#here's to 2023 being a much better year creatively and in pretty much all other aspects as well :))

[quelsentiment]

✨ 2022 Writing Year In Review ✨

Thanks so much to @haztobegood for tagging me :))

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 12

2. Word count posted for the year: 107,847

3. Fandoms I wrote for:  One Direction, Shaw Mendes, Video Blogging RPF (Dream and co.)

4. Pairings: OT5, Niall/Zayn, Niall/Harry, Niall/Louis, Niall/Liam, Niall/Shawn (so many Niall pairings wtf), Zayn/Liam, Zayn/Louis, Zayn/Harry, Liam/Louis, Dream/Georgenotfound

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: In the midst of a storm

Bookmarks: In the midst of a storm

Comments: In the midst of a storm

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

I feel like I have to answer In the midst of a storm. Writing this fic was extremely frustrating at times because I had this amazing picture of it in my head but I felt like I could never do it justice due to lack of time, energy, and stability. I pushed myself through it and managed to finish it, though, and honestly some comments I got on it made me look at it in a much more positive light! Hopefully I’ll be able to read it back one day without cringing too much lol

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Probably As long as you’re not afraid to feel. Not that I think it’s bad or anything, but I feel like you can tell by reading it that I wasn’t really into it. It’s one of these fics whose idea I came up with early on, but only started working on it months afterwards due to other commitments, and by then I’d kind of lost my initial interest in it :/ I do think it’s a pretty fun one, but it could have been much better if I’d worked on it as soon as I started brainstorming it

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

As I said, some of the reviews on In the midst of a storm really warmed my heart and kinda made me change my opinion on it! Shoutout to @lululawrence‘s lovely comments especially 😊

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Ugh, the entire year until September, basically. 2022 has been a very stessful year for me, and despite wanting to make writing a priority, it definitely felt like I’d lost my mojo at times. I only started to pull myself out of it once I 1. moved back to Canada and 2. got into the Dream fandom - I probably just needed a change after 3 years of focusing exclusively on 1d, I guess

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

I wrote a few smut-adjacent scenes for It the midst of a storm that did surprise me, or at least were a new experience for me lol

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From Running From The Sun

 “I don’t. I don’t want you,” Niall protests, but it sounds half-hearted at best. Louis almost has her in a chokehold now, and it’s time for her to land the final blow.

 “Yes, you do. You think I haven’t seen the way you were looking at me earlier, while you were dancing with that guy? You think I can’t hear your heart beat faster whenever I get a little too close?” She punctuates her words by taking the last step that separates her and Niall, and now she’s got the slayer right in front of her again. Right where she wants her. “Hell, you think I don’t notice the blood rushing to your cheeks right now?” she adds in a mere whisper. “You think-”

 “Shut up,” Niall hisses out. Louis can see her swallow, and she knows she’s got her now.

 “Make me,” she dares her.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

It’s probably gonna sound dramatic but, for the major part of the year, I’ve felt like I was regressing as a writer. I’d constantly be second-guessing everything I wrote down, including stuff that I never had a problem with before (like dialogues). It’s been pretty exhausting, but in the end I guess it did make me grow, in that it made me more aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

A more practical answer would be that I wrote for new pairings and fandoms, and as mentioned before I even wrote some more explicit scenes, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do, much less to share 😳

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Continue posting for the Dream fandom. I’m currently working on a longer fic for it that I’m really excited about!

Otherwise I’d like to get back into writing everyday, and like Jinny said, try to edit less while writing even though that habit is so ingrained in me that it might prove to be difficult.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

Oh god... My introvert tendencies came back in full force this year, and I ended up taking a big step away from the 1d writing community, unfortunately. Maybe that’s something that I’ll try to change next year too, because I do miss these interactions!

I do want to thank @zou-i-am, though - we had a great time running the Lilo Fest together! Thanks so much to @uhoh-but-yeah-alright too for betaing my Zarry fic :) And of course, much love to Sof if they see this <3

Finally, maaaaany thanks to @allwaswell16 for all the work she puts in to post fic recs and leave thoughtful comments! You’re a legend :))

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Weirdly enough, I wanna say it’s the opposite. In both New York Kiss and In the midst of a storm, Zayn works a retail job, and that’s something I ended up doing for the first time over the summer. Life imitating art and all that 😌

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Who am I to impart wisdom? lol I guess just... don’t give up. If you’re feeling like you’re losing your inspiration, give yourself some time and/or try something else (like a new pairing or something). Follow whatever excites you in a given moment, even if it means putting other projects on hold.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m excited to keep writing my current Dreamnotfound fic. Also looking forward to running the Zouis Fest again, and to starting writing my fic for it (even though I have no clue what it’ll be yet)

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m sure a lot of people have done this already 😬 Maybe @zou-i-am @feeisamarshmallow @zanniscaramouche @uhoh-but-yeah-alright ?

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo 2023 wrap-up

And finally, after the hectic period of Christmas and the New Year, we are here and ready for our wrap-up!

Warning: this devlog may include some typos. As per usual!

Honestly, I can't believe we are here. This year has been wild for so many reasons. We have made so much progress, perhaps not as much as we would have wanted, but we have come really far. I'm very proud of my team and thankful for the people we have met this year that have made this journey easier.

So...let's see what we have done this year and our plans for 2024!

✦ First of all, we made our itch.io page debut!

And this was perhaps the hugest milestone for us. It got a wonderful reception even if there's nothing to play yet, so we can't be grateful enough for that. This of course includes the key art and the screenshots we managed to get ready for the itchio page!

✦ We launched our official webpage!

Another amazing milestone for us! I remember tirelessly working with Raquel for weeks to get this done the way we wanted it to be.

✦ We welcomed our editor, Allie Vera, to our team!

They are not only a marvelous person but someone I'm having the privilege to learn from. Her editing skills are amazing and the script has done nothing but improve since we got it in her hands. We have started editing together and she has been working so, so hard, I'll be doing my best to keep up. Please send a lot of love their way, because they deserve it!

✦ We began working on the CGs!

Raquel has been working super hard and right now we have five CGs ready and one in process. The last one will likely be ready for next month, and with that the CGs for the demo will be finished!

✦ The UI was implemented and it's fully functional!

For someone who was a total stranger to programming, I think I've done a good job this past year! The game menus finally look like they should (with a bit of changes needed here and there) and everything is working well. I'm sure the code could be optimized greatly, but for now I'm happy with how it is (as my skills are, well, what they are!).

✦ We finished the demo script and have started the editing process!

That was a huge step for us as many changes were done to the script before we could consider it done. We sadly had to cut chunks of content because we felt like, for a demo, it was better to get to the juicy parts and meet the LI's as soon as possible. Some adaptations had to be made, some ideas had to be scratched, but here we are now, with a finished script ready to be coded, and being edited by Allie!

✦ We got some nice backgrounds done!

Work on backgrounds has been slower than we would have wanted to, but taking into consideration we were studying a master (that was pretty hard on us) and there's only four of us, I'd say it's a victory! There's still some backgrounds left, but as Astro and Raquel work on that, there's other areas of the game that keep moving forward.

✦ We opened a ko.fi page!

This was one of our 2023 goals, so high-five!

✦ We met amazing people, made new friends, and learned from a lot of fellow devs!

What a ride has it been! People I used to admire from a distance, enjoying their projects and gushing over them, are now part of my personal life. A lot of fellow devs have come forward in 2023 with new projects, new inspiring and incredible ideas, and we have been supported by all of them and welcomed as if we had always been a part of the Indie visual novel community.

Just to name a few of inspiring and amazing devs, the sweet folks at Foxglove Games (who have released Trouble Comes Twice!), Velvet Cupcake Games and their progress with Made Marion, Best Laid Plain Productions and their amazing work with Save the Villainness, and of course our beloved Crescence Studio with Alaris and Intertwine, which now has an Extended Edition!

As per usual, Lem (Crescence) has a special spot in this devlog because they have been the absolute highlight of this year. What a loving, sweet, amazing and creative individual. We all are very lucky to have them with us, but specially me; their friendship has meant so much for me this year, and I hope we can only grow closer with time! I LOVE YOU LEM!! 💜

✦ On a personal note...

On the personal side of things, I got diagnosed with OCD in late November. I had been suffering the symptoms since July, knowing something was wrong but thinking it would pass. It has changed my life and the way I see things and myself, and I'm on a long journey that has, unfortunately, affected my work on Lost in Limbo. I have not worked as much as I had planned, but I'm lucky to have my friends, my family and my partner, who are walking this path with me.

I'm sharing this because I think it's important. My experience will hopefully give someone who is reading this the push to seek help; I thought it was nothing and I ended up going through the hardest year of my life. Thankfully, I now have the help I need; I have been going to therapy since October, been diagnosed, and I'm now on my way to learn to live with OCD and heal from it. Some days are harder than others, but I'll get there! 💜

On a happier note, Astro and I will be adopting a cat from a shelter very very soon, if things go as planned! Raquel has taken the plunge and opened a sticker store! She has been doing great so far and is overworked but happy. We are so proud of her!

Also, we finally, FINALLY had the chance to get together for New Year's Eve and celebrate together after more than seven years of friendship! Sadly Kayden couldn't make it in the end because of COVID, but hopefully this is the beginning of a lot of years of celebrating together!

Mostly, the team and I have been doing fine, all things considered. Astro wants you all to now that even if he's not very active on social media, he appreciates your support a lot and will do his best to return that love! Thank you all for your support through the year, as always 💜

We had a bunch of goals set for 2023, and my God if they weren't ambitious. This year has taught us a lot about limits, about being realistic with our expectations and with the amount of work needed for a visual novel, and has overall humbled us.

There's one sprite remaining, the LI's expressions, plus one CG and finishing the backgrounds that need a bit more polishing. That and editing the script into its final state and code it accordingly.

With that being said, I want to be positive and say the demo may be ready for April - May, but I don't know if that'll be possible. We made the mistake of being too excited and too positive when it came to the work we would be able to do, and we apologize for that. We are still learning and we hope you can still support us and make this journey with us as you have been doing since we started.

Still, the demo WILL release this year. That is for sure. As we keep working —and the team has been working very, very hard— we'll decide when the demo will release, giving it time to be beta tested, sent to streamers who are interested, etc.

So the main objective of this year is...

✦ Release the demo!

Obvious, right? But with it comes some smaller goals!

✦ Code the script!

