#hiatus applies to this blog too unfortunately :(

[bettsfic]

on hiatus! (pinned post)

just a few things for anyone who happens to stop by my blog this coming month, like one of those people who puts out a giant bowl of candy for trick-or-treat.

i will be gone. doing serious writerly things.

and definitely absolutely not writing opla and/or barbie fanfic.

i'm headed to a writing residency for all of october! in an effort to actually focus and use this opportunity as it's intended, i've closed my ask. unfortunately while i tried very hard to answer as many as i could before leaving, there are still quite a few i didn't get to.

if you have a question, you can peruse my writing advice tag to see if i've answered something like it already.

my queue, however, is full of stuff so you'll still be seeing opla/sw/barbie posts from time to time.

september newsletter!

check out the newest issue of the lkwrnl, where i write about the aesthetic threads that run through my projects and that's why i don't mind chucking a 100k story into the abyss*

*i absolutely do mind. but the point is that it ends up working out.

Fanauthor Workshop Fall 2023 session

i've extended the deadline for @fanauthorworkshop applications to October 3rd.

you can apply on submittable. if you have a question, message me on discord (i'm bettsfic there too).

OFIC Magazine Issue #7

@oficmag's next issue drops October 1st. you can subscribe on patreon or buy it from our store.

icymi: tumblr writing workshops

if you missed the writing exercises from last month, here's a masterpost of them.

okay that's it from me for now. time for a very long drive!

[whimsyswastry]

AO3 Asks

Tagged by @quietborderline 💛 (I'm still working on the last writing asks you sent me! But this one looks like is much easier than picking out specific lines from my writing, so hopefully it won't take two months plus to publish lol)

Tagging: All you writers out there. I'll tag a couple of you directly, but please don't feel pressured to answer. And if I didn't tag you, it's my lizard brain. Please answer them and tag me so I can read your wonderful answers 💛

@flamehairedsiren @pigeontheoneandonly @greypetrel @destiel-wings

How many works do you have on AO3? 39 (Mostly one shots)

What's your total AO3 words count? 105,481

What fandoms do you write for? The last year has been Mass Effect only, but I have a few Dragon Age and Greedfall pieces as well. And there might be an Anthem ficlet? I can't remember.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (1) Masquerade & Mysteries (Greedfall) (2) 31 Days of Kurtober (Greedfall) (3) The Hot Zone (Mass Effect: Andromeda) (4) Unharrowed (Dragon Age) (5) Operation Leviathan (Mass Effect)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Almost always. I really enjoy getting comments and even though I get incredibly anxious to respond because even though I feel like an imposter to be like "OMG THANKS!!!" I am truly thankful for the time they took to not only read, but to reach out, too.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Unharrowed; but only because it's plotted out to be a trilogy. So the first book ends with a high level of angst. Unfortunately, the one that's currently published to AO3 is not only unfinished, but also COMPLETELY different from the re-write I'm working on.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Masquerades & Mysteries, but technically it's not done yet. Because...I feel way too intimidated to finish the story, because in truly 10K story fashion, it ends with a smut chapter. And I don't really do that.

Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten some...disappointing comments that paraded under the false pretenses of "constructive criticism" but as they were from strangers, it mostly just felt like criticism. But only on Unharrowed which makes sense because Unharrowed (the version that's published on AO3) is very weak. It was my first story coming back from a 15 year hiatus of writing fiction (I'd been too busy writing academic research papers). And...you can tell.

Do you write smut. If so what kind? I do, but usually fade-to-black scenarios before it gets explicit. I have one story that I wasn't planning on fading to black, and it has been sitting in limbo for like 3 years because I'm too intimidated to try and write it.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I don't do DIRECT crossovers, but I will definitely take pieces of other fandoms and just apply them to my own. I haven't written it yet, but I do have a pretty wild pseudo-crossover planned. It's the plot of House of Ashes by Supermassive, but instead of the HOA characters, they're all the characters from Mass Effect.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of, but that's probably because every single fic I have published so far is only half done. And also because I have a couple dedicated readers, but I don't advertise my writing very often (not advertise, but things like blogging the links)

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I've never co-written, but I've had the opportunity to give my input while beta-ing my best friends Dragon Age fic.

What's your all-time favourite ship? I can choose favorites in each fandom, but probably not all time. Kaidan and Shepard have been reining supreme lately though.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I am uncertain I'll ever finish Unharrowed. I had planned on writing 50k of it this year for NaNo, but due to health issues, I have chosen to not participate in NaNo this November. Hopefully I can still crank out 50K in April during camp.

What are your writing strengths? Plot. My plots are banger. Dialogue sounds pretty natural, I think.

What are your writing weaknesses? CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Which sucks, because you can have a weak story, that people will still love if your characters are strong. And my character aren't weak, but they are not dynamic. They don't tend to grow. Hopefully, realizing that about myself over the last year, maybe I can change that.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I don't mind if it makes sense storywise, or if it's a nickname for another character. But in general, I think it just creates more work for the reader, which isn't always a good decision.

First fandom you wrote for? Ever? Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place way back in 2002. It still gets a few likes every couple years and it startles me lol but it's on FF.Net, not AO3. The first for AO3 was Dragon Age.

Favourite fic you've ever written? It's not done, but The Hot Zone is definitely one of my favorites.

Answering these made me realize I really need to finish a story. Like..badly. Lmao they're all half drafted or half edited or just pseudo-abandoned.

[cursed-elo-images]

I’ve listened to the song I tagged in my recent post.

If anybody sees this post and hasn’t seen the post I’m referring to, and has NO idea what I’m talking about, I drew something cursed you can find on my blog and the song I’m referring to is “Confusion” by of course ELO.

It’s not one of my most favorites, but it’s a really good one.

Well, I think I just ruined the song for myself. (half jokingly)

While I said the above phrase in jest, there is some truth to it.

But first, I must mention my backstory.

The Backstory of the One and Only, cursed-elo-images Herself

My relationship with ELO started in March 2020. This was right before lockdown, and a parent of mine showed me a copy of ELO’s “greatest hits all over the world” CD, and we decided to play it in the car. I did like them, but I didn’t really listen to them much that month (really just a little bit of Elton John and some David Bowie too who are also good), but I decided to in April that month. I fell in love with them. I did however discover them in 2018 but didn’t feel like trying them out since I wasn’t into classic rock during that time besides Queen, since I listened to a few vocaloid songs. I also had “Don’t Bring Me Down” stuck in my head in late 2019, for some strange reason, but again didn’t feel like trying them out at the time, since I just liked Queen then. (Also a very good band, and I should also mention I stopped liking vocaloid music in early 2019 and Queen was what brought me back to classic rock)

Since then, I’ve listened to this band a lot, usually during the spring-summer because those seasons I find “enhance” the experience, I suppose it’s to invoke the nostalgia I felt when they first touched the neurons in my ear canals. I have went on a hiatus in 2021 though, because I temporarily replaced them with British rock band Sweet, which are arguably MORE underrated than them, but came back to ELO since… not to slander Sweet but, ELO is just more interesting and sensorily pleasing. I wasn’t really interested in the members, just the music. This lasted from 2020 to March this year. I did try to memorize the members of the band last year, but again I wasn’t really into the fandom, I just liked them as background music/shoving their music into my ears whenever I feel like it, which was a lot, but not on the same level as me immersed in David Bowie’s many personas and the fandom side of THAT.

I don’t know what got me interested in drawing ELO members or reading fandom posts about them, but here I am. I love being this way, and it gives me more people to be interested in so I take this as a win. They just have that adorkable charm to them.

Why I’m Obsessing over ELO’s Confusion

Now the context is out of the way, let’s discuss why I’m obsessing over their “Confusion” song. Like I previously mentioned, I liked the song to listen to sometimes, and to use as background music. Yes, even when I was blissfully unaware of the members and the fandom, and the future that was to come of me drawing the most bizarro cursed nonsense shlock (affectionate) regarding the band. It’s a nice song, detailing the (in my interpretation, yours might differ) confusion, shock, and sadness one feels after breaking up with their significant other. However, I, being the equally cursed weirdo that I am, decided to use that song for the dreaded (affectionate) Melvyn bread train doodle. Why? Because that was the theme of the drawing. Did I need to add the song? No, but I thought it would be funny and look cool. Then when I clicked on the Spotify link I heard a snippet of the song and I unfortunately applied the lyrics to the drawing, implying that the band lost… Melvyn’s… human(?) form and became that cursed abomination (affectionate) and have their feelings about it.

Now, instead of being at peace with their music (specifically Confusion) I am now going to think of that drawing every time I listen to it. Just great (lightheartedly sarcastic).

[circus-mythos]

I’ll take this first post to introduce myself and give an idea of what I want this blog to be about.

You can call me Phoenix. I’m 25 years old and use they/them pronouns. Ever since I was 14 years old, it’s been my dream to be in a circus and perform. I saw a recording of Cirque du Soleil’s “Quidam” and I was instantly sold. I watched as Isabelle Chasse performed a beautiful aerial silks routine and I knew I, too, needed to be in the air. Luckily for me, there happened to be a circus studio just 10 minutes from my house at the time. After finishing the colour guard season for my high school, I started lessons right away, beginning on the silks, static trapeze, and Spanish web and eventually moving to lyra as well. I ended up taking much more of a liking to trapeze and consider it my niche. Years passed and I continued circus training through high school and college, though not without hiatuses due to school, moving around, having to find new studios to train at, or injuries. But I consider myself a phoenix because every time I’d take a hiatus, I’d come back stronger, more passionate, and better. I even had a brief stint as a proper freelance performer, making about $100 a day to perform at weekend festivals (this, of course, was not enough to pay my bills though).

