#him being so self-aware… i’m glad that he isn’t offended when people call him sensitive

[planetkiimchi-rbs]

@wheeboo

SEUNGKWAN Hit The Road Ep. 07, The Road We Walk Together

[hollandtomholland]

Movie Night - T.H.

---> Roommate!/Bestfriend!Tom x reader

A/N: Hey guys, it’s been a while! This is my first attempt at writing again after my hiatus and it’s based on a request sent in by @obsidiandolans. I hope I did it justice! Also requests are still open, so send me your ideas and I’ll write you a little something. Much love as always xo

Summary: Move night is the best night, and with Tom and Haz as roommates, it’s always a success. Tonight, though, things are a little different. Lingering feelings are bound to shake things up for you and Tom, no matter how hard you try to ignore them. 

Words: 3.5k

Whoever said three is a crowd has clearly never lived with Tom and Haz.

The three of you have been best friends for as long as you can remember, so when the time came to find somewhere to live, you didn’t even have to ask if you’d be getting a place together.  Two years later and your cosy little flat is the perfect home, nestled just outside of the vibrant city centre. Each piece of furniture tells a story; the battered old sofa the boys dragged back from a garage sale, the kitchen table stained with countless rings from Tom’s coffee cup, the stack of blankets that keep you warm during winter movie nights. You couldn’t ask for a better place to come home to – or better people, at that.

There is one thing, though, that could be a little better. A lot better, you think, as you glance at Tom from your place at the kitchen table. He’s sprawled out across the sofa watching TV, one arm behind his head and the other clutching a cushion to his chest. Even in his sweatpants with unbrushed hair, he looks like an angel.

Over the past year or so, your feelings for Tom have grown and changed into something that no longer resembles the normal feelings you should have for a friend. The sound of his voice in the morning makes your heartbeat race, one look in those warm brown eyes makes your breath catch in your throat and oh god, you’re in too deep. He’s kind, sensitive, so perfect it almost hurts. Every day you fall a little bit harder, and being so close to him all the time complicates the situation even more.

Of course, you’re a long way from straight up admitting your feelings. How would you even go about that? It would change the way you live irrevocably, and not just for you and Tom – it would affect Haz too. There’s just so much to consider, and you know you’re not ready to take that kind of risk.

You probably never will be.

And so, the path of least resistance is the one you choose: doing nothing. Life carries on as normal, with both Tom and Haz none the wiser as far as you’re aware. Besides, you’ve got more important things to worry about, like the work you should definitely be focusing on right now rather than staring at your best friend.

“Aw, damnit!” Haz curses, scowling into the fridge.

You glance over and raise an eyebrow at him. “What was that for?”

He sighs, waving an empty milk carton at you. “No milk. Because someone –“ he says, turning to direct his ire at the boy laid out on the sofa, “Forgot it was their turn to buy some!”

Ah, the never-ending milk debate. Tom looks up with a sheepish grin on his face, hand running through his unruly curls. “Sorry, mate, totally forgot. I’ve had my head buried in this new script all day and it completely slipped my mind”.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll just have to suffer through milkless tea till tomorrow” Haz replies theatrically, throwing the back of his hand against his forehead.

You close the lid of your laptop and stand up from the table, glad for the distraction from work. “I was gonna run out and grab some popcorn for movie night anyway, I can get the milk at the same time”

Movie nights are the best nights, in your opinion. Cuddled up in blankets, a bowl of fresh popcorn between the three of you, and a good movie? It’s your idea of perfection. Recently, though, you’ve started relegating yourself to the armchair rather than getting up close and personal with a certain someone. The three of you have never shied away from snuggling up together, but with your feelings being what they are, it’s no longer doable for you. Being pulled into Tom’s warm chest, his arm slung over your shoulders with your legs crossed over his… yeah, that’s not a good idea. Why torture yourself any more than you have to, right?

“Great idea!” Tom says, quickly pushing himself to his feet. “Lemme grab my coat and I’ll join you”

“Oh, don’t worry about it” you cut in hurriedly, “You’ve got work to be doing”.

Alone time with Tom is, unsurprisingly, something else you’re keen to avoid. The city is oddly romantic when it’s late, and even a short moonlit stroll to the shops would be a little much for you. How have you let it get this bad, you wonder. It’s hardly fair to Tom, pushing him away like this, but you tell yourself it’s for the best.

