#her idea of love was gentle and silent like a whisper of a touch. ⸢ memes. ⸥

[4dtk]

NCT127 falling in love with a s/o with a time-consuming job like a lawyer or a doctor

NCT 127 with an s/o who has a time-consuming job

this is so cute, thanks for requesting! i made this in a format in the ways that the boys might show their care when you’re so busy with your job :) long as hell LOL enjoy!!

brief spoilers for shang-chi if you haven’t watched! i just watched it this week lol it was really good

→ TAEIL would direct conversations to a more neutral stance. it’s not that he wants to talk about himself, but sometimes if you don’t want to talk about your case or patients, he easily slips into conversation about theories or his favourite tv show or your rundown of what groceries to take for the next time you head to the supermarket. just really normal small things that take your mind off the stress, especially at night when you’re laying in bed and just before you’re drifting off to sleep, the two of you would engage in a topic that you both know fairly well about and then you’re usually the first to succumb to sleep. taeil purposely picks out topic he knows will excite you (and bc he knows you’re passionate about it, he reads up on it which allows a well-balanced convo). if you’re rambling on about a topic, then he’ll occasionally play the guitar while laying down, just simple melodies that bring a lot of peace to the room.

“wait- how d’you like this melody?” taeil softly says, changing it instantly when you commented on the previous, discordant one. your nod encourages him to carry on with the plucking of his fingers while you yourself continue with your rambles. “so i’m saying right, it seems totally unfair for him, and you’d think that, right? but all he ever does is whine and moan about his misfortunes, plus his character is so terribly written i kinda feel sorry for-“

the halted melody prompts a sharp turn of your turn to the guitar, which you almost collide with, “what?” taeil only shrugs. “nothin’. just like how passionate you get about the show, it’s cute.” your boyfriend smiles after, ignoring how his words affect you and how your cheeks heat up at it.

→ JOHNNY is one to take you out after your work. it’s not to a super intense, high-energy place like a club or anything, but small little dates that won’t take up much time. eating dinner at a restaurant, walk in the park, small cafe trip, strolling through supermarket to make fun of brand names. if you’re too tired that day, he always finds a way to make your time at home fun. from setting up a small karaoke session, to maybe making a pillow fort, to trying out new cuddling positions, he has everything on his mind. always showing you things to cheer you up if you happen, from memes to funny videos. is low-key down for you to review crime/doctor shows too, just to see how accurate they nail it. your time at home is consuming endless pieces of media until your tummies hurt or you’re sniffling at a movie together.

“hold on- lemme show you this video,” johnny’s hand is outstretched to you once he finds the video and your spoon full of food is left near your mouth. you proceed to watch the low quality video which your boyfriend claims to be the funniest video on earth.

W-HOR? WAH? the girl’s finger in the video traces over the word “who” as she struggles to pronounce it, with presumably her sister in the background prompting her. the repeated pronunciation of the word makes you snort, while the wheezing and the loud NO in the background causes you to fully erupt into laughter. johnny simply smiles at another successful attempt to make you smile.

→ YUTA always has a hand on you when you return home. he brings you into a hug, he guides you by your back, you have to eat with one hand bc he can’t keep his hand off of you. he hopes his little touches will ease your tiredness even by a bit and if you don’t want it, he’ll stop, but it’s yuta’s way of showing he cares without words. busy days with yuta usually involve just sitting in silence as you catch up on a show or a series, or even listening to a song in silence and enjoying each other’s company. he will talk if you want to, but if not that’s fine too, preferring more to stroke your hair in silence and think about how much he loves you. becomes very sappy when you’re in the quiet of your room and generally is very fond of the small pockets of time you get to spend before you two fall asleep. likes that you’re so resolute in your job but can be soft around him behind closed doors.

“you comfortable?” yuta calls out, barely above a whisper as he wraps an arm tighter around you. there’s comfortable ministrations that his does with his fingers, massaging the skin under your pajamas while you snuggle deeper into his chest. humming, you tighten your hold around his top.

“i am, yeah,” you can’t care much for the tv show on the screen now, with empty takeout boxes and tissues littering the coffee table. you feel the gentle kiss of yuta on your head before you’re drifting off to dreamland to a scratchy, 60s jazz song playing through the speakers.

→ TAEYONG would always welcome you back with a table set and food ready, always. he knows that food is the way to someone’s heart and you eating his food always makes him happy and offers to clean-up. lets you shower first if you come back together, puts you before himself very often that sometimes you have to tell him to tone it down because you don’t want him ending up more tired than he already is. following up on this, taeyong would show his love by cooking your lunches for you. when he has the time he makes the effort to put it in a nice bento or box for you to eat. he also does the general chores around the house (assuming the two of you live together) so the bed will be a little less messy when you come back, the floor’s cleaner, the countertops aren’t so cluttered with stuff. even if there’s nothing to clean up, he always these small little things before you come back, and even if you don’t notice it, he sees the way you’re able to navigate the space or when you’re more at ease and it makes him smile.

“do you want to shower first?” taeyong calls out softly, admiring the clean house he’s managed to do up before he went to meet you, “i’ll just hang around until you’re done.”

“you need to prioritise yourself too, yong,” you pout, rubbing a hand up and down his forehead as you toe off your shoes, “how ‘bout we shower together? you did clean the house up pretty nicely.” that earns a grin and a kiss from taeyong, who goes straight the prepare the bath. you chuckle, “he’s already forgotten what i’ve told him.”

→ DOYOUNG supports you silently and listens to your day when you return home and talk about your patient or a case you’re working on. he gives you his own input when he sees fit but other than that he wants you to explain the details. being a doctor and lawyer is crazy and hectic and just wants you to know that you’re appreciated in the workforce. the way he might show his love when caring for a busy s/o like you is when he brings you stuff that you might’ve forgotten like an umbrella or your lunch since you were rushing out of the house earlier. he doesn’t mind going the extra mile to you literally bc it’s a win-win! you get your food, he gets to see you, etc. if not he’ll send someone over to pass it to the receptionist, or he’ll make up for it by meeting you outside the office to apologise and then ask you what you wanna do so he can make it up to you.

“did you manage to get the bento i bought you?” doyoung asks worriedly through the phone, holding up a hand to the staff member who was beckoning him to his photoshoot. “you bought so much!” you exclaim, with a shoulder to your ear, phone perched in between, “thank you doyoung.”

“’m sorry i couldn’t come over to give you your lunch today, angel. i’ll see you after you’re done with work, okay?” you smile at that, shooting a quick reply before you delved into your food.

→ JAEHYUN would honestly serve you once you come back from a busy day tbh. where taeyong does the chores around the house, jaehyun helps by doing the chores on YOU and only you. giving you massages, bringing you dinner on a tray, other unsaid things… and maybe even carrying you from room to room lol he’s relentless and just goes you need to rest, lemme help. big gentleman even when you reject him, doing smaller things like constantly checking up on you, pulling the blanket higher onto your body, cuddling you closer to his body when it’s cold. on top of that jaehyun also one that would meet you at your workplace and take you out like johnny, but those dates are extremely chill. he lets you choose, and when you’re not sure, he takes you on a night picnic at the field or a rooftop, just dinner, but outside bc the view is really nice and he likes the way you look even after a long day of working.

“where should we park our mats?” your head moves from left to right, looking for a suitable spot while you tug on jaehyun’s hand. he hums at it, searching for a spot just like you are. the wind’s blowing gently when you settle near a tree, mat occasionally flying up which you counter with your heavy laptop bag.

“any idea where we can get desserts later?” you call out as a half-joke, not expecting jaehyun to pull up his phone to instantly search for a baskin robbins. “there’s one close-by, wait here for a minute and i’ll go get one for you-“ you laugh before pulling him back down, “don’t worry! we’ll go together, plus i don’t want to be left alone.” jaehyun softly smiles, nodding along as he takes out the food he packed.

→ JUNGWOO has similar intentions like johnny, except he would just wanna stay home. where johnny’s goal is to make you laugh, jungwoo just likes doing things together at home. playing board games, folding the clothes together, making dinner together. it’s not that he doesn’t want to do it, but when he’s given free time he sometimes just likes to laze at home and rest from schedules. he sometimes takes himself out of bed to help before you come back but he’s lazy lolol. loves it when you’re both equally tired and living off 5h of sleep. it’s not romanticising the lack of sleep but your schedules just don’t allow you to sleep equal amounts of hours of sleep. through that, you’re at least able to connect over sleepy talk and droopy smiles while you make the bed or assemble a lego piece or playing video games. if jungwoo’s energetic enough he doesn’t mind doing the crazier activities but he generally prefers those activities done in semi-silence while you exchange jokes and funny videos.

“noooo- no! you only need to move three times, you’re cheating-“ jungwoo pouts and moves back your playing avatar back three spaces on the board game. you purse your lips, not expecting him to see it since he was particularly invested in the movie playing on the screen. knowing it was a shitty film, you tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted. with eyes glued to the screen a few seconds earlier, you took your chance to move down one more space in order to get the benefit on the game board.

“you’ll get to buy a house soon, honey,” jungwoo grins cheekily, laughing even more when he’s able to move four steps, landing on the square that you wanted. now it was your turn to pout as he flips the card for property purchases, happily placing it next to his five other houses. “you’re so annoying!” you say as you fall back on the bean bag, but jungwoo doesn’t believe it when he sees a smile poking out from behind the hands shielding your face..

→ MARK sends you a looooot of texts. your convos with him are just him spamming questions or sending you memes. on every platform LMAO he has tweets sent, ig dm’s are blowing up from the weirdass nct memes that some of the fans make, he uses the official nct tiktok account to send you viral trending videos and he’s like we should try this!!!! and it’s a couple doing acrobatics or some shit. he’s crazy. anyway, he just likes to share things with you, from songs, to playlists, to youtube videos or interesting topics like crime psychology or movie theories etc. he knows that you’re hardly going to see it in your job but he sees the way you react across the room when he sends you stuff so he’s sure that you’ll like it after you get off work. sometimes likes to rickroll you, he knows it’s an old trend/troll thing but the thrill of seeing your frustrated replies always make him laugh out loud. when you’re back home, the both of you review whatever you send each other and then laugh together at them.

