#hes like dollar store tiffany valentine

[netherworm]

Ash Williams + my OC who are T4T in the mid 2000s ... if u care /j (he/him for both)

[jancys-blue-bayou]

Opals and mixtapes (Jancy fic)

This is a belated birthday gift to @iamthethumperanon​ my partner in fluffy Jancy crime. Have 6500+ words of fluff inspired by a certain s3 still showing a certain someone wearing a new necklace.

Also on Ao3 and FFNet!

”So, what do you and Nancy have planned for Valentine’s Day?” His mom raises an eyebrow at him and smiles over the breakfast table as she asks the innocuous question that sends him into a slight panic.

What do you and Nancy have planned for Valentine’s Day. What do you and Nancy have planned for Valentine’s Day. What do you and Nancy have planned for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day. Shit. What day is it today? The 7th. So it’s in one week. Shit. He didn’t even realize.

”Oh no…” his mom continues as she sees the look on his face. His panic must be etched across it.

”You forgot it?” Will asks from his seat.

”I didn’t forget it! I just… never thought of it…”

”That is forgetting it,” Will points out.

That’s true. It’s just… he’s never had to think about it before. In kindergarten he, like the other kids in the class, made a card for his mother to give her on February 14th. But as he’s gotten older he’s not payed Valentine’s Day any mind, he’s never had cause too. It’s just been a dumb commercial holiday. The only effect it’s had on his life is that it’s been one day of the year where the high school halls has been a veritable gauntlet of loveydovey teens exchanging gifts like the world and their relationship depended on it.

Now he is one of those teens, he realizes (perhaps too late). Honestly he still thinks it’s a dumb commercial holiday. But he has no idea what Nancy thinks of it. Maybe she rolls her eyes at it. Or maybe she expects… something, from him. He does not know what. Oh god. He has no clue about this sort of stuff. Really has no clue about how to be… a boyfriend. Even if Nancy told him he’s doing great when he voiced that sentiment before. But of course she says that, she is so kind and nice and sweet. He loves her, so much more than he can really wrap his head around even. She loves him too, she told him. Tells him, every day.

If she expects something of him for this day… he wants to give it to her, whatever it will be. Who cares if it’s just a dumb commercial holiday, it can still be about them and… be romantic.

”I have to get her something,” he says, making his mind up.

”Yes you do,” his mom agrees.

”Do you know what you’ll get her?” Will asks.

”No…” he answers, dejected, before getting up to put his dishes in the sink.

He does not know. What can he possibly get her that she’ll like… no not just like, love? That she couldn’t get for herself? That she hasn’t already received in gifts… shit, she was with Steve last Valentine’s Day… Steve is loaded with cash, he wonders what he got her, could’ve gotten her anything… he can… not. Shit. For Christmas, which he was deathly nervous about, he went for very personal gifts. Got her gun ammunition and a photo of Barb he’d taken in the beginning of the previous school year for the yearbook (from which he scrapped it of course) and held onto because he didn’t know how she’d take seeing a photo of Barb before, but with Nancy getting some closure in getting justice for Barb he took a chance on that it would be appreciated now, which it was. But that was then, and he can’t well get her anything like that now… not that Christmas screams ”revolver ammo!” but somehow he feels Valentine’s Day says it even less.

”Don’t worry honey, we’ll think of something. I’ll help you look!” His mom clasps her hands together and looks at him excited and with hope in her eyes like she believes he actually won’t screw this up.

”Thanks… ready bud?” He answers and looks at his little brother who nods and gets up so they can drive to school, stopping for Nancy (and Mike) on the way.

XXX

A knock on the door makes Will put down his crayon and get up from his desk. Mike’s sick, Eleven’s with Hopper, Lucas and Max are doing something that apparently is just for the two of them, and Dustin is weirdly enough still hanging after Steve for some reason, so he’s a bit at a loss on who’s come over but still he’s in a hurry to open, it got a bit lonely with his friends all preoccupied and Jonathan and mom out looking for a Valentine’s gift for Nancy. He would’ve came with them if he had known none of his friends could hang out, though having time to draw is nice too.

”Hey Will!”

”Hi Nancy!” He looks at his brother’s girlfriend, surprised. She beams at him. ”Jonathan isn’t here he-” he goes to explain, trying to think of a good lie to tell concerning his brother’s whereabouts.

”Covering a shift I know, he told me,” Nancy cuts in.

Oh, good that Jonathan had already covered that. And lucky for him Nancy cut him off, he was going to go with ”has a dentist appointment”. Which he now realizes would’ve been stupid, since it’s Saturday. He’s not good with lies.

”I lucked out he did actually… I needed him to be out for this…” Nancy continues.

”For what?” He asks.

”For me to be able to make my Valentine’s Day gift for him! Can I come in?”

”Oh, of course,” he hurries to step aside and let Nancy in while processing her words. ”Make your Valentine’s Day gift to him? Here?” He wonders.

”Yes! I’ve been stressed out, wracking my brain on what to get him, he’s really hard to shop for you know, and this week I got an idea but then didn’t know how I could execute it, until now. Look at this!”

Nancy has taken her coat off and opens a backpack she had slung over her shoulder earlier and shows him its contents. There’s a couple of records in there and a whole heap of mixtapes.

”What are those?”

”All the mixtapes he’s made me.”

Wow. Jonathan’s made him a lot of mixtapes through the years, but he seems to have made double the amount for Nancy just in a few months (at least he assumes he didn’t make her mixtapes before November when the Gate closed and his brother got a girlfriend). Not that he’s jealous, he’s just happy his brother has Nancy now. He’s never seen his brother happier than he’s been these last few months.

”Music means so much to him and I love how he always shares it with me, what he likes, what’s important to him and close to him so I thought… I should make him one! With songs that makes me think of him. What do you think?” Nancy explains her idea to him.

”That’s a really good idea,” he nods.

”Right? I think it can be good… only problem is I can’t record off my stereo and my dad’s record player doesn’t have a cassette deck and it’s broken anyway, and so I’ve come to take advantage of Jonathan’s.”

”Oh, okay. Do you know how to make mixtapes?” He asks.

”Technically no, but I’ve observed him doing it. Do you?”

”I think so?”

”Cool, can you help me out? Together we should manage it right?”

”Sure!”

XXX

”But mom, jewelry is expensive…” he quietly protests as his mom steers him to the store he’s walked past many times without ever entering.

”Oh come on sweetie, I’m not saying buy her a big ol’ diamond, but there are more affordable things. I think, haven’t been in here for… well a long time. Anyway. Besides this is Hawkins, not exactly Tiffany’s on Fifth Avenue. You said you wanted to get her something pretty and nice.”

He did say that, so he follows his mom into the store. Inside there’s display cases filled with all sorts of jewelry and he feels out of place in the fancy store with impeccably clean aisles and nice furnishings. He knows this isn’t exactly his mom’s scene either, but she seems much more confident than him, maybe it’s her determination and attitude of not taking any crap no matter what people think of them. He doesn’t know where to even start, he’s a lousy shopper. He thinks, at least. It’s kind of hard to tell because it’s not like he’s had much experience shopping for stuff other than groceries, and clothes when he’s outgrown everything and definitely needs something new. Other than that it’s pretty much just the record store that he’s frequented. A lot of times just browsing without buying anything. He’s felt at home there. Not like here, he doesn’t know where to look or what to look for. A necklace? A bracelet? A ring? What do you give Nancy Wheeler?

