#hey earl

[ihatemakingusernames]

Jesus Christ, I'm so horny. I'm in a real 'feed me, Daddy' kind of mood.

I just want to be the kind of full where you just stand there and appraise me. Weigh me and measure me before and after, see how big you can make me swell. Get me high and moaning and just keep bringing me food.

Fuck, I want to be your big girl today, Daddy. I want to impress you with how much I can eat. I want to be round for you. I want to feel like your feedee for the night.

Afterwards, lay me down and manhandle my body. Make me jiggle, Daddy. Slap my belly.

I want to make you as horny as I feel. Make me cum for being such a good, fat, girl for you.

Fuck I want to eat everything!

[spacecapybara]

I have a potted plant just outside my front door consisting of long grass and a bunch of random flowers and such that have grown in the pot with the grass. I call this potted plant “Crab Grass” so I can go “Hey Crabgrass” when I leave in the morning...but the cold snap killed him :C

[teehee-vibes]

Shout out to old man drama and the offscreen bonding that Earl said he had with Finn… I think about it sometimes. I think they should hold hands.

[potatobugz]

more like Gillion HIGHstrider

[pequenosol]

[littlemuoi]

The Edinburghs greeted King Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands at the Coronation.

[gelarshiesprofruitboarder]

you know youre fucked when your biggest source of gender envy is a marshmallow made of jello

[pkmn-smashorpass]

I think mewtwo now has a vendetta against me. I said it would be my only pass and now it's been *checks calendar* 42 days I've been trying to catch it on scarlet, help my crops are dying -🦀

thoughts and prayers

[britishchick09]

rewrite eristine as rolfe and mtizi from the rock-afire explosion! (ft. rolfe's puppet earl going 'who the f is this guy?) ;D

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

the thing about being a southerner and getting an animal is that i’m now every mom i grew up around. i hear any noise from him and my response is “what’s that, baby?” “yes, sweetheart?” “you ok, honey?”

[ihatemakingusernames]

Just laying behind my man, admiring the stretch marks I put on him, while he finishes his second pizza of the night.

[redwayfarers]

so i mentioned a bridgerton AU for nika and artoirel and uh,,, it kinda broke my writer's block so i wrote a thing. self indulgent, as fics go. ignore the historical inaccuracies, glaring though they may be.

The gentlemen’s club is full. Of course, there was a good reason for that; as a frequenter of the clubs himself, Nika fully understands the appeal of such places, where you meet men of your rank, drink, gossip like you would in drawing rooms, but with less rigidity around it all. And this particular club, situated at the very periphery of the fashionable part of town, housed one of Nika’s favorite places to settle when he was in the mood for observation. The chairs are always awfully comfortable and the drink is of superb quality, and not to mention their black teas. Sometimes, after a performance at the court, he’d go here to listen to the impressions. All delightfully positive, which soothed Nika’s ego like little else. 

Now, though, he has a mission of critical fucking importance. This club was the only place he could think of as he tried to run away from calls from a particularly adamant mother who wants musically inclined grandkids. So he tasked his own mother with fending her off, with a half strangled, ‘I do not wish to marry her fucking daughter’ and off he was, to the only place he knew he was more or less safe, to the only place where he could slump in the chair and nobody would bat an eye. 

Who the fuck knew that fending off sharklike marriage connoisseurs would be so tiring? 

Unfortunately for him, when he ran towards the table at the back with semi-appropriate haste, he found the seat had already been taken, by none other than the new Count de Fortemps. He’s equally taken a chance to tiredly slump, and is now drinking small sips of port. The delicate glass fits his long fingers, Nika thinks. The details on the glass is almost as pristine as the perfect roundness of his short nails; he crosses his legs, as if to showcase the brilliant shine of his black shoes and his long legs. The low lighting of a nearby lamp makes the sharpness of his face stand out, and in the warmth of it, his blue eyes gleam with relief of finally having a moment to himself. 

Too bad Nika’s mean enough to disturb it. He deserves it, the handsome bastard. “That is my spot,” Nika says. Artoirel straightens immediately and squints. 

“There is not your name written anywhere here, Lord Perseis.” Artoirel shakes his glass. He looks at Nika beneath dark eyelashes. “Therefore, I am permitted to sit here. Am I not a paying customer of this fine establishment?” 

“You are, but you can be a paying customer on another seat. Your money’s going in the same pocket.” Nika crosses his arms. He will not allow anyone else, regardless of how pleasing to the eye they might be, to sit in his place. 

“As is yours,” Artoirel quips and raises his chin. Nika stares him down. “Is there anything I can help you with, Lord Perseis?” 

