#hexorcists

[souenkun]

And I thought there's no winning even in such a tiny thing.

[thecrowsart]

um. there are like......kind of spicy/semi nsfw hexorcists under here. so be warned

continuation of the last thing idk (possessed)

[joelletwo]

[ID: a greeting card reading "first gay married / and now gay divorced?! your parents must be so proud!" gay married and gay divorced are in rainbow font]

im so glad we have cards for this kind of thing now

[treecakes]

the horrible exorcists fishing joke has to be like. top ten things to exist and that we fixate on

[vice-like]

had my daily reblog spree, see you tomorrow

[akabloom]

*sketching natori bday art* hehehehe,,,the natsumutuals are gonna looooveee this one,,,,

[worldunbent]

lmao okay i was looking at my hex tag on my old blog and clearly i was coming onto that reread fresh off the high of special chapter 17 and interpreting the dialogue through that lens (lol)*. having gotten to this point in this reread... seven and a half years years later... the official translation suggests that natori is specifically talking about relationships with people who don't have the sight/a connection to the supernatural. but i'll cut historical lane some slack on the shipping goggles because i don't remember when people started posting english summaries of the miharu arc but volume 23 didn't come out in japanese until late 2018 so we really did not have much to work with back then 😵‍💫 i kind of prefer the ambiguity of the original, regardless of my own interpretation at the time.

*i mean you can definitely see reflections of this conversation in sp17, just not specifically the natomato read i wanted to see back then

i do like both versions of the 3rd/4th sentence... "I'm sorry I can't explain this very well" puts the weight on his difficulty articulating the importance of deep interpersonal bonds even to himself. "I don't know how to advise you" sorry i'm bad at being your mentor, something you never asked or wanted of me ✨😔

i take everything back, this is actually the worst chapter to reread with the backstory stuff in mind.

[loquatenjoyer69]

Matoba and Burden and Desire

I originally watched/read Natsuyuu back in fall of 2022, and then a few months ago, literally out of nowhere, my brain was like “Hey, remember that loquat story Matoba told in that one arc? It felt like there was something there, let’s go reread that,” which I did, and have been in hexorcists hell about ever since.

(pictured: a sane person’s reaction to reading natsuyuu)

And really, that’s it. The loquat story feels like there’s something there, but I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on. But after my close rereading of that arc, I think I’ve at least come to one coherent conclusion about it, even if it’s perhaps the most basic one: I think the loquats are an allegory for the greater themes of burden/desire in this arc. The following is my attempt to lay out my thoughts, but unfortunately I have never been known for my conciseness or my ability to organize my thoughts, so be forewarned. This will be rambly and include a few tangents/too much detail.

The story of the Miharu family is a story of a family that was once respected, had a relationship/contract with powerful ayakashi, and eventually fell into ruin, leaving behind their contracts. The ayakashi, the mihashira, still come to uphold their part of the agreement without fail, but the family is gone. So who comes in their place to maintain the contract? The Matobas, and in the present day, the current head of the Matoba clan is Matoba Seiji. In order to maintain this deal with a group of powerful youkai, which neither he nor his family actually made, Matoba has to come and perform the welcoming ritual to avoid incurring the wrath of the mihashira.

Matoba is a character marked by burden, I think. Though he is the head of the most powerful exorcist clan, and therefore one might expect that he can pretty much do what he wants, I don’t actually think he has much personal freedom. The only son of the main family, he was probably marked as the heir from birth (if not, he would have had to be once his sister left but I still need to read 120+ so I don’t know exactly what the deal with her is). The clan’s interests are his interests. He can’t do anything that might hurt the reputation of or endanger the clan, and he is obligated to do things that benefit the clan. Matoba is Matoba. 

