#his eyes shrank like two sizes during that whole process

[theshinsun]

it's my boy Kaspar, about to get his dues, with the the most impractical lighting I could get away with.

[ibis-gt]

I honestly would love to read about the first time Cam finds out Luther is shrinking because he has feelings for him. In that hanahaki disease au.

ask and ye shall receive.... cam figures it out. just shy of 2000 words.

~~~

“Aaaand… there,” Cam said, and gave the screwdriver one final twist. He pulled on the little contraption in front of him a few times to test its stability and sat back on his haunches, finally satisfied. “You’re all set.”

It is one of four little rope and pulley elevator systems that he’d set up around Luther’s apartment. It consisted of a small wooden plank that Luther could stand on and use the rope system to raise or lower himself. Each one was operable at height ranges between about a foot and a half to four inches. They let him get up onto his sofa, his bed, the kitchen counter, and the bathroom sink.

“You really didn’t have to do all that,” Luther protested from his position just behind Cam. “I mean, I don’t get that small that often, I probably won’t use them that much.”

Cam laughed and pushed a stray wisp of hair out of his face, looking up at Luther. “What are you talking about? You’re always shrinking around me. It’s okay, I’m happy to help. That’s what friends are for.” He watched the usual blush spread across Luther’s face, the telltale shiver run down his spine, and smiled as Luther shrank another inch. He’d lost some height here and there during the installation process as they chatted, and had gone down to about five foot even, if Cam had to guess. “Anyway, you let me know if you have any trouble with these, and I’ll be over to fix ‘em as soon as I can. And there’s the bells if you’re in any real trouble - those strings there, see? They’re hooked up to a bell in my apartment, ring that and I’ll come right over.”

“My cat’ll have a field day with them,” Luther murmured, brow furrowing. “Maybe we should do something other than string.”

Cam chewed on the end of his screwdriver in contemplation. “Hm. Good point. I’ll figure something out later.” He slipped the screwdriver in his toolbelt and slapped his hands on thighs as he stood up. “Well! I’d better get back to my place and start dinner. You’re coming over, right?”

“Oh! As long as it’s not an imposition? I mean, I don’t want to be any trouble…”

“Nah, s’alright, you’re always welcome. Spaghetti and meatballs tonight. See you in an hour?”

Luther’s blush deepened and he lost another two inches. “S-see you then,” he managed.

Cam chuckled fondly to himself as he left. He tried not to think of Luther’s condition as cute or funny, because when the shrinking was really bad it put the poor guy in danger. But he couldn’t help but find it amusing when Luther lost just a little height, ending up just a slightly shorter version of himself. And when he went on one of his long rambles and shrank a little bit at a time all throughout, it put Cam in mind of a deflating balloon, which was just too silly not to laugh at. And when he ended up really tiny, and he was just like a little doll, and fit so perfectly in the palm of Cam’s hand…

Cam shook his head to clear his thoughts. No, that was too far. He shouldn’t think like that, no doubt it was terrifying for Luther to be so small and vulnerable. He sighed as he shouldered his door open, hands full of leftover wood and string. He set them on the little table where he kept his keys by the door, then unbuckled his toolbelt and hung it on the coat rack, lost in thought.

He’d been puzzling over what caused Luther to shrink for a while now. Was it just at random? Was it like an allergic reaction, and some kind of food or environmental thing kicked it off? He had a brief vision of Luther sneezing and instantly shrinking down to bug size. No, knock it off, he chastised himself, not funny. A little funny. But don’t laugh at it.

Anyway, he hadn’t seen Luther ever sneeze when he shrank, so that probably wasn’t it. What were the symptoms? He’d make a list, that would help him narrow it down.

Cam slipped an apron over his head - one of the novelty ones his sister kept getting him, he didn’t bother to read the witty joke about buns printed on the front - and started on the dough for his spaghetti. Whenever possible, he liked to make things from scratch. Besides, having something to do with his hands let his mind work better. He worked the problem around in his mind just like he worked the dough in front of him, kneading it, pushing it around, looking at it from different angles.

So. What were the warning signs? Luther tended to get awkward and shy just before he shrank. He’d blush, stammer or trip over his words, either avoid eye contact or stare like he couldn’t look away, and of course the final sign was that signature shiver right before a loss of height. A lot of those symptoms could be attributed to anxiety as well - was that what triggered the shrinking, just whenever he was anxious? But that couldn’t be it, Luther had been anxious plenty of times without shrinking. Not to mention he worked a high-stress job, waiting tables at a local diner, and wouldn’t be able to make it through the day if anxiety made him shrink. So that wasn’t it.

