#his daughter is one of the two april's in this iteration

[bambiraptorx]

thinking about putting STEM au Stockman and my iteration Stockman into a room together to see what happens (can't draw this yet because I don't have my iteration Stockman actually designed rn) but it would be highly entertaining. They have a conversation about how they're both functionally evil scientists and how that looks different for them based on how their universes and all of that gets derailed immediately when iteration Stockman offhandedly mentions that he's a single dad

[tmntforeverinmyheart]

for my Mutant Madhouse iteration, im rewriting the turtles origins and yoshis transformation into splinter.

Donnie: he was created by the shredder and the kraang to be apart of their army. A soldier with an almost indestructible shield on his back, a perfect addition in the shredders eyes. Leatherhead, one of the mutant kids from the first generation, was against any more mutants from being created, knowing what kind of life he got and he wouldn’t wish that on this new mutant. He smuggled the baby out with the help of Alopex ;part of the second generation; who is super smart and was able to hack into his collar, giving him the opportunity to duck out and in of the shredders domain without detection. He left the baby in an alleyway with a note, said goodbye and made his way back to the shredder.

April heard a crying baby coming from an alleyway, no one else seemed to care, but she was too curious for her own good and discovered a strange reptile baby in a box. There was a note, begging whoever was reading it to take care of the baby. April took the box with the baby back to her apartment, knocked on Yoshis door and dropped the baby in his lap (not literally)

Yoshi was shocked, and confused and didn’t what to think of this scaly thing on his chest. April handed him a note and he read it.

Yoshi had always wanted children, he’d wished to be a father. And then it happened, he’d had a daughter, a beautiful baby girl named Miwa. She was his and his wife’s, until they were both killed by Saki. Yoshi didn’t think he’d ever get that chance again, so he gave up.

Until a bubbly woman named April pushed herself into his life and forced him back onto his feet. He liked her and even told her that, she’d rejected his affection, but not because she didn’t like him back. Turns out April liked women. Yoshi felt so embarrassed and apologized, but April brushed him off and they remained friends.

And now April had given him the chance to be a father again, and he would’ve been an idiot to not take it.

Raph: he was a test tube baby, an experiment. Created by Baxter stockman, a mad scientist. Bishop, leader of the earth protection forces (EPF), paid Baxter handsomely to create a mutant.

After being born, Raph lived with Baxter for 4 years before finally escaping. He made it onto the streets and lived off of dumpster scraps. A couple of days before meeting Yoshi and Donnie, he got into a fight over some food with a stray dog. Luckily it was a small dog, but Raph was smaller and weaker and was overpowered by the dog and his food was taken. He saw Yoshi and Donnie pass by his alley. These two caught his eye specifically because Donnie looked like him. Staying out of sight, he followed them home.

The door of Yoshis apartment almost closed on him, but he was able to make it through and let out a tiny squeak, alerting Yoshi to his presence.

After calming him down, with the help of Donnie. Yoshi got out the first aid kit and started patching him up. Yoshi provided him with food, a warm bed to sleep in and love. What more could Raph want.

Mikey and Leo: Yoshi had had a busy day of walking around the city. He was by himself while April was taking care of the kids. He went to the grocery store, a cafe and a toy store.

By the time he finished it was dark. He was making his way back to his apartment, when he heard a clatter coming from an open garage. Being the curious person he was, he looked inside to see a young man grabbing money and stuffing it into a bag that also had 2 turtles?! Yoshi yelled out, the man turned around and froze at the sight of him and shakily reached for his belt. Yoshi stepped closer, holding up his phone with 9-1-1 on his screen, threatening to call the police if the man had a weapon.

For a second the man hesitated, Yoshi stepped closer, hoping to meditate the situation calmly (before calling the police. Yoshi had caught the man in the midst of a robbery obviously) before suddenly he was hit with something bright and glowing green, it splashed into his eyes and dropped down onto his hands, he screamed as it burned. He heard a thump, and tried pushing the stuff out of his eyes to see what was going on. He saw two blurry turtles and a bag on with money spilling out.

He heard, the sound of a flashlight click on and another man yelling, the owner of the house most likely. Without a second thought he grabbed the turtles ;the liquid covering them as well; before running out of the garage and back to his apartment.

Because he couldn’t see, he had to rely on his other senses. Keeping his head down to avoid looking at people, he used his hands in front of him so he didn’t bang into things. He left residue of the liquid on the objects he touched and avoided accidentally touching people as much as possible. Either way most of them screamed and jumped out of his way as he barreled through the streets.

If he was paying more attention to his body, he would’ve noticed searing pain throughout as his body changed and transformed into something beyond man. But he wasn’t, so it didn’t matter.

He arrived at his door and knocked frantically, the door was opened by April and before she could protest, he barged in. She was about to scream at the sight of him before a happy yell of “papa!” From the bundle of scales in her arms. She tentatively reached out a hand.

“Yoshi..?”

[our-happygirl500-fan]

In the Rise movie we learn that not only does Leo grow up to be ‘the greatest ninja the world has ever seen’ but Leo also grows up to be a teacher.

Leo: I do like how he calls me ‘master’

In the Future we know that Leo trained Casey Junior with Casey even painting his mother’s old hockey mask to emulate Leo’s stripes 

Future Leo: You’re a life saver Casey Jones

Casey Junior: I learned from the best 

However Casey Junior isn’t the only student a future version of Leo has had & there have been a few different iterations of Leo who have actually become sensei’s with their own students similar to how Future Leo trained Casey Junior.

In the Archie Comics Leo even founded his own Ninjutsu school where he had four elite students named Nobuko, Carmen, Miles & Bob 

Nobuko is actually April’s great grand daughter in the Archie comics & is one of Leo’s elite students in a possible future, like Leo, Nobuku uses swords as her main weapon.

Carmen, another one of Leonardo’s students from the future in the Archie comics also appears in the IDW comics as well, she’s a friend of the Turtle’s with Leo wanting to get to know her more after a future version of Lita told Leo to find Carmen & Bob and train them

In glimpses of a possible future we do see a future version of Carmen calling a future version of Leo sensei

This means that Carmen has been Leo’s student in at least two different versions of TMNT.

Miles is another one of Future Leo’s students in the Archie Comics along with Nobuko, Carmen & Bob. Not much is known about him other than like Leo, Miles uses swords as his primary weapon.

Bob is a mutant who is Future Leo’s student in the Archie comics along with Carmen, Miles & Nobuko however something interesting to note about Bob is that he seems more casual with the Turtles than Future Leo’s other students as he refers to them as his ‘Uncles’ 

Though Bob hasn’t really appeared in IDW’s TMNT yet we’ve seen glimpses of his future self & Future Lita has told Leo to find & train him along with Carmen.

I don’t know if Miles & Nobuko, Future Leo’s other two students from the Archie comics, will ever end up making an appearance in the IDW comics like Carmen & Bob but in IDW Leo does seem to lean into the role of a teacher a little bit as in IDW Leo along with the other Turtles would give self defence lessons to the Mutants of Mutant Town & Future Lita even refers to Leo as her Sensei.

For some reason I always like the idea of Leo being a sensei when he grows up & helps train the next generation so it’s kind of cool that in multiple versions of TMNT future versions of Leo end up having their own students.

[chaos-potat]

Hi!! I hope it’s not too much trouble, but can you tell us more about the au you posted today with the boys? It looks good and I a very curious…like, is Leo like that because of splinters parenting, or smth else? How did Donnie and Mikey find out they were trans? (Nice au btw) Also, is that cannon to your comic series? (The one with Donnie, Casey, and Tim)? It just looks so cool Fr!!

Also get booped idiot /j

Ohhhh boy, I've been making this au for two years so I'll try not to ramble on too long

Splinter isn't abusive, he's actually a really good father because his sucked and he didn't want his kids to grow up with the same mentality he did. Splinter got sick and at the time Leo thought he was the only one capable enough to take that role. Raph had anger issues, Mikey was not emotionally ready for it and Donnie would keep to himself so Leo took care of Splinter and attempted to care for his brothers but loses his temper. His anger can be worse than Raphs.

Donnie always felt off, they never liked being called a girl or his deadname, they didn't know how to place it. He talked to April about it and she explained all that to him. As soon as he heard it, it was like "ohhhh, yea, I'm a dude" For Mikey she never cared about that stuff and wore a lot of April's old skirts, Splinter kind of joked about having a daughter (it was after Donnie came out) and he was like "uhhh, sometimes??" and Splinter was like "oh fr?" (he did not say it like that but he was very accepting, he's also Bisexual in this so queer things were never an issue)

My iteration is completely separate from Childhood Dreams

Get booped back

[atearyamallari]

How Not to Bake a Pizza

This is my first entry for @tmnt-write-fight. Big shout out to @mostlyvoid-partiallyturtles, who provided the following writing prompt:

The gang tries to cook/bake something complicated.

Now, granted, pizza isn't that complicated of a dish, but as someone who grew up with multiple siblings and witnessed all of their epic cooking fails, I would argue that any dish can be complicated if you cook it wrong enough. So, enjoy! I look forward to battling my peers during write fight this month. Glory to the Foot Clan!

Words: 3415

Rating: Gen

Tags: Fluff, Fluff Without Plot, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Slice of Life, No Plot/Plotless

Iteration: Mutant Mayhem

You can also check out the fic here on AO3!

//

“Thanks again for letting us use your oven, Mrs. O’Neil,” Donnie said.

“And, well, your whole kitchen for that matter,” Mikey added.

Carol stared, bewildered, at the four teenage boys that waltzed into her apartment. Four teenage turtle boys. Her daughter, April, glanced at her nervously in between exchanging hi-fives (hi-threes?) and handshakes with them. “Hey, guys, what’s up?” she said. “This is my mom. Momma, this is Leo, Raph, Donnie -”

“- Donnie, and Mikey,” she finished. “The new friends you’ve been talking about, right?”

Leo extended a hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. O’Neil,” he said. “Hope you don’t mind us dropping in. We’re just here to make a pizza. If it turns out decent, we’d love to share it with you.”

Oh, she did mind. Having unexpected guests was bad enough – the apartment wasn’t clean, and she hadn’t stocked the fridge with anything to eat. But four boys at once? And all of them her daughter’s age? Nonetheless, she hid her chagrin behind a charming smile and shook Leo’s hand.

As the turtles filed into the kitchen, chattering among themselves, she made her way to her daughter. “I take it you think it’s better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission?” she whispered as she placed her hand on her shoulder.

“It’s just for one, maybe two hours,” April said sheepishly. “You see, they don’t have an oven and they’ve never made a homemade pizza before and…”

Her daughter went on, insisting that they would stay out of trouble and clean up after themselves. One thing was for sure: Carol had never seen her this excited about having friends over. Ever since she entered high school, she had struggled to make friends. There weren’t many kids who shared her interests, and she tended to be on the shy side. Maybe this would be good for April, as inconvenient as it was.

Of course, that didn’t mean she was going to not be strict. “You, me, and your daddy are gonna have a talk later,” she warned, cutting her off.

April paled slightly. “Oh. Okay. So, we cool for now, or…?”

Carol looked up at the turtles, who had already found the mixing bowls and were pulling them out of their cabinets. “You four make yourselves at home, okay? I’ll just be in the living room if you boys need anything,” she called out.

“We won’t,” Raph called out. “We got this.”

“Thanks anyway!” Mikey said.

She stepped into the living room, pulled a book from one of the shelves, then sat down on the couch, thumbed it open and pretended to read. To be honest, she couldn’t help but be a little nosy. If April was right, and these four teenagers had never baked a pizza before, then this Saturday afternoon was going to be an entertaining one.

Two minutes in, and they were already running into problems. “Donnie, what are you doing?” Raph asked.

“I’m just heating up the water, why?” The microwave door closed and Carol heard a few beeps in quick succession.

“We don’t need hot water for the recipe. We’re making dough, not tea.”

“Yeah, but we need to activate the yeast so that the dough rises properly. It’s a living organism and it needs a warm environment. Didn’t you pay attention to Ms. Morrison’s class?”

“No. Who’s Ms. Morrison?”

“I think he’s talking about his biology teacher,” Leo said. “And Donnie, you’re the only person taking AP biology, so why would we know this?”

“You’re learning how to cook in biology?” Mikey said. “Man, I should have taken biology instead of chemistry this year. Chemistry stinks.”

“No, we’re just learning about microorganisms,” Donnie said, answering his question. “Speaking of which, did you wash your hands before scooping out the flour?”

“No. Was I supposed to?”

Leo made a noise that sounded like he was going to throw up. “That’s it. We’re starting over,” he said, earning protests from his brothers.

“Whoa, whoa, you’re not just throwing away the flour, are you?” April said. “That bag costs like, seven bucks.”

“It’s only two cups of flour,” Donnie said. “So really, it’s only a few cents worth.”

“Yeah, and besides, we don’t know where Michael’s hands have been,” Leo said.

“Hey! I’m standing. Right. Here,” he said emphatically.

“You did touch the handrails when we went through the subways today,” Raph said. “But I don’t want to start over, so can we just get on with it and make the dough already?”

“You make it sound like we’ve already made half a pizza,” Leo said. “All we’ve done was put flour in the bowl!”

Carol peeked over the edge of the book and watched apprehensively as Leo stood by the trash can with the bowl of flour in his hands, ready to dump it. Although part of her was disgusted by the thought of these kids cooking with unwashed hands, it was going to hurt to see the flour go to waste. She had bought that flour at the local farmer’s market, and it was organic, too. But hey, that’s what she got for buying nice things in this economy.

The microwave beeped, signaling that the water had been heated. Donnie opened the microwave and reached inside, only to let out a high-pitched squeal as he quickly recoiled his arms.

“What happened?” Raph asked.

“The cup is hot! It burned my fingers,” he said.

“Don, are you -” Leo started. He absently dropped the bowl of flour and was cut off when the ceramic shattered against the tile. “Oh crap.”

“Leo!” said April exasperatedly.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Oh my God, I am so cooked.”

“Chill, April, it’ll be fine,” Mikey said. “Your dad’s not here and your mom isn’t paying attention.”

“Ow, ow!” Raph said. “I think I stepped on one of the fragments.”

“How’d it get all the way over there?” April said.

“Nobody move,” Leo quickly said. “Donnie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, are you alright?” Delila said. “You’re practically standing on all the shards.”

“Everyone just shut up,” Raph said, holding his head between his hands. “Just stop yelling.”

“Bro, you’re the only one yelling,” Mikey said.

The urge to step in was growing by the second and Carol had to bite her lip to keep herself from saying something. She didn’t care about the bowl as much as April probably thought she did – she was more concerned about poor Donnie. She should have warned them that the wattage on the microwave was overpowered before they tried using it. To be fair, though, she didn’t think they would, much less burn their fingers trying to warm up a cup of water. And now there were several pieces of ceramic scattered across the kitchen and five stressed-out teenagers scrambling to figure out what to do next.

What was it she had read in that new parenting book? Something about letting kids make mistakes so that they could learn from them? Besides, they were all teenagers, not five year olds. If they really needed help from her, they’d ask, right? Carol shoved her nose deeper in the book she was pretending to read, as if the motion would help calm her nerves. April was a good kid, but she would be lying if she said that raising her was easy. She couldn’t imagine raising four children at once.

Leo inhaled deeply through his nose. “Okay. Okay, this is fine, we can fix this,” he said. “April, do you have a broom or vacuum or something? I can help you clean this up. Raph, Donnie, do any of you need band aids?”

“I could use some,” Donnie said.

“Same,” Raph said gruffly. “If anyone needs me, I’m gonna be outside.” He walked to the back of the kitchen to where the sliding doors led to the balcony, and roughly shut them behind him. The sound of muffled screams came through the walls a few seconds later.

