#hes reactions and one liners are probably the funniest for me

[shan-helsing]

everyone PLEASE tell me who ur fav of the three is and why. i love hearing everyones reasoning for their blorbos

[hxlcyon]

❥ ❥ ❝ miss me already? ❞

ace trappola x gn!reader | wc: 6.8k~

summary: your boyfriend (of now approximately a minute and 47 seconds) makes a bet with you: “those idiots”—your best friends of first-years—won’t even notice a thing even if we weren’t dating.” and the funniest part? he’s probably right.

warnings: pure fluff! shenanigans! lots of cursing! friends (idiots) to lovers. one joke gendered term of milady but i think that meme is gender universal lol (coming from a masc nb)

a/n: this is for @dulcesiabits's “who is the prefect dating?!” collaboration on tumblr! thank you so so much for allowing me to write for ace, the little man, the stinky guy. also MAJOR shoutouts to lily and ct for wading through this mess, i appreciate you more than you know

“Thanks for covering me.” Your sigh is accompanied by a satisfying crunch beneath your shoes, a stray leaf the unfortunate target of your latest frustrations. “Even if you were late to class.” It wasn’t like being caught on your phone by Trein was the worst of your worries, but a death sentence of papers and reprimands was, in fact, preferably avoided if you could help it.

“You owe me one.” Ace replies airily, slowing his stride to bump your side with his bag. “What’re you going to do without me?” Like he wasn’t the asshole who made you check your phone because of his sudden impromptu reenactment of an earthquake via spam text.

08:30 [ ace ]: fuck im late

08:30 [ ace ]: HELP

08:31 [ ace ]: distract him

08:31 [ ace ]: catch something on fire idc

08:33 [ ace ]: i cant believe ur gonna make me take the L

“Have an easier life, that’s for sure.” He makes a vague noise between a squeaky trumpet and a chicken, looking as if you’ve insulted generations upon generations of the Trappola bloodline with a single throwaway comment. “What was I even supposed to do?” Several expressions cycle on his face—focused, thinking, trouble—before he makes a decision and steps closer to you to ‘accidentally’ swing his bag into you again... only to eat shit as you retaliate and shove it back.

“Told you, catch something on fire.” However, the movement is enough to make you lose your footing and free fall to the ground; about to meet miserable, sweet, concrete Death before Ace grabs your arm and catches your face with his chest. “Not that.” Whatever you say next comes out muffled, noise and mind distorted by the smell of cherries?

But, the peace doesn’t last long, especially with Ace, as he pulls back enough for you to catch his lips twitching with another one-liner. “Oooh, can’t take your hands off of me.” He instantly catches your next fist, “if you like me this much, just say so.”

“Oh, Ace.” Time to switch tactics. You latch onto the front of his shirt, tightening your fists with enough force to wrinkle both his blazer and vest. “You’re totally sooo cool and don’t pick your nose and I am sooooo deeply in love with you that I just,” he begins cackling as you shake him, “can’t-help-but-choke-you-out!”

“What happened to boundaries? No safe word?” It doesn’t matter that he’s practically being rag-dolled for all of NRC to see, no matter how much you try to shake and activate that one brain cell of his, giggles continue to keep spewing out, taunting and delighted.

“I hate you—just! Shut! Up!!” You’re gonna throttle him. No one’s gonna find his body, not if you can help it.

“Wow, love you too.”

“Sure don't act like it!”

“What? I do!” You let up and he doubles over, gasping as he breaks into another fit of giggles. “How can I not?” He rubs his hand over his face, winded as he looks up at you, red eyes shining.

“What? Say that again? One more time for the audience in the back.” It’s meant to be an innocent tease, but for some reason, it sparks a knee-jerk wide-eyed reaction from him as a simple word slips from the depths of his very soul.

“Shit.”

“What?” You repeat, squinting at him. “What you just said, right? Going on about how I’m so lova—”

He begins to bounce restlessly in place, words coming out harsh and forced. “I didn’t say that.”

“Are you seriously trying to gaslight me? In broad daylight?”

“No. That was just a normal thing, you’re making it weird. Geez.” His iconic smirk warbles and it almost seems as if the heart over his eye begins to grow runny.

“What does that even mean?”

“Definitely not what you’re thinking.”

“Ace.” His whole body is flushing. It’s enough that you can make it out from his ears to the sliver of skin at his wrist. “Look at me.” He refuses, half a second from booking it. “Do you—”

Then, suddenly filled with resolve, he faces you properly... only to cup your cheeks and squish them together between his palms. “Ooooh we’re never going to talk about this! Let’s move on~” The voiceover is the worst that you’ve ever heard, high and lilted with fear and cheap falsettos.

The sound of your palms practically patty-caking Ace’s face into a sandwich bounces against the statues of the Seven surrounding you (what a familiar place). He winces but doesn’t let go as you two proceed to stand in an awkward, competitive deadlock. “I’m not letting go until you tell me what’s up.” You manage through squished lips.

“You’re annoying.” He grits his teeth in irritation, staring straight at your forehead like he was weighing the outcome of embarrassment and pain if he head-banged you and ran.

“No, you.”

“You’re such a kid.” Ace wiggles under your grip, attempting to escape only to fail to your stubbornness. “It took you this long to notice my feelings? Sevens, how dense can you get?”

You roll your eyes. “If you want to actually go out, the offer is about to expire in approximately three seconds.”

“Wait.” His grip slackens.

“Three...” You begin counting. “You’re kidding me.” His lips twitch, throat bobbing as panic begins to settle in.

“You’re not going to really make me—” You finish off in a singular breath. “Twoone.” 

“Wait, that’s cheating—hold up!”

“Should’ve confessed your undying love for me.”

“You’re the worst. You’re literally the absolute worst.” His thumb traces hearts on your cheekbones, words coming out breathless as the tension finally drops from his body. “Is this what you do? Play with a poor man’s feelings? Heart breaker much?”

“Yeah yeah, let me go and hold my hand already.” He obliges, shaking his head disbelievingly as his fingers come down to intertwine with your own. His grip is tight, assured this time as his pulse drums loud and steady against your wrist. Without a word, he squeezes your hand, just once, unabashed affection making itself fully apparent with your permission.

Though, you only get four steps ahead before Ace interrupts, “You had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing.”

“Oh my God. I can’t believe I’m going to break up with you already.”

“Too late. You signed the contract, breaking it involves a fee of seven million madols by tomorrow.” 

“Did I? Did I really? You didn’t even ask me out yet.”

With his free hand, he crosses his thumb and pointer, winking at you as he brings your interlocked hands up and presses a kiss to them. “Milad—”

“No.” He snorts, dropping it to swing your hands.

You see his mouth move, and the possibility occurs to you that maybe, for once in this lifetime, he’s about to say something profound. What comes out instead is: “Wouldn’t it be funny if we pretended we weren’t? Dating, I mean. Just for a week.” The grip on your hand gets tighter as he quickly backtracks, bothered. ”We’re still going to date afterward—no it’s non-negotiable—but I bet the guys wouldn’t notice a thing out of place.”

“Why?” Wasn’t Ace the type to hold it over their heads? Or, at the least, take the opportunity to be obnoxious about it?

“They’re the types who won’t notice even if you write it on their foreheads.” Reward of the year for I-Love-My-Friends goes to Ace Trappola, without a doubt. “Wanna see if they have a chance of noticing if we don’t tell them outright.”

You think about it for a moment, “Bet you’re gonna be the first one to expose yourself.”

“Says you.” He takes the opportunity to lean into you, lanky arms taking up space at your sides. “I’ll even bet Deuce on it.”

Not very far off in the distance, Deuce sneezes into his arm (properly! just like his mom had told him). “Ah, am I getting sick...?”

14:30 [ ace ]: “miss me?”

"What? Need me to say I do?” There’s an airy sort of tease to your tone, feather-light as it drifts down the empty halls. ”Down bad much?"

It’s entirely by accident that Jack—of all people—manages to overhear you as he scrambles to adjust his hold on a stack of boxes dangling precariously off of his arms. Did he just hear that correctly? The Ramshackle Prefect having a private conversation with... family (well, that doesn't make any sense considering your circumstances)? A long-distance friend...? Possibly?

“That’s not a no.” A lover?

“Loser, why wouldn’t I miss you?" His ears flatten with embarrassment, mentally cursing himself for having such good hearing as he presses his shoulder flat into the wall—a feeble attempt to stabilize the boxes. It worked, only temporarily, to slightly balance the cardboard already determined to give him several concussions.

After all, it’s not as if he could help the size of his ears or what they just happen to catch. It wasn’t like he meant to eavesdrop, especially on what seemed like such a private conversation. If he wasn't pressed for time or currently violating OSHA regulations, he would’ve absolutely upped and turned around to leave you to your privacy. You know... to be a good friend. But life (whoever said it was lemons didn’t consider it could be entire box fulls) was working against him. Dorm meetings, teacher favors, and the weight of the world practically rested in the room beyond—with you being the unintentional final boss blocking his way.

Whoever is on the other end seems to mirror his embarrassment, although for entirely different reasons. "Wow. It's almost like you like like me." The voice cracks, tinged pink as it trails off into a pathetic warble of a comeback.

"I mean... yeah? Isn't that obvious?"

The poor person on the other end starts to choke, "That's fucking cheesy." To each their own, but that sentiment was sweeter than it was cringe... at least, it was in Jack’s opinion.

Suddenly, something tips from a box and lands squarely on his head—right between his ears. The jarring sensation sends a jolt through him, lightning quick, and makes all his brain cells freeze to one singular thought: Wait. Like? Like... like? Can’t be. You literally said otherwise yesterday at lunch.

It was unclear how it exactly got from point “quit that, give my food back” to point “you ever think you’ll find someone here?” He really didn’t have any intentions, it was an absent-minded question. Really. But to say he wasn’t actually curious of your thoughts would be a complete lie.

“Relationships? At our NRC? Less likely than you think.” A fork hung from your mouth, suspended in your sarcasm. He distinctly remembers you squinting at him, huffing as your arms come out to gesture to the rest of the students surrounding you.

The fireplaces have exploded. A torrent of magic, roof high and smoldering, blazes unmercifully across students unfortunate enough to be close. There’s screaming. An entire portion of a half-eaten (and now charred) pastry lands directly on your lap. Someone breaks a window.

...All because a stray fire fairy in the kitchen got slop thrown on it. 

