#hey hey 2018 me- this drawing? leads to amazing fucking things

[huffle-dork]

A very belated birthday gift for Jack and my first piece for septicart party!! Crazy it’s been almost 6 years since I drew the original!! I remember being so bummed out I didn’t make the septicart video I just kept drawing subnautica ego boys- which lead to Juri coming into my dms to talk about ones I hadn’t drawn and by the next month we started writing septnautical :’) how time fucking flies!!!

And! A crazy comparison with the original!

I love redrawing old drawings :3c

[harley-sunday]

The Draw (06)

Summary: The whirlwind starts at the 2018 ACE Comic Con in Phoenix but you’re not sure where it will end...

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader

Warnings: Language

Word count: 3403

AN: It’s not all fun and games, but it will lead to better things, promise. Let me know what you think of this one! I don’t have a taglist, but if you follow Harley Sunday x Sebastian Stan you should see any update I post.

Masterlist

“I have two questions,” you say after taking a bite of the pistachio macron you’ve just snatched out of the picnic basket, rolling your eyes at how good it tastes, trying to keep yourself from actually moaning. You want to follow up with a sip of wine, because the white he’s chosen goes amazingly with all the food, but you find your glass empty.

“Just two?” he asks, interrupting your musings, popping the last of his sandwich into his mouth.

“For now,” you add as an afterthought. You’ve kicked off your sneakers not long after you finished the first bottle of wine and your legs are now tucked underneath you, as you sit sideways, facing Sebastian, who’s on the other side of the picnic basket. “One; where are we even going?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he teases, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, raising his eyebrows before he throws you a wink.

You just stare at him, not saying anything, knowing he’ll give in eventually, only because you’ve used the same tactic on Nathan numerous times.

“Ok, you’re a little scary when you do that,” he mutters quietly, before he clears his throat. “We’re just going to go around Santa Barbara Island and then head back to the harbor,” he looks at his watch, “should take us another three hours or so.” He grins then, “Unless you want to kick it up a notch and see what this baby can do,” patting the pillow beside him.

“Oh, I’m good, thank you,” you quickly reply, knowing from past experience that that’ll only make you seasick and you’ll end up hurling over the railing. It’s not something you want him to see on your first date, per se. If this even is a first date, you ponder then, not sure there’ll ever be a second either.

“So what’s your second question?” He says as he pulls up a new, chilled bottle of wine from somewhere underneath him and holds it up to you, awaiting your nod before he fills up your glass.

You study him for a second before you continue, “Why the boat?”

He chuckles, putting the bottle back before running a hand through his hair, “Because it get us away from the paparazzi?”

“Hmm, I suppose,” you say, even though you’re surprised to hear him answer with a question. You keep looking at him, tilting your head ever so slightly which he takes as his cue to come up with something else.

“Because it gives us some privacy?” he tries again, drawing out the words.

You smile, waving your hand dismissively, “Sure, let’s just forget about Captain Peterson and Shawn the deckhand,” you shrug, “it’s like they’re not even here anyway.”

He grins then, “Because I like showing off,”

It’s not a question this time and you laugh, “Ah, there it is.”

He holds up his hands as if to defend himself, “Hey, I am not above trying to pull all the stops when I have some serious making up to do, alright?” He leans in, whispering then, “Is it working?”

“Meh,” you shrug, trying your best to look unimpressed but failing, so you smile and playfully smack his arm, “Are you kidding me? This is amazing!”

“Ow!” he exclaims at the same time, holding on to his arm with his other hand, feigning hurt.  

“Oh come on,” you scoff, shaking your head, but you feel a little guilty because Nathan always tells you that you actually hit people pretty hard when you do that and so you hand him a pistachio macron as a sort of peace offering.

Not long after deckhand Shawn makes an appearance, informing you that you’ve just rounded Santa Barbara Island and are now on your way back to Marina Del Rey and expected to get there in about two hours.

You unfold your legs from underneath you, a little stiff from having sat in the same position for most of the trip, and a little cold from sitting still for so long. You stand up and try to get the blood flowing again, grabbing your blazer from where it’s draped over the pillows before you put it on. Sebastian looks at you curiously as you pass him, making your way around the small top deck, and you throw him a wink, “Thirteen was twenty one years ago, remember? I just need to walk around for a bit and-”

“So basically you’re an old woman,” he grins, throwing back your own words at you, “If that wasn’t the kettle calling the pot black earlier today.”

You throw him a look, shaking your head ever so slightly, pursing your lips together to keep from taking his bait, instead glancing at the island you’re leaving behind, impressed by its cliffs and how wild it looks. Your eyes travel across the horizon, spotting a few sailing boats in the distance, but other than those it’s pretty quiet. Must be because you’re quite far out, you muse, even though you have no idea how far removed from the coast you actually are.

You simply nod when Sebastian asks you if you’ve had enough to eat and if you’d like a coffee, and watch him as he starts neatly packing the leftovers into the picnic basket. He stands up too then and grabs a hold of the basket before he walks past you and climbs down the ladder. You sit down again, in a corner this time so you can stretch out your legs on the seat cushions in front of you, and let your mind wander for a bit, thinking back to everything’s that happened since you’ve arrived in L.A.

A smile plays on your lips as you remember your time spent with Julie, reminding yourself to send her a message to see if you can grab a bite to eat somewhere tomorrow or the day after, because you really took a liking to her. You also remind yourself that you have to go to the art gallery, having decided that you want to buy the painting you put on hold. Your smile grows wider when you think back to seeing Infinity War, Sebastian seated next to you as you were engrossed in the movie. A frown then, as you try to skip over the after party debacle, wishing things would have gone differently that night, although if they had, you reason, you might not have ended up here.  

“Where’s your head at?”

You look up, pulled out of your thoughts by his voice, and smile when you see him step off the ladder, holding two cups of steaming coffee. You take the one he hands you, mouthing a quiet, “Thank you,” and watch him as he sits down next to you, his legs outstretched in front of him, his arm brushing against yours whenever he moves. You fold your hands around the cup and hug it to your chest, before you answer his question honestly, “Just thinking about these crazy past couple of days.”

“Hmm,”

“And how I have to remember to go buy a painting tomorrow.” You chuckle, “The painting’s called ‘Tomorrow’ actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you nod enthusiastically. “You should see it, it’s, God, I don’t even know how to explain it, it’s like this confetti of colors and swirls of happiness that just puts a smile on your face every time you look at it.” You smile, “It’s something to remember this weekend by, I guess.”

“Yeah?” He grins, “so this is a confetti of colors?”

“No, that was my dress,” you say dryly. “Today is one of the swirls of happiness.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you confirm. “I’d never thought I’d end up spending the day on a boat with you-”

“Hey, obviously this was my plan all along. I just forgot to mention it in my emails,” he says with a grin, making you laugh.

