#himchan angst

[apcomplexhq]

✦ Nome do personagem: Kim Himchan. ✦ Faceclaim e função: Hongjoong - Ateez. ✦ Data de nascimento: 20/01/1997. ✦ Idade: 27 anos. ✦ Gênero e pronomes: Masculino, ele/dele. ✦ Nacionalidade e etnia: Coreia do Sul, sul-coreano. ✦ Qualidades: Persuasivo, confiante e criativo. ✦ Defeitos: Pavio curto, cínico e teimoso. ✦ Moradia: Mount Olympus. ✦ Ocupação: Gerente no Dionysus Lounge e Produtor Musical. ✦ Twitter: @MO97KH ✦ Preferência de plot: ANGST, CRACK, FLUFFY, HOSTILITY, ROMANCE, SMUT. ✦ Char como condômino: Mesmo que tente passar despercebido, é um morador que chama atenção por seu estilo e língua afiada, é bastante atencioso e brincalhão quando bem “cafeinizado”. Ignora as reuniões de condomínio por desinteresse, mas não dispensa sociais que envolvem álcool e comida boa.

Biografia:

Bonito, recatado e do lar. Era assim que os pais de Himchan queriam que o filho fosse, mas algo no meio do caminho ou ainda no útero deu muito errado e o caçula acabou virando a decepção que todos evitam falar sobre. O que poderia deixar o garoto com inúmeros traumas, na verdade, virou sua maior inspiração, pois ainda pequeno desenvolveu uma confiança excessiva que o fazia acreditar que era bom em tudo que se propusesse a fazer. E era, na maioria das vezes. Com a música não foi muito diferente, começando cedo a escrever as próprias letras e aprendendo por si só a manusear instrumentos quando lhe foram negadas aulas particulares, e isso foi suficiente para que acreditasse que era um músico extraordinário… mas quer saber um spoiler? Não estava nem próximo disso! Ao menos não como pensava, sendo difícil conseguir um emprego na área sem ter um diploma nas mãos. Cansado de tantas respostas negativas, deu o primeiro passo para a mudança que aconteceria em sua vida, indo contra todo o planejamento feito pelos mais velhos que basicamente se resumiam a torná-lo em um “Plano B” e apoio para o filho primogênito caso este fracasasse como sucessor.

Seus pais o queriam na SNU assim como os outros irmãos. Administração seria o curso, pois dessa forma poderia dar sua contribuição nos negócios da família e de início até concordou para que os dois parassem de atazanar seu juízo e pudesse continuar com seus “passatempos” bancando o rockstar com uma banda de garagem que lhe rendiam discussões calorosas aos domingos. Porém, sua oferta de paz durou apenas um ano, pois no segundo acabou abandonando o curso e trocando Administração por Música sem avisar a família, deixando que os mais velhos descobrissem por conta própria. Uma afronta necessária para que pudesse fazer o que realmente gostava, como se a aparência exótica, como gostavam de se referir às constantes mudanças de cor de cabelo, inúmeros piercings, tatuagens e a atitude imprudente já não fizessem isso diariamente. Foi nesse momento que pensou que finalmente seria expulso de casa, o que aconteceu de certa forma, porque os mais velhos concordaram em arcar com os gastos da universidade com a condição que fizesse algo de útil e fosse aceito em alguma república onde pudesse criar conexões vantajosas para os negócios, de bônus ficando longe dos olhos deles e especialmente da mídia, a quem despertou curiosidade sobre sua ligação com o império hoteleiro dos Kim. Sendo que mais tarde, foi proibido de pisar em qualquer um dos prédios.

Mas o casal foi ingênuo em pensar que teriam tudo do jeito deles, pois como o bom filho obediente que era foi exatamente o que o garoto não fez, esnobando a casa dos burgueses e indo direto para uma república de artistas, um detalhe que jura ter sido um acidente e garantiu mais rugas no rosto severo do pai. A provocação não saiu de graça dessa vez, resultando na suspensão de seus cartões de crédito e Himchan tendo que se virar para ganhar dinheiro suficiente para suprir suas necessidades que de básicas não tinham nada. Era um consumista que valorizava seus hábitos fúteis. Só que nada disso o desanimou ou lhe fez mudar de planos e ceder a pressão, aguentando até o final da graduação com muito esforço e ódio envolvido, pois a parte teórica o tirava do sério, encontrando motivação e satisfação nas oportunidades que lhe foram oferecidas e que no mais tardar serviram como portas de entrada no ramo.

Depois de formado e livre das amarras da universidade, decidiu que tiraria alguns meses para “aproveitar a juventude” com o dinheiro que havia juntado com os pequenos shows em bares que passou a fazer, turnos em casas noturnas como bartender e DJ, mais o que conseguiu arrancar dos pais em pequenos furtos aos cofres que de seguros não tinham nada. Com a conta bancária farta, saiu pelo mundo visitando cidades onde nunca pisou antes e com paisagens e costumes que despertavam seu interesse. E o que era para ser apenas poucos meses se tornou facilmente um ano, tendo Himchan se deixando levar pela ilusão que era viver dia após dia sem responsabilidades e preocupações financeiras, regado a muita bebedeira e coletando conhecimento sobre a cultura local, focando claramente em tudo que envolvia música e instrumentos dos quais sequer havia ouvido falar em seus anos na universidade. Entretanto, o dinheiro que tinha não era infinito e ligar para casa pedindo por mais não era uma opção quando havia sumido sem avisar ou que ameaçasse de alguma forma a liberdade que havia conquistado, sendo por isso que interrompeu sua jornada, retornando para a capital coreana onde possuía conexões com outros músicos, produtores e até proprietários de casas noturnas nas quais trabalhou e frequentou assiduamente, que poderiam lhe estender uma mão. Esse pequeno choque de realidade era o que faltava para levar a sério sua carreira e sonho de tornar-se um produtor, participando de pequenos projetos inicialmente até conquistar seu espaço e confiança para pegar projetos com artistas de renome. E se pensou que o coreano estaria satisfeito com esse crescimento orgânico, tenho algo a dizer: Ele não estava! Pois foi só plantarem em sua mente a dúvida do porquê compor apenas para outros e não para si que o rapaz passou a trabalhar em projetos próprios, chegando até a arriscar mudar parte da setlist de suas apresentações que era majoritariamente covers para testar a recepção de seu público cativo. Atualmente está focado em lançar seu próprio álbum que possui como maior empecilho seu perfeccionismo e a teimosia em não dar ouvidos aos seus antigos mentores e agora colegas de trabalho, sendo um hábito diário para o Kim engavetar músicas atrás de músicas sem as finalizar.

Mas deixando seus debates profissionais de lado, ver os frutos de sua rebeldia e talento é fácil, basta perguntar se o rapaz deixou de morar em muquifos (uma bela ironia quando se descobre quem é sua família) e onde se esconde dos olhos curiosos atualmente, um condomínio de luxo onde também trabalha, tendo como resposta um Himchan risonho e brincalhão ao fazer pouco caso de suas aquisições. Passando a colecionador imóveis em diversos bairros da capital porque não se contenta com apenas um estúdio, alguns são melhores que outros, todos comprados por impulso como aconteceu em uma pequena vila que visitou, e que por meses morou. E na garagem irá sempre encontrar nada menos que o carro do ano ou sua moto de estimação, bens que ostenta sem vergonha alguma e tem orgulho ao mesmo tempo que mantém sua vida privada, segura. O que dizer? As coisas estão caminhando bem para o rapaz para quem olha de fora, mas quem o conhece mais a fundo sabe o quão pressionado se sente e que o fracasso está sempre à espreita, ainda mais quando suas ambições envolvem fazer justamente aquilo que seu pai o proíbe de fazer: tornar-se uma figura pública. Um efeito colateral inevitável para Himchan que além de desejar debutar na indústria, também almeja fundar sua própria gravadora em um futuro próximo.

[yulyeong-hq]

Bem-Vindo, @yul_himchan! 즐기되 조심하라.

Nome do personagem: Jung Himchan. Faceclaim: Choi Soobin - TXT. Nascimento: 31/10/2000. Nacionalidade e etnia: Coreia do Sul, coreano. Ocupação: Estudante de Administração na Kyungdong. Bairro: Nohak-dong.

TW na bio: Abuso físico e psicológico, transtorno de ansiedade.

BIOGRAFIA

Himchan é o segundo de quatro filhos de um político importante para a Coreia do Sul. Seu pai é diplomata, trabalhando com as relações exteriores e representando a Coreia em órgãos apropriados e também países da Europa. Seu irmão mais velho fez Relações Internacionais na faculdade para seguir o caminho do pai, enquanto Himchan escolheu Administração para tentar tocar os negócios da família de sua mãe no ramo farmacêutico.

A razão para estar em Sokcho é que Himchan sofreu um sequestro quando tinha cerca de 12 anos de idade, justamente por ser filho de quem é. Um grupo radicalista coreano que lutava por questões exteriores, insatisfeitos com tudo o que estava acontecendo, sequestrou Himchan enquanto seus pais estavam fora do país. O garoto passou cerca de três dias com os sequestradores, onde sofreu agressão física e psicológica. Depois disso, ele nunca mais foi o mesmo, desenvolvendo transtorno de ansiedade, apesar de tentar sempre desviar a atenção dos problemas que adquiriu depois desse evento.

Seu pai decidiu que Sokcho seria bem distante de toda a atenção que Seoul possuía e o mandou para lá. Ele não foi sozinho, os dois irmãos mais novos foram com ele, enquanto o mais velho continuou na companhia da família. Claro que ele tem sempre alguém de olho em Himchan, pois não podia mais deixá-lo a mercê de qualquer tipo de conflito. Himchan, no entanto, odeia a super proteção e quando pode, sai escondido para fazer o que bem entende.

OOC: +18. Temas de interesse: Friendship, Shipping, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Violence. TW: Estupro explícito.

[kpop-goestheweasel]

Forever With You - (Pt. 4)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

It’s been a minute since I’ve updated this one. Not gonna lie, I was thinking about abandoning it, but with recent events, I’m feeling terribly morbid/solemn, so I kinda needed an outlet for the feels going on right now and didn’t like how deep/depression things were turning out as I was writing the next part of Shiver in this mood. That being said, I do have something pretty dern fluffy in the works for the near future. Don’t give up on me yet! I swear I’m not always a grey cloud. Anyway, here is finally Part 4 [: Sorry it’s so short... I was more or less just getting some feels out.

Returning home felt like walking into a prison. Jongup was shackled by the memories held within the walls. But when had the apartment become so cold, so dark, so lifeless? What once was a safe haven, a comforting place to return to at the end of each day only brought more misery to him. Everywhere he looked, he saw the ghosts of the couple that once lived there. Once so happy and so in love. Now, they were just images of the past that haunted the quaint home.

Slipping off his shoes at the door, Jongup momentarily stared down at his black polished shoes that sat beside the sneakers Himchan had left there, never to be worn again. Slowly, he moved into the apartment where his eyes scanned over the living area and the loneliness sunk even deeper. Reading glasses that would never again adorn that beautiful face, a collection of dramas and romantic comedies that would never again earn that deep, hearty chuckle, throw blankets that would never again stir playful wrestle matches because they weren’t big enough to cover the both of them. It all seemed so useless now. Jongup didn’t need any of it. He didn’t want any of it, but he sure as hell couldn’t part with a single item either. How could he throw out those fashion magazines before Himchan even got the chance to read them? How could he give away the ridiculous amount of wine bottles that were waiting to be shared on a special occasion? How was he supposed to part with the ridiculous amounts of colognes that all smelled of his lover in one way or another?

But how could he hold onto any of it when it all was just a reminder of how alone he was?