“hey, babe, check out this video,” mark says in a text, pasting a twitter link to a video. the video starts out interesting enough, mentioning something about a fun fact with stunning visuals has you wanting to learn more. when the guy in the video starts on his first word, the video immediately changes to rick astley with never gonna give you up. you mutter a small fuck under your breath, gaining a bit of attention from your colleagues during lunch break.

under the table, you flip him off in a picture, which he responds with a big smile of his that’s obviously teasing you for falling for it. you’re going to get it when i get back home!!!!! on a new high, you text the message and set your phone down, already excited for the evening where’d you be able to spend your time with him.

→ HAECHAN is a mix of everything kinda. he’d bring you out after work sometimes and other times likes to stay at home, mainly takes you out to eat after work, but that’s the extent of his after-work-escapades, he doesn’t want to tire you out too much. i think one prominent things he likes to do to is vlog to you, send you videos of what he’s doing on set or at home and just treats your convo like a bank for endless videos. y’know how there’s this video feature in telegram? he sends sooo many of those that you have the time of your life watching those on the ride back home. if you have time, you HAVE to facetime him during your lunch break and tell him how you’re doing and how’s your work coming along. do i have to kick someone’s ass for making you feel uncomfortable? is that patient being creepy again? and you have to explain that haechan, no, that patient is an elderly you cannot beat his ass. he’s like i don’t care, creepy dudes are not excused!!! and you can’t help but smile at that. always wants to be talking to you, close to you. if one day, you’re able to bring him to your job, this man follows you around like a lost puppy and just admires what you do, it’s endearing.

“ah, wait- you know how the sister, xia ling was sent to shut down the ten rings army? well… i just reviewed some of the articles and-“ the video cuts into the next one, haechan’s face zoomed in as he looks straight into the camera, “y’know, she might become a villain one day, i don’t know. maybe i should review some of the comics too?”

“anyway! come look at our set for the music video! it’s sexy, outfits are fire, sets are so good, the choreo this time isn’t too hard, either.” haechan asks the other members to wave as he passes them by, no doubt going his own make-up and hair after the others were already done, “okay, gotta go- love you bye!” you smile at that, texting a quick reply before you open up a video of your own, whispering through the speaker with a promise that you’d see him tonight.

[mysticqveen]

*gasp* lexie is using actual tags and this is her tag drop ???

[queerbrujas]

11 from the kiss meme for Nat! :)

Look at me filling prompts two months late :) I went a little bit off-prompt with this one but it still kind of counts!

the closest to heaven (that i’ll ever be)

pairing: nat sewell x eva navarro wordcount: 1.8k rating: G

read on ao3

Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

—

Nat Sewell doesn’t need any more sleep than other vampires.

She could easily sleep as little as Ava or Felix do, barely more than Mason: a few hours every few days, and it would be enough rest for her body. No, there is no practical reason for her to sleep more than the others in Unit Bravo—but she does anyway, out of habit and enjoyment, like the human food she eats or the whiskey she sometimes drinks. The music she listens to.

It’s a ritual. A reminder. Something pleasant and, for the most part, uncomplicated.

(Ava doesn't understand why she does it without need, but Ava, dear friend that she is, feels that way about many things.)

Sleep is, as most things about immortality, different; she would still call it different, even after three hundred years and only vaguely remembering what it is different from.

No, she doesn't think about that. It's just different.

Dreams, for one, are more vivid—but so are nightmares—and the rest it gives is enhanced. 

The moment of waking is different, too.

She likes to savor it, those first few instants after sleep, when her senses are still coated in a veil of dreams and only just beginning to reacquaint themselves with the world around her. Still coming out of a pleasant haze until they settle into complete awareness.

So she keeps her eyes closed, letting each of her senses wake in its own time, feeling and slowly widening her perception of her surroundings until she is fully awake.

Especially now, with those senses all drawn to focus on one person only, she would allow that moment to last for as long as possible.

Eva shifted during the night. It’s something she does regularly, Nat has realized by now—but no matter how much she does, she never moves away from her. Never stops touching her. Their legs are tangled together, with Nat laying on her side; her hand lays flat on Eva’s stomach and she can feel the softness and warmth of her skin under her palm, every point of contact between them something precious.

The pleasant heat that radiates off of her body is first on Nat’s mind, as it warms the space around them and lands on her skin, even more welcome than the morning sunlight.

Nat’s chin rests on Eva's shoulder, and the next thing she can feel is her hair, loose and spread over the pillow, strands of it brushing against Nat’s cheek and filling the air with that mix of scents that has become so familiar and known and cherished.

There are the very, very last remnants of the perfume Eva wore last night (faint amber and sandalwood are all that is left, but they are enough to bring the hints of mandarin and jasmine to Nat's memory), the shampoo she uses (a new one, nettle and lemon verbena) — and underneath it all Eva's own scent, something fresh and clean and something else still, something nameless, powerful and intoxicating that makes Nat almost dizzy.

She moves closer almost instinctively, smiling against Eva’s shoulder when the rhythm of her heartbeat starts to pick up. She knows, by now, the exact pattern and acceleration, the change in pace that tells her when she is waking. It starts only a few moments before her breathing becomes shallower.

Nat’s fingers trace shapes on Eva’s skin as she lets her focus settle on the soft sounds, on the shift of the air around them.

It's so easy. It's been so easy, with her.

So easy to speak of herself, to give herself so fully and so irrevocably. To grow used to waking with her like this. It has all fallen into place so quickly Nat could almost, almost be wary of it, and yet all she can feel is the way it warms even the oldest corners of her heart and fills her with a kind of happiness she can't remember feeling in as long as she's been alive.

Eva makes a noise then, a barely audible hum, and Nat’s thoughts are drawn back to her as her heart skips a beat of its own. It makes her smile—as much as she enjoys sensing the reactions she can cause in Eva, the inverse thrills her just the same.

She keeps her eyes closed still, enveloped by the hold Eva has over her senses, wanting to cling to it just a little longer, that sleepy daze that precedes the stark clarity of day.

Eva shifts, turns and burrows her face against Nat’s neck, making more soft, sleepy sounds. Another hum, and Nat feels the vibration against her skin. She wraps an arm around Eva and pulls her closer, their bodies flush against each other, and Eva lets out a contented sigh.

“Nat…” Eva's voice is muffled and sleep-heavy and yet it makes Nat’s heart give a leap. Nat answers with a soft hum of her own. 

Eva doesn’t speak again, instead shifting for a kiss to Nat’s shoulder; the touch on her skin feels vaguely electric, lightly charged. Another kiss, more humming, and Nat smiles even wider, happiness settling in her chest.

Nat shifts as well, tempted by the kisses, by the softness of Eva’s lips, featherlight touches brushing against her skin. Eyes still closed, the fluttering sensation almost overtakes her, as Eva presses them without rhyme or reason over her shoulders, her collarbone, her neck, her jaw.

Nat lets out a soft laugh when Eva nuzzles against her neck again and whispers “you’re warm”, her voice clinging to sleep as much as Nat herself is. Her senses are almost fully awake now, though, starting to become aware of the smaller things like the slight changes in the air and the sounds of the forest outside, someone’s footsteps off in the distance. But it all fades into the background, white noise, because she can tell Eva is more alert now, too—heart rate and breathing are almost back to normal—and that’s the only thing she can focus on.

“Good morning, jaan,” Nat says, that feeling of happiness bubbling within her and spilling into her voice, tentatively moving until she can press her lips to Eva’s temple, fingers playing with the strands of her hair.

“Morning,” comes the mumbled answer. She’s stubbornly clinging to it more than necessary, Nat knows; she’s almost fully awake by this point.

Nat opens her eyes then, and even after all this time, the sheer strength of her reaction to Eva still takes her by surprise. The lines of her face, beauty marks dotted on her skin. The way long lashes frame light brown eyes that are only just opening.

And her eyes are a wonder all on their own. Usually constantly moving, evaluating, with thoughts swirling behind them at a speed it takes a moment to keep up with, or with a hard focus on finding the best outcome for a mission.

And yet the way she looks at her now is enough to make Nat’s heart almost stop.

Eva, her Eva who almost never stays still, who is so at ease with the breakneck speed this modern world has taken, and yet—and yet she chooses, has chosen to slow down for her without even the slightest hesitation and seems as thrilled by it as Nat herself is.

Nat can see the whirlwind behind her eyes stilling every time they lock eyes, as it does now, a gentle focus that reflects every depth and every feeling Nat has inside herself. Eva smiles, beautiful, blissful, full of softness and feeling she has admitted time and again to being unused to and Nat’s breath catches at it, her own heart racing even faster—she feels nothing short of honored that she would be the one to inspire that so freely in her.

She waits a second for the catch in her breathing to subside, a smile spreading on her lips.

“Have I told you that you are the most beautiful sight to wake up to?” she says, raising her hand to brush her fingers against Eva’s cheek. She doesn’t try to keep the emotion from her voice.

Eva’s eyes sparkle at the comment and she laughs, but the slightest hint of heat radiates from her cheeks all the same, something she doesn’t hide or shy away from; Nat loves her for it, loves the eager honesty in her smile and how she revels in the shivers Nat causes in her. Her sleepy smile grows wider and more alert and she leans forward again, kisses Nat's cheek and the touch of her lips is so soft, so gentle Nat’s eyes almost close again at it.

“Then maybe I should stay here every night,” Eva says, with a smile in her voice, too. “And, for the record,” she adds after another kiss, “yes, you have.”

“You will hear no argument from me,” Nat answers with a light chuckle. “I'd have you with me always.”