The editing process is going well —thanks to Allie who works tirelessly, honestly— so I hope I can step on the gas and get those corrections done as soon as possible!

✦ Finish all the assets!

As soon as Raquel is done with the CGs, we'll start working on the expressions together (I have already been toying with it) and the remaining sprite. Astro will finish the remaining backgrounds!

✦ Open a casting call for our LIs!

We want the demo to be at least partially voiced. When the whole script is done and more or less coded, we'll open a casting call to give our LIs what will be their official voices for the whole game. What an adventure!

✦ Open our steam page!

Pretty self-explanatory, but there it is!

What a year, huh? We have worked so much and so hard while studying, and that studies are now over. This year has been one of self-discovery, of new challenges, of some goodbyes and some new faces and friends. My only wish for 2024 is for it to be gentler to everyone. Hopefully we can all heal from whatever hurt us in 2023, laugh a lot with our loved ones, and learn more about ourselves and our lives in this 2024! 💜

With that being said, thank you for reading once more, and let us hope this year brings us a lot of amazing games and memories! 💜

[couch-house]

2023 baybeeeee. havent done an art summary in a while since i basically stopped drawing early 2020 and didn't get back on the horse until mid-2022 (i wonder... what could have caused that!) i dont feel like my art has really changed this year, only in the ways that I draw specific sonic characters (looking through my archive is fun bc i can see the progression of the diseases known as Giving Them Big Eyebrows and Drawing The Monoeye) and--more exciting 4 me--my practice with paneling comics! :)

i think the progression is much more noticeably when you line it up with last year's sonic art... i can see all the Milestones.. more talking abt that under the cut

May: couch gets into sonic. June: Yucky Sonic 1.0. this was also the month when i Heard Of fleetway super. July: couch comes back from brazil, having read stc. this is also when i start dong actual short comics. compare may -> june -> july. (also please forgive whatever tf i was doing with skintones. i needed some practice)

august: merger au takes shape. dog invented. also i just really like that speed racer sonic mspaint picture. its fun :) september: deep in the fleet mines. october: i lose a lot of steam and mostly just doodle. another comic comparison for those three months:

november: frontiers comes out. i go crazy mode and make that sonic + knuckles comic with the pretty backgrounds and LOTS OF TINY TEXT. december: winter break AND im tired. january 2023 i come back insane crazy mode and write some fanfiction?? still havent finished that LOL. made some nice cover art :) february: i shift into knuckles mode fora month. make another comic. this one is much better i think :) november -> february

march: i shift into transfem metal sonic mode. also just stick to a lot of doodling. also write more fanfiction. crazy. april: transitory period as i shift back into stc/exit: sonic mode. may: more fanfiction. more comics. i really like how both of these turned out :) while the last two were definitely taking a lot more notes from stc, i think around here i start paying attention to and trying to learn from more creative panelling from artists i admire. like @/superemeralds THOAM and @/starrjoy's pandora au.

june: i play sa2 and it's good. july: i play unleashed and it is both miserable and good. i get in kind of an artistic frustration zone and wiggle my way out. august: idk i think im just chillin. super react dot jpeg happens. it's not even named that, it's named after the other image on the canvas, which was maria holding baby shadow. more comics.

september: i burn out for a bit. get real tired. eventually get back up and make more comics. the goal here and last month has become "try to make more interesting panel shapes. I've noticed other artists don't just use rectangles--try playing with irregular polygons and see where it gets you." well it gets you mixed results as you learn :) also i think after that pause i accept the monoeye into my life. sigh...

october: oc showdown starts and @/neurotypical-sonic asks me to make some halloweeny art :) feels like i dont do much this month bc i focus on those. november: A LOT OF ART?? INSANE. more oc showdown stuff. i play shadow the hedgehog (2005). it's good and i love it. i draw a ton of shit on one canvas for it. Fucking Dember: i have shifted back into stc/EXIT mode. motivation's a little weird bc work's a little weird. doing commissions also makes it weird. well im having fun and being myself :) a final handful of comics from this month:

idk maybe ill do something sicko crazy b4 the end of the year. mayb i'll follow exit sonic's example and #GetWorse. who knows :) well this is fun i love looking at my art and seeing and noticing things. thank u all for your support and I hope we all have a great 2024!

[lonewolflink]

your enthusiasm for itzy has reignited my interest in listening to kpop i MISSED this… like wow it’s just. really bright and fun!! <3 i love seeing gifs of the girls on my dash! i was a hyper casual fan who was never too into them outside of liking the music, but they seem lovely 💙

what are they up to lately? do you have any listening recs? :3

- puckpocketed on main 🦈

puck!! hello friend!!!! (trying out puck as a shortened name a la link but you lmk if something else is better)

i am so pleased that you are being infected with my itzy brainrot. maybe i should be more sorry about about it but alas, i love them, so i cannot find it in myself to be sorry. more under the cut!

i would say that not only are my girls lovely, they are Freaks (affectionate). tbh it is what led me to stan. they are so weird and i love them so much. i once answered an ask (also here) about how i got into itzy that i think scratches some of the surface of what i enjoy about them.

what has itzy been up to lately? well the last couple years have been a bit of a rollercoaster for the team. after a pretty serious kpop social media hate train following one of their comebacks (though evidence suggests the hate train started earlier), things were a bit rough. the company seemed to be simultaneously creatively mismanaging/poorly promoting the group while also overworking them—a recipe for disaster that culminated in main vocalist lia going on indefinite hiatus for anxiety issues in september 2023 (or as i like to call it, LTIR).

in her absence, as a foursome, itzy recorded a 10 track album called "Born to Be" and then went on a global tour for it, but with a twist! five of the 10 songs would be the first SOLO songs written by each member and performed individually (sans lia on tour of course). lia's song might honestly be the best of the five (though i probably listen to chaeryeong's the most). they're all quite different and i would STRONGLY recommend them:

-Crown on My Head (Yeji) -Blossom (Lia) -Run Away (Ryujin) -Mine (Chaeryeong) -Yet, But (Yuna)

the solo songs for the active members at the time also have like partial/mini-music videos that are up on youtube and are pretty cool (ryujin's or yuna's are probably my favorite? but it's hard to choose. yeji and chaeryeong also ate). you can, of course, listen to the other songs on that album...but i wouldn't. and that's because with lia now activated off LTIR, the other 5 songs that were recorded with the four active members have been RE-RECORDED WITH LIA and will be dropping as part of their new album coming out next week (oct 15th!). all those songs are good but "mr. vampire" is the one to look out for. the beat is weird, the vibes are excellent, and lia's voice is going to sound amazing on it.

in general, the new comeback feels...different, at least in its rollout so far. above i mentioned mismanagement and poor promotion by the company, and rumor has it that after the last album the division in charge of itzy got like. fired. wholly. and replaced with new employees (GM FIRED AFTER TOO MANY SEASONS OF NOT MAKING THE PLAYOFFS kinda vibes). the new look JYP Division 2 is like...kinda doing great??? there's clearly an actual cohesive (if bizarre) creative direction for this upcoming album, which feels new and fresh, there's been a lot of thought clearly put into Aesthetic rather than just "green screen something flashy and uh. the girls always look hot so just put them in some fashionable clothes i guess".

in sum: this is kind of an exciting time to be following itzy. it feels like we're on the precipice of a bit of a rebirth, which is quite rare with kpop girl groups in particular, who tend to rise and fall with the extremely fickle general public opinion of koreans.

some song recommendations/partial guide to itzy's discography!

let's start with their title tracks/singles:

—girl crush/dark/gym playlist music (aka cuntzy) -dalla dalla (debut single) -wannabe (biggest hit) -mafia in the morning (my personal favorite mv of theirs) -ringo (japanese track, low key sick mv. or maybe it's just yeji w a sword for me...idk) -voltage (japanese track, i LOVE this song, even more than ringo) -blah blah blah (japanese track)

—cute/fun/femme/doing your thing (aka funzy)

-icy (bop) -sneakers (supposed start of their demise, but it's fun and cute? people are haters) -boys like you (your mileage may vary, people love/hate this) -cake (UNDERAPPRECIATED BOP) -algorhythm (japanese track, the dance break in the mv is sick)

—hard to categorize bc they're not dark/girl crush but they are gym playlist (to me) -not shy (ITZYYYYYYY) -loco (this song just slaps idk man) -cheshire (justice for cheshire i love this song)

in no particular order, top 10 standout b-sides (in my opinion...though i should say most of their b-sides are really fucking good): 1. none of my business (the way i need itzy to do more r&b u have no idea. also the mv with the matching fits is SO 90s early 00s r&b groups i love it so much) 2. cherry (girl crush perfection, gym playlist staple) 3. bet on me (this song got me through my phd. mv is imo outstanding. meaningful song generally, but to itzy in particular after the hate train) 4. kidding me/shoot/sorry not sorry (i'm cheating by putting three songs here but they're all from the same EP and go SO well together) 5. snowy (this is MY christmas song) 6. kill shot (i want shin ryujin to decapitate me. women in suits??) 7. nobody like you (quintessential early itzy) 8. bratty (they invented being a brat, charlie xcx who) 9. psychic lover (fan favorite, just a great song, they smile so fucking hard when they perform it live it's so cute) 10. weapon (not even a song from an album, they recorded it for some dance competition show to use. STAPLE on my gym playlist) honorable japanese discography mentions:

-no biggie (japanese) -sugarholic (japanese) -spice (japanese)

OK THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT FOR YOU SORRY IT'S SO LONG

I WILL ALSO STRONGLY RECOMMEND LISTENING TO NMIXX'S LAST TWO EPS THEY ARE REALLY GOOD AND THEIR VOCALS ARE CRAZY

[ratherbebitch]

𖦹 IᑎTᖇO 𖦹

formerly @/dumbcrustyassbitch

hey !! this is basically just a silly blog where i ramble and reblog about my interests !!

info

you can call me bee :3

she/they

scottish

will unlikely be the one to initiate conversation, but feel free to talk to me !!! im just a very anxious person

neurodivergent in some way, im still working myself out

lesbian, possibly asexual !! questioning that and gender bc wtaf

can get very passionate, just lmk if im being annoying or too much !!!

