#here i go writing meta about my own fics that i haven't even finished yet again

[lunar-years]

So I know people have talked about how Roy's anger and ways of dealing with that anger might trigger some stuff with Jamie given his history with abuse which is so very true, BUT I also think there's something worth exploring in the idea that the way Jamie deals with his father and processes his abuse might trigger Roy. We don't know exactly what happened with Roy's sister and her husband and Phoebe, but we certainly know how angry Roy is about it in canon. And I also think it's not an unfair assumption to think Roy carries around quite a lot of guilt over that too, guilt that he didn't see it sooner and guilt because he thinks he maybe wasn't there for his sister enough, or in the right ways, when it mattered. Guilt that he didn't help her get out of the situation sooner, even though much of that is wrapped up in the way abuse victims often conceal what they're going through from the people who care about them. Undoubtedly there were probably things his sister was keeping from him about the situation when it was happening, but knowing Roy I can also see him reflecting back and placing the blame entirely on himself for not being involved enough in her life to have seen it coming.

So I think like, the idea that Jamie would not only invite his father back into his life but also not tell anyone (not tell Roy) anything about it might genuinely be so triggering for Roy in that sense. It's not only that he's concerned about Jamie's wellbeing (though obviously that always takes priority) it's also that he feels like he's missed something again, something critical, and that a situation he's always feared happening with Phoebe & his sister and her ex is now playing out with this other person he loves. At Wembley he could handle it because it was James intruding where he didn't belong, and Roy had something to do immediately, a place to step in and a role to play. it would be sooooo much harder for him, I think, to comprehend Jamie being the one to reach out to James and blocking Roy out from helping him. Because then it's not only Jamie's wellbeing that scares him but also the fact that he feels completely helpless to do a anything about it, like there's no purpose for him and no way to make the situation any better or easier. ahhhhh.

[hyperions-light]

2024 Writing Roundup

Yeeeehaw it's writing roundup time! Thank you for the tag @uchidachi! <3

words posted: 41,838, plus miscellaneous amount of words on Tumblr

additional words written: uhhhh apprx 22,700, give or take. Probably give, bc I'm not counting any of the meta on here

fandoms: All published is for One Piece, almost everything unpublished is Dragon Age + there's some original something for Elden Ring (probably not going to clean that up tbh)

highest kudos: The Road(trip) to Hell is Paved With Questionable Decision Making at 103... which, yeah, it's the most accessible of them lol

highest hit one-shot: catalyst at 513-- pretty good, considering I only posted it at the end of October. Maybe cheating because it needs a sequel? But I haven't written it, so for now it remains an OS

new things I tried: I did two zines and three events (BB, Corazon Week and Fight)! They were fun, but I'll probably mostly focus on making my own stuff this next year. And I expect to mostly be hanging around the DA fandom, as opposed to OP

fic I spent the most time on: I doooon't know, but I think it was the ascent? High concept, difficult to write and wrangle into something resembling what I wanted. Good exercise, though.

fic I spent the least time on: I think it was resentment-- I do really love this one, actually, but I didn't spend too much time on it because it came together in like a day? Even the editing was quick.

favourite thing I wrote: Probably it deepens like a coastal shelf, which is an AU of someone else's fic lol, so very niche, but I loooove writing about terrible people and family drama. And I got to quote poetry. And make people cry <3

favourite thing(s) I read: I've really loved reading all of your fics that you all keep sending for BW fic comments Saturdays! And I enjoy hearing about everyone's Rooks, too <3 I don't feel it's fair to do 'best of' fics but I thought I'd pull a few that have lower interaction rates for various reasons; the BW fandom is soooo talented, though, my recommendation is to give whatever sounds interesting to you a shot!

pray for rain by mafalda_157 who I believe is @darethshirl on here? Elgar'nan/Solas, Mythal/Elgar'nan, dubcon + politics with especially strong character voices

Five, Seven, Five by theharellan, @queenaeducan Really beautiful and poetic Solas&Cadash!Inquisitor gen fic

The Memory of Her Scent by Vespaer, @vespaer77 Angsty Solavellan between games, gorgeously written

Mien'Harel by bodysnatch3r, @bodysnatch3r canon divergence Felassan/Solas, really stunning prose and well-realized world. Also recommend the Heistverse series, for any Hobbit enthusiasts!