Your brow goes even higher as if to further contest his comment.

Fair enough. Jack had thought, handing you a napkin and ending the conversation at exactly that.

Did you suddenly change your stance? Was romance blossoming right under his nose?

And... doesn't that voice sound kind of familiar?

“Like you don’t like it.” He hears you laugh sweetly, “You gonna break my poor heart and pretend otherwise?” He can hear something akin to muffled cursing on the other end of the phone, rising in pitch, denial, and excuses. ”Eh? Did he hang up...?” 

There’s absolutely no way for him to prepare for the sequence of knob to hand to sheer, unadulterated pain as the door slams wide open and straight into your eavesdropper. "Jack?!"

Despite all his mental prayers to the Seven and a desperate grip, the boxes are knocked straight onto him and the floor, scattering an assortment of odd trinkets all over the ground. "Tsk—!" A broken bottle filled with some type of odd oil quickly spreads across the floors, making you both slip around and tumble until your knees pathetically hit the floor "Ow!"

“Jack... what the hell is this?”

Given up, no longer thriving, and lying face-down in the middle of the hall, Jack huffs out, “potion materials for Crewel.” His words come out loopy and muffled with a bit of a haze to them as his arm reaches forward and attempts to grab an orb spinning its way down the hall. He misses by just a hair and grunts in frustration as he begins to push himself up.  “Were you...” He starts before abruptly stopping himself, that’s none of my business.

You snatch up a stray pen rolling away on the floor and toss it into a box. “What were you saying?”

“Nothing.” He dismisses you with a shake of his head, clearing away some of the earlier haze. ”I just need to get into that room.”

“...Oh!” You have to avoid grimacing or slipping as the oil seeps into your clothes, but gingerly the two of you slowly manage to become upright once again. “Here, let me help then.” He beams at you in appreciation as the both of you make quick work of the scattered materials. Recovering what you can of several broken bottles, everything gets put back into place and Jack is sent back on his merry way to his dorm—only a minute pressed for time.

When he arrives, out of breath and with shirt sleeves stained olive oil yellow, Jack groans, unable to hold back his immense disappointment. Was the whole catastrophe earlier for nothing? Were they really having a dorm meeting about someone making “snowmen” out of people’s shedding?

Pause. Wait. That is really weird.

Several Savanaclaw students squabble, pointing fingers at each other while Leona lazily watches on uninterested. Jack begins to astrally ascend out of sheer disbelief, scuffing his foot into the floor as someone attempts to sneak away—only to have multiple shoes thrown at their head. Loud conversation floats vaguely in and out of his head, but something much more pressing catches his attention. The Prefect dating someone... couldn’t be, I’m overthinking it.

📞 [ call ended ]

Somewhere, on the other end of a phone, a certain someone throws an arm over his face now burned crimson—his thumb still hovering right where the screen blinks your name. "Fuck, didn’t mean to hang up but...” He slumps down further over his desk, wanting to melt in shame. “At least it's over phone, but argh—! This is lame." He drags his hand down his face, internally debating if he should jump out the window or just call you back.

“Ace. Your phone. Now.” Trein’s voice echoed from the front of the detention classroom.

Shit.

Epel makes a face like he's swallowed an entire handful of sour cherries. "What's got you looking at your phone so much?"

Your fingers stop over the keyboard, "Uh." With a very deep gravity, as if the answer was something he couldn't afford to hear, you reply in the gravest tone possible, "Your mom."

You practically have to throw your body out of the way to avoid the round-house kick Epel aims at your head.

You're out shopping together, juggling the assortments that you've gotten from Sage Island’s most popular tourist spots. With your hands full and mouth muffled by a snack, you order, "Camf fu sorch up wheof the fefenal," yeah, he has no clue what you're saying, "onmf phon?"

Phone. Got it. He digs your phone from your pocket and, with much difficulty, swipes it open after nearly butchering your passcode to lock point. "For Seven's sake, put yer snack down already and properly speak!" He grumbles, grabbing your thumb and pressing it to your phone to open the damn thing up and search the location for... fefenal?

Though, as he types it up, your past searches float and bubble up.

> why does my cat keep drooling on me

> if i boil an egg in gatorade does it taste like gatorade

> date spots

Cause yer cat loves ya dumbass... why in the Sevens would you even think about that... wait. Wait. Date spots? He looks at you, then at himself in a shop mirror, then back at you. No... you wouldn't force someone to spend hours debating fruit freshness for a date... right? Though, to be very fair, he was good at telling which fruit was ripe and the tastiest. But you'd do better than that for a date, right?

"What were you looking for again?"

Finally, you answer him with a clear mouth. "General store." He gives you a weird look when you return a "what?"

"...Wouldja go on a date for fruit?"

"...Huh?"

"Nevermind." 

"I mean—" Suddenly, a notification flashes across your screen. "tomorrow at noon, right?"

"Huh?" You repeat.

Epel simply shakes his head, "Clown emoji... second place emoji? Just texted you that and n’ a bunch of flame emojis." You look at him confused. "...One of the hearts is on fire?"

"Oh... Oh! Can you send back an image from my gallery?" He obliges and looks through the first five images.

"What the fuck is this."

"Don't worry."

"Whose mouth is this? Why do you have 15 photos of the inside of someone's mouth?!"

"Floyd."

"Ah."  Makes sense. He sends the grossest one. A ping later and he instantly sees... a chin photo of Vil? Epel snorts, barreling down as he chuckles louder. "Pfta! Haha! Like this? Serves 'em right to look ugly for a change!"

"Hold up, lemme see." You lean over and start to snort too, "What do you mean? He looks really good right there."

"Don't kid! He’d kill ya if he saw this!"

"Never!" As the two of you absolutely rag on Vil (lovingly... probably) and proceed with your day, the thought that had begun worming its way into Epel's mind lingers even as the both of you miserably pile crates of apples into a carriage: could’ve sworn the number under that stupid nickname seemed familiar... and what’s with that search history?

It’s horrible that such a nice sort of day was spent preparing for the next interim level of Hell that Trein deemed fit to sentence everyone to during a lovely week that truly didn’t deserve such misery. After all, there was really only one way to make any possible preparations for the upcoming onslaught...

Studying. Oh, the… horror.

It was the three of you in preparation for Magical Analysis. Sure, Sebek and Ace seemed to have a knack for it, but it was a different matter altogether to apply it in practical form with a group.

Squabbling amongst yourselves, Ace, out of air from arguing, falls back onto you with a grumble. “Sheesh, it’d be so much easier if you just did it this way y’know.”

“And stoop to rewriting the work of an upperclassman’s past project? Of course, humans wouldn’t have any understanding of what dignity might mean.” His prattling continues as he sweeps his pencil over a scrap piece of paper in frustration. “Nevertheless, integrity.” Wow, he was really taking it out on that miserable little pencil—the eraser gone to the metal line.

Ace rolls his eyes and looks at you. Knowing him better than anyone, you can tell he wants to ditch or at least shovel more work unto Sebek in unwarranted revenge. Without even bothering to hide it, he mouths to you, “C’mon, if he wants to be so righteous, he can do this damn project himself.” You kick him under the table, but he easily defends himself with the flat of his shoe. “Loser.” He taunts, low enough for you to barely catch it.

Oh? So, it’s like that today.

By the time Sebek actually notices is when you finally go silent. He turns his head up in confusion to see your face fluster and Ace looking at you with smug victory that Sebek mistakes for rivalry. "Hmph! Children! Are you so dependent on one another that you can't separate?" Sebek grunts, peering under the table to where Ace's hand rests squarely on your calf, dipping under the fabric to firmly stop your attacks against his stomach as your legs—practically in his lap—kick at him to let you go.

Your voices reach him in almost perfect sync,

"Something like that."

"I’m twice the man he could ever be...!"

Sebek only scoffs and tears another sheet of blank paper out. “That simply proves my point. Two idiots make a pair.”

Ace snorts, pressing deeper into your leg to tip you slightly onto the ground. On instinct, you reach out, grabbing onto his neck in what would seem like a romantic interaction if it didn’t jerk his head and cause him to nose dive down straight onto the table. “Fuck!”

“Sorry! Shit, you okay?” You fuss over him, patting his face and forehead despite his wincing.

“If you really felt bad, you wouldn’t be smirking.”

“Oops, was I?”

He sulks and leans closer to you, reveling in the pampered treatment for a minute more... until he pulls out your chair and unceremoniously nearly drops you to the floor before childishly catching you last minute. “Ace!”

Sebek, exasperated, watches this all with a sigh, he wasn’t ever going to get anything done with you two, huh?

....But to his surprise, you guys do make timely work somehow and manage to finish everything with time to spare. Sebek doesn’t even give a second thought to your shenanigans nor how close the two of you were, opting to think: Seven, they’re idiots, completely unaware of Ace sneaking a kiss to your forehead in cheeky revenge.

Deuce pauses, sniffing the air. "What smells like cherries?" Unconsciously, he brings his shirt up to his nose, double-checking himself as he sniffs the collar of his shirt. “Do you smell it too?”

"We're in the middle of the Gym, there’s a lot more smells than that,” you reply absent-mindedly. A ball idly rolls by your foot, remnants of the game only a couple minutes prior before the two of you were forcefully assigned cleanup duty. ”Maybe you smell something from the cafeteria?"

"It's not that." His hands squeeze around a basketball, confidence assured in his words as he spins it around in his hands. "The cafeteria doesn't serve cherries on Wednesday. That’s a Friday thing."

"Huh, really? Is that why Ace always drags us to eat there then?"

"Yeah, you never noticed?" He turns back, genuinely curious as he watches your reaction. "That's why he always gets so excited."

"I mean, we always eat cherry stuff every other Unbirthday though? Which is like, literally, almost every other day of the week. Don't know why he'd get so amped at the cafe."

"Maybe it tastes better...?"

"Better than Trey's?"

"Hmm..."

As the two of you ponder, Deuce's eyes settle on your jacket. “Huh? Where’d you get a Heartslabyul varsity from?”

“Stole it,” you say simply, much to the baffled—near horrified—expression that dawns on Deuce’s face. “C’mon, you think I stole it from Riddle or something?” He looks so stressed that you’d even suggest something so terrifying that he almost stops breathing. “Deuce! No! Think.”

“...Diamond-senpai...? He’s nice enough?”

“I mean, I do have some clips he’s given me. But no.”