my interests

mean girls

my favourite version of mean girls is the broadway !!! regina is my favourite character, ive watched the 2024 movie 31 times !! also im an avid cadina/rejanis shipper (me and my gf are literally cadina)!!! please send me asks/dm me about mean girls, i could babble for hours :3 my favourite song from the broadway is meet the plastics, and my favourite from the movie is someone gets hurt !! WISHING SO HARD FOR WEST END TICKETS🙏🙏🙏🙏

reneé rapp

ive been a fan for just under a year !! my favourite song of hers is either so what now, in the kitchen, snow angel, or moon. ive seen the sex lives of college girls 4 times (leighton murray marry me) IM SO EXCITED FOR SEASON 3. TALK TO ME ABOUT IT. PLEASE. i own the mean girls and snow angel cds, and its my dream to own one of her vinyls !! i love her so so so much, she's helped me understand myself a little better, and SHE'S SO FUCKING FUNNY AND HER VOICE IS JUST AHAJABFAJAMAN

rachel mcadams

the first movie of hers i saw was mean girls ofc, and then i decided to go on a watching spree !! my all time favourite movie of hers is 100% morning glory, but a few honourable mentions are the notebook, the vow, red eye, eurovision (don't come for me it's not good it's just funny) and game night !! ALSO HER SNL SKIT>>>

erin caldwell

been a fan since 09/05/2023, met her twice, genuinely actually saved my life. there's not much more to say really. as a scottish person, it makes me so proud to see someone like me on stage (help im getting sentimental) but seriously, erin is one of my biggest inspirations, and she's helped me develop my confidence and skills and self esteem and SHES JUST AMAZING OKAY

musical theatre

my longest interest !!! favourite shows that ive seen live are six (ive seen it 4 times, round 5 and 6 booked !! the uk tour 23/24 cast hold a very special place in my heart), heathers, come from away, everybody's talking about jamie, pretty woman, hamilton, and grease :3 my favourite shows that i wish i could see/could've seen are mean girls, the notebook, and the great gatsby !!

gravity falls

been a fan for a while :) my favourite episode is “the golf war” because I LOVE PACIFICA HONESTLY !!!! (regina and pacifica are very similar, im sensing a pattern) very very strong shipper of mabel and pacifica !!!! I NEED THE BOOK OF BILL PLS🙏

other interests include heartstopper/osemanverse, derry girls, superstore, the owl house, olly murs, chappell roan, towa bird, wednesday, descendants, dove cameron, bluey and olivia rodrigo :3

dni

homophobes, biphobes, etc. any anti lgbtq+

racists, xenophobes, etc.

transphobes, terfs, etc.

ableists

just generally don't be an asshole pls, im here to have fun, not report you for being a cunt <3

tags (starting from 16/10/2024)

#bee yaps ← shit-posts

#bee's inbox ← asks

#my girl ♡ ← stuff for/from my gf !! yes people need to know !!!!!

extras

i don't write fics or draw very often, I JUST GENUINELY HAVE NO CREATIVE TALENTS TBH !!!! but i tend to shitpost about mean girls and reneé mostly, some rachel thrown in there !!

also i frequently get the urge to change the entire theme of my blog, just go with it. i may also change my username so. but don't worry it's still me !!!!!! <3

matching blinkies with @kaaronsmithuels <3

[harrysmaison]

Vi's 2022 Follow Forever!

It's 2023 for me now and I wanna say thank you to all the lovely lovely people that I befriended so far who made my dash (and in case of some, my life) so much more beautiful.

Under the cut bc there messages I want to give you 💞

Unhinged gc: @dragmedown @lovelikealandslide @cowboylarries @purplepantsniall @coffeehotcoffee @surroundedbylightt @holyshit @loubbies @greeneyesfriedrice @louishandkink You people bring so much brightness and happiness to my life. Talking with you all was like, a stress reliever, you made me feel okay with being weird and unhinged and I can't thank you enough. You all were the support system I didn't know I needed in 2022. Thank you beloveds. I hope we'll stay as weird and chaotic forever as we are now ❤️

Therapy gc: @thedevilinmybrain, @larrysballetslippers @walkinginsunflowers @thechavier @finexbright @medicinelarrie @summercherrylou @amateurd18 @kadd-kadd you all have been so supportive and helpful and understanding and comforting to me in these past couple of months. Why would I need therapy when I have you all? Everyday is healing when I talk to you guys. I can't be thankful enough for all that love and support. Hope all of your year is filled with a lot more happiness than the previous one ❤️❤️

@anxiouslarrie. Cata, my love. What can I say to you. You're my bug sis. My candle in the terrifying darkness. The elder sister I never knew I needed. You're so pretty and smart and wise and understanding. All that you've done for me till now, not even my close irls could do it. Being there for me, helping me out, keeping me sane, giving me advices. I don't know what I did to deserve you. You're so nice and sweet and just amazing. I love you loads and more. Thank you so much for being ❤️❤️

@decemberries dheera meri jaan, meri dharampartner. I can't believe I have a Tumblr mutual who I had the blessing to meet IRL. It was an extremely fun experience. And I love you even more now that I know you personally. You're funny and pretty and so so lovely, but along with that, you're so talented and wise and no I'm not going to hear another word of denial. You're someone who understands me, knows me from up close, and I'm glad that I have you for real in my life now. You're just awesome. I love you so muchhh 💖

@hlkings mari, you're one of the few people on here that I trust and open up with. You're so sweet and wise. Always there for everyone, willing to help them deal with their problems, guiding them, advising them. I can't appreciate you enough. Thank you for being there for me too. I love you a lot you know that? I do. And I admire you too. Your gifs are one of my most fav things on here. Never stop being creative and fun and of course, horny as usual, my favourite whore 💞

@moonknowshome Angie my most beloved, you adorable,.sweet soul. I wish I could hug you right now. You're like a soft plushie on a hard night. Always brightening my day with your sweet messages and cute stickers. I want to squish you and never let go, will you let me do that? Thank you so much for making my days better and tolerable. I love you tons💜

Everybody else: @otbnaga @writtenalloveryourface28 @agape-28 @ladychlo @pop-punklouis @complictedfreak @itsnotreal @persephoneflouwers @perksofbeingasunflowerblog @stood-onthecliffside @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @bluewinnerangel @loulovehome @saturdaystakethepainaway-fitf @thosefookinvacados @nauticallyrics @tiredeyeslouis @mostardently @anapologethicc @kiwikiwiandkiwi @awesomefringey @louistomlinsun @harryslonecurl @itmustbefireproof @throughthedarklive @sarcastic-sue @thetriangletattoo @curlyhairedprince and all the others (bc of Tumblrs shitty url limit) thank you for making my Tumblr experience so blissful and fun, I never had a bad post on my dash because you lit it up with all the good content and happiness. Some of you who are talented creators, some who have such beautiful and wise thoughts, some who are just incredibly funny, some who are my really good friends, you all make being on Tumblr worth it. Thank you. Have a pleasant new year full of happiness and success and keep doing what you do. I love it 💞

[wingsmombolo]

Hi Wing, and anyone who may read this. (?)

I have had this account for several years and I haven't really put it to good personal or creative use.

I realize now what a wonderful opportunity I haven't afforded myself by not accepting the Tumbler invite, to " write whatever you want."

My daughter is the writer. I have thoughts, opinions and memories in abundance, but I am not a writer.

Back in the day, I was a pretty good communicator, but seldom wrote of personal topics (for my own sake anyway). I dabbled in creative writing and more often wrote about things I felt strongly about or in response to an event or quotable quote that moved me and seldom from personal experiences.

It seemed indulgent and frivilous to write for my own sake, when life was always so busy and full. I never kept a diary nor could manage keeping up a journal, for any length of time anyway.

So, I plan to try using this space as my own little corner and experiment. I'm going to try being a bit adventurous and explore a bit. It seems like a safe and welcoming space.

I have hope enough to not just dream or reminisce, but plan!

I hope to write discoveries I find in current every day things (which is what makes up most of our lives), as well as reflect on matters long behind me.

Most of my energy and time, I will need to devote living in the present and matters still ahead of me, so I don't really know if I will be posting much of anything. (That is OK since there's no one to disappoint!)

It is just a wonderful thing to knowing I have this opportuity. Hoping for time, and most challenging the energy, to do this now; to express random thoughts and memories, or share other's creative contributions which have touched me and this old soul of mine.

I've been told since I was a young girl that I have an old soul. After passing my 69th birthday in August, I think it is fine that I have finally grown into it!

I have many things I wish to do which may be left undone, but I aim to have few regrets. Regret is a sad and useless emotion not deserving of my energy; better to not let it take hold and let it go so we can keep moving forward. Make things right or better than we found them. Thanking God for whom all blessings flow.

I am not only getting older, I have Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer that affects bone marrow which produces the blood cells in your body. My cancer was diagnosed early and is not an aggressive type, but my treatment is difficult and complicated because I have other conditions which worsen with chemotherapy, making treatment difficult and limiting available options.

Since there is no cure for Myeloma, continuing treatment to slow its progression is necessary for my wellbeing and if possible extend my life. I had a stem cell ( bone marrow) trsnsplant in 2021, and acheived a partial remission, then followed my maintenece chemotherapy which was suspended after severely suppressing my already compromised immune system. The 20 months off treatment gave the opportunity for my nlood counts to improve enough to have a hip joint replacement (2022) and shoulder joint replaced (2023), both of which improved my quailty of life greatly. I've had some opportunities to visit family & friends and enjoy being in the community again for small periods of time here now and again, ( with precautions ) but mostly I'm pretty isolated most of the time. I'm so grateful to have good friends & family and church family who lift me up and never forget me.

Living with chronic or serious health conditions for most of my full and busy life has been good though. Like everyine, there are good times and difficult times. Like most people, most of my growth have been in difficult times. I thank God for my time and that I am still here by his Grace. I trust in His plan for me.

I'm just taking this bit of time and space for my own sake. To express myself in writing which I won't discard ( I hope), but save here. There might not be a reader, but they will still be here. I writer needs an audience, but since I'm not a writer, if no ones reads these offerings, that's OK.

It will be my collection of Inspirational quotes, images of art, devotions and other ranfom ramblings I've never saved or organized before.

I still have work I need and want to do, for my loving family, treasured friends, church family and adopted community, so I will still devote most of my time and energy toward living fully in the present, appreciating the blessings in my life and staying as healthy as possible. Life is fluid and always feels for me, but the invite to write "whatever I want" motivates me enough try adding this to my day whenver I can!

Prayers & hugs until next time!

