#his face is supposed to be sort of uncanny ig

[kingofmeatballs]

Played around with an old wip that I'm never finishing

POV local snake man invited you to dinner

[pnk-wasteland]

Screenshot: Adrienette that’s borderline crack in the best way (Teen&up)

It was a nightmare. He hadn’t meant to leave his phone unattended, Alya had asked him a question and when he put his phone down to give her his full attention, Nino had picked it up to check the time and instead was greeted with a private Instagram account Adrien had created with the specific purpose to lurk in peace.

“No way, dude. Do you just stalk a bunch of Ladybug look alikes in your spare time?”

Adrien gaped, too horrified to process his world falling apart around him.

“Wow, look at this one, she looks almost exactly like ladybug!”

“Let me see!” Alya sounded too eager.

He’d never admit it, but there were more than just a few girls on his private Instagram that looked “exactly like” ladybug. And no, it wasn’t just a uncanny accident.

But the account his friend happened to stumble on was his favorite, a well off Russian Instagram model who’s handle was Steelix.

She could pass for a perfect Ladybug, if not for her brown eyes. She was perfect in almost every way, and posted great *ahem* material. Ladybug was the fantasy girl of his dreams and anybody that looked liked her was at risk of being followed and stalked by his private finsta page.

His private page he was privately ashamed of.

That his best friend was now holding up to show his own girlfriend, and the girl Adrien quietly, sort-of had a crush on. This really was his worst nightmare. He tried to snatch the phone from Nino but to no avail. “It’s just some girl. I like her photography.”

“Yeah sure that’s why you liked all her recent pictures and wrote in the comments ‘omg’ with a heart face, a drooling face, and two fire emojis.”

Adrien was red in the face, his mouth gone completely dry not knowing what to say.

“Wow Adrien, these are the kind of girls you like?” Alya asked.

Adrien glanced toward Marinette, and the look on her face was perfectly surprised. Ironically, her face was one of the ones he lives to see grace the screen of his dirty private Insta. Marinette had great Ladybug features right down to the freckles on her nose. The only bad thing was Marinette rarely posted any selfies at all, and although her account was an interesting documentary of her handmade fashions, it did not serve the dirty purpose his fake account had followed her for.

“So what?” He finally grabbed the phone from Nino and was getting back some of his composure, although his face was still deeply flushed.

“Oh no reason.” Alya’s smile was wicked, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

——__ __——__ __

Marinette ponders what she just witnessed while Alya blabs in her ear. She wasn’t holding the phone, but it sure looked like he was following a lot of slim girls with shoulder length black hair. If she didn’t know any better she would think he would have a type... And he certainly did nothing to dissuade that idea. He turned beet red and made some dumb excuse about photography. And that girl.. the one whose photo he had commented on, Marinette knew her. Well, she had previously followed her. Steelix has such a similar face structure to her own that she had been a phenomenal teacher of makeup to Marinette. She knew all the right things to use and what products would work on her just by watching what Steelix recommended. She had loved following her for her beauty content, but when her account started becoming more of a travel diary with pictures of her on island beaches in bikinis with inspirational quotes covering the captions, Marinette had to find other places to search for helpful information.

All of these thoughts were making her wonder about Adrien, and the things she had neglected to notice about him.

“If Adrien likes shorter, dark haired girls than why doesn’t he comment on my selfies like that?”

“Umm interrupt me, much?”

Oops, she didn’t mean to say that outloud.

“But maybe because you never post any, especially not to insta.”

Marinette thought about this. It was true she used her IG story to post updates on her Latest creations, and her grid was very much like a well thought out catalog. She was very proud of that page, but it was definitely not the place where she’d be posting cute sundress selfies.

“I use my Snapchat for personal stuff like that.”

“Exactly. And I bet you haven’t even given Adrian your snap.”

Marinette frowned, stealing a glance at the boys table. “No, I guess I haven’t.”

“Well what are you doing sitting here talking to me for? Go get his snap and start using it for evil!”

---_ _ _---_ _ _---

“Hey Adrian! Wait up!”

Adrian was more nervous than he should have been when his friend approached, but he kept the feeling off his face. “Hey Marinette! What’s up?”

She stopped right in front of him, “I was just thinking about earlier, how you have a private instagram account.”

Adrians stomach dropped. Had she figured him out? Did she know he was using her and girls that looked like her to quiet his drowning ache for Ladybug? He was so ashamed of himself. He was weak, so desperately weak.

“And it just got me thinking that I’ve known you so long and we don’t even have each others snaps.”

“I’m so- wait, what?”

“Snapchat. We don’t even have eachother added. So, want to be friends?” Marinette held out her phone, snap code ready for him to scan, her happy little pigtailed Bitmoji smiling up at him.

Something warm ticked his belly. “Yeah, definitely.” He pulled out his phone and added her to his seldom used snap account.

——__ __——__ __

He has to add her on his old account, the one with the list of contacts from kids that once gave him their number. There really isn’t that many.

