#here on this blog i love making fun of nuns and priests but not those nuns and priests who went against the military jsyk

[mourningmaybells]

the myth surronding the marcos regime ending as an act of god in edsa still irks me actually

[oldsoul007]

Shadows of the Sacred

father charlie mayhewxdetective reader

Summary: what begins as a case for y/n takes a turn to something far more difficult for y/n to resist

disclaimer: I’m not catholic and no disrespect to the religion at all just been wanting to write about him and the show. This is just a work of fiction. (Loosely follows the plot) I jus write for fun so I’m not giving it my all, be nice ;) and enjoy

Warnings: making out, blasphemy?, forbidden love, sexual themes, not proofread

masterlist

There's an undeniable allure to a man who is off-limits.

The office was noisy with the recent murders going on. Some psychopath was killing people and putting them into religious meaning. We have no clue who could be doing something like this. Lois was currently talking to some nun that came in here. She has a very weird vibe from her considering she’s a nun. I think Lois thinks so too considering how she’s looking at her.

I feel like I’m going insane lately. Considering I haven’t been able to sleep after seeing those things. Even in my dreams I can’t escape them. You think no matter how many years you’ve been working like this you’d be used to these things by now. I sat at my desk, the hum of the precinct filling the air as i sifted through a mountain of paperwork. The phone rang incessantly, and the chatter of my colleagues created a constant background noise.

Just as I was about to take a sip of my now lukewarm coffee, my boss, Lois, burst into the room. "Y/n, I need you on this one," Lois said, urgency in her voice. “Im gonna need you to follow that nun and the priest she was talking about to see what you can get off her” she says pointing at the nun walking out of the building. “What, you thinking she has something to do with the murders?” “No, at least not alone but I just there’s something about her.”

So here I was walking into a chapel for Sunday mass. Sunlight seeping in through the stain glass. Church bells ringing in my ears. The smell of old wood. Somewhere I haven’t been since I was 16 years old. I sit in the back behind an elderly couple hoping to go unnoticed. I noticed the priest sitting in his chair tapping his hand along to the choir. He’s wearing these dark red boots along with his priest attire seeming very serious. He looked very young for a priest, and was very attractive.

The choir stops and a light beams down on him. He stood up and started speaking to the congregation. I watched as Nun Megan looked up at him amazed. I zoned out until it was over. I watch as everyone flows out of the chapel stopping to speak to the priest first of course. I stand up to leave when I see the nun running around the corner. I seem to zone out on her suspicious whereabouts when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. “Shit you scared me” I turn around and meet face to face with the priest. “Oh forgive me father I-“

“It’s quite alright we all have our vices” he smiles. “I noticed you while I was speaking, I’ve never seen you before what made you want to come to our church? The blog?” He asks eagerly. “Um…I don’t know what blog you’re talking about? But no, I’m catholic I’ve just been inactive for a while and thought I should reconnect with the church.” “Oh well welcome back, we’re glad to have you.” “Me too…I’m y/n” I say reaching out my hand. He puts my hand in between both of his hands holding it. “Father Charlie Mayhew.” He smiles.

I notice movement to the right of me seeing sister Megan watching us. I drop my hand from his and act like I don’t notice her. “Well I better get going I enjoyed your sermon” I say backing away from him after noticing how close I was standing to him. He looked over noticing sister Megan too. I decided to leave so I wouldn’t draw too much attention. “Nice boots” I say as I proceed to walk out of the chapel.

I feel someone run up next to me, looking over to see sister Megan. “So what made you decide to come to our church?” She asked curiously. “That seems to be the question of the day” I say blankly. “Well it’s just we don’t get many new people joining the church lately” she says trying to keep up with me. “I just decided to come back after a while” I say grabbing my door nob to my car. “Bye now” I pull out a cigarette and start to drive back to the station.

I’ve been to many masses but nothing seems out of the norm so I decided I should talk to the preist more. He’s so intriguing. It always felt like he was staring at me but I think it’s just me being paranoid. After the service I lingered a bit waiting for everyone to leave so it was just me and him, with me sitting and him up at the altar putting out the candles. Me seeming to go unnoticed by him I carefully stand up and walk over to him.