[faithfromanewperspective]

bipolar thoughts i guess

listened to some pretty wild podcast episodes of This Is Bipolar today and can i say my mind is still reeling like the stuff on there is insane (latest 2 episodes as of 18/10/2023 if anyone wants to find them) and so i'm gonna try summarise some thoughts cause i need to unclog my head desperately. starting to get confident i know how to make sense, so here you go <3

anyway i went into it like i do often being just like 'do i have bipolar' like i'm pre sure i've got cyclothymia but it's not diagnosed and like. i gotta trust you an awful lot to share Most Difficult Workings Of My Brain with you anyway, and i'm not sure i ever have really properly with any doctor as I like to honour my nervous system and my felt sense of safety when seeking mental health support (it's taken me a while to feel like i'm somewhat in control of utilising that service in my life, but i'm feeling empowered for the most part, and like i do know what i'm doing). hence why i'm sharing it with all of you here online, right? spoilers for how brains work under the cut, and the answer i came to to this question. apologies for grammar i'm in peak tumblrina 2010s teen mode. it gets (a lot) better under the cut.

I won't go into exact details now, but for Quite A While whenever I periodically do quizzes and that out of Curiosity I've found myself more often than not meeting the criteria for both depression and hypomania--this year especially with the completion of my thesis and the work I had to push through to get there, it doesn't surprise me. (And yet I've been feeling like I'm spiralling less than in the past, living in the present more (and feeling things sure) but I'm also starting to realise what that says.) And I'm a seasoned researcher who knows a lot about psychology for an environmental scientist: I know that mixed episodes and rapid cycling are a thing. I can feel the heaviness on my chest, disconnect and grief and dysphoria I've lost the end of the strings leading to them of, and the cluttering of exciting exciting ideas that I feel hopeless more often than not about ever getting out of my head into the world. I know how easy I can tip over into Idea Buzzing Mode. I know how it robs me of sleep when I need it the most, I know how I feel when I'm sleep deprived, that I walk around like a ghost and cross the road without looking.

In my life I've found a lot of people I relate to in different ways, but very few in whom I see a mirror for the extent of the energy that gets unearthed when there's an idea I'm passionate about, how fast my thoughts go and the way I notice everything and come up with solutions like some sort of machine designed to explore every option and how everything in me drives me towards all the ideas I'm having and how difficult it is to sit still and go at someone else's timeline when I just have all this stuff I have to get out of my head or i might scream and hit something and just--it's very unpleasant. People recognise my creativity and even relate to it when I do get the ideas out but do they see how easily it becomes hopelessness, a rift between me and the world, if I don't get to do that exactly how I want to, if everyone around me doesn't listen and play along and make room for me to make systemic changes? I know they don't. And it makes sense in a way: depression is common. My other neurodivergences are fairly common too, as is burnout from them and from the demands of modern life. But so few tend towards hypomania more often than not the way that I do.

And in bipolar communities, which I'm drawn to for it's the best most fitting description I can think of, a lot of the time it tends to be much the same. Not quite. It's almost there. But people's hypomania varies so much: both between the different bipolar diagnoses and within them. It's also often a scary thing. Something they try very hard not to become, when (as is still the dominant narrative) they cycle between debilitating depression and deceptively debilitating (hypo) mania that seems appealing during the lows: I don't have that. I have boom and bust cycles I honour: ADHD and PDA honestly disable me more than depression (like yes it exacerbates them but that whole mashup is something I've been working on dealing with for years) and the older I get the more I realise I think I'm not all that emotionally led as a person. Like whatever I'm feeling exists and is a thing, but whatever needs to be done also exists and so does making space for the feelings of others and it's easy to use the latter things as a distraction from the former, just long enough to get through whatever it is I need to. This works until the idea overload. That stacks on top of the demand overload and constriction and burnout and the effort to mask my ADHD. My brain is too loud, demanding things of me, and maybe it is the fact that I know how to fight it just a little even though it comes at a massive cost to my wellbeing that make it so unbearable but also cryptic. I've had to learn to express it. To feel it, to listen to it, to proactively find productive or neutral outlets that allow the wave to pass without prompting the construction of a lot more waves that are similar. That ground me at the end when I do inevitably burn myself out, like yes, my energy will be depleted afterward, it would be no matter what I did, but bit by bit I leave the rush feeling satisfied, by progress, no matter how small. And so there's no need for guilt and disappointment to accompany me in the resulting sadness. Only weary compassion.

To me, that still sounds like bipolar. The way I have to express myself regularly so it doesn't build up too much pressure and make it burst out in a bad way. How I have to get the energy out and then wind down in really specific ways so I can sleep. Sleep before the crushing loneliness, the glass wall between me and the world kicks in, and most times I still don't. Chase that elusive satisfaction, for i've got so much value-driven energy that overlaps with my other neurodivergences, to let out, and I know I'll feel trapped and helpless and hopeless if I don't. Energy lies dormant when all I feel is weariness, a string of irritations I can't name can trigger it at any time, I'm working on being aware of what these things are. More honest. Express things before they build up. And weariness lies on the other side of the razorblade of passion-led energy for all of my ideas, my fragile ideas, that I feel hopeless about executing and don't most of the time have real energy, real spoons, to properly sit down and plan for, not when my mind is racing so fast. It could be the result of passion and autodidactic motivation that won't die no matter how much the world tries to make me something I'm not: it comes out in waves, wrestling constantly with the behaviour I should exhibit, whatever pleases people the most and makes me feel dead inside.

But why look for more complex answers when the evidence is all there? Sure this could exacerbate symptoms up from dormancy. But why would this be my reaction, and others react differently? I will always have ideas, far more ideas than the average person. I will always feel injustice, even when it's not specifically happening to me. I will always grieve it. Even if there's a world where I was lucky enough to never experience the slightly less than optimal conditions that squeezed me in a way that made the ideas seem more urgent than they otherwise would be, and had my emotional needs fully met at all times, these things will always be a part of me. My body will always be a bit too sensitive to stimulants, especially for someone with ADHD, and feel a bit too empty, a bit unable to do anything productive and boring, when excitement isn't right in front of me.

I'm so lucky I never tried antidepressants actually. I have no idea what they'd do to me, but I'm pretty sure I'm already hypomanic most of the time even when I'm also depressed. Maybe something good came of that attitude I carry in my veins from my home city, passed down in DNA and modelling by generations of people who had it hard, who learned to go on despite whatever was going on, who felt its impacts in their lack of emotional presence with their children or the inability to open up to actually trust someone with all that we carry inside our heads. Because let's face it, mental health services are biased towards white upper/upper middle class people who are socialised to be able to talk about their feelings and not have to choose between letting those feelings out and safety, security, and food on the table. I am privileged in so many ways, growing up in a family determined to make sure I was loved and protected. But some things, some ancestral things, are stronger than one generation of tertiary-educated, middle class wannabe (and not even all that emotionally present, just idealistic) parenting. Some things you pick up, and where I'm from you suffer like it's expected for you to. You do what it takes to survive, and for me learning about all the Brain Things is one such thing. No one is going to help you, and actually having the autonomy over our own solutions, the innovation to create them and find ways to finance them, is a source of pride that sometimes is the only thing that keeps me going. I tried so hard to apply it to myself, I knew I needed to, when the mainstream messages about getting help for your mental health arrived in the middle class outer Brisbane locality I lived in at the time and never quite fit into. But it painted a picture of surrender, a loss of autonomy dressed as humility and bravery. I could do it right up until I made a new person and my instincts kicked in: you be polite, you focus on them in the conversation, not yourself. Turns out it makes your problems seem smaller, even nonexistent to them. But I don't know any other way. I'm glad though in some ways: both so that I can find solidarity with those who share my culture, and the fact that I never tried antidepressants.

I've got a post coming on the Western Sydney Work Ethic as I call it (which encompasses a lot of things, being hardworking and polite among them but also the fact that I know a small handful of people, it took me far too long to realise it includes me, who can be actively suicidal and just go 'oh but none of us get what we want so I'll appease the people around me who might get upset by living just a little longer' and go back to work. literally. and all of them are either from sydney or were raised by someone who was). But for now I want to provide some background to the antidepressants phenomenon: basically, they can cause hypomania if you have a pre-disposition to bipolar, and if you're already hypomanic they can cause full-blown mania and start a pattern that then occurs on its own after the first time. They're not the only substance that can trigger this (stimulants are too, no wonder I didn't sleep for nearly 2 days the first time I tried a low dose of ADHD meds and now have a quarter of even that dose) but you can see how logical it is: someone comes in for depression, doesn't realise it's not the full picture of what's going on, gets prescribed antidepressants, voila, time to change your diagnosis.

Proponents of bipolar-should-be-managed-by-neurology-rather-than-psychiatry argue a predisposition for it that exists, apparently something to do with the way the brain processes (or doesn't) glucose for energy, something to do with amino acids (apparently taurine can cause hypomania I'm still a little sus about that) and neurotransmitters our body makes out of these things such as GABA, acetylcholine, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and more. I know a little about these, more than the average person, and one day I'll apply my basic biochemistry knowledge and update all of you on what I find. For now, that makes perfect sense. We know the relationship between ADHD and dopamine, between GABA and sleep/melatonin, we know too much dopamine causes psychosis, we know how well bipolar responds to medications that target any one of these. Apparently the fats and amino acids you ingest can also help oil the chemical processes that for some of us come out not working and easily get broken. Apparently if you do it well it's got potential to be just as effective (not a supplement for, but maybe in addition to) medication. All I know is an awful lot about how to meet your nutritional needs as a vegan, and the fact that something in me works, has me not completely forgetting feelings of hope at any time, has me still having some semblance of self-control (it sounds like a flex, i'm sorry, I really don't intend to shame anyone for anything or say anything along the lines of 'i can do this so so can you' or in any way insinuate it isn't hard for me, it is, just a kind of hard that's unique to my set of circumstances) when I am hypomanic and I have forgotten what a normal person level of energy is and all the people around me can see that I'm coming undone (but not professionals. Never professionals. I forget everything I'm feeling the moment I'm in anyone else's office).

