#hi andy btw you look really cute sorry this is happening in front of your salad

[mortalfortaxpurposes]

can you guys chill

[halitophobia]

Blind Eye - Two

Parings ⟶  OC x Hank’s Daughter! Reader (TEMPORARILY) , RK800! Connor x Hank’s Daughter! Reader (EVENTUALLY)

A/N ⟶ Thank you so, so much for the notes from the first chapter ! Btw, I’m really sorry this is a little late. I’m hoping for late weekly chapters? Every 10ish days or so...(I’ve gotten super busy, but I’m trying my best!)

Disclaimer ⟶ still don't own any characters from DBH

Warnings ⟶ swearing, violence, mentions of death, stubborn reader, stubborn Hank, spoilers...?, slow burn, sLoW bUrN, SLOW BURN, alcohol abuse (Hankster), angst, toxic relationship, eventual....fluff, happiness, cute stuff, flustered Connor, flustered Reader, all the gushy-ness, and ?????smut?????

Word Count ⟶ 3023

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 

----

NOV 6th, 2038

AM 12:41:04

"Why'd you kill him?"

"What happened before you took that knife?"

     Pursing your lips and narrowing your eyes, you watch the HK400 through the one-way glass. Your arms are crossed, face still as marble except for the bouncing of your right leg.

"Anderson. Are you cold or having a muscle spasm."

     You blink, glancing down at the one and only Gavin Reed's hands leant on the desk, but as quickly as you do, your eyes are glued back to the window.

"Let's make a bet. Like the good ol' days, yeah?" that same sandpaper voice sounds again, making you frown.

"I say," he pauses, "they had a bromance. Carlos and Andy over here." he gestures to the android. "Carlos brings home this smokin' hot 'robette' babe wanting a steamy, squeaky threesome. Attic boy gets mad and," his right arm comes up, and he stabs the air while pulsing to a beat of 'nn-s, nn-s, nn-s...', "...kills'em." So many things I didn't miss about working here...

     That fowl scent of sweat, old leather, and cheese also known as Gavin wafts your way, and you do your best not to gag. I mean, does this hobo shower? Wash his hands after shitting? A loud bang draws your attention to Hank, who's clearly gotten frustrated.

"Fuck it. I'm outta here." he grumbles, entering the observation room seconds later.

     You slowly clap watching him scowl at you.

"I'm impressed, Pops. You really stated your ground in there." you nod, earning a chuckle from Gavin. "My turn." you smile, and scurry out of the room. You hear Hank's voice yelling at you to come back, but you're already halfway through the door to the interrogation room.

     The droid doesn't move an inch as you shut the door behind you. You grin, feeling a wave of déjà vu wash over you. You've done this plenty of times before. How hard can a life-sized moving Barbie doll be?

"Alright, you piece o' shit." you can physically sense your father slapping his face behind the glass.

"I'm gonna jump right into it, okay? Okay." you drop yourself into the chair across from it, leaning back and crossing your arms and legs. "I don't know how it works in your...command center up there, but you gotta tell us what happened."

     You watch it avoid your gaze. A painful silence dances around you, only to make your skin crawl with frustration. You swing your leg back over and let it drop below you. Your arms come onto the table and you lean down, to get into its view.

"Pssst. I'm not leaving until you spill." you whisper, staring into its eyes even though it doesn't return the contact. You push back abruptly and revert to a normal volume, "So we can just skip all this," you motion between the both of you, "and you can obey, like a good little bot."

     Immediately, you see the change of energy from the suspect. Your brows lift, amused at the reaction. "Oh? Not into the whole submissive thing? I can see you got mad there. If that's even possible."

     It shifts again, seeming to get more worked up. This is perfect, you just need to push it around. No better way to let off some steam.

"You wrote 'I AM ALIVE' on the wall, like a jewelled crown atop Ortiz's lifeless head. That's what he said to make you upset, right? You were quoting him? Because, well...I mean, how on earth could you think of that? You aren't capable of...thinking for yourself." you wait, and decide to amp it up. "For all we know, that man was innocent. Just enjoying his life, wanting...a friend? And you come along? To do what? To stab him."

     There's a warning knock from the other side of the glass. You brush it off and examine the android. Chest heaving, hands clenched and jaw rippling. The lips on its face quiver, words just waiting to break the dam. And without looking back, you chimmy-changa your way across the line.

"Twenty. Eight. Times."

     You hear the tapping once again, more urgent, but still, you ignore it. Can you shut up? You're a millisecond away from confession and they choose to cut you know? Your old man probably wants to slip in and take credit.