“Nah, I could do with a break and some fresh air” he persists, smiling warmly at you. One look from him could make you do anything, but luckily your sense of self-preservation takes over.

“Seriously, Tom, I’ll be quicker on my own” you tell him, fixing him with a determined gaze. His eyes search your face for a moment, intense and melting as they briefly lock onto yours. You swallow hard.

“Hmm, suit yourself” he says finally, eyes dropping to the ground as he wanders over to the kitchen.

“And make sure to grab a couple of pints at least, I’ll betcha anything Mr. ‘I totally forgot’ will forget again” Haz adds as you slip on your coat, eliciting a groan of protest from Tom. You nod over your shoulder as you head out of the apartment, the door closing with a click behind you.

Tom watches the door for a moment, rubbing at his cheek with thumb. He’s interrupted by a sharp cough, whipping round to scowl at the offender.

“You’re seriously testing my patience” Haz says, nudging Tom in the ribs as he walks past.

“What d’ya mean?”

“I’ve told you a million times, just tell her you love her and get it over with – for my sake, if not yours”.

There’s a moment of silence whilst Tom figures out how to respond. Harrison catches his hesitation and rolls his eyes, gesturing for his friend to join him on the sofa. “Don’t give me all that ‘it’s not so simple’ crap, cause it really is”.  

Tom sighs and flops down into the cushions, pulling his knees up to his chest. “But we’ve known her for years, Haz, she’s our best mate. I can’t fuck that up by making things… weird”

“Weird? Please, we passed weird a long time ago when you started getting flustered if she so much as smiles at you” Haz replies, grimacing. “You’re being so obvious it’s insane”.

“I just don’t know what to do, you know? She’s been so distant lately, too” Tom frowns at Harrison, who smiles wryly at his friend’s confusion.

“Distant? You think?” he chuckles.

“I don’t… she’s just… wait, what are you saying?”

“I’m not saying anything, mate. All I know is that being in the middle of all of this is getting old.” Haz sighs, throwing his arms behind his head. “And it’s about time you did something about it”.

Twenty minutes later you arrive back at the flat, armed with three pints of milk and enough popcorn to feed a village. “I went for sweet and salted, since you guys seem to change your preference every time” you call as you kick your shoes off, before wandering into the kitchen. “And three pints of milk just to be on the safe side”.

Back in his usual position on the sofa, Tom smiles warmly up at you. “I owe you one!” he says, swinging his feet to the ground and walking over to join you.

“Don’t worry about it. Where’s Haz? Movie night is a-go!” you reply, opening a bag of popcorn with a dramatic flourish. Tom laughs, reaching across you to grab a bowl from the cupboard

“In bed. He’s got an early morning tomorrow, wanted to catch up on some sleep”.

Haz isn’t joining you for movie night? Oh, this isn’t good. Two hours or so alone in the dark with Tom is the last thing you need right now.

“What? But movie night is a tradition, he can’t just miss one!” you protest, folding your arms across your chest. “Maybe we should postpone till tomorrow then”.

Tom takes the popcorn from you and empties it into the bowl. “He’s cool with us going ahead with it, don’t worry” he says, before nodding to the sofa. “Come on, let’s get started”.

You follow hesitantly, aware that further protests will only make you seem more suspicious. The next problem that crosses your mind is a matter of seating. With Haz gone, you no longer have your usual ‘you guys take up all the space!’ excuse for not joining Tom on the sofa. You watch as he picks a cosy blanket from the top of the stack, throwing it around his shoulders like a cape. “If you’d like to take a seat, madame,” he grins, “The presentation will begin shortly!”

With that, he throws himself back into the sofa cushions, patting the empty space beside him. There really is no way you can refuse, and so you obligingly take your place. “And what presentation will that be exactly?” you ask, trying to push the heightened awareness of his closeness from your mind. By way of an answer, he picks up the remote to switch the TV on. The screen flickers to life, revealing a very familiar title screen.

“Infinity War? Come on, you must’ve seen this a hundred times!” you exclaim. Though he’s not the type to get a kick from watching himself onscreen, Tom has always had a soft spot for Infinity War. He had so much fun making it, and you’re certain that watching it as often as the three of you have done is simply an excuse for him to re-live the great memories he has of being on set.

