expression like :|

[otrtbs]

my regulus thesis is that he thinks he’s the coolest, smartest, most refined, most dignified, best person in any room but he also hates himself sm that he doesn’t want anyone to look at him ever and in actuality he’s just like a soggy cardboard cutout with bug eyes… that shakes like a cold wet chihuahua sometimes

[deepdarkdelights]

Content Tag Game!

Thank you @yoongsisbae for tagging me! I love Handshakes of a Lifetime, by the way, it feeds my need for OT7 wonderfully 😫💜

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

Oh boy, okay: Twilight, Black Butler, Attack on Titan, My Hero Academia, Teen Wolf, Young Justice, Batman Arkham Knight (video game), Marvel, Once Upon A Time, Narnia, Doctor Who, Rise of The Guardians, HTTYD, Fable (video game series), Percy Jackson

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

BTS 💜

3. how long have you been writing?

Okay, this is kind of weird, I wrote my first fanfiction when I was nine but never published it, when I was twelve I began posting to Quotev and Wattpad so I would say...eight years? I refuse to look back at either accounts because my writing was horrendous...I was a child.

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

At this point in time, Tumblr and ao3.

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

Dark / Yandere / Horror. Anything that would make you freaked out I guess 😅

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

Uh, a bit of both? I usually have an idea of what I want to happen in a story so I have a vague outline, but as I am writing I tend to add more things and branch out from the plan. When I first started writing and posting to Tumblr, I used automatic writing and was a full-fledged pantser.

7. one-shot or multi-chapter?

If I had to choose, one shot. I feel less tied down and not as pressured to write when it comes to a one-shot. I would like to make a multi-chapter story one day though!

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

I like usually something longer, so anywhere from 6-10k is good for me.

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

Actually, 10 Seconds is my longest story because it has multiple chapters. At this point in time, it is 38,250k.

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

Hmmmmm, probably Predator. It was my first fic after the end of The Bouquet Series and I got to flex more of my creativity and relax with it. It was fun to play with more classic horror tropes as well.

11. favorite request you’ve written and why?

I don't really take requests, I did ask for help in writing Tae's fic for The Bouquet Series and I had two asks that suggested an actor element and that was how Cut was made! So, that 😂

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

Hm, the concept of time is rather prevalent in a lot of my fics now that I think about it. Weather and location are reoccurring, I like to write scenes in forests or scenes with rain. I think another common theme is not to trust grandmothers as funny as that is, in two fics we have had grandmas with bad intentions! Also, references to good and evil, Hades and Persephone, Adam and Eve, temptation, as well as predator and prey dynamics.

13. current number of wips?

Three! One is currently being written, and the other two are in the planning phases.

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

(1) It's fucking long 😂. I always go in with a plan to write something shorter, 8k max, and I always end with a fucking monster of a story. I also tend to overexplain, I think. (2) A lot of my writing is describing an action, facial expressions, scenes, and inner monologue. I think that is my way of trying to immerse readers or make them see my exact vision. But it can be pretty tedious and probably boring to read. I need more dialogue too, I feel like I spend too much time showing instead of telling. (3) Sometimes I think I sound like a high and mighty asshole like I am trying too hard to be profound or something so I try to dial it back a bit.

15. a quote you like from a published story.

"He could tell she had injured her head as well, scarlet drops of blood had streamed down the contours of her face and a pool of blood had formed beneath her sprawled tresses. She looked like she had a crimson halo beneath her head, carving its way into the soft, white snow under her. She was ethereal, like an angel that he had found just after they had been dropped from heaven. Forever resting, forever beautiful, and forever young." (The Stranger)

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

"Loving you has been the one pain I always want to endure. Being with you sets my heart on fire, it makes my muscles ache, it makes my lungs burn, and everything so much more complicated. But it’s the best brand of pain I could ask for.”

17. a space for you to say something to your readers.

