#his beef with the police would be immeasurable

[cry-ptidd]

Fuck it, Vlad in the modern day Headcanons

- Calls every technological appliance with a screen a "pad" because Seras showed him an IPad first.

- He was shocked to know he has so much stuff written about him, and absolutely delighted about it.

- Enraptured by the idea of a grocery store. Doesn't understand why there's hungry people when there's so much food available. (No he doesn't know what a "Marx" is)

- Got a bit scared about headphones at first, denied it entirely. Prefers to listen to music on full speaker, much to Integra's frustration.

- Cries watching movies. Tries to play it off.

- Broke a phone because he wanted to understand how it worked. Got in trouble.

- Doesn't understand how a car works for the life of him. Likes the idea though, even if he misses his horse.

- Has to be physically dragged out of libraries, (all kinds of) stores and jewelry shops.

- Whenever they visit a city he insists on visiting the local church. Opinions vary, and Seras and Integra find him a bit snobbish.

- Finds modern clothes a bit boring, really wants a cape again.

- Once saw someone being unruly in the street and confronted them, leading to a physical fight. (He won, but also got in trouble again for breaking 8 bones in their body)

- Looks forward to movie night each week. Really into historical dramas/war movies and, surprisingly, animated films.

- "Seras what's a DILF"

[sweetlifetownsville]

Doing A Little With A Lot: Move Over Jesus, Your Loaves And Fishes Stunt Ain't In It Against The Townsville Bulletin.

The good old Astonisher showed its going to be more of the same in 2019, sleight of hand, selective reporting and all manner of insulting idiocy same old, same including a spectacular miss this weekend not a word about one of Townsville most long standing favourite eateries bites the dust Michels On Palmer Street is no more. Bancroft boo-boo Channel 7 embraces fake news: so lacking in a sense of the ridiculous, theyre about to disappear up their own ummm kazoo. And the President turns on the pester-power: Trump throws the biggest and longest tanty in living memory ruining the holiday season for thousands of his own people. But first For those many people who have been inquiring about Mark Donnellys funeral in Cairns, it will be at 2pm Wednesday Jan 9th, at St Francis Church, Mayer Street, Cairns. Vale, mate Moving On Its climate change on Bentleys mind. Our toonist is originally a Croweater from Adelaide, and he was amazed to see the jam packed crowds on Adelaide beaches in a TV report about the ghastly weather theyre having over there. The Pie also recalls that during his time in the City of Churches, beach-going was an occasional thing and attracted only sparse crowds to the sandy shores. But Bentley believes climate change is rapidly altering time honoured Aussie pastimes, and soon, getting an all-over tan will be a thing of the past.

Speaking of Things Of The Past

This now sadly includes the much loved Michels restaurant in Palmer Street, which served its last mean on December 22nd. This is how the unexpected news was broken on FB.

It will be sorely missed by many, including The Pie, who just hung out for the lunch-time beef and burgundy pie. Ironic that the one time our local paper had the opportunity to use the word iconic almost correctly, it has completely missed this information which would be of far more interest than the iconic Sizzlers leaving town. (More on that shortly). Well That Didnt Take Long Did It? The Townsville Bulletin set the tone for the year on the very first day of 2019, Tuesday January 1, with a rib-tickling own goal with this front page.

Wow, all those people turning up for a pic, where did they all come from? Well, at least half of them from nowhere. Heres how this little piece of patronizing chicanery went down. First, a couple of weeks ago, this appeared on the Astonishers FB page.

Boy, be on the front page! And didnt that get them flocking in for their 15 minutes of fame not. Just 41 people made themselves available, including the Cowboys mascot and as many of the Bulletins staff who could be spared to avoid the embarrassment of attracting almost bugger interest.

Then the front page appeared, a cheesy tedious old trope of people spelling out the year. Many people more than 41, it would seem. But hang on, lets have a closer look.

Whats all this? This is what all this is.

fair to say that all those excited people were beside themselves behind themselves, and then in front of themselves. Now a while back, the flagship of News Corpse tabloids, Sydneys Daily Telegraph got a clip arround its corporate ears for photo-shopping pics of politicians in unflattering historical situations. As if we needed to be told that Kevin Rudd was a nazi! Pretending to be chastised, management decreed that in future, just so no one was misled, all photoshopped images in all News publications would carry the legend digitally altered.Someone at the Astonisher overlooked this, clearly wishing the few readers it has left would believe it was so widely popular that it had attracted a throng of NY well-wishers. but it seems someone suddenly realised that some arsesole like The Magpie maybe would tumble to the lie, so thinking they could squirm out of it, they really blew their foot off by belatedly posting this on their FB page. The Pie has asked before, and now asks again are they all bloody drunk down there? BTW, the relevant FB page is said to have attracted 4500 views which at a guess that would be comprised of 4458 editorial and advertising staff and their family and friends frantically revisiting the FB as often as they could. At least that was the drill when The Pie was taking Ruperts shilling. But Wait, Theres More The firsts for the year kept coming thick and fast. This story had people wondering if the paper had a cut-price Tardis operating

and that resulted in the first correction of the year.