Cam rolled the dough out flat and cut it into strips. He hung the fresh noodles up to dry and put water on to boil, then opened the fridge and pulled out the meatballs he’d shaped that morning.

His brain kept chugging along on the issue as he worked, hands going on automatic. He came back to the present long enough to taste the sauce he’d made, hem and haw, and add a little more garlic, then went right back to it. There was something tugging at the back of his mind, trying to get his attention, but he couldn’t quite grasp it.

A sound startled him out of his thoughts - the ringing of a bell.

“Shoot,” Cam hissed, dropping the sauce spoon. It clattered onto the stove and left little pools of sauce cooling on the glass surface. He’d deal with that later though, Luther needed him now. He switched the burners to low and headed for the door.

Luther’s door was locked, so he had to duck back inside his apartment to grab the spare key. He opened the door slowly and called out.

“Luther? Was that just the cat, or do you need me?” Cam scanned the room, looking for that distinctive neon green jumpsuit. It clashed horribly with everything, but it was useful for spotting him when he ended up tiny. Sure enough, there he was by the strings for the bell, waving an arm to get Cam’s attention. He was easy to spot, as far as things went, standing about a foot tall. Cam hurried over.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Do you need help?” Cam took a knee in front of Luther and leaned in close, inspecting him for injuries. Luther took a step back, startled by the sudden rush of worry, and Cam made himself pull back as well. It had to be scary to have someone looming over you like that, he told himself, give him a little space.

“I-I’m fine,” Luther said. “I just… well, this happened, and now I can’t really open my door, so I was hoping you could give me a lift over for dinner? Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve used the bell. I could’ve texted you.”

The tension flooded out of Cam and he laughed in relief. “No, that’s fine, I just jumped to conclusions. I can give you a lift, sure.” He cupped his hands and held them out to Luther, who climbed on and settled in, sitting down with his legs crossed. Cam rose slowly, being careful not to jostle Luther, and began to amble back towards the door. A thought occurred to him.

“What did it?” Cam asked.

Luther looked up, startled. “What did what?”

‘“What made you shrink this time? I’ve been trying to work it out on my own and I’m just not getting it. There’s gotta be a common thread, right, you’re not just shrinking at random?”

Luther stared at him in open-mouthed shock, face growing steadily redder.

“I mean,” Cam continued, “if you were just shrinking at random, it’d be hard to hold down a job, y’know? Do you ever shrink at work? And anyway, didn’t you say - ” His eyes widened as that thing that had been nagging at him finally became clear. “You said you don’t shrink all the time! But you shrink pretty often whenever I’m around. Am I doing it, somehow?”

“No, no, no,” Luther said hurriedly, but Cam could feel him getting smaller.

“Oh, liar!” Cam chortled. “Nice try, Pinnochio, but I’m literally holding you right now. Is it actually me?”

“It’s - it’s not - not always?” Luther was practically cowering away from him now, and Cam realized he’d been a little harsh.

“Oh shoot, I’m sorry. Look, we don’t have to talk about it, okay? It’s your business, I shouldn’t’ve pried.”

“No, I… I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, it’s just… hard to say out loud, um…” Luther fidgeted with the collar of his jumpsuit, avoiding Cam’s eyes. He was red as a tomato, mouth drawn up in an adorable little pout, and so small and cute that Cam’s heart ached. Then it clicked.

“Oh. Is it me, like… because you like me?” Cam asked. “Like, you have a crush on me, is that it?”

Luther let out a sound like a tea kettle whistling, shrinking down at an alarming rate to only five inches tall. Cam couldn’t help himself. He laughed so hard he snorted. When he finally got a hold on himself again, the wounded look on Luther’s face sobered him instantly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, but you don’t know how long I’ve been trying to work this out, and the answer’s been right in front of my face the whole time! I swear I’m laughing at myself, not at you. Anyway, you wanna go out sometime?”

Luther gaped up at him for a long moment. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. Finally he shut his mouth and nodded furiously. Cam grinned.

“Or this could be like our first date, right? I’ll get some candles and dim the lights. We could even 'Lady and the Tramp' it with the spaghetti! Or - okay, okay, sorry, I’ll stop.” Luther had started to shrink again, and Cam didn’t want his cooking to go to waste just because his guest was too small to eat it. “Hey, I joke a lot, but I want you to know I’m being serious here,” he said gently. “I’d like to go out with you, if you’re alright with it. Is it going to cause problems, though? Like are you going to shrink every time we’re together?”

Luther shifted and looked away, finally finding his voice. “I - I don’t know. The doctor said if I told you about how I felt, it would get easier. But he didn’t say it would go away entirely… if that’s not something you want to put up with, we don’t have to - ”

“No, no, that’s fine, I don’t mind it. Just if it was a problem for you, is all. I like you a lot, Luther. I’d love to be your partner, if you’ll have me.”

