#hilariously to play a bard well is an exercise in humility

[utilitycaster]

how do you choose which new spells to learn? do you confer with your fellow players? I kinda want to play a bard soon but coming from druid + cleric, I am a bit stressed out at not being able to swap and adjust to the situation.

Hi anon! For the most part I don't confer with my other players, but I do need to warn you that I'm playing with an unearthed arcana rule that does let me swap out one spell per day. I specifically will coordinate with the druid player on that, and that also means I'm a little less locked in than most bard players.

I think beyond the basics (take one of the core healing spells, dissonant whispers*, and vicious mockery) it really comes down to essentially what I've been saying: what sort of game are you generally playing, what is your general role in the party/what gaps exist, and what do you want to do with the character?

It's also worth keeping in mind: the expectations for bard are not the same as cleric, usually. You are a full caster; you do have very powerful magic; you also are going to be talking or lying your way out of a lot of problems. So, I think it's helpful to remember that it's okay if you're not perfectly built for the situation (and, to be honest, even a cleric or druid can get caught by surprise). There's a core bard feature called jack of all trades and that is fundamentally the flavor of the class. You want to have a healing spell, some damage spells, probably some standard arcane utility although if you're in a caster-heavy party, you can forgo this, and a lot of buffs. No one expects you to be tailored to any specific situation. They expect you to have something that kind of works regardless of the situation.

That said: I think a lot of people do not take advantage of the fact that bards (and other classes/subclasses who know rather than prepare spells) can swap out known spells each time they level up in that class. If you have a spell that's not working? switch it out!

I realize this is more general advice than what I do but this is roughly what I do. I have healing word, most of the high utility spells like detect magic, identify, dispel magic, leomund's tiny hut, and sending, a few damage spells that are less likely to do terrible things to our paladin and monk/barbarian, and some combat utility with bane, polymorph, and dimension door. Much of my damage prior to taking scorching ray with magical secrets was either vicious mockery, dissonant whispers, or weapon damage. As a bard, unless you're swords or valor? You are here to make the assist. You are unlikely to strike the final blow on the dragon. You are very likely to be the reason why the rest of your party is still standing so that they can strike the final blow on the dragon.

*dissonant whispers is one of the few bard damage spells that can have a single target. The bard list doesn't really have attack spells, you will notice, so a lot of your damage is AOE, and if you have melee party members, that can get rough. Dissonant whispers is a saving throw that does half damage on a save, it won't hurt your allies, AND if the enemy fails they have to run from you which provokes opportunity attacks from your melee allies. It's GREAT and every bard should take it.