#here’s some slop for the hero fans

[picnicbask3t]

drew this for heros birthday the other day

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

Yes, we have a some of December left, and I want to check out Death's Game but whatever. I got time for this now and not sure if I will have later so here goes.

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. This was an excellent kdrama year, the likes of which we hadn't had in a long time.

DRAMAS WATCHED

In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality so pls don't come for me, fans of some popular dramas that are on my nope list. Also, I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list.

33. The Escape of the Seven - this is so aggressively stupid and mean that it feels like the makers are playing a practical joke seeing how much their audience will take. This has a season 2 coming, so the answer is a lot.

32. Behind Your Touch - the FL gets superpowers by touching people's and animals' butts. Yes, you read this right. Do I really need to add anything?

31. King the Land - yes, it was a hit. Yes, it stars popular actors. I HATED IT LIKE IT TOUCHED MY BUTT TO GET SUPERPOWERS!!! Plastic people in paint by the numbers story, with about as much genuineness or retability as a barbie aisle in walmart. I never expect much from Yoona so whatever, but to have LJH go from The Red Sleeve to this boggles the mind.

30. Mrs Durian - this is so dumb that I think I lost a few IQ points watching this, but its insanity becomes entertaining - I mean what kdrama can you name where a daughter in law declares her love and lust for her mother in law at a family dinner?

29. The Matchmakers - there is nothing offensive about this drama at all. But there is nothing in the least interesting either. If elevator music took drama shape, it would be this show.

28. Destined with You - sorry, Rowoon, I am still fond of you, but you are two for two in drama duds department this year. This is a drama where I loved ep 1, liked ep 2, was indifferent to 3 and...you get the point. Each ep was worse than the one before, and I bailed before I was dragged into a cosmic singularity.

27. Oasis - great first two episodes. Unfortunately it was not a two ep show. The performances are solid but the story is just not there - the effect is like a fancy chef making an amazing sauce to put on pig slop.

26. Boyhood - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like it but a 34-year old playing a high schooler in a Weak Hero Class 1 Slapstick Edition is no go for me.

25. Castaway Diva - it's so precious and kooky in the most annoying ways, with the most well-adjusted abused castaway in history. I like magic realism when done by Jorge Amado, but this ain't Amado.

24. Island - it had a good concept, good cast and fun visuals but the execution deserved one of ML's swords through the neck.

23. The Worst of Evil - if I wanted an American show, I'd watch one. Very solid performances though.

22. Song of the Bandits - period edition of what I said about The Worst of Evil.

21. Welcome to Samdalri - and goodbye to any hope of emotional involvement.

20. Joseon Attorney - I have yet to like a single sageuk centered around a profession and this was not an exception. I guess it could be worse but it also could have been so much better.

19. Twinkling Watermelon - everyone loved this drama. Everyone except for me. It's the kind of precious that sets my teeth on edge and I couldn't stand half the main characters we were supposed to root for. I guess I like my fruits to shine steadily.

18. Our Blooming Youth - probably the biggest disappointment on this list. This is not a bad drama by any means, but with that cast and that story (I loved the novel), I was hoping for a memorable sageuk not merely all right.

17. Vigilante - it has the emotional complexity and nuance of a punch to the throat but it gives us quasi-gay openly-murderous dudes going after psychos and Yoo Ji Tae holding feral Nam Joo Hyuk by his hoodie at his feet.

16. The Forbidden Marriage - expected nothing but it was a surprisingly enjoyable trifle of a costume drama that was also quite pretty.

15. Arthdal Chronicles: Sword of Aramun - a hot mess but such an entertaining epic one. And it gave us TWO Lee Jun Kis in period gear and who am I to cavil at the bounty of God?

14. The Story of Park's Marriage - it's a trifle, a souffle, so light it might blow away, but it keeps my attention and is so fun and sweet.

13. My Lovely Liar - a huge surprise, that manages to mix a murder mystery and a romcom, and shocked me by showing Hwang Minhyun can act.

12. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - the original ToNT was my fave drama of its year and I did not think it needed a sequel. But this is not a sequel but more of a side-quel and is such a total delight with brotherly love, adventures, romance and hijinks. It's a joy.

11. Perfect Marriage Revenge - it's actually very hard to do a soap right but this slim 12 ep drama managed. So fun, so crazy, such a good ship!

10. My Lovely Boxer - not really about sports, but about two broken people finding salvation because of and in each other. Also, if you like age gap romances, this is delicious. Sort of loses steam by the end but c’est la vie.

9. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - this was a sageuk that was not on my radar with a bunch of actors I was not familiar with but it took my heart away. A good plot that was perfectly paced, characters and ships I adored, a logical ending. This is one of the biggest positive surprises of the year for me.

8. Tell Me That You Love Me - a slice of life remake (sort of, it's more "inspired by") of my favorite jdrama of all time. It's not as good as the jdrama because nothing could be, but it's an aching lovely story with some incredible performances.

7. See You In My 19th Life - funny and romantic and haunting and hopeful and odd. This was one of my favorites of the year.

6. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - it's rare for me to like a (1) sequel (2) with FL actress change (3) that is a Hong Sisters drama. But this was such a gorgeous, surprisingly achy story of love and loss and love regained with some cool monster fighting in the middle. Between the two seasons, this is the first Hong Sisters' drama I enjoyed from beginning to end in well over a decade.

5. My Demon - so tropey (chaebols, supernaturals) but it proves that these tropes are popular for a reason. The chemistry is fire, the story is unpredictable and the whole thing is an addictive delight. A rare drama where I like each new ep more than the last one.

4. Goryeo Khitan War - an old school sageuk in every meaning of the term (no romance, no eye candy, lots of bearded men, battles and politics), this feels like watching an epic movie more than a drama. The vast cast all earns their place and the performances (mainly from character actors given a chance to shine) are incredible.

3. Call It Love - two very very damaged people finding love and healing with each other. This is a narrative very hard to do to my satisfaction but when it's done well, as here, there are few things that can hold a candle to it.

2. My Dearest - a masterpiece of cinematography, narrative, performances. This is an old-school epic romance in the best sense of the term. If it doesn't make you swoon or break your heart, there is something wrong with you. A story of two untraditional, strong-willed, flawed people who fall in love in the middle of the horrifying Qing invasion of Korea and have to deal with all that the world throws at them, this is a bona fide masterpiece.

1 - Moon in the Day - who knew my favorite kdrama of the year will star a store brand Domyoji from Extraordinary You and an actress I was never familiar with. But this part period/part modern fantasy tale of doomed cursed lovers is everything I knew I wanted and everything I didn't know I wanted but did. Two lovers where their love did not save them and in modern day it might not again, has got me obsessed the way I haven't been in years.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Moon in the Day - if there is such a thing as a drama made perfectly for me, this gorgeous, emotionally haunting, utterly romantic, twisty tale is it.

WORST DRAMA

The Escape of the Seven. This drama is proof that demons exist and not sexy ones like Song Kang but horrible nasty ones who delight in the torment this hot mess inflicted on its viewers.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Ha, Moon in the Day - a Silla general and a consummate killer who committed atrocities on the orders of his monster father and yearned to die for them, who found the meaning in life in loving his enemy but it did not make him better, a man so obsessed he literally was around for 1500 years of horrifying ghostly existence and still went "worth it" for a woman who killed him as long as he knew she loved him while she did it. He's intense and competent and beyond fucked up and has never had a normal day and I love him so so so very much from a safe distance.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Gil Chae, My Dearest - she starts out as vain and spoiled but the horrors that break so many others bring out all her fierce survivor potential and she becomes such a force of nature - capable of incredible love but also sacrifice and strength and compassion.

Runner Up: Shin Hye Sun's reincarnator in See You In My 19th Life - quirky, damaged, strong, so odd and so vulnerable at once.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

There are a lot of characters who fit that category (King Injo in My Dearest? My God) but the crown belongs to So Ri Bu from Moon in the Day. You think you've seen abusive parents but until you've seen a man abuse his son his whole life and then continue for 1500 years after his death, you ain't seen nothing!

FAVORITE SHIP

The doomed by the narrative OTP of Moon in The Day. Only thing that's better than enemies to lovers is enemies while lovers and their impossible relationship where her killing him is a supreme act of love and his refusing to let go is so strong that he stays around for 1500 years watching her, helpless as she dies over and over again, is everything you ever want.

Runner up: Jang Hyun/Gil Chae, My Dearest. They are so strong and so damaged and it takes them so long to figure out what they feel and what the other person feels but their love and sacrifice and complexities are perfect.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Kim Shi Yeol/Hong Joo, The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - an assassin bodyguard pretending to be a carefree scholar and a widow of the man he killed to protect his king (and whose life was destroyed as a result.) I enjoyed the main OTP of this drama but I was utterly and completely unhinged for the secondary couple.

I'd have probably picked Rang and his mermaid from TotNT 1938 even over them, but they really were the main OTP of that drama.

NOTP

King the Land couple seems like an easy target but honestly, they are both so terribly bland and antiseptic and marketing by committee, they kinda deserve each other. So I am gonna go with Destined with You, one half of which thinks supernaturally roofying someone into loving them is cute and the other half thinks dating one woman while wooing another is totally a-ok. Ugh.

FAVORITE SCENE

There is no competition for the scene in the slave market in My Dearest, where Jang Hyun finds Gil Chae - the way he screams and tries to clutch the hem of her skirt will live in my head forever.

And the scene where he 'wins' that horrifying bet, or the scene where she finds him in a pile of bodies - they are as good also. Or when he fights off a squad to protect her even though he's sick. That whole drama is perfect.

Runner up: the scene of Do Ha executing Ri Ta's family, covered in blood, as she looks at him from the crowd in Moon in the Day.

Or the scene where he talks about how he cannot live as a person but at least maybe she will kill him and he will die as one. Or when her confession in the past intercuts with his walking in the present, or when he comes home in his bloodied armor and she finds he has a fever and it's the first tender touch he's probably ever known. Her murdering So Ri Bu saying she knows she's going against filial piety in loving her parents' murderer, the way they hug, both bloody, as he says "let's live." The way she says she can't go on as she's hit rock bottom and he replies she cannot quit because she must accompany him to his rock bottom now. Honestly, the drama is a font of amazingness.

Also, the opening scene of Goryeo Khitan War or the scene of Yang Gyu ordering to shoot the captives and having to do so himself.

The OTP meeting again at the intersection at the end of ep 1 of Tell Me That You Love Me. SHS comforting ABH as he's having a traumatic breakdown in 19th Life. The love-making scene in Call It Love. There were a lot of great scenes this year.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Lee Jang Hyun, My Dearest - is that even a competition? He's flawed - vain, often emotionally closed off, not great at processing emotions, lashing out when hurt. He is also incredibly heroic in a real, knows the cost but bears it, kind of way. Whatever he does, he commits utterly but it's never without understanding the cost. He felt both larger than life and utterly real. He went through hell and maintained his soul and the way he loved Gil Chae was breath-taking to behold.

Runner Up: Yang Gyu, Goryeo Khitan War - an experienced military commander who wins an impossible victory even as it ravages his soul. Competence is sexy as fuck.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Rang, Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - 1938 really was Rang's chance to shine and he took it. For a character I started out disliking in the original, he really stole my entire heart in this drama. I am so glad he got his happy ending with his brother and his girl.