     You're brought back to your senses as you watch the scene in front of you. The battered automaton is now writhing under the chords which bolt is slowly lifting off the table. "Hey, hey, hey. No need to cause a scene. Suck it up, and tell me wh-" your vision goes black. Well fuck me...

     The second your sight leaves, it's back but doubled. Your forehead throbs, as if a pump were behind your eyes. That motherfucking thing head-butted you. You can't help the weight sloshing around your brain, making your head pound harder. You move to stand, but stumble into the wall behind you. Get. Up.

     You feel arms hook under yours, and start to get dragged towards the door. "Get off of me!" you snap.

     Your view seeps back into HD and you ignore the sting in your head. "I'm fine! Let me finish this!" your voice is a harsh growl, and you lash around in the person's grasp.

Who is this anyway?

     Then you smell it. Oh. Reed tightens his grip, practically lifting you from your waist, and before you know it, your dropped into a computer chair facing the interrogation room. Just as you start to collect yourself, another smack is planted on your skull.

Okay what the fuck.

"Ow."

     An ice pack falls off your shoulder and into your lap. Wow, do I get a massage too?

"Nice going, Y/N." Hank spits.

     You roll your eyes, pressing them into the ice pack. With your voice muffled, you reply with 'thank you'.

"No, I really mean it. You just jeopardized this whole cross-examination. You brought that thing near to self-destruction!"

     Your brain is hoola-hooping within your skull and this ancient dick lecturing you is just hollering encouragement.

"Y/N, take this seriously. You really fucked up." Gavin chimes in.

Oh give me a break.

     You groan loudly, hoping it'll make them stop. You really don't need this. You just need five quiet minutes, and you can go back in and get that confession. Easy-peasy.

"Earth to Y/N. You may have been bumped in there, but I know damn-well you can hear me." Hank aggressively taps your shoulder and the water in the pot just boils away.

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

     You're fully turned around, eyes ablaze with fire. You're cooking both men alive from your eyes and the pain from your head disappears for a moment. A silent breath escapes your parted lips, and you almost whisper.

"Will you, shut up."

     The air is thick as fog. Your sight clogged with angry-exhaustion, their's with vigilance, for they now tread on very thin ice.

"My name is Conner, what about you. What's your name?"

You're. KIDDING.

     Spinning your chair right around, you're faced with an image of pure disaster. Sir Smiley-Bot is seated across from the HK400.

"You let the fucking android interrogate the fucking android!"

     It hasn't even been twenty minutes and for the second time, you're blood is racing around your body like a jet. Running circuits in and out of your shrinking heart. Does no one have common sense in this fucking facility?

"What do we have to lose, Y/N. You've already ruined a proper examination, what's so different in sending in the thing?"

     Hank's voice destroys every sense of calm in your veins. You're going fucking bonkers now. It's like they worship this brown-haired robot. Prancing around its steel feet, praying to the android gods above. You've come to a conclusion; you are officially the only sane human in this police division. Everyone's brains are being melted by the second and they'll all just become slaves for the androids. Yup, I’ve solved the case.

"Shh, shh, shut up. Listen." Gavin lays his hand on your right shoulder, which you quickly brush off.

"I was fucking breathing."

     He replies with a grimy finger to his lips, staring forward. You sulk in the chair, intertwining your fingers atop the desk. The ice pack is balanced on your head and you stare forward. King-Droid seems to be calming the defendant down. Seriously?

"I could have easily calmed the thing down, this isn't all that fantastic." you scoff, adjusting the cooling pack.

     Hank flicks your head in response. It sure shuts you up. I am getting favoured over a bottle cap. I leave for one year and all of Detroit's been fucked in the ass by Alexa, Google Home, and Cortana at the same time. This is absolute bullshit. Choosing these things? Over trusted humans? This is surely humanity's last stra-

"No!"

...come again?

"No, please don't do that!"

     All three of you are now leant toward the glass, your nose virtually pressed on it. All that stupid popcan had to do was threaten to probe its memory ooooh spooky!

"What..."

     A beautifully awkward sound of leather, wood, and the chair squeal in harmony as your trio incline forward again. If it weren't for the one-way glass, there would be three sources of breath in their own designated spots.

"What are they going to do to me?"

Baby bye, bye, bye, BYE BYE.

"They're going to destroy me, aren't they?" its voice is in a panicked hiss.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

"They're going to disassemble you to look for problems in your biocomponents. They have no choice if they want to understand what happened."

