#hes like the estranged son who sits with me while i game

[fournets]

found thess bugs in my bed does anyone know what flavor they are

[phoward89]

Banner by me. Dividers by @saradika

Summary: When Coriolanus signs you out of the hospital to bring you to his Corso penthouse, you see a glimpse of his dark side. Will that glimpse make you run away from him or to him?

Pairing: Coriolanus Snow x Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Coriolanus Snow is his own warning! Possessive!Coriolanus, Obsessive!Coriolanus, DelusionalCoriolanus, Dark!Coriolanus, Soft Dark!Coriolanus?, Head Gamemaker!Coriolanus, Mentions of death, Mentions of planning murder, Mentions of cheating/infidelity (not on reader), Mentions of poison, Large age gap/difference (Coriolanus is 33 while reader is 18), Manipulation, Groping, Slapping, um...trying to think of anything else.

Here's the 2nd part of Forever & Ever, My Darling Rose. I gave the Reader a last name, Halvir, in this just to make some scenarios etc a bit easier to write. But the Readers first name is up to you lovely and wonderful readers to come up with.

Story Masterlist

Chapter 2:

Coriolanus marched towards the nurses’ station with a haughty airs to him. He gave off an entitled, but dangerous aurora that had the nurses shaking in their white nursing hats. He'd threatened to kill every single one of their loved ones (friends, family, pets, estranged family, etc) if something happened to you and the nurses were terrified that he'd make good on that promise. Considering you went out of your mind with a nightmare and cornered yourself into your room, resulting in him being called there to calm you down, the nurses were fearful.

The nurses quickly grabbed their charts and scurried off, excuses that they had to check on patients echoed into the air, as the head gamemaker got closer to the front desk. Patients that are most likely asleep since it was nearly 3 in the morning. Yes, the nurses left their charge nurse behind to deal with the wrath of Coriolanus Snow. The nurse assigned to you was the first to bolt.

“I'm signing Y/N Halvir out since your staff is too incompetent to properly care for a victor.” Coriolanus firminly told the charge nurse as he came to a stop right at the desk she was sitting behind, all by herself since the staff abandoned her to face a fate worse than death alone.

The charge nurse refused to meet Coriolanus’ eye while tentatively informing him, “Head Gamemaker Snow, sir, it's ill advised to sign her out. She hasn't been checked by a doctor and she seems to be dealing with some post traumatic stress.”

Wrong Answer. Coriolanus was outraged that some old nurse had the gall to tell him that he couldn't do what he felt best for his, HIS, darling rose. What did that old hag know? If it wasn't for her calling him, you would've hyperventilated and passed out from sheer fear in the corner of your room.

A private room that he was footing the bill for, by the way.

Well, looks like he'll just have to make the charge nurse’s loved ones disappear for her lack of skills tending to you. He'll also find out who was your assigned nurse, make that useless twit disappear along with her loved ones. Well, the Citadel could always use some more lab rats to conduct mutt experiments on.

“It may be ill advised, but I assure you that I am signing Y/N Halvir out of this hospital and taking her with me, where she'll be properly cared for.” He calmly told the nurse as his cold blue eyes cut her down. Leaning down over the desk, causing him to be face to face with the old nurse, Coriolanus hissed, “Your insubordination has won your son, a doctor, and his family a transfer to District 6. Seems like the hospitals there are in need of more doctors due to the rise in morphling addiction amongst the district citizens. It's such a shame that both of your grandchildren, a boy and a girl, will now be eligible for the Hunger Games as District 6 citizens.”

The charge nurse shook with fear as she pleaded, “Please, Head Gamemaker Snow, don't do that. Please, don't be so harsh.” Quickly, she worked on her computer while adding in, “I'm printing out the discharge paperwork now, just don't send my family away to District 6.”

Coriolanus just stood up straight, his full height of 6’0 towering over the charge nurse as she sat at the desk, typing and clicking away at the computer. He didn't say a word to her, just stared her down with cold, dead, blue eyes. 

The charge nurse swallowed down a sick feeling that was welling up while rising from her seat to scurry over to the printer. She silently prayed to the printer, which was growling louder than a feral animal, to hurry up and spit out the paperwork for your discharge. 

Coriolanus grew bored waiting for the necessary paperwork for your release. So bored that he was tapping his shiny black shoes against the linoleum floor. 

Click, click, click. Click, click, click. Click, click, click. Click, click, click. Click, click-

“Here’s that paperwork for you to sign.” The charge nurse told Coriolanus while hurrying over to him. Quickly she placed the paperwork on the desk before grabbing a pen from the cup on top of the desk. “And here's a pen, sir.” She practically threw the pen at him.

“Thank you, but your family's still headed to 6.” He simply said while signing and initialing the stack of paperwork he was given. It seemed a bit of an overkill in his opinion.

The nurse turned as white as a sheet upon hearing Coriolanus’ words, but she didn't dare try to fight him on it. Her family's fate was sealed by the sadistic head gamemaker, a man whose temperament was worse than his father, the late General Crassus Snow.

Once Coriolanus was finished with your paperwork, he left the front desk without so much as a thank you or a goodnight to the nurse, and returned to your room. You were sitting on the bed watching some late night rerun on Capitol tv whenever he entered your room. Looking between you and the tv, he chuckled, “You like the god awful cooking show where the chef curses out his potential staff?”

“We only get 3 channels on our tv back home in District 12 and this is one of the channels.” You explained to him while he made his way further into the room. Truthfully, you were lucky to even have a tv since you lived in the Seam. Your brother Rein and his girlfriend, Ashlie, had scrimped and saved for years to be able to buy the thing. It was small and second hand; only picked up 3 channels. The Capitol News, Capitol Movie Classics, and Capitol Channel 3. You wished there were more channels, but you were grateful for the ones you had. Most people in the Seam didn't even have that. You know that your neighbor, Corbin, and his Auntie (a mining widow) didn't even have a tv. 

As Coriolanus placed your paperwork down on your side table, you stared right at the tv (as the top chef called one of his potential staff a stupid fucking donkey for burning a risotto) and honestly revealed, “Plus watching all of these chefs get cursed out and treated horribly by their potential boss reminds me that somebody out there has it worse than me. Even though I live in the Seam with my coal miner brother and his girlfriend, who's a local barmaid at the hob, nobody's ever treated me as horribly and rudely as that award winning chef treats the people competing on his show for a job in his restaurant.”

“Hmmm…” Coriolanus hummed. Standing by your side, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear while asking, “And what of your mother?”

“I haven't seen her since she ran off when I was 5 and Rein was 15.” You flatly remarked.

“I see.” The platinum blonde man nodded. He felt rage boil in his cold, icy veins. How could somebody leave you as a child? You were so perfect, so innocent. You didn't deserve to be willingly abandoned by your mother. Oh, if he ever got a hold of that useless bitch she was dead. He'd make sure that she died a torturous death too.

“You signed me out AMA?” You asked, glancing over the form that was on your side table 

“Yes, I signed you out against medical advice because the staff here is doing you, my darling rose, more harm then good. They're too incompetent to care for my Victor and you, Y/N, deserve nothing but the best care.” Moving to the wardrobe in the corner of the room, he told you, “I had your reaping dress cleaned and brought here for you when you were admitted. I thought you'd feel more comfortable in that than your uniform from the arena.”

“Thank you, Head Gam-Coriolanus. I appreciate it.” You thanked him, a bit nervous about what name to call him. In the end you decided to just call him Coriolanus, but it still felt heavy and wrong on your tongue.

“Please, just call me Coryo.” He countered while crossing the room with your simple cotton floral dress in hand. “Now let's get you out of your hospital gown and into your pretty dress so we can go home.” He suggested while coming to a stop right at your bedside.

Instead of standing and stripping naked like Coriolanus thought you'd do, you arched a brow at him instead only to ask, “Home? But I thought you were taking me to a penthouse here in the Capitol?” 

“I am taking you to the Corso penthouse which is now your new home, my darling rose.” He slowly explained to you, as if you were a small child, while placing your dress down on the bed. Shaking his head, he grabbed your upper arm and pulled you to stand up. 

“What the hell are you doing, Coriolanus?!” You shrieked, pulling away from him as he started to untie your hospital gown. 

Grabbing you roughly by the upper arms and turning you to look at him, he stared down at you with cold, icy eyes. “I'm tired and want to go home and get some sleep. You will be a good girl and let me help you change.” 

You tried to break his hold while assuring him, “I can get changed myself. You can go wait in the hall, Coriolanus.”

“No, my darling rose, you can't. Now, be a good girl and let me help you so we can get out of here.” He told you in a tone that was sickeningly sweet.

“Corio-” You began to protest, only for him to slap you across the face. 

Tears welled up in your eyes as your hand automatically flew up to cradle your stinging cheek.

“I told you to be a good girl and let me help you, Y/N.” He sighed. 

“You hit me…” You trailed off in shock as tears spilled down your cheeks.

“Oh, my darling rose, I didn't mean to hurt you.” The pretty platinum blonde man cooed while prying your hand away from the cheek that he’d struck in his frustrated anger. His blue eyes raked over your cheek, which was raw and red from the slap. Seeing your tears rolling hotly down your cheeks turned him on, as horrible as that sounded. Brushing his knuckles along your puffy cheekbone, that would surely bruise within an hour or so, he softly said, “I don't like brats and backtalk, Y/N. If only you were a good girl then I wouldn't have slapped you.”

His words left your mind going a mile a minute. So, wait, it was your fault he slapped you? All because you didn't want his help changing? That didn't make sense. Should it make sense?

You were drawn out of your mental musings whenever you felt Coriolanus’ tongue lap up the tears along your cheek. Your breath hitched at the action. Your felt a tightness in your chest and a fluttering in your lower belly as he tilted your face to lick the tears of your untouched cheek. 

As his tongue traced your cheekbone, lapping up the salty tear stains on your skin, you felt a tingle in your core. Oh no. You can't have this reaction to him. It's wrong; he’s a married man and older than you. Hell, he's even older than your older brother.

Even though you knew being turned on by him was wrong, it didn't stop you from rubbing your thighs together.

When he pulled away from you, he gave you a lined smile and suggested, “Now that we have an understanding, let's get you in your pretty dress so we can go home.”

Your head was fuzzy with want and you had a slight ache in between your legs, so you were in no shape to protest or fight back. “Okay.” Your breath was shaky as you nodded. “Okay.”

“Seems like I have quite the effect on you, my darling rose.” Coriolanus smirked as his nose ran along your jawline. Your heartbeat was beating quickly, perhaps too quickly, while you felt heat pool in between your legs. Oh god, you've never felt like this before (yea, you've been turned on before, but not to the point where you felt uncomfortable and wanted to rip your hair out) and it both startled and excited you. 

He licked the shell of your ear, causing a shiver to run down your spine. “I must confess, Y/N, that you also have quite the effect on me.” He whispered into your ear before pulling away and leaving you to stare up at him with shock all over your face. “Don't look so shocked, my darling. You’re very beautiful and you're resilient; a victor.” 

Turning you around, he gently untied your hospital gown as if he was untying the bows to his favorite piece of lingerie. When he was done, he spun you around, nearly knocking you off balance and slid the gown off your shoulders. Your eyes darted to the floor as your breasts were exposed to him. You felt so small under his gaze and towering form as he slid the gown the rest of the way off you. 

“You have such nice tits.” Coriolanus smiled in awe, lust shining in his eyes, as he began to palm your nice tits.

“Coriolanus-” You started, only for him to cut you off with the request of, “Coryo, call me Coryo.”, as he began to run his thumbs over your nipples while cupping your tits in his large, calloused hands.

“Coryo, we can't do this here. We're in my hospital room.” You told him despite his actions causing you to get even wetter then you already were between your legs.

“It's a private room, my darling rose. I paid enough for it, so I don't see the harm in us getting my money's worth.”

What the hell did he mean by that? Did he seriously want to mess around in your hospital room? Oh no. No, no, no. No. You're drawing that line at that. 

Your hands wrapped around his wrist as you told him, “I just want to get out of here, Coryo. You promised to take me home, remember?”

You prayed that your words knocked some sense into him because you didn't want your first time doing sexual things to be in a hospital room, where a nurse could walk in at any time, with him (he was a married man for God's sakes!).

His demeanor deflated and he sighed, “Yes, my darling rose, I did promise you that didn't I?”, while pulling away from you. He grabbed your dress from the bed and motioned for you to lift up your hands.

“What about my underwear?” You asked, feeling a bit exposed as Coryo looked you up and down with a hungry glint in his eye. It was as if he was a starving man and you were a juicy steak ready to eat.

“You don't need them, darling. Once we get to our penthouse you'll be changing into a shirt to sleep in anyways.” He explained while motioning, once again, for you to lift your arms. This time you obeyed him and he pulled your best floral dress over your head. He smoothed it out, only to press a kiss to your forehead and smile. “You're all ready to go, my Victor.”

The car ride to the luxury penthouse seemed to take ages. You were alone with Coriolanus since he was driving and it made you feel a bit uncomfortable. After what happened in your hospital room (him stripping you and groping your boobs) you didn't think it was a good idea to be alone with him. He was married and you didn't want to lose your innocence, all of your firsts, your virginity to a man that would never be yours no matter the chemistry or effect you had on each other.

You were staring aimlessly out the window when Coryo startled you by placing a hand on your thigh. You didn't say a word, just sighed uncomfortably.

Looking over at you with a worried expression, Coriolanus asked, “What's wrong, Y/N? You seem troubled.”

Pulling your eyes off the window, you snapped your head to look at the platinum blonde in the driver's seat and honestly told him how you felt. “You shouldn't be resting your hand on my thigh, Coryo. You’re married.”

The gold ring on his finger mocked him as it shines against the red and cream floral fabric of your dress. He never had anyone turn him down because of that thin gold band he was branded with by saying ‘I do’ to Livia Cardew, well that is until now. Coriolanus knew that you were young and innocent from District 12 so the thought of being a mistress would horrify you. He knew that he had to ease your worries, so he simply told you, “Don't worry about my wife, darling. I’m taking care of everything; she won't be my wife much longer.”

“I wasn't aware ya’ll were having marriage problems. The Capitol gossip rags make it seem like the marriage is a happy one.”

“Things aren't always as they seem here in the Capitol, my darling rose.” He told you before correcting your grammar with a stern, “And it's I wasn't aware that you were having marital problems.” Patting you on the thigh as he switched lanes, he explained, “You're not in District 12 anymore and since you'll be staying here in the Capitol for a while it's best that you learn how to speak properly; like a Capitol citizen.”

You didn't say a word, just numbly nodded. You never thought that staying in the Capitol while Victor’s Village and your house was constructed meant changing how you talked. You never thought you talked strange, well until now. “Do I sound weird when I talk, Coryo?” You asked, staring at the side of his face as he drove.

“No.” He shook his head. “We just need to work on some small grammar errors here and there, but no, darling, you sound just fine when you talk.”

“Oh…” You trailed off, turning your attention back to looking out your window. 

He gave your thigh a gentle squeeze, “You're a rose that just needs some extra pruning and tender care, but fortunately for you I'm an excellent gardener that favors white roses.” His thumb grazed your thigh as he explained, “White roses are the perfect symbol of purity and perfection.” As he pulled up to a large building, his baritone heavily hung in the air with the meaningful words of, “Unblemished; untouched, just like you, my darling rose.”

But how long would you be Unblemished and untouched? Would he take your innocence as soon as you entered the penthouse or would he wait until he was free from his wife? The bigger question was did you even want him to take your innocence? To give you all of your first experiences with a man? Now that was the million dollar question you didn't have an answer for. Or maybe you did, but didn't want to acknowledge it.

AN: Did anyone catch the tv show easter egg I threw in there?

Tags: @kuroosbby001 , @purriteen , @poppyflower-22 , @meetmeatyourworst , @whipwhoops , @bxtchopolis, @readingthingsonhere,@savagenctzen, @ryswritingrecord, @erikasurfer, @tulips2715, @universal-s1ut, @thesmutconnoisseur, @squidscottjeans, @sudek4l, @wearemadeofstardust0, @mashiromochi, @gracieroxzy, @belcalis9503, @shari-berri

[eddiediazismyhusband]

WIP ask game. Tell me a bit about

3. somewhere in a haze (got a sense i’d been betrayed)

Or if it was already asked

2. something med school did not cover

(if you've answered both then just tell about any one you haven't been asked about yet)

I have not answered about either of these so i am SO glad you asked 🤭🤭

3. somewhere in a haze (got a sense i’d been betrayed) is probably one of the angstiest fics i’ve worked on— i haven’t written much of it, and it’s been sitting in my wips folder for a while, but i really wanted a fic that dives into how lack of communication, stress, and secrets can deteriorate a relationship. It’s a story from Buck’s POV, it’s set a few years down the like and he has taken over the Captaincy at the 118 after most of the team transferred out after Bobby’s retirement. Chimney is now the captain of the 136, Hen went back to med school, and Eddie (who is now married to Buck) has stepped back since he can’t be married to his own captain. Ravi is really the only familiar face on the team, and Buck takes him under his wing- almost in a similar dynamic to Buck and Bobby. Outside of work, Eddie and Buck are expecting a baby via surrogate, now that Chris is in his senior year of high school, and the two of them can start to focus on more kids. Chris is distant, Buck is working longer hours, and Eddie is disappearing off into the night at random times. Buck is concerned that Eddie is street fighting again, but one night when Eddie gets home in the early morning hours- messy hair, disheveled appearance, and flushed cheeks- Buck begins to suspect that Eddie is having an affair.

2. something med school didn’t cover

this is a fic i started right around the beginning of season 7, and i have not worked on it since about mid-April. It has some angst, but nothing as dramatic as #3– it’s a different meetings au where eddie is an ER nurse and meets Buck when he comes in multiple times to be treated. Hen (who left the 118 to become a doctor) is an ER resident and takes Eddie under her wing when he starts at the hospital. She knows Buck, and immediately begins teasing Eddie over his little crush on Buck (which Eddie denies having). They become best friends quickly, Chris and Abuela (whom Eddie has moved in with) quickly falling for Buck’s charm (as in canon). Eddie is estranged from the rest of the Diaz family after Ramon and Helena’s mistreatment of Shannon and subsequent homophobia when Eddie came out to them, and Pepa played devils advocate. When Eddie begins dating to try and get over Buck, he unknowingly meets someone from Buck’s past and the two begin dating- much to the displeasure of Buck and Hen when they find out. Eddie has to battle his feelings for Buck, the mess he’s made with hurting his two best friends in LA, as well as trying to patch things up with Pepa after she betrayed his trust, raising his son and caring for his abuela, all while working as an ER nurse.

I really do need to start back working on both of these, but they are both longer-form fics and I want to finish my current long-form wip before i reopen these, but I love both premises and really wanna see them to fruition!

Thanks for the ask, bestie 💕💕

[haveamagicalday]

Top Ten Books Read in 2023

Continuing my tradition of blurbing/reviewing my top ten books read in the past year! Let's jump right in:

10. Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica- In a not so distant future, all animals have been plagued with a deadly virus that makes meat obsolete. In a somewhat dramatic move, the government legalizes cannibalism which is marketed as “special meat”. Marcos works for a slaughterhouse where humans are treated as livestock. One day he is gifted his very own specimen and slowly begins to treat it like the human being she actually is. I'm glad I read this book and I probably will never read it again. I did know the plot and ending when going in and I wish I hadn't because I would have liked to know how I would have reacted to that final line. The way this book was written was probably one of the most fascinating parts. Very straightforward and presents things that are horrifying in a mundane way. I actually found myself unfazed when it came to the description of how the "meat" is processed which freaked me out more after the fact and got me really thinking. Am I crazy? Would I eat McDonald's newest McHuman if it were normalized and my only option? Hopefully I will never find out

9. House of Roots and Ruin by Erin A. Craig- This is a sequel to House of Salt and Sorrow that follows one of the younger siblings, Verity, from the first novel who is now a teenager. When Verity is offered a job painting a portrait for a Duchess's son, she jumps at the opportunity. While she grows closer to the son, it soon becomes clear that something is very wrong in the Duke's house. This was a hard one to rate for me but ultimately I gave it 4 stars. The first half was definitely 4 stars. I was eating it all up. I loved the creepiness of it all and the mystery of what was really happening with those experiments the duke was doing. The second half is where it went downhill a bit. I still flew through it. I read the second half in one sitting but some things were not to my liking. An unnecessary lust at first sight love triangle almost ruined things for me but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did.

8. Rouge by Mona Awad- A surreal take on the beauty industry with a twinge of Snow White. For as long as she can remember, Belle has been obsessed with her skin care routines. When her estranged mother dies, Belle must return home to take care of selling her apartment and dealing with her debts. Belle quickly learns that her mother has gotten herself involved with a mysterious spa that takes a keen interest in Belle herself. She finds herself entranced with the cult-like spa and the promise of beauty that they offer her. Rouge is perhaps a bit on the nose with its critique of the beauty industry but the surrealism of the story is memorizing and keeps you guessing throughout.

7. A Warning about Swans by R.M. Romero- Hilde was dreamt into the world by Odin and along with her five sisters, was gifted a cloak that allows them to transform into swans. Hilde is also given the gift to guide souls into the afterlife, a job she finds daunting and tiresome. When Hilde meets a penniless Baron, she strikes up a deal with him. She will conjure riches for him and in return, he will bring Hilde into the human world. This is beautifully written in prose and is a sweet little fairy tale about love and finding oneself

6. What Lies in the Woods by Kate Alice Marshall- Naomi used to spend her days playing make believe in the woods with her two best friends. But their games come to an end when Naomi is attacked. She survives with seventeen stab wounds and she and her friends help identify the perpetrator. But the three have a secret about that day that haunts Naomi in her adult life. When her friend Olivia confesses that she is ready to tell the world their secret, Naomi must return to the woods and unravel what really happened that day. This was a great thriller! It was very reminiscent of a high profile true crime case that happened about a decade ago. It would be too much of a spoiler to say which one but I saw the similarities right away. I also guessed one big twist very early on but I don't think that affected the book overall or the ending.

5. The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw- A mermaid comes ashore, marries a king and gives him daughters. Then the daughters devour the king and destroy the town. Now on the run, the mermaid travels with a mysterious plague doctor and together they encounter a strange town where children never age and worship three saints who control them. This novella was strange and gory and enthralling and I loved it all. TW: Body horror

4. The Stolen Heir by Holly Black- A perfect return to Black's Fae world. I love how dark she lets these books get while still remaining appropriate for the YA audience. This book takes place eight years after The Queen of Nothing and follows Suren, the child queen of the Court of Teeth who was held captive by her parents. Now she has escaped into the human world where she is content to spend her time undoing other fae's curses. But things change when Prince Oak shows up and asks for Suren's help on a dangerous quest. Suren must return to the world she had hoped to leave behind once again.