“Father Charlie?” He turns around noticing it’s me he softly smiles. “It’s nice seeing you again y/n” "well, I really enjoyed your sermon today," i began. "It gave me a lot to think about." "Thank you, y/n," he replied, genuinely pleased. "I'm glad it resonated with you."

I took a breath, feeling a bit nervous but determined. "I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me sometime. There's a diner nearby that I've heard great things about. It would be nice to get to know you better outside of the chapel."

Father Charlie's face lit up with a smile. "That sounds wonderful, y/n. I'd love to join you for lunch. How about tomorrow?" "Perfect," she said, relieved and happy. "I'll see you then."

The door jingled as it opened and I spot Father Charlie settled into the booth at the rundown diner, the aroma of fresh coffee and sizzling bacon wafting through the air.

"Good afternoon, y/n," he greeted warmly as I approached the table. "I hope you don't mind, I went ahead and ordered some coffee."

"Oh Not at all, Father Charlie," i replied with a smile, sliding into the seat across from him. "Coffee sounds perfect."

He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me better, almost drawn to me. "So, y/n," he began, his eyes twinkling with curiosity, "tell me more about yourself. What do you do for a living?"

I hesitated for a moment, choosing my words carefully. "I work in public service," I said, which was true enough. "It's a challenging job, but I find it very rewarding."

Father Charlie nodded, listening to me. "That sounds like a noble profession. It's always heartening to meet people who are dedicated to helping others.” “You know the more I talk to you the more I feel like I’ve met you before” I muttered. “Well I get that a lot” he chuckled. “Wait no, you went to pine valley high, it’s funny you said you always wanted to be a doctor” “and you said you always wanted to be a detective” I shuttered as he says almost suspiciously. “I mean look where we ended up” I laugh trying to change the subject.

“I always admired you in high school” he says eating a fry. “Really? I mean I always tried to go unnoticed” “I have no idea what you’re talking about you seemed so confident” “I mean that’s what I showed everyone” “I understand.” He said seeming to sense my uneasiness.

“I was wondering if you knew anything about the murders happening around town.” Father Charlie eagerly changing the subject. "…it’s been so unsettling lately," I said, trying to seem confused. "These strange murders have everyone on edge. It's hard to believe something like this could happen in our small town."

Father Charlie nodded, his expression serious. "I know. The community is shaken. People are scared, and it's understandable. The randomness of the attacks makes it even more terrifying."

I took a sip of my coffee, my mind racing with thoughts of the recent events. "this... it's different. There's no clear pattern, no obvious motive. It's like the killer is playing a twisted game."

I leaned in slightly, lowering my voice. "Do you think there's anything we can do to help find the killer? Maybe there's something we've overlooked."

He pondered my question, unaware of my true role in the investigation. "We can pray for guidance and protection, and we can keep our eyes and ears open. Sometimes the smallest details can make the biggest difference."

I felt a pang of guilt for not being able to confide in him fully, but i knew my cover was crucial to solving the case. "You're right, Father.“

Father Charlie placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You should read the blog, Sister Megan has an interesting way of talking about the whole case" Father Charlie leaned forward, his eyes filled with passion. “You seem to know a lot about these events.” “What can I say I like true crime.” I joke.

As our lunch arrived, we delved into deeper topics, sharing stories and perspectives. An unspoken connection seemed to grow between each other. We found themselves sharing more than just professional interests; we talked about our hopes, our fears, and our dreams. The more we shared, the more we realized how much they had in common.

“Well I have to go now but I’d love to talk to you more. So I was wondering if you’d come by the monastery later tonight?” Father Charlie asked. “Uh is that allowed Father?” “I say so, I’ll see you later then” he said as he left money for food and walked out the diner.

I arrived at the chapel later that day as the sun began to set. I walk in and it’s completely silent. I walk around the corner to find steps trying to find Father Charlie.

