#her realising she really did make a mistake and then leaving cause im too much to handle

[mikalame]

Heyy!So im really enjoying your writing a lot!! And idk if your requests are open but if they are, id like to request smt.!

(So this is taking part in 2007/8)

Can you maybe do Tom x fem!reader who is an artist?

So like reader and the Band where childhood friends but reader and Tom liked each other but where scared to tell cuz of different stuff? And because of that reader has been secretly drawing Tom in her sketchbook??

So like, one night (idk she was with them on Tour) in the Bus, reader couldnt sleep and decided to finish one of her sketches of Tom on the little couch. Tom was watching a little from behind and then idk she notices him and they talk abt something(i cant think of what). Then reader shows him her drawings of him and he was very fascinated by her talent. Then reader had the courage to finally tell Tom that she draws him cuz she likes him more than friends and he confesses too??

AND AH maybe like at the end a little sweet kiss??

THAT WOULD BE AMAZING😭💕

-Ann🤍

(English isnt my first language so sorry for any mistakes love!!🫶🏻😔)

My Artist

sorry if this is kinda crappy i made one and it deleted Hope you like Ann 😭

taglist: @saumspam @violentnewmarley @adissonsss @oppopotamus

Bill, georg and gustav were all away doing there on thing on the bus, being alone and bored you decide to finish off one of the drawings of tom you had started on a couple days ago.

You put on your headphones playing a playlist you liked to listen to when you were drawing, unbeknown to you the person who you were drawing had walked behind you and was now watching as you bopped your head and drew.

You being to feel a bit uneasy so you decide to look behind you and see a tall man looming over you, at first you get shit scared and jump away a bit but after realising that it was tom you sigh a bit in relief before looking down in your lap and seeing the drawing of him on display.

You take out your head phone while quickly snapping your book closed, hoping he didnt see to much, but the sly smirk on his face tells you other wise.

"Wow ___ your goood" he says cockly moving to sit next to you. You roll your eyes and try to change topic.

"Wheres the others?" you question "Bills out getting food- obviously, georgs outside talking to his girlfiend and i think gus is sleeping" he says rubbing his chin trying to think "oh yeah" you say before putting one of your headphones in leaving one open to listen if tom was gonna say something else.

"What you listening to?" he questions holding his hand out for one of your headphones to listen with you "Oh just ___ ____" placing the other headphone in his palm. "nice" he mutters putting in the other headphone jamming out with you.

After a while you gathered enough courage to show him the drawings of him in your book the finished ones and the one you were previously working on.

"Hey um tom did you want to see the drawing i did of you" you say a blush tinted on your face immanently regretting what you had just done.

"Yeah sure, was hoping you would say something" he chuckles taking the headphone out giving it back to you moving his body to face you. You reach next to you flipping to the pages of the tom ones.

"Yeah this is the one im working on, its still in its ugly phase" you giggle trying to make the air feel less heavy.

"wow ___ you did this, its amazing and not just cause its me like look at this apple i could like eat it! " tom mutters out fascinated by the level of detail you put into the drawing you did of him and the other random objects he sees scattered throughout the sketch book.

"Yeah um i- oh god im doing this- i kinda draw you cause i- like you" She says quickly puts her face into her hands, feeling her heart pump loudly, her thoughts running wild.

"I like you to ___" Tom say calmly amused that the girl was blushing so hard. Hearing that ___ snaps her head towards tom "really, you like me" she sighs out "yeah, i like you, ___ more than friends" he says feeling his heart beat fast aswell.

They both lean in cautiously before pressing their lips togther softly before pressing in deeper. ___ heart beating faster than ever letting her eyelashes flutter closed, trying to enjoy this moment.

"Hey yeah babe ill call you back soon mmk yeah love yo-" Georg says stopping mid sentence when seeing Tom and ___ kissing on the couch.

The pair look back quickly to see a shocked Georg standing in the entrance of the bus "I owe bill so much money" he mutters before walking back outside.

The two break out in a fit of laughter and the situation they got themselves into.

[sukunasun]

I finished the "Say It's Here" sequel and gosh, I'm bowled over! I feel like your understanding of each character's psychology has been heightened since the original was published and It's so impressive! I particularly enjoyed how economical you were with the descriptions according to each character's personality, motivation and dynamic with the protagonist

Also, my god, not higuruma hiromi being the highest quality rebound ever???? Currently obsessed with him and it's kinda funny/sad how many parallels people draw between him and Nanami, understandably, but I LOVE that you flesh out their distinctions here too. Not quite a cameo but he feels more fully realised and real(?) in his short scene than in some entire pics revolving around him that I've read! I quiver to consider what you'd unleash upon the world with a full fledged fic for him (with a different reader character ofc)

But Srsly how does she keep hooking such hotties

Higuruma's "ruthless" rationale and observations is rather kind in its own way, and I thoroughly enjoyed how accurate it felt and also that the reader doesn't mistake it for anything affectionate or coddling. I find that clarity extremely appealing about him, plus it must feel so ridiculously refreshing to the reader character after all the guesswork and her ordeal with nanami

I also think that's one of the more satisfying distinctions you make with their portrayals; nanami (initially) employs logic as a coping mechanism, whereas it's hiromi's basis for functioning, a bit like a bug versus a feature?

At least in accordance with canon events, I think that mindset translates well, nanami's response to traumatic incidences in his formative years whereas hiromi had this rationality inform his life's work?

Especially when ambiguity is often the fulcrum for romantic tension (will they/won't they), my mind short-circuits and a little shiver goes down my spine at the thought of Hiromi instead bluntly telling someone: Us? Sure, Why not?

And then calmly proceeds to decimate every excuse one tries to tank their own dating prospects. You can't filibuster flirting with this man, he's so fucking direct (and vice versa 🤭, sometimes a gal just wants a classic Dom yknow. God, i need help)

A N Y

W A Y

Nanami feels more than he lets on in this story, Hiromi is exactly what you expect - which is such an interesting lesson or refraction for the reader character in managing her expectations and self-doubt

Nanami's grovelling feels mostly earned, maybe because it's been a while since I read Say It's Here his interiority is a tad more obscured, or cause the sequel more heavily focuses on reader's POV, which is really well assisted by suguru's commentary/probing/ribbing. Special shoutout to satoru's point blank shit stirring (he and hiromi would be fabulous frenemies)

Also love the open ending because ironically it feels better than emotional closure??? Or probably the finality of her rejecting nanmi again, oof. It's such a satisfying coda oddly i (almost) don't want this story to continue. What a magic trick!

There's such finesse in all the characterisations here, even without my massive bias for higuruma I'd be rereading this a dozen times!

;__; im so sorry this response is so late but thank you so much for sending this in. i'm so glad you got to read the piece!

i care more for the opinions of nanami stans for being able to write/understand him and his appeal in a way i can't. still, i try my best to offer something worthwhile. the open ending was more because i couldn't decide the best outcome for the reader and nanami. there were moments i thought about writing an epilogue to hint at the possibility of them getting back together but i've decided it's best to leave it up for interpretation. after all, nanami comes off to me as someone who wouldn't need a 'yes' right away.

also re: higuruma— gahh i was so uncertain if i did him justice, so thank you for noticing that distinction. often i'll write and delete and write again because i worry if it wasn't clear enough. to me, he's very different to nanami. not even the same sides of a coin. still, i get the comparison. both have been strung into the dilf narrative so often i forget that nanami is literally three years older than me.

[mrsmount16]

Hey I was wondering if you could write a MM imagine where him and the reader have only gone on a couple of dates then when the announcement of the first lockdown is made he asks the reader to isolate with him? Then I was thinking while they’re isolating they’re experiencing a few Firsts with each other (e.g., cooking together, sharing a bed, movie nights, cuddles and kisses etc).

I didn't know how to write this without being super long and boring so I was going to section it off but hopefully it still gives off the same energy then a normal write lmao, also thank you for the request and this is such a good idea 😩. I didn't really know what other firsts to do😕 I haven’t proof read this either, so it could make no sense at all and probably have spelling mistakes but pls just power through it 🤞🏼

Warning: None.

Lockdown was being announced and everyone was panicking, the news emphasised on the amount of food people were buying and how there was no loo roll left but also about how relationships weren't going to work out due to being locked in the houses for all this time without seeing your significant other or because you was seeing them too much.

You had only been on a couple of dates with Mason, but you both knew that you wanted to pursue something more personal and deep and not just mess around for the fun of it. Thats why when he asked you to isolate with him you didn't hesitate to say yes. Even though the news told you otherwise of how to feel you simply ignored and couldn't wait to spend as much time with him as possible, building up a true connection between you both and making your bond stronger.

Cuddling and kisses and sharing a bed.

You arrived earlier in the day and had already taken your things to the spare bedroom and now sat on his couch, him on the opposite side. You guys hadn't stopped talking throughout the whole movie that played and eventually when it ended you insisted that you bought a takeaway for the both of you.

He agreed and when the pizza arrived you both sat at the table and had a slice, talking endlessly about random things like 'why colours are named what they are' and 'how were humans created'. After about an hour, it was dark out and just turned 9pm.

"I'm gonna get comfy and ready for bed."

"Yeah, I'll meet you up there in a few." He smiled and kissed your cheek, grabbing the box and walking off outside.

It was pretty cold out so you pulled on a hoodie and joggers, and you removed your makeup and cleaned your face and teeth and sat on the bed in the free room on your phone.

He knocked on the door and peaked his head through the door frame at about 10.

"You coming?" He gestures to his room.

"Oh yeah, hold up." You smile watching him leave.

He lay on the bed on his phone, lighting up when he saw you enter.

"You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to." He stated, watching as you climbed into bed next to him.

"No, I want to." You snuggled up next to him, resting your head on the pillow.

"I want you to, too." He put an arm around your waist and finally rested down after turning the light off on the bedside table.

You were both submerged in complete darkness, a tranquil atmosphere surrounded you both, the duvet lazily spread across you and your faces faced each other. His eyes were closed, but you lightly leaned in and pecked his lips causing him to open his eyes.

"Goodnight." You said, looking up at him.

"Goodnight pretty." He smiled, kissing you again lightly and resting his head.

You fell asleep in his arms, totally engulfed with his care and serenity, it rubbed off onto you. This was the best sleep you ever had in ages, and you wanted to do it a lot more.

Cooking.

"Hey! Thats not where the flour goes." You retaliated at Mason putting the flour on your nose, a sneeze followed shortly after.

"Oh, my bad." He giggled, sticking the rest of the flour in the bowl.

"These are going to be the best cupcakes you have ever baked."You said, mixing all the ingredients with all the strength you had.

"Yeah? I reckon by myself I could cook some pretty good cupcakes. With no help of Course." He leaned against the counter, his apron said 'world best chef' and he was covered in all ingredients that you didn't even know had to be in the cupcakes.

"Well, we will see about that once you taste my cakes." You smirked, sticking your tongue out at him and wiping a little bit of frosting on his cheek. "Got u back." You giggled.

He grabbed you by your waist and pulled you closer to him so your front's were together.

"You look amazing cooking.." He cheekily smiled.

"Not too bad yourself." You kissed him, he deepened the kiss and ran his hand up your back, until you felt a hard crack on your head and then an ooze of a liquid go down your back, mason was laughing uncontrollably, holding his stomach and near enough rolling on the floor.

"Mason!" You shouted, shocked and holding your head, "Did you just egg me?" You laughed, grabbing the egg that was on you and smearing it all over him.

"Two can play that game!" You giggled, grabbing flower and eggs.

Fight and makeup.

"No, I just don't particularly like her. You told me about what she did, she's a bad influence." He argued back.

"Oh, so she's a bad influence? So you think I would do something like that?" You scoffed. Your friend invited you to go on a walk around the park, and you told Mason but when he heard your friends name he instantly scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. He had no care about it and sighed, telling you to just 'do what you wanna, your choice at the end of the day.'. You asked why he was being so moody and he replied that he doesn't like her, and you understood why but because he didn't like her didn't mean that you couldn't hang with her. You did tell him that she did cheat on her boyfriend and you completely disagreed with her actions too but now he was saying she was a 'bad influence' like you was going to be influenced by what she did and start following her actions like you was a child.

"Its only for a catch up Mase, I haven't seen her in like 3 weeks. I haven't been at work remember and ive been locked up here."

"Yes, but anyone but her. We could go. I't doesn't matter, just go. Ill see you when you get back." And then he stormed off up to his gaming room, releasing all his stress on his games.

After about 40 minutes, you realised he was right, it wasn't just the cheating but she just overall was a bad person and you shouldn't have been encouraging such gossip with her.

You entered his room and put your hands on his shoulders, he looked back at you and then carried on his game like you wasn't even there.

"I'm sorry Mase, you was right. I can surround myself with much better people, and I will."

He turned his chair around so he was facing you and grabbed your hips to sit you down on his lap.

"It's okay, and ill go on that walk with you. Let me just finish this game." He said, smiling lightly and giving you a kiss which you returned.

Go-to support.

It was about 2 months into lockdown and your work had been piling up. You was stressed and so not motivated to do anything, even getting up out of bed was hard.

This day was particularly a struggle. You had to finish a presentation and only had today to do it, so you panicked and speeded it, finishing it as quick as ou could without caring about the outcome and just sending it off.

You sat at the kitchen table with your face in your hands, thinking about all the possibilities, will you lose your job? Will you get demoted? You just couldn't stop your mind from wandering.

"Are you okay babe?" You heard Masons voice from behind you and felt a hand on your back soothing you.

You couldn't hold it in anymore and broke down, whimpering and wiping your eyes.

"Mason I need a break from work, its so stressful and I think with the work I just did I'm going to lose my job and im just not motivated to do anything and I-" you rambled on, until he cut you off.

"Hey, hey calm down," He crouched down and placed his hand on the side of your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb. "Don't beat yourself up about it. It's happening to everyone now, im sure if we ask your work to give you some time for your mental health im sure they would let you." he smiled reassuringly.

"We?" You sniffed.

"Yeah, we. We're gonna get through this together. Now, it's always we." He stood up and hugged you tight.

Love and a movie night.

It's been about a 5 months now, and you and Mason had been going strong.

Mason insisted that you watch a movie tonight, sit down with some popcorn and snuggle up together. Of course you said yes.

About halfway in the movie, a conversation popped up about 'what would you do if you was a worm?' and you couldn't stop laughing, at both of your responses.

"Yeah, but I would definitely still love you if you was a worm." He joked, laughing with you.

You stopped almost instantly, looking over at him.

"What?" He looked over, confused.

"Did you just say that you love me?" You questioned, sitting up.

"You didn't hear? I love you." He smiled, chuckling.

you gasped, putting your hands over your mouth. He reached out and grabbed your face.

"I love you." He repeated, just for you to realise what he did, so you could know that it was real, to process the words.

"I love you." You stated, grinning from ear to ear.

[keibea]

alright here we go the moment you've all aimee's been waiting for, my final thoughts for dragon age 2 LETS GOOOOO

CONTAINS SPOILERS!! this ones a long one guys theres a lot to cover and beware probably many spelling mistakes and opinions you may not like you have been warned. but tbh i love all characters so let that be known. even anders. sometimes...

this is for you @amuhav 💗💗

so like wow, just wow. like i knew kinda what was going to happen but like WOW to see it just made like everything more real, now for my chaotic commentary

lets start from the beginning of act three. firstly didnt i bloody have like half ownership of the bone pit??? yeah well that went down the drain didnt it stupid dragon. that could've been very profitable to! also dragons are big, can confirm, previous suspicious were indeed wrong.

the qunari are gone which is bloody depressing. i mean not all of them, those damn tal-vashoth are still hell bent on stopping me from minding my damn business THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MOTHER TRUCKERS BTW and attempting to kill me, which like varric says, is suicide.

i freaking hate those stupid gangs. like why. also 'followers of the she'?? seriously? they are so annoying. like leave me alone. im not trying to kill you, im just suspiciously walking around the docks at night in heavy armour with weapons leave me ALONE. so many of them too UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH piss off

also went to visit orsino after one of the main quests and he gave me robes. im a warrior. what the f am i going to do with those????? does my hawke LOOK like she wears robes? NO she's always wearing armour i give the frick frack up.m

i hawke has a cousin which is coooool her name is charade for some reason. also gamlens still an ungreatful prick what a shocker. i was so nice to him too and he like "stay out of my business" HELLLOOOO i just reunited you with your daughter you bastard suck a toe

aveline was starting to piss me off. LIKE GOSH GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS BITCH. idk if i mentioned this last time, but i gave her a shield and she got all mad at me. LIKE SORRY FOR BEING CONSIDERATE AND WANTING YOU TO HAVE A GIFT. she didnt even take it in the end! i was like fine you salty bitch im going to keep it hmph. also she got all mad at me when i questioned her about the rumours cullen told me to look into. SORRY BITCH FOR WANTING TO DOUBLE CHECK. she's so touchy. like do i need to remind her I WAS THE ONE THAT GOT THE BITCH MARRIED??? i give up on her shes so mean

merrill is still a bitch, but less of one. but still a pain none the less. the mother trucker was still going ON about that stupid mirror. okay fine so it's not a stupid mirror i have played the dalish elf opening but STILL. so when the option was given for her to maybe get possessed for a demon, therefore leaving me HAVING to kill her, i took it instantly. cause bitch. unfortunately the selfish bitch instead had the keeper die. and then she was crying so i just said I TOLD YOU SO. yeah she still doesnt like me much. and by that i mean she hates me, but quite honestly suck it up i dont care. so i couldn't kill her :( not that my hawke would want to anyway. and i accidently ended up killing her whole clan. I DIDNT MEAN TOO, i accidently said "stand down" because i thought that was what my hawke would do i didnt realise id have too kill anyone FRICK but tbh if i was in her clan i would want to kill her too couldnt even blame them, felt kinda bad for stopping them ngl i said what i said

the mages really werent helping me help them. i supported them none the less but the least they could do was not resort to blood magic so i could make them look a little bit better. but i understood why, it was just really inconvenient LOL

get.rid.of.the.spiders.

sebastian, good old sebastian. yes i did buy all dlcs before the sales came on, yes it did cost me 30 bucks, yes i kinda regret not waiting a month to buy it but in my defence i wanted to play the WHOLE game straight away so. i like him sometimes. sometimes he's a bit pretentious. ALSO LELIANA??? HELL YES!! i saw her in the mark of the assassin dlc but we actually got like a really meeting that counted in this. if you didnt know, my warden originally romanced her before moving to zevran so i have a soft spot. she still looked like a baked potato, like come on do them some justice bloody hell.

follow up on this, poor bloody cullen, he looked like dry spaghetti.

meredith was getting increasingly crazy which i loved. LOVED her hair btw, always like perfectly stunning. honestly she had the best vanilla hair of everyone else in my opinion.

varric is the best thing ever. like what an absolutely babe. the whole haunted house thing was funny lol. like a bloody chair was stuck to the roof at one point and all i could do was laugh LOL. i let him have that shard, my come back to kick me in the ass idk.

isabela was good this act, and didnt stab me in the back, which was very nice.

fenris OH FENRIS gosh i love him. still needs to learn when to shut the f up in some situations but gosh hes so cute. and whenever he says "im yours" (and yes i did keep clicking on him to hear him say that leave me alone) i just melted and said "yes you are bitch!" gave him a sword, he seemed to like it. it glowed, pretty cool ngl. still grumpy as frick but the end scene before they went to war like HAD ME OH MY GOSH when he said and then hawke said and then they AWWWWWWWWWWWW okay im a sucker for romance leave me alone.

bitch im dead

also bethany stopped being a massive BITCH so thats nice.

anders (lovers of anders dont come at me im fragile) is a bitch. like WOW. like what a dick. firstly when i was helping HIS ASS with HIS QUEST which i didnt even need to do because he was just going to explode the chantry anyway, he had the NERVE to come at my relationship with fenris. when you start a mother freaking sentence with "i know it's not my place" STOP, because bitch it is not your place leave me and my bae alone you unhinged mother trucker. WOW sorry lots of aggression towards him whoops. probably because i did everything i could to be his friend and he still stabbed me in the back the dick. so i stabbed him back in the back. yes i killed him, kinda regret it, because im pretty sure my hawke wouldve spared him but my own feelings got in the way whoops. seriously though, i bloody swear that blowing up the chantry did nothing but start a war what the frick was he thinking come on bro.

also this game only took me 46 hours?? which is weird because origins took me AGES to get through, and although ive started and stopped inquisition many times, i still have like 200 hours on it. and let it be known, that because of my ocd i did finish every single bloody side quest (well except for the awiergan scrolls and all the swords and one other one where it wouldnt show in the map which probably meant i would have to search every single damn cave again and kill spiders and i just could NOT be bothered. other than that, every signle thing was completed. is it a shorter game or did i somehow manage to get through it quickly? then again i did get a mod that made combat easier (LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY, IM A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER. im also a lore and history nerd so the main reason im playing these games is for the storyline leave me alone) so that probably made everything a lot quicker but idk.

in the end i sided with the mages because

A. meredith has lost her marbles

B. i wasnt going to let her kill all of the just because anders is a crackhead.

C. i felt like it idk

so yeah battle won, meredith turned to stone or whatever, all is right with the world and i am on to inquisition. TO WHICH i actually bought the whole game + bonus content + DLCs for 5 bucks. im so ready to romance cullen lets go. still debating whether to be a human or an elf. i think i might go mage for once but idk let me know what you did aimee and anyone else who read this whole essay

all in all INCREDIBLE GAME and im so glad i went back and played it. yeah the places got a bit repetitive sometimes but it also felt nice not being lost in the hinterlands for 8 hours so idk. the characters were amazing, and looked much better, although the nobles look like they have no dick with those weird pants but whatever. definitely recommend so much fun, and really funny at times too.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[reawritesthings]

Stand By You | Rafe Cameron

gif by @rudypankows

you agree to a family dinner with the cameron’s, when ward boasts about his daughter and not your boyfriend, you finally stand up for rafe.

requested: by @drewstarkey!! ( this was originally something she requested for the 100 ways, but i decided to do it into an imagine)

a/n: im not the best writer but i just thought this could be a cute little imagine for you all. I take requests if you any of you are interested, but i understand if you don’t sksks.

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

You always avoided attending the glamorous Cameron family dinners, and Rafe completely agreed. From the stories he told you, it was definitely not something you could sit through. You could barely sit through a whole forty five minutes of keeping up with the Kardashians; Wheezie’s favourite.

Being Rafe’s girlfriend was a lot of work. It definitely wasn’t a walk in the park. A lot has happened regarding Rafe’s weed addiction and Ward almost kicking him out, he needed you more than ever.

“Babe..” He hummed whilst playing with your hair.

You looked up at him, staring into his blue eyes.

“I know you always say no to this but since you love me very mu-” You rolled your eyes, sitting up as you knew what exactly he was asking you. “Yes, I’ll go to dinner, which is tonight I believe?” You laughed pointing towards the fridge with recipes that Rose had out.

“How did you even know i would ask you that?” Rafe questioned.

“Rose made me clean the cutlery before you decided to wake up. She even made me be her advisor on what dress to wear. Plus, judging by the fridge full of recipes, it wasn’t a hard guess.”

Rafe was amazed, he didn’t even think he knew your family as well as you did his.

“God, that just turned me on.” Rafe smirked, connecting your face with his but you pulled away.

“It’s almost three and you haven’t changed. I need to ask Sarah for an outfit and make a good first impression.” You chuckled, getting up from the sofa stretching out your limbs before the mayhem begins.

“I’ll see you soon, baby. If you need me to help you with the zipper, let me know.” You winked, turning away to find Wheezie shaking her head at the two of you.

“Gross.” She groaned opening the fridge.

“Don’t you have to get ready?” You asked her, placing one hand on your hip.

“Don’t you have a zipper to fix?” She imitated you, even placing her hand on her own hip.

“Wheezie.” Rafe spoke, walking up to her.

“Fine, I’ll go get ready.” Wheezie moaned as she dragged herself away from the kitchen.

“About the zipper….” Rafe whispered but you walked away too, leaving a very frustrated Rafe to fend for himself.

-

Getting ready for an event like this wasn’t your favourite. It wasn’t you, you didn’t like putting on makeup or dresses just to cover up the drama that goes on inside these walls. Rose peeking her head through the spare bedroom every five minutes wasn’t exactly helping you either.

The creamy fabric of the silk dress fit nicely on your shoulders, hugging your body like a tight embrace. The colour of the dress matched your eyes, and as you turned over to check the back you noticed your boyfriend standing there, mouth open.

“How’s it goi- you look beautiful.” Rafe swallowed his pride as he noticed how your figure stood out in the dress.

Rafe never really tried to make you blush this much, but it was his raspy voice that always got your cheeks burning. Planting a small kiss on your cheek, you turned around giving one back on his lips.

“And you clean up nicely.” You chuckled as Rafe fiddled with his sleeves.

“Are you nervous?” You asked, shoving him off you as you tried to find your earrings.

Rafe nodded. He didn’t exactly have the best relationship with his father right now, and hosting a family dinner certainly wasn’t exactly the greatest redemption. But, that’s the Cameron’s.

“Dad still isn’t getting off my case about me smoking. And that I ruined some stupid business contract.” Rafe huffed, searching for something to press his anger on.

“Baby, breathe. Just ignore your dad for the night. There’s going to be like, over a hundred people here and I’m sure he will be too busy boasting about Sarah. We can hang back with Wheezie…” You chuckled as you saw her figure enter the room.

“No you won’t. I have a reputation to hand out. Plus, Mum wants us down in exactly thirty seconds or we won’t get dessert.” Wheezie threatened, looking over at Rafe who knew that was a legitimate reason to go downstairs.

“Why do we have to go downstairs? It’s not even 7?” You questioned as Rafe pushed you out of the room, closing the door behind you.

“After this, I’ll need a drink.” Rafe whispered in your ear and you rolled your eyes at how dramatic he could be.

“Listen up, Cameron’s and Y/N. Best behaviour, best manners and always be elegant. Y/N since it’s your first dinner with the family, a few little rules.” Rose cleared her throat, taking out the list she hid in her dress.

You looked at Rafe with a look, even Wheezie shook her head too.

“No kissing, no flirting, try not to start any drama and when eating, you start outwards and go in.” Rose sternly looked at you, she wasn’t playing and neither was Ward who was examining the whiskey.

“Who had some whiskey?” Ward spoke, looking directly at the both of you.

“Who do you think?” Rafe spoke, rolling his eyes as he was the only one who would drink at this time.

“How many times have I told you not to fucking drink? Especially my own whiskey. It’s like you want me to kick you out.” Ward roared causing Wheezie to cling onto your hand, which you gripped firmly.

As Rafe was about to defend himself, you opened your mouth immediately regretting.

“Stop being so hard on him, he just had a little sip and I had the rest. You never scream at Sarah when she’s drinking, and she’s what? 16?”

Rafe and Sarah's eyes widened, so did Rose’s, but Wheezie gave you a thumbs up.

“Watch your mouth, girl. You don’t speak to me like that, one more word out of your mouth you aren’t welcome here.” Ward threatened looking at Rafe to make sure he got the same warning.

The awkwardness had now invaded the room, you didn’t even know what to say, but the touch of Rafe’s hand squeezing around yours made you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Let’s just get this dinner over and done with.” Rose stuttered, walking out of the room to finish setting up the dining table.

As everyone made their way out, you and Rafe were left behind. When the door shut, you turned to Rafe but was taken back by his lips attacking yours.

You quickly pulled away, wanting to apologise for what had happened. “I’m so sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done that but he makes me so angry.”

Rafe shook his head making sure the strand of your hair was tucked nicely behind your ear.

“It’s okay, but baby.. try not to start something tonight. No matter how much you want to strangle him, let’s get through this dinner and I can finally rip that dress off you.” He smirked opening the door, leading you to a dinner party you won’t forget.

-

It wasn’t too bad, there were a lot of people but you were quite happy staying at the back with Wheezie whilst Rafe was mingling with his family.

“How come you aren’t talking to your cousins?” You asked Wheezie who was tapping away on her phone which you took out of her hand.