Adrien finds out quickly that Marinette posts her selfies on snap, and keeps her instagram clean and more professional. Very smart for a girl who is looking to go to college next fall. He clicks on her daily story; a picture of her in her bedroom mirror, a picture of fresh croissants and danish, a picture of Alya, Rose and some other girls at her lunch table, and then finally a selfie. A picture taken from straight above, she was lying down in her bed, light pink and white pajamas that looked like they may have a ribbed texture to them. He could see the edge of the selfie stick she was using to get such a wide angle, the idea that she had planned this sleepy in bed photo turned him on more than he could have ever dreamed. He could see the tops of her exposed thighs where her matching pj shorts abruptly ended. Her lean, exposed belly led up to the cropped short sleeve tshirt, that was so on-trend and so Marinette that he had no doubt she’d made it for herself.

Best of all, her blue eyes stared right back at him through the camera and her lips were puckered just right.

It was as he was getting himself all worked up thinking about the blue of her gaze, easing his own back down her body when he realized something else; she wasn’t wearing a bra. And the way she had arched her back to show off the muscles of her stomach only made it more obvious; and Adrian couldn’t believe he didn’t notice them before. Tiny peaks hidden behind soft pink fabric. He was going to lose his mind.

His heart was beating faster and he swallowed back guilt as he unzipped his pants. Her body was amazing, and he was insanely greatful she left this on infinite. He worked himself till climax thinking about what her nipples must look like beneath that thin pajama top, and what it might feel like to taste them. He kept working himself, more gently, thinking about that face, those lips and those eyes and how bad he wanted her to swallow him. Who? Marinette or Ladybug? Honestly in that moment he didn’t feel like he was using her pictures as a ladybug substitute. He cleaned off his phone and thought seriously if he should use his tablet to take a picture of the screen just so Marinette wouldn’t know he screenshoted her. Another, dirtier part of him wants her to know. Wants to comment on her pictures like he’s some random thirsty nobody. Tell her how she makes him sweat, how he can’t get enough. He wants to use his private page to stalk her, too.

Damn sometimes the lines get too confusing.

He sits there, weighing his options. This picture was too good for him to let go. But he didn’t want to look like he was chasing after Marinette’s thirst traps when he knew he was still just a dirty pervert for Ladybug. Adrien felt like screen recording would be even more creepy than a screenshot, and almost made him feel like he was coping out, being a chump. But if he did screenshot her what would Marinette say? Would she ignore it? Would he be sad if she did?

Adrien shook off his intrusive thoughts and screenshotted his new favorite photo. And for good measure; and maybe so he could feel like he was making a move instead of just drooling over his classmate; he sent “wow” with an emoji it took him way too long to choose. Stuck between the drooling or hot emoji he finally got fed up with himself tapped his screen and sent it off without letting himself immediately get anxious. He made a decision, over analyzing himself won’t help anything. Now he just had to wait for Marinette to respond.

And then he could freak out again.

——————————-

A/N: a work in progress, can someone help me come up with their snap handles? I don’t like the ones I have right now. Adriens is supposed to read as (BeAgreste= be•our•guest). I dunno! I’m not good with puns it’s the best I could do! Please help me!

[cubby5499]

Paring: Oc’s x Characters

Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, Angst, Romance

Word Count: 2.2k (not much I know lol)

Summary: Don’t know yet lol

Warnings: Swearing, Sexual Jokes & References, A lot of Swearing lol

Status: Ongoing

Schedule: Random updates as school has just started back up

Note: I don’t dislike any of the characters my Ocs have replaced I just though which ones could I replace without hurting the storyline to bad I personally love Ojiro and Hakegure. (Mineta is a different story lol)

❈◦────────────◦❈

Chapter One- Gremlin looking headass!

Emiko

I’m so frustrated right now, I’ve never been able to show off my quirk on my own before. I wonder how Kana and Esora are handling things right now. I bet Kana is either staring at all the ‘eye candy’ or freaking out over how she’s going to be able to show off how versatile her quirk is. Although I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to break/kill these robots. I could just scream at them but is that enough? There is always the safe option and I could disassemble them, that could take a while though, with having to find out how they work and everything. I look over to my right and see a boy that looks as if he's about to puke, and yes, yes I am silently laughing at him. He’s toast, I can already tell, all of a sudden I hear Present Mic’s loud ass voice. “Right, let's start! Get moving! There are no countdowns in real battles. Run, run, run, listeners! You're wasting airtime here!”

As soon as he said let’s start I bolted for the gate with a select few others that were fast to pay attention. Instead of going straight I drat left as soon as I can people will go furthest they can then turn, usually. I see a 2 pointer right after, I turn and use a super loud scream to make it essentially explode. I do this a few more times and eventually get my points up to a fairly good number in my head 31, suddenly I hear the ground rumbling and feel it shaking. All I see is some giant ass robot thing come out of the ground, and instantly my first instinct is to run obviously. If not for the fact that it's bigger than most of the buildings, then for the fact that it's not worth any points. That kid that was about to throw up in the beginning fell and is looking at this with pure fear, from down the street a bit I see him.