3. After the Forest by Kell Woods- What happened to Hansel and Gretel after they escaped the Witch? In this book, Greta has become a baker whose gingerbread is beloved but also feared for its addictiveness by the town. But Greta harbors a secret, Greta has kept the witch's grimoire and it speaks to her. When Greta encounters a bear in the woods, it sets off a series of events while dark magic comes creeping into the village. Greta must learn to harbor the magic inside of her if she hopes to save her home. This book went in a different direction than I thought it would based on the description but I absolutely loved it! I will say that the official blurb doesn't really mention the romance and while it isn't the focus, it is a large part of the book. This story is also inspired by Snow White and Rose Red and I loved how the two stories connected.

2. The Only One Left by Riley Sager- As usual, Riley Sager has delivered. In 1929, a shocking murder took place that left the entire Hope family dead aside from one daughter. Believed, but never proven, to be the killer, Lenore Hope now lives in isolation in her family's mansion. Fifty four years later, Kit is a health aid who is assigned to take care of the now elderly Lenore. Lenore is bedridden and almost completely paralyzed save for one hand. When Kit brings Lenore a typewriter, she is shocked when Lenore types out a tempting offer- I want to tell you everything. Kit finds herself deeply entangled in learning the truth of what really happened that night long ago. I absolutely loved the creepy gothic vibes and some of the twists truly shocked me.

1. We Shall be Monsters by Alyssa Wees- So this book doesn't come out until Oct. 2024 but I had the pleasure of reading an advance copy! At its heart, We Shall Be Monsters is a book about the relationships between mothers and daughters. This dark fantasy follows Gemma, a young girl who is forbidden to venture into the woods behind their house. One night, Gemma's life is turned upside down when she witnesses her mother taken by a terrifying monster into the woods. Now Gemma must journey into the woods to save her mother and break a fifteen year old curse that could end in her mother's death. Along the way, Gemma learns things about her mother and herself that she never knew. In alternating chapters we also see Gemma's mother as a teenager falling in love with a strange boy who lives deep in the same dark woods. Beautifully written, this fantasy novel reads like an old fairytale with some twists and a twinge of horror along the way.

[hvrricqneeee]

Its characters like these who actually enrich the story and show how the events within House Targaryen influence and affect the realm around them.

DAVROS BLACKWOOD AND AERON BRACKEN

Davros Blackwood and Aeron Bracken gave a tense interaction fuelled by an age long feud between their houses, and actually linked nicely to the Small Council scene in 01x06 when they discuss the discourse between houses Bracken and Blackwood and talk about the boundaries. The Dance of the Dragons was an excuse for the two houses to act on their feud, and the catastrophic number of losses at the battle of the burning mill shows how tragic this civil war was, and not just for the House of the Dragon, but for Westeros itself, for which it never truly recovered.

CREGAN STARK

Cregan Stark gave a wonderful opening monologue about duty and sacrifice, and while it was an ode to Game of Thrones (which I believe was touched on and alluded to far too often in HOTD season 2 to feel clever and authentic), it quite appropriately set up the whole premise of the dance of the dragons, and how prevalent ideas such as duty and sacrifice are within the story. The immediate introduction of Cregan Stark in this season, and a small lesson in some Stark history, broadened the scope of the series, momentarily shifting the focus from Targaryen/Velaryon/Hightower characters, creating a sense of depth to the world. However brief his time on screen was, Cregan is immediately established as an incredibly dutiful and honourable man, much like most Starks (“there has never lived a Stark who forgot an oath” and all that stuff). It contrasts him well to many of the characters established in season one, who toy with the concept of honourability and duty, and are very much grey characters that slide along the spectrum of morality. Cregan is portrayed to sit firmly on the more moral, dutiful and honourable side of the scale, which elevates the sense of amorality of many main characters.

SER GWAYNE HIGHTOWER

Brother of the Queen, oldest son of Ser Otto. The reintroduction of Gwayne in season two sheds a light on House Hightower in a way that witnessing Alicent and Otto does not. As many may recall, in 01x01, Gwayne Hightower participated in the tourney to celebrate the birth of Prince Baelon Targaryen (may he rest in peace), and Daemon chose him to be his opponent, inevitably unhorsing the Hightower on the tourney field. When we next see Gwayne, it’s been over two decades and he’s barely seen his sister. They’re estranged, and immediately he’s established to have a distaste for Criston Cole (he did take his father’s position as Hand of the King after all), and he is also presented as being much kinder than his sister Alicent. It alludes to what the rest of House Hightower is like since Alicent was raised at court and became a rather cruel woman in terms of her relationship with Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra’s children, and she has difficult relationships with all of her children. However, Gwayne was raised in Oldtown, as was Alicent’s youngest son, and they are both far kinder than Alicent or Otto, highlighting how the Greens are not as righteous as they would claim and amplifying how no one at the centre of this conflict is truly good, but those distant from it, those who are innocent, will suffer the most.

SER ERRYK AND SER ARRYK CARGYLL

The tragedy of the Cargyll brothers is not acknowledged enough by many fans of the show. As many may recall, Shireen Baratheon is seen to be reading about the Dance of the Dragons in Game of Thrones (don’t ask me when. I don’t remember). One of the many things she says as she recounts the tragedy is that ‘brothers fought brothers’. That isn’t just about Aegon and Aemond. Erryk and Arryk were twins sworn to the kings guard when they were 18, both swearing to defend the whole of the royal family, and when Viserys died, they chose sides. Erryk chose Rhaenyra and Arryk chose Aegon. In the end, they fought one another, and Erryk killed Arryk, however, he could not live with the guilt of killing his own brother, and killed himself. I think this relationship perfectly encapsulates how tragic the dance of the dragons is because it is not a tragedy that befalls anyone belonging to the house of the dragon or its extended family. These were two knights - twins - who were born together and parted by their loyalty, but could not survive the guilt of killing each other, and so they had to die together. It thickens the plot and sets the somber tone very early on of how much death and loss and tragedy come from this dispute for the throne.

ELINDA MASSEY

The show does not do Elinda Massey the justice she deserves, and I feel that they really downplay her character. She is Rhaenyra’s youngest handmaiden, born to House Massey, and is said to be her most loyal handmaiden, having gauged her eyes out when Rhaenyra died. This devotion to her queen contrasts the lack of devotion Rhaenyra experiences from Daemon in the show, and the lack of devotion Aegon experiences form many of the people who have aligned with his team. Elinda seems rather inconsequential as a handmaid to the Queen, but she does some of the most crucial things for Rhaenyra season when she goes to King’s Landing, and inevitably, proves that those lower can have more value than those of royal blood .

ALYN OF HULL

Corlys Velaryon’s elder bastard. Subtracting from the fact that Alyn is in fact related to Corlys, he illuminates another area of smallfolk life, showcasing new settings and occupations that were lacked in the first season, allowing for the show to enrich our understanding of House Velaryon and its unique culture by showing the shipwrights and the Velaryon fleet. Alyn is a bastard who struggles with the fact of what he is, and shaves his head to hide his heritage, showing that the problems that Jace, Luke and Joffrey face are not exclusive to bastards raised nobly, and that no status precludes a bastard from feeling the way they do. Alyn being confirmed to be Corlys’ bastard also gives understanding to why Corlys affirmed his position in Lucerys being his heir, because he knew it would be hypocritical of him to sire his own bastards but not protect the bastards that his son claims as his own. Alyn becomes another dutiful man of honour in the series who recognises his duty and purpose, which some of the Targaryens lack, and it undermines them when the smallfolk possess the desirable qualities they do not, showing the imperfections of those characters.

Characters I’ll add to this list (there’s more I can’t think of)

LADY JEYNE ARRYN

ADDAM VELARYON

DYANA ‘THE SERVING GIRL’

SYLVI ‘THE MADAME OF THE BROTHEL’

SIMON STRONG

OSCAR TULLY

SER STEFFON DARKLYN

ALYS RIVERS

ULF

HUGH HAMMER

Are you Team Green or Team Black?

Love, I'm team characters that only get 5 minutes of screentime in the show

[jollyfang]

This blog has been titled ‘Late Night Ramblings’ since it’s inception, but it’s only been recently that I’ve actually started, y’know… actually posting anything that’s not just reblog if other peoples posts.

Which is fine, everybody reblog the stuff they like so they can share it with their own group of followers. And I’m really glad I’ve decidedly to put myself out there and start chiseling out a tiny place for myself in the fandom spaces I’ve been lurking in.

The point I’m making is I haven’t really done a whole lot of the so-called ‘late night rambling’ I set out to do. So here’s some of the shit that’s been on my mind tonight. It’ll be long so I understand if nobody wants to read about something not fandom related (fandom adjacent, maybe?? I do bring up some of my redacted ocs) if you do decide to keep reading- then that’s very sweet if you, much appreciated and I love you for doing that 😊

ANYWAY!

So back when I was still a teenager, roughly around the age of 15 and bored out of my mind on summer break- I discovered a website that would be my first foray into the role-play world. (Not that kind of site and not that kind of role-play, just in case anyone’s mind started swerving into pervy territory)

It was a role play game site called Reign of Blood, it’s still up today but I haven’t played in years. You could make a vampire, talk in the forums, do quests and level up, join a coven; all that fun stuff. PVP and PVE were a thing too but I never did any of that. And it was all completely text based. I was obsessed with it for years, all throughout highschool.

For the years that I was playing what I mostly took part in were the one on one RP chats. There were open chats where you could role play with everyone online at the time but it was much more fun to find a partner and just start telling a story together, just the two of you.

Which is kind of why I’m writing all this now. Because after a year on the site, and I can’t even remember how we found each other, I found an incredible writing partner. We spent two years cultivating a story that, while more than a little cheesy and possibly a bit cringy, has stuck with me for years. And I never knew his real name. His user name was John, he had a proofs picture of Moriarty from Sherlock, and his character was named Dakota.

Dakota Zero. A fallen Archangel.

My character was a hybrid, half susdubus/half vampire. Her name was Xhex Shadowheart. (I was a teenager, it was a vampire game okay..)

She worked as a bodyguard for other supernaturals, was estranged from her family and was hiding from an obsessive ex boyfriend who at one point tried to kill her during the course of the story. Dakota had a whole swath of cool abilities, like healing, teleportation, and telepathy. A skill he taught to Xhex as their relationship grew. He told her that no matter where he was, if she called out to him- he’d hear her. It’s corny I know, but it just seemed so… sweet and poetic for them?

They met, eventually fell in love and had kids. Twins, (Raine and a boy whose name I can’t remember) and they had another on the way we were going to name Calia (I think). Every time she’d get pregnant, Dakota would be so overjoyed and Xhex would be too. She spent a lot of time working out, staying in shape for her job and it was impossible to keep her sitting still throughout her pregnancies.

Dakota was estranged from his parents because of his fallen status, but I distinctly remember a time where his mother sought Xhex out behind her sons back because she wanted to meet the woman that had claimed her sons heart. And Xhex was SO nervous. She didn’t want Dakota to be mad at her, but she also wanted to learn more about him. There was also the fact that she was terrified that she would be deemed dirty or disgusting because of being a vampire, or that her children would be treated poorly by their grandmother for being born from such a disgusting creature.

But it wasn’t like that at all. It was such a sweet moment, the two women meeting, the twin toddlers playing and meeting their grandmother for the first time. I could talk about their story for ages. I used to write down transcripts of our messages just so I wouldn’t forget them because I loved the world we’d created so much.

But… we kinda fell out of touch. Life got in the way for both of us. But just when we’d finally gotten back into contact, we both admitted we’d missed each other and our characters. I was SO happy to reconnect with my friend who I’d missed so much.

We made plans to start the whole story over again, but… unfortunately luck wasn’t on our side. The game site, which was our only point if communication, has a policy of deleting any account that’s been inactive for 30 days. And they didn’t count logging in to the game or sending messages as activity, only completing quests and pvp counted. So they deleted my account. I’ve tried several times, with different accounts to try and find John again, but… I never have been able to. It’s been years since I last tried, and I’m wondering if I should make a new account and try and track him down one more time.

I don’t think it’ll pay off, but you never know till you try right? I’d give anything to talk with him again, find out how he’s doing and ask if he’s missed our friendship as much as I’ve missed his. I don’t know any other way to find him but I really wish I could even just to check in or maybe even restart our story like we’d planned.

I have whole role-play character charts set up for Xhex and their daughter Raine, because even after all these years I still care about them so much. I thought about drawing them and posting them here, but we’ll see what happens.

Anyways, that’s my rant for tonight. If you read to the end, thanks. If not, I understand.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

The Sight of You (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Summary: Spencer’s disturbing dreams about his childhood bring him back to Las Vegas to face two of his childhood’s greatest enemies: his estranged father and his ex best friend.

AN: it’s a friends to enemies to lovers fic! Set in the episode “Memoriam” 4x07

Content Warnings: usual Criminal Minds stuff, mentions of child death, childhood trauma, descriptions of a dead body. Let me know if I missed anything!

Despite seeing Spencer around Pre-k, Y/N did not trot over to talk to him with their brightly coloured rucksack swinging vigorously and violently behind them. They walked faster instead once their parents had dropped them off. Spencer did his best to catch up to Y/N but lost them around the corner in the sea of students seeking their next class. He was meant to be one of them. Adjusting his glasses as they slipped down his nose, Spencer noted that he needed a new prescription before entering his own class and preparing to focus on a subject he was already well-versed in.

It was lunch time when Spencer finally found Y/N. They were sitting at the furthest end of the table in the canteen. But Y/N cowered away from him, his shoulders drawn up defensively.

“Are you OK, Y/N?” Spencer asked before getting to what was more significant to him: “Do you know when you will be free to play again?”

The next sentence out of Y/N’s mouth stung like a nettle. They stood up, their face contorted in their fit, and they pushed Spencer hard on the shoulders.

“Go away! I can’t look at you! You make me feel sick, you and your family!” They cried.

They went silent when Spencer was laughed at by those who heard what was said. Just grabbed their lunch and moved away, leaving Spencer spellbound in the middle of the canteen, heartbroken and with a new opening for a potential chess partner. Maybe that man they saw last week at the park would be kind enough to join him again.

But there was no replacement for Y/N, who now never said a word when they caught a glimpse of Spencer being bullied – only dithering about on the spot before fleeing the scene moments before a teacher would show up.

Spencer was hurt; that hurt warped into hatred when he was next out with his mother and father. They were at the shopping mall and had just bought Spencer his new glasses. Going down the escalator, he saw Y/N. They were smiling and skipping between their parents, a new pair of shoes shiny on their feet.

The second they spotted the Reids, Y/N ducked behind their parents. Spencer could still see their face: brow furrowed, eyes squinting, hands shaking now that nothing was holding them. Their parents didn’t seem to notice. They kept talking and walking even as Y/N stopped in time with the Reids stepping off the escalator.

Sudden footsteps running away was what dragged the public’s attention to a suddenly absent child.

“Y/N!” The parents called out as they chased after the four-year-old. They were quick past the Reids, not stopping to say ‘hello’.

Spencer kept his eyes trained after Y/N’s fleeing form, right until his mother’s face came into view. Diana looked saddened; she too was staring after the L/Ns. Turned to his father. William was composed but his eyes were turned down and watering.

For making his parents react like that to their mere presence, Spencer despised Y/N.

---> ---> ---> ---> ---> 

 The burning hatred from adolescence staled once Spencer reached adulthood. The protective nature that spawned from it for his mother remained.

Which is why, when Diana Reid casually mentioned Y/N when asked about Riley Jenkins, Spencer froze up.

“You remember Y/N?” He said stiffly.

Diana didn’t notice her son’s change in tone, “Of course, you two were opposites but you got on so well. So sad what happened to them.”

The first guess was that she was referring Y/N’s repeated attempts at running away before Reid cut contact with neighbourhood gossip at age fourteen. He didn’t bother with a second attempt to understand what his mother meant.

“I don’t care about Y/N. I want to know if you remember Riley.”

“And I told you: Riley was a boy you made up.”

“No, Mom, he was a real boy who lived in our neighbourhood, and somebody killed him. And, I don't know, I think-- I think that dad might have had something to do with it.”

“He was real?”

“Yes. And...”

“He was on that little league team, too.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

The whole case was surreal - “case” being a very loose term.

When they got into his office, Spencer thought that perhaps things might simmer down a little. Unfortunately, as soon as his father spoke about their history of similarity in appearance, Spencer’s usual comfort of statistics and facts on the elderly and pets failed to conceal his abandonment issues.

William Reid was clearly affected by Spencer’s accusations, calling the idea of fitting the profile thus being Riley’s killer “absurd”. Furthermore, he was confrontational when asked for access to his files and demanded a warrant. Coupled with Lou Jenkins’ absolute certainty that William was not involved in Riley’s murder and Penelope asking him “you sure about this?” concerning invading the aforementioned files, Spencer was very close to snapping.

“I really wish people would stop asking me that.”

Then there was the envelope posted beneath his motel room door. Suspicious timing aside, there was a brand-new suspect basically handed over on a silver platter. One Gary Michaels whom Spencer couldn’t remember him but he couldn’t be sure that he didn’t know him. Uncertainty being the feeling he hated the most.

This man could fit the profile; his previous of exposing himself to a minor was a precursor to molestation. But that wasn’t what Spencer wanted to hear from the shady file slipped to direct his attention away from William.

Garcia reported back about his father’s drives, “No kiddie porn, no membership to illicit websites, no dubious emails, no chat room history.”

“What about his finances?”

Hotch joined the conversation, “We went back ten years. No questionable transactions that we can find.”

Spencer sighed while Emily decided to crack a joke: “Well, he did buy a ticket to see Celine Dion six months ago, but I think we can overlook that.”

“He’s smart. Is it possible he kept things under the table?” Spencer persisted.

“Well, of course,” Hotch answered, “But from what we can tell, Reid, he doesn’t fit the profile.”

“We can tell you other things about him, if you want to know.”

A peace offering on behalf of Emily. Clearly she had improved after her night out and subsequent hangover. Spencer gave the go-ahead and Emily listed her profile:

“He's a workaholic, he actually logs more hours than we do. He makes decent money, but he doesn't spend a lot of it. He has a modest house. He drives a hybrid. He doesn't travel much. He stays away from the casinos. Um, and according to his veterinary bills, he has a very sick cat.”

“He appears to spend most of his free time alone,” Hotch added, “He goes to the movies a lot, and he reads. And from his collection of first editions, it seems his favourite author is-”

Spencer interrupted his boss, “Isaac Asimov, I remember that one.” He pressed his lips together. They were right; William Reid did not fit the profile.

Garcia piped up once more, “He does have one other major interest. On his home computer, he's archived, like, a ka-jillion things on one common subject.”

“What?”

“You, kiddo. He's got, like, everything that's been published online. Every article you've been quoted in, pieces you've written for behavioural science journals, He even has a copy of your dissertation.”

“He's keeping tabs on you,” Rossi said, That's saying something.”

But Spencer smoothly dismissed this attempt to make excuses for his father, “Yeah, he googled me. That makes up for everything. I'm going to get some air.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

After getting said air, Spencer went to the local bar and began playing an computerised poker game. His paying attention was only to distract himself, clear his head with something he knew he could control. And thankfully, a chance interaction with a lady at the bar spawned the inspiration for a sporadic hypnosis session.

Doctor Jan Mohikian allowed them a session. Reminded of the limitations that a four-year old’s memory could provide, not including the bias he already had as a son and a profiler, Spencer lay on the couch. His feet hung over the end so that his head could be comfortable in a pillow. There was no time for self-consciousness with Rossi in the room observing. He closed his eyes and felt his hand be placed upon Doctor Mohikian’s body.

She spoke low and calmingly, “I want you to hold my wrist in your left hand. And if you should feel any fear, I want you to squeeze, do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Go back to the night you were just telling me about. You're at home, in your room. You can't sleep because your parents are arguing.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 His eyes were closed still, but the couch shifted into a bed. His bed. A floor below, the faint shouting between his mother and father was heard. There was someone else there too. A child wailing, and it wasn’t him.

Suddenly his father was at his side, touching his arm, saying, “I know you’re awake. Daddy loves you; you know that?”

Spencer didn’t want to be there, and then it was the following morning.

Putting his glasses, the room fell into focus. His mother was there, she didn’t see him because she was too busy looking out the window. Her body language told him that this was not a meltdown, but what she saw was distressing. She’d been crying. As she walked away into the house, she hid her face as if she knew Spencer was watching and she wanted to hide her reaction from him.

Spencer ran to the window the second Diana had left the room.

His father was in the back garden and burning clothes. A bloody shirt, a tiny cardigan, landed on top of the pile already set alight.

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and wake.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 And Spencer was shocked out of the scene, back to the doctor’s couch and gripping her wrist with an iron grip. Rossi was by his side, bringing him back to peace with his voice.

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 Derek was clearly disturbed that Spencer was very set on his father being a paedophilic murderer as much as he had been that Spencer was taking something that was said after his mother’s fit seriously. He continued however to assist with Rossi in Spencer’s investigation.

As if everything else hadn’t been hard enough, the captain took some time to agree to holding William Reid in custody. Finally, he settled for twenty-four hours. William was as resistant to the questions as he had been upon the initial reunion. All he could say was that he didn’t hurt Riley. Spencer wore him down, getting him to drop the Gary Michaels bomb plus the threat that he “didn’t want to go down that road”.

Garcia’s search of Gary Michaels’ DNA on the databases brought to light that their suspect was dead. Buried across state lines, beat over the head with a pipe or bat, and the body was discovered in 2001.

“Maybe it wasn’t Riley’s blood on the clothes he was burning.” Derek was about to hang up when Garcia began to speak again, a new discovery ready for her team.

“Also, Todd found something in your father’s finances. There was a standing order for a therapist, specifically a child therapist from 1985 to 1995. I thought it was for Spencer, but William left when you were twelve, and these sessions continue irregularly after he left you!”

“Who was the patient?”

“One Y/N L/N. Local to North Vegas, born 1980 to Shelly and Finley L/N.”

Both Rossi and Derek looked away from the phone to Spencer and he knew. He knew he’d have to face another villain from the past – like a knight in one of Y/N’s stories.

“Still alive?”

“Yep, already pulling up an address. There’s a lot of short leases attached to this name. Lucky for you, they keep going back to live with their parents.”

Spencer wasn’t entirely sure that he could handle two bitter reunions in one day.

“We’ll send off the fingerprint while we visit Y/N. They could have been a potential victim of Michaels before he died. They might know something.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

It was a normal home in a normal neighbourhood. Spencer had never visited Y/N’s house. Their play-dates were always at the park.

“Hello, Mr L/N,” held up their badges, “I’m Agent Derek Morgan, this is Agent David Rossi and Doctor Spencer Reid. May we come in and ask you some questions?”

“Sure. My wife is uh out at work at the moment,” Finley opened the door wider and stepped aside for the trio to enter, “I’m the house husband as it were.”

Looking about the kitchen, Spencer spied several photos of an adult Y/N but very few of them as a toddler and even less as a teenager.

“You have a child, Mr L/N?” Rossi asked.

“All grown up now, Y/N,” Finley smiled with a nod. Then he squinted at Spencer, “You’re not related to William Reid by chance, are you?”

Masking his bitterness, Spencer said shortly, “He’s my father.”

Finley seemed in awe at the prospect, so Derek redirected the conversation back to the matter at hand, “What was Y/N like as a child?”

