#hes bisexual but nobody wants him. hes mean. hes a pathetic sad little guy. hes a wet paper bag. he has killed in cold blood nd would again

[titanofthedepths]

I think my oc Delta could be a tumblr sexyman but also I dont trust ppl to treat him right

[punkcherries]

get ready to rrrrrumble

jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh puts it in a read more also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍

Right, so I’ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.

sounds like fun whoever u are

You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).

the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew

The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s “thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.

language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)

SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.

i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours

Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?

dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess

Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.

HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude

Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.

i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude

Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.

youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!

Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.

me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu

While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).

i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.

Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.

literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him

Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.

okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know

In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.

i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.

Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.

yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c

[goddessvicky]

Here and Where You Are

Chapter 2 : Slip 

Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), MCU, Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Explicit

Characters: James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis, Tony Stark, Jane Foster, Thor (Marvel), Clint Barton, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts, Erik Selvig

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, James “Bucky” Barnes/Darcy Lewis, James “Bucky” Barnes/Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Jane Foster/Thor, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Tags: WinterShieldShock, UST, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Darcy Has Powers, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Polyamory, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Awesome Darcy Lewis, Smut, All the swears, Slow Burn, framily, Non Stop Pop Culture References, OT3, Found Family, all the Avengers need therapy

                                                  “What’s the matter?                         You don’t have enough rain to make up your storm?                                         Oooh whatcha look so sad for?                                         Where’s the light I used to know?                                    Oh it’s gonna slip, slip, slip through your                                        Slip, slip, slip through your hands.”                                                – Slip, Elliot Moss

When Bruce Banner had said he was going to run tests, Darcy had expected normal things. X-Rays. MRIs. CT scans. Lots of other medical buzzwords she’d heard while watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy. Somehow she hadn’t realized how many tests there were out there. She’d been poked, and prodded, and shoved in boxes that made banging noises, and then more blood had been taken.

She’d tried to draw the line at giving a stool and urine sample, but after some heavy glares from Jane, she’d acquiesced.

After three days of sitting around, punctuated by the occasional nap and yet another vial of her blood being taken, she was sitting on the horrible uncomfortable cot, feet swinging, as people filed into the room. Darcy recognized them all, even if she hadn’t actually talked to any of them.

Bruce Banner aka ‘I get angry and turn green and smash things for fun’ guy.

Tony Stark, a sarcastic asshole who was slowly growing on her.

Steve Rogers, Mr. Apple Pie himself.

Bucky Barnes, (previous?) assassin and the Captain’s best friend.

Jane and Thor were standing nearby, though they’d been careful to keep their distance. In fact, through the whole battery of tests that had been done on her, she’d not come in physical contact with anyone. It’s not like she was normally getting felt up by people all day long, but now that she’d realized it, she realized how horrible she felt about it. Was this how it was going to be all the time? Had Jane really been the last person she’d ever touch?

Fuck, that’s pretty fucking pathetic.

Darcy tried not to react when she cast glances around the room at everyone. Bruce and Tony looked like they were here for the science, as was Jane. Thor was smiling at her softly, but that seemed pretty normal. While others had ‘Resting Bitch Face’, the Norse god had ‘I’m Really Handsome and People Like Me’ face.

Steve had taken a seat at the small table, gaze flicking up to look at the screens as Tony and Bruce arranged them so everyone could see. She supposed it should feel weird, knowing that that was her brain and body up on the screens, but she was doing a nice job of detaching herself, just enough so she didn’t start freaking out. Darcy wasn’t sure what to expect, wondering if they’d called everyone in on purpose, or if everyone had just wanted to hear it and piled into the room with morbid fascination.

Of all the people in the room, the only one that really put her on edge was the man behind Steve. Something about his grey eyes seemed tense, like he was waiting for something to happen. Was something going to happen? She had no fucking clue.

Bruce turned and gave a twitch of a smile. He started without preamble. “We’ve run every test we could think of, and as far as her body is concerned, Ms. Lewis is a healthy 29-year-old. Her blood pressure is normal, every scan came back negative for any abnormal bodily fluctuation, she runs a steady 98.3 degrees and does not appear to have any latent health anomalies.”

“Except for this,” Tony said, gesturing toward one of the screens. He swiped his hand in the air and brought the image so it was sitting in the middle of the group. Darcy leaned forward, squinting at it. All she could see was a bunch of blue swiggles. Tony pointed and a part of the swiggle lit up orange.

“We’ve gone further and done an experimental gene map -”

“You have access to a program that can map the human genome in three days?” Darcy rolled her eyes as Jane’s ears perked and she looked toward Bruce and Tony with interest.

“It’s experimental,” Bruce reiterated.

“But yes,” Tony said, a satisfied smile on his face. “And that little bit, right there? That bit shouldn’t be there.”

Jane took another step toward the tech, eyes pouring over the image. “You’re suggesting she has another gene?”

“Yes. Something extra. Something else.” Tony closed the triangle, leaving him, Bruce and Jane with their backs to the rest of the room. Darcy needed to get friends who weren’t huge science nerds, as not understanding what they were talking about was pretty annoying.

“It’s fascinating. Not only is it a genetic anomaly, it appears that it was passed down on her maternal side.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, the eyes in the room turning toward him, “maybe I’m misunderstanding, but are you saying that her DNA is different than ours?” He watched Bruce’s chin dip slightly. “Or different than most of ours?”

Bruce nodded. “There is a marked difference between our genes and Ms. Lewis’ genes.”

Darcy’s eyebrows rose toward her hairline and her feet stopped swinging, their conversation finally making all the connections in her brain. “Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down. Pump the breaks. You’re saying I have alien DNA? That’s so fucking messed up!”

Tony pointed in her direction. “Nobody said alien.”