Runner Up: Crown Prince, My Dearest. He started out as a sheltered, spoiled aristocrat, convinced the world owed him for existing. He grew up slowly and painfully into an amazing man. And then was murdered for it and I cried.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Arthdal - it leaves the story at a good stopping point but it's very much a "world in flux, adventures and conflicts continue" ending and I would love to see more of these characters. I know we won't but it would have been nice.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Behind Your Touch - should have been snipped at birth.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Vigilante - I don't mean it had scissors taken to it because it's not cdrama and there is no NRTA, but this drama would have benefitted from being longer. I mean, I love fights and gay polycules as much as the next tumblr person but a bit more character development would not have come amiss. (ahaha - I said come. Leave me alone.)

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

I don't care about cops/doctors/trash collectors/whoever - workplace drama centering on their "cases" needs to die. I hate procedurals from any country and Korea is no exception.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Supernatural critter devoted to their OTP with all the power of their long life.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Our Blooming Youth - it was far from terrible but it was a giant meh. I was so excited to see Park Hyung Sik in a sageuk (that wasn't the hot mess that was Hwarang) and I adored the source novel. It actually started well and then...it's like Revenge of the Beige!

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

I want to say Moon in the Day but to be honest, I was excited by posters and trailers so it wasn't wholly a surprise despite not having much of an opinion on the actors before I saw them. So I am going to say My Demon. I was bored by the trailers, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a Kim Yoo Jung drama and before this year I would have said Song Kang was an incredibly limited actor in everything I've seen him in and not appealing to me at all. And here I am rabidly rabiding for this drama!

If I am not limiting myself to dramas but can use this for actors - Hwang Minhyun in My Lovely Liar. I genuinely did not think the man could act and then he gave such a pitch-perfect, nuanced performance out of nowhere!

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have actually watched all the kdramas that aired this year that I wanted to check out except for Evilive. I am saving this for when I have time.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

I don't know if I'd say it's the best but Say You Love Me (2004) with Kim Rae Won as a quasi monk seduced away from his true love by an evil older woman was a hell of a ride.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Love Song for Illusion (Lady assassin falls for her royal target who has two personalities), Captivating the King (lady spy falls for her royal target who is tormented) - notice a theme? Also Flower that Blooms at Night because Honey Lee in a sageuk, The Life of Mrs Ock (Lim Ji Yeon in a sageuk), The Love Story of Chun Hwa (an "erotic" sageuk, hmmmm, what?!), Hong Rang (Lee Jae Wook in a super angst sageuk), Queen Woo (that cast and set in Goguryeo!), Wong Kyung (about Lee Bang Won's wife and I love the cast.) Basically, if it's period, I am there with bells on.

[randomnumbers751650]

Talking about a ship for me is complicated because the feeling that I might be missing something or extrapolating too much. But still, I want to talk about Kafka/Blade.

Since HSR is a gacha, the chances of playable characters having romantic relationships are very low, so the fans have to pick the crumbs. Sometimes it’s pretty much obvious the devs want certain characters together, but the hand of the gacha business model holds them back. Other times, not really, maybe the devs are really aiming for platonic or other. And, of course, fans are free to interpret their own. So, I’m here to give my interpretation of KafBlade, why it called my attention.

From their interactions, they are working together and they have a level of affection: Kafka calls him Bladie (and he’s upset if others call him by that), Blade loves hearing her singing and is receptive to her whispers; they also seem to have good synergy in the battlefield. It also works in accomplishing missions, with Kafka’s lack of fear making her prone to injuries and Blade acting as her immortal bodyguard. Plus, there’s the implication they had to fake being a couple for a mission, which I hope it never gets a full flashback because imagining how it went is funnier. How they complement each other is what makes them so interesting.

They are both fundamentally broken people. We know Blade’s story, but it’s pretty implied Kafka has some tragedy in the closet (with Blade commenting he doesn’t want to see her sad; would it really be surprising?). And, they are villains after all.

But still, what I see in them is how they can still experience with each other things that they couldn’t imagine to experience or that they thought that they’d never experience. For example, Kafka is a liar. It’s a strength in her job, to the point even when she’s telling the truth it still feels she’s lying. She uses her whispers to dominate men and then discard them when they’ve done their jobs. She goes full “nothing personnel, kid”, because for her everything is just a job.

And then, one day, appears a guy who’s like “can you do that again?” A guy who wants to be whispered, whose lies sooth and motivate him. And then she learns he’s an immortal that wants to die and then she decides that she’ll help, but that she will strive to make his life more fun until that day because he amuses you. She has no feelings for him, because she has no feelings at all (or are very different from what normal people think to be); either she wasn’t born with them or the organization she learned her skills remove them, but still she just wants to make him feel good about his journey to death.

Blade is similar: he wants revenge. He crafted his entire life and used all his bladesmith skills to pursue that goal; it’s easy to imagine him forgoing everything, his feelings, his self-care, eating whatever slop he puts on his face, a very miserable life. And then one day a woman appears saying “join me” and she’s actually…fun to be around. Sure, they are using each other to their respective objectives, but there’s something more to it. He starts to pick her habits and helps her whenever she needs carry her stuff. And then he starts to wonder that, yes, his life sucks, but it sucks a bit less with her around. The blade he crafted for revenge can be used to protect, unexpectedly.

It should be noted that the devs already had opportunities to portray their relationship as toxic and abusive, but they haven’t. I’m not sure I’d call healthy either, but there seems to be a mutual respect and trust about them. I mean, they are dangerous (along with the rest of the Stellaron Hunters, Silverwolf, Sam and Elio himself (it’d be really funny if he was the cat)), but still it’s not hard to imagine them as a found family. We have to wait for future updates to see how they’ll be developed, but their Team Rocket dynamic with the heroes is fun.

One last thing is how I think it’s funny that KafBlade is “what if Gojo and Marin (from My Dress Up Darling) were evil?”. Kafka is the extroverted girl that loves shopping and fashion, while Blade is the recluse artist, but that grew bitter - as Yingxing, he was one the best bladesmiths of the Xianzou, he knows what beauty is (also please read the fanfic “dal segno al fine”, it really captures this side of his) – and would be reluctant even if Kafka’s feelings were like Marin’s; Kafka would have to have a lot of patience, but I think she’s not one to give up once she set up a goal.

I didn’t really review their text and quotes, I’m remembering all of it in the game and some comments in the internet. Even so, I wonder if others share these thoughts on them, especially the fact they bring out things that were previously kinda buried in each other, so it has potential for a more mature love story.

[readingtoinfinity]

Secret Level part 2

The second half is out now, and like before I had completely forgotten to watch them. Well, I'm done now. There were some highs, some lows, but let's take the good with the bad and go through them.

The Outer Worlds: The Company We Keep

Like the game it's based on, this short is very bleak and kinda hard to stomach at times. The anti-capitalist message is front and center and just as horrible as the game wished it to be, but the message becomes muddled when you look at this main character, Amos. Not a smart man by any measure, the ending is ostensibly positive, with Amos working for Auntie Cleo as a gardener, and all of us watching knowing the company is going to hurt a lot of people to help their bottom line. That hidden horrible reality may be the point, in this case, but I feel like this short could've done with a bleaker, harsher ending, to reinforce the message from the rest of the short: it doesn't matter who you are or what you can do, you will be gristle in capitalism's meat grinder eventually. As it stands, it feels weak on the satire and unmemorable as a whole.

Mega Man: Start

Aah! This short was apparently made deep in the uncanny valley. It was here that you could really see the limits of the almost-realistic CGI most of the shorts use, and it would have benefited from either being less realistic (and allowing for a more cartoony, closer-to-the-games look) or more (making the original games an inspiration rather than a direct comparison, like how they designed Bomb Man).

Having said all that, it's quick, powerful and very cool. I didn't play any Mega Man games, and my only connection is the fan music by The Megas, although I love that a lot. Even without that nostalgic connection, I found this short to be a lot of fun.

Exodus: Odyssey

I found this one to be a slight mixed bag. On the one hand: a strong central thesis and conceit, with an emotional connection between the main character and his daughter that pulls you through the rest of the episode.

On the other hand: eh. I can see the narration is necessary to set up some things for later, but even so some of it is unnecessary. Honestly leaving some emotions and plot points more ambiguous would've made this episode a lot more memorable.

Spelunky: Tally

Finally, some stylized fucking animation. I found this short to be amusing, charming, but ultimately shallow. There's an earnest message about trying again and doing your best even in bad circumstances, but with little emotional weight behind it.

Concord: Tale of the Implacable

Why the hell did they try to make this game a $40 hero shooter?! The world is perfect for a single-player experience, something like the more-recent Star Wars games, Outer Wilds or even (a better version of) Starfield. Obviously these deals and animations were made way in advance so this was supposed to come out and grow the player-base for the game, but alas, it is the last gasp of a corporately-ordered failure.

And it's so fucking good. Oh my God why is it so good?!

I recognized the voice talents of Laura Bailey and Darin De Paul, both bringing their at-least B-Game to this short, but recognized nobody else. But the actors featured here were all up to the task and played their part to the hilt, and for that I must give props.

For most of the episode, you're dealing with your standard Han Solo types, only in it for the money and trying to get away with a stash. But there's a turn later in the story, and the fact whoever made this had the utter gall to give it not only an unflinching ending, but somehow managed to wrangle something beautiful and wonderful from that? I teared up watching this. And it's about fucking Concord! What the fuck?!

But let me not say that corporate slop cannot be an inspiration for art. Great art can come from anywhere, spurred by anything. So may it be for this.

Honor of Kings: The Way of All Things

I didn't like the art style very much. There's an inconsistency in the models, from the madman who looks very realistic to the bishounen (or its Chinese equivalent) Yi Xing to the strange-looking Tiangong, none of the characters quite look like they belong on-screen together, and not to the point of something like Kingdom Hearts where that's the point and it becomes its own art style.

It's not distracting for long, however.

I liked this setup, and the themes played with throughout this short. Tiangong claims to be a computer that can calculate and predict everything, calling the actions from one to the other "cause and effect" and comparing itself to the moon pulling water. Yi Xing is a boy who wants revenge, and Tiangong, the computer that is a city, would try to convince him revenge is pointless and his defeat has already been preordained.

This one benefited greatly from being a philosophical game between its two named characters. The interplay between the two, both in their game of Go and over the idea of free will was made extra fascinating to watch by stunning animation and artistic flourishes which fed back into the story. Setup and payoff, cause and effect, past and future, all of these things were wrapped up into this episode.

It also benefits immensely from a final twist ending that I found astonishing and a tough nut to crack for a bit. Even if the ending isn't a chestnut like Inception, It's still a bit of something sticky and tough, like fruit leather, that makes everything seen before take on a different light, and you question the conclusion of both the game and the argument. And I like that; I like that this ending asks you to question everything you saw, from beginning to end. It forced me to go back through and re-watch some scenes so I had a greater context; there's a confidence to this execution that is as underplayed as Tiangong's introduction and character, and I'll be thinking about this one for a long time.

Playtime: Fulfillment

Let me start with the positives. Kevin Hart, though he is still annoying in this short, is supposed to be, and in that respect he does a good job. Heaven Hart, his daughter, does a passable job as the main character, though she could use a little extra practice. And the central message against microtransactions and meager rewards in favor of a more pure competitive gaming experience is one I can respect.

But with God as my witness I will not be tricked into liking any fucking version of Ready Player One!

This episode is the only one in the season that wasn't based on an original video game, instead being about PlayStation's exclusives and IPs and about how fun they are, how better they are. Maybe you can see my disdain? Even Astro Bot got flack from people who didn't like the corporate crossovers in it, and that game had the benefit of being fun and engaging (according to Jacob Geller and the good people at Overly Sarcastic Productions; I don't own a PlayStation). How much more should they righteously hate this short that peddles more of that slop?