“Because they are lame and I’d rather hang back here with you, than be with them.” Wheezie whined looking up at you but you just responded with a laugh.

You and Wheezie had an odd friendship, she would often refer to you as Buzz Lightyear and she was Woody.

“I’m flattered.. but, your mother has been staring at us for exactly five minutes. Let’s mingle with the commoners. How about later, we steal the cake and watch a movie?” You negotiated with her, knowing cake always ends up winning.

Wheezie nodded holding your hand as she directed you towards her cousins, not letting go of your hand.

-

“This is delicious, Rose. How did you make these potatoes so cheesy?” One of the aunties said, taking a sip of wine.

“Cheese?” Wheezie laughed looking at Rose who gave her a glare.

“Funny one you got there.” The aunty mimicked, but Rose just gripped onto her fork hoping no one would see.

“Did I tell you that Sarah is now applying at the top schools in NYC? She even has a scholarship.” Ward beamed at his daughter who frankly couldn’t care less, but for her mother she just smiled.

Before anyone could congratulate Sarah, Ward again, had something to say. “Also, Wheezie has gotten straight A’s in all her subjects. How did I get so lucky?”

Every word that Ward spat out, made the flames inside you burn. Every time he boasted about his daughters and ignoring Rafe, made you want to add more fuel to the fire. Your fist began to clench and Rafe quickly noticed, placing his palm over top but that didn’t stop your rage.

“I almost forg-“ Ward was taken back by the sound of your chair creaking back made everyone’s attention divert to your body.

“Anything you like to say, Y/N?” Ward faked a smile looking over at Rafe.

“As matter of fact, I do. You do realise that you have a son too? A son that tries so hard to make you see him as a human being and not a disgrace. He has worked so hard to get you to value him like you value Sarah. He’s made mistakes but he is human, he may have gotten into smoking weed, but you can’t talk, you’ve done worse. Rafe is just as clever as Sarah and Wheezie are, you may not see it and don’t believe in him, but I do!” You shouted as you noticed a lot of crumbs on your plate.

Ward was boiling, his veins we’re slowly appearing and that was never a good sign. You looked down at Rafe, but he didn’t meet your gaze.

“Rafe, take your girlfriend out of here now.” Ward sneered through his teeth as he grabbed onto the plate, gripping on tight.

Rafe nodded, pulling you harshly away from the table, escorting you towards the garden.

He was mad, you could tell from the eye contact and how tight he was grabbing your wrist. “Rafe, I’m sor-“

He cut you off, “I don’t want to hear it, Y/N. Why couldn’t you just leave it alone? Why couldn’t you just let him praise my sisters and leave it at that? He’s going to kill me now.” Rafe signed, pulling his hair as he didn’t know what to do in this situation.

“How can you stand there and just let him degrade you like that? He was acting as if you weren't even there? You are just as clever as they are. I hate when he treats you like this Rafe, I fucking hate it.” You screamed kicking the swan floaty away from the pool.

“I know, baby. But, you just have to get used to it.. I have.”

“I hate how he treats you… you deserve a better father.” You whispered not wanting Rafe to see the tears that boiled up in your eyes.

Rafe shook his head, lifting your chin up as he pushed away the hair from your face. “I love you, and I’m fucking glad to call you my girlfriend.” He smiled, softly kissing your lips as you slowly moved back to make more space between you both.

The kiss deepened, his hands were firmly tight on your bum as he lightly gripped it causing you to chuckle.

“Your family is inside.. they can see.” You whispered through the kiss but Rafe didn’t care, he was already embarrassed enough. As Rafe took a step closer to you, cupping your cheeks, your shoes got caught in the flare of your dress causing you to fall into the pool.

“Rafe!!” You screamed swimming up to the surface, looking at him whilst he was laughing his head off.

“Are you okay baby?” Rafe laughed, ripping off his suit jacket and jumping in causing the water to splash against the window.

“We are in so much trouble….” You giggled, looking over at the window as you saw someone pull the door open.

Wheezie.

“Can I join?” she asked looking at the two of you.

Rafe nodded, holding out his arms so Wheezie could jump in

“I hope you never break up with her, Rafe. She’s the best sister I ever had.” Wheezie complimented you, as she pulled you into a tight hug.

“What about Sarah?”

“Eh, she’s alright.” Wheezie scoffed, embracing you into a bigger hug that Rafe suddenly ruined.

You may have lost all privileges from the Cameron’s household but in this moment, you didn’t even care. You were happy that you stood up for your boyfriend, and extremely happy that Wheezie finally accepted you. It was definitely a night to remember, and you couldn’t wait until the next one.

If you get invited…

masterlist | TAGLIST

[httpsohnpouts]

𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧. | 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: royal!younghoon x lady’s maid!fem reader

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: angst but not really + fluff // enemies to friends

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: younghoon’s a bit sassy/socially awkward but nth too extreme

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1.5k

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: happy (belated) birthday my beaby @chaoticdeobi, ily endlessly, i hope you like it! i hope you had a great day!

the hall was grand, to say the least. the walls painted in the finest mix of white tie and matchstick; but to any common eye, the paint was just simply cream. portraits of the family’s ancestors hung perfectly on said walls, golden plaques engraved with their names and the years from birth to death, situated just below them.

you could say the hall was the largest part of the building but yet, younghoon was always found hiding away in the undercroft. his time well spent at the very end, paintbrush in hand as he delicately placed the brush onto the canvas, an elegant piece forming in its wake; finding comfort and solace in the peace that he got, a break from his reality, hence why his father had gifted him the space and the utensils for his twelfth birthday.

a slight sigh left younghoon’s slightly ajar lips of concentration, brows knitting together as he couldn’t quite get the right angle of his paintbrush, “it won’t work if you’re holding it so awkwardly.” it took the man by surprise, spilling his water pot over his fresh set of white trousers, nobody ever wandered into his space during the day as the staff working in the castle feared him and his intimidating gaze nor did they ever sneak up on him upon knowing of his tendency to become scared easily.

fury burning in his eyes as his fresh whites absorbed more and more of the tainted water as he sat there, whipping his head in the direction of the voice who stood behind him, arms folded and they leaned against the porcelain walls, legs crossed in a way that just screamed arrogance.

“excuse me, who the hell do you think you are sneaking up on a royal, did you not see the ‘do not disturb’ sign?” with a sigh, younghoon scurried to wipe off his trousers - not that it would do anything considering fabric isn’t waterproof and the damage was already done - huffing again, “oh, forget it. clean this up, i take it you’re a maid? now if you excuse me.”

it was dinner time now, and everybody knew that the king wanted the whole family to sit around the dining table together, occasionally discuss important business him and his wife had to deal with, or something they wanted younghoon to participate in against his will; but in his eyes, it was all apart of the family bonding.

“where’s mother?” younghoon asked as he adjusted his newly fixed hair, the constant puffing of breath out of his lips having messed it up. watching the kitchen staff busily prepare the table for their meal.

“one of the cleaning workers knocked over your mother’s glass of wine and it went all over her new gown. she’ll be down in a few- oh look, she’s coming here now.”

placing her palm upon her husband’s shoulder, younghoon’s mother took her seat at the dinner table, a familiar face following behind and standing to the side of the room with the other staff, you. you were his mother’s lady maid. if it were anybody else, he would’ve apologised for the tone he gave you earlier when he mistook you for part of the cleaning staff.. but what right did you of all people have spying on him in his private space?

“son? are you listening?” his father called to him, realisation hitting younghoon that he hadn’t stopped gaping at you since you walked in the room. adjusting his collar before prompting his father to continue speaking.

“as i was saying, your mother and i have to leave the country for a few days. you are in charge of taking care of your sister whilst we’re gone as well as the staff. we trust you with this son, don’t disappoint us,”

“oh and y/n, you will be staying here for the time being, your services aren’t necessary on this trip. you’ll be in charge of our daughter when younghoon is busy, understood?” whilst younghoon’s father was a kind and generous man, he definitely wasn’t the most respected man in the castle for no reason. his striking and powerful demeanour spread for miles, no one dared to disobey the king, not knowing exactly what he’s capable of but not wanting to find out either.

younghoon’s parents were gone for most of his childhood, along through his teenage years and then into his early adulthood. so it’s safe to say he grew up isolated and alone for most of his life. his only source of socialisation was when his sister was born seven years ago, when he was seventeen. they’re practically attached at the hip, wherever younghoon went, his sister followed and vice versa. his sister was mature for her age, much like younghoon himself, she had to learn how to take care of herself from an early age; that included knowing how to dress appropriately, know how to do her own hair and makeup for any special occasions the family hosted or attended to as well as the basics on how to behave as a royal should. the only difference between the siblings was that now, younghoon had responsibilities he had to take care of- preparing to be king once his father passes or if he steps down from the throne, maintaining a clean record as well as the constant fear of practically falling apart at the seams.

it wasn’t and still isn’t the ideal life for one to live, seeking his father’s approval and permission for pretty much everything he does. the burden weighing upon his shoulders just itching to make his knees buckle and collapse, making it hard for him to do pretty much anything “normal” like making friends or doing typical things you’d do in your twenties; it wasn’t that he liked people keeping their distance from him, nor the fact that everybody in the castle had their own misconceptions on him and his behaviour, all of which turn their topic of conversations onto him whenever he walks into the room.

it was a couple of days later when younghoon found himself sitting on the top of a hill just outside of the castle gates, observing the vast and majestic view that clouded the sky. the blue replaced by a faint red hue whilst the clouds floated aimlessly. the only sounds heard consisted of younghoon’s breathing, the small flow of water beside him and the odd bird that flew by every now and then. he can’t remember the last time he felt pure peace. everything being far too fast to keep up, like a black hole or a tornado, something you’re quickly swept up into until you completely disappear and break.

“they’re going absolutely mad looking for you in the castle, sir.”

you.

without sparing you a glance, younghoon let out a sigh, his shoulders tensing slightly at the thought of going back to the place that causes far too much stress.

unpropping yourself from a nearby rock, settling a comfortable space from younghoon, staring out at the landscape that looked like it just came out of a painting.

“what’re you doing here?”

“i came to find you, duh. they’re going sick at the thought of you having fled the country or something.”

“no, seriously. what’re you doing here?”

“contrary to belief, sir, but i actually want to be your friend. not your foe, regardless of how hard you try to push me away. don’t you ever get lonely in that big place?”

younghoon snickered at that, “you think you know me huh?”

“not at all. that’s why i’m saying i want to, i know what it’s like to have my childhood swept from between my feet, floating between self-doubt and uncertainty of what i’m going to do with my life and how i’m even going to do it on my own. i know far too well what it’s like to be alone my whole life, my parents either too busy preoccupied with work or too tired to spend time with me when they get home at the end of the night.”

for the first time, it felt like someone wasn’t pitying him, or mistaking his standoff-ish personality for something for malice and ill-intended. for the first time, he felt heard and understood.

“how about a restart?”

“huh?”

younghoon was turned towards you now, his hand extended to you, “hi. i’m younghoon. not prince younghoon, not sir, just younghoon.”

“nice to meet you, just younghoon, im y/n. i hope we can be great friends.”

[whitexwingedxdoves]

sober hearts            [request]

Pairing: Negan x Reader Warnings: Swearing Prompts: “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole” & “i’m too sober for this.” ”you don’t even drink” ”maybe I should start” Summary: There was only so much you could take, watching Negan with his wives so you try your hand in drinking and well, you know what they say – A drunk mind’s speaks a sober heart. A/N: I struggled alittle with this one but im happy with the outcome. So if it seems a little sloppy im sorry. my creative lobe seems like its having a bit of a burn out rn. - I may be a little quite over the next couple of day but I AM WORKING ON THE REQUESTS <3  

You played with the glass that sat between your palms, your ears burning at the sounds of giggles and wet kissing sounds. Why you had to be on wife watch, you’ll never know. The glass held a perfect shot of whiskey, you watched it for a moment almost second guessing the choice of beverage. Your hand now stretched across the back of your neck, attempting to release some tension, your eyes avoiding the reflection of the mirror. You jumped at any chance to be at Negan’s side but now it was starting to feel like a huge mistake. Your eyes darted to Frankie as she took a seat beside you, causing your eyes to roll a little.

“Long day?” she questioned, almost mocking you. You shot her the best sarcastic smile you could before turning your attention to the drink in front of you. You rarely spoke to any of the women here, maybe out of envy… they did have everything you wanted, yet they seemed so ungrateful. The sound of laughter rang through the room, catching your attention as you turned to see one of the girls laid on Negan’s lap, his face buried in the crook of her neck, his hands all over her thighs. It made your stomach churn.

“I’m too sober for this.” Your head snapped away, your cheeks turning a sour red colour

“You don’t even drink” Frankie quickly interjected, sending a look of concern your way.

“Maybe I should start” and with that, you tossed back the shot of whiskey that lingered in your glass.

-

A couple of hours and a couple dozen shots later, your now blurred vision managed to catch Negan's ill defined figure leave the room. Your legs seemed to have a mind of their own as they followed him down the hall, stumbling over yourself as you did so.  You watched him enter his room, leaving the door open as if he had heard you following him, finding now that the door acted almost like a crutch for you, your eyes set on Negan who seemed far too amused by the entire situation. “I need to talk to you” your words slurred yet abrasive, pushing yourself from the door now, falling ever so slightly as you made your way over to him.

“shit, it’s like watching Bambi on ice!” he mocked, his lips trailing along his lower lip watching you attempt to gain some sort of composure.

“Forget it, You’re a fucking asshole!” you watched as Negan took in a sharp breath of air before taking a few steps towards you. His hand rested on your shoulder, sending unwanted shivers down your spine, you came here to give him a piece of your mind yet with one simple action, your intentions seemed to dissolve.

“Now, I'm gonna let that slide considering you just downed half of the bar’s supply” his laughter, like music to your ears, your gaze never shifting from his, until his brow furrowed and the grip on your shoulder seemed to get a little tighter. “But you disrespect me like that again, you’ll have to pay” He held himself with so much power, even that made you slightly weak but something about his tone made you scowl and suddenly the scolding you had planned came rushing back.

“ You’re a fucking idiot, you know that!” He wasn’t sure if the hiss was from the slur or anger that laced your words. “You let them, whores out there, play you for a mug! They don’t care about you! They don’t love you, not like I do. Yet there you are, giving them every inch of you while I’m made to watch! You shouldn’t even give them the time of day!” you couldn’t hold back your words, remembering almost instantly why you didn’t drink.

Taken slightly back by your confession, Negan took a step back letting you go from his grip. Taking in your obvious shy exterior now as your mind caught up with your mouth, the corners of his mouth creased at the appearance of his hellish smile. “What so, I’m just supposed to divorce them?” He questioned, manoeuvre his head so that you couldn’t escape his gaze “What then? What happens to them? What happens to the people they’re trying to protect” you scoffed at his words, avoiding eye contact as much as you possibly could despite how hard he made it.

“Who gives a shit, give them jobs… make them work. Who fucking cares!” you spat at him, throwing your hands in the air, knocking you back only to be met with the soft spring of his mattress.  The overwhelming comfort made your eyes flicker, not sure you could fight the sleep tonight. “I could make you happy” you whispered, your eyes now falling shut.

-

Your eyes flickered open, adjusting themselves to an unfamiliar scene. This definitely was not your room. It took a moment until you realised exactly where you were but the splitting headache made it hard for you to react. As you sat up, pushing the silk sheets away from your body, you rested your head in your hands allowing your skin to muffle your groaning. You shot your head upwards at the sound of a cough that was purely made to gain your attention. In front of you now was a glass of water with a tablet fizzing away at the bottom of the glass, you took it only now recognising who was behind it. Your eyes narrowed slightly, watching the fizzing water turn a slight cloudy white. “What the hell happened last night?” your voice breaking slightly as you tipped the glass of medicated water to your lips, emptying the glass. The taste was enough to make you feel sick. Negan started to explain the events of the night, not sparing any information causing your cheeks to glow with embarrassment. Your hands met with your face again, attempting to mask yourself from the awkward situation… Did you really have to confess your love for the man like that? “Oh god, I'm sorry” taken back slightly by the laughter he threw at your words, you lifted your head slightly to gain some perspective of the situation.  

Negan’s tongue seemed to caress his lips as he watched you all confused and dazed. Stepping closer and closer to you, his features seemed to soften. You had never seen him like this before which made you slightly nervous as to what would happen. You froze as his hands ran up your arm, resting in the crook of your neck. “No need to be sorry” and like that you were putty in his hands, your heart racing faster than it had ever done before. Your hands naturally fell on his forearm as you leaned into his hold. The way his thumb trailed over your jaw bone caused those shivers to appear again, your eyes closing soaking up this moment. Before you knew it, his face was alarmingly close to yours, his eyes darting from yours to your lips, your breath getting shorter and faster. It seemed like you stayed like that forever, never getting any closer or further away… until his lips pressed against yours, you hummed slightly against him before leaning into the kiss, unable to hide the longing any longer. Your hands running through his hair as did his. Was this even real? Was this a dream? If it was, you definitely didn’t want to wake up.

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Ben’s POV

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: 14 scenes told from Ben's Perspective.

Warnings: A whole lotta angst and badly handled feelings. swearing, drinking, a little bit of smut/masturbation (18+) basically everything from the other chapters but from Ben’s side lmao

Words: 22 790 (oh god im sorry, but all the sections are separated so you don’t have to read it in one hit!)

A/N: I know it's like super duper late but here is the final chapter of this series that I promised! Basically just a collection of blurbs (maybe a few oneshot length parts too) that tell the story from the other side. Some are his point of view of things that occurred in the main chapters, some fill in gaps that reader wasn't around for. 

I had a lot of fun writing from a perspective I don't normally write from! It was a bit of a challenge at times but definitely something I'd like to do again.

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks​ 

“Pick up Joe, pick up,” Ben mumbled to himself, pacing around his trailer. The phone rang out and he let out a grunt of annoyance as he switched to text message.

I fucked up. Call me.

It was an anxious ten-minute wait in which Ben found it hard to sit still or focus on anything other than what a colossal mistake he’d made. He tried to go over his lines instead, tried to focus on the next scene you’d be filming together but all he could think about was you. You and how badly he’d fucked up. Finally Joe put him out of his misery. “Thank Christ,” “Sorry I was asleep,” a yawning Joe said from the other end of the line, “What happened that you needed to contact me at 6am?” “I said yes,” “To?” “Joe, I know it’s early for you but please try to keep up. I said yes.” There was a pause as Joe tried to work out what Ben meant and then realisation dawned, “Nooooo,” “Yes. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Oh my god,” Joe groaned, sympathetic, “You said yes? To the fake dating schtick?” “I wasn’t going to,” “I should fucking hope not. After everything we talked about yesterday? After we agreed it was a horrible idea?” “I know! I know,” Ben had to pause to gulp in a breath, his chest suddenly feeling too tight to handle the oxygen, “I was going to say no. I came in with a plan to say no and it was on the tip of my tongue for the entire meeting. They were going through these pages explaining it all and all of the rules we’d have to follow and I was ready to say no, I was going to say no,” “So what happened?” Ben flopped down onto his couch, the one he liked to nap on when time allowed, running his hand through his hair as he spoke, “I looked over at her and my mind clouded over and I said yes,” “Did she ask you to?” “Nope. I think she knew what I was thinking through the whole thing, she seemed shocked when I agreed to it. Fuck, why did I say yes?” “Cause you’re a fucking idiot.” “You can say that again,” “I could but I won’t.” Joe exhaled slowly into the receiver, “Jesus man,” “Yup. You wanna know the worst part though?” “Agreeing to it wasn’t the worst part?” “I’m not totally disappointed,” “Ben,” Joe sounded mildly horrified so Ben hurried to explain. “I mean, I know it’s bad. I know there were a thousand ways to better handle it...sticking to the plan and asking her out after we wrapped being the least of them. But...I have date ideas picked out already. There’s this wine and art place she’d love and the ice-skating rink and I’d love to take her to that Chinese restaurant near me. And I’m kind of happy I have an excuse to look at her now, touch her. I don’t have to worry about if she’s caught me staring or if I’m doing a bad job of hiding my feelings because everyone’s going to think we’re dating anyway so what’s the fucking harm,” “Alright Ben, I’m gonna stop you there. You need to get this shit under control. I suggest going to a bar, getting drunk, and getting into the pants of the first girl who talks to you.” “Can’t,” “Oh don’t give me that bullshit. You’re not so hung up on this Y/N chick that you can’t think about sleeping with someone else, are you?” “Doesn’t matter, I literally can’t unless I want everyone to think I’m cheating on her. Don’t think that’d go down well with the studio or anyone else really. They’d crucify me for fucking up the plan after less than a day.” “Would you have followed my advice even if that wasn’t the case?” Ben mad a non-committal noise, “Probably not. I just want her,” “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I distinctly remember you whining about a boyfriend.” “Apparently it was never that serious. He was boring.” “You’re boring too Ben. Hate to break it to you but you’re dull, unexciting, tedious. She’s not going to want to date you either. Might as well give up now,” “Have you got a thesaurus sitting in your lap?” Joe laughed despite himself, “I thought this was going to be a crush Ben. Short lived.” “Me too. It’s not though. I can’t get her out of my mind. When I’m with her I don’t want to leave and then when I have to leave all I can think about is when I’ll next see her. She’s so wonderful and beautiful and kind-hearted. She likes pulling faces at me from behind the camera and she’s got the cutest laugh…When she’s nervous about a scene she bounces her leg. Every time. And she’s so sweet to everyone on set, always chatting with whoever is around and making jokes and stuff. I want to make her laugh. I want to calm her when she’s nervous. I want her.” “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel now. I know you wanted to wait until after the movie but I think that horse has bolted,” “I can’t tell her now, are you insane? If I tell her now she’ll call up her agent and cancel the whole fake dating thing and she’ll never want to see me again,” “Maybe she wants to date you too,” “Nope. She literally said to me she wouldn’t date me in real life,” Ben paused, thinking, “d’you reckon there’s a chance she might fall for me too? Like, with the whole pretending to date thing? Maybe I could convince her I’d be a good boyfriend,” “Don’t get your hopes up Ben,” “You’re right. She’s not going to change her mind about me. We’re friends and that’s it. And I’ve just gotta focus on finishing this movie and getting through the whole relationship without her figuring anything out.” “I don’t envy you, buddy.”

                                                       ***

It took Ben a few moments of lying in the dark to remember why he felt so nervous first thing in the morning. But the waiting message from Peter about what time the photographer would arrive was enough to remind him. He lay there a little longer, trying to prepare himself for everything, trying to convince himself that seeing you first thing in the morning would be enough of a turn off to stop him from feeling the way you made him feel. It didn’t work, the convincing or the seeing you. If anything, seeing you yawning as you left his spare room just made it all the worse. You, in his pyjamas. It made his stomach flip. He found it hard to pull his eyes from you as you drank your coffee, found it hard to not enjoy the sight of you in his pyjamas in his kitchen. You’d never been there before but you didn’t feel out of place. He could imagine other mornings, making pancakes together, you with a spot of batter on your nose that he’d wipe away and replace with a kiss, or else making you the first tea or coffee of the day and bringing it to you in bed, snuggling under the covers with you, your head resting on his chest as you talked quietly about whatever was happening that day. But planning out how you’d look for the camera was a sharp reminder that it wasn’t real, that you were only there because of work.

“And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” he watched as you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, his pyjamas, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben had to clear his throat and avert his eyes, terrified that you’d be able to see what he was thinking, willing himself to stop thinking about helping you out of them. “What time is it?” He glanced at the oven, thankful to have even the smallest of diversions, “Twenty past eight,” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” This was a better topic. Boring, safe. “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” Shit, “Me too,” he laughed, trying not to imagine you in his bed in just his shirt (fuck the pants they were too big for you anyway). “We’re meant for each other,” Ben took another sip of coffee to keep from groaning. You had no idea what you were doing to him and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. Not now at any rate. He’d killed any chance of anything happening when he’d agreed to this stunt and now he had to suck it up and deal with it. “Did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” Jesus, the kiss, he’d almost forgotten about that, “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” This is dangerous territory. “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” Oh god oh god oh god, “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times,” “Did I now?” “Of course,” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying,” Ben wanted to stop, wanted to switch back to talking about farmers markets and breakfast options but he didn’t seem to have control over himself anymore, “Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at him as you turned back towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the door shut Ben collapsed forward against the kitchen counter, leaning on his palms as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d need to keep his wits about him from now on. Flirting like that couldn’t happen again, he’d been lucky that you'd treated it like friendly banter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice that suggested you’re lack of awareness was proof of how disinterested you were. It was only when he heard the bathroom door swing open again that he forced himself to move.

“How do I look?” you asked as you re-entered the room. Can’t avoid looking at her now, she wants your opinion, “Gorgeous.” It was true. Everything you’d done to make yourself look like you’d had a late night just made you even more desirable. The messed up hair, the smudge of makeup around your eyes. He gulped when he noticed the undone buttons of the flannel shirt, just enough to tease, and the missing pants. Tell her you want to pin her to the wall and undo the rest of those buttons. Tell her you want to wake up to that sight every morning. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, ummm,” he gave you another cursory look, trying not to linger on any part of you for too long, “yes, I think so,” “I feel like there’s something missing,” suddenly you turned on your heel and stepped back towards the bathroom. Ben waited where you’d left him until, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” Clearly he was supposed to be part of this conversation, so he followed you to the doorway, stepped just over the threshold, “What is it?” You were scrutinising your appearance in the mirror and he let himself watch your reflection, “what if you gave me a hickey?” Ben’s breath caught in his throat though he managed to stutter out your name. “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it,” He inhaled deeply wondering if your backtracking was a sign that you’d worked out what was going on in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to give you a love bite, though he’d prefer to be covering you in them. Slowly, he let the breath go again, “no, you’re right. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic,”

“It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” Babe this whole thing is inappropriate, “No, no, we have to make it look legit. Here, I’ll uhhh,” With another, less than steady, breath, he stepped behind you, close enough that you were practically leaning against him. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach did summersaults. Carefully he wrapped his arm around your waist to steady himself, pull you closer, as he pushed your hair to the side. He glanced at your reflection, waiting for you to stop him, to notice his shaky fingers and burning skin and to jump away from him. But you didn’t. You let him lean in, let him press his lips to your neck, let him mark you. He felt your own breath speed up, felt you tilt your head, inviting more. And then. It was only a small hum, but it had definitely come from you. He glanced at the mirror again, saw you had your eyes shut. You liked it. He was giving you a hickey and you were enjoying it. This might be his only chance to do that, to make you feel that way. He refocused on your neck, where his lips met your skin, soothing the fresh brand with his tongue. He could happily have given you ten more, was tempted to go in for a second at least. Instead he let you go, stepped backwards as quickly as he could manage. If he waited too long he’d end up saying something he’d regret. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben really ties the whole look together,” He tried to match your smile though it felt like there was a warning siren going off in his head, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine. Wonder if the photographer is here yet,” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he will definitely be here,” he needed some time to compose himself before he even thought about stepping outside the door with you, “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine Y/N, no need for any of that,” he forced another smile as you left but the moment you’d pulled the door shut it slipped again. Slowly he made his way to the tap, splashed his face with cold water. His fingers still tingled where they’d rested against you. The echo of your hum was stuck in his head. Your perfume still lingered in the air. “Fuck,” Ben directed the curse at his reflection, unsure any other word could sum up better than that. The fact that you didn’t want him was fucked, having you here looking the part of the perfect girlfriend was fucked, giving you a hickey for the performance was fucked. And the fact that he was sporting a semi from it was really just the cherry on top of his totally fucked sundae. He couldn’t go back out to you in such a state, especially not when you were going to have to make out for the camera. A shower to relieve himself was the only answer, though he felt bad about you being only a couple of rooms over.