In chapter 25, in his debut arc, he tells Natsume 「使えるものは使わないと。人を守る為に、強い妖が欲しいと思っているだけですよ。その為には恨まれたり代償を払うことを気にしていたら、この家業はやっていけませんしね」

"One should make use of useful things. I just want ayakashi in order to protect people. If I was worried about being hated or suffering consequences, I could not carry on the family business,"

(this is actually one of those annoying instances of a Japanese sentence that’s more dense than would sound good in English. Matoba seems to be explaining his personal worldview/thoughts here with 思っている even though in English you’d never say “I just feel like/think I want strong ayakashi…” He’s explaining that this is the way he thinks, I think lol).

Matoba doesn’t get the privilege of having a good reputation among humans or ayakashi, since we learn in special chapter 17 that no good ayakashi will make deals with the Matobas because of their famous broken promise. Matoba Seiji not only inherits the burden of monthly eye-stealing visits, he also can’t make contracts with ayakashi and  takes on all the distrust that’s built up over generations from both humans and ayakashi. 

And now Matoba is taking on the debts of a dead branch family to avoid possibly endangering his own.

In the locked room, when Matoba is goading Natori into breaking them out, he says 「どうです？あなたには解くことができますか名取。無理ならばすべて私が片付けてさしあげましょうか？」

"Well, can you do it, Natori? If you can’t, shall I take care of everything for you?"

I’m unsure how much of this is Matoba teasing Natori (as he seems to like doing in the Homura arc) about how he’s not as powerful/skilled as Matoba, and how much is him simply making an offer because he’s Matoba and he’s The One Who Takes Care Of Everything. I think either way, there is at least a good amount of the latter going on here. 

In special chapter 17, Matoba shows up at Natori’s house and helps him exorcise the ayakashi that’s been haunting him. After Natori wakes up, he tries to offer to help Matoba in some way. I think he felt uncomfortable being the only one being helped, and wanted to find something he could offer Matoba, even though Matoba seems to have everything he needs. Natori offers to listen to his problems, and Matoba smiles (of course) and says he’s fine. Even teenage Matoba is like “You’re not the one who helps me, I’m the one who helps you.” Though this chapter is from Natori’s perspective, so Natori believes Matoba was just using him to get an ayakashi, I’m not sure that’s true. I don’t know for sure what Matoba’s motives were, but I don’t believe teenage Natori is an unbiased observer of him lol. 

Now that we’ve laid all that out, let’s talk briefly about the Miharus, a once respected family who made a deal with ayakashi they didn’t understand, and fell into ruin. According to the ayakashi who wants to sabotage the ritual, there was a member of the Miharu family called Masakiyo. Masakiyo was stern for the most part, but there was someone he loved. However, he couldn’t be with that person because he couldn’t make them shoulder the burdens of his family business, but neither could he simply abandon his family. He had to stay with his family and let this person go. This was the only time this ayakashi saw Masakiyo cry. Then we get this panel:

(pictured: bench of I Hate My Life, credit to @joelletwo for that lol)

In his despair, Masakiyo wished there was no Miharu family. The ayakashi, feeling indebted to Masakiyo for letting it go during an exorcism, overhears him and decides that destroying the Miharu family will bring Masakiyo happiness. This is an unintended contract between the two of them. Masakiyo unwittingly causes an ayakashi to spend years (decades?) trying in vain to destroy his family in order to repay a perceived debt. This isn’t Masakiyo’s fault, really, it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding. The ayakashi didn’t understand that Masakiyo wanted it to be free and live the life he couldn’t. “You were almost exorcised because of human circumstances. You were saved on the whim of a human. What debt? You are free. Go wherever you want. Live however you want.”