Ever since graduating university, I’ve had my fair share of 9-5 jobs. I knew that it wasn’t where I’d shine or wanted to be, but I did it because, well, I needed the money. I tried very desperately to hold onto the dream of being a performer, opening my own studio, or starting my own troupe, but as the days passed in a dreary office job, that dream seemed to slip from my hands. I felt like I wasn’t afforded the necessary time to train to really compete for the small amount of slots for performers such as myself, so I gave up on auditioning. But, I thought, at least I could hold onto the dream of opening my own studio or starting my own troupe. Unfortunately, I had no one to mentor me on starting a business, and since I only took private lessons and did solo freelance work, I was pretty disconnected from other performers so I wouldn’t even begin to know who to ask to start a troupe with me.

Things ended up getting pretty discouraging after the teacher I’d been training with for years became too busy to train me anymore. While I understood, I was nothing short of discouraged. I was lucky enough to find a pole studio that also happened to teach aerial classes that was willing to rent out a hookup point for just $10 a day. I did this for a while, but there’s only so much I can do without a teacher to help me learn new things (the studio did not have anyone who could teach trapeze, which was all I was focusing on).

And then I lost my job.

The company I’d been working for was bought out and they decided that, in turn, they’d dissolve the department I was apart of because they saw no value in it. This meant that I was to be let go and have been unemployed since August 2023. Of course, this is not for lack of trying to find a job. But, if you’re in the same position I’m in, you know how difficult it is to get companies to even look at your resume, let alone give you an interview. And since I was in a car accident where I sustained a back injury that does not allow me to stand for more than an hour at a time, retail jobs were out of the question (not that it mattered much, because even before my car accident, I applied for retail jobs and wasn’t called back by any of them). I opened an Etsy shop, but sales are few and far between, even with daily advertisement. My parents were generous enough to let me do clerical work for them to help me out as much as they could.

Even before I was let go, I could feel the depression I’d worked so hard to manage creep back. Losing my job and being rejected over and over again for months by companies and running out of savings certainly didn’t help to do anything but exacerbate it. I became suicidal again. I went through several medications, all of which worked for a few weeks before putting me in a spot much worse than before. I’d tried all the coping mechanisms in the book and nothing helped, even as a distraction. At some point, I got to a point where I was constantly in a state of panic. Not just anxiety. Full on panic. I’d wake up several times throughout the night from nocturnal panic attacks, so sleep was limited. My mental state got so bad that it started to affect me physically as well. I needed something. I had to do something. I wondered what else I could do that I hadn’t already tried.

One day, while my dad and I were in the car, he asked me, “If you could do any job in the world, what would you do?” “Circus performer,” I answered quickly, not even needing to think. It was because I had answered that way that I realised I maybe hadn’t completely given up my dream as I thought. Somehow, there was still hope in that, no matter how small. I had lost hope in everything else. I was convinced I’d never find a job; for the life of me, I couldn’t think of my purpose in life or any reason to keep going; the people I called friends were unreliable at best, with the exception of one person who lived out of state; I wasn’t in a relationship (nor did I have a desire for one, truthfully); while I greatly appreciated my family’s help, I knew they’d never really understand me (not entirely their fault, I hid an awful lot from them). When I realised that I did still have hope in that dream of connecting with the stage, no matter how deeply buried it was, I decided this is what I needed. I had to try. This is all I had left. And, being unemployed, what better time to devote to starting this troupe—my illusive Circus Mythos.

I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, and I know that. I ordered the book The Contemporary Circus Handbook: A Guide to Creating, Funding, Producing, Organizing, and Touring Shows for the 21st Century by Eric Bates. It arrives on Friday. I plan to start reading it right away.

For now, as I start to get off the ground, the blog will mostly be notes on the book as I read it and my thoughts. As things progress and more develops, I’ll post more progress updates here. I hope you’ll join me in my journey, and I appreciate each and every one of you that do.

[rivkahstudies]

a farewell and a hello.

rivkahstudies -> incipitinterpreter

So this is probably not a surprise in the wake of my hiatus, but I am relinquishing rivkahstudies to an archive and moving accounts to the url @inicipitinterpreter. 

What does this mean? Are you leaving studyblr?

Yes, and also no. For those who know me well or have followed my journey closely, I began this studyblr in junior year of high school. I was using it to prepare for the transition from International Baccalaureate to university. As my interest in language flourished, so did the diversity of my content.

However, with the following I accumulated (I still can’t believe there’s nearly seven thousand of you) this blog could not grow at the rate that I was. @incipitinterpreter is a space for the individual I am growing into, rather than the young, people-pleasing student I was before. Moreover, I felt deeply embittered and jaded by the things I witnessed and endured (and am still enduring) in the COVID-19 pandemic, from broken institutions to inaccessible education systems. I hated romanticizing “the grind” for young, impressionable students like I once was, especially minors. 

You all may have seen some of the advocating I have done for honest/imperfect studyblr pictures and accounts, as well as critiquing the limits and inequities of our current education systems. Unfortunately, my old aesthetic posts still circulate, the ones that stressed me out until I got the Perfect Angle, and I would like to lay them to rest, or at least no longer be notified of them.

All of these factors culminated in true dread every time I open this blog. To truly depart from these old performances, I need to retire rivkahstudies and go through a study and work journey that is more authentic to my principles.

What does this mean for your content, and this blog?

@incipitinterpreter will be a langblr/lingblr/workblr. I am in my final year of undergraduate studies, so my focuses will be:

gaining higher proficiency in my languages for the purpose of interpretation certification,

providing/reblogging resources to that end as well as general anthropology and linguistics content,

applying for jobs and reblogging resources for professional life,

sharing my realistic experience with both study and work, appreciating the small things in life that I can romanticize without glamorizing “the grind” or pretending my journey is flawless. 

rivkahstudies will not be deactivated, at least not yet. I will be using it as a personal archive, especially to find resources I saved (and boy did I save a lot). You may see some more personal content get purged gradually over time. Asks may or may not be answered or screenshotted for @incipitinterpreter.

What will happen to your servers, Study Solidarity and the Language Accountability Project?

Study Solidarity is still active, albeit a bit dead due to most classes not being in session.

I still intend for LAP to be rebooted, but I will be modding by myself or with one other person, so this will likely turn into a small, tightly-knit community rather than a large resource hub. Further information/applications/etc will be on @incipitinterpreter in the future. 

In conclusion

One of my favorite things to remind myself is that one of the only constants in life is change. I am deeply grateful for the welcoming community I’ve been a part of for four years! I am so proud of my accomplishments and how rivkahstudies has grown in both following and content. But this blog has a lot of history behind it too, and I don’t want to write over it or delete it hurriedly without first going through for my own purposes. I think having a conversation with one’s past selves is important and healing. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me all this time, and I hope you consider following my new blog and journey. 

[leagueoflegendsimagines]

could you do a to do list of the requests you are working on?

I will update this list as often as I can - daily or weekly. It depends a lot on my free time.

The requests that have actual ships (championxchampion) usually take longer, especially if I'm not too familiar with the subject of said requests - but they are on their way.

I also plan on improving the aesthetic and appearance of my blog in the near future - so that might be another headache for me to deal with. If you have any suggestions, feel free to send me a message!

Requests are still open and they will continue to be so for a longer period of time.

Note: The requests will not always be in chronological order. University has just started and a big chunk of my energy goes into my academics - reason why I'll focus on what I feel like writing more than any order. I will do my best to bring out every request, sooner or later - if your request takes some time, be patient.

Rules:

1. Be respectful. Don't come bashing my head for the things I write or the way I write them.

2. Be patient. Don't constantly ask me if I received a request or when it will come out. I'm finishing a degree in languages and literature - a lot of my creative fuel has to go into that, unfortunately. I will try my best to write as much as I can, but I have my own separate hobbies besides the mountains of work I have to get done in a short amount of time. This blog will not be abandoned but I might take a hiatus here and there.

3. I'll usually keep my inbox open because I don't mind a constant flow of requests. After all, things will come and go as I write. I give you the freedom to request what you want at any time - but you must understand that it might take a while.

4. I do not write original characters.

5. You can be as specific as you want with the details, but don't make things difficult for me while writing. I try to apply these requests to all of my readers. I'll be more than happy to write a particular request - but don't go too over my head with a huge amount of details and aspects to be taken in consideration.

6. I'll bring out a list of champions I write for romantically. I'm open to pretty much everyone [I did start an AU for Azir, after all] - but some champions are best kept to the platonic side of things. For example, Annie. Or Skarner. Or Yuumi. You get the idea.

7. I will not write underage, dubcon, noncon or incredibly disturbing kinks [scat, watersports, etc]. For the rest of them - as long as it is consensual and not to an extreme, I'll probably be more than willing to write it.