His mom seems to have an idea though, or at least takes initiative by striding right up to the nearest display case and starting to look. He quickly follows her.

”See, not everything is super pricey just because it’s jewelry, there’s some stuff you can afford,” she says as he joins her in looking at the display showcasing a bunch of different rings that does fall within his budget. He has some money saved up and when he told his mom how much she insisted on slipping another five dollar bill into his hand which he’s planning to give her back or at least put away and use for groceries instead. He appreciates the gesture but she shouldn’t put money on this it’s for him to get Nancy a gift, his mom’s hard-earned money should go to other things.

”Yeah… I’m not sure about a ring though like doesn’t a ring seem a bit… um… well I don’t know how she’d take it…”

”Sweetie there’s more rings than just for engagements and marriage,” his mom chuckles. ”I’m not suggesting that. I definitely think you should wait until after high school before you ask her to marry you,” she continues with a smile.

”Mom…” he groans. ”We’ve only been-” he starts but she cuts him off.

”Yeah yeah I know I know you’ve only been dating for a couple of months, just like you’ve only saved each others lives and the whole world a couple of times,” she grins. ”And you only spend just about every day and night together-”

”Night?! You know about-” he cuts her off, horrified.

”Yes Jonathan, you two are not as sneaky as you think,” his mom smirks at him.

”Oh God…”

”I haven’t said anything because I really don’t mind, you know. I had been thinking about this stuff before, of what I would do when you got a girlfriend. I thought of all the rules my mother had for me when I was your age and how I hated it and how stupid it was because it wasn’t like I couldn’t just go out and see-”

”Mom…”

”Right, not important, anyway point is you are responsible and I trust you, and Nancy. So I don’t see any harm in you two spending the nights together. Like everything you can do at night you can just as well do during the day so-”

”Mom!”

”Right, right. I’m just saying, you don’t have to have Nancy sneak out in the morning or get in at 6 AM and pretend you just got up early. However much I do enjoy your performances at those occasions.”

”Okay I… Okay. Thanks. Can we please talk about something else?” He tries, desperate to change the topic of the conversation.

”Sure, so if not a ring then what do you have in mind for Nancy?

”I don’t know um… what girls want um… a necklace maybe?”

”Well, I’m sure she’d love anything from you but yes a necklace is a good idea! Let’s see…”

His mom looks up and around the store to see where they can find necklaces. Just then someone comes up from behind and gets their attention.

”Well hello there!” A cheery voice calls out.

”Oh, hello Claudia! I didn’t know you worked here,” his mom greets Dustin’s mother.

”Hello Mrs. Henderson,” he greets.

”How lovely to see you two! And yes oh it’s been awhile since we talked hasn’t it? It’s been a few months, I was laid off at the old place but my sister’s husband owns this place and had an opening,” Mrs. Henderson explains.

”Oh well that’s great, that it worked out like that,” his mom smiles and he nods.

”It really is, I’m very happy. Well, so what brings you in today? Oh, is it something for a certain someone for the special day coming up?” Mrs. Henderson is practically beaming at him as she says that last part and he blushes.

”Yes Jonathan’s in the market for a nice necklace to give to Nancy, maybe you can help?” His mom butts in.

”Oh how exciting! Oh yes follow me right this way, we have a lot of really lovely ones. Do you have an idea of what exactly?”

”Er… no I…um…” He fumbles.

”Well no worries, you can just have a look here for a start you see, I think some of these may be of interest, they’re classic and stylish you see, elegant and not so tawdry,” Mrs. Henderson continues without missing a beat and shows them a display with simple but elegant necklaces, most of them in his price range.

”Oh these are nice,” his mom coos.

”Yes they are,” he mumbles in agreement, looking over the selection, trying to find anything that could be worthy of Nancy. The cheapest ones are simple heart-shaped designs in gold and silver which feels too simple, or ordinary. The most expensive ones here have diamonds. Those look great but is way above what he can afford.

”See anything you like?” Mrs. Henderson asks.

He may have. There’s several ones of similar designs with different gems attached. His eyes have been drawn to one with a light blueish greenish, almost turquoise, gem.

”How about that one?” He asks unsure, pointing it out to his mom and Mrs. Henderson.

”Oh that’s lovely,” his mom says.

Mrs. Henderson gets it out of the display case and holds it up for them to take a closer look.

”It really is,” she chimes in. ”Is she an October birthday?”

”Huh? Yes she is how’d you- but this is for Valentine’s Day not-” He’s very confused.

”Oh I just meant, it’s an opal. It’s her birthstone then.”

”What’s a birthstone?” He asks, more confused.

”Oh,” Mrs. Henderson looks surprised for a second, like she wasn’t ready for someone to have that gap in their knowledge. ”Well for every month of the year there’s a different gemstone symbolizing that month, and it’s a person’s birthstone if they’re born then. So people often give necklaces like these as a gift to someone for that.”

”Oh. I just thought, it’d go with her eyes so…”

”Oh! Well it would, she has gorgeous eyes doesn’t she? And how lucky are you then, the birthstone is just an added bonus!”

”Right…”

”It really looks great honey. You’re right, it goes with her eyes. She’d look lovely wearing it. I’m sure she’d love it,” his mom says.

XXX

”Well I want to set the tone right away, so we’ll start with this,” she tells Will and puts on Time After Time which will be the first song on the mixtape.

”What’s this?” He asks and she realizes that having Jonathan Byers as his chief influence regarding music probably means Will doesn’t have great knowledge of pop hits. She might have to remedy that.

”Cyndi Lauper,” she tells him.

”I like it. What do you mean with setting the tone?”

”Well it makes me think of him. Us,” she explains, timely enough just before they reach the chorus.

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me

Time after time

If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Time after time

Will nods. She explains further.

”It’s one of my favorite songs. I first heard it when- well have you heard Girls Just Want to Have Fun?”

”I think I heard it at the Snow Ball. All the girls were dancing to it.”

”Oh that’s right! That was cute. Well, that was her first single and I heard it on the radio last fall. I mean not this fall but the one before that. Um, like two months before everything happened uh… it must have been September. Me and Barb played it all the time… then the album came out in October right in time for my birthday and um, Barb got it for me. We listened to it all the time until…” she trails off. It’s still so weird and hard to talk about. With Will no less, with everything he’s gone through, she’s not sure how comfortable he is talking about any of that time at all.

”Sorry,” he offers and looks fine though. ”It’s a great song,” he adds.

”Thanks. I listened to it a lot, over and over last year before we were even um… I had to stop because it just made me think of him when we weren’t… but then now since I’ve… listened to it a lot again and yeah it just… makes me think of him. I think it’s about us. Sorry that’s so cheesy and sappy but-”

”It’s not cheesy it’s romantic,” Will shrugs, slight blush on his cheeks.

”Right, anyway… well you’ve at least heard of Madonna right?” She continues and picks up the next record.

”Yes,” Will smiles and rolls his eyes to signal that he’s not completely clueless regarding pop music.

XXX

”So, what else do you have planned?” His mom asks as they make their way out of the store after saying goodbye to Mrs. Henderson who couldn’t stop talking about what a cute couple he and Nancy apparently makes.

”I don’t know I… I should take her out for dinner right? Somewhere uh, nice… but I don’t know any nice places um… and you know, money…”

”Well, may I come with a suggestion?”

”Yes?”

”You are a catch Jonathan-”

”Mom…”

”- you are handsome and charming and nice-”

”Mom… where’s the suggestion?”