They have been spending almost every night together, at the Warehouse or in Eva's apartment, and the nights they don’t are longer and emptier than Nat could ever have imagined they would be.

I'd have you stay forever. She almost says it—and it is so unlike her to keep these thoughts unvoiced, but this one, this one she would hold on to for just a little longer.

Eva draws back, only a little, and her light brown eyes meet Nat’s again. She is silent for a moment before speaking again. “You know I have nowhere else I’d rather be.”

It’s almost a whisper and, despite the smile that still sits on her lips, more serious than she probably intended it to sound.

There are depths to those words, Nat knows. There is an unspoken conversation and an idea and a thought that hangs between them still—but there is also the undiluted truth of it, truth that is both freeing and overwhelming, exhilarating and comforting.

Nat lets herself be taken by the feeling of it until the force that pulls her to Eva is so strong she has to do something about it, and without words (because there are no words that would be enough, in any language she knows) she does the only thing she can. She leans in to kiss her again and Eva melts into it eagerly, grasping at her and pulling her closer, the sweet softness of her mouth the only thing Nat cares to know.

They part with a breath and a smile and Eva keeps her eyes closed for a few seconds, lashes brushing against her cheeks. Nat wants to count them. She has never seen anything or anyone so beautiful.

After a moment, Eva lets out a sigh, shutting her eyes more tightly with a frown.

“There’s a meeting,” she says, making Nat blink in confusion for a second. She can hear, can feel the regret in her voice, sounding much more awake now than a few minutes ago. “We should—what time is it?”

Nat laughs.

“Yes, I believe we should start getting ready for the day.”

[katsukiboom]

How about some hcs for kaminari, shinsou, bakugou, and todoroki wih a fem!s/o with low self esteem and is a bit chubby? Like, they're about to do the dirty, but she stops them because she hasn't ever shown her body before because she doesn't like her stomach (biggest insecurity). Sorry if this is so specific.

hey my dude, here you go! i’m so used to writing chubby reader things and honestly it’s quite cathartic being a chubby girl myself lol - i hope you enjoy this! <3

Ko-Fi || Commissions

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Kaminari Denki

This boy right here is completely static about finally having some time alone with the love of his life aka you

You were in his bedroom and you had even been the one to initiate the action that night, feeling confident enough to actually go further than ever before though you found it hard to keep silent as he worked wonders on your skin with his mouth and tongue

It was only as he begun to lift your shirt and caressing your bare thighs that the little voices inside your head started eating away at you again

Why are you letting him do that? He’s going to see you. He’ll see everything and leave.

You breathed in before pushing away gently, quickly rolling around and covering yourself again – “is everything alright, babygirl?” he asked, placing a hand on your back and rubbing circles as a way to soothe you

As the voices grew louder, you bit your lip to avoid letting the tears fall as you quickly told him it would be okay if he wanted to wait, that he didn’t have to go through it because you wanted to

Unfortunately for you, Denki can read you as clearly as he reads new Reddit memes

Letting you sit up and face him again, he reaches out and fixes your clothes and hair before placing a soft kiss on your forehead, making you blush at the contact as you dried the few tears that had escaped

“We can take as much time as you want if it will help you feel more comfortable with this,” he whispered as his hands roamed up and down your arms. “I just want you to know you’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known and that I still don’t know how you ended up with a dunce like me. I love you so much it doesn’t feel enough to say it like that.”

Leaning against his touch, you allowed his words to seep into your mind though you knew the voices would still be there – you hoped to drown them as you once again got close to your boyfriend, lying down on his chest with his arms wrapped around you

 Shinsou Hitoshi

Sex isn’t particularly a necessary part of your relationship to him though he never completely disregarded the idea – he wanted to make you feel comfortable enough first

One particular night after four months of dating, the dreaded talk came up and he was surprised when you agreed to try and see what would happen

Hitoshi would be lying if he said he ever put any thought on your shape – he liked you for you, and there was no denying  he saw you as the most precious work of art

He was amazed at how soft you felt under his touch though he tried to be as careful as he could

Unfazed by whatever marks your skin had or anything else, he relished every part of you and tried his best to make you feel good

That was until you stopped him, putting a hand on his chest yet not pushing away – “Are you okay? Did I hurt you, kitten?”

He was a blushing mess out of plain embarrassment, making you giggle before you explain that you just didn’t want to expose yourself yet as it made you feel uncomfortable with how you looked

Hitoshi felt mortified because he felt like you might’ve tried to do it because he had brought it up earlier, so he quickly pulled back and apologized, but you cupped his face with both hands

“It’s not your fault babe,” you said with a soft tone, making him look up at you with a sorrowful gaze. “I trust you enough to come this far, even if it’s not enough for you”

He smiled weakly and wrapped his arms around you, whispering in your ear time and time again that you were perfect and deserved the world, and that he’d be there to let you know that until you believed it yourself

 Bakugou Katsuki

Now, Katsuki isn’t exactly tactful so he’s pretty straightforward to ask you if you’d like to fool around one evening his parents weren’t home yet and you’d come by to spend time together

You both were on the living room just casually sitting on his couch opposite to each other and you felt your whole body turn red at his words

Truth be told you were kind of afraid you’d miss the chance if you said no and you didn’t want to risk him getting the wrong idea either, so you thought it would be good to try and see where it would lead

Even knowing your own insecurities, you risked it by crawling over to his side before he grabbed your arm and gently led you forward until you were sitting on his lap

His arms snaked around your waist as his lips found yours, starting out with short soft kisses before deepening it

You were lost in him and his taste, so lost you almost didn’t notice the way his hands wandered around your back and sides over your shirt and your mind kicked in, making sure you remembered where he’d touch eventually

You pulled away from him just as he was kissing his way down to his neck and the puzzled expression on his face made you feel even worse -          “What’s going on?” he asked, though his voice wasn’t as rough as you were used to

When you explained, you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed as you unconsciously hugged your tummy as an attempt to hide it from him

Cupping your face with one hand and putting another on your lower back, he made you look up at him again; “Maybe I’m awful with words,” he started, “but I’m sure you’re fucking beautiful and no matter what you’ll always be the most beautiful girl I know; we don’t have to do this, I’m in no hurry. I’d wait forever to see that damn gorgeous body of yours”

You playfully punched his arm and buried your face on his neck as he hugged you tight, happy that he still understood what you felt and was willing to wait

 Todoroki Shouto

There’s only one word to describe Shouto – attentive

You were in your dorm room at midnight; you sneaked him in after waking up from a nightmare and were now being spooned by your boyfriend as he hummed an unknown song to you

The sole idea of being so intimate with someone would’ve scared you but with Shouto, it felt different, as if he didn’t even notice the imperfections you worked so hard to hide from everybody else

Then, his hand tentatively wandered a bit further down until it reached your hip, and you turned around just a little bit to be able to look at him – his cheeks were red but his eyes were clear, and your heart started racing as he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on your lips

You were on top with your legs to each side of his hips as you kissed him vigorously, and when you moved to his neck and started licking and sucking he let out a soft whimper which surprised but didn’t stop you

You thought that would be the night when it would finally happen for you, but when his hands tried to move up your shirt you recoiled and sat up on his thighs much to his shock

It had been an instinctive reaction though it left him very, very confused

Your eyes watered at everything and you got off his lap, curling up on the sheets and covering your face with both hands; you felt nervous and scared all at once, yet when his warm hand snaked around your waist you looked back at him and tried to stop him, but his profound stare made you freeze

“I don’t know what shit might’ve happened to you before (Y/N),” he said in a calm tone, “but I do know that I love you, and that whatever you see in yourself is not an impediment for me to feel the way I do. You’re still gorgeous in my eyes, and you know I don’t fucking lie”

With his arm still wrapped around you, you turned around again but scooted closer to him, his hand squeezing your tummy over your shirt ever so slightly as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear until you fell asleep

[zepdeans]

this is highkey like a month late (i mean wbk im a chronic scatterbrain procrastinator) and she’s thicccc but without further ado. my skam s4 thoughts.

I first just want to say a couple things: im not a muslim woc so my thoughts on s4 don’t hold as much value as those of a muslim, woc, or a muslim woc. I also don’t know to what degree sana’s representation was true to real life. I made an effort to look for posts from muslim woc on sana’s season but to no real avail, especially given it’s been two years since skam ended and a lot of blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or posts have become buried :( [if you know of any good posts regarding sana’s season please lmk!]. from what I can recall in 2017, there were mixed opinions on s4 with most being upset (or at least disappointed) with the ultimate execution of sana’s storyline and I agree w that. while s4 means so much to me and has a really special place in my heart, I do 100% acknowledge its flaws. ok!!!!!! lets get into it😤

ep1 -as much as I wished isak stayed in kollektivet I’m glad he and even had a rlly sweet happy time this entire season. also evak making their friends move all their furniture while they whisper romantic shit to each other and makeout? peak comedy -you fuckin wish!!! -sana is the one to say “of course you should tell noora about william”.. she Knew and still takes the fall for it :( -this opening clip is such a jarring shift into sana’s pov!! e.g. while easy to overlook in previous seasons, sana’s exclusion from the girls is glaringly obvious once we’re looking through her eyes -adding onto that! sana is the friend who notices everyone else- she’s so observant, which hurts even more when you notice her friends don’t do the same (except mayhaps chris- in my heart of hearts I know chris is also the friend who notices and goes unnoticed, but unfortunately we don’t get enough of her and sana’s relationship this season to fully see that) -yousef and the balloon squad’s entrance.... ICONIC! also I cant believe for 2 seasons they presented those dickbag nissen 97s as the be all end all of hot amazing boys when the bakka third years were RIGHT THERE like,, the penetrators vs. balloon squad + even? no contest ma’am -also! it’s so interesting that we literally had no idea sana had a brother, or that yousef etc existed until now? it’s as if she has a whole private world at home, separate from her friends and nissen (and I think a theme of this season is those two worlds merging) -im obsessed w the yousana train scene but yousef being the only one who notices sana standing off to the side? ;-; -fy faen is such a stunning clip oh my god. when sana leaves to pray? possibly my favourite skam scene ever. it’s exquisite.  -sana is so cute and awkward squeezing thru the crowd shsdhgfhshdf I LOVE her love her -the last shot on yousef and noora... oh my GOD oh my god bc like. being that friend who never ever tells your real feelings or your crushes or is vulnerable with your friends?? and then having to listen to them talk about how good your crush would be with someone else (especially one of ur friends) while ur sitting there silently dying inside? and you don’t say anything since you can’t be vulnerable with your friends and u don’t think u stand a chance anyways so. (in the words of s3 noora. I think sana struck a nerve with the emotional unavailability! abbey r u ok) -this episode is a masterpiece and did such a phenomenal job of both introducing us to sana’s perspective while also touching on a multitude of her struggles AND establishing the themes of the season. plus the cinematography, editing, soundtrack and aesthetic...... o baby. (case in point I deadass just rewatched it after writing this)

