#hi this blog is not dead i just had a lot of work to fo do

[takecareluv]

ink baby | eddie munson x reader 

word count : 708

author’s note : yes this is the same exact fic from earlier but i couldn't stop thinking about it all day and i really wanted to share it as an eddie fic as well because i honestly started to picture him in this about halfway thru writing and it just works, in my opinion. and i couldn't leave teddie bear hanging sooo here’s my first ( sorta ? ) eddie fic :3 but this can also be read as a vinnie hacker fic in another post on my blog 

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

as hard as you tried to hide the jitterbugs that were crawling through your mind, they were quick to spread throughout your entire body, causing your legs to bounce uncontrollably and your fingers to tap dance across your thighs. a dead give away you were in fact nervous. and eddie, knowing you like the back of his own hand, immediately picked up on your anxiety.

moving his right hand from the steering wheel, he placed it on top of yours, intertwining your fingers and giving them a gentle squeeze as to say i’m here and i love you.

“it’s gonna be okay, baby. there’s nothing to worry about. i’m gonna be right there with you.” he cooed, his voice instantly calming some of your nerves. “and we could always cancel if you’re not ready.”

while eddie had been a veteran to the process, and pain, of getting a tattoo, you were a total newbie. your skin like a blank canvas waiting to be inked by the needle you were only slightly terrified of.

“no, no, i’m ready. i want to do this. i dunno why i’m so nervous. i guess i’m scared it’s going to hurt a lot,” you rambled.

“it’s okay to be nervous,” eddie reassured. “i was too when i got my first tattoo. and look at me now,” he smiled, which caused you to let out a giggle.

“i’m happy you want to do this with me; that you feel comfortable enough to get your first tattoo with me.”

“of course i do, teddy. you always make me feel so safe n comfortable. there’s no one else i’d rather do this with.” you reached over the center console to press a chaste kiss to eddie’s cheek, prompting it to immediately flush a bright red.

. . .

for the remainder of the car ride, you sat in a comfortable silence; until finally, eds pulled into the first open spot in front of the small shop.

walking hand and hand into the building, you no longer felt the nerves that took over your body during the car ride over — you were ready to do this.

eddie still went first to show you how the process went, and before you knew it, he was up and done — checking out the finished product through the mirror, leaving the chair empty and waiting for you.

“you ready, baby?”  

you nodded with a small smile, “as i’ll ever be.” moving slowly into the daunting chair, you showed the artist exactly where you wanted the tattoo to go.

they quietly counted down before beginning your tattoo, as to give you a short warning.

three,

two,

one.

you let a short gasp as the needle first touched your skin — instinctively reaching for eddie’s arm to hold him close to you.  

“look at me, baby.” he pressed two fingers to your chin, turning you to face him. “keep your eyes on me, sweetheart. breathe for me.”

your eyes stayed on eddie as he used his thumb to stroke your cheek and whispered sweet praises in your ear.

“you’re doing so good, baby. you’re almost there, almost done.” ed cooed lovingly, causing you to now blush.

you continued to hold his hand as you began to play with the rings that adorned his fingers, a nervous habit of yours that eddie didn’t at all mind if it meant keeping your anxiety at ease.

a few more minutes lost in each other’s eyes, and the needle finally stopped —knocking you back into reality. “you’re all done. did good for your first time.” the tattoo artist remarked, giving you a soft smile.

"you did so good, baby! i’m so proud of you,” eddie smiled brightly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before turning to the artist who was now cleaning up the station and preparing for their next client. “it looks great, man. thanks for doing this.”

eyeing the beautiful design that was now permanently inked on your skin forever, you grinned from ear to ear. “i love it so much!" you marveled, thanking the artist as well.

after paying and bidding farewell to the shop owner, eds turned back to you, “how ‘bout we go get some ice cream, hm? what do you think, princess?”

[blakenation1]

Dead Poets Society showing affection to their friends (hugs, gifts)

Inspired by @forrestpoet ❤️ I LOVE YOUR BLOG AND YOU'RE SO KIND!!!! Under the cut 😋

Charlie's love language is gift giving, idc.

He would love spoiling his friends/partner so much

Like if you go shopping with Charlie and like "ohhhhh I'm kind of hungry but I probably shouldn't spend anymore money-" "It's okay just get the whole menu it's on me"

THANK YOU CHARLIE 😋😋

Okay.... How would they hug....

I feel like if Neil is playfully hugging his friends or something like that he squeezes them so tightly

If you need a gentle hug just let him know and he's got ya

Todd wouldn't like being touched, but his hugs would be very gentle. If someone needed a hug, he would think about giving them one, but would probably prefer to just pat them on the back or something like that

coming from a fellow human that doesn't like to be touched a whole lot

I've said this once before and I'll say it again, Pitts and Knox would give the best hugs ever, and they would be glad to give anyone a hug whenever they needed it

If a stranger went up to Knox holding out their arms for a hug, Knox would not hesitate to embrace them

Pitts is casually very physically affectionate with his friends

SO is Knox

I can see Pitts + Knox getting along well for this reason

Pitts/Knox casually putting his arm around any and all of his friends shoulders

IDK they're both just tall guys who are dorks

one chance please

ANYWAY...

Okay, let's talk GIFTS....

Neil gets his friends something for Christmas every year, no matter what, even if he's only known a friend for a very short amount of time.

He makes sure to put a lot of thoughts into gifts too, like he gets something very specific to that person.

For example, he probably gets Charlie something really silly (probably has to do with an inside joke between the two of them) or perhaps something for his saxophone

the silly one was a bright pink beret

Charlie also gets all of his friends something, but goes out of his way to ask them what they want.... A little something like this:

Charlie casually walks into Todd + Neil's room while only Todd is in there, just hanging out, lounging on his bed, and Charlie acts like he's about to drop the bomb on him. He sighs as he enters the room, and Todd's eyes dart up towards Charlie, and away from his book. Charlie pulls out Todd's desk chair and sits in it backwards, resting his arms on the back of the chair, looking down.

"Toddy..." he starts, Todd looking at him like 'what'd I do.'

"Yes?" Todd says, ever so softly. Charlie looks up at him, mouth forming a line.

"I have to ask you a very serious question."

"Well, alright," Todd looks him up and down like 'wtf where is this going.' (I live for sassy Todd)

"What.... What do you want for Christmas?"

"Is that seriously it?" Todd sets his book down slightly aggressively for Todd.

LMAOOO I dunno, Charlie is so dramatic I love him.

Charlie then proceeds to get whatever his friends ask for. He loves loves gift giving and seeing his friends open gifts from him.

Okay, debatable, but I can see Todd loving to give his friends handmade gifts :)

Todd made Neil a sweater (he learned to knit! yes he cursed at the needles and yarn 3/4 of the time but! Sweater! for Neil!!)

Todd: "Okay so I know it's not much but I didn't have much time but i stayed up til 3 am last night working on it because I had a last minute idea but I hope you really like it and if you don't I totally get it but-"

Neil: "HUSH.... I love it so much I'm gonna wear it everyday of my life even when it's 90 degrees out in the summer I'm gonna wear it and love it so much. mwah."

Meeks is SO creative with his gift giving.... by this I mean he puts so much into how he wraps his gifts or packages them, that the poets don't even want to open their presents when Meeks gifts any of them something (Christmas, birthdays, etc)

Like on Charlie's birthday, Charlie legit just stared at how elaborately he wrapped his present for a solid ten minutes.

Everyone questions it to themselves, "When does Meeks have time to learn how to wrap gifts so well between Welton and everything else....."

Guess we'll never know!

OKAY CAMERON LET'S TALK ABOUT CAMERON!!

A pretty good gift giver, but he overthinks it a lot

"Will Pitts like this or this? His hair is kind of like mine... should I get him a brush like mine? No no no... He'll think I'm telling him to take better care of his hair, that's mean..... Okay! I'll get him a new tie! No.... He'll think I'm telling him to dress better" and what not

OKAY KNOX LET'S TALK ABOUT MR. OVERSTREET 🤭

What a romantic little guy, he would do so good at gifts, but especially the cards he writes with gifts. His notes to his friends are so so sweet

Charlie called him a corndog for writing such a sappy note with his Christmas gift

Charlie ALSO reads that note almost every night for about two months after Christmas.

Because around two months after Christmas is Valentine's day, and of course Knox wrote Charlie a card on Valentine's day, along with all his other friends. He loves making/writing cards.

Pitts gets A LOT of gag gifts, but makes sure to also get something that his friends would actually like

He definitely got Cameron a pair of earplugs with a note attached that went something like "Anybody bring a pair of earplugs? Well, now you can have your own for Poetrusic part 2!" But he also got Cameron like a nice new pen or something, he got a laugh and a nice pen, not a bad day!

Overall, I think that the poets would all be very gift-y

I can see Neil always giving the sweetest gifts, because he secretly pays a lot of attention to everyone.

[o-sakakakakaka]

I posted 2,371 times in 2022

That's 32 more posts than 2021!

49 posts created (2%)

2,322 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bonzai-bunny

@prussian-lullaby

@dandunn

@quilfish-swan

@o-sakakakakaka

I tagged 1,966 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#one piece - 227 posts

#video post - 198 posts

#fave - 113 posts

#q - 109 posts

#otp: el jefe de jefes - 95 posts

#bssm - 85 posts

#inuyasha - 70 posts

#otp: playing with fire - 65 posts

#o-saka.txt - 62 posts

#friends art - 58 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#while liking art and not interacting is the equivalent of taking my drawing and shoving it into a messy drawer full of other art

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Another week of dodging opspoilers

Finding a blindfold gif was hard, and they say porn i is dead here ddjjdjdj

6 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

#4

So I did went to the Dub premiere of One Piece Film Red and here are my thoughts:

The crowd was hype, but not hype enough imo. Don't get me wrong! It was a sold out crowd and the majority legitimately came to Hollywood because they are fans!! I was just close to... anime influencers (looks into the camera like The Office) who obviously were just invited and were clearly not caught up on the manga so....

There's a very specific reveal that you need to be caught up to understand (unless you got spoiled). So obviously those who knew were like BRUHHHHH, and those who don't were confused

They accidentally played the sub version for a good 5 minutes fndjdjdd. BUT!! I did make me appreciate the next thing

Dub!Usopp made a KISS reference and the line delivery was so superb it made me laugh hard

"Lisa Ortiz, the 4kids voice for Chopper did the voice fo-" My brain, without hesitation: AMY ROSE???? SERENITY WHEELER?????

We need Bella Hudson to reprise her Luffy so she can voice [cars honking, dogs barking, thunder crashing]

Right... the movie was good, my tits were not blown clean off but I'm watching again next week to fully appreciate it. Soundtrack fucks hard though

6 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

#3

Wish me luck friends, I'm being interviewed for a small animation thing in a few hours

13 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#2

I laughed my ass off right here, this cartoon logic is killing me softly 😂

42 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ZoLu recs! =D

You opened Pandora's Box!!! Here's A Modest List 😅:

Absolute Fluff

Lots of Zoro wrestling with his feelings, because it's my jam

See the full post

66 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[minseokwithhearts]

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

[userpoe]

alright so I've used the tag 'poe dameron and the no good, horrible, awful, terrible bad week' frequently on this blog regarding the events of tfa/tlj but I've never really expanded on this and usually when I see people mention Poe's trauma, it's usually only the fact that he was tortured (valid). So, without further ado, let's take a look into the amount of trauma my poor kid went through in the span of like...a week and a half (if I had to hazard a guess).

Almost dies pulling a ridiculously dangerous stunt to escape the Colossus with Kaz (Resistance)

Finds the remains of an outpost destroyed by the First Order, is the one to find a tooka doll in the wreckage (Resistance) and realizes what happened

Has to watch Lor San Tekka (a man Poe has spent a long time looking for and greatly admires) be brutally murdered. 

Is frozen with the Force and roughed up by some stormtroopers who take the advantage of the fact he couldn’t move 

Is taken captive and has to watch as another outpost full of civilians be slaughtered - unable to do a damn thing about it but cry out “no”

Is taken aboard the Finalizer where he is confronted by the fact that the First Order is more powerful/has more resources than he realized

By my estimate, he’s held there for a couple of days: it’s nighttime when he’s captured and we see Rey go through two days on Jakku in between scenes with Poe. So, I reckon he was tortured for most of the first night/most of the next day. His wounds suggest physical torture (bruising around his head, bunch of cuts on his cheek/nose and a busted lip) and the Poe Dameron Flight Log also states that he was tortured by an interrogation droid who was given orders to use any methods available to get him to talk, including neuroshocks (yay). The droid apparently asked Poe where the map/Luke was 813 times and he never broke.

By the end of the second day is when Kylo comes in. As far as I’m aware, there’s no detailed explanation of what Poe sees when Kylo goes through his head but I think it’s safe to assume from what we saw of Kylo doing the same thing to Del in Battlefront II that Poe likely to relive some of his pre-TFA trauma while Kylo searched for the location of the map.

Poe is actually unconscious by the time Kylo leaves the room.

In the Flight Log and in the Poe comics, it’s revealed that Poe believed he was a) going to be killed, b) thought he’d doomed the Resistance and the Galaxy. 

It’s day #3 that Finn comes to break him out. Poe’s so out of it still that he looks like he’s barely conscious when Finn comes to collect him. Obviously, things don’t go well and they crash.

Mid-crash, Poe ejects Finn out of the TIE Fighter, but is unable to eject himself out because his flight jacket got caught on the mechanism. He’s thrown out of the TIE Fighter (more physical injuries, yay), and stays unconscious for the rest of day 3.

