#here it's so funny like. no they actually don't like the dog. the dog is a loser

[probablyreadinsmut]

The Mrs Clause - Part Two

Jackson Joel Miller X Afab! Reader.

Read part one here

Here it is! Part two to this mini fic, I had wanted to get it done before Christmas but life and procrastination got in the way. Honestly I'm glad I waited and didn't rush it though. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and are enjoying the holidays and if you don't partake in the celebrations then I hope you're having a lovely week 💜

Warnings for part 2: Smut. MDNI.(For all my Joel Ho(e) Ho(e) Ho(e)s out there). Oral M+F receiving. Unprotected P in V (I expect y'all to do better, wrap it up like a present). Dirty talk. Joel is a quick draw. Squirting (if you squint). Praise. Folding you like a pretzel. Pussy and cock pronouns. Joel's a big boy. Fluff. Some love and appreciation for Joel's chompable ass. Mentions of loss. Joel is a sweetheart. Tommy can't sing for shit. Surprise at the end. Language (Swearing). Implied legal age gap, use your imaginations, reader existed before the apocalypse but there's no set age. No betas and I'm the worst at proofreading. I'm just here to practice writing and have fun.

Word Count: 5.3k

Credit for the cute little dividers goes to @strangergraphics 🎄

Kissing Joel was everything you'd dreamt it would be, feeling like you're floating, the entire world has gone silent, all you can hear is the slightly elevated thrum of your own heartbeat in your ears and the soft smack of his lips as they move with yours.

Neither of you have any idea how long you've been standing together like this, completely lost in each other. You can't think of anything but him and the way his hands feel on your back, gently caressing you through the velour Santa jacket he'd loaned you.

The way his beard scruff scrapes against your soft skin.

The way he smells, like pine and cinammon, mixed the sweet peppermint taste from all those candy canes he'd been snacking on over the course of the day.

The way his kiss is reverent but there's a tinge of something more behind it, a subtle heat that's threatening to escape from him.

The exhilarating combination of everything is making your head feel swimmy.

It's the squeels of kids outside the mess hall, engaging in an impromptu snowball fight, that finally snaps you both out of it, before you get too carried away. Honestly? It's probably a good thing, you felt like you were moments away from walking yourself backwards to one of the tables, letting him take you right here.

But you needed this reprieve. You didn't know if that's where he wanted this to go so quickly.

God knows that's what you wanted, but if he didn't and it spoiled the evening, you'd have been kicking yourself.

As you both pull back, lightly panting for breath, you both just stare at one another, letting out matching soft huffs of laughter.

"Well... That... I gotta say darlin'... That was probably top of my wish list for gifts this year." He says with a stupid goofy grin, to which you roll your eyes in amusement. "No no, really! Well... That and a well aged bottle of whiskey"

You shake your head with a small snort of laughter "Oh what an honour it is, hope you enjoyed it, 'cause you aren't getting another one"

He sticks his bottom lip out in a mocking pout. "Really? But I've been such a good boy this year" His hands are on your hips now, drawing small circles with his fingers over your clothes.

It's a lethal combination, he knows what he's doing. He's being anything but a good boy right now.

It's absolutely working, because the next words come tumbling out of your mouth in a flustered blurt. "Come back to my place?"

He knows he'd be a stupid man to say no to that.

Your heart is in your throat as you step over the threshold together. Joel shakes the fresh snow off himself almost like how a dog shakes themselves dry. He's so unintentionally funny sometimes, it actually calms your nerves a little.

Holding back a giggle, you head into the main living space, slipping off your heels with a small groan of relief, there was a reason you never wore these fucking things. Whoever designed them hated feet.

Meanwhile, he's taken the opportunity to do a little snooping, never having been in your house before, natural curiosity takes over.

A low whistle leaves him when he spots your record collection, it's tiny but it's there. "Didn't take ya for a Fleetwood fan" He grins as he raises the album up. "They're one of my favourites too, actually saw Stevie live back in the day"

"Someone's bragging, lucky bastard. I'm only a little jealous about that." your feigned non-chalonce and playful pout draws a chuckle from him, the sound of which has your heart skipping a beat.

Taking off the Santa jacket to hang it over the back of your couch, retrieving the carving from the pocket, you wander over to the mantleplace, setting it down to take pride of place in the centre, nestled between the one treasured photograph you have of your family and the candle you light when you're missing them. Lana is back where she belongs.

It's then that the gentle opening riffs of Landslide begin to play and you turn to see Joel watching you, with this soft smile and gooey eyes that make all your fears melt away. This bastard is a romantic. You hadn't expected that.

It a few short strides he's crossed the room, stopping in front of you. "May I have this dance?" He grins, outstretching his hand like the southern gentleman in him never left.

You don't hesitate to slip your hand into his and he doesn't hesitate to pull you closer, slipping his large hands around to rest flat against your lower back, your arms slide around his torso, resting your head against his shoulder as you begin to slowly sway together in the middle of your living room.

A small contented hum leaves him as he rests his cheek against the top of your head, your hearts beating in a steady, matching rhythm. This - you realise, is what's mean missing from your life. Joel Miller. The secret romantic, the secret big softie. You were crushing on him even before, when you knew him as the stern and authoritative grump that you'd been partnered up with for patrols, but now in his arms like this? Now you felt like you were falling.

And you couldn't stop it even if you tried.

"Y'know..." he starts, his voice a low murmur "I can't remember the last time I danced with someone like this... Definitely not since before anyway... Probably at my high school prom actually"

You chuckle lightly, shifting to wrap your arms around him just a little tighter, not wanting this moment to end. Closing your eyes you try to picture young Joel all dressed up in a tux, swaying softly with a faceless date, you could imagine yourself at that age as his date.

You'd never had a prom, 18 year old you was too busy growing up in this new world, learning how to live without her family. Still it was nice to fantasize. But the reality was right here with you now, pretty sure he was the man of four dreams, as cliché as that sounded in your head. It didn't make it any less true.

Lifting your head from his shoulder, you meet his soft gaze, that same feeling you had earlier when the two of you were about to kiss under the mistletoe begins to swell within you, like a drumroll leading up to a big finish.

"I like you Joel... A hell of a lot actually. Probably too much." it's an admission that's been months in the making, always on the tip of your tongue when you're out on patrol together or when you find him at the Tipsy Bison drinking alone. You'd always been too chickenshit to admit it though, he seemed like he enjoyed being alone but there was always a part of you that thought perhaps he did it as a defence mechanism.

Keep your circle small, less chance of getting hurt. You could respect that. Everyone had lost something in this world, he was no exception to the rule.

"I like you too darlin'. It's... Fuckin' terrifying actually. Last person I had any kind of feelin's for she..." He cuts himself off, throat bobbing as he takes a moment to think about Tess, it wasn't conventional love, he'd never said it to her, she'd never said it to him but he knew deep down what it was to both of them. "...Well, I don't think I need to say more about that. You know."

And you do, you can see it in his eyes, the pain as he's thinking about a lost love. This world had taken so much from everyone.

"I do.. S-so I get it, if you don't want this to be anything more than just tonight or... or if you want to stop right now and go home." As much as it pains you to say, the last thing you'd want is for him to feel pressured to let you into his life, to become one more person inside that small circle of his, but what you don't know is that you're already in it.

He just stares blankly at you for a moment like that's the dumbest thing he's ever heard. "What? No. No, no. Don't get me wrong, like I said I'm fuckin' terrified but-" He raises a hand to cup your cheek, the gentleness of his touch a sweet opposite to the rough persona he gives off "-but, I do want this. Make no mistake about that. I'm all in darlin'"

From there it starts slow, kissing unhurriedly in the living room, savouring each other. Eventually you'd begun to undress each other on the stairs, laughing together when Joel tripped up a step as he attempted to chase you up them, his tshirt discarded with reckless abandon over the bannister.

It didn't take long for things to heat up once he'd got you into your bedroom, kissing and nipping at your neck as he helped you out of your skirt while you tugged down those ridiculous Santa pants, though you were still questioning how those made you feel.

Soon enough you're both on your bed, naked and tangled up together in a heated frenzy of kisses, the moonlight streaming in and illuminating your bodies through the crack in the curtains.

It had been a while for you, not since the last QZ you were in before Jackson and if the warmth of pre cum oozing onto your thigh is anything to go by, it's been a while for him too.

"Okay--" he pulls back slightly, resting his forearms either side of your head, his breathing ragged with desire as he gazes down at you "-If we don't slow down a 'lil I'm gonna blow my load before we've even started darlin' that's the gods honest truth"

A soft giggle leaves you, lazily raking your nails up and down his bare back, feeling the way he shivers under your touch. "As hot as that is." It really is, the fact that he's so worked up just from kissing and some heavy petting, makes you feel like some kind of goddess right now. That you could get a man like Joel Miller, ruthless-prickly-antisocial to just about everyone else in this town-Joel Miller, well that has you positively weak at the knees. "I really would like you to fuck me first before that happens"

A low groan leaves him at your words and his brain just about short circuits, he's heard you swear plenty of times out on patrol but what you just said was legitimately the best Christmas gift he could ask for.

"Ohhhh darlin'" He drawls in that smooth timbre that has your pussy clenching around nothing "I don't think I'm gonna last long if you keep talking like that, I'm probably not gonna last long as it is." He lowers down to press slow, warm open mouthed kisses on your neck, taking his time now "But I intend. To make sure. That you. Enjoy yourself first." it's murmured against your skin between kisses, his breath hot against your collarbone as you register the featherlight skim of his fingers on your breast, his thumb finding your nipple, rubbing in languide circles as he coaxes it to peak.

He takes his time on your breasts when he finally does get to them with his lips, sucking one into his mouth, working it over with his tongue, the bastard even has the audacity to look up at you through those dark lashes, grinning with your nipple in his mouth. It's sinful how good he looks like this. A complete 180 from the soft man who was playing Santa just a few hours ago.

Now he's lavishing your tits with such expertise that has you sure that he's definitely on the naughty list.

Every little gasp that falls from your lips and writhe under him has him reading you like a book, quickly learning your cues as if he were memorizing directions. Mentally mapping your body out.

Once he's sure you're a mess for him, he pulls off your breast with a wet pop, dragging his lips down your abdomen, his stubble tickling at the sensitive flesh there, a breathy chuckle leaving you. You're ticklish. Another little fact about you that he'll happily store away for safe keeping.

As his lips move past your hips, burying his face in the wirey curls of your mound, inches away from your aching cunt, your legs part on instinct, his arms moving to hook underneath your thighs, holding you open for him.

"Fuuuuuuck sweetheart, look at this pretty little pussy. This mess all for me huh?" His breath fans across your pussy as he speaks, you're resting on your forearms looking down your body at him, appreciating the curve of his ass behind him, very biteable, yum.

The dirty talk doesn't even surprise you, just by the way he carries himself in his day to day life you already had a hunch he'd be like this, all tender and sweet when he wants to be, but as filthy as they come between the sheets.

"C'mon babygirl, use your words, wanna hear you say who this..." He swipes his finger through your folds, collecting your arousal before he brings it to his lips, tongue darting out to taste you on his fingers "...Sweet little cunt belongs to, holy fuck you taste so good"

His reaction has your wetness pooling beneath you, you're absolutely soaked right now and there's no hiding it from him. "You Joel. I'm yours, please..."

"Don't need to ask me twice darlin'" With that he ducks his head down, licking a slow stripe up from your entrance to your clit, an obscenely hot growl leaving him as your essence hits his tastebuds at full force.

You mewl and arch beneath him, his big hands gripping your thighs to keep you open. He starts slow at first, swirling your clit with the tip of his tongue in practiced patterns, just as you think he's sticking to a rhythm of left to right, he switches it up and goes in circles.

It's threatening to drive you to insanity. Edging you closer to release before he pulls it back, drawing this out longer, you realise quick enough. You're not usually this quick to approach climax but that's because you're on your own. Now however, he has complete control over you and he knows it.

The moan you let out when his tongue breeches you is obscene, you feel the mattress rock a little, lifting your head just enough to see him rutting into it. "Careful... You'll- oh fuck... Make yourself cum" That's all you can manage to get out before you throw your head back with a gasp, your hands flying into his hair holding him firm against you. He's let go of one of your thighs, bringing his thumb to your clit, circling it with a delicious pressure that makes all your self given orgasms pale in comparison.

A deep rumble of laughter bubbles up from his throat as he feels your velvety walls begin to spasm around his tongue. He'll stop teasing you now, he wants nothing more than to taste that sweet honey of yours, that and his dick is throbbing so hard it's verging on painful, all those little noises you've been making are addictive.

His hips still against the mattress as he focuses all his energy on you now, pressing just that little bit firmer against your clit as his tongue curls and fucks your tight heat. You feel the mixture of his saliva and your juices making a mess under you, trickling down your ass. You know his beard will be coated too.