     This goes on for a little while, the honoured golem teetering between comfort and warning. You just watch soundlessly, intrigued for the outcome. Cold droplets trickle down your neckline, for the pack on your head had started to melt. You can't resist the urge to shiver, swiftly wiping away the excess water.

     Your attention is slowly dispersing and you're starting to lose interest. You notice your stomach grumble - right, you'd forgotten to eat before all of this. Come to think of it, you're starving. Your gut agrees and wails to you again.

"Shh!" Gavin jeers.

Oh please.

     You start to lift onto your feet, wanting to grab a snack, but are interrupted by a voice that has been heard to the very minimal. Seriously though, vending machine cashews would kill right about now...

"He tortured me everyday..."

     Your ass is stapled back into the chair, holding your tongue as its mouth finally starts to move. You listen intently, watching the emotions.

     You're amazed at how...real these androids look. This...suspect. Its..his eyes were saying something. His face held...pain. The way he says he was scared makes your breath falter. For a moment, you could really believe they're humans...with their own lives...own problems.

     But your eyes move to the annoying one and the funky lighted circle gives it away.

     Connor no, that hurt to say... asks more questions. And that's when you feel shivers crawl up your spine, vertebrae by vertebrae. The dark-skinned bot falls into a trance, speaking of ra9. Claiming it will save them all...that they'll no longer be slaves. You swallow hard, feeling regretful...and alarmed. You blink. You never know what these two could be doing in there.

"What if they're secretly communicating to each other? Through their...biocompo-nents...? you ask under your breath.

"As if. They can't mind...speak." the brunette scoffs behind you.

"Yeah? And how would you know." you bark back.

You're interrupted by Hank, smacking both of you.

The RK800 turns its head toward the mirror; harsh and precise. "I'm done."

     You jolt up. Goosebumps on your skin, hairs on your arms standing tall and attentive. That interrogation gave me the creeps...

     All three of you flood out the main door, heading to the one just a foot away. Officer Chris Miller tags along who you literally hadn’t noticed until he cleared his throat, preparing to move the aberrant. No...that's just weird to say. Suddenly, the room feels a lot smaller. Six of you is six too many.

"Chris, lock it up." Gavin commands gruffly. You notice how he eyes the RK800, the model obviously ignoring his warning.

     Officer Miller detatches it from the table, but it jerks from his grasp. Your eyes narrow and you lean against the door, feeling drowned from the new energy in the space. Like defusing a ticking bomb.

     Gavin interjects aggressively, hassling Chris to move it. You watch awkwardly as they struggle, both of them pulling completely opposite ways. You push off from the wall, starting to get impatient.

"You're making this harder than it has to be." you state, trying to get its attention.

     Gavin yells once again, only to get the same in return. Your childish ass chimes in, telling Reed to back down, and now it's just a trio of toddlers crying for their candy. You're telling the cheese-smelling douche to hold his temper, while he's bitching about being tired. Chris yells at both of you two shut up when you notice the thing across you grab the officer's gun.

Fuck.

      In less than a second, blue...blood has coloured the ceiling. The HK400 is crumpled on the floor, gun laying loosely amoung its fingertips. Nothing stirs in all six of you. Your lungs have paused, muscles and eyes too. Your gaze is cemented on the one now pressed to the ground. The eyes still and wide like any other human lying dead. It stares off into another realm, mouth frozen in time, halfway through an inhale.

     This is what you forgot about. This part of the job. This raw, ferocious beast that gnaws at your gut. Chewing, ripping, tearing your meat agonizingly slow. Always hungry, always eating away at you.

"Holy shit."

     You whip your head at your father, revolted that the same words escaped his mouth...at the same time.

----

AM 1:34:48

     Gulping down two pills of ibuprofen, you stare at Hank talking with his plastic buddy. You're leant against his desk, fiddling around with his pens and sticky notes. You sigh as you feel someone slide up next to you.

"How've you been, fucker. You looked like shit walking into the building cuffed. 'Thought you were the one being arrested."

     The grey-eyed dickwad chuckles at his comment, anticipating your snarky retort.

"Reed, I'm not in the mood." you grumble, wiping your eyes with the underside of your fingers.

     You can sense his frown and disappointment. There's a small pause, but sure enough, he doesn't leave you alone.

"Another fight with Ben?"

Your stomach inverts and you feel the need to throw up. "Excuse me?"

     He raises his hands defensively. "Woah, woah. Just asking. You just always seem to be having problems with that guy."

"Where did you get this from, huh?" you threaten.

"Last time I saw you, you were whinging about him on the phone. You weren't being discrete."

