#here's to hoping i can actually achieve that
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I just hope these next 4 years go by fast
This election isn't just about the next four years. With Trump in the White House and a Republican Senate at his side, the MAGA movement can pick up where they left off when it comes to packing the federal judiciary with right-wing judges who will control the Supreme Court and appellate courts throughout the country potentially for the rest of the lives of everyone reading this right now. It's the perfect recipe for them to continue stripping reproductive rights away from women nationwide and gives them the opportunity to turn their attention to the other issues that they have been dying to attack, from voting rights to gay marriage and every other extension of personal freedom that has been won by minorities and marginalized people in hard-fought battles over the past 60 years. This is the nightmare scenario that people have been warning folks about for the past few elections. It's here. And there isn't going to be a way to put the toothpaste back in the tube.
The consequences of this election will have a direct, negative impact on your life -- possibly on the entire remainder of your life. This country just re-elected a President with authoritarian tendencies who is the willing puppet of a dangerous Christian nationalist movement that figured out exactly how to manipulate him (through flattery) for their aims. They have created the perfect vehicle for a genuine cult of personality that they can use to achieve the goals they have been very clear about striving for over the past few years. And you can't blame anybody other than the American voters because they not only elected Trump, but they gave him a fucking mandate, with a Republican Senate and potentially a Republican House. They already have a right-wing dominated Supreme Court for the next few decades, and now they are going to ensure that the entire federal judiciary is in their control for years to come. And don't forget the fact that a few months ago, the Supreme Court handed down a decision that gave Presidents sweeping immunity for a broad (and conveniently undefined) range of "official" acts, so Trump is going to go into this second term knowing that not only does he not have to deal with the "guardrails" of responsible adults he had around him in his first term (Mattis, Tillerson, Kelly, General Milley, etc), but he knows he can get away with virtually anything and everything that he wants to do this time around. If you thought that Trump's first term was bad, just understand that they are prepared this time and now he's surrounded himself with people who will do his bidding -- people who are perfectly willing to let Trump be Donald Trump.
I wish there was a reason to cry foul, lodge protests, and challenge the election's results. But this wasn't a rigged election. There isn't any confusion about what the voters really wanted. The American people did this. People you know and care about and who say they care about you are the people who did this. We need to recognize that these elections aren't outliers anymore. Trump's supporters aren't simply chaos agents who got lucky on a bad day for the Democrats. That's the country we live in now and we have to find a way to resist it that actually makes a difference because now they have the keys to all the doors and all of the alarm codes. This country has normalized the conspiracy theories and nativism and racism that has powered the MAGA movement since the moment Trump came down the elevator at Trump Tower in 2015. He's given those people permission to be open with their hatred towards people who aren't like them, and it's actually become surprising to see how many Americans have been eager to take advantage of that. I didn't think I had any misconceptions about this country before Donald Trump because I recognized this nation's history, but I clearly had some misconceptions about people I thought I knew until I saw them wearing a red MAGA hat or noticed they had a gigantic flag with Trump's name hanging where their U.S. flag used to hang. Once that happened, it was like a switch went off with them and they started saying things in ways that I'd never heard them speak. I feel like that's happened to the entire country. It breaks my heart and it pisses me off.
For the past few years, I've been warning everybody about how elections have consequences. I imagine that there are hundreds of posts on this blog with that phrase in all caps listed with the tags. Now the elections have happened, and we have to live with real fucking consequences. And we're going to pass these consequences on to other generations because this is the one that you can't get a do-over on. When you give a movement like this the power and the mandate that this country just gave them, there is no easily rolling back the things that they end up doing. They are going to fundamentally change the lives of people in this nation and especially change the way the younger generations of Americans live and love and learn for years to come. And you have people in your life who made that happen. It's another disgusting day in America -- a prelude to another reprehensible four years (at the very least) -- and I'm ashamed of tens of millions of my fellow Americans because this one is on them. They know exactly who the man is that they voted for, and now we know exactly who they are, too.
