#her name is syzygy

[penbattles]

[agent-troi]

scully and mulder's dynamic visibly changes after the onset of the season of secret sex

i've been thinking about how dd and ga deliberately played season 7 like mulder and scully were sleeping together, and i think there's solid evidence of that in the differences in how scully reacts to mulder appearing to show interest in another woman before and after the season of secret sex begins (i'm using millennium as the before/after divider bc i think that's what dd and ga decided, but this is based on my vague memory of a reddit comment about it which is how i first learned that the season of secret sex was a thing)

so overall there's an undercurrent of insecurity, borne of scully's uncertainty regarding precisely how mulder feels about her and what her place is in the hierarchy of things that are important to him in his life, that exists in the pre-millennium incidents and is glaringly absent post-millennium:

before millennium:

(i'm not gonna include phoebe/fire here bc i don't think scully's awareness of her feelings had yet risen to the point where she'd be truly jealous, i'd characterize her in that ep as largely protective of mulder and unwilling to let him deal with phoebe's games alone. it also helps that he's clearly not happy phoebe is back in his life again, unlike his much more positive reaction to diana)

war of the coprophages- the second scully finds out about bambi, she immediately hops in her car and drives up to miller's grove to join mulder, bc letting him investigate cockroaches alone was fine but god forbid he spend quality time investigating an x-file with an attractive female scientist who isn't herself- that's their thing!!

syzygy- to be fair the planetary alignment situation was exacerbating her- and mulder's- behavior here, but her jealousy of and hostility to detective white were still real, even if she would've been able to rein in her emotions better under normal circumstances.

diana fowley arc- i think this speaks for itself, lol

alpha- this is an interesting period in their relationship: after most of the diana shit is over, but before the tension between them is fully resolved (a process which to me begins with milagro/the unnatural and ends with amor fati, but that would be its own post lol).

other than introducing himself to karin as "fox" (maybe as a way to appeal to her preference for canids lol) and thus implicitly giving her permission to call him by his first name (which she proceeds to do throughout the episode), mulder doesn't seem to show much in the way of attraction to her.

even when he touches her hand to move the mouse, he's more interested in what's on the screen than in paying attention to her:

karin, however, is visibly affected by the contact, a fact which scully immediately notices:

later in the car, they have this convo, the last line of which is so heavily laden with diana subtext it's not even funny:

scully's reaction to karin is similar to her reaction to phoebe in that she's motivated mainly by wanting to protect mulder from his own naive, trusting nature, and from someone she believes is seeking to take advantage of it, rather than being motivated primarily by jealousy and defensiveness. she doesn't really believe that karin is a genuine threat to her relationship with mulder, but with diana still fresh in her memory she can't afford to not be vigilant. hence why she confronts karin alone later:

here scully demonstrates that she somewhat empathizes with karin (mulder is also someone who challenges her, makes her feel fulfilled and happy and alive). karin's response indicates that she has correctly deduced the basis of scully's dislike/distrust of her, and also acknowledges scully is the dominant one as it relates to the territory (mulder) that they are sparring over.

scully looks away at karin's "feminine wiles" comment, revealing the nagging insecurity about her place in mulder's life that diana's arrival exacerbated and that will continue to plague her until amor fati.

after millennium:

rush- when mulder looks back at chastity in the hallway, scully's reaction is to possessively grab mulder's sleeve and pull him away into the interrogation room:

and his response is to laugh and say "what?" like he doesn't know he belongs to her and only her.

keep in mind this happens just before they interrogate tony reed, and right after they finish interrogating him this shit happens:

i already made a post last week about how insanely flirty they are in this episode, but this scene!!

she's pouting and giving him big doe eyes and playing with his tie!! at work!! in public!! she feels comfortable staking her territory in such an obvious way (also playful rather than hostile) bc she's not longer insecure about her place in his life!! i can never be normal about this i'm sorry ssdfgksdgsjdkfhkjsdf

first person shooter- when mulder checks out jade blue afterglow as she's leaving, he leans so far over in such an obvious, exaggerated way, almost as if he's deliberately trying to get a rise out of scully, but all she does is raise her eyebrows at him and lean over to block his view (while smirking):

and then he says he's "feeling the great need to blast the crap out of something", an almost direct quote of scully's line from their convo in the autopsy room right before they went down to the station:

and her response is to SMILE at him!!

pre-millennium scully would absolutely not have reacted this way in this situation. just like in rush, the insecurity that previously haunted scully whenever mulder seemed to be close to or interested in another woman is utterly absent here. they're joking and teasing and enjoying each other's company like they've always done, but there's a different dimension to it now. pre-millennium mulder would never have made a show of checking out another woman like that right in front of scully (unless a planetary alignment is affecting his behavior ofc lol), and pre-millennium scully would never have found it amusing.

(side note: people were debating on twitter a while back about whether this scene was ooc for mulder, and tbh i'm not sure what my own opinion is bc to me the whole episode has an air of... unreality? idk but it gives me similar vibes to post-modern prometheus, like maybe it's real or maybe it's just someone telling a story or it's somewhere in between, and it's also got that same unserious feel idk how else to describe it)

anyway, back to my main point, which is: dd and ga are damn good actors in the way they were able to subtly telegraph this shift in mulder and scully's dynamic. one might be able to argue that the insane flirting throughout season 7 isn't by itself evidence of the season of secret sex bc on some level they've always been like that, but to me these specific interactions provide important clues that the nature of their relationship has changed.

[cheriecelestial]

Luminary Pt.1

pairing *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Yan Emperor!OC X Swordmaster!OC

disclaimer *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ yandere thoughts. hurt/no comfort. angst. mentions of violence and character death. lovers to enemies.

a/n *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Reposting a very old piece post editing (not really lol). According to my old a/n this was “very 3am spontaneous writing” meaning the idea was spontaneous not the process. Very manhwa-esque historical plot ig. Please listen to Joel Sunny’s Luminary for the whole experience. like always COMMENT LIKE & REBLOG (☆≧▽^)

Pt.2

Ceaseless noblesse chatter, clinking of glasses and rustling of ball gowns blurred into an unintelligible myriad of sounds. Cecily massaged the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm the pulsating migraine in her forehead. As much as she loved dressing up on her own accord and dancing, she felt much repulsion to high society. Whosoever had compared high society to a sandalwood tree must’ve been a wise person - exquisite and ambrosial smelling but intertwined with serpents waiting to pounce. Her sharp gaze, reminiscent of a relentless hunter, swept the expanse of ballroom to locate her target attendee. He wasn’t here, not yet at least. But he was expected to be here soon, after all what king doesn’t show up to the party he hosted in his own honour ?

Everything the room exuded an elite air of grandeur. Golden tendrils resembling vines creeping up the wall and colluding in a labyrinthine pattern of flowers and leaves against the stained glass ceilings. Lush roses filled each vase placed exactly five meters apart from each other. In the centre of the dome were three collinear alchemy powered faux stars, the centre attraction and the nominative factor of the ballroom — the Syzygy Hall. Leaning against the stone wall, the crisp night air fills her lungs while the stars twinkle in the dark, velvety sky, and she watched them with a nostalgic sense of appreciation. The flashing memories of her stargazing in this very hall with a certain gifted mage tugged harshly on her heart stings but she forced herself to shun them and focus on the task ahead.

Cecily shifted her attention to the noblemen and women drift across the smooth marble floors like clockwork nutcrackers in grandfather clocks. It all looked so beautiful and for the lack of a better word, rich. A part of her would’ve wanted to join to the festivities had her heart not drowned in waves of indignation for the host. But then as having danced her fair share of high society parties — she knew of the incessant debauchery, corruption and vicious yet sugarcoated calumny at the core of this diamond and silk adorned marvel. Nobility was a word that evoked images of artifice, undeserved riches, wastefulness and textbook narcissism. Albeit belonging to the pinnacle of non-royal nobility — Cecily’s lineage was both a blessing and a curse. As the daughter of one of the three dukes in the empire and the daughter and successor of the continent’s finest swordsman , Carlisle Reginald, Cecily was taught to be wary of desperate social climber with saccharine laced tongues at a young age. Just the thought of her family flared the inferno of negative feelings further.

“This far behind enemy lines ? Can’t tell if it’s brave, audacious or plain stupid.” Cecily rolled her eyes at the new admission. “What would you know anything about bravery Marcellus ?” The red haired paladin flinched at the woman using his full name and bit his tongue to restrain himself from answering her verbal jabs.

“I did what I had to do” He muttered quietly with his gaze fixed on the floor as if it was the most scintillating creation known to mankind. “You mean leaving your men to die mid-battle and defecting to the enemy’s side ?” Cecily scoffed at his confession. She couldn’t help be reminded of the past when they were trainee knights and how they were a symbol of valour and justice. The nights they spent at taverns celebrating after successfully completing missions and training. Cecily couldn’t pinpoint when everything changed and when people she knew digressed beyond recognition but it left a bitter taste in her mouth. Marcel’s words were slow to come out but he sighed and answered, “I merely chose the winning side . Unlike you, I have a sense of self preservation.”

“Where I’m from , we call it cowardice”

“Probably why that place burnt to the ground,”Marcel was hit with a sense of instant regret the second those words left his mouth. He muttered a quick apology as if that ever solved anything .

“Don’t say what you don’t mean. Genuine care doesn’t suit the self-serving likes of you.” Cecily spat out with anger laced in her seemingly calm tone. Had it been some other place with someone else, she wouldn’t have hesitated to draw her sword. Knowing her temper, he saw fit to change the topic of the conversation, “ It’s a fine dress you’re wearing. But I have to say - had I not known better I’d say it was a wedding gown. One refined enough for a duke’s daughter”

“It is a wedding gown. I just repurposed it since I don’t need it anymore and my other gowns were burnt along with my house. I’m sure you remember, you were there.”Cecily spoke in a monotone as she absentmindedly fiddled with the lace trimmings of her dress and the silver corsage on her wrist.

Marcel gulped at the realisation and looked away to the sea of jolly nobility dancing their evening away but he still couldn’t seem to shake off the chills floating in the air. Luck truly wasn’t on his side today “I know it was a purely political arrangement but Cedric was a good man. You have my condolences.”

His words evoked a humourless laugh from Cecily. Just how shameless could he be ? Leading the campaign that killed her fiancé and still have the guts to offer his sympathies.

“Losing a fiancé ? I’m sure you know what that’s like. Considering how you let Lucia Arden die just to save your own skin.”

Cecily remembered the sweet and gentle field medic who stopped at nothing to consistently heal her comrades and boost her fellow knights’ morale with her encouraging words. And she also remembered watching the radiant light leave her eyes and her skin turn frigid pale after Marcel defected and ambushed his own squadron. Cecily and Marcel were the closest of friends, maybe that’s why his betrayal stung so much. Had someone told about Marcel’s betrayal to her younger self from two years ago, she would’ve laughed at them and wonder if they lost their mind.

“What happened to her was regrettable. I asked her to join me. But she refused. Because she was -” so loyal to you, is what he wanted to say but something told him that not completely the sentence would serve him better. Cecily didn’t respond to him nor did she look at him. Marcel’s gaze fell to her fist which had clenched so tight that her knuckles were turning white.

“I tried you know. I really tried to convince her. That was more what I should’ve done considering what her family did to Genevieve—” despite his attempts to mask his emotions, venomous contempt seeped into his voice.“Lucia wasn’t her family. She didn’t know. She had no part in it.” Cecily countered firmly.

“She was going to be a mother ! And they—”Marcel swallowed thickly, unable to continue. Cecily sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. Genevieve - the feisty barmaid at their favourite tavern who managed to capture Marcel’s heart and subsequently died a tragic death the hands of the Marquis Arden who couldn’t bear the disgrace of his daughter’s fiancé choosing a destitute orphaned commoner over his well-bred aristocratic daughter.

“What happened to her was unjust, but that doesn’t justify your treachery. You let your own men die. The very men that swore loyalty to you. The ones that fought, ate and bled by your side.” Cecily eyed him with simmering hatred. Marcel looked uncharacteristically startled for a moment by the her disdain but covered it up quickly. Silvers of guilt flashed in his eyes when he realised that even if he had managed to secure a future for himself as the commander general of the new king’s knights, he lost something truly important to him. The past him would’ve really hated him now.

“Of all people I thought you’d know what it’s like to lose the one you love the most. But in hindsight, you’re probably worse off than me. I’m sure you know, he isn’t what he used to be. The King’s scouts have been looking for you and the other rebels . You should leave before he sees you.” Warning her was the most he could do for her now. He had sworn loyalty to the new king but standing in front of his childhood friend - he couldn’t help but feel a tinge of conflict.

“Why ? Is he planning to send me and my men to the gallows ?” Cecily scoffed as if impressed that the king was putting in so much effort to locate her. “Your men ? Yes. You ? No. Corrupted or not, not even he could get himself to kill the woman he loves so dearly. But I’m positive whatever his plans for you are, would make you wish that he sent you to the gallows instead. He won’t kill you but beware— he won’t be soft either. He’s changed beyond recognition.”

“That’s exactly what I’m counting on,”she muttered to herself as she watched Marcel vanish from her side and melt into the sea of guests.

For a moment the entire ballroom stilled and she knew he was here. Her eyes swept the length of the ballroom till she met the gaze of the devil himself. Unlike what he used to wear when she knew him, he donned the most lavish robes and jewels she’d seen on a person. His unruly platinum hair were styled perfect to accentuate his looks. The crystalline vivid blue eyes she fell in love with were replaced by a sinister shade of ruby red. He stared intently at her, it is as if his eyes intended to pierce her skin and rip out her soul. Her stomach twisted and the chill in the air sent goosebumps down her neck and back. He never looked more glorious. The corners of his lips curled up into a slight smile as he made his way through the crowd. Her breath shallowed with each step that he took towards her.

“Duchess Reginald. It truly is you and here I thought my senses were deceiving me.” Cecily flinched at the title knowing full well that she never got to ceremoniously inherit the title since the previous Duke died at the emperor’s sword following the coup d’état and the estate was burned to a crisp not too long ago. His gentle expression of adoration cut off air from her lungs and she felt as though the string of pearls around her neck turned into a noose. She wanted to scream, to cry, to seek retribution for all the havoc he wrecked but swallowing her emotions down she placed her hand on her heart and bowed lightly,“Glory and blessings upon the rising sun of the Asterin empire,” Cecily heard melodious laughter as response to her words. Her heart dropped from the sheer impact. Cecily Reginald was a creature of pure control and the idea of losing control, especially just by his mere presence, was offensive to her. Her heart burst into multitude of emotions as she tried to rein them and stay calm.

“And I never thought I’d see you bow. But then, bowing isn’t always submission. Now is it, my dearest Cecily ?” Electricity coursed her veins at the way her name rolled off his tongue in the same tender fashion as he used to when they were younger. He’s changed beyond recognition, Marcel’s words ringed in her ears. Cecily didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of eliciting a reaction so she shifted her gaze away. Much to her dismay, her refusal just swelled his need to provoke her further .