She cocked her head to the side as her eyes narrowed slightly at Tony. “Somebody said alien.”

“Nobody said alien.”

Darcy held her slightly glowing hands in front of her, eyes wide and innocent as she looked at him. “Fine, jeez, no one said alien. But no one said human either.” She turned to Bruce, who was still looking at whatever part of her body was currently displayed in the projection hovering in the air. “So what’s the what, doc? Give it to me straight.”

“As I’ve said, Ms. Lewis -”

She gave him a look. He’d been sticking needles in her for days now, and she’d reminded him over and over that he could use her first name. “Call me Darcy, please. Ms. Lewis was an egg donor who apparently birthed an alien!”

She smirked to herself when Tony threw up his hands and turned his back in frustration. She saw Jane roll her eyes in her peripheral vision; Darcy’d always been good at pushing people’s buttons, it wasn’t her fault that Tony Stark had so many. She could see him start bleeding colors, but shook her head. Not now, synthesizer colors, or whatever it was Jane called you!

Steve’s eyes flicked down toward the floor, doing his best to hide his smile behind his hand. He’d been known to get under Tony’s skin from time to time, but he’d done his best not to outright bait the man. It seemed like Darcy hadn’t learned that lesson yet. Or, she was enjoying it and doing it on purpose. Either way, he was amused.

Bruce cleared his throat and Darcy’s hazel eyes swung back to him. “Your DNA is different than a full human’s, yes, but the term ‘alien’ means something not of this earth and you are of this earth. You’re just not fully human. And it seems that’s why you were able to absorb the gem.”

Darcy blinked at Bruce, uncertain what he meant. “So I’m… what? Some sorta freak of nature?”

“A mutant,” Jane said, a bit too happily. Darcy glared at her friend and Jane had the grace to give her a guilty smile, “but a nice one?”

Darcy frowned at the astrophysicist. As if she needed another reason to feel self-conscious. “No one likes being called a mutant.”

“There are worse things to be called.”

Bucky hadn’t meant to comment out loud, and he bristled when the eyes in the room turned toward him. He pushed off the wall, keeping his arms crossed over his chest. Steve gave him a small smile, but Bucky turned his attention to the subject in question. She was staring at him with an odd look on her face, like she was looking through him.

Once again the man with the metal arm, with all his dark swirling colors, became the focus of the attention in the room, and Darcy watched everyone light up as they looked at him. Almost everyone was filtered a light brown and, somehow, she knew that that meant. They were inquisitive, or questioning. Tony Stark was bathed in a sea of black as he regarded the other man (interesting). Steve Rogers, who had been sitting quietly in front of  Barnes and looking unnecessarily hot (in her opinion), continued with his brilliant gold glow, a heavy line of cobalt connecting the two men.

Darcy tried to digest what Bruce had said about her: she had some kind of mutation in her DNA (not alien) and that’s why she hadn’t turned crispy after grabbing the stone. It didn’t really explain why she was seeing colors, or if she could expect any other surprise powers down the road. And really, the only man who would know anything was standing to her right. She shook her head, the colors bleeding from her vision until she was looking up at Thor.

“Thor, Big Guy, help me out.” Darcy turned to the Norse god, her eyes imploring him for some good news. “What’s the what? This gem? What’s it do?”

“It’s the Soul gem,” he offered, giving her a tight smile, “arguably the most powerful of the infinity stones. The ability to see souls, to steal them, to trap them.” Thor frowned, looking like he didn’t want to explain further. At Darcy’s look, he continued. “To have the soul gem is to control souls. Or, depending upon the wielder, destroy them.”

Darcy looked up at Thor, into his blue golden retriever eyes, and was struck dumb. She tried repeating his words over, letting them roll around in her head, trying to make them make sense. But it was impossible.

Control souls? Trap souls? Destroy souls!? No. Fuck. No. No no no! That’s not... It wasn’t possible… she couldn’t…

Bucky could see it as it happened. He watched her eyes widen, her pupils dilate. Her skin flushed, and her full lips parted as her breath sped up. He pushed off the wall, tensing. He knew what came next.

Her heart started to thunder in her ears and she felt her skin break into a cold sweat. The room was spinning and her tongue was suddenly too big for her mouth, she couldn’t swallow around it. Darcy couldn’t catch her breath, her hands convulsing into fists in the thin medical-grade blanket beneath her as she reeled and cartwheeled closer to the edge.

This is too much, this is all too much. I just wanted to save everyone. I can’t handle this. I don’t want this.  “Fuck, I’m gonna be sick.”

Bucky watched her swallow hard, voice sounding dry. His grey eyes flicked from face to face. The scientist that was attached to the woman’s side reached for her, but Thor pulled her back. No one appeared to have any plan on how to actually help her, but he waited, watching her face, watching her eyes begin to roll back into her head.

“We should -”

“No! Don’t touch her! We don’t know -”

“We can’t just let her -”

Still, nobody moved toward her. Bucky took a deep breath, his muscles tensing. She was going to pass out, possibly hurt herself, and they were all just standing there, arguing what to do. Steve glanced over at him, almost as if he knew what he was about to do.

“Hey. Hey! Don’t -”

Bucky pushed past Thor and knelt in front of the raven-haired woman. She was looking at him but he knew she didn’t see her. The fingers of his prosthetic flexed in the air before he pressed his palm against the center of her chest. It almost spanned the width from clavicle to clavicle and he pushed, hard enough for it to pull her out of the tailspin.

Darcy blinked, her vision in dizzying colored streamers that seemed to bleed and tumble together. Black spots danced at the edge of her vision, growing bigger and bigger. She was going to get lost in all that inky blackness, and part of her knew it would be bad, losing and giving in to the darkness, but she didn’t know how to fight it.