ep2 -every shot of sana praying is beautiful (and beautifully edited!!) -sana’s room is usually messy... not smart enough to fully analyze this but I’m sure it means something  -an interesting contrast of what’s expected of her vs. of elias- I can’t speak for muslim families, but I know even in non-muslim families girls are always held to suchhh a higher standard (source: I have 2 brothers rip) -”if you find immaturity charming” hilarious bc sana actually does in fact find immaturity charming  -what’s interesting is how noora comes across in sana’s POV- kinda obnoxious, kinda ignorant, seemingly perfect (compared to how noora is portrayed in eva’s season, for example) -even is one of those ppl who uses the bill gates argument on why dropping out of school makes u richer sdfhfsjskfjfsd -sana staring down the pepsi max squad. fuck em up. -vilde adding magnus to the groupchat jfkjsjfdjfsfsdkj -isak missing eskild :’) sidenote I fucking live for isak and sana’s chats this season. they’re literally my lifeblood like.... 

ep3 -the kiss me scene god I go FERAL -“you need to pull it towards you, not push it away. okay?” yall mind if i SCREAM!! YOUSEF!!!!!!!!!! -there rlly is something about seeing sana, who in everyone else’s POV comes off as cold and harsh and stoic, just absolutely meltinggg when she talks w yousef like she doesn’t stop smiling she’s so sweet!!!! ah🥰 and yousef is 100% that guy who ppl tell “your gf is so intimidating and ruthless bro” and he’s like are y’all talking about sana??????? my baby?? my fuckin cinnamon apple????? -yousef’s lil smile watching sana peel carrots. 911 it’s me again -vilde and sana’s relationship has a really interesting dynamic bc like.. vilde says ignorant shit to sana while also genuinely looking up to her. and sana is probably the harshest to vilde within the group but it’s because she actually values their friendship a lot  -IM HURT BECAUSE YOU NEVER REPLIED TO MY MEME -sana pulling 2yr old receipts off the top of her head to defend vilde. god I stan -sana doin research taking notes..... shameful she isn’t canonically a virgo (honestly her and isak both but like-) -she’s so soft and smiley w her mamma awh... “of course he likes you, who doesn’t like you?” her mamma only knows the real, gentle, beautiful loving sana oh im CRY -even is so kind and loving and thoughtful yall mind if i....... -”you can’t escape the internet girl” foreshadowing mayhaps?

ep4 -david and ulrikke together are fucking hilarious -noora’s “you’re lucky you don’t have to think about this stuff, heartbreak and that” :/ it’s not just vilde who says ignorant things to sana! -that being said sana and noora are cute asf in the exper5 scene.. dorky noora rise (omg josefine and her yogurt in the bloopers too sjhfkjdf) -I HANDLE BALLS BETTER THAN YOU -the yousana scene is sooo gorgeous whew...... -I always cry a lil bit (ok a lot) when yousef brings up even. and sana knew too. even sweetie ily :( -sana talking about her religion is beautiful. it’s so lovely to learn about how she thinks and sees the world. -yousef’s smile watching sana leave like ur kidding right....... -“flawless since 99″ is so cringey. it’s so cringeyyy -sana uses “smh” I knew we were soulmates

ep5 -eavesdropping on ur parent/brother’s argument is peak sibling culture -when ur always paranoid but ur always right..... -sana’s green jumpsuit sign me up babey -I really really really love elias and sana’s conversation -u dont even realize how tiny sana is until she’s standing next to isak and even -not finding out why yousef avoided the fight and why he kissed noora will haunt me forever (could we not have expanded more on that instead of noorhelm.......) -the parallel of sana washing isak’s blood off her hands vs. her washing her hands during maghrib in episode 1. gotta sit down. -vilde gossiping to the pepsimax girls stings SO bad it’s just such a betrayal?:( -“the other girls seem cool, especially noora! she’s so pretty!” ok much to unpack here but: sana again comparing herself to noora (who she sees as /perfect/)... sana being written off despite putting so much effort and passion into the russ bus while noora, who has done literally nothing and at best is indifferent to russ, is the one they like the most. disgusteng -love will tear us apart.. bitch..... -sana abt to cry god I can’t -if sana is anything like me (I mean I think she is but jkjjkhsdfhfsd). looking stupid is the absolute worst so like, her sending out emails abt being bus boss when she was actually being lied to? being played? and her being “paranoid” about sara being shady, but deciding hey maybe im just being crazy? except she wasn’t she was right and she Knew!! and she’s probably thinking how dumb it was for her to get her hopes up, everything always ends badly anyways and no one actually likes her :((((((( -dont rlly know what my feelings are on the fight. im not against it bc isak does have a temper but his apparent motive always seemed weak to me?? and god I feel so bad for even

ep6 -forgot about sana getting bullied in middle school yall mind if I sob?? -sana lying and getting defensive bc it’s hard to be vulnerable, or because she hates looking stupid? or both?:( -isak looking up dandelions in his textbook just bc even put one behind his ear. I HATE this man -sana’s dad asking if she had a bad day aw :( -all the boys (and sana) wearing black but yousef wearing white.... what does it mean.............. -the carrots are back goddammit -radio station playing during this scene: “if I have to choose between the just non-muslim and the unjust muslim, without any doubt I would choose the non-muslim who is just” -ISAK’S NOSE SFFJDFJFSDKJSDF -sana’s text about chris I’m going to bawl my eyes out.           “yeah! looking forward (to going to nissen) but a bit worried. don’t know               anyone else starting there.”           (J: new friends?) “yes, at least one of them. I have german with her (chris)           and she’s very cool!” -the contrast of how blunt sana came off when we’re first introduced to her vs. how she was really just excited to make a new friend bc she was scared no one would like her :( especially knowing her past with bullying and how nervous she was to start at nissen? chris baby I LOVE YOU thank u ;-; -also sana keeping 2yr old conversations on her phone... same -sana is honestly too smart and scheming and overthinking for her own good. she has these elaborate plans that more-or-less always get ruined by her being more kind than she gives herself credit for (e.g. wanting to protect vilde in s1, clearing isak’s name in s4) -everyone in skam texts back so fast smh -chris calling sana “sonic”...... a moment please -I cannot watch the sana/evak apartment scene without thinking of the bloopers and losing it lmfaoooo.. “this is where we live. just come in” -ik it’s based off fanart but there is little I hate more than their matching outfits  -“remember you’re both geniuses!” 🥺even  -once again isak studying is uhhhh me - “you’re a good person” yall i love isak i really do. he puts his foot in his mouth pretty often and doesn’t have a great brain-to-mouth filter and he can be awkward and rambly and blunt and unsure of what to say in emotional situations but also? he’s so genuine. it’s just his honest thoughts and he says it bc he cares about sana and knows she needs to hear it!! -ᶠᵃᵉⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ -sana’s inner turmoil.. thank u iman for inventing acting (ik I haven’t mentioned it much yet but god iman is SUCH a phenomenal actor I owe her my life) -LETS GO BITCHES

ep7 -sana crying silently in her room breaks my fucking heart (IMAN!!!!)  -idk how I feel about the instagram plot but sana watching as her plan falls into place and then storming up to sara... pretty bada$$ -“it’s creepy it was published but it’s more creepy we have a bus boss who talks shit about everyone” THANK YOU vilde -i love s4 isak thanks -sana and jamilla’s chat aw :~) -how awkward do yall think the walk to the bench was lmfao -what sana tells isak is SO powerful and I love it a lot -isak does actually make a good point- the other girls are like that too.  -unfortunately I have been in situations isak describes, where you want to learn more about your friend’s culture or religion because you care about them and you’re genuinely interested, but you don’t know what questions are okay to ask and you don’t want to sound rude or ignorant, so you ultimately end up asking no questions at all. but I hate that the responsibility is put on sana to constantly educate people bc I cannot imagine how exhausting that must be [[[ok so. I know there are VERY mixed opinions on the bench scene but here’s my dumbass two cents. 1- I genuinely think isak was trying to make sana feel better by attempting to relate to her and pass on advice that really helped him. however, I don’t think isak realized what sana eventually told him- that her experience wearing the hijab is a lot different than isak’s experience as a gay man. do I agree with everything isak said? nooo. do I understand why he said it? yeah. 2- it was not isak’s place to tell sana norwegians aren’t racist, or not to look for racism in questions. I think there’s some truth to ppl often just being ignorant, and he does add that there are probably a lot of racist people in Norway, but yeah. not great. 3- in conclusion I think while isak shared some meaningful advice w sana, he put his foot in his mouth too and said some stupid shit. im not trying to defend that. I will add, though: a. we actually do see some growth on isak’s part. when he and even are yelled at on the street, that’s the moment it clicks for him that oh shit, this is what sana was talking about. this is what she has to experience? and that’s why he texts noora, “in the speech for sana, you have to include how insanely strong she is. I don’t think many people understand how much bullshit she has to take” and b. isak’s (bad) advice of “not looking for the racism in things” is ultimately contrasted by yousef (a moc who lived most of his life as a muslim) suggesting instead to show people what islam really is. and that’s so much more meaningful. I think the root of a lot of the issues isak brought up- i.e. ignorance- is a general lack of education, representation, or effort by non-muslim people to seek out information themselves. so sana leading by example and showing what it means to her to be muslim is so much more powerful.]]] -𝒃𝒂𝒎!  -BEST BUDS 🥺