Tom grins, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “What can I say? It’s a favourite. And don’t pretend you don’t love it cause I know you do” he teases, before pulling the blanket from his shoulders and laying it gently over the both of you. “Ready?”

No, you think.

“Go for it!” you say, and the familiar Marvel logo fills the screen. Laying the remote down on the coffee table, Tom settles back into the cushions and shuffles in until his side is pressed against yours. He rests his arm casually across your shoulders, letting out a gentle sigh of contentment.

This isn’t going to be easy.

At least someone can relax, you think. As the film unfolds, though, a part of you has to admit that you’ve missed this. Complicated feelings aside, you’ve always valued the level of closeness you have with the boys. Platonic intimacy is greatly underrated, and let’s be honest, everyone needs a little human touch every now and again. The fact that it happens to be coming from the boy you’re in love is just an added bonus – he’s just so warm, and familiar, and comforting…

Yeah, definitely not easy.

Still, if you focus on the film and let your mind quieten down for a while, it’s almost like things are back to normal. Just two friends, sharing popcorn and blanket, enjoying a great movie together. Simple. You can do this.

And for most of the movie, you manage perfectly fine – and then the final sequence begins. Why do you always forget how devastating this movie is? It hits you right in the chest, just like it did the very first time you watched it. As the faces you know and love turn to dust onscreen, that little lump starts to form in your throat and your eyes begins to fill with hot tears. It’s no use controlling your emotions, you’ve tried and failed a hundred times before.

When the worst part begins – you know the part – those tears start to slip down your cheeks.

“I don’t feel so good”

Of course this part makes you cry. You know it’s not real, and you know Tom’s safe right beside you, but god does it hurt seeing that lovely face crumble into nothing in front of you. Pulling the blanket up to your chin, you turn your face away from him in a bid to conceal your emotions.

It’s a little late for that, though.

“Oh, love” he murmurs, his voice soft as he notices your tears. The arm around your shoulders pulls you into his chest, a hand stroking your hair. “It’s okay”.

Against your better judgement you let yourself relax into him, cheek pressed into the soft knit of his jumper. His familiar scent fills your senses, equal parts comforting and exhilarating. The gentle rise and fall of his chest is broken by a low chuckle, “Gets you every time, doesn’t it”. He’s the perfect antidote to the emotional wringer that Infinity War is putting you through, always so sweet and kind and caring and…

This is exactly what you should not be doing, you realise. You carefully extricate yourself from his embrace, letting the blanket slip from off your shoulders as you sit up. “Sorry about that” you mumble, focusing your gaze back on the screen. Out of the corner of your eye you can see him looking at you, brow furrowed slightly.

“Nothing for you to be sorry for” Tom replies, shuffling round to face you. The corners of his lips are curled into a sympathetic smile, as he reaches out a hand to gently brush a stray tear from your cheek. His touch is so light and fleeting you should barely be able to feel it, and yet it’s as if his fingertips leave burning imprints on your skin. “If anything, I’m flattered. Means I must’ve been doing something right, hmm?”

You nod, managing what you hope is a convincing smile as you settle back into the sofa and try to concentrate on the film’s closing moments.  Tom, however, still has his gaze firmly fixed on you. “Now you’ve got me all emotional, darling. I hate seeing you cry, especially when I’m the one who caused it” he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m fine, Tom, honestly. Think I’m just tired” you tell him, bunching up the edge of the blanket in your hand. “Probably best I get an early night, actually”.

Quit before you give too much away, you think, pushing the blanket off your lap.

“Oh. Well okay, I’ll, um…I’ll…” Tom begins, his voice trailing off as he watches you.

You flash him a smile, and begin to stand up. “Enjoy the rest of the film, I’ll see you in the morning”.  

“Actually, darling, hang on a minute”.

There’s a change to his voice, a hint of something deeper colouring his words as he sits up straight. “Can you just sit back down for a second? Please?”

He looks up at you, his expression unreadable as he gestures to the space beside him. No matter how much you want to remove yourself from the situation, you can’t say no, but as a compromise to yourself you choose to sit in the armchair instead. A bit of distance is a wise idea, especially since you can’t take your mind off how good it felt to be close to him again.