Then, through everything, she felt a firm hand press against her sternum. “I’m gonna pass out,” she groaned, head swaying slightly.

Bucky pressed harder. He hadn’t been turned to ash like Thanos by touching her, so that was something. Nobody was yelling at him anymore, either. Her eyes had gone amber, and he stared into their glow. “No, you’re having a panic attack.”

A panic attack. She could pull and destroy souls at will. That deserved a little panic. A lot of panic. It deserved all the panic. “‘s a bad one.”

“Breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Do it. In through your nose.”

Darcy shook her head, swallowing hard, eyes closed. “Can’t. Too much, ‘s too much. I’m not -”

Bucky pressed again, more weight, more pressure. “Doesn’t matter what you are, matters what you do. And right now you need to take a breath in through your nose and push it out your mouth.”

It took her another moment before she could comply, but finally Darcy was able to suck a deep breath in through her nose and let it out through her mouth, lips shaking with the effort. Tears had started to leak at the corners of her eyes and she felt them slide free, hot and itchy on her skin. The hand that was pressed to her chest moved so it was gripping her shoulder.

Strong.

Safe.

An anchor.

Bucky felt her chest rising and falling under his hand, her shoulders shaking, chin trembling. “Do it again. In. Out. Again.” He stayed there, kneeling in front of her, hand on her shoulder, able to see the amber still glowing behind her eyelids when they closed.

As she sat there, eyes screwed shut, focusing on her breathing and following the man’s commands, Darcy was certain she’d never done anything this monumentally stupid. She knew she could be a bit impulsive but this was on a whole new level. If she’d have known what would happen when she touched that stone, would she have?

Maybe. Probably. Yes. Fuck, yes, I would. Damn it.

Not knowing how much time had passed while she’d made an embarrassment of herself, Darcy opened her eyes, only seeing colors but knowing who was there before she saw his face. Eventually the swirl of hues faded and she was left looking into Barnes’ blue-grey eyes. His face was only inches away, just an arm's length between them. Maybe Jane wouldn’t be the last person that’d ever touch her. Goody. “You probably shouldn't touch me, soldier.”

Bucky watched as she refilled her eyes, the sarcastic tone and attitude he’d pegged as her ‘normal’ mode returning. He pulled his hand from her shoulder, flexing the metal fingers where she could see them. “Figured I was pretty safe, all things considered.”

The laugh that broke free from her chest was breathless, and Darcy was happy she hadn’t embarrassed herself any further by vomiting or fainting. She tore her gaze from Barnes’ face (his eyes gave Steve’s a run for the money) and looked over his shoulder. Steve Rogers, the man whose blue eyes she’d just been comparing Barnes’ to, was standing just behind him, worry and concern in his eyes. Not for her, she realized, but for the man who’d touched her.

And yet, Barnes’d touched her. Even when everyone had warned him not to.

Smiling softly, Darcy let out a shaky breath, gaze flicking to Barnes’ face once more. “You thinking of signing up for Team Stupid? We have a few openings.”

Steve let out the breath he’d be holding. He knew now that Bucky hadn’t been in any real danger, only touching Darcy with his prosthetic, but when Bucky had darted forward, Steve’s heart had stopped in his chest. He’d been less than three seconds from jumping forward himself, but watching Bucky get there first and not knowing if it was safe had been terrifying.

“Are you kidding?” Steve said, reaching out to squeeze Bucky’s shoulder. “The jerk’s been training his whole life for that unit.”

Darcy looked up at Steve’s words, watching as he squeezed Barnes’ shoulder with familiarity and warmth, the worry softening in his eyes, his lips turning up in an amused grin. She got it, now, the cobalt that ran between Barnes and Steve. She smiled as she watched them interact with each other.

Bucky stood when he was sure her pulse had slowed and her breathing had returned to normal. He looked over at Steve, able to watch the last bit of tension drain from the blond’s eyes. “After you, punk.”

Darcy watched their interplay with curiosity, their colors swirling and mixing. Finally, when she was just about to get dizzy again, she smiled and waved her hand at both of them. “Alright, alright. Stop fighting over me. You’ve both made the team.”

She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she saw the tiniest hint of a grin ghost onto Bucky’s lips. She knew there were better ways to put it, but as she looked up at the both of them, light and dark, crimson and gold, the only phrase that came to mind was ‘stupid hot’.

“Hey, your hands aren’t glowing anymore.”

Darcy blinked, her attention pulled from the men in front of her, directing her eyes toward Jane. “Huh?” She held her hands in front of her. Gone was the orange glow just beneath her pale skin. “Well, will you look at that.”

Bruce cleared his throat, nodding toward Darcy as Bucky and Steve took a step back. “Maybe you get some rest and we start again tomorrow?”

She could already feel the exhaustion setting into her bones, her eyelids feeling like hundred-pound weights. Passing out sounded like a great plan. She held up a hand and pointed in Bruce’s direction. “Yes. That.”

Technically they were already in her bedroom, and she didn’t really have the energy to stay vertical until they all left. Darcy laid back on the cot, still an uncomfortable little bitch of furniture, but being exactly what she needed.

Jane and Thor crossed the room and stood next to Bruce, the three of them having a hushed conversation. Bucky turned and left the room, feeling Steve at his back. There was a third set of footsteps behind them, though, and Bucky knew who it was before he’d opened his mouth.

“What the hell was that?”

Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he turned around to see a very angry Tony Stark stalking toward them. “Tony -”

“We don’t know what she can do yet! Less than a week ago she killed what was supposedly the most evil creature in the galaxy and you just grab her without thinking?”

Bucky’s face was a mask, not raising his voice to match Tony’s. “I did think. She was going to pass out. Someone had to do something.”

“She was in the med ward. If we’d needed to, we’d have sedated her.”