With a final prayer that you wouldn’t overhear or work out why he’d changed his mind about the shower, he turned the taps on and began undressing, wincing a little as he stuck his arm under the scalding hot water. With some adjustment he was able to fully step into the shower, pausing for a moment to relax under the steady beat of the water before reaching for the soap. Of course, you were on his mind as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started stroking himself. The way you looked in his shirt, the swell of your breasts just barely exposed, tantalisingly so. The hem of the shirt draped over your bare thighs. You’d make such a sight dressed like that, lying in his bed, the sheets tangled around your legs. Better still his legs tangled between yours. He thought of the hum you made as he’d sucked at your throat. On the verge of a whine, maybe even a moan. Would you whine if his lips were on your chest instead? What about your thighs, leaving a trail up to… His breathing was faster now, hand moving at a similar speed. We’re made for each other. Your voice, your words. You’d say it, half pant it, while he was inside you. Made for each other. And you’d hum that hum of pleasure. Your thighs, under his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he pulled your hair aside. What if you gave me a hickey?  The warmth of your body leaning against his, such a contrast to the cool bathroom tiles. That hum. Those thighs. The way you say his name. Made for each other. Your lingering perfume. Your lingering warmth. Your lingering hum. His name on your tongue. He bit his lip to keep from making any sound as he came onto the floor of the shower. It took Ben a few moments to right his breathing, eyes pressed shut so he could hold onto the fantasy for just a little longer. But he knew he didn’t have the time. At least you get to kiss her again. He rushed through washing his hair, scrubbing himself clean. As he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and swiped his palm over the fogged-up mirror. He forced himself to smile, tried to make it seem natural but that just made it feel more fake. Maybe you wouldn’t notice. With a final exhale he left the bathroom, heading towards his bedroom to find some clean clothes. Your laugh cut through the mostly quiet house. Something on the tv, a cartoon by the sounds of it, had made you laugh and Ben couldn’t help but smile for real at the sound. It made it all seem worth it. 

                                                      ***

It had been a bit of an odd week. Everyone at work knew about the relationship and Ben had found himself set upon by well meaning set dressers and ADs who were curious to know when it had started and how they’d kept it such a secret because “seriously Ben, no one suspected anything.” That was nothing to his friends though, who were shocked he’d never brought it up even in passing and who demanded to know when they could meet this secret girlfriend of his. “Someone’s gotta tell her about the time you pissed your pants at the fair,” “I was seven and had drunk a lot of coke,” “Excuses, excuses. What’s your excuse for never mentioning her before?” “I thought we were going to play FIFA, not talk about my love life,” “We were but that was before we all saw your girlfriend’s arse online,” “You can’t see her arse in that shot,” “Near enough. And we can definitely see the giant fucking hickey on her neck. Now explain yourself,” “Alright mum,” Ben shook his head, “I mean, you know I don’t normally date people I work with. Neither does she. We both wanted to give our selves some time to see if it worked, to make sure what we thought we were feeling was legit and not on screen emotions carrying over or anything like that.” “Well it looks legit judging by photos,” “Shut up,” Ben sighed, rolling his eyes, “I actually really like her,” “Hey, I have a question. When the fuck have you been seeing this chick? Because your down time is spent with us.” “Oh, umm, y’know, after work and stuff. I don’t spend all of my time with you guys,” “Uhhh beg to disagree,” Ben tried to keep his tone normal though his heart was racing. If they figured it out now it could all be over, “Fuck off I have a life outside of you. And just because I was hanging with you guys in the evening doesn’t mean I didn’t see her earlier in the day.” “Nooners?” “Lunch dates.” “Uh huh. Okay, lunch dates. She’s a good shag though, right?” “Oh yeah, fucking….great shag,” “You gotta give us more than that mate,” “Sure, okay, but first can one of you kill me,” “Boooooo,” Ben laughed as he was pelted with crisps, “I’m so going to kick all your arses, now hand me a controller.”

The week had also brought him a copy of your rules. He’d taped the sheet to the bottom of his sock draw where no one else was likely to see it but he could still have a daily reminder that none of it was real. Being around you made it easy to forget you weren’t actually his girlfriend, the lines between friendly banter and flirty teasing becoming too blurred. Of course, he also had Joe reminding him to keep his head straight. He’d called after he saw the morning-after photos. The conversation had started with Joe calling Ben a moron but quickly shifted into Ben ranting for close to an hour because he’d, that morning, heard all about the conversation with Felicity and how you’d spent so long talking up his prowess. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did I do something completely fucked up in a past life and now I’m paying for it?” “Maybe. Or maybe it’s a lesson on why you don’t agree to something because a pretty girl smiles at you.” “Oh bugger off, you’re absolutely no help,” “Well what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know.” “I could talk to her for you.” “Mate, that’s you’re worst idea yet.” “When’s the date?” “This Saturday.” “Just keep reminding yourself you’re there as friends. Don’t get sucked in by the act.” “I’m trying.” Easier said than done, especially when he’d had the date planned for a solid few months. Not officially of course, but in the back of his head. You and him and a bottle of wine as you sat close together and painted. When he imagined the date you wore a sun dress and decorated your canvas or plate, or whatever it was he pictured that time, with little hearts and lipstick kisses. He’d make you laugh with some kind of joke and you’d lean your forehead on his shoulder. Everyone else would melt away as you looked up at him, still smiling. And you’d say something about how you should have realised you loved him sooner. “Because I do, Ben, I love you,” Which is when he’d kiss you, softly.

Ben shook his head to clear it, focusing back on the script in his hand, though you’d soon distracted him again. The real you, not the fantasy date one. The one who was bouncing her knee and staring off into space. He gently touched your shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” “Huh?” “You’re jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh, nothing,” He didn’t believe you, “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” What a blessing that would be. I might actually be able to get over you. I could stop imaging you in my bed, “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” “What?” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, “I’ve been worried about it too.” You nodded, your leg twitching as if gearing up to bounce again. “But I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was, but-” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake,” Ben didn’t necessarily believe it himself, or at least not for himself. He was going to struggle. But you didn’t have any underlying feelings to fight. For you it really was just a good time painting, “they’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple,” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” before he could stop himself he’d reached for your hand, rubbing the back of it. He wanted to do more, to hold you tight and tell you it would be okay. But that would be too much. Instead he rubbed your hand and tried to distract you, “I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You laughed. It was the best sound in the world and he was determined to make sure he heard it again on your date.

It took Ben an hour to decide on an outfit. He’d had one set aside but looking at it in the mirror it felt too dressy, he needed something more casual. He paused for a calming smoke and then had to brush his teeth again. On set he chewed gum after a smoke, especially if there were kissing scenes, out of politeness more than anything. But the small part of him that hoped you were treating the date as an audition for the roll of real-life boyfriend worried that it would hurt his chances if he tasted like cigarettes. Assuming you’d kiss. So he brushed his teeth again and changed into an outfit he didn’t hate and then worried that he was overthinking it and should have gone with his first outfit, and needed another smoke. Which meant he had to brush his teeth a third time. It took all his willpower to not ask the uber to pull over so he could have another quick puff. But then he was at your place and you were there and he wasn’t panicking anymore. Maybe it was because you looked jittery and nervous and something in his brain overrode his own anxiety to ease yours, or maybe you just had that effect on him. Whatever the reason it meant he could focus on helping you relax. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” He was nearly positive you hadn’t eaten yet, too anxious. “Uhh, s’pose so,” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” Ben inwardly groaned. When the fuck did snookum become a thing? Why won’t you stop me Y/N? Please god stop me from flirting with you!  It was a relief when he made it to the McDonalds without any more slip ups and he could focus on his food and encouraging you to eat yours. He felt things were going well as you walked hand in hand through the bottle shop. He’d squeeze your hand if he felt you tensing up, make you laugh again, distract you. But then you had nudged him and pointed out the photographer. “Relax, he’s not important,” he said softly, pulling you into his side, trying to keep his own breathing even. Your face had paled at the sight of the camera, and Ben was hit by an overwhelming urge to protect you. He kept you as close as he could, soothed you as best he could. It became easier once you’d reached the shop and could get lost among the other couples and groups of friends, though he caught you checking for the photographer through the glass of the shop front. Ben hesitated for half a second before he turned your head towards him, “Forget the photographer Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We’re just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” This wasn’t the carefree date he’d been fantasising about for months. But he held out hope it still could be. If only he could make you see it. He opened the wine, talked about the art options, anything to distract you from the world outside of the shop. You took a little to warm up but he was glad to see you looking around the room as he went to collect your blank ceramics, taking everything in, and soon enough you were both contemplating designs for mugs, the photographer and the reason for the date seemingly forgotten.

Ben’s hope grew with each passing minute. The longer you were there, the more at ease you became. He got to hear your laugh again, frequently. And the conversation flowed naturally as each of you concentrated on your artwork. The design came to him quickly and he went slow, trying to make his lines as straight as possible and trying to make the engagement ring look like the one you’d spent so much of the shoot wearing. We’re really good at this dating thing. Part encouragement to help when you got nervous, part wishful thinking perhaps. But it was a quote from the movie so you wouldn’t read too far into it. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction to the mug and, as soon as he was done, announced it. “Alright, show me then,” Ben watched closely as you examined the still wet design, chewing on his lip as he tried not to care if you cared that the lines weren’t totally straight or the colours didn’t work. But as soon as you realised what the quote was you smiled. He found himself grinning as you told him how much you loved it. “Thought it was kind of fitting. Plus, it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had,” Ben turned the mug back towards himself, double checking for any flaws. He wanted it to be perfect for you, “Best proposal I’ve ever given.” He was on the verge of adding, “My real one will be better though,” but stopped himself short. That would lead to a topic of conversation he didn’t want to deal with. Not with you. Not now. He was a little surprised as you leaned in close and lowered your voice. “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” he said leaning closer as well. From the outside you must look like a proper couple, whispering sweet nothings as you ignored the rest of the room. His eyes darted to your lips. Kiss her. He could, couldn’t he? He could get away with it. That was what you were there for, to be a couple, to have photos taken of intimate moments. No one would question it if he just closed the gap, not even you. But he hesitated too long, the shriek of laughter from another table interrupting the moment. He leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between you before he lost his head again, “So do I get to see mine?”

Ben was nearly speechless when you did eventually let him see it. The guitar with the lyrics beside it. He couldn’t have stopped from smiling even if he’d wanted to. “And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “It is? It’s just the song I overheard you playing that one time.” That one time. A few weeks previous. Between scenes, as he’d waited for the cameras to be organised around the new set. He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him, least of all you. But he’d been starting to feel tense and wanted to unwind before filming resumed so he’d gone back to his trailer and taken out his guitar. It was a song he’d always liked but he’d been listening to it more often since meeting you and it was the song his fingers had begun to play without him realising. Now here it was, on the mug you’d painted for him. And you had no idea that when he sang about the stun gun lullaby, he was singing about your laugh, or that you so completely had his attention that no other woman could compare. The song might have been written for someone else but whenever he heard it, it was you being sung about. Was that a sign to not give up hope? His heart ached with how much he wished you loved him the same. Fuck, love? He’d never let himself think the L word before, that was serious shit. But it fit. He was hopelessly in love with you and there didn’t seem like there was much he could do to change the situation.

                                                      ***

Ben looked up from his laptop to see you, brows furrowed, digging through your bag. “Something wrong?” he asked as you pulled your lips between your teeth, worrying at it absentmindedly, in what he had to admit was an adorable fashion. “Uhh, I think I need to go home,” “How come? If you forgot something I have a replacement here. What was it sunnies? Chapstick? A book?” “No, it’s not that sort of-” “Then what? You already have a toothbrush and PJs here,” “No it’s something else... I just think I’d be more comfortable at home today,” Ben tried to keep his voice steady but his mind was whirring with the possible reasons for your sudden wish to leave. Did you know about his secret? “Well a-are you sure I can’t help. We’re meant to be seen together this afternoon and if we leave now they won’t be able to get a shot of us smooching,” You chuckled at his word choice and he found it hard to repress his smile. “I’ll apologise to Mary and Peter, tell them something came up and see if we can reschedule,” “Are you positive there isn’t anything I can do?” You shook your head slightly, “if you really must know my period is a little early and I don’t have any tampons on me. Happy?” “Oh,” he began to laugh at your slight embarrassment, more relieved than embarrassed himself, “is that all?  Y/N, you’re not the first girlfriend I’ve had, fake or not. I’m a 29 year old man I can deal with talking about periods, and I can certainly run to the shop for you,” “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that. I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today,” ““Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” You didn’t look convinced, eyeing the doorway to the hall. “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” You hesitated a moment longer, “oh alright, as long as you don’t mind,”

It took Ben two minutes to collect his shoes and wallet and car keys and then he was out the door, assuring you he’d be as quick as possible. On his way out he saw the photographer, getting into position by his front gate. He shot Ben a questioning look at the detour from the set plan as Ben hopped into his car. As he reversed out of the driveway he caught the photographer’s attention. “Making a run to the shop to pick up something for Y/N. Might be a good photo in it,” Ben felt odd talking to the man – a man who he recognised well enough, who had witnessed every intimate moment he’d shared with you (and who had been the catalyst for a number of them), but a man he knew next to nothing about. But he hoped that by leading the photographer away he was ensuring you’d have a peaceful respite from the constant intrusion of knowing you were being watched. The photographer nodded, replaced the lens on his camera and headed to his own car, following Ben to the closest supermarket. The distraction of communicating with the photographer was almost enough to make Ben stop kicking himself for not being more prepared for this eventuality. It was only once he was at the store, standing in front of a shelf of feminine hygiene products that he was truly side-tracked from his lack of foresight, and realised he had no idea what you wanted. You picked up your mobile on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Ben, what do you want?” “Don’t tell me you forgot already,” “No, I mean, what sort. There’s hundreds of boxes to choose from, I have no idea which brand you like or what, um…strength you need.” “Oh,” you laughed and described what your go to brand’s packaging looked like. He scoured the shelves, trying to block out the snap of a phone camera as the photographer got his shot. “Ah, got it,” he said as he finally located the right one, pulling down a box for you now and one to keep in his bathroom for future use, “see you in a few.” “Thanks Ben,” “It’s nothing,” he refrained from closing the call with a love you, instead just saying, “Part of the boyfriend package.” On his way back towards the register he detoured into the tea and coffee isle, picking out a box of herbal tea bags that said For Women on the box, hoping they’d sooth whatever cramps you were dealing with, and then grabbed a box of chocolates in case you wanted something sweet to snack on. The photographer was outside already, waiting to get a shot of him leaving with a full bag. 

It made Ben’s heart swell to see how grateful you were for his haul. He went to the kitchen to make you a tea and himself a coffee as you ducked into the bathroom. “Did you find the Panadol?” he asked, rattling the box of painkillers as you joined him in the lounge. “Yeah, thanks. I took two but I might need more in a few hours, if I’m still here. I’ll buy you a new box if I use too many,” “Don’t be daft. How are you feeling?” “Yeah fine. A few cramps but it’s nothing.” “Do you want a cuddle?” he asked without thinking. “What?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t know, my ex said that cuddling up with me made her feel better. But that’s a different- she probably said it so she had an excuse to make out a bit,” You laughed, “a cuddle would actually be very welcome right now,” “Oh, well in that case,” Ben shuffled over, patting the space beside him, and tried to remember that you weren’t really dating. But he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you tight against him and breathing deeply.

                                                      ***

Ben wasn’t drunk. Not properly so anyway. He was too much of a chatty drunk to trust himself when he was sloshed. He’d had enough to loosen up and to dull the ache he felt whenever he looked at you. And to leave his keys at the bar. Nothing a glass of water and some TV couldn’t fix. He’d lost himself in the show when his phone dinged, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. It was a text from Joe.

WTF?

It took Ben a few seconds to work out what it referred to but then the afternoon came back to him, the last scene you’d filmed, the photo he’d posted. Shit. “Ah, shit. Forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep?” he cast around for a reasonable excuse, “We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” you said, already pressing buttons on the remote. “I promise I won’t be long,” “Take your time, it’s fine.” Ben smiled though it slipped as he left the room and pulled up Joe’s number. He shut the door of the room he used when he stayed over, already sure this would not be a conversation he’d want you to overhear. “What the fuck is that photo Ben?” “It’s nothing,” he sighed, “just the last day of filming,” “Are you alright, you sound weird?” “We went out for a drink.” “You and Y/N?” “And the rest of the cast and crew. And, before you say anything, no I didn’t get so drunk I blabbed about anything. I do have some self control,” “I wasn’t saying anything,” “No but you were thinking it. Anyway, I think I’m allowed to have a few drinks under the circumstances. Not exactly easy being secretly in love with your co-star who you’re also fakely dating,” “Alright, alright, point made. But that doesn’t explain the photo,” “Like I said, last day of filming,” Joe waited for more and begrudgingly Ben continued. “It was our last scene together and I wanted to commemorate it,” “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Y/N said it was a bit cheesy,” “Uhh yeah, little bit,” Joe laughed, “you’re not worried it was a bad idea?” “No. We got told to post stuff, which you already know since Y/Ns posted tonnes and you’ve commented on nearly all of them. Figured I should pull my weight,” “Someone has to keep an eye on you two. Stop you from doing something stupid.” “That’s what you’re doing is it?” “You sure you didn’t post the photo with that caption because you’re dying to tell her how you feel and this is a safe way to do so?” Ben scuffed his foot along the carpet, digging his toes into the rough material and feeling like a school boy being admonished by a teacher, “So what if it is?” “All I’m saying is be careful. You’re keeping two very large secrets and–” “Yeah Joe, I fucking know but I don’t have much of a choice here,” “That’s what I’m saying…look, I know you’re a bit of a romantic at heart but you’re also not the sort to get this hung up on unavailable skirt so I believe you when you say you love her. But don’t let it slip out because that’ll just make things worse.” “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess,” “Neither do I. Frankly I don’t think you were thinking. At least, not about yourself.” “Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it?” “Alright. This is going to sound harsh, but it’s coming from a place of friendship. Just stop.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” “That’s not what I meant. I understand you can’t get out of the fake relationship stuff. But, maybe you can get out of the other side of things. Just tell her. Intentionally, tell her. I know it’s not what you want to hear and I know you’re going to argue with me and say you can’t but why not? If you tell her and she admits she likes you then great, you can be together for real. Or, if you tell her and she says she doesn’t feel the same then she can’t get out either and you can be miserable together and she’ll at least stop hanging around you so much when you don’t have to be seen together and you can get over her.” Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” “I just think this whole situation…sucks for you. A mirthless laugh rose in Ben’s throat, “of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening,” “Are you sure she doesn’t feel something, even if she’s not saying it?” “No I know it’s completely one sided.” “Is there any chance she already knows? You’re not the most subtle guy in the world Ben, maybe she figured it out before you were approached about the fake out,” “No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew,” Ben heard Joe sigh, “I don’t know what to say then man,” “I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her. But it fucking sucks that it’s only in public.” “What about now that the movie’s finished?” “I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will make it easier to stop thinking about her…I doubt it though. It’s not like I haven’t tried already. I spent the whole of pre-production and the first weeks of filming trying to get her off my mind and I couldn’t I don’t know how and I don’t think I could unless we literally stopped talking to each other entirely and, honestly I don’t know that I could handle that. But again, we’re back at I don’t have a choice here. I have to keep seeing her and being with her and being her boyf-” A door slammed at the other end of the house, making Ben jolt. “What is it?” “Nothing, I think Y/N just went to the bathroom or something.” “She’s at your place?” “No, I locked myself out of my place. I’m at hers. I should go though, we’re halfway through an episode.” “Ben. Be careful.” “Always am.”

Ben hung up with a sigh. Joe could tell him to move on or spill the beans all he liked but it wasn’t so simple. He slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it, pulling a smile back onto his face as he headed back to the living room. He was a little surprised to see the room empty but settled himself on the couch once again, pulling a throw blanket over himself. It smelt like you. Without thinking he pulled up Instagram on his phone and revisited the photo. You’d commented on it, less cheesy but there were heart emojis strewn throughout. A similar sentiment to his original caption. He sighed and shook his head, clicking out of the app to find something else to read until you returned. The sound of your footsteps drew his attention. Something had changed. You looked pale and unwell. “Are you okay?” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” He didn’t think you’d drunk that much but maybe it was just starting to catch up with you now. Then again, it had been a long and emotional day. You had every right to be wiped out by it and especially now that you were home with no filming or celebrating to distract you from how exhausting it all was. He offered you a spot under the blanket in case it would make you feel better to have some human contact. Just for that reason of course, nothing to do with wanting to hold you. He shrugged it off when you refused and didn’t really think of it again until the episode ended and you went off to bed. He was still too alert to sleep himself, still dwelling on the conversation with Joe. So he flicked TV channels until he found something mildly distracting, a rerun of a dumb home renovation show that was easy to get sucked into.

When he did finally feel tired enough to go to bed he turned off the TV and the lights and began to tiptoe down the hall to his room. But there was light coming from your room. Not the yellow light of a bulb but the blue light of a phone or laptop. You were still up. Maybe you really weren’t feeling well. He wondered if he should check on you, offer to make you a tea with honey and lemon or something else comforting. Did you need tissues? A pot in case you had to throw up? Someone to hold your hair back? He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and sighed. This is exactly what you shouldn’t be thinking. He glanced at the light under your door again and then turned and continued his path up the hall. But, after that, he felt awake again. Unable to sleep. There was too much to think about. Maybe the caption on the photo had been a mistake. Maybe Joe was right and he should tell you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. When it came to you that’s all there was. A noise interrupted him, you groaning and the creak of springs as you shifted in the bed. Is she having a wank? That was his first thought. Does she need help? Was his next. Dangerous. Everything fell silent again and he realised you must have just rolled over to try and get comfortable. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up a little higher, willed himself to fall asleep but it was out of the question. You shifted again, your bed creaking with the movement. Maybe he should check on you, in case you were unwell. Or maybe there was something on your mind too. Maybe he could help. It was bound to be easier to solve than the mess he was in at any rate. He was on the verge of swinging his legs out of bed again when he was reminded of what Joe said about trying to forget you. He could feel that need to protect you, look after you, rising in his chest again. That wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t what he needed. He sighed and stayed in bed and listened to your tossing and turning until he finally managed to sleep himself. Only to dream of you.

                                                      ***

Ben settled the bill, walked out of the restaurant and kept walking. The entire time thinking back on the days, weeks before the fight was due to occur. Something had seemed off about you. Or maybe that was just hindsight. If he had noticed anything, if he had ever thought you seemed out of sorts, he’d put it down to stress from auditions, trying to find the next job. It wasn’t always easy lining up another project after one had finished. He understood how stressful it could be, especially for an actress like you who was on the cusp of something bigger, looking for your big break. But maybe he’d been blind. After that dinner, after everything you said, there was no denying that something more was going on.

You’d been…not your usual self. From the moment you arrived. He’d asked if you were nervous, but he hadn’t been able to see any of the usual signs. No bouncing let, no bitten lip. So nervous wasn’t it. But you weren’t happy either. He had been though, happy to see you, happy to be with you again. Even with the looming argument. Truthfully, he’d been thinking of what would happen after, when you were alone together and able to just hang out or whatever. He should have realised things were going south the moment you told him to stop looking so happy. He just kept repeating the evening over and over, rewinding and rerunning every moment as if he could figure it all out just from that. Another moment leapt to the front of his mind. “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” That had hurt though he knew he shouldn’t have let it. Of course you’d have felt weird about going on a date with someone you had no interest in just for the sake of a movie. But still, it had hurt. A taste of what was to come. “Are you nervous?” You didn’t really seem to care what he said. Of course, he hadn’t given you the whole truth. It wasn’t totally dishonest to say argument scenes made him more nervous than love scenes but that was omitting bigger elements. Maybe it would have been more truthful to say the concept of a public fight wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. But at the time he’d felt like if he’d said then he’d have ended up admitting that it was especially true when you were involved. That all he wanted to do was look after you and love you, not argue in a room full of strangers just trying to enjoy a nice meal. After that he felt like he hadn’t been able to get you to say more than a few words. You who was usually so open and conversational. You who he’d spent more time with recently than just about anyone else. You who he could always talk to, joke around with. It was frustrating that you wouldn’t just tell him. He remembers feeling frustrated, of getting short with you. He regretted that. But that was when he was sure something was wrong. He might have ignored all the signs before that but as soon as he felt you had closed yourself off, he wanted to know why. Wanted to figure out what was bothering you, what could have happened. A fight with Felicity? Bad news about an audition? Maybe he’d said something offhanded and hadn’t realised he’d upset you (god if thats the case I want to know even more so I can apologise a hundred times over). He asked about it all, wanted to make things better, but then you were letting rip. Completely off book and unscripted, even when he gave you cues to get back on track. He would have been impressed with your performance except he was so taken aback by it. Without thinking he’d reached for your hand. He can see it happening in his mind, as if he were viewing the scene from above. The way you’d wrenched your hand away, leaving his sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. And all he could hear was “clingy and needy” in your voice with such…what was it, disgust? Hatred? And before he could so much as open his mouth to stop you, you were gone. That’s not what was meant to happen. You were meant to leave together and laugh about it afterwards. He wasn’t meant to be walking through London on his own, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was then that Ben looked up and realised he didn’t know where he’d walked to. He considered stepping into a bar with all the noise to drown out your voice, all the alcohol he could handle to make him forget. Clingy and needy. But he thought better of it and turned to hail a cab instead. What he couldn’t stop himself from doing was calling you, though he was left disappointed when it went straight to voicemail. He listened for the beep as if he were going to leave a message but when the beep came he didn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say? What changed? Am I really so clingy? What can I do? Closer to home he tried again but the same thing happened. He hung up before the beep.

As he was letting himself inside his phone rang and for the length of a heartbeat he thought it was you. But it wasn’t. It was just Peter telling him that the video had gone live, congratulating you both for putting on such a good show, being so convincing. He ran through some early statistics, something about how many times it had been shared already, and then followed it by saying they wanted separation for a few weeks, until the make up dinner. Ben listened in a daze. When Peter finally hung up Ben opened twitter. The video was easy to find. He put his phone down on the kitchen bench and moved to pour himself a drink. Maybe he didn’t have quite as much alcohol as a bar, but he had enough to do the trick. His phone was staring at him the entire time. He shook his head, moved the phone to his pocket and headed to his bedroom. His guitar was there, the perfect way to clear his head. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed and, without thinking, he played the opening chords of that song. Your song. With a slight clatter as his hands knocked the wood, he let the guitar drop back to the bed, trying to dig his phone out of his pocket. The video was still there, waiting for him. Proof. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t made up. He couldn’t see your face from the angle it was taken. But he could see the tension in your shoulders, the way you pulled your hand back as if you couldn’t think of anything worse than having him touch you. And he could hear you. Clingy and needy.