“Clover-senpai? Maybe?”

“Wouldn’t it be bigger?” He squeezes his eyes shut, using all of the power in his singular brain cell to come up with answers—but to no avail, even as you walk away to grab a broom. It takes him until another class change that, when you finally leave the locker room and you’re bending down to retie your shoes, Deuce rushes to you to boldly and confidently announce, “ACE!”

“Took you long enough,” you sigh, rolling up your sleeves as the sun beats down hard. “Speaking of, lemme text him that we’re done.” You pull out your phone to go into your recents, a long log of clown emojis filling it. Eh...? It seemed like you called a... clown a lot? Did you get something with the circus? Before he can ask, a clown emoji pops up on the screen. “Speak of the devil.”

“Wait. Am I a clown on your phone?”

“Maybe.”

“Hey!” He looks to you, pleading for confirmation. “I am? Really?”

“I would never...! Probably.” You maneuver the phone to your ear where inaudible sounds from the phone continue, vaguely the cadence of ranting. “Oh, hold up, he’s asking me to meet him. I’ll see you later, Deuce.”

"The clown...?" He watches you go in confusion, mind spinning as he thinks about clowns and, weirdly enough, a recent complaint Ace had about missing clothes. He remembers a wry, affectionate smile on his face as he shut his closet doors and sighed. It wasn’t like him to lose things and he seemed to know who took them. So... really, that guy relented enough to let you borrow something from him? He grimaced at the memory of Ace letting him walk around with his bright pink leopard print jacket, jabbing him without mercy.

Well, whatever. You guys were all best friends after all. It wasn’t a big deal anyway. Maybe you’d ask to borrow Deuce’s leopard print soon.

It is of the utmost importance that the highest council come together... for a sleepover to watch the latest horror movie that had appeared in home theaters. But, more than that, there was an immediate emergency of the highest level that needed to be addressed: drama. The tea needed to be prepped, served and spilled.

Or so Epel spits out (albeit in a much rougher manner), lifting his shoulders high in the air like he was ready to start his villain marketing monologue. "Is it just me or has the Prefect been weird lately? Not weird weird or nothin’, just that... ugh!" He shifts his eyes around, getting quieter with each frustrated syllable. Despite the fact that you were gone for a quick snack run, it still felt wrong to gossip in your house... place… dilapidated building. But he desperately needed to know he wasn’t going crazy.

"Really? They seem the same as ever to me.” Deuce chimes in, balancing a bowl of popcorn on his leg as he mindlessly picks off burnt pieces lining the top.

"They were searching some weird stuff—" Unconvinced, Epel spins toward Jack, gesturing to him and waiting like he knew the answer. "Ya think they're... fancying someone?"

“It’s their private business.” Jack settles firmly, replying with what he deemed as a solid, mature, and impartial response. “I’m sure that the Prefect isn’t interested anyway. Night Raven College is far too chaotic for romance.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then why’d the Prefect search up somethin' like date spots? Huh? What’d ya got to say about that?”

“If you’re on Sage Island, date spots are practically the equivalent to tourist spots. Maybe they’re looking for nice places. Don’t overthink it, Epel.”

Epel, more worked up than ever, smashes his hand into a bowl of gummies, stuffs them all in his mouth, and viciously proclaims in one go: “Then why’re they texting so much! Huh? Huh?!”

“...That’s just texting?”

“I think they made a clown friend,” Deuce unhelpfully adds. “I saw them calling a clown emoji a lot.”

“It was a clown emoji...” A lightbulb goes off in Epel’s head as he slams the table in front of him, shaking off bits of popcorn onto the floor that causes Sebek to promptly scowl. “Don’t do that to the popcorn!”

“Oh, shut yer trap. Big talk from someone who’s not helpin’ anyway.” Epel huffs, but leans down and scoops the pieces off of the floor, popping them into his mouth without a second thought. The jab works well enough though as Sebek straightens up, a twitch on his forehead.

“On the contrary,” he begins, voice loud and booming at a decibel that makes everyone wince, “they’re too focused on playing to be dating. When I worked with them and Ace, they were lolly-gagging around without a care! If they’re going to bother dating someone, it’d be Ace and we’d all know already.”

Everyone but Jack nods in agreement. Imagining the Prefect and Ace, of all people, dating? Nah. They’d seen you fill his shoes with spaghetti sauce once because he used up all your salt and left the container. It just... didn’t seem like you had that kind of relationship. "True, I really only see 'em with Ace all the time, maybe he’d know something?"

On the other side of the couch, Jack frowns, opens his mouth, and then promptly decides to close it as he quietly surveys the scene with a pensive, furrowed brow.

There’s a clue now, a distinct, visible connection: Clowns. Of course, it had to either be a potential relationship or your career plans. “But about that clown emoji... I think I remember the number.” It’s gotta be the former, Epel decides. If it was the latter, wouldn’t you have tried honking your nose or something? "I’m gonna call it." 

Jack puts his face into his hands, having a moral crisis as he mumbles, “...wouldn’t they think that you’re a spam number?”

“Doesn’t hurt to try,” Epel pops another kernel into his mouth as he chews it in thought. “Think it had a triple seven in it somewhere...” He slowly mashes a key string of numbers together, erases, retypes, cusses.

Peering over Epel’s shoulder, unable to hide his curiosity, Deuce points out, "Isn’t the first bit the Kingdom of Hearts area code? Are you sure you remember the right code?"

“How would the Prefect know someone from the Kingdom of Roses outside of NRC?” Sebek muses aloud, unable to help himself either.

"Shouldn't we respect the Prefect's privacy?" Jack attempts once more, seeming as if he was shrinking with every busy tone Epel got stopped at. Yet, he continues to be ignored as Epel only calls the number again... and again... and again. "Hey... it's not our business."

"I got it damn it!" Stronger than any military man, Epel, the lone soldier, continues to push forward in his self-made journey. "Just give me a bit!" He keeps typing away, accidentally calling up a pizza place that makes everyone collectively groan. "C’mon, I’ve just about got it."

"Even if the Prefect were hypothetically in a relationship. Okay. Courting takes much time and requires a substantial amount of effort and persistence. I have not seen hair nor signs of lovestruck gooey eyes. Trust me, my parents are disgustingly in love. I would know." The scowl on Sebek’s face deepens, "we would've caught the Prefect by now!"

Deuce startles up, wide-eyed and mouth gaping as he blankly stares at everyone in pure shock, “WAIT... what? The Prefect is dating someone?"

"It took you this long?"

"WHO?!" Sevens help him, Jack was going to come home with premature wrinkles at the age of 16.

After about ten minutes of furious tapping, Epel’s thumb slips over the worn keypad and lands on one. His eyes, hazed over in delirium, border madness as he maniacally shakes his phone in victory. "Got it! This is it! Didja see that one?!"

"You sure? Pretty sure your thumb just..."

"I swear if you try sayin’ somethin’ silly, I’m gonna take my—"

"Then... why's Ace coming up on the screen?"

"Huh?" He erases, squeezes his eyes really hard, and types in the number that he sees in his head again.

 It's Ace.

“Nah, that doesn't make sense.” Epel sounds nearly hysterical at this point. He calls again and goes straight to a cheery-toned voicemail that mocks everything Epel had ever known. 

Unaware of the literal red swirling in Epel’s eyes, Deuce, having calmed down, happily nods with complete confidence, "Oh, it's probably auto-corrected to his number.”

“Phones do that?”

“...Maybe?”

Epel furiously spams the number anyway, not caring even if it was Ace. His frustrations were immeasurable, reaching an all-time new high. The levels were exceedingly dangerous, beyond over blotting with only one possible outlet it could vent to: Ace’s phone (and his dumb voicemail). In an effort to somehow abate Epel’s rage, Deuce gently puts his phone down and makes his own attempts at calling the number. "Maybe your phone is wrong, let me try from mine." Sebek, who looks very lost, does so too.

Through very pointed, timed coughs, Jack taps the table to get everyone's attention. “...ack. The Prefect should—uheum—return any minute now.” However, being the group of idiots that they are, it only brings about a different change, somehow switching to the topic of who it could possibly be. 

"Grim?" The little guy wasn’t around, somehow off meandering for the day or sleeping the evening away somewhere else in the dorm. "Maybe the Prefect's upped their pet pampering. Something like he’s being a grouch and they're having to give him more attention than usual."

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the Prefect succumbed to giving Grim a phone.” Would paw pads work on a phone screen though?

The answers quickly devolve, becoming more ludicrous as Epel casually brushes away Grim's possibility. "Think about it seriously won’t ya? If the Prefect is in love... No, Jack’s right—that wouldn’t make a lick of sense with...” He waves his hand vaguely around at the comfortable but still dilapidated state of Ramshackle. “What if the Prefect’s possessed? Having to step through life fulfilling the sad, unrequited love of a ghost..." It wasn’t as if the events of the whole ghost bride shenanigans were all that far away anymore—quite literally living in the walls of NRC. It was just yesterday that Idia, out of all people, was, for once, the most eligible bachelor of all the lands.

“Wasn’t that whole deal done and over with already?”

“Hm. Probably.” Epel concedes, still vaguely worried.

Sebek leaned forward on his knees, a perfect replica of The Thinker as he genuinely considered the possibilities. "I think... If we haven’t caught them, then it has to be someone who doesn’t go to the NRC. Perhaps it’s someone from RSA?”

“Like Neige?”

“Or, do you think it could��”

"Or maybe... you guys need to learn to quit it!" Ace, missing from the scene, all but tackles Epel as he shoves his phone directly into his face.

"It's important!" Despite his face mushed into a phone screen, Epel doesn’t hesitate to immediately throw fists as he scrabbles to knee the intruder. "We think the Prefect is datin’ someone and keeping it a secret!"

A look of complete incredulity passes over Ace's face. He momentarily stops squishing his phone into Epel’s forehead, twists his eyebrows, and then smoothly says with a shit-eating grin, "Yeah, you notice it too?

"SEE, I wasn’t goin’ crazy!" All is forgiven. Friendship? Restored. Epel, more than happy to present the evidence, drops his fists to recount the facts index to pinky. “They’ve been on the phone non-stop with someone.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s super suspicious. I bet they’re giggling and kicking their feet too.” Ace, grabbing a handful of Deuce’s popcorn with his other hand, pops it into his mouth and blinks doeishly while twirling his hair. “What else? Catch them making lovestruck eyes? Swooning? Are they writing love letters?”