"J-joel- oh... F-fuck. Mmm. Gonna- oh god!!"

Thighs trembling either side of his head, if he didn't have you spread open with his big hand on your thigh, you're sure you'd be clamping them around him by now, threatening to suffocate him as your release wracks through you. As it is, you're holding him steady against your pussy and he's more than happy to work you through it, groaning out as he laps up every last drop.

As the trembles begin to subside, he starts his way back up your body, kissing every curve and valley along the way until his looming over you once more, grinning down at you with pride, his chin glistening with your glossy fluids.

"Bet you're- so fucking pleased with yourself huh?" The breathless tone has his eyes crinkling at the corners with mirth.

"Damn right I'm proud of myself. Got her nice and wet f'me, prolly gonna be able to slide right in." He coos as he reaches down between you, teasing his cock through your folds, up and down, over your swollen clit and back again to nudge at your entrance, over and over again. "I'm warnin' you darlin', I really ain't gonna last long. 'Specially if you're gonna be makin' all those noises f'me"

"Joel. Do you think I care? You just gave me the best head of my life. What I need right now..." You pause as you slide further down the pillows to lay flat against the mattress, knees bent, wide open as he kneels between them "...Is your fat cock inside me. Got it?"

A sly smirk stretches across his lips, hearing you talk dirty is quickly becoming one of his favourite things. "Yes ma'am, I hear ya loud and clear".

With that he wastes no more time, notching himself at your entrance, slowly sinking into you. Both of you groan in unison and that's just from the first couple of inches. Joel's a big man. You don't need to see his cock to know that, not when you can feel the sweet sting and stretch, even if he had made you soaked enough that he could just thrust into you with one powerful jerk of his hips but he knows he'd risk cumming too fast and he doesn't want to hurt you. Fully aware that his size can be a challenge.

"Fuck darlin'... Look at you... Takin' me so good. That's not even all of me. Think you can take more?"

You nod dumbly and he takes this as his cue to kick things up a notch, grabbing your calves as he pushes your knees back until they're against your chest, practically folding you in half. The new angle allows him to feed the rest of his cock into you, hitting deep when he's fully sheathed.

His plush bottom lip is pulled between his teeth as his gaze is fixed between you, watching as he begins to move. Pulling back until he's almost all the way out before he plunges deep back in again. The slow drag of his cock over your g-spot has you gasping already. Over and over until he starts to pick up the pace.

Leaning down, your legs either side of his shoulders as his hands are planted firmly either side of you. You know you're both going to be feeling this tomorrow but right now you don't fucking care, this feels too good, he feels too good.

"Joel!" You whimper and sob under him, trying your hardest to keep your eyes open, not wanting to miss a moment of this, the way his teeth are gritted together, the knot of his brow as he's focusing on not cumming yet. He's not being rough by any means but the slap of flesh on flesh is constant, fast, deep and hard. It's as if he knew that's how you liked it.

"I know sugar. Not yet. Need ya t'cum again f'me first. I know y'can. Can... Ohhh christ... Feel ya... Grippin' me like a fuckin' vice! Need ya t'cum f'me again." He's barely holding himself together, the way his voice is strained. He angles his hips a little more to the point where he knows that with every thrust you'll be feeling a grind against your poor sensitive clit. He knows it'll get you there faster.

You're so stretched out and folded right now that you feel like all the air in your lungs is being knocked out of you with every lunge of his hips. Your breaths coming out in short sharp gasps as your fingers blindly claw at the sheets, feeling so full of him to the point where it's almost overwhelming.

Every noise you're making drives him just that little bit closer but he wants nothing more than to feel you shatter around his cock first. He needs it and he gets it. With a strangled cry of his name your second orgasm hits you, saturating his cock with your release to the point where it's dripping down his thighs.

"Fuck... Fuck... Fuck."

He fucks you through it, just barely restraining himself from cumming inside you, as soon as the flutters stop, he pulls out, jerking his cock as few times until he's spilling out onto your stomach, coating your skin with his warm, sticking spend, groaning lowly as he does so.

When the tremors of post coital bliss begin to subside, that's when the leg cramp hits, he'd let go of one of your calves before but the other is still firmly in his grip, your knee is still pressing against your chest.

"Joel. Ah. Leg cramp, leg cramp" You tap his arm to get his attention, and he scrambles to let you go, carefully helping your knee to straighten back out.

"Sorry about that, Darlin' you okay?" He asks with a tender stroke of his thumb across your leg, finding the cramp he helps to massage it away.

"Yeah I'm okay" You huff out a little laugh "Not sure I'm built for positions like that for an extended period of time though, don't get me wrong, that was fucking amazing and we will be doing that again"

He let's go of your leg when he feels the tension ease, coming to lean down over you, giving you the gentlest, sweetest kiss ever before he pulls back, resting his forehead against yours. "Damn right we will sweetheart. Right now though? Need to get ya all cleaned up. Stay put."

He climbs out of bed, naked as the day he was born and you can't help but admire his back profile, broad shoulders flexing in the moonlight, dimples in his lower bsck and that ass. The one you'd been admiring in his jeans every time you'd been out on patrol together. It's even better in the flesh.

"You say that as if I have the energy to move right now anyway!" You call out and he grins over his shoulder at you, knowing he did that to you. Even at 57 years old, he can still give the younger guys a run for their money.

The rest of that night is spent sleeplessly, you're either talking and joking or you're back to exploring each other's bodies, finding what makes each other tick. It surprises you, the stamina that he does have but you're damn happy about it, most men would have fallen asleep and called it a night after round one. Not Joel Miller though.

By the time either of you actually bother to look at the clock it's nearly 4am. You'd both been so swept up in everything that you hadn't even realised how much the time had gotten away from you.

Both of you had collapsed into a sated, blissful heap together after you'd decided you just had to ride him. Your bodies are entangled in a sweaty, sticky sheen but neither of you cares right now.

"Best. Christmas. Ever" He gets out as he plants soft little kisses to your cheek, you can feel his heart thundering in his chest, just like yours is.

"Can say that again. Guess Christmas came early huh? Among other things." That last remark earns you a playful jab to your side, ellicitng a squeel from you.

"You tease but I didn't hear you complainin', in fact I remember you were all too happy not to waste a drop" You'd gone down on him soon after your first round the second he was able to get hard again, he'd been so sensitive from his first release that all it took was a few minutes before he was cumming down your throat.

"You got me there, Miller." You grin as you shift onto your front, laying at his side with your feet gently kicking back and forth in the air, admiring his handsome features. He smiles back at you, taking in your beautiful face bathed in the moonlight, fingers running up and down the curve of your spine. "Joel?"

"Yes darlin'?"

"Can I ask you something? It's... It's about something I noticed at the grotto."

His fingers still for a moment, tilting his head in curiosity about what you're going to ask. "Shoot. Ask away"

"I... Well you were so good with the kids today. It was really sweet but- there was this one little girl? I noticed you looked kind of sad?"

The look on his face makes you regret asking almost instantly, you recognise the pain there. That same pain he'd had earlier when briefly touching on someone else he'd lost, the same pain that you recognise reflecting back at you in the mirror sometimes.

"Its okay if you don't want to-"

He closes his eyes and shakes his head shallowly as he takes a moment to collect himself, opening them back up to look at you with a small sad smile. "No... No, S'okay. I can talk about it. There was a time when I couldn't but... I can now. And I want to tell you everything. I mean everything. Is that okay with you, sweetheart?"

You slide your hand across his chest to rest over his heart, feeling the comforting steady thrum of it beneath your fingertips. "Whatever you're willing to share Joel, then I'm happy to listen."

He trusts you. He really fucking likes you. Even before tonight he'd felt like he was falling for you but now he's sure he is.

And so he does. He tells you everything.

All of it. Sparing no details about Ellie and the fireflies, about her immunity and what happened in Salt Lake City.

About what he and Tommy used to do after the world collapsed.

About Tess and the complicated relationship they shared.

And about Sarah. His babygirl that he'd lost on day one.

It all then makes sense to you why he is the way that he is with Ellie and why he keeps his circle so small.

One year later

'Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away.'

Whoever had convinced Tommy to get up on stage and sing Wham either needed a slap or they needed to be bought a drink, you couldn't decide.

It's Christmas Eve, this year Tommy and Maria had decided to host Karaoke night for the community, almost everyone was here, sitting around at the bar or at tables wincing every time Tommy tried to hit a high note.

You'd lost count how many times Joel had mumbled 'I fuckin' hate karaoke' under his breath beside you, looking like he wanted someone to put a bullet in him.

"So that's a no to getting up on stage with me hm?" You tease as you sip your drink through the little straw.

"Firm no."

"Oh c'mon not even Elton John and Kiki Dee!?" He shoots you a look that you know all too well by now, one that says, 'If you keep teasin' I'm going to ruin you the second we get home'. The heated glare has you weak at the knees, half tempted to keep prodding the bull but you don't get a chance.

Ellie and Dina come running over to your table to plop themselves in front of the two of you, all grins and wide excited eyes.

"What's got the two of you so worked up?" You ask with a suspicious chuckle.

Ellie twists her lips coyly "Nothing! Hey Joel you know that thing? It's ready."

"Oh that's cryptic. What thing? What's she talking about?" You turn to Joel with confusion etched on your face.

"Subtle Ellie, real subtle. Didn't I tell ya to work on that?"

It's then that Tommy finishes his song, finally and takes the mic in his hand, tapping it a few times to get everyone's attention, the feedback making some of the patrons groan.

"Alrighty folks, need y'all to get yer coats on now cos we've got one more special even planned for tonight, other than my wonderful singing that is."

The curious mumbles rise from the crowd, Joel is quick to pull you to stand, urging you to get your jacket on as the girls both dash back outside into the snow.

Everyone files out slowly, Joel keeps his hand firmly in yours as he pushes through the crowd with murmered sorrys and 'scuse me's. You have no idea what's going on right now or why Ellie and Dina smiling ear to ear just a few feet ahead.

With the crowd gathered, you and Joel at the very front, you feel his hand shaking in yours.

"Baby is everything okay, what's going o-"

Before you can even get your words out there's a small squeel and a fizz before a rocket goes flying into the air, your eyes following the noise, lighting up when you see the burst of colours against the night sky.

Fireworks in vivid shades of red, blues and greens in the distance, beyond the walls of Jackson.

Momentarily panicking that the noise might attract unwanted attention to the town, but it's over as quick as it began because out of the corner of your eye you see him, sinking down onto one knee, letting out a small groan that reveals his bones are older than he likes to pretend he is.

You gawp down at him with wide, unblinking eyes The whole town is now watching the two of you "Joel. What are you doing?"

"Whats it look like I'm doin'? And if you say no you'll be makin' me look like an ass in front of the entire town, you have any idea how long it took to get this fireworks thing rigged up far enough away so it doesn't cause a fuss?" He half chuckles as he digs a small box out of his pocket, saying your name slowly as he opens it to reveal a simple silver band with tiny little emeralds set into it.

The smallest of gasps leaves you, realising hes about to propose in front of the whole fucking town.

And then he says the words you've been longing to hear. "Will you marry me?"

Without missing a beat you give him his answer "Are you fucking kidding me!? Yes!" You sink to your knees in the snow, throwing your arms around him almost catching him off balance with an oof.

His free arm snakes around your waist holding you close to him as he buries his face in your neck.

You hear the whistles and cheers from the crowd but right now it all may as well be background noise because all you hear is his whispered words as he slips the ring onto your finger, it fits like a glove much to his joy. "I love you so fuckin' much, Merry Christmas baby."

Your eyes are glittering with unshed happy tears as you respond "Merry Christmas Joel."

You're going to spend the rest of your life with this man. This Christmas and every Christmas thereafter.

And you wouldn't have it any other way.

@itwasntimethatdidit40 @cheekychaos28 @joelmillerisapunk @almostempty @lovely-vamp-princess @baronessvonglitter @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @kirsteng42

@ashleyfilm @redollface @supmlfevs @laprofesoratinacita

Thank you to everyone who interacts, reblogs, comments and reads, it means the world to me 💜

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Delicate (Jake's Version)

20 - Jake's Honor

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: Explicit (MDNI!)

Warnings: nothing spectacular really just mentions of Jake's injuries and his mental state

A/N: Merry Christmas! More coming soon! As always, likes, comments, reblogs are very appreciated! Thanks for reading! It means a ton! The doggos steal the show a bit here! 'Platz' is the german command for 'place' also

Tags: @mrsevans90 @djs8891 @gpsmississippihippie @barnesboo1967

Jake decided it was best to put a shirt on before Mav and Cyclone arrived. He was only joking with Sam about not doing so. She helped him take his sling off and carefully pulled the shirt over his arm and over his head. He winced a few times in the process, trying hard not to move his arm around too much. 