Ben watched it just the once, unable to suffer through it again. It wass already playing on a loop in his head, he didn’t really need the visual reminder. And then he called Joe. There wasn’t really much else he could do. No one else he could talk to about it. Joe had seen it, had watched it, and he commented on how good it looked, how real it seemed. “I think that’s because it was. Y/N went completely off book. We didn’t plan it to be like that,” “Is that why you look so shocked?” “Yeah, guess so.” Ben gulped down a mouthful of his drink and wished he’d brought the bottle with him. “I’m trying very hard not to call her something beginning with B right now,” “Joe she’s not a bitch, she’s…I don’t know. Something must have happened, I just don’t know what. “Maybe she’s starting to crack? Pressure of keeping up a fake relationship is getting to her,” “Can you try not to sound too excited by the idea. I’d remind you I do actually love her and if things work out between us I’d like for you to meet her.” “You can’t blame me for disliking her when I get a call from you every other day telling me she’s broken your heart again,” “You’re such a drama queen,” “Fine, I’ll try to keep my dislike to a minimum. But could it be that? I know she doesn’t have the same baggage as you but it’s probably not easy for her either,” “She called me clingy. Needy. Why would she say that?” “Because she’s a bitch.” “Bloody hell Joe,” “Unless…” “Unless what?” “Is there any chance she knows?” “You mean about me? Come off it, absolutely not. It’s not like I tell everyone I meet about it. You’re the only person who knows.” “Alright, then it must be something else.” “What do I do? I can’t,” Ben sighed, “It was meant to be different. We were going to have words at the restaurant and then go home together looking tense and then laugh about it when we were alone but instead…instead I’m home alone with half a bottle of whisky and a fake girlfriend who won’t answer my calls. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?” “Just give her some space Ben. You don’t know it was you. It could have been any number of things. It might just be that she was having a bad day and because you were already set to have the spat, you caught the brunt of her frustration. She’ll call in a day or two, embarrassed and apologising and you can go back to pining in peace. Out of curiosity, what was the fight originally going to be like?” “Oh, um…We’d decided that I was going to suggest she meet my family and she was going to say she wasn’t ready for that and it was all getting too serious or something like that.” “Well, that’s pretty much what she actually said isn’t it?” Ben thought for a moment. He’d been so wrapped up in her description of him, he’d not really thought about the overall message of her monologue, “Yeah, I suppose it is.” “See, she wasn’t as off script as you thought. She just jumped the gun a bit and took you by surprise. I’d guarantee that it’s something else entirely and you just happened to be the unlucky outlet for her anger.” “Maybe you’re right. She did say that thing about pretending everything was okay and acting like we’re serious….how I love her more than she loves me,” “And you’re certain she doesn’t know,” “100 per cent. She’s never had the chance to find out,” “Then of course I’m right, it was just an issue of timing and you being in the line of fire,” “Maybe I should see her,” “No! Bad idea Ben. Really bad idea.” “I just want to be sure it wasn’t my fault. If I’d been less wrapped up in pretending she was my girlfriend then may-” “Stop beating yourself up. Just try not to drink too much and get some sleep. She’ll sort herself out and call when she’s less mortified by the whole thing.” “Okay, yeah,” “And for fucks sake, stay off twitter,” Ben hung up, feeling marginally better but unable to shake the feeling that it was somehow his fault. Clingy and needy. Clingy and needy. Clingy. And needy. The way you’d spat the words at him. The way you’d stormed out. He sighed, slumped forward, and ran his hands down his face. No, Joe’s right, it’s not you. But, as much as he repeated it, Ben still found tears clinging to his palms as he pulled them away.

                                                      ***

Ben looked at his phone and bit his lip. His eyes shifted back to the ocean of brake lights ahead of the car and then back to his phone. He was already running late and the traffic didn’t seem to be moving. God he did not want to be late. Not after everything that had happened. Not after you’d cleared up the mess from the fight, not after he’d made such an effort to be less clingy, to give you more space. Things weren’t back to normal by any stretch but at least you were talking again, at least you’d missed him. The conversation you’d had the previous night, staying on the phone to watch TV. He’d been surprised by your suggestion but equally as thrilled. It had to be a sign that you felt something too. People don’t just watch episodes of TV over the phone for anyone, do they? He was in with a chance, he knew it. But, in the hours after the episode had ended and the call with it, he’d come to one conclusion. He had to tell you. He had to bite the bullet and tell you. If he wanted something real with you, you had to know. And if he kept it secret any longer it could lead to more arguments which he definitely did not want. What he wanted was for you to understand why he’d become so attached, and hopefully, to reciprocate. So he was going to tell you. And he couldn’t be late.

As the car inched forward Ben made up his mind. He was going to be there on time, one way or another. With a thankful word to the driver he got out of the car and hurried onto the pavement, beginning to walk towards the restaurant. He’d spent all day feeling like he was about to have a heart attack, chest aching with how badly he wanted to see you and how nervous he was about your reaction. He wasn’t going to fuck up now. As he walked a display in a shop window caught his eye and he quickly stepped inside. The bell tinkled as he entered, getting the assistant’s attention. She gave him a up and down glance as she greeted him, as if trying to determine the occasion based on his outfit alone. “Welcome to Coming Up Roses, what can I do for you?” “I need a bouquet,” “I can certainly help with that. Any flowers you had in mind?” “Uhhh not really. Spur of the moment,” “Well what’s the occasion then? I have flowers for everything from weddings to funerals, I’m sorry to Congratulations,” “Um, I’m about to tell the girl of my dreams that I’m in love with her,” The woman smiled, “I’ve got just the thing,”

A minute later and Ben was once again hurrying up the street, clutching the freshly wrapped bouquet, his heart pounding as he tried not to worry about how much time was passing. He had to pause at one point to get a map up on his phone, unsure of the restaurant’s exact location. He was further away than he thought and quickened his step, threading through groups of people on nights out, trying not to bump into anyone. You were already there, waiting. He could see you from half a street away and ran to meet you, kissing your cheek and handing over the bouquet before he really registered that that’s what he was doing. It was only as you were smelling the flowers and complementing them that he realised you were there, actually there, and he suddenly felt extra nervous about it all. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” Ben wanted to die, wanted to be sucked into a hole in the ground, sent through a time warp, anything to not be there babbling at you like a fucking idiot. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy.” Shut up “Now you have to carry them around all night,” fucking shut up, “what was I thinking?” for the love of all that is holy, “And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” He didn’t know what had come over him, but he wished it would go away. And things only got worse as he looked you over, took in your whole appearance. Seeing you just made him want you even more, especially with how gorgeous you looked. He wanted to kiss you, tell you. But he had to be able to speak to tell you and he wasn’t going to be able to do that until he relaxed a little. A drink, that’s what he needed. He downed his first one fast, willing it to work its magic. It did help calm him, though your laugh just made his heart race again. Halfway through the next glass he felt like he could say it and was on the verge of just getting it out into the open when you were interrupted, shown to your table. He took it as a sign that it would be bad timing and that he needed to wait. Instead he focused on just having a good night with you. The memory of your last dinner was still in the back of his mind but he pushed it away by reminding himself that things were better now. He felt himself relax more as you talked and with every touch you gave him. The drinks were definitely part of it too but he put it down to you mostly. How much you sooth him, how happy he finds himself when he’s in your presence. He could breathe properly again. You startled him a little by saying Joe would want to meet you but of course, you don’t know that he knows that it’s all a big production so you just meant it in a friend-being-curious-about-the-girlfriend type way. Very far from the truth. But Ben agrees and changes the topic.

When dessert arrived, he thought maybe that could be a good time to say it because it’s the end of the meal and you can leave quickly if you need to. But before he get’s to it he finds himself asking something else instead. “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” He hoped he hadn’t wrecked the evening by bringing it up but he was curious too, “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” Ben worried at his lip as he watched you slowly finish your mouthful and set the spoon down. “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” That was a relief. Proof that you were on the same page again, back to normal. And proof that you did care about him. “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” This is it, this is your moment, “Like, um,” He wanted to say it, had the words picked out already but, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk driving you away again, causing another scene. Maybe he could say it back at his place, away from the cameras and the interested public. Maybe that would be smarter. All the same, he felt disappointed with himself for not having the guts to just tell you, and to try to cover the moment asked if you wanted to leave. As you step outside he remembers the kiss that was expected and he leans in to remind you. It’s more than a kiss though, different to all the other times you’d kissed. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it. Any excuse really. And he says as much when he, somewhat accidentally admits to having missed kissing you. It was a thought that somehow slipped out of his mouth, but either you didn’t hear him or you were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Or she feels the same. He pushed the hopeful thought down as you kissed him back. His heart pounded as he felt your hands on his chest, as if it were trying to tell you what he’d been too much of a coward to say. And then you whined and settled on his lap and god what a fucking gorgeous sound. He’d spent months getting off to the memory of a hum and now you were gifting him a whine? An eager, excited whine at that. The sort of thing he’d been trying to imagine and it was so much better than anything he’d come up with. Your hand was in his hair and he very nearly echoed your noise back to you from that alone, but it caught in his throat as you kept kissing him, tongues twisting, your chest pressed against his. He wanted to hold you close and touch every part of you he could reach all at once, unsure of whether to grab your arse or you hip or the back of your neck. So he did a bit of it all, slid his hand along your arm and then down your back and then to your arse. And all too soon it stops. He could have cursed that driver and the heartless car horn that interrupted and sent reality crashing back down around him.

Once you were inside the safe zone of his house, away from the act, he expected things to go back to normal. You’d take off your makeup and then make a cup of tea and fill a glass of water for your flowers and you’d wind down with something on TV before you both went to bed. He’d have to have a shower to get off without you suspecting anything because there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of your tits pressed against him and your whine and your kiss swimming around his head. But you don’t walk to the bathroom like you normally do. He pulls the wallet from his pocket, places it deliberately next to his keys. But you still haven’t moved. He turns slowly, notices the way you swallow and lick your lips and he swears he’s on the verge of asking what you’re doing or saying something about it being a mistake, at least the thought crosses his mind, but you were standing so close (when did she get so close?) and when you kiss him again he just kisses back.

It’s a mistake probably, definitely, he knows that. He can hear the siren in his head again telling him to stop, pull away. But the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake, doesn’t feel like it should be, and when he takes a step back you step with him and again and again until he’s somehow on the couch with you on his lap again. And why would he stop that, why would he say no to you when you fit there so perfectly and you feel so good? And all he can think about is that whine and that hum from all those months ago and he wants to see what other sounds he can pull from you so he drops his lips to your neck. “Wait, wait,” He’s confused as to why you’re stopping him and even more confused when you’re not in his arms anymore. “It’s rule one Ben,” Bugger rule one. Bugger all the fucking rules, you’ve broken most of them tonight anyway if they weren’t already broken. A voice in the back of his head reminds him what a big mistake that would be, but it can’t argue against making out. Making out isn’t against the rules and you know it too, you hesitate when he says it out loud. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” he’s not sure if he’s talking about here and now, physically, or something deeper, something in the realm of boyfriend but what does it matter because both are true. You shake your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” And then it all comes out. That you knew about his crush. And everything stops. Just stops. He can’t breathe, air doesn’t exist anymore, and he’d say his heart had stopped too except he can hear it pounding in his ears, drowning out whatever you’re saying. You knew? You’d known for months? All those times Joe had suggested it, all that time he spent worrying about keeping it from you and you already fucking knew? And then everything seems to speed up all at once. The air rushes back, as loud as his heart, which only doubles it’s pounding until he can feel it trying to punch a hole through his chest and escape. Rational thought returns, connecting dots and drawing conclusions almost faster than he can keep up. “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He has to laugh at how fucking ridiculous an idea that is. That space would have ever helped him purge you from his system. Love isn’t that easy to get rid of. And his tongue must have sped up with the rest of his body because he’s saying it, the thing he’s been putting of saying, the thing he’s been wanting to tell you all night, and he wishes he could stop because this isn’t how he wanted it to go. This wasn’t how you were meant to find out. But no matter how much he screams at himself he can’t take it back. It’s out there. And you look horrified. “You love me?” Three words have never been spoken with more contempt than you managed to cram into that once sentence. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” Your silence cuts through him like a knife, shredding what little hope remained. His heart isn’t beating against his chest anymore. It’s been kicked across the room and lies lifeless against the wall.  “That’s what I thought.”

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at you. He wants to leave but he remembers all the cameras outside, reminds you of their presence in case you’re planning the same escape he is. He’s trapped there and so are you. So he puts as much space between you as he can, heads to his room and slumps heavily onto the end of his bed. All he can think about is those three words, you love me? Not a hopeful question. Not even stunned surprise.  More of an accusation. He tastes blood but otherwise barely notices when he tears his lip with his teeth. You must hate him for getting you both into this mess. He hates that he’s done it, that he’s put you in this position. And he knows you’re never going to want to speak with him let alone see him again. And he knows that as soon as the cameras leave, you’ll leave too. And that thought hurts just as much as everything else. You’re moving about, he can hear you walking around. It sounds like you’re pacing. Five steps and then a turn and then five more steps, another turn. Something about the rhythm breaks through his overactive, panicking, worrying mind. Something about it calms him. Maybe it’s that knowing you’re restless and agitated makes him want to comfort you, despite everything he’s feeling. Or maybe it’s just because the sound of your footfall means you’re still here. And if you’re still here then maybe he can smooth things over. He doesn’t expect to fix everything. He’d understand if you still wanted to erase him from your contacts and pretend you were only ever colleagues. But if he can just explain himself, explain that he never meant for this to happen, explain why he kept it from you or tried to anyway and maybe explain what he’d wanted tonight to be instead of the clusterfuck it’d become. If he can get any of that out then maybe you won’t hate him quite so much.

He says your name softly, not sure he’s allowed to say your name, “I heard you pacing.” “Sorry, I’ll keep the noise down.” “No, that’s not- it’s okay. I just thought, since we’re both clearly awake and since they haven’t left yet, I thought you might like a cuppa.” “I didn’t think you drank tea,” Have you really not noticed yet? He never bought tea bags, until you started coming to stay over regularly. Twice you opined about not being able to have a cup of tea before bed and that was all it took for him to start keeping them in his cupboard along with the biscuits you prefer. That’s how he knows it’s love. He took a breath as he pulled out mugs and stuck the kettle on, resolutely not looking at you. If he looks at you he’ll spill his guts and won’t be able to stop. He has to make tea first. Just the way you like it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” It comes out the second he looks at your face and it’s only that you’re telling him you understand that he doesn’t immediately say more. He drops his eyes to the brown liquid in his mug, undrinkable in his opinion, but a perfectly adequate distraction. He needs to get the words right this time. No stumbling and stuttering, no blurting things out without thinking. He needs to say it right so you’ll listen and understand what he’s trying to do. “I promise I understand where you’re at and I’m not going to try and convince you or to chase you or anything like that. I really am trying not to feel this way.” He glances back at your eyes, terrified of what he’d see there. “It’s okay Ben, I know you wouldn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to drop the L bomb.” “Please don’t hate me,” it’s a whisper compared to everything else he’s said but there’s no way to make his voice stronger. It’s the thing he’s most worried about and admitting it out loud to you is harder than he imagined it would be. “I could never,” the sincerity with which you say it is almost enough to make him cry but the hug is what pushes him over the edge. It’s more warmth and kindness than he thinks he deserves after everything he’s done. And it’s exactly what he needed. Comfort and reassurance in one simple gesture. He wraps his arms around you for the third time that night, his face pressed into the cook of your neck, and you let him, squeezing back, as he lets everything out.

                                                        ***

The night after you met Joe, Ben visits him again, this time without you. It had always been the plan, to see Joe a few times, as much as the press circuit would allow, while he was in the US. But after the previous night it’s more necessary. And yet, Ben was struggling to vocalise any of his questions. It’s not until after dinner, when Joe suggests they take their drinks out onto the veranda, that any of it comes up. It’s peaceful out there, sitting in the cool night air, each of them taking turns to swig from their beer bottle as they talk. But Ben’s mind is constantly disrupted with thoughts of you. It’s the first time since all the promotion stuff started that he’s had more than a couple of minutes away from your side. Joe isn’t helping, constantly glancing at Ben, frowning, as if he’s trying to work something out. But he’s the first to crack, making it easier for Ben to talk. “How’s it going?” “Press is fine, bit boring. You know how repetitive it can get,” “And you know that’s not what I meant,” “Yeah. Nah, everything’s fine. Mostly,” “Mostly?” “It’s not easy having to share a room with her. I mean, it’s fun though. I’m glad she’s the one I’m doing all this shit with. We’re mates and we’ve been working so closely for so long now that we…get each other. Like there was this interview where one of the questions made me uncomfortable and she knew straight away and broke in to take some of the heat. She just says whatever she can to make me laugh or ease the tension or whatever will help. And I know when she’s getting nervous and needs a break or a fresh cuppa. But when it’s just us in our suite it’s…hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to keep some distance even though there’s not much to be had. What did you think of her?” “Honestly?” “Of course,” “She’s perfect for you. Except for the not being interested part.” Ben nodded, letting his eyes fall to where his fingernail was digging into the label on his bottle. “Although…” “What?” Ben looked back at Joe, “You think she might be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t want to get your hopes up. She certainly doesn’t think she is. I asked her about it while you were out here last night and she was adamant that she doesn’t think of you that way but that’s not how it looked to me.” “We had a moment yesterday. Just before we came here. Nearly kissed.” “Seriously? Again?” “I stopped it. Kind of wish I hadn’t. Maybe if something happened, she’d change her mind,” “I know I’m not part of this situation and I wasn’t there and can only go off of what you’ve said and the one time I’ve met her but, for what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.” “Yeah?” “I don’t think you want anything to happen with her until you’re both more sure where you stand. Definitely not while you’re stuck sharing a hotel room.” “But what if -” Joe shook his head, “I watched her last night. She looked at you a lot and not just because you were the one talking. She also smiled a lot whenever your attention was on her. I was half expecting her to say she had a thing for you but wasn’t sure if she should tell you or something like that. So I think there is a good chance she is attracted to you but for some reason, doesn’t want to admit it and I think sleeping with her would just make things more complicated and worse for both of you. You said she had her little freak out thing when you were hooking up after that date. You don’t want to let things get further and have her freak out again.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just confusing myself because we’ve been in such close quarters. I just wish things were more certain y’know? Like, she keeps saying she doesn’t like me as more than a friend but then we’ll have a moment like we did in the hotel, or like on the plane when she was leaning on my shoulder to help with my crossword puzzle, or when we fucking made out. And then I’m back getting my hopes up only for her to turn around and crush me again. And it’s probably nothing anyway. Just pent up urges since we’ve been fucking trapped in this for months now.” “I don’t know man, it might be more than that. She seemed really into you last night.” “Nah. She’s horny and I’m there and that’s why we’ve had these near kisses and stuff. She’s said she doesn’t like me so that’s it. Maybe it’s better that way anyway.” Joe shook his head again but let the subject drop, “So how long are you here for again? There’s this restaurant up the road I should take you to.”

                                                      ***

The closer he got to his parent’s place the more tightly wound Ben felt. Bringing a girl home to meet the family was always at least a little nerve wracking – wondering whether they’d like her, whether she’d like them, how many embarrassing stories he’d have to sit through. But he could safely say that with you it was worse than with anyone else. There was so much history with you, despite never having legitimately dated, that he couldn’t stop thinking about. You meant so much to him. And he knew his mum was going to love you (how could she not) and that meant he was going to be asked why it took him so long to bring you around and about where it was headed and they were questions he didn’t really feel up to answering. Of course, on top of all of that, there was the prospect of sharing a room with you, maybe a bed. You hadn’t entirely worked out the arrangement and not knowing was just making him more nervous. Not just for himself either, for you as well. If he was nervous he could only imagine you were too. You were going to be facing questions as well, judgement from a new family. A family you didn’t even want to be part of. So he kept close to you all night. Because it’s easier to pretend to be a couple when you’re by his side and it’s easier to avoid tough conversations when he has the excuse of introducing you to someone else up his sleeve. And it’s so much easier to keep his folks away from you when he’s got your hand in his. He does circuits of the garden with you, chats to everyone with you, repeating the story of how you met and the fiction of how you started dating. And the whole time he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself at least a little because you don’t even have actual feelings for him to push you on. He’d gladly endure first meetings with every single member of your family tree if you asked but he knows you’re only there because you have to be. Unfortunately, he’s also had a bit to drink so eventually he has to relieve himself, silently cursing his bladder because it means he has to leave you on your own. You don’t seem to mind too much. If anything, it feels like you’ve found your feet and are actually having a good night which he’s glad for. But he still goes as quick as he can.

He’s on his way back when he sees you and instantly realises something’s wrong. Your leg is bouncing so rapidly it’s a wonder you don’t knock the underside of the table, and you’re looking around as if you’re trying to find him. His first thought is that someone has said something inappropriate. There’s plenty of drunk cousins around and who knows what one of them might have said or done in a misguided attempt to be charming or impressive or flirtatious. But then he realises who you’re sitting next to and his stomach drops. So he hurries over to the table and takes the seat beside you, laying his hand on your knee to try to calm you. It works well enough for you to be able to sit there a little longer until he can find a reasonable excuse to leave the table and his mum. He’s not in the mood to be at the party anymore and leads you to the exit, politely waving off anyone who tries to convince you both to stay a little longer. “Better?” he asks once you’re outside, relieved when you say yes. “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d been prepared for a lot but not that. “It was just a passing comment but I….” “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” Without thinking he pulled you into a hug, breathing out when he felt you lean into him.

By the time he got back to the house Ben wanted another drink. You’d sat under his arm the entire ride back, keeping quiet, obviously lost in thought as you absentmindedly played with his fingers. Every brush had made him want to take your hand properly and tilt your head up to kiss you, irresponsible and selfish as it might be. One of the upsides of being back home was knowing where his parents hid their best booze, so he dug out a bottle of his dad’s Johnnie Walker, feeling a little like a teenager again, pinching a drink to impress a girl. You laughed though so he counted it as a win. But the reason you were alone together, no longer at the party, was still weighing on him and clearly on you as well. “So what happened back there?” He handed you a glass and waited until you felt you could speak. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting.” Everything you said made sense he supposed. He’d not really considered it that way because he wasn’t so much lying as just playing pretend. But, as much as he wished you were on the same page, he understood where your guilt came from. He tried to make you laugh again but when it didn’t work he set his glass down and took your hand. “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working. They’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” His chest tightened at the thought of it, not being allowed to even pretend to have you anymore but he clamped down on it for your sake. “But it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything,” He half shrugged, looking down at where his thumb was brushing the back of your hand softly, “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” Ben glanced back at you, about to tell you it was sweet of you to care about how he was doing, but when he saw your expression he stopped.

He was a little shocked by the kiss, stumbling back a step or two, the warning siren blaring in his head again. Everything told him to run away and yet his feet were frozen in place. Joe had been right when he said he shouldn’t do this, and he’d been here before. It hadn’t gone well then so what made him think it would be better this time? But somehow he can’t find the words and you kiss him again and he decides he’s going to let it happen. He’s sick of trying to fight how badly he wants you and you clearly want this too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to undress him. He decides he’s going to let himself be selfish for once and just go with it. After the decisions made it all turns into a bit of a blur really. You’re leaning against the table and then he’s carrying you up to his room and it’s like every almost kiss, every missed opportunity and pent up moment you’d never let yourselves have is breaking all at once. You’re on his bed now and god he’s wanted you like this for so fucking long and who cares if it’s wrong. One night won’t matter. And he’s surprised by how wet you are when you pull his hand towards your cunt but he loves that you’re taking the initiative and that you clearly want him just as much as he wants you. You don’t tell him to stop. You tell him how to touch you, what feels good, and he loves that about you too. Even more than he loves how you sound saying his name as you clench on his fingers and shiver through your orgasm and fuck, he thought the whine from last time was a captivating sound but it has nothing on this, on how you sound when you cum for him. He’s going to be thinking about that moment, about you saying his name like that forever. He wants to be inside you, wants to hear it again, wants to make you feel even better and he’s forgotten where you are and how you got there so he leans over and realises this isn’t this room. This room isn’t as prepared as he’d like. For a moment he thinks that’s it and maybe it’s for the best except then you say you have condoms as you get up and rummage through your bags. He wants to know why – were you planning this or are you always just prepared like that? – except then you’re coming back towards him and he really doesn’t care why, just that you do. You climb on top of him and he feels breathless at the sight. He wants to worship you, every inch of you, and he wants to be as close as possible, pushing himself up to kiss you again because he loves you. He says it without meaning to but he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to get you to moan his name again, rubbing your clit until you’re both finished, breathing hard against each other. You’re kissing along his jaw and he wants to stay like that forever, blissed out and tangled in each other’s embrace. But reality rushes back, ignoring how desperately he’s trying to cling to the moment, and he realises how messy everything suddenly is. It hurts too. Knowing it’s not real, knowing that you don’t want what he wants. He remembers what he said just moments before, that confession whispered against your lips, and it makes him feel queasy with embarrassment on top of the heartache that’s already setting in. How many times does he have to put himself through this pain before he gets it through his head? It’s not reciprocated. It never will be. “I’ve gotta…” Ben nods his head in the direction of the door, hoping you’ll fill in the blank yourself. He wants to leave but he also wants to stay there with you, so he settles on shifting out of your reach and looking over at you, not quite able to meet your eye. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” Weren’t you? “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” Ben tried to smile but it didn’t feel like it worked properly. Sure you needed it. A quick fuck to break the forced dry spell. He wanted to run from the room, flee the scene “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He averted his eyes again, focused on slipping back into his underwear. There was half a second where he looked around for his shirt before realising it was out at the table with the unfinished whiskies. He’d have to tidy up so no one would be able to work out what happened.

Ben downed what remained of both drinks, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction, though much too brief. He grabs his phone from the table, drops the glasses onto the kitchen sink and heads outside to throw the used condom into the garbage bin. As if he was going to leave the evidence of his cowardice and misjudgement inside for anyone to find. Ben turned to head back towards the door, but he didn’t want to walk through it. Inside he’d have to face you and he wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Instead he walked down the sideway into the backyard, taking a seat on the retaining wall by the flower bed of peonies. It’s not exactly warm sitting there in just his boxers and his fingers shake a little as he unconsciously find’s Joe’s name in his contacts. Joe must be busy or asleep or something (What’s the time difference again?) because he doesn’t pick up. Instead the call goes to voicemail. “Joe, it’s Ben here. Um… you’re gonna laugh so hard when you hear how fucking stupid I am,” Ben forces a laugh himself, “So I, uh, I just told Y/N that I love her….again….while we were having sex.” A pause as it sank in, “I’m not even sure how it…how we got to… We were just talking and then we were in bed and…. But it’s okay because I told her it could never happen again,” Ben thinks of how affectionate you’d been after, kissing his jaw and his nose, clinging to him, but it wasn’t real, it was just your post-sex, post-orgasm mood. He starts to laugh, less false but not entirely natural either, “I have to drive back with her tomorrow. Christ. Talk about bad timing, huh. But it’s fine though, it’s fine, totally fine. Joe, it’s fine. Because it wasn’t real. We’ve both been pent up and she spent all day with my family and had to listen to my mum talk about us maybe getting married. This was her reward. And that’s all it was. And I’m the idiot for hoping it could ever be more than that. I mean it’s not like friends don’t sometimes fuck, right? Especially when they’ve been drinking and pretending to date. Sex doesn’t have to mean feelings and it doesn’t for her and that’s fine.” There was that tight feeling in his chest again. Ben cleared his throat. “The drive will give me a chance to tell her it was a mistake. Because it was. This whole thing was a mistake. It was a mistake to fuck her and it was a mistake to bring her to meet my family and it was a mistake to pretend to date her and the biggest mistake of all of them was falling for her. And I haven’t been doing enough to reverse that. I know I said I have been, but I haven’t. I got caught up in the maybes and what ifs and I didn’t really try to move on. But now I…. It’s gotta fucking end sometime. I can’t keep doing this. So I’ve got to tell her it was a mistake and I don’t love her. Maybe I never did. Maybe I’m the same as her and it was all just because I was horny. Whatever. Now I can move on with my life. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her and she’ll just be some bitch I nailed and we’ll both be happy, right?” Ben sighed and swiped at his blurry eyes. He’s not sure if the voicemail cut out midway through his thought process but it probably doesn’t matter. Movement from upstairs catches his eye. You in his old bedroom, getting dressed and leaving the room. He’s a little worried that if he heads back inside now he’ll bump into you on your way to get a drink from the kitchen but he can’t sit outside in the chill air all night. He takes a breath and swipes his knuckle over his eyes again before heading back inside, creeping towards the bedroom. You weren’t anywhere to be seen, though he guesses that means you’re in the bathroom. When he reached the bedroom again, he dug into the closet and pulled out a number of spare blankets, stealing a pillow from the bed. It’s not a particularly comfortable nest that he makes but it’s warm and doesn’t smell as much like you as the bed does. The pillow still holds a trace of you, but he flips it over and the scent is gone. He’s there when you get back, already pretending to sleep, curled in on himself facing away from you. “Ben?” He squeezes his eyes tighter shut, listening as you flick off the light and tiptoe back towards the bed. There’s a creak of springs as you get comfortable and then another as you move again. “Ben?” Your voice sounds even softer that time and Ben is tempted to answer but he bites his tongue. “Ben I-I…. Goodnight.” There’s another creak as you settle back down again. Ben lies perfectly still until he’s sure you aren’t going to move again. He doesn’t want to hear whatever you’re trying to say. It’ll just be everything he already knows. So he keeps quiet and feigns sleep in the hopes that real sleep will bring it’s respite sooner rather than later.