(please don't take this as like... me not endorsing the other fics, I'm really enjoying reading everyone's <3 I just went off the top of my head + pulled stuff I think may have been somewhat overlooked. Also I am not even done with last week's set yet)

In every other fandom I peruse I am an Old Man Yaoi enjoyer, so I also will always recommend A Reflection of Starlight (reread) for Les Mis, and, for those of you interested in OP fic, the works of spaceliquid, ArgelTal (@chaoticargeltal-- they wrote this fic based on a prompt of mine & did an incredible job!), and Harmonica_Smile/Rescue_Remedy (@chromatic-lamina) who all write beautifully <3

writing goals for 2025: Need to finish that original thing I'm working on by... August?? I should check lol. And then I need to publish as much of this DA stuff as I can that's sitting in drafts lol... will the foursome be first?? unclear

new works: idk, Leth's thing I'm writing, probably some Lucanis&Bellara stuff, some Neve/Rook/Lucanis, and the Rook/Teia/Viago/Lucanis WT: speak of me in the language of reverence

tagging: I'm actually not sure if it's going to let me tag anyone else BUT @covertleathers, @thedissonantverses, @taashyvashedan, @chromatic-lamina, @wardensantoineandevka, @biowaredisasterbisexual, @mageofquandrix + anyone else who would like to do this!

[bbcphile]

AO3 Wrapped 2024 (Writer's Edition)

Thanks for the tag, @momosandlemonsoda, and for the asks, @evolutionsbedingt and @hideyseek! :D 

1. How many words have you written this year?

I’ve posted 14,838 words to AO3 this year, which is exciting after around six years of not being able to write because of medical stuff! This year, I’ve also written an addition 72,107 for my MLC long fic draft, and I have an additional 20k words in my “MLC rejected text” docs, plus another 9488 words of meta I posted on Tumblr (I’m not going to look at the wordcount of the “rejected text” file for my CPTSD metas). So, all together, that’s 116,433 words between January 1st and mid-September, which I’m pretty excited about!

2. How many works did you publish this year?

Just 2 fics on AO3: "What's Sealed Away" and "Waning Marks and Dawning Realizations."

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

I’ve talked before about why I’m proud of “What’s Sealed Away,” but I haven’t said much about “Waning Marks and Dawning Realizations” here yet, so I’ll say more about that. It didn’t get nearly as much engagement as “What’s Sealed Away,” but I’m equally proud of it. I was so excited with what I was doing with the flour symbolism and the ways in which trauma leaves its marks–physical and psychological–and that while those marks can’t be wiped away, you can still make a good and happy life regardless. It was really really important to me to write something where even though LLH is healed from Bicha physically, he and DFS still have plenty of emotional wounds from it that they are still learning to navigate. It was fun to write something that was fluffy and sexy and had great banter, but also was an incredibly serious meditation on trauma and the way it lingers. Yay for trying to capture the contradictions of life? Anyway, I hope more people read it/comment on it eventually, because I’m really proud of it.

4. What work of yours has the most hits? 

What’s Sealed Away is the work from this year that has the most hits (1,140).

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

It was so exciting to get such a positive response for “What’s Sealed Away.” I definitely go back and reread the comments if I need a reminder of my own abilities. It made me so happy to see people quoting the lines they’d enjoyed the most, or identifying the thematic work I was doing, or just having feelings about the characters and how I’d written them! 

6. Favorite title you used? 

I’m still so very proud of “What’s Sealed Away” as a title and the many different ways that can be read and interpreted. :D

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? 

I didn’t use song lyrics in these fics, sorry!

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year? 

I’ve published the most for Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua, but I’ve written the most for the Lotus Trio (Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua/Fang Duobing), even though these 3 haven't gotten together yet in the fic. *facepalm *

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? 

It’s hard to say! Dihua is definitely easier for me to write for than the Lotus Trio, but I love difanghua a lot, too.

10. What work was the quickest to write? 

“What’s Sealed Away” was surprisingly the quickest, despite its length. It took about a week between the moment of coming up with the premise to the moment I hit publish on AO3.

11. What work took you the longest to write? 

My MLC long fic, which is 72k and still going, and I’m only just about in the middle of it (*wails *). When I’m not having crises of self-confidence, I’m fairly proud of it and really enjoy working on it, but wow, I sometimes wish I had picked an easier and less emotionally complicated subject with less character development to write about, because then I would have finished it several times over by now. 

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? 

*Cries * Heh. Ummmmmmm. Too many? So, my MLC long fic, obviously, and then there’s also the sequel to the anniversary fic which I’m collaborating on with @greentealycheejelly, and then there are about 5 other WIPS for MLC that I have entirely outlined and just haven’t been able to write because life keeps kicking my ass. (Also, I have two different Fangs of Fortune fics that I want to write, but that might not happen because of all the other things on my to write list.)