Releasing a deep sigh, the broken man frowned at the image of his fiance standing across the room at him. The concern on his face, the way the singer’s eyes silently begged for Jongup to be okay only made him feel all the more not because once he blinked, that man was gone and he was left with nothing but his slipping sanity. Over the past few days, he had gotten so used to seeing glimpses of Himchan and momentarily coming back to life himself as a shock of hope coursed through him only to be beaten down again when reality returned and Himchan disappeared all over again. That hope had quickly turned to anger at the cruelty of it all. But now, it only exhausted him further. Jongup had no energy left for emotion. He was worn out and fraying at the edges.

With little conscious thought of his actions, Jongup shuffled to the bedroom. Again, he halted as he entered the familiar room that had become foreign to him. The bed seemed so much larger now that it was only him to occupy it. The decor that he once found comforting, relaxing only proved to disgust him now as it was just another thing to remind him of everything he lost. This whole place was meant for Himchan and the Jongup he had once been. The Jongup he was with Himchan. The person that he was now, the empty shell of who he once was, didn’t belong here. He was an intruder in this place a once happy couple called home and his presence was disturbing to the memories and dreams this quaint place held.

Still, he had nowhere else to go. He refused to be a burden to those around him. He couldn’t stand the pity they all looked at him with. Their concern only proved to remind him of how broken he was. Of course, they meant well and cared for him, but like hell he was going to drag them down with his sorry self. At least alone in this hell, he didn’t have to pretend to be coping. He didn’t have to display his grief when really he was turning to stone from the inside out. At least here, he could succumb to the numbness and not have to pretend to be alright. Because he wasn’t alright; he was the furthest thing from alright and there was nothing anyone could say or do to make that better. Perhaps in time, he may be able to heal and scar from this, but for the time being, he just needed to learn how to live without Himchan. He needed to learn how to go on. And he needed to do that alone.

Himchan closed his eyes and ran a stressed hand through his hair. He hated this. He hated watching the man he loved more than anything fall apart. He hated being the reason for his suffering. Jongup needed him now more than ever and all he could do was silently watch as the young man slowly died inside. So desperately he wanted to hold him, to assure him that everything would be alright, to wipe away the circles growing under those precious, dark eyes. It was absolutely heart wrenching to watch him have to go through this and though their time spent together meant everything to Himchan, he wished nothing more than to take it all back just so Jongup wouldn’t have to face this kind of pain.

‘To have loved and lost is better than to not have loved at all?’ Has anyone that spoken those words lost a love like this? Would Jongup agree with such a statement? It broke his heart to think such, but Himchan wondered if the younger man would be better off now had they never confessed their feelings. If it would have spared Jongup of this kind of pain, he would take it all back in a heartbeat. As much as he had cherished each and every second he had with that man, he would give it all up if it meant that the other wouldn’t have to know this suffering, this loneliness.

Silently following Jongup to the bedroom, Himchan gave a solemn sigh as he watched the younger male curl on top of the covers still clad in his damp suit. “You’re going to wrinkle your suit and catch a cold if you don’t change,” he spoke, sitting on the bed beside the dancer. His frown deepened at the way the bed didn’t dip under his weight. What he wouldn’t give for just a minute longer with him. Just a single minute to let him know that he wasn’t alone and would never be alone. At the same time, Himchan wondered if staying was actually breaking his lover even more. He had seen those brief flashes of life in his eyes when they fell on him. He knew Jongup caught a glimpse of him every now and then. And he’d be damned if he said it didn’t momentarily make his ghostly heart race each time they met eyes. But then the moment would pass and he’d have to watch his lover falter back into reality once more. 

Still, how was he suppose to leave him, especially now? How could he move on knowing he was leaving his lover in pieces? How could anything in that light be a comfort when he’d know that Jongup needed that comfort so much more than himself? 

Staring down at the man he loved so damn much, he couldn’t help but wonder why the fates would do something so cruel? Why were they being punished? Why Jongup? He wondered if it would be any better if they traded places. He would happily take that pain and loneliness so the younger man wouldn’t have to, but would it be any better if that meant that beautiful man’s life would be taken as well? Was it better to have to endure that pain and be alive? Himchan much prefered the outcome of the crash; he would give up his life a thousand times over if that meant Jongup would get to continue his. But watching the pain that he endured through surviving alone…

Three days passed and Himchan torturously watched as his love hardly moved in that time. Aside from the occasional trip to the bathroom, all of Jongup’s time was spent in what was once their bed. He lifelessly laid about and stared at the ceiling or the walls. Each time the phone would buzz to signal another friend or family member checking in to make sure he was alright, a deep sigh would expel from him as if his busy thoughts were inconveniently disrupted. But Himchan knew the truth. He saw the way the depressed man would flinch every time he picked up the old, shattered phone that once belonged to him. He saw the heartbreak wash over the younger male every time he looked at the happy couple smiling at him on the lockscreen. “You need to get up and get a new phone,” he spoke after witnessing Jongup once again frown at the phone as another person attempted to reach him. The younger man sighed and sat up, shaking his head. “I don’t need anything,” he growled out. Himchan’s eyes widened as he was seemingly answered before realizing that the other was simply voicing his frustration over yet another text telling him to contact them if he needs anything.

Closing the message, Jongup sat in his wrinkled suit pants, the shirt and jacket discarded on the floor sometime during the second day of his solitude. He stared at the wallpaper - another selfie of the couple. Himchan smiled brightly from the phone’s cracked screen as Jongup stood next to him with a lopsided smirk, holding up a peace sign. He ran his thumb over the image, staring at the man he still loved so desperately. “I just need you.”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[ahgasgay-baby]

Kim Himchan - Sleepless Nights

A/N: I wanted to publish these sweet words because Oh my goodness this made my heart so happy! Thank you so much! I kept it anon as the request of the person asking ( I hope I understood what you were saying right?). Thank you so much for your kind words!! I made this a little angsty but I brought the concept back so I hope you enjoy! 

Pairing: Vampire!Himchan/Reader Rating: M Word Count: 720 words TW: Blood mention, Marking mention

(Also a warning for this being angst!)

“When will you realize I’m no good for you.” You winced as he murmured what you had already acknowledged. It was something you had figured out long ago as you traced bruises down your thighs. Something that stuck out when you your life was in constant turmoil. But what could you do? It was an addiction that went past just his body. The way he worked you every night left you overwhelmed with lust and exhaustion. Screaming from bruises and teeth marks that made it hard to sleep at night. Left dreams in your head that filled you with fear and lust simultaneously. But that wasn’t what kept you coming back. It was moments when he clung to you. When he decomposed his own composure. Nights coming home from hunts, with blood stained shirts and tear stained eyes. Kim Himchan wasn’t the type who wanted to hurt people. He had to. Each time it destroyed him further, but he couldn’t be block out the emotions it brought. Himchan was the type of guy who couldn’t become numb to each hunt. Couldn’t fathom each time he attacked strangers in the street with a hunger that he himself couldn’t explain. Kim Himchan was the type that couldn’t avoid being sympathetic. Being in his situation, it was considered the biggest downfall that he carried. A mental state in peril by someone who put you in peril. It would almost be ironic if it wasn’t completely addicting. Someone with an unexplainable genuity, cursed with a hunger that counteracted all that he stood for. It was this very dependency that had caused you to fall in love with him in the first place. Holding him as you cleaned blood off of his face and planted kisses to ease the pain. There was nothing more intimate than finding solace in each others embrace. The falsities of fake smiles and dominance found in someone so asphyxiating like Himchan. It was completely eased away by the weight of the situation. The intimacy and love you adorned each other in was the only solution. As toxic as the dependency was, it was needed. Two lovers lost in their own issues, involuntarily escaping into each others embrace. It was always so much more gentle on nights like these. Soft kisses would turn to need as you both tried to escape. Fingers would lace together. Hands would linger for longer than usual. You would desperately pull into kisses so deep it made your head spin. Copper always lingering in his mouth as he traced his tongue around yours. A single moment that wasn’t skin to skin left the aura clouded and empty. It was almost pitiful how much these nights formed themselves. Nights that resulted in soft whispers that never stopped, touches that radiated desire. Constant praise as he stretched you and lost himself inside of all of you. Kisses that coated past bruises as butterflies, tickling your neck and sending shivers down your spine. It was always difficult for both of you, these nights. You couldn’t stand to see him torn apart. He couldn’t stand to be the reason you were upset. These were the nights that made you fall in love, and the nights that made it all the more intimate and addicting. Nights where he would thrust into you with glazed over eyes, offering loud moans as clung to every inch of you. He aimed to destroy memories with your body as his guide. You were his savior. A goddess in the eyes of someone who was already past the level of a god. It drove him crazy in so many ways as he felt your tight walls against his cock. It was these nights that he would climax rather quickly, and stay inside of you. His hands lacing desperately around yours as he softened. His mental state destroyed. Nearly demolished. But in the most oddly validating way it could ever be. You were his constant escape when he needed you most, and this very escape was incarnated by nights filled with intensity and desire. You see, the thing about Kim Himchan is that he never spoke anything short of the truth. “When will you realize I’m no good for you?” It was a solemn question, but one you could answer with infatuation and tenderness. “I already have.”

[namjoonchronicles]

Tumbleweed, Her #11 - [BAP] Noir!Au

[A/N] No I am not okay with Himchan’s red hair in this gif. Probably will never be. 

The Adorned : Kim Himchan

He walked down a dark alley with little lights on the sights to lit the way. The heel of his shoes seems to be only he heard.

His men behind him, following behind him without uttering a word. Himchan is at a warehouse where most of the nation wouldn’t imagine he’d be. His expression? Contorted, serious, unreadable, discontent. Like he was forced to be there.

His swings of steps? Purposeful, strong, determined and heavy. In contrast of his expression. His lips were sealed. A thousand words in his head, never made it passed his lips. He soon walked up to a room at the end of the dark and dull hall, with walls made of rusted zinc and holes the size of a penny that let the sun through just enough. His men stood behind him and Himchan held his hand up. And with that simple gesture, he was left to enter the room alone.

The metal door creaked opened at the slightest push by Himchan’s graceful hands. His black suit looked smart in the dim light and the door closes behind him. And in that room, there was a little lamp shunning down on a small petite figure who bored a loose ponytail and a tear stained face. A little mascara running down her cheek.

Her wrists were bound behind her back and she was tied to a pillar with a metal chain. She sniffs tiredly, as if all hope are lost and there’s nothing else she could lived for. Her expression was pure devastation, and it looked like she’d given up. She was staring at the dirt floor underneath her bare feet, with a blank set of eyes and it pained Himchan.

“Please let me go.” You cried. “Not until you tell me where the baby is.” Himchan shot.

“THERE’S NEVER A BABY HIMCHAN!” You screeched. Himchan jumps at you, gripping by the neck, and growled into your face. “DON’T LIE TO ME!” You cowered in fear. “If you do anything that harmed the baby, I will fucking kill you.” Himchan warned, and bit by bit he strengthened his grip around your neck, watching you as you struggle to breathe. “Asphyxiation,” he sinisterly smiled at the image of you suffering beneath his touch, “This is what you loved? Didn’t you, baby?” His voice was eerily calm, in contrast to his actions.

“Unlike you, I actually cared for you Himchan,” you still speak even though there was an increasing difficulty to do so. “But you were not interested in a serious relationship. So I killed that baby along with the memories of us. You knew that it wasn’t love… you only used me to get over the girl you couldn’t…h-have.”

Maybe it was smart not to say words that would anger him more, but you had so much vengeance in you that it didn’t matter that you die now. It’s better to leave this world after saying the things you wanted to say than to live to never speak what you really meant to. It’s better to have and not need: than to need and not have.

You lost your friend because of Himchan. You lost your baby because of Himchan. You lost yourself. Because of Himchan.

Himchan set you free after learning the truth that you had killed the baby that should have been his. And he found out that his girl, the girl he loved and cannot have took her own life. You were thrown out of a van with nothing but yourself and in the street where nothing is familiar. You set out to the bar and get yourself drunk, knowing that it would lead to one thing.

To Yongguk’s house.

Himchan watches the incident from far. After he appointed a private investigator to find out the account he had been wiring to, Himchan’s opinion about you, shifts. He became compassionate with everything that concerns you.