                                                      ***

Ben’s phone rang and he admonished himself for hoping it was you. He was meant to be getting over you. Besides, the hope was misplaced. It was his mum. “How did Y/N’s audition go?” “Uh,” It took him a moment to remember the excuse he’d made up, “yeah, well I think.” “She’s lovely, Ben. I’m glad you finally let us meet her,” “Yeah,” He didn’t know how else to respond but his mother didn’t need much more encouragement than that. “You should bring her back soon, I’d love to have more of a chance to get to know her. It was a bit hard with so many people there.” “Yeah, um, I’d have to check when we’re free.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you could find one night for us,” “Yeah. But there’s the premier coming soon and we’ve both got auditions and meetings lined up so I don’t know for sure. But let me talk to Y/N and we’ll find a day that works.” “Maybe a weekend? You could stay for a couple of days then, wouldn’t have to rush off.” “We’ll see. Depends.” “Don’t leave it too long honey,” “I won’t mum. Sorry, I’ve got to run, expecting a call back about something.” “Alright, love you,” “Love you too mum,” Ben threw his phone to the other side of the couch and sighed. He’d been expecting that call but that didn’t make it any easier to get through. Not when he’d spent the last few days thinking about that night and everything that had happened. The way your lips felt on his, the way you’d looked sitting on his lap, the way you’d sounded when you came. He shook his head as if he were an etch-a-sketch but the thoughts didn’t disappear, they just morphed into thoughts of later, in the car on the way home. How you’d nodded when he’d said he didn’t love you, clearly overjoyed with the news but trying not to show it.

 Ben hadn’t gone cold turkey with you, there was still some contact, but he refrained from anything too unnecessary, spent as much time as he could with his other friends, and tried to keep any replies to you as simple as possible. Unfortunately his parents was less restrained. A few days later his mum called again, checking if he’d had a chance to invite you over yet. The day after he received a message from his dad suggesting he come down for lunch on the weekend (and encouraging him to bring you along), and then a couple days after that there was another call, one which he ignored. Every time he was thrown back to that night. But not even ignoring the calls helped. It just left him dwelling on everything and it didn’t even deter them. When next his mum called he found himself in yet another conversation on the topic and only just managed to stop himself from hanging up in her ear. He couldn’t do it anymore. It was pointless, all of it. The part of him that had thought you’d fall for him if you slept together had been proven wrong so there was nothing left to hope for. But with his family and friends thinking you were dating, always asking after you, and with you texting him memes and requesting his help, how was he meant to move on? What he needed was a clean break. But the breakup wasn’t scheduled until after the premiere and it wasn’t like a date had been set, it was up to the studio or your agents or someone else. And Ben wasn’t sure how he’d be able to wait it out that long.

 A breakthrough came in an email from Peter, an update about the movie Ben had signed on for. Originally it was meant to film in England, but those plans were in the process of changing. Part of it would still be done around London but now it seemed a big portion of the filming would happen in Spain too. Peter seemed unsure as to how this change would clash with the plans for the breakup but Ben saw it as the opportunity he needed. He wouldn’t be leaving until after the premiere anyway so it wouldn’t change your last public appearance together, but it would also work as the clean break he’d been looking for. Plus, as he reasoned to Peter, they could use the distance as an excuse for why the breakup happened. Peter seemed to like the idea and agreed that the change of location wouldn’t affect anything enough to make Ben drop out. Ben was relieved, having been excited about the project since he first picked up the script, and began looking forward to getting away from you properly. Being in a completely different country would give him the time and space he needed to stop thinking about you. It would be easy to sever all ties to you and get on a plane and move on, maybe meet someone who could drive you from his mind. He’d have to break up with you though, not just through the press but as a friend too. He couldn’t have you texting him while he was away or commenting on photos he posted online. It had to be complete. He had to remove you from his life entirely. After the premiere would be a good time to tell you. He’d pull you aside at the party or maybe tell you in the limo on the way home. It’d be hard to explain but you’d understand. She’s probably been wondering how to get rid of you anyway. Surely, you’d be pleased to hear he was going to leave you alone, not bother you with his stupid feelings anymore. You’d agree it was for the best.

                                                      ***

The night of the premiere snuck up on Ben. He’d been distracted with warding off his parents every invitation, on top of sorting out everything for his trip to Spain. Before he knew it the night had arrived making him feel equal parts excited about seeing the final product of what he’d spent so many months working on and anxious about seeing you. All he could think about was what he was going to say to you. He felt bad about cutting you from his life but there was relief too, knowing it’d be over soon. As he dressed in the suit his stylist had picked out he went over the speech he’d mentally written. It’s just a breakup, you’ve done it before. Tell her you’re sorry but you can’t see her anymore. That’s all you have to do. So, it was with this confusing mixture of emotions that he got into the limo and he only felt more ill at ease as he approached your place to pick you up. “You look lovely,” he said as you climbed into the car beside him. It came out more robotic than he meant it to. But there was a sense that this was the last time he’d be allowed to properly look at you so, while you were getting settled and taking in the interior of the limousine, he allowed himself a final chance to look you over. A hundred other adjectives to describe how beautiful you were, all dressed up and glowing, popped into his head but he kept those to himself. He couldn’t second guess his decision now. It was the only way to stop caring about you. And yet, he could feel his resolve crumbling just from being near you for the first time in weeks. No. Don’t let her get to you. This is why you can’t be in contact. Ben felt his hand curl into a fist as he reminded himself how useful the space would be. What he needed was some rules, guidelines to follow to help him stick to his plan. He ignored the irony as he came up with them. No holding hands. Actually, make that no physical contact. No voluntary physical contact anyway. He was bound to be asked by someone to take a photo with you or appear on camera with you and he couldn’t refuse if they asked for him to touch you or kiss you or anything. Do as many interviews as you can without her. That would hopefully keep interactions to a minimal. Don’t look at her during the movie.

 It was surprisingly easy to stick to the rules as you both made your way down the red carpet, but he knew it wasn’t so much his choice as it was how busy and noisy and chaotic everything was. People called his name from every side, reporters looking for quick interviews, fans looking for autographs or photos. He was able to sidestep you easily, answering questions that were thrown at him on his own until someone asked if they could speak to you both at once or get a photo of you together. Whenever you were waved over to join him, he attempted to maintain as much space as he could, but you seemed to have set your own rules just to make it harder for him. You took his hand, leant your head on his shoulder, stood so close your leg brushed against his, stroked your hand over his arm, anything and everything you could to be closer to him. Ben wasn’t sure if you really were acting more affectionate (clingy and needy) than normal or if it just felt that way because he was attempting to hold back. He put up with it though, unable to do much besides press on to the next interview without you. The hardest part was when you reached a bank of photographers who wanted a number of photos of the happy couple. Someone called out for him to kiss you and then suddenly the entire crowd was calling for it. He kept it soft and brief, though a part of him regretted not making the final kiss you’d share better.

 After that he was able to escape you for a little, talking to people as everyone gathered in the theatre to watch the movie. He didn’t look at you again until he was on stage with you, introducing the film and saying his words of gratitude and celebration. But even that didn’t last long and then he was able to take his seat and focus his attention on the screen. Watching himself was always a bit of a weird experience. Part enjoying what he’s helped create, part critiquing his performance, and part wondering why it had been edited the way it had been edited. But somehow it was even stranger sitting beside you and watching you play at being in love with him. He recognised expressions, small smiles and looks, that you’d given him on dates during the course of your relationship. Just proof of how fake everything with you was. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and an oddly jealous feeling in his gut. And he could feel you looking at him but he stuck to his rules and kept his eyes fixed ahead.

 He turned to his other side afterwards to talk to Alfie, wondering aloud how everyone would react to the movie and laughing about how well it had turned out. Ben couldn’t think what to say to you, knowing the inevitable end was coming. It was closer now that everyone was heading to the after party. So he was grateful when Alfie joined the two of you in your car. “You two ready to party?” He laughed, “Fuck I love that work gives me such a good excuse to get plastered.” Ben laughed along but he was stuck by the realisation that of course there’d be drinking. He’d have to watch how much he had, especially around you. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret or not be able to explain himself properly. “I think shots are in order to get us started. Meet you both by the bar?” “Sounds like a plan Al,” “I’m making yours a double Jones. We’ll have him dancing on the table by the end of the night, right Y/N?” “Oh I’d love to see that.” Cameras flashed as the small group got out of the car. Alfie headed off down the line, catching up with one of the others, leaving Ben and you on your own. Ben felt you press into his side, hanging off his arm, and thought about what waited in the club. Alfie with shots followed by champagne and cocktails and whatever else would be pressed on him during the night. He didn’t want to blurt it out or let it slip in front of other people. He had to tell you before he’d had anything to drink, just in case. It was now. It had to happen now.

 As soon as he was inside, Ben looked around for somewhere he could have a quiet word with you, somewhere no one was likely to overhear. A nearby mirrored hallways seemed the perfect place. Everyone else was busy heading into the main room and it was out of view of the photographers still hanging around outside, waiting for the stragglers to show up. “Can I speak to you over hear a sec?” he lead you around the corner, looking around to double check for eavesdroppers, “So, there’s something I need to…Y/N?” he realised you hadn’t been paying attention, probably keen to get inside and celebrate. “Yeah, sorry, Um…” Ben didn’t hear what you said next, too busy trying to remember everything he wanted to tell you, “I was going to hold off until later but I don’t want to let something slip after a few drinks or anything like that. I can’t do this anymore. This whole thing was a mistake that I should never have agreed to and I need it to be over now.” He could see how confused you were, “You know they’re going to break us up in like a week, right?” “Yeah well, that’s too long to wait. I’m breaking us up now.” He kept talking, sure the shock of it would wear off and you’d agree with him once you’d heard it all, “And…I don’t think I can see you again, not for a while at least. I need some space to forget this ever happened. I, um, I start my new job in a few days so I think they’ll probably use that in the magazines to explain our breakup. And I don’t expect I’ll see you until after it’s finished. If then. So…good luck with that witch movie. Take care of yourself.” He didn’t want to hear you agree with him, didn’t want to hear you say it was for the best or that you were going to suggest the same thing or even a goodbye. So he pushed past you and followed the noise until he found the bar. As promised Alfie was there, with a few others, a shot glass in each hand. He handed one to Ben. “Where’d Y/N go?” “Oh, uh, loo. She’ll be here in a minute.” “Well here’s to a job well done and hopefully some fucking record breaking box office numbers,” “Cheers to that,” Ben clinked his glass against Alfie’s and downed the shot, hissing a little, “another?” “Read my mind,” Ben lost himself in conversation and drinks, chatting with those around him for a while before moving on to talk to more people. Beer in hand, he headed towards the side of the room where a couple of the other main cast were sitting. Claudia looked up as he approached, “Heya Ben! Where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her all night,” It was only then that Ben realised he hadn’t seen you come in after he’d left you in the hallway. He glanced around in an attempt to spot you, a pang of worry shooting through him but then he stopped looking. She’s not yours to worry about anymore.

                                                      ***

Ben woke up with a minor hangover the day after the premiere. Maybe it was karma. Despite what he told himself, he’d kept an eye out for you all night, but never saw you and he was more than a little worried that it was because of what he’d said. It was tempting to call and ask where you’d gotten to but a quick glance at the clock told him you’d likely still be asleep anyway. Besides, he knew he shouldn’t. He’d told you he wasn’t going to see you again and he intended to stick to his word. Instead he sent a group message to his mates and invited them around for one last hang out before he left for Spain. The next call he made was to his mum. “Hi honey. How’d the premiere go? “It was really fun, movie looks good.” “How long before you fly out?” “Couple of days,” “Shame there’s not enough time for you and Y/N to come over for dinner,” “Yeah, um, about that… we broke up.” “What? Why?” “It just wasn’t working. Mutual decision, we both felt it had run its course but decided to keep it quiet until after the premiere. So, yeah, no dinner, even if I was going to be in the country.” “Oh, honey, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine. Like I said, we both knew it was coming so y’know, no hard feelings or anything.” “It’s a shame, she was so lovely,” “Yeah, well, sometimes things just don’t work the way you think they will.”

The boys arrived in the afternoon, bringing a mixture of snacks and a few beers with them. They settled in the living room to play video games. Ben liked the company. It was a good distraction. Or it would have been if talk hadn’t turned to you. “Bit surprised you wanted us here and not Y/N. Figured you’d spend your last days in the UK with her,” “Why would I when we broke up?” “You what? When?” Ben shrugged, “We broke up. Few days ago,” “Jesus man, I’m sorry,” “Don’t be, it’s fine. I dumped her.” “Yeah but you had to go to the premiere with her right? That’s rough,” “Was a bit but there was an open bar so I coped,” Ben laughed. “Might be time we got him back on the market then,” “What? We only broke up a couple of days ago,” “You’re clearly not too cut up about it,” “What the fuck would you know, you’ve been single for what is it, three years now?” “Well you didn’t tell us when it happened, and you never even told us when you got together. We found out through a magazine, so obviously you weren’t really that serious about her” “We were waiting until after all the movie stuff was done, and that’s bollocks.” “Excuses. Besides, getting someone new to suck you off is the best way to forget an ex. This is your phone right?” “Oi give that back,” There was a scuffle as Ben tried to grab his phone back but he was outnumbered and pinned down as the boys redownloaded his Bumble app and signed in for him, laughing about how he used the same password for everything. “She’s fit, give her a like,” “Oh I like her, might be a bit tall for you though Ben,” Ben rolled his eyes as he watched them swipe on profile after profile until they heard a noise that meant one of the girls had sent him a message. “There you go Ben, didn’t take long did it. You’ll forget all about that Y/N chick in no time,” Ben snatched his phone back, “You guys are such wankers,” “That’s not very nice considering we’ve just got you a new girl,” There was laughter and more teasing as controllers were passed around and the game was loaded. Ben closed the app, thumb hovering over it to delete it again. But maybe they were right. Maybe someone new would be good. He set the phone down again and turned his attention to the game.

                                                      ***

Spain was beautiful and having a new movie to work on was the perfect distraction, especially considering how many stunts, fight scenes, and action sequences were involved. It gave him a chance to meet more people in the industry, people he was excited to work with, and really focus on something other than you. The cast went out together frequently too, dinners at local restaurants, drinks in the hotel bar, getting lost in an unfamiliar city. There was no trace of you there, no reminders of date nights, nothing but work and a new country to explore. Occasionally he’d get a notification that a reporter or curious individual was trying to message him, asking questions about you and the split but he ignored them. Ben deleted the Bumble app too within the first few days, knowing he wouldn’t use it. There was no time, even if he’d wanted to hook up with anyone. He could always reinstall it once he was back home. Once he knew you were in the past. Because the problem was that at some point every night, Ben would get back to his hotel suite and be left alone again. For a while he’d be able to think about what scenes would be filmed the next day, maybe practice some fight choreography. But eventually he’d run out of distractions and then all that was left to think about was you. Peter had sent through the first articles that reported the breakup and since then he’d found himself wondering if you’d moved on yet, found someone else to date now that you were allowed to. He’d considered checking your Instagram account but had held off, knowing it was a step in the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. He hadn’t gotten over you enough yet to deal with photos of you and another man together.

 This night was much the same as the others had been. Everyone met up for dinner, followed by a couple of drinks and then headed back to the hotel to unwind. Ben decided to call it an early night. He’d spent a good part of the day hooked up to harnesses and wires, being flung at a wall over and over. He was sore and tired figured some extra rest would do him good. He was just settling into bed, trying to keep his mind on the TV show he’d put on when he heard the knock. He listened closely for a moment but it couldn’t be for him, he’d put up a do not disturb sign on his door, so he turned back to the TV and flicked to a different channel. Another knock. It definitely sounded like his door but who would it be? Maybe one of the other actors? But they’d all heard him say he was going to have an early night, so surely not. Again Ben ignored it. The third knock got Ben out of bed, stumbling to the light switch and then the door, ready to politely tell whoever it was to fuck off and let him rest. “Sorry but can you not see the do not dis- Y/N? What ar-” Ben was surprised. Surprised you knew where he was, surprised you’d come there after he’d told you he didn’t want to see you, surprised that you were covering his mouth to shut him up. “You wouldn’t reply to my texts and I didn’t know if you’d listen to any voicemails I left you but I have something I need to tell you so that’s why I’m here.” There was a beat as Ben waited to hear what could be so important that you’d come all the way to Spain to tell him. “I love you.” He gasped but your palm was still over his mouth so he couldn’t say anything. It had to be a joke, didn’t it? But you didn’t look like you were joking. He waited, listening as you explained everything. It was wonderful to know you felt the same but his shock didn’t lessen. He’d been so sure about everything. So sure about how little you’d felt for him, so sure you would have understood why he needed space. And now you were here telling him the exact opposite? It was unfathomable. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe he’d got a concussion when he hit the wall too hard earlier. Does concussion make you hallucinate? But blinking didn’t make you disappear and the hand against his mouth felt real enough. “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much, and all I’ve wanted is to see you again and hear your voice and hug you and I’d really like to date you for real, or at least be friends again because not having you in my life is complete shit.” Ben felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how backwards he’d had it. You loved him. You. Y/N. You loved him so much you’d flown to Spain just to tell him. “That’s all I had to say,” you said softly, pulling you hand away. Ben staired in disbelief for a moment but you looked as if you were fighting the urge to run for it and it brought him back to his senses. “Thank god,” it was all he could think to say as he reached out to hold you, pulling you tight against him and kissing you the way he’d wanted to kiss you for so long. Relief flooded his system when you kissed back. He didn’t have to forget you or force himself to move on. It had been an impossible task anyway. He was glad to stop trying.

 It’s only when someone makes a noise further down the corridor that he lets you go, asks if you planned to stay, lead you inside and towards the couch. There were things he needed to clear up first, before he could let himself be fully happy with the situation. He looks at you properly then. You look tired, worn out. He’s not sure if it’s from the late hour or the flight or because you’ve not been sleeping properly but it makes him feel guilty that he upset you. He hates that he pushed you away and wasted months trying to get rid of you when you’d both actually wanted the same thing, to be together. But you’re here now. He reached out to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, almost dizzy with joy that he could do that. “I’m really sorry for how I acted,” You smiled softly as you took a seat and Ben fell into the spot beside you, unable to take his eyes from you. He lets you lead the conversation, trying to sort out his mess of emotions as he explains himself. I thought if I told you I’d never been into you, acted like it, then I could make it true.” “Did it work?” “Of course not,” How could you ever think it would work? That he could just forget you so fast, after he’d fallen for you so hard? “Which is why I pushed you away.” You nodded, seemed to understand where he’d been coming from. He hesitated before reaching out to grab your hand again, a little afraid of touching you lest you turn to smoke and vanish. But you didn’t. He stifled a yawn, hoping you wouldn’t take it as his disinterest in the conversation. He’d stay up as long for as long as it took to go over everything, no matter how tired he was. “Has there been anyone else?” “Anyone else what?” “I saw a thing about you dating again,” That was surprising, not what he’d expected you to bring up. He hadn’t even realised it had been reported on. But he shook his head, explained about his friends encouraging him to move on. It seemed to satisfy you because you leant on his shoulder, let him hold you. He apologised when he yawned again, about to suggest he put a pot of coffee on so he could keep talking. But then you suggested going to bed and he had to agree.

 As soon as his head hit the pillow Ben knew he’d fall asleep fast. Even with the excitement of your arrival and the buzz of joy you brought. He kept his eyes on you. Everything seemed too good to be true. You grabbed his hand and placed it around you, shuffling as close as you could. “You’re actually here, yeah? I’m not just dreaming it?” Ben asked, voicing aloud his biggest worry. “I’m here Ben.” She’s here. In your bed. “Don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t.” She’s here and she’s staying. “I love you,” he needed to say it again, to make sure you knew that he still felt the same. “I love you too,” It was comforting to hear you say it again too, made his heart burst as he kissed you again. He didn’t want to stop but he was much to tired to do anything else. Still, he fought sleep for as long as he could. He’d lost so much time being apart from you that, now he had you back in his arms, sleep felt like a waste of precious hours. Hours he could spend kissing you, being with you, making sure you felt loved. He couldn’t fight it forever though, eventually had to give up. The last thing he saw before he shut his eyes was you, smiling at him, as you lay beside him.

                                                      ***

It had been a long day what with moving you into his house. Even after the boxes were inside and everyone who had been helping out had gone home, there was still a lot to do. Everything needed to be unpacked and put away. Ben had been clearing space on all his shelves and in all his cupboards to fit everything you’d brought with you. Plus there was new furniture from Ikea to unpack and construct. Like the chest of draws he’d been working on before he got up to stretch his legs and grab a glass of water. He caught sight of the magazines that had been left in the kitchen and, chuckling at their stories of marriage and babies, stacked them in a neat pile before he grabbed his drink. As he walked back through the living room he saw you, curled up on the floor beside the box you’d been working through. “Y/N?” Ben shook your shoulder to wake you, trying not to laugh as you blink at him groggily, still half asleep. “Alright, cuddle bunny, up you get. Time for bed, yeah?” “But the boxes,” you argued though it was unenthusiastic and slurred with sleep. “The boxes will be there tomorrow. C’mon, come with me,” Ben half carried you to the bedroom and helped you under the covers, leaving you with a kiss on the forehead before heading back to the draws he was halfway through building.

 By the time he was finished putting the draws together Ben was feeling fairly tired himself. He moved the spare screws off the floor so no one would step on them and then headed back to the bedroom. You were still there, sleeping soundly. Ben paused in the doorway to look at you. It was a sight he loved, you in his bed. The first time you stayed over and slept in his bed rather than the guest room had been a monumental occasion though the novelty of it had worn off a bit now, especially with how frequently you’d stayed at each other’s places before the move. But still, he’d never get sick of seeing you beside him, where you belonged. Same as he’d never get sick of making you tea or trying to convince you to eat an actual breakfast or making you laugh. It was in that moment, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom you now shared, one wall lined with boxes of your belongings yet to be put away, it was then that he knew he wanted to marry you. Have a family with you, spend his life with you. He’d go out and buy a ring once you were moved in properly, though he could hear his friends telling him to wait a little longer, see how everything was living with you first. But that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have to give it to you straight away after all. But he knew that was what he wanted with you. And now that you were together, after so much time and trouble, he never wanted to let you go.

[ssamie]

eight. i’m calling the police

oikawa tooru x fem langa!reader

(hq x sk8 the infinity)

warnings: spelling mistakes, swearing, 2k+ words, adam, u have langa’s blue hair sorry 

gen masterlist.            “snow” masterlist.

"we're sorry!" the three boys exclaimed

"why are you sorry?" she asked in confusion as she stared down at them with furrowed brows "it wasn't your faults, oikawa-san, matsukawa-kun and hanamaki-kun." she reassured them "and you've been apologising the whole day.. its not like you need to anyways" 

"no, we still feel guilty" hanamaki chuckled "since it was our idea in the first place"

"well i was the one who skated so its fine. you don't need to apologise" she smiled at them

"but you're so sad!" oikawa groaned out dramatically "you look so heartbroken!" 

"im really not" she sweatdropped

"will you forgive us if we kneel down?" they asked "we already are, just in case!" y/n sweat dropped as she peered down at their grovelling forms and shook her head. "please don't kneel for me" she said

"its fine. i think i'll manage a few days without it" she said

"so why's your eyes all puffy?" iwaizumi deadpanned

"i cried" she replied with a straight face

"i see." iwaizumi hummed.

"hey, y/n-senpai!" kindaichi called out from the gym. "i think this is yours!" she looked up at him with a look of confusion ran over to where he stood. "what is it?" she asked 

"its your skateboard." kindaichi replied "it's in the gym for some reason" he said. y/n's eyes sparkled as she picked it up and hugged it to her chest. "wow! did you get it back?" she asked him 

"ah no.. it was just there when we entered the gym. kunimi found it" he said as he pointed towards kunimi who was too busy looking at his phone 

"thank you!" she beamed at them 

"no problem. maybe the teacher decided to give it back" he said 

she grinned and happily inspected it for damage just in case. though her smile quickly fell as her eyes trained themselves on a card plastered across the snow monster design's face. she plucked it off and wearily read over the neat letters written in gold ink. 

"you'll need this for later.. " she read with furrowed brows

she flipped the card over and paled as she saw the name that was signed. "love, adam" she shuddered 

"who's adam?" oikawa asked as he peered over her shoulder to read the card 

"um. he's-" she was cut off by the gym lights suddenly shutting off, causing her to jump in surprise. "what happened?" she asked oikawa, who shrugged in response and held her closer to him 

"my eve~" a voice cooed, accompanied by what seems like a sigh of delight and pleasure

she shivered and subconsciously backed up into oikawa's chest as she recognized the voice. "hey, what's wrong? you know that creep?" oikawa asked with a frown 

"its adam." she said 

everyone watched in confusion as the mysterious man entered the gym in an unnecessarily dramatic way. a red carpet rolled from the outside until the spot where y/n stood, and the gym lights turned on but were dimmed. 

"i hope you like my little gift" adam cooed as he skated towards her with a grin "you'll need i for what i have in store, as stated in my letter" he said 

y/n didn't answer but simply looked at him with a grimace, silently praying to whatever god out there that he just trips and dies or something. 

"though i have another gift for you, SNOW" he cooed as he came to a halt before her. adam grinned as he pulled out a huge bouquet of roses "these flowers are red, which symbolise one thing.." he said

"passionate love" adam cooed as he held it before her, making the petals fly around and making her hair sway. 

oikawa blinked once, and twice. he looked at the masked man in both fear and ick. just who the hell as he, anyways? "hey-what the?! aren't you like thirty?!" oikawa accidentally blurted out as he pulled y/n away 

adam simply ignored the brunette and kept his eyes trained on the girl. he waited patiently for her to accept the flowers. 

y/n pursed her lips and reluctantly took it from him. "thanks." she said. 

"you're accepting that??" oikawa groaned out as he looked at her in dread and confusion. 

she shrugged and gently placed the bouquet on a random bench. "adam--" she cut herself off with a squeak as she felt his hands gently grip her waist and pull her closer 

"come to this location i picked out." he whispered into her ear as he handed her another card. y/n stiffly nodded and quickly snatched the card from him, wanting nothing more than to get out of that situation.

"amazing!" adam exclaimed as he, finally, pulled away from her. "you never fail to entertain me, SNOW." he grinned "i knew coming here will be worth my while" he chuckled. 

"ah. right.." she muttered as she looked at him weirdly "wait, did you follow me?" she asked with a raised brow as the realisation finally dawned upon her. 

"other factors do not matter, my eve" adam mused as he took her hand in his and grabbed her hip with his other. "meet me later and let us dance like old times, okay?" he cooed with a smirk 

she looked away in discomfort and reluctantly nodded her head. "right.." she mumbled 

the boys, who were standing right there to witness the whole thing, looked at each other with a look that embodied the term 'what the fuck' and mentally agreed to step up and help her. 

"excuse me." iwaizumi cleared his throat, making adam side eye him with a look of disinterest 

"who are you and what are you doing with y/n?" he asked as he placed his hand on y/n's shoulder to try and pull her free from his grasp. "let go" oikawa said with a scowl as he pried adam's hands off her

"who are these nuisances, my eve?" adam asked her as he completely ignored their presence. "i thought i've already gotten rid of that redhead, and yet new names will be added into the list" adam hummed with a smile 

y/n gulped as she took note of the faint hostility behind his tone. "they're my friends." she said as she backed away from him and into oikawa’s arms once again 

"i'll meet you for a beef later but that's all" she said as she turned away from him "after that, please leave, adam." she requested with a sigh as she picked up the bouquet and her bag 

she gathered the boys and pushed them all out of the gym, quickly ushering them to run off along with her. she looked back one last time, only to be met with adam's eyes which seemed to be comically glowing red under his mask, paired with a grin 

she gulped and set him a curt nod. "bye" she said 

"goodbye, my eve" adam cooed as he watched her run off to the boys 

"hey hey! what the hell was that?!" oikawa exclaimed as he hugged y/n tightly in his arms "that creepy mask man came out of nowhere!" he said "and why'd he start touching you?" 