Nodding still, like a bobble head, Finley looked weary at the notion, “Troubled. They were very young when they withdrew into themselves. Used to run away from home a lot. I don’t know what happened, but Y/N never told us.” He then jumped to protect his child’s reputation at present, “They’re doing better now, went to therapy and they’re doing very well for themselves.”

“I’m glad to hear.” Rossi replied.

Finley continued his defence of Y/N, “They’re a published author, they write fantasy things for kids and young adults. We’re very proud of them.”

“Did Y/N know Riley Jenkins when they were a child?”

“Riley Jenkins, that’s Lou’s kid who died, right?” Finley sought confirmation and, when he had it, he spoke, “Not personally. I think they might have played at the park once or twice. Before he died, Y/N would play with anyone. But you… you know that.” And Finley gestured to Spencer, much to his disgust.

“Is Y/N in the area?” Spencer asked briskly.

“Well, they’re due for a visit in a few hours. They went on holiday.”

“They still live with you?”

“A month ago, they got a new flat in the city. But they’ve got their own room here, for whenever they need it.”

“May we see it?”

The wallpaper was barely visible beneath exam revision notes, posters of Fresh sheets on the bed and the clear space on the floor were the only tidy things about the place. It was a haven of organised clutter.

A chess set caught Spencer’s eye. It sat upon the windowsill, recently dusted. The pieces were not that of a classic set; each was painted prettily but with enough error to indicate it was a personal touch.

“You and Y/N were close then?” Derek was holding up a photo album. Upon inspection, the photograph the page was open on was of Spencer and Y/N dressed up for Halloween as Doctor Frankenstein and the Monster respectively – accurate to the book of course.

“Yeah, ‘were’,” Spencer turned back to the chess set. He didn’t bother to ask when his friends had figured out he knew Y/N.

Rossi decided to further test the waters, “You think that Y/N could have killed Riley?”

“Of course not. A four-year-old couldn’t kidnap, tie up, rape, and kill a boy their own age. No violent history that indicates they would ever do something like this. Do I think that Y/N knows something about what happened and my father is trying to keep them quiet? Yes.”

Rossi moved beside Spencer, picking up the knight. Except it wasn’t a knight. It was a wizard of some kind in purple robes.

“We’ll stay up here for a bit then go down once Y/N’s inside and settled,” He gestured with the knight to the window. Spencer blanched as he spied a cab at the end of the driveway. The trunk was open and someone was retrieving a suitcase from within.

Y/N appeared around the corner, waving off the cab and turning to the house. Mr L/N appeared on the drive and they met in the middle for a hug. Over Mr L/N’s shoulder, Spencer could see that Y/N had grown into their chubby childhood features. They looked genuinely happy.

He would have to go through with it, but he didn’t have to like it. And he couldn’t go hide in the bathroom like with his father.

The trio plodded down the stairs when the sound of the front door closing was replaced with a joyous gathering in the kitchen. It all changed when Y/N went to take off their jacket and caught sight of the three FBI agents standing in the doorway. Taking out his badge, Rossi led the way.

“Hello, Y/N, I’m Agent David Rossi, this is Agent Derek Morgan, and Doctor Spencer Reid. We’re looking into the death of Riley Jenkins, and we were hoping to ask you some questions.”

To the naked eye, very little changed about Y/N’s appearance. To the three profilers, there was a visceral reaction: Y/N’s right hand started trembling, the hard swallow, the dropping of their gaze from Spencer to the floor.

“OK,” They said, a great deal quieter than they had been with their father.

Rossi sat next to Y/N at the dinner table. Derek was beside Rossi; Spencer stayed standing. Mr L/N stayed in the kitchen, at Y/N’s request.

“Can you tell us what you remember about Riley?” Rossi began.

“Not very much, I don’t really remember much about school.”

“Oh, you don’t?” Spencer blurted, “Well, I do.”

Derek glanced back at him with a look that just screamed “shut the hell up”. It seemed to cut down Y/N’s resolve, their jaw quivering.

“Sorry, can you give me a moment?” They stood up quick, the chair legs scraping loudly against the floor as they walked just as fast to the kitchen. Through the open door, Rossi, Derek, and Spencer watched Y/N grab a glass from the open dishwasher. The water from the tap hit the bottom of the glass harsh, crashing out like a wave of the ocean hitting a cliff. Y/N didn’t seem to care. Their hand dripped water onto the surface as they chugged back some of the drink before returning to the table with a topped-up glass.

“Are you alright?” Rossi inquired, leaning closer to Y/N.

They answered wearily, “Fine, just feeling woozy.”

“You’re a writer?”

“Yeah, you’re a writer too. My mom reads your stuff before bed.”

“Bit of an odd nightcap,” Rossi said with a little chuckle.

Y/N shared that smile for the briefest of moments, replying “You’re telling me.”

From their pocket, they pulled out some painkillers, popping them back with a slug of water then speaking again. “I remember Riley was smaller than me. Still figuring out coordination, but he liked to play chase. I know he was killed; I didn’t find out how until I looked into it last year.”

“Why did you look into it?” Rossi gently probed.

Y/N rubbed two fingers back and forth across their head as they spoke, “I was back here, I felt sick so I went for a walk in the park, and I just remembered him tripping over while trying to tag me. No one ever told me what happened, just that he had to go away. I wanted to know what happened to him.”

“Are you sick often?” Derek asked suddenly, his voice soft to match Rossi. Spencer grimaced at the treatment Y/N was receiving but said nothing.

“Headaches and stomach aches mostly.”

“You get them whenever you come home?”

“I do. Figured I was allergic to something but never figured out what.”

That would have to be a very quick response, like a dog allergy. And coincidental, seeing as the symptoms didn’t start until they saw Spencer.

“Y/N?” called their father, “Can you come here a moment please?”

“May I?”

“Of course,” said Derek and Y/N was out of the room. Derek pivoted in his chair to include Spencer in his theory, “I think they know something, but they don’t know they know it. I think they repressed this memory like you did, Spencer. We should take him to the therapist, see if we can jog his memory.”

“You can’t be serious,” Spencer covered his face with his hands, dragging them down with irritation.

Derek was persistent though, “Spencer, like it or not, Y/N’s linked to this investigation. Put aside your differences for a moment, please.”

Spencer all but squawked, “Put aside my differences?”

“You have brought a lot of bias to this case. Let us at least pursue this lead.”

“Sorry,” Y/N interrupted Spencer’s retort, sitting back at the table, “He needed someone to get unhook the loft door. Mom usually does it.”

“That’s alright.” Rossi waved a hand dismissively. Once Y/N accepted that, he moved in with Derek’s suggestion, “You know, some people have strong physical reactions to memories, trauma. Maybe you’re not getting sick. You’re rejecting something.”

“Rejecting?” repeated Y/N. There was no doubt in their voice, more cautious curiosity.

Derek nodded, “A memory, repressing it, and your body has linked the physical responses to your home. We think it has something to do with this case, and we’d like to see if we can retrieve any memories you might have. Would you be alright to come with us?”

“Yeah,” said Y/N, though they didn’t sound too certain, “Yeah sure.”

The resigned, too tired look on their face, and Spencer felt a tug in his chest. A longing to see Y/N smile like they had when they first entered the house. He’d rather hate someone who was happy than someone who suffered the same as him.

Leaving the house, Spencer took a deep breath of fresh air.

“Spencer?”

He ignored Y/N’s voice for a moment, but he couldn’t disregard Y/N standing in front of him and speaking again, “Spencer, can we talk please?”

“I’m busy,” He said, already walking off as he pretended to call someone, “Hey Garcia.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 “Hold onto my hand, use it as an anchor, and squeeze when you feel fear.” Doctor Mohikian accepted Y/N’s hand on her wrist and their silence nod as they lay back on the same couch Spencer had been just hours before.

“I want you to think back to your childhood, back to when you were five. You’re at the park, your parents are on a bench watching nearby to keep you safe. What do you see?”

“Spencer Reid.”

Derek and Rossi glanced at Spencer, who did not react. They kept quiet so that Y/N could immerse themselves in the hypnosis.

“What’s he doing?” Doctor Mohikian continued.

“Teaching me chess.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Sat on opposite sides of the table, Spencer and Y/N’s eyes were glued to the chess pieces that were neatly organised between them. Spencer was thinking strategy. He could not say the same for his companion Y/N. They reached a hand out and hovered over the pieces before finally selecting their last knight.

Their tongue clicked as Y/N trotted the piece on the spot.

“What’s this one again?”

“The knight,” Spencer recited, “It moves two spaces up, down, left or right, and another step perpendicular to the first direction.”

“Brave creatures riding into battle,” Y/N narrated before continuing their clip-clopping to its new position, “Pawns in the game of war.”

Spencer didn’t understand how they were coming up with this whilst playing. Well, actually, he did. Because Y/N was clearly not playing to win. They were playing for the best possible story.

“Where do you think this story will end?” Y/N asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re lying,” said Y/N, pushing back the sleeves of their white cardigan, “Come on, you can tell me, with your magic powers.”

“It’s not magic. It’s logic.”

“That’s magic to me,”

Narrowing his eyes, Spencer decided that he should give his friend the information they sought: “I see checkmate in fifteen moves.”

“See? Magic! The gift of sight!” crowed Y/N, clapping their hands together. The cardigan sleeves fell back in place as they did so. Spencer felt his cheeks heat up; he dropped his head so he could smile in privacy while Y/N began to decide their next move.

“How’s your mommy today?”

Shrugging, Spencer said, “Better than normal. But that means a bad day is around the corner.”

Y/N nodded solemnly. “Do you want another ice cream? I got more birthday money.”

“No thank you.” Spencer moved the piece but was immediately intercepted by Y/N, “You’re getting better.”

“Fank you.”

“You’ll have to wait longer to beat me though.” And he snatched Y/N’s knight away, just as planned and much to Y/N’s dismay.

A new voice from their left spoke, “Hey you’re pretty good.”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 Y/N’s grip tightened on Doctor Mohikian’s wrist, “Someone’s with us.”

“Who do you see?” Doctor Mohikian asked patiently.

“A man. He’s asking us if he can watch us play, listen to the story.”

“Do you want him to stay?”

“No,” Y/N flinched, “But Spencer keeps talking to him. The man won’t go away.”

“It’s OK, it’s OK, you’re safe, Y/N.”

Y/N flinched again, this time letting out a whimper, “He’s on the floor.”

“Spencer is?”

“No, the man.”

“What’s he doing on the floor?”

“He’s,” Y/N began panting, their face tensing and body jerking, “I can’t get to him. There’s glass in the way and the ground is shaking.”

“Y/N.”

“I can’t look, I’ll be sick! Whenever I see them, sick.”

“OK, you’re going to wake up in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!”

Their eyes snapped open with the click of the fingers and Y/N leapt out of Doctor Mohikian’s couch. Their head aimed over the bin by the door and they retched. Nothing came up but their stomach continued to squeeze up

Spencer fidgeted in his seat, trying his best not to look at Y/N. The choice words of the session, three in particular, wrapped around his head.

“Floor”.

Y/N had seen Gary Michaels inside, somewhere that wasn’t the park.

“Glass”.

A window, Y/N was watching what Gary Michaels was doing.

“Sick”.

“Go away! I can’t look at you! You make me feel sick, you and your family!”

“Them”.

It wasn’t just Michaels in the room alone. They had been a witness to his murder.

Derek’s movement to help Y/N took Spencer out of his analysis. Sweaty, Y/N was led back to the couch, the bin between their legs, head lolling forward. Spencer tried to move beside them for questioning, but Y/N winced and began heaving again. He felt that ache in his chest again. He was causing this and nothing he could do would change that. Not until they both knew what happened to Riley and Y/N got help through it.

“What did you see, Y/N?” Derek asked as he replaced Spencer’s spot beside them.

With watering eyes, Y/N looked at Spencer, “The man we played with, he was on the floor. His head – thank you.” They accepted the water from Doctor Mohikian, gulping some back, “It was smashed in.”

The three agents left the room, Doctor Mohikian following after Y/N left to get some air.

“It’s logical to assume that Y/N tied that sickness, that repulsion because of what they thought they saw your mother be involved with, to you and your family,” Doctor Mohikian evaluated.

Interrupting again, Spencer stammered his way through his analysis, “That’s why they avoided me. They associated me with being ill. It’s probably also why they ran away so much; they had to get away from this horrible feeling they had associated with their home.”

Doctor Mohikian shook her head, “We won’t be able to use this in court, I told you when we started.”

Derek’s phone started to ring. As he answered, Spencer somehow managed to slip away for long enough to find Y/N. They were leaning against the ramp’s railing in front of the practice, their body lifting and slumping with each deep breath they took. Against his better judgement, he moved toward them.

“Y/N? Can I have your number?”

The breathing slowed again.

“I need it to call you with an update on the situation as soon as we get one.”

Without looking up, Y/N pulled out their phone and handed it over to Spencer. He punched his number in a new contact, using this time to gather the courage to maybe say something else. The hurt and pain went beyond him now. Y/N was suffering and had been much longer than he had.

“Thank you, Y/N,” Spencer said quietly, hoping that his didn’t add to the illness, “I hope you feel better soon.”

Their head still down, Y/N croaked, “You too, Spencer.”

“Spencer, get over here! We got a match on a print on Michaels’ body!”

 ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

“What makes you think Gary Michaels killed your boy?”

“He admitted it,” Lou Jenkins said, as monotonous as he had been for the last fifteen minutes of the interrogation.

Derek’s quickfire was on Jenkins instantly, “You beat a guy with a baseball bat, he's going to admit to a lot of things. How do you know he was the right guy?”

“I know. He approached another kid in the neighbourhood.”

“And how do you know that?

“I was told by a concerned party.”

“Who? Another parent?”

Jenkins leant back in his chair, “That's all I'm going to say on the subject.”

“Who was it?” Spencer suddenly spoke up.

Caught off guard at his interjection, Jenkins awkwardly parroted himself, “I told you that's all I'm going to say on the sub—"

Reid slammed his hands on the table, getting right up in Lou’s face, “Who was it?”

The door opened, Detective Hyde appeared, “Agent Reid?”

“Do not interfere with this interrogation, detective,” shouted Spencer, “This is not your case anymore!”

Once again, he was cut off. This time, by the arrival of his own mother, Diana, and her admission of guilt: “Spencer, it was me”.

  ---> ---> ---> ---> ---> 

  Of all the things this case had brought him, Spencer least expected to be sitting in a room with his mother and father together for the first time in years. To have Diana explain to him how she was involved in a child’s murder was also up there with the unthinkable.

But he stayed quiet and listened to her confession.

The reveal that she had seen Gary Michaels playing chess with him and Y/N, that she and got a feeling that something was wrong before anything had even happened, opened the story. Lou Jenkins’ involvement was next on the menu. Two days after the chess game, he drove Diana to Michaels’ house, disclosed his history of child abuse, and demanded she leave while he went into the house.

Upon reaching the point where she entered the house, Diana struggled with her words. William reached over and took her hand.

She described seeing Lou with the bat, standing over the body, slipping in the pool of blood, finding Y/N standing in the window and their face, their little face as innocent as the white cardigan that covered their shoulders and absorbed the blood from Diana’s hands as she shook their shoulders.

“And the rest... It's all dark after that.”

William continued for her. Diana came home and brought Y/N with her. Eventually he came to understand what had happened and decided that nobody could ever know.

“You were burning her bloody clothes,” Spencer concluded.

His father nodded, “But the knowing, you can't burn that away. It changes everything.”

“You paid for Y/N to go to therapy.”

William didn’t seem surprised that Spencer knew this, going straight into explaining: “They went into a dissociative fugue state after seeing what Lou had done. When Diana brought them home, they were just stiff. I asked them for their home number, to call their parents, but they started screaming and throwing up. We had to take them to the police station.” He mopped his brow with a handkerchief, “They needed help, but their parents couldn’t afford it. And they didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t drag another person into this, Spencer.”

“Is this why you left?”

“I tried to keep us together, Spencer. I swear to you, but the weight of that knowledge, it was too much.”

“You could have come back. Could have started over.”

“I didn't know how to take care of you anymore. When I lost that confidence, there was no going back. What's done is done.”

“At least now you know the truth,” Diana made an effort to smile at her son

Choking on his words and the overwhelming remorse he felt, Spencer refused to look at his parents any longer, “I was wrong about everything. I'm sorry.”

And William said something that Spencer had been waiting for, for a long time, “I am, too, Spencer.”

  ---> ---> ---> ---> ---> 

  All of this was repeated when Spencer walked with Y/N through their old park the following day. Filling the final gaps in the memory would hopefully bring some respite to them both. Or at least maybe something to start the recovery process, easing Y/N’s sickness and Spencer’s pain.

“I’m sorry for my behaviour during this case,” Spencer sniffed, “When you said we made you sick, back when we were four, I thought you had seen my mom during one of her episodes and thought she was a freak, like everyone else.”

That stopped Y/N in their tracks, their hands coming up to cover their mouth, their eyes misty, “Oh Spencer, I’m sorry too, I’m so, so sorry I caused you so much pain.”

Spencer’s hands rushed up as if to create belated damage control, “It’s ok! I hurt you too. I made you sick.”

“That wasn’t your fault though.”

“It wasn’t yours either. We were kids.”

Almost pedantic, stropping, like a child again, Y/N moaned, “It’s all been such a waste. We could have been friends all this time!”

“We can be friends now,” Spencer pushed his hands down into his pockets to stop them flailing about anymore. His sentence was phrased more like a question.

One that Y/N gladly answered, “I would like really that.”

Sitting in the reply for a moment, Spencer followed up on his concerns, “How are you feeling? I mean, are you feeling sick again?”

“A bit, but I can handle it.”

Spencer could not see any changes in their behaviour from the day before. So obviously they were lying about that. But he didn’t protest. The lie meant Y/N wanted to stay with him, which was good - Spencer wanted that too.

They kept walking, only in silence for half a minute before Spencer broke it again, “I read your books last night.”

“Yeah?”

“‘The Siege of the Lost Faiths’ in Rogue’s Mask, that was our first game of chess.”

“It had by far the best narrative,” Y/N dragged their shoe a little on the grass before coming to a stop, “Do you still play?”

“All the time.”

They nodded over to where the old chess tables still stood, “Fancy a game before you go?”

Spencer grinned, “Just promise that this is the only setting where we’ll be on conflicting sides from now on.”

“Promise.”

Brushing the debris from the table, they both took their places opposite each other. From Y/N’s bag was revealed a box, spilling their painted chess pieces across the board. Remembering how they had stood in Y/N’s room, Spencer helped to set up the match. They took their seats opposite one another. Y/N was the green side, Spencer the purple.

Spencer moved first. After a second’s deliberation, Y/n moved their pawn.

“Isn’t there a story with this one?” Spencer said, an implicated teasing in his tone despite his shyness.

With an equally bashful eye roll, Y/N started their new story, “First begins the battle with the royals on both sides sending intrepid messengers to meet and pass along their deeds.”

Spencer took Y/N’s pawn. As he lifted their piece away, he spoke quietly, “One not as intrepid as the other.”

A gasp dropped from Y/N’s smile. He had never joined in the narrative telling before, always too taken up in the match to invest in whatever story they spun. 

“He’s not a coward,” They said, still smiling, much to Spencer’s delight, “Prisoner’s dilemma, he just couldn’t trust the other with his life.”

“Did they know each other before this battle?”

“Yes,” Y/N moved a knight across, stealing Spencer’s pawn, “They were brothers who once shared a crib and now they share a grave.”

Throughout the game, Y/N continued the story with Spencer asking questions just to hear them talk more. The maturity of the stories had grown just as Y/N’s voice had. They knuckled their eyes a few times, but they didn’t complain about the headache.

“I know what endings you like,” Spencer moved his rook, “Checkmate in five.”

Y/N didn’t seem to mind that little dig, “This’ll have to be a short story instead then.”

Spencer’s next sentence got away from him, trailing off the closer he got to the end of it, “You could write an anthology series, if we see each other again and play more games.”

Where Spencer’s voice disappeared, Y/N’s returned with invigoration, “That’s not a half bad idea, Spencer.”

The checkmate never came. Y/N diverted the ending into a draw.

“A peace treaty has been forged by the survivors, because too many lives have been lost to justify this violence anymore. If only they realised sooner that no blood had to be shed for peace to rule the lands.” And they smiled at Spencer, clearly chuffed as they leaned back in their chair, “Bit of an upgrade from the horse noises, I’ll say.”

Spencer rotated the purple knight – the illusionist – between his thumb and forefinger, “I liked the horse noises.”

“You should have said during the match! I’d recreate them, for you.”

One by one, the pieces were placed back into their box until the last piece remained in Spencer’s palm: the knight or Soren the Illusionist, distractions and deceptions but he loved the tricks that delighted most of all. Just like Spencer with his magic tricks but a little to the left. The character was always one of Y/N’s favourites. Some solace away from the pain of thinking of who he was based on.

Y/N pushed Spencer’s hand away, closes his fist around it, “Keep him. He was made with you in mind anyway.”

The information sank in and Spencer’s nose wrinkled with the little smile on his face as he cupped the little Illusionist, “I’m Soren?”

Nodding, Y/N confirmed, “You’re Soren.”

“But what about your set though?”

“I can always make and paint another knight,” and Y/N tilted the piece upside down in Spencer’s hand, revealing the signature on the underside, “You and him are the originals, it’s only fair you stay together.”

In a moment of pure instinct and nostalgia, Spencer clicked his tongue as he twisted Soren in time with the noise. Y/N let out a burst of laughter that dragged the air out of Spencer’s chest.

“Hey, do you wanna get dinner tonight?” He said, running out of breath very quickly as a result.

It had a similar effect on Y/N, “I thought you – don’t you have to get back to Virginia?”

“I have time for dinner. For you.”

  ---> ---> ---> ---> --->

 The bookstore was packed but the breath of the patrons was held as one. All eyes were watching the mini stage where a crouching figure lifted their head up slowly. A jump as the tension broke with the figure leaping up to their feet with a bang.

Y/N pushed up the brim of their cap. Snatching a deep green hoodie from the purple trunk – silver constellations painted on the sides – they swung it over their back before picking up the page where they had left off.

“Nasima looked up at Mason and said, ‘Well that was just unnecessary.’”

A burst of laughter shot through the pre-teens in the front row, spreading to the adolescents sitting further back who had grown up with the author’s other works, finally reaching the adults at the back where Spencer was fiddling with his cane. He adjusted the sleeve of his costume absentmindedly. He was just like everyone else in the room: captivated by how Y/N was so immersed in their reading.

They had just mimed kicking down a door, plus sound effects from their mouth. Swapping back and forth between the two conflicting characters arguing with one another, changing between the hoodie and the cap with every other line of dialogue and taking both off for the role of the narrator, it was certainly a workout.

An exaggerated breath was drawn into Y/N’s lungs, flopping over in a melodramatic state, which caused another laugh in the audience.

Spencer’s nose scrunched up as he grinned. He knew this was part of the scene; he’d seen Y/N rehearse this story in their sitting room. It was so much better to share this with an audience, for their reactions to fuel Y/N’s energy.