Wakes up that night and wanders by himself for the night and some of the next day before he meets a scavenger who begrudgingly helps him out. Poe makes his way back to D’Qar, where he informs Leia of all the dozen ways he feels like he’s failed the Resistance, her, and the galaxy

(he never tells her who tortured him, though)

The New Republic is then destroyed. This is the government Poe believed in, served for years. It’s incredibly likely that Poe probably lived on one of the planets that was destroyed during his time in the fleet, and even more likely he lost old friends when it was destroyed.

Despite undergoing several days of torture + duress, Poe is sent to Takodana. When everyone returns to D’Qar, we see that it doesn’t appear he’s even visited a medbay at this point: he still has a busted lip and a lot of bruising.

When Starkiller sets its sights on D’Qar, they have to come up with a plan quickly. The Resistance is noted several times in the Poe comics to only have a handful of pilots: hell, there’s only about 400 people to evacuate in TLJ. They are officially the only people standing in between the galaxy and utter tyranny: no pressure or anything.

Since the bombing squadrons are out on a mission, the Resistance has to send twelve fighter pilots to take on a planet.

Only seven out of those twelve make it back alive (that shot of Poe growling mid battle? Yeah that’s after one of his pilots is killed).

Poe then discovers that Finn was gravely injured - Finn, who Poe probably feels a lot of responsibility for, since he’s there because of him, and who Poe already cares for a lot.

Not necessarily trauma related but it makes me emotional thinking about it: he hesitates long enough to make sure Rey is physically okay before taking off after Finn (you can spy Jessika and Snap watching after Finn worriedly in the crowd too!), and we later don’t see him leave Leia’s side: likely, he’s trying to keep an eye on her since he knows she’s grieving. 

The Resistance doesn’t get very long to celebrate, though. Shortly after Rey leaves for Ach-Too, they discover the FO has already recovered enough to launch an attack on D’Qar. 

As the Resistance discusses how to evacuate, Poe offers himself up as bait - knowing full well he could die by doing so. He’s scared, and Leia is too (we see this in TLJ, she’s actively nervous while on the comms with him). We even see him trying to calm himself down before he engages (”happy beeps”) once he has a moment to himself after calming Leia and BB-8 down (”c’mon buddy, we’ve pulled crazier stunts than this”).

Gets to listen to Hux threaten Leia, who Poe has spent the last sixteen years admiring and is one of the most important figures in his life/a surrogate mother figure. Literally, Hux calls Leia “[his] precious princess” 

(maybe if you’d kept your pasty mouth shut you’d still have a dreadnaught, Hux).

It’s worth noting that almost everyone Poe has loved and lost has died in a space battle, including his mother. The entire Resistance, everyone he has left, is currently vulnerable to dying a similar death.

Poe strapped on a pair of experimental boosters to Black One, knowing full well that they could possibly kill him: they’d never been tested before. In fact, the blow back when he does activate them is so bad, he’s almost knocked unconscious in the TLJ novelization.

Rounding back to Starkiller for a second, it’s easy to see why Poe misjudged the Dreadnaught situation: they managed to take down a freaking planet with twelve starfighters and a ground team of five. A dreadnaught should have been nothing in comparison (and his line of thinking is very similar to Lu’lo’s, the man who helped raise him after Shara died, who’s loss catapulted Poe from being cautious into more freely engaging with the First Order).

Instead, he loses....a lot of his pilots. It’s stated in Spark of the Resistance he was friends with Paige, who - you guessed it - he’s on comms with when she dies. They take out the Dreadnaught, so he tries to focus on that instead - but it’s obvious that it’s eating away at him.

He’s then demoted but barely gets time to process that because then the FO finds them. He offers to go “jump in an x-wing and blow something up” but instead arrives in the hanger just in time to see it go up in flames...with a bunch more of his friends (pilots and techs who were already there) dead. To make matters worse, he was on the comms with Tallie when she died. Please give him a break.

Immediately after this, all leadership is killed in an attack. Poe, Kaydel and Finn are watching from a window when Leia pulls herself back to the Raddus: which likely means they were staring in horror before Leia ever came to. He’s the first one to catch Leia when she reaches the airlock, and doesn’t leave her side until he has to, to attend the meeting with the surviving members of the Resistance.

He then has a CrisisTM when he mentally freaks out, wondering if Leia still left him in charge because he knows she’s been trying to mold him into her replacement (although he believes he’s not worthy and is just a soldier/pilot, nothing more). Look at his sigh of relief when Holdo is called instead! He was terrified.

Kind of thrown by her speech, which I reckon reminded him a lot of the officials he dealt with in the New Republic Navy. [smash cut noises] in Poe Dameron #14, after Lu’lo dies, Leia grounds Poe so he has time to process his grief instead of just throwing himself into the next mission because “Everything’s easy for Poe Dameron, right?” I imagine that’s why Poe was immediately at Holdo’s side: looking for something to do, something to distract him from his own regret, grief and fear. However, it doesn’t work, and he’s again reminded of the things he hasn’t time to process: namely, his demotion -- which likely bothers him less than the fact that it reminds him that the last conversation he had with Leia, she was disappointed in him and it was...essentially an argument.

However, when Holdo makes it clear she doesn’t want his help...Poe backs off. He listens to her, and finds something else to do.

Which is keeping an eye on Leia, apparently, since the next scene we see him, he’s in her quarters. I’m guessing he stopped long enough to get dressed after the meeting, and immediately went to go keep an eye on Leia after this.

After Finn and Rose detail the plan to him, he takes a moment to himself to hold Leia’s hand: no doubt trying to gather up the courage to step into a leadership role. This plan is exactly the kind of thing Leia has come up with for Black Squadron, which is probably why he agrees to it. He’s pulled stunts like this before, this should go well, right?

(Spoiler Alert: no one has any luck in this movie so It Does Not Go Well)

BB-8 goes with Finn and Rose, which leaves Poe on the Raddus without any of his usual support system. Black Squadron is on a mission to gather allies, so he officially has no one to talk to or lean on at this time. He’s utterly alone and the cracks start to show.

(TLJ Poe is a Poe very close to losing hope for the first time. He’s desperate and scared)

In the TLJ novelization, Poe helps evacuate the medical frigate before Holdo grounds him from aiding in future evacuations (??? for reasons never explained). Despite his own growing concerns, Poe greets all the newcomers and spends his free time trying to raise spirits around the Raddus. 

After seeing so many of his fellow Resistance members so desperate and without hope, Poe starts to worry everything Leia built is going to be destroyed. He even tells Holdo this, and her response is literally “Captain Dameron. If you’re here to serve a princess, I’ll assign you to bedpan duty.”

which...nice ableism there.

The Day Just Gets Worse and Worse and Poe has absolutely Nothing To Do with no idea how to help, and just a lot of waiting, and he hates that, he hates not being able to actively do something to protect the people he loves so he just gets more and more agitated until he eventually has a meltdown on the bridge.

Despite ALL OF THIS, he doesn’t even want to mutiny. It’s an attempt to buy Finn and Rose a little more time, it’s a last ditch effort, one that he doesn’t Remotely Look Happy About, and was never originally part of the plan.

He then hears Finn and Rose (over the comms, hooray I’m sensing a pattern) be found aboard Snoke’s ship. He realizes they didn’t make it, but doesn’t get time to focus on that because Leia shows up and stuns him.

He wakes up in a panic aboard the ship and (imo, because fellas I’m intimately aware of what one looks like) has a panic attack when he realizes they’ve abandoned ship. At this point, he doesn’t even know there’s a nearby planet to go to (Crait is uncharted), as far as he’s aware, the escape would’ve just been to drift in the weaponless (?) shuttles until they ran out of fuel again. Leia calms him down from it and gently explains the plan to him.

He gets to watch several other shuttles be destroyed, and tries to find out if theirs can go any faster (Leia’s on the ship with him). He then gets to watch Amilyn sacrifice herself and is the first to realize what she’s doing.

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this but his line “Finn! Rose! You’re not dead! Where’s my droid?” yeah, Poe had no idea they were even alive, he probably thought they were immediately killed or died when Holdo did The Thing.

When they realize they’re trapped, the camera pans up on a worried looking Poe. Just before it cuts away, he’s starting to smile: he’s already prepping for a inspiring speech, despite his own fear. He doesn’t get a chance though, because Finn beats him to it: and then we get the heart eyes shot from Poe, because he realizes he isn’t alone any more (no this isn’t trauma related it just Gets Me In My FinnPoe feelings so)

They begin their run on the battering ram canon. After losing more pilots, Poe orders them to fall back, but Finn disobeys him in a direct parallel to Poe at the start of the film. This move is largely considered a suicide run on Finn’s part...[coughing] maybe the start of the movie was too [coughing]

Poe continues to get everyone to retreat and is the last one back on base. He runs with the medic team to check Finn and Rose, and also bolts to Leia’s side when Luke is fired upon to comfort her.

He panics again when he realizes they can’t get through the only other exit, but luckily they’ve got Rey on the other side.

Shortly after all this, Poe  has some drinks with Finn and Rey on the Falcon. He’s still mulling everything over and admits he wishes they’d all met earlier and wonders if things would’ve gone differently if the three of them met after Takodana (Poe Comics)

After Finn asks Poe what happened after the TIE crashed in TFA, Rey encourages Poe to tell them his story as she thinks it would be a “good distraction” from everything else. Poe hesitates, but goes through and literally retells a very traumatic series of events that’s barely a week old, so they have a distraction from everything. He plays it all off light-heartedly, cracking jokes (even says he went through a “little light torture”). 

It isn’t until Rey mentions that Kylo also tortured her that Poe treats it a little more seriously “he did that to me too!” and holds his drink up for her to cheer with him and calls them “torture buddies” because he’s Poe Dameron and trying to cheer people up is what he does.

Finn even calls out Poe’s insistence that everything will work out several times in the few issues set post TLJ. He can’t believe Poe has so much faith, but honestly? As much as Poe keeps saying everything is gonna work out, I wonder if he’s trying to convince Rey and Finn or himself.

Finn then asks Poe to catch him up on what happened while he was unconscious post Starkiller.

Let me reiterate that Poe literally just retold with some ease being held captive for three days to distract them.

But after he tells Finn he offered himself up as bait, Poe skirts around the rest of the story with a “well you know the rest!” He can’t even bring himself to talk about the Dreadnaught run. Talking about Kylo running through his head is easier for him than that.

He then receives a recording from Jessika retelling the events of what Black Squadron was up to during TLJ. When he starts the video, he almost immediately pauses it and asks Threepio how it ends. Poe admits he doesn’t know what he’ll do if the video ends with Jess going up in a fireball. Luckily, it doesn’t end that way, but he still has to watch the videos with no idea what happened to his closest and oldest friends.

All of this happens in, like, a week at the most. This doesn’t even BEGIN to touch on the trauma Poe goes through in the Poe comics or even Freefall, but if we did want to touch on that, I’d say that a lot of the events in TFA and especially TLJ probably triggered some bad memories for him. Poe Dameron deserves nothing but fluffy things and also a lot of hugs.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

hi! I really love this blog,and your opinion about HT losing Mo was amazing as always! and it made me want to know how it would be if it's other boys?like,Mo losing HT?Jian losing Zhan?

Hello, dear anon!

Before anything else, I’m sorry to have kept your ask waiting for so long. It seems I needed a specific mood to answer this question, and it took a while. Thank you for your patience!

Secondly, I’m happy you have enjoyed the content and my mullings. Thank you! It’s always nice to hear my scribblings have reached someone.

Writing that answer about HT losing MGS was fun but challenging, and it seems like this “follow-up” was no different. Here are some previous posts that I think are worth checking out regarding this topic:

What if HT lost MGS? (the ask you referred to)

Long-distance relationship - Zhanyi vs. Tianshan

What if HT disappeared for 3 years?

19 Days - what if, feat. Picrew (bonus fun! I hope...)

Just like with HT losing MGS, there are some variables that make these kinds fo scenarios a bit tricky. For this, I will stick to two main ones:

A lost B without knowing what happened to them

A lost B knowing that they’re gone for good (dead).

Probably needless to say but...angst warning. Let’s get started!

If MGS lost HT

I think this scenario is probably the “easiest” one to begin with. Not to make MGS sound heartless but if he lost HT, I think his life would continue pretty much the same. Regardless of whether it’s the first or second possibility. I think how MGS could react to HT being gone has already been shown both in the current timeline and in the Christmas specials that took place in the future. MGS kept moving (school, work, daily routines), and his life didn’t really come to a screeching halt.

However, all that being said, that’s just what’s on the surface. MGS’s life didn’t perhaps get off balance, but we know he was...if not worried, then at least curiously concerned about HT’s whereabouts. Especially when he disappeared after the fight and went to see his father. In the Christmas specials, MGS seemed surprised when HT suddenly showed but also - dare I say - a bit relieved? In the same way than when HT showed up at his place, practically sleeping on his feet. To me, MGS’s “you came back” is a sign of relief and that he was worried and concerned.

Those cases I think come close to how I see MGS would react if HT disappeared or if MGS knew he was gone for good. I think his life would move on, as cold as that might sound. He would keep working long hours, earn whatever money he can, and continue to make his way in the world. I doubt he would actively go looking for HT or that his life would get off its rails in a way that would leave him completely lost.

But that is not to say HT not being there anymore wouldn’t affect MGS. I think he would feel that quiet, under-the-surface kind of worry or grief (depending on the situation). If he didn’t hear from HT for a long time, MGS would be worried and anxious. Somewhere deep down, he would be waiting for him to show up or contact him. Maybe even believe that he’s such a troublesome guy, there’s no way he’s just going to leave MGS alone after all this time. Maybe there would be little gestures that give away his worry: checking his phone, keeping his routine regular, leaving a little light on for nights, waking up to sounds at night. Maybe he could ask if JY or ZZX have heard anything about him.