Luther looked back up at Cam with a huge, genuine, relieved smile on his teeny tiny face. Cam’s heart melted.

“I’d like that.”

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

My Partner's Ex & I Play Truth or Drink - Jimmy Owens & Peter McVries

Summary: Based off this Youtube series. Jimmy, Ray Garraty’s ex & Pete, His current boyfriend, must choose between the cold hard truth or a nice drink….

(The Long Walk - They’re 26 in this)

Words:  3,882

Ship: Gavries

—Cut—-

“Were you guys in love?” Pete read the card in a low tone and wondered again how Jimmy was feeling about all this. The guy seemed pretty chill about all this but to Pete, it looked as if he were holding something back. He leaned back in guilt. 

Jimmy’s face flickered with emotion and he seemed to try and bury his twitching hands into the lap of his jeans. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before allowing an answer to slip out. “Well-”

His expression looked painfully embarrassed. 

—Cut—-

Peter McVries was still thinking about the strained round of small-talk Ray had initiated with the ‘famous’ Jimmy Owens while the director of this whole series was setting up the camera. Work and the weather was the best the old pair of friends could manage and it suddenly gutted Pete to dwell on. Hell, he couldn’t imagine going back to be strangers with Ray like this Jimmy guy had to go through. 

He watched Jimmy take his seat across from him at the small table and gave him the casual and sincere smile he knew his boy couldn’t give him. Jimmy deserved that. 

Ray was sitting off on the other side of the room, watching with his thumbnail pressed into his lip. It was a nervous tick he’d actually picked up from Pete which kinda amused him. Nobody had ever consciously spent so much time with him that they starting sharing habits...which was why Pete now sometimes tied and untied his shoes while he sat.

The director, Blaine, waved a thumbs up over his gear and gave them the go ahead to start whenever. McVries thumped the table lightly with his palms and grinned. “I’m Pete.” 

“I’m Jimmy.” Owens waved gently and rose a little from his chair. “And Pete, is dating my ex-boyfriend-” He tilted his chin towards his table companion and returned the polite grin he was rewarded with.  

“His name’s Ray.” Pete chuckled. “And he’s sitting right over there.” He gestured like a bubbly teenager and stuck out his tongue when Ray frowned, not being much for camera attention he didn’t ask for. But oh boy, he didn’t have to try hard to throw up his charming smile. He was real cute that way. Pete scrunched up his nose and chuckled. 

{Blaine, off camera: “So what’s the relationship like here?”}

“This is our first conversation ever, actually.” Jimmy gestured between himself and Pete, who nodded. 

“Yeah, you just had your ‘first real’ conversation with Ray in some time just before we started shooting.” Pete wanted to be honest, even if Ray was a little anxious about the whole situation. “I mean, you’ve talked on like Facebook messenger sometimes and you had some phone conversations but...” 

Jimmy smiled gently. “It has been some time-yeah...so...” His voice sounded a little small and sad. He rubbed the pad of his thumb across the tip of his nose and coughed. The cards were in a small pile in front of them and the alcohol was sitting just to the side. Jimmy slowly reached out and slid one card free. “What's the meanest thing my ex has said about me?”

He blew out some air and tried to laugh at the question but Pete saw some fear in his eyes. He didn’t even want to look at Ray who was surely digging his nail deeper into his lip. “Does it help if I say that Ray almost never talks about you?” Pete kicked himself immediately after asking that. The answer looked like it had punched Jimmy in the gut. 

“I kinda expected that...knowing Ray-...that is if he hasn’t changed too much since high-school.” he shrugged and peeked behind him towards Ray before making eye contact with Pete again. “But I can’t say it made me feel better to know we went from best friends to...some guy he doesn’t even mention.” 

Pete softened even more. Jimmy wasn’t trying to start anything, he just going with the honesty thing which Pete really respected. He nodded and reached out for his own card. “What would it take for us to have a threesome?” He smirked and winked as he threw the card over his shoulder. 

Jimmy chuckled. “Ummm....” He widened his eyes and looked around the room as if it held the answer. Pete playfully tapped his foot and looked at the watch curled around his wrist. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s ever gonna happen but you’re a nice guy, really.” Jimmy teasingly patted McVries’s hand and they shared another joyous round of laughter. 

“Let me down gently, ok.” Pete shook his head and giggled some more. 

“Yeah well, You’ve seen my type-” Jimmy stuck his thumb out behind him towards where Ray was sitting. “And you’re like...” 