“No. That’s the weird part.” Epel gets to his pinky, souring as he recollects your latest actions. “Searching up date spots...”

“Hm, really?” Ace, no remorse, continues to be a complete asshole, liar, and gaslighter. "Look, I think the cards are all on the table. The Prefect is head over heels no doubt. Sound agreement. Completely agree." He grounds his feet and pushes forward, back to his phone-spam vengeance mission, but Epel doesn’t budge. His resolve is only strengthened by sheer willpower and probably far too much adrenaline as he attempts to sock Ace directly in the throat.

Much to his chagrin, Ace dances out of the way snickering “sucker!” But the bated breaths of stars and divine karma decide, hey this guy’s a little too full of himself, and shake loose the grip on his phone.

“Oh shit.” It happens in slow motion, the cherry-colored phone spinning round and round until it slots perfectly in the middle of the table for all to see two perfectly immaculate coincidences appear. Ace’s phone opens—a beacon of undeniable guilt—to a sweet, innocent lock screen of him pressing a kiss to your cheek... in his varsity. Then, if that wasn’t enough, your conveniently timed texts appear, rendering Ace to repeat solemnly to himself, “Oh shit.”

18:16 [ y/n ]: hey can you open the door my hands are full

18:22 [ y/n ]: like. right now

18:22 [ y/n ]: you LEAVE prefect? you leave me in the cold? oh! oh! jail for boyfriend! jail for the worst boyfriend for One Thousand Years!

18:22 [ y/n ]: wait i didn’t mean it

18:28 [ y/n ]: babygirl please

Deuce can scarcely believe his eyes, barely registering the texts or the lock screen as he utters out a single, profound word torn out from the deepest depths of his soul. "WHAT."

Sebek, not registering the picture, reacts point-blank. "Did the Prefect call you babygirl?"

The most ardently passionate Epel stares and processes the new evidence quietly, “wait...” It clicks. “IT WAS YOU.”

"It was obvious guys..." From the very start, Sebek had even accidentally guessed it.

"YOU'RE DATING THE PREFECT?!" Et Tu, Ace? Just like this? Deuce had never felt such betrayal, never like this before. Such... deception!

"WHAT," Sebek’s voice steadily gets louder to match everyone else, baffled by the turn of events. “WHAT DOES BABYGIRL MEAN?”

Not knowing what to do with his hands or rage, Epel begins to put Ace into a headlock.

Jack leaves the room in second-hand embarrassment.

Ace, tongue in cheek and barely able to hold in his laughter, allows himself to be manhandled—but not without chaos. "Um? You didn't know? Wasn't it obvious?" He gives Sebek a smug smile in particular, "Didn't you catch my hands literally under their clothes?"

Sebek gawks, turning bright red as he flails, "ISN'T THAT NORMAL FOR YOU GUYS?"

The pieces all come together. It was the footsies in your study session, the recognizable jacket during gym, an eavesdropped conversation, a much-too-revealing search history.

It’s you finally coming in with the snacks—carefree as ever—opening the door with an "I'm back!" to only be blasted by a chorus of "YOU'RE DATING ACE?" 

You blink. The snacks drop. You’re out the door.

Jack reappears to pick up the snacks while Deuce knocks over the table and falls to the floor as Epel flies over his head to give chase—barraging you with questions of “Since when?!” and ”Why are you running?!”

"It's only been a week!" This little man is chasing you so fast oh my God how is he so fast. “Stop chasing me!”

Deuce finally breaks out of his stupor to go, "Now, wait just a minute...!" and slams his head up into Sebek’s stomach where he chokes on the popcorn. The two first-years groan, rolling around on the ground and couch as Ace makes eye contact with Jack, shrugs, and runs to catch up to the distant screaming (you) and threats that most certainly break the Geneva Convention (Epel).

Well, more like a light, easy jog as he arrives to Epel finding a spare branch and full-on frisbeeing it at your head, fully intent on taking you down without care of any possible casualties. It was war. If this was how you went, death via a guy whose parents really thought it was a good idea to name their son Apple™, then you mentally decided all of your meager earnings as a janitor and de facto therapist at this cursed college would go to Jamil. Sevens knows he deserves it.

“Epel!” So worked up on adrenaline, Epel’s head instantly whips around to face Ace... only to realize his mistake a second later as you kick his knees in and run, Ace close behind as he passes by and tussles his hair for good measure.

“This isn’t over yet!” Epel hollars, cussing you two out with every name under the sun. “Y'all ain’t seen nothing yet, I swear when I get to you—”

Ace’s lips curl with mocking delight as he throws his head back and laughs from the rush of your moonlit escapade. “Yada yada, he’ll calm down eventually... probably.” He was this excited to dupe his friends? "Pfft... haha! Sheesh, took 'em long enough!" Ridiculous. 

What a stupid, endearing idiot (your idiot). "Took you long enough. Where were you?" Ace’s hand is warm as it finds yours.

His timing is off by only a second before he replies, a little bit hopeful, “What? Miss me already?”

(Yes.)

You think, for a long moment, before reaching up and pressing a kiss underneath his jaw. “No.”

In response, Ace's hand squeezes your shoulder as he pulls you closer with a wide, genuine smile. “Liar.” Keeping you close as the two of you escape into the night, hand in hand.

♥♥

end a/n: hello! happy holidays!! i am also so late to the collab: i am so sorry—but i hope that this being longer makes up for it lmao. a lot has happened this year (not necessarily bad things!) but definitely. exhausting ones haha—so it made this piece really difficult to get out. BUT I DID IT. MA YA SEE THAT? I DID IT—so with all my heart, i sincerely hope that you enjoy this piece and maybe laughed a little. because ! that makes it all the more worth it! so, again, thank you for reading about this little foolish lil guy

[discotreque]

Disco 3.08: The Sanctuary

This week IRL was a real mixed bag for me: a lot of messy and barely-manageable anxiety about my health, my day job, and uhhhh *gestures outside*—but also I’ve recently fallen in love (from a responsible social distance)—so it’s been equal parts re-writing professional emails to edit the panic attack out of my tone and gazing dreamily at Discord notifications with cartoon hearts in my eyes. It feels like my life is going to hell in the cutest, coziest handbasket—which is to say that Michael Burnham could not possibly feel like a more relatable character to me right now.

I continue to have issues with the writing at a strange medium-level—somewhere between micro, where the dialogue and characters are really good, and macro, where I’m digging the pace of the overall season, it almost feels like something went wrong in the assembly process, and the script ended up a little bit less than the sum of its perfectly good parts. Again.

But that’s such vague criticism as to be nearly meaningless, and it’s hardly the most interesting level to spend time on anyway. If I zoom out, the parallel season arcs of “getting used to the future” and “the mystery of the Burn” are hanging together wayyyyy better than the Red Angel saga did last year.

And if I zoom in? This episode was funny as shit, wtf.

The discourse re: Tilly these past couple of weeks has been bullshit, and I have a whole angry thing to say about it—but honestly, if you can’t appreciate Doug Jones and Mary Wiseman as a comedic duo, I’m not really mad: mostly I pity the lack of joy in your heart.

Everyone on this show is so funny. Doug’s prissy little delivery absolutely slaughters me (“Execute!...?”), Mary will make a face sometimes that has me screaming laughter into my hands, and I’ve gone on before—and will again—about Sonequa Martin-Green’s egregiously underrated comedy chops.

They were obviously casting for folks w/ jokes in the new season too: David Ajada is no slouch in the dry-delivery or the goofy-face department; his energy and chemistry with Sonequa are as suited to comedy as they are to romance (i.e. extremely 🥵). Anthony Rapp and Wilson Cruz we knew about, but Blu del Barrio—a certified tiny baby!!!—holds their own and lands every smartass whiz-kid one-liner just on the right side of “too precious to stand.” (I almost always at least chuckle, and never roll my eyes, and for a “teen genius” character that’s literally as good as it gets.) And living legend Michelle Yeoh is clearly having the time of her life, omfg.

Disco’s not funny-funny like Lower Decks, but they do funny-on-purpose better than any live-action Trek except maybe DS9. They have such a deep comedic bench they don’t even need Tig Notaro—they have her on just to flex, I presume.

(I don’t know if I’m predicting, per se, that Strange New Worlds—with Rebecca Romjin’s deadpan, Anson Mount’s twinkly eyes, and Ethan Peck’s twinkly-eyed deadpan—is going to have a tone somewhere between Disco S3 and LwD—but I mean... it kinda has to, right? And you know they kept the number for Rainn Wilson’s agent.)

***

At the start of this episode, I was “sure, why the fuck not” about First Officer Tilly; by the end, I was completely on board. And to everyone who’s still wringing their hands about “the real military” this (always from people who have no idea how actual militaries work, lol) and “Lt. Nilsson” that (she... already has a job on the ship? And no character traits besides “stoic” and “furrows brow”? Oh, I get it—she’s skinny and blonde)—y’all are kind of embarrassing me.

“Rank” and “position” (and “seniority” and “day-to-day duties”...) aren’t the same thing, in Star Trek or any IRL military. Yes, the permanent first officers of normal-duty Starfleet ships we’ve seen have usually been command-division officers with the rank of Commander—but not always. Star Trek: Discovery-A, if you will, is a unique show about a unique ship in a unique situation: “B-b-but that’s not how they do it on Star Trek!!!” isn’t a legitimate criticism, not of this—it’s the mournful cry of an entitled pissbaby who isn’t having their hand held all the way to the fireworks factory.

Here’s what an argument supported by the text of the first 37 episodes of Star Trek: Discovery actually looks like: Sylvia Tilly is nervous and lacks self-confidence, but once she gets over herself—which she can do pretty much instantly in a crisis, even when hilariously intoxicated—she is competent as hell. In lower-stakes situations, without intense pressure to focus her attention, she sometimes gets sidetracked by her own insecurities; at her best, she channels that anxious energy into ambition, drive, and being scrupulously organized.

The only person Tilly doesn’t always get along with is Stamets, and even Stamets’s husband thinks he’s an asshole. Since Season 1, we’ve seen her easily socializing with the rest of the crew, who seem to universally adore her. And she’s also happy to leave her social comfort zone at a moment’s notice: she aligned herself with Ash Tyler (miss you, Shazad!) when no one else would, and she instantly befriended Po even when Po was in Weird Feral Alien Princess mode and Tilly had salad in her hair. She doesn’t like confrontation, but she’s brave enough to initiate it anyway if she needs to, and she’s compassionate with other people’s feelings while still setting firm boundaries. (Her graceful dodge of Rhys’s tipsy kiss at the party in 1.07 lives rent-free in my head to this day.)