You’re curious if he has anything else planned after you return to shore, but don’t want to ask, afraid it’ll make you sound like you are expecting more. So instead you keep silent and let yourself just enjoy the moment, savoring both the view and the company, the steady hum of the boat’s engine as some sort of weird background music to this afternoon. Lauren would be proud of you, not trying to change the past or worrying about the future, but instead living in the ‘here and now’, like she taught you to do after you broke up with Mark. You smile when you think of your best friend and all the things you have to tell her when you get back home.

Home.

You sigh quietly when you remember that you’re flying home on Wednesday, that all this will just be a memory then.

Sebastian nudges you gently then, pulling you out of your thoughts, “You ok?”

You nod, “Yeah.”

He studies you, forehead creasing as if he’s not sure you’re telling the truth, but he doesn’t say anything.

You’re about to reassure him that you really are fine when you feel a sharp pain on the side of your head and it only seems to get worse, like someone’s keeps hitting you with a hammer in the same spot over and over again. You flinch, muttering a quiet, “Fuck,” as your hand shoots up and rubs your left temple, trying to get rid of the pain.

“You ok?” Sebastian asks again, but this time he sounds worried, turning towards you, his hand on your arm as concern flashes in his eyes.

“I don’t know,” you answer truthfully. You close your eyes for a second and take a deep breath, your fingers stilled against your skin. The pain subsides then and you frown, before you slowly open your eyes, preparing for another wave of pain, but nothing comes and you just shake your head.

“What happened?”

You turn towards him and shrug, “I don’t know, I,” you let out a shaky breath, “I just felt this sharp pain and then just as sudden it was gone.” You see it does nothing to rid him of his concern and so you offer, “Maybe it was the wine, or being out in the sun all afternoon,”

He nods, “Maybe,” but doesn’t seem convinced, still looking at you like you could break at any minute, his eyes dark and a frown across his forehead.

His hand’s still on your arm so you gently pat it with yours, “I’m fine, really,” because you are, even though your voice is a little strained and high-pitched. You try again, “I’m fine,” but it comes out even worse and you giggle then because it reminds you of something.

Sebastian just looks at you like you’ve lost it, eyebrows knitted together in confusion as you double over from laughing.

You hold out your hand to him as you try to catch your breath, the other one drying the tears that have sprung to your eyes. “I sound like Ross,” you cackle, unable to control your laughter. “Totally fine,” you croak out in between fits of laughter, trying to do your best impression, “I don’t know why it’s coming out all loud and squeaky, ‘cause really,” you look at Sebastian, one eyebrow raised in anticipation, not sure if he knows what’s going on.

“I’m fine,” he finishes in a low voice, laughing now too, shaking his head, muttering a quiet, “Jesus.”

“I’m sorry,” you grin, having calmed down a little even though your eyes are still watery, “I‘m sorry, I just heard myself and wow, I-”

“You know what? I’ll cook!” Sebastian exclaims then, in the same high-pitched voice you used earlier, continuing where the scene left off.

“Ok, that’s weird,” you reply, quoting Joey, knowing this episode by heart only because you and Lauren used to watch Friends all the time back in college.

“Weird, what? What’s weird?” Sebastian ads. He’s turned sideways so he’s facing you, a mischievous look on his face, eyes sparkling, “The only thing weird would be if someone didn’t like Mexican food, because I’m making-”

“Fajitas!” you both yell, mimicking Ross’ angry tone of voice at the end of that scene.

You’re holding onto your stomach again then, laughing so hard the tears are actually rolling down your cheeks now.

“I can’t believe you watched Friends,” you say a little while later, after you’ve both calmed down enough to be able to talk again.

He nods, “Oh, are you kidding me? We’d just moved to the States when it came out and I’d watch it every chance I got, hoping it would help me improve my English.” He chuckles then, “God, for the longest time I actually thought that a ‘moo point’ really was a thing, told everyone it didn’t matter because it was just a cow’s opinion.”

“Oh no,”

“Hmm,” he nods, scrunching up his nose, “Almost as bad as using “How you doin?” as a pick-up line until I was well into college.”

You pat his arm, “You poor thing,” but can’t help but snicker at his confessions.

It’s then Shawn pops up on the ladder, informing you that you’re almost at the harbor again.

You sit up and take in your surroundings, surprised you can already see the beach from here. There are more boats surrounding you now and you even see a couple of people on paddle boards in the distance.

“Alright,” Sebastian says with a mischievous grin, “almost time for the next part.”

“There’s a next part?”

“Of course,” he says, acting offended that you would even think otherwise. “Unless of course this is enough making up for you, I mean-”

“Oh, no, no, no,” you quickly say, “I mean, obviously you are doing a great job so far, but you know,” you shrug innocently, “there’s always room for improvement.”

He just shakes his head, pursing his lips together, not taking the bait.

You watch then as Captain Peterson maneuvers the boat into the harbor, almost effortlessly coming to a stop next to the dock you left off from earlier today before Shawn hops onto the dock to tie the boat to the cleats. Looking around to see if you haven’t left anything behind, you grab your purse and follow Sebastian down the ladder to the main deck, thanking the Captain and Shawn for today.

Sebastian holds out his hand to you, nodding towards the dock, “Come on,”

You take his hand and let him help you onto the platform, your legs a little wobbly after being on a boat for so long. You take one last look at the boat before you come up with an idea and let go of his hand so you can pull up your phone from out of your purse. You look at him with a smile, “Just one picture? For my wall?”

“Definitely,”he nods, smiling, and stands next to you, both your backs towards the boat.

You unlock your phone and frown when you see you’ve missed some calls from your parents, but not really thinking about it any further when you open your camera app and put it on front facing camera, trying to angle it so you can fit both Sebastian, you and the boat in one frame. You see him looking a little to the left of your phone, a confused look plastered on his face, and you decide to look in the same direction, but with a smile, before you press the shutter button.

The result is amazing and you can’t help but laugh at how it turned out, knowing you have another great addition to your wall. You follow Sebastian onto the pathway, your phone still in your hands because something about the missed calls is bothering you. “Hey Sebastian,” you start, your voice a little unsteady, “is it ok if I call my parents real quick? I’ve got a couple of missed calls and I just want to make sure everything’s alright.”

“Yeah, sure.” He nods towards the gate that’s about ten feet from you, “I’ll just wait over there, ok?”

You nod, already unlocking your phone and finding their number in your contact list. Holding the phone to your ear you are met with the dial tone, and you start to get a little nervous when you get their voicemail. You hang up and scroll through your list to your Dad’s cell phone number, hitting the dial button with a heavy feeling in your chest, your eyes landing on Sebastian, who gives you a reassuring smile.

It’s your mother who answers, “Oh, sweetie,”

You hear some ruffling in the background and she’s rambling then, not really making any sense, but you pick up the words hospital and car accident and it’s like something’s tugging on your heart.

“Mom?” you try, but she’s not listening, instead you hear her talk to your father, who tells her to give him the phone. “Dad?”