I am not against crossovers. I think there's a lot of fun to be had from throwing characters together in an oddball setting. Fortnite, for all its flaws, provides a lot of fun from having recognized characters going at each other in a game that's at least a little fun. So having Kratos from God of War, Gauis from Shadow of the Colossus, Helldivers (from Helldivers 2) and Sackboy from Little Big Planet all crossing over with one another could be fun.

But my annoyance at watching an ad in my free time turns to annoyance when it offers little artistic merit. All of these IPs are only here to remind you to play PlayStation games, and they are thrown in your face to force you to remember the better times you spent with other medias and games. Kratos was a big draw for most audiences and the fact he's on-screen for a couple seconds and Christopher Judge even reprises the role only to yell and then be discarded tells you the priorities of this short.

I hate it. It's not bad, not completely, barely even mediocre, but its core premise is rotted from corporate oversight. All these other shorts were about something, even at their worst they were trying to tell a story or provide a message. This is nothing; it is solely an advertisement to play other, better games, from studios shuttered by the company that bought them. It's Sony congratulating itself for projects it wasn't involved with, and to that I say: fuck 'em. They don't deserve the accolades.

I've taken the liberty of including a tier list of all these episodes. Please note letter grades are only approximations; this order is how much I enjoyed or think these shorts were of quality.

S: something new, something surprising or intriguing. Unreal Tournament: Xan (a surprisingly-powerful origin for the game's main villain) Honor of Kings: The Way of All Things (a strange, compelling argument with a great twist) Concord: Tale of the Implacable (honor among thieves, even in dire straits)

A: something I enjoyed without reinventing the wheel. PAC-MAN: Circle (a delightfully fucked-up reinterpretation) Warhammer 40,000: And They Shall Know No Fear (I mean… come on… I love these space marine guys) Sifu: It Takes a Life (exactly as artistic as I was expecting)

B: it's alright, maybe even fun, but the flaws are stark. Mega Man: Start (quite cool, but that's about it) New World: The Once and Future King (moderately amusing with a good emotional core) Armored Core: Asset Management (a good ending on a bland episode)

C: cracks start to form. Enjoyment lessens. Exodus: Odyssey (forgettable, feelings of wonder fall flat, lack of emotional tether) Dungeons & Dragons: The Queen's Cradle (uncanny at best and punchy-fighty without any emotional stakes) Spelunky: Tally (earnest but clumsy) The Outer Worlds: The Company We Keep (lacks the strong bite that made the games so good, ending fell flat) Crossfire: Good Conflict (things happened, I suppose)

Pure, visceral hatred: lack of artistic qualities drive me to madness. Playtime: Fulfillment (...HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU...)

So, that is Secret Level in total. Despite everything I'm still glad I went through it. It's not something you see too much of, and everyone who worked on the animation gave it their all. Even still I'm almost certainly going to watch season 2, but I've no idea what the final product will look like. And isn't that exciting?

[foxtrotziggurat]

Superheroics

Am I too old for superheroes?

They are the best of us, even though they are not amongst us. They are fables. Fiction. Fake. I still love them, though. Spider-Man especially. He's so cool. And everything I want to be. Smart, funny, charming, but also strong, kind, and resilient. But the question I should ask myself as a Spider-Man fan is, "Have any of his traits rubbed off on me at all?" I think the answer is not really. I've watched all the movies and some of the animated shows. I feel like I've only done it just for the sake of saying I did, because I have a commitment to the character.

I think the worst part about all this is that I'm 19. Almost two decades on Earth. I'm supposed to be maturing past this kind of thing. I don't know what kind of things my peers are into, but it probably isn't the capeshit that I am. I wish I could bring myself to have sophisticated and refined taste, but I can't help myself. Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, the Fantastic Four, you name it, I'm into it. And to think I should really be reading Dostoyevsky or studying Bauhaus. Could I balance both? Is that a question I should be asking? I think it boils down to me not having many creative hobbies. I used to draw web comics ands design flags. Now I mostly just play video games and shop in my free time. There's a serious difference between those two, and it's that and the end of the former two, I have something to show for my work. I gained something. And lately I just haven't been gaining that much.

So how do I stop this? Well, I'm working on a Charlie Foxtrot story now, an animated series. Creative by nature, so I have something to work toward. I love working on it. The characters are so personal to me, and I seem to have fallen in love with storytelling. And they are heroes, just not superheroes. But they get into all kinds of scenarios which is fun. Maybe I'll share some of it here. But there are other things I can do to alleviate my addiction to consuming the slop and drivel that I am so used to, and it's to simply replace my media diet with more obscure, more thoughtful, and more fulfilling things. Sun Tzu over Snapchat, if you will.

I spent time with a girl today that I really admire. She's the quiet reserved type who's into a few of the same things I am as well (superheroes, go figure). But in essence, there is very little between us. I felt like a child in her presence. I often feel this way with a lot of people, including my family. I am the youngest in a family of six, including my parents. They think I'm an old soul because I like vintage sweaters and record players, but beyond that, I am genuinely a nine-year-old. I play Fortnite, watch comic book-derived shows, text all day, and don't like doing my homework. I am ridiculously ashamed of this fact because I think it has to do with whatever is subconsciously wrong with my brain. I didn't get the childhood I wanted; is this some form of regression? I have the inner rage of a fourth grade bully. Where did that come from? How do I harness that? Should I?

The smallest change I could make is going outside. My parents give me so much shit for it, and I hate it, but they are right. I hardly leave my dorm some days. I could also stand to read some of the many books I own. I have a concept I like to use, "doing the right thing for the wrong reasons." Unloading the dishwasher not because I'm proactive and courteous, but because someone is going to bother me about it later if I haven't. And I feel that could be applied here. Read and go outside not strictly for the benefits of it, but just to shut my parents up about it. Because they are the only people that judge me for it. Implementing change will be hard, but it's the only way to grow up and grow out.

—CF

[garmgeyr]

Gallagher glanced up from the books he'd been flipping through in the Bestsellers section: juvenile reads about heroes and fantasy worlds, easy enough for anyone to pick up and spend an afternoon in someone else's shoes.

"Yeah, just makin' a decision," he said, grabbing one called Steel Fires and raising it up to wave down the shopkeeper. "You got a favorite out of these?"

”Me?" The tall, lanky bookseller kicked his feet off the top of the desk and sat up. "Well I dare say, there’s a series called ‘The Bone Ships.’ Bout ships made a’ monster bones. Quite interesting. It’s more than just that. My woman was a big fan a’ work by that Beigh Lardugo. Got a whole ton of books set in the same world. About the same kinda scenario, main character got some special powers and almost dooms the world but then saves it. Better written than most of ‘em.”

Gallagher turned back to the shelf in a feigned attempt to look for the names. "They sound like page-turners..." Finding a book by Lardugo, he exchanged one for the other. "I’ve been told I oughta find a hobby. Something that’ll help me unwind after a day down at the station. Not much in the way of leisure ‘round town, huh?”

”Depends on what you find fun.” The bookseller stood up and approached the other man with a slow stride, metal clanging as he made his way down the store. “Drinking, lovemaking, or killing is all that really happens out here any more. People don’t care much for the arts anymore. Aside from a few scholars such as yourselves. As far as leisure goes, not much makes you more tranquil than reading a good book.”

"That's a shame," Gallagher muttered, looking up from his book at the other man. "I take it that you're more bastion of the literary art than bookseller."

”You would be correct. I fancy myself just as you say. Feel the arts are a form lost to time. Been pretty rough and desolate a long time round these parts. But you folks are strange. Different. A breath of fresh air.”

"Strange?" Gallagher let out a surprised laugh. "That's a first. Didn't realize reading leaves a mark."

”More than that. Clearly ain’t from around here, so I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I can tell you aren’t. Normally it’s the same slop day in and day out. Ain’t often new folk come around.” The bookseller paused, sizing him up. “Where are you from?”

"You got that right. Sounds like I still haven’t got my feet under me yet if I stand out that much.” Gallagher laughed again, and turned back to the bookshelf, running his finger across the spines of a few of them until he found another he liked. He pulled it out and pretended to read the synopsis.

”Still gettin’ used to all this freedom,” he said almost wistfully. ”Used to dream of it, back when all I had was a few smuggled books for company. I’m no scholar, truth be told, but I read those things ‘til their covers fell off. It’s the only reason I’m here now. Reality’s not like what they sell in these hero’s tales, but freedom’s a sweeter taste than the stories say.”

He lowered his voice. ”… I’m sure I don’t need to spell it out for you.”

The bookseller glanced to the window then back to Gallagher. Stepping past him, he slowly drew the curtain until they were hidden from any prying eyes.

“Always is the toughest part about crashing into some place new. Somethin’ wicked this way comes. Trains been bringing in more and more shattered boxes, angels and demons have been at each others necks again. Folks that ain’t supposed to be here paintin’ the town red. Well… more like yellow. How many of y’all are there?”

Gallagher followed the bookseller with his eyes. ”Just us two,” he gestured to Ratio with his chin, “that I know of. What have you heard?”

"Heard there were more, but it could just be the usual traffic of workers coming in…" The bookseller narrowed his eyes. "Figured they were gearing up for another battle."

”Who’s ‘they’? You don’t mean the workers, do you?”

”Meant the powers at play. Since you’re new here, you don’t know that the trains been bringin’ bad cargo for months now. Things are startin’ to escalate between the Quarry and the demons in charge there, and the town and angels. Thought y’all were backup of some kind.”

”It’d take some impressive strength for two people to make a difference.”

”You would be surprised what difference one man or woman can make. You ever heard of a lady named Delta?”

”Sure, hard to go anywhere without hearing about a fearsome demon like that. How much of it’s the truth? Never met her myself.”

”Oh she ain’t no demon. She’s an angel. An angel that turned on her comrades because she felt their methods were too extreme. Part of the reason the demons even had a fighting chance towards the end of the war.”

Gallagher fell into silence for a moment before offering a tentative theory: ”… So the town’s putting its stock in some powerful outsiders in case she’s planning something again, is that it?”

"Could be that, could be nothin' related at all. Doesn't stop the townsfolk from thinkin' it's somethin'. To me, certainly sounds like you're none the wiser. Either a good liar, or you genuinely ain't got a clue."

With a flash of a sheepish smile, Gallagher shrugged. "Heh. Ain't got a clue." But he sobered again quickly. "Got a plan if it turns out to be somethin'?"

The bookseller chuckled, then shrugged. "Depends on what that somethin' is. Maybe I'll fight, maybe I'll die, or maybe I'll sit my ass right in this store and watch fireworks. Quite frankly, that old shit isn't my problem any more."

Gallagher glanced at the cozy nook in the corner of the shop. ”You’ve got the best seat for a show. Watching the fireworks doesn’t sound too bad.” He plucked the Eighth House from the shelf. ”I’ll take this one. Your woman’s favorite series, wasn’t it?”

"You understand me, sir." The bookseller waved his hand. "On the house. Enjoy the read."

"Much obliged."

Tucking the novel into the front of his vest, Gallagher gave a nod to Dr. Ratio. The two exited the store in the wake of a delicate bell chime.

[End]

A Peck of Gold

Overture 2024: Hellwalker | Week 1: Kiana, Dr. Ratio, Gallagher

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Following up on the last bullying ask- maybe with Ghostface or Deadpool or Spidey? Or Batman, even?

I'll do the superheroes on this one now that we got the G.hostface half done.