Although it is quite possible that Messagebank Walker, send out last years media release, and true to form, the reporter just wrote it up with a thought of what it was actually saying. f they would know the difference. Another media release that went into the paper untouched and of course unquestioned could have been headlined Mission Impossible.

Hahahahaah gasp snurffle dont you just love the combination of casual impertinence and immeasurable benchmark of making Townsville Australias first mentally healthy city. This is pure Labor crackpottery at its best, and a great excuse to wring out a few more public dollars for pointless jobs for the boys and girls. Mentally healthy City steering committee? National leader in this field? Pray tell, just how is this going to be measured oh, wait, I know soon it will be announced that we have achieved the title of Australias mentally healthiest city, but we cant be told why or any details because of both privacy and Commercial in Confidence reasons. What an out and out rort. The Townsville City Council has no business stumping up a single cent for this totally obscure nonsense. And youve just gotta love that this call for a mentally healthy city is coming from one of the greatest rates-gouging, anxiety-creating, booze-binge inducing ineptocracies of posturing inadequates one couldnt create as fiction.

And all publicised in a paper that has long abrogated its traditional responsibilities in the interests bargain-basement kiddy journalism and a quick advertising quid (and hows that working for you, eh?) Yet Another Jarring Juxtaposition And it would appear that either no one checks advertising content against news content to avoid this sort of blundering idiocy.

But never mind, iditor Jenna Cairney knows how to thunder away about the really important issues affecting us during the week, it was oh, dear it was people who oh, The Pie cannot bear to utter the words, read it for yourself.

Now normally, itd be kind to let this slide, but its hard to ignore when the iditorial completely contradicts its own ramblings by actually quoting one of the few believable people who work for the paper, fisherman Eddie Riddle, who said sometimes, believe it nor not, people just catch no crabs. Crab pot theft happens less than people would have you believe.Clearly those people who would have you believe that it is rife include the iditor and the beat-up reporter of the original story. Then There Is This From comments during the week. The Magpie From the alleged files: THE TOWNSVILLE BULLETIN ALLEGEDLY ACCUSES THE POLICE OF PLANTING EVIDENCE.

So they allegedly found a shotgun, unequivocally meaning there is some doubt in terms of English, the paper means the cops could be lying and they didnt find a shotgun or else, leaving open the possibility that they planted it there and didnt find it. FFS they either did or did not find a shotgun, and if it comes down to who to believe the Bulletin or the police its no contest. The coppers should complain. And anyway, saying they found the weapon is not legally dangerous and so attract an allegedly , since no names or details of the arrested man are published. During the coming year, The Pie will be running an alleged file from the Astonisher, along with an iconic file the paper has already made a sterling start on that one. This from comments on Friday. The Magpie January 4, 2019 at 11:24 am(Edit) Had a bit of an amused warble and added this to The Pies iconic list.

Iconic is something that is immediately recognisable, usually unique, and with which one readily associates with a name, place or occupation. The Eiffel Tower is iconic, as is the Statue of Liberty, Big Ben, the Kabba in Mecca, the Golden gate Bridge, and closer to home, the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Now alas with this local departure, down south, all the front bar chat and dinner party braying will be along the lines of Townsville? Wasnt that the Sizzler place until a while back? Oh, the shame. Keeping an eye on legendary, too. A Bigger Laugh From The Big Bash Crickets bumbling sandpaper cheat Cameron Bancroft returned to the crease this week in the Big Bash league, and the commentators were so busy tip-toeing around that elephant in the room, they managed to miss a wonderful howler made by their producer.

The commentators, all ex-sporting boofs, so not much could be expected of them, unquestioningly rabbited on about Bancrofts personal attainments, especially that last one. Returned to Tame Impala as their kazoo player? They didn;t dare question the truth of the matter, but they did have a rare old yukity-yuk about it. The producer had unwittingly copied and pasted this bit of nonsense lifted from a story that was doing the rounds, and had originated guess where? The Betoota Advocate, Australias funniest satirical paper. And for the record, Bancroft has never been in the band Tame Impaler, which has never featured a kazoo player anyway. The Pie is wondering, given Bancrofts infamous South African venture, if Bunnings might not offer sponsorship. And Now Off To The Week In Trumpistan and its wall-eyed child President.