“It’s Nathan, darling,” your father says. He was never a man of many words, but giving you this little information is absurd, even for him.

“What? What do you mean? What’s happened?” You start pacing, unable to keep still, your feet kicking at the little pebbles that are scattered across the pathway.

“They got into a car accident-”

“Who did?”

“You need to let me finish, darling,” your father says sternly. He clear his throat, “Nathan and Sarah and Jake were on their way home from dinner with us and they got into an accident.”

You gasp then, covering your mouth with your hand as a sob threatens to escape you. A chorus of please let them be fine, please let them be fine, running through your mind.

“Jake and Sarah are relatively fine, just in shock really,” he continues but you can hear him trail off, and wish he would just tell you, but then you hear him sigh and you know you are going to dread his next words.

“But you know Nathan, never wearing a seat belt,” he scoffs.

“Dad, just tell me,” you plead, because it’s obviously bad and you don’t really see the point of drawing this out any longer than necessary.

“He uh, he hit his head pretty hard, darling,” he says, his voice softer now, “the doctors are talking about a subdural hema-something, I don’t know. Apparently they’re going to have to drill a hole in his skull to drain the blood.”

“Oh,” your voice is thin and you are trying your hardest not to cry, because you don’t want your parents having to worry about you too, “When are they going to do that?”

You hear your father relay your question back to your mother before he gets back to you, “As soon as possible,”

“Ok,” you say again, mind going a hundred miles an hour. Your trying to form some rational thoughts, “Ok. Are you at Carolinas?” It’s the biggest hospital of the city and closest to your parents, so it was a safe bet that that’s where they’ve taken Nathan.

“Yeah.” You hear your father tell your mother that everything’s going to be alright, but his voice is shaky, like he doesn’t quite believe himself, and your heart goes out to them.

“Ok, Dad?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I’m going to see what flight I can get on and I’ll let you know, ok?” you rub your forehead, “I’ll be there in a couple of hours.”

“Ok,”

“Are you allowed to see Nathan?”

“Uh, yeah, they let us go in, Sarah’s with him now,” your father answers calmly, but you can’t help but wonder how he’s keeping up.

“Ok, will you please tell him I’m on my way?”

“He can’t hear us, darling.”

“I know, Dad,” your voice is soft, “will you please tell him anyway?”

“I will.” He clears his throat. “You be careful ok?”

“I will. I’ll text you when I know more, ok?” You cross your fingers then, “It’s going to be ok, Dad.”

“I sure hope so, darling.” He says before he tells you he loves you and hangs up the phone.

“Jesus,” you mutter quietly, but it must have been loud enough for Sebastian to hear because he turns towards you, a worried look on his face. You walk towards him and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself, but failing, your voice shaky when you explain, “My brother’s uh,” another breath, “he’s had an accident.” You look up at him, “I have to go home.”

[expurgatedversion]

Self-Rec Fest

Welcome to the Self-Rec Fest, where we encourage authors to celebrate their own works without shame. Fandom: Supernatural. Pairings: Destiel, Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins Warnings may apply, and summaries may be edited from the original.

Summer Blue Skies by @destimushi RPF - Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins. Complete. Rated E. Part 1 of a series.

The mission was to infiltrate. Jensen knew the consequences of capture, and when it happened, he was ready to die for his country. Misha Collins was the master of torture, and it shouldn’t be difficult to hate him, but the interrogator was hot and cold, and Jensen soon found the boundaries between love and hate blurring.

Between the Folds of Submission by destimushi Destiel. Complete. Rated E.

Castiel races against the clock as the killer ups the ante, but Dean—rich, drop-dead gorgeous, and a famously unconventional Dominant to boot—proves to be a distraction he can’t afford. As the danger grows, Castiel finds himself torn between upholding his beliefs and giving in to his desires. Can he resist his urges long enough to find the killer, or will his biology consume him?

Music To His Ears by HollyBlue2 @envydean Destiel. Complete. Rated E. On the way home from work, Castiel hears the lilting tune of a piano and eventually goes to investigate. When he does he finds his mate in Dean Winchester, who rejects him right off the bat, sending Castiel into a debilitating heat.Ending up in hospital, Castiel and Dean finally meet again...

Lazarus Writing by @jemariel Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Castiel is an author struggling to come up with his next novel. Luckily for him, a gift arrives in the mail from his publisher: a fancy new notebook and pen set with a note that promises to “bring new life to your writing”. It’s all fine until Castiel decides to write his grocery list in the back of the book… only to find the items have materialized in the kitchen. So, Castiel is in possession of some freaky magic which could be pretty amazing… if it weren’t for the fact that he just started a new novel in that book and the contents are not something he wants to see in this world.... Five Days in May by Dangerousnotbroken, @kreweofimp Destiel. Complete. Rated E. The unseasonable hurricane wasn’t the only force of nature on the beach that night. Dean counts himself lucky that the beautiful blue-eyed stranger was there to save his life. He never could have anticipated that a nameless one-night stand in a tiny storm-tossed shack would change his entire life. Like Catnip by KreweOfImp Destiel. Complete. Rated E. It's one thing to be pissed off that Cas was up late gaming and didn't come to bed when he said he would. And yeah, Cas pretty much figured there was gonna be some sulking and he was gonna have to do some groveling to make up for it. He maybe even could've foreseen the desire for a little revenge. But did Dean really have to involve the cat? Cumulonimbus by KreweOfImp Destiel. Complete. Rated E. In which Cas watches snow, Dean watches Cas, Sam is a jerk, things get out of hand, and Dean is taken in hand. Written in the Stars by @lunastories Destiel. Complete. Rated M. Castiel, one of the last of the Celestials, descended onto Earth by orders of his garrison leader. What he finds there is the soul he lost long ago, the other part of him that he'd been searching for.

Dean was a normal guy, living his life and trying to take care of his errant researcher brother. When his brother asks him for a favor, claiming that an alien wants to speak to him, he's of course skeptical.