Mikey helped Donnie place some band aids on his fingers, then went outside to give some to Raph. Meanwhile, Leo and April carefully picked up the pieces of the broken bowl, talking about their classes as they threw away the fragments. Leo often stumbled over his sentences, as if being near April made him nervous. Carol peeked over her book again. Whenever April wasn’t paying attention, Leo was stealing glances her way and smiling softly to himself.

This boy couldn’t be more obvious if he glued a sign to his forehead that said, “I’m in love with you.” Carol returned her gaze to her book. She was going to have to keep an eye on him.

Eventually, Leo and April vacuumed up all the fine slivers of ceramic and the thin layer of flour that coated the kitchen floor. Raph returned, still sullen, but calmed down. The kids then started over with making the dough – after making sure that they had each washed their hands. Within a few minutes, they had mixed all the ingredients together and were letting the dough rest. As they bickered over the toppings they wanted on the pizza, they ran into another problem.

“I can’t find the shredded cheese,” Mikey said. He stood in front of the open fridge door, letting all of the cool air out.

“It should be in the back, next to the cream cheese,” April said.

“I see the cream cheese. No shredded cheese, though.”

“Here, move out of the way.” April stuck her head into the fridge and rummaged through the various items on the shelves. “I could’ve sworn…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. We don’t have cheese?” Raph said.

“Hold on, it’s gotta be in here somewhere,” April said.

“If you can’t find it, then maybe we can, I dunno, substitute it with the cream cheese?” Leo said.

“Dude, what?” Raph said incredulously. “What makes you think we can put cream cheese on a pizza?”

“Hey, don’t give me that! It’s called cream cheese for a reason, right?”

“Momma, can you help us find the shredded cheese?” April called out.

Carol slammed her book shut. Seriously? Now they asked for help? Without a word, she got up from the couch and walked over to the fridge. She found the cream cheese, some leftover food, and a few old vegetables that she would have to throw out later – but no cheese to put on a pizza. “I don’t think we have any, baby,” she said, shutting the fridge. “We used it all up when your daddy made lasagna last week, remember?”

“Well, chat, we tried,” Donnie said to no one in particular. “A for effort. F for execution.”

“Relax, guys, there’s a bodega two blocks down from here,” April said. “One or two of us can just go and buy some mozzarella real quick.”

“I’ll go if someone spots me the cash,” Raph said.

“I got some, bro,” said Donnie. “And I’ll go with.”

April quickly gave them directions to the bodega, then the two of them left without fanfare. Carol returned to the living room and began tidying it. Now that the kids were done making the dough, they weren’t going to have much trouble with making the rest of the pizza.

She was wrong.

She was so engrossed in doing chores that she wasn’t paying attention to whatever Mikey, Leo, and April were doing in the kitchen. Everything was relatively quiet until a loud slapping noise came from the kitchen and April yelled, “What?”

Thinking someone had gotten hurt, Carol rushed into the kitchen. “What is it, what happened?” she asked.

The three of them stared at the ceiling, mouths agape. Finally, she craned her neck upwards. Apparently, they had already tried shaping the dough into a pizza crust, because a flat, circle-shaped piece of dough now clung to the ceiling.

“Dang it, April,” Carol said, barely remembering not to curse in front of them. “I thought someone died.”

April had broken out into laughter. “Nah, we’re fine, Mom,” she said as she wiped a tear from her eyes.

“We’ll clean this up, ma’am,” Mikey said. “Don’t worry about us.”

Leo took out he phone and snapped a picture. “Note to self, never let Mike toss pizza dough again,” he said as he texted someone.

“Yeah? Well, I’m gonna blame Donnie for this,” Mikey said, wiping his hands clean. “He didn’t put enough olive oil or flour or something.”

“Well, I guess we need to get the pizza crust down now,” April said. “Do we have any chairs that are tall enough for us to reach that?”

Carol looked around. The ceilings weren’t that high, but none of them were particularly tall. Between the four of them, the tallest person was probably Leo, and he was only an inch taller than April. Even if they stood on a chair, it would be a reach to get the dough down. If her husband were there, or maybe even Raph…

“Don’t worry, we got this,” Mikey said. Suddenly, he jumped onto Leo’s shoulders.

“Be careful -!” Carol said, her instincts kicking in as she held up her hands to catch him if he fell.

“Momma, it’s okay,” April said, putting down her arms. “They do this kind of stuff all the time.”

Judging by how expertly Leo and Mikey kept their balance, she wasn’t kidding. Leo complained about how heavy Mikey was, but he didn’t even appear to break a sweat as he carefully walked to the spot where the pizza dough was stuck. “Do you guys have a spatula?” Mikey asked.

April fetched one from the kitchen and tossed it up to Mikey. He then slid the spatula between the dough and the ceiling.

“Wait a minute, Mikey, I think we should -” Leo began. He was cut off by the dough falling right onto his face.

“Oh, whoops. Sorry Leo. Maybe we should’ve planned for how we were gonna catch the dough, huh?” Mikey said. “Anyway, you were about to say?”

Leo peeled the dough from his face in pieces. “Never mind,” he mumbled.

“Aw, man, do we have to start over again?” April said.

Mikey hopped down from Leo’s shoulders with a graceful flip. “Looks like it,” he said.

“Ugh, baking a pizza shouldn’t be this hard!” Leo said. “How are we so bad at this?”

At that very moment, the door to the apartment swung open, and Raph and Donnie burst in. The rank smells of New York followed them inside. “We got some mozzarella, guys!” Donnie said, taking a bow. He tossed the shredded cheese to Mikey.

“Alright, guys! Coming in clutch with the cheese,” Mikey said.

Leo frowned. “Raph, is it you that smells bad? What happened, did you fall in a dumpster?”

Raph angrily swatted at the flies that buzzed around him. “Long story,” he said. “What about you, how come you got pizza dough on your face?”

“Long story.”

Carol offered to let Raph use their bathroom to wash himself off – and thankfully, he accepted. The other four immediately started on the pizza dough for a third time, working quicker than before now that they knew what to do. As they mixed the ingredients, Leo and Mikey caught Donnie up to speed on what had happened while they were running their errand.

Donnie then explained the trouble that he and Raph had gotten into. Apparently, they decided that running across the rooftops was quicker than running in the street, and on their way to the bodega, they had accidentally startled a flock of pigeons. These birds were unusually aggressive and decided to take their wrath out on Raph. During his futile fight them, he slipped off the edge of the roof and fell into a dumpster, just like Leo had guessed. Carol couldn’t figure out what was the most concerning part of the story, the fact that Raph had supposedly fallen about one hundred feet, or the fact that the boys considered parkouring over buildings a normal activity.

By the time Raph was done with his shower, his brothers had already shaped the dough and were fighting over the toppings to put on in. Eventually, they all settled for pepperoni. After placing the pizza in the over, the four of them hung around the living room and separately scrolled on their phones. It seemed that despite the turtles’ saving New York and their abilities to perform death-defying stunts, they were just like every other teenager at the end of the day. “So, April tells me that you all have never been to school before this year,” Carol said. “Were you all homeschooled before?”

“If you consider training extensively in martial arts homeschooling, then sure,” Raph said.

“After our dad figured out how to read, he taught us,” Donnie said. “Then we got our hands on some phones and a Wi-Fi router, and we taught ourselves a lot of stuff through the internet. So, I wouldn’t exactly say we’re homeschooled, per se. Self-taught would be more accurate.”

After their dad had figured out how to read? April had told Carol a lot about her four friends, but very little about their father. “Sounds like your dad is really something,” she said, careful not to make it obvious that she was prying for more information. “I mean, raising four boys couldn’t have been easy.”

“Probably not, but we do our best to stay out of trouble,” Leo said.

“I would love to meet him one day.”

The four turtles froze up and exchanged unreadable glances with each other. “Uh, sure, maybe we can arrange for that to happen,” Mikey said. “Sometime… in the distant future… maybe…”

Before Carol could continue the conversation, Leo stiffened. “Wait a minute, you guys,” he said. “How long has the pizza been in the oven?”

“I dunno, like, twenty minutes maybe?” Raph said.

“That seems a little long,” he said nervously. “Didn’t the recipe say we needed to bake it for only fifteen minutes?”

“Relax, ‘Nardo,” Mikey said. “I got a timer going, remember? We just need to wait for…” he looked down at his phone screen and the smile on his face dropped. Then he hid his face in his hands in shame. “Oh my God…” he muttered.

“What is it?” Donnie asked.

Mikey dropped his hands and looked up at his brothers. “First, I need everyone to be chill, okay? Everyone needs to be chill.”

Raph rolled his eyes. “What do we need to be chill for? Just tell us what happened.”

Mikey pressed his hands together and held them against his lips, as if thinking of the best way to deliver bad news. “I forgot to set the timer,” he said at last.

“You what?” Donnie squealed.

Leo and April scrambled to their feet and rushed into the kitchen. April hastily put on a pair of oven mitts while Leo opened the oven door. The other three turtles followed them and looked anxiously over their shoulders. Confusion settled on their faces as April pulled the pizza out of the oven. “Wait a minute, it’s still raw,” she said.

“How is that possible?” Donnie said. “It should be burnt by now.”

Frowning, Carol walked into the kitchen. If the oven had suddenly stopped working, then she was going to have to phone their landlord. She took one glance at the appliance and scoffed. “I know what the problem is here,” she said.

“You do?” April asked.

Carol reached up and pressed the button on the oven labeled “bake.” It immediately whirred to life and gave off warmth.

“Oh. Thanks, Mrs. O’Neil,” Leo said awkwardly.

“Don’t mention it,” she said. She couldn’t believe these kids were smart enough to teach themselves various things from the internet, but too dumb to remember to turn on the oven before putting the pizza in.

In a few minutes, the savory smell of a hot pepperoni pizza filled the apartment. The turtles eagerly took it out of the oven, and before it even had the chance to cool down, they had cut it and each took a slice in their hands. They took a bite of pizza and chewed in silence.

“Hm. I thought this would taste better than it turned out,” Mikey said.

“Yeah, isn’t everything supposed to taste better when it’s homemade?” Donnie said.

April whistled. “That bad, huh?”

“It’s not even bad, it’s just aggressively mid,” Raph said.

Leo put down his slice. “Well, I think we all learned something from this, and it’s that we’re never doing this again.” His brothers mumbled their agreements and finished the rest of their slices. “Okay, how ‘bout it, boys?” he said, wiping his hands clean. “I’ve got ten bucks on me. Want to order some pizza?"

[dgknightblue]

If I made my transformers crossover fic that I still haven’t finished yet as of Jan 2023 canon to any iteration of my other fics:

That would mean Leo lived a painful life one second to two seconds in his dimensions time.

Leo has two cybertronian children.

He has to grapple with the fact that his daughter is getting a love life without his consent.

Leo doesn’t retain the memories of his life in the other dimension as his age reverted back.

Mikey and Raph are jealous they don’t have children like the twins do.

————-

Scene:

Splinter is upset that his underaged boys have children.

“Dad! Why do they get to have cool robot children and we don’t?”, Raph and Mikey point at the disaster twins.

“They aren’t even suppose to have children!”

“Cough. Grandchildren.”, said Leo.

Splinter paused and began to have a crisis.

“Raph, you’re the oldest brother! Of course I’d be the last!”, said Mikey.

Raph panics- he points at April.

“What about April!”

“What about me?”

“You’re the oldest sibling! What’s your excuse?”

Offended, April held Mayhem, “You speak as though I never gained a child way back in the beginning! So what’s your excuse?”

Raph sweated.

“Clearly I meant robot child!”

“You or Mikey don’t have one either.”

“That’s expected of Mikey to get a child last if at all.”, said Donnie.

EDIT OF A LIFE TIME:

“Raph does have children!”, said Leo with a smile.

“I do?”

“He does?”

“Yeah! Us!”

“…..”

“…..”

“…..”

“…..”

“…..”

“That’s so fxcked.”

I just fxcking realized this!!!!!

[wow-its-me]

If I had creative control over a TMNT iteration/movies

(The TMNT cu)

Ok five movies, all focusing on the world around the turtles rather than the turtles themselves, taking the majority of inspiration from IDW, 2012, and some pieces from Rise and the 90s movies.

Each movie would be titled after its main character, the first one being Hamato Yoshi. It would expanded upon the backstory given in 2012 with elements of the IDW BACKSTORY, starting with the love triangle, then Yoshi committing “treason” against the foot clan, sakis attack/“assassination”, Yoshi being framed for shens death, the loss of Miwa, and ending with Yoshi running to New York where a ooze spill causes him and four turtles to mutate, running to the sewers.

The next movie would be Casey and April, taking place 15 years after the events of the first. April O’Neil is a 18 year old stem student who’s doing an internship at Stockgen, Casey Jones a 19 year old hockey player with a job at a car shop. The two were childhood best friends who who don’t talk much anymore. Once Casey starts seeing some weird stuff going on around she decides to become a vigilante. Meanwhile April realizes that stuff going on at Stockgen isn’t what it seems. The two run into eachother while investigating, share notes, and realize that the pink alien robots are behind Stockgen. Of course signs and references to the turtles, Casey seeing or hearing them (fight with raph?) and things that make it seem like April already know them/is hiding something. Towards the middle/end of the movies they make their big entrance, of course Casey freaks out, and they six take down Stockgen together.

Karai! The next movie would focus on Karai and Leo, having scenes and explanations of how the two grew up, and how they mirror eachother. Shortly after the events of Casey and April Shredder knows of their existence and moves from Japan to New York with his best assassins and his daughter. Again the main perspective would be from Karai, as she learns about New York, Splinter, Stockgen, and Krang. Meanwhile the Hamatos are all on edge, preparing for an attack from the foot. Karai’s trust in her father begins to falter once she learns that their working with Krang. The reveal that Splinter was her father coincides the reveal of shredders true deal with Krang (mutant army/ bebop and rocksteady) . She switches sides, and is gladly accepted into the family. The family takes down Shredder together (with the help of April and Casey)

Mighty Mutanimals is a prequel taking place in the 15 year gap between the first and second film. Starting with a quick backstory for old hob, it would follow the mighty mutanimals getting together to take down Krang. Members include Old Hob, Spike, Sally pride, pigeon Pete, mondo gecko, Seymour Guts and Lindsey. (With Hob, Seymour, and Lindsey being the ‘main characters’) the arc would be similar to idw mighty mutanimals 1#-4# but instead focus on Krang more then Stockgen. They fail their mission, but gained a family, and swear to finish the fight one day. (Main character death? Sally pride? Spike? Lindsey? Seymour? )

Woah big finale! The movie follows the turtles as the main characters (splinter, april, Casey, and Karai are there too though) they learn about Krangs continuing plans to terraform the earth. Mikey and Raph meet the mighty Mutanimals (who are mostly depressed and have retired) they have a new member though, Alopex, who, with the help of her new friends convinces old hob to start fighting again (or at least help them out) meanwhile Karai and Leo go to the remains of the foot clan for help, they’re only able to recruit three Bebop, Rocksteady, and high a ranking assassin Jennika. MEANWHILE Donnie and April research more about the the utroms and where the come from (learning about portals, dimensions, neutrinos, and meeting the fugitoid.) yes, this leaves Splinter and Casey to defend the Lair together. Each part of the plan comes together and their able to take down krang and the technodrome, in one huge final fight.

