#his blog is pretty cool aside from the exclusionary stuff

[my-strange-attraction]

I am a lesbian and I came across Lostryu’s post by way of a mutual of mine. I was curious and wanted to see your response. I have to say your rebuttal contains nothing of merit that could possibly fare as a proper argument. It’s chock full of contradictory statements and straight up lies. I am assuming you’re a USA resident, but the highest university with an LGBT+ population is Brown Univeristy; and only about 20-24% of people reported being LGBT+

As a fellow english major, it was painful to read. Constant contradiction with only half formed ideas; practically agreeing with Lostryu regarding the definition of lesbian only to backpedal…. And words do have meaning, that’s why we use them in our craft as wordsmiths. You can’t simply replace keywords with opposite definitions and expect your manuscript to make sense!

I also want to point out that you degendered Lostryu entirely, refusing to use correct pronouns. That in and of itself is very transphobic. I don’t really trust your judgment as it seems like you didn’t even care about reblogging from lesbian and transgender rape apologists.

I thought you might like to reflect on this, but I truly think you care more about your self-perceived moral superiority rather than actual people.

-🧁

Oh boy. Ok.

Well thanks for being so kind and civil and not attacking my character.

I know you don't trust me, but you gotta trust that a queerer school than Brown exists and I go to it. I can see where the confusion is, after doing a google search myself, because my school is pretty small and doesn't show up on a lot of searches for colleges in the US. I will give you that, after looking up the number myself, it's more like 50-70%, but I will tell you that less than a quarter of the people I know and talk to on a regular basis are straight and cisgender.

I'm not writing an english essay here, it's a tumblr post. If anything, this is a lot closer to how I would format a philosophy paper, which, if you've ever read one of those, are very rambly and have roundabout ways of getting to the point. Also, again, thanks for not attacking my character, here. Thanks for really respecting me and not discrediting my nearly completed degree. Really appreciate that.

I... have no words. I used they/them/theirs pronouns throughout the whole post, which, I cannot stress enough, are NEUTRAL pronouns. I use those pronouns for all people online, and I think most other people do too. Yes, I knew he used he/him and used they/them instead, but I also cut his username out of all my screenshots. I wasn't talking about him specifically, his post was just an excuse for me to explain a concept in depth, and explain why exclusionism such as what he was promoting is detrimental to the queer community as a whole.

I didn't include his username or @ him at all. It wasn't even meant for him to look at, really. He was an example, a nebulous person with an opinion I don't agree with. It wasn't personal, so I used neutral pronouns. I am really sorry it came across that way though, I never want to make anyone uncomfortable and I know pronouns are super important to pay attention to for some people. This is an actual sincere apology.

I don't think I'm morally superior, that's not the point. I don't argue with people on the internet in order to prove my opinions are right and that anyone else with different opinions has made a wrong and evil choice and is unredeemable as a person. Really this whole thing happened because the original post had some terfy red flags and even though op isn't a terf, I wanted to point it out so that people know how to spot it and avoid it.

And do I think it's bad for the community to exclude mspec lesbians? Yes, but I also understand where the frustration comes from. I don't think less of people who have that opinion, I just hope to change their minds, because I think a radically inclusive community is the best kind of community.

[rpbetter]

Hi, my knowledge is mainly from the blog. You're right, I think Rolescape can benefit from more varied takes. I want to add my two cents. I just wish there was another way to do it. I don't know if I can stay on the server that long because I get bad stage fright. I joined briefly, but I felt like I was walking into a clique that already formed. I just don't like servers. That's another problem I have with this I guess. It feels unfair, exclusionary to people like me. Can you share any tips?

Thank you for replying back! I didn't want to just imply what your experience was, especially as that easily comes off as a snooty, "well, if you were in The Server you'd know!" kind of thing that I am not cool with.

I absolutely understand! Despite running this blog, my RP blogs, and trying to be a reasonably social presence, I'm really not very socially inclined. I actually held out on joining the RS server for months, had to have a friend vet that it was relatively chill, not an incredibly busy atmosphere. Honestly, and y'all can despise me for this, free pass, I don't like discord in general, it's just become the only option for messaging off of tumblr, and that's what I keep it to - messaging friends and trustworthy, not hyper-social, mutuals. Servers and other group chat situations give me hives lol I'm only somewhat joking! I hate it. It overwhelms and exhausts me.

So, notably, RS's server is not like that. There are some busy moments when several people are joining at once, there's a conversation going in a channel, or the developer drops something new/asks for feedback. That's really it, though, and even then, I've yet to see anyone having to like, rapid-fire answer to get a word in edgewise. I've not been stressed out enough to (and I do mean this absolutely literally, I have a trichotillomania issue, hats are my besties, shhh y'all don't tell anyone my Secret) pull my hair out or anything. The opinions expressed are incredibly civil, everyone is very respectful. Even when you can tell that things are getting a bit intense between differing opinions!