“I helped her,” Bucky said, a bit more forcefully.

“And she could have killed you!”

Steve listened as Tony’s shout echoed up and down the hallway. He waited for Tony to speak again, but it appeared that he’d surprised even himself.

“Isn’t that what you want?” Bucky could feel when Steve’s eyes flicked to look at him. Bucky was being careful, keeping any emotion out of his face, out of his voice. He watched a wave of emotions flow behind Tony’s eyes, the man opening his mouth several times only to close it, a war of ideas battling in his head.

“Barnes, If you’re jonesing to play chicken when the grim reaper, be my guest, but don’t put your death on her,” Tony spat, hand gesturing at the door to the medical ward. “If she’d have killed you, how do you think that’d make her feel? ‘Not peachy’ is my guess. Maybe next time you keep your metal hand to yourself.”

He left them in the hallway. The silence felt heavy, and Steve could practically hear Bucky’s mind whirling with thoughts. “Buck -”

“Steve…” Bucky sighed, shaking his head. “Just leave it.”

“Leave it?” Steve sped up until he was walking side by side with Bucky, not sure where they were headed, but not willing to just drop it. “Tony’s right. She could have killed you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And you don’t know she couldn’t. Why? Why risk it?” He lowered his voice as they passed a few people milling in the halls. They looked up at the two of them and suddenly had somewhere to be, all but scurrying out of sight.

Bucky didn’t want to do this here. There were too many people looking in their direction and there was already enough talk about the two of them among the staff and soldiers. Steve didn’t seem to want to let it go, though, so Bucky lowered his voice, knowing the blond’s hearing was sharp enough to make out the words.

“We work with a lot of people who could hurt someone. Banner. Vision. Wanda. Just because they could doesn’t mean they will.”

“Yes, but most of them have a handle on their abilities. She’s new. We have no idea what to expect.”

They rounded a corner, almost running into a man holding a stack of paper. Bucky stopped him with a hand on his arm, and he watched at the man’s eyes widened in surprise, and the tiniest bit in fear.  “Oh, Jesus, I’m sorry. I’ll just…”

Bucky stepped around him with a frown, heading toward the elevators. He pressed the button and crossed his arms over his chest. Steve stood next to him, silent for a moment. The ‘ding’ of the elevator was pleasant and Bucky was glad that the car was empty. As the door hushed closed, he counted in his head. One. Two. Thr- He smiled softly when Steve started speaking again, just like he knew he would.

“What Thor said, about the stone’s power... we really don’t know enough. I just don’t like the idea of you getting hurt.” When Bucky’s eyes swung over to look at him, Steve could see the disbelief in his eyes. “I know. Come on, Bucky, you know what I mean.”

The elevator doors opened and it only took a few steps to reach their room. Bucky lifted his right hand and pressed his thumb to the lock. He heard it turn over with a metallic click, pushing inside. The room was neat, modern, but the few personal touches made it feel more like a home. A threadbare quilt thrown over the bed. A still life Steve had drawn hung on a wall. A picture of the two of them before the war, obviously taken out of a history book, next to a compass with a picture of Peggy Carter displayed inside.

Bucky crossed to the large armoire and opened it, display racks carefully arranged inside. He slowly started removing the weapons that were covering his body.

Steve watched him remove knife after knife from his person, treating each one carefully, almost lovingly. It was sweet, and he’d have told Bucky as much but he didn’t feel like being glared at anymore than he already was. “I’m just saying we need to take it slow. For her sake, too. I don’t want to push her too much too quick.”

“All I did was make it so she didn’t pass out,” Bucky finally said, resignation in his voice as he turned toward Steve. “I would have done it for anyone.” At Steve’s look, a smirk climbed onto Bucky’s lips. “Almost anyone.”

Steve rolled his eyes, sitting on the edge of their bed, his hand running over the patchwork of the quilt. “Would you have? If it was someone else?” He didn’t look up at Bucky right away, not sure he wanted to show what was running through his head. He’d known, growing up, what kind of woman Bucky preferred. Steve himself shared most of the same preferences. Curvy, dark hair, full lips. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Darcy Lewis ticked a lot of the boxes they both found mutually attractive.

“Steve…” Bucky watched as Steve sighed then finally flicked those blue eyes toward him. He didn’t like the uncertainty in his lover’s gaze. He crossed the floor and stood in front of Steve, resting both of his hands on the blond’s shoulders. “She reminds me of you, alright? Sarcastic. Witty. More than happy to do something stupid if she thinks it’s the right thing to do. A little punk, just like you.”

Lifting his hands, Steve pulled Bucky closer by his hips, looking up at Bucky through his lashes. “It was brave, what you did.”

Bucky smirked down at him, shaking his head. He knocked against Steve’s chin with his finger, angling his mouth until their lips pressed together, soft and sweet. His voice was a whisper against Steve’s mouth. “If you think I didn’t see your muscles tensing to do the exact same thing, think again.” Bucky took a step back, giving Steve a knowing smirk.

Steve was left on the bed, looking at Bucky, trying his best not to look too guilty. “I wasn’t sure if I was -”

“Yes, you were.”

Sighing, Steve couldn’t help the rueful smile that he shot toward Bucky. “Yeah, I was.”

“See? What did I say? Willing to do stupid things.” Bucky grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head.

He watched as Steve’s eyes focused on him, his face losing the humor and filling with heat. He took his time, moving slow, feeling Steve’s eyes on his body as he slowly removed the rest of his weapons and holsters, until he was left standing there in only red boxer briefs.

“I’m going to take a shower. If you’re ready to do something smart, you could join me.”

Steve stood, lips slanting as he looked at his lover, the long lines of his body, the planes of his stomach, knowing the dips and curves intimately. “Not sure if I know how to be smart.”