His shoulders drop slightly as he watches you sit, his gaze falling to the floor for a second before returning to meet yours with renewed determination. “Why do you keeping doing that?” he asks, his forehead creased as his eyes burn into yours.

“Doing what?”

“Running away from me. Like you want to be as far away from me as possible”.

His words are thick with real emotion, a desperate, pleading rawness that burrows its way into your chest and clutches at your heart. You don’t know what to say, so taken aback by the sudden shift in atmosphere. It’s impossible to look at him in the moment, your eyes cast downward as you pick at the embroidery on a cushion.

He knows you well enough to realise you’re not going to reply. A humourless laugh escapes his lips, a hand coming up to rub his brow as he shakes his head. “And it sucks, you know? You being so far, right when I want you even closer”.

Your breath catches in your throat.

What’s happening?

Across the room, Tom stiffens in his seat. He knows that with one simple statement, he’s crossed a line that there’s no going back from – so he pushes forwards. “I’m just gonna say this now, cause I don’t know that there will ever be a right time, so… I can’t be ‘just friends’ with you anymore, Y/N. I can’t”.

He lets the words hand in the air for a second, pausing to gage your reaction.

You can barely allow yourself to breathe, lest the tiniest sound or movement fracture the moment you almost can’t believe is happening. Slowly, you lift your gaze to meet Tom’s. His eyes are dark and intense, cheeks flushing a heated pink as he holds your gaze. Still you say nothing, but the steady eye contact is enough to steel him on.

“I think I’ve known it for a while. Haz certainly knows it, and I don’t know, maybe you know it as well. But it’s true. I just…” he continues, swallowing hard. All of his bravado, his easy charisma, his defenses – it all drops away. There’s a vulnerability about him as he sits across from you, his eyes wide and his lips parted.

“I love you”.

And then, almost as if he’s admitting it to himself for the first time, “I’m in love with you”.

There it is.

Whatever happens, he’s said it. No going back now, no matter how much he fears he’s ruined things forever. “So now you know. And I’m not… I’m not expecting to you say anything, cause I know it’s a lot to just drop on you” he says, pushing himself to his feet. “So I’m gonna head to bed and give you some space, and when it’s right for you maybe we can –“

“Tom, wait”.

You push yourself out of the armchair, fighting the fog of emotion and adrenaline to get your words out straight. “Now is right for me”.

Tom pauses, choosing neither to sit nor move any closer. He’s frozen, held in limbo, and you know that your next words are the key to setting him free. It’s a lot of responsibility, but luckily this is a moment you’ve been rehearsing over and over in your mind. You know exactly what to say.

“Everything you’ve said, about not being ‘just friends’ anymore? I get it. I get it cause I’ve been thinking the same thing”

You let your gaze roam over his face, his perfect face, and you recognise a glimmer of hope in those beautiful eyes. “Tom, that’s the reason why I’ve been running away all the time. Every time we got close it was too much for me, too hard to act normal. It was just easier to stay away rather than risk giving myself up”.

Even though he’s already made it clear how he feels, the nerves still claw at your throat as you let slip the most crucial words. “I love you too, Tom”.

In seconds, he’s across the room and right in front of you. That glimmer of hope has burst into pure light, his eyes full of joy and love as he gazes down at you. His arms wrap around your back, pulling you into his chest for the second time tonight – now, though, you don’t want to pull away. This feels right, even more so when he tilts his head and closes the gap between your lips. It’s a gentle brush at first, the two of you savouring the moment before he catches your bottom lip between his and deepens the kiss. Your hands tangle in his hair, and one of his comes up to cup your jaw and pull you even closer.

You can feel him smile into the kiss, before he pulls back ever so slightly to rest his forehead against yours. Neither of you say anything, basking in the moment’s glow as you gaze into each other’s eyes.

A clatter from the kitchen interrupts your post-kiss haze, and you turn to see Haz frozen with a glass in his hands. “Don’t mind me” he says, slowly backing away until he’s just the other side of the door frame. “As you were”.

Tom lets out a low chuckle, his hands gripping your hips as he nods at his friend. “Goodnight, mate”.

Haz disappears into his room, raising his glass to you in a mock salute before closing the door.

“How do you think he feels about being a third wheel?” you ask Tom, resting your hands against the firmness of his chest.

“Ah, I think he’s okay with it. Doesn’t really have a choice, does he?” he replies, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Now, where were we?”