”I’m getting to it! And funny and smart and brave. These are all great qualities that makes you the most special amazing guy in the world, and I’m sure Nancy agrees with me.”

”Mom…”

”But you have another very special quality that makes you stand out even more from all the other hapless guys around: you’re a great cook, Jonathan.”

”I’m okay, mom.”

”No, you’re great. You’re really great in the kitchen. I think so and Will thinks so and I know Nancy thinks so too. She’s not faking all those yummy noises and ’oh my god Jonathan this is great’ every time she’s over for dinner. And she’s a girl who was raised by Karen Wheeler who feeds her family good, just like you by the way. So, going out to dinner is nice and all but do you know what’s even more romantic for a girl? When a guy cooks you a great dinner himself. I think you should cook for Nancy yourself. Make it romantic, with candles and stuff you know. I guarantee you she’ll be like putty in your hands.”

”Putty in my hands?”

”I mean, you know… I’m just saying, she’ll love it and it will be very sweet and romantic!”

”Right… I mean…”

”Will and I will be out of the house so you’ll have the place for yourselves.”

”… okay… um… yeah that sounds… like a plan. But oh god what should I cook her?”

”Well, her favorite, obviously. Come on son.”

XXX

After having explained to Will that Like a Virgin isn’t literal but more… metaphorical, Follow Me by Blondie has also been added to the tape. Will really digs Blondie and says he’s sure Jonathan will like them too. Which makes her weirdly happy, Blondie is her favorite band. It’s not like it’s the end of the world if Jonathan doesn’t like them but… it sure would be nice if he did. And she thinks Will is probably right, he knows his brother’s tastes very good of course and even she knows that though he’s generally more inclined to punk he’s not averse to new wave so.

”Hey there’s a New Order song that he’s played for me that needs to be on the tape, help me dig through his records,” she requests and starts to look through all the records and tapes Jonathan’s got by his record player.

”Sure, what song?” Will asks.

”I forget the name of it… it goes like…” she starts to hum the tune but Will looks on confused. ”And then it goes like ’Up down turn around please don’t let me hit the ground’ and then later like ’I’ve never met anyone quite like you before’ um…”

”Uh… um… wait, Temptation?” Will suggests.

”Oh, maybe I’m not sure about the title really…”

”I think he has the single wait… here it is,” Will digs out a record and soon well-familiar tones fill the room.

”Yeah that’s it, awesome! Thanks.”

”No, problem. I love them. New Order, and Joy Division before that. He has a lot of their stuff. He really likes them.”

”Yeah I like them too.”

”So what’s special about this song?”

”Oh it was playing in the car after our first like, real date, when we found a place to stop and be together like that for the first time since- uh I mean…” she drastically cuts herself off as Will’s eyes bulges out and she realizes she almost started to tell Jonathan’s little brother about the second time she and Jonathan had sex. ”Er, I mean it just reminds me of our first official date and it’s a nice song for a nice time um.”

”It is a nice song,” Will nods, trying to move past the awkwardness. In an effort to do the same she drastically changes the topic.

”So uh, Mike’s freaking out about what to do for El and his first Valentine’s Day. I’ve had to help him all week because he’s clueless about what to do.”

”Tell me about it, it’s all he talks about now. It’s kind of annoying,” Will rolls his eyes but smirks. ”Lucas too, about Max. And Dustin is desperate to impress some girl in time for it.”

”Oh, who?”

”Just any girl I think, no one in particular. Suddenly everyone is girl crazy. I don’t get it.”

”Oh, huh. I tried to talk to him at the Snow Ball hmpf… he should just relax a little. But yeah I can see how that’s annoying. But oh speaking of the Snow Ball, how about you? What ever happened with that cute girl you were dancing with?”

”Oh uh… we’re just friends. We sit next to each other in Math. To be honest I think she just wanted to dance with anyone and thought I was as good as any…”

”Aw, don’t say that maybe she likes you for real.”

”I don’t know. I don’t mind, I don’t really like her all that much… I mean she’s alright, but it’s not like… that. I don’t know. I don’t really care about girls all that much… I mean uh, yet or like… I don’t know,” Will stumbles over his words and she gathers it’s not something he really wants to talk about so she decides to back off. To be honest his reaction kind of reminds her of how Barb used to react to talk about boys at that age. Barb was never interested in boys… She decides to just leave it.

”Oh well that’s no big deal. I mean you guys are just in eighth grade not like you should be in a hurry, you’re not even out of middle school yet. It’s just funny to me how Mike acts now, I never thought he of all people would get a girlfriend already in middle school. Biggest dork in the world,” she smiles.

”Sure that’s not me?” Will rolls his eyes and grins.

”No way, you’ve always added the cool factor to your little group,” she insists.

”What cool factor?” Will questions.

”The cool artist one!” She grins.

Will laughs and shakes his head.

”Anyway, speaking of cool artists, this may also be cheesy but I’m going to put ”Heroes” on the tape just because,” she continues and reaches out to flip through Jonathan’s David Bowie records.

”Because you two are…” she can just hear Will mumble under his breath and it makes her grin but when she looks at him he looks down and pretends to be reading the liner notes of the New Order record so she turns back to the Bowie pile with a smile.

XXX

Well, Jonathan’s definitely got something planned. When he picked her up for school he mumbled a ”Happy Valentine’s Day” and nervously asked her if she is free tonight. Normally he’s not nervous to ask her that. She’s very intrigued by this. Especially when he asks if she can borrow her mom’s car and come over at 7 because ”I mean I’d love to pick you up but I have to um… uh… prepare…something.”

She could, so here she is now, pulling up in the Byers driveway a little before 7. Joyce’s Pinto is gone, she notices. Jonathan was very tightlipped about tonight, not letting any information slip no matter what she tried. Not even when she started making out with him in the darkroom while asking him about it did he lose enough focus to spill the beans. She’s glad he didn’t though, if antsy to see what he’s got planned. Whatever it is she’s sure it will be amazing. It’s not like Valentine’s Day is a huge deal to her. She had to kind of roll her eyes at some of the stuff she witnessed at school today. She overheard Josie raving to Vicky and Leslie about how Greg apparently is the perfect boyfriend and so romantic because he surprised her with roses and chocolates in a grand gesture by her locker in front of everyone. When just last week in the same spot Josie very publicly dumped Greg because he had kissed Kayla at Drew’s house party over the weekend.

She’s all for romance, but some guys, like Greg, seems to take Valentine’s Day as the one day a year they have to be romantic and then the other 364 days they can do whatever as long as they “make up” for it on February 14th. She’s been with Jonathan for three and a half months now and he’s been romantic… every day, with her. Just all the time, in the little things. It’s in the little things for her, everything doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to be romantic. Though something grand today she wouldn’t be averse too… just not in public, she’s thankful he’s like her in that he’s more private than public about that stuff. Last year for Valentine’s Day Steve had been waiting for her by her locker with a huge bouquet of roses and a huge heart-shaped box of chocolates and while she appreciates the gesture, having the whole hallway full of people staring at her waiting for her move was mortifying. Ever since that November her and Steve’s relationship had been the talk of the hallways. Until they got back together everyone stared at her and whispered as she walked down the hallways alone, then when she went back to Steve she could feel everyone staring at them like they were expecting more drama any second. It died down over the months but at that point in February her and Steve’s relationship… drama, was still the juiciest gossip at Hawkins High.