     Sure...you weren't, but that doesn't mean he had the right to listen. He's a nosy, intrusive, grumpy old prick and you have never felt so disgusted in his presence.

"Stay out of my life, Reed. You have no right to ask me that. You have no right to assume things about me, and you have no right to be a...fucking asshole!"

"That last one isn't even-"

You slapped him.

     There's a sliver of regret, but your choler has clouded your mind. Do I have anger issues?

     Next thing you know, Hank is lecturing you about having manners, controlling your actions, thinking before you do, blah blah blah. You've heard this all before, it's like you're thirteen again, getting pestered at for feeding the dog your lasagna. Or cutting off that stupid girl's ponytail. She was a wicked shrew...

     Behind Hank, you catch Gavin start to snicker. Absolutely not. You push past the bearded man and start to pummel the brunette's chest. And I mean pummel. Beat. Punch. Slam. Not one giggle leaves his toxic mouth. Poppa tries to pry you off, but he gets an elbow to the nose. Respect your elders, am I right? All this anger...is barely even from Gavin's stupid words. This is the rage from the past two hours. Tonight has been hell. Trudging through disaster after disaster. It's all too much. Your gums start to ache due to the tightness of your jaw. Your hands begin to shake, each blow somehow impacting you. It's like you're just beating up yourself.

     A pair of arms wrap around your sore body, ripping you from your poor...punching bag. Gavin's face is already swelling. Black and blue covering his skin. Blood as the cherry on top. He's dead quiet now, breathing heavily as he lays on the ground. But then...you notice Hank on the ground too, blood spilling from his nose. If Hank's on the ground...then that means...

     You look down and see grey sleeves, detailed with black and silver. No, no, no, no...

"LET ME GO YOU CLUSTER OF RUSTY NAILS."

"I'm sorry, Detective Anderson, but you need to calm down before I can let you go."

I hate his voice, I hate his voice, I hate his voice...

"I'm calm." your voice like honey flowing over chocolate mousse.

     You drop every emotion in your face. All of your tensed muscles fall and you seep into its chest. Its arms fall from your torso. You wait a beat, then completely turn around.

You punch it square in the face.

     You watch in delight as its face snaps back. It stumbles, just once, which truly is enough for you. There's a burst of relieve and triumph, followed by a sting and numbness between your knuckles

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, fuck. Fucking fuck. Okay, so worth it, though...

----

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta��� the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[shijiujun]

history3 ep 7 summary - OMG SO MANY GEMS I DIED OF CUTENESS

i’m tagging my summaries as #history3 spoilers just in case any of you don’t wanna see anything till you get the subs/episodes i’m sorry i didn’t think of it before, there’re a lot of capital letters in this summary the cuteness was ridiculously intense tonight

also i don’t know if you guys watch the live stream on bilibili like i do, but it’s HILARIOUS the comments by the chinese audience are killing me and there’s also this function whereby all the live comments just slide across the screen like this (yes it’s damn difficult to watch the show like this but luckily you can make it translucent while you’re livestreaming, but i do it anyway because it’s COMEDY GOLD):

bar scene: tang yi follows pretty guy to the cctv surveillance room,  OMGGGGG I LOVE THE DYNAMIC BETWEEN PRETTY GUY (whose name is Andy by the way) AND TANG YI - Andy asks how did Tang yi know that shit was going to happen in his club, and tang yi doesn’t respond but andy ain’t giving up

andy: “dealing drugs in my club? do they wanna die?”

YAS ANDY YOU GO!!!

andy: “how did you know something was going to happen? you know a cop among them? is it the one you talked about earlier, the one that you’re passionate about?”

tang yi to andy: “YOU deserve someone to be passionate to you.”

and then they shove each other like old friends do i really love it that tang yi has so many friends like the doctor guy and hong ye and everyone else this is the kind of friendship that we should all have

cue to the next scene: shao fei legit JUMPING AND SULKING IN FRONT OF TANG YI’S HOUSE GATE and HE’S WEARING THE FUGLY PINK SHIRT WITH ANOTHER STRIPED SHIRT UNDERNEATH - he’s really sulking and i love it, and then while he’s jumping, tang yi’s car, driven by jack, rolls up and jack just pauses for a moment, then turns to look at tang yi: “it’s officer meng. do you want me to just drive in?”

shao fei guiltily stops his nonsense and POUTS as the car stops, then inside the car tang yi considers this for a moment, before just alighting the car and asking shao fei: “what can i do for you?”