13. What’s your longest work of the year? 

The MLC long fic in terms of things not on AO3. “What’s Sealed away” (11,135 words) in terms of fics on AO3.

14. What’s your shortest work of the year? 

“Waning Marks and Dawning Realizations” (3703 words). 

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

MLC long fic and the anniversary sequel. 

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? 

Sharing a bed. :D 

17. Your favorite character to write this year? 

Oooh. Probably Di Feisheng. I just love the gaping chasm between what he shows to the world and what’s happening internally, although that’s ironically less obvious in the fics I’ve posted to AO3 this year compared to what I’ve written for the MLC long fic.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Probably Li Lianhua. I love that I get to be a little more poetic while writing his POV, but my main challenge with him is how much he won’t let himself contemplate or acknowledge. I mean, it’s fun to hint at all the things happening under the surface that he won’t fully name or admit to, but I also spend a lot of time rewriting and trying to make things more opaque and less explicit.

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I am very much looking forward to reaching the point in my long fic where Difanghua is actually together and playing with the intricacies and growing pains of that relationship.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Probably “What’s Sealed Away.” Normally, I can barely reread my own published work without wanting to delete it, massively edit it, or just hide under a blanket for the rest of time, and the fact that I occasionally voluntarily re-read it and find things to like and be proud of about it is pretty exciting. :D 

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year? 

213! (well, for my new fics. I know I got some for some of my older fics but I don't know how to track that.)

22. Which work has the most comments?

“What’s Sealed Away” (63 comments in 26 threads). 

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

@greentealycheejelly and I started working on the sequel to “Waning Marks and Dawning Realizations,” but had to put it on hold while my life exploded. Hopefully we can get back to it in the new year!

24. Did you write any gifts this year? 

I did! “Waning Marks and Dawning Realizations,” for @exitvelocities as part of the dihua exchange.

25. Did you receive any gifts this year? 

I did! And I feel so very loved! Thank you to @the-wintry-mizzenmast for “無路可走可回歸 No One is Lost,” to @omgpurplefattie for “The End of the Tether,” to @evolutionsbedingt for “To All the Things I've Lost On You” and “The Tassel Incident,” to @momosandlemonsoda for “Out of the Spotlight,” and to @eirenical for “From the Mud of Adversity.” And for art, thank you to @greentealycheejelly for this amazing illustration from “What’s Sealed Away.” (Wow, I am tearing up typing this all up! Seriously, thank you all! You’re all amazing! <3 ) 

26. What’s your most common category? 

M/M

27. What do you listen to while writing? 

Heh. Well, it’s the wrong fandom and it’s more sound than music, but I usually put on tabletop audio’s “age of sail” soundscape. I always had it on in the background while writing “Harboured and Encompassed” back in the day, and now it just automatically helps me calm down and focus, even though there aren’t any tall ships in my fics. :D 

I’m still searching for the right music to write to for my long fic, so I really hope I find it soon, because it makes things so much easier!

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

I love them all, but I guess I’ll choose “What’s Sealed Away,” because I’m still proud of my take on a-Fei with amnesia.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? 

Oh yikes. Um, I’m bad at choosing favorites, so here’s one from each of the two fics I posted this year:

From “What’s Sealed Away”: “Then, he wouldn’t have to wonder what else he liked or didn’t like, or what skills or abilities he had yet to discover. Or why Li Lianhua’s name felt wrong in his mouth, but only his dao had felt as right against his palm as the man’s hand.”

**

From “Waning Marks”: “Di Feisheng stilled, then slowly turned towards him, shoulders almost imperceptibly straightening. Di Mengzhu’s proud and unflinching eyes met his own, but underneath that, like the black zhongyi beneath a coating of flour, a-Fei’s did, too, wearing the wince the rest of him tried to bury. Li Lianhua waited, letting a-Fei search his expression and catalog the twitches at the corner of his lips and the faint dampness at the corners of his eyes that together voiced the words he couldn’t speak.

A-Fei dipped his head in a nearly invisible nod, a hint of a smile curling his lip as his shoulders lost their infinitesimal hint of tension. “Good morning,” he said, as though he didn’t look like he’d been caught in a blizzard and he hadn’t stayed up all night cooking for them.

This ridiculous, dear, impossible man. “You know, Di-mengzhu,” Li Lianhua began, clearing the distance between them, “if you missed snow so much, we could have gone north instead of south for the winter.”

A-Fei snorted. “You never dust. I didn’t think you’d notice.”