(If there was a sixth it would be a fugitoid prequel)



While the overall vibe is ment to be more serious, the turtles are very much typical dorky 15 year olds, and April and Casey still very much still act like teenagers lol

[danger-tits-lute]

~Verse List~

Please remember than anyone can send asks or plot in my verses, even ones that originated from specific muses ♥

Main Verse:

Main verse Lute varies in canon depending on situation and character interacting with and doesn't have a set storyline other than some dash interactions that get adopted and referred back to occassionally including god sending Adam and Lute to purgatory, the Italy trip, Emily missing, and family life (which is a mini verse within the main verse).

Lute:

Family Verse: This mini verse is where Lute was unexpectedly pregnant with @dick-meister and had a daughter Piper. It also includes @darkseraphscorner's daughter Caroline. Piper is an interactive guest muse.

Baby Piper:

Teen Piper:

Unholy Crusade:

This verse is a large scale event where Big G came back to "test" the characters in a task of creating unity between heaven and hell through battle and tribulation as he had done trillions of times before. Each time he tests them it is called a cycle and in order to save this cycle all the members must fight and support each other against his creatures, harbingers of failed cycles, and the first iteration of Sera called "Mother". In this verse Lute dies, sacrificing her life for Adam, as she has done in every cycle. Her soul is then sent to the plane of existence the harbingers live between cycles for safe keeping until this cycle either dies or proves itself worthy.

UC Lute:

Chained Angel:

This verse was an offshoot of the purgatory arc wherein Lute gets pulled out of purgatory into hell and separated from Adam. In order to get Adam back home safely, she sells her soul to Vox (@screentimeoverlord) in exchange for his help.

Chained Lute:

Lost Verse:

This verse stems from a fanfic @dick-meister and I wrote where Adam leaves Heaven after Lute has enough of his games and confesses her feelings to him in fear that he was actively making her life worse and would continue to do so. A year later he returns to find her completely different and seemingly moved on from him as a musician in her own right. You can read book 1 of the fic here.

Lost Lute:

Lost Lute on stage:

Pride and Rec Verse:

This verse is also an offshoot of the purgatory arc. Lucifer (@themosthatedbeingg pulls Lute from purgatory and she is forced to live in hell until Adam (who was pulled back to heaven by Sera) can come and get her. She works as Lucifer's secretary in a style dynamic of Ron and April from "Parks and Rec". Eventually she becomes the official liaison between Heaven and Hell, mostly living in Hell but going between the two on official business.

Pride and Rec Lute:

Hogwarts AU Verse:

This verse is the newest and is basically just an AU version of Lute within that world. You can find a list of her info here.

Hogwarts Lute:

[denimbex1986]

'In 1999’s The Talented Mr Ripley, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Marge Sherwood is, in many ways, the eyes of the audience – sweet and somewhat naive, she welcomes Tom Ripley (Matt Damon) into the idyllic life she’s built with her boyfriend Dickie Greenleaf (Jude Law) in ’50s southern Italy, before the former secretly murders the latter, adopts his identity and sets off on a grand tour on his dime. When she later catches up with him, she’s deeply suspicious, but there’s still a certain fragility to her – desperate though she is to bring him to justice, she knows there’s little she can actually do.

Now in Ripley, Steven Zaillian’s icy, eight-part Netflix retelling of Patricia Highsmith’s 1955 classic – the latest in a long line of adaptations for stage and screen – Dakota Fanning is inheriting that part from Paltrow. She still, at times, acts as the viewer’s eyes and ears, but that is where the resemblance ends. This new iteration of Marge is, in a sense, the antithesis of Paltrow’s sunny, floral-midi-skirt-clad hostess – dressed in trousers and oversized white shirts (and filmed in an atmospheric black and white, as opposed to the original film’s ravishing pastels), she’s steely, watchful and shrewd, someone who seems to recognise Tom (Andrew Scott) for the opportunist he is from the get go.

She’s also unapologetically ambitious, penning a book on Atrani, the sleepy Amalfi Coast town where she and Dickie (Johnny Flynn) have ended up. While her affluent boyfriend spends his days parading around his palatial villa, she takes photographs and edits drafts in a charming but ramshackle one-room apartment, filled with knitting supplies, wild flowers and candid snapshots. It’s clear that she doesn’t come from money or, at least, from as much money as Dickie does, and isn’t from his crowd of New York sophisticates – we hear she’s from Minnesota and, at one point, she resents being seen as “a small town hick”. The picture we get of Marge in these scenes – someone who is spiky, slippery and frequently unreadable – is so much richer and more complex than anything we’ve been afforded before.

It’s a remarkable performance from Fanning – still, impassive, cold and cryptic – which ranks among the 30-year-old actor’s best. And that’s really saying something: she’s been working for almost two and a half decades, having started out as a child actor, playing a younger version of Calista Flockhart in Ally McBeal, a baby-faced Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama, the exuberant lead in Charlotte’s Web, and Tom Cruise’s daughter in War of the Worlds. With I Am Sam, she became the youngest SAG nominee in history aged seven and scooped a Critics’ Choice Award, giving a shockingly articulate acceptance speech as she was lifted up to the microphone by Orlando Bloom.

Then came the Twilight franchise, after which the Georgia native graduated to more adult roles in the likes of The Runaways and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. In Ripley, she commands the screen with the ease of a veteran – it serves as both a reminder of her enduring star power as well as evidence of her evolution as an actor.

Ahead of the show’s release on 4 April, Fanning discusses Marge’s own opportunism, her chic and understated costumes, and the equally dark projects she’s delving into next.

I heard that Steven Zaillian wanted you for Ripley because he loved you in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Is that right?

That’s what I heard. He saw that and then wanted to chat with me about this. I was obviously familiar with this story and the character of Marge, and so I read the scripts and they were truly some of the best scripts I’ve ever read. Steve is so brilliant, and his vision for the show… I didn’t really even think about it. I just said, “Yes, I’ll do whatever he wants.” It was a dream to be a part of.

What about the scripts captured you the most?

His writing is so nuanced, and the scripts are brilliant in that they’re actually very simple. They leave a lot of space for the actor, and especially the actors who are not playing Tom Ripley, to figure out their role in the story. A lot of the time, the characters are saying one thing, but there’s so much more underneath, and the intention behind what they’re saying is sometimes the complete opposite of what is being said. So as an actor, I knew it would be a great challenge to modulate a performance based on what’s not said, and I was really excited by that. Steve and I created a great dialogue between us and figured out who Marge is, what she knows, when she knows it, when she’s suspicious of Tom and when she believes him. Then we did some takes where you kind of flip that on its head and see what happens.

This is a real character study at its core, but it’s also a cat-and-mouse game and I felt lucky to be playing a character who does go toe to toe with Tom. He’s so skilled at what he does and most of the characters are in the dark about who he really is and what he’s doing. Marge is certainly in the dark too, to an extent, but she also knows that there’s something off and isn’t afraid to tap into that. Andrew and I relished getting to explore that rivalry.

I read that you, Andrew and Johnny didn’t rewatch the 1999 film. Did you feel the pressure of remaking something that has such an incredible legacy, or does Ripley just feel too different to be comparable?

I’m a massive fan of that film and watching the series, it felt completely different. Ripley is based on the novel very faithfully. I revisit the film because I love it, but I didn’t find it helpful in terms of playing Marge or stepping into this world because the vibe of this is entirely separate. It’s in black and white so, right off the bat, that changes things.

It looks so gorgeous, but in a very different way from the original film. I wanted to ask you specifically about Marge’s house, too. Compared to Dickie’s villa, it’s surprisingly modest. What does that setting tell us about her?

I loved all the details on that set, and it informed the relationship between Marge and Tom. Tom is fascinated with privilege and wealth, and the lack of appreciation he sees in these wealthy people when it comes to their relationship with art, travel and culture. According to him, they don’t know what to do with all that, whereas he does. So, that idea of class is super present in Ripley and what’s interesting about Marge is that she probably comes from a more similar background to Tom than Dickie, and that informs their rivalry.

There’s also her knitting – I love that Marge is a knitter. I am as well. You see her messy basket of yarn and needles on that set. Steve is a details man and he arranged those knitting needles exactly how he wanted them. I’m not exaggerating [laughs]. Everything on that set had a purpose. It’s a bit of a mess and Tom is sort of disgusted by it. She’s working on her book, and her photos and her writing – everything’s artfully displayed. The interior was partly filmed on a soundstage, but that house was also in Atrani, the little town we filmed in on the Amalfi Coast. That was special, too – getting to actually be in those extraordinary places.

Marge’s ambition is also front and centre in this retelling. Was that important to you?

I loved that. Marge has some ulterior motives as well. She’s kind of using this situation that she’s found herself in to her benefit a little bit, too. I think she genuinely does love Dickie and is invested in him in a pure way, but you do see a little bit of her opportunism come out as well. And once again, that similarity to Tom really pisses him off. She’s getting in his way and marching on what he sees as his territory.

And coming back to this beautiful Italian setting, did you, Andrew and Johnny get to have any downtime when the cameras weren’t rolling?

It was wonderful, but complicated because you’re in these beautiful places where people dream of going on their holiday, but you’re working and it was during Covid and it was challenging, so your brain doesn’t know what mode to switch into. But, we definitely found time to have some great meals and wine together. We played cards at Johnny’s and had our Italian lessons together. He had this great house in Capri when we were filming there and one day, we had a barbecue. Andrew and Johnny are two of the loveliest people I’ve ever worked with. It’s so important when you’re working on something like this which is so all-encompassing that you find time to bring light and laughter and play into it as well. Andrew, Johnny and I were able to lighten up the challenging days. I couldn’t have done it without them and I’m in awe of their performances.

What proved the most challenging?

There were practical things – we travelled a lot and set up shop in lots of new locations. We still had to take Covid tests and there was the stress of, “What if I have Covid and can’t get home for Christmas?” And it was quite intense. Every scene, no matter how big or small, had equal importance so there was never a day when you’re like [mimics falling asleep]. That’s an extraordinary way to work, but it can get heavy at certain moments. It’s a lot of time away from home and I was the lonely American whose family hadn’t travelled internationally since the beginning of the pandemic and so no one wanted to come see me because they didn’t want to get me sick [laughs]. But, I made the best of it.

I’d also love to ask you about the costumes. The Talented Mr Ripley is one of the most stylish films ever made, but Ripley takes a much more subdued approach. What does Marge’s less feminine and more pared back style in this series say about her?

With Marge, we start with lighter layers and then, by the time we get to Venice, it’s coats and sweaters and everything is black and navy. It’s kind of like her armour in which to battle Tom. But, if I had to pick one favourite piece, it’s probably Marge’s swimsuit. It’s grey plaid and old fashioned, and it’s really unglamorous but there’s actually something very chic about it in its simplicity. We wanted to make sure the costumes felt natural, wrinkled and a little bit oversized, to show that Marge wants to be taken seriously. She’s focused on practicality, and I think that speaks to what kind of woman she is in this time period.

She definitely feels ahead of her time. Finally, now that the show is about to come out, have you given much thought to why this particular story has been retold so many times? Why are we so endlessly fascinated by Tom Ripley?

I’m still trying to figure it out. As a society, we have this general fascination with grifters and con artists, but with Ripley, there are just so many layers to him. This is an exploration of people and what they’re capable of; of the haves and have nots, and how circumstances can change people. And especially in this telling, you get a real deep dive and a bigger window into this character than we’ve seen in the past. Andrew’s brought something completely different to the part that no one’s ever seen before.

And you have quite a few similarly dark projects coming up after this. Can you talk me through them?

I’ve got The Watchers coming out this summer, which is directed by Ishana Night Shyamalan, the daughter of M Night Shyamalan who’s a producer on it. I had a great time filming it in Dublin last year – it has this supernatural Shyamalan vibe. And then I have the Netflix mystery series The Perfect Couple, directed by Susanne Bier, with Nicole Kidman. It’s a true ensemble piece and a big family story, and we got to film on Cape Cod. It felt like summer camp. And I’m filming the horror movie Vicious at the moment – TBD, but it’s been great so far.

Ripley will be on Netflix from 4 April.'

[cyarskaren52]

these movies gotten more jeers than cheers

The Worst Movies of 2023

This page contains Metacritic's official list of the worst-reviewed films released in the United States between January 1, 2023 and December 31, 2023. Films are ranked by Metascore (an average of grades given by top professional critics) prior to rounding, and any titles with fewer than 4 reviews are excluded. 

#15: Five Nights at Freddy's

1 / 15

33

Photo by Universal Pictures

Horror - directed by Emma Tammi

Wildly successful despite its lousy critical reception, the first film adaptation of the 2014 videogame stars Josh Hutcherson as the overnight security guard at a Chuck E. Cheese-like pizza parlor. If you think that's an easy job, well, you haven't noticed that the restaurant's creepy animatronic characters are walking around under their own power. Despite streaming on Peacock the same day it opened in theaters, Freddy's was an unexpected box office hit—grossing nearly $300 million—and will likely be getting a sequel in the near future.

"Unfortunately, this adaptation of the popular 2014 video game fails at delivering scares or cheeky laughs, resulting in a tedious experience that relies heavily on horror's most cliched tropes." —Tim Grierson, Screen Daily

#14: Love Again

2 / 15

32

Photo by Sony Pictures Entertainment

Rom-com/Drama - directed by James C. Strouse

An English-language adaptation of the 2016 German rom-com Text for You (in turn an adaptation of a Sofie Cramer novel), Love Again finds Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Sam Heughan embarking on a new romance after a virtual meet-cute through a wrong-number text message. Céline Dion also stars (as a version of herself), but even her name on the poster failed to generate much box office business. And critics complained that the second half of the rom-com formula (the comedy, that is) was missing. 

"The plot of Love Again is so over-familiar I stopped streaming it not once but thrice to make certain I'd never seen it before." —Roger Moore, Movie Nation

#13: God Is a Bullet

3 / 15

31

Photo by Wayward Entertainment

Action/Horror/Thriller - directed by Nick Cassavetes

It's not the worst film to date for the son of the legendary director John Cassavetes, but it's close. (The answer to your inevitable question: This one scored lower.) In the crime thriller God Is a Bullet (based on Boston Teran's novel), Game of Thronesstar Nikolaj Coster-Waldau plays a police detective who decides to take the law into his own hands after his ex-wife is murdered and their daughter is taken kidnapped by a cult. Critics found it a nihilistic slog.

"The misogyny of the movie's risibly sadistic villains is only one distasteful thread in this sleazy saga of rescue and revenge." —Jeannette Catsoulis, The New York Times

#12: Rebel Moon Part 1: A Child of Fire

4 / 15

31

Photo by Netflix

Sci-fi/Action-adventure – directed by Zack Snyder

Star Wars, it isn't.  Director Zack Snyder's just-released Netflix film is the first half of a big-budget, two-part sci-fi epic (to be followed by Part 2 in April) that finds a peaceful colony at the edge of the galaxy threatened by invading forces. Enter the reluctant hero: A young woman with a mysterious past (Sofia Boutella) heads to nearby planets to recruit warriors to come to her colony's defense. Charlie Hunnam, Anthony Hopkins, Ray Fisher, Michiel Huisman, Djimon Hounsou, Corey Stoll, Cary Elwes, and Jena Malone also star. The story has its origins in a Star Wars feature that Snyder was developing over a decade ago, though the final product is less family friendly than the Lucasfilm franchise—and also, apparently, much worse: It's the lowest-scoring film in Snyder's career to date.