No, Tilly didn’t finish the Command Training Program—but she started it, which is almost certainly more command training than any of the lieutenants whose names we know, all of whom are Ops or Science personnel with, presumably, specialized non-command training of their own. The same could be assumed for any unseen ranking officers on this science ship with an entirely volunteer skeleton crew.

And seriously, about Nilsson: she’s my #3 background bae after Octopus Head and the lady on Pike’s Enterprise with the spiky red face, but her job is Spore Drive Ops, not personnel. If she’s running after Saru with a holo-clipboard, who’s going to look serious and push holo-buttons when there’s a Black Alert? *drops holo-mic* Drumhead!

***

The stuff on Kwejian, though. Ooof. Ol’ Two-Takes Frakes directed this one, and between the kinetic energy he always adds to the camera and the scintillating performances he evokes, things stayed moving so briskly I almost didn’t notice Book’s entire “homeworld” was a rental house outside Vancouver, a couple acres of adjacent woods, and like six or seven people.

It’s a hot mess in retrospect, but in the moment it gave us the intensity of Book and Kyheem trying to hurt each other’s feelings by poking at 15-year-old wounds, which as a sibling with complicated sibling relationships I found both funny and devastating—not to mention Frakes directing “shaky bridge” explosion falls at an obvious intensity of “10” on an outdoor location shoot. It falls apart at the slightest scrutiny, but I can’t lie, on first viewing I was totally along for the ride.

***

I’m dying to see where this Georgiou thing goes. It doesn’t feel like a stretch to assume she got Cronenberg’d a couple weeks ago, probably to get her under the thumb of this century’s Section 31, and that her arc is going to take Michelle Yeoh off this show in a way that sets up the S31 show. But also, I don’t care so much whether I’m right, I just want to watch Michelle Yeoh—and Sonequa Martin-Green, and also David Cronenberg tbh, and bring back Shazad Latif while you’re at it—get wherever they’re going.

It’s also a fun and interesting direction to take the comically-evil comic relief character and show that her performative moustache-twirling is partly habit and partly a transparent emotional defence against very real fear and vulnerability. We’re all products of our circumstances, and a radical enough change in circumstances can afford almost anyone at least the opportunity to change. I can’t say Emperor Georgiou would have been my first choice of protagonist for that storyline, but it’s not like Michelle Yeoh’s not going to fuckin’ crush it.

***

Miscellany:

So the Burn had an origin point, and now that point is broadcasting a signal that’s somehow both a haunting melody that everyone seems to know—but no one can remember learning—and a Federation distress signal. What the fuck, y’all. I have full-body goosebumps just typing that.

Saru workshopping his own captainly catchphrase with the aid of Tilly’s extreme sincerity and organizational skills is probably the funniest thing that’s ever happened on this show—followed closely by the uncomfortably lingering reaction shots when he’s trying them out on the bridge 😂 (And omg please give Rhys and Bryce the dumbass buddy-comedy C-plots they deserve next season, I beg you.)

I would do a little “prop watch” entry on those Kwejianian(?) bolt-throwing rifles, but I’d have to stop drooling over them first. “Curvy polished hardwood” seems to be New Trek shorthand for “extra sleek and futuristic” (cf. the bridge of the USS Titan in the LwD finale), and I have to say: I am fully into it.

Restating my prediction that we will not see Detmer and Owosekun get together this season, because we will find out that they’ve been together for ages. Everyone knew—Pike even knew!—it just never came up in front of the audience before. That would be one of the cutest ways to do it imho, and one of the funniest too, especially as a meta-joke about how much character development didn’t happen in the first two seasons. (That said, if we get to see their first kiss, I will be screaming with incoherent joy for days, so this is a real win-win for me.)

Speaking of cute: IRL spouses Mary Wiseman and Noah Averbach-Katz, both Julliard-trained actors (it’s where they met!), can’t quite hide their chemistry in the scenes between Tilly and Ryn. I loved seeing Tilly be a hardass when Ryn was rude to the captain, but that sparkle in her eyes didn’t quite match the context <3

And speaking of people who are VERY OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE: that last scene with Book and Michael, and his nervous little “yeah, I said it” eyebrow lift, and her irrepressible giggle as she’s walking away... it was almost too much. Especially right after the queer-family scenes with Stamets and Culber and Adira. My poor heart is going through a lot lately, and I guess I’m just glad Season 3’s emotional intensity is melting it with soft sweet scenes like that instead of kicking it down repeated flights of stairs like Season 1.

***

Next week: everyone stops caring about the Burn and starts trying to solve an even more important mystery—why is this (holographic) dude wearing an early-2360s uniform with an early-2370s combadge?

[mrssarablack]

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

Heterosexual. 

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Hmm, I really don't know. I have my usual things that would qualify but my "obsessions" but they don't often consume me to a high degree, so I have a hard time dubbing anything I like a full blown obsession. 

That being said, it's probably tiktok. The obsession of the moment, I find myself on the app entirely too much because it's just a fun party and oh the things that lead to little research dives are fascinating. Mostly it's the musicians that get me. I love creativity and am forever amazed by the collaborations and straight magic people make in the time allotted... but it takes up way too much of my time when it really shouldn't. I have better things I could be doing. 

3. Ever done any drugs?

Yup. 

4. What piercings do you want?

None. My ears are pierced to the degree I like and I don't really desire anything else to be pierced. 

5. How many people have you kissed?

Enough. 

6. Describe your dream home.

The house I live in outdoes anything I could possibly come up with. I'm very happy with my home, but I'd be happy most anywhere. If I'm honest, I'm a bit Aladdin-like when it comes to living arrangements. My dream home list, if I only considered myself, is the very low bar of a roof over my head  that has a beautiful view. Bonus it has a pool but it's not a requirement. 

Clearly, where I live outdoes that by a longshot and I'm very lucky to have the things I have. I'm not unaware of that fact. 

7. Who are you jealous of?

There is no way for this not to sound like a humble brag in my head, but no one. I've never been the jealous type. There's so much unnecessary energy in wanting what someone else has and jealousy is a negative you just don't need in your life. It's much better to focus on your own joy and not worry about what others are doing. 

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Schitt's Creek

9. Do you watch porn?

I have. 

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

No, I don't.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

I don't know, I'm good, but somewhere warm and with a beach, I guess?

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

I really only have one and that's of my mother apologizing for what she did. 

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nope. 

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I probably wouldn't. 

15. Are you in a relationship?

Yes

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

No, but I'm pretty sure some have followed me...🙄

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

My mother. It ebbs and flows between anger and indifference. Depends on the thoughts I'm having surrounding the why of it. 

18. What tattoos do you want?

I don't want any. 

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Maybe? But probably not. I don't particularly like my name. It's kind of dull, if I'm honest, but at the same time it's my name and I don't have a replacement in my head for it. So, I'm Sara and I'll forever be Sara. It's alright. 

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

I already answered this, but I suppose my general obsession is pokemon. I like the games and the lore. The whole thing is fun and I enjoy it a lot. 

21. Describe your best friend.

She's like sunshine. She's bubbly and sweet. Anna has optimism for days. She can be a little naive but people also see naivety in what is actually her stubbornness. She won't give up on people even if she should. She sees good in almost everything but she isn't unaware that bad exists.

And because of this her kindness shines. She'd help a stranger without hesitation or a need for anything back. She very much is a person who would stick her neck out to save a life. She brings out the best in people and makes it look effortless. She is kind and caring but has a determination that can tackle damn near anything that becomes an obstacle. Anna's a force to reckon with and not many people realize this truth.

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

@nikolascblack

Did you really think I'd pick someone else? 

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

This list alternates with moods. I love so many bands and artists. But right now the top five are:

Nikolas Black

AJR

The Beatles

Ok One Rock

P!nk

24. What are three places you want to travel?

I really am that person if given the chance to just pick a plane and go I'd probably take it. I just want to experience all the places so here are the first regions that came to mind...

Italy (like all of it) 

Spain/ Barcelona 

South of France 

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

It's getting warmer so, right now, it's an evening with Nikolas on our back patio. Fire up the grill and enjoy a meal outdoors. Maybe spend some time in the pool. End the evening with a warm blanket and a cuddle. 

26. What’s your favorite season?

Summer. My skin may take issue with the sun but I like it best when it's warm and sunny and being outside. 

27. What’s your pet peeve?

When I am listening to music… I probably don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. I do not like when I'm interrupted when my music is on. 

Also, if I'm doing art or sewing … be aware I might get snippy if you choose to interrupt my flow. I like reaching stopping points before I'm asked to change gears. 

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

Probably Jakub. He's the king of one liners and his sass gets me. 

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

I'd say Avatar, was not impressed by space Pocahontas….

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

... um... I'm not really the shy type. If I wanna get to know someone.... I'm going to be friendly to them and start a conversation.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books but I do register I read more electronic ones. The library system is nice in that format… when I actually finish a book. I don't read that fast so I have like 3 waitlisted at any given time three or four times over just so I can finish it … 😅 

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Pokemon? 

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

I dislike questions that make me feel like I'm bragging. Or that could be seen as such but my wardrobe wouldn't really change because my boyfriend allows me to use his funds from time to time to have the nicer clothing items I like. Which sit right alongside my jeans I got from TJ Maxx. Legitimately, it probably wouldn't change at all.

34. What’s your coffee order?

Cold brew or if it's cold I typically, latte it's usually a hazelnut

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

No. 

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

I don't. Most of them were pretty shit people. So, yeah… nope, I don't think much on them at all really. 

37. Have any tattoos?

No

38. Do you drink?

Occasionally

39. Are you a virgin?

Heh… no.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Nope

41. How many followers do you have?

Um… I have no idea. Not many that's for sure.

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

I did this once. I'm not going to objectify him again. So instead:

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

True crime documentaries or horror movies. I do not watch them often. Nikolas isn't into it and I'm not going to be the ass that takes the tv and makes him watch something he doesn't like. So, I save it for when I am alone. 