If MGS knew that HT was dead, I think his grief would be somewhat similar. He would get through the day and keep moving, but when he was alone, thoughts about HT could creep into his mind. Maybe when he’s taking a smoke break by himself, when he’s cooking dinner for himself, or when he’s lying in bed and waiting for sleep to come...maybe that’s when the memories come. He might insist on trying to bury HT out of his mind but can’t fight it anymore when he’s alone and it’s quiet. His grief would probably be mixed with anger a lot. He would be angry with HT for getting himself killed and leaving him alone. He had no right to do that after getting through MGS’s defenses and making him actually care about the bastard. But the anger would always fade away after a while, and only grieve that slumped his shoulders would remain.

Then get back to work, fall asleep and wake up the next morning. Rinse and repeat.

It would be interesting to wonder if MGS’s mother would pick up on anything. Could she worry about him? Could MGS tell her about HT and what he had meant to MGS?

In a way, I could also see MGS being grateful for HT and not want to mess up what he had helped MGS achieve. He had given MGS a chance in life and kept him away from making stupid choices. Maybe he wouldn’t be thankful in so many words but perhaps he would work hard as a thank you for HT and his memory.

If ZZX lost JY

To be honest, I’m less confident in my thoughts when it comes to Zhanyi. They don’t quite “talk” to me in the same way as Tianshan. Overall, I think Zhanyi is the “soulmate” type of relationship that goes very deep into their characters. It’s difficult to tell where they themselves end and their relationship with the other one starts. They’re their own characters but struggle to exists without the other one there in their life. Where MGS’s life would at least seemingly continue without HT, I think it would be quite different for Zhanyi.

Zhanyi has always been heavy on the rhetoric of “promises”, and one of those promises was ZZX’s urge to protect JY. Be it a bully at school or fully trained mafia bodyguard, ZZX would step between them and JY. He wants to become a grownup and stronger, so he can keep JY safe.

If JY disappeared, ZZX would no doubt be devastated and anxious. However, what he could do about things would depend on his age. If he’s still in high school, I don’t imagine there’s that much he can do. The most he probably can is to rely on people like HT for help and resources. Of course, that is not to say he wouldn’t do whatever he could to find JY. He wouldn’t stop trying until he had gotten to him, and his promise would be his driving force.

If ZZX was an adult, I think OX’s official illustration of him in a police officer’s uniform opens up interesting possibilities.

That line of work would fit him very well, and it would give him proper tools and resources to try and track down JY. I could also see that road taking a darker tone. ZZX could become obsessed with finding JY and somewhat isolate himself from others. He does his job well and is a reliable coworker but he’s not exactly a social butterfly. He could be conducting his own investigations outside of work. He could even chase down JY’s ghost for the rest of his life, and it would consume him.

If ZZX knew JY was dead...Hmm. I think we can all agree that ZZX is one of the mentally strongest characters in the comic, but if he lost JY for good like that, something in him might just break. Imagine losing someone who’s always been in your life and has become irreplaceable to you. Not only would he be crushed by grief but I bet guilt and regret would be eating him up as well. He had promised to protect JY and keep him safe but he hadn’t been strong enough.

In short, I think ZZX would be left with this gaping hole in his heart for the rest of his life. It would shrink with time but probably never fully close up.

Would he eventually move on with his life, though? Would he get married and have kids? I could see both scenarios happen. I could picture him having a family at some point, but perhaps there was always something in him that even his wife can’t quite reach. He would care for her, be a good husband and a father, but sometimes...he’s not quite there with them. Then again, I think it could also go the other way. ZZX also strikes me as someone who wouldn’t want to commit another person in a relationship with him if he can’t be fully theirs in his heart. It wouldn’t fair to the other person.

If JY lost ZZX

JY is probably the biggest mystery to me in this regard. He would most definitely be devastated just like ZZX but I’m quite not sure what direction his character would take from there.

If ZZX disappeared, I think there’s very little question about what JY would do. He would be the first one out the door with a barely thought-out plan. Someone would have to keep him from doing anything stupid and getting himself in trouble. Being held back would make JY anxious and restless, and he could try something reckless on his own. The longer it takes to find ZZX, the more desperate JY would become. But it would also be mixed with his sense of “I am too weak to do anything about this”. And that feeling would get stronger and stronger.

Would JY ever give up on finding ZZX? To be honest, I don’t know. On one hand, I want to say that he would never stop looking for him. But on the other hand, I can also picture the fight leaving him at some point and he submits to the cold, hard facts of reality. Probably forced by someone else. It would be heartbreaking to see him lose his usual positive momentum.

If JY knew ZZX had died, I’m honestly not sure where his character would go from there. It could be something similar to ZZX’s reaction; he would never be quite the same anymore. With JY, it could even go further perhaps. Maybe he could lose most of his cheerful, sunny disposition to the shadow of never being with ZZX ever again. As much as JY had always loved life, the world around him could lose its interest to him and he could turn more towards himself. Inwards, in a way. I’m really not sure but overall, I think moving on from losing ZZX would be harder for JY than the other way around.

There are a lot of ifs and maybes in there, and many things I didn’t even try to take into account (trauma, more specific circumstance, etc.). Interesting possibilities to keep building on this!

Thank you for your question, dear anon!

[lemon-ty]

While I have no time to draw I found that thing from twitter and I don't think it would be bad if I post at least anything till I'll be free to draw?? and let's say that's just one another post before I'll finally add some of It in my blog

I'll just answer all in one post let's go, guys

(Movies & mini series & book mixed)

1. Favorite female character

I don't think there're a lot of 'em lol. But

Patricia Uris

That's right, not Beverly. Patti has one(!) chapter and somehow I fell in love with her character while reading it. She's got her own story before Stan and she's got a very very very beautiful relationships with him.

(I'm so in love with Uris family I mean whyyyy can't I just have some Stan with his pretty wife and a CHILD THANK U VERY MUCH)

2. Favorite male character

RICHIE

I'm just in love with him he's perfect next

3. Worst character

Bill?

OK, let's talk about it. I was kinda neutral to everyone in the Loser club except Richie for a year or more. Then while being in fandom I fell in love with these guys like with everyone of 'em concluding Bill. But when I decided to actually read a book... why is he so stupid and careless and fjligvdsvfuklugxseggh

Moron.

I really tried not to be "of course u let kid go alone what will happen right??" but this.fucking.weather.this.fucking.fact.that.Georgie.told.him.he.was.about.to.go.to.the.closed.area.u.know.closed.bc.it.was.dangerous.to.go.there like BOY, u killed ur brother when he stepped out of the house HAVE U EVEN LOOKED TO THE WINDOW???? Was it ur plan how to get rid of him bc he was clever and better than u and everyone loved him more? Bc if it was, well, congratulations! it worked not like u expected but still worked!

I'm bullying Bill Denbro in my house I wish for the alternative version with George as a main character instead of him-

4. Favorite scene

Richie and Beverly dancing together

I LOVE their friendship they're like BEST BROTP EVER

I love all their interactions and I find it SO ADORABLE they danced together I always think about it ...about 'em

5. Favorite member of the Loser club

Well, again? Fine. RICHIE

6. Original or remake?

I'd say book? But if we're talking only about films when of course remake

I saw mini series some time ago and that was cute and had a lot from the book (and abult Eddie-) but it was so naive and looked kinda stupid (sorry everyone but I'm the new auditory and I can't get that seriously especially after new films) while new films... Weeelll...

Let's be honest, I saw It 2017 only bc of James McAvoy in the second chapter and I found it boring. And then the second part I found more like a comedy than horror. I didn't like films that time but I liked characters (Richie). Some weeks ago I rewathed both It 2017 and It 2019 and second one is still too long and a comedy but first I found interesting

So remake is great at least on the second time watching and that's enough

7. Reddie?

Reddie is always the answer it's never a question cuz the answer is YES all the answers YES

8. Ben of Bill?

Oh that's a question for me and my hate to Bill!

Ben OF COURSE

Not only bc I hate Bill, Ben is awesome himself. In films he was more leader for the Losers that Bill and Mike like together?? And have u seen that he did fo Henry in the book? Damn boy u're way too cool slow down

9. Best ship

Look question 7

10. Worst ship

OK it took a lot time to find the one bc I don't think there's any ship I would actually hate or smth but if thiiink Bill × Beverly

First, bc Bill?? Seriously?? Go and find someone better, my girl

Second, bc Ben and Bev have much more chemistry (god, Richie and Bev have more chemistry and this tells the person who would kill for reddie)

11. Book or movie?

Book

(and if u say the book is too big I swear I-)

12. Tim or Bill as Pennywise

Why do u need to ask such difficult questions?? I mean, I love every version of Pennywise no matter if it's book or 1990 or 2017-2019 they all are great in their own ways

So both Tim and Bill have an extreme charisma, different but equal in power

I like Tim's Penny bc he's simple and warm I mean c'mon I would definetly hug him or anything and die happy, I mean, he just got ur trust??? And I like how bad effects make him seams not like an awful monster who will eat u but like a friendly mischief (listen me up: he makes sink dirty right after Bev cleaned it up like phhhhhhhhahaha really u're a moron u know). Yeah, that's not that Pennywise is meant to be but that's adorable

And I love Bill's version bc he does look scary (in a some way, of course). Yeah yeah new effects are doing their work and the costume is less friendly than Tim's but the most important is Bill's acting. His mimic and expressions are perfect he fits this role way too good. And, damn, he's so funny like... Yeah, I'd spend my last minutes with him he's great, that would be the most hilarious death I could ever get

So... can I just say both??

13. Funniest character

Do u really see this as a question??

Richie. The funniest guy ever. I would go to his stand-up. I would buy his merch. I would buy hi- AHEMAHEM

Seriously, I found him irritating watching 1st movie first time but after 2d started I've changed my mind he's a diamond that makes films better like he's the only reason I didn't fall asleep while watching 2d part

14. Worst character fear

OK, let's say we don't count the book here. Bc, u know, the fears in the book was, well, like actually kid's fears. Like someone just saw a horror film great now they've got a deep emotional trauma that's like kids work.

So saying about movies...

Stan

Does anyone really got what's wrong with that painting?? I mean???? Just an art what's wrong with u, Stan, do u like... hate art???

I do not get it, plz, if u do, just explain me bc I have no fucking idea why should it be a normal fear that's stupid

15. Favorite actor from the film

James McAvoy

Like I said I went to this fandom ONLY bc of him

16. Favorite adult character

Do u think they grew up and anything changed? Hell no!

Richie

Forever Richie

17. Worst encounter with Pennywise

None? I really can't name u anything bc they all are great at leeeeast bc of Pennywise taking part in it. The scene with him can NOT be worst

(but still-

Eddie's such a stupid brave boy like WHY does he always need to go to scary deadly places I mean are u going to die of what????)

(in the book he just decided that was a great idea to actually try to get into the Neibolt house like ????????????????? U FUCKING BRAVE IDIO-)

18. Worst jump scare

I don't pay attention to any jump scares sorry

None

But I can name my fav! Mrs. Kersh. Not bc she's scary but SO FUNNY OMG

(and in mini series she IS scary, yeah...)

19. Favorite quote

Everything Richie says

20. Least favorite ship

Stanbro

This ship is really great: there're reasons why it's existing and the ship dynamic is good but... I hhhaaaateeee Biiilllllly. And that's the whole problem, yes. Blame me but I can't love otp if I don't like one of the characters

21. Favorite fan account

Don't follow any

22. Favorite Pennywise quote

Is he saying anything??

Alright-alright I know how it looks. "U say u love Penny but don't remember any of the words he's saying". Yes! All I remember is that everything he says is cool but, yeah, sorry, I have nothing in my head

23. Best friendship

RICHIE TOZIER

&

BEVERLY MARSH

24. Richie or Bill?

Who the fuck will choose Bill?????? Richie's the best

I mean, u want me to choose between my fav one and the one I hate most? really?

25. Eddie or Ben?

Not lying to u that's a difficult question. I like both of 'em so I needed a list with +s and -s of each one

Eddie:

+ Jack Dilan Grayser's face

+ the thing with hand

+ u can joke about his mom

+ s.h.o.r.t.s

+ he's mean I like ppl like that (I'm person like that)

+ can kill u with the knife just stuck in his cheek

+ healer

+ brave as hell

- he's SO loud

- non human speed of talking

- most of the time he's a wimp, let's be honest

- DEAD

- has scary tendencies of amputation everything

- not Riche's husband somehow

- mindlessly brave as hell

- FIVE

- PARAGRAPHS

- OF

- OBSCURE

- MEDICINE

- STUFF

in his very first chapter

Ben:

+ an architect (i concider all of 'em like gods)

+ punctual. If he said he'll be in ur bar on Saturday when he'll be doesn't matter he's in London right now

+ I tell u he's a hidden leader

+ can drink and stay sober

+ HE

+ PUNCHED

+ HENRY'S

+ BALLS

- wrote a haiku I don't like haiku

- minuses are ended

So Ben has less +s but less -s if u compare to his +s. So, sorry, Eds, but Ben

26. Funniest scene

Every with Richie

27. Least favorite male characters

I can't just say Bill again, right? Or I caaan???

Bill

28. Most underrated character

MIKE

I see ppl love every character even the once that has really small time (STAN) but I haven't seen so much ppl loving Mike. Everyone kinda... forgot about him?? What an irony

29. Favorite edit

Every with Richie

30. Is fack real?

No

Plz don't ship real ppl

[confessionsofaloudmouth]

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard; a blog post by Chelbey Trump

Happy Sunday, everyone! I’m generally going to be posting on Sundays because it gives me all of the weekend to write them. Also, you’ll catch on to the structures of these posts as we go.

This week, I am going to be discussing the novel Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. Published in 2015v by Simon and Schuster, the novel was on the New York Time’s Bestsellers list. (In the future, I would like to write a blog post about that particular achievement because, let’s face it, almost every book has been on it.)