“Kid! Get out of the way you're going to get killed!” He doesn't look as if he's going to move so I start running towards him, while everyone is running away from that big ass robot. “Less than two minutes remaining!” Present Mic yells, all of a sudden I hear a girl scream and dart for her instead of the boy. “Shit are all of you trying to kill yourselves today?” I’m too far from the girl but regardless I just hope I make it in time. That green haired boy starts to run up to the robot and jumps into the air, what the fluff? He punches the robot in the face, if he could do that all along then why does he have no points? I reach the girl and help pull the debris off of her leg.

The only thing I'm thinking is ‘how's that bish gon’ get down?’ and from the looks of it he's thinking the same thing, so I look at the girl. “Hey, you can make things float right?” She nods and I pick her up. “Good I’m going to propel you upwards with my voice and I want you to make sure he doesn't hit the ground.” She silently agrees, instead of wasting time I help her up onto a piece of one of the broken robots and tell her to cover her ears. Then I yell using enough force to move her but not enough to hurt her, she then slaps the kid to keep him from falling face first into concrete and dying. Instead of cheering like I'm probably supposed to I start to feel myself laugh. So to be polite I cover my mouth to keep me from laughing and falling over. The girl then starts throwing up which is apparently really funny to me and I start laughing underneath my hand.

That little green string bean starts crawling like a worm on the floor and I couldn't take it anymore and fall on the floor laughing, I barely hear Present Mic’s words saying that the exam is over. With that ended and me finally able to form sort of coherent words I hear a little ‘Clack. Step. Step. Clack.’ “Very nice, good work all around. You're heroes in my eyes, every one of you.” Ignoring Recovery Girl I head towards the entrance or rather now its an exit, because I have a few cuts and scrapes but nothing too bad. I look at myself assessing my body… Oh? When did that get there? A fairly big ‘scrape’ on my leg… eh I’ll just get Recovery girl or Koko to fix it later there are way too many people right here and I’m not one to be very social. I started to meet up with Kana and Esora, I hope that they did well too. I mean as well as possible considering that Esora has a totally different test from what I heard because she was recommended by Kana’s Aunt Midnight.

I can see the front gate from where I’m standing, we are supposed to meet up right inside the gate. I suddenly get jumped by an idiot blonde(and pinkette ig lol), but one of the few people I tolerate… Kana. “So, how’d you do, babes? I got 56 points because some stupid angry pom-pom got in my way. I'm not joking though that kid looked like Katsu, it was kinda uncanny actually. I may or may not have borrowed his quirk because he was being a douche… he didn't like that very much, he blasted my arm.” She fake cries and continues to ramble on and I tune her out while we wait for Esora.

After a few minutes of not listening to Kana ramble on and instead looking at stuff on my phone, we see Esora come smiling like she had achieved something. Kana pipes up, “So, I’m guessing that you got in? I mean then again how could you not, your amazing.” she smiles. Esora smiles back at her, “Yeah, as much as I don't like to boast I’m pretty sure I got in there were a few other people with good quirks as well though, and one guy that was kinda ‘hot’.” She shrugs, and motions for us to follow her. Kana skips a bit in front of us then turns around, “So you guys wanna hit a convenience store then have a horror movie marathon?” she smirks, knowing we would say yes. We both nod and she smiles and walks back in step with us going home.

*--_--_--_--_Time skip brought to you by the condiment bottles Kami and Kiri_--_--_--_--*

Kana

I wake up to Katsu licking my face as he's taken to be my personal alarm clock because I always put them on snoose and or just forget to turn them on. “Katsu get off, I'm awake baby.” I start to laugh while pushing him off, and pushing the blankets off of myself. Stepping out of bed and going into the bathroom across from my room and getting ready, brushing my hair and putting half of it into a bunthen straightening the rest. Then going to my sisters room, knocking on the door. “Hey Koko are you up? First day of school.” I hear a response from the kitchen, “I’m downstairs making breakfast for us and the girls.” I reply with a thanks and go back to my room, changing into our school uniform. I think I’m going to put longer socks on today, so as I’m putting on my thigh highs, two idiots run into my room. “Hey, bitches! Ready for the first day of school?” I ask pulling the other sock up, then going out of the room to the kitchen. “Thanks for the breakfast, Koko-chan.” We all say and dig in, we talk about how we want our day to go and how it probably will go.

“Hey, the cookies and color coded macarons are on the counter in a baggie, your bento is on top of that as well.” Koko informs me, I swallow and thank her for getting up, the girls follow and walk to the door. I go to the kitchen and grab my bento then head to the door grabbing my keys and my backpack. As I’m putting my shoes on, Koko comes up, “Are you forgetting anything?” I shake my head. “I don't think so. Well, we're off, be safe, you heathen and make sure you have your phone cause I know you always forget it.” I kiss her on the top of her head, the girls and I leave for the first day of our soon to be hectic high school life.