He didn't expect that meeting to change the course of his entire life, throwing him into a war that he wasn't prepared for. Love me to Death by LunaStories Destiel. Complete. Rated M. There once was a man who feared Death. He feared him so much, he tried to seek immortality but his efforts were in vain. Eventually, he learned to love Death and everything he represented. This is the story of a mortal and a god and their love for each other. Mermen and Mistletoe by @robotsnchicks Destiel. Complete. Rated T. When Cas draws his long-term crush's name for the office gift exchange, he is determined to find the perfect gift. Unfortunately his co-worker Meg has an unconventional suggestion. Signs Point To Yes by robotsnchicks Destiel. Complete. Rated G. A series of coincidences conspire to remind Dean of his New Year's resolution—To ask Cas out. Lifestyles of the Weird and Sexy by robotsnchicks Destiel. Complete. Rated E.Dean's roommate Castiel is a pretty weird dude. He's also hot as hell and Dean might have a bit of a crush on him.The problem is Cas might be a witch. And finding out the truth isn't as easy as Dean thought it would be. I Don't Know Why by @saltnhalo Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Dean gets home from a long job to find a note on his front step. He knows exactly who it's from and what it means; it promises fun and danger and a fucking good time, and there's no way he can turn down this invitation. He can never say no to the Angel. Roll With It by saltnhalo Destiel. Complete. Rated E. For two years, Dean’s been slaving away beneath his boss – many label him a secretary, but he fucking hates that and feels like it only applies to someone wearing a pencil skirt, so he insists on his title of Executive Assistant. And for what? In the vain hope that one day he’ll manage to become an editor for Sandover Publishing, and that he’ll see the manuscript that he’s slaved over since college finally realized in print. That’s the dream, anyway. Right now, he’s fucking late. From Grace and Uniform by saltnhalo, thepopeisdope Destiel. Complete. Rated E. When FBI agent Dean Winchester was first assigned to the Ghost’s case, he was expecting it to be the same as any other serial killer hunt--frustrating dead ends, a trail of bodies, unending paperwork. What he wasn’t expecting was for it to be interrupted by a mysterious alpha calling himself Cas, knowing far too much about him and offering up not just a lead, but concrete information on his mother’s killer. As the two set off in search of justice for Mary Winchester and the countless other victims of Azazel Masters, Dean struggles to come to grips with himself. Despite his whirlwind attraction to Cas, he knows that exposing himself to his colleagues as an omega instead of the beta he pretends to be would be a mistake. Nothing can happen between the two of them; not without Dean losing everything he knows. Waiting in the Wings by @seraphwrites Destiel. Complete. Rated T. Castiel an injured hunter stumbles into a town and meets an angel who may just have be having the same rotten luck he is. Written for the Hey, Sweetheart 2018 challenge. spinning (series) by @reallyelegantsharkfish Destiel. Complete. Rated T-M. “Listen up!” Dean hollers, louder than necessary in the small space. “We are spinnin’ this bottle, and then we’re going to do some kissin’! Happy New Year!” suckerfish (series) by sharkfish Destiel. Complete. Rated E. At some point in the last couple of months, Dean became friends with the monster in the lake. traveling light by sharkfish Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Cas is, impossibly, far more gorgeous in person, and he’s taller than Dean expected, and he moves with this casual grace that makes Dean’s brain short circuit. So Dean thinks he probably looks a little like a deer in the headlights when Cas catches his eyes from the door of the restaurant. He breaks out into a smile, the full, wide one that never came out in his pictures, and Dean actually goes weak in the knees. “Cas,” Dean says. “Hello, Dean,” Cas says. Sealed lips. Tied hands. by @sternchenchas Destiel. Complete. Rated G. Dean Winchester doesn't look forward to his first day of school, but it's not because of your usual teenager problems. He would be glad if he had to deal with dates, grades and rumors about his love life. Instead, he struggles even to communicate. In a world where everyone talks in sign language, his hands are tied. He's a happer. One of those weird people who have a hard time figuring out what others say, and can't express what they want to tell. But one good deed might save him because he helps Castiel Novak. A boy who might be just as different and weird as Dean. A boy who understands even when Dean's lips are sealed. Reality of Dreams by sternchencas Destiel. Complete. Rated E. Dean Winchester has been living a boring life. At least until his brother is missing, the police think he has something to do with it, and a group of people who call themselves 'Liberi Somniorum' and live in an underground bunker ask him to join them so they can teach him how to use his dreaming abilities. As if that isn't bad enough, the police also took his car and then there's this guy in a trenchcoat who's guarding him, and some dark secret. Dean does his best to convince himself it's a dream. But somehow, sometimes, dreams can be very real, and this time, he just can't wake up. Porch Light by @surlybobbies Destiel. Complete. Rated N/A. Before he could think too much about it, Dean had reached over his duffel bag and skated his knuckles across Cas’s cheek, just once, before dropping his hand and his gaze. “I’ll leave the porchlight on for you,” he had mumbled. (Dean and Cas reunite in Lawrence after meeting in Boston 6 months prior.) Brambles by surlybobbies Destiel. Complete. Rated T. “You like the dirty mechanic look, Cas?” Dean says, winking.Cas steps back to let him in. “Not particularly.” Dean’s grin falls. He swipes an arm over his sweaty forehead. “Well, get used to it, bud, ‘cause I’m your neighborhood dirty mechanic on the days I’m not the neighborhood drunken arsonist.” Criminality by surlybobbies Destiel. Complete. Rated T. In which Dean accidentally breaks into and falls asleep in Cas's car, and Cas accidentally kidnaps the stranger who had been eyeing him all night at the bar.

[minaminokyoko]

Pacific Rim: Uprising (A Spoilertastic Review)

This movie should be the ultimate lesson for Hollywood on why you shouldn’t just replace a director who has vision with someone who just wants to make a quick buck in a lazy sequel. My God, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this utterly annoyed by a sequel. I mean, late sequels have a serious tendency to suck for many reasons: hiring different writers/directors from the previous film, changing the tone, removing important characters and awkwardly jamming new ones in there, relying on boring sequel clichés, or misunderstanding the entire reason why the first movie was a hit. Pacific Rim wasn’t a mega-hit stateside—it did $101 million domestically and did much better in the foreign market with an additional $309 million—but it was easily a fan favorite. Even if I had the full story on what went down between Legendary Pictures and the delightfully talented Guillermo del Toro, there is no excuse why Pacific Rim Uprising is such a pathetic pile of nothing. With del Toro, we had some excellent world building, a basic understanding of the premise, a loose but still adequate story, and characters that were easy to remember and enjoy. We also had a fun cameo from the incomparable Ron Perlman, a fantastic score, and some truly imaginative fight sequences of the Jaegers vs. the kaiju. I’ve said before that I think PacRim is a good movie, not a great movie, only because I felt you could have simply removed Raleigh entirely and focused on Mako and Stacker instead since they were both ten times more interesting and easier to connect with on an emotional level. However, after seeing this nonsense, I have a whole new appreciation for the first film, because at least it told a goddamn story and its characters had personality traits and arcs. Uprising is honestly an affront to what the first film established, not only for retconning things with Stacker’s forgettable son, but just botching every single enjoyable element from the first film.

I’ll get right to the point—yes, the Jaeger/kaiju fights are the main draw for this franchise. Even though I’m going to list why this sequel is godawful, a lot of people really just want to see it for the big fight scenes and that’s all they might want to take away from any reviews. Well, I’m here to tell you, I still don’t think Uprising is worth your hard-earned cash, because it’s frankly a bait-and-switch. The trailer shows you a monstrous kaiju made of three other kaiju, and that sounds amazing, right? Well, it’s intentionally misleading. If you want the full story, check below the spoiler line.