"yeah, who was that?" iwaizumi asked her

"his name is adam, or atleast that's what we call him" she replied "he's just like that, don't mind him" 

"uh no, i think i'm gonna mind him, thanks very much" oikawa scoffed "what did you mean when you asked if he followed you?" he asked with furrowed brows 

"oh.. well there's no other way he would've known i was here" she replied as she leaned back against his chest 

"also, oikawa-san.." she trailed off

"yeah?" he hummed 

"why are you still holding me?" 

oikawa blinked and slowly retracted his arms with a hint of reluctance. "haha, sorry" he chuckled 

"why does he call you eve?" matsukawa sweat dropped. "it has something to do with his name. adam, and eve.. like lovers" she answered with a look of distaste 

"..." 

iwaizumi let out a sigh before pulling out his phone and dialling a number. "im calling the police." he said 

"ah, don't do that" she waved her hands dismissively "i don't think that'll do much anyways" 

"well, he's clearly sick in the head so maybe they'll take him somewhere else other than jail" matsukawa mused. "ya know.." hanamaki chimed in "like the psych ward or something" 

"well when you put it like that.." y/n sweat dropped 

oikawa had a frown on his lips as they chatted. he wasn't joining in like he usually would, and was simply thinking to himself. y/n side eyed him and nudged him with her shoulder. "would you like to have dinner together, oikawa-san?" she asked him 

oikawa's eyes widened as his head instantly snapped over to hers "what?!" he spluttered "did you just ask me out?" 

"... i asked if you wanted to have dinner" she said 

oikawa bit back his tongue as he yearned to say 'that's the same thing!' but fought against it. "ah, sure!" he agreed with a grin. she smiled back and nodded. "great. i needed to stop thinking about adam" she said 

"also, will you guys come with me later?" she asked them 

the boys raised laughed and immediately nodded. "well, i was going to tell you not to go but.. i guess it'll be fine with us there" iwaizumi said. "yeah. if that dude does something sketchy, i'll seriously call 911" hanamaki laughed 

"oh, you can't." she said. "or else you and i will get involved. the skating i do isnt really appreciated by legal forces." she chuckled nervously 

"what?" 

"its kind of illegal." 

"...y/n.." iwaizumi trailed off with a sigh. 

"no way?! cool!" oikawa exclaimed as he gave her a high five. "it is, isn't it?!" she grinned as she and oikawa laughed together 

"jesus christ." iwaizumi deadpanned 

"that dinner was great!" she grinned as she sent oikawa a thumbs up 

"ah you're right.." he agreed with a meek laugh. "though it would've been better without them." he muttered as he sent the iwaizumi, maki, and mattsun a glare 

"oh cmon captain!" hanamaki mused "you love us!" he laughed. "no i don't" oikawa huffed and crossed his arms. 

"well, i love you guys" y/n interjected with an innocent smile

oikawa jumped and hastily waved his arms about. "no! no you don't!" he exclaimed. "why.. why not?" she sweat dropped 

"that should be saved for a special someone!" he said "cough. me. cough." 

"you're right!" y/n beamed with a grin "like reki!" 

oikawa dramatically sulked, kicking rocks by his feet and muttering under his breath as a gloomy aura surrounds him. "reki this reki that. why is it always reki? hmp" he muttered bitterly to himself 

iwaizumi sweat dropped and simply dragged him along "shut up, shittykawa. this is just getting sad" he said. "also, y/n where exactly are we going?" iwaizumi asked her as he looked around the dark and unsettling part of the woods they have entered 

"adam said he set up a course for us tonight" she answered with a shrug as she pushed her way through random bushes "it has to be hidden but we're very close, don't worry." she reassured 

"that's the problem. we're close." iwaizumi sighed. "just so you know, im still against this whole thing" 

"don't worry iwaizumi-san! it'll be fun!" y/n said with a grin as she pushed through one last bush, revealing a bright light from behind. 

"ah, there she is!"

y/n covered her eyes as a bright light shone against her "my eve!" adam announced followed by multiple cheers and shouts

"what the hell..?" matsukawa muttered as he looked around the abandoned looking part of the forest which was littered with skaters cheering and watching. "what the hell is this place?" she muttered as she recognised a few faces from S "is this S..?"

"my eve" adam cooed as he skated towards her "do you like it?"

"i've gathered everyone here to see you skate!" he exclaimed "everyone has missed you. but not as much as me" adam grinned as he tucked a single rose between her ear, making her shudder and warily poke at the flower.

"is reki here?" she asked with widened eyes as she looked around for a certain redhead

"that boy is not needed, is he not?" adam rebutted with a scowl "so there was no need to invite him."

her face fell at the statement and peered up at him with a frown. "don't say that about him.." she muttered

adam hummed and lit up a cigarette. "if emotions could be seen by the eye, what shapes would they be?" he mused

y/n brows furrowed as he listened to him. "i believe it will be a spring. and that spring will have different amounts of water depending on the occasion." he said "my spring is currently completely dry. because i don't have even one millimeter of interest in that.. reki..." he said with a grimace 

"but you.." adam trailed off as he threw the cigar away. 

he skated towards her and grinned, encaging her in a bubble her as he skates around her. "good.. you're good.." he said with a sigh of pleasure 

"it flows out... it gushes out!" adam exclaimed 

"that's right. the prize of this bet shall be you!" he announced as he gripped her waist and pulled her closer to him so their chest were touching "and what shall you ask for if you win, little y/n?" adam cooed as he tilted his head with a grin 

y/n sheepishly looked away from him and muttered. "if i win.. you have to go back and leave me alone.." she said 

adam's smile momentarily fell. he then grinned and nodded along. "what a cruel request" he mused "but if that is what you want then so be it.." he chuckled 

"but that just means i have to win no matter what, right?" 

y/n looked at him with dread. she didn't answer but simply turned away from him and faced the boys. "hey, i think we should leave" oikawa suggested with a nervous laugh "that guy is crazy!" 

"and what's with this place? i thought for sure he'd just bring you to a skatepark or something" he said as he eyes the various skaters who were chatting along 

"you'll see oikawa-san." 

everyone watched in anticipation as the lights blink one by one, a buzzing sound acting as a count down for them. as the last ringing of the buzzer filled the air, both adam and y/n skated off.

"holy shit" matsukawa cursed in surprise

they had done so in immense speed and force, that they'd even left some skid marks and a trail of dust and rubble behind

"yeah! go SNOW!" "im betting on you, SNOW!!" "SNOW you better win!"

oikawa watched with widened eyes as the crowd around them cheered and hollered, shouting her alias along with some encouragement. "snow?" oikawa hummed in confusion "is that like a nickname or something?" he muttered

"yes. we like to keep our personal lives apart from our skating activities." a guy chimed in "and that includes our given names, so we make up aliases or nicknames, as you said."

oikawa looked up at the man with a mask and nervously chuckled "i see." he said "what's your name then, sir?" he asked, only to quickly correct himself "or ma'am? uh-"

"cherry." he answered

cherry looked oikawa up and down and brought his eyes up to the screen displaying y/n and adam. "also im a guy." he said with a sigh. "ah right, sorry" oikawa chuckled

"its the hair isn't it?" a new voice cooed followed by a laugh 

oikawa watched as cherry sighed and irritably glare at the green haired guy that skated towards them. 

"sup kid" joe greeted with a nod "i heard you came with our rookie over there" he mused as he stared up at the girl through the screen. "im joe. im a friend of hers" he said with a grin as he held his hand out for him to shake. "cherry here is too" 

"oikawa tooru" oikawa said as he accepted the hand shake "im also her friend" he smiled at them 

"stop talking and watch. she brought you here so you better make the most of it" cherry interrupted their conversation 

"right.." oikawa nodded 

"YEAH GO SNOW!" "she's speeding up!" "ADAM's totally catching up though!" 

oikawa's eyes glistened in wonder and amazement as he watched her sharply turn a corner and flip her board around, using the edge to balance herself from the steep curve of the concrete. 

"its here!" adam exclaimed in delight 

y/n turned back with a cautious gaze as she watched in partial dread and confusion as adam does some type of dance as he skates. though she wouldn't lie, it was kid of impressive for him to keep his balance. but still.. 

" here, here! right in my heart!" adam exclaimed with a light squeal, continuing to dance and spin around, only making her dread what was to come next even more. 

"now, little y/n.." adam cooed as he suddenly appeared behind her to grab her waist and drag her closer to him, causing their boards to bump. 

"dance with me!" he said with a grin as he took her hand and maneuvered their way through the curves and turns of the course 

"what the..?! that's dangerous! shouldnt this be against the rules or something?!" oikawa exclaimed as he watched the scene play out in fear 

"no. there are no rules when it comes to S." cherry explained. "it may be dangerous but, the moment she agreed to the beef was her brushing off the consequences she may face." 

oikawa gulped and look back up, watching on distaste as adam spreads her feet to make her lose her balance 

iwaizumi, matsukawa and hanamaki's expressions were just about the same. they didn't really know what they were expecting when she brought them here but it surely wasn't this. 

adam chuckled as he pushed her, making her stumble and almost fall off, only for him to catch her by the small of her back and dipping her as if it was a dance. 

"okay, this is going too far.." iwaizumi muttered as they watched her expression through the screen 

y/n gritted her teeth as she glared up at him, only for adam to smile at her in amusement. 

"y/n.." oikawa muttered with a frown as he felt the worry build up inside of him 

"we're approaching a big corner now!" adam taunted her. he intertwined their hands and grinned mischievously as he lifted her up and started spinning her around. "here we go!" he exclaimed with a laugh

it was a total contrast to her screams of pure dread and adrenaline, tightly gripping his hands so she wouldn't fall and injure herself 

"this is so fun, SNOW!" adam cooed as she finally was able to place her feet back on her board, although they were still spinning 

everyone watched as the camera zoomed in on them, showing her widened eyes and gritted teeth as she stared up at adam, who was smiling tauntingly at her. "oh? is something the matter?" adam cooed "please don't tell me youre scared." 

it seems everyone, including adam was pleasnatly surprised as a small but noticeable smirk carved itself onto her lips. maybe it was adrenaline, but it seemed like it was out of enjoyment as well. after all, it's been a while since she's skated properly against someone. 

y/n grinned as she narrower the space between them, pushing herself against him as she took turn to maneuver them against the turn 

"she narrowed the turn radius to speed up" joe said as he stared up at the screen with a proud and amused smile "still the same as always" 

the boys looked at him and gulped. they had no idea what was happening whatsoever, except for the fact that she can literally die or injure herself with one wrong move. 

"love-love-love-lovely!" adam exclaimed with a laugh "wonderful!". y/n panted as she pulled away and finally managed to get a grip of her board once again 

"he's gonna do the love hug" a new voice filled the air 

the boys whipped their heads around to see a redhead rushing towards the scene with two other guys, one younger. 

"love hug..?" oikawa tilted his head in confusion as he peered down at the vaguely familiar redhead. though his attention was averted back to the screen as the atmosphere seemed to have grown heavier 

adam was grinning as he spun back around, spreading his arms as he looked at her through his mask. "come here.. into my arms!" adam cooed "love hug!" 

"Y/N!!" reki exclaimed as he shifted anticipatingly in his place, dropping his own board in the process 

as comical as it was, she somehow managed to hear his scream. maybe it was because everyone else was quiet due to suspense. but reki's voice echoed throughout the cleared out forest loud enough for her to hear. 

"reki..?" y/n spluttered as she immediately jumped over adam, performing what looks to be a snowboarding trick. she stayed in the air for longer as she eyed the area she planned to land. 

"YEAH! GO SNOW!" cheers erupted among the audience, filling the tense air with noise yet again. 

"she did it!" reki grinned as he watched her through the screen 

"reki?" oikawa mumbled with widened eyes as he looked at the redhead with a new sense of intimidation and wariness. though his eyes were quickly averted back to the scene before him. as unexpected as it was, he'd still rather focus on y/n skating rather than some kid he didn't know. 

"adam's not having it." cherry sighed as he watch adam try to keep up with her speed but struggle due to the advantage she had received

"she's gonna win!" reki grinned as he watched the two skate in anticipation

and just as he had predicted, loud screeching of her board's tires were heard as she passed over the finish line. "ah-ah shit!-" she cursed as she lost her balance and toppled over, causing her to wince in pain 

"ouch.." she sighed as she sat up on the ground, rubbing her head and checking her board for damage since the course was rockier than usual 

"y/n-chan!" oikawa exclaimed as he, along with the three boys rushed over to her, given that the finish line was a few yards away from them. "oikawa-san!" she faced him with a grin as she opened her arms for him to drop into "i won!" she said

"i know! you were so cool!" oikawa gushed as he stared up at her in admiration

"ehem." iwaizumi cleared his throat

"oh right." oikawa muttered. "but that was really dangerous!" he scolded her, a total contrast to his reaction before. "are you injured? your hand is probably wounded with how much you skidded it against the rocks!"

she smiled sheepishly and shook her head "im fine, oikawa-san" she reassured him "my hands and feet are kind of sore but it's alright"

"also.. was reki here? i heard him" she asked as she looked around the place, trying to find the redhead 

"i've lost" adam said as he stopped before her 

"you.. you do remember what my request was right?" she asked him with a wary gaze. "of course, my eve" adam mused. "i'm not very happy with it, as you may know" 

she looked down at her shoes and gave him a quick bow "sorry." she said "but a bet is a bet. and i won." y/n looked up at him and sent him a faint ghost of a smile. "it was fun skating with you, adam. but you have to distance yourself from me.." 

adam gazed at her with pursed lips, not looking too amused about the situation, but nodded nonetheless. "im glad i've left you satisfied, my eve" he cooed as he took her hand in his and placed a quick peck onto her knuckles 

the boys around her sweat dropped as they witnessed the strange and awfully uncomfortable interaction. "right well.." iwaizumi cleared his throat as he hesitantly pushed them apart. "we'll be going now." he said "this place is dangerous and you shouldn't really be making her participate in reckless things like this. do better sir." 

y/n smiled at him and chuckled as he dragged her away along with the others, more that eager to leave that place. 

"you're never skating ever again." iwaizumi said to break the silence 

"what?! no way!" she whined "didn't you see that iwaizumi-san? it was so fun!" 

"that guy was a creep and you were on the verge of dying." 

"well.. it was fun though" she huffed as she realised she couldn't even disagree with his statement 

"well, i think it looked fun" oikawa whispered to her with a cheeky wink, making her chuckle and suppress a smile 

"anyways.." she started as they had finally reached the exit of the forest. "i asked you before but.. was reki there? i heard him" she said 

"reki? well..." oikawa hesitated as he nervously looks around the place. "was he there, oikawa-san?" she asked him with an innocent smile 

"he-" 

"Y/N I FOUND YOU!!" 

i just used the whole beef langa had w adam on ep.5 here lol </3

sorry for the spelling /grammar mistakes if there are any :> 

[anchorandrope]

larry songs on walls

!!! | i’m not going to include the complete lyrics of all the songs so for a better understanding, look for them. all the songs were written by louis and other composers.

masterpost

HABIT

harry is the habit that louis can’t break

“i always said that i’d mess up eventually i told you that, so what did you expect from me? it shouldn’t come as no surprise anymore i know you said that you'd give me another chance but you and i knew the truth of it in advance that mentally you were already out the door”

the first part talks about how louis always thought he was going to ruin everything and that he didn’t know what harry expected of him, harry tells him that it doesn’t matter if he makes a mistake or they fight, he will give him more opportunities, they both knew that in the end, they were going to apologize but first they were probably going to have a fight where one of them leaves to not continue fighting (by leaving i mean literally going out the door and going somewhere else to calm the mind to not say things that they will regret later, i don’t mean to break up).

“i took some time ‘cause i’ve ran out of energy of playing someone i heard i’m supposed to be but honestly, i don’t have to choose anymore”

here he literally says that he got tired of pretending to be someone he is not, which refers to the role of straight image they put on him.

“and it's been ages, different stages come so far from princess park i’ll always need ya in front of me, in front of me”

this is the clearest reference to harry in the entire album as it mentions princess park, the first place harry and louis lived together. it basically says that he always need him, at every moment, at every stage.

bonus: stages is a wordplay because louis and harry literally went from stage to stage together singing and through stages of life.

“you gave me the time and the space, i was out of control and i’m sorry, i let you down guess that i know what i already knew, i was better with you, and i miss you now”

this part talks about a fight. they fought and as the beginning said, the one who “walked through the door” was harry, he left time and space for both of them to think. louis regrets it and feels that he disappointed him because even though he knows harry is going to forgive him, he feels responsible for everything. “i guess i know what i already knew” he talks about how every time a fight ends he realizes again that harry is the one, it’s something that he always knew and will know, but every time they fight is a thought that reinforces. the last part talks about the fear of losing him after fighting and how he only wants to see him to fix things, how the minutes for him are hours and that all he thinks about is him.

ALWAYS YOU

it was always harry

STUNT LYRIC IN ALWAYS YOU

“i went to amsterdam without you and all i could do was think about you” (...) “drink after drink but i still felt alone, i should’ve known”

the first part is iconic because louis went to amsterdam with eleanor in mid-2017 (x) and shortly afterwards he wrote the song. the second part talks about how lonely he feels when he isn’t with harry and how he drowns his absence in alcohol.

“walked through my door but it felt nothing like home ‘cause you're not home waiting to wrap your legs around me”

here is a word that describes louis and harry's relationship: home. the lyrics talk about how louis gets home when harry isn’t there (because he's traveling, he's giving a show, etc) and he doesn't feel like home because his home is harry, not a house.

TOO YOUNG

they were too young to realize everything

STUNT LYRIC IN TOO YOUNG

“we were too young to know we had everything” (...) “i wish i could’ve seen it all along i’m sorry that I hurt you, darling”

the first lyric talks about two things: how at the beginning of their relationship (until the end of 2011) they, even though they couldn't make it official, had few limitations for certain things such as tweets, flirting, hints, etc. and about what they lived together in one direction in general, they sang and traveled around the world together and at that moment they hadn’t realized how beautiful it was to be able to spend so much time together. in the second part louis blames himself for not having been able to see everything that was going to happen to them from the beginning (which is crazy because they were kids when everything started, so he should never blame himself for anything because the closeting is not his fault) and apologizes to harry for letting other people hurt him so much.

“i’ve been looking back a lot lately me and you is all i’ve ever known it’s hard to think you could ever hate me but everything’s feeling different now”

at one point louis came to think that harry hated him for all the damage that he “allowed” to be done to him (clearly not literal hate but he refers to anger/sadness) but now he looks back at those moments where he thought that and he knows it wasn’t that way, and now that he is older, he realizes that it was never his fault and he no longer feels that harry "hates" him for everything they happened. (it should be clarified that louis thought that harry was mad with him for that, that doesn’t mean that harry really felt that way, maybe it was only a perception of louis).

“oh, i can’t believe i gave into the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off ‘cause i didn’t know no better now i realise yeah, i realise”

he talks about how at one point he believed what they told him about being with harry, when the closeting just started, surely before putting beards on them and everything, they talked to them to convince them to not be together because they weren't going to make it, louis really believed that it was something wrong with loving harry and that they weren’t going to make it, that's why he told him that maybe wasn’t a good idea to have a relationship, harry clearly made him see reason and that’s why at the end he says “now i realize”, which means that louis can't believe he thought it was wrong to be with harry and he can't believe he actually talked to him about it.

“face to face at the kitchen table this is everything i waited for now we can finally have the conversation that i wish we could’ve had before”

the first part talks about them being at home (“kitchen table” they also use it to refer to “home”) and they sat down to talk about all the shit they were going through, with “that conversation” he doesn’t refer to a discussion where they wondered if they loved each other or not, in that conversation they shared pain and frustration and both gave each other support.

WE MADE IT

they made it, together

STUNT LYRIC IN WE MADE IT

“‘cause we made it, underestimated and always underrated” (...) “knew that we would be alright, from the first time” (...) “never coming down with your hand in mine”

here there is a connection with too young: in too young he talks about how they were told they were never going to make it and here he talks about how they did it despite everything they were told, while they are together, nothing can bring them down.

“we were only kids, just tryna work it out wonder what they'd think if they could see us now”

another connection with too young: they were just kids trying to deal with closeting, they made it and now they wonder what those who told them they were never going to make it think.

bonus: “if they could see us now” eleanor and louis are a public couple, everyone can see and know about them...

“don’t know why they put this all on us when we’re so young done a pretty good job, dealing with it all when you’re here don’t need to say no more nothing in the world that i would change it for”

another reference to too young: he doesn’t understand why they put so much pressure and responsibility on them when they were so young. then he talks about how when he is with harry he handles the situation very well and that even though he has a horrible time in the industry, he would choose a thousand times to go through it just to be with him.

PERFECT NOW

harry love, you will always be perfect for me

to begin with, i want to say that its the only song with pronouns on walls, this data is not minor since it means that he intentionally wanted to highlight the feminine gender (he could have made it neutral as well but no, he decided to use feminine pronouns). harry gave us plenty of proof that he also uses feminine pronouns and louis was not far behind.

in my opinion the lyrics are quite obvious, they talk about harry’s insecurities and how louis tells her to not stop being who she is and that everything about her is perfect.

he talks about the clothes, about how maybe harry, no matter how open she seems, is still afraid to dress as she would like when she is with friends/family; he talks about the fear she has of doing things she loves, like dancing; he talks about she not wanting to attract attention, wanting to hide, etc.

its a beautiful love song, we can see how in love louis is and that he doesnt care about the pronouns or the clothes, he will always love her and he will be there to help her in her insecurities. (x) (x)

DEFENCELESS

im defenceless, i got so much to lose

“i come runnin’ to you like a moth into a flame you tell me, “take it easy”, but it’s easier to say “wish i didn’t need so much of you” i hate to say, but i do we’re sleepin’ on our problems like we’ll solve them in our dreams we wake up early morning and they’re still under the sheets i’m lost in my head, i’m spinnin’ again tryna find what to say to you”

this song literally talks about closeting. first he talks about how when louis gets angry about something they have to do (for the stunts) harry tells him to take it easy to which louis responds that its easier if he told him that he wishes he didn’t love him so much. he hates to say that it would be easier if they didn't love each other, but he knows that its true. then he speaks in the plural (this is important because he remarks that its a problem that both of them go through) saying that they both sleep waiting to get up and seeing that everything is solved. and finally, he talks about how louis is constantly thinking of solutions and consolations for both of them.

“been up all night, all night, runnin’ all my lines but it’s only the truth been up all night, not sure how to say this right got so much to lose”

“never been so defenceless (oh-oh) never been so defenceless (ooh-ooh) you just keep on buildin’up your fences (oh-oh) but i’ve never been so defenceless (ooh-ooh) [...]”

he spent the whole night going over everything he has to solve, everything he has to say to pretend; he doesn’t know how to say it because he knows that if he says it he has so much to lose. (this is literally a lyric about coming out of the closet, no explanation needed) he says he feels defenceless despite seeing harry building his way to the end, that no matter that he sees the light at the end of the tunnel, he feels vulnerable.

“no, you don’t have to keep on being strong for me and you acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do and i can’t get inside when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove”

he tells harry to stop pretending that nothing affects him because he knows that he suffered as much as he does, he told him to open up so he can help him and not let his pride win.

“i hope that i’m not asking too much just wanna be loved by you (don’t you be so defensive) and i’m too tired to be tough just wanna be loved by you”

does this need explanation? it’s louis telling harry that he doesn’t care about anything anymore and he just wants to be loved by him.

ONLY THE BRAVE

louis in love has to be brave

this song doesn’t talk about harry, it talks about louis’ sexuality but it seemed right to include it since i see the importance and relationship to his relationship with him.

“pour mercy, mercy on me set fire to history i’m breaking my own rules i’m crying like a fool tall stories on the page short glories on the fade i’ve been close enough to touch but i never cared for love”

“pour mercy, mercy on me” “i’m breaking my own rules” and “i’m crying like a fool” refer to the fact that louis suffered a lot when he discovered his sexuality and had a stage of self-denial, not everyone accepts themselves at first. “set fire history” and “tall stories on the page” talks of how historically homosexuality was not accepted. “shot glories on the fade i’ve been close enough to touch” talks about the times he felt close to coming out but never ending happening. “but i never cared for love” he never cared about loving the way he was taught: heterosexual.

“it’s a church of burnt romances and i’m too far gone to pray it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave”

first he talks about the church (we already know the church's opinion on homosexuality) the phrase “burnt romances” talks about all gay couples who couldn’t be together because society prohibited them (it was also very normal in ancient times to burn homosexuals at the stake and you can refer to that too, it’s a sensitive theme but it makes sense). “i’m too far gone to pray” talks about being far from what the church expects and feels that god wouldn’t listen to you. “it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave” is a song for people who, even though they feel lonely, are brave.

to clarify: heterosexual people don’t have to be brave to love, heterosexuals are accepted throughout the world and they don’t have laws that harm them or millions of people who think they are sick. saying that heterosexuals also have to be brave to love is homophobic.

“if the truth tell darling, you feel like there ain’t enough dying stars in your sky it’s a tall tale and it’s only hello, hello, no goodbye (goodbye)”

the first part talks about how by saying your true orientation you lose many people, the “dying stars” are the people who leaves you and “your sky” is your life. the second part talks about the homophobic “arguments” that people say when you show yourself as you are and that no matter what they tell you, you are still who you are. (tall tale=very exaggerated story)

“pour mercy, mercy on me i’ll fall upon my knees and they’ll say, “i told you so” come on, when you know, you know”

at the moment that he can’t take it anymore and “fall to his knees” (come out of the closet) and lose many people, there will be someone who will say “i told you that you shouldn’t say it”, he knows it was the right thing to do, but he also knows that they are partly right, they told him and he still decided to be free.

“all the lonely shadow dances from the cradle to the grave it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave”

you are who you are from the moment you are born until you die, is a song for people who, even though they feel lonely, are brave.

clearly this is just my interpretation, their interpretations are also equally valid (as long as they can be justified obviously) there is no correct interpretation so if they interpret it differently it’s also fine

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canciones larry en walls

!!! | no voy a incluir las letras completas de todas las canciones asi que para una mejor compresión busquenlas ustedes. todas las canciones fueron escritas por louis y otros compositores.

masterpost

HABIT

harry es el hábito que louis no puede romper

original

“i always said that i’d mess up eventually i told you that, so what did you expect from me? it shouldn’t come as no surprise anymore i know you said that you'd give me another chance but you and i knew the truth of it in advance that mentally you were already out the door”

traducción

“siempre dije que eventualmente yo me equivocaría te lo dije, ¿qué esperabas de mí? ya no debería ser una sorpresa sé que dijiste que me darías otra oportunidad pero tú y yo sabíamos la verdad de antemano que mentalmente tú ya estabas fuera de la puerta”

la primera parte habla de que louis siempre pensó que iba a arruinar todo y que no sabía lo que harry esperaba de el, harry le dice que no importa si se equivoca o pelean, el va a darle mas oportunidades, ambos sabían que al fin y al cabo iban a disculparse pero antes probablemente iban a tener una pelea donde uno de los dos se va para no seguir peleando (con irse me refiero a literal salir por la puerta e ir a otro lado a calmar la mente para no decir cosas que no queres, no me refiero a terminar).

original

“i took some time ‘cause i’ve ran out of energy of playing someone i heard i’m supposed to be but honestly, i don’t have to choose anymore”

traducción

“me tomé un tiempo porque me quedé sin energía de interpretar a alguien que escuché que se supone que soy pero honestamente, ya no tengo que elegir”

aca literalmente dice que se cansó de fingir ser alguien que no es, lo cual hace referencia al papel de hetero que le pusieron.

original

“and it's been ages, different stages come so far from princess park i’ll always need ya in front of me, in front of me”

traducción

“y han pasado años, diferentes etapas ven tan lejos desde princess park siempre te necesitaré delante de mí, delante de mí”

esta es la referencia a harry mas clara en todo el álbum ya que menciona a princess park, el primer lugar donde harry y louis vivieron juntos. básicamente dice que siempre lo necesitó, en cada momento, en cada etapa.

bonus: “stages” puede ser etapas o escenarios, por el contexto es etapas pero es un juego de palabras porque louis y harry literalmente fueron de escenario en escenario juntos a traves de los años.

original

“you gave me the time and the space, i was out of control and i’m sorry, i let you down guess that i know what i already knew, i was better with you, and i miss you now”

traducción

“me diste el tiempo y el espacio, estaba fuera de control y lo siento, te decepcioné supongo que sé lo que ya sabía, estaba mejor contigo, y te extraño ahora”

esta parte habla de una pelea. se pelearon y como dijo el principio, el que “camino a traves de la puerta” fue harry, el le dejó tiempo y espacio para que ambos piensen. louis se arrepiente y siente que lo desepcionó porque por mas de que sabe que harry va a perdonarlo, se siente responsable de todo. “supongo que se lo que ya sabía” habla de que cada vez que termina una pelea se da cuenta otra vez de que harry es el indicado, es algo que siempre lo supo y lo va a saber, pero cada vez que pelean es un pensamiento que refuerza. la ultima parte habla del miedo de perderlo despues de pelear y de como solo quiere verlo para arreglar las cosas, de como los minutos para el son horas y de que en lo único que piensa es en el.