We talk about all the people we could potentially get for our homeroom teacher, and all of us say simultaneously that we don't want Aizawa-Sensei. As we reach the school I am kinda nervous for who we're going to meet and who our classmates will be. We reach the classroom and there we see a guy that has messy green hair. He's babbling to himself, “Hey, kid are you going in? Or are you just gonna stand there and look at the door all day?” I may sound rude but I’m just blunt growing up around Aunt Midnight taught me to speak my mind. Emiko and Esora nudge me in my ribs on both sides. “Ow! What was that for!” He turns around and waves his hands in front of his face. “Oh, I’m sorry I was holding you up, ladies first.” He steps aside letting us go in first and we see… pure and utter chaos.

Some dude with glasses is yelling, that dumbass blonde kid from the entrance exams is there too. “You! You little pom-pom looking head ass! I’ve got a bone to pick with you!” I walk up to him and nudge Mr. Pointy Brows over, I slam my uninjured arm on the desk knocking his feet off of it. “Your little gremlin looking headass blew an explosion on my arm, you ass wipe! And I would like to know who the fuck you think you are injuring me!” This kid is mostly bark and very little bite from what I can tell. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Emiko and Esora, talking to some people, and the guy in front of me is fuming. “Who the hell are you talking to, huh, blondie?” “I’m about to beat the wholly living sh-'' I say getting in his face, suddenly Esora grabs me by the back collar of my school uniform and picks me up, effectively shutting me up. She then places me in my seat, I cross my arms and huff and look away. ‘This isnt over stupid pom-pom.” I say glaring at him. Everyone is staring at that green haired kid and making goo goo eyes at him.

Suddenly Aizawa pops up in his yucky yellow sleeping bag, and me and Emiko start laughing, while everyone else is confused. “If you're just here to make friends, then you can pack up your stuff now.” I look at Emiko and whisper, “He looks like a larvae.” Me and her start to laugh louder, still not audible though. “Welcome to UA’s Hero Course. It took eight seconds before you all shut up. That's not gonna work. Time is precious. Rational students would understand that.” Me and Emiko are still silently giggling, sending each other pictures of larvae and comparing them to Aizawa-Sensei. “Tanji and Yanachi get off your phones and pay attention.” We both sit upright in our chairs afraid he might tell Koko, she's scary even if I am the older sibling. “Hello, I’m Shota Aizawa. Your homeroom teacher. Right, let's get to it. Put these on and head outside.” All of us are majorly confused, and outwardly express it. Even so we do as we're told.

“What? A Quirk assessment test?” Everyone says surprised when we all get outside. The rosy cheeked girl speaks up first. “But orientation! We're gonna miss it!” Aizawa speaks up right after with a stern tone. “If you really wanna make the Big Leagues, you can't waste time on pointless ceremonies. They audibly gasp and I’m just sitting here bbq sauce on my tiddies. I'm just waiting for Uncle Aizawa to tell us what we're going to be doing. Esora, Emiko and I have known him long enough to know that he doesnt fuck around. “Here at UA, we’re not tethered to traditions.That means that I get to run my class however I see fit. You've been takinging standardized tests most of your lives. But you never got to use your Quirks in physical exams before. The country’s still trying to pretend we’re all created equal by not letting those with the most power exel. It's not rational. One day, the Ministry of Education will learn.” I hope this goes well.

[shamelessly4shameless-blog]

130lb of Ukrainian Courage (pt 15)

Ian is holding Yevgeny’s hand as they walk down the road, half thinking about the steaks in his carrier bag ready for the cook-out and half listening to Yev prattle on about dinosaurs and which lizard is most like a dinosaur.

“Woah! Dad!”

Yev yanks suddenly on Ian’s sleeve and points down the road at their house. There is a huge, blacked out van parked wonkily in front of the house and a rusty motorbike dumped on the sidewalk beside it.

“Who’s is that?”

“I think maybe your uncles have arrived”

Ian’s pulse quickens and he grips Yev’s hand a bit tighter. Mickey had warned him that the Milkovich’s were likely to descend on mass, and that he had called the meeting so they were probably going to be pissed but Ian had kind of hoped it would just be Mandy and Iggy that actually arrived.

He considers taking Yev back to Svetlana’s but Yev is already tugging forward excitedly and Ian remembers how much calmer the house had been when Yevgeny was present as a baby.

“Hey listen, we’re gonna go in and say hi, but if Papa needs to get down to business, we’ll get Mama to come collect you, Okay?”

“Okay.”

Yev nods happily but Ian narrows his eyes at his son, he knows that sort of ready agreement is usually surface deep. Just like Mickey, once he needs to, Yevgeny can dig his heels in and kick up a stink with the best of them.

“I mean it, bud. If I say we have to go …”

“Got it!”

Yev is close enough now that he can hear the heavy metal music blaring out of the house. Papa is having a party and he isn’t there! This is something Yev decides to fix immediately and he let’s go of Ian’s hand and takes off at a run.

*

“COOL!”

Yev stands over the sweet smelling glass bowl that is releasing awesome peels of smoke

“Is that a cauldron?”