Overall Grade: D

Pro:

-Seriously, the only positive thing to note about this entire film is that the fight scenes were at least adequate. Not good, not great, adequate. When the fights finally do happen, there’s plenty of smashing, and the idea of the kaiju melding into one huge kaiju was at least a nifty idea. It was easily the only thing about the trailer that got anyone’s blood moving and could have built any hype.  However, judging by the movie’s poor opening weekend, enough people could tell something was off about it.

Cons:

-The trailer is misleading. How? Well, there are no kaiju in this movie until the last fifteen minutes. Seriously. They pulled a Huntsman sequel on you guys—promising something that only appears at the end of the fucking movie. All other times, you are stuck with the bland protagonists training or trying to figure out how the rogue Jaeger attacked Sydney. IIRC, there’s only the fight of Gypsy Avenger vs. the rogue Jaeger and then the end with all of them fighting. There’s a brief chase sequence in the beginning with Bland White Child and Stacker-lite, but it’s barely five minutes long and it’s just them rolling away from the full sized Jaeger like Sonic the Hedgehog. Look, if that still excites you, hey, go see it. But to everyone else who doesn’t want to feel ripped off, I’m begging you to sit this one out for this and many other reasons I’m going to outline below. There are only kaiju at the end of the damn movie. It’s Godzilla 2014 all over again—a magnificent creature that is advertised heavily as being in the film, but isn’t actually in the damn thing.

-The dialogue is so painfully cliché that you will roll your eyes so many times they might eject from your skull. Jesus Christ. I swear, it’s like they had a checklist of every action movie cliché they could think of and they made sure to check off every single one. Every line of dialogue in this movie is a sickening cliché. There is not one original thought. Not. One. Every character is flat and some form of a lazy archetype. No one gets any development. It’s Michael Bay-levels of incompetent writing. The movie couldn’t have been any worse written than if there was a room of chimpanzees hammering away at the screenplay. It’s just plain embarrassing. Every moment there isn’t a kaiju smashing something or a Jaeger beating wholesale ass, you will be in massive amounts of pain.

-The fights are mediocre. Remember how carefully staged the fight scenes were in the first movie? Hell, most of the time we can list them off the top of our heads because those fights were so damn memorable. We had the opening montage, the Knifehead fight, the two kaiju vs. the Jaegers, Gypsy Danger vs. Otachi, and then the final brawl underwater at the Breach. Each fight was staged well and paced well throughout the film. You didn’t have to wait too long between fights during the film, and it also entertained you with smaller bits like Mako and Raleigh training or the flashback to Mako’s childhood with that scary crab kaiju. Uprising is a bottom-heavy film, much like the equally terrible Jurassic World (God, talk about another late sequel that entirely misses the fucking point of the original property.) The only difference is at least Jurassic World had enough sense to deliver a powerhouse ending to an utterly stupid film, and Uprising doesn’t. The fights don’t have clever staging, great music, or very much creativity to them. After suffering through two hours with these annoying paper cutout characters, you should deliver the best damn fights we’ve ever seen, but no, they’re just standard hacking and slashing. Punctuated by the intensely annoying, shrieking helium balloon shaped like Charlie Day shouting inane dialogue in his squeaky voice. The fights have zero weight, too, because no one has a character, so you don’t give a shit if they live or not during the fight either.

-Like many terrible sequels, they kill off a main lead from the previous film in order to give the new protagonist some pathetic kind of Mangst. If there is one thing I am sure of, it’s that most fans of the original movie are going to be LIVID they dragged the actress playing Mako all the way back on set just to kill her fifteen minutes in. It’s just insulting. Mako was the fan favorite from the first film. Seriously, she has most of the fandom in her back pocket, so I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the immediate backlash is because the movie’s disgusting use of Fridging the main female lead from the first movie to make way for Bland White Child and Stacker-lite. It’s possibly the most insulting thing about the entire sequel. Mako deserved better. I’d rather she was out of the movie entirely, like Raleigh mysteriously is, than for them to kill her in such a cheap, stupid way. What a waste of a good actress and a great character.

-Making Charlie Day the villain. Yes, because nothing is more intimidating than a tiny man with the voice of Bobcat Goldthwait spouting dialogue so corny you’d expect it from an Austin Powers movie. Are you kidding me? Look, I get it, Charlie Day is a fan favorite so of course they were going to bring him back, but what the actual fuck made you think he should be the bad guy? It’s weaksauce. It sounds like they were just bored and out of ideas for the villain, as if the fucking kaiju or the Precursors weren’t good enough somehow, and just slapped this idiotic role in his lap. It’s such a bad idea. I hated his character in the first film and wanted him removed entirely, but at least he served a purpose. Here, it’s just lip service. Anyone who liked him in the first one is going to be pissed off at this random turn of the character with no indication of changing him back.

-Thin, boring leads. Let me be clear: John Boyega is not to be blamed for any of why this movie is failing critically and financially. The kid is talented and sweet and I want to pinch his cheeks and feed him apple pie in my kitchen. But he couldn’t save this film because of that rancid excuse of a script. Boyega is a darling on screen in almost everything else, but here, he has nothing to work with. Stacker-lite is just a cobbled together mess of leftover script notes from Chris Pine’s portrayal of Captain Kirk in the Star Trek reboot. He has nothing going for him at all. No motivation, no skillset, no charm. This character is completely empty inside. Bland White Child is the exact same as well; basically just every Little Miss Badass/Underdog stereotype only done amazingly poorly. She has nothing to offer the audience and while she has slightly more motivation than Boyega’s character did, it doesn’t mean anything. Then we have Generic Good Looking White Guy Lead, because for fuck’s sake, it’s not like it’s 2018 and we aren’t tired of seeing him, Generic Latina “We couldn’t get Michelle Rodriguez to do this bullshit so here’s someone else instead” Tits and Ass (who made me even angrier because normally when they have the Hot Latina Military Lady, she gets at least ONE badass moment, but this chick seriously serves no fucking purpose and is relegated to the laziest Hot Girl/Potential Love Interest role of all fucking time), Generic Cadets Who are Carefully Ethnically Diverse (you are fooling NO ONE, sequel; if you’re gonna bother to make them diverse, GIVE THEM ACTUAL CHARACTERS FIRST), Kick Butt Asian Lady (seriously, why the fuck did you cast this lady and kill off Mako? It would make more sense if Mako was in this role, like maybe Raleigh died in the Jaeger and she wanted to make automated Jaegers so no one would ever lose their partner again, there, ah fixed it, you morons), and finally Returning Cast Member Who Looks Tired AF But Needed the Money. It is a headache spending two hours with these characters. You don’t care about any of them and they have nothing to offer you. They’re just constantly stumbling around bumping into things and spouting dialogue from 30 years ago.

If you can overlook all of those flaws for the promise of Jaeger vs. kaiju fighting, have at it. Everyone else, don’t bother. If you’re that curious, wait until this hits a premium channel. I’m extremely glad I saw it for free, because I’d have been pissed paying $10 for this lump of expired crab meat. Save your money and go buy another copy of the first movie.