#2024 Election#ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES#These are the consequences#Election#Politics#Donald Trump#President Trump#Trump Administration#Presidency#Presidential Election#Presidential Campaign#Presidential Politics#Supreme Court#Judicial Branch#Federal Judiciary
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you are so kind. i just discovered your blog and im crying while reading your posts because you radiate a light and hope through your words that inspires me despite everything. i love that you write anecdotally since it feels so much more real and tangible that i could also achieve what you have than a generic positivity post which, while im sure are made with good intentions, always feel so distant. you are a stranger across the world from me yet i feel i am talking to an older sibling from across the kitchen table in my childhood home. i don’t know you and yet my fears and struggles were once yours… and now i have yet another source to look to and say to myself “you can’t give up yet. look. it will not be like this forever. there is proof.”
i hope for every single star in the sky to conspire to give you the brightest future ever and may your path be filled with opportunities abounding. i hope you never waver and that even if you do, your heart fortifies itself with the knowledge that you have so much goodness in you. i hope that one day i can be at least a little like you.
i am actually speechless. i probably typed up and deleted tens of responses to this but none of them seem to capture / convey how i actually feel.
thank you so much for your genuine message and the fact that you sent it even though you didn't have to! thank you for taking the time to read my posts and sit at this metaphorical kitchen table with me. thank you for even opening up enough to receive what i'm saying, because i can have the most beautiful words ready for you, but they wouldn't mean anything if you weren't hearing them.
i hope that with time you will learn to believe in yourself with the exact conviction and faith you believe in me with, and in the meantime i'm always here for you, rooting for you and sharing my random thought pieces in the hopes it will help you forward. whether it's as the sibling at the kitchen table or as a symbol of 'future you' or simply as words on a screen by a stranger across the planet.
whichever one i am, our futures are equally as bright, our paths equally as opportunity-filled, our hearts equally as strengthened by the goodness we both possess. you will be okay as i am okay. i have no doubt about it.
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congratulations on the follower milestone aahhh!!! well deserved—even if im a little biased and have a potential 4 mcs for different on/off personality combos ajdjandna
as for the prompts… could i ask for number 48, “I told you to take care of yourself,” with T/H?
"I told you to take care of yourself."
Is that really the first thing they're going to say to you?
"It is, considering how the last time I saw you, you were already running a low fever."
You didn't even realize you were speaking out loud. They sigh and set the plastic bag they were holding down on your bedside table. Sitting down on your mattress, they fix a stern gaze on you. "I thought we agreed that you wouldn't shoulder things on your own anymore."
You look away to avoid their judgement. You feel your cheeks heat up even more on top of the fever. "I didn't think I'd get this sick. And I've been through worse." You can't help the pout that forms on your lips. Maybe being sick has left you with no filter to hide your true thoughts.
Their eyes soften but there's still a hint of sadness in it. "Imagine my shock when I got a text from O saying you almost passed out during a shoot," They reach out and place the back of their hand on your forehead. You lean into the cool touch instinctively. "And you're still burning up. You have to know when to take a step back. If not for yourself, then for me."
"For you?" You whisper softly.
Their heart clenches at the sight. If it's your watery eyes or the way your voice wavers with emotion, they don't know. They pull back their hand and you whine a little at the loss. "Yes, for me. After all, we're both pretty shit at taking care of ourselves for our own sake. Might as well do it to keep each other from worrying too much."
You don't reply right away. You take a deep breath, but it comes out a little watery and a little strained. You'll blame the fever for it. "Okay. I'll try to do better next time."
For the first time since they've arrived in your apartment, they smile. "That's all I ask for," They reach for the plastic bag and pull out a few things. A bottle of lemon tea, cooling patches, and cold medicine from what you've managed to see. "Is there anything you want me to get you?"
You think for a moment, trying to push through your fuzzy mind. Eventually you reach out for their hand. "Stay with me? Until I fall asleep again."
They smile again, leaning forward to kiss your warm cheek. "Of course. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here even when you wake up."
You close your eyes and fall back on your bed, sighing with contentment. There's still so much the two of you need to work on in your budding relationship but each day is always a small step forward.
And that alone is enough.