“Please don’t shy away duchess. It’s a glorious party, would you be so kind to grant me the honour of a dance ?” The king outstretched his hand towards her with seemingly innocent intent. The emperor’s first dance of the evening, an action that symbolised winning the favour of the emperor. Which was why — traditionally it was done between courting, betrothed or wedded couples. After a moment’s hesitation she took his hand and was guided to the centre of the dance floor. The king placed a hand on her waist and interlaced his other hand with hers. The position seemed so natural to them like two pieces of a puzzle that were created to fit together. He actioned the orchestra and the waltz began without a hitch as the band of musicians weaved pleasant melodies into the air.

“You look ravishing my dearest.” Cecily’s breath hitched as the king tugged on her waist, pulling her closer. His smirk widened in satisfaction at her visceral reaction. “Thank you your majesty.” She looked at him with her eyes betraying traces of emotion even though she was restraining herself to her best capacity. But the memory of his touch still fills her heart with longing but she still hated how much the sensation excites her.

“I was informed that troops stationed north of Demaris were brutally slaughtered by the rebel forces spearheaded by a certain raven haired general. You wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you duchess ?” Cecily’s face hardened and she replied in a sharp tone,“Depends on why those troops were present in the first place your majesty.” The king’s troops were sent to forcefully evict war immigrants that were rendered homeless by the conquests of the previous emperor since he regarded them as a political liability. The villagers were kind enough to house some of the rebels in exchange for protection against the monsters near the border.

Vivacious laughter bubbles from his chest and he responded ,“Very well dearest. And please, drop the formalities. Call me by my name. Your majesty feels unnatural.” She knew provoking him any more than necessary would only spell trouble for it. Her scheme had to work out as planned. “Atticus,” she breathed out with much difficulty. Saying his name was a tougher task than she had initially thought. A pleased smirk made its way onto his lips, leaving Cecily feeling as if she had lost.

“I know blue is your colour but I have to admit, you look utterly angelic in white. You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. What a fine bride you would make.”

Under different circumstances, she would’ve blushed and accepted the compliment graciously. Cecily felt a strange feeling of melancholy and what ifs shrouded her. She was so determined before coming here and she couldn’t afford letting her purpose dissolve just because she was holding onto the ghost of the man she loved.

“What use is beauty when you’re cursed with rotten luck the way I am. I have two dead fiancés on my tab already.” She laughed humorouslessly and eyed him with an insinuating sharpness. Atticus smiled with his evergreen charm before continuing knowingly ,“ Hmm. Maybe it’s a sign from the goddess of marriage that those men and you weren’t meant to be .”

Cecily arched her brow at his revelation. Is that what he was trying to paint them as ? Twists of fate ? She may not have loved either of them but they weren’t deserving of the end that befell them. “I know you’ve taken many aliases in your lifetime but goddess of marriage ? That’s a new one your majesty.” Atticus’ mocking clearly struck a nerve. She half expected him to take offence to her words but instead he looked at her in bemusement.

He clicked his tongue in a ‘ah’ gesture and suggested ,” Well you know what they say m’lady. Third time’s a charm .” Cecily knew exactly what he was implying but she didn’t want to grant him an ounce of satisfaction by giving him a favourable reaction .

“Unfortunately your majesty, I am above wedding kinslayers and dark magic practitioners .” She scowled at him as if testing to see if he had even an ounce of conscience intact . Atticus’ smile faltered and there was a brief flicker of discomfort in him as the implications of her words sunk in. His eyes narrowed slightly at her reaction.

“Ces I —,” but before he could respond Cecily cut him off ,“ And even if they had it coming . It doesn’t change the fact that you killed my father.” Memory of the pain of finding out about her father’s death on accounts of treason was clear as day in her heart. Carlisle Reginald was many things but not a traitor. He was so loyal to the crown that there were times when she resented him for choosing his duty over his own family.

Atticus visibly grimaced and his eyes turned to icy resentment ,“ The same father that abused you and caused you unimaginable pain in the name of training ? The same father who burnt the side of your face to destroy any chance of marriage because noblemen don’t wed women with scars ? The same father that nearly pushed you to end your life because you couldn’t handle the mantle of becoming the next swordsmaster ? Do you truly resent me for it my dearest ?” Cecily felt her throat tighten with emotion. She glanced away as though trying to think of an answer. There is no right answer to that question.

“ I don’t but —,” She admitted, her eyes still fixated on the corners of the room ,“ What about my Silas? Why did you kill him ? He looked up to you. He chose to pursue alchemy over swordsmanship because of you. He was a child . He didn’t deserve it.” The night her father died, the king’s men burnt her family estate to the ground and her brother with it.

Atticus stared at her for a couple of seconds before letting out a pained sigh ,“ My love, you must believe me. I never intended to put Silas in harm’s way . I just wanted to get rid of the duke because he was the only one standing between me and the throne. I was sure that Si would be at the academy. But unfortunately he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. If it provides any solace just know I had the informants and soldiers who failed to convey that Silas was in there executed .”

There were many things she wanted to say, to vent her frustration and anger but when the time came - her grief was too severe to be expressed in words so she just looked at him, hoping he’d see how much he made her suffer. Atticus tore his gaze away from hers and clenched his jaw as if keeping himself from saying or doing things that would just worsen their situation. Uncomfortable silence befell them as they continued to dance. For the first time she realised, that they were is a ballroom filled with people. The world seemed to have dissolved into nothingness when it came to Atticus but now she was starting to feel the weight of the other guests’ curious stares and whispers. Of course rumours would make their way across high society at the speed of lightning. Two star crossed lovers forced on opposite sides by fate. Cecily and Atticus had love, one for the ages but one chose the duty to her homeland over love and the other chose power over love. Love had no place in this fight of morality and duty. It was quite a pity really.

“But your crimes don’t end there. You delved into a form of magic that was forbidden for a reason, there is always a cost for power that wicked. Always.” She looked straight into his ruby red eyes. The vibrant blood red swirled in a way that resembled shadows obscuring a ravenous beast lurking underneath.

“Is that why you got engaged my brother ? To dispose of me and make him king ?” Cecily felt the temperature around them fall as Atticus’ eyes shone with a newfound sense of fury. Gone was the sweet and gentle man she knew, instead he was replaced by this - this thing. His fingers twitched where he held her waist as if wanting to tear into her skin.

“Sure. Let’s go with that .”She replied cooly. Logic be damned, she just wanted to shatter the mask he was wearing and truly see what he’d become.

“You think I’d let him have you ? Let him make you his queen ? I‘m so sorry if it hurts you my darling but I will slay any man who thinks he can have you . If you really want to be queen, I could make you this very moment. Just say the word.” For the first time, his suave facade cracked. He sounded almost desperate, so much so that Cecily was tempted to believe that a part of the old him was still in there. Regardless of Cedric somewhat sanctimonious and saintly character, he always lacked the vigour and the ambition it took to become king and most of all - to deserve Atticus’ goddess. Cedric was the only pure blooded prince who showed an inkling of kindness to a bastard of the previous emperor so Atticus granted him the mercy of a quick and painless death. But the idea of him wedding his beloved was beyond blasphemous and filled him with unimaginable rage; making him want to give Cedric a slow and painful death instead.

To him, Cecilia Seraphina Reginald was the closest humanity has attained to godliness. The passion she projected in her art and the fire that burned behind her eyes is enough to drive anyone to insanity . She used the sword as if it was an extension of her own body and where most fought with the crude desperation , every movement of her body was deliberate and precise as if she was floating like a butterfly through the air. With each step, she seemed to move through space and time, transcending the boundaries between ordinary and extraordinary. Each slash and strike was like a paint stroke on canvas, drawing a picture of beauty and grace in motion. Her raven hair striking a beautiful contrast against her emerald eyes . Even when her father burnt the side of her face , it barely obscured her beauty. Atticus had seen her in sickness and in health. At what she considered her worst, to his eyes — she was far more enchanting than any of the excessively powdered noble ladies he’d seen in court . There is something religious about the way he adored her. There never was a God in Atticus's life. No one deserved that title after what life had thrown at him since he was little.

He remembered the first day they met when she fended off the third prince bullying Atticus at their first day at the Royal Academy. She never once discriminated against for being an illegitimate child of the emperor. Atticus was born as a result of acts of cruelty on an elite battle mage of an enemy nation who was taken by the previous emperor as spoils of war. Despite his actions, the emperor never even bothered to officially make her his concubine so Atticus’ status in the Royal Palace was akin to that of a servant’s. Throughout his childhood, he had been a prince solely in name. His entire life, everyone looked at him as if he was some sort of abomination — except her. Despite that the dignified and legendary duke’s only daughter, the lady with the highest status after the empress and princesses themselves, when faced disapproval for befriending the emperor’s bastard, she never once turned her back on him. And not necessarily because she was kind but because it was the right thing to do. Cecily was first person in Atticus’ life who made him believe that he was worth being treated as a human.

“What have you become Atticus ? We could’ve—”

“We could’ve what exactly ? Huh ? There was no other way. And you know it.” Atticus spat out through gritted teeth, a look of abject misery flashed by Cecily’s face. He was right, unless there had been some great power intervention there was no way he could become king. It didn’t matter if the most elite swordsmaster or the nouveau rich nobles that supported him, he could never get past the old nobility and the six legitimate pure blooded princes.

“What is worth it ?” She asked with her words dying by the end of the sentence. For a moment, she felt as though she was back when they were kids and how he would talk about making them pay. No rebels or tyrants, no duty or thirst for power — just as Ces and Atty .

Something in Atticus’ snapped as he gripped her wrist tighter,“ Better than anything I ever imagined. They always acted so high and mighty, you should’ve seen how they grovelled and begged . It was worth it, all of it.”

“Was it worth losing me ?” Cecily knew she shouldn’t have asked something she didn’t want him to answer. She knew she shouldn’t have crossed that line. She shouldn’t have because she knew the answer. But she had to— in order to move on, to let him go, to fulfil her duty and destiny.

“I haven’t lost you” Out of all the responses he could’ve given , this was the least expected. Did he truly believe that ? Cecily searched his face for any signs of fallacy or trickery but found none. Her mouth fell open in disbelief and after composing herself she asked ,“ What makes you say that ?”

“The way I feel for you.” He answered without even skipping a beat. Cecily scoffed internally, the way he felt for her ? What a jest. It was common knowledge that the starting price for dark magic is a person’s humanity. Dark magicians were known to not be able to feel anything let alone remorse or guilt .

“That’s not true. You can’t feel anything.” She jeered at him. Atticus didn’t respond and twirled and lifted her into the air in accordance to the rhythm of the waltz. His lack of reaction almost made her think that he didn’t hear what she said, she opened her mouth to say that again but was cut off by his reply ,“Contrary to popular beliefs my darling , dark magic doesn’t completely deprive a person of all emotion. It merely diminishes emotions that were present in silvers and amplifies the most emotions felt by the person. In short, the user becomes absolutely sure of what they feel and what they want. Anger becomes rage , sadness becomes despair , fear becomes horror and love becomes –” As he spoke, he pressed his lips against her hand. She can feel the heat of his breath in the centre of her palm ,“ — unbridled obsession.” Cecily breath hitched as he moved his lips up her wrist to her palm again, tracing her veins with his lips.

"Pray tell, is that how it went ? Your barter of soul with a devil for dominion only to find yourself upon the throne, consumed by anguish not because you killed your family but rather by the realization that your affection for me would impede your ambitions ?"

Atticus got closer to her. His eyes were locked on hers, and his lips had a slight twitch to them. Lust. He was never the type to give into such base urges, but in the her presence - he craved her. A part of him hated this feeling even more than her tormenting comments. If only he could kill her and rid himself of this weakness of the flesh. “You aren’t far from it . You know I never understood the appeal my father saw in my mother but I guess I do see it now. Fiesty enemy general that just refuses to concede and all.”

“And here I thought you said you were never going to be anything like your father. I guess you kings are doomed to repeat failures of your predecessors. After all the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” He absentmindedly hummed in response to her words as if neither agreeing nor disagreeing. His eyes were fixated on his thumb caressing her wrist, Cecily noticed it and tilted her head to her side as if silently asking ‘what’re you thinking ?’

“You aren’t wrong my darling. Maybe I am the same as him. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I have everything I wanted. Except for a couple things and I don’t intend on stopping until I’ve got them.” Atticus’ eyes gleamed with a glint of great impending danger. He paused for a second as if debating whether he should disclose his plans or not but in the festive atmosphere decided the former. “You’re quite a stubborn little thing you know. I wonder if I were to incapacitate you from wielding the blade ever again, would your resolve shatter ? All the princes are dead, there’s no one to succeed me. I’ve made sure of it. Who would you crown king after me ?” He wondered if he chopped her wrists off so that she couldn’t use her sword again, would she stop resisting then ? Or perhaps if he snapped her ankles then maybe she wouldn’t be able to run away ?

“Incapacitate me ? You think you could do that ?” Albeit Cecily knew she was playing with fire, she wanted to see to what limits she could provoke him before he took extreme measures. They were playing a dangerous game. Both were waiting for the other to make a mistake, to lose their cool and to drop the civil facade and settle the score .

Others might see Atticus as this stone cold man with no feelings, but his heart was beating loud and clear in his chest, seemingly for one purpose. He hoped that his emotional conflict would clear out once he made the deal but it didn’t help. Not one bit. He often found his eyes subconsciously searching for the familiar figure in the crowds of people he’d address every day, wanting nothing more than to reach out and have her with him again. The scent of her skin and the light lavender fragrance haunted him as he tried to sleep, the vivid image of her following him in his dreams. If it were up to him, he’d drag her to the church alter this very moment and make good on the wedding gown she was wearing. He knew she wore that to mock his guilty conscience, that is if he had any left.

“I have my knights stationed at every corner of the ballroom. One action and they’ll attack.”

“You think fresh recruits could even hold a candle against a swordmaster ?” She was right, no matter how trained they would never able to best her. The only one who stood a chance against her skill was he himself. No one else.

He chuckled at her spirit, it was one of the things he adored most about her. “No. Not really.” Cecily smiled with a victorious expression but at the same time she knew if he were to use his magic, things were bound to get messy. Although not their own, but much blood would be spilt and in a room full of the empire’s finest — it wasn’t a risk she was willing to take.

a/n 2.0 – After reading this my current writing seems so crappy wtf. I guess there is a reason this took three months to write. Tho good to know I couldn’t articulate my thoughts well enough to make a respectable plot even back then. Sorry for the abrupt ending, tumblr kept glitching so I had to split it in two. I’ll upload pt.2 in a week.

[friedri-ce]

Hiii. First things first: as always, a huge fan of your art, that still hasn't changed

Second off, the Gabv1el children are really pretty. I'm curious, if your friend's(???) ship child has specific pronouns, would it be ok to be said?? And if you haven't found a name for yours yet, something that I do when trying to find a name is to find names that align with their traits, gender, or something that you feel like makes sense for them.