Characters:

Mare Barrow; A 17 year-old pitpocketer, living in the slummiest part of a country, with a younger sibling who has potential for their life, parents who are loyal to-said country even though they’re given the short end of the stick, and a male best friend who is, undoubtedly, in love with her. Come on down, Katniss Everdeen! Oh, sorry, I meant Beatrice Prior. America Singer? Oh, right this novel is uniquely science-fiction, even though it follows all of the rules of a dystopian-fiction series. Ehem: I hate this character. Her arch, though not necessary to the forward motion of the story, was lost completely by a million different subplots and, even, the main plot. I like the idea that, in the midst of becoming the face of the rebellion, she became less of an individual person and more of a loyal person to her people. That being said, she was incredibly selfish, with her pity-part-for-one attitude simply because she was born into the Stilts. She took for granted her sister’s opportunity to provide for their family by dragging into a scheme which destroyed her life. Did she save her by acting the part of princess? Yes, but, c’mon: It was either marry Maven or be killed. I hope that she loses this attitude within the next couple books because;

Cal Tiberias; What a hunk! Charming, self-less, sensible, and a future-king? Cal was a strong character, although it could be said that he was weak due to his loyalty to his father which was conditioned inside his brain from a young age. He turned his back on the lower part of his people to stay true to the upper, wealthy, ‘better’ half. He deserved better than this, after showing traits that he was, well, better than this! I understand it worked for the plot line, but how juicy would it have been to see Cal stand up to his father? I loved how passionate he was, though. Mare thought he didn’t care about the divide, but he was noble in saying he didn’t want violence to be what closed said-divide. He was willing to put his men on the same level as the Red soldiers, including himself, to fight the war. That’s hot. In the end, when he defended Mare even though she had offended him, I fell more in love with his character. He had stayed true to himself- or who he was meant to be- instead of a stupid girl, but when they turned their backs on him, he was ready to die with honor alongside that dumb female (synonyms!) If Cal was still the general, then I’d say:

Maven Tiberias; If Cal is a hunk, Maven is that nerdy, attractive guy. He was charming from start to finish even though he was, ya know, the ‘bad’ guy. It was hard to believe him even as the bad guy, however, because he only 17 and played Mare like a game of Chess. It’s understandable that he had, like Cal, been conditioned to love his mother and her cause for all of his life, that the king and Cal were enemies, that Mare could never possibly love him. But, Aveyard literally threw us twenty pages from the end of the novel. It felt rushed, uncomfortable and, well, forced. Overall, I still love his character and I’m excited to see him as a king in the next three books.

Queen Elara and King Tiberias; The. Best. Female. Character. What a literal queen! She didn’t care about anyone’s feeling, had powers which made her stronger than pretty much everyone, and waited so long to let her husband’s head roll so she and her son could rule. That’s amazing! I loved her smug attitude which was revolutionary because she was still a lady. She chided Mare for not acting like a said-lady and did so herself while still manipulating everyone and anyone. We dont see enough strong female characters who are still very much feminine, and we deserve to. Now, for the king: Off with his head! I’m so glad he’s dead because I dont think I could have stood another second of his toxic masculinity. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Ruth, Gisa, and Daniel Marrow; I wish we could have a family which is matriarchal. Too many books rely on normal societorial standards fo household and I’m slightly over it. I understand that in a normal kingdom, men, like Daniel, were the war hero’s, honorably discharged, wise, older, and the most-looked up to in the family. But, c’mon, Mare could literally manipulate electricity and her father couldn’t have made dinner? Her mother was too sweet and quiet and her father too quiet and judgmental. It was too basic and boring. However, I feel awful for Gisa: She absolutely deserved so much more than what she was given by Mare’s horrible decisions.

Honorable Mentions; Kilorn was just so annoying, trying to be masculine yet show his affection to Mare. Get over her, bud, she’s fighting a revolution! Evangeline was annoying, yet so, so satisfying to read about. She was exactly like Queen Elara with all the overwhelming traits of King Tiberias. Lucas, I felt, could have been used a lot more sufficiently than he was. Julian, too, was lost in the fast-paced motion of the novel. Overall, the relationships everyone formed with one another were not illustrated well through the novel. I refuse to believe Mare was falling for Maven, or Cal for Mare, or that Julian truly cared about Mare as much as he said he did because I saw no build up of that love.

Settings:

What Aveyard lacks in characters, she makes up for in description. Although sometimes it felt like she was going overboard with her language usage, fo rate majority of the time, I could see exactly what she was discussing. Her most creative ideas for setting were the forest which was able to prevent pollution from Gray Town, the usage of The Capital River running through the entire kingdom, and the bridge separating Archean and the Silver residencies.

Plot Lines:

Reds vs. Silvers; I hate and love the idea of the high-class citizens having silver-flushed skin and literally silver blood. It took the first half of the book for my mind to comprehend the distinction because I was too focused on hating Mare Barrow (just kidding!) I loved the moment when Evangeline dug her nails into Mare’s arm in order to draw red blood so that her identity would be revealed. But, I hated that there was no explanation as to why there was separation between the two classes.

The Love Triangle (Quartet?); How grossed out would you be if your brother was engaged to the girl you just kissed and made-out with her on a regular basis? Well, put yourself into Cal’s shoes and see you feel. I knew from the moment Cal pretended to be a Red citizen that he was the love interest for Mare- not that she didn’t end up having two others. The personification of his body heat connected to the feelings Mare would have for him, and that was interesting to read about. However, Maven had to be thrown into the mix because he was engaged to her for literal marketing reasons. I shipped Maven and Mare so hard, but Maven apparently did not. I wouldn’t call it a love quartet because we all know Evangeline didn’t actually love Cal.

Brother vs. Brother; The idea of Cal and his father vs. Maven and his mother reminded me of Reign and the relationship between Francis, Queen Elizabeth, Henry and Sebastian. As a fan of that show, I loved this power struggle. The idea of Cal being the OG son and Maven his half-brother showed that his blood did run deep with the Tiberias’. It allowed for him to feel disconnected and to want to follow his mother’s lead to power.

Symbolism and Themes; Let’s be honest here: There were none. Besides the fact that the division between the Reds and Silvers could stand for racism in any and all societies, the novel itself lacked depth. You shouldn’t look to this novel for guidance or meaning. Rather, it is a quick, cute read. Mare’s earrings stood fo her brothers, and eventually Kiloran, but that was literally given to us within the first five chapters. Most of the themes lied along the man vs. nature due to the issue of biological desterminism, and man vs. man for the revolution.

Dream Cast:

Jaz Sinclair as Mare Barrow

Charles Melton as Cal Tiberias

Tati Gabrielle as Evangeline

Jaeden Martell as Maven Calore

Melora Hardin as Queen Elara

I know, I know, this is not everyone. But, these are the only characters I truly felt needed to be played by specific people. And, yes, some are highly debatable, such as Melora because of her comedic timing, but I think these actors could play these characters well.

Quote Corner:

“The truth is what I make it. I could set this world on fire and call it rain.”

“Flame and shadow. One cannot exist without the other.”

“Words can lie. See beyond them.”

(Victoria Aveyard is a wordsmith. What she lacks in character and book depth she makes up for in language and description.)

Overall Rating: 3.75/5

I know I bashed the book a lot, but it was a pretty easy and cute read. I am going to read the sequel because I am very invested in Maven as character and would like to see what else Aveyard has in store. She took ideas from dystopian novels which were all familiar with and put her own unique twist on them, and I admire that.

Thank you for reading this week’s blog post. Next Sunday I will be discussing, “The Half of It.” Please like, follow, and reblog my posts to help get me out there. Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Cain and Garth, Dean's mirrors and foreshadows

(9x11/9x12 and 9x13)

Hello my friends, welcome to another Destiel meta from this series.

This time we are gonna talk about three episodes that showed us Dean's mirrors and his foreshadow for the monster he will become by the end of the season 9 and season 10.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made all the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episodes. Thank you girl! 💕

First born recognize each other

The episode 9x11 is one of my favorites because Sam and Cas not just got along well, but grew up as a team and as brothers. But I won't talk about Sastiel here, because is a Destiel meta. If you want to check my meta about how Sam and Castiel developed a most deep relationship since 7x17 going through season 10 and now, here is the link.

Okay, now. We had Crowley and Dean looking for the First Blade. They stopped in a place to get more info, and we met Tara.

Tara was like listening John Winchester's scolding voice to Dean. Or like Dean's inner John Winchester's voice in his head.

CROWLEY: I can help. Dean?

DEAN: He wants Abaddon as dead as I do.

TARA: If your daddy could see you now. You know, even if that blade is real, it ain't worth being bosom buddies with the King of Hell.

Besides this, marking Dean's guilt all over too, we had Crowley calling themselves BESTIES, preparing us for the SUMMER OF LOVE Dean and Crowley will have at the beginning of season 10.

When they found Cain, what it caught my attention at first was... He had bees...

CAIN: Do either of you keep bees? It's very relaxing. They're such noble creatures. And the honey? Well, I keep it right on the comb. (...) They're dying, you know. Without bees, mankind will cease to exist. 

I remembering Castiel immediately, he contemplated need, he didn't keep them. He loved to watch them work as a team, he saw on them what Heaven should be.

But in this case is the contrary. You see, there's two biblical meanings for bees, and each one is the opposite to the other.

They're seen like blessing, hard work.

The other is slavery and punishment.

I think the GUILT is the the feeling of this season, and Kevin's death is the cause of the biggest guilt Sam and Dean feel. But also, guilt was what Castiel felt when he decided to avoid the problems and just contemplate bees working.

The guilt is also the heavy weight on Cain's shoulders, and that would explain why he keep bees. As a punishment reminder.

Then we had Dean and Crowley fighting against demons in Cain's house. Dean fighting in the kitchen while Cain was preparing corn. Is very interesting he doing this, because for ancient indigenous cultures, the corn meant the origin of mankind, and you know Cain, father of murder, represents too the first origins of humanity on Earth, so... Just a little detail...

Now... We all know and because is canon, when Cain started to talk about Colette and the way his wife loved him, accepting who he was and his past, and then in the following season, we all screamed COLETTE IS CASTIEL MIRROR. That makes Cain Dean's mirror.

Pay attention to this classic dialogue we all love...

This is the foreshadow fo the Destiel fight in 10x22. Castiel will ask him to stop after seeing how Dean and the mark were put of control.

And when Cain said this to Dean...

We all knew the connection, not just because Dean was a descendant of Cain, but because they both were FIRST BORN, THE OBEDIENT, THE ONE WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR THEIR BROTHERS. THE ONES WITH THE GUILT, THE HEAVY WEIGHT TO CARRY.

And is not coincidence they mentioned John Winchester in this very same episode.

So, Cain passed his mark to Dean Winchester.

Garth, the Monster saved by Love

In episode 9x12 Sharp Teeth we had a very funny scene between the brothers in which Jealous!Dean appeared again...

Just because Cas and Sam didn't needed him, or because Cas worked with Sam, but that face... Is a jealous one!

Just an introduction, because we need to talk about Garth here, Garth that became a warewolf.

Garth explaining to the Winchesters how Bess saved him in a dark hour of despair, when he was about to kill himself... This is a perfect and beautiful Dean's mirror, because is love what will save Dean, Family Love (Sam) and Romantic Love (Castiel).

Now, this very interesting scene, foreshadowing the fight between Cain and Dean in season 10...

Okay, here knowing Garth is representing Dean, Joy is threatening him by killing Colette/Cas/Bess then pointing Sam here would be a combo between friend and brother. Similar words Dean will receive from Cain in that barn.

Now, the guilt again made it's appearance in this scene...

Marking Kevin's dead like one of the most heavy guilts in Dean's soul.

The monster that lost his family

In episode 9x13 The Purge we met Donna, but also, we had this huge quote from Sam while they were investigating the spa case.

What a quote!!! Knowing Dean feels deep inside he destroys everything he loves, or, in this case, he puts a curse. Again the guilt here...

But what Mala responded is very meaningful too, is a bless... Cas and Sam will show Dean that love someone is also a blessing.

And because this was a Charmelo's episode, it has a lot of Wincest, but I will jump after that...

Finally, when the episode ends, we had Martiza saying this...

So she was a monster that tried to had a good life, with his husband and his brother, but she ended losing everyone. This is a symbolic representation of Dean's inners fears.

To Conclude:

Caín is the most important Dean's mirror this season and the next, his past and what Cain represents, is related to Dean directly through the guilt and the first born duty.

Colette is canonically Castiel's mirror.

We had Destiel fight foreshadow and Cain vs Dean foreshadow from season 10 with Garth.

We had Dean's inner guilts and fears representations in episode 9x13.

One of the topics that drives this season is the guilt and Kevin's dead, showed in these three episodes.

I hope you enjoyed this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkeeping

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous season 9 metas, here are the links...

Vol. XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV.

Buenos Aires, January 8th 2020 6:34 PM

[wasteitonserendipity]

Gummies (Part One)

(A/N: hello lovelies! I started a new main blog for writing so I’m reposting all of my stuff to here! Anyways, I’m working on the part two right now and hopefully it’ll be up soon!)

Genre: fluff and a little angst because why not?

Paring: Jungkook x reader

Word Count: 2.3K

-5:30AM- 

You were jolted awake by the blare of your alarm, the man by your side stirring a little bit. You sighed to yourself, staring up at the ceiling. The idea of getting up right now was less than appealing at the moment but you knew it must be done. You hated that even when you got to spend the night with Jungkook it was always cut short by the need to get home early in the morning. His arms tightened around your waist as you tried to kick your legs over the side of the bed to get up.

“Can’t you stay a little bit longer,” he said with a pout you could see through the dark, “you always leave so early. I wanna make you breakfast or something.”