Y/N finished the short story A Battle of Bent Truths with a flourish, leaving the rest of the anthology for their audience to read in their own time. The kids were up on their feet first. Some of them were jumping up and down as they applauded with the rest of the shop. Y/N gave a big grin as they bowed, sweeping their cap off for extra drama.

There was a book signing and a photographer that followed, and Spencer waited patiently at the end of the queue, thankful that the store allowed him to bring a chair along with him. He was happy to entertain his godson and friends with a few tricks to pass the time.

“Another one please!” Henry jumped up and down when Spencer revealed his card.

A minor commotion arose by the photographer’s backdrop. There was a teenager was crying; she was clutching her copy of Untold Tales of Human Nature. Y/N was holding their shoulders, rubbing gently and speaking softly. Only half paying attention to his next trick, Spencer kept an eye on Y/N as they hugged the teenager, looking near tears themselves.

“Spencer?” J.J tapped him on the shoulder and Spencer realised that Henry was looking a little mad to have lost his godfather’s attention so easily.

“Sorry, Henry, can you pick another card please?”

When they reached the front of the queue, JJ went up first and took Henry and his pals up to see Y/N. They instantly recognised JJ and welcomed her with a tight hug. Henry was delighted to see his favourite babysitter and show them off to his school friends, boasting that they had read to him before today.

“They read me bits for bedtime, Mommy!”

“I know!” JJ tickled his cheek, “I read them to you too.”

“Who do you like better?”

“Mommy,”

Y/N gasped, dropping to their knees which made Spencer wince, “Henry, you wound me!”

Rossi approach next, knowing that once Spencer got to Y/N, they would not be left alone.

“You really know how to captivate an audience,” He kissed them on both cheeks, “Though don’t take offence if I don’t use the same tricks at my readings.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it! Thank you for coming.”

Y/N then caught Spencer’s eye and began meandering over to him with a smile they were desperately trying to stifle. Spencer rose from his chair, meeting Y/N in the middle.

“Hi, Spencer.”

With his free arm, Spencer flaunted his cloak, “Who is Spencer? I’m Soren the Illusionist!”

Giggles from his godson, his godson’s gang, his co-workers and friends, they almost caused Y/N to lose their composure. They held on just long enough to continue the banter.

“Oh, forgive me, you look so much like my boyfriend.”

“Hmmm, he must be very handsome,”

And Y/N burst into peals of laughter, waving their hands about, “OK, stop, stop, stop, I can’t.”

“Hey!” Spencer pretended to take offence, pouting as Y/N brought him into a hug.

“Don’t worry,” They kissed his cheek between giggles, “You are so very handsome.”

“To think you were once sick at the sight of me.”

[guiltysecretpasttime]

Untitled Linzin fanfic

(Yet again?)

This came to me while staying at home one day (one day of many, mind you). Am I okay with starting another multi-chapter Linzin story? Maybe. Will I push through with it? Absolutely. Should this be taken seriously? No, please don’t. Am I abandoning my other work? Of course not.

Don’t take this plot seriously since it’s just something that I felt like I want to write down and share. But… let’s see. Consider this a crackfic /trope centric fic eh haha. Consider this my contribution to this teeny tiny space in the fandom.

Please leave a comment or a reply as to what you think about this. I’m gauging this to be like 3 to 4 chapters long only though.

I think this will keep as untitled for now – until I figure out the right title. And summary / overview.

---

Untitled

Overview

Legend of Korra fanfic – Linzin endgame AU

1 of 3 (or 4?) chapters (or more, if I decide to post them in chunks) – I really haven’t thought this out (shrugs and looks around shiftily)

Pre-canon AU (prior to Book 1)

--

The airbender gently slid the door closed, careful not to disturb any of its sleeping occupants. He knew he was late but as with everything – his children always came first.

He looked up at the moon, peeking from behind gray clouds. The rain did not let up at all during the day.

It was a pity. It was, after all, the first time that his children found themselves on an Ember Island vacation. It was to celebrate Jinora’s birthday – at least that was what the press release was.

He hurried across the courtyard, ignoring the squelching sounds that his sandals made on the mud and puddles.  Passing no one on his way, Tenzin finally reached the right hall.

He quickly dried himself before entering what everyone knew as the Fire Lord’s family hall, which was precisely why they selected it. He crept into the dimly lit hall, shadows were wavering across the pillars and the walls. Nonetheless, the pretense of a nightcap among the grownups was well executed with the spread on the long table.

He sat down immediately beside his mother, who inclined her head in acknowledgment.

Fire Lord Izumi cleared her throat and the soft buzzing of conversation silenced.

“Now that we’re complete – let’s get right to it.”

The airbender’s eyes wandered across the room, to everyone sitting at the long table of the Fire Lord.

Everyone who was anyone to his late father was present. Everyone alive, that is. The lack of guards or security personnel was nothing new in this situation though – in a room of bending masters, it was almost foolish to expect guards to be standing in attention, alert for any disturbance.

“As we know the Red Lotus is back at its game.” Lord Zuko now presided the meeting and went straight to the heart of the clandestine gathering. “There has been reliable intelligence that they are gaining traction on the ground and there are rumors of freeing their known members.”

To their credit, no one in the room gasped or expressed their incredulity of such a claim.

Bumi began to share all the pertinent information from the report (Tenzin idly thought that being a commander suited his brother’s temperament). It was alarming to hear of pockets of violent incidents across the nations and the United Republic that can be traced back to the Red Lotus.

Chief Tonraq took the action to inform his brother Unalaq to strengthen the guards at the North as one of the prisoners were being held there.

Katara said that the White Lotus has already been informed of the case and she had personally requested to have the number of Zaheer’s guards increased. Bumi spoke of fortifying the defenses in all the other security prisons.

“Well, if everything is secured, why even call for us?” The gruff voice of Toph Beifong finally joined the foray.

Suyin fidgeted from Toph’s side, clearly uncomfortable with the discourse.

Truth be told, he did wonder at Suyin’s presence.

When Lord Zuko issued the invitation to Ember Island, he was surprised at the arrival of the Zaofu Beifong family, knowing that they have been estranged from some time. He thought that maybe it was just in keeping up with the ruse of a family reunion. Nonetheless, here they are now and Su was found to be in their midst. She was the youngest child of their generation and had been, more often than not, shielded by her mother when it came to serious and bordering dangerous matters. It had always been the eldest Beifong daughter who shouldered the brunt of the situation.

But then again, no one called attention to the empty seat at the other side of Toph Beifong tonight. Tenzin was sure it was not allotted for Baatar (who had stayed behind to see to the bedtime of the children).

Despite her stature, Toph still managed to command the room. “The Avatar is currently far from Republic City and I don’t think her parents will be taking her on a trip to Zaofu anytime soon. I don’t see the need for us,” Her emphasis heavily implying her family. “To even be here.”

All of a sudden, Tenzin realized the former Fire Lord looked all of his age as he drew in a breath. “While that may be true, Toph, the Red Lotus is looking for a gateway to the spirit world. They think true power and equality will only be brought about by uniting our world with the spirit world. Or barring that, a way to force the Avatar’s hand.”

“But she’s a child!” The Avatar’s father choked out.

“We are well aware that never stopped them.” There was a slight pause in remembrance on what had happened the first time the Red Lotus attacked the Avatar’s family. There had been losses.

Kya spoke up, trying to figure out what that could mean. “If the prisons are heavily guarded and all the leaders of the nations have their own security detail, what else are they looking to? What is in Republic City? What are they targeting?”

“The airbenders.”

All heads turned to a figure who had been leaning in the shadows of one of the pillars. Tenzin wondered how he could have missed her.

Lin Beifong pushed herself off the pillar and grudgingly took a seat beside her mother. “Is it the airbenders then, Lord Zuko?”

All of a sudden, Tenzin realized Lord Zuko looked all of his age as he nodded solemnly. “They knew they need to lure the Avatar or in its place, use a master airbender to their bidding.”

Said master airbender’s eyes flashed. “I would never -!”

“They could use Jinora as leverage.” Understanding was visible on Bumi’s face. “Everyone knows Jinora can already airbend.”

“That’s sick.” Su managed to murmur, sinking further into her seat. “Using kids in their nefarious plans…”

“They’re not known for their mercy, sweetheart.” Bumi shrugged, years of being in the military hardening him some.

“We can add more protection for the children.” Katara threw a concerned glance at her youngest child.

Toph scowled. “So, what are you suggesting? Aside from the White Lotus, Republic City police would need to pull funds to provide bodyguards at Air Temple Island? Mind you – it would be hard to get this funding for a civilian.”

“I’m sure the White Lotus would be enough.” Fire Lord Izumi attempted to mediate what was rapidly about to become a heated discussion.

“Maybe not,” Tonraq disagreed, already shaking his head.  “If we pull in resources across the nations for the high security prisons and the sentries for Korra, I don’t think we would have any to spare for Air Temple Island at this period. Recruiting and training more could jeopardize the quality of the White Lotus.”

As the people around him continued to toss around arguments and recommendations, Tenzin could feel everything closing in.

When his wife passed a little over a year ago due to a stomach bug that had gone untreated for so long, Tenzin had stepped down from his role as part of the city council and instead turned to raising his two daughters and rebuilding the Air Nation (or what was left of it). The transition of public figure to private citizen was a welcome balm to him and his young family. His mother and sister had stayed on the island for a couple of weeks during Pema’s illness and subsequent passing, but they did have lives to go back to in the South Pole.

Tenzin thought he managed okay – training acolytes, tending to his daughters’ needs, documenting what was available of the Air Nomad culture… His visits to Republic City were now less frequent compared to his council days. He had developed a routine and he thought they were coping well.

But now, with the tenuous peace that he finally thought he attained was now at the risk of crumbling, he was at a loss on what to do. It had been a while since he felt like this – back when his father passed, and even then there was someone he had with him to support him.

“We need to send them away then.” Iroh’s voice drew Tenzin’s attention back to the discussion. “They’ll be sitting ducks at the island.”

Toph snorted and Izumi glared at the blind woman’s reaction to her son. “Yeah? Then what – they join the Fire Lady’s entourage? Or maybe head on to the tundra with the Avatar? The Red Lotus would probably be grateful that you placed all their targets in one area.”

Izumi countered. “That would solve the issue of spread out resources – if we concentrate them in a location, that may work.”

“On the other hand, what sort of excuse would you give for Master Airbender here to be away from his temples that long?” Lin asked with a tone so casual, you would have thought they were discussing the weather. “It would not do for the Red Lotus to know that we are unto them so soon when we have yet to strategize how to take them down.”

Tenzin found himself silently agreeing. Lin always was the pragmatic one.

Zuko stroked his beard in thought. “We could have them over – extended vacation maybe? Or we go around on vacation to the temples? That way we can use the Fire Nation’s security detail.”

“That would be a negative.” Iroh reddened as he realized he just spoke against his grandfather. At his encouraging nod, the younger firebender continued. “That would be a logistical nightmare. Too many variables to consider.”

Bumi suddenly perked up. “That’s it!” The shaggy-haired man stood up with a snap. “Variables – and what you all said.” He waved a hand across the table. “They can join the Fire Lady’s entourage -.”

“What!” The collective disbelief echoed in the hall.

He raised his hand in supplication. “Hear me out -what if he joins the Fire Nation Royal family as actual family? Surely questions won’t be raised.” Seeing that no one was getting his point, he decided to say it plainly. “I’m saying what if Tenzin marries Izumi?” There was a lot of disagreements to his pronouncement and so he raised his voice. “That way, it won’t be odd if he stayed there or if they become under protection of the Kyoshi Warriors.”

If Lin was the pragmatic one, Bumi always was the wild one.

And practically everyone had a say on that.

“That would never pass, Bumi.” Lin.

“You can’t pull the wool over the eyes of the public with that. What more the Red Lotus?” Kya.

“Sorry but I don’t think Master Tenzin here is my daughter’s type.” Zuko.

“Dad. Well, aside from that, the optics for that kind of union would not bode well for international peace.” Izumi.

“I don’t need a stepdad.” A beat. “Siblings would be welcome though.” Iroh.

“I agree with Izumi -this may come across as the Air Nation siding with the Fire Nation.” Tonraq.

“I doubt the Earth Queen will remain quiet too.” Su.

“Meh. I say just toss Junior here and his spawn to some remote resort (or here even) and just say he went on a vacation.” Toph.

A snort. “Now that won’t fly – Tenzin never goes on vacation.” Bumi.

“Bumi, it’s not nice to make fun of your brother’s troubles.” Katara.

Tenzin simply shook his head at his brother, who still did not look deterred at all even as the conversation around continued to dissect and put down his ludicrous suggestion.

The older man was frowning, walking around the table while partaking on the board of dried meat, fruits and cheese laid out for them.

From the other end of the table, Lin tossed grape into her mouth while Su said something that sounded like “manners!”.

At that moment, Tenzin made the mistake of catching his brother’s eye. He did not trust the gleam in Bumi's eyes.

“I got it!” Bumi once more got hold of everyone’s attention. “True, Izumi as a bride  might be to farfetched, but there are merits to the Tenzin gets married deal. No questions will be asked if he spends time with family, out of the public eye, you know – a regular honeymoon. As to the lovely bride, why not someone he has had history with – that would make the whirlwind romance and wedding more plausible, won’t it?”

Tenzin’s heart sank at who his brother was implying. 

Oh no. Surely he didn’t mean…

“Why not marry Lin Beifong?”

---

Note: Why not indeed? 🤔 where am I going with this? You shall find out real soon. Lemme know whatchuthink.

[soramel]

Chained to you (Part 1)

How far can people go for power? How far can you go for love? kthxreader

drabble: You tried to snuck away from your marriage by making a scandal on your own. Have you photographed with someone outside a bar that will cause enough humiliation for your parents. Not knowing the man you chose for your ploy was your fiancé himself. You thought you’ve seen enough of the real world, but being with Taehyung only unraveled so much more. genre: angst, romance, unconventional love warning: eventual smut

A/N: cross-posted from wattpad; updates are uploaded in wattpad first

Part 1 word count: 6.4k

You were having another dinner night with your parents. Silence reigns on your table and only the occasional clink of silverware against the porcelain can be heard. You were used to it. The rectangular table is too enormous for a family of three, the cold marbled floor, the empty hallways. Sometimes you wished for a smaller house because you find the generous space exhausting to stride from and to, but at suffocating times, it provides room to breathe. Like at times like this.

"Mr. Kim's son will arrive in three days. We'll have brunch with the Kims on Sunday," your father informed nonchalantly. You held in a breath as your grip tightened around your spoon. It has been a month since your parents informed you about the marriage they arranged for you.

As a conglomerate heiress, you thought you'll be exposed to a lot of choices for your partner, but as you grew older, your status only narrowed it down. And now, you're left with no choice at all.

At that, your mom started planning for the occasion while you just went on with your meal.

The idea of them meddling with such personal matters like your relationship does not sit well with you. Not that you've been into anything serious for the past two years, but heck, despite your serious disposition, you did not want to tie down yourself in a loveless marriage.

It worked for your parents, but you're not sure if it could work for you. Besides, you barely know the man. You can't even remember his face.

"Mom, dad, I think it's too early to get married. Don't you think?" you uttered. This is your nth time having your dislike laid on the table. Although compared to your past fierce protests, this one's a tamed one, hoping that they'll reconsider your feelings about it now.

Your mom dramatically said, "22 is not young, darling! I was 18 when I was engaged to your father and 19 when we got married."

Your jaw tensed, "I have a lot of things I want to do. Besides, am I not your daughter? Why do I feel like a collateral security?"

"Y/n!" your mom shouted, offended. It's true. You don't know the whole thing but you're sure there's a business partnership behind this arrangement.

Then your father spoke, "You'll end up married anyway, why not do it now? Why waste your time dating around when there's already a man matched for you?"

You've been in this conversation before and it ended up running in circles. A diplomatic approach looked hopeless.

"Love can be learned. What you need to look for in your partner are the benefits he would bring to you," your father smugly said. Turning to your mom at his statement, your mom just gave you a smile.

"Taehyung is a good man, Y/n. You'll love him," she said. You did not respond. Taehyung was a childhood friend, but now he's a stranger. Your family is close with the Kims but you barely see each other, then when college came, you heard that he went abroad for his studies.

Your mom stood up from her seat to go beside you. Placing her hand on your back, she sweetly said, "And do this for us, okay? We've been working hard for your father's presidential campaign for years. This is your chance to help. We're not asking for you to be with us on campaigns."

You wished it was just that.

#

The news of your engagement soon circulated. No articles were written about it yet, maybe it was your mom's doing. She has a strong connection with the press given that she's a famous socialite.

Regardless, the buzzing news was enough for you to receive more stares than usual in your building. You also noticed some paparazzis lingering around when you dine out or shop in your favorite designer store. The increasing attention you've gathered was enough to send you over the edge for the whole week.

To make things worse, tomorrow's the dreaded day. You'll get to meet your fiancé. An estranged childhood friend.

One shot,

then another,

and another.

"Yeah!" your friend, Sunmi, cheered. You got to escape for the night. Your parents thought you'll be sleeping over at your friend, but little did they know, you'll have your share of fun for the longest time you've jailed yourself within the four corners of your office.

"Cheers!" you smirked at Sunmi who's smiling from ear to ear as she bottomed out her shot glass. Then she hugged you, "I missed you! The last time we hung out like this was in college!" she shouted over the loud music. You're in a booth good for ten people. You were hesitant at first to join her and her friends on a night out, but you need to get out of your head for now.

"What's up with you these days?!" she asked.

You took another shot and leaned to her, realizing that she hadn't caught the news yet. "I'm getting married," you said, but it was drowned out by the new music that started to play, making the crowd in the club cheer.

"What?!" she asked, leaning to you.

"I'm getting married!"

"What the fuck?!" her eyes were wide like a bunny caught in a red light. You laughed at her reaction. Then she squealed, making you lean away from her and cover your ears. Her friends didn't mind though and went on with their own thing. "To who?! Oh my god?! Why? How?! You don't have a boyfriend!" she spluttered.

It was actually your first time to find the situation funny. All the time when you think about it, it only stresses you out, but now the whole thing sounded so silly. "I don't know! All I know is that he does not look that good," you complained, making a silly face. You're not sure about his looks but whatever. Your distaste grew towards him the moment your father forced you to marry him.

Sunmi laughed, "An arranged marriage?! Oh god. That's still a thing?!"

You let out a disappointed expression as you held in your smile.

She downed another shot and shook her head, "I won't get rich people like you. So old school."

With a deep frown, you drank another glass that she filled. Sunmi's parents work in one of your mom's companies, you met her in the university as you were in the same classes during your freshman year. Months into your friendship, that's when she knew about your family.

"I really don't like to get married yet but my parents... you know them." you complained, loud enough for her to hear. You did not notice that the two of you already created a world of your own, shutting other people out who are in the same table. They were already playing drinking games, others were dancing, but you two just went on with your conversation.

Sunmi smiled naughtily and poured you another drink, you accepted it, laughing.

"If there's a will, there's a way!"

Raising a brow at her, you crossed your leg over the other and looked up. Feeling the alcohol seep into your system. The buzzing feeling felt good.

Flailing your hand dramatically, you asked, "Great Sunmi, let's hear your advice. Help thy stupid friend."

The cheshire smile that creeped on her lips sent you giggling. "You're not drunk enough. I'll tell you later."

After accepting another shot from her, she took your hand and led you to the dance floor. You were both laughing over nothing while you just swayed your hips to the music.

"Eyyy!!!" you howled at the drop of the familiar song playing. Not minding the bodies brushing against you, you enjoyed your time with your friend. At the end of the song, she dragged you back to the booth and grabbed a tequila bottle from one of her friends. They all cheered when she hoisted it up to you.

"Open your mouth!" she commanded.

You don't drink well straight from the bottle, so you shook your head no. But they egged on. Sunmi laughed, "Come on," then she pushed your shoulder down, "Kneel, bitch!"

The lot roared. You hated it but since your group is starting to get attention, you followed Sunmi to get it over with. With knees on the dirty floor, you opened your mouth as she poured the tequila down your throat.

"One!" they started counting.

"Two!"

"Three!'' That's when you tapped out. Closing your eyes, you gulped it down. You know you're out of it because the alcohol tastes good without the chaser.

This is going to be a good night, you thought.

You're now dancing with Sunmi and her friends. They all said their names as they made small talks, but you were too high to remember them. You twirled as you danced with the music, then at the corner of your eyes, you saw a familiar man. One of the paparazzis who's been following you nonstop. You recognized him because he's not one of those who hides behind the bush. He would casually be in the place where you're in and take pictures.

You felt disgusted. Your whole mood dampened. Your mom can do something about it if ever articles would be released, but you did not want to be scolded over simple stuff like this.

Sunmi noticed the shift in your mood, so she asked, "Hey! What's wrong?"

You stood up straight, getting ready to leave when she stopped you. "Y/n! What's up?"

You sighed, then with a frown, you said, "Saw a paparazzi, he's watching me. I gotta go."

Her mouth formed an "o" before a bright stupid idea popped in her mind. She dragged you back to your booth, urging you to sit down.

"I'm not in the mood anymore, Sunmi!" you whined, you became a bit emotional as you felt tears springing up in your eyes.

"Hey, hey, don't be upset. This is a good thing," she cooed.

"How is that a good thing?! Do you know how the news of my engagement has been buzzing around for days now? People are following me, watching my every move as if... the point is, I didn't sign up for this! I didn't ask for this!"

She patted your back as you rant, then she said, "You can break up your engagement, you know?"

You glared at her for making it sound so simple, "It's not that easy, Sunmi!" you felt hurt. Didn't she realize how pliant you are to your parents' command when they started insisting things on you? Especially when they're mad?

"It is! You're an adult now, you're a lady boss! You can do anything you want."

You huffed. This is going nowhere, your thoughts are fuzzy, the glaring lights and the loud music are not helping.

She tsk-ed when you lied down the couch. You're truly wasted. "I know a way to stop everything. And your chance is that paparazzi," she said as she pulled you up. Scrunching your eyebrows, you asked, "What do you mean?"

She smiled, a naughty one, before letting you in on her plan.

You both surveyed the bar and the dancefloor from where you're sitting at, but no one seems to be the right man for your ploy. In your sober state, you wouldn't agree with your devil of a friend, but you're lost as fuck and besides you like the idea.

"There." Sunmi pointed out a guy who's drinking alone at the bar. You took a swig of a drink you didn't know before strutting heads on to the man she pointed out. He does not look so bad.

Halfway through your stride, you ran your fingers through your hair. You smirked when you realized that you're really doing this.

His doe eyes are adorable, he has a small face and he's tall. He looks serious as he stares at his drink. Then as if he saw you on the corner of his eyes, he looked up and met your gaze.

You look sultry at that moment. You did not let go of his gaze as you approached him. However, the admiration that flashed in his eyes almost sent you back. You averted your gaze, he saw you coming. So instead of going with your initial plan, you just sat two seats away from him and ordered a drink as an excuse.

That flicker of emotion was familiar to you. You see it in parties you rarely attend with your parents. Men who knew who you are and their intention of having a too personal business relationship with you.

Wrong man. You send Sunmi a look as you wait for your drink. She just rolled her eyes back at you.