#snippets#bridging the gap if#interactive fiction#if wip#choice of games#choicescript#hosted games#character: t/h#im still trying to figure out other names to call them since it feels weird to me to use t/h everytime lol#ahhhhh you have so many mcs!!!#each playthrough should be a little different with all the variables i'm planning on putting in#here's to hoping i can actually achieve that
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ok yknow what i’m gonna say it
no matter how “bad” logan has been or how “little” he deserves this 2nd year or how he’s a “pay driver” or whatever else y’all always say
he doesn’t deserve this. any of this
since the very first moment he stepped in a f1 car, he’s been treated as a joke. first it was the wtf is a kilometre jokes then rah rah eagles and now logan in the wall / fork found in kitchen / deuxmoi memes. every weekend, the commentators compare him to his teammate, ignoring the difference in experience and the way they aren’t even driving the same car and that logan was literally running last years specs multiple times. they compare him to oscar, who has driven multiple times f1 cars during test runs and is in a mclaren and the situations are not even remotely similar, ignoring that logan was promoted early, that he didn’t have much opportunity to drive f1 cars even for testing, that he was literally tossed into the deep end without any help and told to survive.
the only time they were even remotely kind to him was when they gave his car to alex. which thanks for the support or whatever but that is so backhanded i don’t even have the words to describe it.
i think we’re all coming to the terms with the reality that this will be his last year in f1. and i don’t think that’s fair for so many reasons. you promote him early, you give him a shit car, you talk bad about him in the media and you don’t promote him (lap of legends hello?) and you openly court other drivers for his seat. you disrespect him and allow others to disrespect him and that’s not right.
formula 1 is the dream for so many people. imagine achieving your dream, even if it’s in a joke of a team, even if it’s too early. but then you become the joke of a joke, you become the american, which is a bad thing. the outsider, the one who doesn’t belong. they make fun of you each weekend. they ask every day when you’ll be replaced.
(and yeah i agree. he does need to improve to have any hope of keeping his seat, f1 is brutal and it’s never been kind, and i’m not being naive and thinking oh it’s his dream and so he deserves it despite it all. i’m not saying that. what i am saying is that is a human being, just like nicholas latifi was, and some of you are too comfortable being cruel.)
speaking of being the american. they make fun of you as though that will punish the fia for putting 3 us races on the calendar. as though that will punish all the american fans who came to f1 through drive to survive. as though that will keep f1 pure and european and whatever the fuck else - they do the same to yuki and zhou and checo and lewis and even if logan’s situation is not even remotely similar to what they’ve experienced, there’s a bias to f1 that cannot be ignored.
but that’s not the point i’m trying to make. not today
this was your dream. this was your dream. and you were never allowed to enjoy it because you became the punchline of a joke the minute you accepted the seat. it was always going to end like this. you knew that.
so yeah. congrats to logan for achieving his dream of driving in f1! it’s unfortunate that he was never allowed to live it.
#logan sargeant is just nicholas latifi in a different font#the joke the north american the scapegoat in a williams#the nicest people ever. the sweetest#and you ruin their lives again and again#williams#logan sargeant#f1#i’m just tired ok. like i think i’m gonna go cry for a little bit#its so tiring seeing him as the joke when he’s a person ok!! he wants to be here! he wants this just as much as everyone else#like imagine achieving your dream and then hating it. you get everything you every wanted and then you wish you never got any of it#i can only hope he does actually chose to accept a seat in indy car or some other motorsport#and not disappear like nicky did. bc that’s what happens when you break someone#and when you make them doubt all their talent and ruin their dream
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Musical Touken Ranbu: Michinooku ~ Hitotsu Hachisu (Michinooku ~ A Single Lotus)
Here we go! Only a few days after the archive release and toumyu's ninth anniversary (congratulations!)
Michioku, or Michihasu, is a myu I have many conflicting feelings about, both positive and negative. However, I do believe that with the right amount of care in the next Mika-related story myu, the negative can still be cleared. Plus, I'm glad about a lot of things being re-established. The writer does need to step up her game a little on the plot-writing side of things, as well as the understanding-and-respecting-past-myu side of things, but as long as she does, this can still be given a proper place within what was already established.