Backtracking, the first memory I have of what is clearly in hindsight a hypomanic episode happened when I was 16, a year before I went vegan. Depression is harder to pick as it tends to come in hand in hand with burnout, I definitely felt I wasn't worth gifts and special treatment and anything good in general from a young age but kept myself busy with exciting things that kept me feeling a sense of autonomy and kept me afloat until I realised I couldn't do it anymore. I still remember the day everything changed and I hit that wall, three days before my 17th birthday. I was still an omnivore, fed mostly by my health-conscious (in a way that you have to be when doctors in 2001 says your baby who is allergic to dairy will never get her nutritional needs met without it, so not diet cultury psuedoscience in any way) mother. We had a lot of healthy fats and a good mix of amino acids in her ADHD-friendly meals and I was in the process of using science to make vegan versions of them that included everything good and necessary, but hadn't made the leap yet and wouldn't properly for a few more months. Since I went vegan, the nervous system burnout has hit again and again because of toxic environments, but I've maintained my energy to study and work even though I feel tired and buzzing with unexpressed ideas all the time. Barely, but I sometimes wonder how: is it passion that drives me? Am I just lucky? Am I not as unwell as I seem to keep discovering only in hindsight when others got concerned about me breaking down randomly and not remembering it that I brushed off and said i was slowly dealing with among all my other occupations?

I don't know why I've rattled on about food for so long. Truly, it seems irrelevant, maybe it is, there's definitely a lot of pseudoscience around the gut brain connection (it's false btw, the serotonin produced in the gut can't get to the brain, don't let them convince you), maybe this is just another wave of this that a few scientists have fallen for. Stick to this assumption unless proven otherwise. But I also think I've been in a mixed episode phasing in and out in intensity depending on whatever's going on around me and stressors of all kinds and fallout for them, for the last five years. It's been exhausting. I did a whole uni degree in that time. Barely. Invested in my hobbies, had a real job, jobs, both in my field and other fields important to me, taken care of people and pets and suffered a lot but somehow managed (though I do wonder if I ever really had a chance not to, without completely coming undone and losing my autonomy even more in a way that even my most successful strategies of dealing with the suicidal and reckless thoughts couldn't withstand). I've been a shell of a person this whole time, yes, but I've been stressed and I'm dealing with that now and feeling things again and I've never felt peace in my entire life but I do see glimpses of it now. Like all this can be happening inside my head but I can manage it and make progress with what I can, but maybe befriend the rest, sit with it, accept it, it isn't scary it's just an experience I can love myself more because of. It isn't all zen, but I can treat others like they're worthy of that and I can do so with myself too. Oh, and I've been vegan that whole time. Though it probably doesn't make any difference, that's just a random fact that's probably irrelevant. Enough about food.

Basically I'm still a little confused and doubting what's basically a self diagnosis at this stage because of this attitude I have. Maybe for good reason. Maybe because there aren't all that many people out there feeding into both psychiatry and communities where we share our voices, and I shouldn't found my doubts on a lack of representation when I can instead be that representation. I'm pretty sure I meet criteria for bipolar something or another. If so how is it possible to be for the most part chill with it? Is it because I'm sheltered and don't have to worry about a lot, not for me personally (tbh I never cared about myself all that much) even though I do worry for and pour my life into caring for, others, the disadvantaged and vulnerable for whom I yearn for the feeling of empowerment. Or is it because I've seen so much that nothing can faze me. That I've empathised with people suffering similarly without the supports or without the resources I have in any way and part of me was like, we can all do this, and it's exactly because of what I do go through and how strongly I relate that I am able to prove this. It's probably a nice mix of both. Showing we're more than we put out on the surface, we're more than labels and there's diversity within them and richness and capacity for love in areas we'd never think of.

This topic knocks me around a lot emotionally, but in a good way I think. Unlocks the gates for grief to flow through but with it, the connection I long for. The ability to express my ideas rather than the numbness I so often feel. I feel it when I think about my favourite parabatai pair (even which one this is makes sense) and some headcanons about both them not many people are as invested in as I am. It's actually painful to think about (but in a good way, the kind that opens your eyes, who doesn't want that, and in it helps you see that yes this is as bad as it looks but we can get through this). It distracts me more than ADHD ever did. But allows me to channel my true self into my work, with everything that has shaped me, even if part of it is an illness (which absolutely I don't have to identify with, especially as my experience of it is sheltered, is mild in many ways) it brings with it truth, words to describe phenomena. And maybe that was all I ever needed. Validation is power.

the podcast episodes i was talking about @ibrushmyteeth-donttellanyone

and you might be interested @tleeaves

[alrightrandy]

new year, new plans

what's this? a geniune alrightrandy blog post that isn't just random slop? …finally.

all jokes aside, i'm well aware that i haven't necessarily been ultilizing this site – as well as other platforms im on, as much as i wanted to. however, considering the new year has just begun i believe it's time to make some form of change around here.

i just want to preface this by saying that, all through out last year, i've ran myself into some personal turmoil that led me to essentially lack any sort of focus to work on any hobbies. it's hard to explain, i feel like i have done a lot but at the same time i clearly didn't have much creative output as much as i wanted to. and again, it didn't help that i was also juggling with stuff in my personal life too.

i guess the point i'm trying to make across here is that, i haven't properly found a right balance for myself, both creatively and irl-wise. and i certainly didn't have a proper sense of direction either… but i'm hoping to change that this year!

through out the end of 2023 up until the mid january, i've went through a pretty prolific event that kind of sparked a slew of motivation and plans to really get myself back.

in summary, around the holidays a phone of mine completely bricked itself for some random reason, making it practically inaccessible for me to use. and keep in mind, i'm still saving up to get myself a laptop, so i really had no other personal devices besides that phone.

thankfully, i did manage to get a new one – however, the point is that me being phone-less for a brief moment was very "humbling" for me. not only it was the only device for communication and having a creative outlet, but it just goes to show nothing should be taken for granted. ANYTHING can be lost in a matter of seconds, a simple reminder that i really needed to get myself together.

and with that, everything brings me to here. i've somewhat finally came up with a plan to hopefully boost some motivation within me, and also have a better commitment to my creative output.

to get the obvious stuff out of the way, in reguards of my youtube channel – as well as anything reguarding about dj'ing and music. i am going to try my best to put a heavier focus on these since its something i'm still a complete beginner at. it's a new hobby i've recently picked up, and it only makes sense for me to try to lean onto it a bit more. matter in fact...

i just recently put out something onto my channel!

i'm going try to put out at least one mini mix on a monthly (or bi-monthly) basis. hopefully it will not only expand my portfolio as a dj, but i geniunely think this could help with my issues with commiting to something. plus, i think it would definitely bring in some life to my channel since i still have no clue what direction i want to take it in.

don't get it twisted, i still want to experiment with all sorts of different types of videos. however, i can't make any promises if any of it will reach the light of day. at least with these mini mixes, they will hopefully still appear consistently even if i have nothing else to upload. idk, i think its a decent enough idea to sink time into.

now, reguarding everything about creating artwork and ultilizing my platforms. it's still somewhat uncertain, however if you checked my pinned post i have recently updated it with new sites you can check me out on!

but in short, i will also try to branch out more and maybe even network myself to finding ppl / communities. and along the way, i will also try to get back into creating art since i really have been putting that on the back burner. again, no promises but i have been putting some thought into it! (i'm looking at you Newgrounds and Bluesky���)

i'm reaching my text limit, so this is all i have for now. i'll catch you guys on the flipside, i really do hope i do better this year. knock me out if this post ages horribly lol

happy 2024!

~🐇

[somethingwittyandweird]

Dawn of a New Year- 2024

Getting a bit of a later start on this one than last year's, which went out day of. But, there's a few days yet before the fresh shiny coating falls off this new year completely. Plenty of time to do some reflection on the last one and looking forward to this one. So, with that said...

It's been another year that passed for certain. Again, it's been pretty devoid of watershed moments or drastic living situation shifts for me. When I made this post this time last year, I said that I knew a change would happen, but it hadn't happened then and it didn't look as though it would anytime soon. In that, at least, the projection didn't change. And this is good! Like it was last year, it says a lot that I'm in a comfortable and secure environment on nobody's timetable to change but my own. That's a blessing of a sort that I wouldn't take for granted.

But, if there's anything that does differ from last year to this, I get the impress I'm closer to that change. Literally, in the broad sense that time is constantly moving me closer to every future point. But, it's also in a more specific sense- the things that I know are going to change haven't changed yet, but I feel like they're closer to it than they were last time this post rolled by. If nothing else, this year I'll have to get my own health insurance, so that's the first sign that the times of change are rolling in. That's why I intend to look into that over the coming months, and in the process, potentially look into other things too. It's finally time for part of that uncertain change to come at me for certain, so I'd better meet it head on.

But, before we get there, that's not to say I did nothing this year at all. It was another good year of time spent with friends, in online communities familiar and new- being in tabletop sessions, sitting in voice calls, chilling in plenty of livestreams, and much more. I'm lucky again to be part of so many communities of people from all over the world, and I'm lucky to be finding more such communities to join all the time. It means the world to me whenever a friend or mutual decides I'd be a good addition to an undiscovered circle of theirs.

I posted all my swordtember art to Tumblr this year, realizing that I had as much audience here as any other site, and I intend to keep that going as long as I'm around. I could resolve to try and draw more things outside of that month, but conjuring creative inspiration on command remains a difficult prospect. That said, I think it would be wonderful if the year ahead had a big project in store that I could really get the gears turning with. I'm optimistic about the possibility.

I already made my post about the games that I enjoyed in 2023, and I'm delighted here at the end of the year to report that here at the end of the year I'm within sight of the endings to a few more backlog titles (Just to name one, in between now and then I've beaten the main story of Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia and I'm working on the postgame). Along with these, this year had me flipping out when The Owl House's final episodes aired, and the wry, informative humor of Well There's Your Problem began accompanying my work commute. For 2024, I don't know if there's any particular media I'm anticipating (most of my home franchises chose this past year for their new entry) but even so I'm certain I'll find something new to check out. Perhaps it'll be a good year to get into one or more of the series my friends have long raved about...

As I write all this up, I would like to give a special shoutout to one of the aforementioned new friends/friend circles that I came into in 2023: @skysometric. Aside from being funny, a great friend, and just a general boon to know, something I really have enjoyed about coming into her space is seeing how intentional her online presence is. From her custom website to her commentary posts on her projects to the way she uses her blog as, of all things, a blog in the original and traditional sense, she puts herself out there very visibly, creating and urging others to create by example. And I've come to really appreciate that.