I'm sorry- they're just gorgeous (as is the rest of your art) and I will consume it because it's so appealing to look at :]

hello 💥💥 thank you so much

tempests (my friend's ship child) pronouns are she/her as far as i remember

for v1els name, ive been thinking of Halcyon, Vein or Syzygy. but for now theyre still v1el cuz im really used to it (maybe they should stay v1el...)

anyway. exploso 💥💥‼️

[allthngs]

ok so it's time to say a couple of things about Detour (probably in my top 10? i don't know at this point there's so many i love with my entire heart).

i like where they decided to put this episode, it's the first time we see scully working again after cancer arc. i don't know if this is the reason about it but skinner decides to do the funniest thing he can with these two: sending them to a COMMUNICATION WORKSHOP to do team building excercises.

the first time we see them they're in a car with another couple of agents. the scene tends to remark the lack of communication m&s have (it's a common thing to think while watching txf, and i'm also pretty sure people were saying this kind of things back in the days when the show was airing), but i don't feel like i totally agree with this view.

of course they don't talk, they don’t express their feelings to one another (every nature of feeling they might be having), but they have a way of circling around the other one as if they were each other's asteroids. they're always close to one another, when one of them is looking for clues or something, you can see the other one is right behind, a few steps back, ready to intervene if they're asked to. and when they loose track of the other one the first thing they do is screaming each other's names like crazy. it's pretty clear that both of them fear loosing the other one more that anything else.

so it's really funny to me that mulder seems the most annoyed by what they're going to do (and who they're going to do it with) — but i think scully's on the same page, she's just good at hiding it. and when the other agent says "communication, that's the key!", they share a moment when they briefly look at each other and than look away.

i think this may be read as embarrassment, like "oh no people found out we don't speak", but i don't think that's the case, they look more resigned than embarrassed. it’s more of a “oh no what did they put us into this time”.

when i started watching season 3 i noticed a shift in how they communicate (here!) i was just at the beginning and i didn't know what was ahead of me, but in a way it's still true. i feel like season 3 really changed the way they move around each other and communicate, and we can particularly see it in episodes like syzygy and wetwired (centered around incommunicability, both with a strong supernatural component. they really feel lost in translation in these ones).

after they get out of the car, scully follows mulder and find him looking at the case they stumbled on. this is obviously an amazing excuse not to attend their conference. this is their conversation:

SCULLY: Mulder, we've got this conference. They're waiting. MULDER: Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully? SCULLY: You want me to tell them you're not going to make it to this year's seminar. MULDER: You see? We don't need that conference. We have communication like that - unspoken. You know what I'm thinking.

what i love about this exchange is that scully's biggest insicurity while working with mulder is feeling left behind by him. in more than one episode she tells him she feels like him was ditching her. and you can notice it here by how she phrases it: “you want me to tell them you're not going", but mulder’s like "we don't need that". it's a way of including her in the decision of not going, but at the same time it shows some mechanisms of their microcosm. he can find an excuse cause he knows she's feeling the same way about it, she's just too polite to say she doesn't wanna go. he just knows.

and then we have the sweetest sequence of the whole episode. mulder's reading stuff about animals on his computer and scully knocks on the door. i feel like in this scene they've switched roles: usually scully's the one focused on work while mulder storms in her motel room with the intention of talking about work and drops the silliest joke his mind can think of. in here he's the one doing the work, and scully's coming in with cheese and wine.

and she's the one that says "I must remind you this goes against the Bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room" HELLO??? she's making jokes now?? but apart from that it's really heartwarming to see her like this: just purely happy to be back, healthy, working with mulder. & when he goes investigating and she realises he was not finding an excuse not to go to the conference but really is interested in what they stumbled upon, she's not even mad or disappointed, she takes a little sip of wine and she's in the case with him.

this is not supposed to be a full analysis so i'm jumping to THE scene. they're alone in the forest, they know nothing about the forest (something similar had happened in Quagmire when they got stuck on a rock, they were so dramatic about it but the coast was just 10 ft apart lol). mulder is hurt and scully is taking care of him, hugging him to keep him warm and letting him sleep. we have another switched roles situation here. mulder has always been by her side, slightly touching her back or her arms, keeping her close. but during the cancer arc physical touch really came through as his love language: he’s hugging her much more, he’s squeezing her hands, he’s even kissing her on the cheeks. after what she’s been through she’s strong enough not to fall asleep during the night, to keep him warm and to look for food the morning after.

+ i love how throuout the episode they keep making jokes related to their collegues, the conference, the communication workshops. like THEY'RE INSUFFERABLE. mulder is always like that but it's also lovely so see scully smile at everything he's saying about it.

this doesn’t really end cause i had a crazy stream of consciousness while writing it, but i hope at least something is understandable.

if the last one is your gif pls tell me! i saved it on my phone two days ago and i can’t find who i stole it from.

[flowers-of-io]

I *can* tell you why Neztea: When his brother Set cut him up into pieces after killing him, Osiris' wife Isis assembled all the pieces and wrapped his body up, enabling him to return to life.

I *can't* tell you why it was Mithrax and us collecting the bits of Nezarec instead of Saint. I *can't* tell you why it was bits of Nezzy in the canopic jars instead of bits of Osiris himself.

I *can* tell you we went through the whole song and dance of Osiris being functionally dead and then functionally revived, as tedious as it may have been, simply because that's the myth of Osiris and that's what Bungie does.

Full disclosure: I'm still perplexed about why it was Nez brew as well, but I personally call as of yet unclear Savathûn shenanigans. One of the biggest motifs associated with her specifically is tea and teacups. Don't believe me? Go do a search on ishtar. Saint's got his suspicious mystery teacup. You know what bone china is made from? Literal bones.

(There's also the Calix Summus emblem, which once again points us back towards the hive and their alchemy and nezzy (with the pyramid line thingy coming out of the cup). Calix = cup, but calix also = calx, one of the products of calcination (if that doesn't ring a bell, look back at the context of the calcified fragments). Summus here probably means something like key or paramount, so... the most importantest cup. Check out the secondary part of them emblem! That's a syzygy!)

If I sound like a lunatic, well... that's fine. The fun thing about Destiny lore is that it *does* reward you for putting in legwork to understand the mythologies and theologies and philosophies it draws from, even if you sound like a maniac to most people.

If you're really curious and want to figure out what happened or is going to happen with Osiris, I'd start looking into the history of Osirian cults and their practices. You might find absolutely fuck all, but you might also find something interesting. I'd do it myself, but I'm balls deep in Hive names and writing systems for the foreseeable future. Oh, and keep an eye on Saint. I'm still not convinced he's gonna make it all the way to the end based on what we know about the story of the phoenix and the turtle dove pigeon

Last thing: If a garden grows in both directions and that garden is a metaphor for the story told in a parable, then the story probably requires as much tending in the past as it does the present.

Good luck, I love you, have fun, pirate books if you have to, and keep your third eye wide fucking open.

(A reply to this post)

First of all, I'm so sorry for missing this message somehow. I've been having issues with not getting (or overlooking?) notifications about new asks and it's driving me a little mad by now.

(Putting the rest under a read more, because it's A LOT)

Second of all, I feel so stupid lmao. Of COURSE it's the Osiris myth eh? I genuinely didn't make the connection AT ALL, despite noticing the damn canoptic jars and being like, huh, interesting! And then my brain didn't follow on it ever. What probably threw me off is what you mention, the fact it was Misraaks and us, and not Saint, collecting the pieces, and that these weren't even Osiris' pieces to begin with. And besides, he wasn't even dead.

There's quite a mix of symbolism in the whole thing here, overall? Nezarec is the Nightmares guy, which makes sense in terms of him being the cure for a guy stuck in a coma--but this acknowledges Osiris' status as *asleep*, not dead, which then throws off the whole myth thing. And remember that one piece of Nezarec is, or is in, the Delicate Tomb--and that gun is very long-time nuclear waste warnings-coded, y'know, the whole "This is not a place of honour" thing. "The danger within is repulsive to us" is as far as you could go referencing to "What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us" while not quoting it verbatim. (And also the Delicate Tomb states "within" because the danger--Nezarec--is literally inside the gun.) The name of the catalyst quest, The Form of the Danger, is a direct quote.

What interests me is the thought process Misraaks and Eido must've gone through to arrive at the conclusion that they should brew this ancient corpse and serve it as tea, but okay, let's suspend our disbelief and say they just studied the remains for a long time (which they did) and within the context of Nezarec being the Nightmares dude, it made some sense.

It's also really funny of Savathûn making *that* the cure for the coma, and very 5D chess for her. She could have reasonably assumed the Witness would go looking for Nezarec's remains when shit hit the fan, in order to have its powerful Disciple back; though how it wanted to revive him I'm not sure, seeing as it was the Traveler's laser beam that inadvertently did the job. But then of course we Guardians would try to stop it, and most likely succeeded, and once Nez's remains were in our hands, we'd obviously study them. And so we'd find the cure. It's so brilliant and so, so unserious.

And yeah, her and tea!!! I'm not sure how to connect Saint's teacup (if you mean the one from Quintessence) here, but "Dûl Incaru serves you poison in a fine tea set of Ahamkara bone" from Truth to Power is iconic. *Ahamkara* bone china!!

You're also so big brained about Calix Summus because I literally didn't know this emblem existed. (For the record, it was included in the January 2024 Prime Gaming bundle.) And yeah if we interpret the graphic as planets and orbits, that is indeed a syzygy... And yeah. Calcified fragments. Gosh this rabbit hole runs so deep.

Bro I NEED to know about what you're cooking regarding Hive names and writing systems!!!!! Your brain is so big and I want to pick it about everything lol.

Oh, I never interpreted the garden growing in both directions as a metaphor for the story told in a parable, but rather the paracausal forces' ability to change past and future + the Black Garden being a four-dimensional thing where space is time, but. BUT. The thing about parables and myths is they bend time, in a way. They connect the past to the present, and so by extension the future. Time there is always circular; they keep happening over and over, regardless of linear history. They aren't physically *real*, but they are true. (Also paging @svedupelle here bc I know he'll be interested.)

Thank you!!! My third eye is so open it's like half of my forehead now.

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

Syzygy: Some Closing Thoughts

I'm writing this at 8pm on my backyard porch, under the wavering light of a distant full moon.  Hello, moon! Please don't kidnap me. I just wanted to hang out with you for a while as I collect my final thoughts. It's a pretty cloudy night tonight, so it's not properly visible, which I suppose is the cloud cover shielding me from a terrible lunar fate. It gives a deliciously hazy atmosphere for the absolute essay I'm about to write.

Apparently, the Farmer's Almanac says that tonight's full moon is a 'Pink Moon', which sounds like it'd be a very pleasant viewing experience. I imagine pastel frangipanis spontaneously sprouting all over the moon's surface, covering every inch of its rocks and crags until the soft pink glow is visible from all the way down here on Earth. Unfortunately it's not named 'Pink Moon' because of that; there's some American environmental factors, etc.

I think it's kind of charming that there's a list of names for every possible full moon, as if the moon's putting on different masks or incarnations every time it tilts just enough that we can see its full face. I'm looking at a list of them now instead of writing these final notes like I probably should. The names are so delightful. Strawberry Moon. Sturgeon Moon. Apparently last month's full moon was Worm Moon. WORM MOON. I could go on. I won't. Let's talk about Syzygy instead.

Syzygy is... Man, where do I even start with this? Let's try the beginning. I started writing Syzygy in February of 2021, after ruminating on it for probably a few months before that, as I often do. That's three years ago, so my memories of the reasons why are a bit fuzzy, but I think I did it for two reasons: one, a desire to have a long-form meaty slowburn fic for a beloved rarepair in the tag so other people could enjoy it, and two, a fascination with the idea of fractured identity, what it means to be a Side without a Centre. The whole thing with the alternate-history steampunk swapped-around Earth came about naturally from that.

Except that's actually kind of a lie, because that's not the beginning, this began in 2020, when I wrote a pitch for a local station that was accepting radio play submissions (rejected, of course) featuring a hardboiled noir detective in a starlit city whose latest client was a tiny shiny girl asking him to solve her father's murder. And that's also a lie, because I think it really began when I tried to write an original novel in high school where the protagonist's name was Avery Allen, because I liked the way the name tripped off my lips.

My stories are always built on each other, especially stories I never get to write. They all recycle into each other in a weird blend of concepts and characters. 2021 was when I sat down and told myself I was going to write the Thomceit time loop fic, and I dove into it with aplomb. I can't recall the exact timeline of events, but at some point I underwent some truly gnarly health problems that left me unable to use my hands for extended periods of time, and so the fic that was meant to be for a Big Bang ended up... Just sitting in a folder for a while. But me and my beta managed to pull it the fuck together, and after adding some extra bits and pieces (the cutaways were a LAST MINUTE ADDITION even though I think they're some of my favorite bits in the whole thing) I started putting it all up.

Okay, there we go, that's enough of an abridged history of this thing. Let's just say: I never expected as many people to like it as it turned out, I thought that it would be a niche little fic for a rarepair, and I was honestly pretty content with that. So it was delightful to see so many people getting so into it, I have enjoyed the FUCK out of all of your comments and theories and predictions. It's been delightful when people predicted a plot point correctly, and honestly even more delightful when they predicted incorrectly. I've had such a blast.

As for the writing... Suffice to say I have many notebooks full of notes and thoughts, more than one spreadsheet to keep track of time loops and lore, and a semi-complete list of all of Virgil's tarot cards, which one day I'll probably polish and share properly, because I think the concept is neat. But that's kind of how it always goes with my writing.

Naming every inspiration for this would take forever and I'd still miss a few, but I'll just throw out a key few ones, because I gotta:

17776: What Will Football Look Like In The Future, because when I first read it I got the wrong idea and thought that Juice (Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer) was short for Betelgeuse (the star), and that sparked a whole thing about living stars in my brain. Also, just the general way that the worldbuilding and absurdity is handled in that world, it scratches my brain just right.

Welcome To Night Vale. I don't think I need to explain this one.

Madeleine L'Engle's writing, particularly A Wind In The Door, particularly-particularly the bit of it where Proginoskes explains why, precisely, he has to remember and Name every star in the universe. Fucking beautiful book.

A particular Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi fic I read years ago and haven't been able to track down again, which also features two people stuck in a time loop who are initially unaware that they're in it together AND dying at the same time. I believe they also meet on a bus? The details are fuzzy. The worldbuilding and descriptions of that fic were so stunning to me, it had me unable to read anything for a solid few weeks, it is definitely a superior work to mine in every respect. If anyone finds it, let me know, I don't think I finished reading it and want to know how it ends.

An unpublished fic that I had the privilege to read while it was being written, that changed my brain chemistry re: the Sides unknowingly existing without Thomas. The Flowerwall Cafe originally hails from this one, too, graciously borrowed and greatly beloved.

Both Ghibli films in general AND Dianna Wynne Jones books in general, and obviously the intersection between the two, Howl's Moving Castle, which is fascinating in how both mediums handle the setting.

The Doctor Who audio drama Scherzo, which is a wild ride, and there's a major plot point revolving around the two main characters holding hands and fusing gruesomely into each other - and another involving an in-story fairy tale.

There was no huge inspiration for the clockwork city and weird steampunk carriages, apart from (perhaps) Fallen London. Certainly, the idea of a background organization that wants to kill the sun, who also happens to be a sentient being, is cribbed from the Liberation of Night.