Sam helped him settle on the couch afterwards, along with the dogs. Ballast snuggled up right next to him. Rocco hung out by his feet and Muster tentatively hopped on the couch and sat as far away as she could from Jake. It wasn't that the girl pup didn't like him, she did, she was just timid. She definitely gravitated toward Sam more. 

“This morning is nice. Slow...easy.” Jake murmured as Sam sat down next to him with a cup of hot tea. She tried her best to not lean into him too much as his sling arm was closest to her. 

“Yeah. We don't have to go anywhere until late afternoon.” Sam said, as Muster crawled across the couch to sit next to her. Sam had learned to ignore the puppy and let her come over in her own time. As she practiced that more, it was less and less time each day that Muster took to come over to Sam. She would shy away from Jake unless Sam was near him. Muster nudged her way onto Sam's lap and Jake reached his hand over to touch her little nose to it. She did so and whined, but then climbed in between Sam and Jake and sat there.

“She's so funny. Don't think she likes men.” Jake said softly, reaching over again to scratch Muster with one finger. She was much smaller than Ballast and Jake had noticed that making large gestures or holding his entire hand out bothered her. The door bell rang then. Rocco, being the nosy little fur missile he was, went bolting toward the door and barking, followed by Ballast, who bounded behind him. Muster glanced at Jake and climbed up to see over the back of the couch. She growled softly and Jake scratched her back. 

“She likes you and Javy. Guess we’ll find out if she likes Mav and Beau.” Sam said, placing her cup on the small coffee table and going to open the door. “Rocco and Ballast, back. Sit.” Sam said sternly and both dogs backed up and sat while she opened the door. Beau entered first, hugging Sam and then stepping aside so that Maverick could enter and do the same. The two dogs waited patiently with their tails wagging. Rocco knew both men well from them always visiting her father and Ballast just followed what he did. 

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” Beau asked, his brows furrowed with concern. 

“I'm good. Really good actually. Really happy that Jake is home.” She said and she guided them over to the living room, offering them a spot on the other couch perpendicular to where Jake was sitting. Jake went to stand but Beau motioned for him to stay seated and held his hand out for him to shake. Maverick did the same. 

“No need to get up, Lieutenant. You need your rest.” Beau said as he and Maverick sat on the other couch. Sam had released the other two dogs from their sit and they followed her. Muster growled and shrank back against Jake. They paid no mind to the puppy per Jake's request. 

“Something to drink, Beau? Mav?” She asked and Beau asked for a coffee while Maverick said he was all set. Sam put on a fresh pot of coffee, surmising he may ask for a second cup depending on how long they stayed. 

“How's everything going. Jake?” Sam heard Beau ask. 

“Really good. As long as I keep it up I should be air worthy in about three months. That's what the doctor said, at least.”

“Good, good. And you've been seeing Ryker? He's an old friend of ours. Great pilot.”

“Yeah, he's helping us with the dogs. It's good for me to have something I can do without too much physical strain. We have a session this afternoon, actually.”

Sam handed Beau his coffee and she picked up her tea and Jake patted the seat beside him. She wasn't going to stay but she glanced over at Beau and Mav and they nodded an okay so she did. Muster crawled onto her lap as she sat and then began to sniff the air toward Mav and Beau.

“Don't mind her, she's...” Jake began and then Muster hopped down from the couch and snuck over to Beau and Maverick. She rolled onto her belly at their feet and Maverick reached down to rub her belly.

“She's just shy around guys. She's funny with Ryker too even though they raised her. I think her mom was like that, if I remember correctly.” Sam explained.

“She loves you though.” Jake said, leaning closer to Sam, letting his lips turn up into a gentle smile. His green eyes lit up as she glanced from the puppy to him and he forgot for a second that Mav and Beau were sitting there.

“Jake.” Maverick's voice cut through his thoughts and he sighed heavily as his attention went back to him and Beau. Muster had enough of Maverick and she'd run back to Sam, hopping up in between her and Jake. 

“We wanted to discuss what's next for you.” Beau said and Jake nodded, uncertainty in his expression. Beau continued, after taking a long sip of his coffee and a deep breath. “You've shown an immense amount of growth, not only on the job, but outside of it, as noted by your colleagues and superior officers. It's been discussed between several of us and we believe that in addition to awarding you a Navy Cross for your outstanding display of valor and sacrifice to save Rooster...you are also being fast tracked for a promotion in rank.” 

Jake's eyes widened. His lips thinned and his breath quickened. His gaze fell upon Sam who clearly knew something he didn't as her smile was soft and her eyes reflected appreciation for him. All that talk of him getting promoted, becoming an Admiral, moving up the ranks...did she know he was getting a promotion? There was a smugness in her expression that said she did. 

“A Navy Cross, sir?” Jake asked, disbelief evident as Beau smiled warmly at him.

“We'd like to present it to you at the upcoming Navy Birthday Ball, figuring you'd be out of your sling by then?” Beau said and Jake shook his head. Beau spoke again, not waiting for Jake to reply. “As far as your promotion goes to Lieutenant Commander, until you're air worthy, you'll be given an office on base from which to work from and you can begin to learn more of the administrative and operational parts that you need to know as being a higher ranking officer. It's not all flying and combat maneuvers. There's some paperwork too.”

“Sir...I am...” Jake was actually speechless. Beau smiled and let a small chuckle slip. Maverick smiled too.

“No need to say anything, Jake. You deserve it. Your team wouldn't be here without you. Rooster wouldn't be here without you. You've really grown as a leader. And if I may...from a personal perspective...and as someone who had...and still has...great respect for Iceman...I'd never heard him say that he felt that anyone deserved his daughter as much as you did.” Beau said, and there was a moment of heavy silence that fell over the room. Sam swallowed hard and glanced at Jake, remembering the night before her father passed vividly. 

“Daddy, don’t speak.” Sam said, placing her hand over Ice’s.

“No...I...have to...Samantha...need you...to know...” Ice’s voice was gravelly and he took shallow breaths between each word. He coughed hard, and squeezed her hand.

“Dad...” Sam’s voice broke, on the verge of tears.

“Jake...will...take care...of you...I know...he’s...a good man...good pilot.” He rasped and then he dissolved into a coughing fit and tears fell down Sam’s cheeks as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She laid her head on Ice’s chest, listening to his heart beat rapidly and the crackling in his lungs. 

She stayed there for a while until he fell asleep and her mother came in. Sam rose, kissed her father on the forehead, feeling his skin was cooler than usual. Sam’s heart sank. Sarah pulled her into a hug and told her to go to bed. Sam nodded and went to her room, Rocco padding along silently. She checked her phone, a smile returning to her face as she read the only text.

Jake: goodnight pretty girl, see you tomorrow

Sam was all too aware of the tears running down her cheeks, as Jake wiped them with his free hand. Beau and Maverick had bowed their heads, the loss of her father still too raw a feeling for them all. Beau was the first to speak after the pause.

“With all of that being said, Jake...if you're feeling up to it in a week or so, no rush, you can come by the base and Warlock and I will show you where your office would be. I would also like to discuss opportunities for teaching as well. Even if it's something you're not up to now, maybe you would be down the line. We like to give our best pilots a go at instructing. I believe you would be a good candidate for it.” Beau explained and he finished what was left of his coffee. Sam stood and took his cup, motioning for more but he dismissed it. “We should be getting back to base. Thank you for giving us your time. Rest up and we'll see you soon.” Beau said and he shook Jake's hand and then Maverick did as well. As Beau headed toward the door, Jake stopped Mav for a moment.

“Sir, when you get the chance, could we have a chat about Rooster? I'd like your thoughts on him. He's having a hard time accepting some things and I just don't know how to approach him with it all. I figured you might have the best insight on that.” Jake asked and Maverick nodded.

“Yeah. He's stubborn. It's why he and Sam never really got along. We’ll talk soon.” Mav said, placing a hand on Jake’s shoulder and patting him. He hugged Sam as he left and once they were out the door, Jake sighed and collapsed on the couch again. Sam went over, dogs all behind her and settled beside him once more.

“You okay?” She asked and he nodded.

“You knew.” Jake said, with a smile but a slightly accusatory tone. Sam laughed.

“Nat told me she overheard them talking about it. I didn't know you’d be getting an office though. Damn.” She said and he reached for her, pulling her against him. He winced, but he didn’t care at the moment. 

“I told you I’m gonna take care of you...just maybe not in the way I had originally thought or planned. But it’ll work out.” Jake said. Sam kissed him and then she placed her head on his lap.

“I know you will.” She affirmed softly. 

🛩️🛩️🛩️

Jake was struggling. 

“Take a breath, Jake. Go sit on the steps for a moment.” Ryker said, motioning for him to walk away. They had been going through a sequence of commands with Maddox and Jake understood it immediately, and of course Maddox knew exactly what to do, but when it came to Ballast, the puppy seemed like he wasn't getting it. 

Jake sat on the steps of the deck and he watched as Ryker brought the puppy through the small obstacle course, with ease. The goal was to build Ballast's confidence jumping onto and off of some small tables, across a narrow beam, and over a teeter totter. 

“I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.” Jake said, his tone annoyed as he rubbed his hand over his face. 

“He's just not trusting you. He can do it. He just doesn't think you think he can. It's hard to lure and offer to catch him with one hand.” Ryker explained and Jake sighed.

“I hate this sling. I can't do anything.” Jake scoffed. Ryker took a second and asked Ballast to place on one of the tables and walked over to Jake. Jake looked up at the man and shook his head. “I'm not going to be able to do some of this stuff until I have two arms again.” 

“That's your doubt talking. Happens to people who lose their limbs too. You haven't lost a limb, Jake. You just need to think of a different way to use it.” Ryker explained, holding his hand out to help Jake up. Jake took it and stood, sighing as he headed back over to his puppy, who looked expectantly at him from his place on the table. Ryker took Jake's seat and folded his arms across his chest then spoke. “Get creative, use that head of yours and find a solution. Same thing you'd do up in a jet.”

Jake stood for a moment, Ballast’s eyes trained on him. He placed the food in his immobile hand. He got close to Ballast and let him see that the treat was in that hand. He then placed his other hand on the puppy’s back and asked Ballast to go through the obstacles again. Ballast went over both tables easily, and then came to the teeter totter. He stepped on it and felt it unsteady and went to jump down but Jake grabbed him and asked him to lie down for a moment.

“Platz.” Jake said sternly, and ran his hand over the puppy’s back. He then said ‘yes’ enthusiastically and Ballast began to follow him across the teeter totter. Jake asked him to place once again at the center and he held it still. He said ‘yes’ again and then asked him to complete the obstacle. Jake was ecstatic and he sat down next to Ballast, who jumped into his arms and nibbled at his chin in excitement. “You did it, buddy!”

“No Jake, you did it. You both did. But you figured out a way to build that dog's confidence and I like the way you did it. You could be real good at this if you keep it up.” Ryker praised Jake and clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

Jake was starting to feel a bit better about himself.

[da-janela-lateral]

At this point I don't think Teruki's parents are exceptionally horrible individuals (long-term psychological consequences still happen in cases in which the abuse isn't considered particularly severe + everyone is capable of harm, even "good" people), but they weren't the best, without a doubt.

Okay, they got too busy with their jobs and had to move overseas to progress on their career. External circunstances. Things that happen. They left their son behind, but that could always be justified by hectic schedules of ever-moving businesspeople. How else could he have a stable routine to focus on his future? They're just busy. Teruki hasn't seen them in long but that's not their fault, right?

They cared for Teruki, didn't they? His parents made sure that there was someone home to watch him whenever they were far away. It was inevitable that there would be times he would be with himself, though. But that's not bad! It only became a problem once those strange espers tried to take hold of him on the street. And even then, they were so weak he could barely give them the title of a psychic. It wasn't an issue that it happened more and more and there was no one to intervene. Or that Teruki had to torture descriptions of "Claw organization" and "brainwashed soldiers" out of these grownups to know what they wanted with him. His parents couldn't know. Why should they know? Better put: what could they do?

What could a normal person do against someone with psychic powers?

It was Teruki's choice to live by himself. He could manage it all. Contrary to the other kids, he was an independent and responsible young man who could be trusted with a house and money. Such a great boy. His parents were so proud to have someone as competent as him as a son, one which wouldn't mean hard work for them. One who always had the best grades and was the soccer team's best player and was the best student on the town's best middle school.

Of course they would suddenly allow Teruki to live on his own. Any parent with a child like him would, wouldn't they? Anyone on their right mind and who knew the slightlest about him would be sure he could do it.