It's not the time to be picky, but you want to be safe. You're looking for someone who you can invite to take you out then drop them once a picture of you were taken. This one looks difficult to brush off. Scanning the crowd, you eye for your next target. You looked up at the second floor but it's too dark to see faces.

"Hey," the man you were eyeing earlier moved to the seat beside yours. You sent him a disinterested smile, not uttering a reply. You sigh in your thoughts as you find no one good enough for your ploy.

Trying one more time, he licked his lips before saying, "Not having fun here?"

The bartender slid you your drink, you took a sip while thinking whether you should reply or not. Then your attention caught a man who emerged from a staircase. His hair was covering his eyes, but you could tell that he's hot. His aura is something. You watched him intently as he headed towards the bar. To you. You smiled at the coincidence.

Thoughts fogged with your friend, the flowing booze, the music, the blaring lights, different scents of sin, the hazy atmosphere that made you high, your stress, the fucking paparazzi, your traditional parents...

Fuck it.

His stance screams dominance.

He stopped for no one until he reached you. No words were spoken as he claimed your waist, pulling your body against him. You saw him smirk and with dazed eyes you glanced up at him.

Finally, a fuccboi who won't bat an eyelash as you asked him out. A perfect pawn for your plan but everything took a different turn when his lips met yours. "Sure, I'm yours for the night," he answered, his voice deep, before diving in for another kiss. His hands gripping your ass.

He held you tight by his side as you walked out of that damned place. He rained kisses on your collarbone and shoulder while you wait for his car, not giving a damn to those who were staring. You were in just for a picture but his touch and kisses sparks fire that you never felt before.

#

Throat-parched, you woke up in tangled sheets. Your head is pounding and your body's sore. Realizing that you're naked under the sheets, you jolted awake, making you clutch your head as you suffer from a hangover.

Well, fuck. What happened last night? you asked yourself. Crumpling the sheets to your naked chest while you lean on the headboard.

The man beside you stirred at the sudden movement. He's laying on his stomach as he turned his head to face you. Your eyes widened when his eyes met yours. He's beautiful, alright. Blush crept up your cheeks at his wicked smile and he did this weird thing moving his jaw as if chewing something before brushing up his tongue on his upper lip, taking in your presence. He let out a low chuckle at your expression while you're busy putting a name on the man's face. But fuck, you can't remember.

He dragged you down by your waist and nuzzled on your neck, watching his muscles flex in the process. "Thought you'll be gone by the morning," he muttered with his bedroom voice. Is that his way of asking you to leave? You wondered, irritated by his remark.

You were thinking of a smart comeback when your phone rang inside your purse. It was placed on the bedside table together with your last night's dress which was neatly folded along with your lace undies. Much to your surprise.

Dad calling...

Your breathing hitched as you glanced at the time. It says 8 am. You sent a knowing glance to the man beside you, but he just reciprocated your telepathy with a chuckle. You answered the call nonetheless.

"Dad," you started, your voice calculating as you steady your breathing.

"Are you on your way back? The Kims will be here at ten," he said straightforwardly. Your eyes widened in shock. You cleared your throat before replying in a rush, "Yes, yes. I'm on my way from Sunmi. Will be there in time."

You dropped the call right away, not waiting for your father to respond. Wincing, you swung your legs out of the bed and gathered your clothing and slipped in your underwear.

"Now, you're leaving?" the man asked as you clasp your bra back. His tone teasing. You looked back and saw him enjoying your frantic escape. Your forehead scrunched in annoyance before raising a brow at him, "I didn't know if I had fun last night. But regardless, this won't happen again," you retaliated.

His face turned sour at your statement. You hurriedly slipped in your dress and gathered your purse, not minding where the heck your jewelry was. Leaving his apartment in a haste, you failed to see his knowing smile.

#

Memories of last night started flooding back. It was just bit and pieces, but those memories made it clear that you had sex with him. You just wished your memories weren't trustworthy enough but the pain between your legs only confirmed it.

You feel hot all over. You bit your lip at the images that spilled in your mind.

The way he pinned you on the wall right after he opened his door. The way he nipped on your neck, your chest, stomach, and even the inside of your thighs. His feverish touch. Everything felt so sensual.

Your heart beat rapidly as the memories became more vivid. The way he looked at you, his eyes darkened with desire. His low moans and grunts. His silence as he rammed into you, intently watching the little changes in your expression as he thrust deeper.

Time flew fast that now you realized you're in front of the mirror, all dressed and freshened up for the first meeting with your in-laws and fiancé. You still feel like floating due to your hangover and your head aches like hell but that was not enough to bar you from feeling all these emotions. Of helplessness, loneliness, hatred. You browsed your phone to see any news from last night, but you found nothing.

Sunmi told you that she'll make sure you'll get photographed by the paparazzi. Maybe you were too drunk to follow through and were deeply engaged with your last night's companion. You sent a text to your friend,

Was I caught last night?

"Honey, are you ready?" your mom asked from the other side of the door. You didn't notice her knocking.

You sighed as you placed your phone on the charging pad. "Yeah, I'll be out in a bit," you said loud enough for her to hear.

"We'll be at the patio. Don't take too long, okay?"

Should I tell them I have a boyfriend? As you walk downstairs with heavy steps, you were formulating your escape plans but all of them required courage to put shame on your parents in front of the Kims. You're too much of a darling to do that in your sober state.

The least thing you could do is bail your time. However, you doubt if that will work.

The weather outside is nice. It's sunny but not too hot. You saw three house staffs lined outside as they served the elders of their brunch. There was another man sitting on the round table, his back facing yours, you assumed that's Taehyung, your fiancé. A cantilever umbrella was placed against the sun. You encountered some staff walking to and from your kitchen to bring more dishes outside.

When you approached the table, only one seat was left vacant, which was beside your fiancé, his back facing yours. You bowed and greeted everyone good morning, followed by an apology for being late. Mrs. Kim brushed it off, smiling at you, "We just arrived, Y/n. Don't fret."

You reciprocated her warm greeting with a smile. Your father cleared his throat as he told you to take your seat. You did not even bother to look at the man beside you as you felt your hate grow.

The awkward silence was broken when Mr. Kim's son spoke, "How are you feeling, Y/n?" The familiarity of his voice made you snap your gaze at him.

Shock is an understatement. If your eyes could bulge out of its sockets, it already did. The man that you had a one-night stand with is now sitting at an arm's length away from you with a smug smile on his face. You blinked twice. Thrice.

"F-fine. I'm fine. Thanks for asking," you stuttered. Taking a deep breath to regain your composure. You didn't know Taehyung looks this good. You barely remember him from your childhood. You didn't meet him during your teenage years since you weren't really fond of the parties that your parents attend. The time you went with them was only a handful and every time you'll go, Taehyung wasn't there, only his parents. Until you heard of the news that he moved overseas for his studies. You can only care less for you were never interested in him. Until now.

You wonder if you should pretend that you don't know him. Well you really don't. You know him by his name, yes. You weren't even able to recognize him last night. Were you that drunk to fail in putting two and two together? Did he even say his name?

Mr. Kim then said, "I see you haven't forgotten each other. That's a relief."

Your gaze turned to the old man, giving him an awkward smile, while your mother eyes you suspiciously.

The brunch started with a casual talk. Most of the time, it was your parents asking Taehyung about the time he spent abroad. It has been seven years. He would go back here for short vacations but most of his free time was spent for internships. You learned that he's a very career-oriented man. Or that's the picture he's painting. You'll never know.

You were just silent for the whole thing, barely touching your food because you don't have the appetite. You enjoyed the coffee though, as strange as it is. When the fruits arrived, that was the only time you were able to eat properly. The sweetness of the honeydew was refreshing to your system.

Unbeknownst to you, Taehyung smiled at your actions. You were indeed wasted last night, he realized.

"Y/n, I heard you started working for your airline company. How is it?" Mr. Kim asked, pulling you out of your headspace.

They looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer, including Taehyung. "I'm having fun so far. It's only been six months, but I feel like I've learned a lot," you replied, "Yet, not quite everything," your tone even and casual.

"I actually worked with Y/n before when she was still in Waldorf. We handled their security systems," Mrs. Kim recalled fondly before adding, "Which one do you like more, Y/n?" she asked, making you choose between the airline company and the hotel line you've handled so far.

With a tight-lipped smile, you said, "I grew to be fond of both, Mrs. Kim."

She nodded knowingly, satisfied at your answer. Your hotels are situated near airports all over the world, it's not one of those who caters for tourists in the middle of the city. Though independent from the airline, the two businesses work together symbiotically. Then Mr. Kim asked, "Have you thought of studying abroad, Y/n? It might help with your work. You and Taehyung could have studied in the same university together."

"I had my MBA degree here, Mr. Kim. The curriculum is at par with others, so it was alright. I preferred to study here so I could also come to work."

Your mom then interjected, chuckling softly, "You know how workaholic she is. I'm thankful she's more interested in the corporate world than life in politics."

Her remark sent your dad laughing, "She'd be a darling to my constituents for sure. But I doubt she'll fit right in. You know how my world is." His statement earned a chuckle from the Kims except for Taehyung who just smiled.

Aside from the occasional charity work that you do with your mom for your dad's sake, he never actively made you involved with his activities. He was a city mayor during your childhood years then moved to the national assembly. You were more popular in his world as a cute girl who's tagging along and now, you're well known for being a socialite after your mother, given your family's status.

The chatter died down when phones buzzed. You left yours in your room so you couldn't check for yourself what's happening. The elders took their phones out and seemed to be browsing their phone down.

You and Taehyung just looked at each other out of curiosity.

"Y/n,"

"Son,"

Your fathers uttered at the same time. A stern look was plastered on your dad's face but he's not angry. However, that expression is familiar to you. That's when he tries to see what's beyond the person he's talking to.

Contrary to the reaction of your parents and Mr. Kim, Mrs. Kim gushed at the two of you. "You brats! You're seeing each other behind our back?" she squealed.

Your mom let out an uncomfortable laugh, "I'm sorry, I haven't seen this one coming. Should I have the article pulled out?" she said, turning to your father, her face etched with worry.

Taehyung's face is blank. You figured he also had no idea, but you caught on. Maybe it's your picture last night. Your hands gripped tightly onto your seat.

What have you gotten yourself into, Y/n? you scolded yourself. If you only knew who he was. Wait, does he know who you are when he approached you last night?

You sent him a glare at your realization. This jerk.

Your father turned to your mother and said, "It's alright, have their engagement announced as early as possible," then he turned to the Kims, "I hope that's alright with you."

The move infuriated you. The fact that your father did not even ask if it's alright with you, you were the one who's getting married, not them!

Finally, Taehyung spoke, "May I ask what this is all about, sir?" he asked. His tone is careful.

Your father sighed then answered, "It's a picture of the two of you last night, outside a club. Not a good publicity but the article was decent enough to declare that you're dating. Which reminds me..." he then turned to you and asked, "I thought you were at your friend's last night?"

Shit.

"Ah," Taehyung muttered. He looked at you as he answered for your sake and his, but the playful smile on his lips should have told you he meant nothing good. "I met Y/n the day I arrived in the country. I'm sorry if we hid it from you, we wanted to get to know each other on our own before the engagement. I fetched her last night from her friend's party. That's all."

Great. Almost good Taehyung. Fuck, you should've kept your mouth shut. You were murdering him with your glare when your father's eyebrows furrowed further that you couldn't count the wrinkles on his forehead.

The situation didn't help you from escaping your doomed marriage, if only, it tied you down more. Unfortunately, your father was too smart to not take advantage of the situation, uncaring what it might look like to the people on the table. With a raised brow, he declared, "Y/n just got home this morning, so you were with her the whole time?"

Your mother and Mrs. Kim's shocked faces made your face blush, while Mr. Kim just cleared his throat as he glanced at his son. You couldn't read his expression. So, before Taehyung denies it and turn the situation against you, you answered, "Yes, I was with him."

Days ago, you couldn't even imagine that you will be driving the nail deeper on the veil. Now, you totally screwed yourself over.

Taehyung didn't protest. Instead, he held your hand in his. A satisfied smirk plastered on his face as you force your hand out of his grip, "We can announce the engagement as soon as possible. That, I agree with, sir."

#

Articles were soon released about your rumored engagement. It was your mom's doing, she was the one who's been holding the news off for the week and she just had it released right after your dating scandal that she failed to monitor. Interestingly, people bought it.

"So, when are we having the wedding?" Mrs. Kim enthusiastically asked that day after everyone calmed down. She was looking at you expectantly, but you just returned her look not really knowing what to say. It's not that you have agreed to the arrangement.

Your mom answered for you, "With the situation at hand, I advise it's better if we skip the engagement party. Have their wedding by the end of the month."

"Mom," you called out, protest is evident in your voice at the sudden speed of things. Your heart's beating fast. You don't want this.

In all honesty, you have an idea that this is all for business purposes, but it also looks like a publicity stunt and show of power of your father given that he'll be running for presidency. Your father is famous alright, but the limited campaign period before elections is short that publicizing your wedding months before would help boost your father's image without it counting as a "campaign". Basically, your marriage would hit two stones for him, power and popularity.

You cried that night. Being married off to a man you barely spent time with, horrible images flashed in your head, picturing how miserable your life would be. You missed a lot of calls from Sunmi, but you were nursing your own pain that you didn't want to talk to anyone.

After sending her a text saying that you're fine, you turned your phone off. You've been receiving calls and messages the whole afternoon. Some were asking about the truth behind the scandal while some are sending their congratulations.

You woke up the next morning hearing that Taehyung is in your father's study. Angered at how you're being cornered and not even giving you time to think over it, you hated them for treating you like a thing. You stormed into your father's office downstairs, still in your silk pajamas.

They seemed to be in a deep conversation at that moment. Both heads turned towards your sudden arrival.

"I'm not getting married," you declared without further ado.

Taehyung witnessed your banter with your father so early in the morning. You tried so hard not to shed a single tear, but the gravity of the situation stressed you out more than anything. All the while he just looked out the window and averted his gaze when your emotions started getting the better of you.

"Stop controlling my life for once! I did everything you asked and expected me to do! I can handle your empire without a man!" you argued after a heated exchange with your father.

But that just went through his ears. Then he ended up saying things he didn't truly mean. Hurting you.

"You can't secure your power alone, Y/n. Still, you're a woman."

Your mouth fell agape. You never heard of that word before as an insult but the way your father said it started a wildfire within you.

"Your excuses are bullshit. You need me, a woman, to secure your own power. You know that," you spat. Heaving with rage, you drew your last straw as you said with fire in your eyes, "You're not using this woman. She's leaving."

"Y/n!" your father's voice boomed 'til the empty hallways, startling everyone except you.

You walked back to your room and quickly got dressed. You gathered some clothes and some important things, stuffing everything in your leather duffle bag. This was your last resort, but you have no choice but to drive down this path.

Slamming your bedroom door open to get out of your own hell, your brows furrowed at the sight of three bodyguards blocking your way. They didn't utter a single word.

When you ignored them and tried to push your way out, they stood like steel, holding out their arms to stop you from leaving.

"Get your hands off me!" you shouted.

But they didn't listen.

"Hands off," Taehyung ordered.

The men backed down then you went on your way only for Taehyung to block you.

"Don't touch me," you spat under your breath. Taehyung sighed, "Your father won't allow you to leave."

Snapping, you told him, "I can leave anytime I want."

He wet his lips before looking at you sincerely, "I'll help you."

You didn't believe him. For all you know, he's into this thing witnessing how he just stayed silent while you were arguing your way out earlier.

However, four more men filed in your hallway.

"Y/n's leaving with me, there's no need to stop her." Taehyung said out loud, still holding your gaze.

They obediently cleared a path for you. Taehyung walked off first with you and your leather duffle bag in tow.

He did not throw you a glance to see whether you are complying or not. He walked straight out of the mansion then you saw a Benz parked right in the driveway. He opened the door for you to get in.

You watched him walk to the driver side, still contemplating whether you should go with him. Not that you have much of a choice as the guards were watching your every move. They're all held by the main door. You couldn't remember the last time when you saw this much of security. It's a sudden change in the mansion. It's affirmative they're from the Kims.

After both of you were settled in, Taehyung silently drove off, smoothly passing through the gate.

Down the winding hill, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"You can drop me off anywhere. I can handle myself," you coldly said, eyes planted on the road ahead. Taehyung didn't respond and continued to drive.

Several minutes after, you saw a bus stop. "That bus stop will do," you told him.

There's a good chance that he won't truly be of help to your escape. You know that, but still you tried.

And you were right. He drove past the stop you pointed and sped up the highway.

You turned to him, scowling, your faint hope was put in vain though you did not expect any better from him.

"There's a cabin out of the city. You can stay there," he muttered, not minding the dislike shown on your face.

He made some calls after a while. Something about getting a place ready for use. From the conversation, you made out that the place he offered belongs to his family.

A lot of things were running in your mind but then you realized that there's no use to be torn between wanting to compromise with your parents versus running away from it all. You turned to Taehyung when he pulled off. He set the car into a park by the side of the road with fields after your sight. You failed to realize that you were out of the city or maybe he's just a fast driver.

"Y/n," Taehyung started.

"We can have divorce after your father's term," he said.

You let out a bitter chuckle, "Five years is a long time, Taehyung. Forgive me but I'm really curious as to what you will get out of this. What did he promise you?"

"Merger of few companies, an exclusive contract in my tech company, your hand," he told you with full honesty. It's flattering that you are part of a negotiation which involves millions of dollars and maybe displacement of hundreds if not thousands of employees. Not.

"Five years is not a long time, Y/n. Think of it as getting another degree in college," he followed through.

"I accomplished three degrees in five years. Another degree won't take that long," you retorted.

Then you asked, out of curiosity, "And what will happen to the merger after we divorce?"

"I'll give you your shares, enough to have controlling interest. If you want more, we can negotiate that."

You laughed at the insanity, "You think that's easy? You believe our parents will allow that? And having a divorce is a disgrace, Taehyung. Once we get into this, there's no turning back. You know that." Because that's how it works in your world. And you hated it.

He smirked at you, then smugly said, "You underestimate me too much, Y/n. I'm not pliant to my parents' commands."

Good for him.

God, his arrogance is starting to get into my nerves, you thought.

"And if you want, let's not get divorced at all. I'll be that generous to allow you to keep your honor."

"Hah!" you let out in disbelief. Is the air different in the States for it to send his head in such disarray? Your jaw twitched in irritation.

"You see, Taehyung-" your speech was cut off when he started driving back to the road. "Hey!" you shouted, offended at his rudeness. He glanced at you and said, "It's not safe. I just had to talk down your wild thoughts a bit before you jump off the car out of desperation. You may continue. As you were saying?"

If looks could kill, this car already spun off the road.

"Go on," he egged on. You rolled your eyes at him even though he couldn't see.

"I'm not getting anything out of this. Do you think I care about the money?" you calmly said, getting into your corporate demeanor as you see that this is more of a professional relationship for him.

"Aren't you a businesswoman, Y/n?" he retaliated.

With your head held high, you replied smugly, "I don't chase money, Taehyung. I make money chase me."

"And I don't give a damn about power. I highly value respect," you added.

Your head snapped at him when you heard him scoff. He was shaking his head in amusement, but you took it as a sign of ridicule.

"I understand, but being with me will not only solidify your power, Y/n. You can have everything you want. Money will chase you and respect will be given accordingly if we do this right," he simply said.

[kkeidawrites]

Ice and Steel

A forewarning: Mentions of child abuse, violence, cruelty towards a child, and familial dispute. If this bothers you please do not read ahead. Thank you on behalf of p3achyheartz and blackreaderstation.

——————————————————————————

Chapter 7: A Bruised Heart; Hazel’s Estranged Upbringing

Flashback..

Hazel’s knees met the harsh ground below her and the feeling of blood beginning to seep through the scrape on her once healed scabs surfaced once more.

The taunting laughter from her older brothers made the young girl glare at the ground below her.

“We told you you wouldn’t be able keep up with us! Now look at you!” Akito teased as Daiki laughed.

“You should just stay down like a good little girl!” Daiki chimes in. Hazel’s small fists grip the rocks that laid dormant below her. She made sure that her hands hid the grey stones as she looked up at her brothers defiantly.

“Good little girl?” She clumsily returned to her feet as she continued to glare at her brothers. Her sudden question made them give her a confused look as Hazel gritted her snaggle tooth teeth.

“I’ll show you what ‘a good little girl’ can do!”

Her arms began turning like a wheel as she threw the stones at their intended targets: Daiki and Akito. The boys grunted from the pain of the stones and one ended up hitting Akito in the eye.

He grunts from the pain and falls to his knees clutching his right eye.

“Akito!” Daiki cries out as he kneeled to his brothers side. Blood was falling from the right side of his head and Daiki turned a murderous glare to their younger sibling. Hazel panted from her onslaught and straightened her back for a fight.

“You little!” Daiki storms over to Hazel and grabs the scruff of her pink kimono, bringing her face close to his.

“You’re going to pay for that!” He threatened and Hazel turns her head away.

“If it’s to get away from smell coming from your rancid upper lip, I’ll take anything.” Hazel says back, sassily. Daiki blushes in embarrassment and grits his teeth as he throws Hazel into a tree. Her back hit the rough bark harshly and she grunted as her body slid down to the grass below her.

She grunted in pain rubbing her back, then two shadows crept up in front of her and she looked up to see Daiki and Akito who was holding his bleeding forehead, glare down at her.

“You want to be a boy so bad? We’ll teach you why boys are always fighting then.” Akito spoke up as he cracked his knuckles. Was that supposed to scare her?

“Well what are you waiting for? An invitation?” She got back to her feet and into a fighting stance.

“I’m ready when you are.” She says.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, Hazel had got the short end of the stick after her fight with her brothers. It took maybe five or six guards to break all three children and Hazel escaped in time to avoid any questions from them. Albeit, she served enough punches and kicks in to break a couple of ribs on each brother and Akito’s head was going to be ringing a bit more than normal. However, it didn’t help the fact that she was limping terribly on her way back to her room.

She held the wall as she hobbles to her room and just when her day couldn’t get any worse, the wicked witch and her devil spawn were walking the same halls as she was.

Rei’s face scrunched up in displeasure as she noticed Hazel’s limping form pass her. Rei gave her a look and then noticed a bit of blood on the younger girl’s hands.

“Fighting again, brat?” Rei asked. Hazel ignored her as she continued her limp. Her hellspawn stomped her right foot at the disrespect.

“My mother is talking to you!”

“And?” Hazel glared at the girl and her step sister hid behind her mother from the scary look.

“It’s quite alright, dear. The little brat can continue limping. I’ll make sure she doesn’t receive any medical assistance from anyone. Let the animal heal on her own.” Rei smirked evilly. Her hellspawn smirked and stuck her tongue out at Hazel but the red haired girl grinned sinisterly.

“That’s fine. But, you should see your sons, they probably need the entire medical ward after what I laid on them today. I’m pretty sure Akito has a concussion right now.” Hazel says and Rei’s eyes widened then she frowns angrily.

“What did you do to my sons, you little wretch!”