Li Lianhua tried and failed to suppress a smile, and covered it by brushing the flour off a-Fei’s shoulder. “You do realize you’re supposed to knead dough with only a fraction of your strength?”

A-Fei rolled his eyes. “I did.”

Li Lianhua huffed out a laugh. “A small fraction of your strength.”

“It’s not my fault the brat’s recipe lacked precision,” a-Fei grumbled, setting the sheet of paper in question on the counter.

Li Lianhua had no choice but to kiss the hint of a pout off his lips, wiping a streak of white off his cheekbone with his thumb in the process.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? 

That I was able to write at all? That may sound strange, but I’m being completely serious: I’m still so excited that my health was stable enough for the better part of 8 months to write so much, after years and years of barely even having the energy to write an email! I’m really hoping that once we move to the new place and finish getting rid of our possessions the mold apartment 2.0 contaminated, I’ll be able to stop feeling so sick all the time and will get back to writing! Fingers crossed! 

Tagging @eirenical, @evolutionsbedingt @the-wintry-mizzenmast, @howdaretrashships, @la-muerta, @thesilversun, @exitvelocities, and @hideyseek, but no pressure if you don’t want to do it!

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

"About the Blogger" Meme by @razielim

Haven't seen one of these in forever; I'm being the change I want to see. (You're encouraged to adapt/remove questions or add new ones to better suit yourself.)

Favorite Pseud: Cosmic is the new hotness but my indecisive ass has had a billion! Alas-poor-yorick! is an old one I'm still fond of because my child self really went and saw Hamlet and thought: "YES! THE SKULL OF THE DEAD JESTER! THAT'S WHO I WANNA BE!"

Time Zone: GMT

Star Sign(s): the one that's a COSMIC RAM! 🐏🌠✨

Favorite Holidays: every holiday is always tinged with just a tad of existential dread, a pang reminding me of the time that's already gone by, that I'm one day closer to death , I guess the ones during Spring and Summer, just because of the weather and that the days are longer

Last Meal: Soup and a piece of bread with olive oil (and olives)

Current Favorite Musician: my dear friend who plays the piano^^ (whom I hope never finds out about this blog and reads this or I'll never hear the end of it). Not sure if current, but I've listened to a lot of it regularly so, shout-out to Jordi Savall and his Hespèrion XXI group *gnaws on their many variations of the spanish Folías*

Last Music Listened To: Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Is In) · Kenny Rogers & The First Edition

Last Movie Watched: Saw X and The Lobster

Last TV Show Watched: The Bear

Last Book/Fic Finished: Can't remember what was the last book so I'm going with: One of only two in existence A Field In England fics on AO3 😳

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: Kafka's The Trial (not abandoned, I just wanted to finish the ones I had started first before continuing because I know this one's gonna hurt for sure)

Currently Reading: Solaris by Stanisław Lem

Books/Shows/Movies/etc. You Want to Get Around To: For Films I have some listed on this ask. For books I got some Strugatskys to get to, some Terry Pratchett, some Kafka, some Horus Heresy, my sister got me Foundation *looks at bookshelf and ignores the dozens of others that have been sitting there for years, waiting for me*

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Wild boars! Boarzinhos if you will.

Last Eureka, Breakthrough, or Neat Fact/Concept Learned: Have learned nothing and remain a fool.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I don't think I've ever been in a Fandom™ per se. It's usually just, sitting in my dark lair and enjoying a thing with a handful of other people. But, if it counts since it's the closest to interacting with Fandom I've had: these past (4?) years on tumblr in general. From the months-long (sometimes years-long) discussions about this or that piece of media and the insightful observations traded, the juicy meta, the joy and privilege of people sending you unfinished pieces of their art and writing through DMs (the trust and intimacy of it all!!!), sending each other memes and posts we think the other might enjoy, the nice messages, etc... all of it really.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: Am baby and haven't really experienced this yet.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: I literally can't choose because almost everything I love is some flavour of weird-ass-obscure thing! But uhmmm, *flips through enormous tome of interests* : Here! Rule of Rose ! I was starving for psychological horror games after the Silent Hill series and this is the closest I've ever seen to them while also not being just a rip off/clone of SH, and telling its own beautifully tragic story (the combat is broken and there's other issues but everything else, maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn).

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: I will draw Rumata and Budach's Conversation™ from chapter 8 in full, in comic form, skill to pull it off and do it justice or not, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

Tempting Project You're 100% Going to Undertake: It involves sandcastles and the joys of creation... but it needs to *gasp!* actually be written and not just daydreamed about.

Tagging: AAAAAA I DUNNO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO!