Plus that morning hadn’t been her best. She had seen Barb’s parents the night before which had brought up all the feelings she was trying to bury right up to the forefront from where they were bubbling just under the surface, and she cried all night and didn’t get any sleep and felt like a wreck as she fixed herself up and dragged herself to school only to be greeted with that. With a boyfriend waiting for her looking expectantly at her and a hallway full of people all also looking at her expecting something. She really could’ve done without that. Her first instinct had been to turn around and bolt, get away from all the people and expectations and facades she had built up, but of course she didn’t. She did what everyone expected of her, she walked up to Steve and called him an idiot in a sweet voice and kissed him and accepted the flowers and chocolates.

It took until Halloween until her facades crumbled and she defied everyone’s — most of all her own — expectations and did what she truly sought after. Getting justice and getting Jonathan. He’s many things, brave and strong and sweet and funny and kind and nice and smart, and he’s also not showy but private and genuine with his emotions. No grand public gestures today, just as always sweet Jonathan by her side the whole day, with the mysterious promise of something more tonight, privately. She can’t wait, so she hurries her step as she makes her way up to the porch with the mixtape in her coat pocket.

XXX

He realizes he must have checked the oven nine times in the last thirty seconds but he checks it again. Almost ready. Almost. It has to be perfect. He glances at the clock on the wall. Still 6:53 like the last seventeen times he looked. He walks over to the dining room table. It all looks nice right? It’s nice but not too over the top, he hopes. Like he’s trying but not like… trying too hard. Can he try too hard with Nancy? Should he light the candles now? No, after she’s here, right? Yeah, definitely. Crap, a lighter. Or matches. He forgot. He rushes back into the kitchen and rummages through a drawer and finds a lighter. Same one they used to set fire to a monster once, he realizes as he puts it in his pocket. Should he rethink the shirt?

The sound of a car coming into the driveway jolts him out of his thoughts. Crap, he hopes he went with the right shirt, after changing four times. Too late to change again now. He stands ready by the door as he hears her closing a car door outside. Should he open it already? Or let her knock? Should he maybe wait a second before opening it so to not give away that he’s standing here waiting? Crap! The food! He runs back into the kitchen Instead and looks in the oven again. Yep, ready now. Where’s the damn oven mitts? There. He hurries to carry the dish out to the dining room. Just as he sets it down on the table, near the bottle of wine he got Eric to go in and buy for him, there’s the knock on the door. He hurries towards it, halfway there realizing he should probably lose the oven mitts, throwing them into the kitchen.

XXX

”Hey…”

”Hi!”

Wow he looks so dreamy. He’s wearing his best shirt (at least the one that’s her favorite on him. It really brings out his eyes) and smiling at her in that way that makes her heart skip beats.

”You look great,” he tells her, taking her in. It makes her blush, what he says and how he looks at her.

”Thanks. You too. My favorite on you,” she tells him and reaches out to place her fingers to the collar of his shirt as she steps forward to kiss him. His lips are soft and nice. They always are. Even when they’re a bit chapped from her kissing him throughout a whole night they somehow remain soft even after that.

”Come in,” he smiles at her when they break apart and he steps aside to let her in.

He takes her coat and she takes in the- oh, is it…?

”It smells wonderful Jonathan, it smells like-” she starts.

”Yeah,” he blushes and nods and smiles. ”I know it’s your favorite so… I wanted to do something nice, tonight um… so I thought we could uh, have dinner… here. Just the two of us, I mean. My mom and Will aren’t home. So it’ll be just us…”

”That sounds lovely,” she beams at him.

She takes his hand and he leads her to the dining room. There he hurries up to the table to light two candles while she’s left standing looking in awe at him and his efforts.

”You did all this for me?”

”I… yeah… I hope you like it I just wanted to make-”

He probably had many more sweet things to say but she can’t contain herself she just has to kiss him because he’s so sweet and cute and dreamy. Has to kiss him a lot actually, so much so she presses him up against the wall and suddenly they find themselves in a little make out session.

”I love it,” she halts to tell him.

”We haven’t gotten to the food yet,” he points out with a shy smile after he’s caught his breath.

”Your point being?” She grins. ”This is so sweet Jonathan. I love it already.”

XXX

Well, so far this has gone better than he could have hoped for. She made out with him before dinner even. And again after. And has told him over and over how he’s apparently the sweetest and cutest in the world (which he definitely disagrees with, because clearly that’s her just look at her) and that the evening’s been perfect. But now the moment of truth is here. This part he’s more nervous about than anything.

”I got something for you,” he tells her.

”Wait, there’s more?” She looks surprised.

”Yeah this was just… um, well I want to give you something also.”

”You’re unbelievable,” she grins and shakes her head. Then looks at him. ”I have something for you too. Wait here.”

She gets up, goes over to him and kisses him and then hurries out of the room to get it, whatever it is. He never thought about her getting him something. Now he’s very excited about that.

Nancy quickly returns, hiding her hands behind her back. Looking like she’s about to burst from excitement.

”Can I go first?” She asks.

”Sure,” he says while getting up from his chair.

”So… I made you this,” she says and reveals a mixtape. He feels his jaw drop a little and hopes he doesn’t look like a total dork as he continues to listen to her. ”I’ve played you some of my stuff before but you share so much of the music you love with me, and I know how important it is to you… it’s part of you, so it means a lot that you do, like all the tapes you make me, I love them and I wanted to make you one with music that’s important to me because it… well, this is all made up of songs that makes me think of you… us… in different ways… which makes them very special to me… um… I hope you like it,” she finishes and hands him the tape.

”This is amazing… thank you,” he tells her as he stares transfixed at the tape in his hands, scanning the track list written in Nancy’s beautiful handwriting. This is his favorite mixtape ever, he knows already. ”Thank you so much… I love it…”

”You haven’t listened to it yet,” she notes.

”Your point being?” He mirrors her from earlier and it makes her laugh. ”I love it already. And I can’t wait to listen to it. Thank you.”

”You’re welcome,” she blushes before kissing him.

”So… I got you this. I hope you like it. If not that’s okay um,” he tells her and fishes the box with the necklace in it out of his shirt pocket.

”I will don’t sell yourself short,” she starts. When she sees the jewelry box she quiets. He hands it to her and she takes it in her nimble hands. She flips the lid open and gasps. ”Oh my god Jonathan…” she takes the necklace out and holds it in her hands, admiring it as she drops the box on the floor. ”This is beautiful oh my god… I love it thank you so much oh my… oh my god you got me this and did all this tonight and I just made you a mixtape? Oh god I feel so-”

”Just a mixtape? This is amazing Nancy, it means so much to me that you made this for me, that you want to share this with me… and I… wait you really love it?”

”Yes oh my god Jonathan, it’s beautiful! Oh my god it’s an opal, isn’t it? That’s my birthstone this is so sweet…”

”I know… okay, I didn’t know that at first, I found that out… I just thought, well it matches your eyes and so I thought it was really pretty because… well, your eyes… are… um…”

”God that’s even sweeter… I… wait hold on…”

Nancy quickly takes off the necklace she’s wearing, the nice ballet slippers one she always wears. Which she told him her parents got her for Christmas when she was 11 and still doing ballet, and which she kept wearing as a kind of memento of that time even after her ballerina days were over. She obviously loves that necklace, which gave him second thoughts about the necklace he got her after he bought it but since he’d paid for it and all he felt he should just go with it even with the doubts. Her reaction has erased those now.

”Help me put it on,” she asks and hands the necklace to him and turns around with her back toward him and sweeps her hair out of the way.