And even if this "Claw" organization scared him a bit and he felt a bit lonely at times, it wasn't an issue. Issue would mean it was an obstacle - which it wasn't, as Teruki did perfectly on his own. His parents believed on so. That's why he had his own apartment at 12 on the first place. Teruki was so wonderful at this. It wasn't horrible if they didn't answer his calls, because they were so busy and he wasn't a little kid who depends on his mommy. None of this was their fault. He shouldn't bother them or himself over this.

Because they cared, right? On the end, it was only a pile of tragic circunstances and coincidences no normal person could act against. It was part of life as someone special like him. He couldn't expect that his parents could change any of this, and this made his loneliness the best possible choice. It was obvious that they would support such a decision.

What would a normal person do against someone with psychic powers?

[weneedatdcharacterwho]

we need a human who brought on their dog as another contestant. the team inevitably votes out the dog (cause c'mon, it's a dog). the owner loses their shit and does everything they can to make merge to take their team down.

.

[19871997]

.

[bumblingbabooshka]

St Voyager - Ex Post Facto “Maybe I kill myself slowly because I don’t have the courage to do it all at once.”

[jackgoodfellow]

Did you know Samo has a big brother?? It's true! He picks them up after class sometimes. Of course, Hikari insists that everything he says sounds "incredibly threatening," but he really is just a wonderful big bro!!

[miserye]

never would i have thought in a million years that i would get close enough to my boss that he would ask me to house sit for him

[kaijutegu]

Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views

Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:

That is not what a happy gator looks like.

That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.

Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.

Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)

So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!

Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.

How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!

Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.

For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?

Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.

By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.

Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:

It is doing a threat display.

It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.

It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)

It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.

There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.

In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)

Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator

So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.

Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)

Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.

As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.

Why Should I Listen To You?

Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?

Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!

But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.

Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:

Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets

The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt

Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk

Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet

Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang

Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)

Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson

Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul

Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.

[tossawary]

Rewatched the Howl's Moving Castle movie (fantastic animated movie, definitely inspired by more than an adaptation of the book) while doing something else and I was struck this time by the fact that the Prince (Turniphead the Scarecrow) says that he intends to go tell his king to call off the war, but THEN he intends on COMING BACK to Ingary to shoot his shot with Sophie again because (as he says to the flirtatious Witch of the Wastes) "hearts change".

And maybe he will come back to make Sophie an offer of marriage and then leave again when he's turned down, but I imagined for a moment that the Prince (who is possibly the movie's version of Prince Justin, so let's call him Justin) might just... move back into Howl's house without asking and stay there. There are several cases of precedent for this. Also, as Turniphead, he's shown several times helping Sophie with laundry, or playing with Markl, or helping the Witch of the Wastes move around, and Sophie deserves that kind of help around the house! Howl isn't going to reliably do chores.

And you know what? I think Howl would be into that shit. There's something very Wynne-Jonesian about it all still. It's tempting to write a post-canon fic about this situation from the movie with an extra dash of flavoring from the books. Like:

This is the infamous wizard Howl Pendragon/Jenkins, a vain draft-dodging flirt who likes to build moving castles to evade taxes too. The beautifully angry young woman with the silver hair over there is his wife, Sophie Hatter, who may or may not be an extremely powerful witch, but right now she's dusting and do not get in her way. This is Calcifer, the fire demon who used to have Howl's heart and is arguably his other life partner and also might be in love with Sophie, and this is arguably kind of actually his house. The old lady smoking a cigar over there is Howl's ex-girlfriend and former nemesis, the Witch of the Wastes, who now lives in their house. This is Markl, Howl's apprentice, kind of his kid, and there is no explanation of where he comes from or what happened to his parents. The dog used to be(?) the Royal Wizard's spy (Howl used to be her apprentice and potential successor) but now he also just lives here. And that's Prince Justin of Strangia, Sophie's house-boyfriend. Don't listen to the propaganda, he wasn't kidnapped by a heart-eating wizard; he used to be a cursed scarecrow and now he wants to be here to help Sophie do laundry. He's trying to homewreck and Howl thinks it's both funny and hot.

[palskippah]

Hi! I give you this Stobotnik fankid I made a while ago :'y

She's Sofia --or Ivania or some other name ending in 'ia'-- Robotnik (coolest last name)

It's a compilation and also there's some Stone for practice bc I have no idea how to draw him pipipi Eggman is easier bc it's just his Sonic Boom design (I love it)

Some stuff about this universe under the cut!

(Btw if there's incongruencies is bc I can't make up my mind about the facts whwhw)

-Robotnik and Stone are married, very much married. Cartoon villains in love, I love that for them.

-["MARTHA I'M COMING HOME SWEETIE-"] Mixing up the movie things and the whatever's going on in the Sonic Boom, so Robotnik was gone for eight months and when he's back she's already born.

>Also the drawing is a reference to Icarly's "Whatcha got there?" "A smoothie" but she was clearly asking about the ostrich Spencer brought with him.

>Alternatively, Eggman's there and they go through the journey together yippiee. Choosing names, making evil parenting plans and whatever, being their idiot selves.

(After celebrating because they're good news actually) "I want a boy or a girl-" (Eggman) "Yeah me too." (Stone) "-and we should name them a single, worth of remembering name! Like... Eggette for a girl and Eggson for a boy." "I'm not letting you name them any of that, doctor..." "Okay, then how about Beyonce for a girl and-"

>They wouldn't have kids (?? maybe? I don't really know, I only know sonic boom and the movie :'U)- but she was probably the 1% the birth control warns you about. Also, Stobotnik got a very active seggsual life, and I'm imagining she came to be from a quickie over the desk, why not.

>Helpful diagram of Eggman + Stone kissing and then = baby. They were in work hours.

-In the one where he comes back and the baby's already there, Eggman does a terrible job as a father the few first months, but then he gets the hang of it and it's not so bad.

>He gets projectile vomited on and he's immediately asking to get an abortion (the baby's already born) (he didn't give birth to her), Stone says no anyways.

>"Surprisingly, I'm a good father" he thinks one day and it's because he's still very much an orphan here with no frame of comparation or example aside from researching the matter.

-In the one where they wait for her together, he does all the research necessary in all those months, absolutely refusing in doing an average job in that matter, he's the great Ivo Robotnik c'mon. He excels at anything and he'll be a great father (jk he's terrified of fucking up).

-The Stobotnik family is an evil but loving family, like the bears in Puss in Boots whwh criminal family✨

-For the funny of it, Sonic and Eggman got a sort of relationship like in Sonic Boom, so sometime maybe our favorite boy, Tails and Knuckles had to look after their child.

-Also since Knuckles broke Stone's and Robotnik's hands with their handshake, let's have him handle the baby with the most careful grip ever, just to demonstrate that he didn't have to grab their hands that hard aksdjask

-She's a big fan of Sonic and friends (Sonic the Hedgehog, not Sonic Wachowski, the second guy hadn't done even half the things she admires him for, but no one has the heart to tell her when she's a kid). Has a bunch of merch and all the comics of Sonic the Hedgehog.

>When she's a teenager she proudly uses her Sonic backpack in the same way Deadpool uses his Hello Kitty backpack.

-BTW Sonic, Knuckles and Tails are all brothers and Maddie and Tom's kids bc that's the best idea ever made.

-ALSO I'm definitely gonna draw that scene where Knuckles was about to put the baby in the blender and Sonic shouts THE CHILI DOG NOT THE BABY. Some day, you'll see pipipi.

-SAGE was created for various reasons, to be her sister (since she wouldn't stop asking for one but neither Stone nor Robotnik were willing in raising another human kid, thanks very much), to protect her, and also to answer the tedious "why?" questions that neither father had the patience for (A+ parenting right there). Maybe she was used for the original purpose too idk (I don't know that sonic game where she debuts).

>The child's delighted about having a sister, then she grows up and SAGE doesn't, so she has a little sister.

>METAL SONIC TOO MAYBE? Perfect lil american family, the two happily married parents and their three kids (one human girl, an IA and a robot clone of their alien enemy).

-On her early months she was called Pebble, because she really was a mini Stone, Robotnik went along with it (bc he also looked at her and only saw his husband whw) until she was a little older and they started calling her by her name.

>Alternatively, since Eggman was gone, Stone waited for him to return in hopes of choosing together a name for their child, and Pebble worked as a placeholder since she was just a bebi.

>Alternatively alternatively, Eggman came up with the nickname. ROCK-ONNAISSANCE 🗣️ also yeah I know he was going crazy from the mushroom stuff, but he's not above making silly puns, he's a dad now and also he's naturally silly.

(NGL I really gotta make up my mind about how it all happened ajsdkad)

-She's a spoiled kid and also a little menace, unintentionally evil, she can't help it.

>Good-hearted too sometimes, she loves Sage and does her best to protect her back (it's not necessary but it's appreciated anyways).

-Robotnik calls himself 'daddy' way too much in the live-action movies to ignore it, so he's daddy and Stone's dad (dada when she was younger).

>"These are my daddies!" (points to what's clearly two villains -but also good fathers-)

-She has Robotnik's eyes but as big as Stone's. They're the lethal-est sad puppy eyes ever (they work wonders on both parents and other people) (both men got beautiful dark brown eyes with visible eyelashes fight me).

>Look at Eggman's silly eyelashes:

>Also, you know that picture of Lee Majdoub with the beautiful everything? I think he was wearing eyeliner so my Stone wears eyeliner too in contrast to Eggman's dark circles under his eyes JDJS😭

-She's the five-year-old that made Sonic fear them because 'they can be so cruel when they sense weakness' (she was brutally honest as any young kid is).

-Stone and Robotnik got Gomez and Morticia Addams kinda parenting. They see their child beating up someone and they're like:

"What did we do wrong?" (Stone while shaking his head in disappointment) "I know... she lacks resourcefulness." (Eggman) "Exactly, there's her baseball bat right there, why doesn't she use it?"

-Remember that Shadow said in a game that he wouldn't mind taking a candy from a baby? (fandub I think but still) This comes in handy when neither Tails, Sonic or Knuckles want to upset the kid (so Shadow does it instead).

-She plays sports too because she got too much energy. In each of them she loses her patience. She grabs the football and hauls it at the nearest team member, she throws her baseball bat to the ground and starts beating up whoever threw the ball that she missed, she stomps in frustration if she loses, she's great at dodgeball (sends her classmates to the infirmary).

-Throws tantrums and stuff and overall's an annoying kid if she's upset. Eggman's like UGH WHY'S SHE LIKE THIS?? and Stone's like Because of you, doctor (terrible temperament runs in the family and also Robotnik just spoiled her too much).

-I'm kinda dressing her up in the clothes that existed in my mind that supposedly Eggman wore (the weird dress-like jacket with the big zipper in the middle). Under her jacket there's a dress in the same pattern as the original Eggman's clothes, also she wears a baby onesie like that too.

-When she's older she's definitely proud of her fathers, but she doesn't appreciate the rumors that she's prone to go power-crazy like Robotnik did. Especially because it may be true, but what do they know.

-For the irony, she can't stand drinking coffee, but loves the smell of it because it reminds her of home (omg).

-THEY HAVE A PET CAT like I read in some fics and her name is Robot and she's a lil shit and also grumpy like Robotnik.

>Maybe she brings her alive mice to experiment on all sort of stuff (like Pávlov and his dogs and the guy Skinner with his mice and cats (??))

-She gets to hang out with Sonic and friends under the condition of annoying him as much as possible. So, she complies. (She loves Sonic the Hedgehog, but she loves making her fathers happy more).

-Very smart kid but not to the level of Tails or Robotnik at that age, she's just got very good memory and learning skills and knows a lot of stuff ever since she was a little kid. More like a Matilda-kinda intelligence.

-She's a scientist when she grows up too but the kind that makes evil potions and serums and stuff aksjdk probably (chemistry things? biochem idk). She can make silly little robots for the fun of it but it's not her passion, unlike Robotnik and Stone's. PROBABLY. I'm still deciding.

-BTW LOOK (it says 'carefully crafted ploy to distract space porcupines')

>While Eggman's there with the baby and Sonic in front of him going AWWW BABY BOO and making her laugh, Stone is sneaking up on him holding a chair above his head to knock him out.

THAT'S IT THANKS FOR READING ✨✨

[raileurta]

Human space cats

I'm getting a bit of brain rot over humans being cats to transformers so here's some headcanons/ideas!

The bots that "hate" humans are really just the dads who say they hate the animal you brought home but like a week later is sleeping with them in his lap.

Transformers use a humming noise as a pdpspsh sound.

You know that one skit "Where's this dog i keep hearing about?" Idk but something like that would be funny.

Some homeless people will just chill in a bot's house to try getting free food and shelter. It works like 80% of the time.

The transformers would absolutely lose their mind over babies.

When Noah meet/steals mirage once they get to the warehouse he starts celebrating at final getting a human. He's like your my friend now we're going to eat soft tacos later. (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ

(Which now I'm thinking about isn't actually that different from canon lol)

They will all do the human thing of seeing an animal walking around and acting like it's your first time seeing this cute blob. So an average joe will just be walking home after a shift then hears tons of honking out of no wear to see like three bots excitedly pointing at them.

