#hhhhhh lemme be mentally ill for a sec
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#gOD FUCKING DAMN IT I HAVE 2 MINUTES I SPEND PICKING THE SKIN ON MY THUMB BC I THOUGHT IT..#..WAS HEALED BUT ITS NOT NOW I HAVE A BLOODY THUMB AND I STILL GOTTA DO A WATER CHANGE HNGHHH#that immunosuppressed life got me stressed#i dont want to put my hands in fishy water when its got a cut on it hhhhnn#my dermatillomania has been off the charts recently and its stressin me out#god i just want to rip that piece of skin all the way off but its not gonna help the sitch and itll need a bandaid#i can feel it in my 5th rib sayin 'dig into ur skin foolish mortal'#my brain is like rejecting my body i need a new one#mental illness#ocd#dermatillomania#hhhhhh lemme be mentally ill for a sec#just thinkin about that rush of adrenaline when the dig goes too deep or the ripping pulls skin from too deep#hhhhhh i could nut to that feeling#need to dig and peel and rip and tear and i cant stop thinking about it#ok fuck reading this book i gotta go take a few hits and desl with the fish#maybe thatll get my mind off it and ill blast some music and maybe draw something#i can finish the book in the morning#i already went nuts on my lip earlier today because it was chapping where i bit off a chunk and i had to even it out#i fucking hate being like this but im actually doing pretty well mental health wise#or maybe im just telling myself that idk any more#but ive always had skin picking problems even before actual mental illness kicked in so maybe its just who i am#again my brain is rejecting the body id like to request a fully cyborg body pls
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