That's the thing about existing online: you have to be speaking up for your presence to be felt. Being around is one thing, but if you never say a word, it can be easy to just be one username of many. And as someone who trends towards simply lurking and being around myself, there's nothing wrong with that. But, for as much as I enjoy seeing the things my friends get up to, I think I could be a little more visible in talking about my own activities- give them more of a chance to enjoy seeing what I'm up to. I want to be present in other people's lives as much as they are in mine.

I said it last year, but it bears repeating: I don't get to know how long someone's in my life for. Websites can close, friend groups can drift apart, people can leave this life for the next. Perhaps I think too much about the fact that someday that change will come. But since I don't get to know that and can't do anything about that, the only thing I really can do is cherish others now, and let the future be its own concern. And I intend to.

Thank you, all of my dear friends and beloved mutuals. I hope I can keep sharing this online space with you for a long time to come. You brighten my days with your presence. I hope 2024 has good things in store for you, be that strength, love, reassurance, a much-needed sea change, or whatever you've been needing in your life. Once again, the best year I can wish for is one where every day is better than the last, and every evening we all go to bed just a little more improved than the evening before.

Happy 2024.

[desertsquiet]

Album of the month - January 2023: Sunshine Boy (Sessions & Demos) - Townes Van Zandt

The first month of 2023 has felt, at times, like the culmination of one of the worst prolonged emotional and psychological states I’ve ever experienced, one that started around the middle of November. I don’t think I’m completely out of it as of right now - actually, not at all - but I can only hope those negative peaks are starting to subside or at least become less in number. At the end of December/beginning of January, I did not feel like I had anything to look forward to for the new year. Nor anything to be proud of for 2022. Being on social media and seeing people (rightly) being proud of their accomplishments or expressing whatever they were looking forward to only angered me and sent me into an awful negative spiral, because I couldn’t have been in a more vastly different place at that moment. The real optimism for the many changes that were about to come into my life I had experienced just a couple of months prior completely gone. Vanished. Like it never existed. For the first ten days of January I was still on my winter break and I kept on being as moody and miserable as ever, having just had the final proof that no matter the setting, my mental state did not change or improve in the slightest. That I was the problem, not the place or the people around me. Which made me feel even worse. About the only part of my life that didn’t feel like it was crumbling down this month was my relationship/connection to music. It didn’t offer a magical solution to my problems, but it was a very strong presence and very often the only refuge from the literal hell my brain has become. In many ways it felt like it came to my rescue, by sending me new tracks and albums I could latch on to and form new, much needed connections with. There were so many and I am grateful to each and every one of them, but at the same time I knew what album I would be writing about in this post exactly 10 minutes into it.

A collection of studio sessions/alternative takes (Disc 1) and demos (Disc 2) from 1971-1972, “Sunshine Boy” allows you the incredible privilege of peaking into an atmosphere that is not quite a live nor a studio dimension, but something in between the two. A sweet middle spot that I shouldn’t be surprised to find out fits him so well, after all. But boy if it does. I don’t even know how to describe it properly, not sure if I have the words. I am however pretty sure that it’s already one of my absolute favorite, and absolutely one of the most precious Townes recordings I can think of. Disc 1 of this is just such a pleasure to hear. He sounds so good. He sounds so confident, relaxed, in the moment, enjoying every second of it. He sounds happy. He has a talented group of musicians around him and what comes through the most, more than almost anywhere else, is his love of performing with other people and constantly feeding off each other’s energy and creativity. There’s also an edge to many of these performances that he doesn’t show very often. While still mostly acoustic, the set is a lot more uptempo than usual, with the drummer especially asserting his presence in a way that rarely happens in his music but that, here, seems to work perfectly, aggressive bluesy rhytmn guitar playing at all times and other instruments that often play a percussive role. And the two excursions into downright electric territory are absolutely to die for: such a pity that an original as cool as Sunshine Boy did not make it on any of his studio albums from that period, but it was definitely NOT for lack of quality and oh my gosh, I’m sorry but this is the best version of Who Do You Love he ever did. I’m obsessed with it. He’s also just playing around with his own songs a lot, lyrically and melodically. Whether it’s because they’re still not “finished” and he’s still experimenting to see what works better or just because he’s in such a relaxed mental place that improvising comes very naturally, the result is so cool to hear. As for Disc 2…well. I always say that some of his songs are so gentle and quiet, and the subject matter is so personal, that they almost feel *too* private and intimate. Like sometimes you even forget that you’re listening with headphones and not in the same room with him as he sings directly to you. One of those is Greensboro Woman, without a doubt. Now imagine what levels of intimacy the demo version of that song can reach. I’m not even gonna try to find the words to describe that. So I’ll just say that the entire second half of this album is something very dangerous for me and that’s naturally why I’ve been listening to it non stop for a month. I do just also want to point out how cute his cover of ‘Old Paint’ is and how great the other unreleased original ‘Diamond Heel Blues’ is. I love his blues songs and his blues guitar playing and I’m always thrilled to have more of it. I think I’ve talked enough so that’s it. I guess I enjoyed this one. Just a little bit.

[maroonghoul]

Horror Movie’s I just watched: April 2023

A bit late, but to make up for it, there’s a lot more than usual! Here we go:

Beyond the Black Rainbow Definitely the same director who would go on to give us Mandy, tone-wise. The old complaints for a movie like this would be that the plot is either too thin or abstract. But, for my mindset regarding horror films these days if nothing else, it’s become what I prefer. I’ve made myself so busy with errands and other things (including posting here), that a plot I only need half a mind to follow is a boon as long as it’s got an atmosphere I like. Granted, there was still a few plot things I missed that hampered my enjoyment a bit. But still, it was all enough that I hope to see more of Panos Cosmatoes’s work.

Hatching Here’s fun idea to watch on Easter.  It’s even kinda sorta has a resurrection at the end. But yeah, the metaphor is pretty clear as day. The monster symbolizing the girl’s hatred for her mother and all those pressuring her...plus puberty, I think. A bit of a shame the mother doesn’t suffer any real direct consequences at the end. But she does have to live with the fact she symbolically and literally killed her daughter. 

I know what the ending represents; the girl never being able or willing to be the perfect daughter again. But, in-universe, now I almost want a sequel, at least in spirit. This idea that a the Thing like monster has replaced one of your loved ones and it civilized itself enough that it might not kill again. Do you just live with it to keep up appearances? How? But, given that The Thing is my favorite horror movie, any excuse to explore the themes of that further are forever entrenched in my mind. 

Death Kappa Does a parody succeed if it makes you realize how much you miss the real thing? This movie starts out making fun of films like Pumpkinhead and ends making fun of 70s era Tokusatsu. Though in a way of just cranking them up pass 11. And now I just miss watching old giant monster movies. It helps that Kappa is strangely cute, even after murdering people.

Bonus points for portraying Japanese Imperialists in way just as dignified as Mel Brooks and Taika Watiti portray Nazis. Meaning, as the dumbest bunch of bullying nerds the world has ever seen. And given what comes later in his career, I shouldn’t have been surprised to see Hideaki Anno here.

In The Earth And now this year’s Earth Day feature; the Better Watch Out of Folk Horror movies. Even without the masks and tests, you can tell this was filmed during the lockdown. Given the threat level the film tries to sell him as, I would’ve expected Zach to be more of the stereotypical hard core survivalist type. Yeah, that would’ve made his evilness less shocking as a reveal. But I still had trouble buying it. 

Bit of shame people with epilepsy can’t enjoy this movie. Though I don’t know how you can portray the spirit Parnag Fegg messing with people’s heads without it looking ridiculous. Also, given what happened to Martin’s foot, I’m a bit let down there wasn’t more bodily injuries on him and Alma’s side. I’m not saying, I wanted either of them to be dead at the end, just a little more messed up. Again, I’m sick that way.

Evil Dead Rise *Spoilers*I might come off as too negative here. 

I liked this the least out of all the Evil Dead movies, but the reasons might be entirely subjective. I’ve heard a lot online how the scariest parts about this movie, fears connected to Mothers or being a Mother, spoke to some people. I don’t want to take that away from anyone. In a lot of ways, it’s super ballsy, including kids in the body count and deadite count. It’s less hackneyed to find another version of the Necronomicon from the past found and put together then...going to that cabin again. There’s some creativity with the gore. Given how indestructible these deadites are hyped to be, a wood chipper’s a reliable way to get rid of them as anything. I don’t even mind the loose ends like the remaining deadites left behind, because the earlier films built off of loose ends from each other. And I still wants sequels from this. 

But it feels like it comes at the cost of taking risks in areas I care about more, like tone. This and the last movie feel like they more directly inspired by the first movie, which is common for these requels. But here’s the thing; I understand why they did that with Halloween and Candyman and such. Because not only are the originals still regarded the best, it’s not even close. But Evil Dead never had that problem. Sure, 2 is considered the best, but all the other ones from the original trilogy are still seen as strong in it’s own right. Even the least scary of the bunch, Army of Darkness is an awesome movie. I get why the Alvarez remake focused on the original and nothing else. But I’m scared that the tone and fun from 2, 3, and the TV series are going to get abandoned because every attempt to continue a franchise has to be as serious as possible. Maybe that’s more of a concern about trends.

Sure, I get why that wouldn’t have worked at all with, like I said, kids getting killed and mutilated. (Unless you’re just as sick as Sam Raimi, who in the old day would make the youngest one get possessed too while he’s at it.). Balancing comedy and horror, especially the way Raimi does it, is a lot harder then what they were going for here. But that was what helped made these movies specials. That made them stand out. Looney Tunes with buckets of blood. 

Would I have want Lee Cronin to make a completely different movie? If this was where his passion lied, absolutely not. But maybe, I would like some comedic chops to contribute to this franchise again in the future. I’m sorry that I’m coming down on this. I guess I feel that part of the fun was when it feels like there’s a deadite behind the camera too.

Last thing, I would’ve figured Beth would’ve got the exact opposite takeaway from this. “If they’re going to potentially wander off and find a book that summons demons, Hell no I don’t want kids!”

Renfield Certainly a better foundation for a Dark Universe more than “Tom Cruise and a Mummy too I guess”. Well this and The Invisible Man reboot. It’s a rare treat seeing Nic Cage play the villain, but Dracula’s often a good one to make an exception, especially in a production that encourages his usual style. It’s also kinda funny with more people realizing the OG novel Renfield wasn’t as much Dracula’s slave as the adaptations would have us believe, having a film version where he fully betrays him and lives is refreshing. Making it an allegory for abusive relationships is the icing on the cake. Or maybe it’s the other way around. 