Days gone missing: 193

Himchan is wide awake at 3:03AM in his home office, flipping through law books. He apparently had a difficult case, the following week and as he was blankly skimming through one book after another, he lifts his eyes up to the shelves opposing him. But there’s one particular book with a card sticking out of it. The kind that bookmarks would have looked like, so Himchan slipped that particular book out of the line and when he did, a stack of old photographs dropped out of it. Himchan knelt on one knee and took a careful look to all of it.

He took them to his desk and pushed away his law books. He flipped one photograph around and saw the scraggly writing on it. “September. 2006.”

When he looked at the photo properly, he started to remember. Things that was so long ago. Pictures of his parent, and him. And another family. And a girl in a dress. No older than 13. And him, he’s probably around 16 or 17. Himchan dragged his eyes up on deep thoughts. “What happened in 2006? Why can’t I remember anything that happened that year?”

Himchan cancelled his meetings for all the day and went to divert his day route onto the road he had forgotten for awhile. In fact, he hadn’t been there since law school. When he sat huffed on the brown leather chair, he had just taken a sip of cold drinking water. “Good morning, Himchan… I didn’t expect to see you today.” A male walked in, tipping his glasses.

“Neither did I.” Himchan easily answered, an annoyed expression on his face. He stood up abruptly and the doctor, smiled. “To what I owe this surprising, long over-dued visit, Himchan?” The doctor had a calm voice in him and then, he hovered his eyes to Himchan who is now standing in front of the glass window, looking far into the distant. He held one arm over his that window, and lay his forehead on that forearm. “Is it normal to forget a portion of memory?” Himchan started.

“Depends,” the doctor shrugged, “We all forget little things in life.” “It’s not little… it’s a whole year.” Himchan snapped. “Can you be specific?” The doctor said.

Himchan walked out of the psychologist’s office and head out to work. Little did he know, that the doctor is staring at the same window, down at his white Sedan, watching it drove away. He dialled a number and placed the phone firm to his ear. When the ringing stops, he spoke, “He asked about 2006. He is starting to realize that he couldn’t remember 2006.”

On the receiving end, “The event should remain, forgotten.” When this voice turns around, it turns out to be Himchan’s father. The congressman. The psychologist called the patient’s father to tell on him.

Himchan left for work only to stare at the ceiling. He wasn’t functional today, his assistant would know. He walked out with a null on his face, “I’m going to go have an early out and get a drink,” he sighs and left. And he did as he told. He was determined to get shit drunk as he possibly can. Three and then four bottles in, he was beginning to lose consciousness. In and out. It didn’t matter because he was in the VIP lounge and nobody cares how drunk he is.

And how he shouldn’t be driving.

He really shouldn’t.

But he came alone and he could see. And he was stubborn. He stumbles out the club’s door to get to his white sedan, poke the keys into everywhere but the key hole and when he did, he twisted them and the engines hurled on. The first few junctions was fine, until there’s a sharp left turn by the forestry road.

He thought he saw a flare by the opposite road and because of it he tries to push the brake pedal but it was difficult since he was accelerating. So his car slid off the slippery road to hit the metal fences and then straight to a tree.

The glasses shattered. A loud sound of wrecking metal filled his ear. And then. A loud ringing. It lasted awhile.

Himchan’s face was protected by an air bag. But the bounce that hit the back of his head and threw him unconscious. Blood dripping down his hair line. The visions blurred and he heard distinct voice. A familiar male voice.

November 2006. Cheongdam-dong Street. Midnight.

Someone’s calling his name. Very loudly.

“Himchan! Son! Are you alright?” Himchan’s father opened the car door in a hurry. Himchan was young back then. He was on the driver’s seat. “What are you doing! You’re 16! Is that alcohol I smell?” His father hissed. Himchan crawled out of the door, his father is biting his nails as he stood, looking at something at the front of the car. It was only then Himchan realized that the car window is bloodied and it shattered.

Himchan limps up to see that there’s a body lying lifeless on the road, that night. It was empty. Some apples rolling to hit the curb of the street. A male, no older than 40 was laying there with blood all over his face, holding a plastic bag filled with apples. “Is he dead?” Himchan whispered. Himchan’s father held both of his shoulder and looked at him dead in the eyes, “I tell you what, run. Son. You run. Let me fix this. You run and don’t look back. This is not your fault.” Himchan’s father pushed him to run off.

Then, Himchan’s father grabbed his phone and dialled a number on speed dial. “Jaehan. I need some help.”

Himchan gasped a lungful of air, awakened by the pungent smell of gasoline and he crept out of the wrecked vehicle on all four. “Shit. Fuck.” He stumbles on two feet and leaving his car by that tree and he called his driver for help. No one was injured except for him. So that was a good thing.

“Did I or did I not kill someone when I was 16, dad?” Himchan asked as he was being treated. The nurse took the hint and stood up and leave. His father came and hissed, “Not when the nurses are here! I did everything I can to cover up everything, you have to understand that it isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault, Himchan.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m so fucked up, dad. Because you always tell me that I’ve done nothing wrong and keep erasing the things I should have been punished for, and make it as if it never happened. Is why I’m so fucked up.” Himchan smiled, bitterly. “I’ve impregnated a girl I couldn’t have and left her hanging for months because I was so afraid of commitments because you have never let me take responsibilities on the things I’ve become.”

Himchan started laughing with tears falling on each sides of his face. “She commits suicide because I was too afraid. And she took my baby with her.” Himchan fist one hand and hit his temples with them, repeatedly. His father marches to him to stop him from hurting himself. “I am a useless human being! Let me die! Let me die!”

“No! She did this to herself! I was only doing her a favor, Himchan. She was 21 and she had a baby with no father. There’s no other options other than abortions!” His father screeched back and at last Himchan stopped hitting himself. His eyes were wide and tunneling to the view of his father. “You…” he whispered. “You told her to give it up. You poisoned her to cover my past.”

And there’s nothing a parent wouldn’t do to protect their child. Absolutely nothing.

Next: Part 12

[noonaduck]

We used to be so in love.

Pairing: B.A.P Yongguk x reader, Daehyun x reader genre: non idol AU, Angst, Smut, oneshot Words: 7212 Summary: When you find your fiancee cheating on you your whole world falls apart. Luckily there is another man to collect the pieces and help you towards healing.

[gifs belongs to their rightful owners.]

You were shaking when Yongguk pushed deeper into you. His sweet words and gentle hands were always able to make you melt. You searched hiss lips and pulled him closer. His lips answered to yours feverishly and your tongues danced in language that only two of you knew.  Yongguk puts his thump to your clit at rubs it rhythmically. You separate from his lips with gasp.

‘'Come for me baby.'' His lips brush your ear and you feel yourself tightening around him. You feel your core shaking and stars fulls your vision when you hit your climax. ''That's it, you are my good girl.'' Yongguk praises you and with few last thrust he follows your climax and warm seed fills you.

~~ The moon was bright and shined trough the open window's curtains which moved along with the wind. His love was sleeping peacefully, her eyes tightly closed and a blanked tightly in her fist. Sweet smile on her lips told story about happy dreams she was having. Yongguk was sitting next to her and strokes gently her soft hair. His lover sifted on her sleep and the man got scared that he woke her up. Luckily she just rolled over and kicked her blanked into messy pile in the end of bed. The ring on her hand got his attention. It hasn't been long when he had given it for her. When she said yes was happiest day in his life. It was breaking his heart that he needs to take it back so quickly and let her go because of another woman.

The movie had ended couple of minutes ago and you were following the crowd out from the theater. You were holding Yongguk's hand so you wouldn't lose him in the mass of people. You had went to see a new comedy movie which his friend Junhong had wanted to see for long time along with their other friend Himchan. ''So, did you guys like it?'' Junhong asks excitedly. His deep brown eyes glowed under the dim streetlights and his face was full of excitement.  His messy blonde hair was covered by grey beanie and he was wearing a loose white hoodie alongside some sweatpants. ''It was okay.'' You shrug your shoulder and Junhong's face turns into exaggerated shock. ''Just okay? If i remember correctly, you were laughing as much as I did.'' He argues. ''Hush you little children, It's already late.'' Himchan rolls his eyes. Himchan is wearing a leather jacket with v-collar t-shirt accompanied with white ripped jeans. You fake pout to Yongguk and he takes you into his embrace. Yongguk is wearing a black hoodie and denim jacket over it with black jeans. You lean in his embrace and are able to smell scent of his deodorant mixed his own shooting body odor. Its always able to calm you down. ''Himchan, don't be rude to Y/N.'' Yongguk says whith soft smile. ''Hey, what about me? He called me a child as well.'' Junhong murmurs and Himchan let's small chuckle escape from his lips. ''Don't except that Yongguk defends you, after he started to date Y/N he has been tied around her finger.'' ''Jealous much?'' You peek under Yongguk's arm and poke your tongue out. Yongguk rolls his eyes and smiles widely. ''You are sometimes really childish, but you are my childish Y/N.'' he says and pokes your nose. This time you pout for real, which causes both Junhong and Himchan laugh for your defeat.

 You are going trough your mail and feel like crying. You had again another demand of payment from loan which you even haven't taken. After your father has passed away last year all his dept had fallen for you, dept that you didn't even known that he had. When you had get first threatening letter you had thought that it was some sort of sick joke. You had ripped the paper in half and thrown it away. When the second one came you were less sure about it. Finally when a scary looking man had came behind your door demanding payment you had to believe it was true. Your dad had taken illegal loan from loan shark to pay his gambling dept. Apparently he was addicted to gambling, but had been extremely good at hiding it. On the outside he had seemed like regular person who worked in office for five days in the week. But the truth had been other as you had found out, when you got to know that he had lost his job over a year before his death. He had faked that he still was working. What it came to your mother she had left you when you were mere two years old. She had found a new man and started a new family with him. You are sitting at the kitchen table with your friend Youngjae and staring at the pile of papers like they could magically disappear. You lived in small apartment with Yongguk which consisted from small kitchen, living room, one bathroom and of course bedroom. The walls of your kitchen were painted in light yellow to bring sun inside the small kitchen. The cabinets were dark wood and table tops were white granite. Yongguk was still at work so you were able to be swallowed in your misery in peace. You still haven't told him about your situation, even though you and him had been together for three years. You look the small diamond ring on your hand and deep quilt is eating your guts. You knew how long he had had save money to buy it for you. ''It's okay we will figure this out.''  Youngjae says and takes your hand into his. He is only one who knows about your dept and he had only found out by mistake when he had found opened threat for payment from your bedroom. ''But how Jae? I can barely keep up with the payments and I'm scared to death that Yongguk finds out and leaves me and...''You sniff and begin to cry in middle of your sentence. ''It's okay Y/N, I'm here.'' Youngjae squeezes your hand tighter and tamp your wet eyes with paper towel with his free hand. You hear your front door open and you look the papers speared on the table in panic. You begin to collect the bills in hurry and Youngjae helps you hide them under the table cloth. ''I'm home.'' You hear Yongguk's tired voice coming from the front door. ''I'm here oppa.'' You call back and try look natural as possible when he steps into kitchen. ''Hi Jae.'' Yongguk greets Youngjae when he notices him and peeks your cheek. ''Hi hyung.'' Youngjae nods when Yongguk pulls a chair next to you. ''How was work?'' You ask and fumble your hands awkwardly on your lap. ''Tiring. What you two had been up to?'' He yawns and hangs his arm lazily over your shoulder. ''We have been just hanging  around.'' Youngjae shrugs naturally, he is better at lying than you are. ''I see.'' Yongguk nods yawning again. ''You should take a nap, you seem really tired.'' You suggest and Yongguk agrees almost instantly. ''Yes, I should. It was nice to see you again Jae.'' Yongguk peeks this time your lips and leaves from the kitchen. ''You too hyung.'' Youngjae yells after him. You pull the papers under the table cloth with shaking hands and turn your eyes to Yongjae. ''It was too close.'' You say scared. ''You can't hide this forever from him.'' Youngjae smiles sadly. ''I can try.'' 