Humans are like so so soft to them. Like it's hard not to just squeeze their little faces for being so darn fluffy.

The crazy cat lady equivalent is called a crazy fleshy bot or crazy human lover.

This is the best I could think of.

You know cat huffing? I bet some bots do that too. We are a usually clean species that uses a lot of scented items. I bet from a planet made of metal they don't have a lot of pleasant or any variety of scents.

I saw some good fan art of various humans being smushed into the faces of a bot and it reminded me of cat huffing.

Humans will also be feral little murder monkeys.

What I'm trying to go for essentially is:

[novemberheart]

{overview} you reach a new milestone with Johnny and Simon, you have a bad dream

{warnings} fem reader, poly 141, mentions of death, panic attacks, mentions of bruising and pain, cursing, p in v sex (not related to the violence warnings), exhibition, you like being watched I guess….

Chapter 25 <- Chapter 26 -> Chapter 27

“Push your knee against me like that. It's easier to grab a foot or a hand than a knee,” Johnny explained, moving your knee towards his shoulder. He had some downtime and you had the energy to burn so he settled on teaching you a few self-defense moves.

“I don't think these are actually moves,” you panted. You had just spent the better part of twenty minutes being thrown around like a ragdoll. When you agreed to this you assumed it would lead to more with Johnny- much more. Yet here he was, his eyes laser-focused, using a tone that could rival Simons.

“People aren't going to expect you to know how to fight back. So you are going to have around five seconds of surprise- even more if they aren't trained,” Johnny moved you onto your stomach, gripping your arms with his hands so they were pressed against the mat. You peeked in the mirror along the gym wall, your hips raising slightly at the sight of him hovering over you.

Who knew you liked mirrors so much?

You had been wearing scent blockers, your hips raising being the only sign thus far of how this was making you feel. His mouth fell open, his eyes landing on your bottom that your gym shorts really didn't hide. You smirked, using all your body weight to swing your legs to the side, effectively knocking him over with a thud. Just like he had taught you. You scrambled up running to the edge of the mat. He had drilled into your head to run as soon as you could and even made you practice getting up in any position- which felt silly at the time but made sense now. He chuckled, the vibrations of it going straight to your core even though your distance. You smiled, prancing back over to him.

“That was very good,” he praised, his eyes lighting up to match yours.

“Thank you, Sergeant,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. He purred under your touch. He was still kneeling before you, his arms wrapping under your bottom. He hoisted you up easily, and you craned your neck down with your teeth grazing over his bottom lip. He bit back. He slid your body against his, so you didn't have to bend so far, your legs wrapping around his waist. Your lips ghosted over each other, waiting for the other to give in. A standoff. Your fingers played with the grown-out pieces of his mohawk, a small whine leaving your throat as you flashed him with your softest puppy dog eyes. He growled, smashing his lips against yours.

“I won,” you gasped between attacks.

“Did you?” he smirked, his lips quickly devouring you again.

“Bloody hell, you two. Get a room,” Simon growled. The task force had the gym booked, even with half of it missing. “Anyone could walk by and see you,” he reprimanded. Which was funny given the position the two of you were in last night.

“Yeah, any perv,” Johnny agreed, eyeing the alpha up and down. You giggled, pressing kisses against the Scot's jaw, nipping at the corner of his lips. He let you do as you please, his hazy, melted eyes staring down at you. Simon stood still, not quite able to pull his eyes away from the sight himself. He watched the way Johnny’s chest heaved up and down, his lips parting open as you marked him up. The look of determination on your face and the way your lips moved against his heated skin. The fact he had felt the softness of your mouth yesterday, he could imagine you against his skin. He watched as Johnny’s hands gripped your thighs, the softness pooling around his fingers. One small movement from you would have you secured against the heavy bulge the fabric of his workout shorts was doing a poor job covering.

“Johnny?” Simon spoke. His half-lidded deep blue eyes met his. “Take care of your omega,” it was commanded. The life re-entered Johnny's eyes, your back colliding with the wall before you knew it. You gasped, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. All the control you had flying out the window.

“Mac,” you whined, your hips rolling against him. He pressed back harder, a shaky moan leaving you, the vibration going straight down his spine. Your hands crept down his strong stomach, clawing at the waistband of his shorts.

“Can’t take you here, Bonnie,” he growled, making you whimper.

“I don't care,” you purred in assurance. The new position had you blocked by a shelf and all someone had to do was look at Simon's heavy figure and know not to enter. “Please,” you begged, your hands sliding up his shirt. You could feel his warm skin twitch under you, short and soft coils of hair brushing against your palms. Your hands left his skin, beginning to tug at your own shorts. He looked over his shoulder at Simon, who nodded his head. You watched as Simon disappeared, walking over to the door. You could hear the lock click. You had won. You attached your lips to his and Johnny set you down to slide your shorts and panties off, chuckling at the wet spot in them. He tossed the pair behind him, Simon's hand catching them and sticking them in his pocket. You chewed your lip, Simon's hazy eyes meeting yours. You were dragged away when Johnny lifted you up again, your core rolling against his cock through the fabric of his shorts.

Your mouth fell open, your head resting against the chill of the wall. “Johnny, please,” you whined again, your fingers gripping at his shoulders. He was enjoying this too much. Enjoying the way you squirmed and begged for some help.

“What, baby? Couldn't hear you?” he murmured, making you growl. His hand slapped against your thigh to check you, his hand pressing against the spot to help ease the sting. “Still couldn't hear you,” he corrected. “Don't be shy,” he soothed, his lips resting against your cheek, nipping at the burning flesh. “Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it. You have to ask nicely though,” you wanted to bite the smirk off his face, but you knew you'd never get what you wanted then.

“I want you,” you mumbled quietly, your eyes trained on Simon’s shoes.

“Alright,” Johnny seemed satisfied with that until he started to put your feet on the floor to kiss down to your heat.

“No,” you whined, pulling him back up. He hoisted you back up, his face showing all the patience in the world. He could play this game with you all day. “I want your cock,” you said finally, making sure to say it loud enough to where he wouldn't play dumb. The deep rumble echoed off of both men, shooting straight through you. “Please,” you finished. You had a reputation for being their good girl- you couldn't break that by demanding.

“Well how can I say no to that,” Johnny smiled down at you. He distracted you with his lips and it wasn't until the head of his cock caught against your entrance did you realize one of his hands had left you. You gasped, pulling away enough to look down at him. It matched him, stout and energetic- twitching in his hand. He pushed in slowly, your legs already quivering. He was so responsive. Curving into all the right places, throbbing in time with your spasming walls. It felt so intimate even though you were pushed against the hard gym wall. Your toes curled in your shoes. He wanted to say something. Say how good you felt, how beautiful you looked, yet all he could do was groan his hips snapping into place. Your moan caught in your throat, your head lulling against the wall.

“How’s she feel?” Simon grunted. You had forgotten about him as he leaned against the shelf. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him but just knowing he was there made you clench around Johnny, the words he was trying to say catching in his throat once again.

He settled for a purr, sending a vibration through your body. You twitched, your hips pressing harder against him. That’s how John must've felt when you purred around him. “Perfect,” Johnny finally managed to choke out. His mouth attached to your shoulder where your tank top strap had fallen. His thrusts were hard and slow, without a set rhythm but that somehow added to the pleasure. His cock would drag against your walls only for him to roll himself back in with one hard fluid motion. He'd hold himself inside you letting you feel every throb and vein, only to drag himself back out, repeating the process whenever he wanted.

You were a mess. Teary eyes, hair disheveled, clinging onto him as the force of his thrusts knocked you into the wall. Your hand pressed against your mouth to stifle your moans. Normally they hated that, but considering you were in a semi-public place they'd let it slide. His pace picked up, your arms gripping around his neck, his mouth pressing against any skin he could reach. It was almost torture. The two of being so close, yet he couldn't feel the softness of your skin against his. He growled, his hips deciding a set rhythm. He had played with his food enough.

“I can't,” you gasped, your face burying in his shoulder. Your hands gripping onto his shoulder blades.

“Doing so good, Bon,” Johnny assured through his own groans. You could tell Johnny was as vocal as you, and was also trying hard to stifle it. You wondered how loud he could get. A pair of fingers brushed over your knuckles. It was Simon. You reached forward your hand tangling with his, as you felt the ascension of a familiar peak. You whined Johnny’s name, pressing your heated cheek against his. “You’re almost there, beautiful. I can feel it,” he snarled against you. “Feels so fucking good,” his voice dropped to a whine, holding onto you equally hard. Simon raised his mask, pressing a kiss against your knuckles. You held his gaze as much as you could with the stars clouding your vision. You shook your head again. Your heat had made your orgasms more tolerable- less intense so your body could preserve its stamina. You didn't have that to fall back upon. “Relax,” Johnny repeated against your temple, your cunt nearly pushing him out. “We’ve got you, just let go,” he murmured, his muscles shaking from pleasure. “I’ve got you baby, come on,” he pressed, not being able to hold on much longer himself.

You felt too good. Your pussy shaking around him, so wet and and warm. Your breathy moans in his ear. The fact anyone could come in and find you like this. It didn't excite him in the way he thought it would. It made him more possessive. You were theirs. No one else deserved to see such a sight. He could sense Simon behind him, the alpha offering enough protection where he could turn his brain off and focus on you.

The knot in your stomach finally shattered, your vision lighting up behind your shut eyes. You shouted, but nobody could find it in them to care, not with your head thrown back like that. Johnny pressed himself impossibly deep, holding your shaking form so you wouldn't be separated from him. He was a ball of curses and groans, his grip on you sure to leave bruises.

He rested against you, you sandwiched between him and the wall. Both of you were panting- mixing with moans and whimpers. Everything felt too much. The aftershock in your veins, the bright lights, the hard wall. You wanted to curl up under the covers and breathe in Johnny’s cinnamon scent. Simon cleared his throat, his pupils blown as he scanned you and Johnny up and down.

“Come on, pups,” he spoke softly. You smiled at the plural version of your nickname. Simon grabbed your shorts off the floor, his hands resting on Johnny’s shoulders. “Let's get you two cleaned up and back home, yeah?” he hummed. Your eyes widened as Simon placed a kiss on the back of Johnny's neck, mumbling out small praises at how well he took care of you. You both squirmed as he pulled out of you, his spend immediately dripping down your leg. The two men groaned.

“Round two at home, bonnie?” Johnny smirked, kissing your burning cheek.

Round two indeed took place at home. Your butt resting on the counter in your bathroom as Johnny worked himself in and out of you. Simon was too busy with his ear pressed against the door, his hand working in time with your moans.

It felt like hours before the shower finally turned on.

You giggled as Johnny massaged lotion into your feet, his lips pressing against the ball of your foot.

“You and John both have a thing for feet,” you teased, expecting him to jump into denial. He just smiled, his thumb working deep into the tense tissue.

“Maybe we do, Bon,” he said slowly. “At least you get foot massages out of it,” he smirked, pressing a kiss against the top of them.

Guess you didn't have room to complain.

“Whose room are we sleeping in?” he questioned, moving to stand from his seat on the coffee table. You were about to say Kyle's but the back of your neck tingled at the sight of Simon’s closed door. Johnny followed your gaze. His face spread in a grin that made you nervous.

“No, Johnny it’s fine,” you insisted. His arm wrapped under your bottom, lifting you to his chest. He held you against him, your head hiding in his shoulder as he knocked on Simon's door. You heard a muffled sound, Johnny not waiting for a clear answer as he opened the door.

“Pup wants to sleep in here,” Johnny sighed like he was doing you a favor.

“It’s okay Simon”-

“You have your jellyfish?” was his response. Johnny gasped in remembrance, tossing you onto Simon's bed. It was amazing you didn't accidentally elbow him in the face with how much of it he took up. Johnny disappeared, heading towards your room to get the stuffed jelly. You had forgotten it when you went on leave and had a harder time falling asleep without it. You had grown a bit codependent on its softness against your cheek to fall asleep.

Johnny came bounding back, tossing himself onto the bed.

“Always forget how shite your mattress is,” Johnny grumbled. He tucked both of you under the covers with Simon, his body curling around yours as the big spoon. Simon shifted and you heard the rattling of a pill bottle.

“Take some of these. You'll be sore later if you aren't already,” he sighed, his thumb brushing over your chin. You opened, his eyes trained on your kiss-bitten lips. He held his water bottle up for you to wash them down with. Simon popped a few in his mouth.

“Did you hurt yourself?” you questioned. He shook his head.