Hi! I hope you enjoyed learning more about me and my writing if you stopped by and read this! I have been having a tough time writing as of late, but doing little things like this has made me very happy and has made me want to write more often! I am still working on my next fic, progress is going a little slower though. School starts soon too and I am going to be working two jobs and hopefully going back to cheerleading. So let's spend as much time together as we can before I get busy again! I am still aiming to write during the school year so wish me luck! Thank you for reading 💜

I tag: @chummywchimmy @chimchimsauce @chaoticpuff17 @sinning-on-a-sunday @celestial-moonlight @unfurlingtwinklingstarx @scribblemetaetwo

[silentauroriamthereal]

Writing meme

Thanks for the tag, @a-candle-for-sherlock!

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

1,995,999 words! (But if we count my current WIP, my total word count is currently 2,009,223!) 

How often do you write?

Around 4 nights per week, or whenever I get the time and the spirit is on! 

Do you have a routine for writing?

I usually start by editing the previous section, which gives me the fuel to carry on and pick up the thread of wherever I was when I left off. 

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Kinks: Fixing everything that frustrates me about the canon!! 

Tropes: Fake couple for a case! 

Pairings: Sherlock/John! 

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

God, no. I mean, Against the Rest of the World is still my baby, just for the sheer amount of plot and location research/detail that went into it, the fact that it’s the basis of my original novel, etc, but there are other stories that I love specifically for other aspects. With 81 of them now (and another bun in the oven, hehe), I feel like a jerk for giving preferential treatment to any one of them! :P I’ll turn it around: if you feel like it and/or have a favourite among my stories, which one is it and why? (Only if you want to satisfy my curiosity, no pressure!)

Your fic with the most kudos?

It’s Best of Three, far and away, lol. As of tonight, it has 4,715 kudos. 

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

Not really... I essentially write the stories I would like to read, you know? Though I will just say that I’m well aware that my writing is far from perfect and something that I’m constantly, constantly striving to make better, stronger, realer, more in depth, etc, and those things that I work on are a bit private as well. (This is sort of akin to asking someone what they don’t like about their body, you know?) :P 

Now something you do like?

Hmm, this question is not “something you think you do well”, so I’ll try to avoid answering it that way! I mean, I love writing in certain characters’ voices. Sherlock is my favourite, as I think most people who have read my stories know, but I also deeply love writing from John’s POV, and then I’d also have to mention Lestrade and Mycroft’s POVs, too. I don’t do that often, but now and then writing from a third party’s POV is fun! In the Sherlock universe, I’ve now written from all of the following POVs: Sherlock (36 times, including both novels), John (35 times), Mycroft (3 times), Lestrade (3 times), Mary (3 times), Molly (2 times), Janine (once), Mrs Hudson (once), Ella (once), Rosie Watson (once), and Sally Donovan (once). I’ve also written from Martin Freeman’s POV (three times) and Benedict Cumberbatch’s (once). I like changing levels of vocabulary between Sherlock and John - for instance, Sherlock typically avoids most vernacular language in sex; he refers in his inner monologue to the bathroom as the bathroom; John refers to it as the loo. Sherlock will more typically think of something as being “beneath/below”; John will think of it as “under”, etc. Sherlock tends to notice behaviour in terms of scientific observation; John feels things instinctively. I enjoy playing with those dynamics. 

I love writing dialogue. I love trying to capture the specific nuances of the actors’ voices and facial expressions and gestures, and with Ben and Martin, there’s a wealth right there. I’m always trying to make sure that I can hear the lines I’m writing for them in their voices, see the specific facial expression, capture their body language. I enjoy pushing myself to go ever further into that. And of course, I love writing emotion that ideally, the reader will be able to feel along with the characters, rather than just observe happening in the story. I want the story to reach into a person’s chest and grip their heart for whatever reason. :)

Tagging: all of you who write. I know I always do this, but I mean it: if you write, then I tagged you and you should say so, so that I can come and read your answers! :)

[chukichi]

I’ve been crushing on you, baby; victor/yuuri; ao3 link

t rating; 3382 words

-

i.

The ice beneath him is cold and unforgiving as he flubbed another jump. He lands on his side with a wince and a yelp. Yuuri knows it’s going to bruise, yet he can’t bring himself to care as he stares across the rink in awe. Victor is still stretching on his own; his body twisting and bending as he loosens up his muscles. He’d been complaining earlier that he had to start being extra careful now, what with his age and how he wasn’t as flexible as he used to be.