“You can move from– You know what, my lord? Nevermind. But I’m going to sit here–” Nika points at the chair opposite of the one Artoirel’s currently occupying, “and annoy you with my presence when you so very obviously wish to be alone.” He promptly throws himself on the seat. “You Ishgardians are another breed of person, I swear.” 

He’s breaking a hundred social protocols, but he doesn’t care. He never did. Not now, when there’s a pretty bastard on his seat, and he has to wait for the offending matron to be successfully evicted from the manor premises. Artoirel’s steely gaze would make anyone uncomfortable, but not Nika. Oh no, not Nika. 

“I concur,” Artoirel then adds, quietly. “Especially persistent mamas who would like to see their children married off.” 

Nika blinks, but before he can react, the waiter comes over. “Brandy,” he orders, and turns his attention back to Artoirel. “They’re trying to marry you off too?” 

“There is nobody to marry me off but myself, my lord. However, other people of rank seem to think they ought to be related to a Count.” He rubs his temples. “I, for one, am not willing to marry just yet. But alas.” 

“Ah,” Nika takes a sip of his brandy. “People also seem to think they ought to be related to a musician.”

“And there is no stopping the tide,” Artoirel finishes, with the same misery as before. “‘Twould seem we share a struggle.” 

“At the moment, no,” Nika throws his head back and sighs. He watches Artoirel - the dark pink of his lips, pressed in a thin line, the strands of black hair that fall around his face in a tamed wave, the high points of his cheekbones. I wouldn’t mind being seen with him, Nika thinks. This serious expression suits him. Although, he would probably look just as good if he smiled more. 

No, I wouldn’t mind it at all. 

Nika jerks upright. “We both have the same issue, my good count,” he starts. “And I may have a solution.” 

“If you are suggesting we run to Coerthas and live in a small cabin, thus never seeing a soul ever again, which Lord Stephanivien has told me at some point, I shall promptly turn you down.” 

Nika frowns. “No! What I meant to say was we pretend to be betrothed. That is the problem - people preying on our lack of current romantic lives, right? So we simply pretend we have them, with each other, we walk sometimes around the gardens and go to some operas and people leave us alone.” 

“That.. is not a horrible plan,” Artoirel says after a thought. “And after a while, we break it off, once everyone else has understood that we are to be left alone.” 

“Yes! Like that! We both win!” Nika grins. Finally! A solution that might work! No more annoying nobles, throwing their children at him! At long last, he’ll have peace, music and fame! 

“If we are both in agreement,” Artoirel says with all the seriousness in the world, “when would you find it appropriate for me to ask your mother for your hand in marriage?” 

Uh oh. I wouldn’t mind being seen with him. 

Uh oh.  

[deathfavor]

@soulsballad said: ❛ i know it’s winter, but you don’t have to act so cold! ❜ ( for earl, from horo! )

    Earl lets out a silent exhale as he stares at Horo’s sulking form while she clutches onto one of the stuffed animal toys. He’s tired after slaving away all day at the caravans, doing a job for three people to make enough money to support them. All he wants to do is lay down and sleep. But he still needs to cook them dinner, needs to make sure she falls asleep first, make her a lunch for tomorrow while he’s gone. He needs to make sure the trailer is ready for when the worst months of winter settle in. The list of things he needs to do is endless.

   But Horo doesn’t know that. Earl doesn’t want Horo to know how hard it is. He doesn’t want her to see how he works himself to the bone, he doesn’t want her to worry over money or supplies. He wants her to be able to be a child like the others, to laugh and play despite the loss of their parents. If she wants to soar, then he wants to make sure that happens for her – so she doesn’t end up stuck in the mud.

   “  Horo. “  Earl crouches down behind her, watching her shuffle away from him.  “  I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. “  He apologizes, making no effort to force her to look at him. If she wants to, she will. If she doesn’t, he will still love her regardless. “ It was a rough day, but I shouldn’t have spoken like that to you. “

   He would be lying to say he wasn’t considering keeping a little treat a secret. But ultimately, his big brother instincts land by a landslide. ( And they always will, even years later. )

   “  How about we hang out after dinner, okay?  “  He suggests quietly, continuing to speak despite the lack of answer. He pulls out a wrapped chocolate bar, sliding it across the wood floor so she can see it.  “  We can start a fire and have smores. I’ll play some guitar for you? Does that sound good? “ He asks, waiting patiently.

[thefanimator]

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010); deleted content featured in the trailer

[cecilsrandomeverything]

I haven’t listened to Welcome To Night Vale beyond the first season, and I don’t even remember much of the plot of that, so I don’t know if he’s a bad person, but uhhh hey Earl, maybe the Cecil that you know is taken, but this Cecil (me, right here, yep it’s me) is not, so like…

😗👉👈

[sapphire-weapon]

Honestly you're more like a lighthouse in this fandom, and I'm actually glad there are people like you in this space that are capable of reason and logic