Keep in mind that these are only the subtitle files, timed and tled to the DMM senshuuraku and the bluray respectively. The archive version will have a talk at the start, so the starting times of the subs will have to be delayed accordingly.
You can find the subtitles and my TL notes document here!
#touken ranbu#toumyu#water's translations#michioku#michihasu#how do I put this#seeing as myu's director Kayano has said in an interview right before Michioku that Kogi and Mika have a special bond#different from other swords-- and then they try to speedrun *Tsuru* and Mika having a what feels like it was intended to be#even greater relationship using a song called Kage Futatsu where KOGI'S signature song from Utaawase was Futatsu no Kage???#I SINCERELY want to believe it's incompetence rather than the writer deliberately pulling the rug from under Kogi's feet#bc the alternative is just cruel#I don't particularly mind the relationship Mika and Tsuru have in this play but I feel that not for a moment Kogi and kara respectively#were considered in the writing#anyway my final verdict is that this myu is what too many people think tsuwa is: the divorce myu (between Mika and Tsuru this time)#in all cases I hope myu can bring Shirakawa Yuki in again like with Datemyu just to offload myu's already deathly busy writer (she's done#5 myus in a month before which is just insane) because I feel this just isn't sustainable with the amount of carefulness a long-running#franchise like myu demands and the *writing* quality (not the production quality AT ALL Michioku's is great) is suffering for it.#like sure Michioku is loaded with references but they're references that either don't serve *Michioku's own* plot or their treatment shows#a lack of understanding of the work it's referencing-- for example Kashuu calling upon atsu's “This is how the shinsengumi fights!” actuall#goes completely contrary to the lesson he's supposed to have learned from atsuibun: that swords aren't disposable and that he has duties as#both soldier (captain in atsu) and as COMRADE and he makes the (already highlighted in Michioku!) dumb decision of butting in without#thinking-- and with that framed against manba's breaking trauma as well! He's supposed to have learned to stay rational and consider both#duties yet here he is ---BECAUSE of the reference--- completely leaning on the pre-atsu-development side of the scale#as if Ishi's words went one ear in one ear out. And yes the scene by itself could've worked as a subversion to show Kashuu makes the#'irrational' decision against what Ishi taught him to consider precisely because he cares for the people he's protecting but there is NO#groundwork laid at all for that in the rest of Michioku! This is what I mean with the carelessness of the references and the lack of#consideration for what prior myus were trying to SAY and ACHIEVE which is insane because she was the lyricist for those#it's more a collage of feelings provided through a set of characters calling back to the scripts of prior myu rather than#a story that evokes feelings bc the humans in it walk forward and act upon-- interact with-- the scenery on the road as left by prior human
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i am internally screaming-
i am metaphorically frothing at the mouth-
i am going insane-
one of my favourite artists just posted march fanart out of nowhere-
is this a sign??
is the world going to become all fine and dandy now??
the post << go look if ya wanna be eyeball blessed-
cause i am loosing it.
#bea stfu#not my art#fom#fom march#such SUCH pretty art!!#i seriously love june's art#they are such an inspiration for me#but not in like a- “i only like their art” way#it's in a “they are genuinely such an all around inspiration with how far their art and mental mind frame of their art has come”#they've developed their art and mental state in a way i can only dream and hope to achieve#i won't post the actual art here- i'll only post the link to their twitter#cause their art deserves all the attention. i am merely the humble messenger
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.