“Thanks babe,” you said with a smile, kissing his shoulder before loosening his grip and getting up, “I wish I could but duty calls,”

He sat up and groaned again but didn’t really protest anymore, instead flopping back onto the bed dramatically. He knew that this was how it was. He knew that you had some kind of “responsibility” that you had to take care of in the morning before school, but he didn’t know exactly what it was. Sometimes he just figured that you had a morning routine that you wanted to stick to, so he really didn’t push the issue. 

You moved around the bedroom, humming while you gathered your belongings. He’d told you that if you were going to be staying over that you should leave some clothes at his, maybe even a toothbrush or makeup. In fact he’d almost insisted when you two actually began seeing each more consistently around a month in. You’d left small things there, maybe a Tshirt or a pair fo shorts to sleep in but leaving anything more than felt a little invasive to you and you certainly didn’t want to be that person. You two were casually seeing each other and had agreed that if you were to see other people to let each other know, but neither of you had really been interested in anyone else since your thing started. 

Before you could grab your glasses off of the nightstand Jungkook grabbed you by the wrist. 

“Hey,” he said with a soft smile, kissing your hand, “can you do dinner tonight? I wanted to talk about something with you.”

 You stopped all movement immediately, a million things ran through your mind, but one thing was consistent. Crap, this is it, he doesn’t wanna see me anymore.

Sensing your panic he laughed lightly before pulling you into his lap, nuzzling his face into your neck.

“It’s nothing bad babe,” he said soothingly, “just something I think we should talk about in a nicer setting.”

You wriggled out of his hold to face him, his eyes wide and full of what looked like love, even though you wouldn’t dare say that word yet. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” you sighed, caressing his face before placing a small kiss on his lips. 

-6:15AM-

“You’re late again,” Jisoo said, leaning on the counter with a cup of coffee. You could sense the mild irritation in her voice, “she’s not up yet thankfully. I figured I’d let her sleep until you were home.”

“I’m sorry Jisoo,” you said sincerely, setting your bag on the kitchen table “you’re literally the best sitter I could ever ask for.”

“I know I am,” she said with a smirk, her irritation fading away, “I'm the best live in babysitter ever. It helps that she’s the most adorable little angel I’ve ever met. If she was the devil this would be a very different conversation.”

“I owe you a big bottle of wine and a night to yourself,” you promised. 

You were forever grateful that your roommate was one of the most understanding people in the world. She knew your situation, that you were now the sole guardian of your four year old sister after your parent disappeared. You two had been living together already when you got the call that your sister was in custody after someone doing a wellness check found her in your old house all by herself. They figured she’d been there for a few days alone but she really had no idea what was going on. When you’d asked if Jisoo it was okay if your little sister came to live with you, she didn’t even hesitate. You felt lucky to have such an amazing friend by your side. 

“Deal,” she laughed, sipping her coffee.

A comfortable silence fell between you two before you heard a small voice from the other room.

“Unnie?” the small voice sung impatiently. You shared a glance with Jisoo and smiled.

“Duty calls,” you say lightly before making your way down the hall.

You popped your head into your shared room to see your little sister sitting up in the middle of your huge bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Hi baby,” you cooed, “are you ready to start the day?”

She nodded but pouted at the same time. She was never a morning person, something you both had in common. You were so much alike sometimes that it was almost like she was your daughter and not your little sister. She was smart as a whip and picked up a lot of your habits, both good and bad. She was always asking questions with the most adorable, inquisitive look on her face. Day in and day out she never ceased to amaze you. 

“What are we doing today, Unnie?” she asked you with bright eyes now.

“Do you want to come to class with me?” you asked. It was summer session now, so she didn’t have daycare everyday like during the year but your teacher for your summer lit class was kind enough to let you bring her with you whenever it was necessary. 

“Yes, please!” she squealed, jumping out of bed and running for the kitchen. 

“Jisoo! Incoming!” you yelled down the hall. You smiled when you heard Jisoo greet the little one and endless giggles could be heard from the kitchen.

You stretched a little before getting up to change for class. You pulled your clean shirt over your when your phone vibrated on the bed.

JK: Hope you made it home okay! I’ll pick you up around 7? Xx

You wanted to panic at the thought of Jungkook picking you up at your place. He’d never come over to yours and never really questioned why you never offered to host and this would be the first time that he’d be in the same vicinity as your sister. It made your stomach flip at the thought of telling him about your situation. You weren’t ashamed in anyway of the predicament your parents put you in, but you knew that most guys in their twenties weren’t exactly keen on the idea of dating someone who has to take care of a little life as well. 

“Today’s as good a day as ever I guess,” you sighed to yourself as you put the rest of your books in your bag. 

-11AM-

“What’d you think of class today, little one?” you asked as your walked across campus. You held on to her little hand, in her other hand was the popsicle that your professor had insisted on buying for being “the best listener in class”.

“It was good,” she hummed, happily enjoying people watching as you both walked.

That was one of the millions of things you simply adored about her, she was always the happiest kid around. You would never have known all the shit that she’d had to deal with in her four short years of being on earth. She was always happy, always a tiny ray of sunshine in the dark. She rarely cried or got upset and somehow, at four and a half, knew how to work her problems out better than most of the adults you knew. 

You moment of adoration was cut short by the sound of a familiar voice behind you.

“______!” you knew exactly who it was and you froze. You were planning on telling him but this wasn’t exactly how you wanted to. You took a deep breath, knowing that you didn’t have much of a choice now. You turned around with a forced smile, one you hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“Hey”! You a little more enthusiastically than you should have. 

“I saw you come out of lit and I thought I would say hi and see if you wanted to grab lunch,” he said with his bunny smile. 

You were lost in his smile when your little sister tugged at your jacket impatiently.

“Unnie, who’s that?” she asked, her eyes doing a once over on Jungkook, “he’s very tall.”

You laughed a little, always the curious little one. Jungkook looked between the two of you surprised, but not as much as you figured he would, which puzzled you a little bit. 

“This is my friend, Jungkook. He goes to school with me.” you say, nodding for her to introduce herself.

“I’m Ji Ah, it’s nice to meet you,” she smiled and bowed.

After Jungkook bowed back she turned on her heels and immediately made the signal that she wanted you to pick her up, something she only did when she was feeling shy. You smiled as you picked her up and rested her on your hip. 

“This is what you mean when you say ‘duty calls’, huh?” he asked, quietly. 

“I didn’t want you to find out like this but yes,” you said, looking at the ground.

“I just don’t get what the big deal is though,” he said with a shrug, pulling his water bottle out of his backpack. 

“What?” you asked, a little shocked.

“So, you have a little sister? That’s hardly something to get worked up about,” he laughed. 

He set his bag down on the ground before rummaging through it again. After a minute, and your heart restarting, he pulled out a small bag of gummies. 

“Ji Ah, do you like gummies?” he asked, Ji Ah’s head still buried in your neck. She looked around at him shyly and nodded her head. 

“Good, so do I!” Jungkook chirped enthusiastically, “you want some?” 

She nodded again with more fervor before taking the colorful candy from his hand. 

“Jungkook, it’s a little more complicated than that,” you said in a hushed tone. 

He pulled out another candy and handed it to Ji Ah before turning to look you dead in the eye. 

“That’s okay,” he said with sincerity in his eyes, “you can tell me about it over lunch, my treat.” 

-12:35PM-

“It took about six months, but because they couldn’t find my parents I gained sole custody of Ji Ah. It’s been about a year since she’s been with me.” you said, taking a sip of your iced tea.

Ji Ah was sitting next to you happily coloring away, oblivious to the world around her. You smiled down at her lovingly. Just about your whole world was that little girl and you braced yourself for the out come that had happened the last time you’d told a guy about your situation.

Jungkook continued to listen to you intently, only stopping every so often to pick at his sandwich. You pressed on, figuring if he was meant to stay in your life after all of the information overload you were letting loose on him, that he would stay, and if not then it just wasn’t meant to be. 

“I won’t say it’s been easy,” you started, fidgeting with the rings on your fingers, “because it really hasn’t. Between social services checking in, taking care of Ji Ah, going to school full time and trying to have a social life, I’m stretched pretty thin. Which is the reason why you’ve never really seen me with a guy on campus. I know when we met we joked about that, but that’s the real reason. Ji Ah always comes first. She’s never met really any of the guys I’ve seen until now. I’ve never really been comfortable with the idea of her getting attached to someone and then all of a sudden they’re no longer around. So, I won’t lie, the fact that we’re all sitting here together right now is a big deal.”

You looked up, your eyes meeting with his. You looked for signs that he was ready to bolt, for any kind of unsteadiness in them. But you found none. His eyes still sparkled the same way they did this morning, and it made your heart flip. 

“_____,” he said as he took your hand, his eyes never leaving yours, “you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met.”

“What?” you asked, dumbfounded by his words.

“I don’t know anyone at our age that would willingly take on this kind of responsibility without a second thought. You have a huge heart and for you to take care of Ji Ah and keep your grades up is truly amazing.”

You looked down, smiling at his kind words and blushed just a little. You figured he’d let you go easily as soon as he knew the kind of commitment dating you would now entail. But it seemed like he almost welcomed it.

“I was gonna ask you this tonight over dinner,” he began again, “but since we’re in a sharing mood, I guess I’ll just go now; ––––––––, would you officially be my girlfriend?” 

Ji Ah looked up as soon as he said the word ‘girlfriend’ halting all of her coloring. She looked between the two of you a few times with inquisitive eyes before turning to you to ask, 

“Does this mean Jungkook oppa can come over a play with me? I like him.” 

You both laughed a little at her forward question. You looked at the clearly amazing, understanding man across from you with a smile.

“I guess it does.” 

[lareinemarie]

Media’s Lack of Compassion Regarding Serial Murders of Black Women

Media's Lack of Coverage and General Society's Lack of Compassion Regarding Serial Murders of Black Women

"This thing is serious business, until we know women are safe in this community, we will be out here every year," - Activist Kathy Wray of the Imperial Women Coalition

"We all know, if these young women had been white, the whole town would have been shut down, until it was solved."- Commenter Mike at Abagond regarding the Henry Louis Wallace serial killings of 11 young Black women in Charlotte

"The police don’t care because these are black women… . It’s not like Lonnie killed no high-powered white folks.  We don’t mean nothing to them.  We’re black. What the @@@@. Just another @@@@@ dead.  The @@@@ should not have been out there on drugs.”

Pamela Brooks, in “Tales of the Grim Sleeper”

This year will be the 10th anniversary of the Imperial House Murders(Anthony Sowell), the 25th anniversary of Henry Louis Wallace(Taco Bell Strangler), and the 40th anniversary of the  Boston Murders.

This will be a year-long series on how mainstream media and society disregards the serial murders of Black women in America.  Eleven years ago, I wrote a blog post, Crimes Against Black Women:  Four Cases regarding the neglect of media and police coverage regarding murders of Black women by people of all races and ethnicities as well as the insensitivity of the general public.  I going to discuss the Anthony Sowell murders, along with the Grim Reaper, and of course, Henry Louis Wallace(a.k.a. Bad Henry).  There has been other serial murderers of Black women in the past and current centuries.  Such as Gary Heidnik who murdered several Black women in the Philadelphia area.  Benjamin Atkins in Detroit in 1991-1992 murders of 11 women.  East Cleveland killer Michael Madison.  Larry Bright killed eight Black women in the Peoria area back during 2004-2005.  The Gary Indiana killer back in 2012.  The still unsolved serial murder case in Rocky Mount, N.C. in 2009.  But my focus will be on the four cases at hand.  The  police  should have warned that a murderer in the community and to make sure community has an input in solving murders and to bring the perpetrators to justice.  How the media should have had more sensitivity to those who are marginalized.

There will be at least four parts to this subject.  Because this is repeatedly ignored by the general public, society and media. Professor Cheryl L Neely of Oakland(MI) Community College discussed this lack of attention and police indifference in her debut book, You're Dead, So What.  She discussed at length how media, law enforcement, and the general public indifference to Black female victims of homicide.  She give examples and comparison between the murder of Imette St. Guillen and Stepha Clark.  How the media and the police treatment of such women are base upon socioeconomic class and race.  

We all know that mainstream media often saturate missing and murdered women with stories about beautiful, middle class White and Latina female victims such as Chandra Levy, Mollie Tibbitts, Nixzmary Brown, Laci Peterson, Kate Steinle, etc. There's a label for the aforementioned victims, coined as  the "Missing Beautiful White Woman Syndrome."  They're also considered victims deserving of sympathy, compassion, and empathy. Sure, the pedestalization of White American women help solidify the idea of young, beautiful White women as worthy of remembrance. They, along with lighter-skinned non black women of Color are the standard of beauty in America today.   We Americans still refer to celebrity White women as American Sweethearts who captured the hearts of Americans and others worldwide.  They're considered as sweet, easy on the eyes, and personable.  Also, non black women and girls get the assumption of innocence regardless of circumstances.

In contrast, society have very little compassion for Black women victims of crime, let alone serial killers.  As a matter of fact, Black female victims are labeled in American society and media as being

"loose", "fast", "crackheads", "runaways", drug users, "sluts","whores", "thots", mentally unstable, "baby-making machines", and "welfare queens". Likewise, the mainstream American media and the general public tendency to label Black females as "street women", "Chickenheads","prostitutes",  "ghetto","junkies", "ratchet" and so on.  For a very long time, Black women academics long contended that the controlling images of Black women(Jezebel, Mammy, Sapphire, Welfare Queen, Crackheads, etc.) are employed to stigmatize an already marginalized group of women. The jezebel stereotype especially. That stereotype justified abuse of Black women by White and Black men since slavery.  Such abuse rarely invoke outrage from the public.  That needs to change.