It was a regular night and you were watching a TV with Yongguk. Some old drama was rerunning on the screen and you weren't really paying your full attention to it. The room was dark except the light coming from the TV. You were sitting on the leather couch next to your fiancee who had seemed rather distant lately. You put blame of it for his work, which has taken his time more and more lately. He had came home late at night or not at all. Still you couldn't blame him, Yongguk had dreamed about career as an artist, and when his chance had finally came he had worked twice as hard than before.  His debut was nearing and it was causing lot of stress on him. You leaned on his shoulder and he changed his position awkwardly. ''Oppa, whats wrong?'' You ask worriedly. ''Nothing, I'm just tired.'' He says without turning his eyes away from the screen. You are quite sure that Yongguk didn't like the drama which was playing, but still decided to pay attention for it instead of you. ''Okay.'' You say weakly and straighten your posture. For a while you just keep staring the screen with nothing seeing eyes. You try to take his hand into yours and Yongguk stands up. ''I'm tired. I will go to sleep.'' He says and storms out of the room leaving you alone into confused and sad state.

You are at the mall with Himachan and Youngjae. You had asked their help to pick a birthday gift for Yongguk. His birthday was coming in few weeks and you weren't good with presents. So you had turned to Himchan, who was closest to Yongguk, and Youngjae, who was your best friend. ''How about this?'' You ask while pointing at black scarf which was hanging on mannequin's neck. ''Ehh, I'm not so sure that he is going to like that.'' Himchan says and Youngjae shakes his head on agreement. ''I don't know. Every year I'm almost near of full panic attack when I try to think a present for him.'' You are desperate. ''What did you bought him last year?'' Himchan ask when you exit another store empty handed. ''I bought him some expensive high quality paper and pencils and even back then it wasn't my idea.'' ''It was mine.'' Youngjae says proudly. ''And if I remember correctly he liked that gift a lot.'' ''He did.'' You admit. You haven't known Himchan for long because he was still living in different country last year. He and Yongguk had been childhood best friends who had happened to bump up to each other after Himchan had returned. Their friendship had continued like it had never ended at first place. Your stomach growls and you smile awkwardly. ''I think that its time for lunch break.'' ''Fine by me.'' Youngjae agrees. ''Sure.'' Himchan nods and you three head towards the restaurant area. You agree to eat at Subway and enter the place when your eyes land on the table where Yongguk is sitting with a strange woman. That's odd, he said that he is working, you thought confused. The pair seems to be too deep to focused into their conversation so they don't notice your presence. ''Isn't that Yongguk hyung?'' Youngjae asks surprised when he notices them. You are still on the line waiting on your turn to make your order. ''Indeed, It seems it is.'' Himchan confirms what you already know. Before you are able to yell his name or go to him the woman kisses him. Yongguk doesn't stop her and stays still until she pulls away. You must admit that she is pretty, She has long shiny black hair, heart shaped face with small mouth and round brown eyes. She is wearing a tight white shirt with a red mini skirt and the clothes are fitting on her hourglass figure like a glove. her legs seems never ending and are covered with knee length brown boots. Huge sob leaves your lips and then Yongguk notices you. You turn around run away while cries rips your chest. You don't care about the confused and curious looks which are given to you by other mall visitors. ''Y/N wait.'' Youngjae yells after you, but you keep running.

You feel so humiliated and ashamed of yourself. Busy with work, in my ass! Someone grabs your hand and you try to pry away. ''Jae let me go.'' You say and try to rip yourself of. Tears are making your eyes watery and everything is foggy in your eyes. ''I'm not Jae.'' Yongguk's familiar deep voice answers and you feel rage rushing trough your veins. ''Why? Why did you do this to me?'' You yell sobbingly and start hitting him with your free arm. ''Y/N calm down, don't make a scene.'' Yongguk says and grabs also your free hand on his grip. ''Don't make a scene, you say! I make a scene if I want to!'' You try to wiggle away from his arms. Himachan and Youngjae are able to reach you while you were arguing. ''As much as I want to punch Yongguk right now he is right, we don't want to security to come here.'' Yongjae fums with rage and you easily notice the drop of honorifics in his sentence. You take a deep breath and try to calm yourself. When you are still Yongguk lets you go and takes a step backwards. You are getting curious looks and some people even stopped to stare what the commotion was about. Himchan is strangely quiet for his nature and just keeps staring his feet awkwardly. ''There you are Gukkie!'' The woman who kissed Yongguk earlier arrives at the scene and hangs herself on his left side. Yongguk doesn't pry her of and the anger fums again inside of you. ''That's it, we are done!'' You rip your engagement ring from your hand and throw it to Yongguk's face. Yongguk  looks you with face which is hard to read and you storm away sobbing without caring who would see you. Youngjae tries to leave after you, but one glance from you makes him halt his steps. Your face was so broken and full of sorrow that he didn't know what to do.

It's raining and small raindrops compete who reaches the end of the window at first. You are sitting on your new apartment floor surrounded by unopened boxes on the floor. It was few weeks after the episode on the mall and you were finally able to have place on your own. You had lived with Youngjae for a while, but came fast to conclusion that you needed your place of own.  You were on luck when you had get an apartment this fast. The place was small only with one room combined living space/bedroom and small kitchen. First thing that you had done when you had put final piece of kitchen supplies away was to open big jar of ice cream and started to shovel it into your mouth like a starving man. Youngjae had left you alone a half hour ago after you had convinced him that you were okay. There were still few boxes to empty, but you weren't in the mood to do so.  A loud thud from other side of wall disturbs your pity parade and you look around confused. Its completely quiet until you hear it again. You frown curious and put the ice cream away. The noise must be coming from the apartment next to you. You get up from the floor and walk next to wall where the sound came from. You put your ear on the wall and listen. Thud, the sound comes again. You decide to find out what it is about and leave your apartment to knock your neighbor's door. The door is opened shortly after and a man with sand colored hair on the top and dark from the bottom comes into view. The man looks young with his boyish features. He has short straight nose and brown eyes surrounded by thick eyelashes. His straight brows are thicker closer the nose and  narrows down towards other end. On his lower lip is two silver lip rings which he is chewing when his curious eyes meet yours. He is wearing red lumberjack shirt and washed white jeans. his feet are bare which you think is odd when you think about the cold weather. ''Can I help you?'' The man asks and tilts his head. You sift awkwardly after too long silence. ''Umm, I just moved here and I heard some noise coming from your place and I wanted to come check what it was about.'' You explain. ''Oh, I'm sorry about that. Me and my roommate got carried away while we were playing a video game. It's cool that someone finally moved in. I'm Jung Daehyun.'' The man smiles and offers his hand for you. ''I'm L/N Y/N.'' You shake Daehyun's hand and answer his smile. ''Do you wanna come in? It's always nice to get new company.'' Daehyun offers and opens his door wider. ''I don't want to disturb you.'' You sift awkwardly. ''Trust me, you won't.'' Daehyun's smile get even wider if that is even possible. ''Then okay.'' You finally agree and step in to his luxurious apartment. You are in shock when you look around. The place is huge, but now when you think about it it only makes sense that there is only one neighbor in your floor which is highest of the building. You are in entry hall where huge framed mirror is hanging on the wall and next to it open door which leads in to walk in closet. wide three step stairs leads into huge living are where is two white leather couches in front of huge TV, which is located in front of full wall length windows and balcony. The floors are made of black wood and open kitchen is located on the left side of the living space. the walls are light gray and the walls are full of colorful abstract paintings. another three steps stairs lead into platform where is three black doors with metal handles. On the other couch is sitting man his back towards the front door. You can only see his brown mob of hair and his left ear where is three silver earrings hanging. The man is trying to beat some unfamiliar video game and curses loudly. ''Jongup we have company.'' Daehyun yells happily from the door. You and him walk closer to couches. ''Give me a minute.'' Jongup answers his eyes never leaving the screen. He curses loudly when huge red letters scream GAME OVER. ''Fuck it.'' He yells and tosses controller on the living room table. Finally he spins around and his curious eyes finds you. He has narrow dark eyes, which almost makes him look mean, straight nose with small mole on his bridge. His nose widens slightly from the end and his lips are plumb and wide. He is wearing tight black t-shirt, as far as you can tell because you only see part of him body. ''Oh, who is she?'' Jongup asks curiously and smiles. ''She is Y/N, she just moved next to us.'' Daehyun explains. ''It's nice to meet you, I'm Moon Jongup.'' Jongup tells with grin. he stands up from the couch and circles around it to face you. ''It's nice to meet you as well.'' You smile softly.

After your first meeting you got pretty close with your neighbors. You also introduced Youngjae to them and he joined your small group. You were having a movie night at Jongup's and Daehyun's place and Youngjae was also joined your company. You had learned that Daehyun's family was loaded and in fact owned the building where you were living at the moment. Youngjae and Jongup were arguing over which movie you should watch, Jongup wanted to watch some new anime movie and  Youngjae wanted to watch Aquaman again. You and Daehyun really didn't care and you were cuddled on one of the couches and eating popcorn. Daehyun tries to throw popcorn into his mouth, but fails miserably and the popcorn fells onto his lap. You laugh for him and he rolls his eyes. ''Noona tell Jongup that you want to watch Aquaman.'' Youngjae pouts. You are one year older than him and older of Daehyun by two months. Jongup was youngest of all even though he didn't look like it. ''To be honest I don't really care what we are watching.'' You mumble and Jongup chuckles. ''I told you so, you should already give up.'' He smirks like he is already won. ''Dae?'' Yongjae pleas. Daehyun isn't one who cares for formalities and after long debate Youngjae had agreed to use his nickname. ''I agree with Y/N, everything is fine.'' He says apologetic. Youngjae and Jongup keeps fighting and Daehyun gets up from the couch. ''Where are you going?'' You ask. ''I'm going to get our drinks from the fridge. i can't stand this sober.'' he grins wickedly and walks to the fridge.     You are getting little bit buzzed while Jongup's movie choice is playing on the back round. After heated match of rock, paper, scissors Jongup had won and Youngjae was watching the movie while sulking. You take another sip from your beer when you feel Daehyun's hand wandering along your leg under the blanket which is pulled top both of the you. You almost choke to your drink, but Daehyun acts like nothing happened. ''Y/N are you okay?'' Jongup asks worriedly and you nod your head. ''I'm fine, I just got drink into my windpipe.'' You assure while Daehyun is showing innocent face. ''Okay.'' Jongup turns his attention back to the movie. Daehyun's hand begins to wander again along your leg and stops on the end of your skirt's hem. ''Tell me to stop if you want me to.'' He whispers and you shiver when his hot breath tickles your ear. Sure you and him had flirted innocently, but it had never lead this far. His hand moves towards your inner thigh and he strokes it gently. He pretends to follow the movie and you have turned your eyes towards the screen as well. His hand begins to wander higher and soon his fingers stops to your panties. Daehyun begins to circle your clit top of your panties and you can feel yourself getting turned on. Your breath hitch and you see Daehyun smirk from corner of your eyes. Luckily neither Jongup or Youngjae seems to notice. Daehyun stops his fingers motions and slips his index and middle finger inside of your panties. He pushes your clit gently and sticks his index finger inside of your wet core. His movements are subtle and you can't see outside of blanket what he is doing. Your hand finds his wrist and you squeeze it with warning. ''Be a good girl for me, You don't want that Jongup and Youngjae knows what we are doing, don't you?'' Daehyun leans closer to your ear and you can feel his lips movement on your earlobe. ''No.'' You gasp quietly and Daehyun turns his eyes again towards the TV. He continues to torture your body and circling your clit with his thump while his index finger pushes and pulls in steady rhythm into your hole. He adds more pressure to your clit and slips his middle finger also so into your wet heat. You moan out loud and both Jongup and Youngjae turns to look at you confused. ''I think that Y/N's stomach is hurting.'' Daehyun hurries to save you. ''Ye-yes, I ate too much popcorn.'' You agree blushing faintly. ''That sucks.'' Youngjae says and smiles with pity. ''Do you want to end the movie?'' he adds and you hurry to shake your head. ''No, I think I will be okay.'' You say Daehyun's halted fingers still inside of you.   ''If you are sure'' Jongup hesitate only for moment and turns his attention back towards the movie. Daehyun pulls his fingers out of you and for the rest of the movie you sit next to him hot at bothered your panties soaking with your juices. You start to imagine your revenge in your mind.