“In here y/n” I heard him shout. "You know I really admire the work you do here, Father Charlie," i said. "It's inspiring to see someone so dedicated to their faith and their community." "Thank you, y/n. Your dedication to public service is equally admirable. It's rare to meet someone with such a strong sense of duty and compassion."

As I reach what I’m assuming is his room. The door in opened ajar so I gently knock trying not to push the door. “Come in.” I head him say. I push open the door to see him leaning against the wall in only a towel. “Oh sorry is this a bad time I can come back later” I try not to look down. “no, please stay. Would you mind closing the door?” He bops his head. I push the door closed with my back against it trying to resist getting close for him. His hair was wet which made him even more attractive, he was so toned and large.

“So um why’d you want me to meet you, here?” “Maybe I just like seeing your angelic face” he smiles, creeping toward me. "Y/n," he began, his voice tinged with regret, "I feel a connection between us, and I know that you feel it too, But I also know that there are boundaries we must respect. My commitment to the church and to my faith is something I hold dear." I nodded, "I understand, Father Charlie. I feel the same way. It's just... difficult to ignore what we feel."

We stood in silence for a moment, the weight of our unspoken emotions hanging in the air. Finally, Father Charlie spoke again, his voice gentle but firm. "Perhaps, I’ve been wanting a change in the church for a while, I mean it’s a new world”

“Father Charlie I- “Charlie please” he cut me off. I nodded. “Would you mind drying my back” he says reaching out a towel to me. I walk slowly toward him, taking the towel. He kneels on this wooden step stool thing and I proceed to walk over so I’ll be behind him. I hesitate and notice his back full of scratches and stitches. “Fa-Charlie?” I say as I gently start swiping the towel on his back. “Yes y/n” “what happen to your back?” I feel his shudder as I ran my finger gently over one scar.

He slowly stands up so we’re face to face with him towering over me. “We all have our vices” he says in a whisper, grabbing my chin with his hand gently. His eye piercing through mine. I could almost hear my heartbeat against his. “I should go” he grips my arm as I try and walk toward the door. I grab his bicep gently like he’s gripping my arm. “This isn’t right Charlie” “I know but if it’s wrong why does it feel so good” he mutters as he backs me up against the wall. His lips lingering over mine, his bare chest against mine, his breath against mine. He runs his lips done my neck leaving open mouths kisses along my collar bone.

I grab his face to look back up at me. “Fuck it” he says under his breath. He grabs my face kissing me harshly. I could tell he hasn’t kiss someone in a long time. I could feel his tongue against mine and running over my teeth. “oh y/n, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this to you.” He said in between kissing me. I let out a soft moan against his mouth, and that sound seemed to do it. He grabs me and lays me down on the bed.

He starts kissing me going lower down my body. Hot open mouth kisses. He pushes my skirt up kissing my upper thighs slowly. Sending shivers down my spine. I brush my fingers through his hair throwing my head back at the feeling.

And then I came back to reality. I push his shoulders to keep distance from him. “Wait, stop we can’t.” I say pushing my skirt back down. “Why?” He says brushing my calf. “Why? Charlie you have no idea how badly I want to but you’re…you’re a priest you took a vow. It’s a sin” “you’re not a sin”

…..

a/n: part || coming soon…

[astaroth1357]

So I heard somebody's having a bit of a problem here with some depresso espresso and I think they need a bit of a pick me up

Ok so when I see you post I get like really excited because your blog makes me really happy when I read it with all of the stuffs in it being really funny and fluffy(with a little bit of angst hee hee) and I love to scroll through your blog because it puts me in a better mood and I like interacting with you because YOU are a fun person to type too!

And have some personal headcannons of mine if that isn't enough!

Demon and Angel clothes

-Clothes change on each person's perception of what current fashion is

-because zippers have NOT existed for as long as Levi's been a demon

-Levi has once spent such a long time watching anime it completely changed his demon form clothes to stereotypical anime clothes

-he only discovered this when getting mad at Mammon

-In front of everyone else

-He was so embarrassed by this he locked himself in his room and refused to come out until he was forcibly taken out

Headcannon 2!

The Events!