“The exact opposite?” Pete almost choked on that bubble of laughter and hunched forward. “That’s amazing, thank you for saying that.” McVries was having trouble speaking due to the amusement which only grew more intense when Jimmy too laughed and Ray hid his face in embarrassment. “Not to mention the emotional toll of hooking up with Ray again? Don’t bring that up or anything. Just reject based on me!”

“Oh shit, yeah. That too-” Jimmy wheezed and for a good while, they laughed themselves nearly to death. 

—Cut—-

Jimmy managed to collect himself first and realized it was already time for his turn again. He looked much more relaxed and breezy about the whole game which McVries was hoping would last. He’d like to think they got a good vibe going between them which was beginning to slowly comfort Jimmy. 

“Oh, this is a heavy one to jump to...-” Jimmy paused and gave him a friendly little smile. “Have you two ever come close to breaking up?, If so, what happened?”

Pete paused. He hadn’t quite expected a question like that which was probably pretty idiotic of him considering the kinds of stuff they throw out in these videos. He wasn’t usually a nervous person but something about that question triggered some odd feelings. “Actually, yeah. We have.” He nodded and noticed the soft eyes Ray was sending him. 

Jimmy’s eyes briefly widened but shrank back to normal size in a second or two, like he realized he wasn’t actually all that shocked with the idea. “What happened?”

McVries rolled his lips together and scooted closer to the table. “Well, Ray and I met our Sophomore year of College...” He began with careful glances to his boy on the couch, who was looking apprehensive. “Our hook-up story is long and messy...so that’s a story for a different video.” He threw a charming wink to the camera. 

“But-uh...during our Junior year, I suggested that Ray and I apply to be roommates.” Pete stumbled his way through the first sentence but quickly tried to remember this was way in the past. “And after the process we eventually ended up rooming together and this one time, his mother had come for a surprise visit, right?” Pete remembered the horrified look on Ray’s face during the incident but now, his boy was sort of giggling on the couch over there. It fueled him. 

“And I happened to be the only one in our room-” Pete started feeling ok to laugh since his great company was giving in too. Ray was sending genuinely soft grins his way and Jimmy looked ready to burst again. 

“Shit.” Jimmy cupped his fist over his mouth. 

Pete nodded with wide eyes. “To make a long story short I, foolishly, assumed Ray hold told her about us and introduced myself as his boyfriend. Things got awkward and she left.”

Jimmy rolled his lips together. “Yeah, I see where this is going.” 

“Ray comes back and starts in on me about how he wasn’t ready for that. He seemed so...determined about it that I asked if he had ever planned on saying something to her. Ray got quiet and basically-”

“Confirmed that he never gave it a thought. Like he was keeping his two ‘worlds’ separate.” Jimmy poured himself a shot as he spoke. “Yeah, sounds like the Ray I used to know.” He nodded and McVries frowned. 

“Anyway, it turned into this whole big argument and I was just worried that maybe I loved Ray more than...well more than he intended to let himself love me back.” McVries shrugged and took his own shot. He didn’t look at Garraty just because he hadn’t ever really opened up about that fight. 

{Blaine: “What do you mean by that, Pete?”}

McVries shrugged for the millionth time. “Not to sound like an asshole but I knew Ray at least had a thing for me. He made that clear in the way he hung around me all the time and put up with me flirting.” He threw a little wink at Ray. “But at the beginning, I just wasn’t sure Ray would ever...unclench. Y’know? Let himself acknowledge he’d grown tired of the masquerade ball.” 

Pete went silent again and Jimmy soaked in the words. “But look at you guys now-” Jimmy gestured from Pete to Ray, a ways behind him. “You managed to help Ray grow...help him accept himself.” He shrugged and tapped his shot-glass. “I wanted to be the guy who did that for him so damn much.” 

Pete felt a strong pull in his chest. He couldn’t imagine how badly Ray must be feeling, judging from his boy’s fallen face. 

—Cut—-

“Were you guys in love?” Pete read the card in a low tone and wondered again how Jimmy was feeling about all this. The guy seemed pretty chill about all this but to Pete, it looked as if he were holding something back. He leaned back in guilt.

Jimmy’s face flickered with emotion and he seemed to try and bury his twitching hands into the lap of his jeans. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before allowing an answer to slip out. “Well-” His expression looked painfully embarrassed and he nearly went for another shot just to avoid answering but shook his head. “Nah, I can answer this one.” He scooted closer and looked Pete in the eyes. “I was in love. But that’s all I can say.” 