ALWAYS YOU

siempre fue harry

STUNT LYRIC EN ALWAYS YOU

original

“i went to amsterdam without you and all i could do was think about you” (...) “drink after drink but i still felt alone, i should’ve known”

traducción

“fui a amsterdam sin ti y todo lo que pude hacer fue pensar en ti” (...) “bebida tras bebida, pero todavía me sentía solo, debería haberlo sabido”

la primera parte es iconica porque louis fue a amsterdam con eleanor a mediados de 2017 (x) y poco tiempo después escribió la canción. la segunda parte habla de lo solo que se siente cuando no esta con harry y de como ahoga su ausencia en alcohol.

original

“walked through my door but it felt nothing like home ‘cause you're not home waiting to wrap your legs around me”

traducción

“atravesé mi puerta pero no me sentí como en casa porque no estás en casa esperando para envolver tus piernas a mi alrededor”

aca se menciona una palabra que describe la relación de louis y harry: home. los lyrics hablan de como louis llega a su casa cuando harry no esta (ya se porque esta de viaje, esta dando un show, etc) y no lo siente como su hogar porque su hogar es harry no una casa.

TOO YOUNG

eran muy chicos para darse cuenta de todo

STUNT LYRIC EN TOO YOUNG

original

“we were too young to know we had everything” (...) “i wish i could’ve seen it all along i’m sorry that I hurt you, darling”

traducción

“éramos muy jóvenes para saber que teníamos todo” (...) “desearía haberlo visto todo el tiempo lamento haberte herido, cariño”

el primer lyric habla de dos cosas: de como al principio de su relación (hasta fines del 2011) ellos por mas de que no podían hacerlo oficial, tenían pocas limitaciones para ciertas cosas como por ejemplo tweets, coqueteo, indirectas, etc. y sobre lo que vivieron juntos en one direction en general, ellos cantaron y viajaron por el mundo juntos y en ese momento no se habían dado cuenta de lo hermoso que era poder estar tanto tiempo juntos. en la segunda parte louis se culpa por no haber podido ver todo lo que les iba a pasar desde el principio (cosa que es una locura porque eran nenes cuando emepezó todo, asi que no debería culparse de nada nunca porque el closeting no es su culpa) y le pide perdon a harry por haber dejado que otras personas lo lastimen tanto.

original

“i’ve been looking back a lot lately me and you is all i’ve ever known it’s hard to think you could ever hate me but everything’s feeling different now”

traducción

“he estado mirando mucho atrás últimamente tú y yo es todo lo que he conocido, es difícil pensar que alguna vez puedas odiarme pero todo se siente diferente ahora”

en un punto louis llegó a pensar que harry lo odiaba por todo el daño que el “permitió” que le hicieran (claramente no odiar literal pero se refiere a enojo/trsiteza) pero ahora mira hacía esos momentos donde pensaba eso y sabe que no es asi y ahora que es mas grande, se da cuenta que nunca fue su culpa y ya no siente que harry lo “odia” por todo lo que pasaron. (cabe aclarar que louis pensaba que harry esta mal con el por eso, eso no quiere decir que harry verdaderamentese haya sentido asi, por ahi era solo una percepción de louis).

original

“oh, i can’t believe i gave into the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off ‘cause i didn’t know no better now i realise yeah, i realise”

traducción

“oh, no puedo creer que haya cedido a la presión cuando dijeron que un amor como este nunca duraría así que te interrumpí porque no sabía nada mejor, ahora me doy cuenta sí, me doy cuenta”

habla de que en un momento creyó lo que le dijeron sobre estar con harry, cuando recien empezó el closeting de hierro seguramente antes de ponerles barbas y todo, hablaron con ellos para convencerlos de que no esten juntos porque no iban a dudar, louis realmente creyó que había algo malo en amar a harry y que no iban a lograrlo por eso le dijo que por ahí no era una buena idea tener una relación, harry claramente lo hizo entrar en razon y por eso al final dice “ahora me doy cuenta”, que significa que louis no puede creer que el pensó que estaba mal estar con harry y no puede creer que realmente habló con el sobre eso.

original

“face to face at the kitchen table this is everything i waited for now we can finally have the conversation that i wish we could’ve had before”

traducción

“cara a cara en la mesa de la cocina esto es todo lo que esperaba ahora finalmente podemos tener la conversación que desearía haber tenido antes”

la primera parte habla de que estaban en casa (“kitchen table” tambíen lo usan para referirse a “home”) y se sentaron a hablar de toda la mierda por la que pasaban, con “esa conversación” no se refiere a una discusión donde se preguntaban si se amaban o no, en esa conversación se desahogaban, compartían el dolor y la frustración y ambos se dieron apoyo mutuo.

WE MADE IT

lo hicieron, juntos

STUNT LYRIC EN WE MADE IT

original

“‘cause we made it, underestimated and always underrated” (...) “knew that we would be alright, from the first time” (...) “never coming down with your hand in mine”

traducción

“porque lo logramos, menospreciados y siempre subestimados” (...) “sabía que ibamos a estar bien, desde la primera vez” (...) “nunca me derrumbaré con tu mano en la mía”

aca hay una conexión con too young: en too young habla de como les dijeron que nunca iban a lograrlo y aca habla de como lo lograron a pesar de todo lo que les dijeron, mientras esten juntos, nada puede derrumbarlos.

original

“we were only kids, just tryna work it out wonder what they'd think if they could see us now”

traducción

“nosotros sólo éramos niños, sólo intentando resolverlo me pregunto qué pensarían ellos si pudieran vernos ahora”

otra conexión con too young: solo eran niños intentando lidiar con el closeting, lo lograron y ahora se preguntan que piensan los que les dijeron que nunca iban a lograrlo.

bonus: “si pudieran vernos ahora” eleanor y louis son una pareja pública, todos los pueden ver y saber de ellos...

original

“don’t know why they put this all on us when we’re so young done a pretty good job, dealing with it all when you’re here don’t need to say no more nothing in the world that i would change it for”

traducción

“no sé por qué nos ponen todo esto cuando eramos tan jóvenes, he hecho un buen trabajo, manejándolo todo cuando tú estás aquí no necesito decir nada más no hay nada en el mundo por lo que cambiaría esto”

otra referencia a too young: no entiende porque les pusieron tanta presión y responsabilidad siendo tan chiquitos. despues habla de que cuando esta con harry maneja la situación muy bien y de que a pesar de que la pasó y la pasa horrible en la industria, eligiría una y mil veces pasar por ello con tal de estar con el.

PERFECT NOW

harry amor, siempre vas a ser perfecta para mi

para empezar quiero decir que es la única canción con pronombres en walls, este dato no es menor ya que significa que intencionalmente quería remarcar el genero femenino (podría haberla hecho neutra también pero no, decidió usar pronombres femeninos). harry nos dió muchas pruebas de que también usa los pronombres femeninos y louis no se quedó atrás.

la letra a mi parecer es bastante obvia, habla de las inseguridades de harry y de como louis le dice que no deje de ser quien es y que cada cosa de ella es perfecta.

habla de la ropa, de como tal vez harry por mas abierta que parezca, aun asi le da miedo vestirse tal y como le gustaría cuando esta con amigxs/familiares; habla del miedo a hacer cosas que ama, como bailar; habla de no querer llamar la atención, de querer esconderse, etc.

es una hermosa canción de amor, podemos ver lo enamorado que louis esta y de que no le importa los pronombres o la ropa, el siempre la va a amar y va a estar ahi para ayudarla en sus inseguridades. (x) (x)

DEFENCELESS

estoy indefenso, tengo tanto que perder

original

“i come runnin’ to you like a moth into a flame you tell me, “take it easy”, but it’s easier to say “wish i didn’t need so much of you” i hate to say, but i do. we’re sleepin’ on our problems like we’ll solve them in our dreams we wake up early morning and they’re still under the sheets i’m lost in my head, i’m spinnin’ again tryna find what to say to you”

traducción

“vengo corriendo hacia ti como una polilla en llamas me dices, “tomalo con calma”, pero es mas facil decir “desearia no necesitar tanto de ti” yo odio decirlo, pero lo hago. estamos durmiendo en nuestros problemas como si los resolviéramos en nuestros sueños nos levantamos temprano en la mañana y todavía están debajo de las sábanas. estoy perdido en mi cabeza, estoy girando de nuevo intentando encontrar qué decirte”

esta canción literalmente habla del closeting. primero habla de que cuando louis se enoja por algo que tienen que hacer (para los stunts) harry le dice que se lo tome con calma al lo que louis responde que es mas facil si el le dijese que desearía no amarlo tanto. el odia decir que sería todo mas facil si no se amasen, pero sabe que es así. despues habla en plural (esto es importante porqje remarca que es un problema por el que pasan ambos) diciendo que ambos duermen esperando levantarse y que todo este solucionado. y por último habla de como louis esta constantemente pensando en soluciones y consuelos para ambos.

original

“been up all night, all night, runnin’ all my lines but it’s only the truth been up all night, not sure how to say this right got so much to lose”

“never been so defenceless (oh-oh) never been so defenceless (ooh-ooh) you just keep on buildin’up your fences (oh-oh) but i’ve never been so defenceless (ooh-ooh) [...]”

traducción

“he estado despierto toda la noche, toda la noche, corriendo todas mis líneas pero es sólo la verdad he estado despierto toda la noche, no estoy seguro de cómo decir esto bien tengo mucho que perder”

“nunca he estado tan indefenso (oh-oh) nunca he estado tan indefenso (ooh-ooh) sigues construyendo tus cercas (oh-oh) pero nunca he estado tan indefenso (ooh-ooh) [...]”

estuvo toda la noche repasando todo lo que tiene que solucionar, todo lo que tiene que decir para fingir; no sabe como decirlo porque sabe que si lo dice puede perder mucho. (esto es literalmente un lyric sobre salir del closet, no necesita explicacion) dice que se siente indefenso a pesar de ver a harry construyendo se camino hacia el final, que no importa que vea la luz al final del tunel, el se siente vulnerable.

original

“no, you don’t have to keep on being strong for me and you acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do and i can’t get inside when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove”

traducción

“no, no tienes que seguir siendo fuerte para mí y para ti actuando como si no sintieras dolor, sabes que sé que lo haces y no puedo entrar cuando estás perdido en tu orgullo pero no tienes nada que demostrar”

le dice a harry que se deje de hacer el que nada le afecta porque sabe que sufre tanto como el, que se abra asi el puede ayudarlo y que no se deje ganar por su orgullo.

original

“i hope that i’m not asking too much just wanna be loved by you (don’t you be so defensive) and i’m too tired to be tough just wanna be loved by you”

traducción

“espero no preguntar demasiado sólo quiero ser amado por ti (no estés tan a la defensiva) y estoy demasiado cansado para ser duro solo quiero ser amado por ti”

esto necesita explicacion? es louis diciendole a harry que ya no le importa nada y solo quiere ser amado por el.

ONLY THE BRAVE

louis en el amor tiene que ser valiente

esta canción no habla sobre harry, habla sobre la sexualidad de louis pero me pareció correcto incluirla ya que le veo importancia y relación a su relación con el.

original

“pour mercy, mercy on me set fire to history i’m breaking my own rules i’m crying like a fool tall stories on the page short glories on the fade i’ve been close enough to touch but i never cared for love”

traducción

“derrama misericordia, ten piedad de mí prende fuego a la historia estoy rompiendo mis propias reglas estoy llorando como un tonto historias altas en la página breves glorias en el desvanecimiento he estado lo suficientemente cerca como para tocar pero nunca me preocupé por el amor”

“ten piedad de mi” “estoy rompiendo mis propias reglas y “estoy llorando como un tonto” se refieren a que louis sufrió mucho cuando descubrió su sexualidad y tuvo una etapa de autonegación, no todxs se aceptan al principio. “prende fuego la historia” e “historias altas en la página” habla de como históricamente la homosexualidad no fue aceptada. “breves glorias en el desvanecimiento he estado lo suficientemente cerca como para tocar” habla de las veces que se sientió cerca de salir del closet pero nunca termina pasando. “pero nunca me preocupé por el amor” nunca se preocupó por amar en la forma que le enseñaron: heterosexualmente.

original

“it’s a church of burnt romances and i’m too far gone to pray it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave”

traducción

“es una iglesia de romances quemados y estoy demasiado lejos para rezar es una canción en solitario y es sólo para valientes”

primero habla de la iglesia (ya sabemos la opinión de la iglesia frente a la homosexualidad) la frase “romances quemados” habla de todas las parejas gay que no pudieron estar juntos porque la sociendad lo impedía (también era muy nornal en la antiguedad quemar a los homosexuales en la hoguera y también puede hacer referencia a eso, es un poco fuerte pero tiene sentido). “estoy demasiado lejos para rezar” habla de que esta muy lejos de ser lo que la iglesia espera y siente que dios no lo escucharía. “es una canción en solitario y es solo para los valientes” es una canción para la gente que a pesar de que se siente sola es valiente.

también hay que acalarar que las personas heterosexuales no tienen que ser valientes para amar, los heterosexuales son aceptados en todo el mundo y no tienen ni leyes que los perjudiquen ni millones de personas que piensan que son enfermos. decir que los heterosexuales también tienen que ser valientes para amar, es homofobico.

original

“if the truth tell darling, you feel like there ain’t enough dying stars in your sky it’s a tall tale and it’s only hello, hello, no goodbye (goodbye)”

traducción

“si la verdad dice cariño, tú sientes como si no hubiera suficientes estrellas moribundas en tu cielo es un cuento alto y es sólo hola, hola, no adiós (adiós)”

la primera parte habla de que al decir tu verdadera orientación perdes a muchas personas, las “estrellas moribundas” son las personas que te dejan y “tu cielo” es tu vida. la segunda parte habla de los “argumentos” homofobicos que la gente dice cuando te mostras como sos y de que no importa que te digan, vos seguís siendo como sos. (tall tale=historia muy exagerada)

original

“pour mercy, mercy on me i’ll fall upon my knees and they’ll say, “i told you so” come on, when you know, you know”

traducción

“derrama misericordia, ten piedad de mí, caeré de rodillas y ellos dirán: “te lo dije” vamos, cuando sabes, tú sabes”

en el momento que ya no pueda mas y “caiga de rodillas” (salga del closet) y pierda a muchas personas, va a haber alguien que le diga “viste, te dije que no debías decirlo”, el sabe que fue lo correcto, pero también sabe que en parte tienen razón, se lo dijeron y aún asi decidió ser libre.

original

“all the lonely shadow dances from the cradle to the grave it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave”

traducción

“todas las sombras solitarias bailan desde que nacen hasta que mueren es una canción en solitario y es sólo para valientes”

sos quien sos desde que naces hasta que te morís, es una canción para las personas que se sienten solitarias pero aun asi son valientes.

claramente esta es solo mi interpretación, sus interpretaciones también son igual de válidas (en cuanto las puedan justificar obvio) no hay una interpretación correcta así que si lo interpretan distinto también esta bien

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Forget Me Too Colson Baker X Reader

Word Count 1,448

"You want me to forget you

Okay, forget me too

You tell me you hate me

Baby, yeah, I bet you do"

Some relationships last forever, but most don’t. Some, in particular, seem destined to crash and burn. And not just burn like a campfire but go up in flames like someone doused them with a truckload of gasoline and topped it off with some dynamite. There are few experiences more devastating than a bad breakup— such was the case with Colson and Y/N. 

I was okay but deep inside i wasn't.

Since then there's not been a single day that has passed without him being in my thoughts.

I tried everything. Blocked him. Convinced him. Flirted with another guys. Casual datings. Slept with few of them. Made girlfriends. Installed all sort of dating applications. Deleted Instagram. Isolated myself. Read as many books i could get my hands on. Travelled, been on trips. Made good friends. Stalked him. Talked to him. Tried to be best friends but to what end? No ends

So every fucking thing I did. It is not that I was miserable but there was something missing that was bothering me and that was Colson.

We tried to make things right and atleast stay in touch but I failed everytime. He used to follow me, text me and even check on me and I just blocked him because I missed him but i didn't want to talk to him. Not because I was jealous or I was angry but yeah I missed what Colson and I had and I knew that now we can never have.

We tried but failed. Or maybe only I did.

But still I did talk to him and it was me who blocked him more than ten times. And I was the one who also unblocked and he used to talk to me. He used to say until now you're the one I have shared my life with and we can end up with what we started from. Being bestfriends but that was not acceptable to me. I tried several times but it didn't work out.

He tried to explain all sort of things to me but the heart wants what is wants.

Three years have passed and I feel the same for Colson. He was cute but not so innocent and he never left my system. It was all in my head and slowly I realised and I did leave from the very place that felt like home.

But it was now just a wreck. Couldn't be fixed. We were done breaking one another in the name of love.

Colson did try to save that friendship. Not just once, but a few times. But Silence was the response. Then he gifted her Space and stayed away so she can be happy. Love isn’t about possession.

Sometimes we don't get closure all the time and it is not required either. We just have to learn to live with that pain.

He had broken her he knew that between countless times of forgetting date nights, the numerous one night stands with other women and of course his drug issue was often the subject of many an argument. Any trust Y/N had once had was now gone. He thought back to the last argument they had…

Flashback…

“NO FUCK YOU KELLS IF YOU WANNA GO OUT PARTYING ALL NIGHT GO IM FUCKING DONE WITH THESE GAMES” Y/N screams and storms out the house in the pouring rain getting intoher car. 

“OK FUCK YOU TOO” Colson screams back walking out the house in nothing but joggers. 

Y/N climbs in her car and speeds out the drive way and onto the street.

That was the last time they spoke face to face. She wouldn't respond to his texts or his phone calls no matter how much he tried. Colson lost Y/N and for good this time and he had no one to blame but himself. 

"Fuck!" Tossing the empty beer bottle he had in his hand it hit the wall and smashed into tiny pieces. Emotions ruled the scene. All the Worlds a stage and both of us were the leads in the play called LIFE. "I know how much you are hurt and I don't know what am I going to do to make up for it" Colson thought to himself. 

I've wasted so much time

Waitin' around for your phone calls every night

My bad dreams are silk screens

'Cause I taste blood when you bleed

It's eatin' me alive

We'd both be better off alone

Still think I'd get you on the phone

With one last breath in me

I'd die before I'd let you leave. 

Sometimes silence speaks a thousand words, with more deep meaning. Words take back stage. Love is much more than just a feeling.

True Love waits with patience, but sometimes true love alone is not enough. There is no past tense in love. You always will love. May be the heart will try to heal and learn to live with that pain, the biggest problem is to silence the mind and move on. 

It's not even like getting over a dead person. Getting over someone you love truly is an extremely difficult task. Someday your heart will learn to live with it. It may not completely move on, but it will try to heal and live with it. The problem is to just silence the mind.

It hurts. It hurts real bad. It stings. There is a pang in Colson's heart every single time he think about Y/N. He cares for her that much and he loves her that much. He experienced the  pinnacle of happiness when he was with her, and now when she leaves, he experiences a nadir of sadness. It really hurts because he still cared and he will care, even though she is no longer with him. His heart will still care.

May be he loved her way too much and pushed her away or didn't know how to properly show it, all he ever did was fuck up. But it is the only way he knew to love her. Because she still means the whole world to him. He really has that hope that she is happy and if at all she comes back, she will still be the only princess in his life. If at all everyday in life he wanted to ask: "would you like to save today's changes?" World would be an awesome place. But that's what life is all about. We all make mistakes and we learn.

Sometimes time doesn’t heal things. It just makes us stronger to deal with pain. Sometimes true love alone isn’t enough. But someday if at all she realizes his love, she will still be the one he truly loves and care for.

I’m sorry for strangling you with my true love.

I’m sorry when I love you unconditionally even after you wanted me to stay away and move on.

I’m sorry if my care appeared as pestering.

I’m sorry if my love appeared as torture.

Colson thought aloud as if Y/N was right there in the room to hear him. 

It was all because I truly love you unconditionally. Even after you broke my heart a million times, those million pieces still love you to the truest of its senses. Because that is what love is all about. UNCONDITIONAL.

But all I wanted to say to your deafening Silence when you cut me off from your life and left is that “Staying away and no communication is never a solution to anything in life my dear.”

It is not that he didn’t accept that she don’t want him anymore in her life, but that he still loves and cares about her even though she can’t give me anything in return. It is not because he can’t move on or don’t want to move on, it is because his love for you is true.

He is not crying because it ended. But because he still loves her. Even after she ended it and ignored him completely. Tears start rolling down his cheeks, when he guided her hair behind her ears ,in the latest picture of hers.The moment when a picture speaks a thousand words. Every love story doesn't have a happy ending, because TRUE LOVE doesn't have an end. He still loves her in silence.

But he promises her that life will move on and he has learnt to live with that pain. He has learnt to emotionally detach myself and be strong. Life now even without her though was just going through the motions. 

[curious-menace]

The rogue gallery members general reaction to encountering the batman who laughs and his creepy ass Robin's.

ok id like to preface this by saying that red death batman straight up crucified riddler and decapitated scarecrow and the batman who laughs is MUCH worse than red death batman. 

i want to enjoy the dark knights metal but it is needlessly fuckin complicated with all this multiverse oververse omniverse shit. maybe i just don't have the galaxy brain necessary to get it so i apologize if this is all wrong 

(also i know its canon that the batman who laughs has no rogues gallery left, either because he killed them or joker killed them before he turned but hey ho hypotheticals it is)

also no one talk to me about kiss fan lookin riddler from this verse. im not ready. 

Penguin

i think his first reaction was to laugh. Batman’s finally gone and he took joker with him. I mean he literally calls him "bat gimp". I seriously doubt he anticipated the fallout of batman becoming some sort of hideous joker hybrid. he still chuckled when he started seeing the news. someone calling themselves “the batman who laughs” and “the darkest knight” then he sees the robins, he even recognises damien and it makes him a little sick. he books the next flight out of goodwin before things get too hot. 

shame goodwin was burned to the ground to stop anyone leaving gotham. 

with everyone inside. 

Twoface

i dont think its an exaggeration to say he was absolutly fuckin horrified. it's rare that harvey and two face agree on something, but this bastard has to go. the murder and mayhem he could tolerate, hell even killing the other rogues, some of them needed to be stopped. but having to look at this creature and know it was once bruce? harvey knows better than anyone its a fate worse than death to be trapped in your own mind with someone else running the show. they do their best to stop the darkest knight, bring all the hired guns they can to the fight but it wasnt enough. Harvey dies, but at least he went out trying to do the right thing.

Poison Ivy

She sensed him coming, her flowers screaming at her to save herself. part of me wants to hope she took one look at that abomination and noped the fuck out of there to slaughter swamp or something. but we know ivy, she stands her ground like a tree planted by a river. she looks people like batman and joker right in the eye and down the barrel of a gun and says “no, you move” Shes not a good person, but in this verse she might as well be the hero of the story, maybe the only meta human in gotham who stood a chance against him. The batman who laughs was scared of her and thats why she had to die. if she’d just minded her own business she might still be here but no. She dares the batman who laughs to come for her, she’s going to take him out. for what he did to her plants, to gotham, to HER home and HER friends. unfortunately for her ivy was one of the first on his kill list. She doesn't go down without a fight. ironically it was her human qualities, the human drive to help people that got her killed. she heard one of the robins crying and went to investigate. the batman who laughs doesn't care about those robins, he’s got a basement full of jokerized kids to throw at people. 1 to trick her and a few more to hold her down while he doused the lot of them with weedkiller and gasoline then poof.

i doubt the botanical gardens will ever be the same. 

Scarecrow

part of me wants to say he’s loving this. He’s enjoying all the suffering and sadness and fear as the batman who laughs murders everyone and everything from the dandelions upwards . but he cant, not just because he’s not the one causing it. this is fear without meaning or purpose, this is killing hope so thoroughly that there is nothing left for people to fear, not even death. he’s not so foolish as to think he wont also be on the batman who laughs chopping block. so he makes himself scarce, works on a toxin that might be able to stop him or even slow him down so someone has a shot at it. Jon knows hes going to die, its only a matter of time before that thing calling itself the darkest knight sends one of his minions to his doorstep. He’s been working on something to try and help the rabid robins. he has a small soft spot in his cold obsidian heart for kids and looking at these creatures makes him physically ill. 

he thinks hes made a breakthrough, thinks he’s finally got a formula that will effect batman and the joker and hopefully, whatever abomination they’ve become . he decides theres no time like the present to try it out when word of the other rouges deaths reach him. he’s the last one left and thats....well its scary. His surprise attack works, the robins go down without a fight, screaming and scratching at their faces, their throats and each other. regrettable but if he stops the darkest knight now, maybe jon can help them. Just when he thinks he’s got him, scarecrow goes down. so close, he falls at the finishing line, his toxin having as much effect as a gentle summers breeze. Much like the original scarecrow , the batman who laughs likes using guns. For jon however? he makes an exception. poor scarecrow gets eviscerated by his own scythe, pilfered from arkham asylum by the batman who laughs. gotta love the classics, right?

Riddler

Riddler was second on his kill list. only because the batman who laughs knew how much it would annoy riddler not to be at the top. He’s another rogue who stood a chance of stopping him if he really tried. sadly edward is nowhere near as altruistic as harvey, and could never be as strong as ivy. He likes to think his escape is for everyone's benefit. live to fight another day and all that. He learned from harvey and pamelas mistakes, took one look at this new batman and his creepy kids and said “fuck that noise” and tried to run. except he didn't really try. god if he’d only gotten out of the city, he would have been the only rogue that survived. the batman who laughs looks at him like a pathetic insect, unworthy of notice. he’d have killed riddler eventually, maybe put him in a riddle with no answer or a trap with no escape for extra irony points but he wasn't about to stop the little green cockroach from skittling away.  but of course, riddlers ego got in the way; he just HAD to try and best this new batman, no matter how much he scared the shit out of riddler he just HAD to try. and of course, pride comes before downfall. 

The batman who laughs helpfully provided riddler with some rope to help break his fall. 

Harley Quinn

some part of her was happy to have joker back. he was different, scarier but she was used to the abuse. what she wasn't used to were all the kids. she recognised damian wayne but didn't quite put the pieces together to realise it was bruce under there. she thought maybe he was just a random casualty . she tried hard to look after the kids but they act like animals rather than humans, there was nothing she could do.As time went on she found it harder and harder to sit at the right hand of this clown prince of horrors. harley has always been along for the ride, but how are you supposed make the whole world laugh if everyone in it is dead? i dont know what happens to harley in this world. either she leaves and much like joker, the batman who laughs fails to notice, shes killed by him because he was bored or she does when the world is destroyed by barbatos. either way, no happy endings here. 