-Each event, unless cannon, is actually another timeline that is being watched by the MC and others!

-The boys like to secretly record some parts of the events

-After viewing is done the boys, unbeknownst to MC, chase each other around to get rid of the recordings because

-Blackmail Material~

-At least one of them have tried to convince Diavolo and Barbatos to show one where they were dating/married MC

-They did not convince them

-Both Diavolo and Barbatos have seen those timelines though

-The wedding event was seen in another timeline before it actually happened a mere day later. MC was not present for said viewing

ANGSTY~Part mini

-On multiple occasions have the bros wanted to see a world where Lilith lived

-Sometimes Belphegor wonders what would happen if it was him instead

-Barbartos can only switch timelines if the Barbatos of that time can be overpowered by himself, event timeline are those or cannot be taken over due to other means

-The original timeline where MC died exist and the Barbatos there is unable to even attempt to regain what was taken

Headcannon 3!

Specifications for A Exchange Student

-MC must be younger than 100 years!

-MC cannot be a criminal!

-MC cannot be an exorcist/demon hunter or slayer/a nun(as they are married to god)/A priest/A Satanist/A politician(they have enough down there)

-MC cannot die of a natural death in 10 years

-MC has to be nice!(added by Luke)

-MC has to be human(they kind of failed at this tho I mean MC technically is a bit Angel)

-MC is responsible(added by Lucifer)_Rejected as it wouldn't be fun

-MC can't be a normie!(added by Levi)_Rejected

-MC can cook(added by Beel)_still under consideration

-MC has to like cats(added by Satan)_Rejected

-Mammon's suggestions rejected_amount 666

-Suggestions are closed due to overflow-

Well then I hoped this helped and i've given you some inspiration~ and happiness~

Aww thanks for the concern! 🥲 I'm slowly doing better, think I just need to change meds soon... These new ones aren't cutting it. 😅 Much love to my family (aka my support system), they're really coming through for me right now cause things get dark sometimes.

And your canons gave me a good chuckle! Like. What if the MC had been a Satanist before they got ported down?? That'd have to be awkward... Our Satan is much less... goat-ish, you know?

[prolifeproliberty]

Hi, I love your blog! I'm Catholic and genuinely curious about which beliefs differ between Catholics and Lutherans. I think my grandpa was Lutheran at one point but he never really talked about it and I'd really like to know! I know inn general we believe a lot of the same things, but what are the differences? Stay safe and healthy!

Hi @soxrox12, sorry this answer took so long! I wanted to take the time to explain everything as clearly as possible and give you a thorough answer.

The basics of what Lutherans believe (what we teach to adolescents and those new to the faith in Confirmation) can be found in the Small Catechism. If you want a more in depth version and don’t mind some more academic language, you can read the Large Catechism. If you’re a total theology/history nerd and want to read about the back and forth arguments between the original Lutherans, the Catholic Church, and other Protestants, the rest of the Book of Concord has all that and more!

To really understand the differences, we have to go back to the origins of Lutheranism with Martin Luther in the early 16th century. Luther was a Catholic priest who, in his studies of scripture, saw major discrepancies between what the Catholic Church was teaching the common people (many of whom couldn’t read and very few of whom had access to the Bible outside of hearing scripture read at Mass) and what he saw in scripture. 

The Catholic Church today is not the same as it was in the 16th century, but we still have some major differences. I apologize if I get some Catholic beliefs wrong here, I’m basing this on my understanding of Catholic teaching from my research and from talking to Catholic friends. 

I’m putting this all below the cut so I don’t flood everyone’s dash with this extremely long post!

Christian Freedom: Luther had a big problem with the church requiring Christians to observe certain traditions and festivals as a matter of law or obligation. Unless something is specifically commanded in Scripture, it’s optional or a matter of Christian freedom (aka it might be a good idea, but you don’t have to do it). Examples include fasting for Lent (or in general), liturgical gestures (genuflecting, kneeling, making the Sign of the Cross), and so on. We also don’t have any Holy Days of Obligation - while we observe many of the same feast days and festivals as Catholics, we never say anyone is obligated to observe them. 