#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
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🏞🏞🏞
#the thing is I'm not proud of many things I've done. It's actually the exact opposite.#I kinda suck most of the time if I'm honest. but getting sober and doing it all on my own...#it's one of the only things I'm proud of when it comes to myself. sure.it's my third attempt but 1 year and 3 months...#it's the longest time I've ever managed to not try and deal with myself in a way that slowly but surely fucked me up in a very different way#I still struggle. some days are easier than others#but I'm still doing it.#being sober doesn't magically solve all my other issues but I don't spiral as much as I used to.#i don't think I'll ever be someone people can be around. which is like i don't blame people. i know how i am and how fucking difficult it is#to deal with that. the fear of abandonment that makes me push people away until they leave. the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all#the way i push and when i get the result i was expecting the immediate pull the fear and irrationality#the emotional disreggulation the self-pity#it's gotten better since i stopped drinking. less frequently and all that... but it's never gone not really#sometimes i think about the what could've beens.#what if my childhood went a little differently. what if my dad was there for me when i needed him. what if i wasn't me.#my ex best friend once told me that I'm to desperate to be saved. that nobody can do that anyway.#I'm not sure if I'd deserve it anyway. i have dreams in which I'm still me still dark and ugly and selfish and cruel at times#but i am trying i like to believe that i am already trying. i am. I'm just scared that it'll never be enough.#I'm not proud of many things but I'm 1 year and 3 months sober#only a few days and it's gonna be 1 year and 4 months#i didn't achieve much in my life but I'm here and i am trying every day i am trying and i hope on day it'll be enough#i hope one day i won't cause pain but build something good#sorry... I've just been thinking about it lately#because it is an achievement and i didn’t let myself be proud of how far I've come#alex talks#I'm still scared that people will look at me differently when they know... sometimes i feel like they can see the my rotten core anyway#to delete
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Horishito I just done drawing some most beautiful art pieces that I had ever done in a while I'm so proud of myself.
I was right to take time and practice I AM getting better✨
#they're not the mona lisa type of great but more like a sand castle with cute sea shells deco type of great#rant here just because#i joined a discord server with lots of artist friends and we actually live stream drawing and chatting and helping each other#almost every nights it's like a study group I can draw whatever and they would still find nice things in it to ✨praise✨ me#i feel so validated and motivated I draw so much more and they love my PCs too they compliment the lore I buildt for Lya and I'm so touched#and I keep drawing and they keep give me the positive vibes and I return their kinde#*kindness by chatting and compliment them too maybe my grammar is wacky rn but the thing is I'm feeling really good#about myself and what I has achieved#now I'm going to sleep cuz it's 3 a.m I just keep giggling and all#i hope this feeling last longer
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Worked on a ref for my fursona 🎉
#her name is diane and she's actually more like. my sona in general?#it's just. okay so diane is if i need a sona for stuff#and she has different aspects of her in different universes and different species and such#so my fursona is the furry version of her. if that makes sense#i also have an mlp pony version i made as a joke with a friend floating around#i could make a tiefling version of her because that's my usual pick for a dnd race#etc etc you get it i think#i need to find her a masc name for when she's a guy#for gender exploration purposes on my end but also because i like having options#anyway so she's a pigeon and i'm pretty happy with a drawing#hopefully i'll finish it soon and i can show people#i think she's cool. personally. zero bias here :)#i guess diane as a persona is kind of like. the same vibe as meredith?#meredith is an oc so she's not Me but she's... who i want to be. i want to be like her but better#meredith is who i'm trying to be even cooler than when i hit my 50s (in a looonnng time)#diane is more like who i hope i will be like in a few years#maybe i'll make it so she's always a few years ahead of me. the cool future me i can be#meredith is a character i want to be like because i like her#diane is a character i'm making up to hype myself up about my own future. she's me mostly#diane is achievable. meredith is a 52yo vampire who makes potions.#wow i have a ramble tag now
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Thanks for being real today.
I get people wanting to be hopeful.
But I can't with "it will be okay" and "we will survive this."
It was not okay for Heather Heyer, Joseph Rosenbaum, Anthony Huber, Joyce Fienberg, Richard Gottfried, Rose Mallinger, Jerry Rabinowitz, Cecil & David Rosenthal, Bernice & Sylvan Simon, Daniel Stein, Melvin Wax, Irving Younger, Andre Anchondo, Jordan Anchondo, Arturo Benavides, Leonardo Campos, Angie Englisbee, Maria Flores, Raul Flores, Guillermo "Memo" Garcia, Jorge Calvillo García, Adolfo Cerros Hernández, Alexander Gerhard Hoffman, David Johnson, Luis Alfonzo Juarez, Maria Eugenia Legarreta Rothe, Maribel (Campos) Loya, Ivan Filiberto Manzano, Elsa Mendoza Marquez, Gloria Irma Márquez, Margie Reckard, Sara Esther Regalado Moriel, Javier Rodriguez, Teresa Sanchez, Juan Velazquez, or any of the other people killed by white supremacists whose actions were aided and abetted by the Trump presidency. These people did not survive. Not to mention all the people who haven't survived COVID, but might have if the Trump administration had taken timely action. Or the women who have died after being refused appropriate medical care because of the rapist and his buddies that Trump appointed decided with some weird pastor in the 1600 said was more important than the lives of actual living, breathing, human beings. Or the school children who would not have been shot to death if we had actual gun control laws in this country, a thing that would have been possible to achieve if Trump had lost in 2016.