"It's hard to be even morbidly curious, let alone excited, about any future iterations or installments of a franchise so determined to remix a million things you've seen before into one thing you'll wish you'd never seen at all." —David Ehrlich, IndieWire

#11: Pet Sematary: Bloodlines

5 / 15

31

Photo by Paramount+

Fantasy/Horror - directed by Lindsey Beer

One of two Stephen King-inspired films to qualify for this list—and it's definitely not King's fault— streaming-only Bloodlinesserves as a prequel to the 2019 film Pet Sematary, which was in turn based on the 1983 novel by King. The directorial debut for screenwriter Lindsey Anderson Beer failed to impress critics with its original story set (mainly) in the year 1969 and featuring details not found in King's novel. 

"The generic moniker proves accurately foreboding for the run-of-the-mill film, one that desperately latches onto the goodwill of a familiar title but has nothing meaningful to add to its legacy." –Trace Sauveur, Paste

#10: Expend4bles

6 / 15

30

Photo by Lionsgate

Action/Thriller - directed by Scott Waugh

The fourth, final, and expendablest film yet in the over-the-hill action-movie franchise last seen in 2014, Expend4bles was one of the year's biggest box office duds upon its release in September, making back just half of its $100 million production budget. After first opting out, Sylvester Stallone ultimately did return to star alongside Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, and Randy Couture one last time, while newcomers included 50 Cent and Megan Fox. Most of them have little interesting to say or do in an instantly forgettable film.

"This is true 21st-century trash: a movie in which the action itself is expendable." —Owen Gleiberman, Variety

#9: Fear the Night

7 / 15

30

Photo by Quiver Distribution

Action/Thriller - directed by Neil LaBute

Since impressing critics with his 1997 indie debut In the Company of Men, writer-director Neil LaBute has experienced the full spectrum of review scores thanks to a filmography that is scattershot at best. But he hit a career low in 2023 with the generic action-horror hybrid Fear the Night, which finds a group of women (led by Maggie Q's Iraq War veteran Tess) at a remote bachelorette party fighting back against a group of attackers. 

"As for LaBute, a once incisive chronicler of male cruelty and ineptitude, his continued dabblings in genre are lamentable. Perhaps the kindest thing to do is pretend this dud never happened." — Jeannette Catsoulis, The New York Times

#8: Fool's Paradise

8 / 15

27

Photo by Roadside Attractions

Comedy - directed by Charlie Day

The directorial debut from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia star Charlie Day (who also writes and stars), misfiring Hollywood satire Fool's Paradise wastes a strong ensemble cast that also includes Adrien Brody, Edie Falco, Jason Sudeikis, Jason Bateman, Ken Jeong, Kate Beckinsale, Common, John Malkovich, and the late Ray Liotta. The Bowfinger riff (rip-off?) finds a mute, mentally challenged man enlisted by a down-on-his-luck publicist to stand in for a famous Method actor (with whom he shares a strong resemblance) who refuses to leave his trailer during a film shoot.

"A satire that's neither sharp enough to make its industry skewering sting, nor sweet enough to compensate for its toothlessness." —Nick Schager, The Daily Beast

#7: Assassin Club

9 / 15

27

Photo by Paramount Pictures

Action/Thriller - directed by Camille Delamarre

Another lackluster entry in the filmography of editor-turned-action-movie-director Camille Delamarre (The Transporter Refueled), Assassin Club stars Henry Golding as an elite assassin on a difficult assignment: He must kill seven of his colleagues around the world. The result comes nowhere close to matching the quality of the John Wick films on which it is so clearly modeled.

"Incompetent and mostly just quite boring, Assassin Club doesn't even have the good grace to be so-bad-it's-good. Rough, rough stuff." —John Nugent, Empire

#6: Dear David

10 / 15

25

Photo by Lionsgate

Horror/Thriller - directed by John McPhail

Adapted from a 2017 Twitter thread by BuzzFeed writer Adam Ellis courtesy of Anna and the Apocalypse director John McPhail, Dear David is a supernatural horror film centering on, well, a BuzzFeedwriter in the year 2017. (He's apparently haunted by ghosts, you see.) While the story may have been creepy in its original written form, the translation to film results in something akin to a lesser TV movie, according to reviewers—and one that definitely isn't scary.

"It is a boring paint-by-numbers ghost movie, a jumble of tropes borrowed from movies like 'The Ring,' and a poor facsimile of its influences." —Katie Walsh, Los Angeles Times

#5: Freelance

11 / 15

24

Photo by Relativity Media

Action/Comedy - directed by Pierre Morel

The latest action film from the director of Taken is, unlike that movie, also a comedy—and that, more than anything, is why Freelance fails to live up to that previous title's success. Alison Brie and John Cena do their best as a journalist and her bodyguard on assignment in the fictitious, jungle-filled South American country of Paldonia, but anyone expecting a modern-day Romancing the Stone should temper those expectations. Critics complain that Morel is unable to make Freelance's disparate genres mesh (or make any of its characters likeable), and the result is one of 2023's box office bombs. 

"Pierre Morel's uninspired work behind the camera goes hand in hand with the film's nondescript title, dragging viewers through a moodless, toothless action hybrid that, at its best, plays as forgettably inept even with ammunition flying in all directions." —Matt Donato, IGN

#4: Children of the Corn (2023)

12 / 15

22

Photo by RLJE Films

Horror - directed by Kurt Wimmer

Finally released (both in theaters and on the Shudder streaming service) in early 2023 after first screening in 2020, writer-director Kurt Wimmer's reboot is actually the 11th film to be based on Stephen King's 1977 short story about a cult of demon-worshipping Nebraska children (dating back to the 1984 adaptation from Fritz Kiersch), but only the third to receive theatrical distribution. The score speaks for itself: Critics hated it.

"There's something particularly galling about the laziness of this one — its flimsy gestures toward topicality, the piecemeal nature of the whole thing — that makes its failures acutely horrifying." —Clint Worthington, Consequence

#3: After Death

13 / 15

22

Photo by Angel Studios

Documentary - directed by Chris Radtkeand Stephen Gray

First-time feature directors Stephen Gray and Chris Radtke attempt to make the case for the existence of an afterlife with a documentary laced with interviews of survivors of near-death experiences. Despite an attempt to spruce up their stories with sci-fi-like special effects, the filmmakers fail to make a compelling case (or an entertaining movie), according to reviewers.

"A repetitive slog that's only shape or narrative momentum comes from its slow unmasking as religious propaganda." —David Ehrlich, IndieWire

#2: On a Wing and a Prayer

14 / 15

19

Photo by United Artists/MGM Amazon Studios

Drama - directed by Sean McNamara

Boasting relatively big stars (Dennis Quaid, Heather Graham) for a faith-based drama, the latest critical dud from director Sean McNamara (who has yet to receive a green Metascore for a single film) is based on a true story of a private airplane passenger (Quaid) who finds himself taking control of the plane and trying to land it with the help of an air traffic controller after the pilot dies from a heart attack. 

"This is the film: Constantly rendered emotionless by decision-making both numbingly predictable and entirely inexplicable." —Anna McKibbin, Paste

#1: Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey

15 / 15

16

Photo by Fathom Events/ITN Studios

Horror - directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfield

Metacritic's Official Worst Movie of 2023

Oh Pooh. Perhaps the sole argument in favor of unlimited copyright protection, Blood and Honey takes the now-public domain characters from A.A. Milne's beloved children's books and puts them in a bloody slasher film. (Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet are now serial killers stalking female college students—a plot twist we don't quite recall from the books.) Shot in less than two weeks for a budget of under $100,000, Pooh was surprisingly successful at the box office, grossing north of $5 million despite (or because of) the negative press surrounding the film.

The filmmakers will get a rare chance at back-to-back #1 titles when a sequel to Blood and Honey arrives in February.

"What could've been a halfway decent dumb idea becomes a full-on nightmare of bad choices and terrible filmmaking." —Ross Bonaime, Collider

Sent from my iPhone

[an-android-child]

I HAVE PERMISSION TO INFODUMP ABOUT BRUCE'S CHILDREN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO I'm procrastinating so hard but what else is new

Ok so in favour of this being an honest and fair comparison, I'm only gonna talk about real children (so no hallucinations or dreams or Alfred fanfics) who have interacted with the main universe, be it because Bruce or someone from the main earths has met them in their universe or because they went to our main universe (so no elseworlds or imaginary stories), AND who have been legally adopted or are bio children (so no mentees or emotionally adopted children). I'll also mention foster children.

Let's get this started!!!

Dick Grayson (adopted)

First appearance: Detective Comics (1937) #38

Date of first appearance: April, 1940

No need for presentations I'm sure! The one and only first boy wonder! The mold where all child sidekicks came out from, and the first canonical (depends so much on the author lol, I have a whole meta here) son of Bruce Wayne.

Lance Bruner (adopted)

First appearance: The Brave and the Bold (1955) #83

Date of first appearance: May, 1969

Another child officially adopted I wished we'd seen more of. His personality is super interesting to me, from bad boy badly grieving to someone full of regret and self-sacrifice. I wished we could see more of the official first dead Robin lmao.

Enoch and Roger Jr. Birnam (adopted as godsons)

First appearance: The Brave and the Bold (1955) #98

Date of first appearance: November, 1971

This comic run really liked the idea of Bruce adopting children. Such a shame they're mostly one-shot kids. In this story, Batman (not Bruce, Batman) is the godfather of both children of the late Roger Birnam, who he promised to protect along with their beautiful mother after the man died. The thing is, Batman doesn't know there are two kids, because one has been hidden since birth by their evil witch mother, and that's because Enoch is a satanic cult leader. He's also six or less. It doesn't matter anyway because the wife and evil son die, so Batman is left to take care of the good son, Roger Jr., because that's how morality works! You're born good or you're born evil and we don't need to think about that anymore because Roger Jr. vanishes forever either way! Aren't comics great.

But now fr, I wouldn't mind a modern re-telling of this story that is a little bit deeper and complicated. And also wouldn't mind seeing Roger Jr. back.

Bruce Wayne Jr. (biological)

First appearance: World's Finest (1941) #215

Date of appearance: January, 1973

Okay, seeing as there are a bajillion Bruce Wayne Jr., I'm gonna count the Super-Sons computer shenanigans one as its own character, because the other one, whose mother was Kathy Kane, was very clearly an imaginary story. The computer one with no mother is a simulation that becomes alive and almost destroys the world before sacrificing himself (and also Clark Jr., who is also there, does the same of course). Some of the stories haven't aged really that well, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find enjoyment in some of them.... When the time period allows it (you have to read this comics with a detached mindset, or else the racism and rampant misogyny can get... Way too much). The first story is still my favourite, and so is the forsaken son one. Wouldn't mind seeing more of him and Clark, baby, in the future. Also look at his cute bathrobe.

Helena Wayne (biological)

First appearance: All-Star Comics (1940) #69

Date of first appearance: December, 1977

Just like Bruce Jr., there's a bunch of Helenas who have interacted with the main universe. The first iteration ever created was named Helena Wayne, daughter of Bruce Wayne and a reformed Selina Kyle. A lawyer by day and a vigilante by night, she's a full-time resident of Earth Two, where the Golden Age stories took place. Thanks to her, we have the vigilante mantle Huntress. Sadly, the multiverse as we knew it would eventually be destroyed during the events of Crisis on Infinite Earths, and within it so was Earth Two. And so, this lovely Helena would meet an untimely demise later on, even though she was able to escape to Earth One and not be destroyed with her original universe. Also, she used to call younger Earth One Bruce "uncle Bruce", and I think that was super cute of her.

Jason Todd (adopted)

First appearance: Batman (1940) #357

Date of first appearance: March, 1983

Once again, just like Dick, depending on the source he would be adopted or a legal ward or whatever. Who knows! (In the Dick meta I mentioned before there's a great reblog that expands on Jason's place in Bruce's life, here's a link to that) But I'm weak so I'm gonna go with adopted (I love the child custody battle with Natalia Knight, one of my favorite Batman arcs just because of how bonkers of a premise it is). I love his pre-crisis Robin run, and combined with his post-crisis origin it makes for a very solid character. I love him as the cautionary tale and then, once back from the dead, as the self-made tragedy. He's fascinating I'm gonna eat him alive.

Damian Wayne (biological)

First appearance: Batman: Son of the Demon

Date of first appearance: December, 1987

Another child that doesn't need an introduction! He has a very convoluted origin story with some misses down the way, but he has gone through major character development and I really do enjoy him a lot. He's fun, he's great, he deserved his own spotlight. Tomasi's run is my favourite no doubt.

Talking about spotlight, this guy has.... a lot of clones. Be it "defective" ones living on a paradise island or fetuses in glass bubbles, this kid has clones for days. Well, more accurately, test tube siblings with similar genetic makeup. Hell, he's a test tube baby himself I believe. Depending on how you want to count the NUMEROUS clones/siblings of Damian made with Bruce's and Talia's DNA, the number of Bruce's children can get exponentially huge fast. But just in case, I'll refrain from counting all of them and just focus on the one that most people remember.

Hank and Jenny Watkins (fostered)

First appearance: Batman (1940) #423

Date of first appearance: September, 1988

One of my favorite Batman stories! The way his humanity is shown, his soft spot for children, aughhh it's so beautiful. I wished this children would have stayed a little longer lol. Also hilarious story in hindsight when taken into consideration what issue comes next.

Tim Drake (adopted)

First appearance: Batman (1940) #436

Date of first appearance: August, 1989

Another child that I believe requires no presentation. Temporarily as a foster while his bio dad was in a coma, tried desperately at first to avoid adoption after a traumatic experience turned him into an orphan, even getting to the point of falsifying an uncle. But he ended up giving in and becoming a Wayne with pride. He's a fascinating character, and his relationship with Bruce is way more interesting than fandom seems to make it out to be, but that's for another post lmao.

Cassandra Cain (adopted)

First appearance: Batman #567

Date of first appearance: July, 1999

Cass my favourite Batgirl my favourite character, she's so amazing she's a tragedy she's hilarious she's so like Bruce she's so different from him, she's a weapon she's a hero, her father loved her he never showed her real love she doesn't know what's wrong with shooting at your own daughter, Cassandra Cain-Wayne i love you so fucking much, I would kill for you and you would hate me for it. No flanderization or bad fanon take will eever take away the experience of reading Batgirl 2000 for the first time and seeing shrimp emotions. I literally cannot recommend it enough.

Heretic (biological)

First appearance: Batman and Robin (2009) #12

Date of first appearance: July, 2010

The most well known clone of Damian Wayne, an adult body with a baby face version of Damian with mommy issues to boot. Oh, and also brutally murdered Damian. How could I forget. Not to worry though, death never sticks in comics.

Helena Wayne (biological)

First appearance: Huntress (2011) #1

Date of first appearance: December, 2011

Enter Earth 2! Not to be confused with Earth Two, of course.

Following the events of Flashpoint, for the first time since Crisis on Infinite Earths, a new multiverse was created, resulting in the creation of a new new Earth 2. She would be, once again, Batman's and Catwoman's daughter, and was even Robin for a little in her childhood. Instead of seeing her mom die, this Helena sees her father die instead. She and her best friend Supergirl (more well known later on as Power Girl) entered a Boom Tube (don't question it) in pursuit of someone they thought was Darkseid, and ended up in another universe. You won't guess which one.

Stranded on Prime Earth, Helena and Kara adapted to the new world remarkably well. Helena, leveraging her knowledge of Wayne Enterprises, siphoned funds to help them settle. Initially, they sought a way back to their Earth, but with no success, Helena pivoted to crime-fighting. She stayed covert, frequently changing identities, notably as (you won't fucking guess) Helena Bertinelli. And you'd ask, what happened to our Helena Bertinelli, while all this shit was happening. Well... She was presumed dead for unknown reasons. And got her identity stolen in the meantime. Fun!