What a liar, Yuuri thinks bitterly as he carries on watching. Yuuri knows he’s being obvious and that he’s staring without shame - but he can’t help it as his eyes trail over the curve of Victor’s ass as he bends down. He watches breathlessly as Victor holds his position for a few seconds before standing up straight again to move into a lunge. His back muscles shift under his tight t-shirt and Yuuri can even see a clear outline of his muscular thighs underneath his leggings.

Everything Victor wears is form fitting and clingy, outlining and extenuating every muscle and define line that makes up his body. Yuuri is hopelessly enraptured and easily distracted by it, and can’t do anything but swallow down the saliva gathering in his mouth and attempt to ignore the dark swirl of arousal in the pit of his stomach.

Yuuri knew, objectively, that Victor was hot. He’d spent the majority of his life growing up with posters of him plastered across every inch of his bedroom walls, along with him as his laptop background and a secret folder full of any fan or press taken photos he could get his hands on. The difference being is that now Victor is right in front of him - living with him, eating with him, and even bathing with him. Seeing Victor through YouTube videos or pixelated live streams is a lot different than seeing Victor through his own eyes as he lives and breathes in the same space. The knowledge of Victor being hot had suddenly become a lot realer, and it had become a problem. A very distracting problem, at that.

It’s driving Yuuri crazy, and even worse is that Victor’s not even doing it on purpose most of the time. Once they’d visited the beach together - having come to an understanding that made Yuuri’s heart soar with hope and happiness - Victor had toned down the overdone clinginess and become a lot more natural. There were still small touches between them though: an arm thrown over his shoulder, a gentle thumb swiping away a stray grain of rice from his cheek, and a warm hug at the end of practice. The worst thing (or maybe the best thing) is now these actions seem to be more genuine and with real feeling behind them. Each one makes Yuuri’s heart flutter and his stomach twist, and he accepts begrudgingly that he’s in deep. Suddenly Yuuri’s centre of gravity has been knocked off axis so that it evolved around Victor; he can’t bear to stay away too long or look away without feeling a pull to reel him back in.

God, the things he’d do just to be able to reach out and touch -

“Yuuri?” Victor’s questioning voice rang out through the rink, “what are you doing?”

Yuuri was up in an instant, cringing at his wet clothes and numb skin while also trying to ignore the hot flush on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!” Yuuri blurts out, his voice echoing around the rink.

Victor raises a perfectly arched eyebrow, “What, fall over? Yuuri, you cannot promise me that.”

Yuuri flinches, the statement is true but it still didn’t mean the words didn’t sting. A moment passed between them that ended when Victor shook his head, a small smile on his face and his hair moving like rippling silk.

“C’mon, let’s start practice! Show me your true Eros, Yuuri!”

--

ii.

It had never occurred to Yuuri that the dark olive green jinbei that Victor had adopted as his loungewear could be so obscene. It was a plain piece of clothing, thin and light enough to stay comfortable in despite the heat and humidity from the onsen. Then again, it was Victor who was wearing it, and Victor seemed to have a personal vendetta against wearing it properly. This led to a poorly tied knot that barely kept the robe securely wrapped around his torso, and caused a large amount of his naked chest to show.

Yuuri curses every entity he could think of, but then thanked them in the same breath because he couldn’t deny that he thoroughly enjoyed the glimpse of Victor’s pink nipples he got. Despite the fact that the jinbei was also probably a few sizes too big, it still managed to cinch in enough at the waist and wrap around Victor’s thighs to hint teasingly at his fit and athletic body.

Yuuri imagines that he probably looks as red as a lobster by now. There was always a small niggling feeling of guilt and shame at the back of his mind when he couldn’t bring to tear his eyes away from Victor, but the need to drink in the sight before him outweighed it all.