Bucky lost the boxers in one motion, smirking as Steve’s pupils dilated and his lips parted. He took a step forward, reaching out to tug Steve toward him. “I can teach you.”

“Wake up, Buttercup.”

Darcy groaned, shoving her face further into the pillow. “Nnghhgg.” When the cot started rocking back and forth, she reached out blindly with her arm toward the person who was disrupting her sleep.

“Fine, if you don’t want someone delivering you breakfast in bed...”

At the mention of food, Darcy’s stomach growled angrily, reminding her that she hadn’t really eaten anything in the last few days because of the tests they’d been running and the whole can destroy souls thing stealing what appetite she’d had. Apparently she’d gotten her taste for food back, though, and she pushed her curls back from her head as she squinted at Tony and the tray he held. “Don’t you have robots that could do that?”

“Oh, them?” Tony glanced over his shoulder at the robots in question. Dum-E and U were looking in their direction and made sounds of alertness. “Don’t let them fool you. They’re pretty useless.”

Darcy frowned as she sat up. “Then why do you keep them?”

“Because they’re my…” Darcy watched him pause, trying to come up with an adjective that described them. She’d almost thought he was about to say ‘friends’ but she couldn’t be sure. “They’re mine, and I made them, and they’ve earned it. Forget about them. Eat.”

She grabbed the tray when he held it out, setting it in her lap as he grabbed a stool and wheeled himself beside the bed. “PB&J?”

Tony shrugged, “figured if you had a nut allergy we’d have seen it pop up during the tests. You saying it’s not good? Don’t eat it then.”

Darcy growled and held onto it tightly when he feigned like he was going to take it back. “Hey! It’s fine. Just asking.” She bit into the sandwich, surprised to find he’d use peach preserves instead of the traditional grape, but she was more than happy she had food of any kind. “Mohrr tesths?” Tony wheeled back with a frown, grabbing a glass of milk he’d left on the table and holding it out to her.

“Maybe this time with less peanut butter?”

Rolling her eyes, Darcy washed down the bite, tongue clicking after she’d swallowed. “I asked if you still have some more tests to run.”

“Yeah. We just want to cover all our bases. Literally. This is our base of operations and we’d appreciated you not destroying it, if possible.”

“It’s not on my to-do list at this moment.”

Tony leaned forward, stealing a potato chip from her plate and popping it in his mouth, ignoring her glare. “Pretty sure your plans are shot to shit, kiddo, unless you meant to break down yesterday.”

“You liked that?” Darcy asked sarcastically around her sandwich.

“Mmm, not really. But I get it. Dealing with heavy stuff. Sometimes it’s too much.”

Darcy chewed as she looked at him. She didn’t know him all that well, but he looked tired. There were dark bags under Tony’s eyes, but she supposed that was to be expected. Less than a week ago there was a high probability that the entire planet was going to be destroyed. Seemed like a pretty legit reason to lose a few hours of sleep.

She watched from the corner of her vision as the colors began to bleed in all around her. Her normal eyesight narrowed until it was nothing but a pinprick of light, the synthesizer (she really needed to ask Jane what she’d called it again) taking over. Darcy cocked her head to the side. It was off, looking at Tony. Out of all the people she’d seen with this ability, his was the most chaotic. There were parts of him that were black, a jet ebony that almost shined a bit blue or purple. Like an oil slick. And mixed in all that oil was a current of silver. Metal. Fitting, seeing what he called himself.

Everything started to tumble together the longer she stared at him, the sandwich in her hand forgotten. She closed her eyes and focused her breathing. She’d spent too long there, where the colors lived, and it started to make her dizzy.

“Hey, Lewis. Take a deep breath.”

He was closer to her, she could tell in the nearness of his voice, but she was too afraid to open her eyes.

“Lewis, what’s going on? Talk to me. Tell me what you see.”

“Colors.”

“Yeah, I get that. What colors? Be specific.”

“Lotta black.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s good. Very descriptive. Tell me something else.”

“You’re like oil.”

Darcy felt warmth on both sides of her face. Nothing was touching her skin, but she could tell something was there, hovering. It seemed to help, the heat, and she focused on it instead of the colors floating in front of her.

“Are we talking, like, ‘baby oil wrestling’ oil? Or something more industrial?”

The laugh in her chest made her swallow hard. “I really didn’t need to picture you covered in baby oil, Stark.”

“Too bad, it’s in there now. So I’m black like oil. Got it. Anything else?”

“What are you doing to my face?”

“Open your eyes and take a look.”

Darcy didn’t want to open her eyes, didn’t want to be assaulted by the invasion of jewel tones that only seemed to make her nauseous. She heard the huff of air from Tony when she didn’t comply immediately. “You’re an ass, you know that?”

“It might have come up in conversations once or twice, yeah.”

She let out a sigh and squinted one eye open. Darcy’s eyes both flew open when she saw Tony right there, his hands hovering less than an inch from her cheeks. “Ummm…” Darcy watched as he pulled his hands back, rubbed them together vigorously, then placed them on either side of her head. She felt the heat from them, even though they weren’t actually touching her.

“When my anxiety got really bad, I had to ground myself. Or, that’s what the therapist told me. Over and over. Until I finally listened. Eventually. Hopefully it’ll take you less time than it took me.” She watched as he repeated the motion, more heat transferring from his hands to her cheeks. “Human contact was something I did without for a long time. I was more comfortable around machines, things I could take apart and put back together.”

“Like your useless robots?”

“Hey,” Tony took his hands back, glaring softly at her, “I’m the only one that gets to call them useless.”

Darcy grinned at him, watching as he rolled his eyes and put his hands back.