Current requests

High priority

1. SFW and NSFW headcanons for Jhin & Sona;

2. Viktor reaction;

3. Draven & Tamara;

4. Ahri SFW and NSFW headcanons;

5. Sett & Vastaya singer;

6. Jarvan IV SFW and NSFW headcanons;

7. Dawnbringer Yone & Dawnbringer reader;

8. Darius reaction;

9. Rakan & Xayah with young, adopted reader;

10. Taric reaction;

Low priority [characters I have already written on]

1. Sett & breeding kink expanded;

2. SFW and NSFW headcanons for Unbound Tresh;

3. Ashe & Tryndamere expanded;

4. Sejuani x Sylas expanded;

Individual works

1. Spirit Blossom Yone;

2. Spirit Blossom Yasuo;

3. [Dark] Cosmic Lux & Reader & Dark Comic Jhin;

4. Pentakill Viego & Reader;

5. Pentakill Karthus & Reader;

6. Blood Moon Jhin & Reader

7. Swain & Reader [Arranged marriage];

8. Jhin & [writer] Reader;

9. Myrmidon Pantheon & Reader.

[famedroleplayarchive]

There won’t be an activity check today and you can count it as a free week because I have some big but hopefully not too big news. Famed is going to undergo a restructuring, and this is going to involve me asking everyone who would like to remain in the group to resubmit an application to keep their muse(s).

To be clear, this is not a complete revamp. Most of the major processes of how the roleplay work will not change and claims and development on muses will be able to be kept unless you put them in a majorly different position (in which case, claims that will no longer work can be refunded!), but the the size of the roleplay will be cut down over half from 135 spots to 65 spots. Many of the groups will be merged and all will be changed to some extent so that we have a total of thirteen groups, all with four to six members instead of the over twenty groups, many of which are rather large, we have now.

I want to disclaim that I know there will be members who connect less with the roleplay after the restructuring. I also want to apologize to anyone who is inconvenienced by the changes made, but please know I am only making these changes because I feel it is absolutely critical to the long-term life of the roleplay. A restructuring of some sort is something I’ve been thinking about for probably over a year or so now and I’ve been trying to avoid it for the sake of disrupting everyone as little as possible, but it’s become apparent to me that it’s necessary to keep the roleplay going, not because of member activity but because of my own ability to handle everything as an admin. I created Famed over four years ago when I was in a much different place in my life and had very little experience with idol roleplays and no experience at all running an idol roleplay, so I haven’t always been totally happy with how everything is set up. While I always did my best to make sure I was confident I could handle things before adding anything else onto my plate, naturally, several major life events have occurred over the past four years, especially the last one, that have altered the amount of time and energy I can commit to roleplaying, often making it draining and difficult to manage the group at its current scale.

Taking on another admin or mods would ultimately mean quite a bit more being required of me for at several months in order to evaluate any options presented to me and to help introduce a new person to all of the intricacies of the roleplay at a speed we’d both we comfortable with. It would also require me to be able to find someone I would be confident placing that responsibility on since I wouldn’t want to do it by half measures, which isn’t a guarantee. With all of that considered, I feel that this restructuring is the best course of action to keep the roleplay alive for the foreseeable future instead of risking my own discontent and stress leading to a fizzling out of the roleplay. The changes being made are all ultimately being made in hopes of making a more enjoyable and sustainable roleplaying experience in the long term for everyone involved, including me on the admin side and hopefully members as well!

Speaking of which, this will also be a chance for members to look at their own experience in the roleplay and muses and make their own changes to their muses as they find appropriate for improving their roleplay experience. I’ll be asking everyone to send in an updated application for the new changes since some details will probably have to change for every muse to some extent. Members are welcome to change what they feel necessary (or might be required by nature of the changes), from the muse’s group, to their position, faceclaim, age, background, etc. This means you’ll be able to pick new past claims made on your application too and a new past claims system is being put in place that will actually allow muses to have a more established career in their backstory! You’ll also be able to potentially refund points claims made that no longer fit changes you have to make to your muse, but that will be handled once the re-application process has been completed.

New main blogs have been created for the purpose of having a fresh start void of any old information that might still be lingering around blogs that will no longer be accurate. The new structure of the groups and companies can be found here on the new main (the URL will be changed to famedroleplay tomorrow!). On August 15 at noon EDT, exactly forty-eight hours after this post, I will be opening up for reserves to keep muses. You may only reserve spots for existing muses at this time, not for new muses, and muns will unfortunately now have to be limited to a maximum of three muses due to the decreased size of the roleplay.

Currently in-use faceclaims will be held for the muses they are used for unless the mun chooses to reserve a different faceclaim for the muse or until the period of accepting applications for keeping muses is up. Since groups, positions, and model groups have been moved around so much, I decided not to assume the assignment of positions to any muse, so it will be up to muns to reserve the spot they feel best suits their muse. Everyone will get a couple of days to look positions over before reserves are accepted to make the reserving of positions as fair as possible. I plan to do three acceptances on August 18, 22, and 25 that will be reserved solely for those applying to keep their muses, and the August 29 acceptances will be the first time we open for new muses again. Activity will start up as normal on August 22!

Members planning on keeping their muse may continue to write during this time if they’d like and work out that they’ll be keeping those plots, but points can’t be collected for anything that wasn’t already in progress since you might end up retconning it anyway.

Thank you all in advance for your understanding and I hope you’re able to find this exciting in some way! I know I’m hopeful for what I see as a fresh phase of Famed. Famed version 1.2, if you will. I’m aware this will likely be the end of the road for some who aren’t as interested in the new structure or can’t find muse within it or just don’t agree with my decisions, and to anyone who finds this to be your parting of ways with Famed, thank you for the time you did dedicate to the group! I do request to please avoid sending rude messages for the sake of being rude if the restructuring isn’t your cup of tea, but I will be sad to see anyone go who does leave. The alternative was me most likely, at best, having to put the roleplay on hiatus by the end of the year to take time to deal with real life, so this choice has been made so that I don’t have to do that and I can keep this home for so many wonderful muses running as long as possible!

A post with more information about the process of re-applying has already been posted to the new main by the time this post goes up. Check out the updated FAQ on that blog as well since it highlights a few of the more major changes already!

[enoshimas-hope]

Indefinite Hiatus

((Hi everyone!

As it says up there, I think for now I’m going on an indefinite hiatus. I’m just..not as active on this blog anymore, and its hard to find motivation to roleplay nowadays. This is mostly because I got my degree and started working a full time job which is both very mind and body intensive, so I’m usually very tired by the end of the day (it’s not a bad job though. I do like it a lot). I barely even draw anymore unfortunately.

I may occasionally come back to do small threads, post art, or bullshit around a little, but for now I won’t really be around too much. I do still follow a ton of you so I still see your lovely writings and interactions! And I do still post on my main, @bitch-lobotomy every once in awhile if you’d like to keep up with me there.

This hiatus also applies to my other blogs, @shsl-cryptozoologist and @askthe-leader-and-robot

I love you all, thank you for sticking around with me, and I wish you all the best of luck!!))

[omniswords]

hi.

things have been very hard.

normally i try to keep these sorts of things off this blog, because that’s not what you’re here for. if you’re here at all, it’s for whatever writing i manage to post for the day, week, month, so on and so forth. my personal stuff is just that. personal. and you deserve to see and read things that make you happy, or help you escape from your day or from whatever’s going on in the world, or your world. that’s what i want to do for you.

but as a writer and an artist (and it somehow feels uncomfortable, arrogant even, for me to call myself one), part of the job description—part of what’s infused into every little thing i create—is putting pieces of my heart into it. so i suppose this is me doing that. just from a personal, real perspective. and, unfortunately, not a very pretty one.

in the last few months especially, my mental and emotional health has taken an astronomical nosedive. i wish it didn’t sound like a cop-out, or like something everyone seems to be saying these days, but it’s the truth. and it’s ugly. it’s very ugly. like many other artists and writers and creators in general, i’m subjected to a lot of self-doubt, and insecurity, and self-comparison. really, it’s only gotten worse. i’ve been trying to combat that by throwing myself into more writing—applying to and writing for zines, working on those requests for y’all, chugging through the end of La Joconde, and trying to find my footing on Chronicles again, along with another project or two. i’ve been trying to cover it up with kindnesses and positivity and hope because that’s what deserves to be outward-facing. that’s what deserves to be on here. like i said, if you’re here, then i’m here to give you comfort, not make you unhappy or uncomfortable.

but like i also said. this is a piece of my heart. so i’m putting it here, too, no matter how polished or inhibited for the sake of being palatable.

none of what i’ve tried has been helping; if anything, it’s been even more frustrating, to put almost all of myself into the things i do and still come out feeling so awful and, frankly… invisible. i’ve been having more frequent and intense emotional breakdowns because of… all of this. it’s exhausting. i’m exhausted. i love what i do, but i’m so, so exhausted.

this isn’t to say i’m going to quit writing and self-isolate, no matter how often i’ve felt tempted to, or even that i’m going to take a hiatus. i’ll still be slowly finishing off the requests that are in my inbox, of which there are thankfully only ten, i think. i’ve begun working on the epilogue of La Joconde; it’s about a third of the way done. i’ve started keeping a journal, which in and of itself has given me another story idea, i suppose. it’s too early to tell whether this is actually helping, or therapeutic, or a step in any good direction.

i just. want you to know, if you’re reading this, about what’s been hurting and struggling on the other side of the screen, despite the sparkle hearts, and the musical notes, and the pleading face emojis, and the exclamation points. 

and if you are reading this, then thanks for doing so. drop a heart or some kind vibes somewhere if you can. i’ll try to post something better soon.