shao fei using the excuse that he needs to talk to tang yi, and then insisting that he can’t talk “here” and this is where THE GEM HAPPENS

they move to this tea shop where shao fei obviously regularly visits cuz the tea shop boss knows him - the tea shop boss comments “you’re wearing a really cute outfit today officer meng” WHILE TANG YI SITS THERE HANDSOMELY LIKE A STATUE HE’S SO DAMN CUTE 

and then this is character and relationship development guys, because tang yi isn’t hostile and he isn’t unfriendly, he’s just smiling at shao fei as if he knows exactly why shao fei is here and why he’s sulking - shao fei hasn’t even said or asked anything (although he does look like he really wants to say something a few times) before tang yi VOLUNTARILY tells him:

“his name is andy, he owns the bar and the business is quite good.”

and continues:

“his cocktails taste really good. my relationship with him is very good.”

SHAO FEI’S FACE!!!!!! he’s obviously totally jealous and disappointed but hasn’t said anything, and that’s when tang yi continues:

“...my relationship with andy’s boyfriend is even better” 

cue shao fei’s face lighting up!!!!!!! he’s like “that andy really has a bf?!” it lights up like a homing beacon and he asks: “Really?!!!” and it’s to tang yi’s credit and their budding friendship that he doesn’t mock shao fei or anything, he just nods in affirmative and reaches for his phone inside his pocket and finds a photo of andy and his boyfriend for real and gives it to shao fei

shao fei is obviously so relieved, but he tries to hide it by laughing, “why do you have photos of another guy and his boyfriend in your phone?!!!” to which tang yi responds, “i don’t have many friends, i don’t have a lot of photos of friends i can take” and guys i really love this scene, their friendship has really come so far and they’re sitting for tea, no hostility, no ridiculous accusatory questions, it’s just them being friends together

and so since they’re on the topic of ‘friends’, shao fei then comments that he and tang yi are friends too! LOL shao fei so desperately wants to be friends with tang yi it’s fucking hilarious because he doesn’t realise how much he likes tang yi at this point and why he’s so eager to be friends and around tang yi: “i saved your life a few times, you saved my life a few times, you gave me a discount on the suit, i gifted you the skeleton keychain” etc. etc. listing everything they went through tgt in the past few weeks

tang yi got me for a moment there - he holds out his hand, and i thought he was going to shake on that friendship, but when shao fei reaches out for his hand to shake it, tang yi retracts it and goes: “where’s the keychain (ep 1)?”

look at shao fei bb’s smile, he is totes smiling and basking in tang yi’s undivided attention and presence, they’re so cute this is my favourite scene to date - they’re totally flirting, and shao fei totally wants tang yi but he doesn’t know it yet

and then tang yi COMPLIMENTS shao fei’s clothes: “your outfit today looks very good” and idk if he half meant it as like a joke, but he seemed pretty damn sincere and whipped for shao fei to me as his basically saying that shao fei looks cute today

and omg the tone that tang yi uses when he’s speaking to shao fei here? it’s amazing, like liquid honey and tenderness, and ooooh i can tell someone is about to be jealous in the future of the junior, and shao fei is totes oblivious to junior’s crush on him but tang yi? he sees CLEARLY

shao fei laughing at the frog on his shirt, tang yi smiling at shao fei being cute

THEY’RE FRIENDS THEY ARE TOTALLY FRIENDS FUCK THIS SHIT THEY ARE FRIENDS I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL TANG YI WAS CIVIL AND FRIENDLY AND TOTES NICE TO SHAO FEI 

wow tang yi and bodydumb scene: tang yi’s about to go jogging and exits his bathroom/room and bodydumb is there - he wants to accompany tang yi on his jog as it’s obviously quite dangerous with whoever is still out there that kidnapped him previously, but tang yi says no, and then bodydumb GRABS tang yi by the arm and wow tang yi’s glaring gaze i could feel it through the screen

and this is the part that everyone doesn’t quite get - i don’t know if i’m reading it wrong but tang yi then says sternly: “i treat you as my brother, but only as my brother, and nothing else” - he walks off and leaves bodydumb behind looking stricken and disappointed (i know i call him bodydumb but if he’s really in love with tang yi and it’s unrequited love or infatuation, i do feel a bit sorry for him)

the chinese audiences live streaming with me - they really didn’t get this curveball either, i think it’s interesting, neither good nor bad but wow a bit confusing too evidently by this screencap while the live screen was going on: see the question marks?!!!!