“He’s a big boy, bonbon. Aches and pains are his middle name,” Johnny smirked, his lips pressing on the back of your ear. You giggled as his scruff brushed against your neck. Simon relaxed back into the bed, his arm and shoulder pressed against your front. You wanted to rest your head against him, but didn't want to invade his space too much- although you felt like you had already passed that point.

You could feel yourself fading fast. If the three different orgasms pulled out of you weren't enough then the feeling of being the safest pup in the world was the cherry on top. The best sleep you had ever gotten had been that night you were curled up with John and Kyle. You wondered if this would be similar. You didn't know if it was the beta-alpha pairing that made it work so well or just the fact you trusted the both of them.

You rumbled in a quiet purr, Johnny immediately responding with his own.

It was pouring. The onslaught makes it hard for you to keep your eyes open. Your chest hurts, and the cold water, despite its power, does nothing to get your nervous system back on track.

You felt sad. The sadness felt more suffocating than the rain that was drenching your clothes. Why hadn’t you worn your raincoat? You feel like you knew the answer to that, yet couldn't find the perseverance to dig around in your brain for it.

Maybe the yellow felt too happy for this type of day.

A hand gripped your shoulder. It wasn't gentle. It wasn’t warm or comforting. It was angry- maybe at you, maybe at the world. “Time to go,” it snapped. You recognized it as John. It made you feel sicker, a bubbling anger rising in your chest. Why were you so mad at him? Why was he so mad? He looked worse than when he had left. His eyes are nearly swollen shut from tears and rubbing at them. His face looked older. How long had he been gone? Or had emotions aged him? His hand fell to your forearm, the tips of his finger bound to leave marks against your skin.

Your feet splashed against the ground as he tugged you along. The rushing water makes it hard to walk. How long has it been raining? Every step forward felt like three steps back. If it wasn't for John you would have fallen, and the water would have swept you away by now. A slight warmness fills you at the idea.

“I don't want to go,” you say before you can stop yourself. Your voice is small and weak. He hears you despite the rushing of water.

“You think I want to?” he growls back. It was mean and nasty- his voice and look in his eyes. You whimpered. You’re continually pulled along the flat concrete. There are no trees, no green, just gray as far as the eye can see. Your knees give out, and you can feel the concrete break your skin. A small plea leaves you. A plea of mercy for John to be gentle with you. He wasn't. He growls low in his throat, yanking you up with no patience or fondness in his bones. You shriek, your arm creaking under his grasp. He pays no mind. There's a building in the distance. Gray and square just like the buildings at base. You’re sobbing now. You aren't sure if it’s from fright or exhaustion. His hand digs into the hair around the base of your neck, pulling you forward. You were moving too slow. Your sobs are louder than the rain by the time you reach the building. John throws open the doors. The inside was beautiful, resembling a church. Every seat was filled, each and every person's head snapping behind them to look at the two of you. You don't know any of them, but they all look familiar.

They were waiting for you. John pulls you along the aisle, your eyes landing towards the front. You fall to your knees again, your hands grappling with the legs of people or chairs to keep from advancing. John is jerking you forward by the back of your dress, your body shaking against the carpet. Shrieks and sobs escape you, yet no one comes to help you. In fact, they aren't even looking at you. Once you make it to the front John tosses you against the steps of the stage, your chin colliding with one. You sob against them. You couldn’t breathe. Your heart ached so painfully in your chest all you could do was lay there. There was a mean kick to your legs. Your head finally raised, your eyes landing on an oak casket, half covered by a Union Jack. Your hands reach forward gripping onto the fabric. It pools around you as it falls to the floor.

You don't need to be told. You know who’s in there.

You gasp awake, four pairs of hands holding onto you. You shake in their grasp and they quickly release you.

“Easy, Bonnie,” Johnny soothes. You couldn't breathe, the lightness in the room burning your eyes. Your hands run over your wet face as you sit up trying to take in your surroundings as your eyes adjust. An arm wraps around you, trapping your arms and back against a chest. You fight against it and lose.

“Relax, pup. You're alright,” it was Simon, his chin resting on your shoulder. The smell of alpha fills your nostrils, your brain immediately gives into it- too distraught to do anything else. They both sigh in relief when you relax against him.

“Where is Kyle?” you croak. They share a look.

“He left with John, baby,” Johnny reminded, pulling your legs into his lap.

“Is he okay?” you whimper, tears beginning to descend again.

“Something happen to him in your dream?” Johnny asked.

“Is he okay?” you repeat desperately.

“He’s alright,” Simon affirms to you. The pressure slows your heart rate, and your breathing automatically syncs with his. “I can try to get him on the phone for you. It'll be early morning where they are,” Simon explains, reaching for his phone on the nightstand.

You would do anything to hear his voice. Even if it meant waking him up. Simon lays down with you still in his arms, and Johnny goes to turn the light off. You were thankful Simon had given you those pain pills. Without them, the throb in your body would be worse.

Your cheek rests against Johnny’s, his scruff a welcoming contrast to your soft skin. His large hand takes up half your face and neck as his thumb brushes the tears out from under your eyes. You let yourself sink fully into both of them.

“I'm sorry,” you mumbled softly.

“Never apologize for loving us, Bon,” Johnny soothed instantly. Your heart lifted in your chest.

You couldn't help but feel fortunate. Your pack wasn't writing you off as sensitive or troublesome. Instead, they were protecting you. Assuring you. Protecting you from your own thoughts and assuring you they would be there with you along the way. Simon held the phone up and you quickly snatched it with a quick thanks.

“Kyky?” you breathed, your eyes rolling to the back of your head at the sound of his groggy voice. You had woken him up.

“Hey, Lovie,” you could nearly see the smile in his voice. He wasn't mad at you. You buried yourself under Johnny, the phone pressed tightly against your ear. “Having trouble sleeping?” he murmured. You tried to imagine his breath on the back of your neck as he spoke or the way his hand liked to rest between your thighs as he slept.

“Yeah,” you whispered back. “I had a bad dream. Just wanted to hear your voice,” you explained.

“Guess I should get talkin’ then,” he yawned. You were thankful he didn't ask what the dream was about. You could hear him adjust, the sound of metal creaking under him. You hated that his bed wasn't comfortable. He shouldn't be sleeping on metal bars and springs, he should be curled up in your nest with you. He talked about where he was- without giving you a location. He said it was mountainous and the perfect temperature. You knew for Kyle that meant hot. He told you about all the different birds and the sounds they made and how it made him think of you.

Your eyes grew heavy, your body erupting in a barely there purr.

Warmness flooded you as your pack once again took care of you.

Hello everyone! See you in three days for chapter 27! 🧡

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Very funny Staged-like opening of BAFTAs 2024 with David and Michael! :D ❤

David: Can you hear me? Michael, how is it going.

Michael: Yeah, I don't have time for pleasantries, David. Some of us are big in America. In fact, I have a zoom with LA in ten minutes.

David: It's 04:00 a.m. in LA.

Michael: Well, that was the only time I could fit them in, so they're getting up early. Anyway, look, I just wanted to confirm, I'm going to drop the new dog off on Sunday morning. We've called him Bark Ruffalo. It's cute isn’t it?

David: That is actually quite good. But listen, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm afraid I can’t dog sit on Sunday.

Georgia: Oh, hi, Michael.

Michael: Yeah, hi, Georgia. Look, I don't want any of your excuses, David, you promised. I can't leave him with a neighbour because he peed in her kitchen.

Georgia: Right. Whereas we are desperate for him to come and pee in our kitchen.

David: I know that I did promise to dog sit on Sunday but since I promised, something else has come up and I-

Michael: Well, that sounds like a you problem.

David: Hi, Stan how are things?

Stanley Tucci: Hi, David. How are you?

David: Okay, listen, I need a favour. Michael Sheen has asked me to look after his dog on Sunday, but I agreed to host the BAFTA Film Awards on the same day. I was wondering if you could look after his dog for me?

Stanley Tucci: I would love to do that for you, David.

David: Oh, Stan, you're a lifesaver. Thank you so much.

Stanley Tucci: Is there anything else I can do for you?

David: No, looking after the dog is... I mean, that's obviously amazing.

Stanley Tucci: I could wash your car or something or the windows in your home.

David: You're not really gonna look after the dog, are you?

Stanley Tucci: And the BAFTA for Catching On Very Quickly goes to...

David: Himesh! Oh, Himesh, I think your computer is frozen. Oh, no it’s not frozen because I just saw someone.

Himesh Patel: Look, I know you're just calling because you want something from me.

David: Yeah. What are you doing on Sunday? Oh for crying out loud. Tom Hiddleston!

Tom Hiddleston: Hey, David. What's the pitch?

David: Pitch is dog sitting for Michael Sheen.

Tom Hiddleston: Wow. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. I'm guessing that we're going for, like, funny.

David: Could be funny, it’s a cute dog.

Tom Hiddleston: Yeah, I suppose the dog sitter initially could present as benign, and then he and the dog get up to all kinds of hijinx and ultimately disrupt stuffy old Michael Sheen's boring life. But for the better.

David: Listen did your agent tell you that I wanted to talk to you about a film?

Tom Hiddleston: Well yeah, obviously, unless you're actually, you know, calling me to ask me to dogsit for Michael Sheen.

David: No. Oh. Dame Judi. Long time no see.

Judi Dench: I thought you were going to be that beautiful Michael Sheen. What do you want?

David: Well, I wonder if you'd be up for a bit of dog sitting. I promised to look after Bark Ruffalo for Michael on Sunday, but I'm double booked.

Judi Dench: David. Bark Ruffalo. He pees everywhere. And anyway, I shall be watching a BAFTA Film Awards with a big glass of champagne. What's with the kilt?

David: Wait and see.

Judi Dench: Ooh.

David: Hi, David Tennant signing in. There's a courier here with something for production.

announcement: David Tennant to stage. David Tennant to stage.

David: Hi. Hello. Hi, everyone. Hi. Hi. Hi there.Sorry. I've got-Are you good with dogs? Yeah, and not on your dress. I'm sorry. Thank you. Hi. Hi. Sorry. Hello. Hello. Hi. This is fine. This is fine. This is. Michael? Michael?! What? What is this?

Michael: What are you doing there?

David: I'm hosting the show.

Michael: What?!

David: This is why you wanted me to dog sit, so you could sit there?

Michael: Yeah.

David: You going to have to take the dog.

Michael: What? What if I have to go up on the stage to be given an award? Yeah. All right. Give me.

David: Yeah. Come on. Get that one. You take that. And this weird thing.

Michael: Was this Scottish man mean to you? All right, come on to me. Oh, darling, hello, hello.

David: Never work with animals or Michael Sheen. Not a great start. Not a great start. Don't worry, though, tonight is going to go smoother than Ken's chest. For one thing, he's not a dog anyway. He is actually being played by Andy Serkis. Look at that. What a performance. Andy.

[a-simple-imagine]

Perfectly Pathetic

synopsis: when you take an interest in the new girl, regina takes an interest in you

pairing: regina george x plastics!fem!reader

words: 4.6k+

A/N - in the nicest of ways, please DO NOT read this if you don't want to read about toxic relationships. you have been warned. I don't want a repeat of last time. also we need more fics where regina is actually mean so

WARNINGS - swearing, alcohol use, general toxicity, toxic relationships and bullying/vague reference to weight

Buy me a ko-fi

the clash of plastic trays and idle chatter brought alive the fragile student body of North Shore High School. on the outside this may seem like any other lunch room but inside it was a carefully crafted game of chess. every move was calculated. each person has their place and if you stray too far you're at risk. you're sat next to Gretchen Weiners. known for big hair and keeping secrets, she knows everything about everyone. opposite her is Karen Shetty. she... tries her best and looks adorable doing it. a ray of sunshine if you get to know her. and before you sits the most beautiful woman you have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Regina George. effortlessly perfect but needlessly cruel. she was the most popular person in school and one of your best friends.

perfectly manicured nails stab into the skin of your cheek as your head is yanked in her direction. razor-sharp eyes stare back. "are you even listening?" the answer was no but you didn't want to say that. "what are you staring at?"

a flash of blonde as she looks behind her. you push against her grip to look too. across the room sat Janis 'imi'ike and Damian Hubbard. you hardly ever spoke to them but you were lab partners with Damian. he was funny. today, however, there was a new addition with strawberry blonde hair, a blue checkered shirt and brown pants. you knew everyone at this school to some degree. a curse of popularity. but you had never seen her before. "seems they've got themselves a new friend"

"who cares," her nails dig a little deeper drawing a pained expression as she pulls your head back to face her. She holds your gaze for a moment. a silent challenge. before fingertips glide across your cheek and she goes back to leading the conversation across the table. you pick at the food on the tray with a fork but you can't help but be intrigued. North Shore was boring and predictable. a direct result of being under Regina's control. but this girl was new and you couldn't help but be drawn to that. to the unknown. to the possibility. three pairs of eyes as you push up from the table and march across the room.