Yeah, sure, the majority of us in the United States will probably survive. That's how statistics work. And if that's what somebody needs to hear in order to move forward, then I guess saying such things has a purpose. But it's looking pretty shitty for anybody living in Ukraine and to me, it comes across as disrespectful to the people whose lives have been lost in no small part thanks to what goes down in US elections.
I needed somebody today who would say not only that this is not okay, but this is *really* not okay.
Thanks for being that voice.
Thank you for this. I can't help but write what I feel, even if some of it hasn't been the most optimistic message to send. There is a reality that we need to come to terms with in order to find some way forward. I'm pissed off and I'm disgusted with this country, so I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing because it is therapeutic for me right now and I'm too old to go around punching and kicking people.
I do want to say that I'm also cognizant of the fact that some people just need some time to allow this reality to settle. I certainly don't want to add to the stress or darkness that some of us are feeling right now. There is no denying that this is fucking terrible, but we will regroup and find a way through it. It won't be easy and we're going to have to fight, but I don't want anybody to think that there is genuinely no hope. There's always something that we can do, even if it seems bleak.
If I'm writing something or somebody else is saying something that you're not ready to hear, it's okay to do what you need to do to remain healthy. These posts are going to be here whenever you might feel like reading them. You can and should step away from this if you just need a fucking break. It doesn't mean you're any less ready or willing to fight this battle than anybody else. Even if Trump and the rotten MAGA cult takes control of every lever of power, you can gain a personal victory by not allowing them to completely crush your faith in the future. You can be depressed and despair, but do not give up. Do not give them that power over you. We will find a way. We will get through this. We will figure out what it is that we need to do and who we need to back and how we need to attack, but taking care of your personal health and well-being is more immediately important than the bigger political battle or the next step in the resistance. Take care of yourselves first and we'll still be here and ready to eventually harness this anger and frustration and fucking disgust to defeat the MAGA movement and Trump's Christian nationalist personality cult.
The main thing, though, is that if you're really having a tough time in the immediate future, step away, take some time, go for a walk, read something that has absolutely nothing to do with Donald Trump or American politics (if you need suggestions, I always have book recommendations!), and regroup. Again, we'll get through this, and as goofy and weird and ridiculous as Tumblr can be at times, there's always a community of people on this site willing to listen and help each other when we're struggling. So, if you are having trouble getting to tomorrow, reach out because there are scores of people here who will help get there with you.
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life is actually so easily wonderful if the abusers are not around. heaven on earth. i can breathe for a few days <3 i've already gotten so much done and its only been 24 hours. i have 48 more hours of this relief to savour.
