#here - take this Kolya draft I wrote months ago

[verlaines-corner-archive]

“I love you.”

Stray moonlight streams in through an open window, your words settling in the air as the man beneath you - Kolya - stills. Everything pauses and then you hear his heartbeat falter, a slight skip before growing in intensity. It thumps against his chest, and subsequently your ear, as you both lay there.

Silent, until Kolya begins to laugh.

It starts out small, before it bubbles and spills over his lips in a way that could almost be called malicious. His chest shakes and heaves, his fingers flexing at your side; one second barely touching and the other threatening to break your skin. You don’t move, arms and body tensing as you lay there paralysed, like prey caught in the jaw of its predator. You suppose you are his prey, something that had been known to you since the start and yet it’s only now - at this very moment - that it clicks. Dread curls in your stomach, tugging at your intestines until you feel like you’re going to vomit, static clouding your mind.

And then you realise that it’s gone silent once more, and the dread churns as you feel slender fingers trail along your throat. Sluggish in pace, accompanied by the drag of nails along your trachea and you’re wishing he would put you out of your misery instead of toying with you. His hand, heavier than he intends it to be, rests on your throat, thumb moving under your chin and pushing.

Your head moves up and your thoughts scatter, mind turning blank as his eyes meet yours. Something about them disturbs you more than any crazed laughter ever could, a stark golden laced with such despair and joy that you can feel it drip from his eyes to yours. Kolya looks like a child about to cry, and yet he wears the same cheshire cat grin he always does. All teeth and flesh, teetering between fake and genuine.

His voice is off as he speaks, but you can’t place why.

“Are you scared darling? There’s no need! I’m not going to hurt you. No no, you don’t need to worry about that.”

He moves, body heavy as it contorts over you, pressing your own into the mattress. You’re caged in his arms, with tendrils of hair extending towards you until they block your view of the outside world. Just him and you and this space that’s closing between you both, his face moving closer and closer until his hot breath burns your mouth. His voice carries a poisonous tenderness to it.

“I’m going to free you instead.”