[jdumblr]

1/3 Hi! First of all I wanted to confess I absolutely adore your blog, I'm always excited when you published a new post. It seems that you've been following J2 from the start, so I'm wondering do you think they are acting bolder now? Especially Jensen, he has dropped so many bombs since, I don't know, S10? The “No, not ‘hey guys’. This is for us.” and "damn is he loveable" and the almost kiss...Jensen has no shame at all, I love him.

Dear Anon,

Please accept this gift

as my apologies for taking forever and a day, as thatbeautiful Oasis song, and pleasedon’t go away.

Thank you for your lovely words and I’m glad myramblings make sense to you. There’s a name for that condition tho, when twopeople share in each other’s craziness, my dear friend Freud called it folie à deux.

I guess it shows that my J2 Madness has beenwith me for long. Yes, J2 chemistry got me good and hard on the first episode of SPN that I watched, back in 2005. I remember looking at Jensen, especially, andthinking: “man… That boy is a good actor but I guess he didn’t get that lookquite right. That’s not how you look at your brother.” So, the what’s wrong with this picture mademe search for the actors and, sure enough, there were rumors, of course. As forme, well…

But let’s get to your question. You’re absolutely right:  the Js have been acting bolder and bolder,especially after the move to Austin, the #AustinEra. Jensen has let his Alphashow after his Beta’s breakdown in 2015; he may have managed to avoid his boy’sbreakdown in 2014 but it eventually exploded in the following year. I’d say theevents that lead to Jensen’s move to Austin, made him show to the world he isan Alpha through and through—and what an amazing Alpha he is! After the 2015Breakdown, his Alpha became even more dominant and it is now impossible, atleast for me, to see him as anything but.

During the early years of J2, Jensen was much morereserved to the outer world but at the same time, they couldn’t help but showhow in love they were—the difference is that they were mostly free men and therumors didn’t fly above the radar. Their chemistry bled through the characters and all waswell until people started talking. J2 were not careful. Vancouver is a liberaltown with people who really don’t bother with your gayness or fame, so theystarted being sloppy. They ended up drawing attention from a then famousgossiper, Ted Casablanca, who probably had an ITK source, and waited until theboys premiered the movies they had filmed to start gossiping about them,linking them to BlindVices.

Let me just make a quick pit stop here and tell you thathalf this info is true and the other half either a case of misinformation or purposefullytwisted for effect. Jared (supposedly Judas) would never have acted like thattowards Jensen. J2 were always a unit, there was nothing one would do behindthe other’s back; what we see now has always been their M.O. Those weredifficult times for them but they were fighting together, not against eachother. So read the blinds but with a grain of salt.

The Js indeed, rumor has it, were pressured to take measuresto cover their relationship, as early as 2008. Take this resurrected threadon spn_gossip, for instance:

Anon1:

Anon2:

As for Jensen “I Don’t Give A Fuck” Ackles, I’mpretty sure he’s had it with bearding and PR. He’s suffered the pains of hidinghimself and has seen more than his share of suffering from his loved one. I’lltell you what: there is no need for damage control for their slips simplybecause the marriages, kids and wife stans have given those boys free rein toeven kiss on a Con stage, I’d say. We see it every day when TinHats point somethingout and are attacked by #Hetards defending J2’s heterosexuality.

Most of all, I think Jesen IDGAF Ackles has had it with#Hetards. They started off just being an annoying source of awkward laughter but are now a source of second-hand embarrassment, managing to be annoying tothe point of repeating stupid same questions again

and again:

And always being unceremoniously squashed by our Alpha (All hail to you, KingJensen!).

I know that 2017 seems to have started with two left feetbut nothing the Js do is unplanned. These men are strategists and I believe theevents we’ve seen since the beginning of the year are telling us J2 are layingthe groundwork for the end of SPN, and the end of their bearding contracts. Justtake a few things into consideration and a possible hidden meaning to them:

— Launching of Family Business –> DH’s and her family’s financial security

— G’s IG –>the fame she wants so much

— J2 not being seen outside work/Cons –> they’re not attached to thehip and they're obviously not together

J2 have 2017 and 2018 to carry out their plan and let their Beardswalk on their own feet. Then, by the time episode 300 is done we will seechanges. Do you want to bet?

[superpower-fly-invisible-book]

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Flight or Invisibility? Which Superpower Would You Choose?

Stephen Andes

Jul 27, 2018 · 9 min read

Before you make a choice — flight or invisibility — here are the ground rules:

Flight means the power to travel in the air, up to 100,000 feet, at a maximum velocity of 1,000 MPH. You don’t have any other powers. You’re not invincible. You don’t have super strength. Just flying. (And, thus, depending on your natural strength, you probably can’t carry many people with you. Large pets or small children would be key candidates).

Invisibility means the power to make yourself unseen, as well as your clothes. (So, you don’t have to go around naked!). But things you pick up are still visible. Food and drink are visible until digested. (Best Advice: Keep that in mind before sneaking around like a friggin’ pervert…).

You are the only person to have this power, flight or invisibility. You can only choose one. You can’t pick both.

Which one do you choose?

And what would you do with your power?

And, hey, there are no judgments here. Just go with your gut.

Ok, got it? Great! Keep your choice to yourself for now. We’ll get back to it. First we have to talk about the thought experiment itself, this Superpower Dilemma, and what it says about power and ethics in the age of #Metoo, Trump, and the Internet.

Photo by Jesús Rocha on Unsplash

Full disclosure: The Superpower Dilemma is not my creation. It’s been kicking around the Internet for over fifteen years. It’s shown up in Psychology Today as a projective test. Those who choose invisibility, according to PT, are people who, in Jungian fashion, embrace their shadow self in order to transcend it; or, those who choose flight are those who seek self-actualization a la Maslow. They push past basic needs — food, shelter, etc. — and search for true fulfillment. Even Forbes used the Superpower Dilemma in a poll of over 7,000 industry and business leaders. It’s no surprise that over 70% of those polled chose flight — approximately 28% chose invisibility. More men than women picked flight, according to Forbes. And more individuals in Human Resources and Safety chose invisibility! (Imagine invisible HR professionals lurking in the corner of the copy room…).

And then there’s the real starting point to the Superpower Dilemma on the Internet. Comedian John Hodgman did a segment on it in a 2001 episode of This American Life.

It’s hilarious.

Hodgman interviews a number of men and women — anonymously, of course — about which power they would choose and why. He finds that people basically never choose to use their power to fight crime. Far from it. Flight and invisibility are not enough, they protest. They would fly, rather, in order to travel to Paris, according to one man. Or, another woman claims she would steal as many sweaters as she desired. The superpowers are chosen for the self. For one’s own pleasure or curiosity or darker inclinations.