[heamatic-a]

I’m not sure why I’m writing this let alone posting thing. I mean – it basically only applies to me except for the third paragraph so feel free to skip down to that. The rest is basically me rambling about what I did to try and get out from that purple veil I’ve been living under so long. And this is the last I will ever mention it on this blog or any other blog for that matter.

So a few days ago I did something I needed to do for a long time: I went through this blog and removed anything not related to Mortal Kombat. Six months, give or take, of content gone, some of which absolutely needed to be off this blog and by proxy, my life. For those who followed me long after this blog transitioned from a random multimuse to a Mortal Kombat muse, well, now you know it wasn’t always an MK blog. I had made this blog under the url grimsouled as a joint project with a few close friends, one of those I considered my best friend at the time. Long story short, that person hurt me almost beyond repair, but I still clung to… something regardless. I still had threads we had on this blog.  Ship tags. Etc. They needed to go. I made the url change and the complete changeover around summer I think? I’m not very good with dates. But that felt so liberating, although there was always a weight behind it, until a dear friend made me realize what it was that still held me by the ankle. Took me over two hours, post by post, deleting all traces of the past. It hurt. I’m not gonna lie. When you do so much for someone and the only thanks you get is a stab in the back, it’s… not pleasant. But I can safely say that I do feel a big weight has been lifted. I didn’t want to delete and remake. I felt like it would have been some form of win for this person and no – I’m not giving them any fucking satisfaction.

Unfortunately, it means that if you’re still here for Silent Hill? If you’re still here for Critical Role? I’m afraid this isn’t the blog for you. If you’re here because you wanted to follow me here and wish to stay, then cool <3 but I won’t hold it against you if you unfollow. I’m very much done with Silent Hill and Critical Role. I still have my Maria blog but it’s on hold and on indefinite hiatus. I’m also petty and wanna keep that url. lol Whether I touch it or not again remains to be seen. Maybe IF the rumors of the revival are true I’ll go back to it, but until then, I’m gone. It doesn’t really leave a bitter taste in my mouth anymore. More like, I’m indifferent about it. I just stopped caring or enjoying it whatsoever.

This morning I also went through my deviantart and hid all their comments from my art. Sucks I can’t just outright remove the comments but it is what it is. On there and other websites where I post my art, I removed all the pieces I’d done for them. And you know what? As frustrated as I am to think I wasted so much of my valuable time on them? I feel so much better.

I don’t have to go through Becky’s blog thankfully, as I archived in the middle of things and didn’t tag them in anything. I’m still debating if I should delete the archived blog however. But that remains to be seen. Maybe I’m just not ready for that yet, because I also have a lot of memories with other people on that blog. So we’ll see. The truth is, I don’t really feel angry or sad anymore either. Getting rid of all this stuff has been pivotal for me. The best thing I could’ve done.

I’m keeping the name Jester, because it’s a nice play on my real name. And I love that little tiefling it’s based on to bits anyway. I might change my banners though, but yeah, no name change for me. :)

Through this whole ordeal, I found out who my real friends are, and I made amazing new friends along the way too. I feel privileged to know you guys – thank you for being there for me through thick and thin. I’m finally, after much too long, ready to really turn the page now and it’s thanks to you guys who endured me this whole time. @suffocationpit @lotuskissed @traumary @dolores-agnelli @kathexismania Thank you.

And to the MK community, to all of you I have met through this journey, thank you, because you guys are amazing and have made me feel more than welcome when I felt like I couldn’t fit in anywhere anymore. I love you guys.

[forehead-enthusiast]

A Buncha Tag Games (and yet not all of them)

tagged by: @eggyukhei mwah

tagging: this is a LOT of games so i’ll only tag @atinyphobe @nsheetee and @veonjun for the SECOND (2nd) game. if they or anybody wants to do any of the other games, absolutely go for it and say i tagged you <3 i’d love to see what you guys say!! (also, tk if you felt like you wanted to answer my questions from the second game i’d be interested to see!)

One:

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ok SO the song that probably got me into rv 100% (also yes ik this blog is 99% nct but rv is my forever fave no question) was probably ice cream cake!! i had been a casual listener of many groups up until that point and had never really stanned anyone, but icc was so infectious i found myself watching it over and over. i had heard happiness and be natural before but hadn’t really listened too closely, so icc was the song that captured me. after that, dumb dumb only cemented my love for them more, and the red is still one of my favorite kpop albums to date. rv attracted me primarily because of their incredible vocals and their versatility in genres and concepts. i still get so excited wondering what they’ll tackle next!! they’re just soooo unique and have one of, if not the best discographies of any group. i cannot stress enough, I. Love. RV!! also they’re funny and gay so. anyway stream monster once it drops uwu

Two:

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1. what is your favorite song that’s been released during quarantine? ooooo honestly??? probably something off of Sawayama. literally every song bangs so hard i highly recommend that album to anyone!! i can’t pick a favorite off it but who’s gonna save you now is awesome and xs is just,,, chef’s kiss

2. what is your greatest mishap when you tried cooking? (or something you’ve witnessed) one time, while making soup at my late grandmother’s house on her like gas stove, i put a lid on a pot and somehow that led the pot to be engulfed in flames. IN MY DEFENSE i was like 7, and i’m great at cooking/baking now

3. what’s your go-to outfit or article of clothing? oh i love a nice dress. they can be casual or formal, and you look like you put effort into your outfit except i didn’t because i didn’t have to match anything yo!!!! also shorts have trouble fitting me cause i’m a weird body type so dresses tend to be very comfy for me

4. what is your comfort food? am i allowed to say like all food??? eating in itself is comforting,,, that sounds depressing but also i just like eating yummy food. i guess i’d say like my dad’s fried rice?? its my fave and no one makes it like him soooo

5. what singular moment in your life would you like to relive? i couldn’t tell if this meant like, a good moment you want to re-experience or go back in time and redo a moment and fix it. it’s kind of a hard question so i might cop out and go with a bit of a silly answer: i want to relive the hi touch with astro...... i wanna look at rocky’s beautiful eyes and touch moonbin’s hand ok,,,,

6. what is your favorite line and/or character from a movie, show, or book? i got a bunch but a few off the top of my head are genie lo (the epic crush of genie lo), ty lee, suki (atla), klaus, and ben (umbrella academy) 

7. if you could only choose one ice cream flavor and pizza topping/style for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream flavor: this very specific one from a local store that is banana ice cream with strawberries and oreo mixed in. it is heaaaavenly. as for pizza topping, i love a breakfast type pizza with an egg on top and like sausage and stuff!!!

8. what is the worst injury you’ve ever had or witnessed? funny enough, i’ve actually gotten badly injured quite a few times, and always on the face!! god hates me. the worst was probably when i hit a metal bench with my face and it took a chunk out of my cheek. i still have the scar! as for “witnessed” i accidentally broke a grown man’s rib once as a child, so i guess that would count.

9. would you rather explore the unknown of space or the bottom of the ocean? oceaaaan!! i answered this in some other game, but i like how mysterious and yet close the ocean is. like proximity wise it’s so near, yet there’s an insane amount we know nothing about. that’s so frightening but so intriguing

10. if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? my first thought was literally “kirby. eat fast” GOD my followers are gonna think i’m just a glutton and they’re not even gonna be wrong im dying. but uhh idk mulan or smth?

my questions:

what is your go-to feel good movie?

are you the type of person who’s indecisive about buying, or the type to impulse buy once you see something you like?

do you prefer chocolate-y or fruity candy?

what idol do you think is most similar to you? (not your bias necessarily)

do you have any silly dealbreakers? if so, what are they?

what do you do to unwind?

what is a small thing you like to do for people you love? (be it sending memes, remembering their favorite shows, etc)

what’s/who’s your favorite myth/mythological being?

what is a non-typical pet you would want to have?

do you say pronounce data as day-ta or dah-ta?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people. 

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better! 

PERSONAL

name: sarah

nickname: bells

birthday: april 17th

zodiac: aries

nationality: chinese american

languages: english, some spanish, some korean

gender: female

sexuality: baby bi bi bi~

height: 5′10

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: i suppose nct since i write for them the most?? but i feel like sometimes i come up with the idea before i think of a member so sometimes the muse is just my own fantasies oops

meaning behind my url: i made it at a time where loads of idols were getting bangs and honestly i believe most of them look infinitely better without them, thus i was and still am enthusiastic about foreheads.

blog established: like winter of 2018...?? i think

followers: over 2.5k but most deactivated/left during my hiatus lol

FAVORITES

favourite animals: sharks, chickens, snakes, cats, penguins

favourite books: the epic crush of genie lo and then iron will of genie lo, PERIOD

favourite colour: pink and purple!!

favourite fictional characters: lol, again, genie lo, ty lee, suki, klaus, ben, and just a few more: richard and evelyn o’connell (the mummy), dave (dave), michael (the good place)

favourite flower: sunflower

favourite scent: baking chocolate, heating butter, blackberry, wisteria

favourite season: probably spring! i like warmth but not HEAT

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: ugh idek i sleep horribly

cats or dogs: both, but unfortunately i’ve never had either

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea but then hot chocolate

current time: 5:29pm

dream trip: go to paris and eat loads of pastries and enjoy the fashions and beauty of the city, and also learn to bake better maybe?