After all the mihashira business is wrapped up, Matoba thanks Natori for his help, Natori says he probably couldn’t have gotten out of the room without Matoba, and Matoba laughs and says “Then we’re even this time.” Neither one is indebted to the other this time…they’re even. Then Natori says The Line:

「何かを継ぎ背負っていく…その真の重みは私などにははかり知れません。でも今はこう思うようにもなりました。重いものもひとりでなければと…」

"I don’t know the true weight of shouldering a burden you’ve inherited, but now I’ve come to think that even heavy things can be carried if you’re not alone,"

(this is another one of the aforementioned Dense Japanese Sentences, and I really prefer the fan TL version of this line but I’m translating it this way to try to convey all the stuff he’s saying). Natori once again reaches out to Matoba, trying to offer him maybe the only thing he can: support, listening to his problems, shouldering his burdens. This time, though, we don’t get a Matoba Smile and “I’m fine,” we get this:

(pictured: Matoba on the bench of I Hate My Life, or “Matoba Cow Beach” as I refer to this image in my head)

What is Matoba thinking here? I really don’t know. If I draw the obvious parallel with Masakiyo, I guess he’s contemplating his two…selves, as it were. His duty to his family vs his personal desire for companionship. And I do think Matoba wants companionship. I read his behavior in special chapter 15 as genuinely wanting to be friends with Natori. I think he was excited that there was someone else his age who was relatively powerful, and who wasn’t concerned with all the Matoba stuff. Hence his insistence on Natori calling him Seiji. He wanted to be close to Natori.

And finally, we can come back to the loquats. Natsume hears Matoba mocking the mihashira for continuing to protect the Miharu house even after the family has all died out, and thinks perhaps Matoba is envious of ayakashi who go to such great lengths to keep promises.

"Matoba-san, who keeps breaking promises, and doesn’t have anyone to make new ones with."

Matoba wonders how the welcoming ritual will go next time, but decides he won’t worry since he probably won’t even be the head of the clan at that time. Natsume offers him a loquat, saying cheer up, and Matoba does his Thing, saying  “How odd, do I look upset?” and then tells The Story.

When Matoba was a teenager, he really wanted to try the loquats from Yorishima’s yard. One day, he was there with Natori, and Yorishima gave them both one. The loquat was delicious and sweet; Matoba felt that his “desire had been fulfilled,” but Natori got a sour one, and Matoba felt like Yorishima-san had wanted to give a loquat to Natori, and only given one to Matoba because he was there, so he thought “Ah there’s no winning even in such a small thing as this.” Matoba gets what he wants, but it wasn’t meant for him, and the one it was meant for is worse off, so did he really win? He was the only one who got to enjoy the delicious loquat. These are the unintended consequences, the burdens if you will, of desire. 

Natsume speculates that the agreement with the mihashira began when someone had the wish to protect the Miharu family, and there was an ayakashi who happened to be there, much like the situation with Masakiyo and the sabotaging ayakashi. A simple and innocent wish accidentally creates a generations-long burden that Matoba eventually has to shoulder. 

I think Matoba must be painfully aware of his power and influence, and that even his smallest actions could cause unintended consequences. I wonder if he sees the Miharu family as a warning of what could happen to his own family if he slips up… And it wasn’t just a mistake on the part of the Miharus, but a failure of the Matoba clan head of that time, whose responsibility it was to look out for the branch families. Matoba Seiji is not just responsible for the success of his own family, but protecting the branch families, and of course non-exorcists as well. I imagine he feels like he doesn’t have the time or room to act on any of his own personal desires, and his little loquat anecdote is evidence of that, to me. It’s bittersweet (lol). And Natori’s takeaway, meanwhile, is more casual as you might expect. When Natsume asks him if he likes loquats, he says he’s not sure because his first one wasn’t very good. To Natori, a loquat is something he might try again and like. To Matoba, it’s a reminder of what he can and can’t have.

[tanumaskoipond]

i would be nicer to the dub if tanuma didn’t sound like that. bc genuinely everyone else even if i have some complaints is pretty well done. just tanuma is awful. but i love the hexorcists i enjoy their dub episodes even if they are off

[defeateddetectives]

ye olde year end fic review meme: 2k24 edition

(3 weeks late shhh no it isn't) once again the only thing i do with any regularity based on ao3 & ficblog metrics more or less

Total number of completed stories: 7 (+ a whole entire update to tlwkh but hey who's counting!!!)

Total word count: a little over 9k [obligatory dbz it's OVER NINE THOUSAND meme]

Fandoms written in: k, natsume yuujinchou. it was a glorious year of fests!!!