”S-sure…��

He undoes the clasp and gently puts the necklace on her. When he’s clasped it again she quickly turns around and looks right at him, beaming with her whole face.

”So how do I look?”

”Beautiful…” he manages to get out. She’s breathtaking.

She kisses him again and takes his breath away.

”I love you so much, you know,” she tells him.

”I love you too.”

”I still feel bad you did all this and got me this and I just made you a mixtape…” she tells him, hands locked behind his neck.

”It means the world to me though. And this is just… I just wanted to give you something nice… and have a nice night with you…”

”It’s been the best night. Still I should have gotten you more…”

”Well, I don’t really want much more than what I’ve got right now,” he tell her and pointedly holds her closer.

”Aw… well still, your birthday’s coming up soon…ish. And I’m going all out. Think I’ll throw you a parade. Buy you your own island or something. Get the President to make it a national holiday,” she smiles.

”Hey hey hey. Our own island I could get behind,” he smirks. She giggles.

”Right? Well for now I think… a house to ourselves does just fine…” she says and gives him a look.

”Happy Valentine’s Day,” he tells her and picks her up. She reciprocates the sentiment and giggles as she locks her arms and legs around him while he heads straight to his room.

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 questions survey series--part thirty-nine

3701. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick? That would be hard. Can I cheat and just say online? ha.

3702. What's more annoying: the person in front of you driving ten miles under the speed limit on a regular day OR a person who cuts you off doing 10 miles over the speed limit on a stormy day The person who cuts me off on a stormy day because that could be dangerous.

3703. Define the word TIME without using the word time in the definition. A continuous span of progression. haha. That probably makes zero sense.

3704. What old cartoons do you remmeber watching? Stuff on Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Disney, PBS, Kids’ WB, and cartoons that aired on ABC and FOX in the 90s.

3705. Do you think that people care only about the people they know personally or do most people care about all people I wouldn’t say they only care about the people they know personally. Most people care about others and their general wellbeing unless they’re completely heartless, but it’s different for people you know and love versus strangers,  you know? 

Why do you think people feel that wway? I mean, you’re going to care more about people you know and love because you know and love them? It hits closer to home.

3706. Are you more like Brak Zorak or Space ghost and why Oh, those characters from that old Cartoon Network show? I remember seeing it sometimes, but was never really into it. It came on late at night, and as a kid sometimes I’d be up late cause I couldn’t sleep or didn’t feel well and that’d be like the only thing on besides informercials. 

3707. Would you rather see the movie first and then read the book or read the book and then see the movie? I’ve done both.

3708. Do you own any audio books? Nope.

What?

3709. Why are things the way they are? Good question.

3710. Do you believe that guns don't kill people and that people kill people? I mean, someone has to pull the trigger.

why?

3711. What is the best way you can think of to prevent murder? Not commit murder? :X  ha. I really don’t know. There’s some psychotic people who will always find a way.

3712. Why is it that in the USA thousands of people are murdered with a gun each year while in Canada only a handful of people are murdered with a gun each year Sources?

Sure sounds like the USA is doing something wrong, but what?

3713. Is there a difference between really being yourself and just being automatic and acting on whims? Uhhhh.

What?

I’m not sure how to answer this. 3714. Have you ever strolled through a graveyard? During the day.

In the dark? Noo.

3715. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one? That’s subjective. I like good poems I relate to and that “speak” to me, but if a poem doesn’t do that for me it doesn’t mean it’s bad. To each their own.

3716. Who really cares about anything? I think a lot of people care about a lot of things.

Do you? Yeah. Some things maybe too much, others not enough.

Do you let it show, all the time? Depends what the thing is that I care about.

3717. Do you live with passion? :/

3718. Do you talk to squirrels? ...No.

3719. Do you kick up leaves? No.

3720. Whuch do you need more: sugar, caffiene, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep? I’m picking two: caffeine and sleep.

3721. What images do you get from the phrase 'human subway'? For some awful, disgusting reason my mind went to the human centipede. *BARF*

3722. Joe Strummer died. Are you sad? I don’t know who that is.

Do you have a fond memory of him to share?

3723. If you are a guy are circumcised?

If you are a girl which do you prefer circumcised or not?

3724. Does it bother you that in the USA you will be tracked based on what web sites you visit, what online purchases you make and your email will be read by the government? I see where it can be helpful, but yeah it’s not fun having your privacy invaded and people all up in your business.

3725. Have you ever checked out the online personals? The what?

3726. What do you crave? Good health.

3727. On a scale of 1-10 how tough are you? 0. 

3728. On a scale of 1-10 how tender are you? 10.

3729. On a scale of 1-10 how good are you? Uhh.

3730. On a scale of 1-10 how evil are you? I think negatively and badly of myself, but I don’t think I’m evil

.3731. What would make a cool coffee table book? *shrug*

3732. What's the most interesting conversation piece in your home? *shrug*

3733. If you could get on the mall loud speaker on christmas eve you would say, “Attention holiday shoppers: Be kind to the employees and fellow customers, please.” It gets crazy during the holidays.

3734. What are you on the outside of looking into? Life.

3735. Are you more of a peculiar purple pie man or a sour grape? What.

3736. Who is someone you know should deserve more respect? My mom.

3737. Does the end ever justify violence as a means? Only in certain situations.

If yes, when? Like for self-defense.

3738. Care about everything, or care about nothing? Which would be worse? Caring about nothing is worse cause then what’s the point?

3739. Why do so many people on the internet pretend to be pregnant? I didn’t know that was a big thing. 

3740. Have you ever been the diary Hicks or Brian (same guy, Hicks is the old diary, Brian is the current one)? ...What.

If yes, what are your thoughts?

3741. What was your new years like in (answer all that you can remember)

1970?

1980?

1990?

1995?

1998?

1999?

2000?

2001?

2002?

2003?

2004?

2005?

2006?

3742. You know the Def Leopard song, 'Love Bites'? Yeah.

Do they actually mean love bites as in it sucks, or lovebites as in hickies? I’m familiar with the song, but I’ve never given it a real listen where I thought about the lyrics and what it means.

3743. All you want for chrsitmas is: We’re only in May.

3744. If you rearrange the letters in SANTA what words can you make? Ant, sat, an, at, as, tan, ass, nat...

3745. Say anything: I’m tired.

3746. Can you feel your life ending one minute at a time? Uhh.

3747. Is there something you don't want to talk about? Yeah.

3748. What is the most offinsive thing you can think of to type here? Who do you think it would offend?

3749. Who would you stop the world and melt with? “I’d stop the world and melt with you..”

3750. Is there anyone you wish you had never known? No.

3751. Do you prefer to drive or be driven? I don’t drive, so.

massage or be massaged? Be massaged.

pamper or be pampered? Pamper.

go down or be gone down on?

3752. What do you think of the sims? I like it. I go through spurts where I’m obsessed and then don’t play at all for a long time.

3753. How about the Sims Online? I’ve never played it that way.

3754. Professional or home pedicure and why? Neither. 

3755. Is there a difference between over weight and over fat? They mean the same thing.

What?

3756. What do you think of Rush Limbaugh?

3757. Do you buy books and then never read them? No.

3758. What does OPP stand for? “Other people’s property”, but there’s been the argument that the last P stands for “p*ssy” according to the song.

3759. If you had to be a character from married with children, what would you be? I wouldn’t want to be any of them haha.