"Oh, was that your boyfriend?" D.eadpool asks casually. He was busy churning down a hit he took up on a whim--mostly because it was lunchtime--when someone came into the apartment he had broken into. "Sorry about that, but someone paid big bucks to reduce him to gut slush." The assassin shakes his hips back and forth, making his round gut slosh heavily back and forth with all the once-human-slop boiling away inside. "And I was just dying for some lunch--and, well, he's just dying now. Wanna cop a feel?" The stranger tried to leave but D.eadpool was faster, pinning him up against the wall by the door. His gut squelched wetly as it pressed against the man's torso, a thick belch laden with the scent of digested meat hitting the guy dead in the face. "Woof, he smelled a bit better before we went down, gotta say. But he's going to smell even worse on the way out--totally unrelated, but you don't live here, right? You're not going to want to go into the bathroom once I'm done with it. Trust me." His gut grumbles wetly and D.eadpool tilts his head a bit. "...y'know, maybe you wanna see it in real-time? I was told no witnesses...and I'm still craving some lunch." With some wet gulps and slurps, punctuated by a deadly belch, another life was lost in the apartment. And the anti-hero makes sure to lock the door this time while he enjoys it.

S.pider-Man is definitely starting to think a lot of his fans are real freaks. Sure, he gets it, he's a superhero with a pretty large social media presence who may or may not show off the occasional meal he has and is pretty much permanently stuck with a pot belly no matter how much he tries to work it off. He gets it! But some of them are definitely starting to treat him like a fun little show and not, well, a superhero! Like what he's dealing with right now--he just saved someone from getting beat up by some gang of thugs and, given that he's been swinging around all day, the spider-themed hero decided to indulge and scarf them down after subduing them. And now the victim he saved has the stretched gut pressed against him on request. A heavy belch rumbles out of the hero as he feels a hand rub and push over the bulges in his gut, the stretched spandex helping to show them off nicely. "You know, I appreciate the love, but don't you think this is a bit much?" the hero asks with a sigh. "I mean, these guys are dying--melting alive in there. It's pretty awful. They're going to be turned into shit soon--isn't that gross?" Those words seemed to only freak out his meals even more, their desperate cries getting louder as they push and shove around. But all of it only seemed to make the civilian even happier. S.pider-Man lets out another sigh, soon followed by a large belch that shakes the ground under him. "Guh...fine, whatever. I can't really swing around with these guys weighing me down anyway...I really gotta stop indulging you guys though. Think about my figure..."

B.atman grunts and slurps hard, sucking up the arm sticking out of his jaws. A final, hard swallow sends the last of the guy down the hatch, punctuated with a harsh belch as his gut stretches out further with another man dropping inside. "Rrrf..." This was too much for him. There's still one goon left, pinned to a chair under the vigilante's stuffed guts. But...he's definitely too full to eat now. He can't believe he's been convinced to even start doing this--it's such a waste of time. Another rumbling belch comes from the man as his guts groan deeply. It's embarrassing as hell, too. He can feel the guy under his gut trying to push off of him and it's only making him belch more to have the squirming and the hands shoving against him. "Quit moving down there, would you? I just need to make some room for you." Another hard shove works out a slimy belch. He thinks someone in his gut is starting to really fall apart in there. "Once I start dumping these guys out, I send you down and head out. Just be patient." He wants to say he won't do this again, as he feels the guy under his gut yell and shove around, but...some part of him wants to do this a lot more. The man licks his lips subtly. Yeah...it's alright to indulge every so often.

[phantomofthepairofdice]

George A. Romero’s “The Amusement Park”

George A. Romero might be the man who most directly served as my gateway to critical movie watching. Unlike a lot of the filmmakers who helped me mature my understanding of film as a medium of art rather than a disposable experience, my love for his work has only deepened as opposed to having a twinge of cringe at the pretense with which I embraced some movies and directors that I’ve grown cold on or outright pivoted into disliking. Where, for the latter, they served a valuable purpose but were perhaps able to do so as a result of being digestible or, in retrospect, lamentably simple, Romero’s movies have not a single thread of posturing to something “important” woven in. Romero was always handy in using the backdoor of theme and metaphor to deliver ideas, as opposed to a direct scolding or information session.

At their very best, his movies achieve a balance that few films can when it comes to being experienced as being equally enjoyable and intellectual - while never sacrificing one for the other. There’s almost an elegance to the inelegance that comes from working so far outside of the studio system. The low budgets of his independent fare give a scrappy, tactile quality to locations and do little to glamorize and gussy up things like frequent collaborator Tom Savini’s chunky, visceral makeup effects. His run in the 70s is especially potent as a result of the low-budget aesthetic. The Crazies, Martin, and Knightriders would lose a certain verisimilitude to their outsider art mission statements if they had a glossy studio packaging. 

I’ve been hesitant to write up my love for the late, great Romero since it feels like a daunting task to distill the endless rivers that flow from the massive glacial totem that is George A. Romero. The same thing can be said for a lot of people whose work I have deeply seeded respect and love for like Jonathan Demme or Robert Altman. I know that art and movies are reduced when treated like rites of passage or items on a checklist for credibility, but I have this overwhelming feeling that I want to come correct when it comes to folks like these. It feels like a responsibility to be comprehensive, eloquent, and effective in describing them, their work, or their massive impact on myself.

Well, I finally got enough reason to put down some words when I found out that a bizarre, long-thought-lost missing puzzle piece of this titanic personal hero was going to be released. Not only that, but I could see it in a relatively safe way in a theater. What I was lucky enough to see projected on a bright wall in a dark room was something that filled me with equal parts pleasure and stomach-churning uneasiness. One of the greatest compliments I can give to the film is that felt like it would make a terrific pairing with Carnival of Souls.

The Amusement Park is a film that Romero was commissioned to make by The Lutheran Society about senior citizens being disregarded by society. After having seen what Romero concocted up with screenwriter Wally Cook, it’s no surprise that the film was shelved, and thought destroyed. Like all of Romero’s great films, The Amusement Park operates with a keen but unpretentious metaphor and allegory at its heart. What makes this project immediately different is that it’s bookended with a direct address to the camera from its star, a charming and hammy Lincoln Maazel, breaking down the mission statement and intent of the symbolism within it. What follows is an experiential concept piece that disorients the viewer in an attempt to have them empathize with their elders’ terror and loneliness at the hands of ageism, elder abuse, and death. It’s an effective plea for human decency and a disquieting, haunted trip to hell outside of heaven’s waiting room.

The runtime is under an hour and plot takes a back seat to sensation, so I won’t go into too much detail for the sake of preserving the set pieces’ potency. What I will do is highlight a few moments and stylistic choices.

The Amusement Park is very angry and very sad. The camera is mostly handheld and takes on a documentary texture when it focuses on the faces of other elderly park goers. There’s a lament for the life that these poor folks are trapped within cut between a venomous glare at the ancillary characters who disregard or assault the senior park guests. Romero’s usual distaste for the wealthy resurfaces most notably in a scene where Maazel’s man sees a rich and “proper” man dine on lobster and smoke a comically large cigar before looking back at the old man in absolute disgust. He’s served a slop of beans and bread on a paper plate. Like a lot of the film’s ideas, the dichotomy of circumstances trades subtlety for effectiveness. What makes this scene unique is that when the old man offers to share his meager rations with the other hungry guests, they show no restraint – it’s a nasty collage of shots with bread being torn and people shoved.

The real standout sequence comes as our unnamed protagonist follows a young couple into a fortune teller’s tent while they ask to see their future. The spritely lovebirds want to know if they’ll be still be together in their old age, but the fortune teller offers warning that in order to see their future, they’ll need to see it in its entirety. The couple’s youthful ignorance shows a general feeling of invincibility that many of the young characters have throughout the film, but once they see what the soothsayer has to offer, they are forced to reckon with the ominous vicissitudes that appear before them.

The editing of the sequence is jarring, cutting between the disparate time periods – flash cuts between the crystal ball and the eyes of the woman behind it are slammed into what looks like a documentary or news interview with a building manager who laments the raise in taxes and how it keeps him from fixing the dangerous, dilapidated, low-rent housing behind him. This is an institutional crisis. The film cuts to narrative footage of that same young couple, now old and desperate for emergency medical attention. Outside, a high school marching band blares and trots forward with a brash, spry pace. It’s as if the band is flippantly taunting the old women, life trampling on without her and her bedridden husband. The wife’s attempts to reach their doctor are moot. Chaos overwhelms a quiet passing. Upon seeing his own mortality, the young man targets the protagonist and attacks him in a flurry of confused anger.

The movie has an episodic structure, and some of these interludes work better than others. While I do think that the movie is quite good and a must-see for any curious fans of the director’s career (he even has a great cameo), I certainly wouldn’t hail it as a masterpiece. Working for hire within the specific constraints of an educational film and off of a script that he didn’t write (a rarity within his career), there’s some serious clumsiness to the some of the story beats and how underlined the symbolism is. I also greatly missed the seamless integration gallows humor that spices up even the bleakest of Romero’s other projects. What’s here in terms of levity occasionally undercuts the horror. That being said, its mission to imbue experiential empathy for old folks was undeniably successful in this viewer - the packaging may be a bit busted, but the product is fresh and satisfying. Like The Crazies or his Dead films, the ever-approaching specter of death is the driving force behind the melancholic terrors of the piece. Romero’s knack for satisfying but somber endings is present here as well. Images from this - like the holy men closing up shop - stack up alongside some of the other hauntingly effective moments from Romero’s movies that are emblazoned in my brain like the closing montage of Night of the Living Dead, the opening sequence of Martin, the roaches in Creepshow, and the wall of hands from Day of the Dead.

While it feels weird to offer praise to a man alongside a short review for a movie he was, by all accounts, not terribly impressed with, this is what I’ve chosen to do. *shrugs* I’ll never write the perfect tribute or quite distill the gratitude I have for certain people and the gifts they gave me (along with countless others). I can selfishly make that a burden and never actually put it out there for fear of imperfection, or I can be grateful and embrace the luck that I’ve been able to see another work from one of those people. Especially after watching this, I’ll choose the latter.

The Amusement Park is now available to stream on Shudder.

[fuwafuwamedb]

The Rayshift Thefts (Cu Chulainn, Rin Tohsaka, Hakuno, Gilgamesh)

He couldn’t help it.

Sometimes, when his master wasn’t around, he found himself closing his eyes, thinking about that brunette. His other selves were in the midst of a good poker game with Gudako, laughing it up or simply grunting as Gudako made poor jokes. The whole place was cheery enough, filling the air with a collection of sounds that were hard for any servant to imagine before coming to this place.

A facility that summoned servants not to fight one another but to protect humanity.

“You’re remarkably easy to persuade to help us fight,” Gudako had once commented.

He’d laughed at the remark, asking if it should be difficult for him to agree to such terms. However, he’d just been avoiding the answer that had been in his mind.

His eyes still saw the brown hair, glinting in the light of that basement. He could still see the eyes that had finally held fear in them, the pain and the torment slipping away as he pulled Gae Bolg from the body of the priest that had been trying to destroy her life any further.

Sometimes it felt like he could feel her hands on him, lightly touching at his armor as all that mounting hope broke into pieces.

“I need to smoke.”

Cu glanced over at his other selves.

“Oi! Who needs a break?”

“I smoked before I came,” Caster him complained, glaring over at Gudako.

“I don’t smoke those flimsy twigs,” Alter growled.

“I’m going cold turkey,” Proto replied.

So just him.

Lancer shook his head at them, climbing to his feet and fixing the turtleneck he had on. Guess all this meant was that he was meant to be ponderin’ that cute brunette a little longer. He could imagine the knee high socks, the long coats and the tumblin’ dark hair that she tied up on the sides to keep out of her way.