{Blaine: “Why don’t you ask Ray?”}

Jimmy and Pete turn to that couch and found a shaky looking Ray Garraty. “Well...-” His voice was wobbly with nerves which Pete found endearingly cute yet anxiety-inducing. “Jimmy...you were the first guy I ever had real feelings for. Since we were little idiotic kids playing doctor.” Ray shifted to the edge of the couch in attempt to get closer. “When we started our thing...-I thought I could do it, I really did. But I just didn’t want to be gay.” Tears were starting to cloud his eyes, that much Pete could see from his seat and damn he wanted to go to him. 

{Blaine: “So were you in love with Jimmy?”}

Jimmy looked like he might add a polite little ‘you don’t have to answer’ just outta instinct before he came to his senses and realized how badly he needed the honest answer. 

Ray hiccuped and immediately looked embarrassed. “Yeah...-Jimmy, I really did love you and part of me still doesn’t want to acknowledge it for some reason...but yeah. I was in love.” 

—Cut—-

Pete hadn’t actually been able to help himself from going over to his boy and wiping his sleeve down his red cheeks but he doubted that would make it into the video. Ray was further embarrassed by the action but Pete couldn’t care less because he needed the comfort. Jimmy remained in his seat and kept on facing Pete’s empty chair for that short little minute or two...a sad little smile on his face as he heard the comforting whispers. 

When Pete returned, looking apologetic, Jimmy waved him off and gave him a kind thumbs up. “Your next question is...Have you ever been jealous of me?” Jimmy shrugged the card down and looked like he already knew the answer but Pete doubted him. 

“Actually yeah. I have been jealous of you-”

“I thought you barely knew about our relationship?” Jimmy chuckled but Pete kept nodding his head with a small smile. 

“But I knew some.” Pete played with his shot-glass. “I mean, you’ve known Ray since you were little kids and you got to go through High-School together. Which, makes me real jealous because I’d love to have known Ol’ Garraty back then.” He spoke with earnest longing. “You got to carry his books for him, walk him to class and all that cute shit-”

“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t do much of that considering Ray was so paranoid about people getting the idea he was gay.” Jimmy frowned. 

But Pete didn’t seem to change his mind. He sighed, sorta dreamily. “Yeah well, I still would’ve loved to know Ray back then. Everybody wishes they could have spent all the time in the world with the person they like the most. It’s only natural.” Pete shrugged and took anther shot as a little treat. Jimmy genuinely grinned at that answer and Ray nearly swooned. 

 McVries reached out for his next card without noticing the lightness in his company. “What is something you taught Ray that I'm benefiting from now?” He smirked and got in a little chuckle before turning it over to Jimmy through way of silence. 

“Well from being with me...” Jimmy started with a small look back at Ray. “I think he learned some personal things about himself that I helped him to realize he couldn’t bury. But I don’t think Ray got to that conclusion until after our break-up.” He shrugged. “I think the pain of us...that’s what helped Ray learn that maybe he ought to try to face his issues with...” He glanced back at their mutual friend with an apologetic look. “Internalized homophobia.” 

When Jimmy brought those heavy words to the table, Ray deflated. Not in a way that suggested he thought he wasn’t deserving of it, no Ray seemed to acknowledge Jimmy was correct with his nods. “Yeah. That time in my life was...” He shrugged and tried to share some silent words with Jimmy, who seemed to understand. “I was hard to understand. I thought I could be in a relationship because I had those feelings for you but...well, it’s hard to be affectionate with someone when you’re subconsciously wishing those feelings...weren’t there. I didn’t want to be attracted to you so I didn’t end up treating you very well.” Ray sighed, ashamed. “I’m sorry. Have I ever told you that?” 

Jimmy took a subtle shot and shook his head. “No, actually.” and he let that sink into the air as if the tension didn’t bother him. McVries was strangely proud of Jimmy....not strangely, actually-...Pete was just proud of him for be straight forward and honest with this whole thing. 

It was a trait he had mighty respect for because he spent a lot of his initial youth wishing he wasn’t so honest himself. He disguised it with mystique and cryptic language so he might not be taken so seriously but...bottom line, Pete always said what he truly thought. His mother always say’s that her son is ‘funny that way’. It was the main reason it had taken Ray so long to figure out that his confessions of love were actually something to take seriously and not a joke to awkwardly laugh off.  

Ray retracted like he’d been punched.

  —Cut—-

“Who do you think is objectively more attractive- you or me?” Jimmy chuckled and set his card down. 

“Oh you, hundred percent.” McVries nodded, very sure of his answer. 

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “What makes you so quick to answer? I think you’re a pretty attractive guy-” 

“Not attractive enough for a threesome though-” McVries crossed his arms and feigned some attitude which Jimmy couldn’t help but find extremely amusing. He broke in a fit of laughter once more which was rather contagious. 

{Blaine: “You could ask Ray?”}

Blaine sorta laughed at his suggestion but the men turned to their mutual friend with smirks. 