ep8 -haper du har plass weaving in and out of this episode until the chorus finally breaks when the los losers van shows up...... miss julie 😭 -oh my god the pictures. im a fucking MESS bc they’re not only significant to the scene and to sana but also like,, as part of our goodbye to the girls?? -the balloon squad and even :( while the timeline of them reconciling within just this week is kinda wack, seeing even back with his friends looking so happy makes my heart uwu so i’ll allow it just this once -eva’s message to vilde about her and magnus being able to trust each other w/o reading their texts... growth or irony -chris is such a phenomenal friend (and this is why I wanted more of her in s4!!) -sana’s phonecall to the girls breaks my fucking heart bc like. right off the bat she’s finally being vulnerable with them?? telling them about her fears and insecurities and struggles? typing this im gonna start crying lol but god I love her so much. she’s so brave and she put all that on the line bc all she really cares about are her friends, she loves them SO much even if (she thinks) they don’t love her back -lowkey sobbed so hard during the haper du har plass clip I almost threw up and it gave me a headache :)  -anyways this is one of my favourite skam clips and god just. the moment you hear the girls calling for sana??? I LOSE it. when sana just starts BEAMING omg🤧 the girls love sana and support her and if you fuck with sana you fuck with us!!!!!! god. cannot articulate how dear to my heart this scene is. -haper du har plass feels like the end of the episode and the party clip is kinda just tacked on but I love how happy everyone is!! they’re all drinking champagne (who taught isak how to hold things) and dancing and smilingggg 💛 -yousana rise!!!!!!!!  -ok don’t get me wrong I hate william for crashing the party but their entrance slow-mo kinda slaps.... also sana popping up in between noorhelm SENDS me

ep9 -this is the point in the season where the amount of time dedicated to noorhelm is beyond beyond beyond significantly damaging to the story. this is sana’s last episode!! instead of having them makeout in front of william’s car for 20 minutes mayhaps we could’ve had a conversation between the girls and sana, or with her brother (if they had continued the elias alcoholism plotline rip), or maybe even with jamilla or her mamma? like I don’t care at ALL about noora or william. give me anything else. ple a s e -what makes skam scenes so brilliant is their quiet moments!! julie let the scene breathe. not everything needs a tacky song playing over top. -I’ve said this abt like twenty clips now but MAGHRIB. oh my GOD. an absolute masterpiece and definitely tied for my all time favourite skam clip. can’t rlly put into words how stunning it is. & I love sana and yousef’s conversation so much. -“of course I brought food! my name is yousef!” mr. acar you’re the only man I trust

ep10 -as much as my heart yearns for 10 sana episodes I think splitting up the last episode of skam into individual POV clips for different characters was brilliant and such a poignant way to say goodbye :( -okay don’t think about what sana could’ve written in her texts to everyone or ur heart will go sicko mode -I won’t write anything abt this ep since I’ve already written too much but like.. (elias should’ve gotten a clip instead of william. pchris can stay because his clip was funny but he’s on thin fuckin ice) -kjaere sana was such a beautiful way to say goodbye to skam. so yeah. bye skam. i miss you. 

overall ➔I’m not really sure why (possibly a lethal combination of my undying love for sana bakkoush, how much I relate to her, this but my ass was crying EVERY single episode of season 4...... F ➔I’m obsessed with s4′s aesthetic. imo the best editing, soundtrack and cinematography of any season!!!! julie is so talented at making each season feel distinct- to me, sana’s season is cool, vibrant colours (aka the late-night sunset aesthetic- gabie i hear u laughing shut up), crisp electronic/pop music and rap, ethereal city nights..... also sana has the best style of any skam character it had to be said ➔sana’s growth! seeing her open up and be honest and vulnerable with the girls during that phone call. sana sending all of her friends literally the sweetest messages of how much they mean to her and how much she values their relationship. sana being the (MUCH) bigger person and making amends with sara, ingrid etc. I love her so much :’((( ➔I’ve thought a lot about what I would change in season 4 and honestly? im a mf scatterbrain and have no real, structured ideas. my biggest issue is too much noora. dream s4 would be william staying in london and noora being happy on her own (but not rly on her own bc she has the girls and kollektivet!). as :/ as I am about the noora/yousef plotline, I’m not really sure what I’d do to replace the yousana conflict in ep5. maybe involving elias, or the balloon squad and even? related to that- in lieu of all the noora/noorhelm screentime, I would so much rather have a follow-up plot to elias’s drinking problem bc it was kinda just dropped? at the very least, the william clip should’ve been elias’s. I also would've killed for more one-on-one scenes with chris (even vilde or eva!), jamilla, even, members of the balloon squad... there are so many interesting stories that could’ve been explored instead of going down the noorhelm rabbithole again. furthermore, I feel like the social media plot was a bit... weak? again I’ve tried thinking of what I would’ve done instead (while also keeping the haper du har plass clip, y’all can pry that one from my cold dead hands) to little avail. what especially threw me about this plotline is that sana did this in s2 to jamilla, fucked up, and it bit her in the ass. I know that she gets irrational when angry but from a storytelling perspective, it seems repetitive. just.. I feel like there could’ve been a more powerful plot in which sana follows the same character arc. another thing I would’ve loved to see is beyond the los losers van, an apology from the girls to sana. or even just a conversation where they tell her “hey sana, we’re sorry for not paying attention and we’re sorry for being thoughtless/ignorant.” an apology from vilde about things she’s said in the past would’ve been <3. even a gesture! the girls order pizza again but this time it’s halal, or they make an effort to learn about sana’s religion and culture. I know it’s implied through the letter they write for sana, but a final standalone scene would’ve been so nice.  ➔i’ve noticed soo many remakes do this thing where they like.. water down shitty behaviour of their characters. which like- sure. I would love for everyone to be kind and thoughtful and not as horrible as they could be but also... I think that’s the point of skam? to show that people fuck up, but that doesn’t define them as a person. no one is perfect and no one can be thoughtful and considerate and kind all the time. and often these ‘problematic’ actions are integral to the story- e.g. elias saying stupid comments to isak (related to isak’s internalized homophobia and fear of coming out to his friends), the girl squad being ignorant about what sana can eat, etc. so..... your remake is not better because it erased every horrible action every character has done. (nuance.. where r u.........) ➔despite its flaws, I will say- the good moments of season 4? ineffable. I think we sometimes forget that julie literally wrote, directed, and I believe (?) assisted w editing and soundtrack too. i cant imagine doing all that under so much pressure, trying to bring so many storylines to a conclusion whilst simultaneously creating a goodbye-season to a show she put her life into the past two years. I’m so fucking appreciative of her. and you know what? all in all julie wrote some pretty damn beautiful episodes and scenes, and you can tell she loves this show just as much as we do. ➔and honestly this is maybe one reason I’m more wary of watching remake s4′s, bc like.. this season meant SO much bc it was the last season of skam. we knew it was the last season. the final episode is more or less a love letter, a goodbye to the show. whereas w some remakes (do i have to say whomst) its  like.. that love isnt there. it’s just another season. yknow? in conclusion I miss skam so much :(

ok whew if ur reading this ur a champion but also why did you just read 5k of me rambling about how much I love sana bakkoush?? 

[loveisaviolence3]

meme  /  @lingeringscars.

rose is almost relieved when bellamy lets the smile fall. god and everybody – at least christian and laurel and lissa, god knows she’s talked enough about it in their company – knows she loves his smile, but she can almost feel how hard he has to work for it, the effort he’s putting into holding it up. it makes her wonder if he’s doing it for her, if he feels like he has to pretend with her, and that makes her want to reach out to him, reassure him somehow that it’s not the case. it’s hard to hold herself back. she’d almost regret her words if they weren’t so true, if she didn’t feel that he was in such dire need of hearing them – that he might’ve gone his whole life believing something different and is struggling with the repercussions of that now. the last thing she wants is to make him feel like he has to force anything for her, but as she finds herself beginning to worry, there’s something keeping her silent, telling her to stand her ground and wait – wait for him to process, to keep talking, because if she looks closely enough she can see he’s on the verge of it, that maybe he’s heard the sincerity of what she’s said and that’s given him the urge to open up, given him permission to have a single moment where he’s a fraction as gentle with himself as he is with everyone else. 

she’s known since she saw him on the phone that there’s more going on inside him than he’s letting on – since she saw that weary look in his eyes as he talked to octavia and the defeated one afterward, felt a heaviness to him throughout that seemed extreme for the circumstances. her gut tells her it’s the right thing, allowing him to either continue or choose not to without any additional prompting from her, but holding back was hard, just as it was when she’d seen him become more and more strained on the phone with his sister, but she can see the necessity of her patience, and so she finds it within herself. 

once she knows it’s right, it’s not so hard at all to muster. 

it was that distress that had kept her in the room even though she wondered if the right thing would be to turn around. she didn’t know he was on the phone when she’d walked in, and for all she knew this was a private conversation he didn’t want an audience for. just because he liked having her around and seemed to enjoy whenever she did something that implied she felt at home here didn’t mean he wanted her present for conversations with his sister, and while it was an honest mistake, he might not appreciate her hanging around afterward. but she could hear the exhaustion in his voice, and no matter how she tried to convince herself to wait in the living room until he was done, she couldn’t stand the idea of leaving him alone like that. so instead she’d sat on the bed hoping she could lend him some kind of support, that having her there was better than not. it was a risk, one a part of her still worried was taken hastily, but she was glad she was there when it was over, glad to be able to take his hands and try to offer him some comfort. she hopes he’s glad as well, that he’s not wishing he was alone. 