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? more than expected actually considering i was getting brutally murdered nonstop :)

What’s your own favorite story of the year? toss up between sigils and close ain't close enough bc they were both self-indulgent Delights in the process

Did you take any writing risks this year? if by risks you mean i had multiple instances of fuck it we ball then hell yeah

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year? Even More fuck it we ball energy!

My best story of this year: idk what the objective measure is but, going by word economy, i'm mad proud of sweet on you being like 300 words of jam-packed relentless YEARNING!!!

My most popular story of this year: sigils by the infallible science that is ao3 kudos; close ain't close enough by the infallible science of tumblr notes [tattooing intricate rituals on your situationship of many years vs. doomed kings in a club: fight fight fight!!!]

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: it's cool IT'S FINE i've made peace with everyone sleeping on my beloved bespoke mikoto/izumo content that i write for myself and like one other person anyway!

Most fun story to write: the faves as above

Story with the single sexiest moment: still maintain that sigils is hilariously maybe one of the sexiest things i've written for the hexorcists (maybe even moreso than literal surreal dream bondage from ages ago) that contains no actual sex welp :D

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: push me out to sea was like a brief fever dream of being possessed by natori pov which is still not as natural to me but may have coincided with the early 2k24 descent into natorigirlism (of which we still do not speak!!!!)

Hardest story to write: from dust to the beyond mayhaps because i still feel uneasy and lowkey unsatisfied about it in a way i cant describe but eh its out there now

Biggest Disappointment: another year going by where i didnt finish/post [redacted] and also [redacted] but anywayyy wips and i are archenemies more often than not and i just have to accept this

Biggest Surprise: that i wrote push me out to sea in under 30 mins amidst a horrible migraine! and, of course, half's GORGEOUS collab art for when the light sits on you just right 🥰🥰🥰 still SWOONING ABOUT IT!!!

[souenkun]

WAUGHHHH OH MY GOD?!?!?! 😭💖

First of all, hi pencil, nice to meet you! 🫂❤️ and happy new years and happy holidays to you as well! 🥹🫶

Second, OOOOOH YOU MADE THE PRETTIEST ART OF THEM EVER!!!! Thank you so, so very much!!! 😭🥹😭🥹😭💖💗💖💗💖 I'm sooo obsessed with how soft they look in your pretty art style, both from their expressions and even down to the way their hairs + traditional clothes sway with the wind! 🥹🥹🥹👍👍👍 and the fact that matoba is the one taking the first step here, giving a piece from their teenage youth as his offering, and natori is so absorbed with matoba and his gentle smile instead........ please know that I'll cherish this wonderful artwork, I simply can't stop zooming in at every little detail you've etched here! 🥹💗👍 this is the best way to start my year actually, I am so winning in life, so thank you for this bringing this surge of energy and positivity with your horrible exorcist art! I hope this year will give you double the happiness that you just gave me and that it'll last waaay until the end of the year! 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖🫂🫂🫂💗💗💗

hello @souenkun and happy new year!! ♡ i hope your days are filled with more of these two~~

that one scene in this last season was so good ╰(´ ︶ `)╯♡

thank you @natsume-ss for hosting the event!

[souenkun]

Ending hexorcist month together by breaking japanese twitter's trending page... no one does it like them 🥳🥂

[thecrowsart]

SPICY HEXORCISTS BELOW proceed with caution

...and what was i to do, honestly?

[mayorofcattown]

Oh yeah I shared this on discord so I may as well post it here, I made a horrible exorcists 'divorce' playlist that's just cheesy break up songs that vaguely fit their vibe cause I thought it'd be funny

[treecakes]

this is top three hexorcists interactions to me. sorry.

[vice-like]

you guys i'm lowkey suffering, almost everytime i see cute natsume and natori drawings on twitter it's fcking ship art 😭 i'm starting to dread clicking on natsuyuu artists' profiles over there i've been scared too many times