“They couldn’t handle what I had and paid the price.” Hazel limped the rest of the way to her room as Rei and her brat rushed away to see to their other relatives.

That night, Hazel applied the gauze to the wounds on her arms then wrapped it up in the bandages. She had to steal these things from the medical ward because, she was forbidden by her father to have any of her wounds tended to as punishment for approaching him about wanting to learn to fight with her brothers.

Hazel grunts from the pain as she uses her teeth to cut off the bandage. Her brow furrows in concentration as she wraps her very swollen ankle up. It was no doubt sprained and it looks like she’ll need a crutch. Again.

“Just they wait,” she mutters as she stashed her medical supplies in a secret compartment by her bed.

“I’ll show them who their messing with and then they’ll be bowing at my feet!” She vowed.

End of Flashback

“Miss Hazel? Miss Hazel?” Hazel’s eyes refocused on her sake cup on her lap then shifted her gaze to Sanjiro who was sitting next to her with a concerned look.

“Are you alright, Miss Hazel?” He asked.

Hazel smiled to him and nods, rising to her feet and chugging her sake. With a pleased sigh, she placed a hand on Sanjiro’s shoulder and motioned him into their new room.

“I’m just fine, Sanjiro. Let’s go get something to eat, I know you’re still hungry, right?”

“Well, yes but-”

“Come on, come on! I want more stuffed dumplings!” Hazel pushes him inside and closes the shoji door behind them.

The kotatsu was larger than the last and this allowed more food to be piled on top of it. Toru and the twins were downing more food in their stomachs as Hazel snagged a pork dumpling, taking a huge bite. She moans in delight but, Sanjiro noticed how distracted she was when they were sitting on the balcony.

“Come on Sanjiro,” Hazel bit into her dumpling again as she spoke with a mouthful.

“The food will be gone and I’m not having any kids in my care go hungry!” She tells him, then picks up a bowl of ramen and pushes it into his chest. Sanjiro hesitantly grabbed the bowl and slowly began eating.

However, their dinner was interrupted when the shoji door opened and everyone but Hazel turned around to see who had entered the suite. Takuna gave his brothers a once over then silently made his way over to Sanjiro’s side, sitting down cross legged.

“Glad you finally decided to join us, Takuna. Steamed bean bun?” Hazel asked as she slurped up some udon while holding out a bean bun to the boy. Takuna takes the bun from her hands and quietly begins eating.

“Where have you been?” Sanjiro asked his younger brother.

“Nowhere.” The buzz cut boy replies, bored.

“Well, I’m glad your back big brother! We have more food here than the last place and the best part is, this hotel has a never ending food staff. So it’s an all you can eat.” Toru says as he bites into a chicken leg.

“Hm.” Was Takuna’s bored response. Toru deflated slightly and Hazel raised an eyebrow. She then felt a strange presence outside and turned her gaze back to the brothers.

“You guys continue eating. I’m going to enjoy the rest of my sake.” Hazel picks up her jug of sake and heads back to the balcony.

She closed the shoji door behind her and sat down in the same spot once more, pouring another cup of liquor.

“You’ve got some nerve showing your face here.” Hazel throws back her drink and sighs softly.

The clacking of sandals sound to her left and her side eye catches that of the infamous Surgeon of Death. A pirate from North Blue and the captain and doctor of the Heart Pirates: Trafalgar D. Water Law.

His nervous gaze keep up with Hazel’s deadly one and he puts his hand in his kimono, trying to act cool.

“Long time no see…Red Angel.

End of Chapter

——————————————————————————

Heyyy everyone, I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve written a story but, I’ve been doing some things on the side but, as a way to start off a new month I decided to give you all a chapter from Ice and Steel.

Also, some good news is in order! I have finally made an account on Archive of Our Own! It’s the same name as my tumblr so be sure to check that out and subscribe to my account! And you may find something new there as well. -wink- -wink- Also, I don’t remember if I told y’all before but, my inbox is open if you want a request just head over to Masterlist 1 or 2, follow the rules stated and ask away in my inbox! I will get to your request as soon as I can!

However with good news there is bad news as well. I am currently taking new classes for this summer and will have almost little to no time to write for a couple of months, but! That will not stop me from giving you guys a chapter or two here and there! So, just bear with me and know that no matter what SCHOOL WILL COME FIRST OVER EVERYTHING! Periodt.

Also if you see that the other chapters are not posted from either this story or the others, it is because I’m so lazy to put them all on the chapters but, I promise if you search in the search bar on my account you will find the other chapters.

But, that is all I have for you guys, I want to thank @p3achyheartz, @demigoddessqueens, @smol-bluberri and many others I have not listed for supporting me this far in the game, and be sure to show some love to their tumblrs as well!

[missdawnandherdusk]

Ace!Draco x Ace!Reader Headcanons:

A/n: so hey y’all. Guess what. I’m ace. That’s a new thing for me. Well not new but ya know like coming out of the closet new. So here’s to pride month and all of my other aces out there 🖤🤍💜 and here’s a bit of my journey... (slightly PG 13) ((and I know we’ve all seen gay/pan/bi Draco, but let me remind you of the 1% and shed some light into what ace can be))

You’re with another guy (let’s call him Steve) and you’ve been dating for a while

You’re a hopeless romantic and just love love but as soon as Steve pushes past second base you sort of shut down because it feels wrong

But it takes some time Steve insists it feels weird when it’s new so you ease into physical affection and then eventually to the devils tango

You lie awake in bed afterwards just wondering why you’re so conflicted. You loved the intimacy with Steve and the affection... just not the sex itself

His words swirl in your head “it feels weird because it’s new” so you keep doing it because you love Steve and you love being vulnerable but something still doesn’t feel right

You don’t say anything and sometimes you just give because you don’t want the sex but you still want that intimacy with Steve and it’s not like he’s complaining

Fourth year comes and so do the students from other schools and Viktor Krum and all of the girls and some guys are just drooling over him

And you can’t find the reason why... sure his face is symmetrical... and well you guess his eyes are a pretty color but you don’t see the reason to get all worked up

Then it dawns on you. You’ve never found anyone attractive. Not even Steve. Not that he wasn’t attractive maybe he was... you just didn’t see it as a factor into liking/loving/dating him. Body’s were cool and all but you didn’t really have a //type// ever. You looked for the right personality

You knew about asexuals your best friend is one you just never thought it would be you because you’re so different from your best friend she didn’t want a partner, but you craved it and you look into it a bit more and BY GOLLY EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE

You voice this to Steve, scared because well there are just so many things to worry about. Is he gonna think you never enjoyed sex with him? Is he gonna day it’s his fault? Is he gonna say you’re being ridiculous? Is he gonna brush it off? Despite being with him for so long you’re still scared but you trust him... so you tell him

He just sort of looks at you after you finally get the words out. He says he supports you and doesn’t mention it again. So you ask him what he’s thinking and oh boy. “Well I don’t like the idea of my girlfriend saying she doesn’t want to have sex with me. That’s not pleasant. And it’s going to be hard for me because if you turn me on and I can’t do anything with you... but maybe you’ll find out one day whatever is blocking you from this will fade.” He smiles like he hasn’t just crushed your entire world

You excuse yourself and find a room on the seventh floor and just burst in and start sobbing

Full on hysterics, you scream when someone touches your shoulder: Malfoy

You wait for him to make fun of you. Or to snap. Or do something that’s just so like him to do while you’re vulnerable and crying and he just... “did you break up with Steve then?” It’s sort of teasing but not completely there’s some concern there too

Through hiccups and tears you confess your heart to the Slytherin because what else do you have to lose at this point

He sits beside you and starts to talk himself. There’s something that he’s fidgeting with in his hands. You think he has pretty colored skin and very slender fingers... you wonder if he plays the piano or burns easily in the sun

“When I was younger I never really was attracted to girls. Or boys for that matter. I thought I’d grow out of it or find “the one” and I’d finally feel attraction... but... it never really came.” His voice was soft.

You gape at him and wonder if he’s doing this to taunt you. He keeps twirling whatever’s in his hands

“I want the companionship,” you sniffle. “I like the vulnerability... I just don’t want the...”

Draco nodded. Like he understood. And you wondered if he did. He finally holds out what’s been twittering in his fingers: a pin. Four colors: black, grey, white, purple. Four stripes.

You have a good idea of what it is, but you’re not sure. You’re not sure about anything because you barely know what asexuallity is and that you might be it

“Despite popular belief,” Draco muses softly. “I do crave the companionship too. I’m just not too good at showing it... most people just want one thing...”

A watery laugh escapes your lips and you wipe away your tears. “I’m sorry for throwing this all at you,” you whisper, hugging your knees.

“Don’t apologize for feeling something. Or rather not feeling something,” a familiar smirk appears.

“I feel things just fine,” you laugh and shove his arm playfully. “I just...” he nods again.

“Take it,” he offers the pin. “You don’t have to wear it and show people, but you don’t have to forget that it’s who you are and how you feel”

You look at him because holy hell who is this and what have you done with Draco Malfoy. And he seems to pick up on that and laughs, standing, offering his hand. “I told you. I like the companionship... I’m just not good at showing it,”

You understand him a bit better. And you understand yourself a bit better. The pin is clutched tightly in your hands as you leave the room of requirement Draco explains its where he goes to think and feel safe and escape having to play sexually charged games in his common room and was very surprised you got in as well

You spend a few more days with Steve moping and depressed whenever you’re around him because you just feel so ashamed every night you look at the pin that Draco gave you and smile. “This is who I am,” you whisper to yourself

You break up with Steve the next day because he can never understand what you’re going through and the sudden change in your relationship boundaries have wounded his ego and he always makes you feel bad about it

You feel free for a while, smiling at Draco in the halls. And maybe he smiles a few times too. It’s like you’re both in your own secret club and no one else has any idea and it’s kinda fun

One night after a house win in Quidditch Steve has too much to drink and finds you in the library and is very animate about showing you that you can still enjoy—

Your scream gets caught in your throat and you’re terrified and Draco is just there he’s also avoiding the after party in his common room

Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Draco Malfoy

You crumple into Dracos arms sobbing as Pince has someone else take Steve to the hospital wing

Steve never comes back: Draco sent a letter to his father and Steve was expelled on the spot. His case eventually gets dropped and he’s off the hook but Draco blackmails Steve so hard

Hell hath no fury like a pissed off protective Draco Malfoy

You don’t feel safe anymore. You’re so scared of everything that Draco is really the only one who can calm you down. Not only are you scared to come out but you’re scared to be alone with any guy

Which means a lot of nights with Draco in the room of requirement. It’s a different sort of companionship now. There’s not anxiety... just vulnerability

You reach out and take Dracos hand one night... and he just intertwines his fingers with yours. His hands are warm despite the icy complexion and you smile to yourself

You two start dating. Well, companionship. To everyone else it’s dating though. Neither of you are ready to come out just yet.

Sometimes you get taunted by other girls because “you’re dating the most attractive guy at school and you don’t even snog him” and other comments and Draco constantly gets “so how far have you gotten?” or other sexual remarks about you and you’re both just frustrated

You snap one day and scream “can’t I just want to be in his company without having to shag him!? What is wrong with you people!?” I’m the middle of the Great Hall and everyone is staring at you

You sink down into your seat and wish you could disappear but your best friend beams at you and Draco wraps an arm around your shoulders

That night you sort of just rant to him and he listens “how can people just want to hook up? Like why would you want to have a one night stand? Shouldn’t we be worth a bit more than sex? It’s just so wrong!” You’re pouting and Draco finds it endearing

You go to his house over the summer and his mother raises an eyebrow at the sight of you with his son because she totally knows about Dracos sexuality who do you think gave him the pin but she’s happy to see that Draco found a companion she wants what’s best for her son and wants him to be happy

Which means she lets you two sleep in the same bed because she knows it means something different to you two. When Draco tells you that you’re safe to come out to his mother you about sob because you’re still so scared. He holds you

In fact, Draco’s learned that he loves your touch and comfort. They give him warmth and make him feel more human and less estranged. It’s taken some time, but you two are very affectionate, it’s just not sexual which is a total relief to you because you’ve been craving it

One night, you and Draco are in nothing but your underwear because it is hot and the summer hello and just holding each other, talking and vulnerable. Your hands explore his chest and stomach and his are tracing your soft curves with no expectations

You start crying because it’s all too much because it’s exactly what you’ve wanted. For someone to understand to your core what you need and Draco just does and it finally feels right inside

You two have almost no boundaries. You’re not really attracted to him physically and he’s not really into you like that so you’re free to walk around in just his shirt and he can wear nothing but boxers and it’s just normal

It’s also a journey of loving what you see in the mirror. Just because you’re not attracted to anyone else doesn’t mean you can’t think what’s in the mirror is beautiful. You’re your own standard of beauty.

Some nights you just explore boundaries with Draco. Kissing, cuddling, gentle touches. You want to know what makes him tick.

He loves neck kisses and you love collarbone kisses. You like his hands holding your thighs as you’re draped over him and he likes feeling your weight over him and your soft skin. Neither of you prefer snogging much. A kiss here and there but making out doesn’t appeal to either of you

You two also adore having a friend, a companion, a mate. You go to the movies or read books to another. He does play the piano and he plays for you. You reach him how to knit and sew and he teaches you how to waltz and color match

At school you two hold hands in the hall and share soft conversations and most nights end up in the room of requirement or his dorm sleeping together

You wear the pin he gave you on your robes next to your prefect badge and he gets another one and wears it and finally the rest of the school understands

You smile because you’ve found your companion and he’s found his and you don’t feel so lost or alone anymore

.

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87@artemismohr18@whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda@bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog@jillanaholland@shookyungsoo@savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules@akari180@slytherin-emerald@chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey@theres-a-dog-outside-omg@queenfeatherwings@fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe@spicyshenanigans@darling-im-not-okay-i-promise@dietkiwi@katsukink@takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things@tmnt-queen@mccloudchloe@hxneybgb@justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena@moviesbooksandfandoms@howdycharlie@xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper@ninacotte@mccloudchloe@braelynn-j@jiggllyy @honeymarvel@go-whovian-universe@darcypottah@atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289@boredashaeck​ @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread @atomicwonderlandmentality @okaydraco@the–queen-of-hell@langdonzvoid @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing@tulippings @thestressedprincess@sunflowerxsadnessw@caps-wilsonn @fattycooter@angelotakunerd08@thisisahugemistake @fanficsigottaread​ @gweaslvy​ @okaydraco​ @strawberriesonsummer​ @ughjjloveme​ @honeymarvel​  @gaysludge​ @cleopatera​ @ray-of-sunrise​ @artist-bby​

[3pirouette]

Fic: Five, Four, Three, Two... One (1/1)

Title: Five, Four, Three, Two… One By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Disclaimer: They're not mine. Distribution: AO3  Anyone else please ask first :)

Sequel to Six Dates, Times, and Places 

Story Summary: Steve nodded, looking away over the horizon. “I’m still sorry about it.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky moved his hand back to his lap, lacing his flesh fingers with his vibranium ones. “You got me out eventually. You stopped me when it counted.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, “Not every time.”

“Enough times.” Bucky was adamant, his voice sharp and brokering no arguments. – Six Dates, Times, and Places

There were five more dates. This is the story of the very last, and maybe most important, one. Angst, Canon-compliant death. 

A/N: Yes, in theory there are four other stories to be told. But to me, this is the most important one. It makes a lot of the MCU make sense, and is a headcanon of mine. No promises on if I’ll ever revisit the other dates, this is the only one I ever really planned on telling.

For Steggy Week Day 7: Free Choice

~*~

Steve and Peggy made a plan in 1948. Somewhere between arranging the wedding and securing him a new public identity, they set down ground rules regarding the last five dates, times, and places. They would do whatever they could, in reason, to get Bucky out.

Steve would do whatever he could, reason be damned, to make sure Peggy stayed alive.

It hurt his head to think of how it all worked. He wished for someone to talk to about it, to try to help explain this cyclical loop to him, to explain to him how he’d already done this and Bucky knew about it, yet it was still his unknown future.

What he really wanted to know, above all else, was if he could actually change anything or if every choice he made was already pre-destined. Was he just a chess piece playing out a game that had long since been played already or could his move affect or change the outcome?

He had to believe what he did made a difference.

It was too depressing not to.

He once asked Pym his thoughts on the matter, disguising it as a hypothetical question based on a Sci-Fi movie he’d seen, but the man was too theoretical, too unable to break it down for someone who wasn’t a scientist for his opinion to be helpful or reassuring.

He’d asked Howard once in the beginning. Howard took it almost too seriously, reminding him so much of Tony as he talked about all the things that could go wrong, the paradoxes, the potential for catastrophe. By the end of the night, Howard was drunk and staring at him dangerously, and ended the night by telling Steve he shouldn’t have come back.

They’d never talked about it again, but Steve noticed Howard started to keep his distance from them. It was a slow process as he distanced himself. Year by year, he saw them less and less. Peggy thought it was Howard being Howard, pulling away from the good things in his life and burying himself in his work.

Steve was fairly sure it was him.

Even then, though, Steve thought it might be for the best.

It had always rubbed him just a little wrong in the 21st century that Tony had seemed indifferent about Peggy, that he didn’t know her well when she had helped Howard build SHIELD. Steve couldn’t understand then how Tony had managed to avoid being around Peggy so often, how her influence hadn’t been felt by him at all.

He knew that Tony hadn’t met Peggy’s husband, had barely known Peggy for all those years. He didn’t know about Steve and Peggy’s relationship during the war for all Howard had bragged about Steve to his son, and Peggy’s death hadn’t phased him in the slightest.

Steve found out as the years ticked on, and as Howard and Peggy drifted apart, that it made sense.

While it was possible Tony had known Steve all along, and hadn’t realized it had been him or had played along, the easier thing to do, especially since Steve knew how it all ended, was to stay as far away from the boy as possible.

Which ended up being easy once Peggy found out Howard was working on the side for the pentagon, trying to recreate Erskine’s serum yet again. She stopped speaking to him all together unless it was necessary for work, and the yelling between the two when the topic came up was unfathomable.

And through it all, Steve kept his little scrap of paper, even with the dates memorized.

In 1956 they sent the kids with the Jarvis’s to the mountains for a week and Steve didn’t leave Peggy’s side for a minute until it was over and they were left watching Bucky slip through their fingers.

In ’65, Steve tried everything he could think of to keep Peggy away from New York City, but when the President called, she couldn’t say no and Steve still couldn’t pull Bucky from the clutches of Hydra.

With the kids grown and out of the house, Steve and Peggy had taken the opportunity in 1972 to try to figure out how to turn the tables on him by prepping months ahead for the assault they expected in the swank DC hotel Shield liked to put Peggy up in when she had to be in town. They had blueprints and had tapped into surveillance and thought they were prepared, but he still managed to slip away in the night.

In 1986, their son had taken up the mantle. Strong like his father, Steve and Peggy brought him into the family secret, and Steve gave their firstborn the job of helping him protect Peggy while they were at an unavoidable State Dinner. Steve and Peggy were both proud, and yet still saddened when the paper was right, yet again, and Bucky slipped away into the night.

Steve generally didn’t ask much of her when it came to where she went or who she saw, especially for work. Peggy didn’t argue with him when it came to the dates on the paper.

Asking her to stay away from the Pentagon for the last date was easier than he’d anticipated.

For this last one, though, it wasn’t just about Peggy.

There was one date left, and it might be the most important date of them all: December 16, 1991.

Despite having their differences, Steve couldn’t at least try. He begged Howard to get out of town. He told him as much as he could, but didn’t reveal the exact time or place that he knew to be the man’s downfall. Just the day. “As far as you can. Take Maria, take Tony, please.”

Howard wanted to push back, especially with how estranged they’d become, but he knew better than to try to defy Steve’s knowledge of the future. “She’s been mentioning going on a vacation, anyway. Bermuda, Bahamas, someplace like that. I’ll have Jarvis arrange it.”

Steve thought he was in the clear. Peggy was staying home, Howard was going to be out of the country, and no one was going to be on a back road just outside of DC in the middle of the night on December 16.

He was going to fix this one. If changing nothing else mattered, this one thing did.

He was nervous all day, fidgeting about the house and checking doors and window locks until Peggy had to stop him and physically make him sit down. It was cold, and a Monday, and it left Steve with little to do but think about the hours ticking by until the very last deadline. They had leftovers from Sunday dinner, then worked on what still needed to be bought or ordered for Christmas for the kids and grandkids, and ended the evening in front of the television, nestled together under a blanket, sidearms within easy reach. They watched MacGyver then flipped between the football game and Murphy Brown. She had a glass of chardonnay and he finished off the red she said was too dry.

Steve had almost, almost thought they’d managed to somehow escape the fate of the last date on the paper as he clicked over to the evening news.

Until the phone rang.

Mister Jarvis’ voice echoed through the phone, tinny and distant.

Steve felt the grief well up in him.

If he hadn’t known it yet, though he was sure he’d become sure of it decades ago, this was the moment that proved it: none of this could be changed. It was always, always meant to be exactly the way it was.

“What… what was he doing there?” Steve choaked out as Peggy wrapped around him. “He was supposed to be on vacation. On the plane by then.”

Jarvis’s voice wobbled on the line. “He pushed back the flight. He was to deliver something to the Pentagon, then head to the airfield.

It welled within him and he rushed through their home to the bathroom, retching the little in his stomach out.

December 16, 1991: Howard was dead. Maria was dead. Tony was left alone.

It had been as much his fault as anything that Tony hadn’t known his father as well as he could have, and now he was gone.

He felt like he was watching Tony die all over again.

He’d failed him.

Peggy hung back in the doorway, eyes full of tears. “He told me he canceled it.”

Steve looked up at her, confused, and swiped at his mouth with his hand.

“Department of Defense contract meeting.” She stepped into the room and sat by him, her hand on his shoulder as he crumpled against the wall across from the toilet. “We were supposed to video conference with DOD contractors from all over the world, that’s why it was so late at night. He told me he’d cancelled it.” She swallowed hard and tried to sniff away her tears. “It’s the only reason I can imagine he was going there.”

“What… what could be so important?” Steve asked, eyes welling.

“He’d fixed it,” Peggy whispered, snuggling into Steve’s side. “He had a viable version of the serum.”

“Fuck,” Steve groaned, swiping at his eyes. “If they knew—”

Peggy kissed his head fiercely. “Of course, they knew. That’s why they sent the Winter Soldier. The always know.” She sighed, her own tears falling. “I was supposed to be in that car, not Maria. He just couldn’t stay away from the office for one day.”

His voice was still hurting, still confused. “They’ve never programmed him to go after anyone else before.”

“Maybe you did save me by keeping me home. Or maybe this day wasn’t me, darling,” she whispered, trying to comfort him, comfort herself. “Maybe it was the serum itself and they were collateral damage. Maybe it was Howard.”

“It is my fault.” Steve shook his head and looked at her. “I knew the date, the date Howard died, and how. I knew it, Peg. I should have…”

Peggy pressed her finger to his lips. “How long ago was it that Barnes gave those to you, hum?” She let her hand caress over his cheek and behind his neck. “We’ve tried, for so long, to try to change the outcome. To bring Barnes back. But it has never worked.”