The mob sub plot I’m not as crazy for, outside of Ben Schwartz playing the most pathetic mobster’s son since Fredo. Loser side villains are fun when not overused. I can buy a mob family, when they realize that Dracula’s real and here, they’d form an evil alliance with him. I could’ve had more of that.

And of course, like any proper vampire films made post Hays Code, there’s a lot of blood. Granted, with one scene where it was clearly CGI, but better that then cutting away. 

I’m not too sure how you make a sequel to this, or even if you should. But more of the classic Monsters used in modern day metaphors in modern day dark comedies, please!

[wrestlingisfake]

NXT Fake Rankings, 12/23/2022

Men's singles division - babyfaces

Bron Breakker (NXT men's champion)

Wes Lee (NXT North American champion)

Apollo Crews

Axiom

Odyssey Jones

Xyonn Quinn

Ikemen Jiro

Damon Kemp

Men's singles division - heels

Grayson Waller

Carmelo Hayes

Dijak

Joe Gacy

Von Wagner

JD McDonagh

Scrypts

Charlie Dempsey

Unranked: Dante Chen, Guru Raaj, Hank Walker, Javier Bernal

It's been sixteen months since WWE started dismantling Triple H's vision of NXT, and about five months since Vince McMahon retired and left Triple H in charge of creative. It's telling that almost no one on the roster during the Wednesday Night Wars is still here. I suspect Vince's "up or out" mentality is still in effect, and NXT won't see another long-term mainstay like Johnny Gargano or the Undisputed Era.

On the other hand, I think Solo Sikoa is the only NXT 2.0 performer who has been called up to the main roster. At that rate, it might take a few years to completely turn over the roster again. When Vince was in charge I would have expected Breakker, Jones, and Wagner to get called up by April 2023 whether they were ready or not. As it is, we'll have to wait and see how long Triple H wants everybody to spend in developmental.

Men's tag team division - babyfaces

Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods (NXT men's tag team champions)

Josh Briggs & Brooks Jensen

Edris Enofe & Malik Blade

Brutus Creed & Julius Creed

Andre Chase & Duke Hudson

Men's tag team division - heels

Pretty Deadly - Elton Prince & Kit Wilson

Tony D'Angelo & Channing Lorenzo

The Dyad (Jagger Reid and Rip Fowler, formerly James Drake and Zack Gibson) and Indus Sher (Veer Mahan and Sanga, formerly Rinku and Saurav) are featured on TV but haven't wrestled in the past month. I'm surprised they haven't done anything with Gallus (Mark Coffey, Joe Coffey, and Wolfgang), who are apparently still employed but you'd never know it from watching the product.

Women's singles division - babyfaces

Roxanne Perez (NXT women's champion)

Alba Fyre

Wendy Choo

Indi Hartwell

Nikkita Lyons

Fallon Henley

Thea Hail

Women's singles division - heels

Cora Jade

Isla Dawn

Zoey Stark

Elektra Lopez

Kiana James

Unranked: Amari Miller, Lyra Valkyria, Sol Ruca

NXT shot itself in the foot by building the entire women's division around "Mandy Rose is super hot" for 400+ days, and then abruptly releasing her for being too super hot. Having her put over Perez is all well and good, but she could have spent the next year or so giving the rub to several other women.

If you don't want your talent posting nude photos on the internet, you need to pay them enough to make it worth their while. And if you don't want to pay them enough, it makes no sense to push them so strongly. So now Mandy's making a shitload of money and living her best life, and all I can say about NXT's women's roster is "Roxanne and a bunch of nobodies who couldn't beat Mandy."

Women's tag team division - babyfaces

Kayden Carter & Katana Chance (NXT women's tag team champions)

Ivy Nile & Tatum Paxley

Women's tag team division - heels

Toxic Attraction - Gigi Dolin & Jacy Jayne

NXT can still only scrape together three women's tag teams, which is still better than Raw and Smackdown put together, which is kind of sad.

No TV or PPV matches in over 30 days: Jagger Reid, Lash Legend, Oro Mensah, Rip Fowler, Trick Williams, Valentina Feroz

No TV, PPV, or streaming matches in over 30 days: Ava Raine, Boa, Cameron Grimes, Ilja Dragunov, Joe Coffey, Mark Coffey, Meiko Satomura, Nathan Frazer, Quincy Elliott, Roderick Strong, Sanga, Sarray, Tyler Bate, Veer Mahan, Wolfgang

Boa has been on the NXT roster since like 2017, and the only reason I know that is because I keep track of things like that for stuff like this. I don't want anybody to lose their job but I am genuinely perplexed how he survived all the releases over the past three years.

Not listed on NXT roster: Aleah James, Blair Davenport, Noam Dar, Stevie Turner

In August, WWE shut down NXT UK and released much of the roster. Everyone else got reassigned to Original Flavor NXT...except these four, for some reason. WWE.com still lists them as "current superstars" but not for any particular show. I can only guess that several of them are awaiting a rebranding like Aoife Valkyrie/Lyra Valkyria and Oliver Carter/Oro Mensah. But Davenport already has a WWE-owned name, and I haven't heard of her being injured, so I don't know what's up with her.

Inactive

Tiffany Stratton (head - unspecified injury)

Yulisa Leon (right knee - unspecified ligament tear)

I wouldn't be surprised if there are more people sidelined on the NXT roster, but reliable information has gotten harder to find as the brand has become less relevant.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay-adjacent Visuals: Ain't No Sunshine

Geoff's cover of Ain't No Sunshine was released on the 16th of April, 2022. I'm only vaguely familiar with the original, but I know that my dad knew the original, as he would on the odd occasion talk about songs that annoyed him, and would mimic the repetitive "I Know" section. He hasn't said anything about it for a fair while, which is almost a shame, because I could refer him to this brilliant cover, which does not feel dull or annoying at all! And of course it has a really great video to go with it, so let's get into it!

The Backup Geoffs/Geoffettes/Clones/Identical Brothers are back! Though looking more subdued in this one

(I vibe with the one sitting on the floor - what a mood)

Apparently this was filmed at some place called "Casa Feliz". Casa Feliz translates to "happy house", which is sort of ironic considering the tone of the song/video 😅

Also I gotta share this comment on the video, who makes the point better than I ever could: "That image of [Geoff] sitting surrounded by light—sunlight pouring in through the windows and glowing on the floorboards—while singing "ain't no sunshine" is really powerful. Goes to show how a dazzling exterior can mask a whole lot of inner pain and regret."

Cool creative choice to have the camera be out-of-focus at the start of the shot!

Also let's talk about the clothing for a moment here, because it adds to the whole emotional story that Geoff is telling: his shirt has a couple of buttons undone at the top, which is nothing out-of-the-ordinary for him, sure, but the shirt is almost completely (if not fully) untucked at the waist, and he's got a tie just hanging loose around his neck, undone. Don't @ me for the slang usage, but It's Giving Disheveled. And that's the point!

There were at least a couple of reactors who watched this video and were like "goddamn Geoff can act?!?! Like really act?!"" And on one hand, yes, duh, of course he can, where have you been? But on the other hand, I kinda get it! He looks so much like a fully broken man in this video, you almost have to remind yourself that he's very happily married (though that reminder is helped by the fact that he's still got his wedding/engagement rings on (can't see the necklace though? Unless it's very well hidden under the shirt)), and has been with Kathy for over 20 years!

🥺🥺🥺

Apparently the song Ain't No Sunshine was written after the artist, Bill Withers, watched a movie called "Days of Wine and Roses", about a married couple who become increasingly dependent on alcohol, which leads to great deals of trouble and strife (and in fact the "she" in the song might actually refer to alcohol itself rather than a person?). So the two wine glasses here is almost definitely a nod to that.

However, I do also like one commenter's interpretation of the shot as "Geoff running his fingers along the wood-grain just to feel something". Heartbreaking!

Okay so this ended up being a pretty short one, but there was no way I was going to just skip it completely!

Just like the emotional whiplash of Voiceplay going from Creep to Drunken Sailor in 2023, Geoff went from this video to something a whole lot more fun and silly back in 2022, and that video is up next, so stay tuned!

[agalanthe]

2024

[ Version française ci-dessous ]

In keeping with tradition, here are my New Year's greetings, during which I wish you all the best ! And as always, it's an opportunity for me to talk to you about the past year and the year to come.

Like last year, I'm starting with the negative, evoking certain feelings. If you only want the good stuff, you can skip the next block of text and go to the paragraph just before the artwork of Akhiles.

2023 was not characterized by a significant presence on my part on social networks. Fewer posts because little enthusiasm, continuing on last year trend. So it didn't get any better. In fact, I find these networks increasingly harmful, their algorithms deplorable, and the behavior on them often excessive and Manichean, creating a toxic, anxiety-provoking and deleterious atmosphere when you browse them. When you see the irresponsibility of the billionaires who own them, it makes me very angry. Perhaps popular, intelligent alternatives that emphasize creativity and a form of humanism will emerge in the future, but for the time being it's all rather sluggish, and you have to settle for "that" to get a measly drop of visibility for your work. Without much conviction at the moment, given that it's derived from Meta/Facebook/Instagram, I've just recently made a timid foray into Threads, a kind of Twitter/X. If you're curious, you might want to take a look around, but don't expect much, in my opinion.

Now that my rant is over, let's move on to the positive : Moon Tales has made good progress in 2023 - or at least there hasn't been a slump - even if it's still not going fast enough for my taste. It's a long way to go, mostly in the shadows, so it's not easy to keep up the energy and motivation - on this subject, see my mood note on the 3rd design notebook. So it's been a pretty good year on that front !

Despite my slight disaffection with social networks, I still posted a new webcomic page and a few images, often dedicated to Akhiles, towards the end of 2023 - his lineart and a video of his visual creation can be seen on Instagram or Facebook. If you haven't read it yet, you can learn more about this character in the 4th Moon Tales design notebook published on this very blog.

2024 SHOULD REMAIN QUIET

Speaking of design notebooks, what about the 5th ? Announced for 2023, it was not published as planned. I hope this will be the case in 2024, but it's far from sure. Although it's been written almost in its entirety for some time now, I'm still lacking the visuals I need to illustrate it in the best possible way, which would take a long time to produce and are not a priority at the moment. As a reminder, this notebook will evoke the conception of the contemporary imaginary city in which the adventures of Moon Tales will largely take place (a few other small details are available on my 2023 greetings post).