#i did dishes. i cooked. i moved a whole couch. i cleaned a bit. i've read 30% of a book. and i've got More cleaning planned to do#not just Wanting to do it. actually realistically planned. it is Achievable for once. because i dont feel the crushing weight of terror rn#is this how normal people feel ????? is this why life is so easy for everyone else in comparison ????#you can just. do things. without The Terror hanging over you and crushing you to death ???????#i want to cry lol#every time the abusers are away for more than a day i get a brief glimpse into how life could be and i want it to stay#i want to live in this forever#i think i could have a life if i could just. live like this. all the time.#but the fucked up part is that i know if i ever escape from this place i will probably crash and burn for a while lmfao#there is Grief and Suicidality waiting under the surface for me to leave this place. and then it will overwhelm me for a while#but i do hope i can get to a place where i can feel that bc it will mean i have made it out and that there is a path ahead of me#instead of just a closed door that i sit at and hope will open#however i will say... that i still want to die HFDSJKL like thats still very much present. i do want to die quite a lot still#but at least i have some relief from The Terror right now. i can experience joy unrestricted for a few moments here and there#its a little bit frustrating to be having such a pleasant time of relief and to still have ''jfc i need to kill myself soon'' in my head#i mean not just in my head i also feel it in my chest and stomach and feet and hands and shoulders.#but the Thought is echoing and the Feeling is there. even with the pleasant relief of abusers being away.#ARGHHH I DUNNO this sucks but i am enjoying what i can. its lovely to have some space and to let my guard down a little#and the book i am reading is Really good#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide tw#abuse tw
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especially bc if theres one thing speaking to ppl on complicated subjects has taught me, and actually getting across to them, is that actually, yea. often times being able to talk and rationalize and keep your cool achieves 3000% more than yelling, screaming, insulting, or anything else does. oh, it sure is harder. oh, its an emotional toll. and you really wanna just call them stupid or tell them to fuck off. but the changes of getting somewhere are much better
there are people which will not change. there are ppl which do not want to hear. there are people which are set to remain in their ways..... but many people are capable of change. maybe people are capable of growth..... and i think... ultimately many ppl wanna be "good," whatever good means in their eyes. and playing off of that to your advantage helps
#ive definetely talked abt this before on here but im forever thinking of the black dude who spend years befriending the head of the kkk#and the dude ended up leaving it. and now this dude has Hundreds of robes of former clan people who have left Because Of Him#.........#....#which tells me in a very very real way. that life is complicated and there is definetely hope and people can definetely change#and that i dont think yelling at a clan member or calling them whatever which is all of our instinct with ppl of those sorts#would have been able to achieve the same result ultimately#....... and if so many fucking kkk members out of all things are able to be moved by rationality#talk. empathy. compassion and reaching across the isle..... fuck man#i think that says a lot about the chances of ppl who are way less worse than kkk members to get better#🤷♀️#also something Darly Davis (the dude who started this and got the kkk member to resign) said something which i think is true too#what seems to be (and i think theres anth studies on this too) The Most Effective way to break someones hatred is for them to have a#positive interaction with someone from the group they hate. to actually learn abt them and See them for something to click in their brains#also unironically what balkan reddit showed#yes westerners found it offensive bc it was ethnic/racial/national stereotypes and jokes taken to an extreme (which was the point)#but so many ppl on there said before the reddit they rly were nationalistic and hated other balkan ppl. but bc of it#and bc of the exteme jokes abt stereotypes they saw how stupid it all was#and actually made friends from our different nations and realized that all the hatred is stupid#and suddenly all the endless nationalistic propaganda dug in their heads and the hatred and the ethnic supremacy and everything else ceased
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hopping around different blogs is fun.
a post on blog 1: i find it a little weird that -- don't get me wrong, the barbie movie looks great with all the doll-like details, i bet the actors had great fun and i'd like to see it myself, but -- people are getting excited about marketing of this movie. they're acting as though mattel's 3985* deals with 837* different companies are something new, exciting and creative instead of... 3985 deals with 837 companies spanning many different areas! this movie is a commercial for a doll! isn't this kinda weird?
*numbers made up
a post on blog 2: i don't think any sane adult doesn't realize that this is a toy commercial! it's rather obvious.
a post on blog 3: boo hoo 'the barbie movie is capitalist propaganda' i don't give a SHIT marx won't fuck you. did you do this for transformers too? do you think only stupid girls who like pink need the reminder?
like, oooooh! things are happening!