[astarkey]

Fun meta asks: 2, 3, 17, 18 and 20! ❤❤❤

This one is also a long one!!

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project: Well, there are some stuff I'm looking forward to writing in projects I've thought about writing but I haven't written yet, and others that I haven't written in a while. Like "Off the Grid," I'm looking forward to writing the dynamic between Cooper and Meredith and how they try to work together to get out of situations. Because... yeah, in the words of Kate Fuller, it's better to work together than doing it all by yourself lmao. Idk, I wanna finish this fic because the plot and the characters are so damn good and it's interesting to get into the mindset of the characters even though I know very little about them, but it's like the more I think about them, the more I get an idea. It's like they're doing the work for me lol! And I'm just too busy in my Meredith and Cooper feels because it's like I see it! I see their relationship and it's like I want what they have :'(

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway) Oh gosh, okay so... that au fic I have that I haven't written yet (the one where it's like Queen of the Damned and Richie's part of this underground vampire corporation to rise to the top and Kate's part of the secret organization where they search for the... you know, supernatural stuff, and she pretty much stalks Richie until Seth, who's also a vampire, stops her and he and Kate fall in love with each other. That one) and I've had this scene in my head for the longest damn time, but I have absolutely nowhere to put it because it's like in mid-story and I haven't even started writing the fic. So here I go, once again, freestyling this snippet of the scene because... yeah, I have no idea where to put it!

Seth stares at himself in the mirror, running his fingertips along the two small scars on his neck; the ugly memento his brother left behind as a reminder of what he is.

A bloodsucker.

An immortal lapdog to Satan who's cursed to feed off the blood of others and live for eternity on this wretched earth, alone.

He wishes he died a hundred years ago that day. He would've loved to go out his own way, the way it was intended without Richard's interference. He took a bullet for him when they wanted Richard dead; bled out for him when he saved his little brother's life; and yet his brother's selfishness got in the way, and he wasn't ready to let go of Seth just yet.

This isn't what he wanted to be, though. Nothing like this.

He hears the door squeak and whips his head around and pulls out a gun tucked from behind his back. He sees the person from the other side of the door cautiously walking into his motel room, and when he sees their face, he's half surprised to find it being familiar.

"Hi," Kate greets, unarmed this time.

"What are you doing here, Fuller? How'd you find me?" he asks, still pointing his gun at her.

"Well, I saw you had your front door open, so I-"

"No, no. What are you doing in here? How did you know where I live?" he asks again.

"I asked around and I… followed you."

"You're stalking me now?"

She shrugs and retorts, "Kind of like how you always seem to show up conveniently whenever I follow your brother around?"

Seth pops his brows, surprised by her witty comeback, and lowers his gun. "Touché, princess. You still haven't answered my question."

"What question?"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asks again, slowly.

Without giving him a verbal answer, she reaches into her satchel and pulls out a small, semi-tattered book, handing it to him.

"What's this?" he asks while taking the book from her hand. He opens the book and reads the first few lines of the first page, stopping at a sentence he remembers too well from memory, much like his handwriting.

"It's yours isn't it?" Kate asks.

"Where the fuck did you find this?" he asks sharply, still gazing at the journal that holds too many haunted memories he threw away for his own good. Little did he know that decades later it would fall into the hands of this girl, and it would reach his lap once more.

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations? I don't think so. I think most of the time they perceive how I intended to write my work. I don't know if anyone's perceived it differently. I don't think any of my writing or my motivations would surprise readers lol. My writing's at an amateur level and I don't really have any motivation besides getting an idea written out.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them. Yeah, like a bunch of weird abandoned plotlines.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) OFF THE GRID!!!! Like, gah, the dynamics, all of the characters' stories told like in the classic style of Robert Rodriguez, THE FUCKING COLORS OF HOW VARGAS' POWER IS THE COLOR RED AND THAT COLOR'S LIKE A SYMBOLISM OF CONTROL AND MEREDITH IS WEARING THAT RED JACKET LIKE SHE'S STILL IN CONTROL AND SHE DOESN'T TAKE IT OFF UNTIL SHE FEELS LIKE SHE'S NOT UNDER HIS CONTROL ANYMORE (THAT SHIT DID NOT EVEN REGISTER TO ME AT ALL UNTIL LIKE MONTHS AFTER I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS STORY), the "you're not worth the bullet," I'm just gonna scream about this story forever. I'm still screaming, too, about the sethkate Christmas fic because of the fucking HANDS. Screaming about that for the rest of my life.

Thank you so much for asking me!!!