Syzygy also happens to be packed full of many obscure references to... like... personal projects of mine, some published and some unpublished, as well as a lot of my friends and co-writers, and some really REALLY niche stuff that only I will ever properly understand. I buried a lot of myself into this story, is what I'm saying. Juice hails from a completely different project (a TTRPG with my friends, of which she is a beloved and cherished NPC), the in-universe author for Avery Allen (and Mallory Wynn too) are named for a fictional TV author I created when the writing discord was making a nonexistent fandom, Logan's dumpling recipe is my favorite recipe of all time.

I have an apartment ghost, too. I talk to it regularly.

Final thank-yous, because I want to post this very very soon, I've been typing for too long and the mosquitoes are starting to get to me. Thank you to:

Everyone on the TSS writing server who listened to me complain while I was writing it the first time round, and has subsequently listened to me complain while editing it these past two years. So many people in there are responsible for little bits and pieces - phrasings, words, nicknames, jokes - and I couldn't begin to name everyone who helped.

Saphira and the rest of the people who are currently working on making a full-cast audio drama out of this fic (???) (???!!!!??) (!!!!). It is SO baffling to me that it's happening, I'm in complete disbelief whenever we talk about it or I see the script or I get asked logistics questions, I'm terrified and thrilled to see how it turns out, what the fuck! The very existence of that project has ended up influencing a few things about this fic's endgame, too.

Everyone who's commented extensively, commented entire academic analyses, commented numbered lists, commented laconically, left a single emoji in the comments, left kudos, bookmarked it, sent me asks on Tumblr, given me thumbs-ups on Discord, or even just silently read the fic without interacting at all. Your witness brings my words to existence. Love you love you love you.

And Len, who lives in my brain and my body and my heart and my throat, and who is honestly singlehandedly responsible for dragging this fic out of the depths of Google Docs and into the arms of AO3. They've already said I don't need to thank them, but come on, I totally do. Len is the best beta, and puts up with all sorts of deranged nonsense from me, because I have an unhinged writing process where I don't think about anything before I put it down on the page, and I use way too many connecting-dashes and not enough semicolons. Kisses kisses kisses. Thanks for doing this with me, and I can't wait to do it again.

Myself. I managed to write this and I managed to finish it. That makes me a pretty cool person, all things considered. I'm glad I did this.

What next? I've got to rest. Well, I need to get some things done... and then rest. I've been juggling a hellish amount of projects for a while now, and now Syzygy's finally cleared from my plate, I'm going to try to let the others get cleared too so I can take some time and be less stressed. The Locked Tomb AU will be ongoing, as I get through final edits of chapters, so keep an eye out for that - if you're interested in a fic that's rather less starry and shiny, but very much Thomceit and death themes, check it out  - and then....... Well, whatever comes next, whenever I have the energy to do it. I adore writing in this fandom. I'll be back with something weird soon enough.

Ad astra, baby! It's been a blast.

- Min (2024)

[randomfoggytiger]

Scully and Matters of the Heart: S1-4

Scully's thoughts on love and relationships.

Fire

So, she shows up knowing the power she has over you and then she makes you walk through fire, is that it? ...Mulder, are you sure you don't need me to help you out on this one?

Gender Bender

Hard to imagine in this day and age someone having sex with a perfect stranger.

Lazarus

We dated for almost a year.... But it was always hard for Jack to relax, it was impossible for him, really. He was always so intense, so relentlessly determined.

Tooms

Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone else but you.

One Breath

Mulder? I had the strength of your beliefs.

Firewalker

["He stopped taking his pills. Yeah, he said that they were polluting his brain. And, he said I was polluting his body.... I just want to go home, now."]

Where's home?

["Anywhere but here."]

Aubrey

Things must be difficult for you now. I've had... feelings for people I've worked with. Inner-office relationships can be complicated-- especially when he's married.

Fearful Symmetry

["Whatever... connection he and I had was over long ago."]

But you asked him, anyway. To help you.

D.P.O.

Well, you don't have to be afraid anymore. You and your husband are safe as long as we can count on your testimony.

The List

Woman gets lonely. Sometimes she can't wait around for a man to get reincarnated.

2Shy

You're more than a monster: you didn't just feed on their bodies, you fed on their minds.

War of the Coprophages

Her name is Bambi? ...Her name is Bambi?

Syzygy

["Must be Detective White."]

If that's the reason we're sticking around, that's your business.

Jose Chung's From Outer Space

["...For, although Diana Leski is noble of spirit and pure at heart, she remains, nevertheless, a federal employee."]

Avatar

["He lives under this misguided notion that silence is strength. He's built a wall to keep everyone out."]

Including you?

["Especially me."]

Is that why you were separated?

Home

["I can tell you don't have no children. Maybe one day you'll learn the pride... the love."]

Unruhe

Why did your sister kill herself, Gerry? What did your father do to her?

The Field Where I Died

["Dana, if um... early in the four years we've been working together, an event occurred that suggested or if somebody told you that we'd been friends together... in other lifetimes, always... would it have changed the ways we looked at one another?"]

Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day.

Paper Hearts

["You do this full-time-- telling people this kind of news?"]

No, sir, not full-time.

El Mundo Gira

He didn't kill her, Mulder.... Mulder, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think the aliens in this story are not the villains but the victims.

Never Again

This circle: it usually starts when an authoritative or controlling figure comes into my life; and part of me likes it-- needs it, wants the approval-- but then at a certain point along the way I just... y'know.

Memento Mori

For the first time, I feel time like a heartbeat: the seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning. The numinous mysteries that once seemed so distant and unreal threatening clarity in the presence of a truth entertained not in youth but only in its passage. I feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share my burden as I have come to trust no other. That you should know my heart-- look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you-- is a comfort to me now as I feel the tethers loose....

Kaddish

And through all this he hid the ring?

["Even after the war, he hid it. Even from my mother."]

Why?

["Because to him it was a dead relic from a forgotten place. Until the day I told him I was getting married; and for the first time in fifty years, he took out this ring. He said he felt his village was being born again. He knew how much I loved Isaac."]

Unrequited

Mulder, what she has is a simple... hemorrhage brought on by her emotional state.

Max

["Can I buy you a drink?"]

No, it's okay-- I'm with somebody.

Synchrony

Lisa, if you're leaving anything out-- if you're hedging the truth, you could be held accountable if Jason committed a crime.

Small Potatoes

No, I'm seeing a whole new side of you, Mulder.

["Is that a good thing?"]

I like it.

Elegy

I mean, maybe in some drug-addled way she was trying to kill happiness-- Harold's happiness. His love for those women. Trying to destroy something she never thought she'd have again.

Demons

["Why shoot herself and her husband?"]

I can't say definitively; but judging from an almost identical suicide... I believe that the victims were suffering....

Gethsemane

Hey, look, just because I haven't bared my soul to you or to Father McCue or to God doesn't mean I'm not responsible to what's important to me.

["To what? To who? This guy Mulder?"]

Thank you for reading~ Enjoy!

[girls--complex]

Been enjoying your art for quite a while now! I really need to see and know more about transgender warriorprince, it almost could be a drawing of current me irl, and i'm amab. Definitely one of my goals in a sense, long story. Thanks!

Well I was actually going to do a lore sheet of the current character "within" that archetype soon I'll do this later I'll say a few things though...

First I have a Tezuka star system or Fate/like saber face type way of looking at this where there's the visual archetype that forms the basis of different mind soldiers... So maybe the more interesting thing to you is the archetype versus the specific guy.

Also that I think amab Tboy can be a real gender if you want. It also doesn't matter if you're a real thing or if someone else tells you you're a real thing or not bt I want to put it out there the reality that sometimes a Tboy is a Tboy regardless of the mundane realities we consider essential to Tboy izm

Transgender warrior prince guy as an archetype is someone who Has kind of an earthen perspective and an emphasis on well-being and balance that can translate to pragmatism or to reductive worldview. A great capacity for nobility and valor and also like greed and reactionary patterns and violence. He's broadly solar. If I want to learn more about his medicne I have to let him ferment longer in my mind bunker I think. Here's some of the "in character" knowledge:

In his capacity as Michal's yaoi consort (momentary scizzoring and crying based yaoi that collapses amicably due to incompatible goals/both being stone (?)) he functions as both relational ground to reinvent herself after first 20ish years of her life overshadowed by weapons grade socially fuckin shattering mental illness and also an initial object of compassion that disrupts tha cluster B malicious destroyer patterns. Conversely she as his yaoi consort demonstrates a human soul with ready access to the absolute fucking depth of misery and despair and the golden gleaming heights of ecstasy and genius which disrupts his sort of comfortably narrow affect N points him to inward spiritual portal ....

Oh his name is Gregory "Gory" Slaughter with the baptismal name "Ataraxio", selected by Michal as translation of masculine Sanskrit name Ananda, one of her hobbies is pretending to understand linguistics. Begins to practice syncretic woodland catholicism on tail end of 1st saturn return.

Helping? Interesting? Maybe. It's a cartoon so modular glyph that can be ensouled by spirits peculiar to each viewer (grimoire on metaphysics of cartooning forthcoming). Interested in your response or elaboration but it's allowed to be secret. More pictures?

Playfighting with lunar syzygy (want to do a real version of this pic sometime)

Girl and boy forms, as Gory

Thank you for aksing me ? Love excuse to rant and rave

[doodlezpoststuff]

@lmkobsessedmoth Sorry for deleting your question but to answer your question. The rat(aka Li Yin) in the og au I still haven't made a proper name yet but I'll call it Syzygy au for now. Yes, she has a parent and they asked her to be created by Nuwa her family isn't her biological mother or father but the Qing accepted her with a warm hug. Skip the trauma, she was captured by a guy named Taiyi Zhenren who tried to teach her to harness her power but that failed, and because she ended up blinding a LOT of soldiers, led had no choice but to call Jinzha and made him the mentor for Li yin. Btw Jinzha was the one who healed those soldiers and here they are. She still has that golden band around her neck and two on her wings.

[rcmclachlan]

tease tidbit tuesday

thanks @dadvans for the tag! This comes from Permission Slip, my current WIP prequel to Heritage Site.

Touya lets out a long sigh and looks at the ceiling. "It's… bad."

"Tell me anyway." Tell me how long this has been happening without my knowledge. Tell me if you were thinking of them every time I let you inside me. Tell me their name. Tell me who wrestled your heart away from Tsukishiro Yukito's ghost. Tell me who I must concede defeat to. You owe me this, Yue thinks viciously, which is unfair but feels justified.

Kinomoto Touya has always been brave, far more than anyone ever gave him credit for until his showdown with Ma Hajime. He inhales deeply, steels his shoulders, and looks Yue right in the eye.

"I accidentally invited a fourth grade class from Tomoeda Elementary here for a field trip."

The first time Yue had ever seen a television set was when Sakura was still just a girl. She had been looking for a way to watch family movies and needed an older television to connect to the ancient contraption the movies had been filmed on. There was one in the attic her father had held onto from his first year of marriage to Nadeshiko, and it took Sakura, Touya, their father, Daidouji Tomoyo, and two of Syaoran's horrible sisters to figure out how to run it. When they first turned it on, the television produced a jarring sound that had Yue reaching for a blade, as well as a million shifting black and white dots that Touya called "snow."

That awful, jagged sound is all Yue can hear as he stares at Touya.

Touya stares back, then throws the match by averting his gaze to the floor. He rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish grimace, looking as if every word is being pulled out of him with rope. "Uh, they're coming Friday."

Stunned, Yue looks down at the stretched-out magic of the syzygy tide on his workshop table and, with mounting horror, says, "I would have vastly preferred infidelity to this."

"Yeah, I know," Touya grumbles, then blinks. "Wait, you what?"

Tagging @ataraxetta, @sonatine, @alchemyalice, @stitchyblogs, @lemonistas, and @itsevidentvery

[sophia-goodnight-poetry]

My Heart

My heart is a poem Wait, don’t go yet I know it’s trite, stolen from better poets But it’s common for a reason My heart has a rhythm all its own It’s a freeform poem It weaves in and out of its own meaning Contradicts itself with every line Building more meaning than it thinks. My heart dances a rhythm you can only hear If you already like it. My heart is a poem About you

My heart is a patchwork quilt I never learned to sew but I’ve stitched it together myself anyway It’s made of so many fabrics and patterns Made of my loves and my pains That block’s my favorite story That block’s my dead cat There’s one for each person I love And that’s a lot of people And one for each person I hate Which is a few. This quilt beats like a normal heart And with each thump It’s fit to burst its seams. My heart’s spread out To keep you warm at night

My heart is a game With complex rules Strange tokens Cards with arcane effects like “Skip a turn when you see her” “Take an extra turn when you see him” “Gain a token when you see them” “Win the game when she walks into the room.” I’m lucky Many will play this game with me Even if they don’t understand the rules. My heart’s a cooperative game Your turn’s next

My heart is a metaphor Stretched to the breaking point Describing something it doesn’t even resemble But carrying on about it anyway It’s working extra time to describe itself To name the meaning in what it feels. It’s collapsing like a house of cards And, defeated in its expression, Just says I love you.

You can support my poetry on Patreon if you're so inclined!

[lyricalive]

We spend our whole lives waiting for the stars to align, but maybe it's already happened.  The fated alignment of me, and her, and me.

——Say, Renko.  Have you ever heard the legend of the purple mirror?

幻想惑星直列 〜 Phantasmal Syzygy

#01  The Mystery in Your Town

    – "11:59:55..."

    – "Huh?"

    – "And there it is, 12 o'clock!  Happy birthday, Merry!"

My name is Maéreverie Hearn, but I've become far more used to the nickname given to me by my club partner.  On top of nearly forgetting my own name, I'd also nearly managed to forget my own birthday.  Between odd course schedules and late-night excursions, it's a bit hard to keep track of the days.

    – "Oh, so it is."

    – "Hm...  Even though I say 'happy,' you don't look too happy about it."

My partner, Renko Usami, rests her cheek upon her fist as she sees through my forced smile.  I wave my hand dismissively at her concern.

    – "Well, it's not like I was born at exactly midnight.  No need to celebrate prematurely."

    – "What time was it, then?"

    – "How should I remember?"

    – "Do you happen to have a photo of your birth?  Maybe I can tell from the sky."

    – "I wasn't born out in the wilderness, you know!"

The special ability of Renko's unusual eyes is to tell the exact time by looking at the stars and the exact location by looking at the moon.  Studying photographs for this information is how we've gotten our leads for various occult investigations, but there are limits to its practical usage.

Even so, I treasure those eyes very much.

She goes on for a bit, pestering me to call my family overseas to ask for this trivia, which I defiantly refuse.  Any contact with them feels like a distant past that I have no wish to go back to.  I moved to this faraway country for a reason.  That reason was to learn more about my own unsettling eyes, something I always expected to do quietly and alone until Renko came along.

It's surprising to think that's it's only been three years... or three years already.

#02  Higan Retour ~ Riverside View

Three years ago.