JOGGING SCENE: this is the cutest thing ever - (shao fei do you not need to work or something you keep turning up) shao fei turns up on tang yi’s jogging route and tang yi doesn’t even look the least bit disturbed, only commenting: “are you skipping work?” 

shao fei fulfils his promise of bringing the keychain to tang yi, and then tang yi invites shao fei for a round of jogging to which shao fei replies: “one round? i can do even two rounds!” and then they just start running - they’re totally attracted to each other overtaking themselves - good, healthy competition

as they’re running to a more secluded part, under the bridge, the shooting scene that we saw in the trailer occurs - shao fei sees the suspicious man first (finally!!!! shao fei’s policeman instincts reflected here finally) and grabs tang yi to get down. the shooter does get a shot in which grazes tang yi’s back, and then the shooter walks off (he looks damn suspicious and also a bit incompetent btw) - shao fei is about to give chase, but tang yi says no need, that he’s going home, and shao fei is all: “okay, i’ll protect you!”

then jack went to find zhao zi, he’s waiting for him as zhao zi exits the police station building with the other team members, and he wants to help him cook - his team members try to get jack to go away cuz they’re alr all on the way to lunch, but jack is all “bro, i’m already here?!” and then the team members don’t seem to give too much of a thought to sending zhao zi off with A KNOWN GANG MEMBER? THEY JUST - let jack grab him

zhao zi, jack kidnapped you, don’t say hi to him like you guys have been friends since first grade!!!!!!

omg zhao zi brings him to the house - jack cooks EXACTLY what he cooked him the previous time at the house, and omg thai food

THEY’RE FLIRTING OVER INSTANT NOODLES?!!!

AWWWWWW zhao zi loves his grandma so much, he keeps everything that his grandma gifted him and places everything on the shelf, including a photo of her - PURE LOVE i really like that zhao zi treasures his grandma so much

lol jack is totally scoping the place out like an enemy’s hideout or smth, and profiling zhao zi 

jack is going to matchmake zhao zi and a girl - i think it’s totally a ploy to get zhao zi’s number, because the dude totally takes out his phone voluntarily to get jack’s ID and jack obviously is so happy to have his phone number?!!!! and sends him a sticker over LINE

back to tang yi’s house: he’s getting bandaged for his wound by cute and hot doctor, the one that treated shao fei the other time, and then hong ye turns up all panicked and flustered and demands from the doc: “will the injury get infected?!!!”

doc: “you crazy woman, how many years have i treated tang yi? have i ever done my job badly?”

hong ye: “how would i know, maybe your skills have deteriorated?!”

and then shao fei turns up and it’s funny as hell, they obviously know each other and have seen each other a few times over the years because they’re all pointing at each other like “YOU!!!” - the rivalry between them both is real and i am living for it

shao fei: “we’re friends!”

hong ye: “you guys are friends?!!!!”

tang yi: ⊙︿⊙ and then he half sides shao fei, looking to be in a real dilemma though, by saying “he’s HALF a friend!!!!” YAS TANG YI SUPPORT UR HUSBAND

and then immediately after hong ye stalks off angrily, shao fei turns to the doc and guess what, says: “will the injury get infected?!!!”

and the doc is like deja vu - “one just left, and another one appears” LOL hong ye and shao fei’s concern for tang yi, whether they like it or not, mirrors each other

the scene with hong ye and dao yi - cute, I SHIP!!!!! ice cream not-date i love it

police chief is a pretty good boss 

POLICE CHIEF U HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT’S COMING WHILE U EAT THAT PIZZA SLICE - everyone is totally avoiding shao fei as he asks to protect tang yi EXCEPT zhao zi, zhao zi you are really A GOOD FRIEND he’s trying his very best to make shao fei’s case for him

really looking forward to tomorrow’s episode i have to say - really liked that they delved a bit into the hong ye x dao yi relationship, and i love the sibling love hong ye has for tang yi, and gosh, that tang yi and shao fei are finally PROGRESSING ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP - and zhao zi and his grandma? and jack’s interest is all written on his face, and ANDY is an mvp he’s very sexy and hilarious

[meganthefierce]

Gals and Mandem, I need your advice. Pt. 2

The Chronicles of Evan 

Sup. Sorry this is a long one but you need to know ALL OF THE DETAILS so you can give me good advice. Just read it please, for me xx

Now... some of that last paragraph Pt.1 is a bit false. Well, it was true until a couple of days ago. That’s when Evan became a problem.