3760. What did you get for christmas? A new phone, clothes, makeup, stocking stuffer things. 

3761. What was your best ever valentine's day? I don’t have one that particularly stands out.

3762. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven't watched since you were a kid? Hmm. I don’t know.

3763. Have you seen Fantastic Planet? No.

3764. Do feet disgust you? Yes.

3765. What pain releaver do you use? A prescription pain med.

3766. Are you an artist, a designer or a doodler? I’m none of those things.

3767. Do you belong to a gym? No.

3768. Have you ever been to court? No.

Over what?

Did you win?

3769. Would you ever take a caase on court TV (Judge Judy and such)?? They’re entertaining to watch, but no. Omg Judge Judy would probably make me cry haha.

3770. You are given a million dollars, only you MUST spend it (or as much as possible) IN ONE MONTH. ANY LEFT OVER MONEY WILL GO AWAY. WHAT DO YOU BUY? New house for my family and I and vacations.

3771. What are your pj's like? I’m wearing leggings and a long sleeved shirt.

3772. Is there a fabric you love above all other fabrics? Soft kinds.

3773. Can you think of any words (besides mom, dad and bob) that spell the same thing backwards and forwards? Racecar.

3774. Who would enter an ugly foot contest???? I don’t know why someone would enter a contest like that. 

3775. Would you rather see a movie with someone who screams during the movie, crys through the movie, or talks theough the movie? What's the least annoying? Cries through the movie. 

3776. Do you have any grey hair? I found a couple strands before. D:

3777. Are all the Jennifers you know psychotic? I don’t know any Jennifer’s. 

3778. Do you want to join a country club? No.

3779. 'I felt a funeral in my brain' - Emily Dickinson

What do you feel in your brain? A jumbled mess.

3780. What is the best atari game you can remember? I’ve never played.

3781. Hulk Hogan, Alf or Mr T? “I pity the fool.”

3782. Did you dance today? No.

3783. Are birds happy in cages? They need to be able to fly.

Are pets happy indoors? Depends on the pet.

3784. Have you, or has anyone you know, ever been stuffed in a locker? No.

3785. Critique this poem.

Last night death signed my yearbook Have a good summer he said see ya next year and then I realized it wasn't my yearbook it was my tombstone

Ew, that creeped me out.

3786. Red or white wine? I don’t drink anymore, but I did like white zin back when I did. Red wine gave me a headache.

3787. Hula hoops or jump ropes? Neither.

3788. Do you like tiffany lights? Sure.

3789. Do you like fights? No.

3790. What do YOU want to pin the tail on? Nothing.

3791. Wasn't last night fun? Not really.

3792. Have you ever met a group of more interesting people? Yeah.

3793. Would you eat Spaghetti with waffles to keep from offending someone? Sure.

3794. Do you play with Mr Patatoe head? I did when I was a kid.

3795. Would you rather live in an attic or a basement? Basement.

3796. Can you understand sign language? No.

3797. Do you wear ridiculous hats? No. Just simple ones.

Does Elton John? Sure.

3798. What music is wild and crazy? EDM.

3799. How does one live their life like a candle in the wind? I don’t know.

3800. Ziggy and the Spiders or Benny and the Jets? B-b-b-benny and the Jetssssssss.

[theliterateape]

Hope Idiotic | Part 19

By David Himmel

Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

THE DAY AFTER LOU MOVED TO CHICAGO, MICHELLE POINTED TO A TIFFANY’S MAGAZINE AD. It was for a princess-cut diamond ring.

“This is the ring I want,” she told him. “This would be perfect.”

He held onto that magazine ad. And when he brought it to Goldman Jewelers, the longtime Bergman family jeweler in Skokie, Lou told the man, “If you can design this, it would be perfect.”

The jeweler, who was only a few years older than Lou, took a look at it. His name was Art Goldman. He was the fourth generation working in the business of making girls squeal with delight when they received their blood diamonds. Getting the Goldman Jewelers business card was a rite of passage. Pop gave it to him. It was yellowed and dog-eared.

“You’ll probably work with Art,” Pop said. “You’ll like him. He’ll take care of you. His grandfather and I were friends from before the war. His great-grandfather sold me your grandmother’s ring. Sold your dad your mom’s ring, too. Mazel tov.”

But there was nothing to celebrate just yet. Lou needed the money for the ring. The standard rule used to be that an engagement ring should cost a man the equivalent of one month’s salary. For Lou, that would have been barely fifty bucks. He called his father and asked if they could meet for lunch to talk about finances.

“How much do you need?” Benjamin asked.

“I was wondering how much I had still in my savings accounts.”

Benjamin shifted in his seat. “That depends. Which accounts?”

“What do you mean which accounts? My savings accounts. The one you opened for me when I was born. And then the one we opened together when I turned eighteen.”

“Well, how much do you need?”

“I only need what I have, Dad. How much is in there?”

Lou never saw his statements. As a kid he couldn’t care less, and as an adult they never crossed his mind since they were mailed to his dad’s house because he was on the accounts as well. This allowed for Benjamin to use Peter to pay Paul. Deposits would be made into various accounts whenever bonds matured or when stock dividends were paid. But money was also taken from accounts to help pay for things like college tuition, cars, home repairs. Abe and Benjamin Bergman never borrowed from the bank, only family. And in a way, they were like a bank. And sometimes a bank doesn’t have all of your money waiting for you in the vault. So when Lou asked for his money, it wasn’t as simple as just withdrawing and closing the account.

“You have about eight thousand dollars of savings,” Benjamin said. “But you don’t need that money for a ring.”

“That’s exactly what I need it for, Dad. Where else am I going to get the money?”

“Tell me how much you need, and we’ll find it.”

“No. I don’t want you loaning me the money. I have it, so let me have it.”

“I’m not going to just give you your savings account so you can blow it on a ring. If you clean out your savings, what will you do if you need it in the future?”

“First of all, I wouldn’t consider buying an engagement ring a blown purchase. Secondly, the point of savings is to use it when you need it. And I need it. Just give me the bank book, and I’ll close it out.”

“I can’t. Well, you can’t.”

“Why? Do you have to be there, too?”

“The full amount isn’t in the account right now.”

“Where is it?”

“I had to use some to help pay off your mother from the divorce.”

“Jesus, Dad!”

“Let me just write you a check. This way you’ll still have your savings for later.”

“But I don’t. You just said it’s not there. And I don’t want to just borrow and steal from one person or another. I already owe Pop and Grams a couple hundred grand for the house. That’s enough for me. Please just find the money and put it back.”

“I think this is foolish.”

“Me spending my own money is foolish? Look, the sooner I get married, the sooner I can stop asking you for my half of the rent each month. Not that I’m marrying her for her money. How long do you need to get it?”

“A week or so.”

✶

THREE WEEKS AFTER FIRST MEETING WITH ART, Lou returned to Goldman Jewelers to put a deposit on the ring and place the order. But when he turned the car off, his hands shook. His chest tightened and felt like his ribs were going to crush his lungs and heart into gut dust. He was sweating and had trouble breathing. He hadn’t felt this way in a while. Not since the Remerol and the therapy sessions began. He looked around the parking lot. No one was watching. He pulled his phone out and called Chuck. But there was no answer. So he called me.

“Hey, man! What’s going on?” I asked.

“I’m about to lose my shit.”

“Why. What’s happening?”