Holy Communion: One thing Lutherans and Catholics have in common is that we both believe that Christ’s Body and Blood are truly and physically present and are truly and physically received by the communicant. Most other protestants see it as a symbol, or see Christ’s Body and Blood as spiritually, but not physically present. This was a big sore spot in the 16th century when Luther met with others who were questioning Catholic teaching. One story goes that he and other theologians were sitting around a table, and the others were arguing over whether Christ’s Body and Blood were truly present. Reportedly, Luther, frustrated by the back and forth, carved the words “This is My Body” into the table and covered it with a cloth. Every time someone (*cough* Zwingli) argued against the Real Presence, Luther whipped off the table cloth and pointed to the words. Jesus’ words on the issue were good enough for him. 

We do, however, differ with Catholics on a couple of issues related to Communion. 

1. We believe the bread and wine are also still present - we don’t believe that they changed into Body and Blood, but that the Body and Blood are united with the bread and wine. We call this “Sacramental Union.”

2. We don’t believe that Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross is being repeated every time we celebrate Holy Communion. We also don’t see it as the priest offering Christ’s Body and Blood as a sacrifice. Instead, we see it as participating across time and space in the once-for-all atoning sacrifice that occurred on Good Friday almost 2,000 years ago. Rather than offering the Eucharist, we are receiving it from Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. 

Sin, Baptism, and Confession:

I’m putting these all together because there’s a root difference in the way Lutherans and Catholics view sin that shows up in both Baptism and Confession. 

Like Catholics, Lutherans believe in original sin - that is, we are conceived and born sinful and in need of a Savior - as well as actual sin (we have sinned against God “in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone”). However, we don’t distinguish between the two when it comes to how we receive forgiveness. We believe Baptism washes away ALL sin, and that in Confession and Absolution as well as in Holy Communion we receive forgiveness for ALL sin. 

In Confession and Absolution, we confess all our sins, both those we know and those we don’t, and we receive absolution for all of them. We don’t do penance or have any other steps. Confession is:

Step 1: Confess sins

Step 2: Receive absolution from the pastor as from God Himself.

And that’s it! We do “corporate confession and absolution” (aka confession as part of the liturgy that the whole church says together - very similar to what Catholics have in the Mass) in any service where we have Holy Communion, but we don’t ever require private confession. It’s always available on request if someone is particularly bothered by a sin and needs to hear the pastor absolve that sin specifically, but it’s never mandatory (see “Christian Freedom”). 

The Pope, Church Hierarchy, and Tradition:

Luther also had a big problem with the Pope and the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, as he saw lots of potential for and examples of abuse of power. He has some very harsh words about the Pope in his writings. Many Lutheran churches belong to a synod that has a president and some kind of structure, but we don’t view our Synod president the way Catholics view the Pope. A synod is more administration and support, with some ecclesiastical supervision (although that often doesn’t work out the way it should, which is why my church left our synod and we are now an independent Lutheran congregation). 

We view Scripture as our highest authority and our Lutheran Confessions and other doctrinal writings as an explanation of what Scripture teachers. We do refer to the Church Fathers for clarification on some issues, but if something is not found clearly in Scripture we don’t take it as doctrinal.

Intercession and Prayer/Mary and the Saints:

We don’t ask for intercession from saints who are in heaven, or from Mary. We only pray to the Triune God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We learn from the lives of the saints, and we believe they are in heaven with Jesus, but we don’t seek their direct help here on earth. 

We don’t pray the Rosary, mostly because it includes those prayers of intercession to Mary/the Saints. We do have several prayer liturgies like the Litany (which our church has been praying a LOT lately because it’s been historically used by the Church - including pre-Reformation - in times of hardship, plague, etc.). 

We respect Mary as Jesus’ mother, but we don’t necessarily see her as our Mother or as Queen of Heaven or Co-Redemptrix the way Catholics do.

Essentially we say that our prayers should be directed directly to God and that the Holy Spirit is our mediator who makes intercession for us (Romans 8:26-27).