So Evan is a friend of a friend. I’ve met him before at a house party and I really got on with him. I felt some attraction towards him but that was because he was hella sweet and really pretty. Anyway, Evan and I really got on, but he’s super chill and gets on with everyone, so I didn’t think much into it. Plus Tyler was at this party so I was a lil bit distracted by that elephant. I didn’t think I wanted Evan, I just really wanted to be his friend because I really liked being around him and spending time with him. I was just so interested in everything he did and had to say. We hung out like twice in a group whilst he visited. Then he went home and I never saw him again. That was a couple of months ago.

Well this weekend I went to a festival and he was there, so he and a few others stayed at my flat. Before they all turned up, I got a message from my bestie saying “Just a heads up, Evan thinks you’re hot.” So I was like “What am I supposed to do with this information?” and she said “Nothing. Just letting you know. Just incase this weekend you wanted to make a move, I’m just letting you know he’s down.” My first reaction was to think “He doesn’t like me, he just wants to fuck me, our friends have probably mentioned how much of a slut I am and he think’s he can have a drunk fuck after this festival.” And then I thought “No, it’s worse, he’s jumping on the grenade because we are the only 2 people going who aren’t a couple/sleeping with each other and he’s taking one for the team.” So I was not thrilled by this news. THEN HE SHOWS UP My lord, I don’t know what happened, but Jesus christ this boy was fine. He was pretty when I met him, but now for some reason he looked better. Like a sexy, rugged, thug kinda look but with hippie vibes. He’s a Brighton boy so I’m hoping you know what I mean. Then the cunt takes his jumper off and he’s wearing a thin vest gym thing top underneath and WOOOOOW this boy is ripped. I thought he was skinny but hell fucking no he isn’t. He’s jacked. Very fucking nice body. It was so embarrassing I was just starring at him like !!!!!!!! I even accidentally said something out loud! I was like *looking at his arms and chest* “Wow! [this is when I realised I was being obvious and needed to play it cool] look how tanned you are! Where did you get that?” So dead. Anyway we go to this festival and he is a sweetheart all day. He’s nice to everyone but we spent a lot of time together. Every time I ask if I look alright he’d tell me I look lovely and he was giving me cigarettes even though I had my own etc. Just being really generous and sweet. Then we meet this stranger called Amy (SHOUT OUT OT AMY IF YOU EVER SOMEHOW READ THIS I LOVE YOU, YOU WERE A HOOT) and she jumps on the “you two are so sweet, you should get together” bullshit. So Evan and I play a long like “omg Amy you’re right. We should be together, he’s actually in love wth me.” Then we start telling everyone we’re getting married and Amy is going to be our maid of honour because she got us together at this festival etc. So there’s romantic banter and a lot of flirting but it’s all harmless. Then Amy tells me to kiss him. I say no because I was embarrassed. She tells Evan to kiss me. He says yes straight away but more like a “yeah mate I’ll do it” and I got the kind of vibe that it was a dare and he was only doing it because Amy told him to. But anyway, I agree and we have a lil smooch in the crowd to Andy C (such a good set btw) and then we carry on with the night. At one point he protected me from a boy hitting on me with the “tHiS iS mY bOyFrIeNd” card but I would have done that with anyone.  But Evan made me feel good. He put me on his fucking shoulders! I’m not a small or skinny gal! He lifted me up so many times and I felt so good! It was a really sick moment for me. And I was hella impressed at how ripped and strong he was. NGL I was a lil bit more attracted to him because of it. 

Then we get home and of course everyone bed hops because festivals equal intoxication and that means sex. So Evan and I end up in the same bed. But we stay up talking all night. He’s the coolest, sweetest person and we have more in common than I thought, and the things we don’t have in common aren’t massive things that would bother me. I want to be more like Evan. He’s just the best. He sent me loads of links to spoken word poetry and we spoke about family, what we’re scared of, how we both suffer with bad anxiety, travelling (He’s traveled the world), music, etc. He’s just so cool and he makes me want to be cooler, but not in a shitty way.