“Oh come on.” Ray shook his head about a million times “I’m not answering that.” 

Pete playfully batted his eyelashes. “It’s ok to hurt my feelings, Ray-baby.” 

Ray blinked and looked down at his shoes, not expecting that nickname to be used in the video. It might’ve made him slightly uncomfortable. Just the same as it probably made him uncomfortable with addressing his physical attraction to them on camera. He still had some issues to confront, that much Pete knew. 

“Ok, it’s definitely you.” Jimmy chuckled and snapped his finger across the table at Pete. “I can see it in his eyes, man. Ray’s got it bad. You’re just his type, I should think.” 

Pete had a rush of something like butterflies but tried not to act like a boy with a crush. He feared Ray might be more than just uncomfortable now, perhaps an angry embarrassment. 

But Ray actually seemed relieved. “You’re both really fuckin’ hot.” 

Both Pete and Jimmy had to momentarily pause. Neither of them had ever expected something so upfront and bold to come out of little Raymond Garraty’s mouth, let alone on camera for the world to see. He’d always been shy and restricted about his attraction to men. 

Pete was so proud, he could burst and from the looks of it, so was Jimmy. 

Ray kinda giggled in his cute way and looked off, hoping he was now off camera. But Pete had a different idea and hopped from his chair to drag his boyfriend to the table. “Say it again for the audience, baby!” He shook his shoulders and tried his best not to kiss him then and there. 

“You’re both fuckin’ hot!” Ray spoke his words into their existence and hid his face in Pete’s shoulder as Jimmy turned to face forward in his chair and wiggled Ray’s hand. 

{Blaine: “Great job Ray!”} Blaine laughed and clapped along with them. 

“This is really good for you, Ray.” Jimmy said with earnest pride and gently tapped Ray’s hand. 

Ray simply shrugged and bashfully started to walk back to his little corner couch as Jimmy, Pete and Blaine clapped along. 

 —Cut—-

“Is any part of you not quite over the breakup?” Pete set his card down and tapped the table with the tips of his fingers while Jimmy took a shot. “Don’t want to answer this one?” 

Jimmy paused. “Nah, I’ll answer. Just wanted to prepare.” He chuckled and rubbed the pad of his thumb against his nose. “Yeah, there’s a part of me that’s definitely not over it. It was high-school but Ray didn’t break things off in a very satisfying or clean way. And it was a very important relationship for both of us. But there’s a bigger part of me that wishes the relationship just never happened.” 

{Blaine: “Why’s that?”}

Jimmy turned his chair around to look at Ray with full, genuine eye-contact. “I think if our relationship never happened...we’d still be friends. Our friendship was really important to me and it just got cut-off. I’ll always hate that, Ray. You were my best friend.”

“You were my best friend too. I hate that I let us lose that...I wrecked it, honestly.” Ray confirmed with watery eyes. 

Jimmy looked as if he’d been waiting for Ray to admit that for a long time. 

—Cut—-

“Should we be closer friends-?”

“Hell Yeah!” Pete answered so quickly it threw Jimmy off for a second or two. “I think we gotta a good vibe, you and I.” He gestured between them. 

“Yeah, we should get drinks after this.” Jimmy reached over to smack Pete’s arm. 

Pete leaned over. “Ray, you’re not invited!” He stuck his tongue out and childishly high fived his new buddy. 

—Cut—-

Pete knew he’d end up having a great time filming this video, the three of them each seemed relaxed now too. Even Ray, whom he’d been very concerned about since the video idea was suggested to them. He reached for the next card and ended up swallowing a few more nerves. 

“Do you think I am a good match for our mutual person and could you see us getting married?” McVries couldn’t help but ask that with a bit of wobble in his tone. All he ever wanted in life since he’d laid eyes on him was to be good enough for Ray. 

Jimmy looked at Pete with a mixture of pride and a touch of jealousy. “Pete, I’ve never seen Ray so...himself.” He glanced between them and leaned forward. “I waited forever for him to look at me just once the way he looks at you every minute.” He chuckled. 

McVries felt a blush flourish his cheeks and he looked down at the table to mask it. 

“Even though things ended badly, I still hoped Ray would find that person to help him and to love him like I did. And you...” Jimmy gestured to him. “You’re possibly...the most in-love with someone that I’ve ever seen, if that makes sense?” He looked to the camera with a shrug. “Just before we started filming, you were giving Ray a little pep-talk and the way you so earnestly love him, it’s something to appreciate.” Jimmy turned to Ray. 