Speaking of the Madonna/whore ideology. From historic times, society in general always label women as either good, chaste women, wives, mothers, nuns or they're loose women, prostitutes, and mistresses/courtesans.  Renaissance artists reflected societal views of women through the Madonna paintings by famous artists Lippi, Botticelli, Raphael, etc., or nude paintings such as the Venus of Urbino by Titian.  

In American society, the Madonna/whore ideology is strong, tinged with class and race components.  White and other non black women, especially East Asian women are considered the "sacred Madonna" while Black, Native American, and certain Latinas, especially the Caribbean Latinas are labeled as "bad women" deserving of their fate.  This view is far more widespread as the lack of coverage, the disparaging remarks in and out of cyberspace, and general indifference on the part of law enforcement to solve murders of Black women in America and Indigenous women in Canada.  

The Madonna/whore mythology were used in how the public reacted to murders of Black women, the Heidnik, the Larry Bright, Gary Ridgeway, the Sowell case and the Henry Louis Wallace cases in particular.

For example, the Cleveland convenience store owner showed sympathy to Anthony Sowell, whom he said in the Unseen interview that "he took out the garbage".  That's a blatantly hateful remark.  He saw the victims, living and dead, of Anthony Sowell as being "worthless" and "undeserving" to him. He labelled the victims as worthless drug addicted and prostitutes(which most weren't)

Again using the Madonna/whore ideology in connection to the slow reaction on the part of Charlotte police in connection with the Henry Louis Wallace serial murder case, a concerned young woman  named Angala Grooms in East Charlotte stated that the police did not care because they viewed the pretty young Black female murder victims of Henry Louis Wallace:  

"I feel like they wrote us all off as some fast little black girls who didn't really matter."

The Madonna/whore ideology strategy was used by the defense during the Henry Louis Wallace trial as well.  

In the December 2014 issue of Vanity Fair article covering the Grim Sleeper and how law enforcement turned a blind eye to the serial murder of Black women, Franklin’s son Christopher describes meeting L.A.P.D. officers who asked if they could shake his hand, aware that he was the son of the Grim Sleeper. Broomfield was dumbstruck by the revelation. “Christopher told me his father had a lot of fans in law enforcement. Some police officers actually admired Lonnie for ‘cleaning up the streets.’ That seemed, to me, too incredible—that a serial killer could be a person who was respected within certain sections of law enforcement

Unfortunately, those attitudes are widespread in society, seeing poor, Native American, Latina, and Black women as being of lesser value than other American women.  

There's a deeply troubling disparity in reporting the disappearance and homicides of female victims reflects racial inequality and institutionalized racism in the social structure.

Oftentimes when reporting, there's a considerable bias when it comes to Black American female murder victims.  The reporters always want probe into the backgrounds of such women, their sexual histories, criminal records, the neighborhoods where they reside, their work/education backgrounds, history of drug/alcohol addictions, and whom their associations were as if they had done something wrong to cause their demise.  

They were rarely described in the media as being attractive, beautiful, smart, intelligent, serious, wonderful wives, good mothers, or pretty.  Those descriptions are reserved for middle/upper class and/or famous non black victims.

With precious few exceptions, there are very few media outlets cover Black female homicide/serial murder victims with sympathy and compassion.  

The Cleveland victims of Anthony Sowell  received coverage and even some compassion from local newspaper journalists. Writer Steve Miller wrote a compassionate book focusing on the victims and their lives in the book, Nobody's Women:  The Crimes and Victims of Anthony Sowell. They didn't focus too much on the victims' drug/alcohol addictions, criminal records, poor family lives, etc.  Instead, they discuss about their lives before circumstances took them away.  Even the Grim Sleeper victims are rehabilitated by author Christine Pilasek in her book, The Grim Sleeper:  Lost Women of South L.A.  Of course, the beautiful victims of Henry Louis Wallace.  Although they didn't get much coverage outside of Charlotte, they were written sympathetically as well.  

Ten years ago, I wrote a blog post about violence against Black women.  I wrote this in an attempt to get America and the world to acknowledge the violence done to Black women in America.

So many people, lurkers, scholars, crime experts came to this website for knowledge and information.  However, I will discuss the various serial murders of Black women in full detail and to bring more awareness to the public.  Here's the link to my old blog post:

https://httpjournalsaolcomjenjer6steph.blogspot.com/2007/08/crimes-against-black-women-four-cases.html

This will be at least ten segments regarding media and societal disregard for Black women and girls who are victims of serial murder.  They're not in the media and the general society don't care in the least about them unless they're passing judgment regarding Black serial murder victims like the owner of a Cleveland convenience store featured in the 2016 documentary, Unseen.

Black women and girls were devalued both in life and death.  

That attitude needs to change.

In the year-long series, I will be discussing at length the Anthony Sowell murders and his victims, living and dead.  How the city of Cleveland neglected impoverished Pleasant Hill neighborhood, the failings of the police, the residents, and business owners in detecting the murders and the smell of death along with it, the fallout of the Sowell case, and of course, the survivors of  Sowell.  Their voices matter as well.

In the second series, I'll do a lengthy series on the victims of Henry Louis Wallace.  Third, the Grim Sleeper, and finally the 1979 Boston murders and how feminists and Black groups organized to bring awareness of the murders of Black women in Boston.

Here is the outline of the upcoming segments regarding serial killers of Black women:

I   Anthony Sowell:   The Imperial House Murders

     A.  The Victims and Survivors of Anthony Sowell

                   Deceased Victims

         1.  Tonia Carmichael

         2.  Tishana Culver

         3.  Leshonda Long

         4.  Crystal Dozier

         5.  Michelle Mason

         6.  Kim Y. Smith

         7.  Amelda Hunter

         8.  Nancy Cobbs

         9.  Diane Turner

       10.  Janice Webb

       11.  Telacia Fortson

         Survivors

                 1.  Latundra Billups

         2.  Vanessa Gay

         3.  Shawn Morris

         4.  Gladys Wade

         5.  Vernice Crutcher

         6.  Melvette Sockwell

   B.   Media Coverage and Trial

          1.  Trial

          2.  Witness testimonies

          3.  Testimonies from Survivors

          4.  Sentencing Phase

   C.   Legacies

         1.  Documentaries

              a.  Unseen

              b.  Vice's Right Red Hand:  The Cleveland Strangler

              c.   Investigation Discovery Killer Instinct

         2.  Books

              a.  Nobody's Women by Steve Miller

              b.  House of Horrors by Robert Sberna

         3.  Memorials

              a.  Proposed 11 Angels Memorial

         4.  The Victims' families' continued pain  

              a.  Lawsuit and subsequent settlement with the City of Cleveland

              b.  Lack of counseling for the victims' families

              c.   Survivors of Sowell and their perspectives

               5.  Activism

              a.  Kathy Wray of the Imperial Women

         6.  Podcasts

II  Henry Louis Wallace:  The Taco Bell Strangler, a.k.a Bad Henry

         A. The Victims and their lives

          1.  Tashonda Bethea

          2.  Sharon Lavette Nance

          3.  Caroline Love

          4.  Shawna Denise Hawk

          5.  Audrey Ann Spain

          6.  Valencia Michele Jumper

          7.  Michelle Denise Stinson

          8.  Vanessa Little Mack

          9.  Brandi June Henderson

        10.  Betty Jean Baucom

        11.  Debra Ann Slaughter

     B.  Media Coverage and Trial

           1.  Venue change and jury selection

           2.  Trial and Sentencing

     C.  Legacies and Memorials

           1.  Mothers of Murdered Offspring

                a.  Dee Sumpter-  Shawna Hawk's mother

                b.  Objectives of the organization

           2.  Documentaries and Movies

                a.  Investigation Discovery Bad Henry

                b.  Southern Fried Homicide:  Too Many Women

                       3.  Academic Case Studies

           4.  The Victims' families' legacies

                a.  Tribute To The Victims of Henry Louis Wallace

           5.  Memorials

                           6.  Podcasts

                       7.  Sheriff Gary McFadden

III  The Grim Sleeper Murders/South Side Murders in Los Angeles

                A.  Why so Long?

          B.   Police and Public Apathy

          C.   Victims

          D.   Arrest and fallout of the LAPD

                 a.  Labeling of victims:  NHI(no human involved)

                 b.  Troubling support of the serial murderer by the LAPD

          E.   Trial and Sentencing

          F.    Media and Academic Studies

                 1.  Book:  The Grim Sleeper: The Lost Women of South Central                          L.A.

                 2.  Only Good Victims Need Apply:  Tales of the Grim Sleeper

                    G.   Activism

                 1. Margaret Prescod

IV   The Boston Murders

                 A.  The media coverage of victims

                 1.  Criticism

                  B.  Feminists and Black community criticism of the handling of the                    murders

                 1.  Six Black Women:  Why Did They Die?

                      a.  Combahee River Collective

                           1.  Barbara Smith

[flameontheotherside]

Moving Date Pushed

Overwhelmed, I nearly had about 5 panic attacks. Excited to leave but terrified of the location (in the ghetto), So much to do, sudden change, and stretching myself too thin. I was a little upset about the moving date pushed back to June 1st. Just 2 weeks from my b-day (June 15th, I expect presents! LOL j/k) so that’s great because I heard (...and I hope it’s true) that I can request to have a weekend off. If that’s the case I want to make plans to do something. I have no idea what though without money. -_____-’ Unfortunately working right now on top of everything going on would not help me. I’d have MORE meltdowns. 

Well, I’m also not that upset because I need time to mentally prepare myself for the change. It’s a good change though despite the location. I have a spiffy new phone. Surprisingly better than my LG Stylo 4 that was stolen. It was given to me brand new in the box by one of the caseworkers. I’m so happy about that. Guess they felt bad from all the meltdowns I’ve had.

Lemme be clear!

I’ve never had meltdowns so bad. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, confused, changes, and people. LOL xD...I’ve slowly become kind of a complete and total mess and that part of why the caseworkers have helped me get in to a smaller shelter. Once i have my own place and things get back to as normal as it can get, I’ll do much better. I’ve never been push so far past my limits! I’m a home-body. Being away from people is easy because I don’t have to spend as much time figuring them. Chatting or texting makes communication easier....but then again not really because people can still be as confusing. 

So with this new step, I’m closer to getting my government assistance checks aka disability. This shelter wouldn’t have accepted me if I wasn’t going to get disability.....at least what I’ve been told. I also hear sometimes you don’t need a medical evaluator. The last times I’ve applied I never had that. So I’m hoping that I won’t have to take some IQ test or answer a bunch of questions. I have a hard time focusing, I don’t feel like being interrogated (hence why I hate seeing therapists), and sometimes I hate the attitude they can have. Especially if they work for the government. Their job is to prove you don’t need to be approved for disability. When people get testy with me, I get irritated and that’s what they will do. Then also, I will FAIL (score less than 100 or test out) the IQ test anyway. I’m serious, I will not be able to concentrate or sit still long enough and will get irritated.

Am I making myself sound bad?

Errrr...I’m really not an asshole or anything. I think people misunderstand me when I’m trying to be honest. I’m sure everyone would hate being asked a ton of questions....*scratches head* But the game of 20 questions, truth or dare and Have You Ever are fun so they don’t count! LOL xD I’m talking about serious tests that require a lot of thinking.

I’m not stupid or anything. ROFL I’m a fucking genius in my own way....Just can’t learn at the same pace as others, sometimes have a hard time reading people. It makes intuition hard too! Thats why I need to use Tarot cards and/or Erik’s help to do my work. Also sometimes people misread me too. Like I might look pissed off but I’m happy as fuck, I can look sad but I’m just fine, or look bored but just distracted but still “listening”. I can’t tell if someone is being friendly without some kind of motive or I think someone has a motive and they don’t. It’s extremely frustrating and it makes me wonder if that’s why all my relationships were so screwed up. It kind of makes me think I’ll never be good enough. Doesn’t mean I give up or anything. It just means I have to suck it up and work harder at trying to understand people.

-____- Which reminds me of therapy.

“...And how does that make you feeeeeeeel?”

Fuck you...LMAO Ain’t no body got thyme fo dat recipie! I came up with that! Don’t you steal that shit! I need to find an Autism Spectrum Disorder specialist. I guess that’s kind of what I had when I was taking the “SPECIAL ED” classes in school. Today in “group” this morning we played this “therapy” game where you play Jenga but according to color you answer or ask a question based on the color the block was you picked up. It’s called “TOTIKA”. If only had an adult or x-rated version. LOL that would be just great. Hahahahah...D-E-D Dead. 

Okay okay I’m extremely tired. It’s been a loooooooong week and I haven’t been able to relax. So I need much needed sleep. I guess it’s time to go back to the gym. I’ll do it! I’ve really thinned out. I’m on a new diet of nuts, grains, fruits, vegetables and small amounts of meat, processed sugar and dairy. Like a slice of pizza isn’t going to kill me. Basically a diabetic diet although I’m NOT a diabetic!!!!! That’s just triffling because I’ve been doing very good and have no apparent symptoms of it....Just EXTREMELY REGULAR! I think it might have something to do with all the weight I’m losing. Not that I lost so much but I look pretty good! 

Have A Great Day!

Check out my store where I offer readings starting as low as $5/per question with a response at least 1 paragraph!

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

(◕‿◕)♡ Social: Twitter Tumblr Instagram YouTube Facebook

[the-hufflepuff-dramatist]

Hello~ I’m new to your blog and amazed at all the fandoms you write for. From Harry Potter to kpop. Wow :3 can I please request a vixx leo angst where he cheats on Reader and it doesn’t have a happy ending? When I think of other ideas for other fandoms, I’ll most likely be dropping by to request :3

A/N: Thank you for your request! I got a bit carried away and wrote a lot, but I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to request again and as much as you want. The title of this piece is “Pleurs” which means tears in French.