"I haven't seen you around here before." was all you could think to say as you approached the end of the table. Janis and Damian share a look before settling on... confusion. You weren't ever particularly mean to others but you were guilty by association. people mess with you. they mess with Regina.

"oh," by the look on her face, she already knew who you were or at the very least your friends. "it's my first day."

"Where did you transfer from?"

"uh... Kenya," she seems unsure. you put it down to nerves.

"you sure about that?" a curious raise of your brow. "'cause you don't sound-"

"we're leaving" stated firmly as three girls breeze past. the blonde leads the way. the other two are just a step behind.

"so what made you move all the way here from Kenya?"

"my mom got a new job."

"couldn't find one-"

the sound of your name echoes through the room bringing the world to a stop. a weird silence settles over the room. "come. now." growled through gritted teeth and paired with snapping fingers. you were being summoned like a naughty dog ignoring their owner. a sigh as all eyes fall to you. waiting to see what you'd do but make no mistake, they already knew the answer.

"I'll see you around." a flash of a smile before you scamper after Regina.

"so your ears do work." is all the girl says as she shoves you through the door. you bite back any comment because that was how this worked. you may be top of the food chain to everyone else but Regina led the pack.

as the final bell for the day rings, you're shoving things in your locker when you spot the new girl. she seems to be struggling to even open it. you watch her for a moment. a smirk settling. this was another chance to talk and this time Regina couldn't demand your presence. "need some help?" it seemed to take her by surprise as a handful of papers drifted to the floor. a small chuckle, you reach down to collect her work and hand it back. "how's your first day going?"

she shrugs, taking the papers. "it's alright."

"anyone giving you any trouble?" you ask, falling to lean against the lockers. people around here were not nice and took every chance to show it. some more than others. She shakes her head. "you sure? if anyone does anything, I can sort them out." you give her a knowing look and she offers a sort of amused smile. "so you do know how to smile, it's cute. are you gonna tell me your name or am I gonna have to guess?"

"it's cady. Cady heron."

"well, cady heron. the trick to these," you tap her locker door with your knuckle. "is to push in and pull up before trying to open it. annoying, I know but they're old." you watch her try again and this time it swings open. "see."

"Thanks." you linger as they shove some of their stuff inside. you notice a few stray stickers on the locker opposite.

"no problem." you push up from the metal. "I can show you all types of tricks to get through this hellscape if you want?" she shuts her locker and you both start walking towards the exit. "number one tip, avoid Regina."

"Isn't she your friend?"

"yeah," you nod. "that's why I said it. She can be... a lot. surely Janis told you that."

Cady looks at you for a long moment. "something like that." you let out a chuckle. Janis probably told her what a massive bitch Regina was. they had a less than favourable history.

"I should go. I'll see you around Cady Heron." as you both go your separate ways, you can't help but glance at her as she walks away.

having a study period just before lunch was both an absolutely ridiculous idea and the best thing to happen to your schedule. it basically guaranteed you didn't do any work whatsoever and felt more like a two-hour lunch period. seems you shared it with the new girl because she was sitting at a table scribbling in a book alongside Janis who was doing her normal embroidery or whatever.

"if it isn't Cady Heron," you comment, taking a seat on the bench. her face brightens at the sight.

"where's the rest of the coven?" Janis asks, not even bothering to look up from her work. "wait- don't tell me, a house fell on them."

"you're so funny Janis," an exaggerated sarcastic laugh.

"I think I can hear children singing... ding... dong the witch-"

"So Cady, how are you enjoying north shore?" you interrupt loudly and the 'song' trails off.

"It's fine."

"you don't talk much huh?"

her mouth opens but falls silent as Gretchen approaches the end of the table. she shoots you a less than favourable look. your brow furrows a little.

"Can I talk to you," pitch a little too high to say no.

"Sure," a shrug. you look at her for a long moment waiting for her to continue.

"in private," Gretchen urges. with a roll of your eyes, you stand up. flashing a smile at Cady, Gretchen grabs your hand and drags you away before you can say anything.

"what are you doing?" whisper yelled at you.

"I was just talking." god this girl was dramatic. you take your usual spot. she sits opposite.

"to the art freaks?"

"dude, it's fine."

"no it's not." she urges quickly, shaking her head "You know how Regina gets."

"Regina isn't here?" and she wouldn't be until lunch. only you and Gretchen share this free period. usually, you spend it listening to her gossip about people. she could not keep a secret to save her life at least not when it came to anyone outside of you and your friends; even then it's dicey. fun for you though.

"All I'm saying is you need to be careful,"

"don't worry. I was only interested in the new girl."

"that's worse," you just roll your eyes. "Regina doesn't like her."

"Regina doesn't even know her," you argue. "none of us do. she's been here like a week."

Gretchen thinks the idea of even wanting to talk to Cady is blasphemy. that it's better to avoid her but you think she's overreacting. Cady hadn't established herself at this school yet. right now she is with Janis but tomorrow who knows? she could be cool. it's a matter of perspective.

a pretty perfect smile does little to distract from playful eyes as you approach her jeep. the blonde is in the driver's seat. one hand rested over the steering wheel. the other typing something on her phone. She had sent a message telling you to hurry up but on arrival, neither Karen nor Gretchen were even here yet. you toss your bag in the back, climbing into your usual spot behind the driver's seat. Karen is usually next to you. "sit in the front, weirdo," she comments. you don't bother with a comeback, just moving to the front passenger seat.

"Where are the others?" you ask, glancing at her. the soft glow of the afternoon sun kissed her skin beautifully. black shades hang on the end of her nose. She really was something to be admired. Regina shrugs and then tosses her phone down. the car roars to life and you're starting down the road before you can think any more about it. it's pretty silent at first. the sound of the radio filling the space. the lack of your two other friends acting as a buffer was sitting weirdly. this wasn't your first time alone with Regina but she's been so grumpy lately. whatever you say feels like an invitation.

"so you like the new girl?" asked casually as she came to an abrupt stop at a red light. you just forward, the seatbelt digging into your neck. it drags up a quick cough but that could also be from surprise. other than that first interaction where she'd summoned you from across the room, you had never spoken to Cady when she was around. Gretchen may be dramatic but she probably wasn't wrong and you really didn't feel like risking it.

"Sorry?" feign confusion was... a choice but it seemed like the better option here.

"you like the new girl," repeated calmly; her eyes drift to you as yours move towards the traffic light. was this the longest red light in history? "right?"

now it's your turn to shrug. you find Cady intriguing but you're not entirely sure if it's interested in the way Regina is implying or just because you were so bored of the every day. "she's cool." a scoff as she pulls away continuing down the road. "you've hardly spoken to her."

"don't need to," Regina didn't miss a beat. Cady definitely didn't fit into what she'd consider cool but then again, neither had you. not entirely anyway and now you're here. you hang out with the most popular people in school. went to the hottest parties. you were currently being driven around by the Regina George. you never understood why or maybe you did and just refused to accept it was that simple. you know what everyone else says. that it's because of the attention you show her. you wouldn't necessarily say they're wrong but everyone gave her attention. She did always say there was something special about you. "I thought you at least had standards."

the rest of the car ride is silent as you think over what she said and Regina keeps to herself. the music is the only thing, keeping you sane until you pull up at the George residence. you always forget just how big her house is until you're there. As you walk inside, her mum appears abruptly startling you a little.

"hey, ms. George."

"hey girls," she singsonged. "how was school?"

"fine," Regina shoots back.

"well if you need anything? a drink? some snacks? advice? I'm here,"

"I'd actually love an iced-"

"we're good," growled as she grabbed your wrist hauling you up the stairs. "don't bother us." a confused look but she didn't let go until you were firmly inside her bedroom. door slammed shut. the blonde tosses her bag down.

"you should really be nicer to your mom, she adores you," you say idly taking a seat on the end of her bed, placing your bag down.

"you should shut up because it's none of your fucking business."

jesus christ. you kinda regret the decision to come over. "I just wanted an iced tea. maybe a little snack."

"god knows you don't need it," Regina comments. wow. okay. she was in a mood.

"what's up with you?"

"I'm fine," she responds. "you're just being so fucking annoying recently."

"I haven't done anything?" you've not been acting any differently so you have no clue what she's talking about.

"just absolutely drooling over the new girl. it's embarrassing." she declares, taking a seat on the bed.

"I..." you stop yourself because you're more confused than anything else. "we've spoken like once."

"liar" she responds. "I know you've been talking all the time," fucking Gretchen. "do you think she's pretty?"

"Cady?" Regina nods. you shrug. "I guess."

"prettier than me?" her head tilts. you can't tell if she was jealous or fishing for compliments; neither was her style. so it was probably a trap.

"no." you wanna say she's being dramatic but that wouldn't end well. She doesn't say anything, hardly even reacts. just cold eyes. Is she expecting you to say more? "of course not." you're waiting for the ball to drop. for her to make a snide comment or something. anything was better than nothing. but it just never comes. she takes out her phone and starts typing. you fall back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. you both just sit in the quiet. you're worried about saying anything that'll lead to more insults. god knows what she is doing on her phone.

"you're so pathetic." Regina eventually says. you'd take offence if you weren't used to it; basically a term of endearment at this point. you can hear her moving but don't bother looking until she's towering over you. dark eyes and a small smile that would seem genuine coming from anyone else. a hand cups your cheek but no nails follow; it's gentle and slow as she runs her thumb over your skin. what was happening right now? "do you ever think about me?" you blink a few times trying to make sense of everything. why was she being so nice? why was she being so gentle? why did she ask that?

"what do you mean?"

a roll of her pretty eyes. "you know what I mean." you did but surely not.

"I... don't know what to say."

"Because I think about you," your breathing hitches as you sit up. looking at her properly. "those pretty eyes," she moves closer. "these lips," her thumb runs over your bottom lip. you swallow hard. "do you wanna kiss me?" you just stare back. a smirk as she ghosts your lips.

"say you wanna kiss me." this felt cruel. you lean in and she pulls back slightly. a finger pressed against your lips. her expression is colder now. sharp. "say it."

"I... wanna kiss you," you dare and that smirk quickly returns. removing her finger, Regina leans in and connects your lips. it's soft and slow. not at all like you imagined kissing Regina George would feel like... until the girl pushes into you and it's exactly like you imagined. fast. forceful. like she wanted to devour you. A hand pushes you back against her massive bed and she moves to straddle your hips. your heart is beating so loudly you wouldn't be surprised if she could hear it.

"still thinking about the new girl?"

"I never-" You feel her press a little harder against your chest so you change your answer. "no." Regina tosses her hair over one shoulder, and a finger under your chin pushes your head up.

"I don't think you should talk to her anymore," Regina states before leaning down to connect your lips once more. "understood?"

you're too caught up in the moment to really gauge how serious she was being so you nod. "good girl." whispered against your lips.

Regina George had always been a lot. She always demanded attention and you often gave her it. you weren't ashamed of that. She knew you'd do anything for her. As did most of the school.

"Hey," Cady suddenly appears beside you in the hallway. she seems a lot more relaxed around you which was nice to see. however, you have not spoken to them since that weird night with Regina. She wouldn't like it. plus Gretchen would probably snitch on you immediately. "so we should probably figure out a time to work on our project." you've been paired up for an assignment in American literature.

"We can do it today after school if you want?" she nods. "I'll meet you out front."

"hey Cady," Karen slides up beside you on the other side, instantly looping your arms. ever the pleasant company. you wonder if she just wanted to see you or get you away from Cady. probably the former.

"I'll see you later," you say to the new girl before turning to your friend. "what do you want?"

"you're coming to Connor's party Saturday?"

"Obviously,"

"I have the perfect-"

"no," you respond instantly. you loved Karen. she was genuinely the sweetest person you know. but at every party, she tries to give you a Karen Shetty special aka a makeover. and every single time you have to say no.

"but I have the perfect outfit for you."

"is it actually perfect for me or just slutty."

"Both," Karen states excitedly. "please," pleading eyes as she draws you closer, hugging your arm. "please please please."

a loud groan. "fine."

"Really?" her eyes light up and circulation quickly returns to your arm. you nod at her which leads to excited clapping. maybe it wouldn't be so bad. maybe it was the perfect outfit for you but also sexy enough to satisfy Karen.

"oh here," you reach into your bag and produce a homemade friendship bracelet. you'd been tutoring some younger students for extra credit but sometimes you just hung out with them. "made them with some of the kids so,"

"ah thank you," she takes it eagerly. you had one for Gretchen and Regina too. only one of them would appreciate it though.

"why were you chatting with Cady?" Karen asks, sliding on her bracelet as she takes your arm once more.

"we're doing a project together," you explain. "you were literally just in class with us Karen."