They’re sat in the main room; empty sake cups scattered across the low rise table and Yuuri’s legs have pins and needles from sitting in the seiza position for so long. He didn’t trust himself to stretch out like Victor had; instead choosing to keep his hands balled into fists and resting on his thighs in an attempt at resisting the urge to reach out and smooth a hand across the expanse of Victor’s exposed chest. Yuuri wonders idly that if he was allowed, would Victor enjoy it? Would he push up into Yuuri’s touch, silently asking for more as his fingers grazed coyishly against his skin? Would he like it if Yuuri pressed soft, loving kisses down his chest to show his appreciation? Yuuri absentmindedly bit his bottom lip, his brain turning to mush as his thoughts continued to get more and more heated.

“Oh my! Yuuri, did you see-” Victor’s voice cut abruptly through his inner monologuing, making him flinch so hard he almost topples over.

“Yuuri? Are you okay?”

“Yes!” Yuuri replies, pushing his glasses up in a nervous tic. His eyes flit between the tabletop surface and Victor’s concerned facial expression.

Victor tilts his head to the side while still focusing on Yuuri, and it was so endearing he has to choke back a whine at the sight.

“Are you sure? Your face is really red.”

Yuuri cleared his throat and nods hesitantly, “I’m just tired, but I’ll be okay.”

Victor clearly didn’t buy what Yuuri was saying (he had always been a terrible liar) but he just nodded back in acceptance of his words.

Suddenly Victor’s expression brightens, “anyway, look at what’s on TV! Japanese shows are so strange.”

Victor turns his attention back to whatever he was watching and Yuuri sighs in relief that the subject was changed. He let himself have one more lingering glance at Victor’s chest before also turning his attention to what ridiculous show he was meant to be watching.

--

iii.

Yuuri knows he’s not a bad person. He did well in school, passing his exams with slightly above average grades. He tries his best to be polite to people, despite his crushing anxiety and shy nature. He got back up again after his humiliating defeat at last year's GPF, his love and passion for skating overcoming the depressive rut he’d found himself in.

So Yuuri knows he’s not the worst person on the planet, but with the way that he’s being tested by every god out there makes him think twice. Maybe he did something horrendous in a past life to deserve this?

This, to be exact, is Victor clinging to him while they’re both wet, completely naked and sat in the onsen. Yuuri is thankful that this time he can pass off the redness that burns his cheeks and the tips of his ears on the heat of the water. What he can’t blame on anything but himself is his very unfortunate erection. There at least must be one higher being looking out for him during this event, considering that the bath water is dark and murky and comes up high enough that it hides anything that is going on beneath it.

Both of Victor’s arms are wrapped loosely around his shoulders and his chin rests lightly near the crook of his neck. Yuuri is spending more time - for once in his life - trying to think about anything but Victor. He avoids thinking about how nice it feels to have their skin pressed against each other, and how every time Victor speaks directly into Yuuri’s ear, his voice low and intimate, it sends shivers down his spine. He avoids thinking about how much he wants to push back into the embrace, to feel Victor’s broad chest against his back, and maybe even -

Dammit.

Yuuri’s plan backfires spectacularly and now he’s even more worked up and light headed than he was before.

The chin perched on his shoulder suddenly digs in harder, making Yuuri yelp and pull away enough to turn his head to face Victor.

“Yuu-ri, you’re not listening to me!” Victor whines childishly.

“S-sorry,” Yuuri says, his tongue tripping over the single word, “I feel a little dizzy.”

Victor pulls back abruptly, and Yuuri misses the weight against him almost instantly.

“If you feel dizzy, you should’ve gotten out. You know that it’s dangerous to stay in here when you’re feeling faint!” Victor replies, his voice chastising.

Yuuri shifts so he can turn to face Victor properly without straining his neck, and it’s only then that Yuuri realises that he can’t get out; not if he wants to avoid dying of sheer embarrassment. The throbbing between his legs is still ever present and doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon with the sight of a wet Victor right in front of him. His eyes automatically latch on to watch as a single drop of water makes its way down the side of Victor’s neck before pooling in the dip of his collar bones.

A flick to his forehead shocks him out of his thoughts and he jolts back into the current situation. He frowns and brings a hand up to rub spot he was flicked, “what was that for?”