Funded by discreet withdrawals from Wayne Enterprises, she became the vigilante, Huntress, going after global crime syndicates for five fucking years. Without our Batman noticing a thing. She would eventually meet him, of course, and even her brother Damian (before meeting her own father she met her brother, which is fascinating to me) and also she ended up returning to her original Earth, even becoming Batman there with her own Robin (Dick's son, John Grayson).

Duke Thomas (fostered)

First appearance: Batman (2011) #21

Date of first appearance: August, 2013

Following a plot of the Joker to recreate Bruce's most traumatic night, Elaine and Doug (Duke's parents) were permanently jokerized and moved into a facility on the Wayne estate. Head of the We are Robin movement (run I super recommend) and later known as the meta hero Signal, whose powerset is as confusing to the reader as it is to the writer apparently, because no one seems to agree on what his powers are. What is well-known though is the fact that Duke moved into Wayne Manor to begin his Batman training and was temporarily fostered. Depending on the author the relationship with Bruce changes dramatically: from mentor-student, to colleagues, to father-son like, to friends, etc. (where have I seen this phenomenon before I wonder....) Even so, before his mother got cured he did live at the manor and was officially fostered, so I'm counting him. I love him dearly btw, he's such a fun chatacter, with a strong personality that I wished writers played more with. His run with the outsiders was very fun, if a bit cliche, and his "Robin" run is amazing.

Thomas Wayne The Second (biological)

First appearance: Detective Comics (2011) #27

Date of first appearance: March, 2014

On the anniversary of his parents' deaths, Bruce is visited by the Phantom Stranger, who teleports him into an alternative reality where, instead of being killed, Thomas Wayne gets shot in the arm and punches the wannabe mugger in the face. He is shown later on to have lost the arm, but he's alive and happy, and so is Bruce. With living parents, a beautiful wife (Natalya Trusevich, that ukranian main continuity gf that didn't last long), and their son, Thomas Wayne, they're the perfect family. Of course, without Batman, Gotham is overrun by crime, Gordon is quadriplegic, Ra's al Ghul is in the process of conquering Europe, and Dick has been put on death row after murdering Tony Zucco. So, all in all, not the best of times to not be Batman.

Bruce says goodbye to his nine year old son (pictured above) and begs the Phantom Stranger to send him back to his own reality, with the knowledge that sometimes sacrifice is a necessity. A grim reminder, if I've ever seen any. Also kind of a dick move for Phantom Stranger.

Jarro (adopted)

First appearance: Justice League (2018) #10

Date of first appearance: December, 2018

Jarro my beloved Starro cloned in a Jar. I love him so much, he has such a cute and vibrant personality. I unironically miss him and want to see more of him. He calls Bruce dad that's his BABY!!!!! Bruce told him he was proud of him!!!! He's so damn cute and small I'm gonna eat him alive

Kull (biological)

First appearance: Dark Nights: Death Metal Trinity Crisis (2020) #1

Date of first appearance: November, 2020

Kull was the daughter of a Batman and Wonder Woman from a world of the Dark Multiverse. Her mother trained her in the art of Amazonian combat and she was also trained by her father. A bunch of Earth 0's heroes, including our Wonder Woman and Batman, tried to sneak into Castle Bat (who was a giant Bruce Wayne who had been fused with Gotham City or something??? I don't really remember but whatever). Kull and some others were ready for them, and as Wonder Woman struggled against her, Jarro separated the bad guys from the heroes by controlling the mind of Castle Bat (don't question it). I don't think she survived, but it's always fun to see wonderbat children in the wild.

Saif, Taj and Janan Al Ghul (biological)

First appearance: Batman/Superman (2019) Authority Special #1

Date of first appearance: January, 2022

Children of Bruce and Talia al Ghul from a reality in the Dark Multiverse where the Empire of Shadows has taken over the world and some alternative universes. And Bruce is evil, because of course he is. They were able to open a portal that allowed Janan and Saif to go to our main earth so they could conquer it, and that's when they met our Batman and Midnighter. Meanwhile, our Superman and the authority went to the other evil dimension to fight the third brother, Taj, which is great for me because it means all three siblings have interacted one way or another with our Earth 0, so I can count them all for this list lmao.

Janan would later cross over to our main earth once again and become a Superman villain, so you may know her from that. She underwent an extreme makeover though (pictured below).

Helena Wayne (biological)

First appearance: The New Golden Age (2023) #1

Date of first appearance: January, 2023

Infinite Frontier confirmed that all of Pre-Crisis Earth 2 history is now part of Earth 0's canon after the events of Dark Knights: Death Metal. It's unclear whether this applies to Helena's story or not, but everything we've seen of her indicates this is a brand-new version of Helena, so I'm counting her as a separate character.

Helena Wayne is once again the daughter of Batman and Catwoman from an averted future where her father once again was murdered, this time as a result of the schemes of the time-traveling Per Degaton (don't question it). She would never become Robin, because the moment she discovered her father was Batman (after stabbing him in the kitchen) Selina forced Bruce to retire. Also, unrelated but in this averted future the JOKER'S SON WAS A ROBIN?? Nothing is explained about that, but it's such an interesting idea and I'm so mad we're never gonna expand on that (pictured below the only moment this is ever mentioned, in this Helena's debut issue. I'm so mad).

Moving on, she then joined the Infinity Inc. and the JSA as the heroine known as the Huntress. As a temporal remnant of a future that is no longer possible, she exists as a living paradox. Or something along those lines.

This future would have been main continuity if she hadn't gone off and told Bruce about his untimely demise. Right now, she's lost in time in our main dimension. She also hasn't met Bertinelli, nor given a reason for her chosen vigilante name, nor done anything worth mentioning aside from that time she hugged our main continuity Bruce. Our Buce has decided to keep Helena at arm's length, setting her up in a penthouse he owned up in New York City, rather than allowing her to stay in Gotham, and also giving her the cover story of being his cousin rather than daughter. He did offer to revise the arrangement and have her come to Gotham, but after all the ordeal had been done. She rejected the offer, knowing that, if the current iteration of the timeline was anything like her own, Bruce and Selina were about to have something of a a major disagreement. But who cares abour Gotham War any of this am I right.

All of this happened in November of 2023. And yet, nothing of worth has been done with her. I guess we'll still have to wait and see what will become of her.

Terry McGinnis (biological)

First appearance (in main universe comics): The New 52: Futures End FCBD Special Edition (2024) #1

Date of first appearance (in main universe comics): June, 2014

I owe my life to @momachan for helping me find the comic where this two meet in main continuity, making it possible for me to count him. I don't think he needs any presentation. Like Damian, he's a test-tube baby but. Even more complicated because Timm. I adore him I love him he's the only one who can inherit the Batman mantle. Love him to bits

Bruce (Zur-En-Arrh's clone)

First appearance: Batman (2016) #147

Date of first appearance: July, 2024

Okay this one is complicated. Buckle up, this is a wild ride.

Bruce's stereotypical evil alter created this clone to be the first in a long line of expendable robins. He gave him all of the original Bruce's memories but partitioned away any that could cause him to develop a conscience or question him and also deliberately engineered him to rapidly age and have a short lifespan. Also he programmed him to see Zur as his father. And because Zur is basically Bruce with another personality... yeah. I'm counting him tentatively.

He died of old age almost immediately because this is DC and Gd forbid we do interesting things with new characters.

Ok, so in total we could say that our Bruce from main continuity has a whopping of 21 children who have interacted with him, between adoptive and biological. If we count the temporarily fostered ones, the number rises to 24 children that Bruce has had custody over throughout the years. AND if we wanna count only the children that come from our main universe, we have 15 children he has had custody over, 13 of them officially adopted or biological. Damn, indeed.

Okay so if I've missed anyone please let me know!!!! I love learning stuff!!!!

BONUS

Danny Benson (Statue Father?)

First appearance: Batman (1940) #107

Date of first appearance: April, 1957

Ok, so, I know I just said I'd only talk about official children.... but man, some of this kids deserve a bonus mention, not because I'm gonna count them for the list or anything, but because how crazy fascinating their stories are.

Okay so in this case, in true Golden Age fashion, this premise is bonkers: basically this kid is lonely cause his dad died and his mom works all day so... he has decided to adopt himself a father. A statue father. A statue father of Batman (this is literally the premise, btw. The story is called The Boy who Adopted Batman and like, what a title). Batman gifts the boy a bike and everything, and the kid helps solve a case with it. Just... what a fascinating idea, man.

Allie (Maybe? Let me explain)

First appearance: Batman (1940) #577

Date of first appearance: May, 2000

Here's the thing: this little girl only appears in one story. She's a blind girl who ran away from an abusive foster home at the age of seven and also has a psychic link to crocodiles. She lives in the Batcave's rain gutters. Bruce never takes her to CPS, but makes sure her abusive foster parents are put in jail, and also gives her and her crocodile "siblings" free reign to be in the Batcave. She protects the cave from intruders trying to get in through the sewers in the only issue she appears in, and Bruce is very clearly adamant on wanting her living a normal life outside of dirty sewers. But also, we never see her again. At all. I'm putting her as a maybe because Bruce doesn't deny the "adopt all of us" request, and also doesn't try to make her go away from the sewers. But also, I wanna see more of her cause. What the fuck? What a fucking interesting chatacter? Lmao?

Once again, I'm not gonna count her as an official child or anything, but I still wanted to mention her because I love her and I miss her and she deserves a good home and more people need to know about her. DC let me write the comics I'm begging you

BONUS SUPER SERIOUS TOTALLY LEGIT MENTION: The whole JLI

First appearance: Justice League (1987) #1

Date of first appearance: May, 1987

The JLI lineup with Batman is one of my favorites, even if it's short-lived, and when I tell you all of this grown ass people are children. Bruce needs to come back to help J'onn coparent because that martian's SUFFERING. The way he literally quits because he can't "babysit them anymore" is so funny to me. This beautiful post made by @apopcornkernel shows a compilation of out of context images dnsjcknjd enjoy

superman has like 13 kids compared to Bruce's like 6

[hopeaterart]

Aaaaand I'm done for busts of other characters in TMNT: From the Hidden City because I didn't feel like drawing fullbody refs! In order from left to right (and under the cut because this is long), we have:

Slash, the leader of the Animal 5, an amateur garage band/vigilante group in the Hidden City. He's a tortoise yokai, and somewhat hostile to the Turtles at first since they seemingly came out of nowhere during the Tournament. Nonetheless, his heart is in the good place.

Mona Lisa, a member of the Animal 5. She's a salamander/axolotl-like alien, and her temper (which matches Raph's easily) doesn't undermine her intelligence. She and Raph quickly bond over how much they have in common once the initial hostilities are gone.

Leatherhead, a member of the Animal 5. Unlike the others, he's a mutant, mutated from a baby alligator that was splashed in Mutagen the night the Turtles were made. Unlike the Turtles, he didn't get the luck of a caring parent when he somehow escaped back in New York, and was forced into horrible things by his captor. Nonetheless, he was eventually able to find his way back to the Hidden City. Despite his scary appearance, he's a sweetheart.

Mondo Gecko, a member of the Animal 5. He's a lizard yokai and an otherwise regular civilian in the Hidden City, content with living a simple life. He got in the Battle Nexus on a bet and for a chance at the prize money, but found a talent for fighting along the way. He's the more relaxed member of the Animal 5, and was the one who came up with being a band to cover their vigilante activities.

Miyamoto Usagi, an apprentice member of the Hidden City's old guard. He's very dedicated to his training, and his peers describe him as incredibly mature and talented for his age. The only person who's been able to get underneath his mask is Leo, who's earnestness and kind heart are able to drag out Usagi's own inner child. He has a strange power that allows him to peer in other universes, and often uses it to ask advice from a certain older, more experienced version of himself.

Shinigami, a sorceress who was born in the Foot. She's Karai's most trusted associate and long-time girlfriend. Compared to said girlfriend, she's much more laidback and casual, and more willing to have fun on missions. She's still very much loyal to her. Some could argue she's more loyal to Karai than she is to the Clan... her magic allows her to hypnotize people and transform into a cat.

Jennika, a member of the Animal 5 and a frog yokai. She's actually a spy for the Foot, having been recruited during the Battle Nexus by Karai. She keeps them updated of what's happening in the Hidden City, but slowly comes to questions herself as the story progresses. She fights like a boxer, and can secrete poison.

Koya, a bird Yokai and a recent addition to the Foot. She was recruited during the Battle Nexus by Karai, and is part of her squad as a scout, archer, and air fighter. She's quick to attack and dislikes hesitation, conflating it with cowardice. Once Karai leaves the Foot, she very quickly realizes how insane everyone in it truly is without a buffer (Karai), but she believes that leaving now wouldn't do any good.

Bepop and Rocksteady, two thugs who were mutated by Draxum during his test runs of the second iteration of mutagen. They were hired by the Foot as muscle before Donnie could administer the retromutagen, and they often serve as comedic relief to Karai. The both of them are also complete idiots.

Goro and Blaze, Karai's mentors and technically her adoptive fathers. When Shredder isn't around, they run the Foot Clan to the best of their abilities. Goro knows bits of magic, and Blaze possesses enough brute strength to level a building.

Kirby O'Neil, April's father. He's a comic writer and illustrator, and created a relatively obscure comic that's just popular enough to pay the bills. Even so, he has an additional dayjob as an editor for a journal so he can make sure his daughter doesn't miss of anything. He's a hardworking man who often worries for his daughter, but can clearly see that she's at her happiest being friends with four green weirdos. His necklace is a gift from his late wife...

Lou Jitsu, Splinter's former identity. Martial Arts master. Even better at improvising with things such as ladders and fish. Movie star and celebrity. Bisexual icon. Once yelled out 'Hot Soup' instead of 'Hatsu' during the heat of a fight and it became his catchphrase. Has had it enough with the casual racism and homophobia of the early 2000 that he ran off to another dimension to marry his girlfriend. Certified monsterfucker.

Dr. Honeycutt, a technical war criminal from another galaxy. Regretful of his past as a weapon maker, he escaped to Earth where he was found by the Hamato clan. He is a friendly being, who's regret over making weapons have made him take a vow of pacifism he swore not to break.

And the Crying Titan, also known as Venus. She crashed onto Earth a few millenias ago, and is responsible for a bunch of things. From creating Yokai-kind (accident) to giving the founders of the Hamato clan their powers (willing). Baron Draxum was her student, and his mourning of her death at the hands of a nascent Foot Clan quite literally resulted in him creating the Hidden City.

If you have questions about any of them, or the plot of TMNT: From the Hidden City, don't hesitate to send me an ask!

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 4/23/21: MORTAL KOMBAT, DEMON SLAYER, TOGETHER TOGETHER, STREET GANG, SISTERS WITH TRANSISTORS

Ugh. Trying to maintain this column as a weekly entity during the final few weeks of the longest Oscar season ever has been really hard, and I’m not sure that will change once the Oscars are over either, because I look at the number of movies being released both theatrically and streaming over the next few weeks, and it makes my head hurt. Sorry for the kvetching, it just is what it is.

There are two big theatrical releases this weekend, Warner Bros’ MORTAL KOMBAT and DEMON SLAYER THE MOVIE: MUGEN TRAIN from FUNImation Entertainment, both which have already been released internationally. I also probably won’t be able to watch or review either before this column gets posted.

Mortal Kombat seems like the easiest sell being that it’s based on the popular Midway Games video game franchise introduced in the early ‘90s that led to a series of films, books, comics and you name it. It was a very popular fighting game that had over a dozen iterations including one in which MK characters fought against DC superheroes.