dream job: actress

hobbies: making jewelry, drawing, singing, reading comics

hogwarts house: according to the quizzes, all of them. people who have just met me think slytherin or gryffindor, people who i’m friends with think ravenclaw or hufflepuff, people who know me really well know you can’t box a person into oversimplified archetypes :’) in my assessment of myself, it varies by the day, but i think perhaps gryffindor today?

last movie watched: hot fuzz (a classic)

last song listened to: summer breeze by sf9

no. of blankets you sleep with: like 2

random fact(s): i won lego building competitions as a child, one of my dream roles is anastasia from the musical named after her, i played violin for a very short time, i bake the cakes for all my family and friends’ birthdays, i have strangely strong grip strength

SIX

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

love me 4 me- rina sawayama

cherry- rina sawayama

in & out- red velvet

crush culture- conan gray

manic- conan gray

the king- conan gray

summer- pentagon

told you now- jeremy jordan (originally sung by sam smith)

fuck this world (interlude)- rina sawayama

someone who loves me- sara bareilles

[the-bounce-back]

THE CONFIDENCE CHRONICLES IV - CONFIDENCE IN YOUR CRAFT

This is post 4/5 of my “Confidence Chronicles” series, in which I discuss the mindsets, actions and thought processes I’ve applied to build/rebuild my confidence in different aspects of my life. The goal of these 5 posts is for you readers to be able to apply relevant points to your own insecurities in order to combat them, and hopefully aid in building your own confidence over time.

_____________

Oooh, check me out with the post consistency. That’s how you know it’s a new year and decade, baby!

I’d like to start off by saying that I have been excited to write this post in particular for quite a long while now - literally since about July last year. However, my life was a bit of a mess at the time, and I didn’t want to put the previous post on hold, so it had to wait until now. 

Maybe this was for the best, though - this post is going to be about confidence in your craft and the projects you put out into the world. Although I was literally planning on writing this post around 7 months ago, I can honestly say that my confidence levels in my own projects have never been higher than right now, so writing about it now makes more sense. See, procrastination helps!

Anyways. To kick this post off, I want to take some time to acknowledge my many talents. Besides my *impeccable* blogging skills, not many people know that I’ve dabbled in acting and drumming in the past, and I am currently also writing a book (more about that in a future post) and getting back into interior design, learning new languages and drawing. These are my current favourite pastimes, and what I say to people whenever I’m asked what my “hobbies” are. 

The reason why I’m sharing this is because I want people to understand that unless you are vocal about your passions, how the hell are other people meant to be able to support and appreciate your work? It goes without saying that bigging yourself up and showing off your talents can feel extremely vain if you are a naturally reserved/humble person - but my hope is that this post will teach you how to be more confident in your work.

I am very excited to share this post because I am blessed to have friends of what feels like millions of different talents. Actors, musicians, podcasters, poets, youtubers, models, MUA’s, chefs, hair stylists… the list goes on, and it makes me so proud to see that they are all in their respective creative bags right now - so this post is somewhat dedicated to them as well if they ever have feelings of insecurity in their talents.

I will be talking about what I have found to be the most important factors of being confident in your creativity, not letting criticism (constructive or otherwise) make you want to give up, and getting over the initial fear of putting something you’ve created out into the world, because let’s face it; sharing something you’ve created can be incredibly vulnerable. You are essentially sharing a private aspect of yourself for the world to critically analyse, and it’s normal to find this daunting - however, it’s all about how you handle it.

Based on my own experiences and anonymous examples from my friends, I will try my best to explain how best to develop a deep sense of confidence and pride in your creative endeavours.

1. Ensure that you are doing your craft out of passion.

Regardless of if you are creating content solely for your own enjoyment or to capitalise on it, I definitely think that it is imperative that what you are doing fills you with joy and that you are excited to do the activity. This may sound like a no-brainer, but I feel like I see a lot of people nowadays forcing themselves to pursue certain endeavours due to influences from social media, or are forcing themselves to capitalise off a hobby they used to love, but now hate because of the added pressure of having to create content/products for the target audience. 

This is partly why I am apprehensive about ways of monetising this blog - or any of my other creative projects, for that matter. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind, but my biggest fear is starting to resent an activity I once loved because of external pressure such as deadlines, not having full creative control and having to “tread carefully” with the messages I put out, if that makes sense.

Pursuing a hobby for the sole purpose of others is never going to make you feel that what you’re creating is good. Constantly trying to please the masses as opposed to just doing whatever makes you feel happy is always going to make you feel anxious and scared of the reception, I think. Instead, I’d suggest that you evaluate what is more important to you: approval or enjoyment. If it’s the former, then by all means… keep forcing yourself to pursue hobbies that may or may not give you recognition. Who knows - maybe you’ll blow up and get the sponsorships, money and fans that you want, and I don’t even mean this in a petty or sarcastic way. If that’s what you set out to do, then I’d be very happy for you.

However, I reiterate: pursuing a hobby for anyone other than yourself runs a great risk of becoming a burden in the long run, as well as a risk of losing your self confidence when you don’t get the attention or accolades that you believe that you deserve. 

I think I have an issue with the above because it relates back to past posts in which I’ve discussed humans’ desperation to be approved and acknowledged by their peers. It alludes to a deeply rooted insecurity in yourself, your abilities and your belief in said abilities - I only say this because this literally used to be me before deciding to sack everyone off and do whatever the f*ck I wanted.

Personally, my dream scenario would be for people to find a hobby that they are truly passionate about and that they can capitalise off in a way that doesn’t restrict their creative process and that is on their own terms. Because, let’s be honest - receiving money and accolades doing something that you truly love is a major confidence boost… regardless of if the money and recognition motivates you or not. But the bottom line is that your confidence in your creativity should not be rooted in anything else but your own joy.

2. Appoint a/some constructive critic(s).

It goes without saying that true confidence comes from ~*wItHiN*~, but there is nothing wrong with looking to friends and/or family for opinions and support. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that having someone who understands your vision and wants you to achieve your goals is a must. 

This someone is a crucial part of the creative process, because they will ideally motivate (aka bully...exactly like the gif above) you into meeting the deadlines you set for yourself, give you honest feedback and give you a kick up the arse on the days where you don’t really feel like doing anything. They will remind you of the reason why you started your project when you feel like giving up - and having someone like this in your corner that unconditionally believes in you is a massive ego boost. 

Something that’s even better than having one person in your corner is having multiple people in your corner. And something that’s even better than having multiple people in your corner, is having multiple people in your corner that are also creative and have their own projects going on. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a group of people with the exact same hobby as you (although this definitely helps too!), but surrounding yourself with people that are also making things happen for themselves gives you a beautiful sense of community. I can only speak for myself, but forming friendships with other creatives has definitely helped me come out of my shell. I still remember when I first “pitched” my blog idea to my friends - thinking that I’d get a lukewarm response (because let’s face it… a lot of people unfortunately don’t enjoy reading anymore) - but the positive feedback and support I got is what gave me the confidence to actually start. And when I was on my hiatus, I’d be harassed for updates on when my next post was coming, and brutally dragged when I didn’t post on the days I had promised. The same goes for their projects as well - it was only recently that we had to bully someone for not releasing their podcast when they said they would.

Another aspect of having a group of critics that believe in you is the motivation you get from seeing them putting their plans into action. Honestly. Seeing my friends’ work ethics and how hard they grind makes me want to be better - not only to keep up, but for myself in general.

The bottom line is that although you don’t need people in your corner to get started, it is definitely a major asset to have. You should be confident that your work is great by your own accord, but getting it confirmed - or receiving feedback for improvements - is just another key to improving your confidence.

3. Do not be afraid of vulnerability (if your craft requires you to do so).

Believe me… I get it. Putting out something you’ve created for the entire planet to see can be incredibly daunting, especially if a lot of emotion has gone into it. It feels like you’re putting a very dainty and vulnerable part of you out on a perilous battlefield, out in the open where nowhere to take cover. This is where a lot of us (myself included) tend to overthink sharing our work, or in some cases chose not to share it at all. If only you guys knew how many draft posts have ended up in the bin because I was worried about being judged (they’re being revived though, fear not!)... it’s mad how much fear and anxiety can hold you back from being great.

This is where it’s important to understand the power of being able to be vulnerable, honest and open through your selected medium. As cringe as it sounds, opening your heart to the world and letting people see your insecurities, unresolved issues and things you’d much rather hide leads to the situations power over you significantly diminishing. And the more you do it, the closer you get to the situation no longer being able to hurt you anymore - because once it’s out in the open, nothing or no one can actually tell you sh*t. Once you get to the point of no longer caring who knows what your internal struggles are, I promise that you feel insanely confident and empowered, because you are no longer living in fear.

 Another beautiful aspect of vulnerability in relation to self-confidence is that ever so often, you get to hear that your work has genuinely helped, inspired or motivated someone. I know I said that validation and approval from others isn’t the best reason for pursuing a hobby, but this is different in the sense that you’re doing your thing regardless of if you get positive feedback for it - the recognition is truly just a bonus, but a contributor to increased confidence all the same.

Hopefully, utilising these three methods will make you feel a great deal more confident about your creative projects/side hustles for the following reasons:

You’re doing this project primarily because it brings you joy.