#shrimp thoughts#earlier today i got into a bit of an essay reading spree (as much as my brain allowed me lol)#and it got me thinking about like... associating oneself with products/aesthetics/companies as a way of self-creation#this is me. i love [fashion brand] you won't catch me without my k*nken and here is my room in which you can see posters of [movies]#it's very... human to get excited about things and feel it more the more others get excited because. community building#at the same time i've noticed it myself that it's so much easier to label yourself a [thing] girl than to like... Look Into Yourself#who am i? what defines me? these questions are difficult because how do i know that? with what means do i obtain this knowledge?#should i create myself as i want or should i observe myself with the eyes of others instead? ...let me just say i like plants and overalls#and i feel like when someone says something you perceive as a critique of the identity slash community you associate yourself with#it's... hurtful? but at the same time. hm. i don't know actually#like chances are these posts are talking about completely different things and not vaguing each other or even similar posts#maybe posts that blog 3 vagues really were obnoxiously condescending! who knows! that being said DESPITE being a small-brained#shrimp who would honestly love to win soooo many moneys and just do whatever i want all day instead of being an Independant and Competent#Expert In My Field (this sounds scary and stressing). i still would like to avoid falling into the 'just let me ENJOY things and don't try#to make me hate femininity because it's not working! pink and shopping can be empowering' hole.#idk!! i listen to k/pop and am part magpie. i can't quite pose myself as like anti-capitalist intellectual#but i do want to achieve at least a small brain! someday!! and boy do i hope my brain energy days don't end before the books arrive;;#2am thoughts. wonder if my mother goes to sleep earlier than at 4am today because its getting annoying
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the way that my affirmations rn are literally just “you only need to get a 40% to pass the class 💆🏼♀️”
#personal#the engineering chronicles#i am so so scared for it we did a practice final last week that was extremely suspiciously easy so i reached out to someone who took the#final today asking if his had aux views and/or tolerance stack analysis (neither of which were on mine) and he said yes and also that he ran#out of time to finish one of his drawings so. AAAAA#*on my practice final#the thing is i got comparatively great grades on both the assignments for those topics (100% and 90% respectively and the 90% was bc the#professor i went to for help in office hours told me to negate all my values when my original values were actually the correct ones smh) BUT#they were the most time consuming assignments of the semester and also both required hawk-eyed attention to detail that had me redoing and#editing so much to get the correct answers like i won’t have time for that on the final 😭😭 especially if they’re BOTH on it which is likely#the midterm was hell on earth and everyone basically failed it i don’t even want to think abt this…#i have just over an 87% rn so im under no illusions that i will be keeping my b+ let alone moving up to an a-. to end w a b i can get as low#as 74% on the final which is….possible. but im not banking on it.#to end w a b- i can get as low as a 64% which is what im hoping i can achieve wrdjfjf 😭#it’s only a 1 credit class so it’s not like it’s the end of the world or my gpa if i get that or even a c#lvl 100 1 credit engineering classes here are hellish idk why. you’re probably thinking leigh if you are struggling this much at that level#that may be a sign but no bc ive also taken/am taking multi credit and/or lvl 200 engineering classes and they are soo much better. at least#thus far#plus stats and calc are both multi level and above lvl 100 and they’re both fine i have developed a lot of respect for them actually even#a good amount of curiosity and enjoyment. it’s just the lvl 100 1 credit engineering classes what is up w them#*multi credit not multi level lol
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New model of organised religion: combination rehabilitation and education system, no longer a criminal trial.
#if you're wondering about hell#it's when you get reincarnated as one of the shitty lives that exist in the past of linear time#the prison is only being able to see backwards in time on your infinite self's path#and when you achieve enlightenment#you get the option to come back and make things better for other people who are still in hell#but also you get to leave the next day if you want#every soul that was ever born accepted the suffering of the world#so that they could learn to be good enough to build the world without suffering#i have a really nasty suspicion about the next life i'm going to be offered#it's not who you may be thinking#feel free to ask me#i really really hope i'm wrong#guys i'll find out someday#let's see what i can build on earth in the meantime#also yes i am aware that there are already models of religion that work like this#i told you i wasn't the only one building this jigsaw#i just got a bigger picture of the lid of the box after having to rely on second-hand information from everyone else my entire life#i'm not claiming it's the whole thing#or that it's not blurry in places#the photographer's thumb may be covering part of the lens#but it's MY PHOTO#i didn't take it i was sent it#and now i'm trying to describe it to you well enough to help with making the actual jigsaw#who here has played Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes?
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