. Thats it forn this week, and the silly season is coming to a close (not that you could tell at any time from our august organ of Flinders Street West), and some very interesting snippets have been dropping into the Nest for future examination. Wer will start on them next wee, but comments are running around the clock, so have your say. And any support by way of donation for the efforts over the coming year will as always be greatly appreciated. He how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/doing-a-little-with-a-lot-move-over-jesus-your-loaves-and-fishes-stunt-aint-in-it-against-the-townsville-bulletin/

[sweetlifetownsville]

Doing A Little With A Lot: Move Over Jesus, Your Loaves And Fishes Stunt Ain't In It Against The Townsville Bulletin.

The good old Astonisher showed its going to be more of the same in 2019, sleight of hand, selective reporting and all manner of insulting idiocy same old, same including a spectacular miss this weekend not a word about one of Townsville most long standing favourite eateries bites the dust Michels On Palmer Street is no more. Bancroft boo-boo Channel 7 embraces fake news: so lacking in a sense of the ridiculous, theyre about to disappear up their own ummm kazoo. And the President turns on the pester-power: Trump throws the biggest and longest tanty in living memory ruining the holiday season for thousands of his own people. But first For those many people who have been inquiring about Mark Donnellys funeral in Cairns, it will be at 2pm Wednesday Jan 9th, at St Francis Church, Mayer Street, Cairns. Vale, mate Moving On Its climate change on Bentleys mind. Our toonist is originally a Croweater from Adelaide, and he was amazed to see the jam packed crowds on Adelaide beaches in a TV report about the ghastly weather theyre having over there. The Pie also recalls that during his time in the City of Churches, beach-going was an occasional thing and attracted only sparse crowds to the sandy shores. But Bentley believes climate change is rapidly altering time honoured Aussie pastimes, and soon, getting an all-over tan will be a thing of the past.

Speaking of Things Of The Past

This now sadly includes the much loved Michels restaurant in Palmer Street, which served its last mean on December 22nd. This is how the unexpected news was broken on FB.

It will be sorely missed by many, including The Pie, who just hung out for the lunch-time beef and burgundy pie. Ironic that the one time our local paper had the opportunity to use the word iconic almost correctly, it has completely missed this information which would be of far more interest than the iconic Sizzlers leaving town. (More on that shortly). Well That Didnt Take Long Did It? The Townsville Bulletin set the tone for the year on the very first day of 2019, Tuesday January 1, with a rib-tickling own goal with this front page.

Wow, all those people turning up for a pic, where did they all come from? Well, at least half of them from nowhere. Heres how this little piece of patronizing chicanery went down. First, a couple of weeks ago, this appeared on the Astonishers FB page.

Boy, be on the front page! And didnt that get them flocking in for their 15 minutes of fame not. Just 41 people made themselves available, including the Cowboys mascot and as many of the Bulletins staff who could be spared to avoid the embarrassment of attracting almost bugger interest.

Then the front page appeared, a cheesy tedious old trope of people spelling out the year. Many people more than 41, it would seem. But hang on, lets have a closer look.

Whats all this? This is what all this is.

fair to say that all those excited people were beside themselves behind themselves, and then in front of themselves. Now a while back, the flagship of News Corpse tabloids, Sydneys Daily Telegraph got a clip arround its corporate ears for photo-shopping pics of politicians in unflattering historical situations. As if we needed to be told that Kevin Rudd was a nazi! Pretending to be chastised, management decreed that in future, just so no one was misled, all photoshopped images in all News publications would carry the legend digitally altered.Someone at the Astonisher overlooked this, clearly wishing the few readers it has left would believe it was so widely popular that it had attracted a throng of NY well-wishers. but it seems someone suddenly realised that some arsesole like The Magpie maybe would tumble to the lie, so thinking they could squirm out of it, they really blew their foot off by belatedly posting this on their FB page. The Pie has asked before, and now asks again are they all bloody drunk down there? BTW, the relevant FB page is said to have attracted 4500 views which at a guess that would be comprised of 4458 editorial and advertising staff and their family and friends frantically revisiting the FB as often as they could. At least that was the drill when The Pie was taking Ruperts shilling. But Wait, Theres More The firsts for the year kept coming thick and fast. This story had people wondering if the paper had a cut-price Tardis operating

and that resulted in the first correction of the year.

Although it is quite possible that Messagebank Walker, send out last years media release, and true to form, the reporter just wrote it up with a thought of what it was actually saying. f they would know the difference. Another media release that went into the paper untouched and of course unquestioned could have been headlined Mission Impossible.