“And I do, Pete, you have no idea. I know sometimes I can act a little far-away or-” 

Pete waved him off. “I get it. I know you’re still getting over some issues and that’s ok. You show me you love me everyday, Ray-Baby. I understand your moods and when you pull-away, I know you’ll be back just as soon as I help you through whatever is bothering you.” He shrugged. 

Ray shot up. “Shit.” he mumbled as he crossed the floor and as Pete stood to gather the emotionally-exhausted boy in his arms. 

Jimmy looked at them with caring eyes and playfully thumped his palm over his heart. “See, look at that shit. Breath-taking. They’re definitely gettin’ married.” 

—Cut—-

{Blaine: “So how was that?”}

“Pretty fuckin’ good.” Pete shoved Jimmy’s arm. 

“Yeah, I think we really needed to experience this.” Jimmy chuckled and grinned fondly down at Ray, who was now kneeling to their sitting level on the crisp white floor. “I’m happy for you, buddy.” 

Ray glanced up with his wonderful eyes and found a satisfying sense of joy from his old friend. “I missed you.” 

Jimmy smiled. “How about we make more of an effort to be friends?” 

He said ‘we’ but Pete knew he met ‘you’. Ray had done his best to avoid Jimmy in the past couple of years. 

“I’d love that.” He nodded and looked between both of them. 

Pete kissed the top of Ray’s head and set his chin to rest atop his messy hair. “So that’s a definite no on the threesome?”

The three of them fell into another round of amused laughter. Their were some steps yet to take but there was also an overwhelming sense of ‘it was all gonna be ok’ in the air. 

—Cut—-

[63824peace]

Tuesday, 15th of november 2005

We have implanted our children's genes into the surrogate womb... everything moves along according to plan. After today, we need only to check how well the mother carries the fertilized egg. Our cloned children will cleave apart and spread once we have finished checking.

We have only to wait for the delivery. The incubation period hasn't changed a bit. We can count on a smooth, natural childbirth. I intend to witness the delivery.

"Welcome to our world!"

We received our large stand-up store display for Subsistence. People will find it in shops starting December 6. Snake stands and salutes... he's nearly life-size!

The saluting scene gave birth to MGS3's whole story, so we want to draw attention to the importance of the image. We'll use the image to illustrate the package art too.

I asked Mrs. Miyamoto (one of our assistants) to stand beside the store display in order to give a sense of perspective. It's quite large.

I also compared it with our previous stand-up displays. It's relatively simple, but the design's simplicity catches the eye.

I walked a bit farther than usual for lunch--all the way to Azabu Juban. I ate Matsusaka Gyudon at the restaurant Isekan. It was part of a lunch set, so it came with a dessert called Ultimate Pudding.

It was good. Azabu Juban has a nice, peaceful atmosphere.

I stopped by Tsutaya on my way back to the office. For in-store background music they played Free Tempo's single Prelude, which I like. I heard that they have included the single on their newly released compilation CD. Tsutaya played it as a demo to expose customers to current releases.

I found an imported reissue of Joy Division's album Live Transmissions. I knew that I might already have it at home, but I wasn't so sure. I bought the copy anyway.

I continued browsing. I had hoped to find something interesting besides Joy Division. Then I received quite a surprise! I found Bananarama's new album in the New Releases section. They have lost a member, so they're down from three to two. I listened to it a bit at the Demo Station.

I also saw Miyuki Nakajima's debut album. I'll check Mr. Muraoka's opinion before I get this.

We're testing the OOOO System for MGS4. We've made it available as a utility application on our computer. People who heard about it gathered around Matsui-kun.

"Oh wow! This really is the next generation!"

The OOOO System will establish a different concept of MGS. Provided that everything goes smoothly, this will no doubt be another first in the gaming industry. The OOOO System will reflect the particular qualities of MGS4 well. Everyone appears satisfied.

We use our current development phase to evaluate the progress of experimental ideas and size up other challenges. Different development teams evaluate various aspects of a given game... they look at the systems, processes, presentations, the rules of a game, the gameplay, and so on.

Then we express our evaluations using terms like, "This will be good," "This has some problems," "We should pass on this one," "No hope for this one," and so on. We use these evaluations to advance cautiously, step-by-step. We must work like this to create a new game, especially when we're preparing to work with new hardware.

Each of these aspects forms only one part of the total composition, yet we cannot treat them as isolated components. They'll become disconnected from each other if we treat them individually. A game designer must therefore evaluate each portion by checking it against his vision of the total finished product.

We might compare each day's decisions with the work of steering a boat. Our efforts will result in nebulous confusion if we make a wrong move at any point, even if it's only a small tack to the side. We absolutely cannot afford carelessness, lest we risk becoming lost ourselves.

No one knows how to approach our type of work from the start. We're building a world that no one has seen before. We need to adopt attitudes of humility as we discover our development methods.