Wandering through the facility, he looked out to the lakes in the distance, just below the mountains, noting how the blue color seemed to look like the depths of those intelligent eyes.

He was an obsessive old man, wasn’t he?

Confident women with brains and a lack of ambition for ruining a man were hard to come by. Too often, he’d ended up with women like that Medb or his master; women who had their own ambitions and were all too happy to mow you down just to get to their goals.

That Rin Tohsaka had been a rare gem.

“You look entertained.”

“Hmm?”

It looked like he wouldn’t be smoking alone, after all. Not that he could call the other company, but…

“You got a light, Gorgeous?”

Gilgamesh rolled his eyes at that, flicking a thing from his pocket and handing over the cigarette he’d had close at hand.

If nothing else, the other’s taste in good tobacco hadn’t changed at all. Cu found himself settling against the wall of the rayshift room, knowing full well that they’d have to run the damn fan in here when they were done.

Worth it though, he thought.

“Mutt, I’m bored. At least bark a little.”

“Woof woof, Goldie. I ain’t up for that shit. Entertain yourself.”

“Entertain myself?” The man’s eyes glinted. “Are you truly thinking yourself that cocky after all we’ve been through?”

“Oi, leave it.”

“I remember a certain man volunteering to look after the vessel candidate, insisting on twenty-four-hour surveillance.”

“I miss that woman.”

The words came out far too easily. He wasn’t sure how, wasn’t sure why, but there they were. They hung in the air between him and the archer, lingering like a storm cloud.

He remembered being stuck around the church. The memories were far too persistent, despite his best efforts otherwise. He could also remember her though, the small conversations, the blush could form as she misunderstood something or simply became too naïve to realize the truth of things.

“You miss a mongrel like that?”

“You never met her.”

The man clicked his tongue. “I met something close enough… This conversation bores me. Go get her if you are so lonesome, mutt. Who’s going to stop you?”

“Gudako?”

Gilgamesh laughed, smashing the butt of his cigarette against the wall and pouring himself some wine. “That fool? She lacked the courage to address many things in this place until they became unavoidable. A little mage hiding in your room will hardly be worth noting.”

“I don’t see you summoning anything here.”

“Me?”

“Is there nothing and no one that you miss?”

It was obvious that there wasn’t anyone. Why would there be? The great king of Heroes was not one for entertaining himself with women and liaisons other than sadistic trysts with malignant priests. He entertained himself with ideologies and the chaos of the inherently good becoming corrupt. A man like that-

Gilgamesh made a small hum.

“Should I allow you to assist me then? I suppose you do owe me for my forcing Kirei to treat you so well.”

“I ain’t interested.”

“No?”

The man was ruining his smoke break. Pulling the cigarette out, he went to kill it when the other spoke up.

“Not even for that Tohsaka fool?”

“Eh?”

He laughed, those red eyes meeting his own. “I’m talking about that little fool your lovesick for, you fool. You wish to go get her, but you don’t want to break any precious rules. Hate to have Gudako see you wet the floors or scratch up the furniture, right?”

“I ain’t givin’ up my place here just to catch a glimpse of the girl.”

“Control the command room when I fetch someone and I’ll control the room when you go to fetch your mongrel.”

“Who are you going to get?”

Gilgamesh eyes closed, his expression deflating until he looked about ready to leave. “I have other things to do. Decide quickly and cease your wasting of my time.”

“How do I know you won’t betray me?”

“Betray?”

He began to nod a second before that face was close, he could see something dark in that gaze, the smell of smoke hanging between them in the intimate space.

“What a strange word coming from someone who spread me before that useless priest and allowed his slop down my throat. Do not think I’ve forgotten a second of that. That or what else you helped him with.”

“You did the same, Goldie.”

“And now we both stand here, with the man dead and the sins of that time lingering only in memory. You want something. I want something. I see no reason why we should allow a little red headed fool tell us what is and is not to be done about our needs… do you?”

“So you’re saying that sexual shit-“

“My time is precious, don’t waste it further, Celt.”

“Fine.”

“Excellent.” Gilgamesh moved to the other room, tapping the glass with his knuckles as he settled into the command room seat. “You’ll fetch your woman first. Be quick. You know how loud this place is and I want who I want tonight as well.”

Be quick.

Funny words from someone who shifted him to the other side of the damn city. He found himself leaping from roof to roof, looking about the strangely offputting city of Fuyuki. Mid-Grail War, obviously, if he could take some damages here and there as any indication. Things had been changed, buildings torn apart and stores collapsed from what had to be a few good battles.

The woman’s own home was quiet, a lone woman lying in the center of the bed in a state of disarray. The bandages on her were numerous, her first aid kit was emptied out, a pile nearby showing that she’d bleed through enough already.

“…Rin.”

The woman jumped, spinning around only to gasp.

A stab wound.

She hadn’t had that. Cu Chulainn yanked at the bedding, bunching it in a rush as he found the woman struggling against him.

“Let me go!”

“Woman, you’re dying.” He grabbed her turtleneck from the floor as he made her hold that blanket to her chest. Her coat nearby was grabbed next, alongside her scarf and stockings.

“What are you doing?! How did you get-“

The shift back came the moment that he had the woman in his arms.

“You would find an idiot sporting a fatal injury, wouldn’t you?”

Gilgamesh stormed into the room, leaving Rin to jump again. Her body clung to him, looking around in shock.

“Kit’s on the chair. I’ve written down the instructions for my shift. Do not fail me. My little toy to keep the place distracted won’t last long and you’ve wasted my time again.”

“Right.”

He didn’t have time to argue, not with Rin like this. Getting her into the other room, he could see the chaos on the monitors. Gil’d unleashed a selection of Avicebron’s golems into the hallways, leaving the place to collect them and that fool Spartacus.

“What is this? Where am I?”

“Chaldea.” Cu typed in the shit on Gil’s paper, shifting him off before he grabbed the kit and looked to her. “Watch the monitors for when that golden guy has whatever he’s searching for. I need to treat your stomach wound.”

“I’ve tried healing it. Nothing’s been working…”

“Yeah, well, let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of these, as you know.”

“I don’t know who you are.”

She what?

Cu Chulainn stared up at her, watching that blue gaze try to understand what was happening. His clever Rin had been a shit liar, even worse at hiding feelings. She should have been raging, kicking and shouting ‘lancer!’ or ‘you idiot’ at him.

Instead, there was just a tired look of shock on her face, as though the world was ending but she still found herself running into that one last problem.

Where did that golden asshole send me?

It had been during the war, he knew that. The damage was obvious. Rin was the same. Right down to the hair style and the weight of her, she was the same.

“You’re a servant, I know that.”

“Shit, Rin.”

“How do you know my name?”

“What do you remember from the Holy Grail war?”

“The war… you mean that my sister won?”

Her sister-

He’d gotten an alternate time’s Rin.

That damned bastard, shipping him off to steal a Rin that didn’t know him. Whatever had happened to this one, she was clueless as to who he was. Who knew what had-

Cu paused.

“…Did anyone try to touch you?”

“W-What the hell is wrong with you!?!” The woman slammed her foot into his chest, sending her computer chair flying back as she did. The bandages he’d been applying fell loosely around her exposed waist. “WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT?!”

Thank the gods.

“HEY-“

“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that, lass. Come here and let me tend that damn wound before ya die on me. I didn’t save your ass in one life just to lose your alternate life like this.”

“…Alternate?”

He motioned her over, watching her hesitate a moment before listening.

It took a minute, ultimately ruining the outfit she was in. He pulled his shirt off and shoved it over her to give her something clean to wear.

“…I don’t get you.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

He ruffled her hair a moment before checking the monitors again.

Most the golems were rounded up now. It looked like time was almost up.

Gilgamesh meanwhile was moving through a school building, slipping into a room and pulling a slumbering woman out of bed. It looked like he had what he wanted, judging by his waving of one arm.

Cu slammed the shift button and glanced back to Rin.

“What am I supposed to do here?”

He hadn’t thought that far.

Embarrassing as it was, he had no clue how to handle things from here. He’d expected to have his own Rin, the one that had yelled at him and demanded his aid in fighting that red archer. He’d expected swearings and stompings and a collection of colorful insults to fill his evening. It’d have been long enough for him to think of a reason to keep her around other than that he liked her.

This Rin was just sweet.

It was like gaining a bird with a broken wing. No matter how powerful, they still couldn’t fly. He’d have to nurse her back to health and figure shit out on the fly.

“Are they still gathering those beasts?” Gilgamesh asked, hauling the woman into the room over his shoulder.

“Last few.”

“Then move it. I won’t be caught this early just because you want to play nursemaid with the woman you missed.”

“Missed?” Rin stared at him next, earning a scoff.

“Figure your own fool out on your own, mongrel. I have things to do.”

Things was currently holding onto his shoulders, her face pressing against his neck. Whoever the woman was, it was clear she was entirely asleep, lost in a warm and comforting dream that would burst the moment she woke up to the asshole archer.

“You mind trusting me a while longer?” Cu asked the woman in his shirt, offering his back to her.

“…Since you helped me not die, fine.” Rin shifted, her body wrapping around his carefully before he grabbed her soiled clothes and the first aid kit from the floor. Her head leaned over his shoulder. “I want an explanation of what’s going on when we get to wherever we’re going.”

Yeah, he’d figured that she would.

Shame he didn’t have one for her.

[tomakeitbeautifultolive]

Oh yes, of course, I never meant to imply that I, personally, believe that it makes sense for mental illness or grief to push someone to insanity/mass murder. I just thought that was really the toxic thinking that D&D was operating on. Sadly, I guess D&D didn't care that much or put too much thought into whatever slop they were slinging onto the script pages. It seems they were, indeed, relying on every disgusting message (for mental health), and over-used trope (sexism), there is in the book.

Oh, no! I'm so sorry anon. I didn't at all mean to imply that you were the one saying that grief pushed people into mental illness. That is entirely on the writers.

And it's absolutely toxic thinking. Or well, even the word "thinking" is being generous, because they (or, at least David Benioff) admit that they didn't put thought into the show's themes or message. How incredibly negligent. This wasn't just some little sitcom. This was one of the most popular shows of all-time, the world over. They completely dropped in the ball in the final hour by going for the most "subversive" ending rather than one that answers questions or provides meaning to the journey we invested a decade of our lives into following.

Can you believe the writers had the nerve to compare the ending of Game of Thrones to Breaking Bad? D.B. Weiss said:

"I'm hoping for the Breaking Bad [finale] argument where it's like, 'Is that an A or an A+?'"

In their minds, Daenerys was their Walter White.

Except that Breaking Bad very carefully documented Walter's descent over five seasons, so you weren't surprised that he was 'the bad guy' at the end. In fact, here's how Wikipedia describes the series:

"Series creator Vince Gilligan has described his goal with Walter White as "turning Mr. Chips into Scarface" and deliberately made the character less sympathetic over the course of the series. Walt's evolution from the mild-mannered school teacher and family man to ruthless criminal mastermind and murderer is the show's central focus."

Let's compare that to Game of Thrones.

In the penultimate season, we have Daenerys descending from the skies (with an angel aesthetic) to save a handful of men, losing her dragon with great remorse but without regret, giving up her quest for the throne to save the North because it's the right thing to do - even trying to rally her enemy, a woman she doesn't trust an inch, for the greater good of the realm. Crying and vulnerable, she says she hopes she deserves to be queen, and one of the most moral and honorable characters in the series proudly declares 'you do'.