The way I see it, taking time out of your day to do something that makes you genuinely happy is an act of self-care and incredibly empowering, in the sense that we are choosing to not be distracted and led astray by the infinite amount of garbage media that is constantly in our faces due to social media. Being able to make time on a project - whatever it may be - that brings you happiness and engages your right brain is a massive blessing in our age group, as we take on more and more responsibilities that eat up our time and drain us.

A cute metaphor for this could be that your day to day routine is a desert. Going to work/uni, doing work/uni related projects, doing chores around the house and all your other responsibilities is walking around for hours in the sun, making us drained, famished and parched. Our hobbies should be like a much-welcomed oasis, providing us with water, food, shade and somewhere to recharge (joy, inspiration, motivation and a well-deserved break for the brain).

 Okay, that was a bit cringe. But you get the point - allowing ourselves to have something in this hard life to enjoy is a confidence boost in itself.

After paying attention to the feedback you get, you’ll become even more skilled at your craft over time.

It’s no conundrum that experience equals expertise, and that constantly improving your creative process in accordance with feedback from someone you know understands your vision will make you more sure of yourself in the long run.

Think about it: if you’re already doing something you genuinely love, and you have a trusted person/trusted people in your life to turn to for genuine opinions, how can you not win? 

By “winning”, I mean your work getting progressively better over time, combined with a feeling of security and support from your peers. I mean becoming more emotionally, mentally, spiritually and maybe even financially (if you’re so inclined) stable through doing something you genuinely love. The prize is peace of mind, feeling supported, and full creative control of your work - and I honestly can’t think of anything more satisfying.

You’re taking control of your doubts and insecurities and flipping them into assets.

For me, this is a no brainer. What could possibly be more confidence-boosting than overcoming insecurities and being able to use them to your advantage in your creative endeavours? It’s literally what my entire blog is based upon, and writing about things that have caused me a great deal of pain in the past has ended up being a very therapeutic and cathartic experience, as well as extremely empowering - in the sense that I don’t allow certain situations have control over me anymore. I can now focus on continuing to heal, and help others who may come across my work in the meantime.

Having a personal project that challenges you to face and overcome your insecurities is something that I think everyone should try to have. It might get hard at times and extremely tempting to quit, but once your work is ready for the world to see I promise you that you’ll get a boost in confidence. 

By keeping these three points in mind, I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll feel infinitely more confident in your creative projects. Knowing that you’re putting your entire heart into a project that you are sharing with the whole world, knowing that you have supporters that you can trust with honest opinions and feedback and knowing that you’ve stayed true to yourself regardless of if the norm enjoys is an ideal state of mind to be in.

On a final note, I want to reiterate that there is no “wrong” or “right” way to have a hobby and gain confidence from it. This post is just general guidelines that really helped me come out of my shell creatively, and I’d like to think it’d work for others too. However, you know best how comfortable you are with exposing your work and what your existing confidence levels are like, so please proceed accordingly (and don’t blame me if things go tits up because you decided not to take the time to listen to yourself!).

Love,

Liv

[azurexalacrity]

Summer Vacation Hiatus

( From June 22nd - Late July )

- Previous post about the vacation -

( Ah, summer. A season filled with unbearable heat, grabbing your surfboards and heading towards the ocean, collecting seashells, stuffing your suitcases into your vehicle and preparing to hit the road, and let’s not forget the opportunity for getting tourist items and souvenirs! Why am I talking about summer you may ask? Well…

I am heading out for summer vacation! Now, those who have been on my blog long enough (or know me long enough) know that it’s a nearly annual thing that I head up the states during this time (especially, unfortunately, on my birthday too rip) and it turns out this year it’s time to head up north again.

I’m not going to be doing much in comparison to other years considering my family doesn’t have a lot of money, but hopefully, it’s going to be filled with fun since I’m going to be there for five weeks! I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a month but it’s just basically that: Roughly five weeks.

The majority of this vacation is that I am not going to be active. At all. There will be some days where I will have inter.net access due to traveling (like hotels or something), but once I’m in Maine? I’m going to be completely off the grid and won’t know what’s going on in the Inter.net world until I, once again, gain web access back (hopefully everything goes fine while I’m away ‘cuz I don’t wanna deal with stress asdf).

So… I hope you all have a good time and have a good summer and I will see you all soon!~ <3

Edit 6/29/19: I do have inter.net in Mai.ne but my activity is going to be very low due to what’s going on; but still, the same stuff is applied above!~  )

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 16 Review: Jean Paul’s Latest Detained Guest

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

I wasn’t going to start working on another review until next week at the earliest, but I have been re-watching the Agatha episodes from Desmond Hall and, oh my Great Serpent, are they terrible! I don’t wish to spoil too much of what happens then because those reviews are a long way in the future, but I will say that (1) I can’t stand Agatha Pruitt and (2) while some episodes of Desmond Hall Part I have decent writing, in others the writing is very, very, very bad. I can’t help but feel sorry for the fans of both this show and Dark Shadows in early 1970, because Agatha would have been swanning around Desmondton getting on everyone’s nerves during the same period as one of the least-loved arcs on DS, the Leviathan arc.*

Normally, I would type out my complaints about Desmond Hall in the OneNote notebook where I take screencaps and save them for when I write those episode reviews in a year or two. However, I felt that I had to mention the awfulness of Episode 91 in this post, because that is what compelled me to return from my hiatus early. I needed to remind myself why I like this show enough to dedicate a whole blog to it, and so I took a (metaphorical) trip back to Maljardin to re-watch and review Episode 16.

Our mascot!

On the last episode, Jean Paul hired Reverend Matt Dawson to conduct a funeral service for his wife Erica, still frozen in the cryonics capsule  and awaiting her resurrection by THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES. Now Jean Paul--who has changed into a very nice pinstripe suit--is showing Matt the crypt at Maljardin where the capsule is located. “Even with the electrical connections, the compressor and cryonics capsule, I think this probably will be the best place for the service,” he says to the horrified minister. “Don’t you think, Reverend Dawson?” All Matt can do is smile and nod in response while privately questioning the life choices that led to this moment.

He’s probably thinking, “I left my ministry to stalk a 20-year-old full-time for this?!”

Jean Paul continues interviewing him. “You have no objection to a service without a burial?”

“No,” Matt shakes his head. “I have officiated at many such services, where the body is usually placed in the family crypt.” Considering that the vast majority of families don’t have family crypts--at least not in their basements--I think that he’s humoring Jean Paul. After all, he’s seen so many red flags already--the isolated island, the extreme secrecy, Jean Paul’s reluctance to tell anyone about Erica’s death, the whole cryonics/resurrection thing itself, and now his insistence on conducting the funeral service around a cryonics capsule.

He questions the idea that a body held in cryonic suspension can be brought back to life, and Jean Paul continues to deny that Erica is forever dead. He also continues to insist that the usual laws of nature don’t apply on Maljardin, and that on that island he is God:

Yes, Reverend Dawson, your new client thinks he’s God. There’s another red flag for you, Matt, that Jean Paul Desmond is not a client that you want to work for and you should probably cancel the agreement, give up on Holly, and try to get off the island while you still can.

Jean Paul tells him of a man who was allegedly brought back to life after dying in a blizzard, and who lived three decades as “a soulless corpse, like a zombie” before dying again. After saying “zombie,” the camera cuts to Quito who is spying on them, confirming that Quito is indeed a zombie--although, considering that Quito has emotions (which he expresses through body language) and pets whom he clearly loves, the “soulless” part is unlikely.

Did he offend Quito when he called zombies “soulless corpses,” I wonder?

It’s at this point that handsome devil Jacques takes over and starts trolling Matt. “You are a theologian trapped by your own logic and teachings,” he remarks with a mocking smile. “When you run out of answers, look to the fire god. He’s got some new ones, new for even you.” Which goes over about as well as proselytization usually does: that is to say, not at all, especially without one of those poorly-written smiley-face tracts that are absurdly popular with Christian fundamentalists. But Jacques, unfortunately, is straight out of copies of SMILE THE FIRE GOD LOVES YOU and so has to resort to confusing Matt (and us) with non sequiturs instead:

Jacques: “I don’t advocate or procrastinate.” (That has to be a line flub.) “I live and let live.”

I’m surprised he didn’t bring up the age-old theological question about how many angels can fit on the head of a pin and awkwardly try to connect that to the situation as well.

Matt storms out and Jacques stays behind to gloat. “I haven’t had so much fun,” he quips, “since one of my colleagues fiddled while Rome burned.” This reference to the Roman emperor Nero is without a doubt the clearest evidence so far that Jacques is indeed supposed to be the Devil, who at some point came to occupy the body of Jean Paul’s ancestor.

Back in the great hall, Matt returns to stalking Holly, who once again rejects him, because stalking only leads to mutual love and committed relationships in bad romance movies. He insists that he has something important to say to her, and she agrees to listen, but only for five minutes. He insists that Elizabeth doesn’t like him and that he followed her to Maljardin because he “thought [she] might need [him] for protection, guidance, maybe even comfort.”

According to StrangeParadise.net, this is an allusion to a real person, Reverend Harold Davidson, described in more detail on this page. I won’t copy Davidson’s bio on here because of its length, so I’ll just quote Holly by calling him a “lecherous minister.”