The very first Mortal Kombat movies opened in 1995, right amidst MK-mania, and it was directed by one Paul W.S. Anderson, his very first movie in a long line of video game-related movies, including a number of Resident Evil and the recent Monster Hunter. There are a lot of people who love those games, and yes, even people who love that and other movies, but to others, who may have been too old to get into the games when they came out, the whole thing about different fighters fighting each other just looks kind of studio. Even though I’m interested to see what producer James Wan brings to this reboot, I just don’t have much interest otherwise.

Unfortunately, and this is pretty daunting, Warner Bros. wasn’t sending out screeners to critics until Wednesday with a review embargo for Thursday night at 7pm, which is never a good sign, and yet, it continues Warner Bros. continuing the trend of being one of the only studios that screeners EVERY movie to film critics rather than just making them pay to see it on Thursday night or Friday. I hope to watch it and maybe add something Thursday night, time-permitting. Not sure you heard but the Oscars are Sunday.

As far as box office, Mortal Kombat opens on Friday but also premieres on HBO Max, and I’m not sure there will be as much urge to see MK on the largest screen possible, as there was with Godzilla vs. Kong. Because of that, I think the cap for this one over the three-day weekend is about $10 million but not much more and probably more frontloaded to Friday than we’ve seen in some time.

Mini-Review: As you can imagine from my statement above, I don’t hold the Mortal Kombat games or other iterations in any particular high esteem, so I’m basically jumping into this movie, directed by Simon McQuoid, just as a movie and not necessarily as a video game movie.

It starts off promising enough like a samurai movie with a flashback where we watch Hiroyuki Sanada’s hero sees his wife and son be killed by Joe Taslim’s character that will later become Sub-Zero. The general principle seems to be that there’s a world where people from other worlds fight each other to gain complete control. The hero is Lewis Tan’s MMA fighter Cole Young, presumably a popular character from the game? He is also soon attacked by Sub-Zero presumably because he’s marked with a dragon tattoo that deems him a champion of these fights, but he needs to find someone named Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) to help him get to the “Mortal Kombat.” At the same time, he meets the movie’s most entertaining character, Kane,

played by Australian actor Josh Lawson, mainly because he swears constantly and cracks wise -- he’s a bit like Wolverine, actually, and he’s actually the best part of the movie.

Otherwise, everyone and everything is always so deadly serious that everyone else we meet just doesn’t have much impact, because frankly, none of these names or characters mean jack shit to me. Sure, some of them sound vaguely familiar but I was more interested in the great Asian actors who turn up including Tadanobu Asano’s Lord Raiden, who is gonna claim Earth if its champions lose at Mortal Kombat. And Sub-Zero basically just shows up and tries to kill everyone.

As with far too many action movies, the action itself is great, the writing and acting not so much.

As it goes along, things become more epic and fantasy-driven but that also makes the dialogue seem even worse. Similarly, the fight choreography is pretty great, but the movie still leans way too heavily on visual FX to keep it more interesting for anyone not too interested in MMA… like myself. When all else fails, they can show off Sub-Zero’s cool ice powers every chance possible as well as the other’s powers, but some of them (like Lord Raiden) just made me think of this as a rip-off of the great Big Trouble in Little China.

The thing is I’m not a fan of the video game nor of MMA, so Mortal Kombat really doesn’t have much to offer me. The whole thing just seems very silly, just like almost everything from the ‘90s. (How’s THAT for a bad take?)

That said, I thought the final battle was great, and I enjoyed some of the gorier aspects of the fights, too, and it all leads to my favorite part, which is the three-way fight between Cole, Sub-Zero, and… actually I’m not sure if it’s a spoiler or not, but it’s a pretty cool fight that almost makes up for some of the dumber characters introduced earlier on. (LIke that guy with four arms. I know he’s a character in the games, but I didn’t even care enough to look up his name.)

It’s perfectly fine that they decided to go Rated R with the movie since most of the nostalgia for this movie and franchise will be towards older guys, but at times, the CG blood is so hinky it feels like the decision to go R-rated was made well after it was filmed.

Even though I went in with the lowest of expectations, I still found most of Mortal Kombat kinda trite and boring, maybe something I’d appreciate more as a teenager but not so much as a grown adult. But what do you expect for a movie based on a video game that’s just a bunch of “cool fights”?

Rating: 5.5/10

And yet, Demon Slayer could be the surprise breakout of the weekend, considering the theatrical success FUNimation has had with theatrical releases of the My Hero Academia movies into theaters in 2018 and 2020, and the hugely successful Dragon Ball Super: Brolly, which grossed $31 million domestically after a surprise $20.2 million in its first five days in roughly 1,200 movies. In fact, it made $7 million its opening Wednesday in January 2019, and FUNimation is hoping that Demon Slayer will have a similar success by opening it for a single day (Thursday) in IMAX theaters before Mortal Kombat takes over on Friday.

Demon Slayer has already grossed $383.7 million internationally compared to Mortal Kombat’s $10.7 million, and you cannot ignore the huge popularity that anime has seen over the past few decades. In fact, a bunch of screenings for Demon Slayer in NYC have already sold out, although you have to bear in mind that these are 25% capacity theaters. Even so, I still think this can make $4 to 5 million on Thursday and another $7 to 8 million over the weekend, depending on the number of theaters. Yes, it will be quite frontloaded, and I’m not sure what the cap is on theaters and how that will affect how it does over the weekend, but expect a big Thursday and a more moderate weekend but one that might give both Mortal Kombat and Godzilla vs. Kong a run for the top of the box office.

Also hitting theaters before streaming on Netflix (on April 30) is THE MITCHELLS VS. THE MACHINES, the new animated movie produced by Chris Miller and Philip Lord, following their Oscar win for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It’s a little weird to open a new animated movies, presumably in select theaters, when such a hugely anticipated animated movie like Demon Slayer is opening, but Netflix won’t

The movie itself is directed by Michael Rianda and Jeff Rowe, and it involves a family named the Mitchells, whose eldest daughter Katie (voiced by Abbi Jacobson) is leaving home for college, so her father (voiced by Danny McBride) decides that he’s going to drive her there and use it as the chance for a cross-country family trip. Meanwhile, it’s set up how the world becomes overrun with robots when a tech giant creates a new personal assistant.

I wasn’t sure whether I’d like this even though I’m generally a fan of all of Lord/Miller’s animated movies including both Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs movies. It took me a little time to get into the family and the general premise. In some ways it reminded me of Edgar Wright’s The World’s End where it’s trying to merge these two disparate genres, but when they actually merge, it just doesn’t work as well as it may have seemed on paper. That worry is soon expunged, because Rianda finds ways to integrate the two ideas over time.

On the trip, the Mitchells run into their perfect family neighbors, the Poseys -- voiced by Krissy Teigen, John Legend and Charlyne Yi -- and you’d think they might be a bigger part of the movie then they actually are. I’m not sure I would have liked doing the family-vs.-family thing so soon after last year’s Croods movie, but I did love the dynamics of the Mitchells being a very relatable imperfect family with Danny McBride being particularly great voicing the family patriarch. It even has a really touching Pixar’s Up moment of Katie’s father watching old home movies of them together when she was younger.

In general, the filmmakers have assembled a pretty amazing voice cast that includes Conan O’Brien, Olivia Colman, Fred Armisen and Beck Bennett. Actually the weirdest voice choice is Katie’s younger brother Aaron, voiced by Rianda himself, and it sounds like a strange older man trying to be a kid, so it doesn’t work as well as others.

What I genuinely liked about Mitchells vs. the Machines is that it doesn’t go out of its way to talk down to overly sensitive kiddies or skimp on the action while also including elements that parents will enjoy as well, and to me, that’s the ideal of a family film.

While some might feel that The Mitchells vs. the Machines is fairly standard animated fare, it ends up being a fun cross between National Lampoon’s Vacation (cleaned up for the kiddies) with Will Smith’s I, Robot, actually, and yet, it somehow does work. It’s a shame that it’s really not getting a theatrical release except to be awards-eligible.

Next, we have two really great movies I saw at Sundance this year and really enjoyed immensely…

So as I mentioned, I first saw Nikole Beckwith’s TOGETHER TOGETHER (Bleecker Street), starring Ed Helms and Patti Harrison, at Sundance, and it was one of my favorite movies there with Helms playing a middle-aged single guy named Matt, who hires the much-younger Anna (Harrison) to be his surrogate, because he wants a baby. It’s a tough relationship thrown together due to each of their respective necessities.

Part of what drives the movie is how different Matt and Anna are, him being quite inappropriate with his suggestions and requests but not really having a working knowledge of female anatomy, pregnancy, delivery etc, but being really eager to raise a child and having the money that Anna clearly does not.

While I was familiar with Helms from The Office, The Hangover, etc. I really didn’t know Patti Harrison at all. Apparently, she’s a stand-up comic who hasn’t done a ton of acting, comedic or otherwise. That’s pretty amazing when you watch this movie and see her dry sardonic wit playing well against Helms’ generally lovable doofus. What I also didn’t realize and frankly, I don’t really see this as something even worth mentioning, is that she’s a trans woman playing a clearly CIS part, and she kills it. I certainly wouldn’t have known nor did it really affect my enjoyment of the movie, yet it still seems like such a brave statement on the part of the director and Harrison herself. The thing is that Harrison isn't just a terrific actress in her own right, but she brings out aspects of Helms that I never thought I would ever possibly see. (If it isn't obvious, I'm not the biggest fan of Helms.)

The movie has a great sense of humor, as it gets the most out of this awkward duo and then throws so many great supporting actors into the cast around them that it’s almost impossible not to enjoy the laughs. There’s the testy Sonogram tech, played by Sufe Bradshaw from Veep, who tries to maintain her composure and bite her tongue, but you can tell she’s having none of it. Others who show up, including Tig Notero, Norah Dunn and Fred Melamed. Just when you least expect it, Anna Conkle from Pen15, shows up as one of those delivery gurus that make the two of them feel even more awkward.

What’s nice is that this never turns into the typical meet cute rom-com that some might be expecting, as Beckwith’s film is more about friendship and companionship and being there for another, and the lack of that romantic spark even as chemistry develops between them is what makes this film so enjoyably unique. Beckwith’s sense of humor combined with her dynamic duo stars makes Together Together the best comedy about pregnancy probably since Knocked Up.

Another great Sundance movie and actually one of my two favorite recent documentaries AND one of the best movies I’ve seen this year is… you know what? I haven’t done this for a while so this is this week’s “CHOSEN ONE”!! (Fanfare)

(Photo courtesy: Robert Fuhring/Courtesy Sesame Workshop)

Marilyn (Mad Hot Ballroom) Agrilo’s STREET GANG: HOW WE GOT TO SESAME STREET (Screen Media/HBO Documentaries) is a fantastic doc about the long-running and popular PBS kids show that’s every bit as good as Morgan Neville’s Mr. Rogers doc, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? Which was robbed of an Oscar nomination a few years back.

Let me make something clear on the day I’m writing this, April 21, 2021, that this is my favorite movie of the year, the only one I’ve already given a 10/10, and the end of the year might come around, and I have a feeling it will still be my #1.

You see, I was raised a Sesame Street kid. It’s not like I didn’t read or play outside or not get the attention of my parents or family, but there was so much of my happy, young life that I could attribute to my time watching Sesame Street, and when you watch Marily Agrilo’s amazing doc, it all comes rushing back. There is stuff in this movie that I haven’t seen in maybe 50 years but that I clearly remember laughing at, and there’s stuff that got into the mind of a young Ed that influenced my love of humor and music and just outright insanity. Sure, I loved The Muppet Show, too, but it was a different experience, so to watch a movie about the show with all sorts of stuff I had never seen or knew, that’s what makes Street Gang such a brilliant documentary, and easily one of the best we’ll see this year. Of that I have no doubt.

From the very origins of the show with Joan Cooney developing a show that will be entertaining and educational to the kids being plopped down in front of the TV in the ‘60s and ‘70s, so they can learn something, it’s just 1:46 of straight-up wonderment.

Besides getting to see a lot of the beloved actors/characters from the show and many of the surviving players like Carol Spinney aka Big Bird/Oscar, you can see how this show tried to create something that wasn’t just constantly advertising to young minds.

More than anything, the show is a love letter to the bromance between Jim Henson and Frank Oz, and you get to see so many of their bits and outtakes that make their Muppets like Burt and Ernie and Grover and, of course, Kermit, so beloved by kids that even cynical adults like myself would revert childhood just thinking about them. Then on top of that there’s the wonderful music and songs of Christopher Cerf and Joe Raposo and others, songs that would permeate the mainstream populace and be remembered for decades.

The movie is just a tribute to the joy of childhood and learning to love and sing and dance and just have fun and not worry about the world. I’m not sure if kids these days have anything like that.

It also gets quite sad, and I’m not embarrassed to say that in the sequence that covers the death of Mr. Hooper, I was outright bawling, and a few minutes later, when Jim Henson dies in 1990, I completely lost it. That’s how much this show meant to me and to so many people over the decades, and Brava to Ms. Agrilo for creating just the perfect document to everything that Sesame Street brought to so many people’s lives. This is easily the best documentary this year, and woe be to any Academy that doesn’t remember it at year’s end.

The other fantastic doc out this week, though I actually got to see it last year, is Lisa Rovner’s SISTERS WITH TRANSISTORS (Metrograph Pictures), which will play at the Metrograph, both on demand and part of its Digital Live Screenings (available to join for just $5 a month!). This is an endlessly fascinating doc that looks at the women of electronic music and the early days of synthesizers and synthesis and some of the female pioneers. It’s narrated by Laurie Anderson, which couldn’t be the more perfect combination.

The movie covers the likes of Suzanne Cianni; Forbidden Planet composers Louis and Bebe Barron, who created the first all-electronic score for that movie; the amazing Wendy Carlos, who electronically scored one of my favorite movies of all time, Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange; Delia Derbyshire, who was also the subject of Caroline Catz’s short, Delia Derbyshire: The Myths and Legendary Tapes, which tragically, I missed when it premiered at the SXSW Film Festival in March. Derbyshire was also famous for creating the iconic theme to “Doctor Who” while working at the BBC Radiophonic Workshop in the '60s. Others who appear in the movie, either via archival footage or more recent interviews are Pauline Oliveros and Laurie Spiegel, who I was less familiar with.

The point is that as someone who was a fantastic for electronic music and synthesizers from a very early age and for someone who feels he’s very familiar with all angles of music, I learned a lot from watching Rovner’s film, and I enjoyed it just as much a second time, because the footage assembled proves what amazing work these women were doing and rarely if ever getting the credit for what they brought to electronic music, something that still resonates with the kids today who love things like EDM.

An endlessly fascinating film with so much great music and footage, Sisters with Transistors can be watched exclusively through the Metrograph’s Live Screening series, so don’t miss it!

Hitting Shudder this week is Chris Baugh’s BOYS FROM COUNTY HELL (Shudder), which I didn’t get a chance to watch before writing this week’s column, but Shudder in general has been knocking it out of the park with the amazing horror movies it’s been releasing on a weekly basis. This one involves a quarelling father and son on a road who must survive the night when they awaken an ancient Irish vampire.

Also hitting theaters and streamers and digital this week:

THE MARIJUANA CONSPIRACY (Samuel Goldwyn Films)

MY WONDERFUL WANDA (Zeitgeist Films)

WET SEASON (Strand Releasing)

CRESTONE (Utopia)

VANQUISH (Lionsgate)

BLOODTHIRSTY (Brainstorm)

SASQUATCH (Hulu)

SHADOW AND BONE (Netflix)

And that wraps up this week. Next week? No idea… I know there’s stuff coming out but I probably won’t think about it until after THE OSCARS!!!! On Sunday.