It was shortly after our trip to the ghostly field at Rendaino, where we got our first glimpse of another world together.  On the heels of this, one of our earliest successes, Renko had insisted that we carry on the momentum full-force.

She decided to investigate a certain abandoned shrine that cropped up a lot in her stash of old photos.  Her source for these photos seemed sketchy to me at the time, though there's plenty of evidence for their validity by now.

I remember the silhouette of the shrine building, looming just a short way back over my shoulder.  Surrounded by trees and moonlit darkness, Renko pulls me along by the hand, as she always does.  Then she suddenly stops, narrowing her eyes at the moon in the sky.

    – "The area here is so strange.  We've been walking for almost an hour, but we've barely changed location."

    – "Are you sure you're not just navigationally challenged?"

    – "What are you talking about?  I'm a human GPS!"

    – "You're also a human clock, yet you were late to our meeting today."

    – "Touché."

I used to be rather harsh with my teasing, didn't I?  Nowadays, she's usually the one who teases me instead.

    – "Still, it feels odd to me too.  Hakurei Shrine…  We keep cycling back to it somehow."

    – "Hey, Merry.  Do you know about Zeno's paradox?"

    – "Zeno's paradox?  The name sounds familiar."

    – "It has to do with the infinite nature of limits... the phenomenon of getting closer to the goal, but never reaching it.  I strongly suspect that's what's happening here."

    – "Are you saying this barrier is impossible to cross?"

Renko shakes her head with the absolute confidence I've since come to expect from her.

    – "Of course not.  Not for us, anyway."

The sparkle in her eyes as she says this is as bright and vivid as a dream.

Despite her confidence, we didn't end up solving the mystery that day.  That's usually how our club adventures go.  We spent some time searching the shrine, and we took home a souvenir that we found in the ruins for further study.  Just a small hand mirror, silver-rimmed, not particularly valuable.

But for its own sake... it was fun.  Although we couldn't get close to our destination, I think it brought the two of us closer.  And with that, subtly, something important shifted in my perception.

    – "Let's keep searching together, until we find it!"

No matter who or what may be manipulating the distance, the other side must exist somewhere.  There's a part of me that wants to get there, no matter what.  And there's also a part of me that doesn't want the search to end.

It's as if Renko brings forth a new definition of "dream."

Come to think of it, it was rather soon after this excursion that I started experiencing my first strange dreams…

#03  Gensokyo, Past and Present ~ Flower Land

    – "Is there anything you want as a birthday present, Merry?"

    – "Yes, there is.  An eight-tier cake with gourmet chocolate and genuine fruit toppings."

    – "Darn.  I think our local café is fresh out…"

With a smirk, Renko turns the joke on me as expected.

    – "Hee-hee, I'm just kidding.  I don't need anything in particular."

    – "Aw, don't give me that.  There must be something."

I put my hand to my chin and think a little more deeply.  What is it that I want…?

To be honest, the certain circumstances of today have made me somehow anxious about getting through the night.  So, as mawkish as it may be, the best gift that I could receive is just the comfort of her presence.

    – "Well… I suppose it would be nice if we shared a good dream tonight."

It hardly sounds like a request worthy of a special occasion.  I can visit dreams at any time.

In fact, it's grown increasingly natural to visit this one particular world every time I close my eyes.  Overflowing fields of golden flowers… cool air stirred by a wind god's wings… the sound of younthful fairies' laughter… and bright sparks of fireworks even against the daylight sky.

Whenever I think about it, this is definitely where I want to be.  It's such an amazing place that I could almost lose myself in it.  I could almost forget to wake up.

That is, until I remember Renko waiting for me in reality.  It's awfully ironic that Renko was the one who inspired me to be so interested in my own dreams, by showing me how much fun they can be to chase.  Yet she's also the reason I fear them most—the fear of being apart from her.

Then, the ideal dream is one where she and I can explore it together.  That's what makes this request special.

Maybe it's selfish of me to want the best of both worlds.  My heart aches to imagine ever having to choose.

Of course, if it came down to it, my choice would be…

    – "Let's do that!  It would be my pleasure!"

I smile at her earnestness, and wonder why we don't take advantage of this method far more often.  It's as simple as holding her close while we sleep, placing my hands over her eyes...

As soon as we turn out the lights, the mood of the room shifts.  We lay down on our sides, and I feel the curve of her warm body against mine.  I slip my arms past her waist, bending them up toward her face, and rest the palms gently on her eyelids.

And so, as Renko and I go to sleep together that night, we share a dream.

However... in the world we see, there are no fireworks, no fields of flowers or fairies playing.

There is only, against a twilight sky, a strange woman with a parasol standing before a vaguely familiar shrine gate.

#04  Eternal Spring Dream

Three days ago.

During one of many perfectly average meetings set in the clubroom of our university, Renko and I are engaged in conversation.  Because it's only the two of us in such a wide room, the space between the walls seems cavernous, like even a whisper would echo all the way across.

    – "I've been doing more research on the dream realm."

    – "Research, meaning...?"

    – "These notes."

Of course, she means the thorough collection of notes that can be sourced back to the Secret Sealing Club of a former era.  They were originally digital files, but Renko had printed them out for the convenience, and perhaps for the aesthetic, of tactile experience.  For a modern girl, she has some surprisingly old-fashioned values.

    – "Is it that theory again?  About the dream self?"

    – "It is.  Supposedly, every person alive has a corresponding dream self."

She straightens her tie with nimble fingers and prepares to explain.

    – "The dream self is almost identical to the person it belongs to—except that it carries their deepest and most repressed wishes, which explains how unrestrained people act in their dreams."

    – "Essentially, it's a self with fewer boundaries."

I have to chime in, because she's overstepping my specialty a bit.  The psychology of the self is something I've studied a lot.  Of course, it's a study that tends to lead fruitlessly in circles.

A person's unique consciousness is born from their choices under free will.  At the same time, people have thoughts that they choose not to act upon, which remain within the subconscious.

But because those hidden thoughts and wishes do exist, there must also exist some quantum reality in which the person consciously chooses such thoughts.  So, the person who would have been born from the choices which you didn't make, but which you could have made... but which you did make, sometime and somewhere...  Calling this a different person is pure semantics, right?

Well, I suppose that the quantum entanglement of multiple possible realities is Renko's specialty, too.  So I let her continue.

    – "Something like that.  This similar yet distinct entity is the one who actually experiences the physical events in the dream realm."

    – "I'm not sure if I follow.  In the first place, I still have scars on my own body from things that happened in my dreams."

    – "Exactly.  So here's the question raised by that contradiction:  Assuming there is supposed to be a different body taking the hits for you…  Where exactly is it?  Where is your dream self?"

    – "Ah, I see...  Maybe my dream self is off playing hooky somewhere, and I'm being forced to take her place."

    – "Right.  It really would explain a lot about the way you experience dreams compared to everyone else!"

    – "Oh, but you know me.  I'm so well-behaved.  No version of me would ever be so irresponsible."

    – "Ha ha!  I'll give you credit; that was a good joke."

    – "You aren't supposed to laugh that quickly!  How rude."

Despite protesting, I giggle along with her.  Within a few minutes, though, her expression grows serious again.

    – "There's also another way of looking at it."

    – "What's that?"

    – "Think about it, Merry.  What is it that you always say?"

    – "…"

    – "'Dreams and reality are the same.'  If this is your objective truth, then..."

    – "Then, my dream self is..."

Just me...?

    – "Crazy, right?  I still think there's got to be some consistent logic to dreams.  But the way your dreams work doesn't make any sense.  If only one person in the whole world could be an exception to the rule, it's you."

Renko flips the page of printed materials, eyes wildly scanning it all over.  I don't really know what to make of all these theories right away, so all I can do is look down at the documents.

Most of the text on the pages is typewritten, as if on a word-processing application.  But there are a few lines scribbled along the side of the document in very messy handwriting, perhaps via a tablet's touch screen.  I've never focused on those lines before.

I tilt my head to try and make out the words, which Renko doesn't seem to be acknowledging as anything but random symbols.

    – "Purple... mirror."

    – "What's that, Merry?"

    – "Mm, nothing."

The words that I was casually reading didn't mean anything to me at the time.  But they lingered in my mind long enough that I decide to type them into a search engine that night.

...A terrible choice.  The search results send a chill down my spine.

Which brings me back to my terribly anxious feeling on the present day.

#05  Charming Domination ~ Who Done It?

We awaken from our dream.  With a heavy exhale, my bedfellow stretches her arms high in the air, rustling the pillows beneath us.

Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy the dream as much as I hoped I would.

    – "She was there.  A beautiful woman with blonde hair.  You saw her, right?"

I rub my cloudy eyes as I try my best to recall the image.  In the dream, we had tried to approach the woman, at Renko's insistence.  But no matter how far we walked, we never seemed to get any closer.  It was as if the stone path at our feet were a travelator conveying us in the opposite direction.

Her demeanor dark and solemn, the woman didn't seem to acknowledge us at all.  Eventually, she folded her parasol without a word and vanished into the shadows.

    – "You say beautiful, but she seemed pretty nasty to me."

    – "What do you mean, nasty?"

Most disgusting, the parts of yourself that you don't want to see.

    – "..."

I open my mouth to speak.  But the words that had come to mind are so unintelligible, I have no reason to say them.  These intrusive thoughts have been bothering me more and more lately, and I can't understand where they're coming from.

    – "There was an aura of elegance and mystery.  She was so captivating; I couldn't take my eyes off of her."

    – "All right already.  You don't have to obsess about her."

Renko laughs, a sharp and carefree laugh.

    – "Merry, don't tell me you're jealous."

    – "Huh...?"

My cheeks grow warm at the accusation.  Is that really what I'm feeling?  How silly, to be jealous of an image from a dream...  Surely, that's all she is to Renko.

The problem is that I sensed something off about her... in a much different way than anything else.  Her expression as she stood before us in that dream was difficult to read.  Lonely?  Somber?  …Menacing?  I couldn't trust her.  Or maybe that's just my excuse.  I pout stubbornly.

    – "You know, she kind of reminded me of you.  But don't worry.  It can't beat the real thing."

'Real'...  It's always such a funny word to hear.  I don't think I'll ever quite wrap my head around just how she uses it.  After all, to me, dreams and reality are the same.

That makes this scary person all the scarier.

#06  Yorimashi Between Dreams and Reality ~ Necro-Fantasia

    – "Hmph!  I'm telling you, I don't think that person and I had anything in common."

I feel the need to exaggerate this, in order to make myself feel better.

    – "Eh?  Take a look in a mirror.  I swear it was your eyes, mostly, that seemed so similar."

Never one for talk without action, she quickly begins scavenging around for a mirror.  Conveniently, there happens to be one resting in the top drawer of the bedside dresser.  I recognize the object that she withdraws.

    – "Oh.  That's the magic item we used at the bar."

Our riskiest club activity to date, we had visited a shady tavern and entertained its patrons with visions of other worlds, reflected right in this silver mirror.

    – "Well, we told them it was a magic item, but it's just an old relic we borrowed from a shrine a long time ago."

    – "Borrowing something usually means you bring it back at some point."

    – "Irrelevant.  The point is, it was only magic because of your abilities.  You can use it for everyday purposes too."

I wonder about her words as I glance into the mirror.  The picture is blurry at first, maybe because I'm still drowsy from sleep.  I try my best to focus.

Staring into the glass, I recognize the shape of my face, round cheeks thinning into a dull point.  Wavy blonde hair falls over my thick eyebrows.

And below that... Renko often compares my eyes to a kaleidoscope.  Changing with the light at different times of day, the color is always a surprise, even to me.  Bright gold, vivid red, calm blue.  I widen them for a clearer analysis, letting the light absorb into them.

Right now, the deep color I see is...

 I am you, but you are not me.

No.  Something's not right.

My fingers began to tremble in a way I can't control.  Instinctively, I draw in a sharp gasp of breath.

    – "Ah, careful!"

Renko's arms wrap around mine, her tight grip steadying the object before it drops.  I let out my held breath in a dramatic rush as I jolt my head in her direction.

She's gazing back at me.  The moment that I can see myself reflected in her own dark brown eyes instead of in the mirror, somehow, it calms me down.  I relax against her grip.

    – "…Thank you.  I don't know what got into me."

She removes the glass from my hands and places it safely back on the dresser before leaning in for a peck on my forehead.

    – "Never mind, Merry.  On second thought, it's like... the difference between a binary star and an optical double."

    – "Huh?"

    – "In celestial astronomy, two bodies may seem to overlap, even though they're actually be very far apart."

    – "By that, you mean..."

    – "You and the dream-you aren't even comparable after all."

Her analogies are roundabout, but her logic is straightforward as ever.

    – "Mm.  Well, congratulations on your good taste."

#07  Romantic Escape Flight

It's the morning after our dream, the morning of my birthday, and classes will be starting in a few hours.  There isn't a single part of me that feels motivated to do something as mundane as listen to lectures.  I linger idly in front of the closet as Renko uses my bathroom to brush her teeth.

From the rack, I choose a dress in my typical style, which is a rather atypical style for our era.  Living chronologically is overrated, isn't it?  The charming frills and lavender color are timeless, in my opinion.  I'm not thinking very deeply about it at the moment, though, as I half-heartedly pull the collar over my head.

    – "Backwards, Merry."

    – "Eh?"

    – "You're a grown adult now.  The only ones allowed to wear their clothes reversed are little kids and reflections in the mirror."

    – "Very funny."

Renko, finished with her own preparations, hovers behind me with an air of that playful tone I know her for.  I immediately pull my arms back through the sleeves and adjust my mistake.  But by the time I finish flipping my hair out of the collar and glance back at Renko, her tone has shifted.

    – "Hey, ever since last night…  No, even before then, you've been a little off.  There must be something big on your mind."

Renko is always very physically observant of her surroundings, but she picks only the strangest times to be emotionally observant as well.  In this case, she isn't wrong.  I must be making it all too obvious.

    – "Sort of.  Say, Renko…"

Have you heard the legend of—

Wait, no!  That's not what I want to say.  It's the very last thing I want to say!

    – "Huh?"

    – "Ugh, I'm sorry.  It's… something I really can't talk about."

Even as they leave my mouth, I know I've chosen the wrong words.  These words will only pique Renko's curiosity all the more.

    – "But we're partners, aren't we?  You can tell me anything!"

    – "It's not that I'm trying to keep a secret.  It's... complicated."

    – "I'm pretty smart, you know.  Maybe I can help figure it out."

I know.  The problem is she's so studious that, if I mention it, she'd certainly start researching it immediately.  Renko is someone who believes that all knowledge is good.  But I've read enough horror stories to know that the most curious one is always the first to fall.

    – "I'll tell you tomorrow, all right?  I promise.  Today, I really need to clear it from my mind."

Renko blinks a few times before her lips curve into a frown.  She beholds me with a somewhat pitying expression, clearly not understanding how I could be so negative on such a positive day.  She reaches up gently and rests one hand on my right shoulder.

    – "Merry.  Could it be... you're afraid of getting older?"

#08  Voyage 1970

Am I afraid...?  Is that part of why I've been feeling so strange?  Twenty years isn't even all that old in our modern era where such long lifespans are possible.