44. Do you read erotica?

I have but I don't seek it out. Typically the erotica I have read has been tucked away in a romance novel and was far more than I expected it to go from the synopsis or anything before that point.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

I have to go with the one where it was clear he asked me out as some sort of revenge date. His ex-girlfriend was at the location with friends and he kept looking over at her trying to see her reaction. It was bad and I dismissed myself as quickly as I could.

46. How many people do you follow?

Again, I don't know. I know it's mostly friends and artists or designers but I'm too lazy to look up the number because I don't care. 

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

This guy right here:

48. Describe your ideal partner.

There's a theme here...

49. Who do you text the most?

Anna? Our friend text line is usually an all day back and forth.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Sunny and warm. Weather that screams "beach day"

[labyrinth-runner]

Which Fic...

Tagged by @anakinswhore

I had to break out the master lists for this. ALSO. I’m leaving out any sinful sunday things for this lol

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

Oh gosh. Literally any of my song fics? Like literally any of the Obidala ones.  Specifically Guys My Age and One Thing. I also had high hopes for Senate Submission (Obidala) and Love Drunk (Obi-Wan) and I feel like those both flopped.

Also The Greatest Thing. It’s one of those things where you put hours and hours of effort into it and no one really reads it, so that’s discouraging.

…got a better reaction than you expected?

A Garden in Gotham. When it comes to fics on here, it’s definitely the one series that’s garnered the most asks. 

Also, Pirate!Obi. Everyone seems to love him.

Off of here, my most popular fic is actually Come What May, which is my modern AU Obidala fic but it’s also very centered around Obi-Wan and Anakin’s bromance (they’re foster brothers in my AU).

…is your funniest?

Oh gosh. I have a lot of funny one liners that I sneak into things that no one ever catches onto. But. Probably either Come What May, or Hauntober Day 25, Crystals. I’m here for the roasting of Anakin for losing his lightsabers

…is your darkest/angstiest?

Oh gawrsh.

I feel like there are bits and pieces of darkness in my multi-chapter fics.

Come What May deals with grief for a stretch.

Aconite in the Night from AGiG was sinister.

The Greatest Thing has a lot of angst here and there.

Senate Submission is dark in the sense that what he does is fucked up.

There’s one oneshot I wrote where I wrote it based off Obi at the end of the slave trade arc in TCW.

…is your absolute favorite?

Fuck. Guys My Age, Come What May, and Some Like it Hot for Obidala

For Obi-Wan x Reader... Love Drunk and the Pirate!Obi oneshot where he goes back to reader’s home.

I’m also hella proud of my Alex Law Series. And The Greatest Thing.

…is your least favorite?

My Obi x Reader fic Settle Down, purely because it was my first and I used “Y/N” instead of you and Y/N is my pet peeve in x Reader fics.

Also, Unholy Version 3. I wrote Padmé cheating on Anakin and I feel guilty about it.

…was the easiest to write?

Come What May at times because I’m purely writing that fic for my own self healing and indulgence. And the Banter just comes so easily.

…was the hardest to write?

The Greatest Thing. I’ve done. So. Much. Research. When I wrote that fic.

Also, Across the Stars. It’s my Obi x OC fic that I literally haven’t touched since I wrote the first part. RN it just lives on AO3. 

…has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph? (share it)

Okay so I’ve got like two.

Come What May, Ch 13

"I don't think I will ever get used to talking about him in the past tense," he said hollowly. Her heart broke for him.

"Obi, you don't have to. I don't think it's something anyone would ever get used to. He was your father, and the idea that he should have been around a lot longer isn't something odd. If it helps you to talk about him as if he's just gone out and he's going to come back for now, then you should," she said gently. "This is still fresh and raw for you. You will heal, but you have to heal at your own pace. You don't have to force yourself to haphazardly stitch up the wound. That will only make it worse. It'll either get infected, or it won't heal properly and you'll be left with a scar."

"Padmé, I'm sorry," he replied, looking off to the side. She could see the unshed tears building in his eyes again.

"Look at me," she said, gently cupping his face and refocusing him on her. "You do not have to apologize for grieving. You will always be grieving this loss. Sometimes you'll have good days, and sometimes there will be days where you see something and it'll remind you of him so much that you'll want to break down. But no matter what, those feelings are valid. He's your dad, Obi, and nothing will change that fact. But, you need to give yourself time. You shouldn't push yourself too hard to be okay, because you're not. That's not to say you won't eventually be okay, but right now you're not and that is perfectly fine. It's human. There's no correct way to grieve, but you need to grieve."

"Padmé, I..." he trailed off, a soft smile forming on his face as he looked at her. She wanted to ask him to finish his thought, but this wasn't about her right now. Instead, she used her thumb to flick away a stray tear.

And... In The Greatest Thing, Chapter One

"Is a woman not a flower?" she asked in response. "If one looked at the ball room like a bird in a tree looks over a garden, would they not see the same sight? Women in colorful dresses, putting on their best airs and making themselves colorful enough to be wanted in order to attract the bees of men."

His brow furrowed at her words. "You speak like a poet. Darling, what's wrong with attracting a bee?"

She smiled knowingly, wagging a pointed finger at him like she used to when they were children and she needed to teach him a lesson. "Bees pollinate flowers. They spread the pollen 'round and round. Bees have the ability to seek out other flowers when theirs start to wither and die. Bees don't have to tend to the flower as it dies on the vine," she gently reached out to hold a dying rose, smiling sadly at it. "No one wants the flower when its not at its best, for they don't truly love the flower. If they did... they'd know that the flower still had so much more to give, even after it looses its beauty."

He smiled at her as he softly asked, "And if someone cherished the flower in all forms?"

"Because they respected the flower or merely because they saw the usefulness of the flower?" she countered as she released the flower to regard him. She didn't quite realize it, but she was holding her breath as she awaited his answer.

"Perhaps they respect the flower, missing it terribly when it doesn't grow back every year. Still, as they're in the garden, they think of the flower and how the garden isn't quite the same without it," he replied.

"You missed me?" she asked breathlessly.

"Are we no longer discussing flowers?" he chuckled.

"Were we ever discussing flowers?" she countered with a raised brow.

…have you re-read the most?

Okay so. I know I said I wouldn’t talk about sinful sunday but. I think the ones I reread the most are the Imperial Obi Sinful Sundays And the one that I think I have titled “Dirty Talk meets breaking the bed’

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

Tbh, I’d just direct them to my Masterlist of Masterlists and tell them to go at it. But, if you want to really get to know me, truly, deeply know me... Come What May, which is only on a03 and ff.net, and The Greatest Thing, because TGT is truly a labor of love.

…are you most proud of?

The first like. 8 chapters of The Greatest Thing. Those were truly like next level, Jane austen tier metaphors and writing and I am proud of it, even if no one reads it lmao. I get it, no one likes OCs, but I didn’t want to spend the whole fic using “you” because that just gets so repetitive. But, I also love the one shot that inspired TGT as well.

Tagging any of my writer friends, @sabinemorans @goldenkenobi @the-mandalorian-clone-lover

[cremdotexe]

Rise of the TMNT review

Alright, So since I’ve heard that it’ll be a while before the next episode of comes out, I think this is the time to properly write my honest thoughts on Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aka. TMNT 2018. Keep in mind that even though I will try to be as honest and clear cut as possible, these are still my thoughts and I meant no harm by it. Please respect that and read with a grain of salt. Thank you! The blog will go as follow

- Animation & Art style

- Storyline & Humor

- Character & Relationships

- Conclusions

The review will be under the cut

Animation & Art style

This. THIS. I personally think is one of the best thing about this new show, the animation is absolutely beautiful and fun.  With the use of bright colors and solid black shading, this art style have a comic kind of vibe to it. (Which is very appropriate, considering the show’s origin.) And while the character design did not sit right with me at first, It actually looks pretty great in motion.

What I like about the character design in particular is how different they are. You can tell right away who’s who right from the silhouettes, and that is absolutely key when it comes to character design because it sets the sense of individuality. Even though you might argue “Same silhouettes gives them the sense that the are a team.” and while I do agree to some level, I also think that this is not a bad thing either.

The best part though, is the animations. Specifically, the action sequences. I honestly didn’t expect this show to be that good but my jaw DROPPED when I saw the first action sequences. It’s so smooth and energetic just like how you expect an action cartoon to be. (Pause, yes I do realized that this is a comedy show, but it’s TMNT. obviously there will be fighting involved.) I mean, just look at the intro for example.  You can’t tell me that isn’t good quality animation, because it IS good and that is one thing I think most of us can agree on.

Storyline & Humor

The story is definitely on a weaker side when comparing this to the previous shows, The one shot story can be a hit or miss to some (For example, For me personally the hit was Down with the sickness and the miss was Repo Mantis.) There isn’t much going on for plot as of now. BUT the show have already shown itself to have continuity, although not big. Plus, This is only the first few episodes of the first season. There are many other shows that starts to pick up on plot later in the season or after the first season.

The humor though, is a different story. I like the humor of this show, I find it entertaining without feeling like it was forced. I find the dialogues and timing to be one of the best when it comes to this topic and probably why Leo and Donnie are my favorite characters out of the cast, Leo’s one-liners never really felt out of place, It’s light-hearted the the humor comes from the aftermath such as the reaction he gets. Donnie’s on the other hand is some what darker and cruder, flat humor if you will. His ‘jokes’ are never really jokes but his dialogue are naturally funny without anyone really reacting to it. Sadly, While Raph and Mikey had some moments to shine, I didn’t find them as ‘funny’ per se.

Characters & Relationships

For this section, I’ll talk about the main characters individually and how I feel about them THEN a summary of their relationships, Here we go.

Raph: The Leader of this new show, Or more so the automatic leader due to him being the eldest of the 4. Raph in this version doesn’t seem to have any anger issues and instead act like the strong leader figure for the rest of the team, He’s shown to be very kind and supportive. (And he loves small animals like c’mon.) All I could really say is I like this version of Raph as of now, I think he’s an overall good character.

Donnie: This is the character that I would go up and ask “What happened to you.” Because he isn’t the gentle being that deserved better like in the 2003 or 2012 version and instead, he’s basically insane and I mean that in the best way possible. His dialogues is one of the best in the cartoons that I’ve watch and his over the top vibe of “I will kill you with zero hesitation” is very entertaining and the timing is almost always perfect. He is the funniest (for me) for sure.