just as the smile disappears she finds herself reliving that last second of it, though, and then understanding outweighs insecurity because suddenly she can almost feel what he’s feeling so completely – so perfectly – that it’s nearly painful, can feel what he’s feeling because she’s lived it before, experienced it herself. maybe not the same thing, not the exact same thing, anyway, but she knows what it’s like to have been given something kind and not know how to hold it, to simultaneously want to hold it close to your chest and throw it away because you can’t possibly deserve it, can’t possibly keep it to yourself. bellamy wants to push it away because that’s what he knows, but he’s trying to hold onto it anyway. he’s trying to cup it in his hands and tuck it away somewhere safe, even if all he wants to do is give it back to her, even if all he feels like doing is sending it far away. rose is inspired by that, will remember that next time she finds herself wanting to do the same, how much it took for him to keep it close and accept it rather than turn it away, but for right now, she’s proud of him. god, she’s so proud of him. she can’t respond to the thank you because she’s so proud of him. 

and she wants to tell him more than anything, but that would be asking too much right now, maybe, so later, maybe, and then he’s talking – he’s talking, telling her things, and all there is in the world is what he’s telling her. they haven’t moved long enough for her to become restless, to begin fidgeting with his hands out of habit, but she lacks the urge. she does squeeze them, though, silent encouragement, the silent tenderness she finds herself aching to give him out loud, to express by wrapping her arms around him. it breaks her heart, what he’s saying. it’d be easy to cry for him, to hold him as if she can somehow heal every heartbreak he’s endured that way, but she knows he can’t. she does let her thumb meet his, though, her way of temporarily staving off the massive urge she has to hold him, to physically position herself so that she’s between him and any threat that could possibly materialize in the doorway because he’s allowed himself to be vulnerable. 

until you. she wants to be warmed by that, but mostly she’s sad, sad because she hates the idea of bellamy having lived so long with this alone, that she wasn’t somehow there earlier to ease the ache. it should be a wonderful, heady thing to be first in this way, to give him something no one else was willing or capable of giving, but her heart breaks again and again for every year bellamy went without something as simple as unconditional love, as safety. for every year he felt like he didn’t deserve love, like he had to earn it, like his worth and value in a relationship was as a caretaker. i’m sorry, she wants to say, because she is, she is, or that’s horrible, because it is, it is, but neither of those things feel right, and neither does telling him her opinion of how he was raised when he’s still forming it himself. something in him is trying so very hard to process that, and she needs to let him, no matter how much she wants to insist it was cruel, so cruel. 

if bellamy decides he is going to resent his mother for what she did to him, for the weight she put on him, she’ll be the first person to tell him it’s okay, that feeling whatever he feels is okay; she won’t discourage him like dimitri did her, won’t dismiss him like her mother has. but he has to get there himself. he can’t be thinking about her anger; he can’t be thinking about her, period.  “ that must have been so hard, ” she does say, so softly it’s nearly a whisper, soon finding herself unsatisfied with the words. hard. the understatement of the century.  “ that must have been impossible, ” she corrects. because no matter what he did, he would have been wrong, or felt wrong. more than anything she wants to say it wasn’t his fault, that he’s not responsible for any of it, but she knows it would be invalidating him, because even if it wasn’t his fault, he was all that octavia had, all that kept her alive. to say he wasn’t responsible is to say that isn’t true, and as much as she wants to cry at the thought of a six year old bellamy trying to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, that’s not something she can do now. she has to hear him when he says it was all on him, because it was. it had to be because he was all there was. 

“ you’re the strongest person i know, ” she says at that second part, eyes full of truth, of faith, even if a little shiny. it’s clear she means every word she’s saying.   “ even when you’re scared. even when you’re upset. even when you don’t know what to do or say. none of that makes you weak. ”  she’s thinking about the phone call now, this phone call that stirred all of this in him. she can understand now – he wasn’t able to give octavia what she needed, or felt like he wasn’t able to, and now he’s blaming himself because since he was six years old, giving octavia everything she wanted or needed has been his job, his sole purpose for existing. that’s something else she’s going to cry about later, but she’s pushing that away for now.  

“ when octavia was growing up, if anything happened, it was on you. it had to be, because auora wasn’t around and there was no one else. it was just you and octavia, ” she says in a gentle voice, choosing her words carefully. she doesn’t want to overstep, offer unsolicited advice or whatever, but she can’t shake the feeling that he needs to hear this.  “ but that’s not true now. octavia has friends, she has me. ”  that last part is a little tentative, but not because there’s anything she wouldn’t do for octavia, not because she’s not devoted to her – she just doesn’t give herself enough credit, ever really.  “ granted, someone who wasn’t a literal percentage point away from failing most of her classes for most of her high school experience might be better suited to help her with school, but it’s still true. it’s not all on you anymore. you’re always going to be the person that raised her, but you don’t have to be everything for her anymore. you don’t have to carry the weight of that anymore, or the responsibility. ”  and she knows that’s a hard thing for him to accept, so it never stops being gentle, more suggestion than fact. she doesn’t want him to feel like she’s saying he’s wrong, like she’s trying to push anything on him.  “ i don’t think octavia needs you to fix everything for her anymore, ” she says in an even softer voice, if it were possible.  “ maybe she just needs you to hold her hand while she fixes it herself. and maybe that’s hard and messy and takes awhile, but she’s strong, too. and she learned that from you. ”   she lets her forehead touch his in affection for just a second before pulling back to look at him.   “ it’s okay not to have the answers. it’s okay to not be able to make this better right now. that doesn’t make you weak. that doesn’t make you less worthy of love or anything else. ”

[littlespoonevan]

18 andreil

……why do y’all insist on giving me the most difficult andreil prompts askdjfadsh this is like the “i love you” meme all over again!!!!! ok this was near impossible but i really, really tried so be gentle asjkdfha this is set the day of Aaron’s trial so even though there’s no real discussions of drake or andrew’s past it does have allusions to it, just be mindful

i hope you like it, bud :’)

18. While someone’s crying

*

If Neil could rank his days from best to worst todaywould definitely be up there as one of the most horrible.

He’s always known the day of Aaron’s trial would feelsomething akin to a stab in the gut; he’s been anticipating it for months. It hasn’tmade watching Andrew slowly withdraw and fold in on himself any easier. Andrew’sprogress over the last year has been painstaking and slow but it’s beenhappening and seeing it be torn to shreds during court today had made hisstomach roil.

Watching Andrew on the stand, relaying all the excruciatingdetails of his past without an ounce of emotion in his voice or his expressionmade something crack open in Neil. And Andrew holding his hand so tightly Neilfeared the bones would break while Cass took the stand in defence of her sononly made those cracks turn to steel.

By the time Aaron’s innocent verdict had finally beenreached Neil had been left emotionally strung out and burning with a white-hot angerat every single person in the room who had forced Andrew to go through this.

The ride home had been a silent affair and as soon asthey’d gotten back to the dorm Andrew had stalked into the bedroom and closedthe door behind him. Neil had assumed he’d been getting changed at first butnow that it’s been over and hour he can’t help the worry that creeps into thecorners of his mind.

“Should one of us check on him?” Nicky asks, voicehoarse from the amount of tears he’s shed today. He looks to Aaron first, who’scurled up on the couch in Katelyn’s embrace, before his gaze travels to Neilwhen Aaron remains silent.

Pushing himself out of the beanbag chair, Neil standsup. “I’ll go.”

Bypassing Kevin sitting in the other beanbag cradlinga bottle of vodka, Neil makes his way to the bedroom. He knocks on the doorbefore he opens it, a warning just in case.

He’s not sure what he expected to find in theirbedroom but whatever it was, it isn’t this.

Rather than at the window with a cigarette or lyingin his own bunk, Andrew is sitting on Neil’s bed, knees drawn up to his chestand wearing a hoodie Neil recognises as his own.

“Hi,” Neil says, throat feeling too tight as hehovers in the middle of the room.

Andrew doesn’t acknowledge him, staring blankly atthe end of the bed with glassy eyes.

“Can I sit?”

After what feels like an age, Andrew lifts his chinto glance at him, offering him the slightest nod in acquiescence.

With fingers itching to reach out, Neil decides topush his luck. “Can I sit with you?”

“Yes,” Andrew replies, voice rough with disuse.

Neil takes a breath and carefully moves to sit besidehim, leaving a sliver of space between them in case Andrew doesn’t want to betouched.

He doesn’t anticipate Andrew’s head dropping downonto his shoulder but when it does the desire to hold him becomes almostunbearable.

Neil releases a measured breath. “Andrew-“

“Yes, Neil,” Andrew cuts him off, sounding weary witha bone-deep exhaustion Neil doesn’t think he’s ever quite heard from himbefore. It’s blanket permission and Neil isn’t sure if he should trust that yesbut all he can do is hope Andrew will say no if he needs to.

So he does what he’s been aching to do since thesecond they stepped foot in the courthouse this morning; he puts his armsaround Andrew and hugs him close.

He doesn’t normally hold Andrew delicately because he’snot – Andrew is all sharp edges and unbreakable marrow. Neil has held him with reverence,with desperation, with a need that runs so deep even he doesn’t understand it.But today he holds Andrew delicately. Today he keeps his grip light and hisfingers soft as they trail through Andrew’s hair.

After some indeterminable point Neil feels a wetnessagainst his neck, right where Andrew’s face is tucked and he’s simultaneouslybowled over that Andrew’s allowing himself to feel and absolutely livid thatAndrew is hurting enough to let tears fall at all.

Neil doesn’t tighten his grip but he does pull himcloser, pressing his cheek into the top of Andrew’s hair and closing his eyes.

“She was supposed to love me,” Andrew says, sounding hollowedout and practically unrecognisable, and Neil wishes he’d been within touching distance of Cass just so he could’vemade her feel even an ounce of the pain Andrew has endured for over a decade.