He looks up at the huge man sprawled on the sofa, who is looking back at him with a sleepy grin on his face

“A fuckin’ what? It’s a fishbowl … you know? A bong.”

“Oh.”

Yev bounces on his toes a couple of times to the rhythm of heavy slamming guitar and waves a hand through the smoke

“You supposed to be in here or are you robbin’ the homos?”

“This is my house.”

Yev wrinkles his nose and quirks his lip irritably in a way that anyone who has spent more than five minutes with his father would be entirely familiar with and the big man lets out a surprised laugh.

“Oh shit! You’re the Russian’s kid, ain’t ya?”

“I’m Yevgeny Milkovich – are you one of my uncles?”

“I might be your fuckin’ Dad. Man, that was a wild fuckin’ party...”

The man laughs again, louder this time. Yev scowls at him and is about to respond when a large arm wraps around his waist and boosts him up.

“Hey Joey, I see you met your nephew.”

Ian smiles in what he hopes is a friendly manner but doesn’t wait for the oldest Milkovich to respond before bearing Yev away.

“He said …”

“I heard. Ignore him. And if you see something smoking, don’t go near it.”

Ian deposits Yev on the stairs and pokes his head around the kitchen door. Mickey and Jamie are locked in an arm-wrestle, both of them in cut-off black t-shirts, holding beers in their free hands. Iggy is sat on the counter with another fishbowl in his lap and he gives Ian a wave when he notices him.

“Hey Ian.”

“Hey Ig, how you doing?”

“Fuckin’ starvin’, man. Mickey says you got steaks.”

Iggy grins at him and Ian can’t help grinning back. Iggy is less gruff about it than his older brother’s but he has that uncanny Milkovich way of letting you know exactly what he wants without using a whole bunch of words.

“Yeah I’ll get started on that in a bit. Uh … Mick?”

“What?”

Mickey’s brow is creased in concentration and his lips are pressed tight, Jamie is sweating heavily and his forearm is starting to tremble. Mickey is focussed and going in for the kill, forcing his wrist to bear down infinitesimally more, his knuckles stark white. Ian is almost distracted by the swell of his boyfriends biceps flexing and the determined look in his eyes, but he forces himself back to the issue at hand.

“Yev’s here so ... uh … maybe the bongs could …”

“Ig, put the fuckin’ bowl away.”

Mickey grunts

“Joey has one too.”

“Tell … Joey … to … FUCK YEAH!”

Mickey leaps up, slapping the table triumphantly as Jamie gives in and swears furiously, grabbing his arm and flexing his fingers.

“All that cock pumping got you strong as shit!”

“Yeah? I bet you pump your dick more than I pum…”

“Mick! Yev’s here.”

Ian snaps and Mickey grins guiltily, letting the last of his rebuttal trail off and punching Jamie affectionately on the arm.

“Hey, you wanna meet your nephew?”

“Sure, why not.”

Jamie lights a cigarette but there is a look on his face of quiet unease and as Ian ushers Yev in, his finds himself fighting the urge to keep a protective hand on his shoulder. It is a side-effect of the last couple of weeks that he hadn’t really expected, he almost can’t stand to let either Yev or Mickey be touched by anyone else, especially Yev.

But Mickey is beckoning his son forward and like a magnet, Yev is drawn toward him.

“Jamie, this is Yevgeny.”

The pride in Mickey’s voice is so obvious that Ian lets go of his misgivings and folds his arms, watching his boys happily as Mickey drapes an arm around Yev’s shoulders and Yev leans his head shyly into Mickey’s waist.

“Well shit. He looks just like you.”

Jamie leans forward on eye level with Yevgeny, peering at him closely and Yev, a Milkovich to the core, straightens and holds his uncles gaze as boldly as he can, though he keeps one arm around his father’s leg.

“You got your Grandma’s eyes kid, like your Pop.”

Jamie’s eyes flick up to Mickey and he nods.

“Guess he is yours.”

Yev frowns

“Who elses would I be?”

“Well exactly! Quit saying dumb shit, asshole!”

Mickey scoffs at his brother, there is no real heat to his words but the look in his eye is one that makes Jamie shrug and sniff apologetically and the matter is quickly dropped.

“Mandy here yet?”

Iggy asks, bored of watching the play power between his brothers when it is obvious to everyone that Mickey has already won.

“Nah, haven’t heard from her.”

“Me and Joey can stay a day but after that we got shit to do. You wanna wait for Mandy for the meeting?”

Jamie isn’t sucking up to Mickey but it’s as close as any Milkovich is likely to get to it and Mickey favours him with a small smile

“We’ll wait til tonight. You dickhead’s are all high as fuck right now anyway.”

“Hungry too.”

Iggy grunts and Mickey rolls his eyes at his brother

“This ain’t a fuckin’ resort, man. If you’re hungry go to the fuckin’ fridge and make yourself a God damn sandwich.”

“Bite me, asshole!”

“Fuckin’ bite you? I’ll kick your ass!”