But, as with all episodes of This American Life, the Hodgman piece mixes two parts humor and one part pathos. It goes from good chuckle to fucking poignant really fast. (Ah, the storytelling delights of Ira Glass and Team…). Hodgman finds there’s a mental process involved, wherein a gut choice for invisibility usually ends with a rational acknowledgement that invisibility would lead to some bleak places.

Consider the honest appraisal of Man 7:

“Invisibility leads you — leads me, as an invisible person, down a dark path, because you’re not going to want to miss out, when you’re invisible, on — you know, no matter how many times you’ve seen a woman naked in the shower, you’re going to want to see it again, because there’s always a different woman, right? And there’s like a lifetime of that. And that’s not acceptable behavior, no matter whether you’re invisible or not.”

Or, the deep truth of Woman 1:

“First of all, I think that a lot of people are going to tell you that they would choose flight, and I think they’re lying to you. I think they’re saying that because they’re trying to sound all mythic and heroic, because the better angels of our nature would tell us that the real thing that we should strive for is flight, and that that’s noble and all that kind of stuff.

But I think actually, if everybody were being perfectly honest with you, they would tell you the truth, which is that they all want to be invisible so that they can shoplift, get into movies for free, go to exotic places on airplanes without paying for airline tickets, and watch celebrities have sex.”

Or, the ageless wisdom of Man 8:

“Flying is for people who want to let it all hang out. Invisibility is for fearful, crouching masturbators.”

We all fly and we all fade, Hodgman sums up. And the poignant question the comic leaves us with is this: “Who do you want to be — the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?”

Ok, so you’ve picked a superpower? Do you want to switch at this point?

At any rate, what conclusions might we draw about flight and invisibility? Flight is heroic. Invisibility is sneaky. Invisibility is a superpower for villains — maybe, even, for the villain inside all of us.

And, of course, there’s the whole thing about sex. Even the Kevin Bacon film Hollow Man (2000) — where Bacon, as scientist, learns how to turn himself invisible, has a requisite naked-woman-showering scene, which then turns into rape. What better metaphor for #Metoo? Women sharing stories of sexual abuse perpetrated by men whose actions have been, for them, vicious trauma, but for the rest of the world, unknown, invisible.

“It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror anymore.”

The Superpower Dilemma, in sum, has a clear ethical dimension. And, like many things the Internet hath made, the thought experiment is one humans have been puzzling over for thousands of years. For that, we have to travel to Ancient Greece where we learn of the first Superpower Dilemma — the tale of the ring of Gyges.

Error! Filename not specified.

Photo by Fred Pixlab on Unsplash

Athens, Greece.

Enter: Plato (c. 424–347 B.C.E.).

Bearded philosopher. Furrowed brow. Toga.

The dude was thinking about the Superpower Dilemma 2,400 years ago, albeit in a slightly different form. There’s no mention of flight in Plato’s telling of it. Just invisibility. The story is told in the Second Book of Plato’s Republic. Plato writes the story as though his brother, Glaucon, is the one telling it. And so Glaucon begins the tale of the ring of Gyges.

It’s a magical ring, Glaucon says, which gives the power of invisibility to the one who wears it. Turn it facing inward on the finger and the wearer is invisible; outward, the wearer reappears. The ring, in Glaucon’s telling, is found in a crack in the earth opened up by an earthquake. Gyges, the guy who finds the ring, quickly realizes the implications. Gyges is a lowly shepherd. But he gets himself sent to the king’s court. He seduces the Queen and conspires to have the king killed. And then Gyges assumes the throne. (If all this sounds familiar, it is. Tolkien used it as a model for the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings).

Glaucon’s point is this: No one will do right when they can get away with doing wrong. If given the power, like in the tale of the ring of Gyges,

“no man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all aspects be like a God among men.”

“A man is just,” Glaucon argues, “not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can be unjust, there he is unjust.” Only fear of a lost reputation or fear of punishment cause people to do justice, according to Glaucon. And, if you have the power, and don’t use it like Gyges did, you’re probably pretty stupid.

“If you could imagine any one obtaining this power of becoming invisible, and never doing any wrong or touching what was another’s, he would be thought by lookers-on to be a most wretched idiot, although they would praise him to one another’s faces, and keep up appearances with one another from a fear that they too might suffer injustice.”

Basically, Glaucon says, we would hate and fear that power in another, but secretly want it for ourselves.

(Side note: H.G. Wells’ novella The Invisible Man (1897) pokes a few holes in the tale of Gyges. The book is all about how friggin��� hard it would be to pull off one’s evil desires, even if you could be invisible. The protagonist, Griffin, is a failed Gyges. He doesn’t manage taking over his town let alone the whole of England. His dark, evil plans come to nothing. And who defeats him? The community! The community comes together and destroys the guy. In essence, Wells simply tells us, through Griffin, why worry about invisibility when you can’t pull off the real soul-fulfilling devious shit anyway! Because, according to Wells, the community is stronger than the individual.)

Does Plato provide an escape from Glaucon’s argument? Is it true that we only do right because we fear losing our reputation and we fear punishment?

Well, that’s beside the point, actually. Plato’s point is political. He’s talking about society. Don’t look for justice in the individual, says Plato, look for it in society. The take away, for Plato and for us, is the cliché of all modern superheroes: With great power comes great responsibility. Plato was interested in making sure that those who have power are also made accountable. Power is a force that, indeed, has dark, bleak implications for human nature. But it’s also an energy for doing good. It just has to be forced in that direction. Justice, in essence, is the product of the terms demanded by society. It’s the desire for who we, as a society, want to be and the acknowledgement of our worst selves. It’s setting up bound aries that keep us from those worst selves.

[superpower-fly-invisible-book]

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Flight or Invisibility? Which Superpower Would You Choose?

Stephen Andes

Jul 27, 2018 · 9 min read

Before you make a choice — flight or invisibility — here are the ground rules:

Flight means the power to travel in the air, up to 100,000 feet, at a maximum velocity of 1,000 MPH. You don’t have any other powers. You’re not invincible. You don’t have super strength. Just flying. (And, thus, depending on your natural strength, you probably can’t carry many people with you. Large pets or small children would be key candidates).

Invisibility means the power to make yourself unseen, as well as your clothes. (So, you don’t have to go around naked!). But things you pick up are still visible. Food and drink are visible until digested. (Best Advice: Keep that in mind before sneaking around like a friggin’ pervert…).

You are the only person to have this power, flight or invisibility. You can only choose one. You can’t pick both.

Which one do you choose?

And what would you do with your power?

And, hey, there are no judgments here. Just go with your gut.

Ok, got it? Great! Keep your choice to yourself for now. We’ll get back to it. First we have to talk about the thought experiment itself, this Superpower Dilemma, and what it says about power and ethics in the age of #Metoo, Trump, and the Internet.