“I’m not one to admit my faults.” Darcy’s eyes widened dramatically in faux shock at his words. “Shut up and listen. I waited too long to ask for help when I needed it, but once we get you squared away, and we will, you should see somebody. We have several people on staff now.”

Darcy sighed, her eyes falling closed, focusing on the warmth he was giving her. “And the thing you're doing with your hands? What's that supposed to do?”

“Figured it's the closest you’ll get to actual human contact until we know for sure you’re not going to bamf someone into ash.”

Opening hers, she looked into his brown eyes, and Darcy couldn't help but wonder what made him so brash, especially when it looked like he had some sort of chewy center hidden under all that bravado and ego. Hidden way deep, like Mines of Moria deep, like fish are see through and attract food by bioluminescence deep.

Daddy issues, probably. Me too, Buddy. Me too. “Not sure there’s a lot of people out there that have shared experiences like mine.”

“You think you’re the only person who’s done something ridiculously stupid? Think again, cupcake. ‘Stupid’ kind of comes with the job description.”

She watched him rub his hands together again, then smiled when he held them over the front of her face, hiding her from sight. “I feel... bigger than normal.”

“Nonsense. You’ve barely eaten anything for days.” At her glare he blinked. “Oh. Right. The whole ‘souls’ thing. Feel like something is inside you? Kinda scares you?” She paused, but eventually nodded. “You do realize you know a person who literally has something inside him, right? Bruce’s spent a lot of time learning to quiet the feelings inside of him. You might want to give him a listen.”

Darcy hummed, thinking about Tony’s suggestion. She hadn’t found Bruce Banner to be very talkative, he was kind of anti talkative, really. She’d wear him down, though. Just like she’d worn down Jane. And Selvig. Give her a few days and she’d weasel her way in. “So what comes next?”

“Are you asking for desert?”

She was getting used to giving him The Face. Was it his goal to exasperate everyone around him? And why did it seem so familiar? Because you do the exact same fucking thing, Darcy thought with a sigh.

“It’s not that I don’t love this uncomfortable ass cot, or the steady whiring noises that come from the machines, but I’d love to get out of the med ward at some point. Then you wouldn’t have to bring me breakfast in bed.”

Tony hummed. “I’ll take that under advisement. Now finish your food and we’ll get these next tests underway.”

[anoldwound]

And My Wasted Heart Will Love You - Kurt/Finn [Glee]

Title:

And My Wasted Heart Will Love You

Characters/Pairings:

Kurt/Finn

Rating:

PG-13

Spoilers/Warnings:

Some slight sexual content

Word Count:

~3000

Summary:

I'm supposed to be trying to get over him, and instead I invite him over to my house for an imaginary party. Oh, God... what am I going to

wear

?!

A/N:

I have no clue if I got these characters right, but I gave it a shot. Kurt was absolutely, positively certain that he was going to be alone for the rest of his life. Call it Drama Queen Syndrome if you want, but it was still true, and he was in the mood for sitting around his room moping and feeling sorry for himself. He absently stabbed his desk with the pencil he was supposed to be doing his Algebra homework with as Joni Mitchell played in the background, and he thought about Finn's smile and his eyes and the way they would look at him sometimes, inspiring a small germ of hope inside his chest, only to be quashed the instant he remembered that Finn loved Quinn and not him – and would never love him, ever. Unless he was secretly bisexual. He could at least be a little bi-curious, right? Right?

No, he isn't,

Kurt angrily told himself, focusing his attention back to the imaginary numbers equation he was supposed to be doing. Imaginary numbers. Imaginary, like the entire fantasy world he had constructed around –

STOP IT.

Oh, God. He was so, so pathetic. His forehead hit his desk with a light thud. How was he supposed to concentrate on anything when his life was so... so

sad

? “Kurt?” The door cracked open slightly. Kurt looked up to see his dad peeking through the doorway at him. “Dinner's ready.” He gave a heavy sigh. “I'll be right out...” “Why is your room so dark? Is everything all right?” “No. But I don't want to talk about it.” A pause. “Okay.” The slit of light from the hallway disappeared, and Kurt sighed again. He switched off the lone desk lamp that illuminated his stupid homework that was utterly pointless, just like his pointless life and his pointless love for Finn. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to breathe in anything he could from the air around him, like some kind of courage, courage to get over Finn, courage to find something else to occupy his thoughts with, instead of this ceaseless aching in his heart. He remembered one time at football practice, as he forced himself to stare at his feet in the locker room instead of the men in various states of undress around him. He curled his toes and tapped his feet together three times. You could see some of the veins around his ankles. His eyes flicked over to the feet next to his, Finn's feet, pale like his but bigger. You could see the veins around his ankles as well, only they were not as delicate as his own. He idly wondered if he ought to suggest he and Finn go to a tanning booth together as Finn grabbed a dirty white sock and yanked it on. “Finn,” he said, jerking his head up. Finn looked over. “Yeah, what's up?”

Oh God, he's not wearing a shirt.

He felt a blush creep up his neck, which he began scratching nervously. “We're really pale.” He stared. “Um... yeah, I guess so.” “I hear there's a new tanning salon in the town center... do you wanna go there with me sometime?”

Oh my God, why am I asking him this, why in the world would he want to go to a tanning booth, what is wrong with me, oh my God why is he still not wearing a shirt?!