“I just pulled into the parking lot to order Michelle’s ring, and I’m having a panic attack. I can’t breathe. My chest feels like…”

“Okay. Relax. You haven’t bought anything yet, right?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Alright. Here’s what you do. Turn the car back on and drive away. Don’t look back. Just pull out of the parking lot and go home. Or better yet, come back here. Leave all of your shit, don’t say goodbye to anyone, just start the car and drive away. Come back to where you can work and don’t have to get married.”

“I can’t. I have to…”

“You don’t have to do anything but drive away. This is your chance to be free. Be free, Louis!”

As quickly as the panic kicked in, it subsided. Lou took a deep breath. “Alright. Alright. I’m fine. I’ll be okay.”

“Did you leave?”

“No. Not yet. I’m just nervous, that’s all. I’m about to spend a lot of money. That’s all.”

“Exactly. That’s why you shouldn’t.”

“I’ll be fine. I gotta go.”

He adjusted himself in the rearview mirror, took a deep breath and walked into the store. Art, of course, was thrilled to see him. The deposit was a standard $125. The total cost of the ring would be $8,064. It was more than Lou had, but it would be ready in one month.

✶

ALTHOUGH BOTH LOU AND MICHELLE HATED CRUISES AND HAD JUST TAKEN A MEXICAN VACATION, they were preparing to embark on a ten-day cruise to the southern Caribbean in celebration of both Lynn and Barry Kaminski’s 60th birthdays as well as their 35th wedding anniversary. They were married on Valentine’s Day, just two days after their shared birthday. The four of them, Lou, Michelle and her parents, would be traveling aboard the Royal Duchess.

Lou and Michelle loved boats. They loved seeing the world. But cruises had the ability to make a great vacation into just a good vacation. Lou and Michelle liked to spend time in new towns and immerse themselves in the culture. When cruising, the few hours in each port did not allow for that. It was just enough time to buy a shot and a T-shirt at the local Hard Rock Café. But her parents were cruise enthusiasts, Duchess Cruises frequent sailors, and this trip was all about them. Which is exactly why Michelle didn’t give Lou a hard time about having to pay for him. Almost, anyway.

“I love my parents, but I don’t want to go on this cruise anymore than you do,” she said to him. “Money is tight for me right now, too. I’m trying to save for a down payment on a condo. But I’ll pay your way because we can’t not go.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said. “It’ll be fun. Just kind of a bummer that we have to celebrate Valentine’s Day on a cruise ship with thousands of other people potentially running around with the norovirus on their shit-stained hands. But I know how much this means to your parents.”

“Exactly. And so I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise me that you won’t flip out on this trip like you did in Cabo. Ruining my birthday and our anniversary is one thing; ruining them for my parents is something else entirely.”

“I know. I won’t.”

“Go see your grandfather before we leave if you have to. Do whatever it is you need to do so that you don’t lose your shit. I’m warning you, Lou. Do not.”

This trip was the perfect time for Lou to have the marriage talk with Lynn and Barry. He wasn’t worried about them not giving him their blessing. He just knew that it would mean more to them that he chose their celebration of love as the time to officially proclaim to them his love for their daughter. It would be one big floating fucking love fest.

“What are you guys talking about?” she asked.

“Your poop,” said Lou.

The first night on the ship was Lynn and Barry’s birthdays. Instead of eating in the dining room, Michelle planned and paid for a private in-suite meal with a special chef-selected menu. Lynn and Barry’s suite was one deck below and down a tad farther aft from Lou and Michelle’s. Both had balconies, but the birthday boy and girl’s suite was laid out more conducive to hosting a birthday dinner. Lou pitched in on the planning by decorating their door with photo collages of them he’d assembled before leaving Chicago.

After the private and delicious meal, the foursome made their way to the Crooners Lounge & Bar, where Michelle entered her vocal styling into the ship’s karaoke competition called Duchess Idol. Michelle had a great voice. She’d have told anyone if they had asked her. Not surprisingly, she advanced through the first two stages those first two nights. The third round — and the semifinal — was on Valentine’s Day, Lynn and Barry’s anniversary. It was also formal night aboard the ship, and Lou was in his tuxedo. This was the night he wanted to talk to Lynn and Barry. He just needed to get them away from Michelle long enough to ask. Michelle sang her song, Mary Wells’ “My Guy,” dedicating it to Lou, then headed off to the bathroom.

“I think I accidentally ate a piece of lettuce at dinner,” she said to Lou and her parents as she passed their table on her way out.

Lettuce was a trigger for her IBS. He knew she would be there a while. Lou watched her leave and waited a few moments before beginning, just to make sure she wasn’t coming back for anything.

“Barry, Lynn. Can I talk to you a moment?” He tried to whisper loud enough for them to hear, but not so loud that it disrupted the other performers. He took a deep breath and began. “I’d like to talk to you about Michelle.” The parents looked at each other knowingly. “You know, I love your daughter very much. And though we’ve had some bumpy moments since my moving to Chicago, we have stayed together through all of it. And I think that says something about us. I know that it’s important to Michelle, and to you, that she marry a man who can provide for her and the children they have together. I’m still having a hard time finding work while this recession is going on, but I have plans on becoming a teacher, which will allow me a steady paycheck in a secure environment with plenty of benefits and perks our family can take advantage of. In the meantime, if I have to, I’ll go to work at my dad’s sheet-metal company. What I’m saying is that I’ll do whatever I need to do to make sure that your daughter is always taken care of and happy. I want Michelle, and I to be a family. And while I’ve always felt like a part of your family, I want to make it official — if you’ll have me. I’ve gone ahead and commissioned a ring to be designed especially for Michelle, and I am asking for your blessing to use that ring to propose to her and ask her to be my wife.”

It was a mouthful. A well-rehearsed sales pitch. If only he could have rattled off pitches like that at ProCore.

“I knew this was going to happen on this trip,” Lynn said as she wiped away tears. “You know how much we love you, Lou.”

“Seeing you and Michelle get married… nothing would make us happier,” said Barry who also wiped away tears. “But if you break her heart, I’ll kill you.���

“Of course. Thank you both.” Lou stood and hugged each of them.

“It means a lot that you would talk to us about this tonight. On Valentine’s Day. On our anniversary. It really does mean a lot,” Barry said.

“I’m glad her IBS has such good timing. And just so we’re clear, I did not spike her dinner with lettuce.”

Michelle arrived just then. “What are you guys talking about?” she asked.

“Your poop,” said Lou.

“Come on,” said Barry. “Drinks on me.”

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

[surveysonfleek]

620.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 39

3701. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick? damn... honestly probably target or kmart lol. 3702. What's more annoying: the person in front of you driving ten miles under the speed limit on a regular day OR a person who cuts you off doing 10 miles over the speed limit on a stormy day? following a slow person. it’s one of my pet peeves. i haaaate people cutting me off too but since they’re speeding they won’t be around to annoy me even more. 3703. Define the word TIME without using the word time in the definition. the concept of day/night and the duration of a multiple activities and moments in life. 3704. What old cartoons do you remember watching? arthur, recess, franklin, hey arnold, catdog, heaaaps of disney shows.