"oh yeah," she smiles brightly. "I'm starving." you chuckle a little and allow her to eagerly pull you towards the dining room.

you're sitting on the grass. Cady is talking in your ear as you stare into the distance. most students had gone home already. The rest were working on homework or projects or extracurricular activities. you arranged this meeting but god were you bored. no offence to Cady but you kinda wish you'd been paired with Karen so you could be fucking about right now and then rush the work the night before it's due.

"are you going to the party Saturday?" you ask idly.

"What party?"

"oh shit." you forgot she was hanging out with Janis and Damian who definitely wouldn't have been invited. "connor mckay is having a party. The dudes a mess, big house though. you should come,"

"don't think I was invited,"

"I'm inviting you."

"not sure that's how it works."

"Just come Cady," you insist. "you can bring Janis and Damian too if you want. everyone will be too fucked to notice."

"uh, thanks then" she smiles a little, glancing back at her textbook. "I'll think about it."

"you have to think about attending your first high school party?" you question. laying down on your back. "I'll be there," you turn your head to look at them. "it'll be fun." you watch her carefully and soon she smiles.

"Okay, yeah."

"well that was easy," should have just started by stating you'll be there. "Be careful, Cady." you tease, looking back to clouds passing by but you can't help but smirk a little. "I'll start thinking you like me."

sat in the back of Regina's jeep as she fixes her hair in the overhead mirror, Karen inspects your face while Gretchen is copying Regina by fixing her hair. "can we just go in," you insist, slapping Karen's hands away. "before I regret coming."

"Why would you regret coming?" Gretchen questions, looking around at you.

"I feel stupid,"

"you look amazing," Karen urges. "perfect."

"you would say that."

"stop whining," Regina insists. flipping up her mirror. "you look hot. now let's go."

finally. "I'm gonna get so fucked up," you state as you step out of the car. walking beside Regina with Gretchen and Karen a step behind. the party is already alive. started at six. It was eight.

you reach the point in every party where you just don't want to be there anymore pretty quickly tonight. you're suddenly so aware of how annoying everyone is. sat on the kitchen counter, you swing your legs back and forth as you sip whatever was in your cup. Gretchen gave it to you. the party passes around you like you're not even there until an all too familiar blonde appears. "you look sad," you'd mistake that for genuine concern if it wasn't Regina "Already at sad drunk, that's impressive."

"what do you want Regina?" she had basically ignored you since you arrived so why she suddenly thought you were worthy of her presence, you'll never know. Shane was the object of her disgustingly public displays of affection tonight. "thought you'd be too busy with Shane."

"god, you're so obsessed with Shane," a roll of her eyes as she takes the cup from your hand to help herself. you watch her as the red cup comes to painted lips. not a hair out of place. so perfect. Regina was perfect. it was annoying

"I invited Cady tonight," you state, snatching your cup back.

"ew. why? I thought we agreed you weren't going near Cady anymore," technically you did. practically it wasn't that deep. who cares.

"And Janis and Damian but mostly to get Cady here,"

"desperate to hang out with losers," Regina sighs. "is she here?"

you shrug. "too many people. too big a house. I haven't looked, to be honest."

"Well," a hand finds its way to your thigh, running up and then down softly. "if you're good tonight maybe I'll give you a little treat."

"don't," you push her hand away. "go back to your boyfriend."

"he's not my boyfriend,"

"well whatever he is," you jump down off the countertop. "you made it very clear that I'm not what you want."

"you're so dramatic," she pushes up too. "I hate when you get drunk."

"Whatever."

"fuck sake," Regina responds. "you act like I said we're together or something."

"you're such an asshole," you huff. "I'm gonna find Cady."

"good luck with that,"

there are so many people at this party. you're not sure who half of them even are but they all seem to know you as you stumble around after the new girl. a constant barrage of 'hellos' and 'you look hot' in various forms. it's tiring. annoying. and you're about to give up and go find Gretchen so she can rub your back to make you feel better when you spot her. She was looking as awkward as ever. "you came." shouted over the thump of the music

"yeah," her face lit up. "Damian too. Janis said she'd rather jump off a bridge than come so..."

"That sounds... exactly like her," you nod. "I like..." you glance at her outfit. Regina would hate it. you don't love it. "your outfit. very school teacher chic."

"Thanks," she replies. "I didn't have anything to wear so,"

"it's cool. I'm just happy someone here isn't gonna irritate me- do you want a drink?"

"Sure," she nods. "do they have juice?"

"uh... probably somewhere." who asks for juice at a party? "I'll check. stay here."

you wander off back to the kitchen in search of some juice. your first stop is the fridge which is very stocked. you briefly scan for anything open, sweet and edible before just grabbing a carton of fresh orange and deciding that will do. pouring her a glass before heading back. she's still in the same spot only a particular blonde in the tightest little black dress has decided to strike up a conversation. you immediately know something is wrong. Regina can't stand Cady. it's why you told her you admitted to inviting her so easily. You wanted to piss her off. you can't make out what is happening but as you make your approach the redhead leaves. Regina turns to you with a sugary sweet smile betrayed by her eyes. "hey baby girl, feeling any better?"

"What did you say to her?"

"why do you have a glass of" brow knitted as she tapped her nail against the glass. "orange juice?"

"What did you say to her?"

"who?" you let her have the glass and she takes a sip. a visible look of disgust. "is there anything in this?"

"It's just fresh orange,"

"what the fuck? are you trying to sober up or what?"

"it was for Cady," you explain. "what did you say?"

the blonde shrugs. "she just had to go. not my fault." you don't believe her. why would you? She has a track record of being a conniving person who'll make trouble just for the sake of it. it'd be naive to think she didn't do anything."

"Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch all of the time," you grumble loudly. a hand snaps around your wrist and suddenly you're yanked closer to her. hot breath sending a shiver down your spine.

"I let you off before because you were all sad and tragic but don't think you can ever talk to me like that," growled in your ear before she abruptly shoved you away. "Cady left. get over it."

"she only left because you said something,"

"she left because she realised you don't like her," the blonde snapped. such a pretty poison came in the form of Regina George as she turned her gaze on you. She was pissed but kept it quietly contained to just beneath the music so nobody else had a clue. "that you've just been stringing her along. pretending to be her friend. all because I wasn't showing you enough attention," she's close again. too close. she wasn't physically that tall but right she seemed massive as she loomed over you. her eyes flicker to your lips and back up. did she wanna kiss you or kill you? neither seemed smart. "she realised that you belong to me."

"I'm not a dog Regina."

"you sure about that," a mean glint in those pretty eyes. "you wanted my attention. you got it." she shoves the orange juice back in your hand. it's contents splashing your hand. "don't cry about it now." and with that she turns on her heel and disappears into the crowd

// NEXT

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Lonely Christmas

Lando Norris x Fem!Reader

summary: Lando and Y/N decide that they want to play a prank on their fans and the rest of the grid by hinting at breaking up over X (twitter)

warnings: Cursing & “Cheating”

F1 Masterlist

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

instagram

“hey babe, I have an idea.” I said with a smirk as I plopped myself on the bed next to my Formula 1 race winner boyfriend, Lando Norris.

“Oh no, this doesn’t sound good” Lando says chuckling as he props himself on his elbow to get a better view of me, before leaning down pressing a quick kiss to my lips

“mm, I think we should prank your fans and the grid.” I said with the biggest smile I’ve ever smiled in my life.

“and how do you suppose we do that, hmm?” Lando said, his eyes flickering between my eyes and my lips.

Sitting up and criss cross apple sauce, I stare into his soul “I think we should stage a twitter breakup,” I searched his face for some type of answer

“What? Is this a way of telling me you want to breakup without telling me you want to breakup?” He looks kinda hurt, which quickly prompts me to swing my legs over his body so i’m sitting on his lower torso.

“Absolutely not baby! i love you beyond the galaxy. I just think this would be funny,” i plead but Lando looks unsure “I’ll tell you what to say and all !”

“fine, but only if you let me eat you out, BUT you have to sit on my face” Lando knows I’m insecure about my weight and crushing him to death.

“oh! fine!!” I say plopping right off his body and landing on the bed with a huff. “so i’m gonna tweet something to indicate that we’re breaking up but not actually saying anything”

“and how are you gonna do that-” I quickly interrupt him

“make me cry” i say nonchalantly

“what?” Lando’s face reads 50 shades of Stunned “no, I promised you and your family that the one thing i’d NEVER do to you is make you cry.”

Hearing Lando admit that means the world to me, but i need him to stop being nice and make me cry. It doesn’t take much for me to cry and since Lando doesn’t want to make me cry, I’ll resort to the next best thing: thinking of my (very much alive) dog die.

Just a few seconds of thinking of my (breed/dog) die, the tears well up in my eyes and I let out a choked sob, before whipping my phone out and taking a picture before posting it on twitter with the caption

"nobody wants a lonely Christmas but I'm about to call it quits with you. Breaking up is at the top of my wishlist and baby you don't have a clue."

I flip my phone to show Lando with a smirk plastered on my face. "So, what'd ya think?" I question as I post it and wait a few seconds before twitter starts going absolutely nuts. " wait wait let me read you some of the comments I'm getting, 'slut4ln' says 'NO MOM AND DAD PLEASE STOP FIGHTING' haha look, here's another 'mother/n' said 'mother always knows wtf is up, Lando Norris count your days' !!" the chuckles leaving my lips are loud

"I think that I don't know how to respond to that on twitter," Lando says with a faint chuckle "here, how about you take my phone, type out what you want me to say and then let me read it before posting it." a smirk evident on his face as he hands me his phone, before putting said hand on my thigh, rubbing it up and down.

"What about this...?" I question as I'm typing

"You say our relationships fading and you've been thinking bout leaving and though I know it's the truth I just don't want to believe it. You've gotta be kidding me, are we really breaking up? We just picked out a tree, damn."

"Okay Y/N/N lets give it a second to spread, we have to get juicy comments before we keep going, oh. never mind. George is texting me asking me what the fuck I did and why am I arguing twitter about it"

"fuck it, ignore him. we need to make this believable." I say swiping George's message away. "Opinion on this?"

"wait wait, let me tweet something else before you tweet y/n/n. Here, read this"

"You haven't even left yet and I miss you. I was looking forward to the holidays with you. How could you do this on Christmas, girl that's so malicious? C'mon baby, please don't make me beg cause I can go and date your friend instead. Yeah, I'll put the nut in meg. But If you're thinking about leaving, then I already blew it. screw it, then I guess I'll have to beat you to it, bitch."

"OKAYYYY LANDOOOO LET ME STEP UP MY GAME!!!" I scream as I finished reading his reply after he hit tweet bouncing up and down on the bed in excitement.

"okay, okay what about this for me?" I question as I finish typing, turning my phone so Lando can read what I typed.

"I tell you I love you but I don't really mean it, cause after this Christmas sorry but I'm leaving you."

"I'm starting to feel like you're just soft launching a break up with us right now" Lando says "Why else would you gave suggested a fake twitter break up?"

"Baby, please. This is just for shits and giggles. AHH OH MY GOSH!! OSCAR'S CALLING ME" I screamed in panic as I declined the call. "Lando, I think you need to eat me up in the twitter beef again, put your pretty head to work and think of some insults for me."

"I'm almost done, but first I got a question. Why is it one week before Christmas you feel the need to mention a break up with me is in the process but still pending? Is it depending on your gift and what I'm spending? Or are you fishing for more compliments? Because to my astonishment, you're acting like little kid. Was it something I said?Sometimes my head stops thinking, when I say some stupid shit to you, you know I don't mean it, it's just the season, it's confusing, can we just get along?"

"LANDO MY COMMENTS ARE GOING CRAZYYYY! LOOK" I giggle in excitement as I flip my phone so he can scroll through the comments

slut4ln: MOM AND DAD PLEASE STOP! CHRISTMAS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH A DIVORCE RN

georgeswhore: I wake up from a nap to SEE THESE?!?!?!?!

leclercsgf: What the absolute fuck did they fight about that THEYRE BEEFING ON TWITTER FOR AND AIRING OUT A POTENTIAL BREAKUP???

>y/nforpresident: potential? honey I think they are done

Landoslefttoe: Lando kinda ate mom up though 😭😭

LewisHamilton: Answer your fucking phones now!

CharlesLeclerc: LANDO?? YOU CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND "BITCH"??

CarlosSainz: Cabron, call me asap and fill me in

LoganSargeant: Does this mean I actually have a chance with Y/n?

"I'm choosing to ignore Logan's comment," Lando said flipping my phone back so I could read it. "When are we gonna go public and say it was a prank?" Lando asks as he readjusts himself on the bed, pulling me down and closer to him so we're cuddling

"We can tell them all tomorrow" I yawn as I cuddle closer to my boyfriend "goodnight handsome"

"Goodnight precious" lando whispers as he kisses my temple

<333333

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