THIS IS THE CUTE PART I HOPE YOU’RE STILL READING

Then we try to go to sleep. He opens his arms out and invites me for a cuddle. THIS MAN IS THE BEST CUDDLER IVER EVER BEEN CUDDLED BY. It was heaven. He’s so nice to lay with. He tickled my back and played with my hair. It was so nice. We fidget a bit and try to get comfortable and he moves his face RIGHT IN FRONT OF MINE so our lips are parallel. I thought maybe he was going to kiss me again but then NOTHING. Nothing happened. I was waiting. Nothing. So I thought, maybe technically he’s made the first move with the cuddle and technically leaning in. So I kiss him. Yeah mate I did. Yay me for being confident. He kisses me back and it’s gooooooood. He’s a lovely kisser. Then I get a lil bit too excited and then I got a bit freaked out because I’m a nervous anxious wreck and I just stop and pull away and bury my head in his chest. He giggled a bit and lifted my head back up so our lips are really close again, but he doesn’t kiss me. I’ve now used all the courage I had so I’m not kissing him again. But I wanted to hint that I wanted him to kiss me. So I bought up the Amy Kiss in a teasing way, “Remember when you kissed me earlier” kinda thing. I know, my game is weak and I’m so embarrassed but please understand how FINE this boy is. He banters back with the ol “you seemed to enjoy it” kinda crap and we both lay there telling each other how nice it is to kiss the other person. STILL NO KISS FROM HIM. I’m now paranoid as fuck and I’m convinced he doesn't like me like that because clearly he’d make a move. Or maybe he does like me but he’s too tired and I didn’t want to make a move on HIM and then he doesn’t retaliate or something. Fear of rejection is one of my biggest fears. So I give up and we start falling asleep. But this guy wont stop cuddling me. If I roll over, we spoon, If I face him, he faces me and wraps himself around me. If I  shuffle down, he pulls me on his chest and tickles my back. It was so nice. 

I wake up in the morning and it’s exactly the same, but more. More cuddles, more chatting, more tickling, etc. Even more kissing. He kisses my neck, my forehead, my nose (in a cute funny way, not a wired way) and we make out quite a bit. Every now and then he’ll attempt to get up for the day but struggle and just lay his head on my chest and complain about how he doesn’t want to leave. We stayed in bed ALL morning just cuddling an kissing, for about 3 hours. Every time someone came in to get something or talk to us he wouldn’t even flinch. He’d just carry on cuddling me and stay put. Not embarrassed. Not caring what people thought. It was wild to me. 

Then he gets offered a spoons breakfast and a coffee. I’m thinking “Who the fck doesn't want that, of course he’s going” but he hesitates. I say I’m not going and he tells our friend “Na mate, I’ve got food here. I’ll give this a miss.” and just rolls back over and lays with me!!!! WTF how can a boy with a hangover turn down a spoons breakfast to lay with a girl he hasn't even had sex with?! Because he didn’t even have food at mine, he was lying! 

Anyway. Everyone goes to breakfast and we’re now alone in the hose. We start kissing again. He starts tickling me again but not the cute relaxing kind... the teasing, “let me touch your skin” kind. You know the difference- don’t pretend you don’t. I’m now trying my hardest to hint that I want him. I’m gasping, I’m pulling him closer, I’m clawing at his skin (that sounds weird but in a sexy way I swear! It aways works). And this is all working. We’re making out more, everything’s more passionate, his dick is rock hard which is always a good sign, and it’s just going in the direction I want it to. Then the door goes.  People are back.  We slowly stop kissing and just start cuddling again. He tells me I have nice lips and he likes kissing me, then sits up and pulls the cover over his lap to hide his dick. Our pal walks in with a coffee he bought for Evan, and it’s clear we’re getting up for the day. I was gutted. I lost the opportunity.  He gets ready and we all chill with the group, discuss the day before and look at photos etc. Then he goes back to Brighton. It’s all over until the next time I see him, and I have no idea when that will be, and what will happen then. HERE’S WHY I NEED ADVICE

I can’t stop thinking of the twat. I’m literally obsessing over him. I can’t stop.  LOOK HOW MUCH I WROTE ABOUT HIM ON A FUCKING TUMBLR POST?! 

I haven’t even looked at a boy since Tyler, and now I’m obsessing over Evan. He’s so good looking and so sweet and so respectful. I don’t know what to do.

Because I don’t think I have a chance, so I need to cut this out. I can’t obsess over Evan the way I have with Tyler. But Evan is the first boy to stop me thinking about Ty. Don’t get me wrong, when I get messages from Tyler my heart still flutters, and I smile when he sends me snaps and stuff. I know there’s still something there for him and that’s not gone. But I’m thinking about Evan. A LOT. All I want to do is go to bloody Brighton to see Evan. For at least some sex. Minimum. I’m so mad we didn’t do it. I’m gutted Evan and I can’t be a thing because I think I really like him. Even if he could never be a romantic relationship, I just want him as a friend because he’s so cool. 

But I’ve only met him a few times and we’ve only shared one night like this together. The relationship between Tyler and I, and Evan and I, are very very different. Yet I am obsessed with both of them. 

I don’t know what to do. 

What shall I do? About both guys. Help a bitch out.