#hes so obviously a christina aguilera girlie

[cuntvonkrolock]

i hate hate hate how people will see literally any gay male character and go "he would be a swiftie!!!". no he fucking wouldnt you just think all gay men are the exact same and like the same things.

[sunflowerharrington]

Hey babe <3

Soft Kai headcanons? No rush

Love you

firstly, i love you too babes!! <3

wc - around 740 i think

notes - sorry not sorry xoxo

warning(s) - tw mention of murder, and also kai anderson obviously, one mention of lingerie

here he is, the main man of this post himself. mr kool kid with a k 😎

girlies, gays and theys, welcome to my unhinged headcanons about (blue-haired) kai anderson that are true because i said so and what i say in this post goes :)

~ and also because i’m having a moment of absolute “what the fuck-ery” right now for no reason. i’m taking absolutely no criticisms here, thank you :) ~

— still can't tie his fucking shoelaces

— manchild

— has posters of himself all over his bedroom, because what absolute madlad doesn’t?

— puts on a fucking performance in the shower. i’m talking christina aguilera here. i’m talking beyoncé and rihanna. not their songs but he goes above and beyond singing in the shower, and you’d find that so cute if you caught him

— …but it’s ONLY when he’s alone, or so he thinks sometimes

— is a pro at the google dinosaur run game that comes up when there’s no internet available

— would low-key do this when alone, like completely completely alone; vibing to doja cat while he’s working out at the gym. and wrecking ball by miley cyrus.

“…call him ed sheeran he’s in love with my body, they say i just got a buck yeah get into it, yuh. pop out with a truck— WHAT THE FUCK HARRISON? NO, I'M NOT LISTENING TO THAT SHIT. IT’S A SONG ABOUT WORLD DOMINATION!! NOO, IT'S NOT BY A GIRL! bitches can’t sing, my child.”

— […britney spears…👀]

— can almost instantly hack into somebody’s phone, laptop, tablet or any other sort of technology HAHA NERD

— small dick energy but has a fucking sledgehammer

— “…don’t listen to rap music!” listens to it. probably kanye west, because who doesn’t love yeezus? i mean kai thinks he’s god, kanye thinks he’s jesus… i’m trying to make a point here but it’s not working help 😭🫠

— also looks on facebook for hot single moms to fuck. preferably milfs

— “he’s cooooraliiine!” 🎶

— (totally bought some of belle delphine’s bathwater when that was a thing 🤭)

— had a bowl cut when he was a lickle baba and, like everyone in the world ever except jeff pfister and mutt nutter, absolutely hated bowl cuts

— “lost his virginity” to a pillow. not really, but that’s what i think

— is a pro at mario kart and can beat anyone at it, except me. i’m a champion at that game, i swear it babes

— commitment issues

— *whispers* daddy issues…

OKAYY I'M DONE WITH THE UNHINGED ONES, here’s some soft!kai headcanons for my love, meg :)

— brushes your hair sometimes, and braids it

— you’re sitting on the floor on a cushion between his legs as his fingers dance through your hair, braiding away the strands of hair from around your face…

— throws temper tantrums but sometimes if he’s feeling like a human he’ll let you run your hands through his hair to calm him down

— thinks your massages are fucking deadly when you do them (deadly means good. it’s just the kind of slang i use)

— takes you out on dates every so often and steals some of your fries if you get fries, but you think it’s cute because it’s so obvious he’s doing it

— he will fall in love with you if you like mountain dew and cheetos, absolutely no hesitation. he’d never admit it though

— and if you have the same views as him, god, you’re his for life

— likes to have you sitting on his lap during cult meetings sometimes to show the other men and women that you’re his number one, though he does preach about equality

— also will not hesitate to murder anyone who tries to hurt you (except winter. if winter ever hurt you [which imo i don’t think she would on purpose] then kai would say it’s your fault, but other than that…)

— if he’s feeling extra nice he might buy you a gift or something; and by that i mean either some lingerie or something that could be put on you to make you appear even more sexy in his mind. he buys it for you but really it’s for him. but it’s the thought that counts!

— and might even call you mrs anderson during a cult meeting to see how you’d react, though he’d never want to marry anybody, he still considers the thought of it

— nicknames for you include; his angel, his little lamb, his princess, his goddess (if he’s feeling a lil spicy). always has to have ‘his’ in front of it, though. you are his, after all

— matching tattoos? matching tattoos. maybe one on y’all’s pinky fingers to signify a deeper, more emotional connection— according to kai

okayy, i’m done for now but i might come back and add more tomorrow it’s currently like almost 3AM and i am KNACKERED, babes

@xxlangdon @sympathyforher @unlivingdreams @quickiesgirl @langdon-cumslut my lovelies