“You were ignoring me again!” Victor is pouting, like a spoilt child and Yuuri is annoyingly charmed by it, “you keep zoning out recently, is everything alright? I’m not pushing you too hard in training am I?” Victor reaches out one of his hands to cup Yuuri’s cheeks, cradling it ever so gently. Yuuri leans into the gesture before he can catch himself and his eyes widen almost comically once he realises what he’s doing. He draws back forcefully, whacking his elbow against the stone rim of the bath as he flails around.

“No, training is fine! Perfect, even. Great! Nothing wrong at all!” Yuuri babbles, eyes darting skittishly between Victor and anywhere but Victor. He forces out a nervous laugh, and he is very thankful that he’s now far away enough from Victor that he’s nothing more than a blur without his glasses. He can’t distract me now, Yuuri thinks victoriously.

“Oh,” Victor says, and despite not being able to even see Victor’s face, he knows the expression he’s pulling with that tone of voice. Wide blue eyes, soft long eyelashes fluttering innocently and his lush pink mouth open slightly in shocked surprise. It’s even more ridiculous than usual, the image his mind conjured up looks straight out of a shoujo manga more than anything else.

Yuuri slumps forward in resignation, hiding his face in his hands. “Why do I even bother?” Yuuri moans dejectedly.

--

iv.

Victor has the prettiest fingers. This is a fact that Yuuri has known since he first became a fan. They’re long and slim, with rounded cuticles and perfectly trimmed nails. Yuuri has long since given up trying to look away from Victor, and now just indulges in the fact that he can. No one except from him can say that Victor Nikiforov, the Living Legend of figure skating, is their personal coach. Just thinking about it makes Yuuri’s heart burst from happiness, and he can barely contain himself on some days. This is the man he’d looked up to for most of his life, the man that he’d religiously watched and wished every night that they could meet as equals on the ice someday.

It was his utmost guilty pleasure to be able to watch Victor without the fake smiles and distant attitude. Victor was so animated, even the smallest of things would set off a loud and explosive reaction. At first it had scared Yuuri, he was still shaken from his life time idol showing up at his home - so with every yell and hand movement made him flinch back in shock. Now, after many months of being together, Yuuri finds the actions to be endearing. It was a side of Victor that he rarely showed on camera; always opting to take the cool and collected route instead. He was always poised like he could have his photo taken at any minute and answers to every question already had a formulated response.

The real Victor was annoying, clingy and whiny and loved to tease him. He pouted when he didn’t get his own way, and sulked every time Yuuri declined to sleep in the same bed as him. He was too loud when it was late at night, yelling or laughing joyously with the other patrons at whatever was showing on TV. He was blunt, sometimes insensitive when it came to coaching and managing Yuuri’s anxiety, and always forgot important things.

Despite all that, Yuuri was still completely enamoured by the man.

The real Victor was also cheerful, thoughtful and charming. He laughed at all of Yuuri’s bad jokes, and always made sure that he’d eaten enough and gotten plenty of sleep. He was attentive and listened to Yuuri’s worries, and never made fun of him or interrupted. He was kind, loving, and knew where Yuuri’s boundaries were.

Every minute he spent with Victor was precious - even during the times where they were silent and watching the sky at night, it never felt like a wasted moment. Yuuri never felt pressured to fill up the silence with innate babble or awkward small talk. Victor was a solid, calming presence beside him and he was completely and utterly in love.

Yuuri was still staring at Victor’s hands, watching as they curled around his water bottle and brought it up to his lips. The pale skin of his fingers contrasted heavily with the black plastic, and Yuuri’s mind shortcutted once he noticed the bob of Victor’s adam’s apple as he swallowed down the water.

I’m so screwed, Yuuri thinks without an ounce of irony. Victor makes even the simple task of drinking water look like a planned photoshoot - his head thrown back, eyes fluttering shut and coupled with a hand on his hip. He looked so posed, so effortlessly gorgeous and it was ticking all of Yuuri’s boxes. His grip on his own water bottled tightened at the display, it almost felt like he was watching something that he shouldn’t be.