Pairing: Jung Taekwoon x Female Reader

Warnings: Major angst, cheating 

Word Count: 2,189

Running, running far away. To nowhere, to somewhere, to anywhere but there. Your home no longer, who knows how long it hadn’t really been your home. The tears continued streaming down your face as you remembered the events of the evening. 

You were supposed to work late, you were a choreographer and had several dances to finish the choreography for, three to be exact. You finished two of them faster than you thought and decided to call it a night, you could finish the final one tomorrow. You sent a quick text to your boyfriend. 

You: On my way home baby! We can have that romantic dinner you wanted! 

Taekwoon gave you no response, but that was not unusual. He was probably busy. Taekwoon really wanted to have a nice, romantic dinner with you since it had been so long since the two of you had gone on a date. He was going to cook for you, set up candles, flowers, the whole nine yards. You weren’t sure what to expect when you got home, but you were just happy that you were going to be able to spend time with your boyfriend. 

Oh, how wrong you were. 

The drive home was fifteen minutes without traffic, and that was exactly how long it took you to get home, fifteen minutes. You parked your car and got out, excited to see Taekwoon. You grabbed your bag and shut and locked the doors, then made your way to the door. You opened the door and the delicious smell of Taekwoon’s cooking filled the air. A wide smile plastered itself on your face. 

“Taek? I’m home,” you said as you kicked off your shoes and walk inside. You heard a female giggle from the dining room, followed by the sound of Taekwoon’s voice. You didn’t really think anything of it, he probably invited one of his friends over since he thought you weren’t going to be home until late. “Woonie, baby, I didn’t have to work late.” 

You walked into the dining room and are greeted with the sight of Taekwoon with a girl in his lap. A girl you had seen before, one of his friends that you had welcomed into your home on several occasions. She was in his lap, straddling his waist and the couple was lip locked. His hands were tight against her waist and her hands were tangled in his hair. 

You could almost feel your heart break. 

Your words died in your throat and you struggled to breathe properly. “T-Taekwoon?” You hated that you stuttered, you wanted to remain strong but you couldn’t. He pulled away from her suddenly, a look of horror settling on his face. 

“(Y/N), I thought you weren’t coming home until late tonight,” he said as the girl climbed off his lap, also looking horrified. 

“We thought you weren’t going to be here,” she added. 

“So…so that makes it okay? Since I wasn’t going to be home tonight until late, that makes it okay for you two to be here? Doing that? For you to cheat on me?” The two fell silent and looked down. “How long?”

Taekwoon looked up. “What?”

“How long have you been seeing each other? How long have you been going behind my back like this?” 

“Maybe…two months…?” You felt your heart sink further. 

“You don’t even know how long it’s been?” 

“Why am I supposed to know?” He sounded insulted and you felt anger flare up inside of you. 

“Don’t you dare, you don’t get to be insulted! You don’t get to be angry or hurt or upset. You cheated on me, Taekwoon, not the other way around.” 

“(Y/N), baby, I-“

“No! You don’t get to call me that anymore.” All of a sudden the hurt took over and tears welled up in your eyes. “Leave me alone Taekwoon, don’t…don’t ever talk to me.” 

The tears started to fall and you quickly turned and bolted towards the door. You barely registered slipping on your shoes before you took off running into the night, doing anything in your power to put distance between yourself and that house. Between yourself and him. 

Taekwoon ran his hands through his hair in distress. He was hurting, more than he ever thought he could hurt. She looked at him. 

“Taek,” she started but he shook his head. 

“Don’t. I just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just don’t. Get out, get out of my house and get out of my life.” She shrugged and grabbed her purse. 

“You’ll come back to me.” She left without another word. 

He sat back in the chair, worry for you taking over. He knew he couldn’t do anything, even if he could find you, you’d never let him get near you. Not now.

“Hakyeon…” he muttered and pulled out his phone. Hakyeon could find you, you’d talk to Hakyeon. And Hakyeon was going to kill him. Hakyeon was why the two of you met, why you were together, you were like a little sister to him. Taekwoon knew Hakyeon was going to kill him as soon as the news got out, and he couldn’t even protest. He knew he deserved it. 

The call went straight to voicemail, so Taekwoon tried Wonsik. 

“Why are you calling so late, hyung?” Wonsik asked as a greeting. 

“Is Hakyeon there? At the dorm?” Taekwoon asked, ignoring Wonsik’s question. 

“No, he’s in the practice room. Why?” 

“I need you to get him for me. I need to talk to him.” 

“Hyung, I’m tired can’t you just-“

“It’s about (Y/N).” That shut Wonsik up. Taekwoon heard a noise from the other end of the phone, as if Wonsik was getting up and walking. A couple of minutes went by before Wonsik spoke again. 

“N-hyung, it’s Leo-hyung. He wants to talk to you, something about (Y/N). He sounds worried.” The phone was quickly handed to Hakyeon. 

“What’s happened to her Taekwoon?” Hakyeon almost shouted. “Is she hurt? Where is she?”  

“I don’t know,” Taekwoon said. 

“You don’t know what?” 

“I don’t know where she is. I…I hurt her Hakyeon.” 

“You hurt her? What do you mean you hurt her!? Explain. Now.” 

“I-I’d rather explain to you in person.” Hakyeon fell silent for a moment. 

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Taekwoon…if this is about what I think it is…you’re dead.” The line went dead and Taekwoon dropped his phone onto the table, then buried his head in his hands and tried not to cry. 

You ended up in a part of town you were unfamiliar with, still crying. You wiped your eyes on your sleeve, but it didn’t matter. The tears just wouldn’t stop. You felt as if a hole had been ripped open in your chest. You couldn’t believe Taekwoon did that, that he cheated on you. You couldn’t help asking yourself what you did wrong. It must have been something, you had to have done something wrong to cause him to go running into another woman’s arms. 

You stopped in front of a twenty-four diner and decided to go in, figuring you shouldn’t go any further before you got yourself hopelessly lost. You walked inside and found a table in the back, ordering a coffee so that you would be allowed to stay. You didn’t know how long you sat there, staring into your cup of coffee blankly, when someone sat across from you. You didn’t even look up. “Look, I’m really not in the mood for this so if-”

“Relax (Y/N), it’s me, Hakyeon-hyung sent me,” Hongbin said, causing you to look up at him. 

“Hongbin?” 

“In the flesh.” He gave you a slight smile, trying to do anything to make you feel better. He quickly abandoned that idea, seeing that you were not responding positively to his attempts at all. “So, what happened? Hyung said that you were hurt.” 

You inhaled sharply, preparing yourself to say it out loud. “Taekwoon cheated on me.” Hongbin couldn’t contain his shock. 

“He…h-he what?” 

“He cheated on me.” Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence, and fresh new tears started to stream down your cheeks. You covered your mouth, trying to stifle the sobs before they escaped. Hongbin said nothing, simply moved so that he was sitting next to you and wrapped his arms around you. You hid your face in his side, finally letting yourself cry uninhibited. Hongbin stayed silent, after all, what could he possibly have said that could make this better?

Hakyeon arrived at the apartment quickly. He knocked then let himself in, having no patience to wait for Taekwoon to come to the door. 

He walked through the house, towards the kitchen, calling out, “Taekwoon, I’m here.” 

“Dining room,” was Taekwoon’s response. Hakyeon walked in and saw Taekwoon, looking miserable. 

“What did you do to her?” 

“Hello to you too.”

“Taekwoon, this is (Y/N) we’re talking about. What did you do to her?”

“I cheated on her, okay? I’ve been cheating on her.” The tears that he had been trying so hard to hold back finally came rushing out. “I should have never done it, I feel awful. That’s no excuse but…I just wish I could go back.”

Hakyeon was silent, staring at Taekwoon, fuming. 

“She fucking told me and I didn’t listen! She thought something was up and I didn’t listen, thinking that you could never ever do that to anyone, let alone her. Guess you proved me wrong.” 

“Hakyeon, please help me.”

“Help you what? Because you are never getting her back. Hell, you are never going to be around her again.”

“Help me find her, I just need to know she’s safe.”

“I’ll call Hongbin.”

“Thank you, thank you so much Hakyeon. 

“Don’t thank me,” Hakyeon said, his voice icy. “I’m not doing any of this for you. It’s for (Y/N). I really hope you’re happy now Taekwoon.”

Taekwoon said nothing as he watched Hakyeon walk out of the room to call Hongbin. Taekwoon knew he deserved everything that was coming to him and more, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Watching his best friend turn their back on him hurt, but he deserved it. That was one thing Taekwoon was certain of, he deserved all of it.

Three days. It had been three days since you walked into your home and found him with another woman. It had not gotten any easier to bear. You had been staying at the dorms, not wanting to even go near that house. Hakyeon had barely left your side. He had tried to get you to talk about it, but you couldn’t, it hurt too much.  

You sat on the couch, curled up under a blanket, staring blankly at the wall. You were alone in the dorm, everyone else was at practice. You knew he was there. He, him. Taekwoon. 

It hurt to say his name.

You pulled yourself tighter into a ball, trying to hold back tears. It was evening, Hakyeon and the others would be back soon.

As if on cue, the door opened. You didn’t sit up. You heard a voice call your name, not just any voice, but his. You scrambled to stand up. 

“What the hell are you doing here!?” you spat, your voice steady with anger. Taekwoon looked like a mess, disheveled hair, tired, red eyes and puffy cheeks. He’d been crying, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

“(Y/N), please hear me out,” he almost whimpered. 

“What is there to hear Taekwoon? You cheated on me, we’re done. It’s over, stay out of my life.” 

“Please, I need you. I fucked up, badly. I know that. But I’m hurting just as much as you are-”

“Don’t you dare say that to me! You have no idea how it feels to have the person you love, the person you cherish most, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with because he makes you so damn happy…you have no idea how it feels to have that person betray you in the worst way possible.” 

“(Y/N)…”

“No. I’m done, stay out of my life. Forever. Hakyeon will go pick up my stuff by the end of this week, and then I’ll be out of your life for good. Then you can be with your bitch.” 

He said nothing, only stared at you, his eyes pleading with you. You almost felt yourself break. 

“You know what the worst part is? I still love you. Even though you have hurt me in the worst way possible, I still love you. But I will not let myself go back to you, I will not put myself in that position. Goodbye Taekwoon.” At that moment the other guys came back to the dorm, forcing Taekwoon to leave. You sat back down on the couch and allowed your tears to fall. 

They say that time heals all wounds, you could only hope that this would eventually heal. But for right now, it didn’t feel as if it ever would.

[queencvbra]

𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟓 𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

Okay here’s the basic notes / timeline for important things that happen in my main verse with things that I’m taking from s5 and how they play into that. This is completely subject to change, especially after discussion with other people involved and individual divergences based on different writing partners. It’s mostly an outline of how things go for Tory in my blog canon because she’s so divergent and it’s important to see where she’s coming from / how I’m writing her, and again, I’m still working everything out with all this new content. The timeline is also pretty loose, but it covers a larger span of time than s5 itself does because I cannot squeeze all of this development for Tory and her relationships with the people around her in 2-3 months lmao it’s been at least a little over a year most realistically with 9 months at the absolute minimum. Also there’s more stuff that happens than this but this is the stuff that gets referenced the most / is the most relevant to my portrayal across the board.

There are spoilers for s5 under the cut !!   Also trigger warnings for mentions of parental death and abuse by mentor figures, mentally and physically.

Tory’s still secretly going to Daniel for advice and some training throughout everything, the show can pry this from my cold dead hands.

Tory's mom died four months after the tournament. Processing that added to Tory’s struggle with doing anything about Cobra Kai and Silver cheating.

I’m keeping Kreese manipulating her in prison, and my Tory is currently at the point where she questions what she really meant to him and has been at that point for a while, so it fits. Also adds to why it took her so damn long to leave.

She still sent those anonymous letters to Daniel per Kreese’s instruction, even if she was getting closer to Daniel, she didn’t know how to tell him and wasn’t as trusting yet. She was still pretty firm under Kreese’s thumb and couldn’t go against his commands.

She did tell Robby about the tournament, I’m not changing that. He was the only one she told at first, that was months after the tournament when she couldn’t take keeping it to herself anymore and she actually felt safe enough with him to finally tell someone. Next person she told was Hawk a month or two later, when they were getting deeper into their whole sibling dynamic and he became someone she could trust, but it was after he kept calling her out for acting weird and obviously she swore both of them to secrecy about it because she was still figuring out what she wanted to do.

She also told Daniel eventually, not long before she left CK, but there was still not much anyone could do because at that point Silver had too much to use against her, including blackmail due to her trying to steal evidence from him and failing.

She did not, however, tell anyone what she was doing for Kreese, per s5.

Waterpark can stay, but Tory and Robby’s breakup happens later and is a lot more volatile, per how Cali and I wrote it.

Tory mentoring Devon can absolutely fucking stay hell YES besties.

Tory finds out that Bobby Brown is her father during this time and that Jeanny Brown is actually her half-sister. Getting along with Jeanny is easy because they were already pretty much besties and finding out they’re sisters just pushed them closer together. Her dealing with the news about having a dad and getting closer to Bobby is a little harder for her because she spent most of her life convincing herself her father was a faceless nobody who didn’t give a shit about her when really Bobby just didn’t know about her, now she has to undo all of that in her head and figure out what a relationship with a father should be like because she has absolutely no idea. It took her a couple of months to tell people outside of Daniel, Robby, Johnny, and Shannon because they were all the closest to the situation.