She rejects him, he leaves with his proverbial tail between his legs, then she proceeds to mope while sprawled in Jean Paul’s favorite chair for arguing with Jacques. Alison finds her there and asks what’s wrong, so she starts to explain before Matt arrives again and interrupts by insisting that he’s not trying to keep her from her inheritance like she claims. He’s right, but that doesn’t change the fact that Elizabeth is using him to do just that. Now it’s Holly’s turn to flounce, and she does it with more gusto than Reverend Stalker.

He talks to Alison, who fills him in on the whole situation, speaking again about how Jean Paul thinks he’s God and also about how Matt is now a prisoner on Maljardin.

Alison explaining the concept of a detained guest to Matt.

Matt suggests that Alison get Raxl to try to reason with Jean Paul, unaware of how well that didn’t work out a week before, He insists, though, that “perhaps these Tarot cards [that Vangie gave him in Episode 14] will sway her.” Although Alison is skeptical and so is Raxl upon her arrival, that all changes when he gives her the pack of cards and tells her that Vangie said “that [she] should use them for everyone’s good.”

She knows instantly that Vangie has predicted that Maljardin is doomed.

An interesting conversation between the two follows. Matt reveals to her that she should contact Vangie at “the third hour” (3 AM, also known as the “witching hour” or “demonic hour”), which means nothing to him but “everything” to her. She recaps for him about Jacques Eloi des Mondes, the conjure doll, and the silver pin, mentioning that “the power of the Great Serpent made him an eternal prisoner” for three hundred years.

Raxl: “Jacques Eloi Des Mondes! It must be he who walks. It must be!"   Matt: "Impossible!" Raxl: "You believe in God, but what about His work?” [I think this is a line flub for “word,” which would make more sense in context.] “I trust the Tarot cards, but what about the words of the woman who reads them?" Matt: "I'm a messenger, not a convert." Raxl: "One conjure doll, one silver pin. If that pin were still driven into that doll's head, we would all be safe."   Matt: "Raxl, that is witchcraft!" [And reading Tarot cards--a form of divination--isn’t?] Raxl: "Do you feel safe, Reverend?"

He gazes at the portrait of Jacques without another word until Jean Paul returns, explaining that he had to apologize to Quito after inadvertently hurting his feelings earlier, most likely with what he said about zombies. He asks Matt if he’s started preparing a speech for the funeral service, and an argument erupts between the two of them:

Did I mention yet that Jean Paul is more than a bit of a control freak?

Jean Paul decides that maybe Jacques had the right idea as far as the detained-guest thing went, and so puts the island on lockdown: “There will be no further trips to the main island and no trips even for mail until a matter between the Reverend and his conscience is resolved.”

Jean Paul is a male example of what is known in certain fandoms as a yandere, or a character who is madly in love, enough to hurt and even kill anyone who they believe is standing between them and their love interest.

Meanwhile in the basement, Raxl performs a ritual to contact the Conjure Man using Vangie’s Tarot cards while Quito enters the Not-So-Hidden Temple. And with that, the episode ends.

Raxl and the Tarot cards.

This was an interesting episode, with Matt as the central character for a change. The major theme of this episode seems to be belief, and how, whether seen through the lens of science (Alison), Christianity (Matt), or voodoo (Raxl), Jean Paul’s plans to revive Erica appear crazy at best and dangerous and/or sacrilegious at worst. There’s also the suggestion that Erica might return as a zombie, which does not seem to bother Jean Paul as much as it should (make of that what you will). Did it make up for the badness of Episode 91? Yes. It’s genuinely a good episode, even though some of the lines don’t make sense--but I think that at least most of those are line flubs.

Coming up next: Raxl sends a message to the Conjure Man, so Jacques decides to interfere. Also, Jacques’ portrait becomes much stranger.

Notes

* I don’t know the exact original airdates for most episodes of Strange Paradise. Maljardin aired from October 20, 1969 to January 19, 1970 in Canada according to StrangeParadise.net, but the show premiered in the United States on September 8, making the US six weeks or 30 episodes ahead of Canada. The YouTube user retronewfoundland has the endings of several episodes on their channel with the original Canadian airdates. The nearest episode to Episode 91 that retronewfoundland has a clip from is Episode 84, with the airdate of February 17, 1970 (a Tuesday). This means that (according to my calculations) Episode 91 would have most likely aired in Canada on February 26, and in the US six weeks earlier on January 15. Either date places it contemporary with the Leviathan arc, which lasted from November 14, 1969 to March 27, 1970 (source).

{ <-- Previous: Episode 15   ||   Next: Episode 17 --> }

[yoonia]

Heyyy! Design anon here! Thank you sm for your tips! I dont want to bother you or your readers with my whole life story lol but do you ever struggle with impostor syndrome/lack of confidence in your abilities and if so, how do you deal with it (doesn't have to be design related)? Was there ever a time where you felt like there are already so many talented ppl out there that you wondered whether you should work 100x harder to be able to compete or just give up on your passion/dream? again ty! xx

You are so welcome!! 

I have to be honest, I struggle constantly with impostor syndrome, both in design and in writing respectively T^T I feel this way when I see other people’s work or after I talk to someone who is much superior than I am. There have been times when I feel like no matter how hard I put an effort on something, it won’t matter because I’m not as good as the others and that makes me want to just give up.

Whenever that happens, I always take a step back. Just like I have constant hiatus every few months from my blog and try to stay away from reading too much of other people’s work at the same time. It helps to give myself a break and some space to breathe before returning with new energy and some new motivation. It’s harder for my real life work, tho. Because I have to deal with it every single day haha and that is actually the reason why I quit my last job. At first, I felt like the job itself drained me both physically and emotionally because of the stress and the way I kept feeling like I was underappreciated no matter how hard I worked for it. Lately, I just noticed that I was surrounded by toxic people and that the misogyny happening at the workplace was so strong that perhaps the only reason those people would be able to appreciate me better is if I had grown a dick. 

Knowing your self-worth and understanding your limits are the two most important things to remember to deal with lack of confidence. It took me getting a rough downfall on my latest project to understand that, unfortunately. Just remember that everyone has their own pace, their own limits, and many have different things they are good at, and that applies to you too. Working freelance allows me to choose the scope of work I am comfortable in and to set up my own pace in working. The only challenge I have to deal with in freelancing is adjusting and setting my own work schedule. since I no longer have to work in definite working hours, I sometimes forget that I need a break too lol 

[hyunarkarchive]

oh my stress;;

“'tis i, a writer, togetherslapper of words.” 

knowing that my own five year anniversary at rookies is in about two months makes me actually really emotional, and most of you know, i don’t really get emotional about stuff like this.

i’m here to talk about all the fucking shit storms i brought. starting from good ol’ ellyrk, who turned into yuriirk and currently known as hyunark, as well as, rkxwoozi, aka jihoonrk, fucking namtaerk, eunwoork, minhyunrk, younghyunrk 1.0, junhoerk aka younghyunrk 2.0. i am about 100% sure i’m missing someone BUT YOU KNOW, we can let that muse stay in dungeon vile. 

not even 10 minutes later 

oh yeah- minhork was it? minhxrk??? idk what his url was, shortlived lovely muse i tell you. jisungrk was a thing for like 6 months. however, as you can see, i have a lot of muses, 11 in total, well 8 if you remove younghyun 1.0 & 2.0 and jihoon.

its been nearly five years since i joined rookies and ive made a lot of memories here. good, bad, amazing, mediocre. a lot of memories than pretty much just range. can you believe i’ve actually cried a few times about rookies related thing? yeah, me neither, but here we are hahaha. i will probably not edit this at all, so if you see spelling mistakes, or maybe something is repeated, just ignore it please, its from the heart.

this place really helped me develop my writing, vocabulary and definitely social skills. i might suck at threading and replying on time, but i have to say, all the muns here are amazing!!! i remember when i first joined, oh boy was i fucking terrified of the fact that i SUCKED at writing. i was so cautious about what i write and how i spoke and i think some of you could remember it haha. i’ve also managed to make some amazing friends throughout my stay here, all of them older than me, as well haha and i was babied so much i always found it funny, but very thankful because some of the life lectures i got where definitely needed.

however, i will take a few minutes to write about the last three standing; hyunark, jihoonrk and younhhyunrk

hyunark: 

my first ever tumblr muse. my first rookies muse. my longest standing muse. she;s gone through a lot, and honestly, she will continue to do; i wasn’t all that good with her in the beginning, now i see a lot of gaps and weird stuff whenever i have to go read something to remind myself of events and so on. however, i really love her, and i’ve gotten a bit too attached to her haha. can you blame me tho? from ellyrk, to yuriirk, now hyunark, there have been alot of ups and downs but i am happy where she’s come. to being a potential walking scandal, to being in two survival shows, to being the first muse at rookies to not be offered a contract renewal, to another survival show, to a nova trainee after being cut short twice by hyunbin. she had gone through alot of character development and its shaped her a lot better than i ever could, for which i need to say my thanks to the mods of rookies for it, because without them, hyunark would probably be headed in a completely different direction haha. however, she still focuses on producing, writing lyrics and ever since she got into nova as a trainee, she’s focused on her dance as well because she doesn’t wanna be called an uncooked noodle anymore. her dream is to be a recognized producer and lyricist, and will fight for that title.