Thanks for this incredibly depressing ask Ghostly T-T

im kidding, im kidding it was fun! it makes me wish i knew what the everloving FUCK was going on with this verse so i could enjoy it properly. the only comic store i know of has been closed since like march of last year and i don't know what im looking for on amazon to actually order them. i have 1 issue of nth metal but it was interesting enough that i want the collection.

if anyone knows what the collection is actually called hmu bc i wanna buy it. 

yes i could read it online but i like owning the hard copies. 

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm!💜💙🧡💛💚❤️

[inureds]

( phoebe dynevor, cis female, she/her, 26) ** ♔ announcing ELISA HABSBURG,  the PRINCESS OF AUSTRIA ! in a recent portrait they seem to resemble PHOEBE DYNEVOR. it is a miracle that SHE survived the last five years, considering they are PRECISE, DISMISSIVE, and APPETENT. i hope the plague has not changed them. they are FOR working together with the other kingdoms

hello beautiful people ! this is ami, late as always,  and i’m bringing my messy baby elisa, if you want to plot feel free to message me (IM/discord) bcs i’m thirsty for plots like i’m thirsty for milk tea. i’ll try to keep this short but i don’t know how to shut up, so i guess i’ll never be that mysterious love interest . 😔✊

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏  : jesper fahey (soc), kise (kuroko no basket), rose (downton abbey) probably that cabbage man from atla and an old muse i’m recycling

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

full name : elisa habsburg

age: 26

gender & pronouns : cis-female , she/her

sexuality :  bisexual

title: princess of austria

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅

- growing up elisa wasn’t  what one might considered the most well-behaved child. to cite the words of her father elisa had always been a rule breaker and yet it did not affect her relationship towards her father.

- truth to be told, perhaps she wasn’t significant enough to risk that much, her intentions were simply viewed as harmless & meaningless shenanigans for a child who would crave for attention from time to time but whatever the reason was, elisa couldn’t care less. ( i also imagine that elisa might have been one of the habsburg favourite children so the parents were more lenient on her)

- her relationship to most of her siblings had never been that great to begin with.   she never really connected with them ( leaving the reason open ) and instead of spending time with them she’d more often been seen being around the staff or her parents. that is probably also the reason why she grew up to be quite patriotic. she truly loves her country although many of her ‘scandals’ stemming from to reckless behaviour would contradict this love.

- of course she knew that even she had to behave sometimes and although things arond her became ‘quiter’, it didn’t mean she stopped doing things she wasn’t supposed to do ( often involving sneaking out ) she just became better at hiding it.

- however, once she got into a big mess ( keeping this open for plotting for a possible wc ) which could barely be glossed over by the power of her family. elisa who would barely treat anything other than a joke suddenly realised the gravity of her mistake. she was used to admonishing words and threats of punishment, but she could barely meet the disappointment in her father’s eye.

- much to the surprise to many, elisa indeed would be on her best behaviour. no lavish parties nor careless words thrown around guests. in fact, she was actively working on learning more and giving back to the country she was never meant to rule but still cherished.

- yet, it was as if fate could only grant her that much and if elisa could be in control of her own life, she certainly couldn’t control the lives of these around her. 

- the unexpected death of her father completely threw her off track. the person she tried to change for gone before she could even erase the memory of his disappointment face. it was as if the universe didn’t want her to change and elisa would believe that.

- she’d slowly go back to her old ways ( behaving worse than before ) ignoring whatever she was supposed to be in france. 

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 ( keeping this super short bcs this intro is getting too long)

- she’s social, always found surrounded by people and cracking a joke that no one laughs at but her. serious situations are glossed over by her laughter as if she doesn’t want to reveal her own truth and if trouble doesn’t find her she’ll make sure she’ll find it. (TBA i can’t anymore)

𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆

- she doesn’t trust her siblings. in her own twisted way she thinks that secretly they’re glad about the king’s death and view it a gateaway to power. ( probably is planning to find some spies that will spy on her siblings (WC !!!!! )

- she believes that every decision her father had made was the right one, thus whenever tries to argue against it.. well... she gets mad.

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

- friends : true friends but also fake friends. truth to be told, elisa doesn’t care if people use her as she’d rather be surrounded by people than being only ( also more “commoner” friends as elisa would often talk to them)

- exes (BCS DRAMA but also bcs she probably had many)

- enemies: they could judge her based on the gossip that surrounded her ( or any other reason bcs lbr she’d probably have many considering how careless she’s with her words)

- someone she used to cause trouble with, could also be the person who got into that messy thing that was mentioned in her bio (we can talk about what that thing was ssdjsdj )

[wntersfire]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG GAME

Before I start I would just like to say (tw alcohol for now and question 19) sorry for any spelling mistakes or if I ramble a little. To cut a long fuckin story short I mis read the measurements of my shot glasses and so instead of having two cocktails I’ve had the equivalent of four in the space of an hour and a half. Being british, im not gonna let a good drink go to waste either so im onto my third/sixth now.

Tagged by @clints-lucky-arrow (an actual goddess among us mortals)

1. Why did you choose your URL?

So this reason is two-fold. One, I didn’t watch star wars growing up because I was dumb and didn’t understand the politics (it wasn’t until my boyfriend sat me down and explained it literally in January of this year that I actually got it) but I loved Sci-fi and space so the next best thing was Treasure Planet (2003 film, Available on didney+) My favourite scene is the ending when Long John Silver (spoilers) is about leave before he can be arrested and Jim confronts him. Seeing how much his character has grown, Silver says to Jim, “Look at you, glowing like a silver fire. You’re something special, Jim. You’re gonna rattle the stars, you are.” It literally makes me tear up every single time I watch it and its one of my favourite lines of all time. Second, this was actually quoted in one of my favourite book series ‘Throne of glass’ by Sarah J Maas. I adore the character of Celeana and again one of my favourite quotes from TOG is when Queen Elena says to Celeana“ You could rattle the stars. You could do anything, if only you dared.” Every time I read that line I literally get chills and I actually have plans to get this tattooed on me lmao

2. Any side blogs?

Yes my fanfic blog @second-stars-totheright (I like puns and I used to love peter pan)

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I joined when I was 13 for the fanfiction and lurked for a very long time, just reblogging and liking things until I deleted it when I was 17. Re downloaded the app and got my account back back around February of this year (when I was 19, now 20) and since then I’ve found it much friendlier and actually interacted with people this time around, and actually started posting my work on here!

4. Do you have a queueue tag?

No. This is my general postings blog so I just kind of stick anything funny or worth keeping here, but I probably should make one!

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

As I said to read fanfiction (anyone wondering it was 5 seconds of summer fanfiction. Anyone who judges me in the comments its fair game 🥺) but I re-downloaded it this year because I noticed with my work on Wattpad, while I had some do really well (one has gotten 130k+ views) its very difficult to actually interact with readers and get feedback. I’ve only accumulated that high of a number after 5 years of it being on there, and so tumblr is just so much more personal!

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I did it this morning as I was getting tagged in this lmao. I wanted a cartoon girl who looked like me but because I had a specific colouring (ie my hair is black with a blonde streak at the front & my eyes have both blue and green segments because I have heterochromia) I couldn’t find any that looked like me so I recoloured a cartoon girl I found on pinterest.

7. Why did you choose you header?

The white clouds fit the stars theme and it looks pretty with the purple. ✨💜

8. Whats your post with the most notes?

“That girl is a problem | Javier Pena x Agent!Reader part 1” with 105 notes on my fanfic blog.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I am still a little tumblr idiot when it comes to this so if someone could tell me how to find out I'll edit this

10. How many followers do you have?

72 on here, 107 on my fanfic blog (AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU ACROSS BOTH OF THEM MWAH, MWAH KISSES FOR YOU ALL 💜💜💜)

11. How many people do you follow?

165 (it was 700+ but the other day I unfollowed a bunch of accounts that haven’t been active since I followed them when I was 13. There were LOTS)

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

I mean all you have to do is look at the Nomad memes I make (UNAPOLOGETICALLY I might add 😤) for @clints-lucky-arrow to know I absolutely have. That series has a hold over me im telling you. I black out when I start reading and I awake with a bunch of meme editing apps open and my feelings tugged at from her amazing writing.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

If I’m with my boyfriend which is like two days a week, rarely, but now I’ve finished uni, I’m on here all the god damn time. I feel so comfy and safe interacting with you all, not to mention some of you guys are funny as hell.

14. Did you have a fight with a blog once?

Not really on here, I haven’t received any hate luckily but I prefer not to spoil how comfy I am here with arguing.

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to re-blog this’ posts?

I’m a little confused by this I dunno whether I’ve just never come across any like this or if Stars is being a bimbo on the tl again. However, I only reblog things I’d like to keep for future reference or if something deserves to be shared to everyone else like a fic rec or a piece of art. (As Mack said, I’ve re-blogged so many in the past promising me money or luck and I am still broke as shit so what does that tell you).

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes!! I love reading everyone elses and getting to know my mutals better!

17. Do you like ask games?

Again yesss because it means I get to send love to my mutuals and get to know them better! I tend to not participate though just read their responses because I sometimes feel like I’m bugging people clogging their inboxes even though I know that’s the point idk I’m a hell of an over thinker sometimes 🥳

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

It’s been said before but @clints-lucky-arrow (wow you rlly owning this post bby girl) but I just remember lurking on Nomad early February and liking and reblogging her chapters so I could keep them to re-read cause that’s how much I instantly loved it and when she followed me I realised who she was and lowkey had a starstruck moment bcus id been ciaght up in her work for weeks and too nervous to make contact. Also @arduadastra, I saw her work all over the pedro tags for so long and now I’ve gotten to know her she is the sweetest girl!! We usually fan over Javier Pena gifs together, she’s solely responsible for ‘That girl is a problem’ bcus of her gif sending at 1am giving me Javi thots and now it’s my most successful one on my blog. And most recently @pedrosgirlx followed me this morning and her work is genuinely some of the best I've seen on here, as I said this morning it is the Sistine Chapel ceiling of Mando art it is actually jaw dropping!! I cant believe all these creators are rlly giving us this content for free and yet being so talented AND the nicest people I’ve ever met!!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

No, although I hold a lot of them dearly as friends. 15/10 would treat you lovelies to a drink of your choice if we ever met (any of you from the uk who drink I’d get you a pitcher from Whetherspoons)

20. Absolutely no pressure tags:

anyone who wants to join! a lot of people I would have tagged have already posted theirs so go for it if you like the look of it!

[boyy-wonder-grayson]

Crush

Summary: Jason has a crush on the reader who happens to be Dick’s girlfriend.

Requested: yes

Parings: Dick Grayson x Reader. Jason Todd x Reader (kind of)

Warnings: angst, smut a little

A/N: just a lil imagine that my lovely frined @riseofnightwing requested. (not beta read cause im tired so sorry for mistakes)

The rain tapped against the windows of the tower, a quiet sort of night. The air around the tower was so tense that you could almost cut it with a knife. It's been almost three days since the last time Dr light attacked,and the team was frustrated without new leads to follow. Dick, Hank, Donna and Kory were trying to find something out in the streets,but it's been two hours since they've gone out and so far nothing.

Y/n sighed in frustration, she cracked her neck trying to release the tension from the last few days and went to the kitchen to get some coffee. She's been sitting at the computer for most of the day trying to find something, and waiting for something from the others but to no avail. 

"Hey Y/n" Jason greeted her from his spot on the kitchen. He was already drinking coffee and offered to make some to Y/n which she accepted gratefully. 

"Got anything on Dr douchebag?" He asked making her chuckle. 

"Nothing so far" she yawned covering her mouth with her hand. "And the other have nothing either. I hate this dude, can he like surrender or something in getting really tired of San Francisco's jail system." She complained 

"It's like they let the villains out whenever the city starts gains some peace" she finished drowning the remaining of her coffee. She really needed caffeine today.

Jason laughed at her outburst and placed a hand on her shoulder rubbing comforting circles near the skin of her neck. 

"We're gonna get him, that's what we do" he said looking at her with softness on his gaze.

Y/n smiled down at him, she was a few inches taller than him, and placed her hand on top of his "thanks jay I kinda needed that". Jason felt his heart hammered in his ribcage at their close proximity. It was now or never, he leaned in trying to kiss her, much to her oblivion, but the moment was cut short when her phone rang.

"Hey Dick what's up?" She answered the phone, throwing Jason an apologetic look, leaving the boy alone in his frustrated state. She left the room and went back to the computer and sat down.

"I was thinking maybe we could have some...alone time when I come back to the tower?" Dick asked her. She knew exactly what he meant by that and to be honest she was thrilled that Dick needed her as much as she needed him. She released a breathy laughed and told him that she couldn't wait for him to come back. 

It's been three months since they started dating and almost two years of mutual pining for each other. When she had enough of Dick's bullshit she decided to take the first step and kissed him after one successful mission. A victory kiss if you will, and Dick was happy that at least someone had the balls to make a move. 

Ever since then things went pretty great. What they didn't know was that Dick was not the only one with a massive crush on the female hero. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jason Todd was in love. Or so Rachel said. She was the only one who knew about her gigantic crush on Y/n and it was an honest mistake that she found that out. Sometimes her powers get out of control and casually that day, Jason was around. He made her swear  not to tell anything to anyone and Rachel assured him she wouldn't say a word.

Jason wasn't the type to pine after someone like Y/n. Not because he was some sort of asshat that believed that he was better than anyone,or that she wasn't enough. It was because y/n was the total opposite of him. While she has a happy-go-lucky attitude towards life, Jason was more of  when-life-doesn't-give-you-lemons-you-kick-down-the-tree. That was one of the main reasons; another one was how much everyone enjoyed having her around, he sure as hell did. She was so optimistic and full of life that at the beginning, that it surprised Jason so much that he thought she was faking it. In this type of life no one was that happy. But with time he realised that she was genuinely just a happy person; which made Jason feel things he didn't want to. He wasn't expecting to fall for someone like her, specially when she's a bit older than him. And specially when he saw his brother act the same way as him towards her more than once. 

It drove Jason insane to see him all over her, but he didn't want to give away his feelings for her.

He was supposed to go on patrol later that night, since the other were already out he would take their place, alongside Gar, Rachel, Conner and Dawn.  He didn't want to leave now that he could spend some time with her, but the job needed to be done. He suited up and just as he was going out Y/n walked past him, she smiled at him.

"Looking good Robin" she told him playfully. He winked at her and made a reverence which made her rolled her eyes at the boy.

"Be safe out there, okay?" She told him with softness. Jason's heart did a flip and he felt his face turn red. He only nodded and before he left she hugged him. He melt into her embrace that didn't last too long much to his chagrin.

He left for patrol not without promising that he would confess his feelings for her when he got back.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Y/n sighed when she felt Dick's lips on the inside of her tights. She grabbed a fistful of his hair to bring her closer to where she really needed him. The brown haired boy chuckled but obey without a fuss. Truth is she loved when he went down on her, and Dick was damn good at it. She bit the inside of her hand trying to tune down her moans but she failed miserably. She pulled Dick's hair harder than before making him grunt in response. She was so out of herself that at this point she didn't give a shit if someone heard them or not. When he was done she plopped down on her side laughing at her state. She was breathing heavily and sweat run through her forehead. Y/n looked at him and saw a smug smile graced her boyfriend's face.

"I guess you enjoyed that" he asked cuddling her.

"Mm what makes you said that?" She asked playfully.

Dick kissed her shoulder and pulled her closer to his chest.

"Oh I don't know, maybe the way were moaning my name when I put my-" he was cut short when she elbowed him in the stomach making the boy laughed. 

"Shut up and go to sleep" she said closing her eyes. She was exhausted and so was he. Whenever they had sex Dick usually leaves in the morning before everyone could catch them,but since they were so exhausted Dick just sleep right through his alarm until a certain black haired boy bursted into the room the next morning. 

The two heroes were soundly asleep when Jason entered her room. He was shocked when he saw them sleeping together and naked. Dick's hands were all around her and she was grabbing the former arm. Jason felt sick. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His brother and his crush sleeping together. Naked. He got out of there fast and bumped into Hank in the hallway.

"Hey man watch it" the blonde said.

"Fuck off" he yelled not even bothering how much attention he drew to himself. He felt his eyes watered. It shouldn't be this bad, it shouldn't affect him this much. But it did, he felt his breath quicken. 

"What the fuck is your problem dude?" Hank questioned.

"You! And everyone in this fucking tower!" Jason yelled.

Y/n and Dick woke up when at the commotion and quickly got dressed. When they reached the living room they saw Jason and Hank fighting.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Dick asked walking towards Jason to calm him down. He tried to put a hand on his little brother's shoulder but Jason shook it off rather violently.

" don't fucking touch you. You fucking traitor" Jason said through gritted teeth. Dick was taken aback by his brothers rage.

"What are you talking about?" 

"You knew i liked her!" He pointed at Y/n who was quiet throughout this whole exchange. "And yet you still went and fucked her behind my back" he spewed the words.

Dick face felt. He cursed under his breath and tried to talk to Jason but the boy just shook his head and walked away. 

Y/n walked out of the living room feeling like shit. How could she not notice this? She asked herself. Jason's been spending so much time with her but she never really thought about this, she thought they were just friends. Just really good friends.

Dick found her crying in her bed. She truly felt like a shitty person.

"Hey stop that" Dick said wiping the tears from her face. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just" she took a shaky breath before she continued "how come we didn't realize this? He's your brother for fucks sake! And now he hate us for this" 

"Do you regret this? Us?" Dick asked with concern across his face.

"What?" She sniffed "no! Of course not. But I just can't help but feel like shit because I love Jason,like a brother and now I don't think there's coming back from this" she sighed.

"Look, I know Jason. He's hurt right now but he'll turn around and come back. He's a good kid he just needs time" dick reassured her.

Y/n nodded and looked at his boyfriend. She took his head on her hands and gave him a deep long kiss. Hopefully things will get better soon.

[brelione]

The Surfer And The Siren

The Shell,The Phone and The Date

JJ had picked up the shell,Pope insisting that it had simply gotten caught in the propellers and had somehow escaped and landed on the dock.JJ knew it was bullshit,that it had to have been cause by the same thing that he had seen that morning.That thing had been you.

You wanted to stay at the dock in hopes of seeing him tomorrow morning but you had to get back to the cave to see Richard.You went up to the surface for a moment,taking in a little bit of air,looking over to John.B’s house.An interesting thing it was,messy,run down and always full of laughter.You grinned to yourself before going back under the water,getting back to your cave a long while before Richard.

JJ put on his hat,John.B patting his back and telling him to “Just go for it”.The blonde was standing outside with the pogues,getting ready to go inside and talk to Richard in hopes of getting a date with you.JJ nodded,opening the door,bell jingling and alerting Richard.He was calm tonight,not worried about you getting kidnapped by Ward or something like that. 

“Evening,Jesse.What can I do for you?”Richard asked,his voice raspy from his coughing.JJ bit his lip,playing with his fingers nervously. “Um...so (Y/N)....does she have a phone?”JJ asked,chewing the inside of his cheek as he waited for an answer.Richard chuckled at his nervousness. “You’ve got a crush,I see.I can give you a number and she’ll answer you when she can.She’s a busy girl.”Richard chuckled,grabbing his pen and notepad,hand shaking slightly as he wrote down his own phone number and handing it back to JJ.

JJ’s eyebrows furrowed,trying to figure out why it was so easy and if this was a trick of some sort.JJ thanked him quietly,leaving the store and holding up the paper slip. “I got the number.”He smiled,Kiara hitting his arm in excitement. “You got the number?”She asked.JJ nodded,putting the paper in his pocket while Pope just stood,completely shocked.

 “So what now?Are you going to call her?”He asked.JJ frowned,realising that he hadnt even thought that far ahead yet. “Not today but maybe tomorrow morning.”He answered,tucking the paper into his pocket where it would be safe.

Richard locked the door,heading out the back and getting into his old car,starting it up and beginning his journey to your cave.You would be pleased to hear that the Maybank boy would be able to talk to you now.Thats what he thought,at least.He didnt know that you had gotten JJ to bring that shell inside.

That wouldn't really do much for you.You’d be able to hear him and see him for a split second if you were lucky but you couldn't communicate through that.You lifted yourself onto your rock,letting out a loud sigh as bubbles fizzed in the water due to the crashing waves outside.You grunted,lifting yourself out of the deep pool of water and onto the sand,rolling across in a disgustingly ungraceful way to grab a poptart and a t shirt from the bags that Richard had given to you,realizing that you were shirtless.

You smirked to yourself when you saw a shiny,pearl like shell,the object dragging itself across the sand and into your hand.You kept thinking back to the conversation you had heard between JJ and his friends,smiling at the thought.

You hoped you’d see him next time you went on land,maybe even get to talk to him.You lifted the shell to your lips,closing your eyes. “JJ Maybank.”You whispered,lifting it to your ear to hear chuckling. “John.B,you're the stupidest person I know!”You heard him exclaim,followed by a small cough. “You just choked on a dorito so fuck you!”John.B shouted back before the sound got muffled by something,probably someone sitting on it or something getting thrown on top of it.

You watched an Iphone get dropped down the opening in the rocks,followed by Richard’s rope latter as the old man held onto it,climbing down. “Guess what.”He grinned,brushing the sand off of the phone.You raised an eyebrow,opening a sundae flavored pop tart. “The Maybank boy asked for your number,you dont have a number but I gave him mine so now you can take this,”He waved the phone in the air.

 “And you can get some blonde boy dick.”He exclaimed,putting it down on top of the dry string bag.You felt your face grow hot,biting into to poptart. “Shut the fuck up,Rich!What do I even say to a teenage boy?Its been like...a couple of decades since I made a new guy friend.What do people even talk about now?”You asked,sliding back into the water,getting off the sand that had gotten stuck between your scales.

He shrugged,sitting down and putting his feet in the water. “Maybank,he’s a real ladies man.He’s probably gonna have something to talk about.If you go on land with him next month you need to stay safe,away from cops and away from the Cameron’s.Dont tell him about yourself either,you already know that.”He grabbed for your poptart,breaking off the corner.You sighed,flicking your fins to make the ends touch. 

“So if I hang out with him next month you wont be mad?”You asked,pulling the wet cotton black shirt away from your skin,water drops dripping from it.He shook his head,taking the poptart wrapper from you and putting it into his pants pocket so he could throw it away when he got back to his house. “I wont be but Blue probably will.”He answered,eyes focusing on the bubbles at the surface.

You bit the inside of your cheek,tightening your hand around the shell before tossing it to the bottom of the pool. “The dryads missed you a lot.Word around the island says that a ton of little girls with green hair were running around the docks the other day.None of em’ speak english though,I think you’ve got to talk to them and remind them that this place isnt like it used to be.

Maybe go up to the river tomorrow to see them so I dont have too.”He pulled at the wrinkly skin of his wrists,kicking his feet back and forth under the water.You nodded,scratching at your eyebrow. “I mean,they’re trees.They cant really do much damage except stealing donuts and giggling for no god damn reason.”You shrugged,hoping you wouldnt have to go and talk to the dozens of tree children.

As you thought about it,flicking your fin back and forth under the unnaturally warm water the phone dinged.You gasped,lifting your hand up,the smart phone colliding with your palm.You let out an excited squeal,smacking Richard on the arm.

Hey :) Its JJ,the blonde guy from the store last night. 

“Is it him?”Richard asked,equally excited.You nodded,staring at the text. “Well what did he say?”Richard asked,falling into the water as he tried to see what the boy had said. “Oh my holy Jesus-he’s totally flirting with you right now!”He exclaimed,gripping the rock and pulling himself out of the water,shaking slightly as he did so.You began to type,Richard trying to see what you were saying. “What are you typing?”He asked impatiently.

Hey :) Richard said he gave you my number,you typed out,staring at it to make sure that it looked okay before sending it.

“She read it!”JJ exclaimed,watching as three floating dots came across the bottom of his screen. “Is she answering?”KIara asked,leaning across the couch to watch as you typed. “What do I say?”He asked,not wanting to fuck up.Pope became intrigued,looking at the screen. 

“Ask her how her day went.”Pope suggested,trying to read upside down as JJ typed. “No-that’s dry texting.Get into depth and ask her about her political views and what she wants to do with her life and what her zodiac sign is!”Kie argued,trying to take the phone from JJ. “What the fuck,Kie?I dont want to freak her out!”JJ exclaimed,checking how long it had been since you sent the text.

Two minutes. “Fuck,now she thinks im ignoring her.You know what?Im just gonna ask what shes doing.”JJ went to type,only to have John.B shout at him. “GIrls hate that!Ask her how she knows Richard!”John.B urged him to type quickly.JJ typed as fast as he could go without making any spelling mistakes,sending the text.

He watched nervously as he saw the ‘read’ receipt,waiting for you to answer him. “Family friend,living situation is kind of complicated ig.”He read out loud,biting his lip as he thought about what to say. “Relatable lmao I go between my friend’s houses all the time”He replied,hoping he hadnt gone too far into detail about his person life.

You bit at your tumb nail,Richard asking you what was happening but you shushed him. “Felt that.My parents decided to head out when I was like seven so that sucks.”You answered,leaning so that you were half in and half out of the water,your arms stretched outwards as you typed.

He was really fast at replying,agreeing that it sucked that your parents abandoned you and also explaining that his mother had done the same when he was six.You knew that you felt a connection to him for other reasons besides the fact that he looked exactly like your deceased lover,grinning slightly to yourself. “Twinsies.So hows your life going now?”You sent the message,cringing at the vocabulary.

That probably wouldve got you sent to an insane asylum if you had said that in the forties.You put the phone down for a moment,letting Richard read the messages as you swam to the bottom of your pool quickly,searching for the shiny shell that you had heard the blonde through earlier.You picked it up,kicking off the bottom with your fins and wiping the hair from your forehead when you resurfaced,attempting to dry your hands on the rocks.

You wiped a water drop from your nose with the back of your hand,whispering into the shell.Richard smiled,asking you to let him listen to it for a second.You let him,watching as he held the shell to his ear with one hand,the other hand going to cover his mouth. “What?What are they saying?”You asked,taking the shell back and trying to focus on listening. “He’s gonna ask you on a date!Get the phone-get the phone-get the phone!”He whispered loudly,too excited to grab it himself.

You used your arms to semi drag yourself out of the water,reaching for it. “Im getting the phone!Chill the fuck out!”You giggled,staring at the screen. “Is he typing?”RIchard asked,nearly slipping as he got out of the pool and sat in the sand,squinting and watching the screen. “Do you wanna maybe hang out tomorrow?”You gasped at the message,screaming to Richard.

 “He wants to hang out tomorrow!”You exclaimed,not knowing what to say. “Shit-telll him that you have work and that you cant hang out until….July 26th im pretty sure.”He answered,trying to recall when the next full moon would be.You sighed,pinching the bridge of your nose. “Thats a month from now.What would I be doing for a whole month straight?”You asked,trying to come up with a decent lie.

He bit the inside of his cheek,trying to think of a good answer. “Working and doing something confidential that you cant tell him about.Tell him that you’ll tell him about your job when he sees you so he’ll be more excited to see you.”Richard nodded to himself.

JJ frowned as your answer came onto the screen.By now Pope and John.B had fallen asleep,Kiara too interested in what was going on with you to sleep. “She says she has work too much and cant hang out until the 26th.”He grumbled.Kiara nearly shouted,instead taking his phone to make sure he had read it correctly.

She began to type,making JJ nervous. “Kie-Kie what are you doing!Dont send that without showing me!”He yelled,not caring if he woke up the boys.It was too late though,she already sent a text,smiling when she gave it back to him. Cool,I’ll see you then ig.Do you want to go to the beach or something? She had typed,pretending to be him.It wasnt that bad,in fact,he was glad that she had sent it cause he wouldnt have the balls to. “Yeah,okay.So like 8pm on the 26th?”Was your response,making him blush. “Sounds like a date.”He replied.

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