Monastic Orders and Priests:

We don’t have monks or nuns or any of the monastic orders. Those who wish to go into full-time church work can be Deacons or Deaconesses, and the responsibilities of those roles vary from church to church. Typically they teach (Sunday School, sometimes Bible Study or Confirmation) or are in charge of the charitable work the church does (food pantries, etc). 

Our pastors typically go to four years of seminary - 2 years of classes, one year of vicarage in a congregation (like an apprenticeship, working under an experienced pastor), followed by another year of classes before ordination. Then the pastor receives a Call from a congregation, decides whether to accept or decline that Call, and, if he accepts, stays with that congregation until he receives and accepts a Call somewhere else, retires, or (very rarely) for some reason the congregation asks him to leave (usually only if he’s doing something really wrong and is unrepentant). 

Our pastors are also free and even encouraged to get married and have children. My pastor has five children and I’ve lost count of how many grandchildren. 

-- -- --

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the differences, but these are the key areas that come up most often when I talk to my Catholic friends. I’d be happy to discuss any of these areas in more detail or point you to specific things in our doctrinal books that address them. 

Just for fun, here’s some similarities:

Liturgy:

Our liturgy is VERY similar to the Catholic Church’s liturgy. We have “Divine Service” instead of “Mass”, although you can find some very “high church” Lutheran congregations that do use the term Mass and call their pastors “priests” and “Father.”

We also have Matins, Vespers, and other services with very similar liturgies to what the Catholic Church uses. 

Here’s an excellent example of an Easter service (and here’s the bulletin if you wanted to follow along) from a high-church Confessional Lutheran congregation in Virginia that I attended when I was an intern in D.C. This was their live stream for this Easter, so due to the small attendance they didn’t do Communion, but otherwise you can see generally what our services are like. 

[oldguy56-world]

Good Will Hunting

This is not to be confused with GoodWill hunting, my never ending quest to find inexpensive shirts my wife will let me wear. So far no luck.

No. This is about the article I saw where once again a woman left her money to her cat. Lots of money as she was loaded (probably in more ways than one). First of all, knowing cats the way that I do, her beloved feline would only be vaguely aware of the owner. They only know someone feeds them and gets rid of their poop. Second, if the woman was rich, was she even the one doing these chores? My money is on the now very angry servants who were left out completely. My advice?  Don’t sue, just apply for guardianship of the cat. You can live in luxury forever. All you need to do is replace the aging feline with a younger healthier identical one. Who would know? Who would care?

So let’s get to how this story stimulated my brain. What would be the best way to handle my will if I were rich? (For the record, I am not. I guess if you consider that none of my family and friends have tried to kill me yet, well that carries great value with it, just not at the bank. I tried. Long story for another day).

I would certainly leave almost all of the money to my wife and our girls, but I would also want to have some fun. I would leave enough to people that have irked me over the years to make it worth their while to have to follow certain stipulations for their collecting. What could these stipulations be? I am so glad you asked. Here are some ideas.

- Eat a dozen bran muffins laced with flax seeds, and not be allowed to use the washroom for 36 hours.

- Have to kiss a cow on the lips, video it, and post it on Yutube. I pick cows because they are very docile yet extremely drooly. It might become the new ‘thing’ to do and post, but I can see people taking it to the next level with kissing other beasties on the lips. All fun until you get the honey badgers involved.

- A pop quiz. You would have to answer questions about my blogs. Passing mark is to have the same number of correct answers as years I lived. I would set up a quiz of 150 questions just in case they are able to transfer my brain into a monkey’s body and I am around for a very long time. (For those of you thinking you would not be able to tell the difference you have been added to this list)

- They have to find a 30-year old virgin. No nuns or priests allowed. If you think it is easy, you will just go to Mennonite country, big mistake. They don’t have families with a dozen kids by starting late in life. 

- For the youngsters that would be eligible, all they have to do is not use their cell phone for 30 days. Okay. 20 days. Maybe 10. The money would actually be safe if the stipulation was end of day. Most would text someone on their way out of the lawyers office that they were getting money and it will be easy.