In addition to this possible future publication, I'll continue to post an image here and there, usually Moon Tales-related, but not exclusively. I'm working on a big illustration for a tabletop rpg project that's yet to be announced. Its world has nothing to do with Moon Tales, but I think it should please a variety of people (mostly French, however) :) Perhaps you'll be hearing more (in French, too, sorry) from the project leaders soon ?

To conclude this 2024 post, I'd like this time to thank the ttrpg and videogame podcasters and videomakers (French, here again) who regularly and very pleasantly accompany me when I draw. While I don't always necessarily agree with them - but sometimes I do, of course ! - and some of the discussions can be slightly irritating, the diversity of viewpoints is interesting and often fascinating. So thanks to Ind100 Podcast, the Roliskatonic run by Damien C., the Roliste TV crew, the Role'n'Play players (special mention to the Greenberg Legacy campaign, fascinating to follow and which I'd like to play one day), various new video game media such as Origami, Sumimasen turbo and the biclassed GaGzZz, game designer and Youtuber. A mention also goes to the two heads of Cult'n'Click, a "movie tv shows" channel, who are very friendly and funny ! There are others, of course, but I view/listen to those very regularly.

Finally, a huge thank you also to the people who like, comment or sometimes write to me privately. Without you, Moon Tales would be much more complicated to make. And if one day this webcomic is released, as Pierre and I hope it will be, it will be partly thanks to you and your support. And we won't forget it :)

Happy 2024 !

[ Note : you can comment this post on my Facebook or Instagram ]

*** French version below

C'est la tradition, voici donc mes vœux pour cette nouvelle année, durant laquelle je vous souhaite le meilleur ! Et comme toujours, c'est l'occasion pour moi de vous parler de l'année passée et de celle à venir.

Comme l'année dernière, je commence par le négatif en évoquant certains ressentis. Si vous ne voulez que le positif, vous pouvez sauter le bloc de texte qui suit et reprendre au paragraphe juste avant l'illustration de Akiles.

2023 n'a pas été marquée par une présence importante de ma part sur les réseaux sociaux. Peu de posts car peu d'envie, ce qui fait suite à ce que j'évoquais l'année dernière sur ce blog à leur propos. Ça ne s'est donc pas arrangé. Au contraire, je trouve ces réseaux de plus en plus nocifs, leurs algorithmes déplorables, et les comportements sur ceux-ci souvent excessifs et manichéens, créant une atmosphère toxique, anxiogène et délétère quand on les parcourt. Quand on voit l'irresponsabilité des milliardaires qui les possèdent, cela me met très en colère. Peut-être des alternatives populaires, intelligentes et qui mettent en avant la créativité et une forme d'humanisme verront le jour dans le futur, mais pour l'instant ça rame sévère et il faut se contenter de "ça" pour que son travail ait une misérable goutte de visibilité. Sans grande conviction pour le moment vu que c'est issu de Meta/Facebook/Instagram, je viens de tenter il y a peu une incursion timide sur Threads, une espèce de Twitter/X like. Tentez éventuellement d'y faire un tour si vous êtes curieux, mais n'en attendez pas grand chose à mon avis...

Mon coup de gueule passé, venons-en au positif : Moon Tales a bien avancé en 2023 - du moins n'y a-t-il pas eu de creux -, même si cela ne va toujours pas assez vite à mon goût. C'est un très long chemin à parcourir, dans l'ombre la plupart du temps, aussi n'est-il pas aisé de garder énergie et motivation - cf. à ce propos mon billet d'humeur du 3ème carnet de conception. Ce fut donc plutôt une bonne année de ce côté là !

Malgré ma petite désaffection des réseaux sociaux, j'y ai tout de même posté vers la fin 2023 une nouvelle page de webcomic ainsi que quelques images, souvent dédiées à Akiles - son lineart et une vidéo sur sa création visuelle sont visibles sur Instagram ou Facebook. Si vous ne l'avez pas encore lu, vous pourrez en apprendre plus sur ce personnage dans le 4ème carnet de conception de Moon Tales publié sur ce même blog.

2024 DEVRAIT RESTER CALME

En parlant des carnets de conception, qu'en est-il du 5ème ? Annoncé pour 2023, il n'a finalement pas été publié comme prévu. J'espère que ce sera le cas en 2024, mais c'est loin d'être certain. En effet, s'il est écrit quasi intégralement depuis quelque temps déjà, il me manque, afin de l'illustrer au mieux, des visuels longs à réaliser et qui ne sont pas prioritaires pour l'instant. Pour rappel, ce carnet évoquera la conception de la cité imaginaire contemporaine dans laquelle se dérouleront en grande partie les aventures de Moon Tales (quelques autres petits détails sont disponibles sur mon billet de voeux 2023)

Outre cette éventuelle future publication, je continuerai à poster une image par ci par là, généralement liée à Moon Tales, mais pas que. Je travaille en effet sur une grosse illustration pour un projet de jeu de rôle qui n'est pas encore dévoilé. Son univers n'a rien à voir avec Moon Tales mais je pense qu'il devrait faire plaisir à diverses personnes :) Peut-être en saurez-vous plus de la part des porteurs du projet bientôt ?

Pour conclure ce billet 2024, j'aimerais remercier cette fois les podcasteurs et autres vidéastes jeu de rôle et jeu vidéo qui m'accompagnent régulièrement et fort agréablement lorsque je dessine. Si je ne suis pas toujours forcément d'accord avec eux - mais parfois si évidemment ! - et que certaines discussions peuvent être légèrement agaçantes, la diversité des points de vue est intéressante et souvent passionnante. Donc merci à Ind100 Podcast, la Rôliskatonic tenue par Damien C., les piliers de Rôliste TV, les joueuses et joueurs de Role'n'Play (mention spéciale à l'Héritage Greenberg, passionnant à suivre et que j'aimerais faire jouer un jour), divers nouveaux médias jeu vidéo comme Origami, Sumimasen turbo ou encore le biclassé GaGzZz, game designer et Youtubeur. Petite mention aussi pour les deux tauliers de la chaîne "séries ciné" Cult'n'Click, forts sympathiques et drôles ! Il y en a d'autres évidemment mais je visionne/écoute très régulièrement ceux-là.

Enfin, un énorme remerciement également aux gens qui likent, commentent ou m'écrivent parfois en privé. Sans vous, Moon Tales serait bien plus compliqué à réaliser. Et si un jour ce webcomic est publié comme Pierre et moi le souhaitons, ce sera en partie grâce à vous et à votre soutien. Et ça on ne l'oubliera pas :)

Happy 2024 !

[ Note : vous pouvez commenter ce billet sur mon Facebook ou Instagram ]

[smokeybrand]

Disappointed

Last year was absolutely bunk for hip hop. I tend not to really mention music on this blog, mostly because I don’t really listen to the radio like, but I did notice a trend that’s been irking me for the last half decade or so. Ever since asshole mumble rappers broke through with their Souncloud clout chasing, Hip Hop has been mired in this cesspool of pedestrian “creativity”. These records don’t deserve any of the airtime they’ve been getting and it sucks because other, legitimately good, MCs are getting passed over for the next Lil Asshole or some baddie with a BBW who doesn’t right her own sh*t. I’ve never been a fan of Cardi B’s music but, let’s be honest, she got as big as she did because she’s “pretty.” Thanks to that blueprint, I get to deal with insipid rhymes and superficial lyrics from admittedly stunning women like Coi Leray and Ice Spice. The latter literally said she doesn’t right complicated or insightful songs specifically so the most people in her audience, can vibe to the music. That’s fine, I don’t mind an occasional, insipidly vapid, pop-rap hit every now and again, but when it’s your intent to flood the market with that sh*t, we have a problem. How are you not a plant at that point? How are you not a shill? IF your verse makes every song you get on worse, why are you even doing music?

I got Sexxy Red out here, hoeing around, infecting me with audible herpes, while Drake is writing diss tracks at Rhianna because she became the mother of not his children. Bro, this is the bar right now? This trash is what the kids are making hot in the streets? I’m going to be forty this September. I grew up on Rap and RnB. Cats used to make records which stood the test of time. Why is Big counted as one of the greats when he only dropped two f*cking albums, one posthumously? What record out right now, or in the last five or so years, not released from and established artist or cats not named Cole or Kendrick, will EVER hit as hard as Juicy? That sh*t is f*cking thirty years old! It was Big’s VERY first single and still slaps harder than ninety percent of records out! Who is making music like that now? Drake? 21 Savage? F*cking Post Malone? I mean, we do get gems on occasion. Man on the Moon III was peak Cudi. I already mentioned Kendrick and J. Cole. Outside of these cats, what the f*ck is going on? My radio is full of Drill music, that Chicago sound, and it’s bullsh*t. I’m just going to say that out loud. It sounds like sh*t and does nothing but breed problems. This is that ignorant sh*t everyone THINKS rap is, that cats from my generation fought so hard against.

Look, I’m not trying to sound like three “old Head who thinks his era is the best and no new music is valid” but seriously? 2023 was the worst year for hip hop in decades and I don’t see it getting better anytime soon. Honestly, it’s not like I hate everything out nowadays. I have a fondness for Da Baby and, surprisingly, Lil Yachty got pretty good out of nowhere. TI’s kid, Domani Harris, is f*cking brilliant and needs more eyes on him as soon as possible. I enjoy most of Doja Cat, she’s come so far from being a cow and, as much as I sh*t on Ice Spice, I’d be lying if I said Boy’s a Liar pt. 2 was a straight bop. None of that makes up for the fact I got a DLC for Drakes last album, because the initial release was trash and the f*cking City Girls are a thing right now. The bar is so f*cking low right now, and we, as a culture, can’t seem to lift it up. It’s wild to me that creatives like Missy Elliot and proven wordsmiths like Method Man or Busta Rhymes, are overlooked in favor of Travis Scott and Lil Durk. Who the f*ck is Lil Durk?? Why the f*ck is NBA Youngboy a thing but I have to listen to some twenty year old tell me how whack Eminem is? Hip Hop, specifically Rap, is an art form. It takes talent, thought, and charisma to create a piece. If all you’re doing is throwing up trigger fingers and making “skeeyee” noises, please stop. You’re killing the culture and making everyone look like assholes.