[antoine-roquentin]

Public distrust of the CWP [Communist Workers Party] mobilized sympathy for the white power gunmen. Furthermore, CWP members repeatedly undermined their chance at what justice the court could offer. Several of the women widowed on November 3 confounded the Greensboro community when, instead of weeping or grieving, they stood with their fists raised and declared to the television cameras that they would seek communist revolution.61 Days after the shooting, an article appeared in the Greensboro Record that was titled “Slain CWP Man Talked of Martyrdom” and implied that the CWP had foreknowledge of the shooting and that some planned to die for the cause. This damaged what little public sympathy remained. In language typical of mainstream coverage, the story described the CWP as “far-out zealots infiltrat[ing] a peaceful neighborhood.” Even two years later, when the widows visited the Greensboro cemetery and found their husbands’ headstone vandalized with red paint meant to symbolize blood, they would not be able to effectively mobilize public sympathy.62 Community wariness of the CWP’s militant stance only increased after the CWP held a public funeral for their fallen comrades and marched through town with rifles and shotguns. The fact that the weapons were not loaded hardly mattered: photographs of the widows holding weapons at the ready appeared in local and national newspapers. In the public imagination, these images inverted the real events of November 3, when a heavily armed white power paramilitary squad confronted a minimally armed group of protestors. The defendants, depicted as respectable men wearing suits in front of the Vietnam War memorial, stood in stark contrast to the gun-toting widows.63 National and local CWP members took up a campaign of hostile protest of the trial itself. The day before testimony began, the CWP burned a large swastika into the lawn of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms director, and hung an effigy on his property with a red dot meant to convey a bullet wound. In the trial itself, CWP members refused to testify, even to identify the bodies of their fallen comrades. CWP widows who shouted that the trial was “a sham” and emptied a vial of skunk oil in the courtroom were held in contempt of court. Although the actions of the widows may have “shocked the court and freaked out the judge,” as the CWP newspaper Workers Viewpoint proudly reported, the widows’ “bravery” didn’t translate as such to the Greensboro community.64 Even those who may have sympathized with the CWP after seeing the graphic footage of the shooting soon found that feeling complicated by the group’s contempt for the justice system, however problematic that system was. With the CWP widows refusing to tell their stories, attorneys for the defendants built a self-defense case by deploying two widely used white power narratives: one of honorable and wronged Vietnam veterans, and the other of the defense of white womanhood. The defense depended on the claim that CWP members carrying sticks had threatened Renee Hartsoe, the seventeen-year-old wife of Klansman Terry Hartsoe, as she rode in a car near the front of the caravan. Terry Hartsoe testified that he could see the communist protestors throwing rocks at the car and trying to open the door. Such a statement can be seen as alluding to the threat of rape of white women by nonwhite men, a constant theme throughout the various iterations of the Klan since the end of the Civil War.65 White supremacy has long deployed violence by claiming to protect vulnerable white women.... After many years of ineffective, smaller prosecutions, the Fort Smith trial marked the first serious attempt by the federal government to recognize the unification of seemingly disparate Klan, neo-Nazi, and white separatist groups in a cohesive white power movement, and to prosecute the movement’s leaders in light of this understanding. Affidavits documented nearly a decade of control by Beam, Butler, and Miles, and also named Miles’s home as the command center for the Order.66 “They preached war, prayed for war and dreamed of war,” said Justice Department prosecutor Martin Carlson. “And when war came, they willingly accepted war.”67 The indictments presented a serious enough threat to white power leaders that Beam decided to flee the country, setting off a series of events that would shape the outcome of the trial. Before Beam fled he married a woman whose martyrdom would later rally the movement and appeal to the mainstream. After the fishermen’s dispute, Louis Beam had led a chaotic personal life. He separated from his third wife in 1981, and an ugly custody battle followed the split. Beam took his young daughter to Costa Rica for two years. After his return to Texas in late 1984, he moved permanently to the Aryan Nations compound. He didn’t break his Texas ties, however, and took long trips there frequently.68 Sheila Toohey was a pretty, blond twenty-year-old Sunday school teacher at the Gospel Temple, a Christian Identity congregation in Pasadena, Texas. Beam’s young daughter was one of her students. Perhaps Beam met the Toohey family during the fishermen’s dispute: his Texas Knights of the Ku Klux Klan had run a bookstore in Pasadena. Toohey came from a family that lived in a trailer in nearby Santa Fe, Texas—the site of the Klan rally where Beam had burned a boat painted “U.S.S. Viet Cong” during the fishermen conflict in 1981.69 “Louis fell in love with Sheila immediately,” wrote J. B. Campbell, a white power movement activist who also claimed mercenary service in Rhodesia.70 Campbell’s laudatory essay later appeared on Beam’s personal website under the heading “Love” and framed with images of roses: [Beam had] been visiting her father, talking politics, and couldn’t believe his friend could have such a beautiful, sweet and unaffected daughter as Sheila, who lived at home with her parents and brothers in Santa Fe, Texas. Sheila taught Sunday school. She’d had to wear a back brace from a recent car accident and was in constant pain, although she would never burden anyone by mentioning it. In the following weeks Sheila noticed that Louis was coming over for dinner quite frequently and that he was talking with her more than with her father. He actually likes me, she realized. Within a few months Louis asked Sheila to marry him.71 The passage focused on Toohey as a vulnerable white woman—in constant pain but never mentioning it—and subservient to the man who “actually like[d]” her. Her position as a Sunday school teacher confirmed her innocence, presumed virginity, fitness for motherhood, and, since she taught children at a Christian Identity church, subscription to a white power political theology. That she lived surrounded, and presumably cared for, by her father and brothers emphasized her movement from one set of male guardians to another. It also highlighted the twenty-year age difference of the newlyweds. Toohey was Beam’s fourth wife; the first three had each been around sixteen years old when they married and around twenty years old when they divorced.72 Beam and Toohey married at a Christian Identity church in Pennsylvania in April 1987.73 After the wedding, with seditious conspiracy charges issued, Louis and Sheila Beam traveled to Mexico to avoid trial, taking his seven-year-old daughter with them, though without the proper documents. They settled in Chapala, near Guadalajara, in a community of white American expatriates. Beam spent four months on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list before authorities caught up with him in November 1987.74 One night the Beams returned home after grocery shopping. While the couple was unloading the food from the car and his daughter was still sitting in the vehicle, authorities apprehended Louis Beam. Sheila Beam “glanced out the kitchen window down at the car and was appalled to see Louis bent over the hood with a gun to his head,” according to Campbell’s narrative. Sheila Beam would later say that the officers never identified themselves as policemen and she assumed the attack was a robbery or kidnapping. Purportedly defending herself, she grabbed her husband’s weapon and shot a Mexican federal officer three times, wounding him. Authorities detained her in Mexico for ten days while they extradited Louis Beam to the United States, where he spent the next five months in prison during the sedition trial. A Mexican judge found Sheila Beam not guilty for reasons of self-defense in November 1987, and she was released and deported back to the United States. The officer she shot in the chest and abdomen remained hospitalized.75 To white power activists, this story was about endangered white women, but it was also about government betrayal. Rumors flew that federal agents had used phony drug charges as a pretense for the arrest, in order to extradite Louis Beam to the United States. This narrative placed innocent Sheila Beam in the crosshairs of a renegade state.76 However, Beam would most likely have been subject to extradition in any case, with or without drug charges.77 In an affidavit, Beam presented herself as an innocent white woman in need of the protection of white men. She said that she sustained an abdominal injury when the arresting officers threw her over a chair, and was then taken to jail and kept handcuffed for five days. She also said that the chief of police threatened her with torture, and that she was forced to sign documents in Spanish that she couldn’t read. She testified: While I was in the Guadalajara jail, I was physically and psychologically mistreated. I was kept with my wrists handcuffed behind my back for five days; my wrists were so swollen that my hands were turning colors and my watch was cutting off the circulation. I was hand-fed by a little Mexican boy with his dirty fingers. Officers would come into my cell and leer at me and caress their weapons. I was chained to the bed, which had a filthy, rotten mattress, and when I would try to sleep, they would kick the bed to jar me awake and keep me from sleeping. I was refused water for extended periods and medication for my back injury or my back brace. I was denied medical attention for my abdominal injuries and suffered from vaginal bleeding for several days afterward.78 Her testimony positioned her as endangered. It placed her in peril and in the presence of male racial others—the “Mexican boy” feeding her with “his dirty fingers,” and the officers. It presented men of color “caress[ing] their weapons” as they “leer[ed]” at her, invoking masturbation.79 It also placed her in a violated bedroom space, “chained to the bed, which had a filthy, rotten mattress.” Within the broader frame of pro-natalism, this language positioned Sheila Beam’s body as vulnerable to attack by men of color, and emphasized it as a site of combat where battles might be won or lost through the birth or absence of white children. The vaginal bleeding she said she suffered after her imprisonment hinted at both rape and miscarriage of a white child, and would have signified a double martyrdom. Jailed at the moment when the state had finally turned to the prosecution of the white power movement, Sheila Beam acted the martyr in a way that further united activists and appealed to people beyond the movement. Her wounded body served as a constant symbolic reminder of state failure and betrayal. Metzger lobbied for her release; Kirk Lyons, who represented Beam in the sedition trial and would become the go-to attorney of the white power movement over the next decade, sent an associate, Dave Holloway, to help the Toohey family advocate for her return. Back home, the Tooheys answered the phone with the entreaty, “Save Our Sheila.”80 After her release Lyons told one reporter, “It made a Christian out of me again. Her being freed was a miracle to me.”81 In the mainstream press, too, Sheila Beam became a sympathetic figure in local newspapers and major publications alike. A series of articles in the Galveston Daily News focused on her injuries, stating as fact that she had been “severely beaten” and raising the possibility that she “may have been sexually assaulted.” The same reporter uncritically repeated white power claims that FBI agents had refused to arrange her release to the United States, and described “physical and psychological coercion” during her ten-day imprisonment.82 Other articles linked her faith in God to her hopes for the acquittal of all the trial’s defendants,83 and mentioned her pain and injuries with no mention of the reasons for Louis Beam’s arrest or Sheila Beam’s actions in shooting and wounding the officer.84 The Houston Chronicle reported that she returned to the United States sobbing and limping, escorted by her father and an associate of Lyons, and was met by her mother and three brothers at the airport. The article emphasized that Sheila Beam had a swollen abdomen and walked with such a pronounced limp that two people had to support her.85 A photograph of Sheila’s return in the Miami News featured a flattering photograph of her leaning against her brother’s chest, holding flowers and flanked by a pretty, smiling, female friend. The caption referred to her “break[ing] out in tears” upon her return, and to her being “charged with shooting a Mexican federal police officer during the arrest of her husband at their … home.” It elided any reference to Christian Identity or participation in the white power movement, either by Sheila Beam or by her husband. It didn’t even name Louis Beam, much less discuss his pending seditious conspiracy charges or his stint on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list. Nevertheless, it made clear that Sheila Beam shot the officer at her home, emphasizing domestic defense beneath a photograph that portrayed her as vulnerable, small, and feminine.86 For her own part, Sheila Beam delivered a political performance of martyrdom both in comments to the press and in her actions. After her release, she flew directly to Fort Smith, where Louis Beam had been transferred to a federal prison hospital following a weeklong hunger strike. White power leaders praised her selfless devotion. “Despite her severe internal injuries and equally severe psychological damage,” Campbell wrote, “Sheila postponed her required emergency surgery and flew to Ft. Smith to reassure her husband.”87 Sheila Beam went to her husband’s side despite her severe pain, the story had it, illustrating the sacrifice of the white female body to the needs of the movement. During the trial, the presence of Sheila Beam’s wounded and wronged body entered the official record in several ways. Lyons invoked her injuries regularly, interrupting testimony about her arrest to ask the pursuing FBI agent what had happened to her back brace and conspicuously leaving court to pick her up at the airport. Sheila Beam continued to speak about her injuries and abuse to the press, and claimed her husband’s innocence with the simple position that since he had quit the Klan in 1981, he couldn’t now be guilty of sedition. In truth, he had quit the Klan to join Aryan Nations and lead the white power movement on a larger scale. She also reminded newspapers that her husband held the Distinguished Flying Cross, the Army Commendation Medal, and the Air Medal for Heroism, staking out his moral authority as a hero of the Vietnam War.88 It is difficult to gauge the impact of such performative acts on the outcome of a jury trial, but Sheila Beam’s symbolic work toward acquittal should not be discounted. Even in the pages of academic accounts that have argued that white power paramilitarism partially or wholly excluded them, women nevertheless appear as historical actors who impact events. In Rafael Ezekiel’s widely cited ethnographic study, for instance, which includes his observation of the Fort Smith trial, he notes that “a sister appears for a young fellow who is already serving a long term for involvement in The Order’s robbery of an armored car … entering the court, she touched her brother’s arm, quietly, as she passed him.”89 With these actions, the “sister”—no name given, as she did not qualify as an activist in this study, but perhaps it was Brenna or Laura Beth Tate, sisters of David Tate—conferred humanity upon her brother, appealed to the jury, and neutralized the racism of the movement.90 Similarly, Ezekiel recounts the presence of Louis Beam’s “young new wife,” Sheila Beam, although she isn’t named in his account.91 Ezekiel describes how the couple make frequent eye contact across the room. She had been the Sunday school teacher of Beam’s daughter. A reporter ungraciously described her to me as “a Yahweh freak.” Here in court she wears a frilled white blouse; during Beam’s arrest in Mexico, she shot an armed Federale who had failed to identify himself.92 In other words, Sheila Beam played her part as a movement activist by creating and embodying a particular narrative of her innocence, the arrest, the justified shooting of the Mexican officer, and her husband’s wrongful detention—one persuasive enough to be accepted uncritically by journalists and academic observers.93

Katherine Belew, Bring the War Home

[teatitty]

SO ABOUT BRUCE’S LOVE-INTERESTS

First of all I think we need to address why he has so many compared to other DC characters. Well, my good people, this is very simple: his writers are bad. A lot of his love-interests simply existed for the sake of a story and most of the time the reason they don’t work out is because, and I’m not bullshitting here, it’s part of Batman’s nature to be so obssessed with solving crime that he can’t maintain a serious relationship with women. And Bruce Wayne’s relationships fail because of his constant absences and secrets.

That being said, sometimes his relationships fail for other reasons. So let’s get this started shall we?

Category One: His Major Relationships

These are his relationships that have consistently shown up in many continuities and were, in fact, attempts on giving him some kind of serious girlfriend, regardless of how the writers failed.

1: Julie Madison. Julie’s character has changed a lot in the different continuities but originally she was an actress who broke up with Bruce because he refused to stop his “playboy ways” even when she confronted him about them. In one version she goes on to marry a man in Europe. In New Earth her hair was changed from black to auburn and, instead of being an actress, she was the daughter of an entrepeneur. 

She broke up with Bruce when she learned he was Batman and that her father had been killed as a result of Batman’s action. She moved to Africa and became a missionary. In current continuity, Julie is an artist and her father is an arms dealer who sold the gun that was used to kill Bruce’s parents. They first dated as teens but met again when Bruce lost his memories (amnesia stories yaaay). Bruce was so passionately in love with her, that he was even ready to settle down and marry her. Unfortunately, in his absence, Gotham’s crime had skyrocketed and Alfred and Julie had to, regretfully, give him his memories back so he could be Batman once more. This also erased his memory of being with Julie.

In The New Batman Adventures comics, Bruce and Julie dated right up until Bruce found out she was only after his fortune. That’s just how it be in comics sometimes. She also appeared in the Batman And Robin movie but her character added little to the plot and most of her scenes ended up being edited out in the final cut.