Victor pulled the nozzle out of his mouth with a wet pop and panted as he regained his breath. Yuuri’s attention then moved from Victor’s hands to his lips, and it took every ounce of his strength to not lean over and press his lips against Victor’s.

“Something on my face, Yuuri?” Victor’s asks, his voice smug.

As if recoiling away from the words and his own thoughts, Yuuri stumbles back a few steps and stares wide-eyed at Victor’s now smirking face.

Yuuri shook his head furiously, hands waving around as he attempted at a stuttered reply. His face was practically on fire at this point.

“Hmm,” Victor hums and presses two fingers against his lips while looking through his lashes at Yuuri, “is there something you want?”

“No!” Yuuri yells, he was embarrassed beyond belief and the look Victor was giving him wasn’t making it any easier for him.

“No?” Victor juts out his bottom lip childishly, “ahh, that’s a shame!”

This is it, Yuuri thought, this is how I die.

Changing from a pout to a pleased grin, Victor places his empty water bottle on the bench and takes a step towards the gap between the boards that led to the ice rink.

“If Yuuri doesn’t want anything, we should get back to practice.” He threw a wink over his shoulder and glided back onto the ice, “hurry up, you still haven’t nailed all your jumps yet!”

The real Victor is annoying, whiny and clingy and loved to tease him, but Yuuri would follow Victor to the ends of the earth if he asked him to.

Maybe for now he’ll just follow him back onto the ice rink though.

--

+1.

The apartment him and Victor now share in St. Petersburg is dark and quiet, the only light coming from the bright moon outside which filtered through their blinds. It casted an unearthly glow over their bed and made Victor’s hair shine.

Yuuri was almost asleep, his eyelids were heavy and the exhaustion of jet lag and moving boxes all day was finally catching up on him. Despite his aching back and sore fingers, he had never felt happier.

“You know,” Victor’s quiet voice cut through the stillness of the night, “I could always feel you staring back when we were in Hasetsu.”

Yuuri feels whatever tendrils of sleep disappear at the words, and his whole body locks up in shock. He sits up from where his head was resting on Victor’s chest and stares down at him in disbelief.

“Wh- what?! Why didn’t you say anything?!” Yuuri asks, his voice high and breaking in the middle. His mind was moving at a mile a minute, he thought he had been getting away with it without Victor noticing! Oh god, all those times where he’d been obviously pining and wanting things he couldn’t have and -

Victor smiles softly, clearly knowing what Yuuri was thinking about. “You weren’t ready then. I might enjoy teasing you, but completely humiliating you was just going to make you pull away from me.”

The panic and dread Yuuri felt gradually ebbed away, even then Victor was always thinking and worrying about him.

Victor lifts one of his hands to cup Yuuri’s cheek, his thumb brushing teasingly across his bottom lip. His soft smile then turned into a sharp grin, “I can’t say I minded though, it did make me quite hot and bothered knowing that you were always following my every move-”

“Victor!” Yuuri squawks, the remnants of embarrassment came back at full force, but he couldn’t hold back the bark of laughter that escaped him.

Soon, they were both laughing at how ridiculous this all was. Yuuri leant down and presses a lingering kiss on Victor’s mouth, relishing in the fact that he was actually allowed to do that now. He pulls back slowly before settling down again with his head resting on Victor’s chest. He flung one of his arms over Victor’s waist and shuffled closer. He glances up once he’s comfy and sees that Victor is still smiling down at him. Even after all this time, that expression still makes his heart flutter.

“You say that like I’ve taken my eyes off you since.” Yuuri says, their gaze still locked. Yuuri takes great pleasure at the rare blush he can see on Victor’s cheeks.

“Ahh~ you sure know how to sweet talk me, Yuuri,” Victor coos.

Yuuri rolls his eyes and grinned, “go to sleep, Vitya,”

“Hai, hai,” Victor replies in Japanese.

They settle back down, the quiet atmosphere from earlier returning.

Yuuri is happy, engaged to the man he loves, and knows exactly how Victor reacts to each intimate touch he’d ever daydreamed about.

Maybe later he’d even tell Victor about all the little details, too.