3705. Do you think that people care only about the people they know personally or do most people care about all people? generally people care more about the people they know but i’m sure there are some good people out there that care about everyone. Why do you think people feel that away? it’s just life. i’ll obviously care more for my family than a stranger on the street. 3706. Are you more like Brak Zorak or Space ghost and why? idk either of them. 3707. Would you rather see the movie first and then read the book or read the book and then see the movie? read the book then see the movie. 3708. Do you own any audio books? What? nope. 3709. Why are things the way they are? it just is. 3710. Do you believe that guns don't kill people and that people kill people? Why? honestly it’s both. the person has control of their actions but there are some cases where it’s purely an accident. it’s one of the most devastating human inventions. 3711. What is the best way you can think of to prevent murder? wear those body suits the fbi and army wear or whatever. 3712. Why is it that in the USA thousands of people are murdered with a gun each year while in Canada only a handful of people are murdered with a gun each year? Sure sounds like the USA is doing something wrong, but what? for a survey over 10 years old, it’s quite disappointing that this question is still relevant today. i have no idea if usa will ever do something about gun control. 3713. Is there a difference between really being yourself and just being automatic and acting on whims? What? i’m kinda thinking no... 3714. Have you ever strolled through a graveyard? In the dark? yes but not in the dark. 3715. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one? i hate poems in general. 3716. Who really cares about anything? me, but in my own world. Do you? yes, kinda. Do you let it show, all the time? no. 3717. Do you live with passion? not as much as i should. 3718. Do you talk to squirrels? no. 3719. Do you kick up leaves? haha sometimes. 3720. Whuch do you need more: sugar, caffiene, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep? sleeeeeeep. 3721. What images do you get from the phrase 'human subway'? a line of people? 3722. Joe Strummer died. Are you sad? Do you have a fond memory of him to share? i don’t know them. 3723. If you are a guy are circumcised? If you are a girl which do you prefer circumcised or not? i’m a girl. i don’t have a preference. 3724. Does it bother you that in the USA you will be tracked based on what web sites you visit, what online purchases you make and your email will be read by the government? i don’t live in the usa so i don’t care. i feel bad for their whole net neutrality thing though lol. 3725. Have you ever checked out the online personals? no. 3726. What do you crave? sleep. 3727. On a scale of 1-10 how tough are you? 6ish. 3728. On a scale of 1-10 how tender are you? 6. 3729. On a scale of 1-10 how good are you? 7. 3730. On a scale of 1-10 how evil are you? 2. 3731. What would make a cool coffee table book? photographs of the places i’ve traveled to lol. 3732. What's the most interesting conversation piece in your home? tbh everyone always comments on how nice our curtains are lol. 3733. If you could get on the mall loud speaker on christmas eve you would say, 'Attention holiday shoppers: go home and spend time with your families. 3734. What are you on the outside of looking into? idk. 3735. Are you more of a peculiar purple pie man or a sour grape? neither. 3736. Who is someone you know should deserve more respect? celebrity’s kids. it wasn’t their choice to be born into the spotlight, the paparazzi should leave them alone, especially as babies/young kids. 3737. Does the end ever justify violence as a means? If yes, when? idk. 3738. Care about everything, or care about nothing? Which would be worse? both are bad imo. 3739. Why do so many people on the internet pretend to be pregnant? i’ve never noticed. 3740. Have you ever been the diary Hicks or Brian (same guy, Hicks is the old diary, Brian is the current one)? no. 3741. What was your new years like in (answer all that you can remember) 1970? 1980? 1990? 1995? 1998? 1999? 2000? 2001? 2002? 2003? 2004? 2005? 2006? is it bad that i don’t remember any of these? 3742. You know the Def Leopard song, 'Love Bites'? Do they actually mean love bites as in it sucks, or lovebites as in hickies? never listened to it. 3743. All you want for chrsitmas is: money $$$$ 3744. If you rearrange the letters in SANTA what words can you make? satan. 3745. Say anything: anything. 3746. Can you feel your life ending one minute at a time? sometimes i’ve thought about that. i’m only getting closer to the end :( 3747. Is there something you don't want to talk about? ye. 3748. What is the most offinsive thing you can think of to type here: Who do you think it would offend? no. 3749. Who would you stop the world and melt with? haha no one. 3750. Is there anyone you wish you had never known? nope. 3751. Do you prefer to drive or be driven? driven. massage or be massaged? massaged. pamper or be pampered? both. go down or be gone down on? be gone down on haha. 3752. What do you think of the sims? i enjoy playing it but you do get over it after awhile. 3753. How about the Sims Online? don’t think i’ve tried this. 3754. Professional or home pedicure and why? pro. it’s just more satisfying. 3755. Is there a difference between over weight and over fat? What? idk what over fat is. 3756. What do you think of Rush Limbaugh? idk them. 3757. Do you buy books and then never read them? i’ve done this before, yeah. 3758. What does OPP stand for? other people’s property. 3759. If you had to be a character from married with children, what would you be? didn’t watch it. 3760. What did you get for christmas? still coming up. 3761. What was your best ever valentine's day? having a nice dinner and chilling in a hotel room. 3762. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven't watched since you were a kid? hmmm. a disney movie of some sort. 3763. Have you seen Fantastic Planet? no. 3764. Do feet disgust you? yes. 3765. What pain releaver do you use? panadol. 3766. Are you an artist, a designer or a doodler? designer. 3767. Do you belong to a gym? no. 3768. Have you ever been to court? no. Over what? Did you win? 3769. Would you ever take a case on court TV (Judge Judy and such)?? no lol. 3770. You are given a million dollars, only you MUST spend it (or as much as possible) IN ONE MONTH. ANY LEFT OVER MONEY WILL GO AWAY. WHAT DO YOU BUY? multiple houses, a car, pay off uni debt, presents for everyone i love etc. 3771. What are your pj's like? loose and comfy. 3772. Is there a fabric you love above all other fabrics? not particularly. 3773. Can you think of any words (besides mom, dad and bob) that spell the same thing backwards and forwards? boob. 3774. Who would enter an ugly foot contest???? no lol. 3775. Would you rather see a movie with someone who screams during the movie, crys through the movie, or talks theough the movie? What's the least annoying? least annoying is scream but only if it’s a horror film. 3776. Do you have any grey hair? no. 3777. Are all the Jennifers you know psychotic? haha no. 3778. Do you want to join a country club? no. 3779. 'I felt a funeral in my brain' - Emily Dickinson What do you feel in your brain? tiredness. 3780. What is the best atari game you can remember? idk. 3781. Hulk Hogan, Alf or Mr T? mr t. 3782. Did you dance today? no. 3783. Are birds happy in cages? Are pets happy indoors? i don’t know, i wish i could find out. 3784. Have you, or has anyone you know, ever been stuffed in a locker? no. 3785. Critique this poem. Last night death signed my yearbook Have a good summer he said see ya next year and then I realized it wasn't my yearbook it was my tombstone hm. i don’t really get it lol. sorry, i’m tired. 3786. Red or white wine? white. 3787. Hula hoops or jump ropes? jump rope. 3788. Do you like tiffany lights? idk what they are. 3789. Do you like fights? no. 3790. What do YOU want to pin the tail on? the donkey. 3791. Wasn't last night fun? yes!!!! 3792. Have you ever met a group of more interesting people? sure. 3793. Would you eat Spaghetti with waffles to keep from offending someone? gross lol no. 3794. Do you play with Mr Patatoe head? i have as a kid. 3795. Would you rather live in an attic or a basement? it really depends. a basement if there was a window in it. just so i have a concept of time. 3796. Can you understand sign language? no. 3797. Do you wear ridiculous hats? Does Elton John? no. 3798. What music is wild and crazy? screamo. 3799. How does one live their life like a candle in the wind? idk. going with the flow? 3800. Ziggy and the Spiders or Benny and the Jets? the second one.