Besides, age is just a number.  It's always been difficult for humans to come to a consensus on when a person has fully matured.  The age of attending school, the age of drinking alcohol—all of these things change with society.  And yet, based on the development of the brain, modern psychology still might not consider me an adult.

I believe, and my partner would surely agree, that the best measure of life is by the knowledge we gain and the experiences we have.  If that's the case, shouldn't I be excited to grow up?

Well, it's not that simple.  The state of the body, the state of the mind, and the state of the world that continues to change with time all affect the opportunities to experience things.  If I'm being honest, my ideal might be to freeze time and remain on this very boundary of childhood of adulthood, where it seems like every opportunity is offered at once.

Oh.  Renko asked me a question, didn't she?

    – "Not at all~  I've decided, I'm going to be eternally seventeen."

My partner's grin returns.  She seems satisfied with my genuinely positive answer.

    – "Seventeen, huh?  Nice choice.  You'll have good physical fitness, and you'll never see a single gray hair."

    – "That's not really why...  Seventeen was freshman year.  That was my age when we met.  It was an interesting year for me."

The year of our partnership.  The year of our first club activity.  The year of my first strange dream.  My life changed so much.  It began to feel like the life I want.

    – "Then, let's keep living it!"

At her words, I feel a mischievous smile cross my lips, boosting my spirits.  Though I didn't know it before, I realize that this is exactly what I hoped to hear from her.

I want to keep living it right now.

    – "…Hey, Renko.  Are you up for playing hooky today?"

[Intermission]  Last Occultism ~ Esotericist of the Present World

You there.  The one who is so interested in urban legends.

...Hm?  There's no need for that frightened face.  The incident has been long resolved, so I'm not angry with you anymore.

In fact, in exchange for all the fascinating tales you brought to us, I simply wanted to offer you one to take back home in return.

Have you heard the legend of the purple mirror?

Here is a small warning in advance:  Those under a certain age, you might want to cover your ears now.

Oh, my, did that make you all the more intrigued?

This story is about a sickly girl, who spent most of her life being treated for her strange illness.

When she was young, her parents gave her a gift—a beautiful antique hand-mirror that had been passed down for generations.  She always carried it with her, and treasured it dearly.  When she looked in the mirror, despite the unpleasant effects of her ailments on her body, she was able to see herself as beautiful.

However, one morning, just short of her 20th birthday, she found that the metallic rim around the glass had been painted purple.  She had no recollection of making this change herself.  But those around her had witnessed her in the act, eyes focused, paintbrush in hand.  They had even heard her give a very clear reason in her own words—simply, "I love the color purple!"

Having no recollection of the trancelike state in which she had done this, the girl was frightened.  Her illness began to worsen, and her mental state began to deteriorate.  From then on, when she looked in the mirror, she no longer saw herself as beautiful.

What did she see instead?  That much is unclear, but it can only be assumed that it was something far more terrifying.  In her impulsive fear, she threw the mirror to the ground and smashed it to pieces.  No longer was she able to see anything at all.

The day before what would have been her coming-of-age ceremony, she locked herself in her room, repeating the words, "Purple mirror.  Purple mirror.  Purple mirror"—over and over again.  Ah, how her loved ones blustered with concern!  But alas, there was no longer anything they could do to help.

These were the last words ever heard from the sickly girl.  She passed away in her sleep before she could ever see her 20th year.

Through the intense feelings of this young woman, these words now carry a strong curse.  Just by hearing them, dear listener, I'm afraid you are also in danger.  It is said that, if one still remembers this story by the time of their 20th birthday, they shall suffer the same premature fate.

The moral of the story is…  Oh.

Why, how embarrassing.  I seem to have completely forgotten my own point.

I'll leave it to you.  What do you think is the lesson here?

#09  Eternal Shrine Maiden

    – "Hakurei Shrine.  It seems like fate keeps leading us back here."

We're lucky to have caught a train that got us all the way up to the mountain within the hour.  We had a small bit of hiking to do, just like last time.  I end up less winded, so I must have gotten a bit more in shape over these few years of excursions.

Still, no amount of stamina could clear this endless path.  This is as close as we're likely to get.

    – "I remember this like it was just yesterday, and the mysterious way that the scenery kept looping."

The shrine grounds are overgrown and abandoned.  But there is a sort of lively spirit that shines through it.  Even if that liveliness is not the truth of this world, my eyes must be seeing the truth somewhere...

The iconic gate, more rust-colored than red, and asymmetrically inclined with age, welcomes us into the only landmark of an area on the otherwise unbounded premises.

    – "We know, from last time, that the area out further than this is protected by some sort of illusion."

    – "Mm..."

    – "But maybe there's an alternate way through?  A clue we didn't find yet inside the shrine building.  A key, or a back door..."

It's a fine idea.  But there is something else on my mind to do first.  Something I want to return, rather than something I want to take.

My eyes gravitate toward the central altar of the shrine.  On the altar, above the cracked remains of an empty donation box, there is an empty space.  A small metal stand, resting upon on a jutting wooden shelf.

    – "The stand is still here, just as we last saw it."

    – "Ah!  This is where we found that useful souvenir last time."

Renko approaches the altar, and instinctively assumes the position to make a prayer.

I follow after her, wondering whether I ought to have a specific prayer in mind.  Or is it all right if it's just a ceremonious gesture?

I clap my hands together twice, and close my eyes.

#10  Swim in a Sakura-Colored Sea

After making the prayer, I take a moment to look around.

Framed parallel around the altar are two large moss-covered statues, whose forms are difficult to make out.  But I'm rather sure that they're supposed to be Chinese lion dogs, guardians of the sacred building.

    – "Take a look at these statues, Merry.  They're kind of cute."

    – "I agree.  The moss looks a bit like shaggy green fur."

From her bulky dark-colored backpack, which she brings along on every excursion, Renko takes out a camera phone.  She then stretches her arm forward, so that the front screen faces the both of us while capturing the scene of the shrine altar in the background.

    – "Merry, look this way.  Say ah~un!"

    – "Ah~..."

    – "Un!"

Once she's snapped the photo, I rest my chin on her shoulder to look at the image on the screen.  Renko and I appear comfortably in the center, and the two statues appear on either side of the frame.

Traditionally, these guardians are supposed to be facing perfectly forward, on vigilant alert.  But amidst the dilapidation of the shrine, the ground beneath the statues' bases has shifted so that they are slightly skewed.

    – "How funny.  They're turned in opposite directions."

Komainu are a symbol of duality.  Rather than being two separate creatures, these dogs are actually two halves of the same divine beast.

What an interesting perspective that sort of existence must offer.  You might think that a single being can't look both ways at once, and yet...

I'm reminded of the task I wanted to do.  From my own knapsack, I retrieve the old silver-rimmed souvenir that used to be stowed in our bedside dresser drawer.

#11  Ore From the Age of the Gods

    – "Renko.  I think we should—"

Before I can speak, our attention is distracted.

Seemingly cast from behind, an odd shadow crosses our line of sight, streaking quickly over the mossy stone path.

    – "Huh?  What's that?"

By the time we turn around, whatever had cast the shadow is gone.

My brow furrows with a bit of concern, as I brush a lock of hair nervously behind my ear and inch closer to Renko's side.

    – "I'm not sure...  Such a vague shadow could be just about anything."

    – "So it was vague to you too.  I thought maybe you saw it differently."

    – "I'm afraid not."

    – "Well.  If Merry's eyes didn't see it, we can probably conclude it's nothing important."

    – "...Hm-hm."

I graciously accept the unbounded faith that Renko has in me.  It makes me feel at ease.

    – "It's frustrating to be teased, though.  The shape of a shadow is always only one half of the picture."

    – "Mm..."

My partner brings her hand to her chin, the gears in her mind turning as always.

    – "Hey, Merry.  Do you know about Plato's cave?"

    – "Plato's cave.  Yes, I'm familiar with that one."

    – "When people are stuck in a cave, instead of seeing what's happening outside, all they can see are shadows on the wall."

    – "And they have no choice but to assume that to be their reality."

    – "You know, I've always wondered.  In that allegory, what exactly is keeping them from just leaving the cave?"

I smile at Renko's simplistic sense of determination.  If all of humanity shared this enlightened straightforward attitude, philosophy would come to an end as quickly as physics has.

    – "If they aren't physically imprisoned, it must just be their own minds trapping them there.  I suppose that's the whole point."

    – "In other legends, the goddess Amaterasu was said to be stuck in a cave for a long time.  Do you remember what it was that lured her out?"

    – "Let me think.  She came outside because she thought she saw a brand-new god waiting outside to meet her.  Though it was actually just... a mirror."

Renko closes her eyes thoughtfully for a moment, then breaks into an amused smile.

    – "What an interesting lesson.  Sometimes, the way to the truth is through an illusion."

I glance down at the mirror in my hands.  It's such a timeless symbol.  We used this mirror to see images of the dream world... which makes sense, because a mirror itself is a boundary.

In ancient times, the very first human who saw themselves in a mirror reflection of water must have been very shocked.  The shock of seeing the other side of reality, that fear of boundaries, created something that echoed through time.

And the truth that you acknowledge echoes back.

...Something's wrong.

Once again, something is in my thoughts.

Something that I'm not quite sure is me.

#12  Ultimate Truth

I gaze into the glass of the mirror.

I'm uncomfortable looking at it, but at the same time, it feels like I need to.

Perhaps you should look closer.

Violet eyes stare back at me.  The image looks more dissimilar to me than it does similar.

Where are these thoughts coming from?  For the moment, it's the only voice I can hear.

Perhaps you should look away.

The thought immediately contradicts itself.  I don't understand...

My body is stiffly frozen in place, as I don't know which thoughts to follow.

This world exists for you to chase.

This mirror, we determined, was not a magic item.

So I don't believe the mirror is talking to me...

It must be because there is a strong spiritual sense in the air around this shrine, that my own perception is drastically acting up.

It also exists because you chase it.

This is a paradox.  A sort of riddle.

In a daze, entirely spacing out from my surroundings, I seem to have nothing better to do than to ponder this riddle.

    – "...?"

I'm reminded of something I once learned... about a certain definition of "dream."

Something that you want to reach—but it can only be called a "dream" because you haven't reached it.

The answer to the paradox might be a dream, or an illusion.  Like the dreamlike scenes that have appeared in this glass before.

Yet, I cannot allow you to chase too freely.

If contaminants get mixed in, they've got to be eliminated.

Without averting my eyes from the mirror, I mumble under my breath another paradox that I've heard recently.

    – "I am you, but you are not me...  ...!!"

With a sharp pang, I feel a pressure in my head, and a tightening in my chest.

I can't be sure if something external is affecting me, or if the charged atmosphere is compounding my own anxieties.  About this mirror.  About this day.  About myself.

    – "Merry!?  What's the matter?"

Renko's voice pierces through to my ears—

—as she draws her face close enough to mine to see herself in the mirror, too, to see what I'm seeing.

The thick strands of her brown hair, tied loosely in a red ribbon, are dangling next to my cheek.

Her eyes, those eyes that I so treasure, are open wide and round.

Catching small rays of the sun, which is just now beginning to set, I can see specks on light like stars glittering inside of them...

My star.  Like a binary star, bound by gravity.

    – "...Renko."

I watch the mouth of my reflection form the syllables of her name.

Even though the mirror image is backwards... it's showing me the truth.

Somehow, I can recognize my own face looking back at me more clearly when it's by her side.

Of course, this face is Merry Hearn, the dream-chasing member of the Secret Sealing Club.

This is just one tiny corner of reality.  But I you will do everything in my your power to defend it.

...

I calmly lower the mirror, and turn decisively to my partner.

    – "Renko...  I'm fine.  I was just thinking about how we need to return this mirror we borrowed."

    – "Oh?"

    – "There are other treasures out there.  Let's return it now."

After a moment to process my words, Renko sighs with a chuckle.

    – "I see...  I figured that's part of why you wanted to come.  I guess you are a well-behaved young lady after all."

#13  A Dream Transcending Space-Time

    – "11:59, and... 12 o'clock!"

    – "Ah...  It's finally over."

    – "And a very merry un-birthday to you."

The sky hangs dark with midnight.  The moon is at apogee, its farthest point—or so says my astronomy-loving partner.  It's hard to believe, but we had spent all day at this shrine.

Now we lay flat on our backs, in the patchy, withered grass on its abandoned outskirts.

    – "It was an unexpectedly pleasant day, thanks to you."

    – "Even if the professor's going to be upset when we get back, it was worth it."

    – "I think she'll understand.  If only the school would allow it, she'd be all for the idea of field trips."

Renko rolls over on her side, resting her cheek on one hand.

    – "So, Merry, you were going to tell me something once the day passed."

    – "Oh?  Was I?"

I glance at her, my chin tilted with a hint of confusion.

    – "You were!  I've been waiting so patiently.  Don't try to hide it now."

    – "Sorry, Renko.  I honestly don't know what you mean.  I can't think of anything I wanted to say!"

Maybe I had left the thought behind, along with other things, at the altar of the shrine.  If they happen to be important, maybe I'll have the experience of learning them all over again.

    – "Well, you'd better spill it as soon as you remember.  More to the point, though, how are you feeling?"

    – "Mm.  I feel refreshed...  Lighter somehow."

    – "That makes sense.  You did say that you aged down to seventeen.  That must be a nice feeling."

    – "Hee-hee."

It's time to return home.  I brush the dust off my clothes as I rise to my feet.  And I take one last peek over my shoulder.

The old mirror is carefully placed back on the sacred shelf, where we first found it, and it radiates a glossy shine under the dim starlight.

Renko joins me in this farewell gaze... but before we turn our backs to it completely, she does a quick double-take.

    – "…Wait, huh?  Was the rim like that before?"

    – "Hm?"

    – "Did you paint that yourself?"

I squint my eyes at the object from a distance, admiring the detail I see.

    – "Oh.  I don't quite remember that either."

    – "How strange..."

    – "But that's all right.  I love the color purple!"

Afterwords

With a clear barrier, we must keep dream and reality separate.  Wasn't that your her  idea, after all?

Our relationship will be… as humans and youkai have always been.  A duel, a mirror existence.

Finally, I get to express my most anticlimactic but satisfying wish:  for the Hifuu Club's everyday lives to never end.

I can't bring myself to process Merry and Yukari as the same chronological person—to imagine Merry actually turning into Yukari.  But I obviously want a satisfying explanation about their relationship.  That is...

Yukari is Merry's "dream self"—by definition, though not in practice.  A dream self, representing one's deepest and repressed wishes, including the desire to cross into fantasy.  Ironically, Renko awakened this desire as much as tearing her from it.  And Renko was the one, in "Changeability of Strange Dream," who suggested the need to keep dream and reality separate.  The same ideal that shapes the formation of Gensokyo.

There are many ambiguous details left to interpret about how and when things may have happened for these two entities to coexist.  Regardless, the important thing to me is that "Merry" will always be her own chronological character.  The character of Merry, defined through the concept of her togetherness with Renko, stays consistent when you focus on that reality.  The character of Yukari, defined by the concept of "Gensokyo," does the same.  One does not replace the other.  In parallel alignment, in syzygy.