You keep staring a letter in your hands and reading it over and over again. ' Dear L/N Y/N, Your dept is completely paid. We hope to hear from you again if you ever need another loan' There is only two sentences and the letter is shockingly formal for one that come from loan sharks. You take your phone which is laying next to you on your bed and dial quickly to Yongjae. He answers after few peep. You: ''Did you do it?'' Jae: ''Did I do what? And Hello to you too.'' You: ''Did you pay my dept?'' Jae: ''As much as I would like to say yes, I need to ask with what money?'' You: ''Then who was it? You are only one who knew about it?'' Jae: ''Maybe it was Daehyun?'' You: ''I have never mentioned my dept for him.'' Jae: ''Then I don't know. Y/N don't look gift horse in to the mouth, just be happy.            Look, I really  need to go even if I would want to talk with you longer.           My boss is breathing to my neck.'' You: ''Okay, bye Jae.'' Jae: ''Bye Noona.'' You end your call frustrated and confused. A knock from your door pulls you away from your thoughts and you hurry to open it. Daehyun stands behind it plastic bag in his hand. ''I bough Chinese if you want some.'' He grins an lifts his bag. ''I'm starving.'' You let him in. He walks to your small kitchen table and puts the bag on top of it. ''I bought you a mandarin chicken.'' he says and takes two containers out from the bag. It has been only few days after your movie night and Daehyun hasn't brought up what happened back then. You sit opposite of him and dig into your food. You both sit in silence when Daehyun decides to turn on your small TV by the remote which is also top of your table. You are sitting your back towards the TV, but your whole body freezes in shock when you hear a familiar voice. ''So, Yongguk you deputed recently and you have already gained quite amount of fans. Is there any particular person that gives you inspiration?'' Female interviewer asks. Yongguk chuckles lightly. ''Not really. I try to get inspiration from everywhere I can get.  My surroundings, thoughts and other people around me usually is enough to inspire me.'' His familiar deep voice makes you shiver and you turn your eyes towards the TV. He looks good like always, he is wearing tight white button up shirt and black jeans which are ripped from his knees. His dark hair is pushed backwards from his forehead and the familiar smile that was always able to make your heart flutter is painted on his face. ''So you don't have a girlfriend or anything?'' The interview asks curiously. ''No, not at the moment.'' Yongguk admits. What the fuck? ''There you have it ladies, maybe you are the lucky one who steals Mr Bang's heart.'' ''Turn it of.'' You say furious and Daehyun looks you confused. You have never told him about Youngguk, only that you had recently divorced in bad terms, so he doesn't understand your reaction. ''Why?'' he asks confused. ''Just do it!'' You bark and he shuts the TV quickly. You had lost your appetite.     Later that night you are totally wasted. You had poured drink after drink to end your sorrows and now you were a sobbing mess behind Daehyn's door. ''Daedae open up.'' You yell into his mailbox and you hear quick steps coming towards the door. When Daehyun opens the door he looks you with shock. ''Jesus Y/N, what has happened to you?'' He asks and catch you right on time when you are about to fall. ''noching, Ih'm finhe.'' You slur on his grip. ''Let's get you into bed.'' He says and leads you to his bedroom. His bedroom walls are soft brown and his king sized bed is pushed in the middle of the opposite wall where the door is located. You falls onto his bed and try to pull him with you. ''cobe hjere.'' You ramble, but Daehyun takes your hands away around his neck gently. ''I don't think its good idea.'' He says softly and you pout sadly. He sighs in defeat and sits next to you on his bed. You get comfy and somehow are able to pull yourself laying on top of his chest. ''What's wrong?'' He asks and pet your hair gently. ''Younhgguk.'' You tell and bury your face on his chest. ''Yongguk?'' Daehyun asks visible confusion clear in his voice. ''Yefh, My Younhgguk. Wej ushed to be engagesd.'' You mumble into his shirt. ''Oh, I'm so sorry.'' Daehyun puts small gentle kiss top of your head. '' I'm here now. Cry if you want'' He keeps petting you hair and that is what you do. You cry until you fall sleep on his chest. your head is pounding when you wake up on next morning. You take few second to remember where you are and you look around for Daehyun. he is nowhere to be seen, but instead on his nightstand is glass of water and bottle of painkillers next to it. You gulp the water gratefully and pop few aspirins into your mouth. The bedroom door opens and Daehyun steps in. ''Hi.'' You say shyly, you feel so ashamed. You can remember yesterday's events clearly despite of your hangover. ''Hi, are you feeling any better?'' Daehyun asks smiling softly and sits next to you on his bed. ''A little.'' You admit and pick your nails. You try avoid Daehyun's stare but he pulls your chin up gently with his index finger. ''So you and Yongguk, huh?'' He asks. You sigh in defeat. ''He left me for a another woman and yesterday he said on TV that he doesn't have a girlfriend. It kind of broke me.'' You admit. ''You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to.'' Daehyun assures you. ''Thanks, I rather want to forget.'' ''I can help you with that.'' Daehyun says and takes your face onto his hands. He puts his lips on yours and without hesitation you answer for the kiss. The kiss begins slow, but heathens when Daehyun bites you lower lip gently. You part your lips and let him explore your depths with his tongue. You separate panting and look into each other's eyes. Daehyun's eyes are hooded with lust and you are sure that your eyes mirror his. This time it is your time take his lower lip between your lips and you suck his lip rings gently. Daehyun pulls you closer and tightens his grip on your sides. Your lips begins to wander along his neck and you bite his collarbone gently. Daehyun moans and pushes your back on the bed gently. With hurried fingers he pulls your tank top's hem higher so your belly button comes into view. He plans small kiss onto it and you blush. He hurries to remove his own shirt and his tanned body comes into your view. His muscles aren't as well formed as Youngguk's, but they are definitely there. You pull yourself into sitting position and with one quick motion pull your tank top over your head. Daehyun gasps when your bare breasts come into view. You didn't have bra underneath your shirt. Daehyun pushes you back down and comes top of you his both legs open on your sides and his hands supporting his weight your head between of them. He kisses your lisp again with fever and his right hand find your nipple which is hardening by the minute. You moan into kiss and pout when he pulls away. ''You are so cute.'' Daehyun grins and soon your pout is replaced with your lips curling into small o when Daehyun's mouth finds your left nipple. He bites your nipple gently and sucks it between his teeth. His right hand begins to wander along your sides and he squeezes your side gently. Daehyun pulls himself up and his hand reaches hem on your sweatpants. You pull your hips up and Daehyun pulls your sweats along with your panties from your legs. His eyes focus to your heat and you try to cover yourself with blush. ''Please, don't.'' He says and pulls your hands away gently. ''There is no reason for you to hide. Let me taste you.'' Daehyun comes between your legs and spears them open. He dives in without a pause and and licks long strip on your heat. You shiver when his plumb lips find your clit and he sucks it gently. You can feel your juices pouring to his lips when he sucks your clit and licks your heat just from the right places on right ways. He plunges his tongue into your hole and you moan loudly. You try to close your legs around his head but he keeps them open when he fucks your heat with his tongue at painfully slow space. ''Daehyun, I need, I need more.'' You whimper and Daehyun blows air gently to your clit. ''You get more soon, I promise.'' He says and plunges his tongue again to your quivering hole. This time his space is fast and shows no mercy. His thump begins to rub your clit and you reach your high faster than in long time. Your legs shake around his head when you come and your heat spams around his tongue when he laps every last drop which you are giving him. You pant loudly when he pulls away. ''Just fuck me already.'' You are getting impatient and Daehyun laughs loudly. ''I will Baby.'' he says and reaches for condom in his nightstand drawer. He pulls his pants of and puts condom on his hard dick. His dick is beautiful and it curves lightly from the tip. With few pumps of his hand Daehyun guides his member to your entrance. He slides his dick between your folds and collects your juices for lube. Finally you feel his tip to slowly push into you. He enters slowly and lets you take your time until he begins to move in slow rhythm. ''Dae, go faster.'' You demand impatiently. Daehyun picks up his pace and pounds into you without mercy. Sound of your skins slapping against each other fulls the room and Daehyn lets groan leave his lips for a first time. ''You look so good like this, completely fucked out and your hair speared around your face.'' Daehyun says and reaches to peek your lips. You are getting close again and Daehyun notices this from how your walls tighten around his dick. ''Coming again already?'' He Grins and blush forms to your face. ''Shu-shut up.'' You pant and Daehyun's hand finds your clit again. When he pinches it you are coming again with loud moan. Daehyun follows you right after and collapses top of you panting. He pulls out of you and rolls next to your side. He lays down for a second before he tosses the used condom into trash can close to his bed. He stood up and you look him curiously. ''Where are you going?'' You ask. ''I'm going to get something to clean us up. I be right back.'' he assures and you are able to admire his naked back and round butt when he disappears from the room. He comes back shortly with wet towel and uses it to clean your thighs and glistering folds. He wipes himself quickly and tosses the towel carelessly on the ground. He climbs back to bed next to you and pull his covers over you. Daehyun spoons you from behind and you both drift into sleep.

You and Daehyun have been dating for a couple of months now and when Jongup and Youngjae found out they weren't even slightly surprised. ''I knew this would happen.'' Youngjae had said when you had told the news. Jongup has just smiled and said how happy he was for both of you.    Daehyun and You were walking hand in hand heading towards a restaurant where you were planning to go on date. When you arrive to the restaurant last person you would except steps out from the door. ''Y/N?'' Himchan asks surprised but happy when he spots you. He is wearing black polo shirt with straight brown pants and top of his outfit is long brown jacket which hangs open. ''Hi Himchan.'' You smile awkwardly and scratch your neck. You really haven't seen him after you and Youngguk broke up. ''Long time no see.'' He says happily but his smile falters when he sees your and Daehyn's joined hands. Daehyun cough and offers his hand. ''I'm Daehyun, Y/N's boyfriend.'' Himchan takes his offered hand and shakes it firmly. ''I'm Himchan  Y/N's and Yongguk's old friend'' He tells and glares Daehyun with unreadable expression. Soon the restaurant's door opens again and Junhong comes out from the door. ''Y/N.'' Junhong yells with excitement and takes you into tight hug ''I have missed you so much.'' He says happily. Junhong has always been also more Yongguk's friend than yours. Junhong had dyed his hair light pink and there was a new ring on his nose. ''It's nice to see you.'' You pat his back awkwardly. Junhong finally parts from you and then notices Daehyun standing next to you. ''Who is he?'' Junhong asks pointing his words to you. ''He is Daehyun, Y/N's boyfriend.'' Himchan answers before you can and Junhong's face fell. ''But what about Yongguk, he pai-.'' ''Shut up.'' Himchan glares younger man soy angrily that he snaps his mouth closed quickly. ''Yongguk tells for her himself if he wants.'' Himchan keeps glaring Junhong who sifts awkwardly. ''I really don't want hear anything from him.'' You say your happy mood ruined. ''But Y/N!'' Junhong pleas. ''There is no buts. I'm sorry but we are getting late from our reservation.'' You huff and storm inside of restaurant followed by Daehyun leaving Himchan and Junhong on the side way. You can ques that your date was horrible after that encounter.