Leo: I will say it now, Leo is my favorite of out the whole cast. Not for the humor, but rather how complex his character actually is when you look into it. He isn’t just a comic relief, Leo had proved himself to be more intelligent than he had let on. He had shown multiple qualities of a natural leader AND a good ninja such as quick-thinking skills, motivational and fast reflexes, and he said that he doesn’t even train. He can be the leader, but he doesn’t want to as of now and I think that aspect of his character is very interesting.

Mikey: How I will describe Mikey is that he is like an innocent child with good heart, He’s the heart of the team for sure. While I do really love Mikey, I don’t have much to say about him because sadly, he didn’t stand out as much as say Donnie or Leo did. He seems to be more of a follow the crowd kinda guy and that’s hard for me to analyze.

April: I like this April, I like her head-strong personality and her pure energy almost shot through the screen. April can pull her own weight while still knowing how to work as a team, She isn’t too over baring but not too bland. I find her relationship with the turtles to be natural and I like that she doesn’t feel like she’s just there for the sake of existing. She’s definitely one of the best April out there, for me.

Splinter: Lets be honest here, does anyone expect this to be all positive? I’m sorry but he’s my least favorite out of the main cast. I simply don’t like how he is portrayed: child-like. I think he should atleast be more mature, HOWEVER, I will give it to him that he clearly have a close relationship with his son. You can say he’s a bad teacher, but he certainly isn’t a bad father.

How I would describe the relationship between the brothers is: 2012 TMNT is the sibling relationship you have and the 2018 TMNT is the sibling relationship you WANT to have. The brothers clearly care deeply about eachother in both version, sure. But the 2018 cast actually express it and I find that very admirable, You can clearly tell that while they’re different they really do love each other like a family.

In conclusion

While I don’t enjoy this show as a drama/action show like I did with the 2012, I absolutely enjoy it as the comedy/action this show is clearly aiming for. There are some things that still bothers me like the current absence of deep plot, I genuinely liked the change and I admire the fact that the writers had the balls to write something different for us to enjoy instead of going the safe route. I think if anything we should support that, I really do. I love this show so far and if you don’t, That’s fine too! because all of us will enjoy different things but that doesn’t mean that we have to go hate on the creators because we don’t like it or say disrespectful things to people who doesn’t enjoy it because we liked it. So please, respect each other. That concludes my rise of the tmnt review, thanks for reading and peace out.

[paindivinez]

Blur - YJ!Robin!Dick Grayson x Speedster!Reader

Summary: One night out on patrol, Robin meets another speedster.

Word count: 1200+

Warnings: injury i guess, this sort of isn’t really much focussed on dick and reader, romantically speaking

Note: THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A FUN DRABBLE I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

Dick sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he perched on a rooftop in Gotham. “I know what I’m talking about, Wally. You can’t substitute milk with water. The cake won’t turn out great.”

He paused, rubbing his temples as his best friend argued that they’re both liquids. “Yeah, man, but you really think anyone would eat it? Hey, listen, can this wait ‘till after patrol? I’ll call you back.”

Dick ended the call, sighing. What was he going to do with Wally? He pushed off from the roof, using his grapple gun to get around. So far, before Wally had called, he’d managed to stop 3 cases of petty theft, a bank robbery, and a murder. Which was pretty good, in his opinion.

But anything really interesting had yet to happen.

As he was swinging from building to building, a cry caught his attention from below, and in a leap, he landed on a balcony soundlessly. Having the literal higher ground was helpful, if anything were to go wrong, and a good vantage point to observe from.

From the looks of it, it was a mugging. A middle-aged lady was sprawled on the ground, trying her best to get away from the mugger, who was holding her at gunpoint and threatening to kill her.

Tensing his muscles, Dick was just about to use a one-liner and knock the mugger’s lights out - until something (or someone) zipped past them and whacked the gun out of the mugger��s hands, and zipped back into the shadows. Intrigued, Dick watched on. Something told him they wouldn’t need his help.

“Hey! Who’s there?” The mugger yelled, looking around as he whipped out a small knife that glinted in the moonlight. “I ain’t afraid of you!”

“Frankly, I’d be concerned if you were afraid of me.” A blur of movement stabilised, and a small girl dressed in a blue and black jumpsuit stood in its place. She smiled. “I’m not someone you should be afraid of.”

A speedster, Dick thought. In Gotham? That was usually Central City’s deal.

“However -” She dashed past the mugger, pushing him off balance and onto the ground, “I am -” She pushed him down again as he tried to stand, “Someone you should -” The speedster pulled him to his feet by the scruff of his neck, “Respect.”

Impressive, Dick thought, admiring how she hit him again and again, but without using lethal force. Nice.

She kicked his knife away from him. “Night.” She delivered a final blow, knocking the mugger out.

Nodding at the lady, who was staring at the unconscious body, she half-smiled and said, “You’re free to go.”

She surged to her feet and thanked the speedster profusely, to which she replied with, “All in a night’s work, ma’am.”

She waited ‘till the woman had gone out of earshot, then immediately started cradling her fist, muttering “ow” continuously, her back to Dick. She glanced at the mugger, who was out cold. “Jeez, are you made out of stone or something?” She mumbled.

She was obviously new to this. She would be a great addition to The Team. They already had Wally, but he could see that she was something special. Dick could feel it.

“Hey,” He started.

She absolutely freaked, jumping 3 feet in the air. “Holy shit! Don’t scare me like that, man!” She breathed, hand on her chest, turning to face him. Once she focussed on Dick, her eyes widened. “Robin?”

He chuckled at her reaction. “That’s me. What’s your name?”

“I - I haven’t thought of a name yet, but you can call me… Call me Blur. So, uh, how long have you been there?”

“A while. I saw the whole thing. I’m impressed at how you took that guy out.” He jumped down from the balcony, landing gracefully, eyes still fixed on the speedster.

Her cheeks reddened in a cute way. “Thanks. It wasn’t a big deal, anyway. I wasn’t expecting him to stay down, honestly, after that last hit. I don’t punch well. Strong punches, nope, not me. I don’t, at all. I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Smiling, he replied, “Just a little bit.”

Blur smacked her forehead. “Shit, sorry. Sorry, it’s just this nervous habit of mine. Anyways, it’s getting late, I should probably go -” Suddenly, she winced in pain.

The mugger was apparently conscious and had managed to cut through her suit, leaving a ugly gash on her back behind. He snarled, “That’s what you get, you little -”

He didn’t manage to finish his sentence before Robin made quick work of him, knocking him out cold, and this time, he wouldn’t wake up until after the cops found him.

“You okay?” He asked Blur.

She smiled, albeit a bit forcefully. “I’ve had worse.”

A second passed before she blurted out, “I lied. I’m new to this stuff, and this is the worst injury I’ve gotten. Ow ow ow ow.”

She slumped onto Dick, clearly woozy from the pain. “Shit, sorry,” She groaned, before Robin could say that it was okay. She tried to right herself. “Okay, I think I can run.”

She tried running, but immediately started yelping in pain. “My bad. Ouch.”

“Okay, you’re probably going to have to come with me. We can help you.” Dick pulled her close. “Hold on.”

“What are you -” He took out his grappling gun, shot it, and swung towards another building. They were going to back to Mount Justice.

***

Soon, Blur was good as new, and she met The Team. Wally, for one, as thrilled to meet another speedster, and Artemis and M’Gan found her endearing and sweet. Connor was still reserved, but Kaldur was cordial and found her amusing. Friendships that would surely last for a long time were formed.

With Batman and Red Tornado’s approval, Blur soon became part of the Team, and eventually trusted them enough to let them know her name: Y/N L/N.

Against hIs better judgement, Robin became to develop a crush on Y/N, and he was sure that she didn’t reciprocate his feelings… Until one mission where he thought he was about to die, and Blur sped up to him and placed her lips on his. Needless to say, he went into that mission a little bit distracted, and Wally had to save his life. (Y/N was super guilty afterwards.)

Unlike most of the Team, Blur had a catchphrase, and she thought it was a pretty good one. The first time she used it in battle, she was fighting against a 6’5 super soldier who already had anger issues. She had smashed his face with a baseball bat, and that just provoked him further.

He gave chase, and to her, it was the funniest thing in the world. This lumbering, beefy man who was towering over Blur, believed he could outrun her? Through giggles, she managed to say, “I’d say catch me, but you can’t,” and proceeded to take him out.

Afterwards, Wally nodded to her. “Nice line.”

She grinned. “Thanks.”

“I can’t tell whether it sounds cringey or badass.”

“Why not both?”

it’s supposed to be a play on “catch me if you can” okay i just thought of it one day and thought it sounded cool then i decided to write a short drabble about it except it’s not a drabble now it’s just a fic with a lot of holes jsjdjdks

[imsfire2]

Marvel asks: All of them! Sorry, can't choose! ^^'

AAAAARRRGGHHHH!!!  Well that’ll larn me!

Marvel asks

Tony Stark: favorite movie? 

Close call; I’m very fond of “Avengers Assemble”, “Thor” and “CA:TWS”, but the one that has wowed me the most of all was “Black Panther”, which took everything to a new level of brilliance.

Drax: what character would you wanna be friends with?

I’m going to make this “characterS” and say Jane Foster, Aunt May, and General Okoye.  A lot of my other faves probably wouldn’t be so easy to be friends with (too prickly, messed-up, hyper-focussed, downright dangerous, etc) but I would love to be mates with these three!

Valkyrie: favorite director? 

Ryan Coogler, no question!

Pepper Potts: top 3 fave characters

Ugh, very hard to choose!  Most of our protagonists are pretty cool, in their different ways.  Let’s pick three of the women; Okoye, Gamora, Natasha.  But I could just as easily have said Nakia, Hope and Hawkeye.  Or Rocket, Groot and Shuri.  Or...

Yeah, very hard to choose.

Sam Wilson: funniest scene?

Unlike a lot of people I loathed the relentless humour in “Ragnarok”.  So I’m going to say, Sam and Cap’s first meeting in TWS, which is gentle and kind, and character-driven. 

And (although it’s rather sick humour) “He’s adopted” is very funny.

Bucky Barnes: most heartbreaking moment?

The bit in TWS when the pilots try to take off and provide air support and are shot down before they can get to their planes.  Reduces me to tears every time.

Nakia: character you wish had a bigger role?

I want to see more of Shuri!

Rocket Racoon: best nickname?

I don’t think I know the scripts well enough!  “Legolas”, possibly?

Natasha Romanoff: favorite ass kicking scene?

Another one that’s very hard to choose. 