“She doesn’t deserve to,” Neil replies, not quitemanaging to keep the latent fury out of his voice.

Andrew doesn’t pull away though, staying in thecircle of Neil’s arms as a quiet breath rolls out of him.

“When you love someone you’re supposed to burn theworld down to protect them,” Neil says steadfastly, faltering for a momentbefore adding, “Like you almost did for me. In Baltimore.”

Andrew goes impossibly still against him and Neil isterrified he’s made a mistake. That he’s ruined this, that he’s pushed too far,that Andrew will cast him aside and forever be out of his reach now. Because theydon’t use the word “love” when it comes to each other even though they bothknow it’s true. They don’t acknowledge it because they know better than totrust that word and what it means.

But Neil loves him. Neil loves him so much he can’tfucking breathe with it.

Andrew surprises him though. He always does.

He rolls his head on Neil’s shoulder so their eyesmeet and says, “You did. You knew going to Evermore was signing your deathsentence but you did.”

Neil swallows the lump in his throat, fingerstightening and releasing in Andrew’s hair. “It wasn’t a guarantee that you’d besafe but it was the best I had.”

There’s a beat of silence where they simply look ateach other and then Andrew’s glancing away again. “You still shouldn’t havewent.”

Neil feels bile rise in his throat at the reminderthat Riko’s promise was bullshit, at the reminder that he’d failed. “When youfeel like putting a bullet in Proust’s head let me know. I’ll drive the getawaycar.”

Andrew doesn’t respond but he does twist his fingersin Neil’s shirt.

They sit like that for a while and Neil slowly feelshis heartrate return to normal.

“How’re you feeling?” he asks quietly.

“I don’t know,” Andrew answers after a pause and hesounds frustrated. At himself, Neil imagines.

Neil deliberates for a moment before nodding. “Okay,let’s focus on one thing at a time. What do you feel in your throat?”

“It’s too tight,” Andrew grits out. “It hurts tobreathe.”

“And your stomach?” Neil murmurs.

“There’s a knot in it.”

“And your chest?” Neil asks, brushing the hair backof Andrew’s forehead.

“Like there’s something pressing down on it.”

“And your skin?”

“Like it’s too small for my body,” Andrew tells him,gaining an edge to his voice that speaks of how much he’s suppressing. “It’s…crawling.”

Neil freezes at that, slowly extricating his handfrom Andrew’s hair. “Do you want me to stop touching you?”

There’s a beat and then, “No,” Andrew says.

Neil lets his hand settle on Andrew’s shoulder – asafe zone – until Andrew lets out an irritated huff.

“I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Doing what?” Neil asks.

“Using you.As- as some kind of anchor,” he spits through clenched teeth and Neil knowsbetter than to be offended. Andrew hates the weakness he associates with hisfeelings for Neil. He hates the idea of giving someone that kind of controlover him even if he’s proven by now that he trusts Neil.

“No,” Neil says measuredly. “You shouldn’t.”

Andrew leans back to look at him, eyes slightlynarrowed, and Neil wets his lips before continuing. “You need to learn ways tokeep yourself calm when you’re feeling triggered or like you might losecontrol,” Neil tells him because he knows that’s exactly what Andrew does withBetsy.

“But,” he continues softly. “When you’ve had a daylike today and feel so vulnerable and emotionally strung out you can barelybreathe, it’s okay if you need to wear my hoodie. It’s okay if you need to stayin my bed. It’s okay if you need me to hold you…It’s okay,” Neil tells him.

Andrew stares at him for a long time and Neil has tosuppress the wounded noise that almost escapes him when he sees Andrew’s eyesglaze over again. He doesn’t draw attention to it though, just waits for Andrewto decide what his next move is.

“Okay,” Andrew whispers finally, eyelids driftingshut when Neil wipes his thumb under his eye.

And then, almost in synch, they’re moving, turningmore fully onto their sides so they can lie down. Andrew curls into him, kneesbent and touching Neil’s, with his forehead pressed against Neil’s chest andhis hands in his shirt.

Neil, for his part, sweeps his hand over Andrew’sback, a soothing up-down motion that aligns with Andrew’s breathing.

And it’s one of the fucking worst days in the worldand Neil hates seeing Andrew like this and Andrew hates being like this but they’re healing.

Slowly, but surely, they will stitch back togetherall the parts of themselves that have been left jagged by their past. Andrewwill heal.

They will heal.

*

[ofexaltations]

@worldevoured // sent the meme:  “Can I touch you?” for evie and seb !! 

The hours immediately following midnight were the only time Evie felt the same peace in the Kirkwall Chantry as she did back in Ostwick- devoid of people, but with the life of its own in the shadows and fire that said more than any Reverend Mother ever had. Shame on them, she supposed, for disrupting the rare peace as they did, stumbling in through the doors with the stifled laughter of the battle high and victorious. 

( She wondered, did it make him feel better or worse to have a Templar and the Captain of the Guard gallivanting with him and Hawke? Did it make him feel like their causes were just or did it skew the image of justice? Evie had a lot of praying to do, penance to undertake, but she knew this: arm around Brother Sebastian, fresh from a fight, she felt happy. Maker forgive her. ) 

Evie was not dressed as a Templar- her shining plate would draw too much attention to their objective, so she wore a simple gambeson and a mace. Sebastian, too, dressed in travelling clothes. She could feel the power to his build, the heat from his body, the stutter to his step from his rolled ankle, his weight supported by her strong legs. 

- - - 

She looked different- of course she did. But it was her legs. Long and thick and graceful. He had to stay behind her, with his bow, and almost missed his shot when she bent at the waist to check to see if one of the bandits was still breathing.

Even now, feeling her pressed against him as she helped him up the stairs to the Chantry, he felt every movement, he swore he could feel the pounding of her heart as she laughed a quiet joke he made about one of the Sisters sleepwalking.

A test, surely, of his resolve. No wonder she could ram a hurlock with her shield and it stayed down. They looked like they could moved a mountain, choke a man- - 

He wanted her back in her Templar’s skirt. He wanted her out of her leathers. He wanted her- - 

- - - 

“I can be quiet, we can make it to your room- -” soft, her voice as gentle as she- the words, combined with her little smile made his heart lurch and very unpious longings leap to the front of his mind, usually so well reigned in by his years of prayer and solitude, and she just offered to go to his room, dressed in those tight leathers and shining as she always did in this building- -

He started, pulling his arm from around her shoulder. “No!” A bit too suddenly, forcefully, while some part of him said just as forcefully yes. The softest echo could be heard above the crack of the braziers and candles.“I should be fine, Ser Trevelyan. I- thank you. Sorry, I thought I heard something.” He was grateful for the red light of the flame, the heavy shadow, hiding the flush that crept to his cheeks. 

A pause, her brows knitting together in concern as she listened, eyes focusing on his face for a long moment until- -

She laughed; the contagious giggles of troublemakers in a holy place. Her hands flew to her mouth to stifle them but it wasn’t enough. His arms wrapped around her shoulders and he pressed her into his chest as he guided them back into the shadows. They were sure to be caught, even at this hour, but he laughed with her. He ducked his head down and stifled himself- - against her neck. He didn’t realize his mistake until he took a deep, gasping breath in during a merciful break from the laughter. 

He stopped laughing. So did she, the young Templar rigid in his arms. She smelled like salt, like battle, like sweet ozone all Templars had due to their lyrium. She smelled like Evie, but overwhelmingly so. Every idle fantasy that sprang up and quickly quelled during prayer and meditation, every thought about the curve of her neck beneath her braid, of how lovely her voice was, how lovely it’d sound calling out his name- - crashed into him with all the force of her shield. 

He couldn’t breathe- or, no, he could, he desperately wanted to, but moreso he wanted to stop himself from doing what felt most natural. He wanted to stop himself from opening his mouth and tasting her, from finding her berry red lips and seeing if they were half as sweet as he imagined. 

- - -

She froze at the sharp intake of his gasp cooling her fevered, glistening skin. Her giggles stuck in her throat with all her words. Her hands were fisted in his traveling cloak and she felt his heart thudding against her palms, mirroring her own. Gooseflesh rose in that eternal stillness and she- 

“Evie? Is that you?” Her sister. Sister Edith, Chantry darling, sweetest in the Marches, with an ear for her sister’s voice and woken by the laughter.

Sebastian’s head snapped up and his bright eyes were focused on the steps where the dark haired young woman stood in a simple nightrobe. Evie looked up to him and quickly whispered, “I’ll handle this. Wait a bit then get to your room.” 

She broke away and Sebastian wanted to melt into the stone of the alcove behind him. The merry chatter of sisters happy to see one another faded quickly as they went back to Edith’s chambers. 

- - - - - - - - - 

Cold water didn’t help. Prayer didn’t help. Sleep came and he dreamt of her love fevered skin and sweet voice urging him on. He felt sick to his heart with foul want and impiety. Why had he worked so hard to change his ways, only to be obsessed with a Templar. It was madness. He felt just as rotten and unclean as he had before he took his vows and he hadn’t even touched her.

He rose early despite only a spare hour of sleep. The Chantry still slept, but barely, the blue dawn threatening to turn the whole of the grand chamber bright red through the stained glass. There were many quiet places, meant for peace and reflection. He needed to rid himself of this, the madness she inspired. He needed to focus on lifting his voice up to the Maker, on keeping Kirkwall safe, on the whole mess of his home and what it meant for him and his future. Not wondering on the heft of her thighs in his hands- she was a Templar. She would understand his vows. She wouldn’t let him. It was utter madness on his part.

So caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the woman kneeling in his preferred quiet corner with a candle lit before her and meditating on the light until he was right on her. He opened his mouth to apologize but she beat him to it, “Can’t sleep either, Brother Sebastian?” 