  Ringing phone wakes you up from your slumber. You are alone in your place after you had ended fighting on dinner with Daehyun. You: ''Hello?'' You ask tiredly without bothering to look callers name. -- : ''Y/N, It's me.'' Familiar voice makes your blood freeze. You: ''What do you want Yongguk?'' Yongguk: ''I don't know honestly. I ques that I just wanted to hear your voice.                         Himchan told me that he met you today'' He chuckles sadly.

You: ''Well he did meet me and ruined mood for my date.'' Yongguk: ''So its true, You are seeing someone.'' You could swear that you hear                   him sniff end of the line.'' You: ''It's none of your business.'' You are getting angry. How dare he sound so              sad. Yongguk: ''I know. Sleep well Y/N.'' Without waiting for an answer he hangs up.

You are cuddled on Daehyuns side and scrolling trough your phone while he is working on his laptop. You and him made up quickly on the next day and now you were just enjoying each other's company. Youngjae was at Daehyun's and Jongup's place playing video games so you had ended up into your much smaller apartment. Daehyun's fingers slides up and down your side abstracted while his other hand keeps scrolling trough his computer.  A knock from your door comes by surprise and you hurry to open it. Panting Junhong stand by the door and his eyes are full of sadness, you didn't even know that he knew where you live. ''Y/N, we need to talk.'' He says without and explanation and pushes inside of your apartment. ''Umm, okay?'' You ask confused and Daehyun's attention is also captured by Junhong. Junhong glances Daehyun with mix or anger and sadness, but turns his words to you. ''Yongguk knew about your dept.'' He says and you feel color escaping your face.'' He found the demands of payments from your bedroom drawer. He didn't say anything because he wanted that you talk him about it. He kept waiting, but you never said a word. Then one day he decided that he had had enough and searched your dept collector into his hands. He tried to make some sort of deal and help you with your dept, but the loan sharks mind did not shake. He almost lost hope when his daughter happened to arrive on the scene. She got huge crush instantly towards Yongguk so the loan shark agreed to forgive your dept if Youngguk would go out with her instead of you.'' At this point you are crying loudly and holding your chest. Daehyun comes next to you and hug you without a word when Junhong keeps talking. ''There was one condition Yongguk wasn't allowed to tell you why he broke up with you. Of course he wouldn't either way because he knew it would break your heart. Luckily after few weeks the girl got bored of Yongguk and was running after her new crush. Because of the deal you are dept free and Yongguk is left with broken heart. He and Himchan kept telling me that I'm not allowed to say anything to you, but I couldn't take it anymore after He found out that you had already found someone else. I have never seen him cry.'' Tears keep leaking from your eyes and Daehyun is still hugging you. ''Go.'' He says voice full of pain. ''Go?'' You sniff confused. ''Go to Yongguk.'' He repeats and lets go of you. You move like in dream after you hear his words. You barely remember to put your shoes on when you run into cold night.   You keep running until you arrive to your old apartment complex. You care deeply about Daehyun, but Yonggok was love of your life. When you reach the front door of the apartment you keep hitting it loudly while tears are running freely on your face. When the door open you cling yourself into Yongguk's neck and keep bawling your eyes out onto his neck. He pulls you gently inside and shuts the door after him. ''Y/N why you are here, are you okay?'' He asks worriedly, instead of answering your lips finds his and Yongguk tenses at first but then answers your kiss feverishly. You pull away whit loud sniff. You aren't crying prettily like girls in the movies, instead your nose is running and your eyes are red and swollen. ''Why, why did you lie to me?'' You bawl and tighten your grip around him. Yongguk sighs. ''Was it Junhong?'' ''Yes! You should have been honest with me.'' You say and look into his eyes for the first time. His eyes are full of tears which are just waiting to fall. ''I thought that you have good reason to not share your worries with me.'' He smiles sadly and strokes your back gently. ''The reason was that I'm an idiot. I was scared that you would leave me if you found out.'' You admit weakly. ''Y/N I would never leave you because reason like that.'' ''I know it now.'' You feel quilt eating you out. ''You are silly, silly girl.'' Yongguk say and pulls you into another kiss.

Three figures are laying on the bed. Bed sheets are pulled all the way up to your chins and two men are sleeping peacefully you on the middle. You are too happy to sleep. Yongguk is on your left side holding tightly your hand where the ring has returned.  Daehyun is sleeping on your right side hanging on you like a koala. You don't know how you get so lucky with two of men who loved you deeply. You were shocked when Yongguk had wanted to meet Daehyun  and they both had admitted to want to be with you. You three had ended up into poly relationship you on the middle and your both boyfriends on the side. Sometimes they got overly jealous over each other, but mostly your relationship was going smoothly. Your circle of friends were shocked at first, but accepted your relationship quickly after they saw how happy you were with each other. You still felt most grateful towards Junhong because his words of truth had lead to your happiness. ''Aren't you sleepy?'' tired voice asks from your left side. ''I can't sleep. I'm too happy.'' You admit shyly. ''Me too baby, me too.'' Yongguk squeezes your hand gently.

[squirrelly831]

Falling Out of Love [Yongguk and Himchan]

This is angst for obvious reasons. It’s a break up reaction after all. I know I said I wouldn’t write an angst, but today really fucked me up and I needed a way to break.

Enjoy~

Yongguk

Mikyung sat outside in the harsh winter evening bundled in her heavy snow coat, black gloves, and a tan plaid ear-flap beanie. She shivered as she felt like her limbs were becoming ice. She let out a shaky breath as she looked down at her phone to see the time was an hour after she was to meet her boyfriend, Yongguk. There was no texts or calls by him even after she had sent him some. A hand appeared before her with a steaming hot drink and she looked up hopeful. However, upon seeing the face that was not her boyfriend, her shoulders slumped.

The man let out a deep chuckle, “Ouch, I’ll try not to take offense. It’s hot chocolate. I didn’t know what type of drink you’d want.” He moved his hand for her to take the drink, “I didn’t put anything in it if you’re worried. You can ask the barista–actually don’t he’s my brother and who knows what stories he’d tell you.” Mikyung smiled as she let out a light laugh. “Ah she can laugh. We’re all good folks, she’s good!” He shouted to the air.

Mikyung took the drink as the volume of her laugh grew. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

He sat beside her and shrugged, “I figured you were cold. You’ve been out here waiting for your boyfriend for the past hour.” He gave her a side gaze and saw her eyes squint as she eyes him suspiciously. “You’re out here when you could be somewhere like the cafe across the way when it’s snowing. Which means you have to be meeting with someone and you don’t seem to be the one to get involved in criminal activity unless I’m wrong. So, it would be fit to assume it’s a boyfriend.”

She took a sip of the hot chocolate and let a hum escape her lips, “You’re right… He seemed to have forgotten–again” she sighed as she leaned against the bench.

He gave her a sympathetic smile, “Well he sucks then because a girl as gorgeous as you can stolen right from under him.”

She chuckled before taking a sip, “As if he’d notice.”

“Then why are you with him?” He inquired causing her to pause. He got up from the bench and shook the snow from his jacket only for more to fall, “I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have to keep waiting around for a guy who won’t chase you. Maybe I’ll see you around uh–”

“Mikyung.”

His lips curled up, “Gorgeous name to go with you too. Well maybe I’ll see you, Mikyung. If not just go irritate the owner and ask him to contact Younghwi.” He winked before he headed down the street.

After the chance encounter, Mikyung had a chance to think. To really sit and look at her relationship with Yongguk. It wasn’t something sudden. How many important events had he missed in the last three years? How many dates were spent with her just waiting around? She understood his music was his life, but as long as they had been together, shouldn’t she at least be another priority? When she received a text from Yongguk for her to come to his place to see lyrics he wrote, Mikyung made up her mind and headed over.

When she reached his place she stood by the door and squeezed her eyes shut. She sucked in a deep breath and put in his code to his apartment for what would possibly be her last time. Did she love him anymore? Why was she still with him? To avoid hurting him? To not be single? The thoughts crossed her mind as she entered his house. She was overcome with his scent in the air, but it didn’t excite her like it used to. When did that happen? She had just been at his place a month and a half ago. Her heart would skip a beat just being outside his door. Mikyung headed in after slipping off her boots.

Yongguk gave her a gummy smile and his eyes formed crescents as she entered his home studio. Something that warmed her heart, but this time nothing which only furthered her assumption. “Jagi, I finally–” He stood and reached out to hug her, but she held out her hand to stop him.

“I didn’t come here to listen to the song” her took in a shaky breath. Breakups were always hard no matter who you were. “I came to breakup with you–I-I–I don’t love you anymore.” Yongguk’s hands dropped to his sides as he watched her hoping it was a joke. She caught his lip quiver as he looked down avoiding her gaze. “I’m sorry. I just-I didn’t want to do this over text. Goodbye, Yongguk.”

“Wait, can you at least tell me when? When did you–” His deep voice echoed the heart his heart felt. He couldn’t hear over the shredding of his heart. He couldn’t even finish his question as he sucked in air.

Mikyung stood at the door not facing him, “Somewhere between last time I was here and the day I was stood up. I guess I got tired of being after your music.” She looked back with a sad smile on her face, “I guess I was too selfish to be in a relationship like this. I’m sorry. I’ll keep rooting for you and I’ll be your fan and a friend if we can move on from this. You have my number. Bye, oppa.” She gave a small wave as she headed out his home studio.

Yongguk collapsed in his chair as he heard the front door shut. He grabbed the lyrics he wrote and stared at them before he pressed a hand to his lips as his eyes blurred with tears. He cursed the song, it was it’s fault that she left him. A stupid proposal song and he lost the love of his life for it. He threw the papers on the ground as his tears fell freely.

Himchan

“It is our great honor to invite you to OO Publishing Company as a Senior Editor in our Young Adult–” Brianna squealed as she read the email aloud to her best friend, Miki, who clapped. “I got the job!”

“You got the job!” Miki jumped off the bed and jumped Brianna. “I can’t believe it, I mean of course you’d get the job. Anyone would be stupid to not hire you.” Miki looked over her shoulder and read the rest of the email. Her smile fell as she reached a line, “You’re moving? This job requires you to move?”

Brianna looked down as she rubbed Miki’s arm that was around her neck, “Yea, it’s a job in London. I knew when I applied that it would be out of the country, but it’s my chance to do something I’ve always wanted to do. You understand, right Miki?”

“Yea” she shrugged but her shoulders slumped, “I just wish I knew before now… Does Himchan know?”

Brianna scoffed, “As if he does. I don’t even think he remembers he even has a girlfriend who moved all the way from her home country to be with him.”

“Bri–”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just bitter about it. I hadn’t thought about it honestly. I was just ready to pack up and leave.”

Miki gave her a sad smile, “Do you even love him anymore?”

“No.” Brianna shut her laptop and stood from her desk, “I don’t know why I’ve been postponing this. It’s something that has been a long time coming.” She picked up her phone from bed and sent Himchan a text, “I don’t want lingering problems, so I may as well just talk to him and end it… If he even replies to this. We haven’t talked in about two weeks.”

“Fighting?”

Brianna shook her head, “It’s just how our relationship has become.”

That weekend, Brianna met up with Himchan who grinned widely and hugged her about seeing her. “Hey love, sorry I suck at keeping up. We’ve been busy.”

Brianna gave a strained smile, “It’s fine.” They ordered their drinks and found a secluded spot. Himchan went on and on about his practice and B.A.P’s upcoming album. Brianna smiled as she listened to him. When did this stop working? When did they stop working?

“BriBri?” Himchan waved his hand in front of her. She was pulled from her thoughts and looked up at him to see concern. “What’s wrong?”

Brianna took a sip of her mocha before placing the drink on the table, “Guess I should just get it out. I got offered a job in London. It is a Senior Editor job in their Young Adult books.”

Himchan’s eyes widened, “Damn, that’s cool. I didn’t know you were applying for publishing companies again.”

Of course you didn’t. She bit back the comment. “It was actually from an application I sent in ages ago.”

“Well it’s a shame. They totally missed out, huh?” He chuckled.

Her eyebrow twitched, “No, I told them I’d take it. I go next week.”