It really helped my anxiety over it to have someone already there, someone who also has some anxiety issues and gets socially overwhelmed, no less, who could tell me that it was a chill place. Maybe knowing that will help you as well! I would totally, and too bluntly, tell you if I felt like it sucked there.

On that same note, if it would make you comfortable enough to join and eventually be able to speak up there, I'd be happy to PM you my discord so you'd know of one person there. Again, as a rather private and less social person, I totally understand if that wouldn't help you, and you can just know that I am, in fact, there.

Because you're right...when you enter any established space, even if people don't treat you that way, you feel like an outsider. They've established roles in the server and friendships with each other, you haven't. It's totally natural to get a clique vibe and be uncomfortable! Making the only way you can get over that really difficult, as that way is to dive in.

Now, again, full honesty, cheery people kind of freak me out lol but the folks in the general chat are pretty welcoming! If you could always respond to them and get some comfort level established by jumping into a recent conversation then, or asking a question that might start a short conversation with them. Like, asking how everyone's day/night has been, or how they're liking the server. Just little, casual questions like that to get someone talking. If you are there when I usually am (overnight, America, CST), it's very slow and quiet, only one to four people are very active then, so it's a great time to interact with fewer people.

Do you enjoy pets? They have a pet channel if so! That's always a great sort of place to make yourself comfortable and meet people in a purely friendly atmosphere. Pet people want to share and talk about their pets, they also want you to share yours. These are positive conversations waiting to happen! If it's your deal, check out this channel, you'll see recent pictures and discussions surrounding the pet(s) in them that you can then add to the conversation on. "Adorable cat! This has to be a cat thing, mine does it too, see -picture of your cat on clean laundry-" If there has been nothing new recently, add a funny or cute picture of your pet or a pet you know that you enjoy.

There are also the "fun stuff" and "self-promo" channels. With the former, you might find a way to join a conversation about something shared or, again, share something in the same vein of humor you see present. The latter, you might end up finding someone sharing their RP blog(s) who you know and didn't realize was in the server as well.

Then, there is the "feedback and questions" channel. I found it easier to just jump in there on a topic that I felt compelled to join in on. The same might happen with you! It's easier for me to speak about something I care about than it is to engage in casual conversation, especially with people I don't know. If you feel the same way, this might be your answer in getting a push to feel comfortable enough to say something.

Again, I very much understand where you're coming from, Anon! Servers in general are not meant for people like me either. They're inherently exclusionary when you have problems functioning and feeling comfortable in those environments...I can't even properly enjoy servers set up by friends when either more than two of them are actively speaking or even a single person is especially "busy" (effusive about something, excited/excitable, etc. none of which are bad things, friends who see this lol y'all know how I am and I appreciate that you love me regardless). I 100% feel you, no judgment here!

If it isn't something you can do, at least you tried, right? You should still feel proud of trying, of caring enough to try. If you try again, it's okay to just lurk quietly and be aware of what is going on, too. For however long you need to. Maybe a topic will spur you into commenting like it did me! If you see something you like, say it. I don't think there is ever enough detailed positive commentary either. Most people just say that they like something, pop up a sticker, etc. and it's good. Having run businesses, sites, forums, blogs, and yeah, discord servers, I know how unhelpful non-detailed positive feedback can be. It's great you like this, but what do you like about it? That is useful application in other things, as well as being something I know I should try not to change in the future flippantly. So, if it's easier for you to establish yourself as existing there by saying something positive, by all means, do that first!

Otherwise, like the concern over leaning too much in the purity direction, no one was nasty to me for giving a different opinion than the more vocal people. It wasn't brushed aside or treated with hostility. No rushed to talk over me or refute anything I said, either. Definitely a less awful environment than tumblr has trained us all to expect!

It is additionally worth noting that I was not the only person in there with a different take. There are people who will politely and respectfully counter issues like "but survivors" and they are engaged with by the developer with just as much interest as the other side. Chances are, you're not the only one who feels the way you do, so long as you're expressing yourself politely, your feedback is welcome and going to be treated as such. It just seems to me that, as on tumblr and twitter, the most vocal and capable of public opining group happens to the purity police.

Probably because the rest of us have had our already present social anxieties and difficulties exacerbated by the purity police at some point or another, making it more difficult for us to speak up. Whereas their experience is being able to run on mob mentality, having their experiences forcing themselves to socialize rewarded. So...maybe not letting the entire phenomenon win is helpful, too?

Whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide to do it, I appreciate that you care enough about your concerns to have tried and even asked for tips on how to try again. That's awesome of you!