jihoonrk:

jihoork was previously known as rkxwoozi. i even used his original blog when i re-applied with him;; he lasted a bit under a year in all honesty the first time and i specifically remember that the reason for that was being signed under trc. it was a pretty unfortunate time for him to be signed, with all the scandals that happened and what not. i was a tad regretful that i dropped him to be honest, which is all the reason to why he was brought back. tbh, he didn’t change in that like 6 months gap he was away. he was the same moody gremlin everyone knew and loved. if you had asked me, a few years ago if i thought jihoon would debut, i’d laugh and say no fucking way, but here we are, when he is a member of convex and got to debut with his longets lasting friend, sehun and best friend seungcheol. so he is living the dream you know? even if he doesn’t show it, he is grateful and appreciates everything that’s happening around him and to him. his main goal right now is to be the variety ace of convex and is working slowly to achieve that goal.

yonghyunrk:

ahhh here we go;; my last muse who had to undergo something similar to jihoonrk;; i brought him in, because i had this idea of a metal head, who really just wanted fame and girl and guys. however, stuff happened, i couldn’t get him to have threads i wanted and so i dropped him. again, i pretty much reapplied a few months later with junhoerk which was basically younghyunrk 2.0 and eventually, i realized that the muse deserved its original fc and here we are again with younghyunrk. to be honest, i don’t even know how i managed to get him to go to mga4, but he went and caused chaos with chungha and we all know how much fun he actually had haha;; he still doesn’t like dance, and will probably not enjoy it until he gets signed and coach tells him he can’t dance and JUST out of spite, he will get better at it. ultimately, he wishes to debut on a band, he wouldn’t really mind if he gets placed at any instrument, as long as he gets to sing. he still wants to reach paradise city, as guns ‘n roses have said.

quick mentions to some of my other muses as well. its funny how all my other muses lasted for months as well;; honorary mentions will go to namtaerk, minhxrk and probably minhyunrk, i won’t be really talking about them, so focusing on eunwoork and jisungrk;

i can without a doubt say that these are my more interesting muses, or eunwoo at least. her dream was to become a musical actress and was a serial dater; she’d date a lot of people, girls and boys, and wouldn’t really bat an eyelash once it was all over. never really had long term relationships either. she was into photography and her photography instagram was more popular than her personal one and she didn’t mind haha.

jisungrk wanted to be a professional football player and he was never really interested in becoming an idol, which made him fun to play. however, he was a really young muse, i think i made him 16? yeah, i think he was 16 and after that i realized i can’t do young muses;; its just weird for me, i have no clue what middle school kids actually do haha, i remember i just slept and did nothing all day, didn’t even study whoops. 

but yeah, these two muses were very short lived but fun and i think that one day, if rkforthmuse is allowed, i highly doubt it, i will bring back eunwoork because she deserved more attention than i ever gave her.

now i will do a few mentions, by a few i mean it will be a lot;; i’m sorry if i get sappy or anything;; please accept my love <33

ABBIE - @seungcheolrk​ & @rkwon​ & @rkgwen​ - sunshine, my lovely amazing sunshine;; thank you. thank you, thank you. its been nearly five years of friendship, can you imagine it? soon, in just two months, it will be half a decade and i am extremely grateful;; i can’t explain it and i know that even saying it on a daily basis to you, it won’t be enough;; its funny how we started talking through rksoo and ellyrk, and now here we are, four years later, rkjicheol being in the same company, debuting together, in the same group. in all honesty, i remember when i dropped jihoon and then picked him up after like, literally two months, and it was one of the best decisions i ever made. i always have fun talking to you, plotting and threading and i honestly wish i did it a lot more than i currently do, but you know, uni is kicking my ass hasljdhlas anyway;; thank you, sunshine, thank you a lot and for these almost five years i love you a lot 🍅🍅🍅

HUNNIE - @yutark​ & @rksunwoo​ & @rkseokwoo​ - where do i even start?? like, oh wow, there is A LOT;; i can definitely say, we started talking when i suggested jihoon as sunwoo’s first kiss and look where the are now? dating, for what? seven months, can you believe that? SEVEN!!! this is insane haha;; and look and where we are now, talking on a daily basis, and its very very nice;; i don’t know what i would do nowadays without you, so i’m really really thankful you deal with my sorry ass so much ahdsdsalla it started with jihoon and sunwoo, then it transitioned to younghyun and yuta, and most recently, its been yuta and hyuna and their lil game of cat and mouse;; its always fun plotting with you, threading, talking, everything really;; and i really hope it will continue to be this way;; i love you

LYN - @rkxsnn & @rkavery - hello there mum!!! impressed im starting with you? anyway, i have A LOT OF THANK YOUS TO TELL YOU, starting from dealing with me, to helping me get through college, to life advice, to all the skype calls we had, a lot of things in these past few years. even if we don’t talk as much and i know you have life kicking u in the ass, i wish we could change that soon;; i miss you a lot;; all of your muses are amazing and i absolutely adore them, as much as i do you!! hmu soon;;  minsoo and elly were iconic, and he will forever be a huge part of her;; remember that mino and taehyun ship we had? good angst times lbr.

JEN - @yujurk - sup there mum number 2 even though i act older than you, you can’t even lie about that haha; you were one of the first people i started talking to in rookies, and still do on a weekly basis? daily? you get the point haha;; damn, i don’t think we ever argued as well, which is insane and you do give good advice and oh my god your muses are so funnnnnnnnnn bring all of themmmmmmmm innnnnnnnnnnnnn;; i’m so so happy that you came back to rookies after that hiatus;; really really happy;; jieun and hyuna are iconic partners in crime;; jihoon is grateful that jieun taught him how to sing;; hyuna thinks soyeon will forever haunt her, no doubt;; jkook is forever jihoon’s bunny you can fight him about it;; eunwoo says jkook never took her on a date, she’s upset about it haha

CLARA - @rkwendy​ & @rkjohnny​ - clara clara clara. you really love having me send the group chat into gay panic huh? i will forever continue to do it, do not worry. once a week sound good? hahah;; i wish we talked more than we do lately, but its always fun no matter what it is;; i also know for sure, you have my back and we can take over a country if we tried hard enough lbr;; i think we mainly stared talking when the brosquad/antisquad happened, which was pretty much when i joined rookies haha;; so again, nearly five years of friendship look at that!! we need to talk more and you need to tell me more baking recipes!! i think it was hyuna and wendy that we first got to interact and then wendy and jihoon and funny enough, i feel like jihoon and wendy are closer than hyuna and wendy haha;; then younghyun joined the picture to fully annoy wendy out of this word;; we need to thread more sobs;; lets make that happen yeah?

SHINOBI - @rkkangjoon​ & @rkgray​- hello there shinobi. i think our meet up scenario was the same as with clarea, huh?  brosquad/antisquad;; we should talk more, that’s a definite but i think that with hyuna&kangjoon we have gotten a lot closer than before and its really cute and nice and i love it qwq gray and hyuna need to release a hit song someday, we better make that happen yeah??? good!!

SACHA - @rkrose​ & @rkkyungri​ - i am super super duper ultra mega giga happy we got to talk a lot in the past few months, get to know each other and its very very nice;; i always have fun talking to you and i know i can lean on you if my day has been shitty, and i am sorry if i’ve had a lot of shitty days sadhljsajldnl ahhh, but yes, our muses will go through a lot and i’m really happy you enjoy it and i hope we can see them grow and develop!! 

ANI - @rkchungha & @rksohee& @rkmiya​ - what am i actually gonna do without you, that’s a very very good question i was asking myself recently. its really weird we never really talked a lot until younghyun was brought into rookies, which was i think this year huh? funny, very weird, what life was i living without you in it?? hahaha, anyway, i’m really glad and happy having chungha and younghyun so close got us to be closer as well, even if i set you into rp panic with random questions and potential scenarios haha;; i’m glad you enjoy them;;; love you lots!!

CARLY - @taeminrk & @rkluna & @danielxrk - we don’t really talk much, but in reality, i actually don’t know where i’d be rn if i couldn’t come to you with stupid questions and inquiries;; i wish you all the best in every possible aspect of life and love seeing you on the dash;; ngl i am also extremely and forever sorry that you have to read through hyunark’s post from like three years ago, that;s some nasty writing right there yikes;; but thank you for taking rookies under your wing and just expanding it and making it better and better with the rest of the mod team;; keep up the good work!!

a very special thanks to all of the royal girls, @rkxnarong , @rkyena , @rkella , @rkcheri , @rksoohyun , @rklisa , @rkrose who made royal survival a blessing, her stay in royal amazing as well;;  special thanks to all the royal boys, ex ones count as well, fight me @rkbyunbaek , @jaehyunrk , @kibumrk, @yienrk , @rkseonho,  thank you for being a part of hyunark’s journey in royal fun and emotional lbr;; you guys managed to make royal fun for me as well, so thank you so so so much to every single one of you guys;;

a huge thank you for og trc roster that’s still here and dealt with jihoon;s sorry ass back then; a huge thank you for the kt roster that had to deal with jihoon as well, even if it was for a short amount of time;; a huge thank you for sphere, and convex members @seungcheolrk , @rkhyun , @rkjinwook , @kibumrk , @rkjinkis , @rktaeyxng , @tenrk , @rkxroyal , @rkohsehun , @yienrk , @rkromeo , @rkzyx, who will now have to deal with jihoon like it not, but i apologize on his behalf;; even if i don’t say it often, i am really really happy jihoon got to debut with your boys and i’m happy i get to interact with all of you so much;; thank you, thank you, thank you;;

thank you rookies, for such an amazing time!! i can only wish and hope for many more!!!