Himchan froze as he went for his drink. Maybe he heard that wrong. “What?” His voice came out quiet but full of confusion.

She took another sip of her drink, “I told them I’d be a Senior Editor. It’s my dream to work in that line of work. Anyone would be a fool to pass it up.”

“And what about us?” His voice came out in a spat. More angry than he intended.

“What about us, Himchan?” She looked at him head on.

Her eyes had no love no spark of life that she used to get when she was with Himchan. His eye twitched as he broke the eye contact first. His hand tightened around the mug in his hands. When did she start looking at him like that? The blood flooded his ears and his heart felt like it was being wrung tightly.

Brianna watched him for a while as she let out a breath, “Listen… It’s not like I hate you or am resentful–I just… Fell out of love with you. I had some time ago. We just don’t have time for each other–”

“We can make more time then.”

“If we could we should have done it when it mattered. Now, now it’s too late.” She looked at her watch, “Miki is going to meet me in a bit to help me back. I gotta go. It’s been nice, Himchan.”

She stood and headed to leave, but as she passed him, his arm shot out. “Please–” His voice shook, “Is there anyway to fix this? I can’t lose you. Please, Brianna.” He looked back at her with tear filled eyes.

Brianna touched his hand and gentle took her hand from his grasp. She couldn’t hear his heart tear in two at the small gesture, “You’ll find someone who can love you better than I could. I’ll be rooting for you to find happiness.” She gave her one last smile before she walked away leaving Himchan to himself.

Part II || Part III

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

♕ REQUEST

☮ B.A.P MASTERLIST

∞ ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

[theworldofsisi]

Overdose Scene 2

Bang YongGuk, the leader and oldest member of B.A.P, sat at the desk in the band's recording studio, editing audio for a song that the band had been working on for 1004 (Angel's) album. With headphones on and gaze glued to the screen of his computer, he didn't hear the door opening, allowing the other five members of his band to enter the studio without his knowledge. He only noticed their presence when he felt a hand on his shoulder all of the sudden, which made him jump and somehow hit the delete button on the snippet of audio he had selected.

Daehyun, realizing what he had just made him do, stared at Yongguk with wide eyes. The leader took his headphones off and turned to face Daehyun, grinning slightly. “Everything's fine. The program I use has an undo function - I can get the audio back. If I couldn't, we'd be rerecording the entire song.” he turned back to the computer and pressed a button on the keyboard. The missing audio was put back where it had been a moment before. “So, what do you need? All of you came in here but you haven't said anything. Is it that important?”

Dae nodded even though YongGuk wasn't looking at him. “ Do you remember how we checked our weights together for fun right after we debuted?”

Yong turned to look at him out of curiosity. “Yeah. Why are you bringing it up- did you want to do it again or something?"

Daehyun glanced at the other members before nodding his head once. "I think it would be interesting to see how we've changed over the past few years, especially since Junhong has grown up so much," Dae said with a small smile. It was true that their Junhongie had grown and matured over the two years since their debut. However, that wasn't the only reason that he was smiling. He had managed to slip in a true excuse to cover up the main reason for the weigh in.

“Let me finish working on the song. When I get done, we'll go to the gym next door - they should have a scale.” He put his headphones back on and began working with the audio again. The rest of the members met each other's gazes before filing out of the studio, leaving their leader to his work.

A few hours later, the members of B.A.P were standing around the scale in the local gym. No one had volunteered to go first, so DaeHyun stepped onto the scale.

“It says one hundred forty-six,” Daehyun said after a few seconds, not really caring about the number. Dae stepped off and HimChan, deciding to go ahead and it get over with, stepped onto the scale. His weight read one-hundred fifty. He stared at the number in horror as he came to the painful realization that he had gained five pounds since the last time that he had checked his weight.

“HimChan hyung, is something the matter?” JongUp asked carefully when Him didn't step off the scale.

“N-nothing.” HimChan stuttered out as he moved off of the betraying scale. “Everything is fine.”

After HimChan, YongGuk sighed realizing that it was his turn to weigh himself. He stepped onto the scale and watched the numbers change.“One-hundred twenty-three.” he muttered casually after a moment. He realized that he had lost weight since the last time that the group had done a weight check, but he found that he didn't care. He stepped off and looked at his band-mates. He was confused to see that they were all staring at him with different expressions of shock and worry on their faces. “Is something wrong?” he asked carefully, still not understanding why they were staring at him like he was broken.

“YongGuk hyung... you've lost a lot of weight since the last time we came here together,” DaeHyun answered quickly, looking anywhere but at his leader's face. “You haven't been eating either - even when going out to restaurants, you don't order anything.”

YongGuk met Dae's gaze and sighed. “I do eat. Just because you don't always see me doesn't mean that I don't - if I didn't, I'd be dead by now. And you know that I like to work out - I come here at least once a week. That's why I keep losing weight.” Yong hated lying to them, but at the same time he hoped that they believed him - he hated making them worry more.

Zelo shook his head angrily. “Not lately you haven't been. I don't remember the last time that you said that you were going to the gym, even on days that we're not practicing. And maybe you do eat, but how often is it, huh? I see you eat maybe once every three or four days, and every time it's not even a full plate. How do you explain that, YongGuk-hyung?” he took a breath and glared into his leader's eyes. “You don't want us to see it, but you're not okay. It's alright to let us see you when you're weak, because we're not going to sit back and watch you slowly kill yourself, even if you don't care if you die. We care hyung.”

YongGuk took a step back and stared at his youngest member. He had been shocked into silence and couldn't formulate a coherent thought. There was only one time before that he had ever seen Zelo so adamant, and he didn't want to relive the memory that had led up to that event.

YoungJae gently laid his hand on Yong's shoulder. “The only thing that we're asking is for you to take better care of yourself, hyung. We need you to be our leader - you're the one who holds our band together. You could always get another member, but experienced leaders are hard to find. If we lose you, B.A.P won't exist.”

Yong shook his head. “I'm fine. Whatever you all think is the matter, you're wrong.”

“Didn't you say that you were “fine” when you tried to kill yourself? We could see that you were spiraling to a bad place, but we were too afraid to say anything. By the time that we realized that we should step in, you were already too far out of reach for us to help. We nearly lost you hyung.” Zelo was pleading with him now, feeling like had stepped on sharp glass and was trying to avoid making the cut deeper.

YongGuk looked down at the floor. “You don't know anything about that, Junhong.”

“I know that it started after your grandfather died,” Zelo responded, wishing immediately after he said it that it hadn't slipped out.

Yong turned away from Zelo and walked away without another word to any of the other members. He rushed out of the gym and began walking back to the dorm. He hadn't left because he was angry. No, he had left because Zelo had him completely figured out - the maknae knew exactly when his depression had started, and that it was still affecting him to this day. He wasn't ready to face that losing his grandpa still hurt him and made him have trouble sleeping at night. He didn't want to admit that he still blamed himself for not realizing that his grandpa was sick the last time he had seen him. He couldn't deal with the fact that he hadn't come home to see him more. He had betrayed his family for his career and was now paying for it by giving a piece of himself to his depression every time it tried to bring him to his knees.

Somehow by using muscle memory, YongGuk made it safely back to the dorm, but the damage had been done. The leader locked himself in the bathroom and broke down, allowing himself to cry for the first time in months. He finally realized that trying to act strong had made him weak. Hell, maybe his band-mates were right. He was broken.

[yutasbirthchin]

It’s Complicated

Text AU ft BAP and BTOB - Part 57

Previous / Next

[m00nk1ld]

“Don’t fear dying, fear not living.” Biker!Himchan ➝ m. list | biker bap m.list

[koreabooeauty]

The people that we were before and the people we are now have changed, you were perfect for me then, perfect for me now. You are perfect for me.

[apcomplexhq]

✦ Nome do personagem: Kim Himchan. ✦ Faceclaim e função: Hongjoong - Ateez. ✦ Data de nascimento: 20/01/1997. ✦ Idade: 27 anos. ✦ Gênero e pronomes: Masculino, ele/dele. ✦ Nacionalidade e etnia: Coreia do Sul, sul-coreano. ✦ Qualidades: Persuasivo, confiante e criativo. ✦ Defeitos: Pavio curto, cínico e teimoso. ✦ Moradia: Elysian Fields. ✦ Ocupação: Gerente no Dionysus Lounge e Produtor Musical. ✦ Twitter: @EF97KH ✦ Preferência de plot: ANGST, CRACK, FLUFFY, HOSTILITY, ROMANCE, SMUT. ✦ Char como condômino: Mesmo que tente passar despercebido, é um morador que chama atenção por seu estilo e língua afiada, é bastante atencioso e brincalhão quando bem “cafeinizado”. Ignora as reuniões de condomínio por desinteresse, mas não dispensa sociais que envolvem álcool e comida boa.

Biografia:

Bonito, recatado e do lar. Era assim que os pais de Himchan queriam que o filho fosse, mas algo no meio do caminho ou ainda no útero deu muito errado e o caçula acabou virando a decepção que todos evitam falar sobre. O que poderia deixar o garoto com inúmeros traumas, na verdade, virou sua maior inspiração, pois ainda pequeno desenvolveu uma confiança excessiva que o fazia acreditar que era bom em tudo que se propusesse a fazer. E era, na maioria das vezes. Com a música não foi muito diferente, começando cedo a escrever as próprias letras e aprendendo por si só a manusear instrumentos quando lhe foram negadas aulas particulares, e isso foi suficiente para que acreditasse que era um músico extraordinário… mas quer saber um spoiler? Não estava nem próximo disso! Ao menos não como pensava, sendo difícil conseguir um emprego na área sem ter um diploma nas mãos. Cansado de tantas respostas negativas, deu o primeiro passo para a mudança que aconteceria em sua vida, indo contra todo o planejamento feito pelos mais velhos que basicamente se resumiam a torná-lo em um “Plano B” e apoio para o filho primogênito caso este fracasasse como sucessor.

Seus pais o queriam na SNU assim como os outros irmãos. Administração seria o curso, pois dessa forma poderia dar sua contribuição nos negócios da família e de início até concordou para que os dois parassem de atazanar seu juízo e pudesse continuar com seus “passatempos” bancando o rockstar com uma banda de garagem que lhe rendiam discussões calorosas aos domingos. Porém, sua oferta de paz durou apenas um ano, pois no segundo acabou abandonando o curso e trocando Administração por Música sem avisar a família, deixando que os mais velhos descobrissem por conta própria. Uma afronta necessária para que pudesse fazer o que realmente gostava, como se a aparência exótica, como gostavam de se referir às constantes mudanças de cor de cabelo, inúmeros piercings, tatuagens e a atitude imprudente já não fizessem isso diariamente. Foi nesse momento que pensou que finalmente seria expulso de casa, o que aconteceu de certa forma, porque os mais velhos concordaram em arcar com os gastos da universidade com a condição que fizesse algo de útil e fosse aceito em alguma república onde pudesse criar conexões vantajosas para os negócios, de bônus ficando longe dos olhos deles e especialmente da mídia, a quem despertou curiosidade sobre sua ligação com o império hoteleiro dos Kim. Sendo que mais tarde, foi proibido de pisar em qualquer um dos prédios.

Mas o casal foi ingênuo em pensar que teriam tudo do jeito deles, pois como o bom filho obediente que era foi exatamente o que o garoto não fez, esnobando a casa dos burgueses e indo direto para uma república de artistas, um detalhe que jura ter sido um acidente e garantiu mais rugas no rosto severo do pai. A provocação não saiu de graça dessa vez, resultando na suspensão de seus cartões de crédito e Himchan tendo que se virar para ganhar dinheiro suficiente para suprir suas necessidades que de básicas não tinham nada. Era um consumista que valorizava seus hábitos fúteis. Só que nada disso o desanimou ou lhe fez mudar de planos e ceder a pressão, aguentando até o final da graduação com muito esforço e ódio envolvido, pois a parte teórica o tirava do sério, encontrando motivação e satisfação nas oportunidades que lhe foram oferecidas e que no mais tardar serviram como portas de entrada no ramo.