This relationship is specifically not a "one-way street."  The road goes both ways, and the two sides have crucial roles to uphold.  In the same way that spell card duels in Gensokyo are intentioned to maintain an ongoing balance, rather than a war that decisively must be won, I think the struggle between Merry and Yukari is not meant to be settled.  This is a tone that makes sense for the open-ended presentation of the series, but also in-universe.  If the Hifuu Club remains constantly on the border of discovery, they will thrive on their curiosity while successfully preserving the mystique of fantasy.

The story adapted here in the interlude is an actual existing urban legend with many variations, all known as "The Purple Mirror."  As soon as I found out this existed, I was personally flabbergasted and offended that I had not seen it used in Yukaribel context just for the name alone!  Incidentally, the style of the legend's telling was trying a bit to evoke the narrative tone of Lafcadio Hearn's "Stories and Studies of Strange Things."

Thank you very much for reading!

Hifuu CD-style stories:

»  [Tumblr]  [AO3]  自封夢幻 〜 Sentimental Reverie

»  [Tumblr]  [AO3]  陶然夢幻 〜 Transcendental Revelry

»  [Tumblr]  [AO3]  羨望横断 〜 Unenviable Crossroads

»  [Tumblr]  [AO3]  外来土産 〜 Adventive Reminiscence

»  [Tumblr]  [AO3] 中古技術 〜 Electric Spirit Seance

»  [Tumblr]  [AO3]  幻想惑星直列 〜 Phantasmal Syzygy

[somberjoon]

SYZYGY [2]

✩ pairing: alpha namjoon x chubby fem!omega reader

✩ genre: wonderous , soulmates , strangers to "friends" to lovers , fluff , romance🔞 , life lessons , slice-of-life , brief angsty situations , happy ending

✩ word count: 4.9k

✩ chapter warnings: cussing , cover art does not depict fmc features, mention and feeling of throwing up but no throw up !

✩ summary: Namjoon would say that he truly lives the normal life. As an alpha, he works the job he wants, he goes out when he has time, and he has never received a single late-fee on payments. He's living the mundane life- until an unknown omega literally drops into his life. Where did she come from? Why him?

✩ cover: me

ch.1, ch.2 ...

Namjoon

“This fish must have a really good hiding spot, I haven’t been able to find it since yesterday.” Y/N kneels in front of his nightstand where a small decorative bowl of water and plants sit in a bed of rocks. 

Namjoon has been trying to work all morning. (Trying to answer all of Y/N’s questions while he also listens to the track over and over again while trying to make edits on it while Y/N is lingering around his desk like a lost puppy.)

“There’s no fish, it’s just a moss ball.” 

“A ball of moss? I guess that’s a pet, just like a potted plant would be. Why did you decide to get one?”

“They’re cute.” Namjoon gives a genuine answer and a shrug. 

“Very cute.” She agrees with a whisper almost too quiet for him to hear with one un-covered ear. 

The room quiets down for a moment of familiar peace, only for Y/N to flop back onto Namjoon’s bed with a heavy sigh. This change in his routine isn’t annoying or unwanted, but the sudden change is proving to be harder to get used to than he thought it’d be. He really can’t risk taking a last-minute day off of this project, and even then he always has projects. He can’t be mad people like his work, so- 

“Do you want me to see if one of my friends would take you out to do something today?” He turns to ask, meeting an excited looking Y/N whose head pops up immediately at the prospect. Her scent sweetens beautifully- he’ll definitely have to make her happy or excited more often. 

Jimin is easy to convince, especially when Namjoon tells him he’ll pay him for a day’s worth of work. He doesn’t even have to pay the kid to skip work for a day, but he thought it’d only be right- especially since Y/N can take his card, allowing them both to just have a budget for the day. 

The only catch- he didn’t tell Jimin what he’d be doing. 

“Wait, she’s that omega from last night!” Jimin is more excited than anything at first, probably hoping Namjoon has been lying about how lonely he’s been. 

“Her name is Y/N-” She gives an excited wave to Jimin, “and you are going to take her out and do something with her today.” 

“Something?” 

“Anything she desires or you see fit, because I can’t put off work and she doesn’t want to be inside right now.” Namjoon tries to explain as simply as possible. 

“Wait..” Jimin can’t help but let out an awkward laugh, obviously not fully understanding the situation. “I’m sorry, could I get a proper introduction from her instead of you talking about her like she’s a dog.” Jimin’s quip sounds light-hearted but it smacks Namjoon in the face. 

“I’m Y/N, I’m Namjoon’s gifted omega from The Goddess.” She gives him another small wave. “I’m excited to meet one of Namjoon’s friends. What was your name again?” 

Jimin gives an annoyed look to Namjoon. He knows that look all too well. Namjoon is avoidant and focused only on his life, especially during work hours. He doesn’t like to multitask, and will always focus on his work over anything else. 

“You have an omega gifted from The Goddess, a literal gift for you, and-” 

Namjoon must be looking at him in a certain way to get Jimin to stop talking. He knows how awful he looks, and he definitely isn’t proud of it, but he really couldn’t put off work for anything. He barely got time to visit his parents when his grandmother passed away- this definitely wouldn’t be reason enough. He’s helpless and hopeless in the same moment, a shell of what an alpha should be. The least he could give her is an experience with an alpha that is pleasant and soft until he has time to focus on her. 

“I’m Jimin, it’s nice to meet you Y/N.” Jimin coolly shifts his attention to Y/N with his memorable smile. “Are you hungry? Should we get some food first?” 

“Yes! Whatever’s your favorite is fine.” She meets him at the door, turning only to give Namjoon a soft smile that he doesn’t deserve. “I’m going with Jimin, I’m letting you know per our rules.” She can’t contain her excitement while looking at him, her heavenly sweet scent pooling out to make his heart ache and clench uncomfortably at the realization that she’ll be gone without him- happy and experiencing new things. He steps forward  to meet her as she finishes putting on her new shoes. 

“Here, use my card for whatever you do today.” He slips the card to Jimin to keep in his wallet, then looks back down to her. “Be careful please.” He looks at her with intent then to Jimin with a trusting nod. 

“I will. I’ll make sure to stay with Jimin.” She knows what to say to comfort him despite just having met. What should he do? How should he meet her halfway right now?

He instinctively reaches out for her hand, she lets him have it with no question. With her hand he wraps her around his own wrist, directing himself towards her neck. She understands his gesture immediately, bringing him up to rub his scent into the soft skin of her neck- her jaw, her cheek. 

“Thank you, Namjoon.” She whispers up at him, awe glittering in her eyes. All he can do to keep himself calm is not open his damn mouth, giving her a small smile and nod. It felt right, that’s all that matters. It’s not a big deal that he just scented an omega for the first time. 

-

With everything moving very fast in his book, Namjoon has finally decided to do some long awaited research. 

It’s quite easy to find blog posts and ‘asks’ on sites that are trying to reach out to others that share the same experience of ‘being gifted’. He reads through all of them, trying to understand why it all feels like it’s absolutely meant to be, instead of feeling forced and strange in unpleasant ways. 

‘I was gifted an alpha, one that I think is far too perfect for me- what do I do?’ 

Many hit far too close to home, and he takes even more time rereading those and their replies. 

‘I was gifted an omega and know of no one else, personally, that has had the same experience. I understand we connect just as I would with any omega that was to be my mate, but why is it so overwhelming and intense emotionally. It feels like I’ve known them forever.’

He scrolls through the replies, stopping to take all the information he can find into consideration. He starts with the top commenter, a reply that has over 5k thumbs up. 

‘Sadly, The Goddess and her ways are not scientifically researched and we cannot run tests on anything associated with Her. But, please know you’re not alone when you describe your experience. I have taught gender studies for the past 15 years and have gotten a question similar to this a few times- as well as read many writings containing interviews of mates containing a gift, doctors who have come into contact with those in the mated pairs, and even random users on social media such as you. I will always tell them the same thing. Do what feels right. Our second genders will always want to protect and claim when we find the one for us, that is no difference in this case. And even more special in these instances, you are to be a perfect match, making your scents and chemistry far more heavy and attracted to one another. I always recommend lots of communication and time to be put into these pairs, as your gift is learning so, so much and you now have a sort of responsibility to them. Our second genders make caring and dedication an easier adjustment, but these could go against your once beliefs, so I would say just make sure to take things at a pace that, again, feels right. Forcing space or uncomfortable time in between what is supposed to be a literal gift from The Goddess hurts you and your mate. Please read further if you are still confused, I’ll add some recommendations down below when I’ve compiled a list!’

Before he scrolls through the list of reading recommendations, he checks the replies to that specific comment. If there is someone talking about different instances, he can find some that want to talk about their experience under that post. He’s lucky, and finds a variety. Some say they waited until their partner’s rute or heat, while those gifted with a beta waited until their own mating cycles. That would give him time, he thinks. Others said the pull towards their partner was far too strong, making them immediately obsessed with each other in ways that they’ve never experienced before. 

As he scrolls and scrolls his phone ringing stuns him out of his focus. Seokjin is calling, which means-

“Yeah, hyung.” 

“Why did I just learn from Jimin that you have a gifted omega? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me.”

“It’s been…stressful trying to adjust.” A moment of silence has Namjoon checking the phone screen to see if his hyung hung up on him. Yep, he’s still on the line. And yes, he will be getting an earful. 

“You have your fated mate and you’re stressed? You- What are you doing having your omega spend time with another alpha while you’re at home working?”

“She wants to explore and try new things and I’m always holed up in here, hyung.” Namjoon says with more irritation than he wants to admit is adding up. “I can’t risk losing my job.”

“You are the company’s top producer, they could cut you some slack and give you time off while you deal with life-changing events.”

“No, no they won’t. I’m stuck in a contract that makes it impossible to have a sudden time-off. Everything I plan is at least 5 months in advance.”

“I’m going to tell you something right now that will pertain to multiple things in your life, maybe even all of them. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Namjoon sighs into the phone, staring at his computer where five emails just sent today are waiting for his response. 

“You’re talented and successful in ways that many could only dream of, but if it’s not working at this company, you need to try something else. If you need time to adjust to something and your work is heavily against you progressing in life, then you need to try something else. If you’re not happy, try something else. You understand?” 

It takes him by surprise every time Seokjin gets all fatherly on him. He’s never offered the same to Seokjin, but he also knows that his hyung would never want advice from a sour, work-obsessed, plan-crazy kid that doesn’t know how to have serious romantic relationships or even healthy relationships with anything in life. 

“I understand.” 

“Whatever you need help with, just let me know. Send over your contract and I’ll read it  over by this weekend. And Namjoon?”

“Yeah?” 

“Do you like her?” 

The question catches him off guard. Of course he does, she’s perfect. 

“Yes.”

“Act like it. Talk to her about more than just mundane life things, ask her questions, learn everything you can about her and please, dear Goddess, allow her to know you.”

“Yes, hyung.”

-

Jimin

“What is this place?” Y/N’s hands and nose are plastered to the passenger side window, looking out at the large rides and glittering lights that can be seen even in the afternoon. 

“My favorite place, an amusement park.” 

“What a fitting name, I’m very amused.” 

Jimin can’t help but be absolutely floored by the comment. She’s too precious, far more precious than him- and that says a lot. He parks in the large, annoying lot of the park and looks over to her to gauge if this is something she actually wants to do. 

“Good, because we’ll eat here and then ride some rides, sound good?” 

“Yes, please.” She immediately unbuckles and pops her door open to begin the long walk to the gates. 

After paying for two day passes and starting another journey to Jimin’s favorite food stall, he watches as Y/N takes in everything as if she’s going to be reciting every last ballon color spotted to Namjoon once we’re done. 

“So, this is your favorite place?” She suddenly looks to him to ask. 

“Uh, yeah, I came here a lot growing up and I still like getting my favorite snack and riding a couple rides like once a month.” He answers honestly. 

“How fun!” She again turns to continue eyeing whatever as they walk. Jimin is far too curious to keep quiet about their living arrangements, and how exactly Namjoon is coping with everything. He goes to ask, when Y/N gasps and meets a kid about seven feet in front of them and points at the ice cream cone in his hand. The swirls of the cone are a pastel blue that perfectly compliment the obvious vanilla white of the rest of the ice cream. The top of the cone is already lapped at, but it really does look good. 

“Where did you get that?” She asks, looking between the boy and their parent that holds their hand.

“‘Patty’s’, it’s just around the corner, big blue sign.” Their parent answers with a smile before continuing on with her small child also smiling up at Y/N.

“I really want to try that.” She turns to Jimin, more so asking than suggesting. How could anyone say no to her?

“You’re in luck, that’s where we were heading anyways.” Jimin sing-songs, leading the way to the small establishment. “Let’s eat first though, so we don’t get sick.” 

Jimin orders for them, Y/N content on sitting at their table to save the spot and look out the large windows at all the passersby. He doesn’t wait long, happily tapping away at his crossed arms as he leans against one of the walls. He brings the tray filled with goodies to the table, Y/N beaming up at him and then to the tray he's holding. 

"Wow, they all look so good. What is everything?"

"I think you'll find that Joon-hyung and I have similar taste- greasy, fattening, yummy foods. This is a corn dog, the least exciting. It's like a little kid's favorite food, easily palatable. These are spicy, sweet dipped chicken strips. Literally the perfect food- seasoned fries on the side. And the best for last, strawberry shortcake funnel cakes."

She eyes the food hungrily, trying to decide what to taste first. The look on her face is pure expecting excitement- he doesn’t understand how his hyung could pass up the chance to see her try new things again and again and again. She has a fresh new outlook on everything, and is excited to do everything. Even he can understand why she was gifted to him- but, would it even matter if he's too scared to allow himself to see the way she does? 

"Go ahead, try in the order I suggested. We'll half-sies everything so we don't get too full."

It's extremely easy for them both to finish. Y/N eats well and makes everything look like it tastes better than it does. He's happy to have someone that enjoys his favorites as well. After promising her an ice cream after their fun, they head off to their next destination. 

"Okay, now we walk to digest a bit and then, we ride."

"Eee! How exciting! What are they like?" She asks, looking up at the tall roller coaster nearest to them.

"Thrilling, scary, exciting. There are smaller ones and then, of course, the big ones. We'll start small just in case you don't like the adrenaline."

"Okay!"

-

Namjoon

It's already seven in the evening and Namjoon is actually done with his work early. He can't help but immediately hate his empty apartment, deciding to keep himself busy by preparing a late dinner. A large pan of pasta later, Namjoon gets tired of waiting and instead just calls Jimin. Luckily, his friend picks up immediately.

“Where are you guys at?” Namjoon asks, trying to hide his concern. 

“She won’t get off the damn swings hyung. We left the amusement park and, because I forgot to get her the ice cream I promised, we stopped at a small ice cream shop just for her to find a children’s park. I’ve been watching her swing for the past 15 minutes.” 

“Just tell her it’s late.”

“Again, she’s not a dog or a child, she just wants to have fun, I can’t say no to her.” Jimin explains.