Above all else, we must remember to dream while we grope through the dark. Our labor will bear no fruit if we become negative at this early stage. We can't give up even on our most stubborn problems.

Game creators must learn how to make impossibilities possible... that's the trick of game creation. Right now we're challenging and testing the ideas that purportedly will make impossible goals possible. We'll feel even more joyous when we finish a good game because we'll have passed through all these straits.

Between our meetings, we held an afternoon brainstorming session in the glass room. We dealt once more with the new PSP project. Okamura the confessional man, Shinta (AC!D2's Director), Murashu, Yamamoto-kun, Yamada-kun, and I all attended as the six participants. We six share knowledge of the top secret ideas that form the project's core. Today we organized and developed our previous ideas.

We've made great progress. I've got a feeling that the project will work. It looks fine.

It's a new type of game, so we need to know whether or not users will accept the idea. We'll need to develop a trial version and test it. This changed our discussion during the brainstorming session. We discussed the best time to make the trial products that test each idea, how to create them, and how to evaluate the feedback received from the trial run.

The gameplay system will diverge from existing gameplay trends. That's really the selling point... so I've made my decision. We'll test whether or not people will accept it.

I don't know what got into Shinta at the end of our brainstorming session. He suddenly spoke as though he were proclaiming war!

"I'll be the Producer!" And he's already the Director!

Okamura (AC!D2's other Director) looked at me and gently nodded. He had already given Shinta his consent. I burst out laughing, and Shinta importuned me passionately.

"Can I? Can I please?"

"Yes, you can," I said. "It's always best to produce the game that you're directing. If you're up to the task, that is...."

"I'm good for it!"

I glanced at Murashu sitting next to me. He didn't say a word. He just looked down... I couldn't see the expression on his face.

Murashu and Shinta started working the same year, and they both joined Konami to work in production. They have a rivalry with each other, even though they arrived at the same time.

So Murashu, what will you do now?

Shinta has grown up... he looks bigger.

I ate a light supper at the Metro Hat.

I went to the gym in the evening. I hadn't gone there in a while. I think that I gained a bit of weight in Korea.

I didn't want to overexert my body right away, so I swam slowly.

I saw someone unusual at the gym. He openly read a hardcover book in the public bath. He sat up to his waist in water, and he absorbed himself in his book. He had an odd method, though.

Perhaps I ought to explain his unusual sitting position first. The bookworm sat while leaning against the corner of the bath, so the tub's edges extended to his left and right. A dry washbowl sat on the left edge. He had placed the book in the washbowl to keep it dry, and he held the pages open with one hand.

"Aha! The book won't get wet like that."

The covers peeked over the bowl's edges a little because the book was slightly too big. It looked kind of cute.

"But how will he turn the pages?" I wondered while I continued to observe him.

He had placed a towel on the right edge of the tub. The fellow put his wet hand on the towel to absorb the water. He turned the page with the dried hand after a while.

"Aha! Got it!"

The book wouldn't get wet that way. He looked skilled... he's probably a pro at this. He's a man in a bath (Furo) who reads (Hon) like a professional (Puro)... a Furo Hon Puro!

He must really love reading. Or does he simply enjoy reading in the bath? A resourceful idea can change a person's outlook, after all.

Then I got an idea. If I wrote my blog (Buloggu) in the bath (Furo), I would write a bath blog... a Frog (Furoggu)!

What would you think of that?

The gym had changed its lobby decoration from pumpkins to a Christmas tree. Christmas approaches at a breakneck speed.

I saw a young woman walking toward me while I traversed the long passage on my way home. She looked like she was in her twenties. Something about her seemed strange... something just wasn't right....

"What is it, I wonder?"

I looked at her feet. A black shadow clung to her ankle... no, wait... it clung to both ankles. I looked more closely and saw that multiple black shadows moved rhythmically in circles, according to the movement of her feet.

What are those? Some kind of spherical, amorphous creatures?

I finally understood what they were when she passed by. Thin strings anchored pom-pom decorations to each side of her boots. The fist-sized pom-poms spun round and round with each step.

She had two pom-poms per leg, so with two legs that made four. Four pom-poms turned as she walked.

In a way, they kind of resembled the old-fashion ball-and-chain fetters attached to prisoners and to slave laborers in ancient Rome.

She walked with a sprightly pace, spinning her steel balls round and round. She would never have associated her decorations with fetters.

Her back shrank into the distance.

How many fetters clank around my feet? I can only say with certainty that age latches more of them onto me. No adult lives without fetters.

I would like to spin my fetters as easily as she did, like velvet balloons.