Steve slumped further, resting his head on her shoulder. He felt a tear drip from her cheek to his, and he wiped it away harshly before tucking them closer together. The tile was cold, but it assured him that he wasn’t completely numb.

“I think we’ve both known, all along, that this whole thing was always supposed to go one way,” she whispered softly, her voice thick with tears as she ran her fingers through his hair. “You’ve never shied away from helping anyone in your life,” she softly spoke against his temple. “You tried. That’s all Barnes ever asked.”

“No,” Steve bit out, voice low and thick. “I saved you. But I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save Howard. I couldn’t save Tony…”

Peggy sat up tall, pushing Steve away from her until he could look her in the eyes. “Now, you listen to me. You didn’t kill Howard. Hydra did. You didn’t kill Tony. He sacrificed himself because of that man, Thanos. You did everything you could to save not only the ones you love, but millions of other people.” She grabbed him by his wet cheeks, her own tears still spilling over. “The tragedy is that this was how it has always been, and was always meant to be, not that you didn’t try hard enough. If you could have changed the world with just your will alone James would be joining us for Christmas dinner and things with Howard and Tony would have gone much, much differently.”

Steve’s eyes flickered over her face for a moment before he reached up, taking one of her hands in his and kissing the palm fervently. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against her skin, eyes closed. “I’m sorry that you lost a friend because of me. I’m sorry that you lost all these years together.”

Peggy nodded, sniffing away a fresh set of tears. She swallowed hard before speaking. “Howard made his choice, and I made mine. And I don’t regret a day.” She pulled him back to her, hugging him closely. “Not a single moment, my love.”

“I’ve made my peace with it long ago, Steve,” she whispered after a long moment. “I didn’t see what you saw, I don’t know what you know, but the world had to burn to bring you back to me. To give us our family. We have all lost so much, and from what you’ve said, Tony’s losses have only begun. Maybe this has all happened before and it is destined to happen again, I don’t know.” She kissed his cheek, holding tight. “But tomorrow? Tomorrow the little slip of paper in your sock drawer no longer holds any power over us.”

Steve held her tight on the bathroom floor, tears trickling quietly for both of them as the clock in their bedroom ticked by the seconds in the silence. “I don’t know how to help Tony.”

“We’ll figure something,” she whispered. “There may be no help for him, Steve. To become the man that will sacrifice his life for the universe, he may have to go through everything just the same.”

“I wish…” He sighed, unable to finish.

“I know,” she replied softly. “Me, too.”

[jackoshadows]

What are your thoughts on Jon-Bran-Tyrion & their relationship in TWoW & ADoS?

I have read that in GRRM original-idea [?] Jon was to rival Tyrion [because of their love over Arya] as well as Bran for the sake of Northern Power [& Arya apparently too, but not in the same sense??]

[No idea what Bran & Tyrion's relationship was suppose to/could look like, don't think GRRM has mention smth]

That being said, I can get behind Tyrion vs Jon, alright. But Jon vs Bran? How is that suppose to look like/work?

Even if we ignore that they think of each other fondly & miss each other, and that I don't see a reason why this would change all of a sudden... Or that Jon will likely gain the support of the North in TWoW, since he rather fit the "perfect image of an Lord", since he is a able-bodied, traditional [swords-] man, grown & proven as Leader/Lord Commander, has the same education as Robb did, is the eldest Son of Eddard, etc....

[Although I guess Lords like Manderly could prefer Rickon, so they can grap power as his custodian/regents? And the whole being-dead-but-not-anymore-&-what-about-the-oaths thing could be a little tricky & stuff😅] while Bran will likely remain longer behind the Wall, won't be able to rally allies & bannermen [Althouse I have read the speculation of Bran, The Blizzard and The Battle of Ice, my main concern is again the pacing:where Bran's plot seems on overdrive, while Jon's & all those around & in Winterfell are on hold in order for Bran to come back. It's the same problem for me with all those "speculations" about Dany & arriving way to early in Westeros] ...

But the thing that makes it so unbelievable for me is: the fricking age gap?! Put aside their feelings for each other, who is more likely to gain poltical support & all of that, Bran will be like 11 & Jon 18-19? Like... a rivalry between a elementary school student & a high school graduate? 😂🙊

I think for certain that there will be some kind of conflict between Jon and Tyrion. Them shaking hands on the Wall and calling each other friends is foreshadowing a friends to enemies arc, IMO.

As for Jon and Bran, it's hard to see this happening, but I am not ruling out the possibility - meaning that I won't be surprised if it happens. As you mentioned, a Jon/Bran rivalry/bitter estrangement was one of the major parts of the story in the original outline.

By the end of A Game of Thrones,------------------------------------- ---------------------------------g--------------- onto the iron throne with a bit----------------premature death, Bran sits free.--Yet his seat is hardly a comfortable one. In the North, Jon Snow is his bitter enemy. Beyond the narrow sea, Daenerys Stormborn prepares her invasion and on the far side of the Wall, the others are watching with cold dead eyes and gathering their strength.

Can this still happen? I think so. I have always said that GRRM likes his themes of dysfunctional families, conflict among family members and the human heart in conflict with itself and again, I don't see why the Starks should be the exception.

But I think it is a mistake to generalize about “the Westerlings,”  just as it would be to generalize about “the Lannisters.” Members of the same family have very different characters, desires, and ways of   looking at the world… and there are secrets within families as well.

GRRM SSM, May 01, 2001

The reason Sansa even exists as a character in the first place is because he wanted family conflict among the Starks.

Arya was one of the first characters created. Sansa came about as a total opposite b/c too many of the Stark family members were getting along and families aren’t like that.

Why would Jon and Bran have a rivalry? That I cannot speculate on, yet. We still have a lot of story to cover. But in the next book, my speculation is that both Jon and Bran would have changed a lot.

Bran is the current Lord of Winterfell/Heir to the North/Robb's Heir and King in the North. Robb's decree legitimizing Jon Stark could be a possible issue between them.

GRRM has said that death and resurrection changes a person and Jon is going to be spending time in a wolf. A resurrected Jon Snow coming back more wolfish and more hungry. Remember this?

He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. It was a hunger inside him, sharp as a dragonglass blade. A hunger … he could feel it. It was food he needed, prey, a red deer that stank of fear or a great elk proud and defiant. He needed to kill and fill his belly with fresh meat and hot dark blood. His mouth began to water with the thought. - Jon, ASoS

GRRM ties in his desire for Winterfell to a deep hunger that then connects to Ghost - his hunger for Winterfell intermingling with Ghost's hunger...

Remember the kings in the North of yore, like Ice Eyes. I doubt Jon Stark is going to hold back much. He's going to be doing some really messed up stuff.

Meanwhile, Bran's heavily involved in the magical stuff beyond the wall. Has connections to Bloodraven, the Children of the forest, can influence timelines (Hodor), unearth past truths and will be one of the most powerful greenseers. Blood sacrifice and human sacrifice is a big part of the dark magic of the north. Maybe they fight over how to defeat the Others? I think Bran's connection to the children of the forest is how they win again this time around - and his relationship with Jon suffers because of that?

Bran ends up King on the Iron Throne and Jon Snow ends up in the lands beyond the wall - just the opposite of what we would expect for these two characters considering where they are now and what we know of them (R+L=J) etc. How does this happen?

Anyways, according to GRRM, TWoW is a very dark book and if there is a Jon-Bran rivalry, we may see the seeds of it being planted in this book.

There are a lot of dark chapters right now in the book that I’m writing,” he said during a Q&A at the Guadalajara International Book Fair, according to Entertainment Weekly. “It is called The Winds of Winter, and I’ve been telling you for 20 years that winter was coming. Winter is the time when things die, and cold and ice and darkness fill the world, so this is not going to be the happy feel-good that people may be hoping for. Some of the characters [are] in very dark places.”

This is why I find all the Dark!Dany stuff slightly hilarious. Is Dany going to do things that go against the Geneva conventions (lol) in the next book? Yeah, I think so. She is going to come back from her sojourn at Vaes Dothrak and be like I have had it with these effing slavers and go all Aegon the Conqueror on them (About time I say, she should have done it a while ago). But I am pretty damn sure most of our characters are going to become darker in the next book. Tyrion is already on a downward spiral, Jon will surely go on a rampage against the Boltons, Bran most probably eating Jojen paste over there and learning dark magic, getting taught by Bloodraven, Sansa participating in the slow poisoning of her little cousin in the Vale and have you read Arya's Mercy chapter? That stuff is dark.

As for the rest, I think we should ignore the age gap like GRRM is planning on doing ( GRRM sees his young people as adults anyway - "Arya has the experiences of a 40 year old, If a 12 year old has to conquer the world then so be it" etc.) and I do think he will include some time gaps in the next two books allowing for travel etc. I am pretty sure Arya will end the books at 14.

Bran, Dany and Arya's plots have to be in overdrive in the next book out of necessity. Bran has to advance a lot in his plot, be used to build up the Others as a big threat, give us more info about the Children, Bloodraven, what is actually happening, Hodor etc. - there's just so much stuff here that GRRM has to write. Same with Dany. Dany has to wind up in Meereen, land in Westeros and start her campaign. Same with Arya. I think that's why they will get the most chapters, and time in the next book.

[deanstop13billyjoeltraxx]

Superposition

a deancas college roommate au :)

Chapter 8 is up on AO3! Chapter-by-chapter masterlist here. 

CW: mentions of verbal abuse, homophobia, alcoholism, jail time. instances of smoking. 

some notes: I usually go through and italicize as necessary when I’m posting on tumblr because it doesn’t copy over from my og text, but this chapter is like 6200 words and i’m just not gonna do that. recommend reading on AO3 for the best experience!!

An Exercise in Futility

Three Years Earlier

Castiel was convinced that his life was one massive, cosmic joke.

He’d been considering the possibility for some time. Being the gay son of a homophobic pastor does that to a person. When he discovered, sometime around the age of twelve, that the girls in his Sunday school class were far less interesting than the boys, he could practically feel God laughing at him. Then there was high school, where the religious prattling was replaced by what felt like endless torment at the hands of his peers. 

He felt like college was quickly becoming the third punchline.

Not that things were bad. Things were good, actually, better than they’d been in years. He was learning about things he cared about. He passed his midterms with flying colors. He even had friends. He spent a weekend watching all of the Lord of the Rings with Charlie. He had switched seats in accounting to sit next to Meg.

And, of course, there was Dean. Dean, who dragged Cas to a football game and didn’t drink a sip of alcohol the whole time in solidarity; Dean, who, after Tombstone, insisted on movie night every Tuesday; Dean, who, demanded that Cas print out a copy of one of his short stories and sign it (“When you’re a famous douchebag, this is gonna be worth so much money”).

It seemed that, on all fronts, Castiel had finally capitalized on the collegiate promise of a second chance. 

But by his own estimation, he was doomed.

Because sometimes, his palms started sweating when Dean stood too close. Sometimes, his heartbeat skipped when Dean threw an arm across Cas’s shoulders. Sometimes, Cas woke up from a dream so vivid, he was disappointed to find himself alone in his bunk bed.

He could see how easy it would be to fall in love with Dean Winchester, what with the blond hair and green eyes, bright smiles and southern lilt, funny jokes and considerate actions. The prospect was utterly terrifying, and Castiel was doing everything in his power to stop dwelling on it.

He’d been down the “falling in love with your straight best friend” road before. AP biology class brought Cas a lab partner in Ben Wright. Soccer team captain, A-student, all around nice guy. Maybe Ben didn’t do anything to stop the constant verbal torment, but he never took part in it. At first, being around him was exhilarating. Sharing looks, catching smiles, trading inside jokes; Cas was intoxicated. He was so high on first love that he made the mistake of confiding in Bartholomew. Cas had always considered him to be a role model, friend and brother at the same time. But that night, when Cas came out, Bartholomew looked at him like one might look at spoiled food. He’d agreed not to tell their father, on the condition that Cas never speak about the matter again, that he figure out some way to “cleanse himself.” They hadn’t spoken since that night.

And so the feelings that once propelled Castiel to school with anticipation suddenly made him dread it. Not only did baring his soul to a brother get him a one-way ticket to estrangement, but Ben started dating someone else, a girl from his English class. Now every shared look was painful, smiles were false, inside jokes stopped being funny.

It was somehow worse, knowing Ben could never feel the same way. It certainly didn’t help the feelings of guilt and shame brought by his family.

Cas would do anything not to feel that way again. 

He started by insisting that Dean invite Benny and Charlie to more of their nightly dinners. And while he honestly liked the both of them, he would be lying if he didn’t admit that their presence was, first and foremost, a distraction from Dean. He took up running again, as a way to get himself out of the dorm when Dean decided to stay in. He spent more time studying with Meg.

Meg was shockingly easy to befriend. She wasn’t nice — Cas had watched in shock when, once, she dumped a hot coffee on a skateboarder who had knocked her down on accident — but she never said a mean thing to Castiel. She was like him: a black sheep, the child everyone wished they could forget. Only, where Cas had become an agnostic and gone to college, Meg had become a Satanist and gone to jail for arson.

But this was her new leaf, she told him. Maybe it didn’t matter why someone needed a second chance, only that they were willing to take one.

They had been working for an hour when she threw her pen at his head and said, “Cas, you should come with me to Sig Ep’s Halloween party tomorrow. Be my date.”

Cas took a moment to process the meaning of party + date + with Meg. “Uh, I don’t — well, um, parties aren’t really —”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re allowed to say no, hun.”

Cas panicked. Meg was looking at him expectantly, her resigned smile making it clear she was prepared for rejection.

“Well, I… It’s not because of you — you’re very beautiful, and smart. Actually, you’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve met here.” She grinned at that. “It’s just, I don’t really… Go on dates. With girls.”

She studied him a moment before understanding lit up her face. “Oh.”

Castiel fidgeted with his pencil, refusing to meet her eyes. He’d only ever done this once, and it hadn’t gone well. But he liked having a friend, and more than that, he liked having Meg as a friend. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t interested because of any fault of her own.

“Cas,” she said. When he didn’t respond, she poked him in the arm. “Castiel.” He raised his eyes. “It’s cool. It’s not like you can just choose to like girls when a pretty one asks you on a date.”

“I… Understand, if you would rather not be friends,” Cas said, cautiously.

“What?” Meg’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Why would I not want to be friends?” She laughed a little. “That would be super ironic, considering I told you I went to juvie and you didn’t bat an eye.”

“Because I’m gay,” Cas said quietly, looking down again.

Meg grabbed both his hands. “Cas, hun, there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

He looked up again, eyes wide. “What? I mean, I know that, I just… Not everyone does.”

Meg smiled sadly at him and gripped his hands a little tighter. “Well, I do. No biggie. We’re going to be iconic together, you and I. Sexiest gay-straight alliance of all time.”

Cas smiled weakly, relief flooding his entire body. “Thank you, Meg. I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to make any judgements on your character. It’s just… This,” he motioned at the air between them, “has never gone well for me.”

Meg shook her head. “That’s a shame,” she said. “I haven’t known you that long. But I think I can tell that you — all the parts of you — are awesome.”

“You can still come to the party,” she added after a moment.

Cas shook his head, capping and uncapping his pen repeatedly. “Parties… They’re not really my scene.”

“All right. You know who to call if you change your mind.”

                   On Halloween, Castiel returned from his nightly run to find Dean pulling on a flannel. He checked his watch — he had barely made it. 6:57 pm.

“Right on time,” Dean said. “I was about to leave without you.”

“I would have never forgiven you if you did,” Cas joked. Then, “Are Charlie and Benny coming?”

“Nah, they’re both busy tonight. Halloween parties, you know.”

“Oh.” Castiel took a large sip of his water. “You’re not attending a Halloween party?”

Dean shrugged. “Wasn’t really feeling it tonight. Plus, I have a feeling you’ve never seen The Exorcist?” When Cas shook his head, Dean rubbed his hands together. “Oh man, we are totally watching it tonight. Unless you’re busy,” he added, raising his eyebrows at Cas.

“I’m not,” Cas replied. Dean knew this already, of course, otherwise Cas might have made something up. The waters in which he tread got more dangerous each day. He couldn’t escape the warm feeling flooding his chest at the idea of Dean ditching the parties for a movie night.

It was precisely that feeling that caused him to hurriedly ask, “Would you mind if I invited Meg to dinner?”

“Who?” Dean asked, lacing up his boots.

“Meg Masters. She’s the friend from accounting that I told you about.”

“Ah,” Dean said. “Right. What, just me isn’t good enough anymore?” Cas thought he was joking, but it seemed forced.

“Dean —”

“I’m kidding, man,” Dean said with a short laugh. “Sure, she can come.”

Castiel hurriedly splashed his face with cold water and shed his sweaty t-shirt in favor of a hoodie. Dean feigned a sniff in his direction and made a face, to which Cas replied with an eye-roll. As they left their dorm, Cas sent a text to Meg.

CN (7:02 pm)

Would you like to get dinner with Dean and me?

CN (7:02 pm)

Unless you’re already at your party, in which case, be safe.

MM (7:03 pm)

Party not til later. hot roommate dean?

CN (7:04 pm)

...Is that a yes?

MM (7:04 pm)

Yes please ;) shocker dining?

CN (7:05 pm)

Yes. We’ll meet you there.

Dean grabbed a burger and an inordinate amount of fries while Castiel loaded his plate with spaghetti and a salad. Meg walked into the dining room just after he and Dean sat down, and Cas waved her over.

“Meg,” he said, offering her the seat next to his, “this is Dean Winchester. Dean, this is Meg Masters.” Dean smiled at her with a mouthful of french fries. Cas dropped his head in exasperation.

“Pleasure,” Meg said with a half-cocked smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Dean shrugged. “I am pretty awesome. Can’t say the same about you, though.”

Cas went bright red. He shot Dean a glare, then turned to Meg. “He’s joking —”

Meg’s grin only widened, and she giggled. “It’s all right, Cas, I’m not very interesting.” She raised an eyebrow at him. He became extremely intent upon eating his dinner.

Dean stared at her for a moment, chewing a bite of burger. “So,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You know Cas from accounting?”

“That’s right,” Meg said brightly.

“So he’s your tutor or somethin’?”

Cas interjected. “Actually, Meg is far more capable than I am. She essentially taught me everything about liabilities.”

“Adorable,” Dean grumbled.

“Isn’t it?” Meg asked sweetly. “And you’re his roommate.”

“Yep.”

“Lucky you.” She gave him a wink. Dean choked on his diet Coke, and Castiel prayed to whomever was listening that he might cease to exist.

“Meg,” he said, giving her a pointed look, “did you finish the homework?”

She pulled her eyes away from Dean. “Yeah, I did.” She dropped her voice. “Did you want to go over it? At my place?” She winked at Cas, who stared at her in horror. Why was she acting like this? “You know,” Meg continued, “We can do other things too. Besides accounting.”

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “I’m gonna go grab some more fries. Do y’all want anything?” 

Cas and Meg shook their heads. When Dean had left the table, Cas gave Meg a death stare.

“What’s wrong with you?” He hissed. “I thought we covered this —”

“Yes, Cas, hun, I know you’re extraordinarily gay,” Meg said with an eyeroll. “I’m not actually interested. I’m just conducting an experiment.” 

Cas narrowed his eyes. “What ‘experiment’—”

He closed his mouth abruptly and leaned away from Meg when he saw Dean returning from the buffet line. He returned to his seat, looking between Cas and Meg suspiciously. Cas downed his water in one swift action.

“So, Dean,” Meg said after taking a bite of her pizza. “I hear you’re educating our friend here on pop culture.”

Dean didn’t bother to look up at her while he swirled a fry in ketchup. “Guess so.” 

Cas cleared his throat to interject. This direction of conversation was much better. “Meg asked what my favorite movie was,” he explained to Dean, who still hadn’t looked up from his plate. “I told her about how much I liked Back to the Future when we watched it last week.” 

Dean gave him a small smile. “Yeah, that movie’s friggin’ awesome.”

Cas turned to Meg. “We’re watching The Exorcist tonight.” 

Meg gasped dramatically. “So that’s why you blew off our date?”

Dean sputtered into his drink. “Date?” He said through a cough.

Cas looked helplessly at Meg, who unhelpfully smiled back. He was going to have words with her after this. 

“I asked him to come to the SigEp party, but he said he was busy,” Meg said, feigning a pout. “But I get it, parties aren’t really Cas’s thing, anyway.”

Dean’s eyes flickered quickly between Cas and Meg. “All right, am I missing something?” He asked. His leg was bouncing against the table leg, hard enough that Cas’s plate was vibrating. 

Cas looked at him, panicked, and stuttered out, “I don’t —”

“Like what?” Meg asked, sipping on her water.

“You his girlfriend or somethin’?”

This question delighted Meg. “Why don’t you ask him?”

Dean turned to Cas with an exasperated look. “Well?” He prodded.

Cas was sure he was about three different shades of red at this point. “What — I — no,” he sputtered.

Dean seemed to relax a little. Meg was still grinning like a madman. “There you go,” she said.

Castiel could not formulate a single coherent thought. He was confused as to how they even ended up here. The silence between the three of them was thick and awkward. Meg paid it no mind, just popped a strawberry in her mouth and gave Dean a sickly sweet smile. Dean excused himself to use the restroom, hitting his leg on the table and nearly tripping over his chair. Once he had left, Meg turned to Cas, her eyes sparkling.

“You are so in,” she said.

“What the hell was that?” He asked her. “What just happened?”

“He thinks I’m into you,” she explained. She took a bite of her pizza, then continued, “And he thinks you might be into me. And he hates that.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Cas scoffed.

Meg laughed, throwing her head back. When Cas fixed her with a glare, her eyes widened. “You really don’t see it?”

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose. “There’s nothing to ‘see’. I already told you.”

“Yeah, right. Whatever, you’ll thank me later.”

“For creating what is perhaps the most awkward dinner I’ve ever had in my life?”

She waved him off. “Don’t be such a baby, it wasn’t that bad.”

Cas gave her a look that suggested otherwise. She sighed.

“Look, the way you talk about him…” Meg grabbed Cas's hand when he rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. You like him, and now you know he likes you too.” She sat up proudly. “I just did all the heavy lifting for you.”

“Right,” Cas said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Obviously, this interaction points to an inevitable romantic encounter. Except, and I think this is important, Dean is not gay.”

Meg raised an eyebrow. “Well, the way he looks at you, he’s not straight either. Plus, he apparently still thinks you’re straight, so you two haven’t had that conversation yet. He could be flamingly bisexual and you would never know.”

“This conversation is exhausting.” Cas felt like he was watching a Disney Channel Original Movie, and Meg was a fifteen-year-old matchmaker.

Meg laughed. “I’m sure you’ll survive. By the way, did you actually want to go over the homework this weekend?”

“Yes,” he said, relieved at the change in subject.

Dean returned then. “Are y’all done?” He asked, pointing to their plates. Cas and Meg both nodded, offering “thank you’s” as Dean took their plates to the dish rack. They followed him to the exit, the crisp air sending a chill through Castiel.

“Did you want me to walk back with you, Meg?” Cas offered.