Hell Week™ happens and that’s the real tipping point for her in terms of her life completely spiraling out of control. In this span of time, she and Robby break up, the Vegas Incident happens and ruins her relationship with Hawk for a while, and (kt’s) Sam finds out about the tournament and calls her out for it, also effectively ruining the delicate friendship they’d been forming over the past couple of months. She runs away to Fresno but finally caves and tells Robby where she is so he can bring her home. Shit’s bad for Tory and Daniel is the one helping her work through a lot of that. For the next month Daniel was really the only thing keeping Tory from disappearing again. She makes up with Hawk after a pretty nasty sparring match that Tory tried to turn into a real fight, and things with (kt’s) Sam eventually start to get better after Sam is the one to comfort her when she finds her in a bad state not long after getting back to the Valley, though things are still touchy for them for a while and it takes time before they’re *sorta* friends again. It takes longer for her and Robby to make up.

When Daniel gets hurt, she is Fucking. Pissed. Her lashing out at Kreese is worse than in the show because she’s actually gotten close to Daniel in my canon. She blames herself for him getting hurt because of her sending those notes and giving him more reasons to act out against Silver (from her perspective).

Things keep getting worse for Tory in CK. Training is harder on her because now Silver knows she’s trying to undermine him, not because of Kreese, but because of her trying to steal evidence and her lashing out at him more lately and rebelling because of her frustration at everything. Everyone else in CK is starting to see it, and rumors are spreading fast about her being a traitor who secretly working with Miyagi-Do, because technically she is.

But no matter how bad things get for her, she still can’t leave yet, even though it gets to the point where she is being physically hurt/punished by her peers and sensei. At one point she got her head shoved into a locker by a Cobra and it gave her a concussion. It was pretty bad, Hawk and Sam had to come drive her home, and she even called Robby to ask him to come watch her to make sure she didn’t get worse despite the two not being on good terms then (but also really at that point she was at such a low and she just wanted him there). There was also an incident where Robby ended up in the hospital during this time and everyone hid it from her and she was pissed about that for a while. She starts focusing on her classes with Sensei Kim more during this time and less on her classes with Silver, largely out of avoidance. She also quit going to train with Daniel for a while because she felt like she was making things worse for everyone being around. This goes on for about a month.

Tory’s at her worst. She’s lashing out more and getting punished more for it, both directly and indirectly. The scene with Sensei Kim and the concrete dummy happens around now, exactly as it does in the show, including the taunting over Robby (because yeah he’s her weakness and it’s obvious) and Tory completely destroying her hand. The scene with Sam confronting her and bandaging her hand can stay, I love that moment. After all of that, her falling out with Kreese, and a talk with Robby, she decides to go back to Daniel and ask for help getting out of CK.

Finally, now with legal resources thanks to Daniel and after making herself more of a liability to Silver than an asset, Tory is able to leave Cobra Kai. Silver goads her into attacking him on her way out, putting her out of commission with a dislocated shoulder for a couple of weeks. But now she’s free.

Tory’s recovering. She’s learning and growing. She and Robby make up after he leaves CK too, but only as friends for now because Robby wants to work on himself first. Still, they’re pretty ride or die. (There are also a few “slip ups” before they eventually get back together because trying to keep them away from each other is like trying to pull apart industrial magnets lmao)

Daniel is her biggest supporter and the main reason she’s able to keep on with her recovery. He has become the equivalent of her very own Mr. Miyagi by now, always encouraging her and teaching her and giving her forgiveness even when she doesn’t think she’s worthy of it. He’s even given her the motivation to stay in therapy consistently, and she hasn’t missed an appointment because of him supporting her. The show can kiss my ass for not having them interact at all, he is so damn important to her. He’s a father figure to her beyond just a sensei.

She does have her moments of regression, where the Cobra in her comes out. Ironically, her “Cobra moments” are almost always directed at CK itself because of all the trauma she has surrounding that institution and the people in it. The worst moment that’s kind of a wake up call for her is when she convinces Hawk to come vandalize the outside of the CK dojos with her when she’s having a particularly low moment mentally and in retaliation some Cobras kick down the door of her apartment and put a dead snake in Brandon’s bed while she’s at work as a threat. She doesn’t feel safe in her apartment anymore (not like she ever really did thanks to her shithead landlord) and Daniel lets her move into the Miyagi-Do guest house. They build a spare room for Brandon, and the process helps her recovery in general, too.

She’s doing better after that. She’s managing her anger more and leaning more into de-escalation because she’s tired of fighting. Some shit goes down around her birthday, but she’s made a lot of progress personally by that point so she handles it a lot better and doesn’t let it ruin things. Ends up being her best birthday ever in spite of what happened, and it kinda affirms to her that yeah, she IS making progress.

She goes with Robby, Johnny, and Daniel to his tournament in Oregon (per Cali’s canon) to support Robby. They finally get back together that night and have been going strong since.

Things are going well for Tory and they stay that way for a while. She ended the school year with good grades (yes, even in math, which she hates), she got her lifeguard certification and took a summer job at the beach, and life is generally good for her for a while. But she still feels a lot of guilt about Cobra Kai, and about her secret. She feels like her win is what allowed it to grow the way it did and like she’s partially responsible for people being drawn in to that toxic place.

I’m still iffy on the timing here because this plot is currently in progress so this will get updated over time, but Tory decides to show up to Cobra Kai to expose Silver, even if the only evidence she has is her own word. She tells the Cobras about him cheating to win, but it doesn’t go how she expected. No one will listen to her because they see her as a traitor, backed up by all the things she did before and after leaving, and she ends up in a confrontation with allvalley’s Nina, who doesn’t take kindly to her trying to ruin the reputation of a man who’s been like a father to her. This leads to Tory ending up in the hospital. To be continued as things progress.

For it to work with everything else in terms of my portrayal, the final confrontation in s5 has to happen some time after Tory’s hospital stay, because the moment with her trying to expose Silver and not being believed is important. And it makes more sense that now more than ever she feels pressed to find evidence of Silver’s cheating and expose him, so that can play out as it does in s5, just at this point in time instead of after getting her hand hurt by Sensei Kim when she was still in CK. And it’s a great culmination, Tory finally going to the people she trusts for help because now she does have a group of people in her life to back her up, and I think that’s poetic in relation to her arc and how alone she’s felt all her life and means more considering everything that came before. She still has issues to work through, she’s stressed about her future, there’s bound to be drama with Sensei Kim still being around and Kreese faking his death to break out of prison and everything else that’s happened, but at least the Silver chapter is closed and she can put Cobra Kai behind her (for now).

Something I’m not sure where to place and really it’s not that big a deal with Tory: the mini tournament they did for the committee. Tory isn’t a participant and the only thing that actually mattered in the long run was her *lack* of participation. I have three main ideas for when this could happen: One, as it does in the show, she’s still with Cobra Kai and this is the reason she gets punished like she does. Two, right after she leaves CK because when she leaves she gets hurt by Silver and thus can’t compete. Three, right after this hospital plot I’m doing because she would also be out of commission and then could still be injured during the final confrontation. I’m leaning more towards the last one because I feel like it might work the best with everything, we’ll see. I’m not pressed about it lol I’ll just assume it happens whenever fits best per partner.

[imperialsea-a]

What is an aspect of your muse that you’ve wanted to explore the most? / Name one idea for a plot you’ve had but never gotten around to writing. / If you’re a multimuse or have more than one blog, is there a muse you wish you used more? / Name one of your favorite tropes.

easy meme for a burnt out mun & accepting.

♛   What is an aspect of your muse that you’ve wanted to explore the most? 

    hhhhhhh i don’t know, it fluctuates a lot? Though it mainly changes between the worst time of her life, and the best, that being: post-academy fall/association uprooting + yuuki’s awakening + surprise, eva’s not actually dead for now VS. she’s happily married w five kids and has grown up a LOT since her teen years. 

    Bethy is a naturally orderly and strong-willed person who, after making some tough decisions, becomes totally dedicated to her job as a hunter; she was born into that world at the peak of their society being the descendant of the Averill line + the only child of Kaien Cross who is a hunting legend– whatever his current status may be, and despite having struggles related to the social/emotional complexity of balancing out the human world, vampire society, and her own place in those realms, she remains determined to play her part in maintaining the peace. UNFORTUNATELY for her, she relied too much on the Association– I mean, she revolves her entire self-worth on being a hunter, and when things collapse? She does too. She feels disgusted stupid and used and worthless.

    The rug’s been pulled out from under her, the status of her mother being alive isn’t exactly stable– her best friends are gone (bc yeah im including eiri in this THAT’S HER BERRY ; O ; ), she’s so furious (half-rationally,half not-so-much) with Kaien she could actually KILL him, and then she’s carted off back home with her grandparents (Florence + Alexandria) to recover since she’s also sustained some physical injuries along with the heaps of emotional strain. She’s not okay for a long time, but she does recover and returns to HQ eventually. So, I guess I’d like some threads during the time of her recovery? It’s flexible enough since she doesn’t stay cooped up indoors the entire time she’s away; after the first few weeks of serious depression, she begins going out and doing normal non-huntery things. Not 100 percent all better, not even when she does come back, but away from the entire work situation, she’s healing and learning to rebuild herself, and her self-worth doesn’t revolve solely around work/the few friends she’s managed to make. She’s finally living for herself, muh bby i cant– i love bethy sm, she develops so much here

    OTHERWISE, I JUST LOVE MOM/ADULT! BETHY. She’s the happiest, healthiest version of herself and has really grown comfortable with the ‘imperfection’ of her situation– I mean, she got to marry for love (after her grandfather tried to set the man on fire) which is something she thought she never could do, her sister in-law is an aristocrat married to Takuma Ichijou aka weirdo from the strongest vampire noble family, her best friends are KURAN  PUREBLOODS, and she’s on speaking terms with Kaien so–. who’d have thought. she even survives twins.

    The first broken/recovery timeframe might lead to some more flexibility plot-wise / crossover-ish sort of things? since she’s not really  h u n t i n g  and is existing quite normally (though that’s not to say she won’t pick up 1 of several weapons and fight if she needs to), but- IDK I KINDA JUST RAMBLED / INCOHERENTLY DUMPED STUFF HERE. 

♛   Name one idea for a plot you’ve had but never gotten around to writing.

     I’m not overly plot-specific when it comes to threading with people, but I’m always open to it. I guess one I’d like is really simple: strangers meet + have a pleasant convo over some form of public transportation / helping the other with something, kinda gets really personal in conversation since whatever they’re doing is taking a  l o n g  time, and they kindly part ways, thinking they won’t see each other again, then meeting again some time later in an either mundane situation or ‘uh so someone’s destroying the city’-level action. what happens from there depends on characters / story? I had a thread sort of like this, and it led to one of the best relationships Bethy ever had, but the mun deactivated and I’m still kinda, like, sad about it kfjdlkfjd

    That, or maybe something like–??? one muse saves the other from something, and they somehow end up getting stuck together through a really bad situation and help each other out. AS U CAN SEE, I don’t, uh, plot a lot .  .  .  o w q ;;

    as a sidenote, this goes across all my blogs: i love one-sided love :’D

♛   If you’re a multimuse or have more than one blog, is there a muse you wish you used more?

    Arata and Eva, for sure but u knew that. It’s more just a matter of meee…….nnnot writing out their backstories, even though I have it all there. Arata (affectionately called RaRa/Rara ooc–) is a vampire hunter like Beth, from a really powerful family, who somehow ended up unofficially officially adopting 3 kids after a like, 7 yr old saved his punk 17 yr old butt from a vampire. he grew up, wears glasses for fashion bc he doesn’t need them, and is all around a really good guy; he’s kind of awkward and is a family disappointment, but he’s got hunting skills fo dayyyys, just ask the chunks of noble flesh for touching one of his bbys–. He’s no joke my favorite OC EVER, and if it weren’t for my inability to actually be active, i’d give him his own blog. I love RaRa, man.

    As for Eva, she’s Elizabeth’s mother, for those who don’t know. She’s a fun character to write, though I don’t much for the above reasons of ‘no bio written for the public’–. She’s made mistakes, the big one sticking out as letting herself get cornered by the president (marrying kaien wasn’t one of her mistakes somehow), and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a consequence, she got bitten by a Pureblood, and the pres, being the opportunist he is, took advantage of that, locked her up, and held her prisoner for years. When she’s out, she’s got a lot of recovery to do, but she’s okay in the end. She’s also one of Bethy’s biggest influences, and where she learned her kindness/fun side from. bethy is a kind girl ok, she’s just got a few HIGHLY situational layers to get past– but yeah. I liked Eva so much I kept her alive; I can’t imagine my OCs without her now.

♛   Name one of your favorite tropes.

    This is something I never really thought on before, since I don’t really pay attention to tropes. I don’t know what it would be called, but something pertaining to opposites or contradictions, I guess? Since, Bethy is practically a land-confused mermaid :’D and i associate her/gentle tides with water and the calmness+peace it brings her, but she herself, along with her family, is heavily fire-influenced, or in takashi’s case, WATER = NO, IM GOOD, THANK YOU. but somehow, it still works? 

    Same with her overall existence? she’s a beautiful liar/actress, but she doesn’t lie where it isn’t necessary. she has to keep her hunter/vampire involvement a secret– that’s something she’ll never casually spill, but she’s not really as closed off as she seems, the situation just needs to be right. ahh… bethy’s pretty open-minded to things despite how straight-laced she is, and it really shows later in life. love of her life = hunter from an incredibly nontraditional family. mother = lvl d vampire. two of her children = cursed twins. bffs = no joke all vamps. yuuki…eiri, zero– i dont think she has human friends outside of akemi. hhhhh….. ANYWAY, all of that, it’s far from the idea of ‘picture perfect’ she upholds through her early life, but in the end, it works out? and it is perfect, for her.

    Not really a TROPE, i suppose .  .  . but she’s a bit of a mess in terms of contradictions both personally and thematically. if there’s a trope name for that, she’d fall into its category.

THIS IS RLLY LONG IM SORRY–