Meanwhile, we had already followed another character through her descent since season one. The writers even, mind-bogglingly, paralleled her with Aerys! Like Aerys, Cersei was imprisoned and tortured. She uses wildfire against her enemies. She chained mother and daughter just out of reach while killing one, leaving the other to struggle against her bindings as she watched her die. She sexually assaults her sibling because torture arouses her. And the kicker is - despite her 'madness', Cersei had been humanized, she was still a sympathetic character. She was complex. We watched how her stubbornness destroyed not only her, but those she loved - and our hearts bled for her despite her heinous acts because we could see the path that led her there so clearly.

I know it's unpopular to discuss the failings of other characters amongst Daenerys fans, but... I can't help myself. Cersei was butchered too! They took one of the best on-screen villains and did virtually nothing with her aside from killing Missandei - which was only done in an effort to aid Dany's 'madness'. They made Cersei Lannister into a crying damsel in a tower. Why? Because they needed Daenerys to look worse, not because this was at all in-character for Cersei.

I don't believe the writers intended for there to be any message or take away from the series. I don't at all think they put any thought into how soul-crushing it was for abuse survivors to see their hero murdered by her partner. I don't at all think they put any thought into the message that no matter how good you try to be, you can never change, or that if you have any family history of mental illness - you're just doomed (unless you're a man, I guess? As Jon Snow Aegon Targaryen proves).

The only hope I can cling to now is George R.R. Martin and that he's being honest when he says:

"My worldview is anything but nihilistic."—George R. R. Martin

I'm not done dreaming of that spring, and for better things for our queen 🌺

[unclefungusthegoat]

A CONFUSION OF TONGUES - Far Cry 5 Week Day 3 (The Resistance)

Day 3, YAY! I had the greatest time ever writing this. It’s just a pile of stupid crap but @lucy-and-loki wanted a story where Chad, Wheaty and Cheeseburger were mentioned and so this is what I came up with.

And anyway, it’s about time Chad gets some love hahahaha

Chad Wolanski simply wants to mind his own business, work out what the hell a vegan burger is so that he can woo Adelaide Drubman, and preferably not have to talk to the obnoxious John Seed, who has just shown up at The Grill Streak, with a proposition and a couple of thinly disguised threats.

And what is he going to do about it?

Let's just say the Tower of Babel has got nothing on Chad.

This can be read on AO3: HERE

My whole Far Cry Week series can be read: HERE

Chad Wolanksi had never made a vegan burger in his entire life. As far as he was concerned, plants were plants and the only way they should be anywhere near his grease-slathered grill was having been digested once by the elk or bison sizzling over the heat.

Only… Adelaide Drubman wasn’t of that opinion.

Not since she’d met that spinach worshipping, kale for brains Californian.

God, that woman was a cougar , sex on legs with a quick wit, flirty charm and a healthy appetite to boot. Exactly the sort of woman Chad Wolanski went for. He held the long revered stance that the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach… and so here he was, on a blisteringly hot July afternoon, stood on the porch of The Grill Streak, experimenting his way through heaps of unfamiliar produce to whip up the perfect vegan burger.

He’d drop by the marina and give it to her personally.

Maybe he’d invite her out for a steak?

Show her what she was missing out on.

As he mushed and mashed and squashed and pounded his latest attempt into a patty sized lump and tossed it onto the grill, he heard brakes screeching to a halt in the parking lot. One of those horrendous Peggie songs was blasting on full whack through the open window. The smooth humming cut out as the engine was switched off, the door slammed dramatically behind the driver, and footwear obviously inappropriate for the mountainous Whitetail region came striding towards him.

“Mr Wolanski?” Chad could hear the smug grin in the way the approaching voice drew out the syllables of his name, hissing a little on long ‘s’. He knew exactly who it was. Being a business owner of some renown, reputable and profitable in a county famed for its carnivorous population (Chad would rather die than miss the annual Testy Festy), he’d been expecting the manicured bastard for a while.

A fly danced around the misshapen patty of black beans, green beans, corn-beans right off a cob, whatever those goddamn chickpea-beans were, and something which the folks at Sunrise Farm called an ‘eggplant’. Didn’t look much like it came out of a chicken’s ass, but if it did, Chad very much wanted to get his hands on whatever oversized and no doubt juicy hen dropped the purple monstrosity.

Chad squashed the fat little insect straight onto the counter and watched it burst.

That’s exactly what he’d like to do to his latest visitor.

He turned and was faced with the ever irritating John Seed. A rare sight in this area, often far too busy sticking people’s heads into rivers down in the Holland Valley or looking at himself in a mirror, and definitely an unwelcome one.

“You are certainly an industrious man, Mr Wolanski, to be braving the heat of your kitchen in this weather.” John laughed, slick lawyer small talk weakened only by the fact that Chad could see that the man’s brow was glistening. He was probably desperate to be back at his ranch being fanned by swooning women. And why the hell was he insisting on wearing that ugly coat in 100 degree fahrenheit weather?

Chad offered no reply.

He sure as hell wasn’t about to offer a cold beverage either.

He’ll take my beverage, then he’ll take my restaurant.

All it took was a single step and Chad Wolanski was not going to take it.

John sauntered forward, surveying the Grill Streak in all her shabby, oily walled and grimy bathroom-ed glory, almost rubbing his hands together.

“You’ll be aware, Mr Wolanski, that my brother Jacob has, what one might call, an insatiable appetite for the protein food group. Something on which I’m sure the two of you can relate. And the same goes for rather a lot of his men, the ones who no doubt have paid a visit to your most nourishing and nurturing establishment.”

Chad watched this walking bacterial virus run his tattooed fingers along the surface of one of the outdoor seating tables, and rub the residual coating of meat juice between them.

The wince of disgust didn’t go unnoticed.

“They are the new alpha pack of this county, strong, loyal, a collective, more united than ever. A true militia. They make Eli Palmer’s group look like a book club. And you must take some of the glory for that, Mr Wolanski. You have provided a great service to these men and women. Fed and watered them, shared your bounty, relinquished your greed and gluttony and gave it to the community. You should be proud.”

Chad smelt his heap of mangled beans burning, and cursed under his breath. Damn Seed family, never shutting up, a permanent pain in the ass. He’d have to start all over again, and cutting up the eggplant had been hard enough last time. Ignoring John, he turned and grabbed his spatula, scooped up the patty and tossed it into a nearby garbage can.

“I have a proposition for you, Chad-”

“Iaigihtgohnnsyll, Jwn, sogtffmylndbakinyrfcycahrnfukff” Chad growled, hauling himself down the front stairs, spatula raised, wielded like a pitchfork, as if he were defending America from the British.

John’s face became utterly blank, that smirk finally wiped away. Eyes wide, brow furrowed, mouth agape at the string of unintelligible words he’d just had hurled at him. Chad relished in just how nervous even the spatula seemed to be making him. A part of him wished that John would cause trouble, and he could give him a good hiding with his utensils.

Whitehorse wouldn’t have cause to charge him with assault if he was defending his property… and would also probably be glad to hear that John Seed’s backside got what was coming to him at the hands of Hope County’s finest spatula.

“Imntinrstdinyrkultshihsujsfukffnlivmhtmwrk”.

John still didn’t move, just stood and stared.

“Dntmkmywsthz…” Chad raised his makeshift weapon again.

A bird squawked in the trees.

One of Jacob’s chosen sped on by, honking their car horn in victory.

The stifling airless day was suddenly treated to a short lived breeze.

“... I’m sorry… WHAT?”

All pretence of polite society and schmoozing was gone.

“Yhyrdm.”

“Uh… I…” John spluttered, completely oblivious to what was going on.

“YcntkyrPrhjctnshviuyrss”

“Are you even speaking English right now?”

“Alystmnhtspkinssholunlysmonuh-”

Chad could have sworn that John nearly reached into his inner coat pocket to retrieve a crucifix, in the hope that he could banish the demon that spoke in tongues.

“Those aren’t words- ”

“Yrthonlfkrnthcwntwhudnunstnm-”

“Do they not teach diction in Montana?”

“DthynhtichyhwtnhdrhssnthdhknGyhgh?”

“Maybe if you spoke a little slower , a little louder ?”

“IlspkhwwIwnthnyvrmuh-”

The usually dangerously collected lawyer was seething with visible rage. Chad couldn’t tell if he had a holster on his hip under that coat of his, but suspected that even with his track record of behaviour that went beyond questionable legality, John Seed wouldn’t be stupid enough to draw a pistol on a man armed only with a spatula in broad daylight.

“If this is supposed to be humorous, I warn you now, I am not a man who appreciates or tolerates being messed around and made to look a fool- ”

“Wlyhlkafllrhdyfyhcntuhndstnamnspkyonlngwg.”

“The Father requires your co-operation in these matters, and it would be wise not to play games with his patience, or mine- ”

“Ivlrdygvnmnswrntsno.”

John clamped his lips together, and breathed heavily, trying to regain his composure. There was a vein throbbing in his forehead, sweat now running from his hairline as they faced each other in the almost unbearable sunlight. Chad wondered just how much longer the man was going to endure this undignified performance, but realised he was in for an encore when John pushed his shoulders back, and plastered a smiling grimace on his face.

“Now, Mr Wolanski... we’re going to try again.” His voice was low, ominously quiet and all the wrong kinds of pleasant. “I have a proposition for you, one that would bring you into the Project’s embrace as a brother-”

“ThnkbhnthnkmnonlchdnIlkithawy.”

John threw his hands up in frustration.

“Do you have a sous-chef who I could speak to…” John cut himself off before finishing his point, folding his arms and resting his head in his trembling hand, rubbing at his temples, “No, why am I even asking , of course you don’t…”

“OnlnIndsm, ImnbsdmnckswthaBlngs, nIdfyntldntnyh-”

“Will you just silence yourself, for a moment, so I can think- ”

“Mlnmryls-”

“I warned you about the punishment for disrespect , Mr Wolanski, I am not an enemy you want to have. I can make your life exceptionally difficult- ”

“GhydIdlktsyyhtrhy, Jwn, Iljsthrwynmgrlnwhchycklkthundrfdgohtyr-”

“Pride is the most unforgivable of all sins, Chad-”

“FnyIhrdiwsbyna-”

“Utter another string of mumbled incomprehensible slop and I’ll-”

“Ylwh? Wwosaonwthspatulahr?”

John’s eyes darted towards the spatula, having finally picked up on a single, solitary word. Chad bared a knowing smile, unbrushed teeth yellowed with age saying everything else he wanted to say. I’m not afraid to use this and make it hurt. Maybe Adelaide will see him as a hero, cast her beetroot smoothie chugging toyboy out into the water for Ragnar to eat, and come running into his bare rugged chest and muscular arms? The scene briefly played out in front of his eyes, like the cover of one of those cheesy romance novels he flicked through in the clinic waiting room when he went to have his cholesterol measured.

More music came from the road, and Chad couldn’t have been happier to see Wheaty rolling up in a deep red 1970 Kimberlite ZZT, with Elton John’s ‘Tower of Babel’ crooning out of the speakers. Upon seeing the situation at hand, the teenager stuck his head out of the window, looking deeply concerned.

“Guess I got here just in time, huh? I’ve seen what he can do with that thing, Mr Seed, believe me, it’s not pretty.”

He hopped out of the car and half-skipped awkwardly over.

“Uh, if it’s not a bad time, Mr Wolanski? Wade asked me to pick up his usual?”

Not relinquishing his grip on the spatula, and not taking his eyes off of John, Chad replied:

“Thgtthbyrwznadyht?”

Wheaty shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand sheepishly.