She beamed at him. “You’re so sweet, but no. I’m getting an Uber to Sig Ep, anyway.” She dug into her coat pocket and pulled out something small and black. “Plus, if anyone tries anything, they’ll find themselves electrocuted. Just a little bit.”

Cas grinned. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“See you on Monday, Cas,” Meg said, giving him a hug that lasted just a touch too long. “It was good to meet you, Dean.”

“You too,” Dean muttered.

They watched her walk away for a moment. Cas wanted to avoid looking at Dean for as long as humanly possible. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain the previous interaction.

“So,” Dean said, clearing his throat. “She’s… Nice.”

“She is,” Castiel agreed earnestly. “Dean, I’m sorry, Meg can be a bit…” He struggled to find an adequate descriptor. “I think she enjoys others’ discomfort a bit too much, sometimes,” he finished.

Dean let out a short laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. It’s not a big deal, man.”

They stood in silence, Dean looking at the ground intently, Cas tugging on the strings of his hoodie. Dean kicked a rock, then sighed. “You, uh, you ready to head back?”

“Yes,” Cas replied.

The walk back to their dorm was quiet. Castiel couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought Dean looked bothered. He felt bad — he had honestly expected for Meg and Dean to get along. He had thought them to be similar in their confident and boisterous personalities. Now, he wondered if that was precisely the problem. Too much personality at the same dinner table. He winced internally at his own poor judgement. Meg obviously took no issue with the encounter, but he worried that Dean might hold it against him.

Dean let them into their room, then wrinkled his nose at Cas once more. “Dude, seriously, go take a shower. You’re gross.”

“Actually, I enjoy the feeling of my sweat drying all over my skin. I was thinking of going straight to bed like this. It’s not as if I didn’t take a shower because of your constant insistence upon eating meals at the same time every day”

Dean made a gagging motion. “Hey, we had an appointment, and you were almost late. How is that my fault?”

Cas just rolled his eyes and gathered his things to head to the showers. He let out a muttered, “Crap” when he realized nearly all of his laundry was dirty. He’d been busy this week, and running every day tended to render his clothes unwearable after a single use. He made a mental note to do laundry first thing in the morning. He was able to find an old pair of gym shorts, but not a single t-shirt remained in his closet. Cas groaned inwardly. So he would simply have to sit next to Dean for approximately two-and-a-half hours, shirtless. Fantastic.

When he returned from his shower, Cas found Dean cooking two bags of popcorn, the title menu of The Exorcist already on screen. Dean stood up from the microwave when Cas entered, and was halfway into a thumbs-up when he did a double take.

“Uh… We goin’ shirtless tonight, Baywatch?” He said, tugging at his collar.

Castiel tilted his head. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Of course you don’t,” Dean said with a chuckle. “Seriously, though, dude.”

Cas sighed as he sat on their beanbag. “I have a lot of laundry to do tomorrow,” he said by way of an explanation.

Dean didn’t respond, but made his way to his own closet. He ruffled through it for a moment before Cas was hit in the face by a t-shirt.

“Here, just wear one of mine,” Dean said. He coughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “‘S kinda cold in here, anyway.”

Cas held up the shirt. It was a Led Zeppelin graphic tee, vintage, from their tour in 1977. Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean.

“It’s pretty awesome right?” Cas donned the t-shirt. “Sammy got it for me from a Goodwill a couple years ago. Another of my prized possessions.” He looked at Cas with feigned scrutiny. “Looks good on you,” he said.

Cas played with the hem as he said, “Thank you.” Dean coughed again and walked back to the microwave to retrieve their popcorn. The air was palpable with awkwardness.

Dean turned out the lights. They settled onto the beanbag, as had become custom in the last few weeks. 

Not even thirty minutes in, Dean’s phone began to ring. “Hey, my brother’s callin’, can you pause it?” Dean said.

Cas obliged, and Dean stood as he said, “Hey, Sammy, how’s it goin’?”

Cas sat awkwardly with his hands in his lap, doing his best not to eavesdrop on Dean’s conversation. Though, he supposed if it was private, Dean could have moved to the hallway. Instead, he leaned against the door, twisting the beaded bracelet on his left hand. 

“He did what?” Dean suddenly yelled, and Cas jumped. Dean shot him a quick apologetic look. “

“Sammy, calm down, it’s okay,” Dean said, and Cas couldn’t pretend to not listen anymore. He looked at Dean with a silent question, but Dean was staring hard at the wall, his free hand balled into a fist. 

“Put him on the phone,” Dean said in a low voice. A pause. “What, so now he’s allowed to treat you like shit whenever he wants?” Another pause. A slow exhale from Dean. “No, you’re right. I don’t… I won’t make it worse.” Pause. “Do you want me to come down there? Because I will, you know I will.” 

Dean was silent for a long moment before asking, “Are you sure?” He sighed at whatever his brother said on the other line. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything, I guess. And Sam? I’m really fucking sorry. I should’ve stayed, I don’t…” He trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I know. Yeah. Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” 

Dean lowered the phone from his ear. He stood silently for a moment, angry gaze directed at the floor. Then, causing Cas to jump once more, he turned and hurled his fist at the door. 

There was a loud thud upon impact, and then Dean was yelling “Fuck! Goddammit!” as he cradled his hand. Cas stood abruptly, but had no idea what to do. He walked toward Dean, cautiously.

Dean’s eyes were closed, and he was heaving deep breaths. Cas put a hand on his shoulder. “Dean?” He ventured.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbled, still not looking at Cas. “I just — Fuck, that was so stupid,” he said, shaking out his affected hand. “Sorry,” he repeated to the wall. 

“It’s fine,” Cas said, even though he thought it definitely wasn’t. “What happened?” 

Dean just shook his head. Cas’s hand remained on his shoulder. He tightened his grip, a little nervous that Dean might shove him off. “Dean,” he persisted. “You can tell me.” 

Finally, Dean looked at him, and Cas thought if that level of rage was ever directed at him, he would promptly die. Instead, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you all right?” 

“No,” Dean growled. “I gotta — I don’t know, I need to calm down. I don’t actually want to break something,” he said, motioning to the door. “I’m gonna go for a smoke.” 

Cas dropped his hand and folded his arms across his chest. “I’ll go with you.” 

“Cas —” Dean started, but Cas silenced him with a look. He grabbed one of Dean’s flannels from his desk chair and threw it at him. Dean caught it with a cross between surprise and irritation. Cas grabbed his own windbreaker and put it on, looking expectantly at Dean. 

“Are we going?” He asked. 

Dean looked at him as if he was trying to decide whether arguing was worth it. A sigh confirmed that it wasn’t. He silently pulled on his flannel and opened the door, ushering Cas through before exiting himself. 

They walked in silence, despite the fervor of Cas’s concern and curiosity at Dean’s outburst. Dean’s jaw was set, and he took a long, slow breath when they hit the crisp fall air. When they reached the Impala, Cas silently moved to lean on the hood while Dean retrieved his lighter and a cigarette. 

Dean joined Cas as he took a long draw. He exhaled the smoke upwards, his eyes closed. His face was still turned to the sky when he asked, “This really doesn’t bother you?”

“What?”

Dean brandished his cigarette in answer, turning to raise an eyebrow at Cas. 

Cas shrugged. “It’s not particularly comforting. But, there are worse things.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up thoughtfully. “Besides, you’ve been smoking for years. If anyone could convince you to quit, your random college roommate isn’t the most likely option.” 

Dean gave him a strange look before exhaling another plume of smoke. He coughed a little. “I think you have long passed the line between ‘random roommate’ and ‘new best friend.’”

Cas gave a little chuckle. “That’s good to hear.” Inside, his world was falling down and rebuilding itself anew. Dean thought of Cas as his best friend. Cas had never known that feeling, to have someone care about him like that. Cas wondered if that could be enough, being Dean’s best friend.  

He didn’t say anything more, though, just let Dean finish his cigarette. After throwing the butt on the pavement and stomping on it, he heaved a sigh. 

“My dad…” He started, but paused. “He, uh, he said some stuff to Sam. My brother.” 

Cas nodded, doing his best to keep his face neutral. Talking things through wasn’t Dean’s strong suit, and Cas didn’t want dramatics to make it more difficult. 

“What did he say?”

Dean shifted and rubbed his hands together. “Bunch of bullshit. ‘It’s your fault your Mom’s dead, it should have been you instead of her.’” Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I mean, he used to say that to me. He gets into these moods when he drinks, says a bunch of shit he doesn’t mean.” 

Dean shoved himself off the hood and began to pace in front of Cas. “But I could take it, you know? Sammy’s just a kid. He doesn’t need to hear that.” 

“Your father says things like this often?” Cas asked, a tinge of horror in his voice. 

“He used to. But only to me. Never to Sam.” 

Cas took a deep breath, trying to discern how best to proceed. “Dean,” he said slowly, “he shouldn’t say those things. Ever. Not to Sam, and not to you.” 

“I’m just confused,” Dean said. “And pissed. Sam and him are usually okay. I mean, they’re not buddies or anything, but Dad leaves him alone for the most part.”

“I don’t want to overstep,” Cas said, “But it seems like your father used you as an outlet for misplaced rage. A punching bag, if you will. And now you’re gone, so Sam is the next best thing.” 

Dean met Cas'seyes with a horrified look. “God. I didn’t… You’re right. Shit, this is my fault, I can’t believe I —”

“No, Dean,” Cas growled. He stood and grabbed Dean by both shoulders. “This is your father’s fault. Not yours.”

“But I left Sam, alone, with him,” Dean said, and Cas could see panic rising in his eyes. “How could I do that, why —” Cas interrupted him again. “Why did you decide to attend college, Dean? What’s the real reason?”

“What?” Dean gave him an incredulous look. “I don’t know.” 

Cas tilted his head down, skeptical. 

Dean let out a long sigh. “Okay, all right. I went because Sam is smart, and he needs to go. But we don’t have any money. So I figured if I came and got a degree or some shit, I could make enough to throw him some cash while he goes to school. Get some summer internships and save up for his college fund. He’d probably still have to take out loans and stuff, but if I got a good job, I could help him pay them off.” 

Cas wasn’t sure what answer he had expected, but it wasn’t that one. He felt his heart break for the man standing in front of him, who did everything he could and more for the people he cared about and never felt like it was enough. 

“Would Sam ever hold that against you?” When Dean didn’t respond, Cas continued. “I know I wouldn’t. I have four older siblings, and not a single one of them has ever done something like that for me.”

“But—”

“You’re making yourself miserable over something that isn’t your fault,” Cas said. “Did you have anyone protecting you when your father went on a tirade?” 

“No, but—”

“Is Sam incapable of handling himself?”

“No, but Cas—”

“He’ll be alright, Dean,” Cas insisted. “You can’t live your whole life as his shield. You’ll break yourself trying.” 

Dean was silent, and wouldn’t  meet Cas's eyes. Cas dropped his hands and leaned back against the Impala. “Did you ever think that Sam might have wanted you to go to school simply so you could get yourself out? Did you ever think that Sam hates the way your father treated you as much as you hate what he did to Sam tonight?” 

Dean pursed his lips together, but his jaw relaxed slightly. Finally, he muttered, “I guess I never thought about it like that.” 

Cas felt relief wash over him. He’d never seen Dean like this — angry and frantic. Cas wondered if Dean always did this, shouldered the blame for every bad thing his brother had to endure. The thought made his chest hurt. 

Dean’s hands were hanging limply at his side. He looked exhausted. Against his better judgement, Cas grabbed Dean by the forearm and pulled him into a hug. Dean was still for a moment, but then sighed and rested his head on Cas's shoulder. 

“Sorry, man,” he said. “I didn’t mean to act like that, punching things and shit. I just get so angry, and I don’t know what to do with it.” 

Cas was trying very hard to form a coherent thought. “There’s no need for apologies. I understand.” 

A chuckle escaped Dean’s lips. “You must think I’m a complete nutjob, huh?” 

Cas tilted his head in consideration. Dean’s hair tickled his cheek. “No. I think your father spent years verbally abusing you, and you’re doing your best in spite of that.” 

Dean broke the hug abruptly. The sudden space between them felt criminal. “I mean, I don’t know if it’s abuse…” He started, but, at Cas's look, he trailed off. Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Cas,” he said quietly. “Honestly, dude, I don’t know what I would have done without you.” 

Cas's cheeks warmed, and he shrugged. “You would have done the same for me.” 

Dean gave him a small smile. Cas’s heart nearly broke with relief. “I’m beat,” he said. “Bed?” 

Cas nodded eagerly. “Bed.” 

When they reached the stairs, Dean broke the heavy silence.

“So…” He began. There was a false brightness in his voice; he was obviously searching for levity. “You hanging out with your girlfriend tomorrow?” 

“If you’re referring to Meg, she’s still not my girlfriend,” Cas replied vacantly. “And yes.” He suddenly felt exhausted. First the mortifying dinner with Meg, then the heavy conversation with Dean. He hardly had it in him to field jokes about Meg being his girlfriend.

“She’s not your girlfriend yet,” Dean amended, giving Cas a smirk that didn’t meet his eyes. 

And what was Cas supposed to say to that? Meg was funny and smart and beautiful. She and Cas studied together on the regular. There was absolutely no reason he shouldn’t be interested in Meg from Dean’s perspective. 

Of course, if Dean knew he was gay… 

Cas didn’t know if he could face the consequences of coming out to Dean. Would he be upset that Cas hadn’t told him earlier? Would he be uncomfortable with a gay man as his roommate? As his friend? Cas may have expanded his social circle, but he still couldn’t bear to lose Dean. 

But, then again, Dean had defended him once already, without knowing whether or not he was gay. He’d sounded indifferent to the possibility then. And just tonight, he’d called Cas his best friend. Dean cared more deeply for his friends and family than anyone Cas had ever met. Cas was in that group. Dean wouldn’t shove him out of it because of who he loved.

Right?

As they reached the entrance to their hall, Dean poked Cas in the shoulder. “Hey, Earth to Major Tom,” he said. “You okay over there?” 

Cas realized he hadn’t said a word since they started their ascent up the stairs. He sighed heavily.

Perhaps this was as good a time as any. 

“Dean,” he said, but closed his mouth. He should just say it. He had nothing to worry about. This wasn’t Bartholomew. He knew that, but the words remained stuck in his throat.

“What?” Dean said, eyebrows raised. “Cas,” he prodded, waving a hand in front of Cas’s face. 

“I’m not…” Cas swallowed. “I will never date Meg,” he finished, with a pointed look. 

Dean side-eyed him as they walked to their door. “What, she’s not your type?” 

Cas gave him a lopsided smile. “You could say that.” 

“I dunno, man, maybe you should reconsider, you two are pretty adorable, in a gross way —”

“Dean.” Cas was about to rip his hair out. He wasn’t taking the hint. “She’s not my type. She’s a girl.”

Realization dawned on Dean’s face. “Oh,” he said.

“I apologize for not telling you sooner,” Cas said, bracing for the worst. “If that makes you uncomfortable, I understand —”

“What?” Dean practically shouted. At Cas’s look of surprise, he lowered his voice. “No, Cas, are you kidding? I thought I told you, after all that shit with Cole. It’s not a big deal.”

“Knowing your roommate might possibly be gay and knowing he is, indeed, gay are two very different things.”

Dean looked at Cas like he had just made the worst joke in the world. “I’m not gonna, like, try to move out.” As they approached their room, Cas stared resolutely ahead, walking with purpose. But Dean jumped out in front of him, a hand on Cas’s chest to stop him in his tracks. 

“Dude, it’s gonna take more than that to get rid of me. I lost my shit and punched a door, like, an hour ago, and you barely even blinked.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest.

Cas met Dean’s eyes and found unparalleled sincerity.

“I don’t… You’re not the least bit upset?” Cas asked, slightly incredulous. 

Dean shrugged. “You’re my best friend, Cas,” he said as he straightened. “Nothing’s gonna change that.” He pulled on his bracelet. “I do feel bad though, for making you feel like you couldn’t tell me. Not that you had to, or anything,” he added in a rush.  

Cas shook his head vigorously. “It has nothing to do with you, Dean. I’m… I’m new at this,” Cas explained. “The first time, with Bartholomew… I believe he was, as you would say, a dick about it.” 

Dean’s eyes turned stormy. “Bastard,” he said. “I’m sorry, Cas. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.” 

Cas nodded. “You’re right. It was rather unfortunate. I haven’t spoken to him since the night I told him I was gay.” 

Dean moved back to Cas’s side and slung an arm around his shoulders. “His loss,” he said. “You’re friggin’ awesome, dude.” 

Cas smiled. Dean patted him on the back and let the two of them into their room. 

Cas brushed his teeth and climbed into bed. Dean returned minutes later from a shower, and he flipped off the lights as he made his way to his own bunk. 

Cas pulled off Dean’s shirt and threw it across the room. Dean’s head caught it, and he yelped.

“Thank you for the loan,” Cas said, smiling. 

An odd expression crossed Dean’s face before he threw the Zeppelin shirt back to Cas. “Keep it,” he said. When Cas gave him a confused look, he put a hand on the back of his neck. “I meant what I said. Looks good on you.” 

---------

tagging @nguyenxtrang :)))

[nomolosk]

I AM SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING.

But instead you get this:

Hawkmoth studied his latest akuma with a calculating eye, the footage of the battle glowing on the tablet he always kept in his lair. It was a risk, yes, but he hadn't been able to talk the man into a different power set. So instead he watched as Foresight sent people zapping away into their own futures. He was so caught up in the increasingly near misses that he didn't recognize the topography of his own street until it was too late. A bolt of power narrowly missed Ladybug and plowed through the small hole in the butterfly window, ricocheting off the magic-shielded walls until it struck him in the back. Lurching slightly, Hawkmoth thought he could hear a faint cry of "Adrien!" before everything went black.

----

Gabriel came back to himself facing a large window in an equally large office that must have been located on one of the top floors of a tall building. The Eiffel Tower just visible to the far left of the vista spread out before him reassured that he was still in Paris.

He turned, slowly realizing what had happened. The akuma- Foresight- had sent him into the future, but how far?

There was a sharp knock on the door before it opened and a nondescript woman came in, tapping industriously in thin air as she stared at something he couldn't see.

"Your 9:30 appointment is here, Mr. Agreste," she said.

"Cancel it," Gabriel barked. "I'm not feeling well. Reschedule that, and everything else today. And call my driver- I'm going home."

There was no way he could fake his way through an appointment a future version of himself had made. Besides, he was rather looking forward to going home and seeing if Emilie waited for him there.

"Yes sir," the woman replied, not even phased by Gabriel's curt manner or sudden indisposition. A tiny flag went up in the corner of his mind, but he ignored it.

The drive home was nothing short of tedious when he was longing to see if he'd finally managed to best those pesky heroes at their own game. As soon as the car was even close to a stop, he was opening the door and practically bounding for the steps. He opened the big door, calling, "Emilie! Emilie!"

His words echoed ominously. The house was entirely still, no signs of life, not even from the kitchen. But he reminded himself that it was mid morning and no doubt the cleaning staff had already finished their work and the cook wouldn't be starting anything until mid afternoon. If he knew himself, his future self probably ate lunch at the office as a matter of course.

But what about Emilie? He went first to his- their, hopefully- bedroom. It was dark and empty, cold light filtering through sheer purple curtains on the windows but doing little to alleviate the gloom.

He was disappointed, but perhaps she was out somewhere? Or even working.

But perhaps Adrien was home? He wanted to see what kind of man his son had grown into. Gabriel crossed to the other side of the house, throwing the door to Adrien's room open.

But instead of a bright room with colorful accents, video arcade games and the rockwall and skate ramps, and the sitting area around the large tv that he remembered, most of the space was taken up by a large conference table surrounded by chairs.

It was empty otherwise, all other furnishings and decorations removed. Thinking quickly, he patted his pockets for his phone, pulling out a thin, remote-like object. There was a number pad and the usual symbols for making and ending a call, so he raised the device to his ear before realizing he hadn't the faintest clue what Adrien's phone number might be.

He took a deep breath and pushed the call button. A voice sounded in his head.

"Welcome to CenComm Systems, Gabriel Agreste. To whom may I connect you today?"

Gabriel nearly choked, but managed to swallow his surprise. "A-Adrien Agreste," he said, as firmly as he could.

"I'm sorry, you are not on this person's authorized contact list. Goodbye."

Gabriel nearly reeled in shock. He wasn't- how could he not be-

Swallowing again, he pressed the call button again. After the (in hindsight) obviously prerecorded welcome message, he asked to be connected to his personal assistant.

"Veera Walker."

Gabriel's eyebrows rose as nothing else came out of the woman's mouth. Apparently he had trained her not to bother him with unnecessary pleasantries. Yes. At least that was something he could approve of.

"Veera, when is my next scheduled dinner with Adrien?"

Silence on the other end of the line lasted a moment too long.

"Sir, should I contact your doctor?"

"I beg your pardon."

"Mr. Agreste you made it very clear to me that while Adrien, but not his wife, could be included in guest lists to major corporate events, that he would only appear on your schedule if he begged me to squeeze him in. As in, literal, on his knees on the floor, begging."

"I... I..." Gabriel sputtered, before clearing his throat. "Good," he finally managed to get out. "I was merely checking to see if he had come to his senses yet."

He could hear the relief in her voice. "Of course, sir."

"Thank you," Gabriel said quickly before pressing the end call button on the remote.

Well. This was a conundrum. But perhaps... surely whatever rift had grown between them could be overcome. He could do his future self a favor and begin to heal it. All he needed to do now was to find out where his son now lived and worked.

---

Gabriel had not been very good at using the internet in his own time, so he found the voice activated search engine of the present immensely helpful. Over the next hour he slowly pieced together the probable current whereabouts of his son.

Adrien worked at a rival fashion design firm, something called MDC Impressions. No wonder his future self and Adrien were estranged. Well. Perhaps a visit from a strangely youthful father, prepared to forgive all, would do something toward bringing him back to where he belonged.

He briefly thought about disguising himself, but then decided not to bother. This firm might be a rival, but surely they couldn't really hope to compete with his own fashion house. According to the internet they had only existed for two years. Why, when Gabriel's own company was two years old, they'd been on the brink of folding, and only Audrey Bourgeois influence and attention was enough to pull it out of the hole Gabriel had dug for himself.

So he strode confidently into the shiny offices, smirking at the all the glitz and wondering at the stupidity of the owners, wasting so much money on appearances when they should be focused on their bottom line at this point in the game.

He swept past anyone who even looked like they were going to stop him or object to his presence, gaining a small entourage of gaping young professionals as he made his way to Adrien's office. He'd studied the office's floorplan in the car- it was wonderful what you could find on the internet- and knew approximately where Adrien should be.

He didn't even knock on the door, simply pausing just long enough to ensure that yes, Adrien's name was on the placard outside the office. Then he opened the door and walked in.

Adrien was sitting in profile to him, working steadily at a desk while speaking- presumably- on the phone.

Gabriel stood, waiting impatiently for Adrien to finish his call, yet when Adrien stopped talking and obviously went back to our computer work, Gabriel lost patience and cleared his throat.

--- TO BE CONTINUED ---