2: Victoria/Vicki Vale. Vicki Vale was created to be Bruce’s version of Lois Lane (yeah it’s no wonder this never worked). They got involved because she made it her life’s mission to expose Batman’s identity and ended up dating Bruce in the process (it’s also worth noting she was already suspicious of him being Batman). Her character hasn’t had a lot of changed over the years and, surprisingly, has managed to keep most of her original characterization. 

She disappeared from the comics when Julius Schwartz took over the editorial office in 1964. She was re-introduced in the early 1980′s by Gerry Conway but idea was ill-advised as her character had very little development and was instead the same old concept of someone finding out Bruce’s identity. Doug Moench was mainly responsible for slowly removing her as Bruce’s love-interest, though she has since returned to that role. In Batman: The Road Home, Vicki finally got proof that Bruce was Batman but decided to keep it to herself and instead became a confidante and ally of the batfamily, rather then Bruce’s girlfriend.

She appeared in Tim Burton’s Batman as well, but was a damsel in distress throughout the film and only learned his identity through happenstance rather then because she was seeking it out.

In various other continuities, she’s been shown as an occasional date for Bruce Wayne.

3: Selina Kyle needs to introduction but her influence in his life is so long and extensive she’d need a post of her own to cover it all. You’ll be pleased to know that there have been quite a few stories where they’ve managed to sustain a relationship and be happy together.

4: Talia Al Ghul. Obviously we all know her for being Damian’s mother, whoever Ra’s himself has encouraged her relationship with Bruce, because he wants to try and recruit Batman into the League of Assassin’s.

Originally, Talia was very devoted to Bruce and loved him as much as she loved her own father, even saving his life on multiple occasion’s, though she always returned to her father’s side afterwards. They had a sexual encounter that lead to the birth of Damian, as we all know, but over time Talia became more antagonistic towards Bruce, seeking to fulfill her father’s goals and rule with Batman by her side instead. However, he rejected her proposal and she declared war on him (yikes.)

In Batman: The Animated Series, her character was practically the same as her comic iteration. She returned in Batman Beyond where Bruce was horrified to learn that she’d given up her body for her father (yeah. That’s a thing).

In Batman: Arkham City, Talia and Bruce had a romantic background and cared very deeply for eachother, even willing to risk their lived to save the other’s.

On Earth-16, Bruce broke all ties with Talia due to her conflicting morals; her love for Bruce vs her loyalty to Ra’s. 

In the Dark Knight Rises film, Talia is an executive member of Wayne Enterprises who becomes romantically involved with Bruce. She eventually takes over the company and tries to destroy Gotham per her father’s mad design.

Category Two: Minor Relationships

These are his love-interests who have only appeared sporadically as options for him over the years, rather then being a consistent thing.

1: Amina Franklin. Originally someone who worked as a nurse at Leslie Thompkins’ clinic, Amina met Bruce at a party and they started dating shortly after. Her brother, Wayne Franklin (I know), was the villain called Grotesk (original name there buddy) and Amina was killed during a confrontation between him and Bruce.

2: April Clarkson (Midnight). If the name Midnight strikes any familiarity to you, then you’ll know who April is. She was a GCPD officer who briefly dated Bruce and helped Batman track down the gruesome murderer Midnight (yeah his track record is great isn’t it? In her defense April only killed the corrupt dudes but like. Still). Bruce was pretty torn up when he learned this because he had very strong feelings for her! Alas what can ya do, right?

3: Bekka. Bekka saved Batman’s life from Darkseid’s forces on the planet Tartarus and the two shared a mutual attraction (Bekka is also Orion’s wife. Yikes.) She was later murdered (in my mother’s own words “another one bites the dust”).

4: Black Canary. Yes seriously. Despite her long-standing romance with Green Arrow, Dinah has shown attraction to Bruce on numerous occasion’s and the two have even shared kisses before (Batman: Brave and Bold #166 and Birds of Prey #90). On Earth’s 31 and 37 this attraction is way stronger.

5: Charlotte Rivers. A news reporter in Gotham, Charlotte wanted to leave the city which put a rift between her and Bruce. After her twin sister, Jill, made an attempt on her life, Charlotte dumped Bruce and took a job offer in Paris. Ouch.

6: Dawn Golden. Dawn was the daughter of cult leader Aleister Golden, who practiced Dark Magic. Dawn was a childhood friend of Bruce’s who dated him in college and apparently broke his heart (lmao). She became a socialite and then her dad murdered her as part of a dark ritual to give himself eternal life. Yeah.

7: Harley Quinn. YEP HERE’S ANOTHER ONE. Harley has had occasional romantic encounters with Batman over the years, specifically in the Animated Series when she kissed him in the episode Harley’s Holiday. In recent N52 canon, there’s been a couple of stories where Harley has ended up infatuated with Batman or Bruce Wayne. They’re all one-sided feelings as far as we know, however.

8: Jaina Hudson (White Rabbit). Another name that might be familiar to those who know Bruce’s villains. Jaina was a socialite of Indian descent who met Bruce at a charity fundraiser. Later Bruce found out she could duplicate herself into two beings: herself and the scantily clad (its comics what do we expect?) criminal White Rabbit, who had, more than once, lured him to other villains like Joker and Bane.

9: Jezebel Jet. A wealthy woman of African descent, Jezebel was a model who owned an African province and secretly worked for Black Glove. She gained Bruce’s love as a ploy to destroy him during Batman R.I.P and was later killed on Talia’s orders. 

10: Jillian Maxwell. Jillian met Bruce at a costume party in Batman: Legends of The Dark Knight Halloween Special #1 (wow thats long). It turned out, however, that she was actually a woman who used many different personas to seduce wealthy men before orchestrating events that led to their deaths so she could take their wealth. Wild. When Alfred told him this, Bruce was heartbroken. Jillian used the name Aubrey Marguerite in Brazil and Bruce, as Batman, tracked her down and left a note ordering her to confess her sins. 

11: Julia Pennyworth. Daughter of Alfred and French Resistance fighter Mademoiselle Marie, Julia was introduced to the comics in by Doug Moench in the early 1980′s. Efforts to make her a romantic partner for Bruce proved difficult with the presence of Noctura and Vicki Vale (guess why he writ her out of comics lol).

12: Kathy Kane (Batwoman). Strap in lads this one gets Weird. Kathy was made in the Silver Age to be Batman’s female counterpart and romantic partner. Many stories showing the two getting married were published though in the main canon at the time her feelings for him were one-sided. On Earth-Two, Kathy resigned herself to live without his love and on Earth One she was murdered by the League of Assassins. Grant Morrison wrote stories featuring her in New Earth canon bc he liked using Silver Age comics for inspiration. She was eventually replaced by Katherine “Kate” Kane, a lesbian who got discharged from the military for homosexual conduct (in New Earth as well). In Prime Earth canon, Kate Kane is Bruce’s cousin. So yeah. There’s that.

13: Linda Page. Adapted from Batman serial (1943), Linda came into the comics during the Golden Age and was a former socialite who worked as a nurse for the elderly, disproving the idea that rich women were lazy and spoiled. She dated Bruce for a few issues but fell through the cracks and disappeared.

14: Lorna Shore. Lorna is a Museum Curator from the Lovers and Madmen story in Batman Confidential. Her relationship with Bruce was love at first sight and he was able to find peace with her for the first time since his parents’ murder (look. I know). However, after his first encounter with Joker, Bruce broke off their relationship to keep her safe and Lorna left Gotham soon after feeling that the city was no longer safe bc of Batman and Joker.

15: Mallory Moxon. Daughter of mob boss Lew Moxon, Mallory was a childhood friend of Bruce’s who dated him for a short time when they were kids (I know) before they drifted apart. They dated again as adults even while Bruce suspected her of continuing her father’s criminal operation. He never found conclusive proof.

16: Natalia Knight (Noctura). Another character created by Doug Moench in the early 1980′s, Natalia was the most remarkable of Batman’s love-interest’s at the time. A jewel thief who briefly adopted Jason Todd and knew Bruce’s identity, Natalia had a rare light sensitivity disease that bleached her skin white. She used a special narcotic perfume that caused men to fall in love with her and Bruce was no exception (yeah...). They started dating because they were both “equally fascinated” by eachother (Y E A H). Bruce realized his love for her was because of the perfume and struggled to stop thinking about her. Nocturna was stabbed by her brother during Crisis on Infinte Earths and floated into the sky on her balloon, presumed to be dead. Other versions of her character have appeared since but none of them are the same as the original pre-Crisis version. 

17: Natalya Trusevich. A Ukranian pianist, Natalya grew frustrated with Bruce’s closed-off demeanour until Alfred had him reveal his secret to her. Abducted by Mad Hatter soon after, Natalya was tortured in an attempt to get her to spill Batman’s identity. When she refused, Mad Hatter threw her off the helicopter to her death.

18: Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy). Here we go again lads. Ivy, as we all know, uses seduction and pheromones to get men to fall for her and obey her commands. This is no different with Batman, who initially confused the lust caused by her methods for love. Ivy has a love/hate relationship with him: sometimes she claims to love him and desires his affection and other times she has no problem wanting him dead. They had a brief but genuine relationship when Bruce cured her condition but this ended when Pamela seemingly died trying to turn herself back into Poison Ivy. Yikes. 

19: Rachel Caspian. In Batman: Year Two, Bruce fell in love with Rachel. Unfortunately her dad moonlighted as a murderous vigilante who committed suicide. Bruce was prepared to end his crime-fighting career to marry her but Rachel broke off their engagement and enrolled into a nunnery to pay her father’s penance after learning of his evil deeds.

20: Sasha Bordeaux. Assigned as his bodyguard, Sasha deduced Bruce’s identity as Batman and briefly fought at his side. Framed for the murder of Bruce’s girlfriend, Vesper Fairchild, Sasha later joined Maxwell Lord’s Checkmate Organization. She was turned into a Cyborg during The OMAC Project but this was resolved later. Though she did kiss Bruce near the end of OMAC Project their relationship passed on.

21: Silver St. Cloud. Appearing in the late 1970′s in the story Strange Apparitions, Silver was a socialite who, despite deducing Bruce was Batman, couldn’t handle dating someone with such a dangerous life-style (fair enough actually). She left Gotham but returned years later in Batman: Dark Detective where she and Bruce tried to make a serious romance work. This fell apart after she was kidnapped by Joker and later on Silver was murdered by the criminal Onomatopeia.

22: Shondra Kinsolving. A psychic and half-sister of Benedict Asp, Shondra had a brief romance with Bruce when she helped heal him after Bane broke his back. Before they could fully commit to eachother, Benedict kidnapped her and turned her abilities to evil use. Batman defeated him but the damage to Shondra’s mind was too great and, after healing Bruce’s injuries, her psyche regressed back to childhood. Bruce paid for her to have the best intensive care for the rest of her life in a psychiatric institution.

23: Vesper Fairchild. A popular radio host in Gotham, Doug Moench (jeez dude chill) established her romance with Bruce during his second run of Batman in the 1990′s. During the No Man’s Land Crisis, Vesper left Gotham and was killed by David Cain on Lex’s orders. This started the Bruce Wayne: Fugitive storyline.

24: Diana Prince (Wonder Woman). Briefly dating in the comics, nothing actually came of their romance and they both decided to simply stay good friends. They did, however, still care deeply for one another and it was this love that allowed Diana to become a Star Sapphire during the Blackest Night storyline. They were also paired together in Justice League Animated. 

25: Zatanna Zatara. Bet you weren’t expecting this one huh? The first time they had romantic interest was in Batman: The Animated Series where they met in their youth. Bruce gave priority to pursuing his training to becoming Batman and they met again as adults but nothing came of their interest. This was later introduced in the comics. They had a major falling out when Bruce discovered Zatanna had windwiped him after he’d caught her mindwiping Doctor Light at the JL’s instruction. Bruce made it clear he didn’t trust her anymore but they later resolved the issue and became close friends again.

Category Three: Other Media

These are still minor relationships but as a whole they didn’t really happen during main continuities. Basically these are romances specifically from films, crossovers and the DCAU.

1: Andrea Beaumont. In Batman: Mask of The Phantasm, Andrea was engaged to Bruce before he became Batman but she broke off said engagement when she fled the country with her father to escape the mob. She then became the title villain of the film.

2: Barbara Gordon (Batgirl). Probably the most infamous for making everyone go “wtf”, Barbara had a heavily implied past relationship with Bruce in Batman Beyond and had sex with Bruce on a rooftop in the animated Killing Joke adaptation.

3: Lois Lane. In a crossover between The New Batman Adventures and Superman: The Animated Series, Bruce and Lois dated eachother to Superman’s annoyance but Lois broke up with him after learning his identity as Batman. During a 3-4 issue long amnesia storyline in the Batman/Superman teamup comic, they also shared romantic feelings for eachother and kissed right before Bruce restored his own memories (dont. Ask).

4: Rachel Dawes. She was his childhood friend and love-interest in the Dark Knight Trilogy. Like. That’s it. 

And there you have it! All of Bruce’s gf’s aired out for everyone to screw their noses over! This wasn’t worth any of my attention but fuck it! It’s done!

[dgknightblue]

More lore of these two OCs (Simmons’ Daughters)

Raph is Kiya’s favorite ninja turtle because he’s red and has green eyes like her daddy and Leo is her second favorite because he’s blue like her babysitter’s brother.

Lulani is a Donnie fan because he reminds her of her dad and Mikey is her second favorite because he reminds her of what her dad describes her papa as. She hasn’t met him and neither has Kiya.

Kiya’s babysitter is one of Caboose’s sisters. She has picked up the phrase “Stupid Tucker” from him.

She describes her thoughts of this as “It’s something mean and it’s used to as a bad word.” And Simmons says, “If you’re going to curse someone out or say bad words at least do it strategically to give it meaning and impact.”

Simmons favorite tmnt characters are Splinter, April, Dr. Stockman.

Simmons watches the 2003 version. (All favorites from 2003)

Lulani watches the 2018 version. (18 Donnie, 03 Mikey)

Kiya watches the 2012 version. (Both favorites from 2012)

They all agree that marathoning very iteration should be a Tuesdays thing. Weekends are for outdoor activities.

Kiya is at summer camps every year because there are many subjects she likes but hasn’t found her true interest yet.

Lulani wants to be a marine historian and biologist.

Kiya got her plush from her bio mom before she was adopted. So no matter what, she’s keeping it with her even if it ends up in stitches sometimes.

Simmons was honest to Lulani about her grandfather and how he met her papa. He often tells her about him and what he’s doing when he realized her papa was his coworker.

She wants to meet him, but knows he’s never told papa about her. Too much time had passed and things were complicated.

Kiya just wants to size him up to see if he’s up to her standards. Lulani already made up her mind to distance herself from him.

She’s still mad at her grandmother for reasons.

Kiya has a rivalry with one of her teachers somehow. (One sided as Kiya had been scorned and she will never forget or forgive this transgression!)

Lulani has been taking boxing for two months and is doing really well.

Ages? Still deciding. Simmons is in his thirties when Lulani is a teen and Kiya is around 5-8 years old.

Simmons was 27 is when Lulani was about 10.

Simmons had Kiya for about… from either 3 months to five years, I can’t decide.

Let’s see… hm…. He frist meets Kiya when he’s 27, but doesn’t adopt her until two - three years later?

He becomes friends with Kiya’s mother and when things happen, she trusts him to protect Kiya. She did a dxmn good job raising her until then.

Kiya’s babysitter has told her things to make sure her dad doesn’t focus on work all the time. Things that would make his heart “hurty” as a form of revenge and warning. She doesn’t really get it, but he makes the funny squeaks of fear when she says them.

That’s enough lore for tonight.