“Well, Cheeseburger’s been a bit grouchy since he’s been on the diet Doctor Lindsey recommended and uh, well Wade’s feeling a bit sorry for him, y’know?”

“ImnhtsprhzdWytprthgcnlvnfsh, nydsmytngudolAmyrcnchz.”

“Yeah, I know right? Poor thing’s looking miserable as hell right now...”

“Ilmkhizomthndntywrryh.’

“Thanks Mr Wolanski, that’s a big help-”

Wheaty trailed off, double taking at their audience, and Chad saw that John was gawking again, his gaze this time dancing between the young boy, who was so effortlessly communicating with what he had considered to be crude, Neanderthalic grunting, and Chad, who had not let up on said grunting.

“Wha- HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT? WHAT IS HE SAYING? ” John demanded, screeching like a PTA mother offended by store bought cakes at a bake sale.

Wheaty frowned, confused by the question.

“What is it that you don’t get, Mr Seed?”

“I- wha- he’s not saying any words. There are NO WORDS THERE. ” John was losing it, looking like he was on the verge of fainting with utter bewilderment. He wobbled, and gripped the side of the nearest greasy table, eyes scanning the floor, looking at nothing, as he tried to process what the hell was going on. Chad chuckled to himself silently. He couldn’t wait to tell Adelaide how he’d made John Seed squeal like a mid-tantrum toddler.

Maybe he’d get a steak and sex?

“...Are you OK, Mr Seed? Are you having a stroke?” Wheaty made no move to help the man, but pulled out his cell phone. “I could try and get a signal and call an ambulance?”

“Trznzygnlhr-” Chad started.

John’s head snapped up and he threw both of them a filthy glare. Straightening up, he adjusted his vest and jacket, smoothed his hair back, still visibly vibrating with boiling rage, and flounced away towards his sun-warmed Mercedes, calling back as he went.

“Mark my words, Wolanski, I know your game! The wrath of the Father shall rain down upon you for your contempt! You will rue the day you made a mockery of me... and I shall so enjoy watching this shithole burn to the ground! And when you feel the hand of the Project’s justice, there’ll not be a single goddamn person there to listen to your insolent vociferating- ” He spat, before climbing into his car and speeding away towards the Henbane River as fast as the engine could take him.

Chad and Wheaty stood watching the dust rise behind him in a daze.

“And he says he can’t understand you … what the fuck does ‘vociferating’ mean?” Wheaty asked, as they retreated back to the safety of the shady Grill Streak. Both were in need of a Whistling Beaver beer and Chad wasn’t exactly one for being too concerned with age of drinking laws, or even permits to sell alcohol in the first place. No one asked, so he didn’t say.

“Idnszpzwlevrno, hsrahllancminbk” Chad laughed, before suddenly deflating again at the sight of mountains of uncooked beans.

Wheaty leaned over to peer at it, frowning at how unappetizing it all looked.

“Mrs Drubman coming for dinner?”

Chad beamed at his young friend.

Things would soon be as they should again. Seed-less, bean-less and vegan-less.

“Yh. Ihpzo.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WHEATY'S GUIDE TO SPEAKING CHAD

Iaigihtgohnnsyll, Jwn, sogtffmylndbakinyrfcycahrnfukff - I ain’t gonna sell John, so get off my land, back in your fancy car and fuck off

Imntinrstdinyrkultshihsujsfukffnlivmhtmwrk - I’m not interested in your cult shit so just fuck off and leave me to my work

Dntmkmywsthz - Don’t make me use this

Yhyrdm - You heard me

YcntkyrPrhjctnshviuyrss - You can take your project and shove it up your ass

Alystmnhtspkinssholunlysmonuh - At least I’m not speaking asshole, unlike someone

Yrthonlfkrnthcwntwhudnunstnm - You’re the only fucker in the county who can’t understand me

DthynhtichyhwtnhdrhssnthdhknGyhgh? - Do they not teach you how to not dress in the dark in Georgia?

IlspkhwwIwnthnyvrmuh - I’ll speak how I want, thank you very much

Wlyhlkafllrhdyfyhcntuhndstnamnspkyonlngwg - Well you look a fool already if you can’t understand a man speaking your own language

Ivlrdygvnmnswrntsno - I’ve already given my answer and it’s no

ThnkbhnthnkmnonlchdnIlkithawy - Thanks, but no thanks, I’m an only child and I like it that way

OnlnIndsm, ImnbsdmnckswthaBlngs, nIdfyntldntnyh - Only one I need is me, I’m the best damn cook south of Billings, and I definitely don’t need you

Mlnmryls - My land, my rules

GhydIdlktsyyhtrhy, Jwn, Iljsthrwynmgrlnwhchycklkthundrfdgohtyr - Go ahead, I’d like to see you try John, I’ll just throw you on the grill and watch you cook like the underfed goat you are

FnyIhrdiwsbyna - Funny, I thought it was being a...

Ylwh? Wwosaonwthspatulahr? - You’ll what? Who’s the one with the spatula here?

Thgtthbyrwznadyht? - Thought the bear was on a diet?

ImnhtsprhzdWytprthgcnlvnfsh, nydsmytngudolAmyrcnchz - I’m not surprised, Wheat, the poor thing can’t live on fish, needs meat and good old American cheese

Ilmkhizomthndntywrryh - I’ll make him something, don’t worry

Trznzygnlhr - There’s no signal here

Idnszpzwlevrno, hsrahllancminbk - I don’t suppose we’ll ever know, he sure as shit ain’t coming back

Yh. Ihpzo. - Yeah. I hope so

[charlesandmartine]

Friday 25th January 2019

Last night was not an easy one. At midnight we saw temperatures of 32 degrees. This apartment does not have air conditioning! The fans were spinning without any relief in sight. These are extraordinary times. The heat has been on for a while but we are in an area which has road signs giving advice for driving in ice and snow! Martine spent much of the night sleeping on the floor next to the front door.

So, sleepily, we emerged at 9am thinking perhaps a slower day should be allowed for especially since temperatures were predicted as 41degrees. Since the area is famous for its mineral water springs and spas, we thought we would have a stroll in the nature reserve that is full of the stuff. Hepburn Springs has been appreciated for its springs and mineral waters since the 1860s. In 1864 its citizens met at the Savoia Hotel (which incidentally is opposite us) and petitioned the government to protect the mineral springs from mining - the water was rated above gold and the Hepburn Mineral Spring Reserve was created in 1865. Several springs exist in the main reserve – Soda, Sulphur, Pavilion, Locarno and Wyuna. Golden Spring, Hendersons and Lithia Spring are located in the vicinity. There were various drinking fountains around the reserve where it was possible to sample these various waters. The ones we tried were fairly disgusting. I think I will stick to bottled. Returning to the apartment, we slopped a bit in the heat, then popped out to our biggest nearest town, Daylesford to have a look at the heritage railway station. No trains today unfortunately. The line just tootles up and down between 3 stops now, but once it joined to the mainline connecting with Melbourne. It would appear that during the 1970s, Australia had its own Dr Beeching when many small lines were closed. We had a look at a local shop, closed due to the heat, as was the Chinese antique shop. So we had a cold beer instead: Little Creatures. We saw the brewery last year in Fremantle. Nice beer.

Tonight we have been watching the Australian of the year voting. Two medical doctors/ cavers were given the award for their part in the rescue of the Thai boy's football team. No mention was made of the British rescue guys.

Tomorrow we shall be making our way back to Melbourne where we hope to have air-conditioning. Oh, and tomorrow is also Australia Day of course celebrating the landing of the first fleet on 26th January 1788 in Sydney Cove, NSW.

As a footnote, we saw on the news tonight that the remains of Captain Matthew Flinders were unearthed whilst clearing the site for the new Euston Station. This has caused some excitement here since he is quite a hero down under. He was mentioned earlier in this tome as the man who was attributed as the first to refer to this land as Australia and had also charted the coastline of Australia. Clearly found his way home then.

[tharglet]

Lunatic & Origami Cyclone - Edge of Hero - Tiger & Bunny

I was perusing the small anime goods at Animate and was surprised to see a new collectable figure set for Tiger & Bunny. I thought they were relatively pricey, so I bought two, with a potential view to buy more if I liked the box contents to justify buying more. So here are the two I bought to see.

The first one to be unboxed turned out to be Lunatic:

These figures are REALLY small, so the macro lens made an outing. The plastic bridge he sits on is a stand that came with each of the figures, and can be used to display the figure and a card they came with, The stands are pretty big relative to the figure size, so I’m likely to display two on one stand.

And it’s only just now I remember that these figures came with display cards. That’s how exciting the card design is…

So, onto the figure itself. It’s definitely Lunatic’s colours, and it’s nice to see he has a fireball, even if it isn’t translucent. The paint is definitely a bit haphazard in places - noticeable on his legs and the green curves on the inner edges of his cloak. His face lacks detail though, and it makes it kinda look like he doesn’t have eyes. If they did his eyes in white it would have done, but a bit of extra detail on his head would have helped a lot.

Left:

Here we see an obvious seam, and the paint kind of giving up.

Right:

This side is far better than the other one, and the blend in his fireball is nice.

Back:

Paint on the back I think is an acceptable level of quality for such a small figure. The flaws are mostly small and not too noticeable. Some blue paint has gone walkies higher up on his back though - you can see two paint drips.

He does stay nicely on the stand, and doesn’t fall off too easily. It’s a decent sculpt for its size, but the painting of his face really lets the whole thing down imo. Not a big fan.

Now for the second, Origami Cyclone:

Here we see a lovely range of colour, which feels accurate to the show. However, where they put the colour… not so much. If the painting was done accurately, he would have been show-accurate, but there’s missing paint and slop all over the place. Most noticeable of this is on his chest - part of the blue triangle has been missed, giving him mutant chest. He also appears to have flesh-coloured armour on his right arm. The other paint miss I noticed fairly early on was the bit hanging from the middle of his belt, and the bit on his trousers. His hands and the upwards points on his mask haven’t been sculpted too well and are a fair bit blobby.

Let’s see if the back fares much better:

Erm, kinda, yeah... The oversized shuriken thing on his back looks pretty decent, but does have one mark on one blade. Gold edging paint is all over the place though, and one of this sword handles has been given a half-effort. Red edging on this “skirt” was given the other half effort. Also note the huge blobs of missed blue paint on his upper back - this looks truly awful when looking at the figure from the back. 

Overall, these figures were a neat idea, executed poorly. If they made them 1.5-2x bigger, I feel they could have done a much better paint job, and the details would be so much more visible. As it stands, they’re REALLY small and the paint’s a mess. After seeing these two, I was not inclined to buy any more. I would not recommend these figures to anyone tbh. If you want to buy small figures of Tiger & Bunny characters, just go buy some of the trading sets that are out there. 

[thegoddamnwordsmith]

My Top Ten Marvel Legends of 2017!