- Set up a scavenger hunt that takes them all over the place answering difficult clues. When they get to their destination they find a treasure chest with a note inside that says ‘Wasn’t this fun?’. I would love to see the look on their faces.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Appreciating people and being appreciated while you are around is the best kind of reward.

[atypical60]

It’s been a tough week at work. There’s a monthly project that I’ve taken on, and in all honesty—it’s the cause of frustration and stress.  Nonetheless it has to be done.

My eyes.  They burn. They hurt. I’m seeing triple!  I’m so stressed!

And that’s what happened this past Thursday.  And it rained.  No!  It freaking poured.  Add to the rain, thanks to daylight saving time, the sky was dark when I left the office and my commute home was treacherous.

Add rain, darkness and glare to this mess. And me driving one mile an hour!  But at least I had the Christmas music on!

I don’t even want to think about what those who were driving behind me were thinking because when driving around the bends and curves, I must’ve been going five miles an hour.  Then there’s the glare from oncoming traffic (I have non-glare glasses.  There’s still glare).  And the bozos who drive at twilight with their damned brights on.

Yeah. This is me all bent out of shape because oncoming traffic lighting is too bright!

Suffice it to say, when I arrived home, I broke down in tears.  Night driving is very challenging for me due to my horrific eyesight and I cannot change my work hours.

Let’s just say I wasn’t in the best of moods.  And leave it at that.

It’s kind of a bitchy story…..

And so, I was too spent to sit downand write a blog post.  I was too stressed to do much of anything.

All I wanted to do after dinner was to relax and watch a TV Show.  A particular TV Show.

Ok. So I don’t have a reclining chair. But I did want to chill and watch TV!

I just wanted to watch “The Righteous Gemstones”!

After a taxing day and a horrific drive home, I can relax and have a good laugh by watching this show!

Earlier in the week, my daughter, Oona, called me to extol the greatness of this HBO series.

She said it was the funniest show ever and that Bonaparte would love it because it broaches the subject of religion.  Now understand.  Both of us were born Roman Catholic.  I’m still very-much into my Catholic roots.  Bonaparte is not.

As a Catholic, I’m not particularly fond of priests but the nuns…I love these women.  Two of my aunts were nuns and The Sisters of Mercy taught me.  I honestly love the nuns!

However, we  are not fans of the religious extremists.  Evangelicals top that list.  Anyway, the description from HBO’s site is below:

You had me at John Goodman!

This comedy series tells the story of a world-famous televangelist family with a long tradition of deviance, greed and charitable work. John Goodman, Danny McBride, Edi Patterson, Adam Devine, Cassidy Freeman, Tony Cavalero, Tim Baltz and Greg Alan Williams star. 

And the sons!  Adam Devine from Pitch Perfect!!

The Father, The Sons, and the Holy Spirit!  I’m blessing myself already!

This show is right up my comedic alley. And considering all the political garbage that I’m subjected to every night –a leader with no moral compass, I welcome a show that’ll make me laugh.

And music about the evils of Satan are included!  I’m shook!

And as we settled upstairs in our comfy bed, me in my toasty pajamas nestled between Bonaparte and Chippy, I anticipated an evening of fun and laughs.

I was already smiling–but it was to be premature…

That did not happen.

What ensued, however, was an hour-and-a half of frustration, anger, cursing and threats to Verizon Fios and HBO!

That’s correct. My happiness quickly evolved into distorted frustration..

Remotes, yes, the plural. Remotes in hand, we headed to “On Demand.”  First off, the Verizon Fios On Demand is challenging and a great pain-in-the-ass.  The process to even get to the show you want takes at the least, fifteen minutes. And that’s when you know what you want!

And these are just the master bedroom remotes. There’s more downstairs and on the ground level of our home!

You have to press the “On Demand” button on the remote. And then you have to wait for On Demand to load.

On Demand. It should be renamed “On Anti-anxiety Meds”!

Then once there, you must choose a particular category. Sounds easy—right?  Wrong because the friggin’ remote either jumps categories or a window for movies automatically pops up that you can exit out of.

Really?  Trying to watch your damned TV show is giving ME anxiety flashes!