His heart sank, and his cock jumped. Of course. She rose, dressed in one of her sister’s plain nightgowns that was six inches too short for her, exposing her bare feet and ankles. Her hair was still damp from being washed and it smelled of salt- no, the ocean, like being on a ship deck- and yellow flowers. He swallowed hard, willed himself to calm down. They were in the Chantry itself, for Andraste’s sake! “Sometimes, after a battle-” he answered softly, the lie easier than he’d like, not looking at her as he found an unlit candle and tinder. “I’m glad you stayed, Ser Trevelyan. The streets are too dangerous to walk alone at that time of night.” Even with all her skill, being alone in Kirkwall was never a good idea. While he spoke he guided the tinder over to her candle and watched it take flame. The extra light made her glow and he shut down every intruding thought by beginning to recite The Chant of Trials in his mind.

“I wish you would call me Evie.” How bold, to make demands of a prince. How cruel, to ask such a thing of a Chantry brother. Soft, her bare feet hardly making a sound on the stone as she stepped back to look at the Chantry floor, still empty but slowly lighting dark pink from the dawn against the glass. 

“It wouldn’t be proper.” His voice was husky low, but it sounded tinny and weak to his ears. He focused as his fire caught on the candle and blew out the lit tinder with a soft, practiced breath.

The young Templar padded back and extinguished her own candle between her finger, lingering on the ember until it was all black. Sebastian was sure if he inspected her fingers he’d find scar tissue from each candle she lit and put out. He wanted to take them to his lips and cool the burn, he wanted her to go, he wanted peace, he wanted, wanted, wanted- - “You don’t have to go.” The sound of his own voice, escaped before he could stop it, low and tight.

She was haloed in red light as dawn broke. “It wouldn’t be proper.” Her response made his throat tight. No, it wouldn’t be. Certainly not with him thinking of pushing her gown up over her beautiful thighs, of leaving bruises that match his fingerprints on the olive skin. She put her hand on his shoulder and he felt himself burn- in shame, in regret, in want. It felt like she was blessing him, forgiving him, and some part of him wanted to fall to his knee and pray to her, her, her. Blasphemy; add it to all the rest she inspired.

She lifted her hand and he whispered, “Wait- -” She did, frozen, brow knitting in concern as it always did in moments like these. “Can I- -” His voice caught in his throat. Can I touch you? His half sentence was enough and she looked up to him, wide eyed, waiting in silent assent. 

Angry red skin and bits of ash- - Can I taste you? - - Lips touching to cool the burn, soft suction to draw out the heat and ash, a touch of his tongue. The burn soothed, a favor, a courtesy; utterly selfish and wanton of him. Maker have Mercy, it was better than the alternative.

She was silent as she went back to her sister. His lips tingled where he touched her, his throat still tight as the scent of the sea and yellow flowers left him for ash and smoke.

He should have known she tasted like flame.

[badasshybridqueen]

hc meme - echoes through the ages *grabby hands*

Give me an AU and I will write 5 ideas/headcanons for our muses in that AU

Accepting│✧│ @anditsxsorrows ❣

Headcanon #1

She’s always been well liked by the pack, quick with lessons, smart, resourceful and beautiful even among her kind. But it’s not until she meets Rebekah that she truly feels a kinship with another person. Wolf or not, they are fast friends, inseparable. You can’t typically find one without the other within the village they live in. The only time you’ll find them apart are nights of the full moon. They are nearly family to one another and so when Rebekah deems it time to officially meet her family Hayley complies. She’s heard all about her friends siblings, has seen them in the village. She drags the wolf to a bonfire where most of the village is gathered, for once it’s not on the night of the full moon, and it’s delightful. There’s laughter, spirits, food and dancing. It’s the dancing she loves most of all and on her third twirl beside the firelight, laughter spilling from her lips, she see’s him. The sight of him gives her pause, twirling coming to a halt entirely as she inhales deeply. And then his eyes meet hers across the fire and she’s frozen in the moment unable to look away. His gaze his heavy, eyes only brightened by the flicker of the flame between them. She can see him moving, rounding the fire in her direction. The heat from the flames lick close to her skin, warming it beneath the wool of her dress, a cool breeze lifting chestnut curls, strands fluttering near her face. Something flutters within her chest and it’s Rebekah’s voice that breaks the spell. ‘Brother!’ The simple word as he pauses finally in front of her and it seems as if it’s taken him forever to get there. Rebekah is talking again, but their eyes are locked together and she’s not all that certain what her friend is saying. Everything changes the moment he lifts her hand to his lips, a soft caress against her flesh and something within in her comes alive, a fire ignited within her very soul. From that night forward – it’s no longer just she and Rebekah, but the three of them.

Headcanon #2

She shares her secret with them far sooner than she should. She knows it’s not something they speak of outside the pack in fear of being labeled vicious animals. But she trusts them. Despite her fear she shares her secret out in the woods where no soul can hear them speak. They don’t believe her at first, think perhaps it’s some kind of joke and so one full moon she shows them, transforms before their eyes, wild in the night at the last things she remembers before fully shifting is the shock and fear in their eyes. So, when she wakes, bare, hair tousled she’s surprised to find a blanket stretched over her body and the sight of Rebekah sleeping against Niklaus propped up against a large tree. Fear spikes through her in the moment fearing she might have her them, but they rest soundly, unaffected by the world around them. She stands slowly, blanket wrapped around her and makes her way toward them hesitantly. She’s nearly in front of them when his eyes flutter open and she freezes swallowing heavily. She expects rejection, after all her own family abandoned her, if it wasn’t for Ansel and his pack, she’d be all alone. But the rejection never comes. Instead she feels the the curl of a large hand on her arm, palm warm against her skin. There’s a gentle tug until she’s on the ground beside him a whispered ‘shh’ so as not to wake up Rebekah or shifts in her sleep. She opens her mouth but before anything can be said he’s curling her into his side, eyes closing again and she feels it again. A warm burst of acceptance in her chest as she stares at the man in front of her. She settles against him, closing her eyes and relaxing into him. It’s in this moment she knows she’s irrevocably in love with Klaus Mikaelson.

Headcanon #3

They spend their afternoons in the woods under the guise of gathering berries, hunting small game and washing things at the river near by. But they do none of those things and their parents know it. Rebekah weaves flower crowns with pristine accuracy as Hayley dances about the open grounds humming to a tune she alone can hear, voice carrying around them, soft, sweet like honey. Klaus concentrates on his paints, making colors so vibrant they eventually draw both girls attentions. They lounge about until the sun dips and crickets hum, talking, painting, joking, sharing secrets in the cloak of darkness. These are her favorite moments, all of them learning each other, laughing together. It’s the small moments she takes with her, the way they echo within her very soul. There’s a connection there with these people the loneliness that has always felt a part of her is quelled. They bring her a peace she’s never known and it’s everything she’s always wanted. They are her family in every way that counts.

Headcanon #4

Their first kiss is unexpected. Rebekah is with Elijah leaving them to their own devices. He’s painting and she’s sewing a new vest for him, something with a bit thicker skin for those colder nights. She’s not quite certain how their argument starts, it’s foolish, something silly she’s sure but after a few moments, their peaceful afternoon is but a memory and they’re both standing her sewing on the ground, his paint upturned on the rock. She’s calling him a child, in truth she’s younger than he is. He’s calling her petulant, in truth he’s a bit more so than she. But the next time she opens her mouth, there’s nothing to be said because large palms are cupping both her cheeks as he steps into her personal space locking their lips together. And everything stills, including them. The shouting stops as soft lips gently caress her own. She inhales deeply through her nose, the scent of flowering orchids invading her senses as small palms hesitantly lift, curling around his wrists, the gesture gentle. The kiss is soft at first, hesitant, filled with uncertainty. She’s never kissed a man before and the reality of it is far better than she ever imagined. She opens her mouth beneath his and when he deepens the kiss she forgets everything before this moment. A soft sound leaves her mouth and he swallows it with his own, neither breaking apart until lungs burn with a need for air. He mates their foreheads together taking in the glowing of her eyes, her cheeks flush and the warm chuckle that leaves his lips is musical to her ears. She’s a touch embarrassed by the golden hue in her gaze, head dipping down. But gentle fingers tick below her chin until their eyes meet, ‘my little wolf’ whispered against the skin of her ear sending a brief shiver down her spine despite the warmth of the day. And the action – his words – they only make her love him more.

Headcanon #5

Fear – it’s coursing through her veins as she rushes for a basin with heated water. She can see the way Rebekah’s hands shake as she bends down pealing off the now ruined cloth he wore, a gift from Hayley, in effort to tend to his wounds. She can hear the hiss that leaves his lips and her stomach falls. No matter how many times they end up here she’ll never be used to this. She’ll never be used to how one man can bring the man she loves to tears with such violence that it echoes within her very soul. She helps Rebekah, always does, but their comes a point where the blonde will push aside her fussing and so Hayley lays besides him, their faces close, small palm cupping his cheek, movements gentle, loving. She wants to tell him Mikael is foul, a beast in his own right. More animal than she could ever be. But she does not. Instead she tells him of her love for him. She tells him how the first moment she saw him, her world spun upon it’s axis, how his eyes set fire to her soul. How one brief touch of his lips made her feel more alive than anything else has. She tells him he’s beautiful – like one of his paintings in the early morning light. She tells him he’s a good man, better than Mikael could ever hope to be. That she is his and will never part from him. That he has all the love he needs in his siblings, in her. That he’ll never be alone. She speaks softly to him until he’s asleep, until Rebekah has cleaned and fastened all his wounds. And while he sleeps, she and Rebekah lay on either side of him, their hands clasping tightly to each other as silent tears stray down their cheeks. For Hayley has known cruelness in her young life, but none as cruel as this. She would rather be abandoned by those meant to love her, then beaten within an inch of her life. Klaus didn’t deserve such pain. He was kind – soft – innocent. Violence did not belong upon his skin or within his soul. It’s in this moment Hayley made a vow to herself, a silent one to him – she would protect him from the darkness, she would be his light.