10 - Colossus Starting our list off, we have the guy that a lot of people were waiting to see updated, and is he ever an update. Colossus premiers a new body mold, clocking in at eight inches of Russian organic steel. His sculpting is great, combining detailed boots and gauntlets with his classic banded arms and an otherwise smooth costumed body. His face sculpt is solid, with his alternate bearded head lending a little more character to the figure. Alas, he's not without some issues - some additional hands (for fisticuffs, or properly tossing Canadian teammates) would have gone a long way, and while I have no issue with the more recent costume choice, the paint work could be a lot sharper. But he towers with power, which is required for any good Colossus figure, giving him his slot on the list. 9 - Singularity When we first read A-Force, my wife and I fell in love with Singularity. Funny, cute, and endearingly new to the world, she was a breath of fresh air among the jaded heroes in the 'verse. We hoped, one day, that she'd get the plastic treatment... and then the A-Force boxed set did just that, and did it well. Cast in translucent blue glittery plastic, Hasbro's deco team did a great job of throwing a purple-indigo face across her body to cement the cosmic look of this living pocket dimension, with a spot of white paint to define her eyes. However, one of the most notable things about her is also left out of the figure - Singularity is almost always smiling, being a joyous character who loves life and her friends. The figure has a vaguely pleasant neutral expression, and this minor detail goes a long way to keep this figure so low on the list. But even the fact that she got made in the first place is worth celebrating, so here we are - a fantastic figure that's just a bit shy of being incredible. 8 - Lady Loki Another 'niche' character (and, thus, great for the A-Force boxed set), Lady Loki gets on the list for two reasons - one, because she's a figure that wasn't likely to be made any time soon, and two, her paint work is amazing. The dark metallic green used across her body is sharp, accented with equally-clean applications of a light green scale pattern on her arms, legs, and abdomen, with a nice fade effect between the greens. A more subtle, but just as impressive, example of paint apps would be her face paint - two-toned lipstick, metallic green eyes, and a clean fade application of green eye shadow give her a striking appearance. Topped off with a fur-lined cape, a custom loincloth, and hair outfitted with gold accent pieces and Loki's trademark horn headdress, Lady Loki is much more than one might expect from a lesser-demand character. 7 - Invisible Woman (with HERBIE) The return of the Fantastic Four to the Marvel Legends line starts with a bang. Sue's got a fantastic (d'oh) paint job, sharp black paired with a medium-dark blue, with a clean '4' chest emblem proudly displayed. While I'd prefer a full alternate invisibility arm, rather than just an alternate hand, the fade on the clear plastic is very well done, showing the barest differentiation between her costume pieces as they fade into nothingness. On top of it all, a very nice face sculpt (with spot-on paint application and a great hair piece) gives her a pleasant look, fitting for the world's most fantastic woman. Plus, a cleanly-sculpted and painted HERBIE is included, and while they could have made him a static piece, he even has a ball-jointed neck, allowing him enough poseability to express some character. And I just love the sculpted outlet in his back. 6 - Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan) One of Marvel's newer best-selling characters, it was only a matter of time before Kamala joined the ranks of Legends. For being released on a body-type we've seen quite a bit (Teen Girl), she has enough unique parts to bring her above the standard rank-and-file. Of course, there's her head sculpt, which gives her a bit of a smile, but that's not where the big difference lies. It's actually the dress layer over her body (from the ab-swivel down) that sells it, changing her silhouette just enough to catch the eye and reproduce her costume from the comics without any shortcuts. On top of that, she has flared sleeve caps, her trademark scarf, and the heirloom bangle on her left wrist, to make her more unique. Hasbro didn't stop there, though, and included two alternate forearm pieces to replicate her 'embiggening' powers from the comics, and while they could be tweaked a bit better (giving them any kind of wrist articulation, for instance), the fact that they're included, and are very well-sculpted to boot, just make her all that bit more perfect. 5 - Ares The original BAF Ares was before my time as a collector, and long before I had any interest in Ares as a character. Between then and the Ragnarok wave, Ares hit my radar hard. So when I first saw the figure in person, I knew I had to get him. And I don't regret it. Despite being only slightly altered from his original 2008 release, the alterations are nothing but good for this nine-year-old (!) mold. Ares is a massive chunk of plastic, with no small amount of sculpted detail or paint apps. His metal boots and leather wraps are given a darker wash, and his altered face-up gives him a more ethereal, godly look that the original release lacks. The use of gold plastic over paint in his helm is a good choice, as the original looks a bit more slopped on, while here the black paint is nice and clean. And I'm a sucker for figures that come with big weapons, of which Ares comes with three - his original long and short swords, as well as the axe meant for him, but usually included with Thor figures instead. Given that the original Ares goes for a high price on the aftermarket, this figure does a good job of filling the god of war-shaped hole. 4 - Moon Knight I know a lot of people don't like the costume used for this iteration of Moon Knight, but it's hard to argue with the simple elegance of a high-contrast scheme, especially when so many of the pieces are molded in their color, rather than painted. The result is a nearly universally clean deco, with paint apps being limited to the hands, feet, chest emblem, and face. the individual armor pieces help break up his shape more, making him stand out from the crowd of 'heroic male build' figures just a bit, as does his iconic cape and hood. The eyes have a thin rimming of blue, helping them 'pop' a bit more from the rest of the deco. His cape stays loose due to having a short peg, but it's not as big of an issue as one might think. Marc's accessories are a mixed bag - the billy clubs should have been a proper staff, but alternate hands and multiple throwing crescents help ease that, even if some of them are small and easy to lose. However, the figure boasts one other advantage over his fellows - instead of the ubiquitous mid-calf swivel, he features a new ankle joint, allowing for an increased range of motion. Hopefully we'll see more of this type of joint going forward, because Moon Knight makes great use of it. 3 - Elsa Bloodstone Another slam-dunk character from the A-Force boxed set, Elsa makes good use of recycled parts. Aside from her head (brand new sculpt with an incredibly striking face and amazing hair) and knee pieces, Elsa is a successful combination of Misty Knight and MCU Scarlet Witch, blending pieces from both into a trenchcoated, knee-high-booted monster-hunting badass. Clean paint apps across the board (including her Bloodstone Gem choker) help polish off the look, as do her accessories - a revolver (conveniently tucked into her hip holster) and twin shotguns, the weapons of choice for Miss Bloodstone. A little bit of altered articulation would put her on another level entirely, but it's hard to argue with just how **** amazing the end result already is. 2 - The Beetle (Abner Jenkins) Sometimes, it's the little things that make a figure great. They don't necessarily need to be an all-new sculpt, or have twenty-million paint apps, or come with an arsenal of accessories. Sometimes, it's just a smart combination of details that do the job. Ol' Abner has that combination. The right number of new pieces (head which captures the classic Beetle mask, new torso and shoulders, and a new belt), accessories (reused wings from Wasp and Louise Lincoln Beetle, along with new wing-cover pieces above those), and paint choices (metallic violet and dark green, natch) come together to create an iconic villain from Marvel history in a hard-to-beat figure. Just like Eel from last year, sometimes it doesn't take a whole lot to rank high on the list. 1 - Angela On the other hand, Angela is almost the opposite. From head to toe, she features an all-new sculpt that gives her the impressive build of an Asgardian warrior (topping off at seven inches), with additional armor pieces across her body, few of which impede her articulation (which includes a fencing joint worthy of the swordswoman). Numerous paint apps cover the figure, including fine detailing on her gauntlets, shoulderpad, and face (which is crisp as hell). And, of course, she's outfitted with unique accessory pieces, including a sword, twin axe weapons, a belt (with sheath for the sword), and her iconic ribbons - all featuring detailed sculpting and/or unique paint work. All of this comes together to be the best figure for 2017, no contest whatsoever. BAF: Warlock Once again, the X-Men wave delivers with the BAF, because Warlock is fan-friggin-tastic! He's a looming giant, standing at ten inches tall, and his lanky frame makes him as striking as any bulky goliath (looking at you, Juggernaut). He's got as wide a range of articulation as he could get, even if there's a few pieces hindered by sculpted details. And that's one of the best parts - the sculpting. This sculpt is 100% Warlock - it will take a lot of retooling, new pieces, and paint to make this into anyone other than the techno-organic New Mutant. Every inch of him is covered in metalwork and circuitry detailing, given life through a fantastic gold paint wash over black plastic. His face, a less stylized interpretation of Bill Sienkiewicz' art of the character, is nonetheless spot-on and even gives the illusion of different expressions based on the angle at which it's viewed. Hell, he even comes with an alternate buzz-saw hand, a rare accessory for BAFs. He might not be perfect (the hoses can't stay connected without hampering articulation, and the joints like to be a bit loose), but he's such a standout that it really doesn't hold him back from the top slot. Honorable Mentions: Human Torch - While not much of a standout sculpt-wise, the use of translucent plastic is excellent. And while some people balk at the 'mismatched' colors across his body, I dig that they outline the details of his costume when not 'enflamed,' a trait shared by fellow FF figure Invisible Woman's translucent arm. Thor (Jane Foster) - Long awaited, Jane hits all the right notes for her debut figure, and really has no drawbacks - the paint work, sculpting, and accessories are all great. She just doesn't have the right amount of oomph to make it into the top ten. (NOTE: Only speaking of the mainline release - never got the SDCC version) Monica Rambeau - Another solid figure and a long-awaited addition, Monica has a fantastic head sculpt and a great deco, and is only hampered by minor engineering issues (she uses the arms and coat of MCU Scarlet Witch again), and the lack of any 'energy burst' accessory, which really would've gone a long way with her. Dazzler - Like Jane, she doesn't have enough to edge into the top ten, but Alison is no slouch as a figure. The pearlescent white used for her disco-era costume, the sharp apps for her stage makeup, the Farrah Fawcett hair, and the accessories (rainbow energy burst, microphone, disco ball necklace) are all tip-top. And the roller skates! Even if posing her with them can be a pain. Mary Jane Watson - We haven't picked up MJ yet, but she's getting a mention due to the sheer fact that she was made. The Legends line isn't known for getting civilians, so to see one of the most prominent ones get the plastic treatment is just an event worth celebrating. Vulture w/ Wing Pack (MCU) - While not the BAF buffet that Warlock is, Vulture is still a worthwhile figure, featuring an incredibly detailed sculpt and clean paint apps across the board, as well as being an interesting take on the BAF formula - he's an enjoyable, if basic, figure on his own, but the moment you get all the pieces for his wings, he makes a menacing display piece. I'm not looking for Hasbro to do more Build-a-Vehicle figures in the future, but as the primary villain of Homecoming, I'm glad they didn't shortchange his figure release. Disappointments: She-Hulk - We've gone for years without an update to our favorite green lady, and when we finally get one... she left a lot to be desired. I have no personal problem with the body itself, but something about this figure highlights the flaws - limbs, torso, and head are all ill-proportioned to one another. If the arms had been lengthened and the head enlarged just a tiny bit, it would have made a world of difference. Also, I'm just not a big fan of 'stoic' Jen - she's generally a lighter character, and needs a face that shows it. Until then, my Blob-wave Shulkie will continue to be the go-to. X-Men Wave - An interesting case, because while the wave has a bunch of updates or first-time Legends, so many of them have something that holds them back from greatness. Last year's wave was a strong return of the X-Men, and this year... gives us what we needed, and what we wanted, but not quite what we could've gotten. Cyclops reusing the Bucky Cap body and being covered with ill-fitting straps (would sharing Sunfire's body have been better, I wonder?). Polaris looked fantastic, but dull at the same time. Shatterstar is a great sculpt, but there's a lot of QC problems with his paint and joints, and really, no fencing joint in the wrist for the career swordsman? Sunfire is great, but he's also just kinda... there. Old Man Logan... feels tacked on, like they needed a Wolverine in the wave but didn't want to immediately turn around and release the Tiger Stripe right after the 80s costume. And honestly, none of these figures are bad, they just didn't quite live up to the expectations. Overall, this year has been an odd one for me, since while there's been a lot of good figures released, there haven't been a ton of outstanding ones. Almost all have been servicable figures, to be sure, and there's a lot of welcome faces among them, both remakes and first-time Legends. But there's not as many this year (compared to last year) that just slap you upside the head with their very existence. All that said, however, this has been a solid year, with few actual missteps, in my opinion.