“Well... I mean, I guess it sounds... uh... well, you have fun.” He patted him on the shoulder and stood up, drying his hair with the towel as he walked away. Kurt gazed forlornly after him and wished that there was a way to travel back in time so you could kick your own ass before you said idiotic things to the man you were desperately in love with. Presently, Kurt picked his head up off of his desk and splayed his hands on top of his worksheet. Perfectly manicured nails, soft, white skin, the black cuffs of his new Calvin Klein top perfectly folded into neat triangles. Always impeccably dressed, with flawlessly coiffed hair, the height of fashion and fabulousness – why did nobody love him the way he wanted to be loved? He wasn't ever going to find anyone. He was always going to fall for the unattainable straight guy, and that was that. “Kurt! Your dinner's gonna get cold!” “I'm coming, I'm coming!” he yelled back. The smell of Chinese food wafted through the air as he opened the door, and it reminded him of Finn for no reason other than everything reminded him of Finn. *** The bell rang for second period and Kurt's feet were taking him to the hallway where Finn's locker was located, even though it was nowhere near his next class. Finn always went to his locker before second period to get his science textbook, and normally Kurt would feel like a stalker for knowing this but he had found that out completely by accident one day, so whatever. His heels clacked against the linoleum, and his heart began racing when he saw Finn coming down the opposite end of the hallway. Finn looked distracted, and headed immediately to his locker, hands fumbling at the lock. Kurt's heart was practically thumping in his stomach as he got closer (why did he always have this reaction, he saw Finn almost every single day, God he was such a mess), and he took a shuddering breath before he said, “Hello, Finn.” “Hey,” Finn mumbled, not looking at him. He finally got his locker open and grabbed his textbook. “How's it hanging?” “Fine, thank you.” Kurt gripped the strap of his satchel tightly. “Yourself?” “Not great.” He slammed his locker shut. “Quinn's acting weird again.” He hesitated, then turned to face him. “You wouldn't happen to know more about this pregnancy hormone stuff than I do, would you?” “Sorry. Can't help you there.” He smiled. “Maybe you should look it up on Google or something. The World Wide Webs.”

The World Wide Webs? What?

“I did. I still don't really get it, though,” Finn said, breaking eye contact. They stood there in silence for a few more seconds, Kurt drinking in Finn's face while Finn stood there uncomfortably. Finally Finn said, “Well, I should head to class now, I guess.” “Yeah. Have fun.” Kurt stood rooted to the spot as Finn brushed past him. He felt his chest constrict with pain and the smile faded from his face. On an impulse, he spun around and cried, “Wait!” Finn stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Yeah?” “Um – ”

crap gotta think of something

" – there's gonna be a little get-together at my house tonight. For Glee. Pump us up before sectionals. Do you wanna come?” Finn grinned. “Yeah, sure! Sounds awesome.” “Great! I'll see you at five tonight.” “See ya!” He waved and continued along his way. Kurt's grin froze like his teeth were simply clenching.

Oh Dear Lord.

There were, of course, no actual plans for a get-together. What on earth was he going to

do

?

I'm supposed to be trying to get over him

, he lectured himself in Algebra a few minutes later, as the teacher went over the homework he had never managed to finish.

And instead I invite him over to my house for an imaginary party. Oh, God... what am I going to

wear

?!

Kurt waited until the teacher's back was turned, then discreetly pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and began to text Mercedes.

Mercedes u need to come ovr 2 my house 2night wat y bcuz I told finn there was gonna b a prty but there isnt boi wat iz tha matta wit u idk but u have to come or im screwd cant i have planz but lemme txt tina k thnx

He flipped his phone closed and exhaled slowly. It was going to be okay.

Somebody

had to be free tonight, right? *** Nobody was free that night. Kurt laid down on his bed at 4:45 pm, his face smothered with the silk shirts and black pants spread out across his duvet. What was he going to

do

? It was going to look like he set this up on purpose. He was even wishing that Finn was bringing Quinn, although he probably wasn't, since she had left rehearsal early because she wasn't feeling well.

Oh, God. Okay, do NOT have a panic attack.

He sat up straight and smoothed his hair.

This is completely manageable. Just tell him the truth – that everyone was busy and that it's just me and him, and he can leave if he wants. Okay? Okay.

First, though, there was the urgent matter of his ensemble. After selecting the appropriate outfit (his Alexander McQueen sweater and some nice, form-fitting tuxedo pants by Oscar de la Renta), the doorbell rang. “I'll get it!” he yelled, and ran upstairs to answer the door. Just before opening it he took a deep breath and pulled down his shirt. “Hello,” he said, smiling up at Finn, who was alone. “Hey.” He looked inside. “Where is everybody?” “They were all busy,” Kurt said, tucking his hair behind his ear. “Jerks, the lot of them!” He chuckled faintly. “So... it's just you and me?” He looked wary. “Yeah. But you can just leave if you want; it's fine,” Kurt said hastily. “I'll reschedule. No biggie.” He waved his hand around like a buffoon and promptly wanted to commit suicide. “Eh...” Finn shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked his feet back and forth. “I guess I can stay for a little while. I don't have anything else to do.” Kurt's heart leaped. “Well... okay, then!” He stepped aside. “C'mon in!” “That sucks that everyone just canceled on you,” Finn said as he entered. “Well, to be fair, I only came up with the idea last night.” Kurt shut the door closed. “I shouldn't have expected that everyone could make it on such short notice.” “Ah.” Suddenly, Kurt's dad came out from his bedroom. “Hey Kurt, what's – ” He froze as he caught sight of Finn. “...Hello.” “Dad! This is Finn Hudson. You remember him?” He stared at Finn almost suspiciously. “Yeah. You're the quarterback, right?” Finn nodded. “He's also in Glee, Dad.” His dad's eyes slipped over to his. “What's he doing here?” “T-there was gonna be a party. For Glee. But no one else could come.” Kurt gave him as much of a “BACK OFF” look as he could without Finn noticing. “Huh.” He looked back at Finn. “You're the guy with the pregnant girlfriend?” “...Yes?” “Hmmph.” He looked him up and down, then said to Kurt, “Keep the door open, okay?” “

Dad!

”

Oh my God I am going to KILL HIM.