Hahahahaah gasp snurffle dont you just love the combination of casual impertinence and immeasurable benchmark of making Townsville Australias first mentally healthy city. This is pure Labor crackpottery at its best, and a great excuse to wring out a few more public dollars for pointless jobs for the boys and girls. Mentally healthy City steering committee? National leader in this field? Pray tell, just how is this going to be measured oh, wait, I know soon it will be announced that we have achieved the title of Australias mentally healthiest city, but we cant be told why or any details because of both privacy and Commercial in Confidence reasons. What an out and out rort. The Townsville City Council has no business stumping up a single cent for this totally obscure nonsense. And youve just gotta love that this call for a mentally healthy city is coming from one of the greatest rates-gouging, anxiety-creating, booze-binge inducing ineptocracies of posturing inadequates one couldnt create as fiction.

And all publicised in a paper that has long abrogated its traditional responsibilities in the interests bargain-basement kiddy journalism and a quick advertising quid (and hows that working for you, eh?) Yet Another Jarring Juxtaposition And it would appear that either no one checks advertising content against news content to avoid this sort of blundering idiocy.

But never mind, iditor Jenna Cairney knows how to thunder away about the really important issues affecting us during the week, it was oh, dear it was people who oh, The Pie cannot bear to utter the words, read it for yourself.

Now normally, itd be kind to let this slide, but its hard to ignore when the iditorial completely contradicts its own ramblings by actually quoting one of the few believable people who work for the paper, fisherman Eddie Riddle, who said sometimes, believe it nor not, people just catch no crabs. Crab pot theft happens less than people would have you believe.Clearly those people who would have you believe that it is rife include the iditor and the beat-up reporter of the original story. Then There Is This From comments during the week. The Magpie From the alleged files: THE TOWNSVILLE BULLETIN ALLEGEDLY ACCUSES THE POLICE OF PLANTING EVIDENCE.

So they allegedly found a shotgun, unequivocally meaning there is some doubt in terms of English, the paper means the cops could be lying and they didnt find a shotgun or else, leaving open the possibility that they planted it there and didnt find it. FFS they either did or did not find a shotgun, and if it comes down to who to believe the Bulletin or the police its no contest. The coppers should complain. And anyway, saying they found the weapon is not legally dangerous and so attract an allegedly , since no names or details of the arrested man are published. During the coming year, The Pie will be running an alleged file from the Astonisher, along with an iconic file the paper has already made a sterling start on that one. This from comments on Friday. The Magpie January 4, 2019 at 11:24 am(Edit) Had a bit of an amused warble and added this to The Pies iconic list.

Iconic is something that is immediately recognisable, usually unique, and with which one readily associates with a name, place or occupation. The Eiffel Tower is iconic, as is the Statue of Liberty, Big Ben, the Kabba in Mecca, the Golden gate Bridge, and closer to home, the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Now alas with this local departure, down south, all the front bar chat and dinner party braying will be along the lines of Townsville? Wasnt that the Sizzler place until a while back? Oh, the shame. Keeping an eye on legendary, too. A Bigger Laugh From The Big Bash Crickets bumbling sandpaper cheat Cameron Bancroft returned to the crease this week in the Big Bash league, and the commentators were so busy tip-toeing around that elephant in the room, they managed to miss a wonderful howler made by their producer.

The commentators, all ex-sporting boofs, so not much could be expected of them, unquestioningly rabbited on about Bancrofts personal attainments, especially that last one. Returned to Tame Impala as their kazoo player? They didn;t dare question the truth of the matter, but they did have a rare old yukity-yuk about it. The producer had unwittingly copied and pasted this bit of nonsense lifted from a story that was doing the rounds, and had originated guess where? The Betoota Advocate, Australias funniest satirical paper. And for the record, Bancroft has never been in the band Tame Impaler, which has never featured a kazoo player anyway. The Pie is wondering, given Bancrofts infamous South African venture, if Bunnings might not offer sponsorship. And Now Off To The Week In Trumpistan and its wall-eyed child President.

. Thats it forn this week, and the silly season is coming to a close (not that you could tell at any time from our august organ of Flinders Street West), and some very interesting snippets have been dropping into the Nest for future examination. Wer will start on them next wee, but comments are running around the clock, so have your say. And any support by way of donation for the efforts over the coming year will as always be greatly appreciated. He how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/doing-a-little-with-a-lot-move-over-jesus-your-loaves-and-fishes-stunt-aint-in-it-against-the-townsville-bulletin/