A fight ensues that is mostly for show but there are a couple of blows that make Ian wince and he snatches Yev back out of the way, wrapping his arms around him. Iggy’s lip splits in one corner spilling blood down his chin and Mickey grunts loudly as an elbow catches his chest, but they break away laughing and Mickey ruffles Iggy’s hair affectionately as Iggy claps him on the shoulder.

“That’s what you fuckin’ get!”

Yev’s eyes are like saucers watching his Papa. He is so absorbed he barely notices his Dad let go of his shoulders and turn to speak to a lady with long dark hair who has just come in.

Swearing is not uncommon at all and even Yev is allowed to drop a few cuss words here and there but it’s like Papa is trying to get in the world record book in the school library, like the man with all the pegs on his body. His Dad has stepped out into the hall and so Yev takes it upon himself to draw it to Papa’s attention.

“Papa? … Papa? … PAPA!”

Yev raises his voice and gives a sharp tug on Mickey’s shirt as he passes by to grab another beer.

“What?”

Mickey grins down at his son and then arches one questioning eyebrow at the tiny, judgemental scowl

“You’re swearing a LOT.”

“Too much, huh?”

Mickey asks, squatting down and tapping his beer bottle against the snub of Yev’s nose.

“I dunno but it’s a lot.”

Yev raises his own eyebrows in a fairly decent imitation of the warning look Papa gives him when he’s going too far and skating on the edge of trouble.

“We bitched at your grandpa like that, he’d fuckin’ whoop us. You want your daddy to whoop you?”

Jamie grins at Yev as if he’s said something particularly funny and wipes his nose on the back of his hand.

“Papa doesn’t whoop me.”

Yev smiles kindly, as if explaining something obvious to a slightly slow person and then turns his attention back to Mickey, missing the look that his uncles exchange at that admission.

“Can I play Xbox until lunch?”

“Sure, man. Love you.”

Mickey murmurs the last words low enough that only Yev can hear them and kisses his forehead very briefly

“Oh, hey, if your uncle Joey hogs the remote, come get me. He’s shit at video games but takes, like, fifty turns.”

“Okay.”

“and where’s your Dad gone?”

“Chatting to a lady.”

Yev calls over his shoulder and Mickey jerks as if slapped. Mandy!

“Hey, here, chips, dips, go nuts.”

He opens a cupboard and gestures vaguely to it before closing his brother’s into the kitchen and going in search of his sister.

*

Mandy and Ian are on the porch, smoking. Watching them, Mickey is transported back to when they were kids and he grins to himself remembering the joint relief and absolute jealousy he’d felt when Ian had pretended to be Mandy’s boyfriend.

“Hey!”

Mandy spots him coming and cocks her head to the side. They’ve never been great at gauging each others reactions and Mickey finds himself moving toward her with a weird, gangly armed stance, half open to hug, half not.

“You look stupidly fuckin’ good.”

Mandy laughs, shaking her head. The tone is set and Mickey opens his arms properly, enfolding her in a tight embrace, cupping the back of her head in one hand.

“I didn’t fuckin’ know you were comin’.”

“Neither did I.”

Mandy admits and accepts the fierce kiss her brother plants on her forehead, scrunching her nose in an amused grimace

“You high?”

“A little drunk,”

Mickey admits, letting go of her and stepping back

“It’s good to see you, Mandy. I … well … yeah, fuck it, I missed you.”

Mandy turns to Ian, mock surprised

“Shit! You almost got my brother fully domesticated, talking about his feelings … what did you do?”

“Magic dick.”

Ian quips, fending off the playful gut punch that comment earns him.

“Asshole.”

Mickey mumbles but his attention is firmly with Mandy

“How you doin’?”

Mandy twists her hands into the pockets of the tight denim skirt she is wearing and bobs her head.

“I’m good, a little freaked out by this summons though.”

“Wasn’t a summons!”

Mickey frowns defensively as Mandy rolls her eyes at him.

“Course it was! You’re like Michael Corleone and where ever the fuck Terry is, right now he might as well be the old don in his orange garden.”

“What the fuck are you ...”

“It’s the Godfather, idiot! Anyway my point is you run the family when Terry’s away.”

“No I don’t.”

Mickey is clearly uncomfortable with this but Mandy isn’t backing down from it and simply shrugs.

“Kinda do. We haven’t all got together for years ...”

Both siblings fall silent, trying to think of the last time they were all together. It’s been so long neither of them can actually remember and the chances are it wouldn’t be a happy memory anyway.

“Yev’s here.”

Mickey offers finally and Mandy smiles a little sadly

“Yevgeny? Really?”

“Yeah, we have him almost every weekend officially but he swings by whenever really. Got his own room … y’know.”

Mickey fidgets a little awkwardly and Ian instinctively hands him what is left of his cigarette, which Mickey takes with a grateful smile.

“That’s nice Mick.”

“He’s got Mom’s eyes.”

Mickey tries to make it sound casual, well aware that this has become some sort of code for claiming Yevgeny as his own amongst his family and he’s eager to get that cloaked conversation out of the way as quickly as possible.

“I remember.”