So, after about ten minutes, we reached the “Premium” channel category and started to peruse through the never-ending sea of offerings of the Home Box Office.  When we finally found The Righteous Gemstones, all frustration was gone because, by now, both of us were eager to watch the first episode.

Thank you Jesus. I was finally going to see The Righteous Gemstones.  Or was I?

And then the frustration really began to hit us.  The series just ended it’s first season (it has been renewed for a second).  With that, you would think this series would be readily available for viewing.  Well……it is but you have to pay! 

So wait.  We gotta PAY to watch this?  We already DO pay…

Yeah.  PAY!  We already pay over $100 a month for Verizon Fios and for HBO.  And we’re supposed to pay extra to view this series?  From a premium channel that we pay for from a provider we pay for?

Lots of naughty language from both of us.  Me, cursing in English, and Bonaparte saying very naughty words in French came next.

Actions speak louder than words so I flip to bird to both Verizon Fios AND HBO.  Actually I got loud too!

A few moments later Bonaparte’s eyes lit up.  He reached for yet another remote. This time it was the Roku remote.  I don’t even want to think about what he paid for the Roku service but he went through a series of clicks and another screen popped up.

WTF?  Where’s HBO?  Where’s HBO NOW and HBO GO!  Gone to hell I suppose!

This time with “HBO NOW”.   It occurred to me that we probably received HBO NOW with our monthly subscription.  We did not.  We tried entering passwords and usernames to no avail.

Truth. I want my HBO NOW!!!

Then I realized we must have HBO GO; a service provided to HBO Subscribers.

The problem lies therein that we couldn’t reach anyone from HBO or Verizon to help us. The wait was over a half hour.

It was at this time, I nearly ended up in a straight jacket.  After a taxing day, all I wanted to do was watch a damned TV show to make me happy. I wanted to smile. I wanted belly laughs.  I wanted entertainment.

All I wanted was to be comfy in my pj’s, watch a TV show and have a happy laugh!

Instead I went to sleep exhausted from anger and frustration.  My hysteria fatigued me.  Where my husband is the calm one, I’m the crazy person. And trust me, I went to sleep a madwoman!

Yes. I’m the crazy lady. Thank you Verizon and HBO for my insanity!

And that’s what frustrates me.  Everything these days has a price.  Subscribing to a cable provider isn’t enough.  You need the premium channels.  Subscribing to a premium channel isn’t enough. You need to pay more if you want to watch a newer show.

It’s all about the Benjamins.  Mo’ money. A Cable subscription isn’t enough. A premium channel isn’t enough. They want more and I bring home less.

Network TV sucks.  Comedies are contrived and way too politically correct for my taste. If you want something along the lines of Norman Lear, you need cable. Network TV is for those who are easily offended.

Maude. Where are you?  Network TV needs you back.  God’ll get you for that!  Oh how I miss great network TV!

A simple evening at home is no longer simple if you want to watch TV.  I’m better off reading a book.

Perhaps I need to read The Count of Monte Cristo again. After all, it was entertaining and juicy and full of revenge!

Is it these times we live in?  Technology, as great as it is, can be daunting and frustrating and cause for high blood pressure. Even the simplest of things, like setting a clock in your car can be difficult. It isn’t just TV.  One of my sisters sent me this video the other day.  I’ll tell you, no matter how many times, Bonaparte and I watch this, we bowl over from laughing so hard.

It’s so stinking funny and rings so true at the same time.  Here it is for your entertainment. And if you are easily offended by naughty language please do NOT watch this.  He drops the “f” bomb so if you are offended, this isn’t for you.  I’m giving you fair warning.  If you can relate to the frustrations of remotes, electronics, digital items and so on, you will be laughing at this guy and at yourself.  Here goes!

As I said before.  I’m better off reading a book. A novel if you will and not a manual!

All I Wanted To Do Was Watch “The Righteous Gemstones”. Is That Too Much to Ask??? It’s been a tough week at work. There’s a monthly project that I’ve taken on, and in all honesty—it’s the cause of frustration and stress.