Depois de formado e livre das amarras da universidade, decidiu que tiraria alguns meses para “aproveitar a juventude” com o dinheiro que havia juntado com os pequenos shows em bares que passou a fazer, turnos em casas noturnas como bartender e DJ, mais o que conseguiu arrancar dos pais em pequenos furtos aos cofres que de seguros não tinham nada. Com a conta bancária farta, saiu pelo mundo visitando cidades onde nunca pisou antes e com paisagens e costumes que despertavam seu interesse. E o que era para ser apenas poucos meses se tornou facilmente um ano, tendo Himchan se deixando levar pela ilusão que era viver dia após dia sem responsabilidades e preocupações financeiras, regado a muita bebedeira e coletando conhecimento sobre a cultura local, focando claramente em tudo que envolvia música e instrumentos dos quais sequer havia ouvido falar em seus anos na universidade. Entretanto, o dinheiro que tinha não era infinito e ligar para casa pedindo por mais não era uma opção quando havia sumido sem avisar ou que ameaçasse de alguma forma a liberdade que havia conquistado, sendo por isso que interrompeu sua jornada, retornando para a capital coreana onde possuía conexões com outros músicos, produtores e até proprietários de casas noturnas nas quais trabalhou e frequentou assiduamente, que poderiam lhe estender uma mão. Esse pequeno choque de realidade era o que faltava para levar a sério sua carreira e sonho de tornar-se um produtor, participando de pequenos projetos inicialmente até conquistar seu espaço e confiança para pegar projetos com artistas de renome. E se pensou que o coreano estaria satisfeito com esse crescimento orgânico, tenho algo a dizer: Ele não estava! Pois foi só plantarem em sua mente a dúvida do porquê compor apenas para outros e não para si que o rapaz passou a trabalhar em projetos próprios, chegando até a arriscar mudar parte da setlist de suas apresentações que era majoritariamente covers para testar a recepção de seu público cativo. Atualmente está focado em lançar seu próprio álbum que possui como maior empecilho seu perfeccionismo e a teimosia em não dar ouvidos aos seus antigos mentores e agora colegas de trabalho, sendo um hábito diário para o Kim engavetar músicas atrás de músicas sem as finalizar.

Mas deixando seus debates profissionais de lado, ver os frutos de sua rebeldia e talento é fácil, basta perguntar se o rapaz deixou de morar em muquifos (uma bela ironia quando se descobre quem é sua família) e onde se esconde dos olhos curiosos atualmente, um condomínio de luxo onde também trabalha, tendo como resposta um Himchan risonho e brincalhão ao fazer pouco caso de suas aquisições. Passando a colecionador imóveis em diversos bairros da capital porque não se contenta com apenas um estúdio, alguns são melhores que outros, todos comprados por impulso como aconteceu em uma pequena vila que visitou, e que por meses morou. E na garagem irá sempre encontrar nada menos que o carro do ano ou sua moto de estimação, bens que ostenta sem vergonha alguma e tem orgulho ao mesmo tempo que mantém sua vida privada, segura. O que dizer? As coisas estão caminhando bem para o rapaz para quem olha de fora, mas quem o conhece mais a fundo sabe o quão pressionado se sente e que o fracasso está sempre à espreita, ainda mais quando suas ambições envolvem fazer justamente aquilo que seu pai o proíbe de fazer: tornar-se uma figura pública. Um efeito colateral inevitável para Himchan que além de desejar debutar na indústria, também almeja fundar sua própria gravadora em um futuro próximo.

[katbyun]

BAP - Most to Least Likely to Have A Lazy Day in Bed With Their S/O

Hello!!! I’m sorry it took a little while for this to come out, but I really hope you enjoy it! If you want a more detailed version feel free to ask for separate members in a headcannon template! Requested by @noona-clock

MOST

Youngjae - The most likely to want this is our geeky boy Youngjae. He would be happy to not have to pretend to be something he isn’t and instead be somewhere comfortable with you where he can let go and be himself with you all day long, with no interruptions.

Himchan - Himchan would love this purely for the romantic aspect. He wouldn’t have to be very active - that is unless the both of you decide on a certain activity - and he could spend the day worshipping the ground you walk on. Be prepared to feel the love on this lazy day.

Zelo - Standing near the middle, it depends on how he is feeling. He loves bringing you out on adventures and teaching you how to skate (whether you’re good at it or not is another topic entirely), but sometimes he loves staying home with you. It’s intimate and it’s a good time for him to show you just how much he loves you.

Yongguk - Yongguk is further down because it would be difficult to have him and home and relaxing without doing any type of work. You’d have to either distract him or tell him plainly that you miss him and want a day with him. No work, no phones, just the both of you. If you did that, he would relent and enjoy his day with you wrapped up in his arms.

Daehyun - Daehyun is the type to want to take his s/o out somewhere. Even if it started out as a lazy morning, he would want to go and get something to eat, go find something new. He has too much energy to stay in one place for too long, and so you would have to compromise with him - half the day alone with you and half the day elsewhere. Bribe him by ordering in and you’re good for another hour or two!

Jongup - Now this one has trouble sitting still for that long, so keeping him home with you would be nearly impossible. Not because he would complain, but because you feel bad. He will be fidgety the entire time you two are together, so you can either compromise and go somewhere for a bit, or you can find some….better ways to expend all that energy. Not that either of you two would mind much, really.

LEAST

Hope you like it!!!

-Admin Baozi

Headcannons, Reactions and MTL are open here~!

[just-khh-scenarios]

The Dragon’s Lover: Chapter 6

Mirae’s POV

I start the engine of the car, and quickly drive away before anyone can see me. After pulling out from the circular driveway of the church, I come to a red light. For a moment everything stops, everything seems to be stuck in this specific moment in time. I look at my surroundings and eventually come to my senses. What am I doing? Even if I run away, where would I go? There’s nowhere in this world I can go that my father wouldn’t be able to find me, and even if I wanted to I can’t. I can’t run away. Everything I worked for would be all for nothing and running away from my problems is never a solution that I resorted to.

I make a U-turn and go back to the church, but not before making a quick stop at McDonald’s. I can’t escape from this wedding but I can sure as hell make them regret it. I pull up to the drive thru and order my food, as I pull up to the window to pay I see the worker look at me with shock and confusion. I look down and remember I’m in a wedding dress, and realize how absurd the situation might look. There’s an awkward tension in our interaction, and I pay and get my food without either of us addressing the elephant in the room.

After eating my food in the McDonald’s parking lot, which I found was more difficult than anticipated with the suffocating dress I had on, I decide that it’s time for me to go back to the church. I pull up to the driveway and see guards frantically searching for me. I park in front of the entrance and see some of the guards looking relieved at my arrival, while others wore a look of anger. I straighten myself out and made my way into the church.

At the entrance I spot my father talking with a few of his men and Himchan. I approach them as a look of relieve washed over my father’s features, which were quickly replaced by those of anger.

“Where did you go Mirae, do you know what time it is?” My father scolds me as Himchan stood next to him with the same lifeless expression he always wore.

“I went for a drive.” I answer and my reply only seems to anger my father more.

“Do you know how much troubled you’ve caused with your little adventure?” He contiues to scream, and I just roll my eyes.

“I’m back now aren’t I? Now are we gonna get this wedding started or should we wait for you to finish your breakdown?” I spit back. He takes a deep breath in and gives the order that the wedding will start to the guards surrounding him.

The large double doors leading to the wedding hall open and the next thing I knew I’m walking down the aisle with my father. The church is beautiful, a venue fit for a royal wedding. This is every girls dream, but in this moment I wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but here. After the never ending walk down the alter I come face to face with Yongguk, and my father gives him a quick smile before handing me off. I was surprised to see that Yongguk wasn’t angry, what was even more surprising is that he looked somewhat happy. Yongguk takes my hand and we face our attention to the priest.

Yongguk’s POV

At the sound of the wedding bells I was filled with rage. It would have just been better if she had run away, but instead she decided to waste my time only to comeback. I knew she was doing this to get under my skin, and it was working. When I turn around to see her walking down the aisle with her father all my anger seemed to disappear. She looked stunning, I knew she was beautiful, but today she was glowing. Even though the long veil covered her face, I could still make out her features. She wore a look of defeat on her face, although I should have been happy about it something in me felt bothered by this. Perhaps it’s because I wish she was here willingly, but I have no reason to have such desires.

I take her hand and give her a quick smile which she replies to by rolling her eyes. This only motivated me though, nothing in this world was out of my reach. That’s why I took an interest in her to begin with, because she wasn’t like the other girls that I was usually surrounded by. They would all fight to see who would accompany me, but her she didn’t want anything to do with me. One day I’d have her heart, and it would be sooner rather than later.

“Do you, Bang Yongguk take Kwon Mirae to be your lawfully wedded wife?” The priest asks.

“I do.” I answer without hesitation.

“Do you, Kwon Mirae take Bang Yongguk to be your lawfully wedded husband?” The priest asks. She doesn’t answer, leaving me to wonder if she’d come up with some gimmick to get herself out of this situation. She was unpredictable.

“I do.” She finally answers.

“With the power invested in me I pronounce you Husband and Wife, you may kiss the bride.” I look to Mirae and slowly remove her veil. Her face is now fully revealed, and she was even more stunning than that I could have ever imagined. I place my hand on her cheek and pull her in for a kiss. To my disappointment the kiss doesn’t go beyond a peck and she pulls away quicker than I had hoped.

We turn to the audience and give them a smile, as their cheers escort us out of the building. We enter my black Bentley, and in an instant we’re left with complete silence.

“How does it feel to be married Ms. Bang?” I smirk, glancing over at my new wife.

“Shut up and drive you son of a bitch.” I chuckle as I start the engine and drive off from the Church’s entrance.

[narika-a]

B.A.P Mafia Reaction: When you’re scared of having their children

||| @turtle-bo1 asked: BAP. Mafia au (love me some of that Mafia au) their SO gets scared because she found out she was pregnant and she is scared that the baby will get hurt, because you know enemies and crap |||

Bang Yongguk

Hella protective mode activated.

“Why are you scared? Did somebody say something to you?? Was somebody threatening you??? Did somebody even dare look in your direction????” the questions continue for about 2 hours

Kim Himchan

Would reassure you hundred times a day that he won’t let anything happen to you or your child.

“Babe could you please hear me out before you start panicking? There is nothing to worry about...”

Jung Daehyun

Would feel slightly disappointed that you think so little of him.

“On that day I swore that I will protect you. Don’t you trust me anymore?”

Yoo Youngjae

You would forget your worries after 10 minutes of telling him.

“Are you seriously concerned about that? We should be celebrating!! I’m going to be a father!! Oh my gaaah!!” *proceeds to freak out*

Moon Jongup

Was sitting in silence, sighing loudly every few seconds after you told him how you felt.

“I’m sorry babe but do you seriously think I would let anyone to even get close to you or our child?”

Zelo/Choi Junhong

Would hug you tightly out of the blue.

“Do you feel safe with me? Because that’s exactly how it will be for our child.”

[noonaduck]

We used to be so in love.teaser

Pairing: B.A.P Yongguk x reader, Daehyun x reader genre: non idol AU, Angst, Smut, oneshot

1st unedited draft.

[gifs belongs to their rightful owners]

The moon was bright and shined trough the open window curtains which moved in the wind. A woman was sleeping peacefully her eyes tightly closed and a blanked tightly in her fist. Sweet smile on her lips told story about happy dreams she was having. A man was sitting next to her and stroke gently her soft hair. The woman sifted on her sleep and the man got scared that he woke her up. Luckily she just rolled over and kicked her blanked into messy pile in the end of bed. The ring on her right hand got his attention. It hasn't been long when he had given it for her. When she said yes was happiest day in his life. It was breaking his heart that he needs to take it back so quickly and let her go because of another woman.