Mandy rubs his arm reassuringly and Mickey wonders what her hesitation or surprise is about the kid if not the question of his paternity.

“I must owe him a fuck ton of birthday and christmas presents.”

Mandy jokes, lighting another cigarette and Ian and Mickey exchange a quick look of exact understanding.

“Don’t be silly! We spoil him rotten as it is!”

Ian wraps and arm around her shoulder and gives her a gentle squeeze. He still thinks of Mandy as being of a height with him and the frailty of her bones beneath the check-shirt surprises him anew but he doesn’t let it show.

“Yeah, besides, I ain’t slavin’ away cookin’ eggs for you all tomorrow, fuck that! We’ll go to McDonalds and you can get him a hashbrown. Kid’s like a damn dog when it comes to food. Feed him weird, greasy potato shit and he’ll love you forever.”

*

Mickey takes Ian to one side as Mandy greets her other brothers and nephew

“I’m gonna get this done now.”

“Okay,”

Ian nods, his place now is to support, he can’t get in the way of family business, no matter his place in Mickey’s life.

“What can I do?”

Mickey glances around and bites his lip, thinking.

“Get the BBQ goin’, take Yev with you and keep him outside. You hear any shit going down, call the cops and get Yev away.”

Ian takes a deep breath and holds it until the urge to protest passes, then lets out a long sigh through his nose.

“Okay.”

He says again. Mickey quirks his lip upwards and reaches up, tugging Ian lightly downward to kiss him. It is a long and steady kiss, nothing like the furtive pecks that Mickey used to give him when any of his siblings were around. It is a promise and a reassurance and Ian gives him a warm smile as they separate.

“Just be safe, okay?”

“Always, man.”

Mickey pats Ian’s butt and turns on his heel, shoulders squared and South Side swagger in full force, barking out his summons that is not a summons.

“Meeting. Now. Kitchen table.”

*

Mickey sits at the head of the table without thinking and then gives Mandy a withering look when she starts humming a low tune that he recognises as a theme to an old movie, probably the Godfather or whatever the Hell it was called.

“Where’s Dad?”

Joey asks as soon as he has his cigarette lit. Mickey tongues his lower lip and is about to answer when Mandy snaps her fingers assertively

“Hey! You all know the rules! Weapons on the table in family meetings.”

“Come the fuck on, Mandy.”

Jamie sighs but Mandy only glares at him and then each of the others in turn

“Rules! Centre of the table.”

She snaps and removes a slender can of mace from her bra and a small knife from the edge of her boot. Joey complies next. The rule was made after Terry slashed his shoulder open with a flick-knife in a fit of temper over a confessed loss of some merchandise. Iggy and Jamie follow, adding brass knuckles, a dirty butterfly knife and two vicious looking curved blades to the pile. Mickey hesitates and then pulls the ruger out of the back of his pants, opens the chamber and empties the bullets into his hand before chucking it on top.

“A fucking gun? Shit! What the fuck have you done?”

Iggy laughs but the atmosphere is starting to bristle with the threat of violence. Mickey licks his lips and sets his hands flat on the table, braced palm down. If he waits any longer he’s going to lose his nerve. He cricks his neck left, then right and says

“Dad’s dead. I killed him.”

There is a moment of silence and then Jamie puffs his cheeks out and exhales a rush of air noisily.

“Damn Mickey.”

“This something to do with Ian’s face?”

Iggy motions to his own eye, it is the only bruising that is still really bad, the eyeball itself still a little bloodshot and although the swelling has gone down, it still doesn’t open fully.

“Yeah, he was supposed to meet Yevgeny but he came here instead when I was out. Fucked Ian up, badly. I came back … we fought. I killed him.”

Mickey’s gaze is flicking between each of his siblings. Mandy has her eyes fixed on the table top but beneath the table her booted foot nudges against his in silent support.

Iggy isn’t smiling any more but he is nodding in grudging understanding and that is something.

Jamie looks pretty non-plussed and Mickey knows he is waiting for Joey’s reaction. Everyone is waiting for Joey’s reaction. It’s why Mickey unloaded the damn gun before surrendering it.

Joey has always been the most like Terry: looks, temperament, ideals. He was also the one Terry gave the hardest time to, the most beatings, the most vicious insults and the only kid that Terry ever gave up willingly during a bust. It had been pretty much game over to Joey anyway when the cops came in but still, it had been heartbreaking for him to hear his father casually admit that he had been with him when they did the heist.

He looks at his youngest brother now and rubs his bottom lip, considering.

“You do it in cold blood?”

“No, we were fighting, I pistol whipped him and thought he’d go down but he … he fuckin’ grabbed it and we were both trying to get control … he got shot.”

Mickey is trying to keep as close to the truth as possible because lying to Joey has always been damn near impossible. His hands are starting to tremble but he manages to hold them steady under the cool, dark gaze.

“And it was definitely you? Not your … boyfriend?”

The word drips with distaste and it gives Mickey the last surge of indignation he needs to get through.

“You fuckin’ deaf? I said it was me.”