Natasha’s first scene, maybe, when she’s barefoot and unarmed and still beats the shit out of half a dozen brawny guys.  It’s such a great use of an action scene to establish character.  I also love her fight with possessed!Hawkeye. 

But on the other hand, the Dora Milje’s team fighting style is unbelievably awesome...

Ned Leeds: favorite villain?

Killmonger, no contest.  He’s rounded, believable, well-motivated, and even though you know he’s wrong you empathise with him.  Masterclass in how to write a top-notch antagonist.

I also really liked Toomes/Vulture in “Spiderman Homecoming”.  Again, because he had good motivation and was an interesting rounded character, not a cardboard “I wanna rule/destroy the world >snarl snarl

Bruce Banner: guardians or avengers?

For sheer fun, Guardians.  But I’m enjoying seeing them all meet up!

Thor Odinson: most attractive character?

Still Hawkeye.  Give me those Renner arms.

Gamora: favorite pairing?

As in Ship?  T’Challa/Nakia, and Gamora/Peter Q.

As in Best mates?  Rocket & Groot, Peggy & Jarvis, and Peter P & Ned.

Mantis: what do you think will happen in Avengers 4?

I’m with @hanorganaas on this; it’ll have to involve time travel in some form, to bring back at least some of those lost.  Also I have it on good authority from @spectralarchers that Hawkeye will come back as Ronin.  And clearly a certain Carol Danvers is going to be involved.

There’ll be an opening section where the traumatised survivors are trying to regroup in a shattered world.  Somehow or other the script will have to contrive another “lowest ebb” moment even lower than the end of “Infinity War” (& I don’t envy the people tasked with that!) because that’s how script dynamics work.  But ultimately the big purple knob-head will be defeated.

Shuri: most rewatched movie?

Either “Avengers assemble” or “Guardians of the Galaxy”; I haven’t kept count, but they are the ones I go back to for a happy evening slobbed out in front of the telly with a big bag of tortilla chips.

Peter Parker: best outfit/suit?

As a Superhero Suit, I love the Ant-man suit! 

As actual wearable clothes, I’d like to have Gamora’s leathers, especially the red coat; practical and sexy.

Happy Hogan: what ‘superpower’ is the coolest?

Well, I’ve always wanted to be able to fly, so any of the superpowers that give you that would be great! 

I also love the way Mantis’ abilities take something that culturally is just expected of “nice good girls” (being empathetic, reading others emotions and reactions, being able to soothe down even the most aggressive person) and make it a fucking superpower!

Aunt may: most painful death?

After those brave pilots in TWS?  Pietro.  Really didn’t see that one coming.

Pietro Maximoff: Peter Quill or Peter Parker?

Aww, don’t make me chose!  Quill is so cute! 

I was never a Peter Parker fan until Tom Holland but now - ok, Peter Parker.

Heimdall: would you like a Deadpool crossover?

Properly done, then hell yeah!  But it would need a very, very good script to juggle the emotional/tonal switchbacks required.

Steve Rogers: who resembles their role the most?

From what we get to see as fans?  I’d have to go with Chris Evans.

Rhodey: who resembles their role the least?

Karen Gillan certainly doesn’t sound much like Nebula!

T’challa: favorite non-romantic pairing?

I’ve already suggested a couple of Best-mates relationships; so how about some siblings?  Gamora and Nebula; so much tension, so much anger and yet so much torn, blood-soaked loyalty.  It’s just as interesting a dynamic as the one between Thor and Loki, with a lot less screentime than that has had. 

I also liked the sibling loyalty and love between Wanda and Pietro.  Always good to see a happy sibling relationship, when Screenwriting 101 would have it that only sibling rivalry is interesting...

Peter Quill: favorite place in the mcu?

That’s going to be a tie between Know-where, for the visuals, and Wakanda, for - well, everything really.

Loki laufeyson: best line/quote?

Ugh, there have been a lot of great lines.  Right now, I’m going to go with Okoye’s “For Wakanda?  Without question.”  Such a fantastic use of a single line to cement how her character is the embodiment of honour. 

Scott Lang: do you think you’d have died in the snap?

Hmm.  I kind of hope I would, to be honest; life afterwards is going to be spectacularly hellish until they manage to fix it.

Stephen strange: favorite song used?

The opening of “Guardians of the Galaxy”, with Quill slogging through the rain and then putting on “Come and get your love” on his walkman and starting to dance.  Just gorgeous; as a sequence, as framing, as a way of telling us something about him very economically, as a device to show us this is going to be a hell of a fun ride...

Phil Coulson: the moment you fell in love with your favorite character?

Seeing as I find it impossibly difficult to pick a favourite in the first place, this is one I can’t answer! 

Okoye: which movies did you see in cinema?

All of them bar the first two “Iron Man” films.

Maria Hill: favorite special credits?

What, as in “Mr Evans’ marmalade sandwiches made by” kind of thing?  I’m not sure I pay enough attention to the credits to have ever noticed one (I made that one up, needless to say). 

Or are “special credits” like cameos?  A nod to the mourners for Yondu, then.

Erik Killmonger: favorite press moment/interview

Way back during the press tour for “Avengers assemble”; a journalist asked RDJ in-depth questions on Tony’s motivation and development, and then only asked Scarlett Johansson some ridiculous thing about her diet; and instead of answering with a patient smile she called him out on it. 

It was only, what, five years ago, yet it was almost unheard-of then for a female actor to bite back publically like that.  And the good thing is, that already seems pretty extraordinary. 

Wanda Maximoff: favorite relationship of the actors?

I don’t know enough about their relationships to have one, really.

Nebula: favorite minor character?

Luis.  An “ordinary person” character who is highly likeable in his own right and who does the right thing even when he knows it’s bloody dangerous & could get him killed.  For similar reasons I’m also very fond of Cameron Klein and Dr Helen Cho.  

Vision: Steve with or without a beard?

Without, definitely.  Not a great fan of beards to be honest.  There’s the odd face that looks great with one (thinking of a certain Mexican actor and rare fern collector) but mostly they’re just fashionable face-fur. 

Nick Fury: what actor would you like to see join the mcu and for what role?

On one level, I’m content to wait and see what they come up with.  I’m not a comic-reader, so I know almost nothing about any of the characters until they appear in the MCU, which makes dream-casting any of them pretty difficult.

On the other hand, I did read a rumour that John Boyega is in line for a future role; and as I’m a huge fan of his I would love for that to be true!

Hope Van Dyne: expectations for ‘Captain Marvel’?

As a non-comics person, I don’t know anything about the character or her story.  Hopefully we’ll get an interesting, well-rounded female lead with solid motivation and her plot-line isn’t primarily about a) a man or b) not being able to have children.  Or c) her children being dead.

Groot: I am Groot?

We are Groot.

Grandmaster: which characters would you like to see interact more?

Shuri with all the scientists!

Peggy Carter: Hulk or Banner?

Both.  Both is good. 

Luis: favorite Chris?

I’m sure they’re all lovely chaps.

Michelle Jones: would you like a Black Widow movie?

I’d like to see lots of the female characters get stand-alone films.  So, yes please to a “Black Widow” movie, but also, hmm, let’s see; how about a “Shuri and Jane Foster Science the Shit Out Of This Mess” movie?  A “Peggy Carter and the early days of SHIELD” movie?  A “Nakia the Super-spy” movie?

Sif: long hair Thor or short hair Thor?

Long hair.  Markedly more appealing with long hair.

Jane Foster: favorite character development?

I love the way Steve Rogers’ story kind-of goes in cycles of effort and hope and bitter experience, and always comes back round to situations where he affirms who he essentially is.  It’s good to see a non-liner pattern of development like that, which is much closer to how real people deleop and change, instead of the standard narrative “A to B” model like Dr Strange (”was a jerk, learned to do better” - okay, he saves the world, so that’s good; but as for development, pish).

Yondu: favorite after-credit scene?

The Shawarma joint. 

Also Hope seeing the Wasp suit for the first time.

Wong: favorite marvel intro?

Not sure I pay that much attention to the intros, tbh.  I’m just sitting there thinking “Give me the story, folks!”

Thank you for asking! - and thank you, if you’ve had the patience to slog through all this, for reading!

[funnynewsheadlines]

Guy Writes A Joke Every Day On A Whiteboard At Work Waiting For Someone To Stop Him (24 Pics)

The more ridiculous, silly, and groan-worthy the joke, the more we love it. While some folks might have an aversion to dad jokes, we believe that there’s nothing like a good pun or two to start the day with a smile.

Do you know what’s even better than cheesy jokes? Ones that you find at work, written in huge letters for all your co-workers to see. Imgur user Whiskeyhicks uploaded a whole gallery of photos featuring the jokes he wrote on the whiteboard at his job. They’ll make you laugh. They’ll make you cringe. They’ll make you repeat them at your own job. So scroll down, upvote your favorite work jokes, and be sure to share with your friends and family. After all, everybody needs a humorous pick-me-up to get us through another tough day at work. If you know any corny jokes, feel free to share them in the comments to spread the joy.

In case these jokes aren’t enough, have a look through Bored Panda’s posts about the funniest two-line jokes ever, the funniest puns ever, the funniest dad jokes, as well as the times dad jokes were taken to another level. You’re welcome. But a note of warning: some of the jokes featured here and in our previous posts are so funny/bad that it’s best that you’re not eating or drinking anything while reading them.

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Whiskeyhicks’ joke gallery was very popular on Imgur: it was viewed over 125,000 times in less than a day, got over 3,880 upvotes, as well as 273 comments. As you can probably guess, most of the comments were positive reactions to Whiskeyhicks’ attempts to improve his co-workers’ workday; while others were cheesy jokes. Some of them may have made us giggle too loudly and we’re very much ashamed of that.

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It feels great to tell a fantastic joke and have everyone laugh with you, not at you, right? Sometimes, however, you mess up the joke and it becomes awkward just like after Michael Scott delivers a cringe-worthy one-liner in any episode of The Office.

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Jennifer Winter writes on The Muse that you should stop trying to be funny. Desperation is the enemy of humor (and romance, but that’s another topic altogether). While you can learn the basics of humor, it still has to be spontaneous. You can’t force someone to laugh when you’re delivering jokes you learned by heart while wearing a deadpan look on your face and nervously checking to see how everyone’s reacting. What comedy advice would you give, dear Pandas? Let us know in the comments.

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