#hint!nomi x paloma

[pollyna]

In a kinder universe Vesper doesn't die in Venice because she doesn't die at all, if not years later when she is old and tired and happy about her life, and James can take her back in London with him. She sits on one of the most uncomfortable chairs in all MI6 and talks, talks for hours about plans, moving money and names, so many names they are still searching them even after years since that day. She gets a new identity, a new life and a new shiny car out of the deal, James gets a proper goodbye, a kiss a bit too long for Tanner's taste and a promise to write him when she'll feel safe.

SPECTRE dies before James eyes six months later and there's a single message he composes, a simple it's done and then life goes on. Vesper is Linda now, living her life far away from England and the Queen, her skin a little less pale than before and an impressive number of friends who goes to her Saturday brunch, every two weekends. James smiles at the invitation, without an adress or a date, he periodically receives in his mail. Someone is kissing his shoulder and adding his shirts and his favourite blend of teas in the cupboard.

Even in a kinder universe Moneypenny and her mistake find their way to Istanbul and he still falls down, the water is freezing and he tries to just not forget he made a promise he would not be able to keep, and even when he thinks nothing more could drag him lower point the MI6's building explodes and James in back, Q is sitting in front of a stupid painting, this time he's there before the agent, and he says his bit about old warship and force of time. There are meetings that, even across universes, can't be change. James smiles and takes what he needs from his new Quartermaster (all the equipment and a welcome home written in the same calligraphy he dreamed for months, while he was lost). Silva is a lonely pawn in a larger game that doesn't exist this time around but still takes away M with him and grief almost takes out James with them. It doesn't happen, in the end, because Q is there but Moneypenny is just a step behind and Tanner is smiling at him and hanging out in his apartment, sharing memories of Olivia Mansfield and all the funny bits of the stupid ceramic bulldog James has now.

He meets Madeline, just a little earlier, and she is one of the new MI6's psychiatrist, asking him to complete sentences and trying to outsmart him in commiting a mistake at every turn. He sees her a couple of times, and he even admits he could try and be sincere for once, with a person of that profession, but he's back on the field before the end of that day and the thought gets lost in the middle of hundred others.

Felix comes back after years, almost already ten since Venice, and takes a kid, he swear she can't be anything else if not a kid, and they end up working together again, Paloma looking around with her big eyes and big dreams and James could hug her because she is just so happy and seemingly innocent. Q slips them an invitation to their wedding during dinner and Nomi claims the title of 008 three weeks later. M decides, after just one mission, that 007 and 008 won't ever again work together because next time they would probably end up killing each other and not the target. Q and Eve finds the whole deal hilarious and Q kisses James a little longer, and maybe a little harder, when he comes back in one piece and Nomi is there too, alive and well even if not the happiest. They can all live with it.

James sees the island, the same one he's going to die on in a less kind universe, but he isn't alone this time. In front of him Q, Thomas, is reading his promises and they're exchanging golden rings and kisses before the day is over and Nomi is dancing with Paloma, M is drinking one too much for once and Tanner is walzing away with Moneypenny on the dance floor.

[pollyna]

James' pain goes one, two, three, one, two, three.

One-

he's in the middle of the Syrian Desert, it's forty degrees, he lost his gun and R is the last link he has with MI6. His handler in Damascus was dead before he even arrived in his hotel, but the mission goes on, doesn't matter what happens. It's almost mid-morning and his bones absorbs the warmth and nothing hurts. He hasn't slept in seventy-two hours, and he drank the last bottle of water two hours ago. He never felt more alive.

Two-

he's back home, the flat is clean, the fridge is full, the report is written and Medical can rest until the next mission. He does have to take two pills three times a day for the next week, but he can go back to the armoury and try the new rifles Q-Branch had developed while he was away whenever he wants. He sleeps three hours, and he has to bit his cheek so hard to not cry or call out for some kind of help. He was doing so well, no pain at all, just the bliss of meds putting him down. He counts back all the ceramic tiles, from the bathroom door to the windows and then back. Furthermore, he takes two pills at three in the morning, sits on the floor, and then he's lying on it, and he wants to scream until collapse because everything hurts, but London is quiet behind the window of his flat, and so he stays.

Three-

her hairs are red, and she smells like Paco Rabanne, her hands are small and warm against his chest. He doesn't remember her name, but neither does she. It's Russia, it's almost New Year and who should be dead is dead, Alec is back in England and his best suit is in his hotel room. She picked him up in a bar, while he was drinking his second pint, and they end up dancing on some remix of an American song, between other people, and she is kissing his lips while someone is kissing his neck. The hand of the newly arrived is big and a little callous, and it explores half of his back before kissing the red head too. It's humid as hell in the pub and outside the pub, Bond isn't drunk as would like to be, it is snowing, and his knees does the oldest of its weird noises. He still has the strength to pick her up and let the stranger pick them both up. Nothing hurts.

One-

he's walking home after his morning run and Q is sitting outside his door, wearing a brown cardigan in the middle of May and looking like he slept even less than Bond. He smiles and tells him he's going to take them out for breakfast before James can ever ask if something is happened. Q hugs him, and he's sweaty and a little cold, but his Quartermaster doesn't let him go. His left shoulder is begging him to take a shower, and he needs something strong because the last meters actually seemed like miles and his legs bones are going to let him fall any seconds now. It rained all night and the air is chill against his skin, but Q's hand is warm in his, and putting a foot in front of the other doesn't feel so painful any more. It's painful, and it makes Bond grind his teeth, but seeing Q laughing is worth it.

Two-

M put him on babysitter duty with 001 and Eve because this one is big boss and if they catch him it could be war all over again. Sometimes James asks himself if humanity will ever stop, stop fighting themselves and between themselves, but then he remembers he surely doesn't give a fuck because today is one of his almost-okay-days, 001 has one of Tanner's muffin for him and Eve isn't talking about her boyfriend or her girlfriends. Carlos seems like a nice guy for someone who slaughter half a dozen of his opponents families, but again, James as one job and one job only. After that, he can go home and sleep his not-so-acute-pain away in a nice glass of scotch and soft sheets. Maybe, if he's lucky, Q will already be in bed.

Three-

old M used to say, sometimes laughing and sometimes with her stern and concerned look, that he always bit more than he could chew, and he thinks, sitting on a new couch, in his old flat, that this time he has really taken a bite a bit too big. Retirement, or what everyone calls his week off before coming back to MI6 to work with the new recruits and Q-Branch, is making him wanting to try something different because after two days at home he wants to climb the first wall tall enough to actually present some kind of challenge. It's a blissful period of no pain at all, doesn't matter how many furniture edges the bumps in or how the weather is. It makes him full of a different kind of energy and, for the first time in a while, he decides he could cook and text Q to see if he's free to take a lunch break? He doesn't even know if he has something in the fridge or in the pantry, but it's only ten in the morning, and he has all the time to go and buy what he needs. Maybe retirement is really more than he could ever think to chew, but he never said no to a real and potential dangerous mission, so why start now?

(James' pain goes one, two, three, one, two, three, forget and repeat. Sometimes it's the scars, sometimes his shoulder or knee or his head. Pain comes and goes, doesn't matter if the sun shines or all the rain the sky can produce is purring on him. Sometimes having Q hugging him does marvels, and sometimes it is just nice to feel the skin-to-skin contact, but otherwise it changes little. Routine helps, and talking about it, with the rest of the double-division, does is trick too. James waltzes on its time and, after a while, he learns how to let it waltzes to his own. And it becomes just another aspect of his life, not something that controls it.)

on ao3 now.