Photo by Jesús Rocha on Unsplash

Full disclosure: The Superpower Dilemma is not my creation. It’s been kicking around the Internet for over fifteen years. It’s shown up in Psychology Today as a projective test. Those who choose invisibility, according to PT, are people who, in Jungian fashion, embrace their shadow self in order to transcend it; or, those who choose flight are those who seek self-actualization a la Maslow. They push past basic needs — food, shelter, etc. — and search for true fulfillment. Even Forbes used the Superpower Dilemma in a poll of over 7,000 industry and business leaders. It’s no surprise that over 70% of those polled chose flight — approximately 28% chose invisibility. More men than women picked flight, according to Forbes. And more individuals in Human Resources and Safety chose invisibility! (Imagine invisible HR professionals lurking in the corner of the copy room…).

And then there’s the real starting point to the Superpower Dilemma on the Internet. Comedian John Hodgman did a segment on it in a 2001 episode of This American Life.

It’s hilarious.

Hodgman interviews a number of men and women — anonymously, of course — about which power they would choose and why. He finds that people basically never choose to use their power to fight crime. Far from it. Flight and invisibility are not enough, they protest. They would fly, rather, in order to travel to Paris, according to one man. Or, another woman claims she would steal as many sweaters as she desired. The superpowers are chosen for the self. For one’s own pleasure or curiosity or darker inclinations.

But, as with all episodes of This American Life, the Hodgman piece mixes two parts humor and one part pathos. It goes from good chuckle to fucking poignant really fast. (Ah, the storytelling delights of Ira Glass and Team…). Hodgman finds there’s a mental process involved, wherein a gut choice for invisibility usually ends with a rational acknowledgement that invisibility would lead to some bleak places.

Consider the honest appraisal of Man 7:

“Invisibility leads you — leads me, as an invisible person, down a dark path, because you’re not going to want to miss out, when you’re invisible, on — you know, no matter how many times you’ve seen a woman naked in the shower, you’re going to want to see it again, because there’s always a different woman, right? And there’s like a lifetime of that. And that’s not acceptable behavior, no matter whether you’re invisible or not.”

Or, the deep truth of Woman 1:

“First of all, I think that a lot of people are going to tell you that they would choose flight, and I think they’re lying to you. I think they’re saying that because they’re trying to sound all mythic and heroic, because the better angels of our nature would tell us that the real thing that we should strive for is flight, and that that’s noble and all that kind of stuff.

But I think actually, if everybody were being perfectly honest with you, they would tell you the truth, which is that they all want to be invisible so that they can shoplift, get into movies for free, go to exotic places on airplanes without paying for airline tickets, and watch celebrities have sex.”

Or, the ageless wisdom of Man 8:

“Flying is for people who want to let it all hang out. Invisibility is for fearful, crouching masturbators.”

We all fly and we all fade, Hodgman sums up. And the poignant question the comic leaves us with is this: “Who do you want to be — the person you hope to be, or the person you fear you actually are?”

Ok, so you’ve picked a superpower? Do you want to switch at this point?

At any rate, what conclusions might we draw about flight and invisibility? Flight is heroic. Invisibility is sneaky. Invisibility is a superpower for villains — maybe, even, for the villain inside all of us.

And, of course, there’s the whole thing about sex. Even the Kevin Bacon film Hollow Man (2000) — where Bacon, as scientist, learns how to turn himself invisible, has a requisite naked-woman-showering scene, which then turns into rape. What better metaphor for #Metoo? Women sharing stories of sexual abuse perpetrated by men whose actions have been, for them, vicious trauma, but for the rest of the world, unknown, invisible.

“It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror anymore.”

The Superpower Dilemma, in sum, has a clear ethical dimension. And, like many things the Internet hath made, the thought experiment is one humans have been puzzling over for thousands of years. For that, we have to travel to Ancient Greece where we learn of the first Superpower Dilemma — the tale of the ring of Gyges.

Error! Filename not specified.

Photo by Fred Pixlab on Unsplash

Athens, Greece.

Enter: Plato (c. 424–347 B.C.E.).

Bearded philosopher. Furrowed brow. Toga.

The dude was thinking about the Superpower Dilemma 2,400 years ago, albeit in a slightly different form. There’s no mention of flight in Plato’s telling of it. Just invisibility. The story is told in the Second Book of Plato’s Republic. Plato writes the story as though his brother, Glaucon, is the one telling it. And so Glaucon begins the tale of the ring of Gyges.

It’s a magical ring, Glaucon says, which gives the power of invisibility to the one who wears it. Turn it facing inward on the finger and the wearer is invisible; outward, the wearer reappears. The ring, in Glaucon’s telling, is found in a crack in the earth opened up by an earthquake. Gyges, the guy who finds the ring, quickly realizes the implications. Gyges is a lowly shepherd. But he gets himself sent to the king’s court. He seduces the Queen and conspires to have the king killed. And then Gyges assumes the throne. (If all this sounds familiar, it is. Tolkien used it as a model for the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings).

Glaucon’s point is this: No one will do right when they can get away with doing wrong. If given the power, like in the tale of the ring of Gyges,

“no man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all aspects be like a God among men.”

“A man is just,” Glaucon argues, “not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can be unjust, there he is unjust.” Only fear of a lost reputation or fear of punishment cause people to do justice, according to Glaucon. And, if you have the power, and don’t use it like Gyges did, you’re probably pretty stupid.

“If you could imagine any one obtaining this power of becoming invisible, and never doing any wrong or touching what was another’s, he would be thought by lookers-on to be a most wretched idiot, although they would praise him to one another’s faces, and keep up appearances with one another from a fear that they too might suffer injustice.”

Basically, Glaucon says, we would hate and fear that power in another, but secretly want it for ourselves.

(Side note: H.G. Wells’ novella The Invisible Man (1897) pokes a few holes in the tale of Gyges. The book is all about how friggin’ hard it would be to pull off one’s evil desires, even if you could be invisible. The protagonist, Griffin, is a failed Gyges. He doesn’t manage taking over his town let alone the whole of England. His dark, evil plans come to nothing. And who defeats him? The community! The community comes together and destroys the guy. In essence, Wells simply tells us, through Griffin, why worry about invisibility when you can’t pull off the real soul-fulfilling devious shit anyway! Because, according to Wells, the community is stronger than the individual.)

Does Plato provide an escape from Glaucon’s argument? Is it true that we only do right because we fear losing our reputation and we fear punishment?

Well, that’s beside the point, actually. Plato’s point is political. He’s talking about society. Don’t look for justice in the individual, says Plato, look for it in society. The take away, for Plato and for us, is the cliché of all modern superheroes: With great power comes great responsibility. Plato was interested in making sure that those who have power are also made accountable. Power is a force that, indeed, has dark, bleak implications for human nature. But it’s also an energy for doing good. It just has to be forced in that direction. Justice, in essence, is the product of the terms demanded by society. It’s the desire for who we, as a society, want to be and the acknowledgement of our worst selves. It’s setting up bound aries that keep us from those worst selves.