Joey grunts and then shrugs

“Fine. Old man should have known better than to come after your family. Fag or not.”

Jamie nods at this and turns to Mickey

“Yeah man. He should have fuckin’ left it alone. Fag or not.”

“He’s actually dead. I always figured he’d die in jail.”

Mandy murmurs quietly and Iggy snorts, smiling despite himself

“Yeah, or if it was gonna be one of us, I always thought it’d be you.”

Mandy’s head jerks up and she gives her brother a ‘what the fuck’ look which makes Iggy actually laugh, though he quickly raises an apologetic hand to Joey

“Why the fuck would it be me?”

Mandy demands and as she speaks memory rushes around them all in a vicious, vice like grip, the barbs of knowledge long repressed sinking in deep and they all fall silent, though Mickey’s boot presses firmly against Mandy’s and holds there.

After a minute he breaks the silence and looks directly at Joey

“So what do we do? I killed our dad.”

Joey drums his fingers on the table thoughtfully. They could be discussing who’s turn it is to go collect a pizza or which team might when the season this year. Death is a natural part of life for all people but for the Milkovich’s of South Side, it is so much a part of life that even when it is one of there own, the feeling tends to be a sort of muted awareness at best and none of them are damp eyed at the loss of their father.

“We could take you outside and fuck you up a bit but … ah … fuck it. I’m on parole, man. Looks like you got a broken nose, mostly healed... Ig?”

Before Mickey can move, Iggy’s fist connects with his face and his vision explodes in a star-burst of pain.

“FUCK! Jesus fucking Christ!”

Mickey rocks back in his chair, nearly toppling it over. Blood pumps out of both nostrils and splashes onto the palms of his hands as they instinctively cup beneath his face. It was a damn good punch, hard enough to create a lot of drama but not hard enough to actually break the cartilage afresh. Iggy was always a fuckin’ savant when it came to his fists and Mickey is grateful.

Mandy hands him a bandanna from her shirt pocket and the atmosphere softens noticeably

“Did he get a decent burial? Whole?”

Jamie asks quietly and Mickey nods, dabbing lightly at his nostrils

“Yeah. With the silver chain from Mom. I left it on him.”

“Good.”

Jamie nods and Joey smiles slightly

“What do you wanna do about territory?”

Mickey shakes his head lightly and stands up.

“You guys split it - four ways, if Mandy wants in. I don’t want any of it and don’t deserve the inheritance anyway.”

This is clearly the right answer because Joey retrieves his weapons and pockets them. The family meeting is over.

Iggy, clearly not giving a shit about territory grabs another beer and nods to Mandy

“Hey, you meet your nephew yet?”

“Yeah, he’s cute.”

“Mickey don’t whoop him though.”

Jamie offers, clearly expecting some level of horror from Mandy on Mickey’s blatant lack of parenting skills.

“You don’t?”

Mandy’s smile is bright and hopeful

“Yeah .. no, I mean, I guess I’d swat him if he was being an asshole but what the fuck does a grown-ass man want with beating on a little kid?”

Mickey shakes his head and Mandy sighs happily

“You’re doing so good, Mick.”

“Pop beat us and we turned out fine.”

Jamie mumbles and Mickey raises a sardonic eyebrow at his brother but Iggy retorts first

“Yeah and one of his kids fuckin’ shot him. Times change man.”

Jamie ponders this for a minute and then huffs out a startled breath

“Shit! I hadn’t thought of that. I’m not gonna lay a hand on my kids if I have any. Or my wife either, just in fuckin’ case! Times change!”

It is the most eloquent he has been all day and he looks rather pleased with himself until Joey shoves him and says

“You’ll have to find a bitch desperate enough to marry you first.”

“Fuck you!”

The ensuing scuffle breaks one of Ian’s kitchen chairs and smashes the fruit bowl  but it is good natured and clears the last of the tension.

Business completed, retribution delivered and the subject of territory to be settled later, Joey and Jamie eat, fill their pockets with booze and leave. They don’t hug Mickey or Iggy but they hug Mandy in a sort of awkward way, unused to contact with a woman that they aren’t trying to bed.

Mandy settles into the sofa with Ian, catching up on everything, trusting him to tell Mickey the things she cannot tell him herself. She falls asleep against Ian’s chest, secure and utterly safe in her brother’s home.

Iggy sticks around, plays video games with Yevgeny and tries to teach him how to make a butterfly blade dance between his fingers until Mickey swoops in and forbids it, giving Yev a spoon to practice with instead.

“But can’t I ...”

“No.”

“But Papa …”

Fine, black eyebrows raise and a pair of stern, blue eyes widen and the whining ceases immediately.

Iggy goes into the bathroom and does another fishbowl and when he comes back into the living room, he looks around and gives a little amused giggle.

It is a Milkovich household in which a child is safe, loved and cared for.

A father doesn’t hit his kid.

An alpha male is gay.

Family is welcome and no weapons are needed.

Women are safe inside the four walls and each person has enough food without having to ask. He is on his fourth sandwich and no one has yelled at him.

Times fuckin’ change indeed!