“It's not

like that

.” “Yeah, well...” He scratched his head and turned back in the direction of his room. “I'm gonna... go now...” He took one last look at Finn, then at Kurt, before he went back in his room and closed the door. “Oh my God, I am

so

sorry,” Kurt immediately apologized. Finn put a hand up. “Don't be. It's all right. Parents are weird and embarrassing. It's like a law of nature.” “Thanks.” He tucked his hair behind his ear again. “So, what do you wanna do?” He thought for a few seconds, then exclaimed, “Oh, dude! There's this hilarious YouTube video you have to check out! C'mon!” Finn grabbed Kurt's arm and started heading down the hallway. Kurt felt his skin go prickly and warm and cold all at the same time. “Wait... where's your room?” “You're heading in the right direction, don't worry.”

He's going to be in my room. Where my bed is. Fffffff –

“Oh, okay.” He let go of Kurt's arm and they went downstairs. Finn sat at Kurt's desk and clicked on Firefox. “I saw this yesterday and I just about died laughing. I think you'll like it.” “I can't wait.” Kurt dragged another chair over and crossed his legs. He was so close to Finn he could smell his aftershave. Finn eagerly went onto YouTube and found the video. “Here it is. You're gonna laugh, I promise.” Finn was right; Kurt was laughing so hard his stomach hurt. Finn was laughing as well, and they collided into each other several times as they rocked back and forth in their chairs and sang along, and Kurt would've sworn that Finn was doing it on purpose if he didn't know any better. Once the video was over, Kurt said, “I think we have an inside joke for life now – 'I'm a little man, and I'm also evil, also into cats'.” Finn chortled. “Nobody's gonna get it. It'll be awesome.” They both giggled, but the laughter faded away until they were simply staring at each other. For once, Finn didn't look away. “What should we do now?” Finn asked. “Well... any more absurdly funny YouTube videos?” He felt his heart go

thump thump thump

. “None that I can think of.” He finally averted his gaze. “Have any good movies? Or maybe I should leave.” “Why?” he asked quietly. “I dunno. Maybe I'm intruding.” “You're not intruding,” Kurt whispered.

What am I doing? This can't possibly end well. Snap out of it, Kurt Hummel.

“Um...” Finn shifted in his seat. “Okay. S-so... what movies do you have?” He abruptly stood up and inched away. “I have lots of movies. Depends on what you're in the mood for. Drama, comedy... romance...”

Seriously, what am I doing?! Stop making sad attempts to flirt! Jesus Christ.

“A comedy sounds good.” He looked decidedly nervous. Kurt tried to compose himself. “Great! The DVD rack is over there.” He pointed at the rack next to his TV. Finn picked up one of the DVDs and smirked. “Spider-Man.” “I don't believe that falls into the realm of 'comedy', but feel free to put it in anyway.” Kurt propped his feet up on Finn's vacated seat. His feet tingled. “I wouldn't think you'd like this kind of movie.” “Spider-Man is Spider-Man. Also, James Franco is ridiculously hot.” Finn laughed and put the DVD in, then sat awkwardly on the edge of Kurt's bed. Kurt felt himself begin to get... well,

excited

, so he took his feet off the chair and crossed his legs again.

The Holocaust. The time you found Dad's porn stash in the linen closet. Maggots. Lots and lots of maggots.

After a minute or so of that he calmed down and watched the movie with Finn, valiantly fighting the strong urge to jump on his bed and pin Finn down and start making out with him. They were about twenty minutes into the movie when Finn said, “Listen, Kurt – ” His breath caught in his throat. “Yes?” “We're... we're friends, right?” “I like to think so.” “Then – can I be honest with you?”

Oh, boy. Here it comes. Rejection City.

“Absolutely.” He braced himself. Finn cleared his throat. “I'm sure I'm gonna seem completely full of myself when I say this, but – I keep getting the feeling lately that, like, you have this... this thing for me? Or something? I'm probably just reading too much into it. I don't want to sound like one of those guys who thinks all gay dudes are in love with him or something, I just – yeah.” Kurt found himself almost unable to form coherent syllables. “Yeah – well – sure, I could understand where you, uh, may have gotten that, um, impression.” “Really? So there's nothing to it, then?” This was it. The moment of truth. Was he going to chicken out and say no, or was he going to admit it? Finn looked at him expectantly. “Well...?” Kurt took a deep breath. “It's... true.” He blinked. “Oh.” “Yes. I do sort of... have a... thing for you.” He felt like he was going to throw up. Every inch of him was trembling. “I'm sorry.” “Don't apologize, Kurt,” Finn said. He looked sad. “

I'm

the one who should be sorry. You deserve better than to be into

me

.” “You shouldn't sell yourself short like that, Finn.” “That's not what I meant. What I meant was...” He walked over and sat in the chair next to Kurt. “You deserve to like someone who can, you know... feel the same way towards you.” Kurt said nothing. Every molecule in his body felt like it was just dowsed in ice cold water. “I'm really sorry, man.” Finn bit his lip. “We're still friends though, right? I still think you're really awesome. And you're gonna find a... a great guy someday, and you're gonna be happy.” Kurt half-smiled. “I hope so, at least.” He smiled back. “You will.” He looked down at the floor and rubbed his neck. “Do you want me to leave now?” Kurt was silent for a moment, then said, “No. It's fine. Let's keep watching the movie.” “Okay. Cool.” Finn patted him on the knee and turned to face the television. Kurt bit back the screams of humiliation in his head and turned to the TV as well, feeling his heart break into a million tiny pieces.

What are you so upset about? You knew this was coming,

he thought.

Yes, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

He stared numbly at the television, his hand resting where Finn's hand had just touched him, and they watched Spider-Man together, and that was that. And that was all it was ever going to be.