‘I feel sick.’ Namjoon suddenly hears being yelled in the distance. 

“Shit, I think she’s gonna be sick, I gotta go.”

“No, don’t hang up-” The line clicks to show it’s disconnected. ‘Fuck’ he mumbles to himself before grabbing his keys and an extra jacket before leaving as quickly as possible. 

He doesn’t know where they are, but he can guess. Leaving the amusement park, there are about 15 dessert shops in the vicinity, and only one ice cream shop is close enough to a playground to be the right one. He finds Jimin’s car parked in front of the shop he guessed correctly, quickly unbuckling and bringing along his jacket to head to the park. 

“You’re going to be fine, just bend forward, put your head as close to your knees as you can. Oh- I smell hyung.” He hears them before he spots them, but quickly makes his way towards the voice to find Y/N sitting on the swing, now stationary and leaning forwards as far as possible. He quickly closes their distance, just about ignoring Jimin to kneel in front of Y/N. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asks as softly as possible, his instincts kicking in to assess her in ways that don’t even make sense in this situation. He’s holding onto her ankles and squeezing up her calves as if she hurt her legs, inspecting. Then he feels her arms, immediately putting the jacket around her as she is cold to the touch. 

“Mm-okay.” She mumbles to him, “I jus’ need a second.”

“Okay.” He stands, a glare pointed at Jimin without thinking twice about who he needs to point his anger and adrenaline towards. Jimin immediately puts his hands up. 

“Do not get scary alpha on me after I did what you told me to do. I made sure she didn’t get sick earlier, this time around she was just too fast for me to keep up with her.” He defends himself, causing Namjoon to calm down just the slightest. He gets a grip on himself, knowing he shouldn’t be mad at Jimin. He helped him and unknowingly showed him that he shouldn’t have let Y/N do this without him. He let her have fun and allowed her to try new things. He’s extremely thankful- he just needs to get a tighter grip onto his alpha. 

“I’m sorry. And thank you for spending time with her while I was busy. I will- I’m trying to change my work situation, so-”

“Well that’s good- just, just open up to her about things, yeah? And let some of this alpha out once in a while to fucking cool it a little.”

“Yeah, okay.” He will admit, he didn’t even think about how he’d act the second he got there. But he didn’t think he’d immediately point fingers and push some kind of blame onto the person he asked for help. “You can head home. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.” 

Namjoon sticks out his hand to wait for Jimin to plop his credit card into his hand. Jimin does so with a sad smirk, obviously thinking his hyung would forget something so crucial in the moment. 

“It’s okay. She’s sweet and she sees things differently, it was nice to feel excited about things again.” Jimin gives him a smile and a pronounced clap on his shoulder as he walks past Namjoon and in the direction of his car. “Can you get home safe?” He points a finger to Y/N. 

“Yeah don’t worry. Text me when you get home.”

“Same to you.”

Namjoon waits for Jimin to get to his car before turning back to Y/N, finding her in the exact same position. He again kneels in front of her, assessing her scrunched up face. He relies only on his instincts, letting his alpha take over more than he’s ever allowed. 

“Come here, I’ll carry you.” 

“What if I throw up on you?” Namjoon rolls his eyes with a smile, his alpha yearning to touch and soothe after their time apart. 

“I don’t care about throw up, I care about getting you home to be warm and safe. Plus, I have medicine at home to help your stomach.”

“Goddess it hurts.” Namjoon can’t help but be endeared by her in this state, soft and needy. 

“Come on.” He urges again, standing up to offer both of his hands to her. She looks up and immediately holds onto him, standing and putting the jacket on with a shivering sound. 

“Now, hold on tight.” It’s the only warning he gives before bending down and hoisting her up by the thighs. She gives a small noise but immediately seems to understand and wraps her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck. Her face digs into his neck without a second thought, causing Namjoon to stutter his steps. He corrects himself and heads for the car, happy to have her around him and snuggling into his warm skin. 

He misses the warmth immediately upon setting her into the passenger seat, and buckling her in so she doesn’t have to move a muscle. The ride is silent, allowing Y/N to rest and warm up with the heater on. Again, he hurries to her side of the car upon their arrival to the apartment. He picks her up again, this time she’s prepared and snuggling into him with comfortability- his neck immediately opens for her as if she’s always been there to carve a space for herself. On their way up to the apartment, his alpha is calmed down enough to talk more comfortably. 

“Did you have fun today?” He asks into her shoulder. 

“Mmhmm.” Her hum is felt in his skin, shooting down his spine to slather goosebumps onto his skin. 

“That’s good.” He breathes out. 

It’s silent again until he’s unlocking the apartment door with one hand holding onto her. She’s clinging onto him just as much as he is to her, so it’s easy enough. He shuts and locks the door, only letting Y/N down once they’re back in his bedroom. He sets her onto the bed. 

“Wait, I have outside clothes on.” She worries.

“Don’t worry, let me grab some medicine, stay there.” 

Though he promises to only return with medicine, he stops in the bathroom, starting up a warm bath and setting a towel out onto the counter before proceeding back to his room. 

“Here, you can just chew it, and then you can have a warm bath to help with the ache and to warm you up, yeah?”

“That sounds so good, Namjoon, thank you.” She takes the pink tablet from his hand, immediately popping it in and chewing it before heading for the bathroom. He clings onto the way she says his name, wishing briefly that he didn’t keep things casual for now- Goddess he wants to hear her call him her alpha once again.

“Call me if you need anything.” He says instead, turning to the bed to strip off the blanket he sat her on, making sure it was his own blanket when setting her down. He finds another blanket in his closet, replacing it and grabbing Y/N’s top blanket to throw in the dryer. He then stops at the kitchen, putting water into his electric water heater. He grabs one coffee mug, setting a tea bag into the cup and turning to his cooked dinner to put it away into tupperware for the next day. 

Once the tea is done, he brings the hot mug into his room to sit on her side of the bed. He sets out that same pair of sleep shirts he cleaned for her earlier that day and grabs another random shirt for her to slip on. He changes his own clothes, paying attention to the sound of a draining tub. Perfect timing. He turns to meet Y/N, her perfectly sweet scent, and her very bare arms and legs. He didn’t exactly think about that. 

“I’m sorry, go ahead and get changed, I’ll be in the living room.” He says without a second thought, heading out and plopping down onto the couch with a sigh. He’ll plan that better next time to make sure she’s as comfortable as possible. It doesn’t take long before she’s calling him in and he hurries to grab the blanket he warmed for her. 

“Here, so you can be even warmer.”  Y/N holds onto the blanket like he’s gifted her  something far more magnificent. Nothing he does will ever deserve this response, but he soaks it up anyways. 

“Thank you.”

“And there’s warm tea on your nightstand. Do you want anything else? Do you want something light to eat?”

“No. No this is perfect. I’m already feeling better thanks to you. But-” She looks down at the blanket she’s holding, seeming to figure out how to ask something. Namjoon waits, wanting her to take her time with whatever she needs. 

“Could I hug you? Is that something you wouldn’t be ready for?” Namjoon finds the question precious in timing. He had just suggested she cling to him earlier, allowing her to find comfort in him. He also appreciates her taking his feelings into consideration anyways. He can’t say he’s been obvious in his wants anyways- it’s been a constant push and pull in this short time, wanting to give in and not just to make sure he’s pure in all his feelings. 

Without answering verbally, Namjoon allows his alpha to take what he wants now that he has the consent from Y/N. He pulls her in with both of his arms, warm blanket squished between them and adding to the warmth that blooms in his chest. 

“I missed you.” She mumbles a sigh into his chest. 

“I missed you too.” He responds honestly. His sappy feelings and the come down from letting his alpha have more of a role in their relationship has him wanting to be more honest than ever. He can also thank Seokjin for that.

“Can I suggest another rule?” Namjoon asks, the two still clinging to each other. 

“Mmhmn.”

“Please let me know when you want something from me. I’m not used to being intimate in- anyway really. This is new to me, but I want to work to be better for you and to learn as much as I can. So, just let me know if there’s something I can do for you.”

Y/N pulls back to stare up at Namjoon with her arms still securely on his waist. Her soft features and emotional eyes search him for something he can’t figure out. 

“I appreciate everything you give me. I know that giving yourself to someone is hard in any case. You’re still a good alpha no matter what. I feel safe with you, and I want to learn everything about you. I just want us both to be comfortable- so please let me know if you need something from me as well. It’s 100/100, not 50/50.” 

Namjoon can’t help but bring his hand up to cup Y/N’s cheek, her eyes still glittering up at him. A soft smile pulls at her lips that draws Namjoon’s attention immediately. If he was far more reckless, or far more comfortable taking without devotion, Namjoon would kiss her there and then. But, he’d never think about giving her less than she deserves. Only by accident will he, and only before this moment will he. 

“You’re so pretty…and you’re far too good for me.” he whispers as his thumb caresses the skin of her cheek in gentle circles. She goes to open her mouth, probably to counter his statement. He speaks first. “I’ll learn to be good for you. I promise.” The statement has Y/N inhaling a shaky breath and keeps her silent for far longer than Namjoon realizes.  If he could, he'd sit and take in her lovely scent all night and all day, relishing in the feeling of happy omega and the fact that he's the one that did that. But, he knows it's already late and he has kept her from sleep for too long.

“Let’s get you to bed.” 

Despite the day and their confessions, their night is the same as the one before. Namjoon can’t let one day with fresh promises be this turning point that just allows him to be rewarded the gift that is Y/N in full. He must earn her in ways that he still needs to prove to her and himself. They will get there. They will get to a point where both Namjoon and Y/N take and give with practiced passion and love. Because that’s what she deserves.

[ohnogachaverse]

Hello I'm back on my bullshit

So @god-canceled-me raised an interesting point in dms about a comparison between Rerir "The Avenger of Solnari" aka a person probably clinging to the past vs. Kaeya who is moving forward and finding his own way (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) and it all spiraled from here

TL;DR Rerir might be connected to the three moon goddesses/sisters

Because what is Solnari? Or who is Solnari? We don't know, we never heard that name and it doesn't seem to be from northern mythology like most of khaenri'ahn-related names

I think Solnari is more likely to be a person than a place because in myths Rerir avenges his murdered father

The interesting part is that Rerir's title is different in different languages. It's "Rächer/Avenger of Solnari" in most of them I think, but in original Chinese it's "The Moon Hunter". And, interestingly, in russian and portuguese his title is "Lunar Avenger" but that might be a mistranslation because I know those are very common in russian version (don't know about portuguese though). But if it's not, than it's very interesting

And we know a story about three moon sisters in Teyvat: Canon, Sonnet and Aria. They switched places in the sky until at least two of them died and now one of corpses hangs there. I'm too lazy to open the actual game, but here are some wiki excerpts

Important points from these are:

Distinction between the moons in Teyvat and in the Abyss, which is closely connected to Khaenri'ah from what I remember

A possibility that those are different corpses

"In love with the stars of daybreak"

Not from screenshots, but The Spiral Abyss definitely has a connection to the sisters

So I rise two versions of who is Solnari (if it's a person, but I think it is)

Version a: Solnari is another name for the sister whose corpse is the Abyss's moon and her sister(s) and/or Celestia are to blame for her death (that's why Rerir is The Moon Hunter). According to one of the books (Moonlit Bamboo Forest vol 3, according to wiki) sisters did kill eachother, but it's the only source mentioning this

Version b: Stars of daybreak was a person, named Solnari, and one or all three of the sisters caused their death. Tbh the main point here is that Sol means Sun. I couldn't find if Nari means anything

Also, an interesting thing, is two Khaenri'ahn dynasties: The Crimson Moon and The Eclipse, which replaced the first one during the Archon War. Dainsleif's introduction mentions "the eclipse is swallowed by the crimson moon" and original Chinese uses the verb "revenge" or "avenge". Tbh it's either me not getting english, or it's interesting that here Eclipse is the one getting replaced.

Another thingy is that Syzygy from the Moment of Syzygy (aka the "event" before you reach 9-12 in the Abyss I actually had to google this ) is an astronomical event when three astral bodies form a straight line and a common example is an Eclipse

And the last small parallel connection noticed by god-canceled-me is that Kaeya was left near the Dawn winery. And there are stars of daybreak. Idk if there is an actual connection but I think that's interesting

[adhdo5]

Saw your post from a bit ago, am curious what all labels CWL use!

As a unit CWL identifies aerself as a syzygy, and uses ae/aem/aer/aers/aerself (plural or singular) primarily with honorific she/generic he auxiliary; when referring to CWL's component parts they/them is not incorrect (cVwoop is friends with aem; ae's doing aer best but aer best sucks; they are both fragmentary pieces of a whole). This pronouns setup is one reached as one of the first signs of aem settling into a semi sustainable syzygy; the neos were picked by their individual pronoun sets do not overlap, and neither use they/them

Arron and Graph are referred to as component parts as stated or as some variation of like, my compatriot™ but usually by name or epithet; ae haven't run across "headmates" or "system" as terminology but would be amenable to it. Ae have also probably described aemself as plural or multiple/dual but we also haven't run across that as terminology as much as just, using it as the literal meaning

Re: name or epithet: Graph and Arron refer to each other as either the corresponding half of the syzygy's name (e.g. (he of holy) clockwork, (the) locusts) or less commonly as "my host" (not the host, her host; she's a parasite/guest) and "my/our voice" (this is literal – upon formation of the syzygy Graphite, being a "voice" as an entity, ~superimposed her voice over Arron's standing one, which is my in universe explanation for why Arron sounds like me even when it's him talking). Graphite has also referred to Arron as "streamer," though this is usually done to prove a point

Graphite uses it/she and occasionally chatself, crownself, and letheself; it is generally referred to in the singular despite having a plural epithet ("the locusts requests me to notify you of its approval"). She/her is principally appropriate when discussing its various inhumanity™ qualities. It is also referrable to as a voice, a chatter, chat, an angel, etc. It is self identifiably nonbinary; it is technically describable as aroace but it is mostly "not in the dating pool as in an unromancable NPC". It is very relatedly OK with the gaming-common masculine assumption (man, bro, he, etc) but is not a person and not ~something it's worth breaking out they/them for. It's just ontologically not the kind of thing that works in these paradigms bc those paradigms are made for people, not a voice in the studio audience

You may note that she has most of my complexes, just magnified, and that is because she ~started as a self insert (It's Complicated. It's not an avatar for me esp not at this point but it is a character made from ~my interactions with + feelings on things)

Arron is Arron standard loadout, a cyborg for religious reasons and a somewhat feminine gay man; he still uses he/him pronouns and has moderate to severe discomfort with being it/its-ed. He is probably aspec though I am not sure if he is directly aware of that terminology and he definitely has Other Things To Worry About Rn. "Doesn't Graphite" Yes but Graphite has extra time to do identity politics because it is a chatter and of course it has a void in its chest cavity and pronouns. Hope this helps

Neither of them identify directly as neurodivergent – Graphite isn't neuroanything and isn't divergent from what it's supposed to be, and Arron is normal /threat and a promise. Graphite would find "neurosparkly" appealing but I'm not giving it that not yet at least